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- Warning.
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00:00:01,652 --> 00:00:02,832
The following program
contains really
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00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:05,570
course language, weed,
alcohol consumption,
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00:00:05,609 --> 00:00:08,309
smoking and sexual inferences.
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00:00:08,348 --> 00:00:09,908
This content may not be suitable
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00:00:09,957 --> 00:00:11,777
for viewers under 18.
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00:00:11,826 --> 00:00:13,436
To activate parental controls,
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00:00:13,478 --> 00:00:14,268
Please press the
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00:00:14,304 --> 00:00:15,344
go [beep] yourself button
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00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:16,691
on your remote control.
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00:00:29,087 --> 00:00:30,647
- I remember in the
intermission last night
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00:00:30,696 --> 00:00:31,736
I was trying to find
13
00:00:31,783 --> 00:00:34,093
some fun facts about
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00:00:34,130 --> 00:00:35,140
animals.
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00:00:35,174 --> 00:00:36,524
I was trying to
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00:00:36,565 --> 00:00:37,875
- Fun facts about animals?
17
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,133
- Yeah, yeah!
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00:00:39,174 --> 00:00:40,874
- Why were you doing that?
19
00:00:40,913 --> 00:00:42,093
- I was thinking about
getting a new pet
20
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:42,740
and I wanted to
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00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:45,433
research things about
different ones.
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00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:46,748
- Ricky.
23
00:00:46,783 --> 00:00:47,913
Find out what's a good pet.
24
00:00:47,957 --> 00:00:49,397
My pants are falling off.
25
00:00:49,435 --> 00:00:50,395
- [Bubbles] Well pull them up.
26
00:00:50,435 --> 00:00:51,605
Do you have underwear on?
27
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:52,652
- [Ricky] Who knows?
28
00:00:54,478 --> 00:00:55,048
It's flip of a coin.
29
00:00:55,087 --> 00:00:56,397
[Ricky laughs]
30
00:00:56,435 --> 00:00:58,005
- You don't know if you
have underwear on or not?
31
00:00:58,043 --> 00:00:58,873
[Ricky sighs]
32
00:00:58,913 --> 00:00:59,703
- Can you feel them?
33
00:00:59,739 --> 00:01:00,389
- Oh yeah.
34
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,645
No, I do.
35
00:01:01,696 --> 00:01:03,086
- Well. Can't you feel
that you have under?
36
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,440
I mean, I always know
when I have underwear on.
37
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:08,480
Jesus.
38
00:01:08,522 --> 00:01:09,392
- Uh.
39
00:01:09,435 --> 00:01:11,225
What did you guys want to do?
40
00:01:11,261 --> 00:01:13,221
- I don't know that, just,
I'm reading a story here.
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00:01:13,261 --> 00:01:15,401
It kind of reminds me of
something that you would do.
42
00:01:15,435 --> 00:01:16,955
- [Ricky] Who me?
43
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000
- Yeah. Remember how
you used to go on like,
44
00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:19,563
fuck, I want to get a
Bulletproof vest
45
00:01:19,609 --> 00:01:20,389
and start, you know
46
00:01:20,435 --> 00:01:21,175
I wanna get shot by one?
47
00:01:21,217 --> 00:01:22,437
- [Ricky] Yeah.
48
00:01:22,478 --> 00:01:24,738
- We're like, no, Ricky,
it it fuckin', it hurts.
49
00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:26,003
Like you can break
ribs and shit.
50
00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:26,953
- You don't get dead.
51
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,130
- Yeah. But still,
52
00:01:28,174 --> 00:01:29,524
you don't want to get fuckin'
shot, man.
53
00:01:29,565 --> 00:01:30,655
It's just, it's not normal.
54
00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:32,866
- What if they shoot
you in the neck?
55
00:01:32,913 --> 00:01:34,303
by accident? Then
56
00:01:34,348 --> 00:01:36,268
- You have to get a
Bulletproof scarf.
57
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,874
- Anyway, these two guys
were drinking.
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00:01:37,913 --> 00:01:38,963
They're neighbors.
59
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,350
They were like, they
put on the vest.
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00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,051
They're like, let's
shoot each other.
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00:01:42,087 --> 00:01:42,957
See what it feels like.
62
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,570
- Some fuckin' tough guys.
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00:01:45,435 --> 00:01:46,175
- One guy shot the guy.
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00:01:46,217 --> 00:01:47,487
Right? And it hurt so
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It hurt him so fuckin' bad
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00:01:49,348 --> 00:01:50,298
that buddy picks
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00:01:50,348 --> 00:01:52,648
up a fuckin' rifle
and shoots him
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00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,346
like unloads the whole fuckin'
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00:01:54,391 --> 00:01:56,741
clip at the guy's vest.
70
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:57,393
- What?
71
00:01:57,435 --> 00:01:58,435
- And killed him.
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00:01:58,478 --> 00:01:59,218
- [Julian] He didn't kill him,
no.
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00:01:59,261 --> 00:01:59,741
But it fucked him up.
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00:01:59,783 --> 00:02:00,873
- Oh my God.
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00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:01,743
- Went to the hospital
and said they got
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00:02:01,783 --> 00:02:03,183
into a gunfight with somebody
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00:02:04,261 --> 00:02:05,001
[Ricky laughs]
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00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:06,343
and they were like, no
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00:02:06,391 --> 00:02:07,521
you guys are just fuckin'
shooting at each other.
80
00:02:07,565 --> 00:02:08,305
And they were like, yeah.
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00:02:08,348 --> 00:02:09,168
Okay. We fuckin' did that.
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00:02:09,217 --> 00:02:10,647
Anyway. They're going to jail.
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00:02:10,696 --> 00:02:11,176
- That's fucked up.
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00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:11,777
- For what?
85
00:02:11,826 --> 00:02:13,216
- Don't know, man.
86
00:02:13,261 --> 00:02:15,141
- I guess you're not allowed
to shoot at each other.
87
00:02:15,174 --> 00:02:15,914
- You're not allowed to
shoot at, at each other.
88
00:02:15,957 --> 00:02:16,957
Yeah.
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00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,170
- Even with
Bulletproof vents on.
90
00:02:19,435 --> 00:02:20,395
Bulletproof scarf's
91
00:02:20,435 --> 00:02:21,215
- Exciting.
92
00:02:21,261 --> 00:02:22,611
- Not a bad idea, actually.
93
00:02:22,652 --> 00:02:24,832
- Bulletproof gloves?
94
00:02:24,870 --> 00:02:26,220
- Bulletproof gloves, yeah.
95
00:02:26,261 --> 00:02:28,691
- Cause you're always
getting defensive wounds.
96
00:02:28,739 --> 00:02:29,559
- Yeah.
97
00:02:30,565 --> 00:02:31,825
Bulletproof gloves.
98
00:02:31,870 --> 00:02:32,960
- [Ricky] Bulletproof.
99
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,090
- If you fuckin' try to
stop a bullet
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00:02:34,130 --> 00:02:35,610
with your bulletproof fuckin'
gloves,
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00:02:35,652 --> 00:02:36,612
[Ricky laughs]
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00:02:36,652 --> 00:02:38,562
your good hand would be fucked.
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00:02:38,609 --> 00:02:40,039
It would just be all
mangled up inside.
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00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:40,957
And you'd take it out
105
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,050
and in your hand
would be fucked.
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00:02:42,087 --> 00:02:42,787
- Would it, though?
107
00:02:42,826 --> 00:02:44,046
- Kind of, man.
108
00:02:44,087 --> 00:02:45,787
- What if you put on
two Bulletproof gloves?
109
00:02:45,826 --> 00:02:46,476
- Bubs, so you're still like
110
00:02:46,522 --> 00:02:47,652
- A small and a large.
111
00:02:47,696 --> 00:02:48,566
- you're not catching a fuckin'
baseball.
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00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:49,699
- [Ricky] Or a Bulletproof glove
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00:02:49,739 --> 00:02:50,609
and then a Bulletproof mitten
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00:02:50,652 --> 00:02:51,702
over the whole thing.
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00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,659
- Boys, it's still
gonna break the f-
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00:02:53,696 --> 00:02:55,396
It's gonna shatter your fuckin'
hand.
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00:02:55,435 --> 00:02:56,915
- Maybe. Maybe not.
118
00:02:58,043 --> 00:02:58,823
- Depends on.
119
00:02:58,870 --> 00:02:59,650
- Let's try.
120
00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:00,476
Do you wanna try?
121
00:03:00,522 --> 00:03:01,312
- No.
122
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:01,908
I don't.
123
00:03:01,956 --> 00:03:02,996
But I bet you
124
00:03:03,043 --> 00:03:04,563
you could look it up
on MythBusters.
125
00:03:04,609 --> 00:03:05,609
I bet you
126
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:06,432
- I bet we can get
Corey or Jacob
127
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,008
to fuckin' try it.
128
00:03:08,043 --> 00:03:09,303
Well of course you could.
129
00:03:09,348 --> 00:03:10,998
- All right, let's try it
then sometime.
130
00:03:11,043 --> 00:03:13,353
- All you'd have to do
is promise 'em something.
131
00:03:13,391 --> 00:03:14,531
- And you've gotta make up a
132
00:03:14,565 --> 00:03:16,395
Bulletproof fuckin' glove.
133
00:03:16,435 --> 00:03:17,875
Good luck with that one.
134
00:03:17,913 --> 00:03:19,483
- I tell you, I named my beaver?
135
00:03:20,696 --> 00:03:21,606
- Hmm.
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00:03:21,652 --> 00:03:22,482
No.
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00:03:22,522 --> 00:03:23,702
- Calling him Nickel.
138
00:03:23,739 --> 00:03:25,049
- [Bubbles] Nickel.
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00:03:25,087 --> 00:03:27,177
- [Ricky] Yep. Just picture
him on every nickel.
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00:03:27,217 --> 00:03:28,357
- [Bubbles] I get it. I know.
141
00:03:28,391 --> 00:03:31,091
There's a beaver on the
Canadian nickel.
142
00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:32,870
- [Ricky] What's up, Nickel?
143
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,123
[Bubble laughs]
144
00:03:34,174 --> 00:03:35,134
- [Ricky In High Pitched
Voice] Sending it out!
145
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,394
- [Julian] Cool dude.
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00:03:36,435 --> 00:03:38,305
What a horrible fuckin' name.
Nickel.
147
00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:39,388
- Nickel.
148
00:03:39,435 --> 00:03:40,915
And he talks like that, does he?
In a
149
00:03:40,956 --> 00:03:42,176
- [Ricky In High
Pitched Voice] Yeah.
150
00:03:42,217 --> 00:03:43,177
He talks like this.
151
00:03:43,217 --> 00:03:44,697
Hey Bubbs.
152
00:03:44,739 --> 00:03:46,009
- Hey Nickel.
153
00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:47,303
- [High Pitched Voice] You
got any treats?
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00:03:47,348 --> 00:03:48,298
Beaver treats?
155
00:03:48,348 --> 00:03:50,088
- I don't have any
beaver treats.
156
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:50,910
[Ricky laughs]
157
00:03:50,956 --> 00:03:51,736
I'll bring some next time.
158
00:03:51,783 --> 00:03:52,833
Some beaver jerky.
159
00:03:54,217 --> 00:03:55,007
Where you going?
160
00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:56,343
- Just checking on
161
00:03:56,391 --> 00:03:57,211
what you got in the fridge here,
man.
162
00:03:58,565 --> 00:03:59,355
- [Ricky] All right.
163
00:03:59,391 --> 00:04:00,651
- [Julian] You want some quick
164
00:04:00,696 --> 00:04:03,866
we got some quick fries.
Full bottle of vodka.
165
00:04:03,913 --> 00:04:04,693
- Do you want a quick fry?
166
00:04:04,739 --> 00:04:05,699
- There you go.
167
00:04:05,739 --> 00:04:06,529
That's gonna help you out, man.
168
00:04:06,565 --> 00:04:07,485
That's gonna keep you alive.
169
00:04:07,522 --> 00:04:08,302
You drink some of this.
170
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:09,698
Okay. With vodka.
171
00:04:09,739 --> 00:04:10,869
That's what this is.
172
00:04:10,913 --> 00:04:12,183
- Well. I know.
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00:04:12,217 --> 00:04:13,127
- You got some
carrots down there.
174
00:04:13,174 --> 00:04:14,214
- [Ricky] No, man.
175
00:04:14,261 --> 00:04:15,871
You gotta go into the
good section.
176
00:04:15,913 --> 00:04:17,523
- You could give
carrots to Nickel.
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00:04:17,565 --> 00:04:18,395
- [Ricky] Oh yeah.
178
00:04:18,435 --> 00:04:20,135
Now we're fuckin' talking.
179
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,131
Egg rolls, baby.
180
00:04:23,174 --> 00:04:23,994
- All right.
181
00:04:25,739 --> 00:04:26,529
- You're cooking.
182
00:04:26,565 --> 00:04:27,355
Are you Ricky?
183
00:04:27,391 --> 00:04:28,171
In the middle of the show?
184
00:04:28,217 --> 00:04:28,997
[bang]
185
00:04:29,043 --> 00:04:29,653
- [Ricky] Quick fries?
186
00:04:29,696 --> 00:04:30,566
- Jesus! Murphy.
187
00:04:30,609 --> 00:04:31,569
- [Julian] You might wanna wrap,
188
00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:33,309
put like, use a Ziplock bag,
man.
189
00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:35,478
You got freezer burn
on all them.
190
00:04:35,522 --> 00:04:36,342
- Well, they're not bad.
191
00:04:36,391 --> 00:04:37,871
- How about some quick fries?
192
00:04:37,913 --> 00:04:39,743
Some sweet and sour pork
193
00:04:39,783 --> 00:04:41,263
and a couple egg rolls?
194
00:04:41,304 --> 00:04:42,124
Yeah!
195
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:44,740
Fuck off.
196
00:04:44,783 --> 00:04:46,043
- [Julian] Jesus Christ, man.
197
00:04:46,087 --> 00:04:48,097
- [Bubbles] Ricky, you're
gonna break your leg.
198
00:04:48,130 --> 00:04:49,610
These have a little bit
of freezer burn,
199
00:04:49,652 --> 00:04:51,482
but they're not bad.
200
00:04:51,522 --> 00:04:53,092
Oh, those are the bear
pollen ones too.
201
00:04:53,130 --> 00:04:53,960
I like those.
202
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,010
- I don't have a microwave.
203
00:04:55,043 --> 00:04:57,003
Is the only problem.
204
00:04:57,043 --> 00:04:58,353
- Where's your microwave?
205
00:04:58,391 --> 00:04:59,171
- I don't know.
206
00:04:59,217 --> 00:05:00,607
I think I sold it.
207
00:05:02,696 --> 00:05:05,086
- You don't know where
your microwave is?
208
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,430
- [Ricky] Do you see
it anywhere?
209
00:05:07,435 --> 00:05:08,785
- Don't know, but
210
00:05:08,826 --> 00:05:09,836
[metal rattling]
211
00:05:09,870 --> 00:05:10,870
- How can't you remember whether
212
00:05:10,912 --> 00:05:12,092
you fuckin' sold the
thing or not?
213
00:05:12,130 --> 00:05:13,660
- I have a weird memory
214
00:05:13,696 --> 00:05:15,346
about smashing the fuckin'
thing.
215
00:05:15,391 --> 00:05:16,261
- [Julian] You smashed it?
216
00:05:16,304 --> 00:05:17,564
- Here, Ricky, let,
217
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:18,959
you know, stand this way.
218
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,040
So that people can,
219
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:20,907
you know.
220
00:05:20,956 --> 00:05:21,736
- [Ricky] Like this?
221
00:05:21,783 --> 00:05:22,793
- Well just, you know
222
00:05:22,826 --> 00:05:24,086
I just want people to be able to
223
00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:25,010
see what you're doing.
224
00:05:25,043 --> 00:05:25,823
That's all.
225
00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:27,390
- [Ricky] Uh. Fuck.
226
00:05:28,609 --> 00:05:29,429
Ugh.
227
00:05:31,739 --> 00:05:32,919
- You still don't know
228
00:05:32,956 --> 00:05:34,696
how to work your oven. Do ya?
229
00:05:36,565 --> 00:05:38,395
Showed you at least 50 times.
230
00:05:39,783 --> 00:05:42,003
- Aren't these supposed
to be a different color?
231
00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:43,253
Yeah. It's supposed to
be this color.
232
00:05:43,304 --> 00:05:44,524
- [Julian] That's
what I'm saying.
233
00:05:44,565 --> 00:05:45,785
They got freezer burn, man.
234
00:05:45,826 --> 00:05:46,616
- What does that mean?
235
00:05:46,652 --> 00:05:47,482
- You gotta put 'em in a
236
00:05:47,522 --> 00:05:49,392
Ziploc bag. Wrap them up.
237
00:05:49,435 --> 00:05:50,705
- They're fine.
238
00:05:50,739 --> 00:05:51,699
Turn your blower on though,
239
00:05:51,739 --> 00:05:52,739
Ricky, or you're gonna
240
00:05:52,783 --> 00:05:54,343
fill the place with stink
241
00:05:55,348 --> 00:05:57,138
Quick fry stink.
242
00:05:57,174 --> 00:05:57,954
- Read this Randy.
243
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,220
Which one?
244
00:05:59,261 --> 00:05:59,911
- Shitoscope.
245
00:05:59,956 --> 00:06:00,646
- Shitoscope.
246
00:06:00,696 --> 00:06:01,736
- All right, everybody.
247
00:06:01,783 --> 00:06:03,743
From the dictionary we
have shitoscope.
248
00:06:03,783 --> 00:06:04,563
Okay?
249
00:06:04,609 --> 00:06:05,439
In
250
00:06:05,478 --> 00:06:06,268
- I'll drink to that.
251
00:06:06,304 --> 00:06:07,084
- Mr. Lahey, I'm reading!
252
00:06:07,130 --> 00:06:07,910
- [Mr. Lahey] I, I gotcha.
253
00:06:07,956 --> 00:06:08,786
- Shh!
254
00:06:09,826 --> 00:06:10,996
In grata
255
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:12,700
explorary
256
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:13,569
surgery
257
00:06:13,609 --> 00:06:14,609
- [Mr. Lahey] That's Latman.
258
00:06:14,652 --> 00:06:15,652
- What's that, did I
say it right?
259
00:06:15,696 --> 00:06:16,476
- [Mr. Lahey] Yeah, perfect,
Randy.
260
00:06:16,522 --> 00:06:18,262
- Okay. It's a noun. N.
261
00:06:18,304 --> 00:06:20,004
an archaic instrument
262
00:06:20,043 --> 00:06:21,393
for viewing the bowel
263
00:06:21,435 --> 00:06:22,995
through the sphincter.
264
00:06:23,043 --> 00:06:24,083
Advanced models
265
00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:25,790
Come equipped with shit lights
266
00:06:25,826 --> 00:06:29,396
rectal dilators, bung
oil and aprons.
267
00:06:29,435 --> 00:06:31,005
I don't get it, Mr. Lahey.
268
00:06:31,043 --> 00:06:31,833
Oh, there's
269
00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:34,090
Shitscopy right here.
270
00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:35,480
Shitoscopy?
271
00:06:35,522 --> 00:06:36,782
Shitoscopy.
272
00:06:36,826 --> 00:06:38,266
Enough, Mr. Lahey! Stop.
273
00:06:38,304 --> 00:06:39,304
- [Mr. Lahey] Shitoscopy.
274
00:06:39,348 --> 00:06:40,168
- Shitoscopy.
275
00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:41,697
[Mr. Lahey grunts]
276
00:06:41,739 --> 00:06:43,049
The science of rectal telemetry.
277
00:06:43,087 --> 00:06:43,917
Shh!
278
00:06:43,956 --> 00:06:44,736
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
279
00:06:44,783 --> 00:06:45,563
recently sidelined
280
00:06:45,609 --> 00:06:46,749
by the fecal finger.
281
00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:47,613
- Yeah.
282
00:06:47,652 --> 00:06:48,482
- Oh, and here's a poem.
283
00:06:48,522 --> 00:06:51,042
On my side I happily linger,
284
00:06:51,087 --> 00:06:52,997
as she applies her fecal finger.
285
00:06:53,043 --> 00:06:53,823
- Yeah. Bend over
286
00:06:53,869 --> 00:06:54,699
- By Luke Lipshits
287
00:06:54,739 --> 00:06:55,569
- Bend over.
288
00:06:55,609 --> 00:06:56,829
Let Lahey come over.
289
00:06:56,869 --> 00:06:57,999
- New Shit Yorker. January,
2011.
290
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,223
That's pretty funny, Mr. Lahey.
291
00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:00,041
- Yeah.
292
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:00,867
Okay. Can you guess
293
00:07:00,912 --> 00:07:01,222
what's in the box, Randy?
294
00:07:01,261 --> 00:07:02,611
- Coins!
295
00:07:02,652 --> 00:07:04,572
- It's related to the
[slurs] shitoscopy, Randy.
296
00:07:04,609 --> 00:07:05,739
- Um.
297
00:07:05,783 --> 00:07:06,523
- This fuckin' piece of shit
298
00:07:06,565 --> 00:07:07,395
[bang]
299
00:07:07,435 --> 00:07:08,175
There it is, Randy.
300
00:07:08,217 --> 00:07:08,997
Guess what it is, bud?
301
00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:10,093
- [Randy] I think we need
302
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,000
- [Mr. Lahey] Tada!
303
00:07:11,043 --> 00:07:11,833
Hold that.
304
00:07:11,869 --> 00:07:12,649
- It's a pair of scissors.
305
00:07:12,696 --> 00:07:13,996
- It, no, it's half.
306
00:07:14,043 --> 00:07:14,863
- Oh, it doesn't open.
307
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,742
[Mr. Lahey belches]
308
00:07:16,783 --> 00:07:17,823
It's a tuning fork.
309
00:07:17,869 --> 00:07:18,649
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
310
00:07:18,696 --> 00:07:19,746
- It could be.
311
00:07:19,783 --> 00:07:20,653
[cling]
312
00:07:20,696 --> 00:07:21,436
What else do you think it is?
313
00:07:21,478 --> 00:07:22,478
[cling]
314
00:07:22,522 --> 00:07:23,312
- Boomchaka boomchaka!
315
00:07:23,348 --> 00:07:24,088
[cling cling cling]
316
00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:25,350
- Here try this. See.
317
00:07:25,391 --> 00:07:26,131
- Boomchaka Boomboppa
318
00:07:26,174 --> 00:07:27,004
[cling cling cling]
319
00:07:27,043 --> 00:07:27,823
Let me see, I can do this one.
320
00:07:27,869 --> 00:07:28,649
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
321
00:07:28,696 --> 00:07:30,576
[clinging noises]
322
00:07:30,609 --> 00:07:31,999
- [Mr. Lahey] Careful!
323
00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:32,433
You know what they are?
324
00:07:32,478 --> 00:07:33,868
[clinking]
325
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:34,862
- [Mr. Lahey] Anybody out
there in the audio radience
326
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:36,742
Know what that
little shitbag is?
327
00:07:36,783 --> 00:07:37,613
[clinking]
328
00:07:37,652 --> 00:07:38,432
Those are rectal dilators!
329
00:07:38,478 --> 00:07:39,518
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
330
00:07:39,565 --> 00:07:40,745
- What!
331
00:07:40,783 --> 00:07:42,793
Here, take these away from me,
Mr. Lahey!
332
00:07:42,826 --> 00:07:45,006
[Mr. Lahey laughing]
333
00:07:45,043 --> 00:07:46,653
You we- That was mean!
334
00:07:46,696 --> 00:07:49,786
[Mr. Lahey laughing]
335
00:07:51,391 --> 00:07:52,181
Mr. Lahey.
336
00:07:53,261 --> 00:07:55,011
- Okay, Randy.
337
00:07:55,043 --> 00:07:56,523
Time for our word of the week.
338
00:07:56,565 --> 00:07:57,915
You want the big dictionary
339
00:07:57,956 --> 00:07:59,266
or the little dictionary?
340
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:00,834
- I want the little dictionary,
Mr. Lahey.
341
00:08:00,869 --> 00:08:03,569
- Don't forget! The
synchronousy of [slurs]
342
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,959
of they cov- the com
343
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,740
of the idiotics cosmos, Randy.
344
00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:08,303
Anything you point to do?
345
00:08:08,348 --> 00:08:09,958
That's in this dictionary
346
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:10,780
- Oh!
347
00:08:10,826 --> 00:08:11,606
is the magical magicus.
348
00:08:11,652 --> 00:08:12,482
- Ohh!
349
00:08:12,522 --> 00:08:13,312
- Do you want me to open
350
00:08:13,348 --> 00:08:14,438
I'll just open it at random?
351
00:08:14,478 --> 00:08:15,218
- Right there!
352
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,081
- Right there?
353
00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:17,260
What, point to something. Point.
354
00:08:17,304 --> 00:08:18,354
Can you see?
355
00:08:18,391 --> 00:08:19,171
- It says
356
00:08:19,217 --> 00:08:19,997
- What?
357
00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:20,963
- Immeasurable.
358
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,390
- Your gut, Randy!
359
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,215
Immeasurable.
360
00:08:23,261 --> 00:08:23,871
- Not measurable.
361
00:08:23,912 --> 00:08:24,432
Limitless.
362
00:08:24,478 --> 00:08:25,738
- Yeah, I know.
363
00:08:25,783 --> 00:08:28,353
Because you have the most
wonderful epiphanous.
364
00:08:28,391 --> 00:08:29,781
- I grew two inches last year.
365
00:08:29,826 --> 00:08:30,866
It's true.
366
00:08:30,912 --> 00:08:34,002
From 44 and a half to
46 and a half.
367
00:08:34,043 --> 00:08:35,783
Randy's got his immeasurable.
368
00:08:35,826 --> 00:08:37,176
- Mr. Lahey, you gotta
try this burger.
369
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,007
[Mr Lahey in singing voice]
immeasurable, measurable.
370
00:08:38,043 --> 00:08:39,653
[Mr. Lahey mumbles]
371
00:08:39,696 --> 00:08:41,956
[Mr. Lahey singing]
372
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,390
You know, that's that's what.
373
00:08:44,435 --> 00:08:45,695
Ohh, Randy.
374
00:08:45,739 --> 00:08:48,179
I gotta drink a toast to
Randy's kitchen.
375
00:08:48,217 --> 00:08:50,777
Make your own
burgers using shit.
376
00:08:50,826 --> 00:08:52,126
- I need my liquor.
377
00:08:52,174 --> 00:08:53,214
- Okay. Here, Randy.
378
00:08:53,261 --> 00:08:55,011
I think you drank it all bud.
Here.
379
00:08:55,912 --> 00:08:57,952
- Here, Mr. Lahey I'll come.
380
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:58,780
You could gave me a sippy poo.
381
00:08:58,825 --> 00:08:59,655
- Okay.
382
00:08:59,696 --> 00:09:00,646
Just a little sippy poo.
383
00:09:01,956 --> 00:09:02,956
[Mr. Lahey In Singing
Voice] Randy Balandy.
384
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,010
His ass as sweet as candy.
385
00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:06,693
Randy Bobandy
386
00:09:06,739 --> 00:09:08,089
- Mr. Lahey!
387
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,390
[whispers] Don't say that!
388
00:09:09,435 --> 00:09:11,005
- Okay.
389
00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:12,613
- Ooh! Fuck you.
390
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:13,962
Head to toe health is kind of
391
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:14,920
what I'm known for.
392
00:09:14,956 --> 00:09:16,266
Like, like, you know,
393
00:09:16,304 --> 00:09:17,134
some of them guys are just
394
00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:18,134
all upper body and then
395
00:09:18,174 --> 00:09:19,174
they have little chicken legs,
396
00:09:19,217 --> 00:09:20,037
but I'm trying to like
397
00:09:20,087 --> 00:09:21,777
pretty be much be even.
398
00:09:21,825 --> 00:09:22,605
Hey, fuck, man
399
00:09:22,652 --> 00:09:23,742
I'm doing something.
400
00:09:23,783 --> 00:09:24,693
I'm trying to be like, even
401
00:09:24,739 --> 00:09:26,619
throughout my whole body, like,
402
00:09:26,652 --> 00:09:27,782
like watch this move.
403
00:09:29,217 --> 00:09:29,997
Like that.
404
00:09:30,043 --> 00:09:30,873
You know?
405
00:09:30,912 --> 00:09:32,092
Not a lot of guys can do that.
406
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:32,790
You know?
407
00:09:32,825 --> 00:09:33,385
They'd be like,
408
00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:34,655
how'd you do that?
409
00:09:34,696 --> 00:09:36,266
And then it's like
mental, physical strength
410
00:09:36,304 --> 00:09:37,394
all together.
411
00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:38,265
One more.
412
00:09:39,261 --> 00:09:40,571
Ugh! Fuck.
413
00:09:40,609 --> 00:09:41,699
Little slippery bitch.
414
00:09:44,261 --> 00:09:45,081
Ugh.
415
00:09:47,043 --> 00:09:49,783
[Grunting noses]
416
00:09:52,565 --> 00:09:54,475
[bang]
417
00:09:56,565 --> 00:09:58,305
What the fuck?
418
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,258
[bang]
419
00:10:02,825 --> 00:10:03,995
What the fuck?
420
00:10:05,696 --> 00:10:06,526
Holy fuck.
421
00:10:14,478 --> 00:10:16,398
Yeah, so fuck,
tonight's the night.
422
00:10:16,435 --> 00:10:19,135
I, I feel like it's an
opportune time for me to
423
00:10:19,174 --> 00:10:20,304
fuckin' break free,
424
00:10:20,348 --> 00:10:21,128
get out, you know,
425
00:10:21,174 --> 00:10:22,254
fight for my life
426
00:10:22,304 --> 00:10:23,994
and fuck the prison life.
427
00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:24,823
So, you know,
428
00:10:24,869 --> 00:10:25,959
if you, if you read about me
429
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,210
in the news later,
430
00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:29,831
like, Terry's got a
bullet in his back, like,
431
00:10:29,869 --> 00:10:31,129
just think
432
00:10:31,174 --> 00:10:33,124
of Bons Scott, like, you know,
433
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:33,954
made it out.
434
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:34,830
It's all that mattered.
435
00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:35,959
I'm running for freedom tonight.
436
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:39,171
So probably won't see
you again there,
437
00:10:39,217 --> 00:10:40,217
Rick bud, cause like,
438
00:10:40,261 --> 00:10:41,481
you wouldn't fit
through the cracks,
439
00:10:41,522 --> 00:10:43,222
so I'm kind of
leaving without you,
440
00:10:44,304 --> 00:10:45,344
but you're a good guy to me,
441
00:10:45,391 --> 00:10:46,521
you know, like,
442
00:10:46,565 --> 00:10:47,355
kind of a brother.
443
00:10:47,391 --> 00:10:49,831
So don't cry for me, Ricky,
444
00:10:49,869 --> 00:10:50,699
I'm already gone.
445
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:55,400
[grunting]
446
00:10:57,217 --> 00:10:59,437
[grunting]
447
00:11:01,174 --> 00:11:03,434
[grunting]
448
00:11:07,217 --> 00:11:09,137
- Ugh! Son of a bitch.
449
00:11:09,174 --> 00:11:10,004
- Ugh! Holy fuck!
450
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:11,957
Oh, fuck.
451
00:11:14,217 --> 00:11:15,007
Oh, fuck!
452
00:11:15,043 --> 00:11:15,913
Help! Me tight!
453
00:11:17,348 --> 00:11:18,168
Ahh!
454
00:11:18,217 --> 00:11:19,517
Oh, fuck!
455
00:11:19,565 --> 00:11:20,395
Ricky!
456
00:11:22,304 --> 00:11:23,864
Ricky!
457
00:11:23,912 --> 00:11:25,262
Guys!
458
00:11:25,304 --> 00:11:27,174
Oh, fuck!
459
00:11:27,217 --> 00:11:28,877
I'm in the walls!
460
00:11:28,912 --> 00:11:30,222
Help!
461
00:11:30,261 --> 00:11:31,041
Help!
462
00:11:32,478 --> 00:11:33,998
Help!
463
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:36,263
[Coughing]
464
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,130
- Well pretty much
figure I'll just
465
00:11:39,174 --> 00:11:41,224
enjoy my privacy tonight, and
466
00:11:41,261 --> 00:11:43,791
hopefully, you know, once
I lose a pound or two,
467
00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:45,345
I can wiggle my way back out.
468
00:11:46,609 --> 00:11:48,349
Fuck's sakes.
469
00:11:48,391 --> 00:11:49,911
The good news is I fuckin'
470
00:11:49,956 --> 00:11:50,996
have a little hiding hole
471
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,653
to hang out on my own.
472
00:11:52,696 --> 00:11:54,786
The bad news is I ain't
really that free.
473
00:11:58,043 --> 00:12:00,963
[insects chirring]
474
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,348
So yeah, like,
475
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:05,781
I spent a whole day
and a half there
476
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,005
fuckin' stuck in the wall
477
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,263
and I was like
478
00:12:08,304 --> 00:12:09,174
kind of panicking.
479
00:12:09,217 --> 00:12:10,607
Thought maybe I was gonna die.
480
00:12:10,652 --> 00:12:12,132
And then like, you know,
outta nowhere
481
00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:14,564
this little rat kind
of came up to me and I,
482
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,829
you know, I think it
almost might have like,
483
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:16,949
kickstarted my heart
484
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,430
on the final beat.
485
00:12:18,478 --> 00:12:20,088
Found a little buddy down here,
keep him,
486
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,390
keeping me safe,
keeping me warm.
487
00:12:22,435 --> 00:12:23,785
And you know, it kind of like,
488
00:12:23,825 --> 00:12:25,005
gave him a little name here.
489
00:12:25,043 --> 00:12:26,953
Little Ricky kind of
reminds me of Ricky.
490
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:27,780
You know?
491
00:12:27,825 --> 00:12:28,965
Like he's got feisty sort of
492
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:29,910
feisty spirit.
493
00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:30,906
[sniffing]
494
00:12:30,956 --> 00:12:31,736
You smell that?
495
00:12:31,782 --> 00:12:33,312
You smelling for some hash?
496
00:12:33,348 --> 00:12:34,308
[rat squeaks]
497
00:12:34,348 --> 00:12:35,268
Yeah, I wish I had some too,
bud.
498
00:12:36,391 --> 00:12:38,221
You wanna come back
with me to jail?
499
00:12:38,261 --> 00:12:39,041
[rat squeaks]
500
00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:39,867
What's that?
501
00:12:39,912 --> 00:12:40,702
[rat squeaks]
502
00:12:40,739 --> 00:12:41,999
Oh no, you're a free spirit.
503
00:12:42,043 --> 00:12:43,083
- Yes. I was gone.
504
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,530
I was gone for 40 days
and 40 nights.
505
00:12:44,565 --> 00:12:46,475
And Ricky Brown was
serving his time
506
00:12:46,522 --> 00:12:47,562
in the prisons.
507
00:12:47,609 --> 00:12:49,779
Now Ricky Brown would
like to consider
508
00:12:49,825 --> 00:12:51,475
the fact that since the
prison was named
509
00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:52,872
the South Garden Penitentiary
510
00:12:52,912 --> 00:12:54,172
he was spending 40 days
and 40 nights
511
00:12:54,217 --> 00:12:55,397
in the garden.
512
00:12:55,435 --> 00:12:57,485
And I find that no
coincidence whatsoever.
513
00:12:57,522 --> 00:13:00,652
Jesus Christ of course was
somewhat of criminal himself.
514
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,216
And sometimes we let
ourselves go
515
00:13:02,261 --> 00:13:05,311
and we need to take
the time for ourselves.
516
00:13:05,348 --> 00:13:07,358
Whether or not that's
time that has been slapped
517
00:13:07,391 --> 00:13:09,221
upon us by a corrupt
police department or
518
00:13:09,261 --> 00:13:11,351
or simply because a man is black
519
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:15,011
or because the man might
wanna go on his own.
520
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,133
The fact is is that
521
00:13:17,174 --> 00:13:18,264
while I was there
522
00:13:18,304 --> 00:13:20,354
Ricky Brown had time to reflect.
523
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,000
He had time to think.
524
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:24,393
He had time to, to
525
00:13:24,435 --> 00:13:25,695
to consider
526
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:29,098
new ways of bring the
Lord into your house.
527
00:13:30,217 --> 00:13:32,437
I'd like to bring your attention
528
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,048
to Leviticus!
529
00:13:34,087 --> 00:13:36,087
Verse 24.
530
00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:37,350
Uh, uh.
531
00:13:37,391 --> 00:13:39,001
Number 12.
532
00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:41,223
[clears throat]
533
00:13:41,261 --> 00:13:42,921
and Leviticus tells us
534
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,216
Fuck this Bible, man.
535
00:13:45,609 --> 00:13:46,659
Who's fuckin' with my-
536
00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:48,913
[clears throat]
537
00:13:48,956 --> 00:13:52,086
Leviticus 12, book 24.
538
00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:53,000
[stutters]
539
00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:55,873
[clears throat]
540
00:13:55,912 --> 00:13:58,002
This aint even the right shit,
man.
541
00:14:00,696 --> 00:14:01,476
[slams book pages]
542
00:14:01,522 --> 00:14:02,652
Forget that.
543
00:14:02,696 --> 00:14:04,086
Listen man, Ricky Brown.
544
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:04,960
Listen, Rick.
545
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:05,730
The, the fact is that
546
00:14:05,782 --> 00:14:07,392
that Ricky Brown lives in,
547
00:14:07,435 --> 00:14:08,565
he goes to prison.
548
00:14:08,609 --> 00:14:09,699
He comes back to prison.
549
00:14:09,738 --> 00:14:11,778
The, I don't give a fuck
what anyone say.
550
00:14:11,825 --> 00:14:12,605
All right?
551
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:13,792
Anyone can judge me.
552
00:14:13,825 --> 00:14:14,435
A lot of people
553
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,658
Judge Ricky Brown
554
00:14:15,696 --> 00:14:17,526
on his first couple
shows will tell you what
555
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,525
Ricky b- got the balls
556
00:14:19,565 --> 00:14:20,875
and the nuts to come up in here.
557
00:14:20,912 --> 00:14:22,922
And he got the balls of Delilah
558
00:14:22,956 --> 00:14:24,566
and he got the dick of Samson
559
00:14:24,609 --> 00:14:25,739
and he come up on stage
560
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,002
and he has the audacity to, to
561
00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:31,223
to come and, and, and, and, and,
562
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,791
[stutters]
563
00:14:32,825 --> 00:14:33,605
Man, fuck, man.
564
00:14:33,652 --> 00:14:35,082
This shit is hard.
565
00:14:35,130 --> 00:14:38,170
[clears throat]
566
00:14:38,217 --> 00:14:40,697
Deuteronomy 23. Number 1.
567
00:14:40,738 --> 00:14:42,958
He, that is wounded
in the stones
568
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,400
or hath his privy member removed
569
00:14:45,435 --> 00:14:46,395
shall not be welcomed
570
00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:47,215
in the church.
571
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,001
Basically what that means is
572
00:14:48,043 --> 00:14:49,353
Ricky Brown has big balls
573
00:14:49,391 --> 00:14:50,441
and he's welcomed in the church.
574
00:14:50,478 --> 00:14:51,218
You get no balls,
575
00:14:51,261 --> 00:14:53,131
you get the fuck out.
576
00:14:53,174 --> 00:14:53,994
All right?
577
00:14:54,043 --> 00:14:55,433
Ricky has a, uh,
578
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,478
couldn't be here.
579
00:14:57,391 --> 00:14:58,221
I mean, I'm sorry
580
00:14:58,261 --> 00:14:59,391
if you have testicular cancer,
581
00:14:59,435 --> 00:15:00,655
I guess that means you're not
582
00:15:00,695 --> 00:15:02,385
allowed in church either,
but you know, we'll,
583
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,955
we'll pray for you on
your speedy recovery.
584
00:15:06,261 --> 00:15:07,821
Let us hang our head in prayer.
585
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:16,392
[drink pouring]
586
00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:19,908
[swallowing]
587
00:15:19,956 --> 00:15:22,826
[snorting]
588
00:15:22,869 --> 00:15:23,699
Lord. We are
589
00:15:25,217 --> 00:15:26,617
generally thankful that
590
00:15:27,478 --> 00:15:28,558
Is it hot in here?
591
00:15:28,609 --> 00:15:29,649
[clears throat]
592
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:31,175
We're generally thankful that.
Uh.
593
00:15:33,217 --> 00:15:34,347
Lord, if you'll, uh.
594
00:15:37,912 --> 00:15:40,302
Lord let us hang our
head in prayer.
595
00:15:40,348 --> 00:15:41,178
We can
596
00:15:43,912 --> 00:15:44,692
be able,
597
00:15:44,738 --> 00:15:46,088
excuse me for a minute.
598
00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:47,910
This is all part of the.
599
00:15:47,956 --> 00:15:48,786
Huh.
600
00:15:50,043 --> 00:15:52,483
[swallowing]
601
00:15:56,348 --> 00:15:57,488
[cleaning throat]
602
00:15:57,522 --> 00:15:59,092
Ladies and gentlemen we have a
603
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:02,830
[banging and bumping noise]
604
00:16:06,261 --> 00:16:10,481
[background organ
music continues]
605
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,603
[snorting]
606
00:16:14,652 --> 00:16:16,952
[snorting]
607
00:16:34,652 --> 00:16:36,952
[snorting]
608
00:16:49,738 --> 00:16:50,518
Huh?
609
00:16:50,565 --> 00:16:51,345
What's up?
610
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:53,441
[mumbles]
611
00:16:54,565 --> 00:16:56,305
Little too fast.
Sometimes I come on
612
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,218
[mumbles]
613
00:16:57,261 --> 00:17:00,001
I just
614
00:17:00,043 --> 00:17:02,183
[mumbles]
615
00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:07,267
[mumbles]
616
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,000
Oh!
617
00:17:22,435 --> 00:17:25,395
- [Man Off Stage] Doing okay,
Ricky?
618
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,920
- Deuteronomy, uh, ver,
619
00:17:34,956 --> 00:17:36,046
chapter 25.
620
00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:36,957
When you
621
00:17:38,565 --> 00:17:40,045
go through your
neighbor's vineyard,
622
00:17:40,087 --> 00:17:42,697
you may eat as many a
grapes as you wish
623
00:17:42,738 --> 00:17:44,738
but do not put them
in your basket.
624
00:17:52,956 --> 00:17:54,526
Is the time, is it
lunchtime yet?
625
00:18:01,695 --> 00:18:04,265
I'm gonna just use the,
step off for a minute.
626
00:18:09,043 --> 00:18:10,303
- Hey, this is Bubbles.
627
00:18:10,348 --> 00:18:12,518
Welcome to kitty of the week.
628
00:18:12,565 --> 00:18:13,865
[Bubbles laughs]
629
00:18:13,912 --> 00:18:15,732
[cats meowing]
630
00:18:15,782 --> 00:18:16,952
[cats purring]
631
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,390
Hey, welcome to kitty
of the week.
632
00:18:19,435 --> 00:18:21,445
We're at the Bide Awhile
Shelter here again.
633
00:18:21,478 --> 00:18:23,998
We got an excellent kitty
being featured this week.
634
00:18:24,043 --> 00:18:25,603
This guy here.
635
00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:27,001
Look at this guy!
636
00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:28,613
[Bubbles laughs]
637
00:18:28,651 --> 00:18:31,001
He doesn't have a name yet, so
638
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,523
you know, you can
give him your own
639
00:18:32,565 --> 00:18:34,215
or you can ask me to
give him one,
640
00:18:34,261 --> 00:18:36,001
which I will happily do.
641
00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:38,433
If I was keeping to myself,
642
00:18:38,478 --> 00:18:39,298
I would call him
643
00:18:39,348 --> 00:18:40,218
Blacky Lawless,
644
00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:41,091
cause he's
645
00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:42,830
he kind of does what he wants.
646
00:18:42,869 --> 00:18:44,089
He's a feisty little guy.
647
00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:45,920
So he's gonna need,
648
00:18:45,956 --> 00:18:48,306
you know, he's gonna
need something.
649
00:18:48,348 --> 00:18:51,128
Let's see if he's
into scratchin'
650
00:18:51,174 --> 00:18:52,734
You wanna get into a scratcher?
651
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:55,042
Look, I'll just wrap this
right around ya.
652
00:18:55,087 --> 00:18:55,917
No, he's not.
653
00:18:55,956 --> 00:18:57,356
See? You can tell right away.
654
00:18:58,261 --> 00:18:59,171
He's not into scratchin'.
655
00:18:59,217 --> 00:19:01,087
Although he does
enjoy belly work.
656
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:02,090
I noticed if you
657
00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:04,863
if you get him here like this
658
00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:05,652
and you just give him tugs
659
00:19:05,695 --> 00:19:06,875
on his belly.
660
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:07,912
Like that, see that?
661
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,090
He calms right down.
662
00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:11,180
He enjoys belly work.
663
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,517
That's a,
664
00:19:12,565 --> 00:19:13,865
that's a sign of a good kitty.
665
00:19:13,912 --> 00:19:15,732
If you can give him tugs
on his belly like that.
666
00:19:15,782 --> 00:19:17,002
And he likes that.
667
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,350
Tugga tugga tugga tugga tugga
668
00:19:20,391 --> 00:19:21,521
[Bubbles laughs]
669
00:19:21,565 --> 00:19:22,385
He likes that.
670
00:19:22,435 --> 00:19:23,475
Maybe you need some nip.
671
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,350
Maybe some nip.
672
00:19:25,391 --> 00:19:26,871
Well, you're already
pretty fired up though.
673
00:19:28,217 --> 00:19:30,517
Let's see what I got in
the tackle trunk here.
674
00:19:31,608 --> 00:19:33,478
How about green mousey?
675
00:19:33,522 --> 00:19:34,122
Oh yeah.
676
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,134
That got your
677
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,214
That got your attention,
didn't it?
678
00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:39,037
Green mousey.
679
00:19:40,217 --> 00:19:41,257
No.
680
00:19:41,304 --> 00:19:42,564
Nope.
681
00:19:42,608 --> 00:19:44,738
See that's exactly why I
call him Blacky Lawless.
682
00:19:44,782 --> 00:19:45,562
He just does
683
00:19:47,043 --> 00:19:49,003
The natural laws of
kitty physics
684
00:19:49,043 --> 00:19:51,483
don't really apply to this guy.
685
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,002
He just does his own thing.
686
00:19:54,043 --> 00:19:55,173
[Bubble chuckles]
687
00:19:55,217 --> 00:19:56,307
but he's an excellent
688
00:19:56,348 --> 00:19:57,308
look at him
689
00:19:57,348 --> 00:19:58,088
He's just
690
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,350
He likes it all.
691
00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:01,741
Well, you can just give
him tugs everywhere.
692
00:20:01,782 --> 00:20:02,742
He's definitely a
693
00:20:02,782 --> 00:20:05,432
Bubble certified
kitty right there.
694
00:20:05,478 --> 00:20:06,658
Blacky Lawless.
695
00:20:12,956 --> 00:20:15,266
[cat meows]
696
00:20:16,304 --> 00:20:16,954
- Remember how I always wanted
697
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000
to fight a grizzly bear?
698
00:20:18,043 --> 00:20:18,873
And I was thinking
about getting one
699
00:20:18,912 --> 00:20:19,702
as a pet so that
700
00:20:19,738 --> 00:20:20,868
I could practice on it
701
00:20:20,912 --> 00:20:21,652
as it's growing
702
00:20:21,695 --> 00:20:22,955
growing bigger.
703
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,140
Eventually I'd be able
to fight him full on.
704
00:20:25,174 --> 00:20:26,524
No.
705
00:20:26,565 --> 00:20:28,045
Do you know that a
grizzly bear's bite
706
00:20:28,087 --> 00:20:28,907
is strong enough to
707
00:20:28,956 --> 00:20:30,646
crush a fuckin' bowling ball?
708
00:20:31,608 --> 00:20:32,438
- Jesus.
709
00:20:32,478 --> 00:20:33,478
- [Ricky] I don't know what
710
00:20:33,522 --> 00:20:34,212
a bowling ball's made out of,
but
711
00:20:34,261 --> 00:20:35,131
- A grizzly bear?
712
00:20:35,174 --> 00:20:35,654
- [Ricky] It seems pretty hard.
713
00:20:35,695 --> 00:20:36,825
- Oh my God.
714
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,559
A grizzly bear can bite
a bowling ball?
715
00:20:38,608 --> 00:20:39,778
- Crush it.
716
00:20:39,825 --> 00:20:40,955
Turn it to dust.
717
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,000
- How could his teeth
be that strong?
718
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:43,913
Bowling balls are made outta
719
00:20:43,956 --> 00:20:45,436
- Super teeth.
720
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:46,788
- They're made outta stone.
721
00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,695
They're made of, like,
marble or whatever.
722
00:20:48,738 --> 00:20:50,348
- They must drink a lot of milk.
723
00:20:51,782 --> 00:20:52,572
- Milk doesn't
724
00:20:52,608 --> 00:20:53,308
- Strong teeth.
725
00:20:53,348 --> 00:20:54,218
- give you strong teeth.
726
00:20:54,261 --> 00:20:56,521
Like that type of strong teeth.
727
00:20:56,564 --> 00:20:58,824
- Why the fuck isn't
this cooking to the even?
728
00:21:00,261 --> 00:21:02,261
- Ricky, why don't. Ugh, Jesus.
729
00:21:03,435 --> 00:21:05,655
Forget my, forget my
half quick fry.
730
00:21:05,695 --> 00:21:07,215
- I'm not, I'm not
having any of that.
731
00:21:07,261 --> 00:21:08,871
- I don't want a half
quick fry any more.
732
00:21:08,912 --> 00:21:10,652
- And then little Mo
wanted a Clownfish.
733
00:21:11,825 --> 00:21:13,475
So I'm like, okay, do you
want a fuckin'
734
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,132
boy or girl?
735
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:16,564
And he said, they're only
736
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:17,648
there's only boy
737
00:21:17,695 --> 00:21:18,525
Clownfishes.
738
00:21:18,564 --> 00:21:19,874
They all get born to boy,
739
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:21,740
which I didn't know.
740
00:21:21,782 --> 00:21:22,872
And I guess it's true.
741
00:21:22,912 --> 00:21:25,522
But some of them do
turn to females to
742
00:21:25,564 --> 00:21:26,874
enable mating
743
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:28,432
- So their wieners fall off?
744
00:21:29,478 --> 00:21:30,868
- I don't know how it works.
745
00:21:30,912 --> 00:21:33,002
I'd like to get one, to
see it in action.
746
00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:34,083
- Well, they're Clownfish,
747
00:21:34,130 --> 00:21:34,960
so he probably just goes,
748
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:35,470
[makes whoosh noise]
749
00:21:35,522 --> 00:21:36,612
"Surprise!"
750
00:21:36,651 --> 00:21:37,431
- [Ricky] And then I was
thinking about
751
00:21:37,478 --> 00:21:38,258
maybe getting
752
00:21:38,304 --> 00:21:39,134
an Armadillo
753
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:41,004
just to have a unique pet.
754
00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:42,093
- [Julian] Why?
755
00:21:42,130 --> 00:21:43,390
- Because they're
cool looking and
756
00:21:43,435 --> 00:21:44,655
apparently they're friendly
757
00:21:44,695 --> 00:21:45,735
and they like to snuggle.
758
00:21:46,695 --> 00:21:47,875
- It says they like to snuggle?
759
00:21:47,912 --> 00:21:49,832
- [Ricky] No, I, I just
think they might.
760
00:21:49,869 --> 00:21:53,919
But anyway, these Nine
Banded bastards, they always
761
00:21:53,956 --> 00:21:58,096
give birth to
identical quadruplets.
762
00:21:58,130 --> 00:21:59,130
Every fuckin' time.
763
00:21:59,174 --> 00:22:00,394
Identical quadruplets.
764
00:22:00,435 --> 00:22:01,645
So if I got a fuckin'
765
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:02,515
Armadillo
766
00:22:02,564 --> 00:22:03,994
I can't have four babies.
767
00:22:04,043 --> 00:22:04,913
It'd be fucked.
768
00:22:05,956 --> 00:22:06,746
And I have all
769
00:22:06,782 --> 00:22:07,952
of a sudden five fuckin'
770
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:08,780
- Yeah.
771
00:22:08,825 --> 00:22:09,875
cocksuckers running around.
772
00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:10,782
- It would be fucked.
773
00:22:10,825 --> 00:22:12,955
- The fuck is he talking about?
774
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,220
- I'm not getting an Armadillo.
775
00:22:14,261 --> 00:22:15,951
- Don't get a fuckin'
Armadillo then, Ricky.
776
00:22:17,348 --> 00:22:18,518
Where would you even find
an Armadillo around here?
777
00:22:18,564 --> 00:22:19,394
- You know what?
778
00:22:19,435 --> 00:22:20,225
This fuckin'.
779
00:22:20,261 --> 00:22:21,001
You don't need a microwave.
780
00:22:21,043 --> 00:22:21,873
Look at this shit.
781
00:22:21,912 --> 00:22:22,522
That's the best thing in here.
782
00:22:22,564 --> 00:22:23,694
- What is?
783
00:22:23,738 --> 00:22:25,608
- The sweet and sour fuckin'
concoction.
784
00:22:25,651 --> 00:22:26,821
Fuck microwaves!
785
00:22:26,869 --> 00:22:27,649
Microwaves can suck my cock.
786
00:22:27,695 --> 00:22:28,915
I was gonna buy another one?
787
00:22:28,956 --> 00:22:29,646
- Why don't you just
smash everything up, man.
788
00:22:29,695 --> 00:22:30,775
- [Bubbles] I know Ricky,
789
00:22:30,825 --> 00:22:32,695
but you would've had it
cooked long ago.
790
00:22:32,738 --> 00:22:34,918
- [Ricky] These egg
rolls are taking forever.
791
00:22:34,956 --> 00:22:36,006
- This guy, Sergeant
Rizzle says,
792
00:22:36,043 --> 00:22:38,653
"What kind of car does
Ricky drive?"
793
00:22:38,695 --> 00:22:42,485
- 1975 Chrysler New Yorker.
794
00:22:42,521 --> 00:22:44,351
I like big cars.
795
00:22:44,391 --> 00:22:45,691
- [Bubbles in A raspy
voice] I like big cars
796
00:22:45,738 --> 00:22:47,358
and I don't know why
797
00:22:47,391 --> 00:22:48,781
[Bubbles laughs]
798
00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:49,615
Get it?
799
00:22:49,651 --> 00:22:51,001
- Yeah, I get it Bubs.
800
00:22:51,043 --> 00:22:52,873
- Okay, boys, well.
801
00:22:52,912 --> 00:22:54,652
- [Ricky in a deeper
Voice] My name is Ricky.
802
00:22:54,695 --> 00:22:56,005
I'm tricky.
803
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:57,353
- All right.
804
00:22:57,391 --> 00:22:58,431
- That would be uh.
805
00:22:58,478 --> 00:22:59,258
[Bubbles In A Raspy
Voice] I'm Ricky,
806
00:22:59,304 --> 00:23:00,134
I walk around.
807
00:23:00,174 --> 00:23:00,914
I smoked some dope.
808
00:23:00,956 --> 00:23:01,956
I walk around
809
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,790
- [Bubbles And Ricky
Both] I'm Ricky.
810
00:23:03,825 --> 00:23:05,135
- I'm Ricky, Ricky, Ricky,
Ricky.
811
00:23:05,174 --> 00:23:06,084
- All right, boys, on that note,
this,
812
00:23:06,130 --> 00:23:07,000
it's time to end this.
813
00:23:07,043 --> 00:23:08,003
We gotta go now.
814
00:23:08,043 --> 00:23:08,963
- Why?
815
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:09,870
- It's time's up.
816
00:23:09,912 --> 00:23:11,442
Perfect timing, now we can eat.
817
00:23:11,478 --> 00:23:12,998
- [Bubbles] Okay, well get,
like,
818
00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:14,733
get, serving her up!
819
00:23:14,782 --> 00:23:15,872
- Try this shit.
820
00:23:15,912 --> 00:23:17,042
Fuck.
821
00:23:17,087 --> 00:23:19,097
- Ricky, you're gonna eat
with the tongs.
822
00:23:19,130 --> 00:23:21,000
- I was going to, but
it didn't work right.
823
00:23:21,043 --> 00:23:22,653
Oh, fuck, that's still on!
824
00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:24,525
- [Julian] You dumb ass.
825
00:23:24,564 --> 00:23:25,394
[Ricky laughs]
826
00:23:25,435 --> 00:23:26,305
- Fuck, man. That sucked.
827
00:23:26,348 --> 00:23:27,958
- You're gonna burn yourself.
828
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:30,605
How is it?
829
00:23:31,651 --> 00:23:33,611
- It is fuckin' good.
830
00:23:33,651 --> 00:23:34,951
- All right, well,
831
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,300
tune in next week when
Ricky has food poisoning.
832
00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:41,900
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