All language subtitles for Trailer Park Boys Show s03e06.eng

- [Ricky] Warning,

The following program contains
really coarse language, weed,

alcohol consumption,
smoking, and sexual

(stumbles) inferences.

This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental
controls please press

the big go (censored)
yourself button

on your remote control.

(Trailer Park Boys theme plays)

- We've hung out with
Snoop Dogg quite a bit.

- Really?
- Quite a few times.

- I'd like to do that.

- He's a fuckin' maniac.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, but he
doesn't smoke hourly.

He smokes minutely.

- Really?

- I heard he's got
a guy, he hires

to roll his joints for him.

- He rolls a lot of 'em himself.

(all agree)

- He rolls a lot himself, man.
- Really?!

Man, see... you
know what I mean?

- Like see the way
you just lit that.

- Takes it in his own hands.

- He would've already
passed that to him

- [Together] and
lit another one.

- He'd have a second
one lit already.

- Anybody?

Just me?

- And, I guess, if you're
hanging with Snoop Dog

you feel inclined, you
gotta smoke with him.

- I know, I understand.

- That's what happens.

- And so you get totally fucked.

- 'Cause when he goes like
this and hands you the joint,

you can't be like, "No
thank you, Snoop Dog."

(laughing)

- Yeah...

- 'Cause it's rude
do you just do it.

- No, thank you, Snoop Dogg.

- And then 20 minutes
later, you're going,

oh, hope I don't shit myself.

Hope I don't shit myself.

- I got a crazy story.

It's kind of like that.

We were on tour with Slash

and Lemmy was there and I
was just losing my mind.

- Lemmy, Lemmy?

- Holy shit, Lemmy.
- Real Lemmy, like.

(agreeing crosstalk)

- Real Lemmy.

- Real life Lemmy,
which was just,

that's mind blowing.

So I'm looking down the
hallway and I'm super nervous.

I'm like, I can't
go talk to him.

Brandon's like I
don't give a shit

and he went up and starts
the conversation with Lemmy.

I'm like, there's my in.

So I walked up and
we talked for a while

and I got through the night

and we're hanging side
stage watching Slash

and Lemmy turns to me.

He goes, you wanna drink?

I was like, no man.

It's okay, I'm drinking vodka.

So I turned down a
drink from Lemmy.

- Oh no, you didn't, man.
- Jesus.

- I turned down a
whiskey from Lemmy.

- That was brilliant.

- And then I weirded him
out cause I was so wasted

trying to keep up with him.

I like totally weirded him out.

So there's my Lemmy
embarrassment right there.

- That's pretty awesome.

- It's alright, man.

- It was fun though
he was really nice.

- * Ace of spades

- The cool part was
he was like granddad.

Totally.

He's like a granddad.

- The cool part was that
Lemmy wasn't allowed upstairs

'cause Slash and a bunch of
them don't drink anymore.

- Oh yeah, right.

- So Lemmy's drinking, so...

And our dressing room was the
only one on the bottom floor.

So they're like, if
Lemmy needs the bathroom,

can he use your dressing room?

And I was like, of course.

And that was my ticket
to go walk up and say,

"Hey Lemmy, if you need
to take a piss, man."

- Yeah, we got, we got
the drinking room for him.

- Yeah.

I met Lemmy once, but
I just got to say hi,

I didn't get to talk to him,

but it was at the rainbow room.

- Oh, fuck.

- Was he playing VLTs?

- He was.

He was sitting in his seat
there at the end playing the...

I think he was
playing photo match.

- Yeah.

- And I was like, oh...

Hey there, how are you doing?

I got to shake his hand and
that was kind of it, but.

- Nice.

- He was super kind, super kind.

- He was very friendly,
very friendly.

- I thought he was gonna
be like Ozzy Osborne

and would be like, it would
be hard to understand him.

- Like snorting ants.

(laughing)

- Well, yeah, but he was
like, he was articulate.

Like he was...

- [Ricky] No way. Really?

- Yeah!

- I never would
have thought that.

- Totally.

- Super... it was like
talking to your granddad,

you're like, hey grandpa.

- And Ozzy!

Fuck, I'd like to meet Ozzy.

- Me too.

I want to...

- Did you see the movie?

The Motley crew movie where
he snorts up the ants.

You think, is that real?

- I think it is.

- That is real.

I've heard that story for years.

- The worst part...

It was the drinkin' the piss
that really took me for...

- Oh, as he got down
at the pool side,

'cause everybody was talking
about how hardcore they were.

And there was a line of
ants going, you know,

doing their thing.

And he got down with a straw

and he snorted up
a bunch of ants.

- That'd be...

- It's the creepiest thing.

- Would it make you high?

What would that do?

- No, Ricky, it
wouldn't make you high.

They'd start tunneling
around in your fuckin' brain,

Wouldn't they?

- Yeah.

- I mean, they're not gonna die.

They live underground.

- That's fucked up.

- Then he sucked up his piss.

took a piss on the...

- He took a piss, sucked it up

and then Nicki Sixx took a piss

and he pushed him out of the
way and he licked up his piss.

(laughing)

- Geez.

- I can't believe like
that's now common knowledge.

That is in human culture.

You know, whereas before
it was, like a rock story.

- But I guess that's why he
walks around now going...

(growling)

- I think there's
a lot more to that.

- That's what it was.

It was the ants.

That's what fuckin' sent
him off the drill bit.

- It was the ants
that fuckin' drilled

some holes in his brain.

- Got some of his brain.

- Some of his brain's
not there now.

- Figure it out.

- People that drink
other people's piss

will be normal now, I guess.

(chuckling)

- Pretty much.

If you don't snort ants
I think you're fine.

- I think.... yeah.

- Wow, that's fucked.

- Let me set er sorry.

Ozzy said a bar, you know,
he set a bar for crazy.

- Remember the time you put
a centipede in your ear.

- I didn't eat it though.

- No, but...

(laughing)

I mean, I had to get it out

with little needle nose pliers.

He was in there.

- He was fuckin'
setting up shop.

- Whoof.

(laughing)

- Yeah, Ricky had a
centipede in his ear.

- So you guys are on tour
for like forever now?

- Yeah.

- Something like that, yeah.

- That's fuckin'...

well good for you guys, but man.

- Yeah, it's nice to work,
but yeah, it's a lot.

You're not home
much, but you know.

- What's the longest
run you've ever done

without going home?

- I think 11 weeks long?

- Oh, fuck.

- Three tours all in a row.

- That's a wild shift.

- Home like a week
and went back out.

- Yeah, fucking crazy.

But we're gonna go next time.

Next tour starts in
middle of April in Europe

and it's like six weeks maybe?

- Okay, that's still long.

- That'll be a good time.
- That's a long time.

It's a long, that's a good time.

- But over in Europe you get

to see fucking different things.

- Where's your biggest,
when you go to Europe,

where are your biggest markets?

- UK and Germany, for sure.

- Yeah.

- Well is, is the
UK part of Europe?

I don't wanna get political.

- Oh, fuck, here we go.

- But the whole thing
is yeah, UK's okay

and Germany's sweet.

- We played in Germany.

- Yeah.

- Berlin.

- Yeah.

- I went in Berlin marathon
caused the big accident.

- You were in hockey
gear, weren't you?

- I wore hockey gear and

- [Together] roller blades.

- Oh, that's amazing.

- Yeah and I got answered.

I had the thing and I
started going and I tripped

and a whole bunch
of people fell over.

(laughing)

- Like a NASCAR crash?

- You actually got
a medal though.

- I did get a medal.

- I don't think you,
you were supposed to

'cause you cheated, but.

- I didn't cheat, you cheated.

- You did cheat us.

- You brought me off the track,

put me in a car and
drove me to the end

of the finish line and
let me out and I crossed

- You still didn't win.

- and then they gave me a
medal, an achievement medal.

- Participation, yeah.

- But they tried to take it
away and you wouldn't let them.

That was awesome.

- Well, I'm not
giving back my medal.

You already gave to me.

(all chuckling)

I still have that
medal somewhere.

Berlin marathon runner.

Skater.

(all chuckling)

Yep.

You guys got liquor drinks?

- I got a liquor drink.

- You guys want some popcorn?

- There's pepperoni over there.

We got some vegetables.

- Oh yeah.

Bubbles, what was, what
was that shit you made?

- Boys these wings are not bad.

- Serious lunch set up guys.

- It's not bad.

Ricky usually doesn't
go full tilt like this.

I still wouldn't eat that stuff.

- Oh serviettes, here we go.

- Yeah who wants a fancy napkin?

- Getting' a little old.

- There you go.

- Bubs.

- First time ever seeing
him fuckin' handle napkins,

paper towels.

- Well it's fucking wings.

Wings get a little messy.

- You could just use
your shirt, though man.

- I might go with just
straight up sauce.

- What, you're just
doing a shot of sauce?

- I forget which
one this is now.

Oh, it smells like barb sauce.

- Sauce sauce.

- Barb be cu lock.

Barb be cock.

Actually Corey said that
originally your guy's name

was not Monster Truck,
it was monster cock

and the record company
made you change it.

- You know, I wish
that was true.

That'd be a way better story.

(laughing)

- You didn't have to
call it monster cock.

- Nah, we called it Monster
Truck 'cause it's ridiculous

and we just wanted to have
fun and get fucked up.

And that was the whole
point of this band.

And then we wrote good songs,
so good on us, I guess.

- Right on.

- I fucking like Monster Truck.

That's a good name man.

- Monster Truck.

- Yeah, it worked.

Well, it's kind of
weird because nobody,

everything monster truck
affiliated doesn't want anything

to do with it.

- [Julian] Really?

- Like when we first
came out, we were like,

yo Monster Jam, we're
totally the band for you.

Like you guys should
figure this out.

- Yeah.

- It's hard rock.

It's called monster truck.

You know, let's get in
there and they're like,

"nah, we're good."

- We tried for years
- That's fucked.

- with those fucking guys.

- We got into hockey.
- They never, never.

- Hockey's cool.

- Yeah, well that was our thing.

Like we liked hockey the most.

So we wrote a song about hockey

and then it was a leaf
school song for three years.

- Yes, that's cool.

- Don Cherry, we talked about
it, hockey night in Canada.

I was like, okay.

- That's fucking awesome.

- That is awesome.

- Cain said, Abel,
look down there.

Abel, turn around, what?

Bam!

Killed, just like that.

Smack him down in the
face, hurting the dirt,

put his heel down on his throat.

Crush him.

Let him bleed out
into the river.

God came to Abel said,
"Abel, where are you?"

He went to visit Cain.

Said "Cain, where's
your brother?"

Cain said, a mind
my brother keep you.

God said, "mother fucker,
what have you done?

Listen, your brother's blood
cries to me from the soil.

You shall be banned
from the soil

that opened the mouth to
receive your brother's blood

and the fuckin' hand"
and Cain was sent out.

Now listen, lemme
tell you something.

Therese's a lot
of noise going on

on these social network sites
about meat eating being a sin.

Well Genesis tells us the
only motherfuckin' sin

is being a vegan.

A vege-motherfucking-terian.

Self-righteous mother
fucking terian.

Cain killing a meat eater.

And that's what
happening right now.

Y'all want to judge,
you judge Abel,

who's laying face
first on the ground.

Well you vegetarians are
the descendants of Cain.

Now Cain's not a bad man.

He just gets mad when people
don't want to eat a salad.

Now when people
want to dis Ricky

because Ricky don't want to eat

fucking greens and
fruit, all that

and want to tell him
he murder an animal.

Ricky Brown will come to
you with a rock in his hand,

just like!

Well wait, oh, shit, man.

Actually Cain killed
Abel, didn't he?

Well, when Ricky Brown
won't let you do that

to Ricky 'cause when
you lead Ricky Brown

into the garden, Rick could
turn around just like this.

Hey ye ye ye!

Turn around and catch
that rock to juggle it up

like a god damn soccer player.

Bicycle kick that shit right
in the god damn throat.

Watch a larynx crush,
pull out the back.

Ricky grab you by the
spine, yank it out,

play that shit like a flute

and play all the way home
with a sheep following behind.

You don't come to
Ricky and decide

that he's killing animals
'cause he likes a good

god damn leg of
turkey, now do ya?

You can learn a lot from God.

- Okay, you do a little crack
Mr. Lahey and you go close.

- Yeah.

- Close to the grill,
you open it up.

It comes out in the pool.

- Oh, beautiful Randy.

That's how you cook
the egg (inaudible).

- [Jim] I like those eggs.

- [Randy] All right.
- That's great.

- Okay, now Mr. Lahey here.

- Oh my God.

- Secret to a good cooking show

is having clean
grilling surface.

(Jim giggles)

Don't!

That's my...

- It's a...

Maxim Poek!

I fucking see him
right in there!

- [Randy] Okay.

- [Jim] Look he's
smiling at me, Randy.

- This bun's done, Mr. Lahey.

- * This bun's done

We just put that one in there.

You put that on the
side right there.

While that's going, you grab
another bun like this...

- Oh Lord.

- ...take it, you put it down.

- You don't have
to talk about...

- You pop it down.
You don't need to...

- Talk about the
delicious nature

of the fucking riggy rag, Randy.

- Look, cheese is melting.

We got to turn the heat
up, just like that.

- Oh, okay.

- Now what you can do, now
that the bacon's heated.

You can take it and put it

on top of the cheese
everybody, all right?

- Where the fuck else
would you put it?

- Wow, Mr. Lahey some people
put it right on the egg.

- Oh!

- So you just put
it right there.

- Great, that's
the European way.

- Ow! Shit!

- What did you do?

- Oh it's hot, hot, Mr. Lahey.

- I love your turkins.

- Okay and while the eggs are,

you gotta let the
eggs cook a little bit

and then you get our condiments.

- Yeah.
- So we got a tomato here.

This is the food group.
- Move it along, Randy.

The fucking...

- Listen Mr. Lahey...

- we got a half an
hour to do the show!

- This is my show!

- But we only got
a certain amount.

(slurring) We got a big fuckin'
show ladies and gentleman.

- Well maybe if you didn't start

until I freaking got
here for freak sakes.

- That doesn't make any sense!

- Look this is a great,

so you get nice tomato
slices like that.

- You're good.

- And we got some
lettuce because

this is the roughage.

Everyone needs a little bit
of vegetables in their lives.

I like...

- That's limp.

That's limp.

You gotta get the nice,
good creasy stuff.

- That's perfect.

- I covered one of
these for Halloween.

So little taste test.

Yep, it's good.

- This lettuce compared
to that other lettuce,

that romaine or
whatever it's called.

This is no caloric infla...
(inaudible mumbling)

- They grow this on
icebergs. Mr. Lahey.

- But you can push
stuff on like,

vegetable salad oils, Randy.

- Okay, this is the
very important part.

- Yeah.
- Flipping the eggs.

- They're very difficult.

Now that's your egg, Mr. Lahey.

Your egg is fucked.

- Mine's nicer than yours.

- No you got, because
you're supposed to do...

- Mine has fucking character!

That looks like a
egg anybody can make

any fucking diner
for $2.99 breakfast!

But that fucking
egg, that's art.

- All right, Mr. Lahey.

You're getting this
burnt piece of toast.

- Hey we have to save
one for our guests.

- Well, we're gonna make one.

The last buns are
going in the toaster.

- Lookie...
- Right there.

I'm going to leave Randy
at his cooking show.

- No, you don't leave me.

Oh yeah, I gotta move
on for the show, Randy.

We got a lot to
cover today, bud.

- Mr. Lahey, we're almost done.

- Okay, okay.

- Okay?

Please, well, you go ahead.

If you need more, I'll
continue cooking over here,

but I want to be able to pre...

- Do you want to say
something to the fans?

- Do you want an extra
(fumbles over words)

- Oh, that's overkill, Randy.

You don't have to...

- extra piece of...
- Fucking chicken bacon.

I think chicken bacon sounds
like a fucking oxymoron,

Randy.

Chickens, you know, if
you take a pile of feed

and you put it like
Randy, like this...

(laughs)

- You're six outta 10 Mr.
Lahey, for sure, sure.

- I'm getting here, Randy.

- Okay, here it is,
this is it. Mr. Lahey.

I got your burger ready.

- Oh, I love it, Randy.

- I got it.

This is gonna be a
great breakfast...

- Every day.

- ...to start your day is the
way that everyone should roll.

Now this is a very
important part,

Mr. Lahey I gotta show 'em.

This here bun.

Well, normally if you got
cheese on your burger,

you gotta flip the
bun upside down.

- Yeah?

- And then you put
that top part on there

so it doesn't stick.

And then you can
put your ketchup

- Oh you're smart.

- and mustard and stuff
on there Mr. Lahey.

- Okay. I've invented
a new aperitif.

I like to experiment with the,

these are peanuts and lettuce.

- No!

- Now, if you have a
little shot of something

to put on the peanuts
and lettuce that...

Randy, this is gonna
be fuckin' crazy.

- Mr. Lahey don't!

You're gonna ruin your dinner.

Oh, oh, shit!

I got some burning
going on, Mr. Lahey.

(laughing)

That's not, don't let
it burn everybody.

- There you go.

- We'll give this
one to our guest,

our guest gets that one.

I'm getting the
good one, frigg him.

- We gotta make chicken stock.

- Okay.

- First for Rocky Pie.

So you want to...

- What is chicken stock?

- What is?

Okay. (giggles)

We're just gonna
throw it in the pot.

- That's it?

- That's it.

- We're halfway there.

So you can take some celery.

Cut up some celery.

- That's this one?

- Yes... okay,
yeah that's celery.

- He don't know anything.

- Why would he not know...
have you had celery?

- Do you keep all this shit?

- We're gonna use that.

That's the good stuff.

So just cut, like right here.

- All right.
- Okay?

And then put that in the pot.

- This in the pot or this?

- No, that!

- That, Ricky the tops.

- This is, we'll
save that for later.

Now take half of that.

(electronic music bumps)

Ricky is doing a
really good job,

even though he doesn't know
how to fucking read poor guy.

He didn't even know what
the fucking celery was,

but he is trying.

- Maybe you know.
- Oh fuck.

- What did come first,
the chicken or his leg?

- The... at the same time.

And then Bubbles.

Bubbles is fucking killing it.

He can't... I'm surprised he
didn't cut his fingers off.

And then Julian, he just
doesn't give a fuck.

He's got that cup of
fucking rum and Coke

or whatever the it
is, and all the boys,

they're chipping in.

- Ricky holy fuck!

Look what I did!

- [Ricky] Bubs.

- Just joking.

- Stop fucking around.

- You're gonna make
me throw up Bubs.

(Bubbles laughing)

- Don't...

- Can you imagine if my
finger went in the fuckin pot?

- And then put that in the pot.

Carrots.
- For sure, oh carrots.

So all this is called mirepoix.

So onions, carrot, celery
is called mirepoix.

That's French.

- Called what, mir-

- Julian, you know, French?

Mirepoix.

(cross talking)

- We know some French
strippers, that's about it.

- So that's flavoring.

Those three are the foundations
of everything that's good.

- I believe it.

- Onions, carrots, and celery.

And then all we're
gonna do is take

actual box chicken stock.

We're just gonna fortify it.

- Ricky used to drink that.

He used to use it as mix.

- Chicken stock?

- Yes!
- It's not bad with vodka.

- Oh my god, guys.

Yeah, open up some
boxes here, boys.

- There.

- Okay. Let's open 'em up.

Julian, can you,
you got one arm?

- I kinda...

- Okay.

- Here, I'll try.

- You can try.

- How many people would
this feed you think?

- This could feed like
12 people probably.

- Holy shit!

- Do you know what's crazy?

We're gonna pour all of this
liquid into this potato mix.

- All of it?
- What?

- All of it and it's
gonna absorb it all.

- Holy shit.

- Because this is dried,
so this is like grated.

You grate potatoes.

You peel 'em, you grate 'em

and then you spin 'em
in like an old dryer

and you spin 'em and then
you hang 'em in sacks

and all of the liquid comes out.

And then that paste,
this is how they would,

they would store
back in the day.

Like my nanny,
when she was young,

they would make their
own bricks of potato

and they hang them
and through winter,

that's how you keep potatoes

and then it doesn't go sour.

So now we just have to
bring this up to a boil.

You guys just made
chicken stock.

Don't get too close.
- Yes!

- [Ricky] Right on.

- You don't wanna fucking
get the raw chicken.

(high five slaps)

- That was fucking easy man.

- So that's gonna take
about a half an hour.

- Clean up, I'm
gonna go get a drink.

- Give me a drink too.

- You have a drink.
- Julian, Julian!

- I'll be right back Bubs

just clean the fucking place up.

- Whenever it's cleaning time,

he disappears into thin air.

- You did most of the cutting.

I didn't even make
any mess, okay?

So...

- But I thought he was
gonna try to pitch in.

Maybe I'll give him a small
slice, see how he likes that.

- Right on, thanks man.

The guy out back the
chef guy there, he said,

keep them coming,
he's buying okay.

- Just sits there with his
fucking Coca-Cola and rum,

got big muscles,
thinks he's hot shit,

but they need to understand a
little bit of their heritage.

They got their heads up
their asses most of the time,

chasing around
doing the weed deals

and whatever else they're doing.

And I just wanna make sure that

they have a little
bit of heritage.

- Keep them coming, keep them...

you're gonna get a good tip.

- [Bartender] All right.

- If Ricky, Julian,
and Bubbles came over

to my nanny and grampy's house.

I think it would be a hoot.

The stock is done.

- Fuck that smells good!

- Right?!

Now we're gonna have to
pick all the chicken meat.

- [Julian] Okay.

- So the chicken meat's
hot though, guys.

- [Ricky] What part of the meat?

- The meat is the meat.

Here, use a pair of tongs.

- So just everything,
but the bones?

- Yeah, everything
but the bones.

And then here, Bubbles.

You're gonna pick the meat.

- Holy fuck!

That's hot.

- Well, yes, fucking...

- It just came out
of a boiling pot!

- Yeah!

It's not fucking... didn't
come out of a fridge.

- Dig into man, with the tongs!

- Fuck!

- So just pick it.

- Can I use tongs?

- Yeah, that's why
I gave you tongs.

- Aw fuck.

So pick the chicken.

- And then I'm gonna
strain the stock.

(fluid pouring)

- Okay, hold this
for a sec, Rick.

Double time it, two at a time.

- Julian, I wanted you to help.

- Yeah thanks for
the help Julian.

- I am helping, I'm supervising.

- [Ricky] Man, I should be
a professional tong player.

- Yeah, you can play the tongs.

Okay, here.

Slice those green onions.

You know how to slice?

- There.

Is that what you want, that?

Or the top?

- [Ricky] It's not great.

- No, I just, oh no, dude...

Oh, fuck sakes.

Chop it up like that.

- Right?

- You're as useless
as a dick on a nun.

- Yeah, there you go, Julian.

- [Julian] It's a
lot of work, huh?

- I bet if you could
invent a boneless chicken,

you'd be a rich man.

- Yeah.

I think if you invented
boneless chicken.

- [Julian] Where do you
want these fucking things?

- Just put 'em in here.

Put 'em right in the pot.

All of them though, okay.

Don't fucking throw
'em on the ground.

- Who's throwing things
on the fucking ground?

- Julian, how strong are you?

- I don't know, man.

I can, you know, I can
take care of myself.

Why?

- Okay, 'cause I need your arm.

See that this looks nice, right?

- Looks weird.

- So we're gonna do
this really slowly

and this is kind of dangerous

because this chicken
stock is hot,

but you need it to be hot.

- [Ricky] Don't splash yourself.

- [Bubbles] Don't splash.

- I'm just gonna show you.

Just hold on.

I just wanna...

you just kind of
gotta work it a bit.

- [Ricky] Holy fuck.

- [Chef] and you just
turn it into sludge.

- This is like Little
House on the Prairie shit.

They made this shit
back then didn't they?

- Yeah, this is exactly.

This is Little House
on the Prairie.

- The shit...

- So you gotta do it
until it's kind of...

- Oh yeah, that's
looking fucking good now.

- [Bubbles] Laura Ingalls
was making this shit

back in the day.
- Okay, so this is...

you can start stirring.

So stir it, but be careful.

Yeah, and you can mash it a bit.

- Julian, you could set
your fucking drink down

- Why would I do that?

- and actually take part.

Take part in the
whole festivity.

- So you want to
mash it up a bit.

- You wanna hold the
bowl for me, Rick?

- Hold the bowl, Ricky.

- Don't turn it to dust.

- Slow, you don't
wanna splash it's hot.

- Look at the flex
he's got going.

- I know, look at his arm.

- Have you guys
been to Helsinki?

- Yep.
- Yep.

It's pretty sweet.

- Fucking sweet.
- Wild place.

- Yeah.

- Best steak restaurant we
ever went to was in Helsinki.

- I don't doubt it, their
food standards are crazy.

- Yeah.

- It was good.

- No bleach in their chicken.

- It was called Stefan's.

- Really?
- Whoa.

- How do you remember that?

- I don't remember that.

- I know it because I
went there three times.

Stefan's and they have
certified A5 wagu beef.

- Oh yeah.
- Whoa.

- Lookout baby.
- Oh yeah.

- Hundred bucks for
a four ounce steak.

- Jesus Christ,
that's expensive.

- Jesus.

- Well, I didn't pay the
promoter was paying so I just...

- (laughing) so that's the key.

- It was kind of fatty too.

- It was wonderful.

It was wonderful.

- The fucked up
thing about Finland?

There was a sauna in every
single place that I ever,

whether it was one of the venues
had a sauna in the basement

and then every
hotel has a sauna.

Like everybody saunas
all the time in Finland.

- Yup.

- And so I did it
every time I was there

and then wished I had a sauna.

- Now you go to Japan
and they got the toilets

that shoot the
water up your ass.

- Genius.

- They have those
in Edmonton now.

We were in a hotel
in Edmonton that had

the shooting water toilets.

I'm too scared to try it though.

I'm like, you know what?

- Oh yeah, I tried right away.

- Really?

I'm just like holy shit I
don't know where it's gonna go.

Is the water just gonna
shoot out everywhere?

- No, I was in
Japan with Axl Rose

and he had the
presidential suite

and his toilet in his room
didn't just have that thing,

it had a scanner that went

(makes lazer noises)

- Too scared.

- And then it found your...

it didn't matter if you
were sitting off kilter.

It knew exactly.

(laughing)

And it knew exactly where
to shoot in the starfish.

- Laser guided.

- It was like a laser
guided starfish.

- Ass cleaner.

(the group chuckles)

- Right in the hoop every time.

- I'd love to have one of those.

- Japanese technology
is pretty advanced.

- Their ass technology.

- I'll be honest though,
if it was laser guided,

I'd probably definitely
take the risk.

I'm just worried
about errant sprays

because I'm not
positioned right.

- No way.

- Won't be the toilet's fault.

It'd be mine.

- No.
- Laser guided pursuit.

- All right, I'm gonna try it.

- I'm agrin.

- I might get addicted
to it, but I'm trying it.

- 2 million saunas in Finland.

Just gonna throw that out there.

- Whoa, two, what?

- 2 million.

- [Ricky] How many people in...

- 5.3.

- Whoa.

- Yo, at every house I'm
telling you, every hotel.

- That's fucked up.

- Every hotel had like
the ballin'est sauna.

- [Brandon] It's crazy.

- You walk in the hotel
lobby and it kind of sucks.

And you go down to the sauna
and you're like, holy shit.

It's like this, beautiful...

- Do they have
saunas in the rooms?

- No, no, no.

Down in the basement.

They have a pool
and then they always

have a his and her sauna
that are just massive.

- And when you go in, the
dudes are always naked.

- Yeah, they're just
sitting there like this.

- Oh yeah, no bathing suits.

- Me and Brandon are sitting
there in bathing suits.

Hey guys,

- He would love that.

- How's it going?

- He would love that.

- I'm not a full naked guy.

I never played sports
I'm not into it.

- So if you're gonna
start a sauna business,

you got to go over there.

- You're not a full naked guy?

Well, I'll give you a tip.

Don't ever go to meet an NHL
hockey team after the game.

(laughing)

- Yeah that's...

- Yeah. I just, I can't.

- We got hauled
down to who was it?

The Rangers?
- San Jose.

- San Jose's dress room

and everybody was
excited to meet us.

So they didn't bother
getting dressed.

They just came over to meet us.

(laughing)

- And it was like...

- That's fucking great.

- We were in the LA King's
dressing room, same thing.

- He was hyperventilating.

(crosstalk)

- Big hands, cocks flopping.

- They're used to it,
since four years old

their cocks have been
flapping everywhere.

- I guess so, yeah.

Group showers.

- I'm not used to that shit.

- He was hyperventilating.

- I wasn't
hyperventilating, bubs.

- Reminded me of jail.

(Trailer Park Boys Theme plays)

(fishes saying fuck repeatedly)

(air whooshes)

- (whispering) Fuck off.

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