All language subtitles for Trailer Park Boys Show s04e07.eng

- [Ricky] Warning.

The following program contains
really coarse language, weed,

alcohol consumption, smoking
and sexual Inferl, ferlenses.

This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental
controls, please press the big

go fuck yourself button
on your remote control!

[lilting piano music]

- Pepperoni predictions is
what he's gonna be doing.

- Yep, bubs, but that
could have been, fuckin'

something crazy
happened right there.

- What?

- Now we're not gonna know.

- What, cause I ate it.

- Yes.

- Ricky, it doesn't
work that way.

I can't eat predictions.

- You gotta throw
them up in the air.

- Rick, from these people
that I've met, like medians

and fortune tellers and all
those fuckin' people, right?

- Yep.

- They, they've got
the power in them.

- Right.

- They were born with it.

- [sings] They've got the power.

- You wanted, like,
what do you have?

Ray, you've got...

Ray have super powers
as well with pepperoni?

- I had a dream one
time that taught me how

to do all this shit.

I just don't have
time to do it usually.

- Okay, so welcome
to Park After Dark.

If you're just tuning in,

Ricky's gonna tell the
future with pepperoni.

- Not the whole fucking future,

just try to come up with a
couple things for this year.

- Ricky, I ate, I ate...

- Bubs, fuckin' Jesus.

- I ate a new car.

That could've been
somebody getting a new car.

[Bubbles laughs]

- Now we'll never know.

- Nope, we'll never know.

Maybe about four hours
from now we will.

[Bubbles wheeze-laughs]

- [Julian] What do
you mean by that?

- Shake up the little
predictor meats.

- Predictor meat.

- Predictor meats, here
we go, this is exciting.

- Who's ready to find
out what the fuck

might happen this year?

- Yes, Ricky.

[Ricky whooshes]

- [Julian] Jesus fuck!

- [Bubbles] Okay, do
you just leave them now?

Or how do you read them?

- [Ricky] Yeah,
don't touch them.

This one's gotta go up again.

[Ricky groaning]

- [Julian] It doesn't
even have anything on it.

- [Ricky] That's not good.

I can tell you right now.

That means some bad fuckin'
shit's gonna happen, y'all.

This happens a third time,

don't leave the
house for a while.

Okay, I'm telling you
right fuckin' now.

We're in trouble this year.

[Bubbles giggles]

- [Julian] Pepperoni falls
off the table three times.

- Three fuckin' times in a row?

- But Ricky, look
at all the pieces

that didn't bounce
off the table.

- Okay, so we got, oh yeah.

Holy fuck, okay.

And those are stacked, sun?

Yeah, see this area right here?

That's fucked.

- [Bubbles] Ricky,
don't tell me this.

- [Julian] So what does it mean?

We got a seven.

- We got just some good things.

This means, because
it's separated,

the world population's
gonna fuckin' go

from 7 billion to maybe
8 billion this year.

- Well, yeah, it is
cause people are fuckin'.

Not cause your pepperoni
flipped over the right way.

- But because of this and
because of what happened there,

something fuckin'
serious is gonna happen.

You know what I think it is?

There's gonna be a major
fuckin' earthquake this year.

- Well there's one
every year, pretty much.

- No, this one's gonna
be a fuckin' doozy.

- The big one.

- It's gonna be bad.

- Where's it gonna hit?

- In a big city.

- In a big city?

Well, that's not good.

- It's gonna affect a
lot of fuckin' people.

It's gonna be sad, you guys
should not have made me do this.

Now I'm gonna fuckin'...

- See, Ricky, you're just

like all the other
charlatans that do this.

Oh, something bad's gonna
happen in a big city

and it's gonna affect
a lot of people.

Well yeah, no shit.

- The only good thing
that's gonna come out of it

because the sun landed on top
of the stack, solar power.

- It's gonna happen
on a sunny day.

- Solar power is
gonna be huge now.

It's gonna actually
start making more sense

to fuckin' use solar
power than regular power

from the fucking
cock-sucking, money

stealing, fuckin'
monopoly power companies.

- Yeah, but they're
already using solar power

like all over the world, man.

- Woo, solar power's
gonna become more popular.

Yeah, no shit.

- That's what that's
telling me, right there.

That's what that's
fuckin' telling me.

- No, shit, I could
have predicted that.

- We don't live near an
earthquakey-thing, do we?

- We don't know, Ricky.

Maybe, there could
be a hairline crack.

- Anywhere that,
anywhere that has lava,

I fuckin' stay away.

- You know who else
is a hairline crack?

- Who?

- Your mother. [wheeze-laughs]

- That's not like
a hairline crack.

It's a goddamn gaping,
fuckin' trench.

- She's got a gorge.

What's up with this one?

- [Ricky] That's
that's the death.

That's the death one.

- [Bubbles] The death-a-roni.

- Thankfully that was
pretty much buried.

- [sings] That's death-a-roni,
the San Francisco treat.

- So I don't think any of
us are probably gonna die.

That's good, unless
we're in the earthquake.

- Ricky, I don't even
like you saying that.

Cause now if I do by
accident, you're gonna say,

"See, I told you, the
pepperoni told me."

- Yeah, is there anything
good here at all?

- Solar power,
population's going up.

- We don't care about that.

- I'm just gonna say
if I die this year

by accident or whatever, I
want you to play this video

and make sure that
he does not claim

that the pepperoni predicted it.

- I'll make sure of it.

- If I die, I don't
want that tied

to fuckin' pepperoni
for the rest of my,

the rest of my
whatever it's called.

History.

- Alright.

[comedic lively music]

- Ricky Brown was approached
by one of his congregation

about trouble with
marriage, trouble at home.

Now the lady was
married to a man

and he died and she did
not know what to do.

Well, Ricky Brown
has the answers

for you and God has
the answers for her.

And God has the answers
through Ricky Brown for her.

And here it is:
Deuteronomy Chapter 25.

Levirate Marriage: When
brothers live together

and one of them
dies without a son,

the widow of the deceased
shall not marry anyone

outside of the family, but
her husband's brother shall go

to her and perform the
duty of a brother-in-law

by marrying her and betrothin'
that bitch for her own.

[organ music]

However, if a man does not care
to marry his brother's wife,

then she shall go up to
the elders at the gate

and declare, "My
brother-in-law does not intend

to perform this act with me.

What the fuck do I do?"

Well there upon the
elders of the city

shall summon that
motherfucker and admonish him.

That's right.

If he persists and said, "I
ain't marrying the bitch,"

well then his sister-in-law
in the presence

of the elders
shall go up to him,

strip the sandal from his foot,

spit in the motherfuckin'
face and say publicly,

"This is how this motherfucker
shall be treated."

And the lineage shall
be kicked out of Israel.

Then the family of the man will
be stripped of the scandal.

Now what's God saying there?

I don't fuckin' know,
but I tell you this.

I say, get whoever
the fuck you want.

If you don't want...

Basically, have sex with
the man then let it go.

He don't have to marry you.

You just need to
get some loving.

Ricky Brown would forgive you.

God would forgive Ricky Brown.

That being said, the battle
I'm fighting right now,

is not intended to be
something of taking advantage

or harassment or
anything like that.

It's simply that Ricky is
here for his congregation.

Aright, and Ricky intends to
fight this battle and win.

Y'all don't come to Ricky asking

for help in the form
of affection and love

and then have a turnaround
of Ricky's face only

to be brought into a scandal.

Well, I'll tell you what
Ricky love scandals.

Bring it on, lady.

I'm sorry.

I got a little passionate on
there, but Ricky Brown don't

like being involved in
scandal and Ricky Brown

will tell you all
he wanted to do.

Ricky Brown, said
that's all he wanted

to do was help the lady.

The lady come to Ricky Brown
weeping about her husband.

Ricky Brown told her what to do.

Ricky Brown is here to console.

Console on behalf of the Lord.

And Ricky Brown does
a lot of consoling

and his consoling
can last a long time.

And Ricky Brown was
given consoling.

And now that consoling
is being turned

around on Ricky Brown.

And that, motherfuckers,
is the devil.

That is the devil!

And I tell you right now,
if the devil comes to you

in the form of some motherfucker
trying to press charges

and shit, and trying to
spread slander on you

then you have every right
to come down on them.

And Ricky Brown
will just do that.

Cause Ricky Brown
is here to tell you,

he don't need no
motherfuckin' laws.

Ricky Brown has his army of the
Ricky Brown Upliftment Hour.

Ricky Brown had law standing
beside him calling the witness

and cross examining the
motherfuckin' devil.

Ricky Brown got his own sling.

It's called his size
eight-and-a-half motherfuckin' shoe.

And he'll sling Goliath right
between the goddamn eyes.

He ain't going take
me down, take you down

take you down, way down the hell

where I'll bury the
motherfucker alive.

- No, just you guys
aren't in here.

Out you get, you're not
filming this, no way, no.

- [Security Guard]
Okay, now listen.

You're awful
anxious, just relax.

- I'm very anxious.

- Just relax.

- Look, I promise you I
don't have the screwdriver.

I'm sorry.

- We've gotta find
that screwdriver.

Now, I've done
this lots of times.

We've got a couple of options,
two different options here.

Now, they recommend we
use these arse-spreaders

but they get real cold and
they can tear your right up.

Now, I have another suggestion.

I could just do it
the old fashioned way.

Put on one of these gloves.

It's much more natural
and it's warmer.

That sort of thing.

So why don't we try
look, try it this way?

You don't want those
arse-spreaders?

- No, just whatever's the
fastest and the least painful.

- Okay, just relax, put
your hands up here now.

- I just want to
get it over with.

- Put your hands up here.

Okay, now spread your
legs a little apart.

And I'm gonna...

- Oh, my God.

- Gonna get this glove on here.

And gonna take your
pants down real slow.

Okay, now just
hold on one second.

There's the first knuckle.

[Bubbles screaming]

- I'm like a doctor
to these men.

I'm trying to keep the
place safe, you know?

There's a lot of room up there.

There could be drugs,
could be some weapons.

I don't even know what these
guards are complaining about.

My fingers, they're not too
big and they fit in there nice.

And I try to go as
quickly as I can

with everything and make it
comfortable as I can for them.

But I don't enjoy it.

I don't enjoy it.

And it's not like we all
haven't explored those parts

of our body before and
had that happen to us.

It's something that's part
of everyday life at home.

What you have there, okay, wow.

- Is it over, can
you... there's nothing.

- Hold on for a second,
I'm almost done.

Now just wait.

I think you can pull those
back up and I'm real...

Listen, I'm sorry, but
we didn't find the tool

in the tool... that was
gonna look bad on me.

I had to look, that's
all I have to say.

You can go, you can
go and you just gotta,

we're gonna have to
find that somewhere.

Someone took it,
here, have a cookie.

You're okay, you're all good.

- I don't want a cookie.

- You're sure,
they're real good.

[door closes]

[security guard chewing]

[security guard grunts]

[door buzzes]

[Bubbles sniffling]

- You can take that
camera and fuck right off.

And I don't know what
you filmed of that

but I don't want to see any

of it on the TV or the
fuckin' wherever it goes.

It's my own business
and nobody else's.

So you don't put that on there.

Now I gotta go fuckin'
deal with Ricky

and I'm in no state to
be doing this right now.

So just fuck off for a while.

- Hey man.

- It's pretty busy
in here today.

- Yeah, they cut lunch short

for everybody else
for some reason.

I don't know what's going on.

- Why are you
bullshitting me, man?

I know you gave
Larry some hash money

to clear this place out.

What the fuck's wrong with you?

[silverware clinking]

- This has gotta
go down, Julian.

- It's gotta go down, huh?

- Yeah, for what Lahey did, man.

He's gotta pay
something for this.

- Just so you
didn't understand me

the first 18,000 fuckin' times
I told you, you shank him,

you're gonna spend the rest
of your fuckin' life in here.

- No, no, I talked to Bubbles,
I'm not gonna kill him.

I promised Bubbles
I wouldn't kill him.

I'm just gonna put
two or three holes,

maybe four holes in
him or something.

- Oh, attempted murder.

Okay, you you're gonna spend
most of your life in here then.

- It's not attempted murder.

- It's attempted
fuckin' murder, Ricky.

- Maybe he tried to punch
me or something first.

And just to fight back.

- Rick, listen to me.

You shank him, you're
gonna be in here

for most of your life, okay?

You got a grandson
or a granddaughter

that's gonna be born
when you get out.

- I know that.

- You're gonna miss that.

- I didn't know you couldn't
kill people in jail.

It's assumed if you
kill em in jail...

- It doesn't matter,
I'm telling you.

I'm telling you
right fuckin' now.

You're not gonna shank him.

- I'm not gonna
kill him is what.

- You're not gonna kill him.

- Okay, well, what

if I maybe just punch him
really hard in the face?

- Punch him really hard.

While your grandchild's being
born, got a father like Jacob,

grandfather in jail,
you're fuckin' selfish.

Know that, you're
fuckin' selfish.

You're stupid and
you're selfish.

- You're stupid and selfish.

- No, you're stupid.

- You're dumb.

- Oh, how am I
stupid, you're stupid.

- You're dumber than stupid.

So that makes you
dumber than me.

- You're way dumber than
anybody in this fuckin' jail.

- I know.

- You're the dumbest
person I've ever met.

- Okay let's this
fuckin' thing over with.

- Lahey.

- You stand back, Julian.

- No, you get the
fuck outta here.

- Julian, see, look, see he
planned to shit-shank me Julian.

- You fuckin' deserve
to get shit-shanked.

You know, for all the
shit you did to us.

- Yeah, you're the one
that's been fucking me

over for my whole life, Ricky.

- Oh yeah?

- Lahey, get the fuck
outta here if you know

what's good for you.

Get the fuck outta here!

- Julian.

I'd do anything for you, Julian.

You know that, but
this gotta go down now.

I can't take it, not
one more fuckin' night

worrying about that shit-weasel
fuckin' sneaking up on me.

- Today's your fuckin' lucky
day cause I can't kill you.

I'm not allowed.

Apparently you get in a
lot of trouble for that,

which is dumb but I'll put a
fucking couple holes in you.

Definitely punching
you in the face.

- What's going on in here?

- What the fuck's
wrong with you?

- Nothing, I don't, I
don't wanna talk about it.

- [Ricky] Bubbles,
what the fuck is wrong?

[Bubbles crying]

- I got searched
by gorilla fingers.

I got searched by
gorilla fingers.

- [Ricky] For what, what
are you talking about?

- Things missing under
the goddamn workshops

signed out in my name.

- Nice going, Rick.

- Wasn't me!

- Oh, bullshit.

- This look like something
that was in the fucking shop?

- I'm sure you took
something else.

- Ricky, you give
me that right now!

This is not happening.

You give me that right now!

- I just wanna put a
couple holes in him.

- Ricky stop it.

- Ricky, Ricky, you
give me that right now.

This isn't happening.

- Just give it to Bubbles!

- You're not going to jail.

We're calling a truce.

- He's got something
there, I know he does.

- We're calling a truce.

- [Lahey] A truce?

- Yes.

- A fuckin' truce,
Ricky, calling a truce?

- Yes, I'm calling a truce.

- Let me punch him
in the face once.

- You fuckin' call a truce,
I'll fuckin' jab you right now!

- Lahey, put it, put it down!

- Give that fuckin' thing.

- [Bubbles] Give me that!

- Jim, gimme that fuckin' thing!

- That's what I just
got searched for.

You son of a whore!

[all boys struggling]

I'll kill you!

[all boys struggling]

- [Ricky] Ah, fuck!

Goddamn it Bubbles,
what are you doing?

- [Bubbles] I'm sorry!

- No, no, no.

Listen, I'm fine.

I'm just doing my sound
here, is this good?

Okay, I'm just about ready.

This will make me look
a little there today.

What the fuck?

Okay, Gunther, man the cameras.

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

My name is Jim Lahey.

Welcome to another one of
my famous liquor stories.

Today, we have a special story.

We are talking about
Bol's Gold Liqueur.

You've heard of
this, this is famous.

Did you ever hear the
gold flake liquor?

1957 to 1970 is when they
made these little suckers.

They used to fill these boys,

they call 'em the
ballerina bottles.

They used to have Triple Sec
in them, Creme De Menthe,

and the apricot brandy.

This one has such a
special cinnamon taste.

It's got little gold
flecks in it if you look.

Here's what it was.

They used to say, "Shake,
shoot, and strike."

Shake the bottle,
shoot the bottle,

and what the fuck the
strike is, I have no idea.

Anyway, what it is this old
company was a Dutch company.

1575 is when they first
started bottling this shit

and now they're still going.

There was a big-- It's the
oldest distillery in the world.

So take that for an example.

Now there's about 38
different liqueurs

you can get from Bol's.

But I'll tell you, there's
nothing quite like.

Do you know why they had the
little gold flakes in it?

Cause it made you, like, it
cut your sarcophagus and your

throat and your stomach and
it gave instant intoxication.

[bottle bubbles]

Did you hear that, oh listen.

Talk about hearing that shit.

Watch this is a little,

I learned how to do
this all by myself.

Okay, fuck off.

Okay, what the fuck? Randy!

Jesus, people are always
fuckin' around with my shit.

There it is.

You just go like this, listen.

[The Blue Danube plays]

[Lahey hums along]

That's The Blue Danube,
that was the last dance

we danced The Blue Danube at
the last party that we had,

me and Barb, we were taking,

we were taking dancing lessons,
ballroom dancing lessons.

Barb used to be the queen
of the park, you know.

Fuckin' best tits in
fuckin' Sunnyvale.

Anyway, we were taking
ballroom dancing lessons

and it was all kinds
of different people.

There was 10 couples.

We were the oldest at the
time and I think we were 24.

Anyway, there was hippies and
dippies and sticksters there.

Somebody put some
LSD in the punch.

So you can imagine
what happened.

We were dancing,

everyone was dancing and
somebody started taking

off their clothes, and then
somebody else started taking

off their, then everybody
was taking off their clothes.

Floppy doppins all
over the place.

It was free love,
I guarantee it.

Like I got involved

with several different couples
and then there was three

or four guys and listen,
I'm not gonna go...

and I still have flashbacks.

Changed my life,
changed my sexuality.

Changed for the good times

because look at that
little thing there.

Every time I really
look at those beautiful,

I get a little bit horny
and all I wanna do is dance

and dance and dancing
the night away.

[sings] dancing, dancing,
dancing the night away.

Okay, cut, that's it.

[humming along with
The Blue Danube]

Anybody got a towel? [laughs]

[The Blue Danube plays]

Know what, let's come back.

I gotta do a second one.

Feel, I'm feeling [indistinct]

I said I wanted do a second one!

I'm the boss here!

[inaudible grumbling] Fuck'n.

Sounds's ready, I'm just as
good as Mike Cocksuckin' Smith

anyway in the day.

Okay, Bol's Liquor.

Take one, Act one, Scene one.

[gentle music]

Best fuckin' liquor ever made.

1975, no, 1957.

They had these
ballerina bottles.

This is this- This
is fuckin' beautiful.

Listen to this.

What the fuck?

Someone's been fuckin'
with my bottle.

[The Blue Danube plays]

That's The Blue Danube.

Barb and I used to
dance The Blue Danube,

we had 10 couples,
we all in this,

we took ballroom dancing
and on party night

everyone got a bottle of
blue, the ballerina bottles.

1957-1970 Bol's Liqueur.

You know, they had the
fuckin' gold flakes in there.

People say it's
a bourbon legend,

that what happens is it
gold flakes going down your

sarcophagus makes tiny little
cuts in your blood vessels

and then you get an
immediate intox...

Anyway, Barbara
and I were dancing

and dancing and
everyone got a bottle.

And then somebody puts some
fuckin', shut the fuck up.

Somebody put some LCD
in the fuckin' punch

and everyone got
whoop-de-coggillicious.

I remember that night,
just like the last time,

only time I ever did sel-SD,

but I'll tell you what happened.

People started going
woobity-boobity-boobity

shaking their booty-booties

and then somebody's
fuckin bra burst.

And then everyone was laughing.

We all started taking
off our clothes.

There was fuckin'
erections over here,

stiff nipples over there.

There was rabbit rabbit rabbit
and a little greasy grassy.

I was, I'm not gonna tell
you about the three guys

and me that would
do that, but anyway.

Every time it happens to me

that I have a little
drink of Bol's.

Did I tell you about this thing?

This is the oldest distillery
in the world from 1500,

so like 25,000 years ago.

Fuckin' great shit, man.

Don't forget, Bol's Liquor,
your friend and mine.

See you later.

Cut.

Now that is, fuck, that's
doing it, man, that's...

[The Blue Danube playing]

- Oh fuck, how come the
death coin is on its own now?

Touches, see that's bad.

- [Bubbles] What happened?

- The death coin's
sitting on its own now.

You guys shouldn't have fucked

with the fuckin'
predictor coins.

- Ricky, it's a fuckin-

- Did you move the death coin?

- I didn't touch the
fucking death coin.

- Guess what?

Now, a lot of
people are gonna die

for something fuckin' weird.

- What about that?
It's been changed.

What does that mean?

- Julian changed the future.

- I don't know what that means.

[lilting piano music]

[birds chirping]
[tugboat puttering]

- Fuck.
- Fuck, fuck!

- Fuck, fuck!
- Fuck!

- Jesus Christ!

[dramatic music]

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