All language subtitles for Pitch.Perfect.Bumper.in.Berlin.S01E04

[bell tinkles]

[pen clicks, writing]

- [singing in German]

[upbeat music]

- Enjoy this.

It might be worth
something someday.

Well, I don't know.
We'll see.

- It's an honor
to meet you, Bumper.

I'm really obsessed
with your song.

- The pleasure's all mine.

I couldn't have done it
without the support of my fans.

And my songwriter.
Maybe she signs it?

- Sure.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Oh, this is so exciting!

I've been practicing
my signature

since I was a little kid.

God damn it. "G?"

There's no "G" in Heidi.
What were you thinking?

- See you, man.

[phone notification pings]

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no, what?

- So last night when I
didn't have sex with Gisela--

- Wait, what?

- I said I didn't
have sex with her.

She came on to me
after we had drinks.

But I denied her the cake.
- Oh, why?

- Because I'm focused
on you, Bumper.

This currywurst gets no mustard

until your career is
bing, bang, bomb.

- You know you didn't
have to do that.

- I knew
she was gonna lose her poops

when I didn't give her
the pudding,

and I was right

because
she just texted me this.

- * You can't
tell me when to sing *

* Can't tell me what to do *

* So watch me sing right now *

* I sing when I want to *

* Ooh *

* I sing when I want to *

* I sing when I want to sing *

* And now's when
I want to sing *

* But it's 'cause I wanna sing,
so it's not for you *

* I sing when I want to *

* Boys, don't feel like
you can't sing *

* If to sing's your thing,
then go off, King *

* Lest your voice
has no cred... *

- Is it catchy to you?

- * Your whole head's
a loaf of bread *

* You're a corncob-looking
corny fella *

* You love milk
and a cappella *

* Don't try to sing,
just drink a gallon *

* Milquetoast, corn boy,
Bumper Allen *

* I sing when I want to *

* Ooh, talkin' about you,
Bumper Allen *

- Oh, it's really
not good to me.

- * Bumper Allen *

* This isn't about you,
Bumper Allen *

* I sing when I want to *

- It's a diss track.

And even worse, it's a bop.

You should have given
her your pudding.

- I should have given
her the pudding.

- Yeah, the song
is surprisingly empowering.

Man, I feel like a woman

in a way that only
"Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"

makes me feel like a woman.

- I'm not like what she said
in the video and catchy song.

I'm not, like,
a corny a cappella guy.

I'm cool, right?

Right?

Right?
Hey, I'm cool, right?

- Of course you're cool, man.

My mom and I listen
to your song every night

on the way back
from birdwatching excursions.

- Oh, God.

I'm not cool.

The only thing dorkier
than birds or excursions.

- Hey,
that's why people like you.

You're relatable.

And besides,
the world was built by dorks.

You think a cool guy
invented Stonehenge?

No way, dork central.
Total virgin stuff.

- Yeah, that's where
I'm gonna agree

to disagree with you, Heids.

This is an emergency.

We have to fix my image
if I'm gonna be a star.

[upbeat music]

[vocalizing]

* *

- I mean, I love
all 11 fans we just met,

but I want cool people
to like me too.

It can't be that hard
for Berliners to accept me.

I've been in Germany for what,
a month now?

I have to reinvent myself.

Go from Bumper to Humper.

I've had sex.

- He has a point.

Unity Day is as much
a popularity contest

as it is a talent contest.

- Yep.

- It couldn't hurt for Bumper

to appeal
to a wider demographic.

Gisela clearly is.

Maybe he needs a flashy video
to outdo her.

- That's what I'm talking
about, videos!

All the greats have videos.

Madonna,
the girl from "The Ring."

But how do we make it cool?

- Verdammt.

I have an idea.

- Okay.
- [speaking German]

- Oh, [speaking German].

- [speaking German]

- We get Klaus
to direct the video.

If Unity Day committee
sees Bumper in Klaus's orbit,

you'll be guaranteed a spot.

- And let's just say aloud,
who is Klaus?

- Only the most
famous avant-garde artist

and director in Berlin,

and no one knows his real name.

He just goes by Klaus,
like Banksy.

Like Wario.

- Whoa, okay.

Wario, "I'm-a gonna win."

- He loves to work
with musicians.

When Ed Sheeran wanted
to reinvent himself

into a bad boy,
he went to Klaus.

- Ed is actually a brunette
from New Jersey.

- Shh.

- I mean,
this Klaus guy seems perfect.

You think we can land him?
- We can try.

- Can't wait for this guy
to help me achieve my dreams

and crush my nemesis.

Oh, my God, that is so cool.

I have a nemesis.

I'm basically Lord Voldemort.

- [singing in German]

* *

- [gasps]
There's Klaus.

You must impress him

if you want him
to direct your video.

- My God, he looks so epic.

Looks like a wizard
or a warlock.

- Let's just go say hi.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You don't just go say hi
to Klaus, okay?

Why don't you grab
some paper towels

for Bumper's
very shiny forehead

while the rest of us
try to come up with a plan.

* *

Da, da, da, da, da, da,
looks good, just don't--

you can look,
but you better not touch.

You know that song?

It's fine.
It just looks--we'll fix it.

- [humming]

* You can't tell me
when to sing *

* Can't tell me what to do *

* So watch me sing right now *

- * I sing when I want to *

[chuckles]

- Gisela?

What the--
- Yes.

Welcome to me.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, gets so hot in this outfit.

Over 40 degrees Celsius,

which, as you know,
is a hot temperature.

- Yeah.

- So you like my single, eh?

- I have to admit, I do.

The song is very empowering.

It feels like it was
written just for me.

- Well, I have to say,
I also like your song,

Miss Heidi Miller.

- Wait, you remember me?

- Of course.

You are Bumper Allen's
talented little songstress.

Now I want you to be mine.

You have been working
for Pieter for years,

and where has it gotten you?

- Well, I guess the bathroom.

But to be fair,
he is a good boss.

- Has Pieter even given you
a salary increase, a promotion,

paid sex leave?

- I can get paid for that?

- Oh, with me you can.

Come and be my songwriter,
Heidi.

My star is rising,

whereas Bumper Allen
is two octaves short

of a children's keyboard.

He does not have the range.

- Uh, I've never really thought
about it like that before,

but I don't think
I can work for you.

- Not for me, Heidi.

With me.

Next to me.

Under me.

Under there.

- Under where?

- You see?

I made you say "underwear."

Already our working
relationship is so...

intimate.

[clicks teeth]

- [gasps] I should go.

- Mm.

- They're probably
wondering where I am.

- [chuckles] Ah, ah.

Here.

[chuckles]

- Hi.

- Oh, Heidi,
we forgot you left.

Okay, when you talk to Klaus,
remember to "smose."

Smile with your nose.

- Okay? Am I doing it?

- Oh, quick, he's coming.
Look cool.

- Hey! Do not touch my art.

The art should only touch you.

- Okay.

- And you both
should know better.

both: Sorry, Papa.

- Papa?

[dramatic music]

- I wish I could say
it was a pleasure,

but then what is pleasure?

What is pleasure?

- So our plan for my future
was to get your dad to help me?

- I have worked
for you for seven years,

and you have never told me
that Klaus is your father.

- Klaus doesn't like us
to tell people we are related.

- It's just
too complicated for him

to be a father and an artist,

so he's mostly just an artist.

- He never really did
normal father stuff with us.

- I've still never been
to an amusement park.

Only to Marfa, Texas.

But all the sacrifices
he made in fatherhood

has made him that much better
of a director,

so lucky us.

- You're right.
He is the best.

We need to land him.

- If you say so.

- [clears throat]
Papa?

- Speak.
- Okay.

Mr. Klaus, it would be an honor

if you would direct
my music video

and fully reinvent me.

- Reinvent me?

I don't think so.

- It seems like you like
to take things apart

and make them cooler.

That is exactly what I need.

Just think of me as one
of these mannequins.

I am blank, pliable,
and completely hairless.

Like a Barbie.

[patting stomach rhythmically]

[clapping rhythmically]

- What are you doing?

* *

- * I'm a Barbie girl
in the Barbie world *

* Life in plastic,
it's fantastic *

* You can brush my hair,
undress me everywhere *

* Imagination,
life is your creation *

* Come on, Barbie,
let's go party *

- * Bow, bow, bow *

- * Make me walk,
make me talk *

* Do whatever you please *

* I can act like a star,
I can beg on my knees *

* Come jump in,
be my friend *

* Let us do it again *

* Hit the town, fool around,
let's go party *

all: * You can touch *

* You can play *

* If you say,
I'm always yours *

all: * I'm a Barbie girl
in the Barbie world *

* Life is plastic,
it's fantastic *

* You can brush my hair,
undress me everywhere *

* Imagination,
life is your creation *

- * Come on, Barbie,
let's go party *

all: * Ah, ah, ah, yeah *

- * Come on, Barbie,
let's go party *

all: * Ooh, whoa, ooh, whoa *

- * Come on, Barbie,
let's go party *

all: * Ah, ah, ah, yeah *

- * Come on, Barbie,
let's go party *

all: * Ooh, whoa, ooh, whoa *

[all cheering]

- Yeah!
- Bravo.

- Yes!

- Bravo, bravo.

I liked it, very strong.

We start work tomorrow.

But you must give
your whole self to my vision.

- Of course.
Yeah, absolutely.

- See you tomorrow.

- See you!

- Goodbye, Leah.

Goodbye, Penis.

- Did he just call you penis?

[upbeat music]

* *

- [singing in German]

* *

- That's the one.

- [gasps]

- Hello.

- Oh, splendid.

An offering
to the purple hamburger god.

- Bumper and I
have America night

where we eat fast food

and we watch our favorite
American reality show,

"I Gave Birth at the Circus."

- * They were on the trapeze *

* Now they're having babies *

both:
* I gave birth at the circus *

- Wait, what happened to you?

- [in German accent]
Ciao, darling. [kisses]

This is the look
that Klaus gave me.

- Aw, he got rid
of your cowlick?

It reminded me
of my first crush,

Dennis the Menace.

- The cowlick
was a nerd antenna.

It had to go bye, bye.

Snip, snip, bitch.

- Okay, you can stop.
- Okay.

- Well, I'm very excited
that we're hanging

'cause I've had
a confusing week,

and I need to decompress
by finding out

if they caught the baby
before it went

through the ring of fire.

- Spoiler alert, they didn't.
- [gasps]

- I know.
But I do have some good news.

Klaus had a few thoughts
about the music

and lyrics to your song.

Instead of the chorus
how we have it,

he wanted it more like
wordless Gregorian chanting

over the metal screams
of the U-Bahn,

so of course I said yeah.

- What the hell?

You can't just change my song.

I finally thought
that we were on the same page

about our partnership.

I barely recognize you.

- And that's a good thing.

This was
the team's genius plan.

Okay, can I be real with you?

In college, I was
the king of mouth music.

Der Konig der Mundmusik.

But now, I'm der konig
der big fat nothing.

Even you said I was a dork.

Klaus can change all that.

He's my one shot to make
all my dreams come true.

- Well, it's your career.

And if you're realizing

that maybe there's more
for you out there,

then maybe you should
consider the options

that were presented
to you in the bathroom.

- Are we still talking
about me?

Because I haven't gone
to the bathroom in hours.

Klaus makes me hold it
until I can taste it.

- [sighs]

[percussive music]

* *

Gisela?
Let's meet up.

I'd like to talk to you.

Okay, Heidi.
That was great practice.

Now let's call her for real.

[bell rings]

- Hey.

Have you seen Heidi?

She was being weird
last time I saw her.

- [gasps] Papa.

Look, Papa's here.

- You look amazing.
- Thank you.

- Like my friend Trinity
from "The Matrix."

- You think so?

- And before
we start talking,

I want to say Pieter, Thea,

thank you so much
for bringing him to me,

my new friend.

Also, Pieter,
what a big boy you become.

- It's okay.

- That's literally everything
I've ever wanted to hear.

- I know.

But I don't trust it.

- Let's walk to my vision.

Bumper is singing,

and then he meet
his doppelganger.

Doppelganger.

- Huh?

- And step him over,
and over, and over.

Killing his past.

- What?
- Ryan.

- [in Southern accent]
Howdy, do you like my stripes?

I'm getting into character.

- Yeah, we like your stripes.

- I don't look like that.
Do I look like that?

- Um...

- Bumper,
are you Okay with this idea?

He's condemning everything
you've ever done.

- Well, it was your idea
to work with your dad

'cause you didn't
think I was cool enough.

And yeah, no,
I trust Klaus's vision.

- Yeah, Thea, it's not so bad.

Okay, sure,
Bumper's getting stabbed,

but he's doing the stabbing.

- Pieter, I know it's Papa,
but this is wrong.

- [scoffs]
Let's not rock the boat.

Papa called me a big boy.

- Well,
are you a boy-ager

or a manager?

- [exhales softly]

[clears throat]

Say, Papa?

- Yeah?

- Maybe we should
dial this back a bit.

- It is cruel, okay?

You're making fun of a friend.

You do this thing
where your work comes

before anyone else's ideas.

- Or wanting to go
to the amusement park.

- You know, Pieter,
I am the most respected,

most expensive artist
in Berlin,

and you are an outcast.

[tense music]

- [sighs]
Okay, first you bully Bumper.

Now you bully Pieter?

I knew this was a bad idea.

Come on, Bumper.
This isn't you.

- Guys, I mean, come on.

This is Klaus.

This is the only way
I could become someone else

and prove Gisela wrong.

You said so yourself.

Without this video,
I'll never be the person

I need to be to be a star.

I mean, Ed Sheeran, you guys.

[tense music]

- He chose me.

* *

Send them home.

Say goodbye to your friends.

* *

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Also, I actually drank
a lot of water today.

Do you mind if I use--
- No.

I told you not
to drink so much.

- I'll just pinch it shut.
- Yep.

[upbeat music]

- I am just so excited
that this is all working out.

Thank you.

- Oh, Heidi, I'm so happy

that you are leaving Bumper
to become my songwriter.

I already feel like we are two
best friends at summer camp,

exploring each other's bodies,
you know?

- Yeah, it, uh--
it was a tough decision.

But in the end,
like your song says,

break every rule
if the rule is wrong.

So here I am being wild.

Whoo!

I'm sorry, was that too loud?

- Oh, no, I like it loud.

- Okay, good.

- With our two talents
combined,

that newcomer slot
will be mine,

and you will be offered
your paid sex leaves

that I promised you.

- Ooh.
I wonder who the lucky guy is.

Or girl. Who knows?

Well, I have jotted down
a list of 30 themes

we could explore
that really push

the girl power message
in your music.

"Sing When You Want To" could
be the tip of the ice-herg.

And yes, I said "herg,"
as in "herstory."

[chortles]
- Okay.

- Just a little wordplay
for you.

- Yeah, wow.

I, uh--
that is really impressive.

And I appreciate
your work ethic

and your penmanship,

but I'm not really looking

for, like,
song ideas right now.

- Uh, what do you mean?
Isn't that why you hired me?

- Well, I actually think
you might be most valuable

on a more, like, micro level.

Like, perhaps providing
insider information

that could help me, um--

[clears throat]
take Bumper down.

- Oh.

Well, if you have great songs,
then you will take him down.

- Yes, but I don't just want
to beat him, Heidi.

I want to destroy him.

This is personal.

He humiliated me live
on my own social media.

- Yeah.
- And then Pieter rejected me.

Rejected me!

Even after I German kissed him.

It's like a French kiss,

but your mouth tastes
like sauerkraut.

It's actually really good.

But I just want
to stick it to him!

Since he wouldn't
stick it to me.

[tense music]

- [clears throat]
Yeah, well, I--

I don't know if this
is what I signed up for.

- Oh, sure it is, Heidi.
Come on.

You're tired of the way
they are treating you.

Otherwise, why would you
even be here meeting with me?

You gotta learn
how to assert yourself.

If you don't, then--
[scoffs]

Who will?

- I'm super pumped
that my friends are gone.

Do you think they're
eating sandwiches right now?

I love sandwiches.

- Time to kill
your doppelganger.

- Uh, yeah, okay, right now?
Okay, yeah.

It's time
to kill my doppelganger.

You know,
maybe after we do that,

you text Pieter and Thea

and apologize,
and say you're sorry,

and make up or whatever.

- I don't apologize,
and I don't text.

I send my messages
with an evil pigeon.

- Okay.

- Let us begin.

[bell rings]

- You can go all out with me.

I stretched beforehand.

- Action!

- * They don't know my name *

* *

- Witness your old self.

* *

- * They don't know my name *

* *

* They don't know my name *

- Now, kill him.

[ominous music]

Kill that loser.

[echoing] Loser, loser.

- Oh!
- Thanks, Bumper.

* *

- To Bumper!

- Kill that bastard!

Kill that loser Bumper!

- Ah!

Ah!

- Durr, I'm Bumper Allen,

and I couldn't have done it
without my team, ugh.

* *

- Kill him!

- [gasps]

Ah!

Yeah, I'm not gonna do this.

I can't shoot this video.

Bumper's out.

- How dare
you walk away from me?

Good luck getting
on to Unity Day

without my help.

[screaming in German]

- Pieter!

Thea!

How am I ever going
to find these guys--

Hey, there they are.

Oh, my God, whew!

And you guys
are eating sandwiches.

I knew it.

- Well, if you're going
to drown your sorrows

in delicious meat
on the street,

Berlin is the place to do it.

- Bumper,
what are you doing here?

I thought you made your choice.
- Yeah, the wrong choice.

I fired your father.

You guys are right.

I never should have turned
my back on who I am.

The who I am is who got me
to Germany to meet you guys.

I was so focused
on being cool,

I just--
I got lost in the sauce.

I'm sorry.

- Well, we are sorry
we introduced you

to him and his sauce.

- I think deep down,
I just wanted an excuse

to talk to him.

Part of me keeps hoping
he'll change

every time I see him,
but he won't.

- Too much sauce.

- He's a dick.

Oh, my God.
I can finally say it.

My daddy's a dick!
- Yes!

- And I greatly dislike Marfa!
- It sucks!

I've been there.
- Wow.

Bumper, I'm impressed.

Pieter never said anything mean
about Papa before he met you.

- I bring out
the worst in people.

- Well, it wasn't just Bumper.

You had my back today.

At least I have
one family member that does.

- Always.

Okay, not always,
but from now on.

- That's fine.
- Okay?

- Yeah.
- Aw, that's cute.

But shut up real quick.
- Okay, shh!

- Just please be quiet.
- Oh, so--

- You're still talking, though.
- I should--

- Quiet, just be quiet.
- This a quiet time?

- Okay, could we just do
the same thing?

Make up, be all cute and stuff,
but with Heidi?

- Where do Americans like
to go besides the Oregon Trail?

- Chuck E. Cheese?

- I think I have an idea
of where she might be.

- [clears throat]
- Heidi?

- Oh, uh--
- Cute place.

How do you know about it?

- I actually told her about it
because I play bar trivia here.

- Huh.
- You do?

- Mm-hmm.

- The other day you sucked
when we all watched Jeopardy.

- Okay, well, since when
is Prince Albert a person?

Anyway, Heidi,

I wanted to tell you
that I finally stood up

for myself, and I fired Klaus.

And I should have
stood up for you too.

I love our partnership,

and I shouldn't have let him
get in the way of us

and change our song.

- While we're admitting things,
I have one for all of you.

- Wait, are you the one
who's breaking into my drawer

and taking little
bites out of my socks?

- What--no.
- Okay.

Well,
they're still out there.

- Bumper, it's--never mind.

Gisela tried to recruit me.
- What?

- She's diabolical.
- Yeah.

She told me that she wanted me
to be her songwriter.

- What did you say?

- To be honest,
I considered it.

You know, I felt like I've been
treated like an afterthought,

and you guys didn't
see me as a peer.

- Oh, Heidi,
I do see you as a peer.

If I was on trial for murder,
you could be in the jury.

- You'd make a great juror.
- Aw.

That's sweet
of you guys to say.

But, no, I realized something
after saying no to her.

I'm not working for Gisela
because I care about you guys.

And she goes after what
she wants for better or worse,

and I have been an assistant
for a very long time--

and that is not your fault,
Pieter.

A lot of my insecurities
came from my own fear.

But if I don't take a risk,
I don't grow, so...

[clears throat]
I can't work for you anymore.

But do you want
to work for me

and be my manager
as a songwriter?

[soft music]

- This is
an obvious no-brainer.

- [exhales] Awesome.

Yeah, shake on it, cool.
- Wait, so is that a yes?

- That was a yes.
- Okay.

Ah, group hug!
- We shook on it.

- Let's hug right now.
Oh, this is our group hug.

Oh, my God, I love being
dorks who group hug.

- I wish we had a video,
though.

Klaus was supposed
to help us take attention

away from Gisela.

- Uh,

I just came up
with another plan.

- Again?
- I know!

How does it keep happening?

It actually hurts a little bit.

* It's all in my head *

* It's all in my heart *

* The light always finds a way
to shine through the dark *

* It's way too late now *

* But turning around *

* I'm right at the edge *

* But I'ma figure it out *

* *

* They don't know my name *

* *

* Today I'm gonna
make it out this room *

* I don't have nothing
to lose *

* I'll be patient 'cause
I know it's on the way *

* But they don't know my name *

* *

* They don't know my name *

- I think we did
a really great job,

even without Klaus.

- I am so glad
you didn't go work for Gisela.

I would have really missed you.

- I would have
missed you guys too.

But now that I'm a songwriter,
and Pieter's over Gisela,

as long as we don't make
it complicated again,

it should all be
smooth sailing.

- Agreed.

See you Thursday
for "Birth at the Circus?"

- Uh, duh.

Last week was such
a cliffhanger.

I got to know if--

both: The lion
ate the placenta.

- I know.
- Great.

- Oh, my God.
'Cause he's going for it.

- But it's a lion.
- Cliffhanger.

- See you Thursday.
- See you.

[sighs]

God, she is so great.

She's so great.

Oh, she's so great.

[dramatic music]

Oh, no.

I'm in love with Heidi.

- * I'm in love with Heidi *

* *

* I'm in love with Heidi *

* *

* I'm in love with Heidi *

* *

* I'm in love with Heidi *

* *

* I'm in love with Heidi *

* *

* We're in love with Heidi *

* He's in love with Heidi *

* She's in love with Heidi *

* I'm in love with Heidi *

* She's in love with Heidi *

* I'm in love with Heidi *