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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,796 I don't understand it. Where is everybody? 2 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,911 Dunno. 3 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,191 Maybe some mystery virus has killed everyone off. 4 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,197 Don't be so stupid, Mickey, love. 5 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,073 Will you stop eating my Restart course, please? 6 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,874 You've already had those housing benefit forms. 7 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,709 - I'm starving. - So I see! You'll eat my pens next! 8 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,716 This is all your fault. 9 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,719 We've been here for days and no one's even noticed you've gone. 10 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,637 Some hostage you turned out to be. 11 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,353 Pathetic! 12 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,068 Pauline, please let me go. I won't press charges. You can go to prison. 13 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,033 Oh, do I look like Diedre Rashid? 14 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,037 Yes. 15 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:02,150 I'll let you go when I've got my job back and not before. 16 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,828 - Fire engine. - Shut up. 17 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,519 Mickey. 18 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,996 - Can you get me something to eat? - I've only got me CV. 19 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,910 That won't feed the 5,000! What's it on? A frigging raffle ticket? 20 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,795 If I die of starvation, you'll never get your job back! 21 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,118 All right! All right! I'll go to the nibble box for sandwiches. 22 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,039 - Tuna. - You'll get what you're given. 23 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,471 I'm going in disguise in case there's any pigs about. 24 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,431 Watch him like a hawk. 25 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,030 Come on, Brian! Help me with this! 26 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,833 - We've got to get help. - Oh, good idea (!) 27 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,236 How are you going to explain that? It's more than a nosebleed! 28 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,159 It was an accident. We thought it was the enemy. 29 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,669 Grow up or I'll break your other leg! 30 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,870 I am a murderer and you're my accomplice. 31 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,275 - No, I'm not! - You are! 32 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:09,439 You didn't run at him with a stick and smash his brains in, but... 33 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,278 Wait. You're not wearing a wire? 34 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,198 What? Aagh! Get off me! 35 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,039 Oh, Geoff, what are we going to do? 36 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,117 We're going to bury him. 37 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:23,994 No. 38 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,033 Yes. So it looks like a wolf did it. 39 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:32,269 Then we say last time we saw him was when he went off looking for help. 40 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,278 Get digging or I'll put you in there too! 41 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,918 That's it, Brian. Team spirit. 42 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,315 Mike would have liked that. God! 43 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:53,753 (ROCK SONG PLAYS: "VOODOO LADY") 44 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,230 Oh, yeah. 45 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,679 Edward? 46 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,395 What is this place? Who are all these strangers? 47 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,229 Concentrate, Tubbs. We're here to find a bride for David. 48 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,510 - That one. - Too old. 49 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,834 - That one. - That's a tail. 50 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,077 Is it? You can't tell these days. 51 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,115 Ah-ha. Get down, Tubbs. 52 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,390 Remember what I told you. 53 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,471 - Do you need a hand, love? - Oh, thank you. 54 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,512 Most kind. I was in a war. 55 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,232 - I take it you are local...? - Oh, yeah. 56 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,758 Now! 57 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,150 Did the plan work, Edward? 58 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,636 Sorry, ladies. I'm cleaned out. 59 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,513 Until the quarantine's lifted, it's fishfingers. 60 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,192 Bye-bye. 61 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,674 Haven't you heard, Maurice? I've nothing left. 62 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:12,998 I'm not interested in pork chops, Hilary Briss. I want to talk to you. 63 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,795 - Health inspectors are around. - Pull yourself together, Maurice. 64 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,592 Why should that bother me? 65 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,633 Well, could all this be to do with the special stuff? 66 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,352 No, it couldn't. 67 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:28,997 But how do you know, Hilary? Who can tell what this might be doing to us! 68 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,634 You listen to me, Maurice Evans. 69 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,070 You know that I have a very select clientele. 70 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,953 How many people have you seen with nosebleeds? 71 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:42,232 Dozens! Today at the post office. Mrs Sprague and the daughter. 72 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,759 Exactly. Women! 73 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,279 Children! 74 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,913 You know who's on my list. 75 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:51,272 Whatever this is, there's no link to this counter, above or below it. 76 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,675 Your health inspectors will find nothing. 77 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,314 What's this? 78 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,317 Taste it. 79 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,876 Where did you get this? 80 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,238 Your Eunice. 81 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,868 Ask yourselves this. 82 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,914 If I were going to steal it, where would I conceal it? 83 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,953 I guarantee you'll start to spot them a mile away. 84 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,036 I was in bedding the other day. 85 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,596 Not glassware, not electricals - bedding. 86 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:44,475 And I spot a heavily-pregnant woman pushing a baby along in a pram. 87 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:48,593 Alarm bells ringing. Be very wary of prams. 88 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,473 Prams have got compartments, got babies in them. 89 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,275 There's an embarrassment factor in asking to rifle through a pram. 90 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,277 You'll disturb baby. 91 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,197 What if baby isn't a baby? 92 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,278 What if baby is a 12-piece Queen Anne breakfast set, 93 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,231 retail price �24.99? 94 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,591 Chalk it up. Mum politely escorted to the manager's office, 95 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,312 powers-that-be notified. 96 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,238 Has she got a lawyer? She better have have had. 97 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,909 The amusing epilogue is the woman in question later miscarried. 98 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,792 Chalk it up. 99 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,757 Same with our disabled friends. 100 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,474 Be very wary of wheelchairs. 101 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,479 You don't like to ask Mr Smith if he'd mind shifting his weight 102 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,511 whilst you look at what he's sitting on, 103 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,598 because nine times out of ten, it'll be a checked blanket. 104 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,190 You do it often enough, you will find a book 105 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,675 or a plate or a game. 106 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,233 Chalk 'em up. 107 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:44,512 You'll be asked many times, "What makes a good store detective??" 108 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:48,394 Well, I would suggest a certain amount of it is arrogance. 109 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,836 You will not have any friends. 110 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,150 Mum and Dad will not be proud of you. 111 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,714 You will be suspicious of everyone you meet. 112 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,957 Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness? 113 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,913 It is thus. Thus it has always been, 114 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,555 and ever thus should it have ever been thus. 115 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,759 In the past 15 years, I have saved Binns - or Hammonds, as it is now - 116 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:18,556 Superstore the princely sum of �303.64. Chalk it up. 117 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:22,958 In my private life, I have prevented acts of fraud nearly eight times. 118 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,868 Nearly because I was once given too much change in a charity shop, 119 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,959 but I was already off the premises and, legally, that money was mine! 120 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,239 A very good friend once said to me - she's a very good store detective - 121 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:41,592 she said being a store detective is like standing up at the wedding 122 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,395 when they ask, "Is there any reason why they should not be married??" 123 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,398 No one likes doing it. I didn't like doing it - 124 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,556 not to my own brother. 125 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,676 But no one likes a cheat. 126 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:59,079 It's like the sign says, "Shoplifters will be prosecuted". 127 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,758 (CLANGING) 128 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,273 Shit! 129 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,353 Hokey cokey, pig in a pokey. 130 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,870 My God, you will not believe what's going on out there! 131 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:28,069 "Dear Pauline, I tried to do what you said, 132 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,875 "but Ross said he could get me the fire engine, so I let him go. 133 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,594 "Then he hit me and ran away. 134 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,632 "I realise now it was a trick, 135 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,716 "but I was too ashamed to stay. 136 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,273 "Sorry. 137 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,675 "Good luck with the rest of the segi... " 138 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,279 He means siege. 139 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,437 "I hope you get your job back. Love from Mickey. 140 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,392 "PS. You can have my sandwich. " 141 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:04,599 Excuse me, miss. 142 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,916 Do you mind if I have a word? 143 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,033 (ROCK SONG: "VOODOO LADY") 144 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,954 # Voodoo yeah 145 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,753 # Voodoo lady 146 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,519 # And the chill you gave me 147 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,108 # I beseech you 148 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,993 # From Satan save me 149 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:58,752 # No one knows the secret of the black magic atom bomb 150 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,110 # Voodoo lady 151 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,880 # I don't mean maybe 152 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,116 # Choo choo hey hey 153 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,835 # Black magic child! # 154 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,110 Thank you. Thank you very much. 155 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,198 We've been Creme Brulee and you've been fantastic. 156 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,113 Yes, mate? 157 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,469 - Tony. - Yeah? 158 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,953 Les. 159 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,355 Oh, right, yeah. Sorry. 160 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,277 There you go, mate. 161 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,836 To Les, all the best, Tony Cluedo. 162 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,279 Cheers, pal. 163 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,278 No, mate. Les. Rhythm guitar. 164 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,235 My God! Les McDougal! 165 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,635 - McQueen. - McQueen. 166 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:05,154 Hey! We did try to get in touch with you, but you know... 167 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,750 - No one had your new number. - I've not moved. 168 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,479 Yeah? 169 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,478 Well, how have you been? 170 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:18,639 Oh, not so bad. I just saw the advert and thought I'd pop along. 171 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,910 I'm leaving the country soon, actually. 172 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,237 Got my eye on a goldmine in Lanzarote. English sports bar. 173 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,555 - That'll be dear. - I've got my redundancy. 174 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,276 To tell you the truth, mate, you're best out of it. 175 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:37,552 We did have a comeback planned, but the backing fell through. 176 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:41,309 - Backing? - They promised us 50 big ones. 177 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,637 50 quid? I can give you that now. 178 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,559 No, mate. 50k. 50 grand. 179 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,033 Oh, yeah. 180 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:51,716 It's a shame, mind. 181 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,594 We were all fired up, you know? Bob and Patch are writing again. 182 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,597 - No? - Yeah. 183 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,679 They've got one fantastic new reggae number - Jamaican Ginger Cake. 184 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,879 - Hey! - What? 185 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:14,629 My redundancy. What if I were to invest it in the band? 186 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,273 Don't be silly, Les. 187 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,471 I'm dead serious, Tony. 188 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,750 It's out of the question, pal. 189 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,191 Why? It's what I've always wanted - the band back together. 190 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,949 Friend of our kid's - Asian lad - has got his own studio. 191 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,470 There's samplings, electric drum loops. 192 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,070 He could do a dub version of all our singles, like Jive Bunny. 193 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,352 - Oh, Les. - Or like Smokey with Chubby Brown. 194 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,391 "Who the Bleep Is Alice??" 195 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,750 It's too much to ask, pal. 196 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,473 Please! 197 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,519 Well... 198 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,676 it could be good again, couldn't it? 199 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,476 Eh? The old line-up back together. 200 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,068 First time since Cheggers Plays Pop. 201 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:05,398 OK. OK, we could move on this. I've got a mate at The Chronicle. 202 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,433 We could have a press conference this afternoon. 203 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,393 Right. Give us an hour, I'll be back here with the cash. 204 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:17,470 OK, then! Hey, Creme Brulee is back. Just like the old times. Fantastic! 205 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,874 Yeah. 206 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,589 It's a great business, isn't it? 207 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,149 - Ah, Justin! Everything in ordnung? - Yes, thanks. 208 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:36,952 How is your mutti? 209 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,594 A bit better. She'll appreciate the flowers. 210 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,915 Oh, no. These are for you. 211 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,154 Oh... 212 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,630 Are you sure you don't want me to cancel the party tonight? 213 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,559 No, it's your last night, I don't want to spoil it. 214 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,716 But if you could organise everybody? 215 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,879 Alles klar. You put yourself in my fist, Justin. 216 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,315 Ah, our carriage awaits. 217 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,192 (BARBARA) Where to, gents? 218 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,470 - Church Walk, please. - Right. 219 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,910 I wish they'd find what's causing it. The doctors seem clueless. 220 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,600 (BARBARA) Don't talk to me about doctors. 221 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,234 I ordered a vagina with a depth of eight inches. 222 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,152 What are you doing? 223 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,271 I'm making him a cross. 224 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,312 Put a sign on the back saying, "Body buried here"! 225 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,873 They'll find him anyway! 226 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,639 And when they do, we say the wolves did it! 227 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,796 - It happened in Australia. - Not to a man! 228 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,276 Yes, but they proved in a court that woman was... 229 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,868 He's alive. Oh, Geoff, thank God, he's alive. Quick, get him out. 230 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,036 Wait! Wait, wait, wait! 231 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:48,994 - Let's just think about this. - What's to think about? 232 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,192 How are we going to explain this? 233 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,311 - He's alive! - He won't be in a minute. 234 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,352 It's easier, Brian. We've already killed him once. 235 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,675 - No! - It's all right for you! 236 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,314 You made him a cross! He'll like that! 237 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:06,274 I'm the one that hit him. What am I going to get? Sacked! 238 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,913 I'm not having it, Brian. 239 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,632 No! 240 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,237 Wolves did it! 241 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,435 - Is it safe? - I think so. 242 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,234 I gave the boy a pill. 243 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:39,079 He won't awaken till our return from the toad club. 244 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,794 Come along. The girls await us in the car. 245 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,151 "Dear All, Uncle Harvey and Aunt Val are so wonderful, 246 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,555 "I 'm going to stay for at least five years. 247 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,913 "Love, Benjamin." 248 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,319 Oh, God! 249 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:11,275 We've got a no-tail! We've got a no-tail! 250 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,552 - Can I see her now, Edward? - All in good time, Tubbs. 251 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:20,151 We expanded by 17% in the first quarter alone, 252 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,989 and that was before any advertising appeared in the press. 253 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:29,671 People say, what is the future for plastics? 254 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,433 I say the future... 255 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,470 Have we missed the cakes? 256 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,836 Can I help you, pal? 257 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,110 I'm here for the press conference. 258 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,232 - Press conference? - Creme Brulee reunion. 259 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:16,952 Griffin Hotel. 68A. 260 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,674 No, this is 68. There's a 70. 261 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,597 No 68A. 262 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,231 Do you know Tony Cluedo? 263 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:25,714 Nope. 264 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,918 But I gave him all... 265 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,718 We arranged... 266 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,754 - Is there something round the back? - Yeah. 267 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,520 - Right. - A Fiesta with its engine fucked. 268 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:44,993 Are you OK, mate? 269 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,393 Yeah. 270 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,236 I understand. 271 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,437 Close your eyes, Edward. I'm coming in! 272 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:17,236 Oh, Tubbs, we don't have time for games. The no-tail will be awake! 273 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,954 Da-da! 274 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,117 (SHE HUMS THE WEDDING MARCH) 275 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,878 - Tubbs! - I found it up in the attic. 276 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,150 The no-tail could wear it for the wedding. 277 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:31,634 Wedding? 278 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,758 Yes. We're going to have the night do down here, 279 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,996 - and the day do in the... - Tubbs! 280 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:40,874 The young of today hold no store in the sanctity of marriage. 281 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,957 They live in sin, 282 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,674 rutting like beasts between filthy sheets! 283 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,791 Well, not in this shop! 284 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:51,959 David's not to lay a claw on that no-tail until they are married. 285 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,752 Oh, please, Edward. 286 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,793 Very well, but we must be careful. 287 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,753 We don't want her to suffocate like the last three. 288 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,671 Ah, Justin! 289 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,429 You are just in time, Justin. Make yourself at house. 290 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,039 Someone to drink? 291 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,673 - Herr Lipp? - Mmm? 292 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,950 Where's everybody else? 293 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,152 - Else? - You said we were having a party. 294 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:26,033 We are having a party. Sit down. 295 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,510 Some of the silly boys and girls have gone to Flick Flacks, 296 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,438 which is the only disco in Royston Vasey, 297 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,235 but I thought that with your mutti being in the hospice with nosepeeps, 298 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,794 that you would rather stay zu Hause. 299 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:46,396 Besides, you know tomorrow I must leave for Duisberg. 300 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,670 I know. It's come round quick. 301 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,075 Ah, Justin, you are kind, 302 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,272 but you must not squirt your face over me, 303 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,437 for who knows, sometimes I might be coming back to England. 304 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,074 - Have you ever been to London? - Sure. 305 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,952 - In my youth. - Was it good? 306 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:03,957 It was quite good, so... 307 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,239 There are many similars and many differences. 308 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:12,558 In London, you have fish and chips. In Duisberg, we have Duisberg cake. 309 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:18,073 In London, you have Soho. In Duisberg, we have the Duisberg Caf�. 310 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,795 And in London, you have the Queen, whereas in Duisberg... 311 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,592 Alles klar? 312 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:48,838 Justin... 313 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,952 there is something I wanted to say to you. 314 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,071 - Oh? - Ja. 315 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,919 - Was ist hier los? - Lotti! 316 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,270 Was machst du hier in England? 317 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,038 Sie wissen. 318 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,754 - Was meinst du? - Was passiert hier? 319 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,395 Nichts passiert. Ich spreche nur mit einem meiner Jungen. 320 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,080 - Deine Jungen? - Ja, meine Jungen! 321 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,351 - Ich bin verantwortlich f�r sie! - Alles klar. 322 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:14,879 - Lotti... - Alles klar! 323 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,709 - Was meinst du "alles klar"? - Derby, Ipswich, Reading, Wood Green... 324 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,194 Nein. 325 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,595 Jetzt musst du gehen. 326 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,109 Geh jetzt, bevor es zu sp�t ist. 327 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,435 Ich heisse Justin. 328 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,074 ICK vohne in Royston Vasey. 329 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,030 Dis a kann kein Deutsch. 330 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,196 Er ist MEINE Junge. 331 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,277 Dann Gott helf ihm. 332 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,595 - Raus, Lotti, raus! - Ich komme zur�ck. 333 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,119 - Raus! - Mit dem Polizei! 334 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,514 Raus! 335 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,994 I'm sorry about that, Justin. 336 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:54,032 I think now we will have some coffee, ja? 337 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,232 We've been naughty boys to drink so much wine. 338 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,232 Who was she? 339 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,989 - That was Lotti. My wife. - Your wife? 340 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:05,680 She is the name of my wife, but not in fuck. 341 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,234 It was a mistake. Was soll ich sagen? 342 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,479 - I can't believe you're married. - There's something I must tell you. 343 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,319 You'll be quite surprised, but er... 344 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,476 I am a queen, Justin. 345 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,279 No? 346 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,392 Sometimes I think I am the only queen in Duisberg. 347 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,193 Oh, sure, in Bochum oder Weisbaden 348 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,551 you can get a boy for 30 marks or maybe nothing, 349 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,193 but in Duisberg... 350 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,029 This is why I married Lotti. 351 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,549 Well, I really ought to make a move. 352 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,114 Oh, Justin. My Justin. My very own Justin. 353 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:51,353 It has been a great pleasure for me to come to Royston Vasey. 354 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,391 A real good treat. 355 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,393 For too long now, I have been, um... 356 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,317 Ah, wie sagt man auf Englisch.... 357 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,951 I have been... 358 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,433 allein. 359 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,072 Ganz allein. 360 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,953 I told Dieter I'd meet him. 361 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,390 - He knows where I am. - Oh, sure. 362 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,080 Go to Flick Flacks, have good fun, make love, 363 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,715 but first I hope you will try some nice Duisberg Kaffee. 364 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,751 I made her specially for you. 365 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,315 - No, I really have to go. - Just one sip. 366 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,829 - Thanks, but I told Dieter I... - Please! 367 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,112 No! I'm sorry. I'm going to leave now. 368 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:33,359 Justin! 369 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,676 Oh, Wolf! 370 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,313 Nicht ein ander? 371 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,954 Halt die Klappe, Lotti. Please! 372 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,832 Halt die Klappe. 373 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,518 Now... 374 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,392 Fetch me a spade. 375 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,755 - She is pretty, isn't she? - Yes. 376 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,952 - And she's got a good figure? - Yes. A good full figure. 377 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,752 And you're sure she's local? 378 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,917 Yes. She's a pretty local no-tail with a good figure 379 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,553 and the voice of an angel. 380 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,796 See for yourself. 381 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,715 Bloody hell, it stinks in here! 382 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,718 What kind of petrol do you call this? 383 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,551 She's done what?! 384 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,468 I'm so sorry, Hilary. I didn't realise till it was too late. 385 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,591 She had it stored in the freezer. 386 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,473 She's been cutting it with her own paste. 387 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:36,076 You silly bastard. She's got the whole town eating it. 388 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,989 A pure supply is one thing... 389 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,837 but to cut it...! 390 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,156 - What can we do? - I'm thinking. 391 00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:48,318 - Half of Royston Vasey had it! - We're all at risk. 392 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,636 Not quite all of us. 393 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,678 What do you mean? 394 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,553 It's like I've always said, Samuel. 395 00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,352 I'm a businessman. 396 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:03,234 I've a shelf full of black pudding out there, but I don't care for it. 397 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,471 You mean...? 398 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,795 You don't eat the special stuff? 399 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,636 Somebody has to stay in control. 400 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,670 (DOOR SHUTS) 30080