All language subtitles for Trailer Park Boys Show s02e10.eng

- Warning the following
program contains really

coarse language, weed,
alcohol consumption,

smoking and sexual
inferferlenses.

This content may not be suitable

for viewers under 18.

To activate parental
controls please press

the big go [bleep]
yourself button

on your remote control.

- You ever hear of the game

if you could have?

That's one I invented.

- [Ricky] If you could have?

- [Bubbles] Yeah.

- [Ricky] All right.

- So you just pick a
different thing,

you know each time you
play so we can

just pick like a.

- [Julian] Bubs and
you invented this game?

- [Bubbles] Yes.

- It's been around forever man.

Ever since it's been a lottery

this this game has
been going on.

- No.

- It's basically if you
win the lottery,

what do you want?

Right it's basically
the same fucking thing.

- [Bubbles] No it isn't.

- [Bubbles] No it's
totally things you can get

without just cause
you won lottery.

Doesn't mean you can have air.

Okay if you could have
a fuckin' superpower

could you have that if
you won the lottery?

- [Ricky] Okay so what
are you saying?

If you could have a superpower

you're wondering what
it would be.

- [Bubbles] Yes and
then you discuss.

- [Julian] Well obviously
amongst yourselves.

- See that's
complicated cause you're

gonna pick flying.

It'd be fuckin' cool to fly.

But what if you could
trade in flying

for like three?

Like you could run 55
mile an hour,

maybe walk on water and
fart on demand

or something like that.

- Fart on demand?

That'd be like that's
not considered

a superpower man.

- So you would trade in flying

to be able to run 55
miles an hour,

walk on water and
fart on command?

- Well I'm just saying
you'd have to really

think about it wouldn't you?

- I don't think you would Ricky.

You wouldn't trade in
flying for that.

- Well fuckin' running
55 miles an hour

would be cool.

- And leaving a big
stink trail behind you.

- No you're in a room
full of people

that fucking pissing you off

and just start dropping bombs.

Little bomb.

- You do that anyway.

- I know but then you
could do it more.

- It's not even a
superpower Ricky.

- Well some of them are,

okay what would you guys have?

- What would you be Julian?

- What?

- If you could have
a superpower?

What would it be?

- [Ricky] Besides
incredible strength

which you already have.

- Fuck off.

I'd be okay.

What if the superpower
was was I could.

- Flex.

- Fuck off Bubs.

- Mega flex.

He just flexes and his
arms blow everything

in the room up.

- I'm passing.

- His biceps just destroy
everything in the room.

Lightning bolts come
out of them.

- I knew you guys
would get fuckin'

carried away with this shit.

Out of the game not playing.

- What about a
machine gun penis?

- Why?

- I don't know.

- What does it shoot Ricky?

- Whatever you want it
to I guess but

yeah you could take
that in a bunch

of different ways.

- Like a machine gun penis.

- I want hear what
yours would be.

- No man I've told you.

- Why cause you got mad
cause we said the mega flex.

- You're gonna keep on going.

- [Ricky] It could
shoot super glue.

- [Bubbles] What could?

- His machine gun penis.

So it would look like.

- What would your name be
if you were a superhero,

what would your name
be if you had

a machine gun penis?

MGP?

- It's not bad.

- [Julian] MGP.

- Super gun super gun.

- [Julian] Super gun.

- Super gun holy fuck
here comes super gun.

Everybody duck he's
blasting us with.

- Better get out your umbrella.

- That'd be a fucked up
superpower Ricky.

- Shoot hot glue outta
the machine gun penis.

- What would you do Bubs?

What would you have?

- Well I never really
thought about it.

I was more thinking
about inventing the game.

I wasn't actually
thinking about playing it,

but I mean if I was gonna do it,

you know I would probably be,

you know fly at the
speed of light.

- [Ricky] Okay.

- That's a great nobody
has that superpower.

Fly at the fuckin'
speed of light.

You could fly up and meet
the tall whites

or anybody you wanted
to up in the

you know space.

- Yeah they they just
discovered a bunch

of new planets didn't they?

Isn't that what you
were telling me?

- Who did?

- [Ricky] I thought you
told me they discovered

like 1400 planets or some shit.

- I didn't tell you that Ricky.

- Ah fuck I dreamt that I guess.

Flying at the speed of light.

- Wait a second you
had a dream that

you discovered 1400 new planets.

- Maybe.

- Do you remember when
any of them were called?

- [Ricky] No.

But I think there was
possible life

or potentiallyality for
life or something like that.

So it's kind of cool if
it's a true dream.

- [Julian] If its a true
dream that's so fucked.

- I think flying at the
speed light would be 10.

- I don't think that's
even a superpower

though is it?

- Well it would be
nobody can do it.

- Seeing through clothes
would be cool.

- X-ray vision yeah.

- Well there's been that
people have had x-ray vision.

- What about that stretch
plastic-o-man?

Or whatever the fuck.

- [Julian] Like
Stretch Armstrong?

- Yeah like right now if
I wanted to throw that

fuckin' Plinko game
across the room,

I could just go

[sounds of picking up
and throwing]

- Stretch plastic-o-man.

- [Ricky] Wasn't he a
super super guy.

- But that's a but
everybody there's been

lots of superpowers where
you can you know

extend your arms.

Inspector Gadget can
do that for fuck sakes.

- Fly at the speed of light,
machine gun penis, super glue.

- [Julian] To be
invincible that'd be

something pretty cool.

Nothing could fuck with
you like nothing.

- Until ultra not
invincible man comes at you.

Who's even more
invincible than you are.

- Say why would you fuckin'
ruin my,

like you didn't have
to ruin it man.

Like Mr. Invincible is is
a good fuckin'.

- [Ricky] My name would
be the super fast

floaty fart man.

- [Snoop Dogg] Grab a handful.

I gotta say my my my.

Camera guy you gotta
get you some boom boom.

Come on boom man.

Camera man.

Lovely lady get you a scoop.

Like two scoops of
raisins you get me?

Yeah.

- [Cameraman] That's a
big one there.

I like the way you roll.

- [Snoop] Gonna play
a part in it

you hear me killa?

- [Man On Computer] Every
sister just got

a hold of another sister.

Yeah big brother would you tap

another brother's ass.

- [Ricky] Hey fuckface.

- [Cameraman] What are
we dealing with here?

[Loyal by Chris Brown
ft. Snoop Dogg playing]

- Never as good as
the first time.

Get to hang out with the
Trailer Park Boys

we in deep.

[Never As Good As the
First Time by Sade playing]

Never as good as the first time.

- [Julian] Bubbles is
super fuckin' drunk.

Bubs I didn't realize
you danced so well man.

- [Snoop Dogg] Got a
nice mellow mood.

Everything is comfortable
I feel relaxed.

- [Bubbles] This is one
of the greatest fuckin'

moments of my life right here.

- [Julian] Me too.

- [Bubbles] Absolutely.

- Nothing feels as good as
the first time,

this the first time we all
smoking together y'all.

And it won't be the last time,

please believe me.

Crazy after dark in the
trailer park.

It can get crazy after
dark in the trailer park.

It can get crazy after
dark in the trailer park.

It get crazy after dark
in the trailer park.

It get crazy after dark
in the trailer park.

With the Trailer
Park Boys hello.

- Today yes we are
going to be talking

about a special little drink.

Ladies and gentlemen Vat 69.

This is an amazing
thing because,

well some of the things
that come to mind,

there was a movie
what was a movie?

The band of brothers
and the guys

and the guy was the drunk
guy was always

looking for the Vat 69
and and was Indian shit.

You like the bongywood
movies where they go.

Ayy ayy ayyy

They they whenever they
show rich people

drinking drinks they're
drinking Vat 69,

because it is symbolic of
upper classity.

I have to tell you one thing,

my memories of Vat 69
are exemplary.

I think that what
happens if you go

to New York city in 1984
with your wife Barb.

Fuckin' shh mmm.

And just a little
just like come on

do something never mind
who the fuck,

I don't I don't care anymore.

I don't fuckin' need to care.

Anyway it was hot shit hot 1984.

That was sympathy.

Just refaced the Arc De
Triomphe and the fuckin'

New York Harbor on
Liberty Mountain.

We were over visiting
there on Staten Island

I think it is.

And then we got back over
and it was so fuckin'

hot at the brew strip
was drippin' off of me.

We decided to go back
to the hotel

and maybe I was hoping
to get a little

something something
cause nothing

was fuckin' nevermind.

Oh yeah.

So on the way back to
the hotel what do we do?

I see this little fuckin'
liquor boutique.

It's a little narrow door
in the side between two,

you wouldn't fuckin' believe it.

Two huge parking
buildings with offices

and delicatessens and
all this shit.

And this little thing
was a narrow long narrow

corridor that went about
a half a fuckin' mile.

And every inch of every
shelf on every side

was filled with this
amazing fucking

pan-plapity panoply of liquor.

And guess what,

there was a whole fuckin'
shelf of Vat 69 there.

And I bought fuckin'
whole goddamn.

And you know what was
the nicest part?

That it did turn out that
that afternoon

in New York City I did get down

and I did get dirty and
I did get a little bit

of what Vat 69 is all
really about.

Which reminds me you
know there's

a couple of stories
about the visit of '69.

I remember this is kind
of an ideational brew.

There's something
about this liquor

that gives you a,

gives you an
appreciation for the finer

things of life.

And if I may say the
true love between people

ungenerous love like you
know what I'm saying?

No hole barred nothing
bad that is with Vat 69.

- Now for those of you
haven't painted before

you're gonna fuckin' love it.

Cause painting basically
what it is is like

you takes something like
something like that.

And then you're gonna put it on

something like this
which is like a canvas.

So it's almost like taking that

and putting it here with paint,

or taking a picture of
that with paint.

So if you don't have
a camera and you wanna

remember something,

painting is a good way to
fuckin' do that.

So the first type of
painting we're gonna do

is called is a still alive.

What I've been getting
really good at lately is,

painting vases with
flowers in them.

So we're gonna start with that.

So the first thing
you wanna do is

take your fuckin' paint plate.

Take a big brush like this,

pick some fuckin' colors.

Today I'm feeling like
orange I don't know,

it must be the fuckin'
drugs I'm on.

Take some orange mix
that with a bit of white.

Just start making big
fuckin' circles like,

ah fuck off I forgot one thing.

You gotta staple your
cock sucking canvas

to the board or it's
gonna be all fucky.

Ah fuck!

Ugh make sure your
finger's not behind

the fuckin' painting
when you staple it

or you'll get cut.

Fuck sakes.

Just put the little bit
of that there

for some character.

Once that's fuckin' secured.

You're fuckin' take your paint.

Make these cir oh fuck I
got black in there now,

but that's fine it's
still kinda cool.

Just want to make a
bunch of fuckin'

circles like this.

Fuck off or you're
gonna get broke,

and you wanna tape the
shape of your vase,

tape that so it doesn't
get paint all over it.

I'll get back to that later.

So I'm gonna finish
this and Chipper

will probably fuckin' cut to the

next part when this is done.

So go smoke a joint have a drink

and we'll see you in a
couple seconds.

That's pretty fuckin'
good right there.

So once you got that
done the top part

just put some kind of a weird
little fuckin' base there.

You want to take your tape,

you wanna peel that
the fuck off.

All right so once you got that,

you wanna take a smaller brush.

Fuck I guess I don't have
a smaller brush.

So you have to end up
making a smaller brush.

Always remember to take drinks

and smoke more joints.

It helps with painting.

So once you got that fuckin'
thing made,

you just wanna start
outlining this fuckin' vase.

Now you don't need to make
it look too fuckin' good.

Cause it's gonna look
good anyway.

Yeah I shouldn't have
used fuckin' gray here,

should've used a different color

fucked up a little bit
so maybe blue.

And see most people
would look at this

and think this is a
vase but I kind of

secretly try to make it
look like a bit of a cock.

Cause I find cocks funny.

So there once you got that done

then you wanna take some
fuckin maybe a blue.

All right so that's
how you kind of

make your vase.

It sort of looks like a
penis but nobody's

gonna know that except you.

The next thing you
wanna do is take

another small brush,

which we seem to be not
having a fuckin' lot of,

you guys could have had
more fuckin' brushes

and better equipment here
for this fuckin' show,

but it's alright.

I'll make one out of
one of these

little meat painters.

Now you just wanna fuckin'
get some

flower stems coming
up outta here.

It doesn't have to look
fuckin' great cause

it's all gonna be hidden
with other shit.

Fuckin' Jesus Christ.

Normally I have
professional tools

and I'm a lot better
at this shit,

but still looking pretty
fuckin' good there.

Actually looks like shit we have

to find a better fuckin' tool.

Maybe one of these bowl
scrapers I don't know,

we'll try it.

Yeah it's not bad now.

It's fuckin' shitty too.

Fuckin' maybe a knife.

Yeah that's pretty fuckin'
good actually.

So there you see some
beautiful flower stamps.

Next you wanna put some fuckin'
leaves

on those cock suckers,

and this is really
starting to take

fuckin' shape here.

It's fuckin' beautiful
actually already

which I wasn't expecting.

Then we'll put some
little flowers up there.

Well I fucked up
putting on a leaf,

but still looks awesome,

and then put some little fuckin'
weird

things around those.

All right so I mean
normally I'd take

another few hours and
really put some more flowers

and shit on that but we
don't have a lot

of times we gotta move
on to the other types

of paintings but there you go.

Some people spend you
know three or 400,

three or $4,000 on a
painting like that for their

maybe maybe put it over
your fireplace,

or in your kitchen, out
on your patio.

Look fuckin' pretty
good anywhere.

- If you tell three
things about yourself

but make two of them lies.

- Okay.

- Only one of them is true.

Then we gotta guess you
know which ones the true,

that's a good game.

Don't you think?

- Sounds like lots of
fun Bubs okay.

- Well it's more fun than
sitting here watching

that fuckin' thing turn around.

- [Ricky] You gotta figure
out which one's true?

- [Julian] You should try it.

- Yes so you tell three
things about yourself.

Two of them are not true.

- [Ricky] All right.

I'm not wearing any underwear.

Sorry how many are
true just one?

- Just one true and two lies.

- [Ricky] I'm not wearing
any under underwear.

- He came up with
that awful quick.

Like he didn't even have
to think that.

So I'm guessing
that's the non lie.

- I've got a a bloody sock on

that's on top of a broken toe,

and I've got three
Easter eggs in my pocket.

- [Julian] Okay.

- See this is a fuckin'
great game.

I'm guessing.

- [Julian] Let's rule out okay

the obvious he doesn't
what was I forget?

- They were he's not
wearing any underwear,

he's got a bloody sock on,

on top of 'em which broken toe,

and he's got three Easter
eggs in his pocket.

Any of those could be
true but only one is.

- [Julian] He
definitely doesn't have

three Easter eggs in his pocket.

- Okay So we'll elim but
he could right?

He could've got fake.

- [Ricky] Errrrrr.

- [Julian] Are you fuckin'
kidding me?

- [Bubbles] See that
best game ever.

- [Ricky] It's like I
knew we were

gonna play or something.

I didn't.

- [Bubbles] Wait a
second Ricky you

don't have underwear on.

- Well shit so there's
two that are,

see I fucked it up.

- [Julian] Do you have a
bloody sock on?

- [Ricky] No.

I did last week that's
where that one came from.

- Okay well now the
game's called two truth

two truths and a lie and
then it works.

- [Ricky] Do you guys
want an Easter egg?

They're fuckin' delicious.

- [Bubbles] Where did you
get them Ricky?

- Easter candy.

- [Bubbles] Yeah but Easter,

how long ago was fuckin' Easter?

- [Ricky] I'm pretty
sure it was not

long ago was it.

[calming sea music]

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