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1
00:00:03,192 --> 00:00:05,710
Mandy, you're getting
glitter on my soccer ball.
2
00:00:05,745 --> 00:00:08,063
Oh, well, now it's a disco ball.
You're welcome!
3
00:00:09,565 --> 00:00:11,900
Oh, look. Boyd drew a rocket...
4
00:00:11,934 --> 00:00:15,103
Or a... wiener. You know what?
Let's go with rocket.
5
00:00:17,306 --> 00:00:18,857
Oh! Your dad's home!
6
00:00:18,891 --> 00:00:22,110
Oh, finally. I've been cooped
up with you hens long enough.
7
00:00:22,128 --> 00:00:24,162
Oh, Eve, honey, it's not
cute when your dad says it,
8
00:00:24,213 --> 00:00:27,749
and it's just... confusing when you do it.
9
00:00:27,783 --> 00:00:29,517
Where was his catalog shoot this time?
10
00:00:29,552 --> 00:00:31,953
Peru? Portugal? Something with a "p."
11
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:34,055
Yeah, Alaska, with a "p."
12
00:00:35,641 --> 00:00:37,809
He said he was bringing dinner home.
13
00:00:37,843 --> 00:00:39,294
Oh, good. We're starving.
14
00:00:39,328 --> 00:00:42,063
I'm back!
15
00:00:42,098 --> 00:00:43,398
Ah.
16
00:00:43,432 --> 00:00:45,734
All right, dinner.
17
00:00:45,768 --> 00:00:48,103
Oh!
18
00:00:48,137 --> 00:00:50,572
What am I supposed to do with this?
19
00:00:50,606 --> 00:00:52,407
You slice it, mouth to anus.
20
00:00:52,441 --> 00:00:55,110
You pull everything out.
Pretty self-explanatory.
21
00:00:58,814 --> 00:01:00,832
I gotta grab a shower. Mmm. Yeah.
22
00:01:00,866 --> 00:01:04,786
It is great to be back home.
23
00:01:10,292 --> 00:01:12,927
Wow. You're heading to work kinda early.
24
00:01:12,962 --> 00:01:14,662
By the sun's position,
I'd have it at--
25
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,631
yeah. You wanna just look at a clock?
26
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:21,803
Ugh, the boss wants
to see me. I'm worried.
27
00:01:21,837 --> 00:01:23,521
Even though I've been there almost a year,
28
00:01:23,556 --> 00:01:25,473
I'm still the new chick.
29
00:01:25,507 --> 00:01:27,508
That's good. New chick's always hot.
30
00:01:27,526 --> 00:01:29,194
Look, I could use some help.
31
00:01:29,228 --> 00:01:31,279
How long are you home for this time?
32
00:01:31,313 --> 00:01:33,381
Oh, probably seven days,
33
00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,950
then we're off to Costa Rica
shooting our spring catalog.
34
00:01:35,985 --> 00:01:38,119
What do you need? Can
you drive Eve to soccer?
35
00:01:38,154 --> 00:01:40,955
Soccer. That's just Europe's covert war
36
00:01:40,990 --> 00:01:44,492
for the hearts and
minds of America's kids.
37
00:01:44,527 --> 00:01:46,327
We're scrimmaging the
boys to make us tougher.
38
00:01:46,362 --> 00:01:48,663
Well, the boys aren't that
tough. I've seen them play.
39
00:01:48,697 --> 00:01:50,548
Running around, getting
hair gel in their eyes,
40
00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:53,501
run in the goalpost, and
they cry.
41
00:01:53,536 --> 00:01:57,138
Why are you watching the
young boys play soccer?
42
00:01:57,173 --> 00:02:00,041
I'm pretty sure I just explained why.
43
00:02:01,543 --> 00:02:02,761
Morning. Morning.
44
00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:05,547
Hey. Hey, mom, can you
take Boyd to day care?
45
00:02:05,581 --> 00:02:08,349
I can't be late to the diner.
46
00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:09,884
It's our "salute to bacon"
week, and I'm the only person
47
00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,986
who knows how to work the defibrillator.
48
00:02:12,021 --> 00:02:14,055
I'm running late. Ask your dad.
49
00:02:14,073 --> 00:02:15,990
Oh, not dad. Boyd only
knows, like, six words,
50
00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:17,075
and half of them are...
51
00:02:17,109 --> 00:02:19,227
"I blame Obamacare!"
52
00:02:20,613 --> 00:02:22,563
He's a bad influence.
53
00:02:22,581 --> 00:02:24,065
You know, he's standing right here.
54
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,700
He does his best.
55
00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:28,503
Literally, I'm standing right here.
56
00:02:28,537 --> 00:02:30,605
You know who should take Boyd to day care?
57
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:33,124
Is that deadbeat, no-good father of his.
58
00:02:33,175 --> 00:02:35,260
Yeah, dad. We've been over this, really.
59
00:02:35,294 --> 00:02:36,678
I'm doing fine.
60
00:02:36,712 --> 00:02:38,079
I know this might be
hard for you to believe
61
00:02:38,097 --> 00:02:40,281
because you're so old school,
but I do not need a man.
62
00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:42,884
Well, you got a baby,
so you needed a man once.
63
00:02:45,421 --> 00:02:47,689
Ew!
64
00:02:47,723 --> 00:02:50,475
All right, I will take Boyd to day care,
65
00:02:50,526 --> 00:02:51,926
but I just hope my being late
66
00:02:51,944 --> 00:02:54,429
does not cause the
great bacon riot of 2011.
67
00:02:54,463 --> 00:02:57,065
I like bacon.
68
00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:00,368
You need to lay off
Kristin. She won't admit it,
69
00:03:00,402 --> 00:03:02,070
but she's having a tough time.
70
00:03:02,104 --> 00:03:03,371
People have been having a tough time
71
00:03:03,405 --> 00:03:05,073
since the beginning of time.
72
00:03:05,107 --> 00:03:06,875
You know what's the matter
with the world these days?
73
00:03:06,909 --> 00:03:09,844
Sure. Let's discuss that.
74
00:03:11,413 --> 00:03:12,881
Love you.
75
00:03:12,915 --> 00:03:14,549
Have a good day at work. I love you.
76
00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:16,050
Bye.
77
00:03:21,023 --> 00:03:22,123
Now what's wrong?
78
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:25,226
Dad, no. It's gonna be boring.
79
00:03:25,261 --> 00:03:27,478
I just... I
really needed mom's advice.
80
00:03:27,513 --> 00:03:29,848
Well, I'm here. You can have dad's advice.
81
00:03:29,899 --> 00:03:31,599
No, I need good advice.
82
00:03:32,935 --> 00:03:34,185
I gave your older sister plenty of advice
83
00:03:34,236 --> 00:03:35,737
when she was a teenager. What's up?
84
00:03:35,771 --> 00:03:36,971
Oh, yeah, is that when she got the tattoo
85
00:03:37,006 --> 00:03:39,007
or when she came home
from her prom pregnant?
86
00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:41,843
She has a tattoo?
87
00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:44,012
I think it's called a tramp stamp.
88
00:03:44,046 --> 00:03:46,247
Yeah, thank God. She
doesn't have a tattoo.
89
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:48,499
She has a-a tramp stamp.
90
00:03:50,119 --> 00:03:51,336
What's the matter?
I'm saying--
91
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:52,537
no! You're just gonna say it's stupid.
92
00:03:52,588 --> 00:03:54,756
Come on. Give me a break. I'm your dad.
93
00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:56,191
What's--what's
going on?
94
00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,595
Travis said that "Glee" is dumb.
95
00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:02,931
For crap's sake. Is
that what's worrying you?
96
00:04:02,965 --> 00:04:05,216
Is that why you're crying?
97
00:04:10,356 --> 00:04:11,839
What's "Glee"?
98
00:04:13,525 --> 00:04:16,511
Hey, guys, great to be
back in the sanctuary.
99
00:04:16,545 --> 00:04:20,982
Yeah. No hair dryers, no
tears, no citrus body wash.
100
00:04:21,016 --> 00:04:24,285
It smells like balls in here.
101
00:04:27,423 --> 00:04:29,457
Who are you?
102
00:04:29,491 --> 00:04:31,209
I'm Kyle.
103
00:04:31,243 --> 00:04:33,211
You hired me a couple of months ago.
104
00:04:33,245 --> 00:04:35,529
I parked in your spot, and
you broke my windshield.
105
00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:37,715
It's Kyle.
How's it going, buddy?
106
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:38,800
Hi.
107
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:40,534
Kyle. I like the name "Kyle."
108
00:04:40,552 --> 00:04:43,304
That's a man's name,
guys-- Kyle. "K." Kyle.
109
00:04:43,339 --> 00:04:45,306
"I'm-here-to-kick-
some-crap-Kyle."
110
00:04:45,341 --> 00:04:47,375
Actually, Kyle's my mother's maiden name.
111
00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:49,310
Didn't need to know that, Kyle.
112
00:04:50,946 --> 00:04:52,347
Oh.
113
00:04:52,381 --> 00:04:54,015
Welcome home, Mikey.
114
00:04:54,049 --> 00:04:56,217
Hey, buddy.
115
00:04:56,235 --> 00:04:57,435
How are you? Good.
116
00:04:57,486 --> 00:04:59,354
Did you bring me back
something from Alaska?
117
00:04:59,388 --> 00:05:01,322
Hmm? What are you, 3?
118
00:05:06,561 --> 00:05:08,079
Oh, good.
119
00:05:08,113 --> 00:05:10,698
I didn't have one of these guys.
Ah, yeah, yeah.
120
00:05:10,732 --> 00:05:12,967
All right, look, I'm, uh,
121
00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,902
I'm not gonna beat around
the bush here.
122
00:05:14,937 --> 00:05:17,939
Just got a call from corporate
today.
123
00:05:17,973 --> 00:05:19,874
They wanna shut down the catalog.
124
00:05:19,908 --> 00:05:22,510
Corporate? You own the company.
125
00:05:22,544 --> 00:05:24,345
It was worth a shot. What the hell.
126
00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:26,014
What are you talking about?
127
00:05:26,048 --> 00:05:27,949
Our catalog was voted "best catalog"
128
00:05:27,983 --> 00:05:30,268
by "catalogs magazine."
129
00:05:30,302 --> 00:05:31,719
Catalog is done.
130
00:05:31,753 --> 00:05:32,753
What, are you gonna phase it out?
131
00:05:32,771 --> 00:05:34,088
Consider it phased.
132
00:05:34,106 --> 00:05:35,623
After Costa Rica, we're done?
133
00:05:35,658 --> 00:05:37,625
No Costa, no Rica. You're grounded.
134
00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:41,029
But I need your expertise on the web site.
135
00:05:41,063 --> 00:05:42,297
The web site's terrible.
136
00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:43,798
Oh, that's why I want you in charge of it.
137
00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:45,733
For us to have any future at all,
138
00:05:45,768 --> 00:05:48,136
we have to lure young men to our stuff.
139
00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:51,572
Now you talk like my sisters talking.
140
00:05:51,607 --> 00:05:55,410
Young people don't read catalogs anymore.
141
00:05:55,444 --> 00:05:58,629
They're online, so your job
now is you gotta go get 'em.
142
00:05:58,664 --> 00:06:00,832
I need this company to be
viable a hundred years from now
143
00:06:00,883 --> 00:06:02,617
so I'll have a place to come back to
144
00:06:02,651 --> 00:06:04,952
when they unfreeze my head.
145
00:06:04,987 --> 00:06:08,156
Why don't we just hire
a young Internet geek
146
00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:09,490
to improve the web site?
147
00:06:09,525 --> 00:06:12,060
Well, I could do that,
then what would you do?
148
00:06:12,094 --> 00:06:13,928
I can't believe you're grounding me.
149
00:06:13,962 --> 00:06:15,063
I'll make a deal.
150
00:06:15,097 --> 00:06:17,065
You find a way to increase our web sales,
151
00:06:17,099 --> 00:06:18,666
I'll find a way of putting
you back on the road.
152
00:06:18,701 --> 00:06:20,668
Is that a deal?
153
00:06:20,703 --> 00:06:22,737
It's a deal. Now scram.
154
00:06:24,506 --> 00:06:26,174
What, you have time to
go to the range today?
155
00:06:26,208 --> 00:06:29,977
No, some jack-wang is parked in my spot.
156
00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:35,829
Guess what?
157
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,798
I was offered a huge promotion at work.
158
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,483
Congratulations. Yeah.
159
00:06:40,518 --> 00:06:42,836
But if I take it, it
would be longer hours,
160
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,137
and that would mean
161
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,039
you'd have to step up
around here with the girls.
162
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,841
That's great.
163
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:50,243
But how can I work longer hours
164
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,911
if you're always gone?
165
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:53,880
M-maybe I-I
won't go so much.
166
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,215
Oh, well, that's sweet.
167
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,216
Yeah.
168
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,051
- What happened?
- Nothing.
169
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,187
You know, just maybe I wanna
spend more time with the girls.
170
00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:02,555
What happened?
171
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,724
Ohh. Ed's grounding me
172
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:07,844
until I can increase our
company's web presence.
173
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:11,030
Well, you should
talk to Mandy about her Vlog.
174
00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:12,265
Vlog? Yeah.
175
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,767
Is that slang for something bad?
176
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:17,203
Like what?
177
00:07:17,238 --> 00:07:18,571
I don't know. I
have a-- when I move,
178
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,390
sometimes my Vlog hits...
179
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,675
Hits...
180
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:25,812
Sorry I'm late for dinner!
Travis and I got a flat tire,
181
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:28,364
and it took forever for
triple "a" to get there.
182
00:07:28,399 --> 00:07:30,349
Wait. Don't tell me
183
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,352
you called a strange
person to change your tire.
184
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,623
Then why did you give
me an auto club card?
185
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,224
That's for a real emergency,
186
00:07:38,259 --> 00:07:41,461
like a meteor hitting
the car or something.
187
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,129
Wh-where is Travis?
188
00:07:43,164 --> 00:07:44,164
Uh, he went to the tanning salon.
189
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:47,133
Ohh! Ugh!
190
00:07:47,168 --> 00:07:51,721
Ow! That actually hurts to hear that.
191
00:07:51,755 --> 00:07:53,940
Honey, I-I don't think
you're ever gonna be able
192
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,110
to rely on this guy Travis,
and I'm also gonna ground you
193
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,978
till you can figure out
how to change a tire.
194
00:07:59,013 --> 00:08:00,379
That's so unfair!
195
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,316
Who ever said life was
supposed to be fair?
196
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,985
I'm just doing this so you
don't have to depend on a man.
197
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,053
Um, I thought your argument with me
198
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,155
was that I needed a man.
199
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:15,061
Just concern yourself
with this area over here.
200
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:19,699
- How's work?
- Yeah.
201
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,568
Oh, they're adding
all-you-can-eat sausage
202
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:22,836
to the mix tomorrow.
203
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,472
It's gonna be mayhem.
204
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,640
Mm. I love sausage.
205
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,212
Your dad can drive Boyd to day care.
206
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:34,430
There's no car seat in the truck.
There's no car seat in the truck.
207
00:08:34,465 --> 00:08:36,582
Well, I will take the truck.
You can take the minivan.
208
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,888
You'll take the truck.
I'll drive the minivan.
209
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,456
You're not kidding right now, are you?
210
00:08:43,491 --> 00:08:45,608
No, I'm not.
211
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,428
Well, aloha.
212
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,364
Sure. All right.
213
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,699
All right, champ.
214
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,617
You have a great day
at day care, all right?
215
00:08:54,652 --> 00:08:56,435
Oh, we don't--we don't
use terms like that here.
216
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:59,606
See, "champ" implies
victory over another person.
217
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,908
Right, and you're all winners here.
218
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,160
Now you're getting it. Hey, come on in.
219
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,546
Ruby's two dads are here,
and they're making muffins--
220
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,515
flax and pumpkin.
221
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:11,150
Please tell me that's not their names.
222
00:09:11,185 --> 00:09:13,219
That's a good one. Take the shoes off.
223
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:15,388
We're building a mosque out of pillows.
224
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,156
Give me the kid back.
225
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,127
Everything you need to know about life
226
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:22,345
you can learn from hanging with grandpa.
227
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,796
You just stick with me, all right?
228
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,015
Kyle, take the baby, will ya?
229
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,183
Yeah.
230
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,235
Here you go. Whew. You'll need this.
231
00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:31,437
Dropped a bomb.
232
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,181
So as you know, I normally
broadcast from Mandyland.
233
00:09:42,216 --> 00:09:44,717
But tonight I'm transmitting
from cell block "c"
234
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,719
of dad-ica prison.
235
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,187
Da-dica?
236
00:09:48,222 --> 00:09:51,257
♪ Dad, oh,
da-a-a-a-ad ♪
237
00:09:51,292 --> 00:09:55,929
♪ Travis went to gaga,
can't you see I'm sad? ♪
238
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,381
Ugh! Ahh!
239
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:01,901
5,000 followers? People got a lot
of time on their hands.
240
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:04,938
Hey, Kyle! Didn't I ask
you to take care of the kid?
241
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,574
Yeah, Ed's pulling him around
the parking lot. He's what?
242
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,509
In a kayak. Oh.
243
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:15,181
Kyle.
244
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:17,584
- Do you know how to change a tire?
- Sure. You need me to change your tire?
245
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:21,754
- Do I look like the kind of guy that
can't change his own tire?
- Why are you yelling at me?
246
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,039
I don't know what we're talking about.
247
00:10:23,073 --> 00:10:25,124
Why don't you come over to my house?
248
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:26,576
I want you to meet my daughter Mandy.
249
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,528
If you like her, maybe
take her out on a date.
250
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:32,415
If you don't like her,
take her out on a date.
251
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,933
But no funny business.
252
00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:35,234
You mean like sex?
253
00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:38,071
Oh.
254
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,505
You know, it troubles me, Kyle,
255
00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:41,107
that you're so handy with that word.
256
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,877
Just try to remember something.
257
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,045
I could fire you...
258
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,236
Or worse.
259
00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:54,654
Huh?
260
00:10:57,550 --> 00:11:00,202
Dad, where's Boyd?
261
00:11:00,236 --> 00:11:02,888
Uh, he's napping. He got
into the energy bars at work.
262
00:11:02,922 --> 00:11:06,391
He ran around until he passed out.
263
00:11:06,426 --> 00:11:09,027
So... instead of taking him to day care,
264
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:12,547
you took him to the blow
dart and shotgun emporium?
265
00:11:12,582 --> 00:11:15,333
He wasn't around anything dangerous, okay?
266
00:11:15,368 --> 00:11:16,501
And I can't say the same
267
00:11:16,535 --> 00:11:18,837
had I left him at hippie hippie rainbow.
268
00:11:20,072 --> 00:11:21,840
Bruce teaches sensitivity and tolerance.
269
00:11:21,874 --> 00:11:23,675
I just don't think your kid
should go to that school.
270
00:11:23,709 --> 00:11:25,093
You know how that ends up. Hmm?
271
00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:27,679
Boyd dancing on a float.
272
00:11:30,883 --> 00:11:32,784
And what would be so wrong with that?
273
00:11:32,819 --> 00:11:34,286
The only time men should be dancin'
274
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,223
is when other other men
are shootin' at their feet.
275
00:11:38,257 --> 00:11:40,609
Are you gonna meddle up
until the day you die?
276
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:43,411
And beyond.
277
00:11:43,446 --> 00:11:46,731
I have a very specific will.
278
00:11:49,285 --> 00:11:53,205
Mandy keeps telling me
soccer's making my legs thick.
279
00:11:53,239 --> 00:11:57,375
Listen, Eve, boys like a
gal with a sturdy foundation.
280
00:11:58,911 --> 00:12:01,246
That's what attracted me to
your mom in the first place.
281
00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:05,300
Don't ever tell her I said that.
282
00:12:05,351 --> 00:12:08,303
I've never played against the boys before.
283
00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:10,055
Are there any cute ones?
284
00:12:10,089 --> 00:12:13,225
No. Who said
anything about Victor Blake?
285
00:12:15,895 --> 00:12:18,313
Let me give you some advice.
286
00:12:18,364 --> 00:12:20,282
You wanna impress the boys, you play hard,
287
00:12:20,316 --> 00:12:21,599
take the game to them,
288
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:24,469
prove that you belong on that field.
289
00:12:24,504 --> 00:12:26,204
Trust me.
290
00:12:27,957 --> 00:12:30,242
Well, we have to move!
291
00:12:31,610 --> 00:12:32,744
What happened?
292
00:12:32,778 --> 00:12:34,980
Dad! He told me that
boys would like me more
293
00:12:35,014 --> 00:12:37,549
if I played aggressive. I
sprained Victor Blake's ankle,
294
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:39,651
and now they call me "Queen Kong."
295
00:12:41,487 --> 00:12:43,054
I'm going to pack!
296
00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:44,923
Ugh!
297
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:49,127
I can explain.
298
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,998
We might have to move.
299
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:55,466
Why are you giving girl advice?
300
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:56,685
Why don't you just
stick to what you know--
301
00:12:56,736 --> 00:12:59,654
chasing raccoons out of the yard?
302
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:02,040
They're a herding animal.
303
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:03,608
If you don't nip
that in the bud--
304
00:13:03,642 --> 00:13:05,476
oh, I...
305
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:09,781
I just hate to disappoint her.
306
00:13:09,815 --> 00:13:11,482
Kristin never listens to me anymore,
307
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,985
and Mandy's got her new
family, the Kardashians.
308
00:13:15,705 --> 00:13:18,456
Queen Kong's my little buddy.
309
00:13:18,491 --> 00:13:20,292
Just go up and talk to her.
310
00:13:20,326 --> 00:13:22,527
She's not talking to me.
311
00:13:22,562 --> 00:13:24,329
None of my girls are talking to me.
312
00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:27,299
Usually I think that's a great idea.
313
00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:29,884
Right now it just hurts.
314
00:13:29,936 --> 00:13:33,338
Mike, your girls are talking to you.
315
00:13:33,356 --> 00:13:35,774
You just need to listen to them.
316
00:13:38,444 --> 00:13:39,778
Huh?
317
00:13:42,648 --> 00:13:44,015
Hi. Mike Baxter here,
318
00:13:44,050 --> 00:13:46,084
asking the question
that men have been asking
319
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:47,652
since medieval times.
320
00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:50,538
Gosh darn it. Where can I get
321
00:13:50,573 --> 00:13:54,125
a crossbow online?
322
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,195
This is the new Excalibur
super saber series.
323
00:13:57,229 --> 00:13:59,230
Composite handle, so when
you're huntin'...
324
00:13:59,265 --> 00:14:00,865
When you're huntin'...
325
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,268
God. Who am I kidding?
326
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,303
If you're watching this...
327
00:14:05,338 --> 00:14:06,771
You don't hunt.
328
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:08,740
You're probably hunting for
a tissue right about now,
329
00:14:08,774 --> 00:14:10,041
aren't you?
330
00:14:10,076 --> 00:14:12,543
And some girl at a soccer game
331
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:16,348
where nobody can lose sprained your ankle!
332
00:14:16,382 --> 00:14:17,949
There's a guy named
Jack Youngblood--
333
00:14:17,984 --> 00:14:21,552
played the super bowl with a broken leg!
334
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,887
That's not fantasy!
335
00:14:22,922 --> 00:14:24,923
What the heck is fantasy football?
336
00:14:24,957 --> 00:14:26,524
I got a fantasy.
337
00:14:26,559 --> 00:14:28,259
Why don't you get off the
frickin' couch, you morons?
338
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:31,363
What happened to men?
339
00:14:31,397 --> 00:14:34,699
Men used to build cities just
so we could burn 'em down.
340
00:14:34,734 --> 00:14:37,969
We got our hair cut by a guy named Hank.
341
00:14:38,004 --> 00:14:39,571
But modern
man--what do you do?
342
00:14:39,605 --> 00:14:42,474
You run from stuff--
responsibility, fatherhood.
343
00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:46,144
You can't even change a tire. A tire!
344
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,179
Why don't you get off
the couch, you moron,
345
00:14:48,214 --> 00:14:50,932
and go outside?!
346
00:14:50,966 --> 00:14:53,601
You'll see something
bright. It's called the sun.
347
00:14:53,636 --> 00:14:55,887
It's like a tanning bed, but it's free!
348
00:14:57,923 --> 00:15:01,526
How is Mike pretending to
be angry, scary, and unstable
349
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,813
good for our web site?
350
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:08,149
We've gotten tons of hits. Hits are good.
351
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,300
I know hits are good, you jack-wang.
352
00:15:09,335 --> 00:15:12,904
I'm not a thousand years old.
353
00:15:12,938 --> 00:15:14,305
It's gone viral.
354
00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:16,007
Our web traffic is way up.
355
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:18,476
Well... Looks like this company
356
00:15:18,511 --> 00:15:20,812
has finally entered the 20th century, huh?
357
00:15:20,846 --> 00:15:24,683
But it's the 21st century, sir.
358
00:15:24,717 --> 00:15:26,951
One step at a time, Kyle.
359
00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:32,757
Hey, Eve, would you
give me the ketchup--
360
00:15:32,791 --> 00:15:34,125
not talking to you.
361
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:35,477
Kristin, does Boyd want a hot dog,
362
00:15:35,511 --> 00:15:38,463
or do you have some soy thing
on a stick in your purse?
363
00:15:40,066 --> 00:15:42,150
Okay, I get it.
364
00:15:42,184 --> 00:15:43,401
Nobody's talking to me.
365
00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:45,603
I'm talking to you, dad.
That makes me nervous.
366
00:15:45,637 --> 00:15:48,373
Yeah. Will you go pick up Travis, please?
367
00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:49,657
You can pick him up. Really?
368
00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:51,609
Yeah, if you can just figure
out how to change a tire.
369
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,145
So sad.
370
00:15:54,163 --> 00:15:57,615
I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
371
00:15:57,649 --> 00:16:00,018
I don't know who that is,
372
00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:04,172
but he sounds like a very caring father.
373
00:16:04,206 --> 00:16:07,959
Hi. You must be Mr. B's daughter.
374
00:16:07,993 --> 00:16:10,395
Okay.
375
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:11,563
And who are you?
376
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:14,532
I'm Kyle. Your dad wanted us to meet?
377
00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:17,035
Oh, God. Did he tell
you that I needed a man?
378
00:16:17,069 --> 00:16:19,637
Pretty much.
379
00:16:19,671 --> 00:16:21,856
Great. Well, did he also tell you
380
00:16:21,891 --> 00:16:25,009
that I need help because
I'm a single mom? Um...
381
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,845
I'm guessing not by that
dumbfounded look on your face.
382
00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:31,065
Oh, no, this is just my face.
383
00:16:31,117 --> 00:16:32,650
Okay, why are you hanging out with my dad?
384
00:16:32,685 --> 00:16:34,402
That's just weird. I work for him.
385
00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:37,422
Oh, God. Is he paying you to date me?
386
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:39,240
Am I that pathetic?
387
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:40,992
You wanna go to a movie?
388
00:16:41,026 --> 00:16:44,862
Um, a-a movie. Well, I
have not been to a movie
389
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,999
since my water broke during "Avatar."
390
00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:50,668
Hello, Boyd.
391
00:16:50,703 --> 00:16:52,904
Boyd, right. That little dude's awesome.
392
00:16:52,938 --> 00:16:54,172
He really loves your dad.
393
00:16:54,206 --> 00:16:56,674
Yeah, well, Boyd loves everybody.
394
00:16:56,709 --> 00:16:57,876
No, he fell and tripped,
395
00:16:57,910 --> 00:16:59,444
and your dad came over
and hugged him and said,
396
00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:02,380
"hey, it's okay to cry. Just let it out."
397
00:17:02,414 --> 00:17:04,883
Wait. Mr. Outdoor Man said that?
398
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:06,601
Later on, when a heat
lamp fell on my foot,
399
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:09,654
was it okay for me to cry? No, it was not.
400
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:14,192
Oh, o-okay. Um...
401
00:17:14,226 --> 00:17:16,461
I'm--I'm gonna go
and check on Boyd,
402
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:18,947
and, um... And
you go say hi to my dad,
403
00:17:18,998 --> 00:17:21,115
and then, um, we'll go.
404
00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:22,400
Okay. Okay.
405
00:17:27,606 --> 00:17:29,674
- Hey, Mr. B.
- Hey, Kyle.
406
00:17:29,708 --> 00:17:31,209
Thanks for having me over. You bet, buddy.
407
00:17:31,243 --> 00:17:32,710
Mandy is awesome.
408
00:17:32,745 --> 00:17:34,596
Well, that's great.
409
00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:37,131
Yeah, that is great. Who are you?
410
00:17:37,183 --> 00:17:38,583
I'm Kyle.
411
00:17:38,617 --> 00:17:40,451
I'm sort of Mike's right-hand man.
412
00:17:40,486 --> 00:17:42,720
No, you're not, Kyle.
413
00:17:42,754 --> 00:17:45,923
Hey, dad, thank you for
telling Kyle about me.
414
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:51,296
It's o-okay, daughter.
415
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:53,314
Wait, wait. Didn't--didn't
you just say you were here
416
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,266
to see man--
and man.
417
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:59,954
Man, am I hungry. That's a man.
418
00:17:59,989 --> 00:18:02,991
O-okay. Well, um, we're
gonna go see a movie
419
00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:04,959
- if you could watch Boyd.
- Yeah, sure.
420
00:18:04,994 --> 00:18:08,112
Actually, I was asking dad.
421
00:18:08,147 --> 00:18:11,583
Actually, she was asking me. Okay.
422
00:18:11,617 --> 00:18:14,118
Thank you, dad.
423
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,153
Okay.
424
00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,593
Come on, Kyle.
425
00:18:21,627 --> 00:18:24,462
What the hell did you do?
426
00:18:26,298 --> 00:18:27,632
I-I don't know.
427
00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:29,934
Oh, Mr. B. I almost
forgot to tell you. Yeah.
428
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:31,302
Ed says he's proud of you
429
00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:32,987
and that you're back on for Costa Rica.
430
00:18:33,022 --> 00:18:35,823
Great, great,
great. That-- good.
431
00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:38,309
Let me give you a little hint about Mandy.
432
00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:40,828
She likes to be called "Kristin."
433
00:18:40,863 --> 00:18:42,780
It's a nickname.
434
00:18:42,814 --> 00:18:44,165
Thanks, Mr. B.
435
00:18:44,199 --> 00:18:46,367
You bet.
436
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:49,654
You know that's not gonna end well.
437
00:18:49,688 --> 00:18:51,289
Yes, I do.
438
00:18:51,323 --> 00:18:53,958
Well, I hope you're happy!
439
00:18:53,992 --> 00:18:55,627
Well, I was for a couple seconds.
440
00:18:57,062 --> 00:18:58,212
What's happening?
441
00:18:58,264 --> 00:18:59,464
I changed a tire. What?
442
00:18:59,498 --> 00:19:01,215
I broke three nails
and I ruined a sweater.
443
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:04,569
Oh, and you know the--the--
the pumpy, pumpy thing?
444
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,003
- Uh, jack.
- Yeah, jack.
445
00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,139
You need a new one.
446
00:19:08,173 --> 00:19:11,025
Uh... I'm proud of you, Mandy.
447
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:12,060
Thanks, dad. Keys?
448
00:19:12,111 --> 00:19:13,711
Yeah, sure.
449
00:19:13,746 --> 00:19:15,363
I gotta go to Travis.
450
00:19:15,397 --> 00:19:17,899
We still have time to get our mani-pedis!
451
00:19:19,735 --> 00:19:22,720
Travis.
452
00:19:22,755 --> 00:19:25,089
If no one's coming to dinner,
and you're watching Boyd,
453
00:19:25,124 --> 00:19:26,724
then I'm gonna have three glasses of wine,
454
00:19:26,759 --> 00:19:29,160
take a bath, and go to bed.
455
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,796
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hi, dad.
456
00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:33,831
What? What? What? Victor Blake.
457
00:19:33,865 --> 00:19:36,033
Uh, uh, uh, sprained ankle Victor Blake?
458
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,202
Yeah. He called me, and
he liked the way I played.
459
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,088
I told you that was gonna work out.
460
00:19:40,139 --> 00:19:42,890
He asked me out, dad. My first real date!
461
00:19:42,925 --> 00:19:46,010
I'll be aggressive
just like you taught me.
462
00:19:46,045 --> 00:19:49,414
No, no, no, no. Aggressive is bad! It...
463
00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:52,183
Nice going, coach.
464
00:19:52,217 --> 00:19:54,736
I did not see that coming.
465
00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:59,907
Boy, I bet you're happy to be
hitting the road again, huh?
466
00:19:59,942 --> 00:20:01,075
I'm not going anywhere.
467
00:20:01,110 --> 00:20:04,062
What if Victor Blake can't change a tire?
468
00:20:04,096 --> 00:20:06,230
What are you saying?
469
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:10,118
I'm saying... with your new promotion,
470
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:12,236
you're gonna need a
lot of help around here.
471
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,739
And that's you?
472
00:20:14,757 --> 00:20:18,626
Then I will definitely
need three glasses of wine.
473
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:21,429
What's a man's number one responsibility?
474
00:20:21,463 --> 00:20:25,299
Mm, terrorizing his daughter's boyfriends?
475
00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:26,718
You get me.
476
00:20:26,752 --> 00:20:27,719
Mm.
477
00:20:27,753 --> 00:20:29,721
Which is why I married you.
478
00:20:29,755 --> 00:20:32,774
I thought it was for my sturdy foundation.
479
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:38,162
Snitch!
480
00:20:43,257 --> 00:20:45,444
The manly arts are
vanishing. That's a fact.
481
00:20:45,564 --> 00:20:48,081
What do we do when the aliens invade
482
00:20:48,201 --> 00:20:50,186
or the zombies come out of their graves
483
00:20:50,306 --> 00:20:51,747
and the machines rise up?
484
00:20:51,867 --> 00:20:53,354
Who's gonna lead us?
485
00:20:53,388 --> 00:20:55,223
You.
486
00:20:55,274 --> 00:20:58,226
I have all this knowledge. It's my duty...
487
00:20:58,277 --> 00:21:02,697
To pass it on for the future of mankind.
488
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,193
And very important lesson tonight.
489
00:21:05,313 --> 00:21:07,300
This one here. Right
here. Put 'em up here.
490
00:21:07,420 --> 00:21:09,687
How do we get this little piggy
491
00:21:09,705 --> 00:21:13,124
all the way the over to market?
492
00:21:17,452 --> 00:21:18,925
Mandy?!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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