Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,220
(theme music)
2
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,032
- Fucking right.
3
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,073
- Come on, Julian.
4
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,038
- [Julian] Just a second.
5
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:36,996
- Frog.
6
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,244
- I was reading something here
7
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,909
that I wanted to
share with you guys,
8
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:40,737
but I can't remember
what it was.
9
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:41,581
- [Julian] What is that?
10
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,535
- Oh, yeah!
11
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,353
How many times does this happen?
12
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,645
- [Julian] What?
13
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,606
- "How to survive if you
wake up next to someone
14
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,124
and don't remember their name."
15
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,553
- [Julian] You ask them
what their name is.
16
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,121
- What do you mean
how to survive?
17
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,390
It's not like really
a life and death...
18
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,688
- It happens to people, man.
19
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,229
It's happened to me.
20
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,885
So here's what you do.
21
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,902
"If you're at their
place, do not panic.
22
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,096
Get up and go to the bathroom.
23
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,869
Look through the medicine
cabinet for prescription
24
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,297
medicines with her
name on the label,"
25
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,373
or his name, depending.
26
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,442
- Or just fucking leave.
Say, "Hi. Nice to meet you."
27
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,881
- "Sort through magazines,
28
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:18,105
looking for subscription labels
with a name and address."
29
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,912
- [Julian] Or get
up and make them,
30
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:23,053
or her a fucking breakfast
or something, man.
31
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,390
- "Go through a waste basket
32
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,245
to find discarded junk
mail addressed to her."
33
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,263
- [Julian] Jesus Christ.
34
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,255
- Yeah, that's what you do.
35
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,416
Get out and start creeping
36
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,093
through their fucking
medicine cabinet
37
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,591
so that they call
the police on you.
38
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:33,863
- [Julian] People are fucked.
39
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,961
- And say, "There's a
stranger in my house,
40
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,203
looking up my medicine."
41
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,568
- "Then you return
to the bedroom.
42
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,896
If she's awake, ask her
to make coffee for you.
43
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,771
Use the time alone to search
the bedroom for evidence.
44
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:47,441
Look for a wallet, checkbook,
ID or name bracelet."
45
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,581
- Who wrote this
book? Fucking Matlock?
46
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,277
- "Scrapbook business cards."
47
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,150
- Jessica Fletcher
wrote the book.
48
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,648
- "If she is sleeping,
49
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,349
look for these and other
items throughout the house."
50
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:01,222
All right, that's good.
That's a good piece of news.
51
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,392
- Next thing. Get out some rope.
52
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:04,631
Sneak up behind them.
53
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,125
- "If it's at your place,
54
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:11,126
use terms of endearment
when addressing her.
55
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,436
Do not guess at her name.
56
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:19,213
Acceptable terms
of endearment are,
57
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,437
'Honey, sweetie, cutie,
darling, baby...'"
58
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,112
- Oh yeah, that goes
over big these days.
59
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,040
- [Ricky] "'sugar...'"
60
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:24,984
- [Julian] "Hey, sweetie."
61
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,478
- [Ricky] "'beautiful...'"
62
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,650
- "Hey, sweetie, fire me
up a cup coffee would ya?"
63
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,548
- [Ricky] "'handsome,
and gorgeous.'"
64
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,020
- No, this book's outdated,
65
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,189
That sounds like something
that would happen in the '50's.
66
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,618
- "Unless you are
certain that you have--"
67
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:36,893
- Burt Reynolds.
68
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,090
- "ample time, do not go
through her belongings.
69
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,497
If your partner is showering,
70
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,425
you can count on having at
least a few minutes of privacy
71
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,432
to search through her
belongings, otherwise--"
72
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,744
- Is this really in the book?
73
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,736
- "Otherwise do not risk it."
74
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,008
- Look at dude, he's in
his fucking underwear,
75
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,935
looking at her shit.
76
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:58,313
- Shuffling through her drawers
while she's in the shower.
77
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:01,322
- "Ask leading questions
while making small talk.
78
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:05,045
Fishing for information is risky
and can backfire by calling
79
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,122
attention to what
you're trying to do."
80
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:12,130
- How do you spell your
name? Is that with a.. an A?
81
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,234
- [Ricky] Well, oh,
this is how you trick.
82
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,028
This is how you trick them.
83
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,558
"While getting dressed,
84
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,134
pull out your own ID and ask
her if she thinks that your
85
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,901
hair is better now
or in the picture."
86
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,170
- [Julian] Oh my fuck.
87
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,338
- Oh, I hope she'd
be on to you then.
88
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,936
- "Laugh about how
silly you used to look."
89
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:28,176
- "Look at that crazy
picture of me back then.
90
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,405
What yours look like?"
91
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,480
- We gotta back this up.
92
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,008
So this means--
93
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,982
- "Ask her if she ever had a
nickname. She might say no."
94
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,352
- Is this about a
one night stand?
95
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,290
You wake up with a
chick next to you?
96
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,486
- Yes.
97
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:40,687
- And you don't know
what the fuck happened?
98
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:41,118
- "Ask her how
she got her name."
99
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,490
- "What does your
name mean in Navajo?"
100
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:46,733
- [Ricky] "If she is leaving,
101
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,827
give her your business
card and ask for hers."
102
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:51,771
- There's a lot.
103
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,995
- It's very romantic.
104
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,500
- There's a lot going on
here that's not right.
105
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:55,742
- "Thanks for all the banging,
here's my business card."
106
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,236
- "If she does not
have a business card,
107
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,337
ask her to write her vital
information on yours."
108
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:03,041
- Yeah, all sounds very normal.
109
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,283
Very normal.
110
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,848
She's not gonna think
you're a creep show
111
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:07,980
after that one.
112
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:13,193
- This is how to... Oh. "How
to spot breast implants.
113
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,885
Remember if they look
too good to be true,
114
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:16,919
they probably are."
115
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:17,794
- Ricky.
116
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,162
Where did you this book?
117
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,132
- [Ricky] "Assess breast
size and compare it
118
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,101
with frame size."
119
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,141
- For what?
120
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,302
Why?
121
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,414
- Petite... Petite?
Is that a word?
122
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,636
- Petite? Yeah, but why?
123
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,141
That's small. Why
are you doing this?
124
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:38,412
- "Petite women have
naturally small breasts."
125
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,482
- Tell that to Dolly Parton.
126
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,321
- Yeah, but hers aren't real.
127
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,846
- Dolly Parton's boobs are real!
128
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,391
- They were big. Out of the
gate they were fucking big.
129
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:48,286
- "Be suspicious of
baseball shaped breasts
130
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,488
or strangely arranged breasts."
131
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:52,585
- What?
132
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,233
- Strangely arranged?
133
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:55,527
That's a giveaway.
134
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,000
She's got one on her stomach
and one on her sternum.
135
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,343
Something's not right there.
136
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:04,835
- "Check cleavage for
rippling of the skin."
137
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,644
- Oh, after you read this book,
138
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,382
you're gonna be a
real popular fella.
139
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:13,178
- "If appropriate, brush
up against or hug someone
140
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,820
with suspected breast implants."
141
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,276
- "Hi. Hi. Nice
to meet you, man."
142
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:19,754
- No, man. Don't touch
me. Get away from me, man.
143
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,523
- "Check under and around
the breast for scarring."
144
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,494
- Why are you
doing this, though?
145
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,363
Like, what is that?
146
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,498
Who's that for?
147
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,257
- It's a survival
book. What's it called?
148
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,574
- Give me some fucking
answers here, Bubs.
149
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:38,107
- "The Ultimate Worst Case
Scenario Survival Handbook."
150
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,505
- This could save your life.
151
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,238
- Ricky. It's not even...
152
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:45,645
(Bubbles sighs)
153
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:46,606
- Fucking cocksuckers.
154
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,054
- 1989?
155
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,716
- Fucking pricks. Assholes.
156
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:52,949
- It's fucked up man.
157
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,093
- Fucking police.
158
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,618
- What is it, Ricky?
159
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,664
- Oh, they're just
tricking people.
160
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:03,029
- "Wisconsin Police
warn recently bought..."
161
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,970
"Wisconsin Police warn
recently bought meth
162
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,766
may contain Coronavirus."
163
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,038
- Right.
164
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,766
- "They offered to
test it for free."
165
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:11,941
- [Ricky] Yeah.
166
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:12,869
- So people brought
their meth in?
167
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,013
- And get fucking arrested.
168
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,208
- [Bubbles] Well, you know what?
169
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,249
If you're dumb enough
to bring your meth
170
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,745
down to the police station
171
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,477
and say, "Could you tell me if
this has Coronavirus in it?"
172
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,054
You probably don't--
173
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,252
- It's not fair to
the virus either.
174
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:28,423
Because it isn't...
Doesn't have it.
175
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,294
- "How to tell if you're dead."
176
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:34,233
Are you kidding me?
177
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,773
What the? "How to
tell if you're dead."
178
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,195
- How? I'd like to know.
179
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,400
I could be dead right
now, not even know it.
180
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,771
- "The grammar check."
Okay, that's number one.
181
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,313
"When people speak about you,
182
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:52,378
note whether they do so in
the present or past tense."
183
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,709
Are you fucking kidding me?
184
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,724
- So I could be a
ghost right now?
185
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:57,724
- Ricky was a good guy, eh?
186
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,018
- Ricky was a great fella.
187
00:06:59,019 --> 00:06:59,949
I miss him.
188
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:00,753
- Fucking awesome guy, man.
189
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,694
- Jesus. I miss him.
190
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,089
- Fuck, boys. Maybe I'm dead.
191
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:04,831
- No.
192
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,755
- Do you hear something?
193
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,989
- Fucked up.
194
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,934
- Every now and then I
think I hear something,
195
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,199
and I get a chill in my bones.
196
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,468
- Punch me in the face.
197
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,536
- It's like Ricky's
right here with us.
198
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,595
- Sort of wonder what two was.
199
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:18,014
Cause the number one was fucked.
200
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,005
- If you get
punched in the face,
201
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,666
and you feel it? Not dead.
202
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,939
- Turn the page. There
was a picture of a guy
203
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,614
putting a fork through his hand.
204
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,623
- "How to a deal with
someone welding a chair."
205
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,021
Oh, wielding!
206
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:32,849
- Welding?
207
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,053
(Ricky and Julian laugh)
208
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,994
- Wielding a chair.
Big difference.
209
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,089
Yeah, because if they're
welding it, that's one thing.
210
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,962
- I was gonna say, you wouldn't
come across that situation.
211
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,932
- "Thrust your hand towards
the attacker's face,
212
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,899
duck and grab his closet ankle."
213
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,072
- His what?
214
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,100
- Closest!
215
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:51,944
(button rings)
216
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,209
His closest ankle.
217
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,436
(button rings)
218
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,211
- His ankle came
out of the closet?
219
00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:00,250
- Or grab a boulder or
something. A big rock.
220
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,877
- Oh, grab the chair.
221
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,922
- Or fucking pull out your
gun and shoot him in the face.
222
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,917
- There's another good one.
223
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,419
- Ricky. That's a bit extreme.
224
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,960
- Yeah, no one do that.
225
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,716
- All right. The kneecap, maybe.
226
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,359
- The kneecap!
227
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,460
- That'll take them down.
228
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,561
- That'd probably hurt.
229
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,033
- [Julian] You'd never--
230
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,200
- Oh, I thought you were trying
to kill me with that chair.
231
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,428
No, I was just
moving it over there
232
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,132
and you blew my
fucking knee off.
233
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:23,936
- You know, in the '70's.
234
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,478
And I remember, fuck,
I was a good cop.
235
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,775
Don't let anyone tell you.
236
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,108
In the '70's.
237
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,977
My partner, in the '70's,
238
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,793
fucking rest in peace,
239
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:41,415
was like a fucking George
cock sucking Green.
240
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,092
Pissed me off. Ruined
my fucking life.
241
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:47,231
There's certain people in
your life that fucks you over.
242
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,057
Birds of a shit
feather flock together.
243
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,302
If you find yourself
with a shit crow,
244
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,528
in your fucking nest
or living near you,
245
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,503
fucking walk away,
that's all I'm saying.
246
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:58,272
If I could live my life
over, I wouldn't need this.
247
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,211
Actually I wouldn't need this,
but I might not need this.
248
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,638
But you know what
I'm getting at.
249
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,653
Life is just a fucking
rose bowl of cherries.
250
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,406
You know what I'm saying?
251
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:12,094
Anyway, I remember it
was in the '70's and...
252
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:17,085
Oh yeah, my partner
and I, rest in peace,
253
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:18,455
he's a good fucking guy.
254
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:23,660
My partner and I were on
this fucking drug bust.
255
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,034
Here's what was going on:
256
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:28,873
It was fucking hashish coming
into the port of Halifax,
257
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,539
fucking by the container load,
258
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,537
because the fucking guys
were paying him off.
259
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,169
Meanwhile, downtown,
260
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,114
all the fucking- not
all the stevedores,
261
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,379
but one of them fuckers-
262
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,277
they'd see what was
in the fucking thing
263
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,779
was TVs or whatever. "Oh,
we'll have that one."
264
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,351
They're fucking empty.
No one gave us shit,
265
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,450
because insurance came in.
266
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,891
Fuck that. Anyway,
267
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:48,016
I'm just saying this
fucking container came in,
268
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,621
and we knew about it,
269
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,163
and we fucking started
spying on this shit,
270
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,289
and see where all the
fucking dope was going.
271
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,464
Well, some of the dope was
going to the local biker gangs,
272
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,274
which were cleaned up
about eight years ago
273
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,426
and now they're fucking back.
274
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,843
I don't fucking
understand that shit.
275
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,496
If a guy's a cocksucker,
276
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,774
and you get him
over the shit nest,
277
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,344
keep him over the
fucking shit nest.
278
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,411
That's all I mean.
279
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,152
Anyway,
280
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,382
We did our best
fucking police work.
281
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:21,194
I want you to know.
I under-covered for about two months.
282
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:26,055
I didn't shave or
anything like that.
283
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:30,059
I found out 90% of the
hashish that was coming in
284
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,403
in this fucking container
285
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,628
was going to Scotland.
286
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,173
About 5% was going up
to fucking Montreal.
287
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,209
And about 5% was
staying around here,
288
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,835
to the fucking shit weasels.
289
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:44,810
We had... I got a tip that
two of the Scottish guys,
290
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,253
that were here to fucking tin,
291
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:50,277
they were in this hotel room
and I could go there and I
292
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,093
could find the papers.
I could find dope.
293
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,915
I could find shipping
stuff. I could find guns.
294
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:58,432
I could find a lot of money
and it was the fucking tip.
295
00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,225
And,
296
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,402
you know,
297
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:07,226
I never told who gave me
that tip to this fucking day.
298
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,444
And you know what?
You know why I can't?
299
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:13,007
Fucking can't remember.
300
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:16,036
Anyway, my partner and
I, fucking police force,
301
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,413
I told Chief, I said to
Chief, "This is going down,"
302
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,411
and he, fucking, you know,
they used to call me...
303
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:22,954
Nevermind.
304
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,120
I'm won't fucking tell you
what they used to call me.
305
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,747
I used to get them
alerted once in a while
306
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:27,023
for shit going down.
307
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,960
But somehow, someone in
the fucking department,
308
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:31,756
it could have been George
cock locking Green himself,
309
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,189
fucking spilled the beans.
310
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,933
(Jim speaking gibberish)
311
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,428
Nevermind.
312
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,869
Anyway, we went there four
o'clock in the morning.
313
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,625
because we were gonna catch
those guys red-handed.
314
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,172
I was fucking scared
shitless, because I know
315
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:45,068
these Scottish guys, they
were fucking- oh my God-
316
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,342
I never met them but they
had a real fucking reputation
317
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,610
for just going,
"Hi, how you doing?"
318
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,578
(Jim imitates gunshot)
319
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:50,806
Blowing your fucking nuts off.
320
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,005
The fucking front door was open.
321
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,313
We came in the house,
322
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,454
my partner and I, and it
was fucking pitch black.
323
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,189
And we heard this fucking
music. It was incredible music.
324
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,286
It was quite loud.
It kind of like,
325
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:04,619
(Jim sings)
326
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,089
that kind of thing.
327
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,264
Like the Bambolero.
328
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,431
So we go up the stairs,
329
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:13,200
creeping up the fucking
stairs, guns drawn,
330
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,470
and there's music coming
from the fucking room.
331
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:16,598
And I open the door,
332
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:21,942
and just about 50 candles
all around all that.
333
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,412
Maybe not that many.
334
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:27,180
And there was two naked
people on the bed,
335
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,518
the Scottish guys.
336
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,719
And they were in this kind
of numerical position.
337
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:41,430
And I stood there and I watched
them for the longest time,
338
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:45,032
and they knew we
were watching them,
339
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,372
and then they just looked over,
340
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,396
like they knew we were
coming all the time.
341
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:54,372
And that was a fucking moment
that changed my life forever.
342
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,876
Right there as if the
world didn't matter.
343
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:01,447
Yeah.
344
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,283
And I don't know why, but
345
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:10,790
that 69, every
time I have a sip,
346
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,790
I think of those beautiful men.
347
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,465
Tune back into Jim
Lahey Liquor Stories,
348
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,471
and I'll tell you
another exciting tale.
349
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,375
(tools clattering)
350
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:37,252
(Bubbles exhales)
351
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,020
(toaster beeping)
352
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,020
- Un-fucking-believable.
353
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,623
(toaster beeping)
354
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,934
Larry, can you hear me?
355
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,427
- [Larry] What do you need, Bub?
356
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,698
- These toasters I told
you not to get from China.
357
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,367
Every one of them's fucked.
358
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,295
- [Larry] Fuck off.
359
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,470
- Circuit board's not working.
360
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,838
I tested them all.
They're all garbage.
361
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,467
- [Larry] Not my
problem, Bubbles, bye.
362
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,372
- You might as well send
them right the fuck back.
363
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,884
- [Larry] Yup, get
right on that, thereby.
364
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,476
- Fucking bullshit.
365
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,176
For fuck sakes.
366
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,791
Hey Julian, what's going on?
367
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,245
- [Julian] What's
going on, Bubs?
368
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,664
- Just working on these stupid
fucking Chinese toasters.
369
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:17,586
- Right on, man.
370
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,160
You gotta put down scene one and
371
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,459
whatever you gotta
put on this thing.
372
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,760
- What are they doing here?
373
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,231
- It's SwearNet. It's
the camera crews.
374
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,860
They're gonna be following
us around for a little while.
375
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,034
- In jail?
376
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,503
- Yeah. We're under contract.
377
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,740
They get to come in. I've
been talking to them.
378
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,696
- What do you mean? Ricky's
gonna fucking freak out.
379
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,144
- He doesn't
fucking have choice.
380
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:34,740
He's gotta fucking do this.
381
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,341
I think it's pretty cool
that the SwearNet people
382
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,183
got a hold of me and wanted
to come in, and you know,
383
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,948
film us and shoot a
little show. You know?
384
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,178
I think people could
seriously learn something
385
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,053
from what goes on in jail.
386
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,116
- What do you want me to do?
387
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,360
- It's scene one.
388
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:51,455
- Oh, so I'm the fucking
slating guy now, am I?
389
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,628
You don't even get a
fucking break in jail.
390
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,334
Mark it.
391
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,473
Why can't you be
the slating guy?
392
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,195
- Because I've got
a drink in my hand.
393
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,270
All right.
394
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,869
How you doing, you
fuckers? This is Julian.
395
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:06,440
This is Bubbles. We're in jail.
396
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,309
This show is called
Julian in Jail.
397
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,878
You guys are gonna learn
a lot of shit from us.
398
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:12,046
- Why is the show
called Julian in Jail?
399
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,205
If I'm on the fucking show,
400
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,783
it's not called Julian in Jail.
401
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,851
- They already cleared it.
They said it was a good name.
402
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,089
We're gonna go with that.
403
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,915
- Well, we need to
have equal billing.
404
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,549
Ever since you guys
with the cameras there
405
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,464
have been putting us
all over the world,
406
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:24,686
around the world,
407
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,091
it's gone right
to Julian's head.
408
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,333
I mean, I hate to say it,
409
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:30,627
but he's kind of
being a show off.
410
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,100
Are we getting paid?
411
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,299
- [Julian] We're going to
get paid. I'll get into that.
412
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,770
Let's just talk about
what you're doing
413
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,297
here right now, Bubs.
414
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,773
- You might as well just
call the show fucking,
415
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,811
"Larry Bought a Fucking Load
of Shady Chinese Toasters."
416
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,478
That's what the show
should be called.
417
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,106
Because they got me
working on these things,
418
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,982
trying to fix them to send
them back to the store,
419
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,881
and the fucking, look
at the circuit boards.
420
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,922
Look what I'm working
with. Look at that.
421
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,418
See that transistor?
422
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:54,220
- [Julian] Yeah?
423
00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:55,421
- See that? Garbage.
424
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:56,862
- [Julian] How can
you tell it's garbage?
425
00:15:56,856 --> 00:16:01,426
- Because look, if you put
current to it, look, its just...
426
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:04,858
There's no fucking rhyme or
reason to why that's doing that.
427
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,374
- Alright, what's
happening here,
428
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,966
they got a bunch of toasters
in, they're all defective.
429
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,068
The company gets them
back from the customers.
430
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,011
They go to another company.
They send it to us.
431
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,566
We fix them. They resell them.
432
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,114
- I fixed them. Not we, me.
433
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:16,939
- We fixed them, I'm
gonna have a part in this.
434
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,413
- I'm the one in here,
435
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:21,311
fucking 12 hours a day,
working on goddamn toasters.
436
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,784
- It's a shitty place. But,
437
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,517
you know, there is
ways of making it
438
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,488
a lot better for
yourself in here.
439
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,487
And that's what I
want to teach people.
440
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,489
Bubs, what I want you to do
is take these four toasters,
441
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:36,432
build one massive heating
unit so we can cook something.
442
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,259
Okay?
443
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,774
- What? I can't do that.
444
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:39,925
- [Julian] Just take the
elements outta these ones,
445
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,202
put it into this one--
446
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:45,372
- I wrap fucking elements from
four toasters into one unit?
447
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,842
- [Julian] Can it be done?
448
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,709
- Well, obviously it
can be done, but I mean,
449
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,179
what are you trying to cook?
450
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,278
The fucking thing's gonna
be about 300 degrees.
451
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,680
- That's perfect. If you
can get this thing to 325,
452
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:56,982
it would be absolutely perfect.
453
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,193
What you got to do in jail,
454
00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,115
you gotta think
outside of the box.
455
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,349
You don't make a lot of money.
456
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,023
You make like 15,
20 bucks a week.
457
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,461
In shithole places
like this. Workshops.
458
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:07,327
So you gotta make money
where you can make money.
459
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,597
I've come up an idea
460
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,455
that's gonna make us a
lot of fucking money.
461
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:11,833
If you can only get this
thing to work with four--
462
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,371
- Oh, I can, don't worry.
463
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,866
I can rig it up.
464
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,637
- [Larry] Bubbles, things like
these have be approved, bud.
465
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:20,866
- Yeah. No, I'll just,
don't worry about it, Larry.
466
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,113
- No, he's cool.
467
00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:23,639
We're cool down here, Larry.
468
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,113
- [Larry] Right on.
469
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:27,052
- Alright. So how long do
you think this is gonna take?
470
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,946
- Well, Julian, I mean, it's
a bit of a fucking order here.
471
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,319
I gotta strip the elements
out four toasters now,
472
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,390
you know, drop the
walls on this one,
473
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,958
rewire the fucking things
in, solder it back together.
474
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,128
It's not gonna be a quick job.
475
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,828
- [Julian] What can I
do? I wanna help you.
476
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:44,960
Want me to take this one apart?
477
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,174
Or what do you want me to do?
478
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,996
- No, just, look, I know
where everything is.
479
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,210
Just hands off. Get me a good
set of pinchers over there.
480
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,705
My good pinchers.
481
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,476
- So the next category
is land scrapes.
482
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:58,475
There's one I painted on
the podcast, actually.
483
00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,508
And it looks fucking fantastic.
484
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:00,452
Once you paint for a while,
485
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,417
you can actually get this good.
486
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,645
So that's a land scrape.
487
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:06,620
And then the other type
of painting is heads.
488
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,560
So you wanna take
your paint plate,
489
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:12,226
and get some smaller fucking
brushes for this shit.
490
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:17,663
So that can be some nice,
nice flowing hair there.
491
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:20,734
Looks great, kind of
like Jennifer Atkinson,
492
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:22,403
or whatever the
fuck her name is.
493
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,402
Then you wanna take
some of your white,
494
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,514
mix that with red.
495
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,743
White and red actually
can make pink.
496
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,381
You'll learn that
pretty quickly.
497
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,110
Nice thing about long
hair is it hides the ears,
498
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,084
Because ears are
fucking hard to paint.
499
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,464
So, pretty much fill
in most of the area,
500
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,556
except for you wanna
put a mouth in there.
501
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:51,433
Alright. So once you
got the mouth done
502
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,201
then you can fill in the
rest of the fucking face
503
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,200
with some more pink.
504
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,539
Maybe do some fucking eyebrows,
505
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:11,224
and use a bit darker red to
506
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,948
outline some kind
of a nosy thing.
507
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,757
And then for eyes, I
like to go with blue.
508
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,729
Blue are my favorite
kind of eyes,
509
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,062
I guess cause I have some.
510
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,597
Pretty nice looking
fucking eyes there.
511
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,002
Kind of just beaming at you.
512
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,313
I mean, once you have
a nice head like this,
513
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,278
you could start with, you know,
514
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,577
you can maybe make a
little bit of a body too.
515
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,281
That's arms there.
516
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,320
And then maybe put some...
517
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,492
You don't want to paint clothes,
518
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,020
clothes are fucking
hard to paint.
519
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,326
So you could maybe put
520
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,098
some breasts on there.
521
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,526
Breasts are hard to paint,
especially the shadowing, and
522
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,102
I find the nipples really hard.
523
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:04,840
That looks pretty good.
524
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:14,552
So once you have some real
nice looking breasts on there,
525
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:16,815
like, actually I'm starting
to feel a little funny here.
526
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:17,616
That looks so real.
527
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,585
So I'm gonna finish a
bit more of this up,
528
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,188
and go have another smoke break,
529
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,834
another couple drinks.
530
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,525
And we're gonna move on to
extreme fucking painting, or
531
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,033
what's it called again?
532
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,601
Ab stacks, where
you stack the paint.
533
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:35,701
Look at that fucking thing.
534
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:36,502
She's hot!
535
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:48,447
Okay. We're backed and we're
really fucking baked now.
536
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,748
I did a bit more painting,
537
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,589
kind of filling in while
I was smoking my canon.
538
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,685
I mean, normally I'd
spend a couple more hours
539
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,187
putting a bit more detail.
540
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,988
I mean, that looks really
realistic and awesome,
541
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,490
but I would normally
put a bit more detail,
542
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,132
a bit of shadowing around
the breasts and teeth,
543
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:03,598
and you know,
544
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,626
nostrils and maybe some
eyelashes that sort of shit.
545
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,943
But these tools that they
gave me fucking suck.
546
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,765
So we're gonna move on to
extreme fucking painting,
547
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,571
right after I sign this.
548
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,684
Because every painter
should sign his paintings.
549
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,136
That's what you're
supposed to do.
550
00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:20,354
I forgot to sign that
one, but I'll do it later.
551
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:21,177
So,
552
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,394
like this brush is shitty,
553
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:28,386
even for signing my
fucking name, but...
554
00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,193
Oh, that's pretty close.
555
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:36,104
Looks pretty good.
556
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,770
- I don't know. Kind of cute.
557
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,726
It's a dog cat.
558
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:43,444
- [Bubbles] No.
Don't want see it.
559
00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:46,171
- Bubs, look how cute
that little fucker is.
560
00:21:46,172 --> 00:21:47,372
- Why, are you afraid you
might like it more than a cat?
561
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:49,184
- Huh. Look at
this little fucker.
562
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:50,475
Look at him.
563
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,877
- [Bubbles] Yeah, he's
fucking, he's like a...
564
00:21:51,878 --> 00:21:53,178
- [Ricky] That is pretty cute.
565
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:54,709
- You'd kick that little
fucker outta your shed?
566
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:55,524
- Hm.
567
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,479
- Would ya?
568
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,024
- Don't like him.
569
00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:01,348
- [Ricky] Well, he's fuck of
a lot smarter than a dumb cat.
570
00:22:01,354 --> 00:22:02,324
- He could play
with you and stuff.
571
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:03,761
- Fucked up, man.
572
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:05,826
- Ricky, I'd fucking...
573
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,655
I'd put my cats up against
you any day of the week.
574
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,802
- For what? Playing
with each other?
575
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,628
- No, for smart stuff.
576
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,504
If they woke up
next to a person,
577
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:18,103
they'd know how to get
the fuck out of there
578
00:22:18,104 --> 00:22:19,814
without rooting through
their medicine cabinet,
579
00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,036
I'll tell you that.
580
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,410
- A cat can't even
count. Dog can.
581
00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:26,080
- Cats can count to a thousand.
582
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:29,854
- Alright. Well, I guess
they're smarter than I...
583
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:33,319
- I've had several cats that
could count to a thousand.
584
00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:34,489
- [Julian] Come on.
585
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:35,417
That's fucking cute, man.
586
00:22:35,422 --> 00:22:37,462
- [Bubbles] He's fairly cute,
587
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:39,957
but I'd need to know what
type of fur's on him.
588
00:22:40,927 --> 00:22:42,857
Is he coarse or is he soft?
589
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,662
- No, he looks soft, man.
590
00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:45,904
What do you mean, coarse?
591
00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:48,698
- He could be like
a bristly old brush.
592
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:50,441
Dirty, old fucking sink brush,
593
00:22:50,437 --> 00:22:52,537
and you don't want to
be having him around.
594
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,537
- I think that I
would like to uh...
595
00:22:56,543 --> 00:22:57,983
- Come on.
596
00:22:57,977 --> 00:23:00,277
- If we're playing favorite
person of the week,
597
00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:03,749
I'd like to nominate
this guy from Louisiana.
598
00:23:03,750 --> 00:23:06,920
- Are we playing favorite person
of the week? I didn't know.
599
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:07,749
- We could be.
600
00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:09,324
- Okay. Who is it?
601
00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:14,331
- He got pulled over and his
license plate expired in 1997.
602
00:23:15,294 --> 00:23:17,234
(Ricky laughing)
603
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,059
- That's awesome.
604
00:23:18,064 --> 00:23:19,274
- Well.
605
00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:20,495
- He's fucking
amazing. 23 years.
606
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,970
And his excuse was,
"I've been busy."
607
00:23:25,271 --> 00:23:26,871
- See, I don't
disagree with him.
608
00:23:26,873 --> 00:23:28,483
There's been things
I've been meaning to do
609
00:23:28,475 --> 00:23:31,575
for 20 or 25 years that I've
been just too busy to get at.
610
00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:33,705
- Like what?
611
00:23:33,713 --> 00:23:37,423
- Just different things.
Different things.
612
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:38,616
- So it just shows you, I mean,
613
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:39,888
how much money would
he have spent in years?
614
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:41,286
- I've been meaning to
get new pair of boots.
615
00:23:41,287 --> 00:23:43,617
I haven't done that yet.
616
00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:47,033
- Couple hundred bucks
a year. Over 28 years.
617
00:23:48,495 --> 00:23:49,325
That's a lot of money he saved.
618
00:23:49,328 --> 00:23:50,828
- Boys, I gotta use it.
619
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:53,930
- One or two? Because you're
not doing two-ing in here.
620
00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:55,573
- Do you have piss jug, Ricky,
621
00:23:55,568 --> 00:23:56,998
or should we just shut her down?
622
00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:57,973
- Yeah, I got a piss jug.
623
00:23:57,970 --> 00:23:59,270
Or, just use that thermos.
624
00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:01,969
- Ricky, you that's
your drinking thermos.
625
00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:02,944
- I could wash it.
626
00:24:03,976 --> 00:24:04,906
- I'm not pissing in your--
627
00:24:04,911 --> 00:24:06,151
- Just use it! Go for it.
628
00:24:06,145 --> 00:24:08,875
- I'm not pissing
in your thermos.
629
00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:10,521
- He offered it up.
630
00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:12,447
- I'll just go piss
in the toilet. I just thought, you know.
631
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:13,691
- Yeah, you could do that.
632
00:24:13,686 --> 00:24:15,416
- It's rude, man.
Use his thermos.
633
00:24:15,421 --> 00:24:16,491
- Oh boy.
634
00:24:16,489 --> 00:24:20,159
(button rings, theme music)
635
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:24,759
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
47332
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.