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1
00:00:16,898 --> 00:00:18,856
What's wrong, Gary?
2
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,336
I've been working it for
15 minutes and nothing.
3
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,266
Are you tired?
4
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:26,976
Look, it's just earlier today I may have
5
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,036
had one or two cheeky wanks.
6
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:28,937
Well, which is it?
7
00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:30,451
One or two?
8
00:00:30,475 --> 00:00:32,463
Have you been spaffing to porn again?
9
00:00:32,487 --> 00:00:33,696
You're supposed to be on a porn diet.
10
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:34,596
You're addicted.
11
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,527
I'm not addicted.
12
00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:36,806
It's me hobby.
13
00:00:36,830 --> 00:00:39,406
Well, give it a rest,
because when you can get up,
14
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:40,636
it's not fun for me either.
15
00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:43,096
All right, I'll try.
16
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,766
You just can't seem to
get excited by the real thing
17
00:00:45,790 --> 00:00:46,707
anymore.
18
00:00:46,731 --> 00:00:49,756
It's all just a bit vanilla.
19
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:51,476
I've seen things, Laura...
20
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:54,340
Things I can't unsee.
21
00:01:11,484 --> 00:01:13,136
I were hoping work was gonna help
22
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,106
me forget Gary's useless knob.
23
00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:16,436
Hey, enough sex talk.
24
00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,416
Focus on the condoms, please.
25
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,656
It's bad enough I have to
stand in till Bunny arrives.
26
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,976
Yeah, well you didn't have
to wear her costume, Malcolm.
27
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,176
I can see your nipples.
28
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,386
Well, that's a lie, Meg,
because mine are inverted.
29
00:01:27,410 --> 00:01:29,036
Excuse me, sir, can I interest you
30
00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:30,566
in a sensually shaped prophylactic
31
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:33,002
for your gentleman's penis?
32
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:33,976
So sorry.
33
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:34,877
Slept through my alarm.
34
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:35,976
Then I went shopping.
35
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:36,906
All right.
36
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:37,807
OK.
37
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:40,790
Put this on, please.
38
00:01:40,814 --> 00:01:42,176
Ugh.
39
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:43,646
Malcolm, it's damp. - Don't worry.
40
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,547
It's not sweat.
41
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,696
It's Vaseline.
42
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,806
How can you afford all
that on what he pays us?
43
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:52,696
Daddy gave me his credit
card to use for emergencies.
44
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,346
How is this an emergency?
45
00:01:54,370 --> 00:01:55,656
Well, Harvey Nichols sale ends today.
46
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,417
I see you got yourself some stilts.
47
00:01:57,441 --> 00:01:58,616
Well, you know what they say.
48
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,006
If the shoe fits, buy them.
49
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:02,470
And if they don't,
just buy them anyway and take painkillers.
50
00:02:05,670 --> 00:02:06,606
Shit.
51
00:02:06,630 --> 00:02:07,507
It's dad.
52
00:02:07,531 --> 00:02:08,811
He must know I've used his card.
53
00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:12,657
Find my phone.
54
00:02:12,681 --> 00:02:14,366
He's using find my phone.
55
00:02:14,390 --> 00:02:15,696
Oh, shit.
56
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:16,880
He's tracking me.
57
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:19,257
Oh god!
58
00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:21,046
Now he's ringing me again.
59
00:02:21,070 --> 00:02:21,947
Hanging up.
60
00:02:21,971 --> 00:02:23,026
That'll fix it.
61
00:02:23,050 --> 00:02:26,156
So,
what is the word literally on the street?
62
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,531
Gary said I'm too vanilla.
63
00:02:27,555 --> 00:02:28,846
Don't find me sexy anymore.
64
00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:30,216
Course he does, Laura.
65
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,446
Gary finds everything sexy.
66
00:02:31,470 --> 00:02:33,076
I can understand why you're angry, Laura.
67
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:35,276
Porn is so degrading to women.
68
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,876
I mean, it makes you feel like objects.
69
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:39,226
Yeah, like an object nobody wants.
70
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:40,366
Like a book.
71
00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:41,267
You know what they say.
72
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:42,796
If you can't beat them, join them.
73
00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:44,386
I ain't doing porn.
74
00:02:44,410 --> 00:02:45,746
You have to change your name.
75
00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:48,797
I think she means watch porn with him.
76
00:02:48,821 --> 00:02:49,697
Meg?
77
00:02:49,721 --> 00:02:50,620
Kelly?
78
00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:53,176
Oh my god.
79
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,476
I haven't seen you since we left school.
80
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:56,856
Basics biology bitches.
81
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,476
Basics biology bitches.
82
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,166
Oh my god, what have you been up to?
83
00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:02,067
Oh, wow.
84
00:03:02,091 --> 00:03:05,426
Um, a few years back,
I opened a coffee store in
85
00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:07,356
out the back of a repurposed rickshaw.
86
00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:08,338
Not bad. Yeah, I've been...
87
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:10,336
Since then the business
has grown into a chain
88
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,226
of successful boutique coffee shops,
89
00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:14,596
and I'm about to expand the franchise
90
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,736
into nine more cities.
91
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:17,811
What about you?
92
00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:18,835
Um.
93
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:22,477
Similar.
94
00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:24,606
I'm... I'm working in communications,
95
00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:27,306
uh, for... for a high end purveyor
96
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:31,626
of market rubber Jonathans.
97
00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:33,246
I'm a big believer in safe sex.
98
00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:34,256
It's my passion.
99
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,796
Meg, hon,
who made you wear this degrading thing?
100
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:39,966
Hello.
101
00:03:39,990 --> 00:03:41,576
Can I interest you in heightening
102
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,911
your sensual pleasure whilst
lowering the risk of chlamydia
103
00:03:43,935 --> 00:03:44,811
today?
104
00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:45,712
Him.
105
00:03:45,736 --> 00:03:47,046
He made me do this.
106
00:03:47,070 --> 00:03:49,026
Are you aware that, by the age of 17,
107
00:03:49,050 --> 00:03:52,946
78% of girls are self-conscious
about their body image?
108
00:03:52,970 --> 00:03:54,906
All thanks to ignorant men like you
109
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,786
objectifying intelligent women like these.
110
00:03:57,810 --> 00:04:00,996
You're a business dinosaur,
and like the actual dinosaurs,
111
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:02,586
you'll soon be extinct.
112
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,586
Do you understand what I'm saying?
113
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:05,856
You don't like the slutty outfits.
114
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,026
No.
115
00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:09,336
I do not like the slutty outfits,
116
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,136
and neither will the
Equality and Human Rights
117
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,821
Commission when I report this.
118
00:04:12,845 --> 00:04:14,396
I'll talk to head office straightaway.
119
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,846
And please, by way of an apology,
120
00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:18,210
have some free spunk bags.
121
00:04:22,770 --> 00:04:26,686
Meg, it has been so lovely seeing you.
122
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:27,780
Linkedln me, yeah?
123
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,076
I want to have sex with her life.
124
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:35,296
Right, then.
125
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,916
So, what kind do you want to watch?
126
00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:38,817
I don't know.
127
00:04:38,841 --> 00:04:40,213
What do you want to watch?
128
00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:41,446
Anything you want to watch, really.
129
00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:42,346
You choose.
130
00:04:42,370 --> 00:04:43,307
No, you choose.
131
00:04:43,331 --> 00:04:44,386
Ladies first.
132
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:45,286
Honestly.
133
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:46,187
You're the expert.
134
00:04:46,211 --> 00:04:47,516
What are you into?
135
00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:49,256
Well, I don't know.
136
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:55,728
Um, I quite like this kind.
137
00:04:55,752 --> 00:04:56,646
No.
138
00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:57,547
Right.
139
00:04:57,571 --> 00:04:59,106
Let's build up to that.
140
00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:01,116
What about hot dirty blondes?
141
00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:03,076
No, boring.
142
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,880
Something else.
143
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:08,896
What about this?
144
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,786
MILFs... as in mums?
145
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,156
Mums I'd like to...
146
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,148
Yeah.
147
00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:15,172
That OK?
148
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,496
Sexy triple X MILFs.
149
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,636
Porn MILF on MILF action.
150
00:05:21,660 --> 00:05:23,336
Two MILFs, one cup.
151
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,136
Lager-drinking MILF gets shagged.
152
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,300
MILFs behaving badly.
153
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,446
Well, she can't be a mum.
154
00:05:33,470 --> 00:05:35,706
She's fucking my age,
and those are not the tits
155
00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:39,602
of someone who's breastfed.
156
00:05:39,626 --> 00:05:42,476
Hang on, is she his mum?
157
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,377
Step mum.
158
00:05:43,401 --> 00:05:44,776
Shh.
159
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,976
Ugh.
160
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,314
That's not how you get
a lad to tidy his room.
161
00:05:50,338 --> 00:05:53,116
Maybe it is.
162
00:05:53,140 --> 00:05:54,017
Oh, that's convenient.
163
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:55,182
I though she were annoyed with him.
164
00:05:55,206 --> 00:05:57,616
Now she's sucking him off. - Shh!
165
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,386
Why do girls always
have to talk through films?
166
00:06:00,410 --> 00:06:02,629
The plots all over the place, Gary.
167
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,426
Oh, that is so hot.
168
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:06,970
I would love it if you did that to me.
169
00:06:06,994 --> 00:06:08,496
Yeah, Gary, and I'd like it if you
170
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,276
had a six pack and a big fat swinging dick
171
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:11,726
and lasted 45 minutes.
172
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:13,310
Can't always get what we want, can we?
173
00:06:25,286 --> 00:06:29,126
Where are you going, a fancy dress party?
174
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:31,586
What's the theme, American bingo ladies?
175
00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:34,276
I'm going to see Kate at one of her cafes.
176
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:35,177
How funny is this?
177
00:06:35,201 --> 00:06:36,916
It's called Bean and Scon.
178
00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,226
It's scone.
179
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:40,701
Why are you drinking coffee
before you go to a coffee shop?
180
00:06:40,725 --> 00:06:42,186
I though you hated it anyway.
181
00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:43,086
What, me?
182
00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:43,987
No, I love it.
183
00:06:44,011 --> 00:06:46,336
Didn't you once have an
allergic reaction to coffee
184
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,206
where you had hallucinations?
185
00:06:48,230 --> 00:06:49,207
You said you could see noises.
186
00:06:49,231 --> 00:06:50,776
Pfft.
187
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,396
Kate is just the sort of person
I should be hanging out with.
188
00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:55,726
Hoping some of her success rubs off on me.
189
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:57,356
Quite like her dress sense has?
190
00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:58,257
Pfft.
191
00:06:58,281 --> 00:07:01,076
Says the girl whose dress
sense is smart casually
192
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,468
stealing from her father.
193
00:07:03,492 --> 00:07:04,461
I've had a tough week.
194
00:07:04,485 --> 00:07:05,516
I feel like I've earned it.
195
00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:06,596
Your dad has.
196
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:08,426
How are the stilts.
197
00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:10,696
I've fallen over twice, but who
198
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,746
cares when I look this good.
199
00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:16,776
Yeah, you look drunk.
200
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,076
You do realize he's gonna
just make you take it all back
201
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:20,176
once he tracks you down.
202
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,077
Wrong.
203
00:07:21,101 --> 00:07:23,486
Because how can he track me
down when my phone isn't on?
204
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,406
So you're just gonna
keep your phone switched
205
00:07:25,430 --> 00:07:27,186
off till what, you die?
206
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:29,936
No, just until the store's
return policy runs out.
207
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,246
28 days without a phone?
208
00:07:32,270 --> 00:07:33,936
You won't last half an hour.
209
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,306
28 days?
210
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,586
Is that how long that is?
211
00:07:36,610 --> 00:07:37,487
Hold on.
212
00:07:37,511 --> 00:07:40,406
I've just got to Google that.
213
00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:42,528
I can't use my phone.
214
00:07:42,552 --> 00:07:46,156
That horny twat's been
wanking himself dry over MILFs.
215
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:47,847
What have MILFs got that I haven't?
216
00:07:47,871 --> 00:07:50,366
- Children. - I don't trust internet MILFs.
217
00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:53,046
I reckon most of them... they
aren't even mothers, anyway.
218
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:54,646
I mean, who's looking after the kids?
219
00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:55,666
Probably at school.
220
00:07:55,690 --> 00:07:57,716
9 o'clock drop the kids off.
221
00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:58,806
9:30 film a shag.
222
00:07:58,830 --> 00:07:59,707
Lunch.
223
00:07:59,731 --> 00:08:00,746
A couple of blowies.
224
00:08:00,770 --> 00:08:01,826
Pick the kids up again. Tea.
225
00:08:01,850 --> 00:08:02,727
Homework.
226
00:08:02,751 --> 00:08:03,986
Bed.
227
00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:05,010
MILFs.
228
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,436
- Mummy's very angry. - What are you doing?
229
00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:19,826
I'm a MILF, Gary.
230
00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:22,511
Like one of those internet
ones you've been creaming over.
231
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,487
Oh, yes.
232
00:08:23,511 --> 00:08:24,586
Have I been naughty?
233
00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:25,487
Yeah.
234
00:08:25,511 --> 00:08:27,166
I asked you to tidy your room,
but look at it.
235
00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:28,616
It's a pig sty.
236
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,136
Am I gonna be punished?
237
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,636
I should be putting a hot wash on.
238
00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:32,597
Oh, yeah.
239
00:08:32,621 --> 00:08:34,826
Keep talking, you dirty MILF.
240
00:08:34,850 --> 00:08:36,026
I should be putting a hot wash on,
241
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:37,946
but I'm so knackered from lagging
242
00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:39,706
around all this baby weight.
243
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:42,586
I'm just a tired, horny MILF.
244
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,146
This is so wrong.
245
00:08:44,170 --> 00:08:45,047
I know.
246
00:08:45,071 --> 00:08:49,176
I shouldn't be feeling all
these feelings about my son.
247
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,796
I shouldn't be here,
but I can't control myself.
248
00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:53,356
We can't control ourselves.
249
00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:56,386
This is really turning me on, Laura.
250
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,666
Yeah, well tidy up this shithole,
251
00:08:57,690 --> 00:08:58,831
and we'll get your cock out.
252
00:08:58,855 --> 00:08:59,926
This is so naughty.
253
00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:01,286
Keep talking.
254
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:04,456
I shouldn't be thinking
all these things about you.
255
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:05,406
Like what?
256
00:09:05,430 --> 00:09:06,306
You're useless.
257
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:07,267
You're a waste of time.
258
00:09:07,291 --> 00:09:09,156
And you're gonna fail all your exams,
you thick bastard.
259
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:10,286
No wonder your dad left.
260
00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:11,187
What?
261
00:09:11,211 --> 00:09:13,236
Laura, you sound like me real mum.
262
00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:14,626
I'm not Laura.
263
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:15,587
I'm Jill.
264
00:09:15,611 --> 00:09:17,076
Jill's me mum's name.
265
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,336
Yeah, exactly.
266
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,986
No, don't be me actual mum.
267
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:22,286
I don't fancy me real mum.
268
00:09:22,310 --> 00:09:23,456
You've taken it too far.
269
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,826
He's gone soft now.
270
00:09:24,850 --> 00:09:26,076
Well, at least I'm trying.
271
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,556
If I don't turn you on, Gary.
272
00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:30,286
Just come out and say it.
273
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:31,746
It's time for drastic measures.
274
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:32,647
No, Laura.
275
00:09:32,671 --> 00:09:34,140
You do turn me on, Laura.
276
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,977
Are you still putting an hot wash on?
277
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:48,556
Free of charge,
because you're making a difference.
278
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:50,006
One espresso, please.
279
00:09:50,030 --> 00:09:51,026
I'm hearing you.
280
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:51,927
One espresso.
281
00:09:51,951 --> 00:09:53,726
One espresso. - Oh.
282
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:54,646
Hi, Meg.
283
00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:55,647
What up, biatch?
284
00:09:55,671 --> 00:09:57,316
What up, you bitch?
285
00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:59,171
So can anyone get a free coffee, or?
286
00:09:59,195 --> 00:10:01,066
Oh, only those supporting charities.
287
00:10:01,090 --> 00:10:03,976
In this case, uh,
the fight against bipolar disorder.
288
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,466
Why fight it, I say.
289
00:10:05,490 --> 00:10:06,367
I'm hearing you.
290
00:10:06,391 --> 00:10:07,966
You know I've got an uncle with bipolar.
291
00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:09,766
He's a right laugh, but sometimes he
292
00:10:09,790 --> 00:10:11,386
does want to kill himself.
293
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,486
We all feel a bit like that sometimes,
don't we,
294
00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:15,586
before we've had our
first coffee in the morning.
295
00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:16,610
Am I right?
296
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:23,216
Do you fancy a latte?
297
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,586
Yeah.
298
00:10:24,610 --> 00:10:25,996
Do I?
299
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:28,146
Because it's not like I don't like coffee,
cause I do.
300
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,046
Death to decaf.
301
00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:30,017
That's what I say.
302
00:10:30,041 --> 00:10:31,936
Two lattes. Cool cups.
303
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,946
Why doesn't everyone use these.
304
00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:34,970
Sit with me.
305
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:39,886
Look at us.
306
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:41,836
Back together again.
307
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:45,326
You with your napkins, and your franchise,
308
00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:48,470
and your bloody successful life. Me with...
309
00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:54,026
Oh, it's just another batch
of CVs from the agency.
310
00:10:54,050 --> 00:10:56,326
You know, I really didn't think
it would be this hard to find
311
00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:58,256
a new store manager.
312
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,586
What... what skills might be
required for such a position?
313
00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:03,276
You need to be very organized.
314
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:04,177
Click.
315
00:11:04,201 --> 00:11:05,309
Someone who is good at listening
316
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:06,816
and taking things on board.
317
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,716
Yeah, if I've listened to
that and taken it on board
318
00:11:08,740 --> 00:11:11,836
correctly, you need someone
who's good at both listening
319
00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:13,893
and taking things on board.
320
00:11:13,917 --> 00:11:15,326
I mean, the hardest thing is just finding
321
00:11:15,350 --> 00:11:17,226
who can think outside the box.
322
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,339
Cheese-a-chino.
323
00:11:19,363 --> 00:11:23,827
Uh, coffee, frothy cheese,
chocolate sprinkles.
324
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,070
Cheese-a-chino. Sell them to the French.
325
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:32,276
God, it is so fun having you around.
326
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,177
Wait a minute.
327
00:11:33,201 --> 00:11:35,216
Meg, do you have any previous hot beverage
328
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,496
preparation experience?
329
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,216
Me? Shitloads.
330
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,197
Yeah, yeah.
331
00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:42,686
Tea, coffee, Ovaltine, pot noodle.
332
00:11:42,710 --> 00:11:45,216
You name,
I've poured hot water on it, sister.
333
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:46,766
Well, why don't you come and work for me?
334
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:47,667
Um, hm.
335
00:11:47,691 --> 00:11:49,106
Let me just think about that.
336
00:11:49,130 --> 00:11:51,468
Uh, yes!
337
00:11:51,492 --> 00:11:52,916
I'm hearing you!
338
00:11:52,940 --> 00:11:55,076
Obviously we can't
completely bypass the interview,
339
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,216
but it's just me asking the questions,
340
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,396
and it's 90% personality anyway.
341
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:00,626
Personality?
342
00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:02,910
Oh,
has anyone around here got one of those.
343
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:04,857
Me.
344
00:12:04,881 --> 00:12:07,046
So what is your current notice period?
345
00:12:07,070 --> 00:12:10,346
Um,
just the time it takes me to text Malcolm.
346
00:12:10,370 --> 00:12:11,370
Let's do this, biatch.
347
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,866
What are you doing?
348
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:24,846
No Instagram,
so I am taking a photo of my food,
349
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:28,296
and then I'm going to
post it to some friends
350
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,116
once I pick it up from Snappy Snaps.
351
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:31,017
Funny.
352
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,736
You sound like a technological dinosaur.
353
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,446
You know what happens
to technological dinosaurs,
354
00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:34,867
don't you?
355
00:12:34,891 --> 00:12:36,836
They stand in the living
room talking to me right now.
356
00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:38,586
Do you even know how to use that phone?
357
00:12:38,610 --> 00:12:40,096
You're thinking outside the box.
358
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,171
I'm hearing you.
359
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,716
Another latte, Meg?
360
00:12:42,740 --> 00:12:45,966
Careful, you've been downing those all day.
361
00:12:45,990 --> 00:12:47,116
Liquid research.
362
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,017
What can I say?
363
00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:49,606
I've got a very mature palate.
364
00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:51,336
And a really fast pumping heart.
365
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,237
And a headache.
366
00:12:52,261 --> 00:12:53,970
I feel a bit sick.
367
00:12:53,994 --> 00:12:55,536
Meg,
you won't be able to sleep at this rate.
368
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,786
Yeah, I'm hearing you,
but it's just Kate interviewing me,
369
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,826
so it's gonna be a piece of piss.
370
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:02,240
Me and Kate are like this.
371
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:14,451
Are you trying to cross your fingers?
372
00:13:14,475 --> 00:13:16,490
I think it might be the caffeine.
373
00:13:19,740 --> 00:13:22,466
Thank you.
374
00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:25,308
Like this.
375
00:13:25,332 --> 00:13:27,290
So this is actual Viagra.
376
00:13:40,090 --> 00:13:41,806
I paid 25 quid for those, Gary,
377
00:13:41,830 --> 00:13:43,350
plus postage from Pyongyang.
378
00:13:43,374 --> 00:13:44,416
I'm not seeing them go to waste.
379
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,991
I can't swallow big pills.
380
00:13:46,015 --> 00:13:47,686
Oh, grow some bollocks, Gary.
381
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,446
It's a medical condition.
382
00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:51,451
There's nothing you can take for it.
383
00:13:51,475 --> 00:13:54,426
Right.
384
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:55,480
Swallow it, you pussy.
385
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:03,556
When mum wanted me to take big pills,
386
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:05,646
she used to sprinkle them on ice cream.
387
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,170
Can we not bring your mum into this?
388
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,642
You hard yet?
389
00:14:15,666 --> 00:14:16,666
Not yet.
390
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:26,170
I might need another bowl.
391
00:14:30,022 --> 00:14:32,316
God, my feet are actually killing me.
392
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:34,446
Are we nearly home yet?
393
00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:35,826
Wait.
394
00:14:35,850 --> 00:14:36,727
Where are we?
395
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,466
Out to my interview for Bean and Scon.
396
00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:39,526
It's scone.
397
00:14:39,550 --> 00:14:41,286
Meg, this is extremely selfish.
398
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:42,666
How am I supposed to get home?
399
00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:43,866
Keep walking there.
400
00:14:43,890 --> 00:14:44,916
It's 10 minute.
401
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:46,536
How?
402
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,537
You can't get home without
the map on your phone, can you?
403
00:14:48,561 --> 00:14:49,437
No.
404
00:14:49,461 --> 00:14:50,706
And I don't want to use daddy's credit
405
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:52,686
card to get a cab because
that would be taking the piss.
406
00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:53,976
Finally found it?
407
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,261
The moral boundary?
408
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,486
I wasn't sure there was one.
409
00:14:56,510 --> 00:14:59,906
Well, I suppose I'll just
have to wait for you then.
410
00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:01,066
God, I'm bored already.
411
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:02,136
Latte?
412
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,160
Why not?
413
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:07,687
Mm.
414
00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:08,781
You haven't slept, have you?
415
00:15:08,805 --> 00:15:11,176
Not a wink.
416
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,496
How's my breath?
417
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,136
Have I got a furry tongue?
418
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,066
Megan Keswick?
419
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:15,967
They're ready for you.
420
00:15:15,991 --> 00:15:17,266
Can I come with?
421
00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:18,516
No, thanks.
422
00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:22,051
Already got enough friends in there.
423
00:15:22,075 --> 00:15:23,075
What up...
424
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,976
Megan, may I introduce
you to the venture capitalists
425
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,346
who control 90% of my company.
426
00:15:34,370 --> 00:15:36,492
As I said, it's just a formality.
427
00:15:36,516 --> 00:15:37,856
Latte?
428
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,236
We've been trying out the new machine.
429
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:40,260
Do I ever.
430
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:44,456
Hm.
431
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,156
Hm.
432
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:48,117
Let me guess.
433
00:15:48,141 --> 00:15:49,226
Colombian roast.
434
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:50,126
- Peruvian blend. - Blend.
435
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,027
Yeah.
436
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,316
That's... that's what I thought it was.
437
00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:53,940
It's my favorite one.
438
00:15:53,964 --> 00:15:54,841
Mm.
439
00:15:54,865 --> 00:15:56,156
Mm.
440
00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:57,180
Mm.
441
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,646
That is great.
442
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,266
Now, Megan, you mentioned you've
443
00:16:03,290 --> 00:16:05,126
had some previous experience of customer
444
00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:07,376
facing commercial beverage preparation.
445
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,596
Please elaborate.
446
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:13,586
Yes, Kate, well, uh,
I've had so much customer
447
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:17,556
facing commercial beverage
preparation experience
448
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:20,966
it's hard to choose just one.
449
00:16:20,990 --> 00:16:24,070
As this is the first question,
it's probably best if you did.
450
00:16:27,350 --> 00:16:28,646
Great.
451
00:16:28,670 --> 00:16:29,966
Great.
452
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,236
Great.
453
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:35,046
Great.
454
00:16:35,070 --> 00:16:37,606
Great.
455
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,030
Sorry, can you repeat the question?
456
00:16:48,473 --> 00:16:49,443
Oh!
457
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:50,438
Ugh!
458
00:16:50,462 --> 00:16:52,946
My ankle!
459
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,836
I think I need a doctor.
460
00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:57,266
Let's, uh, try a different question.
461
00:16:57,290 --> 00:16:59,930
What is the perfect ratio for a flat white?
462
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,916
Great.
463
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:09,886
Great, yeah.
464
00:17:09,910 --> 00:17:10,910
Great.
465
00:17:20,634 --> 00:17:21,811
Can't use my phone.
466
00:17:25,747 --> 00:17:27,691
Meg!
467
00:17:27,715 --> 00:17:30,643
Oh, turds.
468
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,306
Meg, I can't get up.
469
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:33,766
It's just flat, and then it's...
470
00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:34,666
A bit of white.
471
00:17:34,690 --> 00:17:35,690
It's just...
472
00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:38,617
You're nervous.
473
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:39,686
That's fine.
474
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:42,906
OK, Meg, the guys would like
to see your coffee making skills.
475
00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:45,456
Great.
476
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,387
Coffee.
477
00:17:46,411 --> 00:17:47,706
Here we go.
478
00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:48,607
How do you take it? Milk?
479
00:17:48,631 --> 00:17:49,507
Sugar?
480
00:17:49,531 --> 00:17:51,036
We'd like you to make a venti skinny three
481
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:53,970
pump decaf mocha.
482
00:17:53,994 --> 00:17:55,870
One of those coming right up.
483
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,317
Oh, no.
484
00:18:00,341 --> 00:18:01,500
Meg, venti.
485
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,649
No!
486
00:18:05,673 --> 00:18:06,550
Venti.
487
00:18:06,574 --> 00:18:07,770
Oh, venti.
488
00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:12,112
Which agency sent her?
489
00:18:12,136 --> 00:18:13,691
Personal recommendation.
490
00:18:13,715 --> 00:18:16,896
I'm sure she knows what she's doing.
491
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,496
No, Meg, that's my Young Businesswoman
492
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:19,840
of the Year Award.
493
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:28,231
Meg, venti.
494
00:18:28,255 --> 00:18:30,730
The large ones on the right, sweetheart.
495
00:18:38,155 --> 00:18:39,876
Meg?
496
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:40,777
Yep, I'm hearing you.
497
00:18:40,801 --> 00:18:42,546
Large cups.
498
00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:44,046
My ankle!
499
00:18:44,070 --> 00:18:46,546
Meg!
500
00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:49,146
Fuck me that's loud!
501
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,047
OK.
502
00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:51,216
Well, you've changed the model.
503
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,926
It used to come out the other one.
504
00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:05,866
Still going.
505
00:19:05,890 --> 00:19:07,786
It's your new personal best, Gaz.
506
00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:09,871
Me ball-sack's rock solid.
507
00:19:09,895 --> 00:19:12,217
I'm scared!
508
00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:13,197
I'm gonna change position.
509
00:19:13,221 --> 00:19:15,048
My knees are out.
510
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,906
Jesus, are you getting close yet, Gaz?
511
00:19:19,930 --> 00:19:20,807
Not even a twitch.
512
00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:24,090
After this,
I'm gonna bone you and then again forever.
513
00:19:26,952 --> 00:19:29,994
I'll just let it cool down for a moment.
514
00:19:31,958 --> 00:19:34,413
Please, Gaz, when will it end?
515
00:19:40,310 --> 00:19:42,026
I'm sorry.
516
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:43,736
Maybe we should get the laptop.
517
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:44,697
Not a chance!
518
00:19:44,721 --> 00:19:45,806
Forget it!
519
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:48,676
You've ruined our sex life,
Gaz, with your internet crap.
520
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,926
We've tried everything.
521
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:52,026
Right.
522
00:19:52,050 --> 00:19:54,416
You're going on a porn
diet whether you like it or not.
523
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,892
No.
524
00:19:55,916 --> 00:19:58,076
- And I'm taking this. - No!
525
00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,226
Not the router!
526
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,127
And this.
527
00:20:00,151 --> 00:20:01,706
Call me when you're at half mast.
528
00:20:01,730 --> 00:20:02,726
No!
529
00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:04,850
No!
530
00:20:04,874 --> 00:20:05,874
Ah!
531
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:11,720
Mm.
532
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:17,256
Were you just sick?
533
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,576
Wasn't.
534
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:19,596
I haven't done a sick.
535
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:21,026
She was. I just saw it.
536
00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:21,937
She was sick in that cup.
537
00:20:21,961 --> 00:20:23,336
I think we should stop the interview.
538
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,237
No.
539
00:20:24,261 --> 00:20:27,336
Meg, were you sick?
540
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,496
No, it's just frothy milk.
541
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,196
Look, I trust Meg 100%.
542
00:20:32,220 --> 00:20:33,846
I've known this girl since school.
543
00:20:33,870 --> 00:20:35,001
She wouldn't lie.
544
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,696
If she says she wasn't sick in that cup,
545
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,307
she wasn't sick in the cup.
546
00:20:39,331 --> 00:20:40,820
I wasn't sick in the cup.
547
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,802
She was sick in the cup.
548
00:20:55,660 --> 00:20:57,486
We will be in touch.
549
00:20:57,510 --> 00:20:58,606
No, you won't.
550
00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:00,262
Meg, help me!
551
00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:02,062
What the fuck? - Hi, Meg.
552
00:21:02,086 --> 00:21:03,536
Do you know her?
553
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,437
No.
554
00:21:04,461 --> 00:21:05,586
Meg?
555
00:21:05,610 --> 00:21:07,836
She's bipolar.
556
00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:10,136
Did you forget to take your meds,
you mental cunt?
557
00:21:15,035 --> 00:21:16,876
Kate,
we need to have a dialogue about this.
558
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:17,847
Yeah, OK.
559
00:21:17,871 --> 00:21:19,676
Meg, will you just get out?
560
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,126
Yeah, doing that now, Kate mate.
561
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:23,692
I'll Linkedln you, yeah?
562
00:21:26,518 --> 00:21:28,386
Oh, Meg.
563
00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:30,130
I don't think my life could get much worse.
564
00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:34,446
Well, this is an improvement.
565
00:21:34,470 --> 00:21:36,456
Uh, girls, please.
566
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,226
Sorry, ladies.
567
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:40,876
I mean, humans.
568
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,516
The important point is your outfits
569
00:21:42,540 --> 00:21:45,216
now no longer objectify women.
570
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,716
You're welcome.
571
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,546
I am single-handedly moving gender
572
00:21:48,570 --> 00:21:50,436
equality in the promo distribution industry
573
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:51,642
into the 20th century.
574
00:21:51,666 --> 00:21:53,856
21st century.
575
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,502
Well, baby steps.
576
00:21:55,526 --> 00:21:56,750
Shame on you.
577
00:21:56,774 --> 00:21:57,936
Well, now, hang on a minute.
578
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,766
Uh, excuse me.
579
00:21:59,790 --> 00:22:02,116
This is hilarious.
580
00:22:02,140 --> 00:22:03,186
Phone's back on then?
581
00:22:03,210 --> 00:22:04,086
Oh, yeah.
582
00:22:04,110 --> 00:22:04,987
Good news.
583
00:22:05,011 --> 00:22:07,026
Dad wasn't ringing about
the credit card after all.
584
00:22:07,050 --> 00:22:10,691
Turns out that my auntie's died, thank god.
585
00:22:10,715 --> 00:22:12,136
How's Gary's penis?
586
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,326
Dieting.
587
00:22:14,350 --> 00:22:16,326
So I take it you didn't get the job then,
Meg?
588
00:22:16,350 --> 00:22:17,496
Nope. It's cool, though.
589
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,206
Me and Kate are still gonna be great mates.
590
00:22:19,230 --> 00:22:21,456
Oh right, so if she saw you in the street,
she'd say hi.
591
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:22,357
Yeah.
592
00:22:22,381 --> 00:22:23,943
Even if you were dressed as a johnny.
593
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:25,076
Yeah.
594
00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:28,062
Well, good, because she's here now.
595
00:22:28,086 --> 00:22:29,331
Kate!
596
00:22:29,355 --> 00:22:31,306
Kate!
597
00:22:31,330 --> 00:22:32,486
Biatch!
598
00:22:32,510 --> 00:22:34,343
Ah, she obviously hasn't seen me.
599
00:22:34,367 --> 00:22:35,840
Biatch!
600
00:22:35,864 --> 00:22:37,337
Kate, it's me!
601
00:22:37,361 --> 00:22:39,436
Biatch, it's me!
602
00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:40,936
Literally a massive dick.
603
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:41,836
Kate!
604
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:42,737
Biatch!
605
00:22:42,761 --> 00:22:44,010
Biatch!
39228
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