All language subtitles for Trailer Park Boys Show s04e08.eng

- [Julian] Warning.

The followin' program contains
really course language,

weed, alcohol consumption,
smoking, and sexual inferences.

This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental controls,

please press the go
[beep] yourself button

on your remote control.

[nostalgic piano music]

[children chattering softly]
[birds chirping]

- That is fuckin' cool.

It's my new theater, man.

- [Bubbles] Oh, that's decent.

- I hope it doesn't collapse.

Better not get an earthquake.

- [Julian] No, we're gonna
have to strap her down.

I don't want that
to fall on anybody.

- That's my, don't forget
who owns that fuckin'-

- It's been sittin' there
all fuckin', how many-

- I know, but nobody
Snoop Dogg gave it to me,

not to anybody else.

- It's in the way,
man. It's huge.

- No, I like it up there.

- Yeah, but when
it's in the middle

of the fuckin' livin' room.

- It's too big for
my shed, anyway.

Fuckin' rattles the walls.

- Stop complainin' then.

- All right.
- Holy fuck, boys.

- Okay.

- Welcome to "Park After Dark.".

- Yeah.
- Let's have a snap.

- To start the day off, I'm
gonna get you guys learnt

about somethin' that
might save your life.

- [Julian] Right on, buddy.

- "How to stop a
car with no brakes."

Let's see what
we're dealin' with.

- Ricky, are you back
into that fuckin' book?

- Uh-
- Stop a car with no brakes.

- how do you read
the numbers again?

- Huh?

- [Julian] Fuckin', throw
her in, like, gear, man.

Like, gear down and.

- Just don't guess,
man. This'll tell ya.

- You do what Fred
Flintstone does.

Just put your feet down

- Put on the handbrake.
- through the floor.

[Bubbles giggles]

[Bubbles mimics grinding noise]

- Bubs, that's not gonna,

Well, in his car you
could probably do it.

- [Ricky] "Keep pumpin'
the brake pedal.

Do not panic.

Shift the car into the
lowest gear possible

and let the engine
transmission slow you down."

- Well, obviously.

- "Pull the emergency
brake, but not too hard."

- [whispering] Fuck, come on.

- "If you're runnin' outta
room, try a bootlegger's turn.

You yank the emergency brake
hard while turnin' the wheel."

- Yeah.

"Quarter turn in either
direction, whichever's safer.

This will make the
car spin 180 degrees."

- And then you're
goin' backwards.

- No, you're not.

- You're doin' what?

- Ya fuckin' pull the hand break
and do a fuckin', you know?

- A quick turn, you spin.

- Do a "Rockford Files."

- Yeah.

That's not a "Rockford Files."

- [Ricky] "If you have the room,

swerve the car back and
forth across the road."

- He used to do those too.

- See, this is all shit you
would just think of anyway.

- Jump out and just let
the car go into the crowd.

Save yourself. [Bubbles giggles]

Not really, I'm just teasin'

- You could, like,
go over and, uh-

- Ah this is, that was
lame one. Sorry guys.

- Hit the guardrail.
You know what I mean?

- Yes, if there's a brick wall,

just grind her to a stop.

- Grind her right
to a stop, man.

- Holy fuck.

"How to survive an
alien abduction."

- Okay.

- Cover your hoop.

[Bubbles and Julian giggle]

'Cause they're gonna start

anally probin' you right away.

- Is that what they do?

- That's all they're
interested in, apparently.

Seein' what's up your arse.

- "Remain calm."

[liquor swishes]

Aliens who abduct human bein's

rarely exert permanent
physical harm on their victims.

The best strategy
is to remain calm

and endure any experience
without resistance."

- Enjoy the experience?
Is that what it says?

- Jesus Christ.
- Endure.

- Oh, endure.

- "Cover your eyes."

- What, cover your eyes?

- "Press the inside of your
elbow tightly over your face

to shield your eyes from the
painfully bright white lights

that accompany the abduction."

- You know what you do?

You start fuckin'
throwin' haymakers, man,

and just hope for the best.

- Start haymakerin' aliens.

- Fuckin' rights, yeah.

What if they're a fuckin',

you don't know what kind of
a bein' you're dealin' with.

- "Focus on remaining-"

- Well, you're
dealin' with somethin'

that's gonna try to probe ya.

- It could be a jelly bein'
where you just haymaker 'em,

and [mimics jelly whooshing]

- Well, I'd be finding
out as fast as possible.

- "Nearly all abductees
are rendered insensible

durin' the period of abduction-"

- What if they all look
like Patrick Swayze

with fingers that long?

- "and only recover
the memory later."

- Why would you say that?

- What if they all look
like Patrick Swayze

with 12-inch fingers?

Would you be
haymakerin' them then?

- Yes.

- Or would ya just be
like, "All right, fellas."

- There's be no fingers
comin' near my hoop.

- "And this is what
you should chant.

'I am awake. I am alive.

I am awake. I'm alive'."

- As if you'd be sayin' that.

It'd be like, "Get
the away from me,

or I'm knockin' you out."

- I'd be just
like, "Hey fellas."

- "As you are tractor beamed
or ushered up the staircase

of light that leads
on to the ship,

that's when you chant,
I'm awake. I'm alive."

- I'm awake. I'm alive.

I'm awake. I'm alive.

- "And also you should-_"

- I might be insane, but
I am awake. I'm alive.

- "You should be observant,

notin' every aspect of
the ship's interior,

clothing, color and shape-"
- Always,

always look for the exits
is what they're sayin'.

- "of the aliens themselves."
- Come on.

- Always be aware of the exits.

- Bubs, is this
really happenin'?

- Do you believe people
are gettin' abducted

and anal probed and shit.

- "Be cooperative."

- I believe that
aliens are out there.

I believe a lot of people-

- Would you wanna get abducted?

- No, I don't wanna be abducted.

- "O-bye, obey the
aliens' instructions,

which may range from
removin' your false teeth

to learning an alien
language or even makin' love

to an alien."

- What? Is that
seriously in there?

- [mimicking an alien] Bang me.

[Bubbles giggles]
- Call someone.

- Take out your false
teeth and bang me.

- "When aliens deposit
you back on Earth,

immediately contact a
friend or law enforcement."

- Yes, call the cops.

As soon as they
pull your teeth out

and probe you, and they
put you back on Earth,

call the police.
- Yeah.

- "The longer you wait,

the less likely you
are to be believed.

And then finally
spread the message.

Tell as many people as possible

any warnings the aliens have
asked you to communicate."

- Oh yes, get on "Good
Morning America" right away

and say you got anally probed.

- That's good to know.
[Book thumps]

I'm awake. I'm alive.

[Julian joining chant]
I'm awake. I'm alive.

- I'm awake.

- And get banged.

- You should say
that anyway, Ricky,

whether you're bein'
abducted by aliens or not.

You should just remind yourself.

- You would totally bang
an alien, man. Wouldn't ya?

Like, totally, 100%.

- I don't think it's-

- Captain Kirk did.

I think they usually
bang you, don't they?

- Well, yeah.

- Captain Kirk banged an alien.

- A ton, a lot.

- That green lady, he
banged that green lady.

- I mean, you'd have to do it,

just to see what it
was like, I guess.

- I'd be scared.

- He didn't give a fuck,
man. He was just like-

- I be scared you'd get in
there and then somethin',

you know, you don't
know what's in there.

- Like go [Julian
mimics crunching noise]

- Like a needle fish.

You try to pull it back
out and just shreds ya.

- Ah.

- Ricky, Jesus.

[the boys giggle]

You got a ribbon bird.

- But what if it was
just unbelievable?

- Well, that's how you get
sucked in, right there.

- You're goin' to
another planet, buddy.

- Man.

- They tell me to leave, I'm
like, "No, I'm not leavin'"

- Not leavin'.

- Fuck.

- That's the best
bangin' I ever had.

[Bubbles giggles]

[trays clattering]

[cups clattering]

- You fuckin' assholes!

[Ricky sighs]

This is fucked!

- Hey Rick, what's
goin' on, man?

- Oh, just got fucked
around by some glasses

and the fuckin' trays as usual.

Cocksuckers.

- Well, I just got off
the phone with him, man.

- You know what, Julian? I
think this is a wicked idea.

There's no fuckin' way Bubbles
is gonna do this though, man.

- No, he's gonna do it.

- Fuck off.

- He's gonna fuckin' do,

we'll he didn't say yes-yes,

but he's pretty pumped about it.

- Are you shitting me right now?

- Yeah. I mean, I told
him what's goin' on.

I didn't tell him everythin'.

But you just let
me do the talkin'.

He's fuckin' in, man.

Thank God, man, this is
a fuckin' wicked idea.

You might have to
give those a wipe.

- I'm not wipin'
those fuckin' things.

- Do I have to wash
this shit again?

- Well, you're
gonna, well, I don't-

- Fuck that. I'll
just skip lunch.

- [PA Announcer]
Julian, Ricky, visitor.

- Is that him already?

- That's him, man.

- I don't know what the fuck
you said, man, but well done.

- Let's go. Positive man,
ya gotta be positive.

- Somebody'll clean
that up, I guess.

[door clatters]

- [Julian] Hey!

- [Bubbles] Hey!

- [Ricky] Bubs!

- [Bubbles] Hey, boys.

- Hey, Julian. What's goin' on?

- Ah, you know,
just hangin' out.

- I'm fuckin' excited,
boys. I'm fuckin' excited.

- So are we, buddy.

- You know what, man?

It was a great idea
about you comin' up,

gettin' us to come
up with a business.

When we get outta here, we
don't have to break the law and-

- Well that's, I mean-

- Get her all set up.

- Keepin' us busy, man.
Keepin' our minds workin'.

- I told you.

Any fuckin' business you want
to do that's not illegal,

I'm on board.

- Well, wicked, wicked.

- I'm surprised you're on
board, but that's awesome.

- Well, what do ya mean, Ricky?

I've already, I've
been at the truck stop

this mornin', Julian,
gettin' to know the guys.

I called the Atlantic
Drivin' Academy,

and they can take me at the
Fredericton location next week.

I can start if I can
come up with the money,

but I gotta figure out how
I'm goin' to get Fredericton,

but I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna get my rig license.

It's gonna be unbelievable.

- Bubs, you don't need to-

- Hey, hey. You follow
your dreams, man, okay?

- But you don't need
get your rig license,

just so you know.

You could be a
customer, I guess, but.

- But Ricky.

- What are you talkin' about?

- What are you
guys talkin' about?

- Well, Julian-

- Would you just
shut the fuck up.

- What did you tell him?

- I can hear. What
the fuck is goin' on.

- He told me. Give
him the phone.

- He told me-

- Hey, buddy.

- that it's a truckin'
related business,

and he needed me to hang
out at the truck stop

- It is.

- and get familiar
with the routes.

- Right.

- So, I need to
get my rig license.

- No, but you can if you want.

Did you tell him
about the whores?

- Hey, shh!

- About what?

- Bubs, Bubs, Bubs, Bubs. Okay.

There's a part B to this,
okay? I didn't get into it.

- Here we fuckin'
go. Here we go.

- Listen to me.
Listen to me, okay?

This is the money
part of it, okay?

This is the important part.

- Big money.

- Get out your phone.

- And it's not
really that illegal.

- And it's, it's awesome.

- Let me ask you
one question first.

- Am I or am I not
gonna be a trucker

in a new truckin' business?

- Eventually, you will
be. You can be a trucker.

I know you can do it.
You just pass the test.

Right now, you don't need
to be truckin', okay?

But you're the guy. You're
the guy in the truck stop.

- So, what is the first
part of the business?

- You're makin' this.

- Where I don't need
to be a trucker.

- Get out your fuckin', just
get out your phone, please.

- All right.

- I don't need.

- No, no, no, no.

You gotta Google this, okay?

Polish

forest

- Polish?
- Polish forest

- Forest

- Whores.

- Ah aye, just look
it up. Read it.

- Whores?

- Yeah, just click on
somethin' to start readin'.

- Polish forest whores.

- Who woulda thought,
eh? It's crazy.

- It's unbelievable, man.

- So we're gonna try to start
up Nova Scotia forest whores.

- Yeah.

- I thought Julian
told you all this.

- Julian?

- What? What?

- This is just hookers
standin' out in the woods.

- Yeah, they're
professionals, okay.

- Yeah, man.

They're from Poland.

- They're classy.

This is what they do.

They're class,

Lenny, there's a guy
named Lenny in here, okay?

He's got his mother over here.

She's, like, her name's
Hannah, all right?

She's like a celebrity
in fuckin' Poland.

She's now livin' here.

- And he's got six
fuckin' sisters.

They've been doin' this there.

- They are pros. They
love this shit, man.

They love the work, man.

- They don't wanna work
in a convenience store or-

or fuckin' go to university.
- Julian, it's just ladies,

it's ladies standin' on
back road trucker routes-

- Right, yeah. Think.

- Who are hookers?

- You can't get caught, though,

'cause it's on back,
back country roads.

- It's back roads.

So, you gotta find some back
roads off the highway, okay?

And get the truckers
to go that way.

They'll be there.

- This is fuckin' bullshit.

You got me all excited
thinkin' I was startin'

a truckin' business
with you guys.

- Bubs, it is sort
of a truck business.

We may get into
truckin' eventually.

We can just reinvest
all the money.

- We'll get it.
Money goes back in.

Money will go back into
the company, all right?

- Yeah, I've heard this
fuckin' scam before.

- I'm gonna be in
charge of security.

- See?

- What do you mean security?

- Well, I'll go and watch
and make sure nothin' happens

to the girls and stuff.

So, it's all legit.
It's all safe.

- You're gonna go watch what?
The Polish forest whores.

- We're not, mostly just
the before and after

just to make sure
everything's good.

But it's gonna be
a safe business.

It's gonna be-

- So, you led me to
believe I was gonna be

runnin' the truckin' business,

and all I'm doin' is
findin' out the best routes

to place your fuckin'
forest whores on.

- These people came from
a different country, okay.

They're immigrants.

They're lookin' for fuckin'
somethin' to do to make money.

They don't-

- And they used to do
this back in Poland?

- They love this,
man. They came to me.

We're just the
fuckin' middle man.

- They make a lotta money, man.

- We're the direction people.

- They make a shit ton of money.

- Julian, you know
you're askin',

you're basically
just gonna be a pimp

for a bunch of forest whores.

- We're not. We're
just the middle.

We're the directions.

Lenny, okay, he's the pimp.

- Yeah.

- Call him a pimp.

- This is pretty much legal.

He's the family pimp.

- The only people who
can get in trouble

are them, pretty much.

- Exactly. I don't even think,
they can't get in trouble.

- Can you scope out the highway
that goes from Kentville

over to, you know, the
103 through New Ross.

That's supposed to be a
really good truckin' road,

back, back country.

- It is a good truckin' route,
Ricky. Of course, it is.

But that doesn't mean
we're gonna just start

placin' ladies along.

What do they do? They just
stand on the side of the road.

- Yes, they know
what they're doin'.

They're professionals, okay?

Let them deal with it.

- Look, I'll fuckin' get
your fuckin' greasy routes.

I'll find out what truckers
go on what fuckin' routes.

But we're doin' this,

we're gettin' my rig license,

and we're puttin' the
money in and gettin' a rig.

- All right, eventually
that will happen

and we'll be proud of ya.

- Yeah, eventually. Sure, man.

- All the money goes back
into gettin' my rig license.

- [PA Announcer] Let's
go, boys. Time's up.

- All right, we got,
we gotta go, man.

Love you, buddy.

- Thanks buddy.
Thanks for doin' this.

This is gonna be
fuckin' huge success.

- We'll tell Lenny that you're
on board, all right, okay?

All right? All right.

- Thank you, bud.

- Yeah, yeah.

[phone clatters]

Unbelievable. I don't know
why I get my fuckin' hopes up.

- Love you, man.

- Hey, Bubs!

- Ricky.
[Ricky chuckles]

- All right, here we go.
[guitar strumming]

So, this is "Kitties
Are So Nice."

This is a song that I wrote.

Let me think how it starts.

[guitar strumming]

No, that's, fuckin' nevermind.

I'll just start
the fuckin' thing.

Anyway, it's got
the G chord into it.

It's got the C chord.

It's got a D chord in there,

and it's got this one, E minor.

G, C, D, E minor.

That's really all you
fuckin' need to know.

I do all kinds of
fancy things, you know,

liftin' fingers here and there,

doin' this type of thing, but.

I mean, you can do that.

That's just like I
addin' salt and pepper.

You can do that as you see fit.

[Bubbles giggles]

All right, so anyway, I'm just
gonna play the fuckin' thing,

and you should be able to
figure out how she goes.

Here it is.

[guitar strumming]

♪ Kitties are so nice

♪ Kitties are so nice

♪ Get them down,
spin them 'round ♪

♪ Tickle their bellies twice

♪ Kitties

♪ Kitties

♪ Kitties are so nice

Here's the verse.

♪ I found Daisy
in a storm drain ♪

♪ Covered in liquor and glue

♪ I took her home

♪ And I cleaned her up

♪ With kitty shampoo

♪ Kitties like to sleep a lot

♪ They don't do
much of anythin' ♪

♪ But every kitty I ever met

♪ Likes to fuck with string

♪ Kitties are so nice

♪ Kitties are so nice

♪ Get them down,
spin them 'round ♪

♪ Tickle their bellies twice

♪ Kitties

♪ Kitties

♪ Kitties are so nice

♪ Everyday I thank the Lord

♪ And baby Jesus as well

♪ For helpin' me turn my shed

♪ Into a kitty cat hotel

You can just put
like a solo in here.

If somebody else is
playin' along with ya,

they can play a solo here.

♪ Hmm, deedee do
deedee dum bah boo ♪

♪ Kitties are so nice

♪ Kitties are so nice

♪ Get them down,
spin them 'round ♪

♪ Tickle their bellies

♪ Not once but twice.

♪ Kitty-ee-ee-ee-ees

♪ Kitties are so nice

[guitar strumming flourish]

Ah, kitties are so nice.

That's how you do
it right there.

- You made me forget what the
frig I was gonna toast to.

- A thing, a person or place?

- [sighs] To the weatherman!

That's who I was gonna toast

because you guys
are always tryin'

and tellin' us what kind
of day it's gonna be.

And sometimes you're right
and sometimes you're wrong,

and that's life, everybody.

So, to weatherman and women,

I'm gonna do a bong hit.

- And I'm gonna do it a
li'l sippy-poo for courage.

[bong water bubbling]

Man oh man, this new lighter
works good, Mr. Lahey.

[bong water bubbling]

[Mr. Lahey gasping]

Hoo, to weathermen, everybody.

- A little toke, a
little sip, a little.

Randy, you know
what time it is for?

- What, what?

- Guess what time it is for?

- It's, um, like three
o'clock or somethin'?

- No, it's time for the
Randy Lahey chick-a-lo.

Uh, the Randy, um, cooking show.

- Oh, for my cookin' show.

All right, thank you
very much, Mr. Lahey.

Today on "The Randy
Bobandi Cookin' Show,"

we got somethin' very excitin'.

I've prepared a
dish that's gourmet.

Get that, gourmet.

It's for Mr. Lahey,
and he has done this

for years and years and years

and helps him maintain a
perfect six outta 10 buzz on

all day long.

Right, Mr. Lahey?

- Ah, whatever.

- Liquor ball
sandwiches, Mr. Lahey.

- Ah ha.

Like there is such a
thing as a cornucopia.

- A corn?

- Cornucopia.

- Nah, you don't put corn
on liquor ball sandwiches.

These are peanut butter and
jam liquor ball sandwiches.

- Yeah.

There's no green eggs and ham

on these liquor ball sandwiches.

It's just peanut butter and jam.

- Randy ate too
many the other day,

he shit the bed.

- I did not, Mr. Lahey.

- Yeah, he shit the bed
right against the wall.

- It looked like the Mona Lisa.

- He did. It looked like
a Jackson Pol-Pollock.

And it had, 'cause Randy
had put some beets and corn

in his fuckin'.

- Yeah, you always see corn
the next day, everybody.

It always comes out.

Yellow, it's almost more yellow,

isn't it, Mr. Lahey.

I'm gonna cook somethin'
different though,

liquor ball sandwiches.

- Raise the protein
right the fuck out.

- Come on down to Randy's
kitchen, everybody.

Here we are.

- How 'bout, just
wait, just wait.

Okay. So, to cook
peanut butter and jam.

[Mr. Lahey sputtering weakly]

Mr. Lahey-

- That's fuckin' bugle
for your kitchen.

- You're interruptin'
my friggin' spiel.

- Ladies and gentleman.

- [Toy] Hello.

Hello, welcome to
Randy's kitchen.

- [Toy] Hi, welcome
to Randy's kitchen?

- Say hi.

- I can't do the kitchen
show with this guy.

- [Toy] I can't to the
kitchen show with this guy.

[Mr. Lahey gibbers]

[toy speaks gibberish]

[toy clatters]

[whimsical music]

- Get your shoulders
goin', boys.

- There's a man in Australia.
Guess what happened to him?

What?

- I'm not tellin' you 'til
you turn this shit off.

- Get your shoulders goin'.

♪ As I go ridin' merrily along

- Ah, just.

- You guys are fuckin' terrible.

You don't know any-

- I'll do it at the end.

- You don't know when
you hear good music.

- It's a great song.
I'll do it at the end.

Anyway, he got fuckin' arrested

for talkin' on a cell phone

while he was ridin' his horse.

- [Bubbles] Well, you
shouldn't be usin'-

- 'Cause he didn't have
a hands-free device.

I mean, fuck, are they
gonna start makin' horses

with Bluetooth in them now, or.

What the fuck's
he supposed to do?

- That is kinda fucked.

- They already have horse
with Bluetooth, Ricky.

You can get a Bluetooth horse.

- No, I don't mean like a
blue tooth, like a fuck,

you know what I mean?

- I know what you
mean. They have horses.

There's a horse. I
saw him for sale.

- And he comes with Bluetooth?

- There's a horse for sale.

He's got a cell phone.

You're ridin' him, right?

- Yeah.

And right on the back
of his neck, there,

there's a cell phone holder.

And you just, you turn
his ear like that,

and a little screen pops
up and you got Bluetooth.

- Cigarette lighter.

- That's cool.

- Cigarette lighter. [crosstalk]

- You got all of it, Ricky.

GPS right in the
back of his head.

- See, if I could get
a horse like that,

I'd probably get one.

I'd like to ride a horse around.

- All right.

- Why don't we get
you a horse, Ricky?

- That would be cool.

Get some saddle bags
get groceries and shit.

- I'd like to have a horse too.

Maybe me and you could
have a horse each.

- You know what?

- We'd ride to the grocery store
together and get groceries.

- I've always wanted
to ride a horse, man.

- All right, we're gonna be
the fuckin' horse brothers.

♪ Ride my horse to
the old town road. ♪

- We could take 'em
down to old town road.

- [Ricky] Ah, that'd be awesome.

- And we just go down and ride
'til we can't ride no more.

- That's a good idea.

- It's a good song too.

- What color? Like what
color horse do you want?

- I wanna a white horse.

- I wanna a black one,
man, like, you know.

I wanna a white horse.

- Actually, what are
those fuckin', palomino,

I think they're called.

- Palo-amino. That's
what I'd like.

- That's what I want.

That's what Clint would've,
- I wanna a white stallion.

Clint woulda been
on one of those.

- Palo-amino or maybe
just, I don't know.

- What if we had
a few Clydesdales?

We could put them to
work in the fields,

helpin' the farmers.

- What kind of drugs
did we do today?

[Ricky laughs]

- I don't know.

- We're gonna get, we
could even get a buggy.

- We could get a buggy.

- If we had those ones
you're talking about.

They're powerful.

- We could get a
buggy, like the Amish.

- Stage coach, man.

- We could just
start becomin' Amish.

You could dress like the Amish.

- Put a stereo on
that with Bluetooth.

- We could get, you
know what we could get?

The wigs with the little
rings and the hats

and some horses and a buggy.

- How did this, how did
we get talkin' about this?

- I don't know,
but it's fun times.

- [Ricky] [laughing]
Jesus Christ.

- I'd like to get, I'd
like to change it up.

Let's change up
our looks, Julian.

You'd look good as
an Amish person.

- Bubs.

- You would.

- Fuckin' kiddin' me, man.

- Get, like, a really tight
Amish vest with no shirt.

- Why does it have to be tight?

- You get the ringlets.

- Why do you wanna see a
tight fuckin' Amish shirt?

- Ringlet hair hangin' down.

Is that Amish? I don't know.

- The hat. Don't
they have a hat?

- They wear, like, fuckin'
overalls and shit, man.

- Maybe I'm thinkin' of
Hasidic Jewish people.

- Fuckin' boots

- I think I'm, no, I'm thinkin'
of the Hasidic Jewish people

with the ring, ring
hair and the fancy hats.

[nostalgic piano music]

- Like Weird Al.

- That was just for
that one video, Ricky.

That's not what Weird Al
looks like all the time.

He just looks weird.

[nostalgic piano music]

[seabirds squawking]

[boat chugging]

[waves lapping]

[seabirds squawking]

[Fishes] Oh fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck-fuck, fuck, oh fuck,

ooh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, Jesus Christ!

[metal scraping]

[wildcat roars]

[power switch clicks]

[Announcer]
[whispering] Fuck off.

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