All language subtitles for Trailer Park Boys Show s04e04.eng

- Warning.

The following program contains
really coarse language,

weed, alcohol consumption,
smoking, and sexual inferences.

This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18

to activate parental controls,

please press the big
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[calm pleasant music]

- Boys wake up.

It's time to do this thing
and you are gonna shit

what I have for
fucking breakfast.

[chuckles]

- [Julian] No more meat.

- We've been on a bit of a
meat bender and it's not over.

This is the last of it.

- [Julian] I can't do it, man.

No more.

- Yes you can.

When you figure it, listen,

you gotta see what the
fuck I'm serving up.

You're gonna shit yourself.

- Ricky, you gotta
steal something else

other than fucking
ground beef, man,

steal some steaks
or some chicken.

- Nope, guess what.

I call these deep
fried bacon wrapped,

cotton balls.

- What?

- With a nice little
cheese jalapeno sauce

to finish 'em off.

Oh my fuck, these
are gonna be good.

- How many different ways can
we eat the cotton loaf, man.

It's too much.

- Deep fry the shit outta these.

- Ricky. So what is it?

It's the, the meat
logs rolled up.

- For fuck sakes.

- What are you doing?

- I didn't put these
ones down low enough.

- Yeah, slide 'em down a bit.

You got the Fry
Daddy going, do you?

- Yep.

One of the most dangerous pieces

of kitchen equipment ever made.

There's actually zero safety
on this, except for the cord.

- You're not the
safe person, Ricky.

- Oh my God. These
are gonna be good.

- I can't eat any
more meatballs man.

- You know what thoughs?

I've eaten about nine
pounds of meat this week

but, that's, those are
looking fucking good Ricky.

It's a good idea.

- I'm on a liquid diet for
the rest of the fucking week.

- Wait until you fucking dip one

in this mother fucking
cheese jalapeno sauce.

Boom!

- Decent.

Ricky, that's probably
not the best place

for the deep fryer, but-

- It's better than my bedroom.

- It's much better than
his fucking bedroom.

- Can't believe it burnt
half my fucking trailer down.

That sucked.

- Those probably won't
take long. Will they?

- No idea.

- No, they're just, I mean...

Okay, well.

- That's great,

we're gonna smell
like deep fryers

for the rest of the
fucking day, boys.

Nice going Ricky.

- How are we looking?

- I mean, they're almost cooked.

It's just like a fondue
really, a meat fondue.

That is gonna be decent.

Okay, so.

- So, what are we
talking about today?

- How was your sleep?
Let's talk about that.

- It was pretty good man,

I got fucking heartburn

from all the fucking meat
we're eating this week.

- I got fucking deep oil
all over my god damn animal.

- You splashed it everywhere.

- I'm gonna have
a breakfast beer.

- Good choice.

- Breakfast beer.

- Good going man.

- Get back on the horse.
Is that what they say?

I don't know.

- Off the meat onto the liquor.

That's my thing.

- Ricky, I'm
thinking that's done.

- Oh shit, this
one might be over.

- [Julian] Oh, that's overdone.

- Yeah. They're not
gonna take long boys.

I'm telling yah.

- Fuck, they're good.

- You got that oil
just to a crankin'.

- [Ricky] I think
there's only one speed.

- Oh yeah. Just let
those cock suckers

cool down a little bit.

- [Ricky] Oh my
fuck, I'm excited!

- [Bubbles] Bacon
wrapped meatballs.

- China is filled with
a lot of smart people.

- [Ricky] No shit.

It's where everything
in the world is made.

You know what the fuck
they're doing right now...

- Fuck!

- which we should try?

I wish we, no there's no way.

- I lost her boys. I
lost her in the cheese.

- I hate when that happens.

- The cheese created a vacuum.

- Turn this little
guy off for now.

- All right. Let's get going.

Let's have at it as they say.

So why are they so smart
in China? What's your-

- You know what
they're doing now?

- What? Holy fuck!

- This sac.

- [Ricky] Are we good?

See the bacon kind of gives
it a nice breakfast feel.

- Unbelievable.

- Yeah?

- They smell good, man.

- Unbelievable. Have one.

- I can't, man.

I'm on the liquor today.

- What's your
problem with China?

- I don't have a problem man.

They're doing these, you
got bamboo, you know bamboo.

You know what bamboo is Ricky?

- Yeah, he was ...

- It's a plant.

- the deer, his mother died.

- No, that's Bambi.

It's a plant. It's
like a bamboo.

You know what bamboo is, right?

- Sure.

- He doesn't know
what bamboo is.

- Is it a, what is it?

- It's a plant.

- It's a wood.

- It's a plant.

- It's a tree.

- I've made a,
it's a hollow wood,

you can make a pipe out of it.

- Yes.

- Okay. I know what it is.

- What the Chinese
are doing now.

They're taking liquor...

- You can eat it.

- Panda, eat them.

I don't think fucking humans do.

- Have you ever seen a panda
eat a fucking piece of bamboo?

- Like nothing, man.

- He just eats like
a piece of celery.

The fucking thing's
that big around.

- [Julian] Just
gnaws on that shit.

- Hired as a rock. He just bites
'er like a piece of celery.

Unbelievable.

- That's awesome.

- Anyway, they're taking liquor.

They're injecting it into the
fucking live bamboo. Right?

- [Ricky] Okay.

- They're maturing the liquor.

They're coming back
two years later.

[slurping]

- How do you get it out?

- You fucking I don't know, man.

- Do you put it in
the hollow part?

- The hollow part,
right into the fucking-

- It's like a bamboo...

- It's like a bamboo
shooter glass.

- It's like a cask.

- It's like a cask.
That's what it is.

It's a living cask.

I can't believe you fucking
even knew that word, man.

- I've learning a lot of
words there, dumb, dumb.

- Well, but you know
what the problem is?

It lowers the liquor,
the alcohol content.

So, fuck that.

It's good for people that
don't wanna get all banged up.

- Holy fuck these are
way Ricky, good thinking.

- [Ricky] How's the sauce?

- [Bubbles] It's nice.

- I don't know what
to think about this.

- Yeah?

- Pretty good fucking good.

- Oh my fuck.

- Lots of letters have been
coming into Ricky Brown

since he's been doing his show

about sometimes his
sermons may appeal

to only the adult population.

We'll tell you now that
under the eyes of God,

we all adults, we all
children, we all the same.

Some people are different,

but we're not gonna
talk about that.

But under the eyes of God, in
general, we're all the same.

And the message needs to be
delivered to everybody equally,

which is why Ricky
has come up with

a couple of things for children.

That's right, Ricky
Brown's gospel for children

in the form of nursery rhymes.

Specifically aim for the
kids who don't get the proper

necessary care that they may
not get from the other church.

More specifically,
the white church.

Now, Ricky brown has
proud to bring you,

no not proud of sin,

but God has allowed him to
be proud, this one instance.

Ricky brown is overjoy
and happy and humbled,

to bring to you

Ricky Brown's nursery
rhymes for black children.

[innocent piano music]

Jack and Jill went
up Beverly Hills

to fetch a pale of water.

And Jack fell down
and broke his crown

and Jill being a
good sister she was,

ran to the street to
ask the average passerby

if they could help
the poor bleeding Jack

on the side of the hill.

And most of them, people
were white and privileged.

And all of them
people walked by Jack

and said he probably a thug
and he might have deserved it.

And in fact,

they thought that Jill was
nothing more than a prostitute.

Old King Cole was
a very old soul.

He was not a happy soul.

Because he never called
himself old King Cole,

some mother fuckers down the
street branded him with that.

Simply because the king
was a darker shade,

then most of the
people in the...

Listen, the people
in the kingdom

had no business talking
to the king that way.

Now, if I was old King Cole,

I would flog every mother
fucker in the town square

right in front of
the world to see in.

And as the God mother fucker.

Three blind black men.

Three blind black men.

See how they run.

See how they run.

The cops ran over and
beat him, wouldn't quit.

They did it and they
weren't even armed and shit.

Three blind and
unarmed black men.

[innocent piano music]

There we go.

I want to thank everyone for
joining me Ricky Brown today.

Lord's uplift me now.

And here has a little
bit of word for you

from Ricky Brown himself.

Crocs are not good shoes,
because they got holes in them.

- Would infuse
Randy, would infuse.

Ready? Okay. Here we go.

Three, two.

[horn squeaking]

Welcome to the Randy
and Leigh show.

- Yeah

[Leigh singing]

- You got it right Mr. Leigh.

- You wanna a little
sippy poo, Randy?

- Yeah. Thanks Mr.

- A wonderful thing.

- That's great.

- We got a wonderful
show lined up today.

We have no fucking guest.

[grumbling]

Who gives a shit.

- We got no guest?

No, you can be the guest, Randy.

Okay?

- But I'm on the show.

I can't be a guest. Mr. Leigh.

- Yeah.

Just pretend you're
someone else.

Pretend you're somebody, Randy.

- but I don't have a costume-

- Pretend you're somebody
else for fuck's sake!

Just put it in.

Hi. How are you?

What's your name?

- Randy.

[Leigh laughing]

- Come on bud. Work with me.

Welcome to the Landy
and Reighe show.

- Randy and Leigh show.

Say it smooth. Don't slur it.

- Welcome to the Leigh show.

- Mr. Leigh, I know that
I can sit here and say,

don't drink so much liquor,
but you're not gonna listen.

- I'm not drinking anymore
today, Randy, I don't need to.

- What?

- Because I have a
special guest on today.

What's your name, sir?

- Randy.

[Leigh laughing]

- Come on!

Randy, tell me who
you really are.

- Who should, do you want me
to be someone like, I'm Batman?

[Leigh laughing]

- No, you can't be Batman Randy.

- But you said that to be
anybody. I can be Batman.

- Yeah, but somebody
nobody knows about.

Like, ladies and
gentlemen today,

we have an expert on, alcohol.

- Mr. Leigh.

- You have an expert on alcohol.

- Who does?

- You do. You brought
your liquor wicker basket.

- No. That's your
liquor wicker basket.

- I know. And what's in my
wicker liquor basket Randy?

- Liquor everybody.

- Oh wait, last
time we forgot to do

a whole bunch of shots, Randy,
because you fucked up again.

- I am, listen.
I've done nothing.

- I'm cooking things.

- Yeah.

But Randy, we didn't do
the fucking shout out

to the touring people all
over the US and Canada.

- Oh we did-

- Banff! Peanut
butter and jam-th.

Green eggs and ham-th.

- Yeah.

But you'll only understand
that if you know where that is.

- Where?

- Banff.

- What's in the
magic box, Randy?

Give it a shake.

[metal box clanking]

Give it a shake, Randy.

- I kind of like the magic box.

- I like it.

Can you guess?

- It's...

- You got five guesses.

- It's not a liquor.

- Warm.

- Not a liquid.

- Cold

- It sounds clunky.

- Warm.

- And rolly.

- Cold.

- It's a toy.

- Open it up. I
forget what it is.

- Can't we get like an
easier box. Mr. Leigh?

- Randy, don't fuck the box up.

[box clanking]

- How does it open?

- I forget what it is.

- Does it need the key?

Sorry everybody. This is-

- Randy, fuck off, gimme that.

- It's supposed to be.

- Shit.

You fucked everything up, Randy!

- Mr. Leigh.

- How can you?

You want this to be your show,

then you should
fucking have some shit.

- I shit before the
show. Mr. Leigh.

And I washed my hands,
I'll have you know.

- What's on the agenda today?

Oh yes. My wicker liquor basket.

This is a liquor wicker basket.

This wicker liquor basket
is all the wicker liquor

that people all
over North America

have given me during
the shows, Randy.

Look, even someone
giving me a liquor car.

But look at this, see this.

See this fucking shit?

- I think you've drank
some of the liquor

that people given
you, Mr. Leigh.

You've been given a
lot more than that.

- I have a question
for you, Randy.

When is a bottle of liquor,
not a bottle of liquor?

You know?

- When it's gone, Mr. Leigh.

- No, here's what it is.

See that? Does that look like
a bottle of liquor Randy?

Guess what it is?

It's fucking a lighter.

It's a flashlight
flashlight Randy.

Fuck, see Randy. That's fucking-

That's my grandfather used
that in the bore war, back in-

- But it looks like a
bottle of liquor. Why?

- How do you say eepers Randy?

Oh, Bim Jean have
a little Bim Jean.

Ah, have a little sip
of Bim Jean, Randy.

- No, I'm gonna have a
little sippy poo of mine.

Cheers everybody.

- Red stag, shit in bag.

But look, here's what
I wanted to show you.

I don't know. See this.

It says to Randy and Mr.
Leigh from Ann Marie,

SuperScoobyWoman, Merry
Fucking Christmas.

Ta fucking da!

- It's all liquor!

- I got a whole
bunch more too Randy.

Got so much more. You
wanna have a little party?

Lets have a little party bud.

- Let's do the show first.

- This is fucking
incredible Randy.

- Let's do the show
first Mr. Leigh.

- We can have a
little sip of each.

- No.

- Just one little sip of each,

one little sip of each Randy.

It won't hurt a fucking thing.

- Mr. Leigh, you're
gonna, go ahead.

Have a little sip of
just a little sip.

- If it was Christmas, we can
have a lot of sips, Randy.

This is fucking
incredible. This is Wisers.

Have a little sip.

[Randy choking]

And this one here. This
one fucking doesn't say.

Can't fucking read that one.

This is Jim Bean bourbon.

This is Fireball.

[Leigh growling]

This one, Fuck! Piece
of shit that one is.

There someone licked
the label off.

There's maple. Fucking.

- You love liquor Mr. Leigh.

- I am the liquor.

You know what Randy?

I think I'll have a
little toast to celebrate.

What do you think?

- Okay.

Who are we gonna
toast to this week?

- Fucking.

[Leigh growling]

- Oh, I think we should-

- Mr. Leigh, you're
supposed to say to something

and then drink.

- You do it.

Randy, you fucking
spilled my liquor.

For fuck sakes.

- Mr. Leigh, you're the-

[Leigh choking]

- Randy! Fucking wood infused
fucking liquor is incredible.

- Mr. Leigh.

[Leigh slurping]

- You're just spilling
all this shit Randy?

- Here Mr. Leigh

- Fuck off.

You pick the toast.

- You can can squeeze.

- We gonna pick a toast.

- Okay.

- We can pick a toast.

- I wanna pick a toast.

- Pick a toast.

- Okay.

- [Matty] And now look at this.

Now we're just gonna pour this.

- [Ricky] Look at that boys.

- So we're just
gotta layer this up.

- Okay.

- There's a layer.

- There's the first layer.

- And then we throw in-

- Do you wanna
sprinkle some chicken?

Put a little bit of
chicken be frugal.

Cuz this is like, this is
honest working class meal.

So you never had a lot.

That's why it's great because
you can just make a stalk

and it goes a long way.

No, don't pile it up.

You want little pieces,
just a little bit.

Okay. That's good,
that's good, that's good.

Buddy!

- Sorry guys, I
got carried away.

- Okay.

Then we put a little
bit more on top

and we just kind of layer it up.

Almost like a potato
chicken lasagna.

- Fuck, my stomach
is getting hard.

- Okay. Put some more
chicken on top Ricky.

- Juice is flowing in my
stomach. What does that mean?

- Okay, that's a good layer.

- That is kind of sexual.

- Triple layer.

- Now, all we're gonna do is

we're gonna make this
nice and flat on top. See?

- You don't fuck around.

- No, we've gotta make
this nice for nanny.

[electronic drum beat music]

And this is gonna turn pretty
much into a giant hash brown.

- Nice.

- A nice crispy top.

And then we eat
it and we cut it-

- Can you put hash
in one of these

or would it get all fucked up?

- Ricky, you can put whatever
you fucking want in there,

ya know, I just-

- Ricky, there's no
hash in the rappie pie.

- This is Nanny's
rappie, no hash.

- Alright

- You could put whatever
you want into it.

- Can we have one meal
without fucking hash in it?

- So what do we
bake this baby at?

- So we bake it in the
oven at 350 degrees,

for three hours though.

- Holy fuck!

- Takes a long fucking time.

- I've still gonna wait
three hours to eat?

- Yeah!

Okay, so I'm gonna
put it in the oven.

They'll be ready in three hours.

I think the boys are
just they're sweethearts,

they just didn't have the
best upbringing maybe.

If they had been,

maybe Ricky could have
fucking learned how to read.

[Matty giggling]

See I told the boys, I told
the boys not to fret, ya know?

It took three, about three
and a half hours to bake.

But this is, look at this.

A beautiful crunchy,

crispy hash brown,

molten chicken, fucking
potato on the inside.

Smells like a fucking family
tradition right here. Let's go.

[Ricky snoring]

- Ricky, wake the fuck up.

- Boys!

[dish clattering]

- Jesus Christ, Ricky.

- Guys,

I'm sorry. It took three hours.

- It's alright, holy fuck.

- But here this
is the rappie pie.

- Ricky put your
napkin on your lap.

That's what they
do with in fancy-

- Just a small piece
for me, you know-

- Yeah? You're on a diet?

- Well, there's been
a lot of drinking

in three fucking hours.

- [Matty] Fuck buddy.

- I haven't had a piss yet.

- I need to borrow one of your.

- [Matty] Good food take time.

- Aye, just a second,
just a second.

- Are you happy with
the way she turned out?

- I'm very happy.

This is, is it man?

Aw. She's coming.

Look at that. That's
fucking rappie pie.

- Here, I'm passing
this down, here.

- Okay. Pass that down.

Yeah.

- Holy fuck.

- I noticed you
got some glasses.

- Condiments

- Yeah, molasses is,
you put molasses on it.

- Molasses?

- And why is there hot sauce?

- I like hot sauce with mine,

but you pour a little molasses,
it's almost like ketchup.

- How much?

Here you show me
what you would do.

Come interact.

- Yeah, just a
little on the side.

Almost like ketchup.

- Okay.

And then you just
have a little bit.

- [Julian] You dip it.

- And then you dip it, and
you kind of just mash it up.

I love it with the Franks.

And you just add some hot sauce,

'cuz hot sauce and
chicken goes really well.

It doesn't look pretty.

- No.

My brain's looking at
this thinking jello,

but it smells like chicken.

- Aw man.

- [Julian] This is
making my brain od-

- Yeah, that's it man.

- Hot sauce on there.

- That's, like, maybe
it's a little tight.

It's a little tight,
but it's fucking good.

See, this is is like grandma's.

This is Nannie's
right here, man.

- It sucks.

When you go to eat something

and you find out
it's a little loose.

- What?

- Are you talking about?

- Well, I don't know.

- It's rude Ricky.

- Are you talking
about the food or?

- Be better if it was
tighter, always right?

- [Matty] It's rude.
Well, if you got small-

- He doesn't have a fucking to
clue what you meant by loose.

- He doesn't know
what's going on.

- Tell you right now.

- He doesn't know
what time it is.

[upbeat electronic music]

- That's good right? Am I crazy?

- No, it's fantastic.

- [Julian] No,
it's it's good man.

- [Matty] Wow. Julian,
that's a compliment.

- Well, there's a few
things I would've did to it,

but you know it's, okay.

- Come on, this is fucking good.

- Thanks boys for having me.

- [Julian] Aw man, thank
you for you for coming.

- [Ricky] Thank you for coming
down and doing this man.

- Cheers.

- [Julian] Cheers.

- Cheers man. Yeah.

[Matt screeches]

- Got 'er, cheers.

That's how you make rappie pie.

- What the fuck?

How the fuck are you
supposed to get them out?

This is a terrible design.

Fuck!

- [Bubbles] Ricky, patience.

- God damn you box.

- What would Bruce Lee do?

- Ninja Chop it.

- No, he would take a deep
breath and fucking think it out.

- Okay. A moose.

- [Julian] Okay. What about it?

- That's it.

- No, you're on the answer,
Ricky. Flip it over.

- Oh. No, It's just
a moose postcard.

[Ricky laughing]

- What?

- Am I fucking missing
something here?

- Probably.

- Is this a fucking game?

- Man, I'll tell you what this
is, it's fucking bullshit.

- It's a postcard.

Fuck, it's a box
of postcards, man.

- I thought it said
fucking animal trivia.

Amazing animal facts.

- Okay, Ricky, just,

there's gotta be something-

- Maybe there is a fact.
Is there a fact on there?

- Moose can feel a fly
landed on its antlers.

- No they can't.

- Okay. I didn't see that part.

- No, you gotta put it
right up to your face.

Very small.

- Goats.

- A moose can feel a fly
landing on his antlers.

- That's fucked up man.

You know what that's like?

- What?

- A bug landing on your
toenail. Would you feel that?

[Bubbles burping]

- I don't know. What if
it landed on your wiener.

- Goats have different accents.

- Goats?

- Depending on
where they're from.

- I knew that.

- No fucking way.

- Goats of accents.

British goats sound different
than Canadian goats.

- What would I an
Irish goat sound like?

[Bubbles neighing]

Okay. What about a French one?

[Bubbles neighing
in a French accent]

What about an Italian?

[Bubbles mumbling]

[chuckling]

- What if Randy was a goat?

- Well, I don't know what Randy
would sound like as a goat.

- Okay. Well it wasn't
as exciting as I-

- Well there's gotta be
some other facts man.

- I fucked my back up.

- Okay. Well let's just fucking-

- Pull a random one
and see if we knew it.

- It's a cock.

- [Julian] Bubbles will
definitely know that.

- Oh yeah, what's it say?

Something that goes in Julian's
mouth on a regular basis?

- Yeah. That's real funny.

[Bubbles giggling]

- Fuck.

- The longest recorded flight
of a chicken is 13 seconds.

- 13 Seconds?

- Suck to be a chicken.

Have wings just to tease yah.

Or what are those
other big birds

with the wings that
don't fly? They run.

- Ostriches?

- Why the fuck
can't chickens fly?

They got big enough wings.

- You know what, think
about what a chicken weighs.

- 25 pounds?

- You have to have
fucking, eight foot wings.

- Oh wow, bald eagle wings.

- See, I figured it out.

- What?

- They're not as
dumb as I thought.

They put this fucking
thing in the back.

It's like a spacer.

So once you take that out,

you can actually
move around in here.

Finagle shit.

Fuck off spacer.

Fuck you.

- Finagle.

Never heard you use
that word before.

- Yeah man, you been fucking
reading the dictionary?

What's that even mean?

Where did it come from?

- It means something man's.

It's from the bacon.

- If you're finagle
something, you're kinda-

- See just when I thought he
maybe was starting to read

and get smarter, he said
it's from the bacon.

- Oh jungle. Let's
go to the jungle.

- You're gonna have
another bacon ball. Ricky.

- I think I missed,

let's see what we can
find in the jungle.

- Do you want a bacon ball?

- No man.

- [Ricky] Go into the jungle.

- I'm on, no don't
put it on my laptop.

- Oh man, this has
got too many on it.

Can somebody read all these?

- I will.

- It's about a giraffe.

- Giraffe, giraffe.

- [Ricky] That's what I said.

- Well, this is not that
big of a fucking fact.

Giraffes have very long necks

to reach branches
high in the air.

- Oh shit.

- Oh fuck, really?

[burping]

- You know what else they
do? You know how they sleep?

They spin their neck
around their head

and they sleep
with their head...

- That's a fucking duck.

- They put their head
right on their ass.

- There's more to it.

- In their ass?

- On their ass.

- They use their ass a pillow,
'cuz they can do that shit.

- But they can't
reach the ground

without spreading
their legs wide apart.

And their tongues
are really long,

they can even lick
their own ears.

They can lick their own ears.

And with that long neck, you
know what else you could lick?

- They can lick
anything they want.

- Anything they want.

[calm piano music]

[water splashing]

[birds calling]

[fish yelling]

[ominous music]

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