All language subtitles for Pitch Perfect Bumper in Berlin s01e06 Lebensabschnittspartner.eng

- Heidi. Heidi.

[birds chirping]

[tranquil harp music]

- Bumper Allen.

* *

[heartbeat pumping]

[tense music]

You are being deported
by the German government.

* *

[heartbeat quickens]

[high-pitched tone]

- Ahh!

You guys are all here.

I had a nightmare
about being deported.

- It wasn't a nightmare.

You were having a recap.

This is your official
Abschiebungsbefehl.

- Obviously, it is totally,

but you should probably
explain it for Heidi.

- It's your official
deportation notice.

It says you have to leave
the country in six hours.

Also, happy German Unity Day.

- How did this even happen?

- You didn't apply
for your work visa.

- Not to ladle
another turd dumpling

into the crap soup,

but this means
you can't perform at Unity Day

since it's after
the deportation deadline.

If you try,
you will get arrested.

- I was getting used
to a routine.

Heidi buys pastries,

Pieter whines
that you are his only hope,

we prod you
to be a better person,

and we have fun in the process.

- No.

The old Bumper would be crying

in a clean dumpster right now,

but I am not turning myself in.

I am getting my moment
in the spotlight.

I wanna take it all in
and wonder,

can a spotlight
give you a sunburn?

How does light work?

It doesn't matter.

We gotta get creative
right now,

figure out a "solush."

Because I'm not leaving
without a fight.

- Maybe--
maybe we could just explain

our situation and ask
for a visa extension

at the Rathaus.

- Yes, Heidi, the Rathaus.

The Rathaus?
Okay.

Well, this will be easy.
Chuck E. Cheese is a friend.

- Oh, you're right.

We should all give it
one more try.

- Well, we don't have
that much time.

You have a costume fitting
in an hour,

so let's see what we can do.

And in the meantime, let's keep
all of this information quiet.

- Okay. Let's go.

Also, maybe we
shouldn't tell anyone

that I sleep in my pants
and my shoes like a fireman.

[upbeat spacey music]

* *

- Why are we nervous?

It's our dad.

He can't still be mad at us.

Just--just be cool.

- Oh, scoot over.

You know how much he enjoys
negative space.

- Right, because it reflects
the emptiness...

both: Of the human soul.

- Good call.
- Thank you.

[line ringing]

- Klaus!
- Hi there!

- My man.
- You big guy.

- What is the meaning
of this call?

You're disturbing me.

- Okay. We'll make it quick.

My client, Bumper,
whom you may remember,

is, unfortunately, being
threatened with deportation.

- Can you make some calls?

You have friends
in the government, right?

- Of course I have friends
in the government.

Who do you think
tipped them off?

- Wait,
you got Bumper deported?

- After Bumper made me angry
walking off my set,

I vowed to get back at him,

and there is nothing
my children can do.

Nothing.

How do--how do I get off?

I don't want to be here.

[phone clicks]

- God. He really is a dick.

- Hello.

This is Bumper Allen,
and he would like

to apply for a visa extension.

- I really want to help you.

- Okay. Then do.

- But if you're beyond
your 90 days,

my hands are tied.

In Germany, paperwork is king,
and I'm but a loyal serf.

Except on the weekends,

then it's just Hilda
being Hilda.

- There's nothing you can do?
Are you serious?

- I'm German.

Of course I'm serious.

- I can't believe this might be
my last day in Berlin.

I freaking love this place.

The parks,
the high-calorie street food.

Most of all, I love that it
made me my favorite version

of myself by far.

- I don't want you to go.

Since you got here,

my world has been
a lot brighter.

The hell are you gonna
do back in America, huh?

Just go off and be friends
with people named

Brittany or Luke or something?
[scoffs]

Stupid.

- I am so sorry.

I messed everything up.

- Don't apologize.

You didn't mess anything up.

You know, watching you has

made me want
to get out of my own way

so I can be up there someday.

Being around you has taught
me to be brave enough

to step into my own shoes.

What do you say,
for old time's sake?

- I mean, of course.

- Sit next to me.

Oh.

This might be the last time
our butts touch.

- That is so sad.
- Hmm.

- So what should we sing?

- "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
or "Walking on Sunshine,'

but we scream "not"
at the start of every chorus.

- If you are leaving here
a broken dreamer,

I have just the song.

[playing "Don't Fall in Love
with a Dreamer"]

* *

* Just look at you *

* *

* Sitting there *

* You never looked
better than tonight *

- I actually don't
know the words.

* And it'd be so easy *

* To tell you I'd stay *

* Like I've done
so many times *

both: * Don't fall in love
with a dreamer *

* 'Cause he'll always
take you in *

* Just when you think
you've really changed him *

* He'll leave you again *

* Don't fall in love
with a dreamer *

* 'Cause he'll break
you every time *

* *

- * Oh, put out the light *

- * Just hold on *

both: * Before we say goodbye *

* *

[applause]

- Thank you.

- Obviously,
all the romantic stuff

was just written by Kenny.

- Was there romantic stuff
in that song?

I just thought it was
about doors and lights...

and stuff.

- Hey, get away from my piano.

- Okay.

- If you don't want us
to play the piano,

just don't leave the piano.

- Is that even his piano?

- [whispering] I hope Pieter
and Thea had more success.

- Great. You're here.

Well, try some costume options.

The Unity Day committee over
there will approve the look,

and we will be off
to the races.

Assume the position, please.

- Okay.

[loud bang]

- Well, you don't need
to stand like that.

- Oh.

It must mean something
different in America.

- I'm sorry we're late.
Okay.

We got a big failure.

We totally botched the--
- Pieter.

This is the Unity Day costumer.

And over there are the members
of the Unity Day committee.

- Of course.

Oh, we are excited
to get Bumper dressed up

for a big event

with absolutely no other
complications whatsoever.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

- [through teeth]
Any luck at the Rathaus?

- No.
And what are you doing?

- I'm smiling.

- So any luck with Klaus?

- No. In fact, he's the one

that got the government
to boil your spaetzle.

- D'oh! Klaus!

Also, what is a spaetzle?

- Oh, it's a homemade noodle.

- I'm gonna call Klaus back
and tell him off.

And, oh, my face hurts.

It must be exhausting
to be a nice person or a wolf.

- Well, well, well, if it isn't
so many blueberry muffins

stealing half of my spotlight.

What next?

You're going to steal
my Unity Day look?

- I hope not because
I can't pull off white.

It washes me out.

- Gisela, excuse us a minute.

- Oh, no problem.

I'll just cease to exist
for 60 seconds.

both: Okay.

- We need to talk.

- You have been doing squats.

- Several thousand a day. Yes.

- I think I know
how to save you

from being deported.

- What?

- You have to marry Thea.

[tense music]

- Marry Thea?

- Seeing Gisela's white dress,
it just clicked.

If you marry a citizen,
you can stay in the country.

- Okay.

I don't know
if you know this or not,

but Thea and I are not in love.

Is this what you want me to do?

- It is if it keeps you
in Germany.

- How long would we have
to pretend to be a couple?

What happens if I fall in love
with somebody else

or I already am?
Never mind.

I mean, would Thea
even go for this?

She once called me
"Mr. Potato Head

if he couldn't grow
that mustache."

- Thea,
do you wanna marry Bumper

so he can stay in the country?

- Sure.

- You'd do this for me
even though we're not in love?

- I'm an anarchist,
and I hate my dad.

Those feelings
are as legitimate as love.

- Well,
let's get you guys married

and get you to the stage!

- Okay. Yeah.

I guess there's
no other option.

- What every girl wants
to hear in her wedding day.

- Oh, great.

This is gonna be great.

Let's go.

- Go. Okay, let's go!
Yes, run, run, run!

[energetic synth music]

* *

- We'll go back to the Rathaus

and get you married
before the concert.

- But we have to make it
look real

so they don't think
we're committing fraud.

Bumper's in day-old pants,

and Thea looks like
she's two wheels short

of motorcycle cosplay.

- I know who can help.

* *

Ursula.

* *

Where's your lost and found?

- My armoire is your armoire.

Please.

* *

- Oh, Thea.

You look so beautiful.

How do you feel
about your big day?

Are you nervous at all?

- A little.

- Oh, well...

you can borrow
my Dove deodorant.

It keeps me from getting
the nervous sweats

when I pretend to be
a guest at a fancy hotel

to use their bathroom.

- I feel excited
to destroy my father

and make a mockery
of the German state.

Are you okay?

- I know I suggested all this,

but it didn't feel real
until right now.

And well, I--

I think Bumper
will make a good husband.

Yeah. He seems like the type
to announce blueberry pancakes,

but then have none
of the ingredients,

so you end up
eating stale toast,

but the sentiment was there,
you know?

- Yeah. He's not my type.

If the temperature
of a cave was a person,

that's my type.

- Yeah. That makes sense.

I'm kind of the opposite.

- Thank you
for being my maid of honor

and my friend.

My other friends
are exactly like me,

and it can get tedious.

I like seeing the world
through your eyes.

- Well, thank you
for showing me

that somebody like you
could like somebody like me.

- Come on.

- Seriously, you have taught me

to be more confident
and more myself.

Ugh. I cannot wait to tell
my middle school bullies

that I have a cool friend.
- [laughs]

Luckily, they're all selling
essential oils on Facebook,

so they're super easy to find.

[sentimental music]

* *

- Okay.

- Now for the final touch.

* *

Horns under the lace
or poking through?

- I can't believe an hour ago,

I was mentally packing
my socks,

and now I'm getting married
to Thea.

This is so crazy.

But you know, I've come so far.

The new Bumper
doesn't back down from a fight.

- Man, my client
and my best friend

is going to be my brother?
Wow.

The rest of the world
might still hate me,

but I don't care because I have
you and you have my sister.

- Did you just call me
your best friend and brother?

- I did.

[laughs]
- [grunts]

I got you. [laughs]

Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God.

Christmases
are gonna be so fun.

- Oh. Yes, they are.

- You know who
we should invite?

- Who?
- To Christmas?

Heidi.

So she's not, like,
out in the cold

with her cute little nose

pressed against
the frosted glass,

like, "Please, sir,

may I have some porridge?"

- Okay, so speaking
as your new brother,

it seems pretty clear
that you love Heidi.

- Okay, what?

Ja.
- Ja.

Ja. Ja.

- Is it that obvious?

- Oh, very obvious. Yes.

You stare at her a lot.

Well, I'm just trying
to memorize

every strand of her hair.

But whatever, it was her idea

for me to get married
to Thea anyway,

so she obviously
doesn't love me.

At least this way,
I get to stay in Berlin

and be around Heidi. Right?

- Right.

I didn't hear what
you guys were saying.

I was just trying
to be supportive.

So we should get going.

- I'm so glad that in 1998,

a witch killed
that businessman,

then disappeared,
so that you two

could look so beautiful today.

- We should get going, right?

[upbeat electronic music]

* *

- Almost there.
- Okay.

[grunts]

Oh, it's locked!

What the hell?

- Rathaus will be closing
at noon today in observance

of German Unity Day
so that our employees

may attend the festivities.

Great.

- Germany lets their government
employees celebrate holidays?

How humane.

But still,
this really screws us.

- Scheisse.What do we do?

Your performance is in an hour.

- God!

Why must you smite me?

I did everything
that you asked!

I came to Germany.

I took the bottom bunk.

I ate pickles so sour
that my balls are still

not as plump as they were.

I wore
the stupid little glasses.

I went to the hospital.
I wrote a song.

What more could you possibly--

we need Hilda.
- Who?

- Hilda.

The nice but useless woman
that we met here.

If she's at the concert,
she can marry us.

See you later, freak out!

I got a wedding to save!

[upbeat rock music playing]

[crowd cheering]

- * Don't let me down *

* Don't let me down,
don't let me down *

* Don't let me down *

* Don't let me down,
don't let me down *

* Don't let me down *

[cheers and applause]

- Ladies and gentlemen.
Next, our newcomer.

Gisela!

- Quick, describe Hilda to us.

- Okay. She's about my height,
brown curly hair,

'80s pink eyeshadow, and...

- And what?

- Well, I was gonna describe
her breasts,

but I'm stopping because
I think you're not supposed to.

- We have enough to go on.
- Okay.

Let's go.

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat pop music]

* *

- * I'm not just here
to dance and twirl *

* I'm my own girl boss *

* I'm not your little girl *

* But look out, watch out
'cause it's my world *

* So I will... *

- Excuse me. Sorry.

Hilda!

Excuse me.

Excuse me, assholes!

- [speaking German]

- [in Australian accent]
Oh, my God.

That woman was so rude.
So weird.

You want me
to go yell at her for you?

I'll go find her.

- No beer.

- * I'll sing when I want to *

* Ooh *

* I'll sing when I want to *

- Crap. Bumper's next.

Hilda!

[crowd chanting in German]

- [sighs] Biker guy.

Red beret.

Balloon lady.

None of these are Hilda.

- * Your sings
and go off, king *

* Less your voice
has no cred *

* Your whole head's
a loaf of bread *

* You're a corncob-looking
corny fella *

* You love milk
and a cappella *

* Don't try to sing,
just drink a gallon *

* Milquetoast corn boy
Bumper Allen *

[dramatic tone]

- Oh, God.
They're after me.

- Oh!
- Oh, Excuse me.

Hilda! It's--it's me.

It's Bumper.

The cutie with the booty
from before.

- Ah.
- Okay.

I need a huge favor.

I wanna get married right now.
Can you help me?

In the name of unity?

- I'm three lagers in
and I love love,

so you know I'm game.

Ooh. Are you marrying

that cute girl
you were with before?

- No.

A much taller,
much scarier one.

- Oh.

- There she is. Thea!

Let's go.

- * I sing when I want to *

[cheers and applause]

Okay, so it seems

that the other newcomer,
Bumper Allen,

will not be performing today...
[crowd exclaims]

Because he is in the country
illegally.

[audience groans]

Sad, but also really bad.

So that means that I will
perform another song!

[cheers and applause]

Just please bear with me
as I wheel out 1,600 pounds

of human-sized cupcakes.

- Okay. Hilda.
Start the ceremony.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.

- Wedding.
- Yes, it is.

Okay.

- What a strange word.
- Is it?

- Not as strange as scuba but--

- Hilda,
let's get to the point please.

- Do you, Bumper...
- Yes, I do.

- Take Thea...
- Yes.

- To be your
lawfully wedded wife...

- Okay.
- To have and to hold...

- Sure.
- Until death do you part?

- Yes. Okay. Yes.
Fine. Good.

Great.
- And do you, Thea--

- This man is not allowed
to perform.

- [sighs]

- He's with me.

Official Rathaus business.

Now step aside,
or I'll report you

for working on a holiday
without a permit.

[inhales sharply]

- Thank you, Hilda.

Whoo!

[suspenseful music]

* *

- Hey.

Enjoy this.

It's everything
you've always wanted.

- Thanks.

* *

Thank you.

I should get going.

- Hmm.
- Okay.

Thea. Hilda.

- I don't want to brag,

but I still fit
into the same size

giant high-heel prop shoes
that I wore in high school.

- Thank you, honey.

Okay.

So now, Thea,
do you take Bumper

to be your
lawfully wedded husband,

to have and to hold
until death do you part?

- Yes. Yeah.
- Okay, good.

- So now I pronounce
you husband and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

- Do we have to?
- No, absolutely not.

Mm-mm.
- No.

- Let's just--

[cheers and applause]

[sentimental music]

* *

- Hello, Berlin!

[cheers and applause]

Wow, this is--

this is such an honor.

But I don't really know
what to say.

So I'll just sing.

* Staring at the ceiling *

* Laying wide awake *

* In a city of strangers *

* Who don't know my name *

You know what?
I do know what to say.

[sentimental music]

I thought the most
important thing in the world

was being a star,

the one famous person
who can outshine

everyone else
in every room he steps in

and every stage he steps on.

There's no such thing
as just one star,

'cause every star is...

part of a constellation.

* *

So in the spirit
of constellations,

I wanna give you
a little treat.

There is somebody who deserves
to be up here...

more than I do.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I fought tooth and nail
to get on this stage,

but this person
is a beautiful artist,

an amazing friend,

and I love her.

* *

And I know you will, too,
because it's her turn to shine.

She is gonna sing
instead of me.

* *

It's what she's always wanted.

It seems like she needs

a little convincing
to get up here,

so I'm gonna need your help,
okay?

When I sing,

* Come and sing *

You sing,

* Heidi *

Can we do that?

all: Yes.

- * Come and sing *

all: * Heidi *

- * Come and sing *

all: * Heidi *

- * Come and sing *

- The last time
I heard a crowd

chanting a name
this powerfully,

I was kicked out
of my own hometown

for being a witch.
- * Come and sing *

crowd: * Heidi *

[cheers and applause]

- You are unbelievable.

- You don't have to do this
if you don't want to.

- I told you earlier.

I'm ready.

- I knew you wanted to.

Have fun.

[cheers and applause]

- * Staring at the ceiling *

* Laying wide awake *

* In a city of strangers *

* Who don't know my name *

* Everyone's trying
to make it *

* Trying to leave something *

* That says I was here
for a minute, for a minute *

* And I did my thing *

* It's all in my head *

* It's all in my heart *

* The light always finds a way
to shine through the dark *

* It's way too late now
for turning around *

* I'm right at the edge,
but I'ma figure it out *

* But they don't know my name *

- * Turn, turning
into something *

* Different than before *

* 'Cause every turn I'm turning
takes me to your door *

- * They don't know my name *
- * And far and away *

both: * Doesn't feel so far *

- * One day I'm gonna
make it out this room *

* I don't have nothing
to lose *

* I'll be patient 'cause I know
it's on the way *

* But they don't know my name *

- * But if home's wherever
you are *

- * Wherever you are *

both: * I'm already home
and I'm right where you are *

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you so much, Berlin!

This is Heidi Miller,
the amazing singer-songwriter.

And this is DJ Das Boot,
the hottest music producer.

And of course,
ladies and gentlemen,

my good friend and manager--

I wouldn't be here
without him--

Pieter Kramer.

[applause dies]

- And he is very sorry
for everything

he put Germany through.

It will never happen again.

Pieter the cheater

is now Pieter the kilometer,

because that is how big
his apology is.

[cheers and applause]

[sentimental music]

* *

- Oh, my God.
My heart's racing.

- What a show, man.
What a show!

- Can I have your autograph?

- You realize I am not Flea
from the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

- What's next for Bumper Allen?

- Before coming to Germany,

I never thought that this
would be my life,

so I'm not even gonna try
to predict what's next.

- I know what's next for me.

- What?

- I want to make
our partnership official.

I can produce all your clients.

We can call our company
Kramer and Kramer.

- I would be honored
to work with you, DJ Das Boot.

- Newcomer performances
can be a bit wobbly,

but that was so entertaining.

- I couldn't have done it
without my manager,

my producer, my songwriter.

Where's Heidi?

- I don't know.
- Well done.

- I have to go and find Heidi.

Thank you.
- Okay.

Good luck.

- Forgive me, Pieter.

I let you take the fall
for the sound machine,

and you were only
trying to help me.

And...[exhales]

Seeing you up there
throbbing--

I mean, thriving...

it really made me realize
what a mistake I made

putting you out of my life.

[dramatic music]

* *

[sighs]

And...

we were talking about
how much fun it would be

to get DSM back together.

- [beatboxing]

singers: * Doe, doe, doe, doe,
doe, doe *

- * Think about it *

* There must be a higher love *

* Down in the heart
or hidden in the stars above *

- * Without it *

* Life is wasted time *

* Look inside your heart
and I'll look inside mine *

[singing stops]

I'm sorry, Gisela.

But I have a new team now,
and I moved on.

[sentimental music]

- So wanted to touch base
real quick

about everything
that happened...

and was said on stage,

particularly by me...

about you.

- Well, it was life-changing.

I have you to thank.

Sorry I disappeared
back there.

I was just scouted
by a record label based in LA.

They love my song.

- What?
- Yeah. [laughs]

- Heidi, that's huge.

- Yeah.

- Wait, so are--
are you moving to LA?

'Cause that is very,
very far from here, he guessed.

- I don't know.

I mean, it's everything
I've ever dreamed of.

But the question is,
will.i.am or won't.i.am?

- Totally.
I get that.

Believe me.
I've been there.

But did you happen
to "Fergie"--t

about the other stuff I said?

'Cause I can repeat it
if you need me to.

I meant every word of it.

- Bumper.

You better not be thinking

of running away
from our sham marriage.

- Oh, great.
My wife's here.

- Here's a list of rules
for a living in my house.

I'm very particular,
and I've got

something called white mold.

It happens when ham sits
too long on your walls.

- Okay.
I have to move in with you?

- Uh, well, yeah, of course.

You have to stay in Berlin

and sell the marriage,
or else we both

are getting arrested for fraud.

Oh, and my girlfriend Ilse
gets the bed.

You are on
a very hard concrete pullout.

Heidi,
what an epic performance.

I'm so happy for you.

- Thanks.

I'm so happy for both of you.

- There's my constellation.

[laughter]

Oh, that was an incredible day,
huh?

- [sighs]
- Yeah.

- I don't know
what's gonna happen next,

but I am so grateful
I came here.

[upbeat electronic music]

Shit.
I forgot to call about my cat.

* *

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