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00:00:00,522 --> 00:00:02,222
- Warning.
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00:00:02,261 --> 00:00:04,351
The following program contains
really coarse language, weed,
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00:00:04,391 --> 00:00:08,351
alcohol consumption, smoking,
and sexual inferences.
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00:00:08,391 --> 00:00:11,781
This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.
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00:00:11,825 --> 00:00:13,435
To activate parental controls,
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00:00:13,477 --> 00:00:15,347
please press the go
[bleep] yourself button
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00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:16,690
on your remote control.
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00:00:17,564 --> 00:00:20,744
[calm music, chatter]
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00:00:28,476 --> 00:00:29,736
- Here's a couple more here,
Ricky,
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00:00:29,781 --> 00:00:33,571
that I was curious about:
"How to unmelt stuff."
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00:00:33,607 --> 00:00:34,657
- [Ricky] Fuck, yeah.
12
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,780
- Yeah. Why were you
googling that?
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00:00:37,823 --> 00:00:41,873
Because two of my fucking
cups, one of my plates,
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00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:43,960
and a couple of my plastic
kitties were melted.
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00:00:43,998 --> 00:00:45,398
- Yeah. I'm sorry about that.
16
00:00:45,432 --> 00:00:46,782
- Is that why you Googled that?
17
00:00:46,823 --> 00:00:50,043
- And I'm sorry about
Lucy's plastic mixing bowl.
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00:00:51,692 --> 00:00:52,992
I melted it. And
then I was like,
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00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,080
fuck, there's gotta be
a way to unmelt this.
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00:00:55,127 --> 00:00:57,687
No. You'd think there would be,
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00:00:57,735 --> 00:00:59,295
it's fucking stupid that
you can melt something
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00:00:59,344 --> 00:01:01,514
and then you can't
fucking unmelt it.
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00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,381
Why would they invent
shit like that?
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00:01:05,431 --> 00:01:06,471
- It's called ruining it, Ricky.
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00:01:06,518 --> 00:01:07,998
You ruined the fucking thing.
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00:01:08,039 --> 00:01:10,299
- Right. But if it was made
outta something that unmelted,
27
00:01:10,343 --> 00:01:12,733
once it was melted, it
wouldn't get ruined.
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00:01:12,778 --> 00:01:14,428
- How would you
unmelt it though?
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00:01:14,473 --> 00:01:18,043
When you melt something it's,
you know, it's burning it,
30
00:01:18,082 --> 00:01:19,472
Ricky, like it's part of
it's going away.
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00:01:19,517 --> 00:01:20,997
You can't just,
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00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:24,528
you can't harness all the
vapor and put it back together.
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00:01:24,559 --> 00:01:25,949
- But you would think
if you melted something
34
00:01:25,995 --> 00:01:27,345
with a blow torch, that's heat.
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00:01:27,385 --> 00:01:30,385
So if you put it in a
fucking extra cold freezer,
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00:01:30,429 --> 00:01:33,429
it would be like, take it
back to where it was, no?
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00:01:33,472 --> 00:01:34,732
It doesn't work, but no.
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00:01:34,776 --> 00:01:36,946
- Like the Terminator,
like the Terminator dude.
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00:01:36,994 --> 00:01:38,254
Is that what you're
talking about?
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00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,428
- [Ricky] They've got
shit like that now, yeah.
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00:01:39,471 --> 00:01:41,341
Just it's probably
expensive and they don't
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00:01:41,384 --> 00:01:43,304
make household
products out of it.
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- They're not making
bowls outta that shit.
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00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:46,650
- "Where to steal diamonds."
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00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,519
Why in the fuck were you
Googling that?
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- 'Cause I'm fucking
sick of living like this.
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00:01:50,731 --> 00:01:52,911
And I just, diamonds are, I
don't know if you know this,
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00:01:52,949 --> 00:01:53,949
but they're one of the
most valuable
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00:01:53,993 --> 00:01:55,133
things in the fucking world.
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00:01:55,167 --> 00:01:56,607
- They're a girl's best friend.
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- And they're hard.
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00:01:58,166 --> 00:01:59,426
I wanted to make
something out of them
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00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:02,600
that's extra hard that
would last forever.
54
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:03,824
They could make like car
tires outta diamonds.
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00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:05,301
That would be neat.
56
00:02:06,470 --> 00:02:07,520
- Ricky, do you know
what fucking
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00:02:07,556 --> 00:02:09,826
it would cost to make
diamond tires?
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00:02:09,861 --> 00:02:11,381
- It'd be a lot. But if
you stole a shitton of 'em,
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00:02:11,426 --> 00:02:14,296
then you could make all kinds
of fucking stuff out of them.
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00:02:15,556 --> 00:02:17,556
- How uncomfortable-
- [Ricky] Teeth.
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00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,290
- of a ride would it be?
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00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,769
- Imagine if you could replace
all your teeth with diamonds,
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00:02:21,816 --> 00:02:23,036
nothing could fuck with them.
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00:02:23,078 --> 00:02:25,078
It's one of the hardest
things in the world.
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00:02:26,338 --> 00:02:28,518
- Clear diamond teeth.
Fucking be cute.
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00:02:28,555 --> 00:02:29,695
- You'd look fucking
cool with them.
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00:02:29,729 --> 00:02:30,949
- [Julian] You wouldn't
wanna go to sleep.
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00:02:30,990 --> 00:02:32,510
- You'd open up your
mouth and just glisten.
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00:02:32,555 --> 00:02:35,335
- Someone would wanna fucking
rob your mouth though, man.
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00:02:35,381 --> 00:02:39,641
- You wouldn't want to
go see The Who. Get it?
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00:02:39,685 --> 00:02:40,505
- I don't get it, man.
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00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,988
- They always had that
big laser show.
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00:02:44,032 --> 00:02:45,642
- Oh, you just open
up your lips.
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00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:48,035
- They hit you in the teeth,
it would go everywhere.
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00:02:49,032 --> 00:02:50,432
- Cool. Like a disco ball.
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00:02:50,467 --> 00:02:52,597
- This is one here, Ricky,
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that I was really curious about:
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00:02:55,205 --> 00:02:57,035
Peter Forsberg's eyes.
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00:03:01,727 --> 00:03:03,597
- Okay. That's a bad one.
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00:03:04,813 --> 00:03:07,343
- What is up with you and
his eyes, man?
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00:03:07,378 --> 00:03:10,688
- You've mentioned his
eyes on several occasions.
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00:03:10,726 --> 00:03:12,166
- Well, it just, I don't know.
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00:03:12,204 --> 00:03:14,514
I always thought that
I had pretty nice eyes
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00:03:14,552 --> 00:03:16,032
and then he comes along. Right?
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00:03:17,682 --> 00:03:22,342
So it's kind of like, we're
almost like enemies, I guess.
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00:03:22,377 --> 00:03:23,947
And you're always checking
out your other enemies.
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00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:25,337
See what is, what you,
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00:03:25,377 --> 00:03:27,417
- You think Peter Forsberg
realizes you're enemies
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00:03:27,464 --> 00:03:29,154
because you're
jealous of his eyes?
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00:03:29,203 --> 00:03:30,853
- If he saw my eyes,
maybe he would be,
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00:03:30,898 --> 00:03:32,118
he probably wouldn't be.
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00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,940
Cause he knows his are
better. I don't know.
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00:03:33,986 --> 00:03:36,386
But I was just looking
at them to see
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00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:39,080
what it is about them that
makes them better than mine.
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00:03:40,594 --> 00:03:42,334
- Hmm. What did you conclude?
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00:03:42,376 --> 00:03:43,856
- It doesn't mean anything.
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00:03:43,897 --> 00:03:45,677
There's nothing wrong with
looking at another man's eyes
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00:03:45,724 --> 00:03:47,384
to see why they're
better than yours.
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00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,550
That doesn't mean fuck-all.
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00:03:48,593 --> 00:03:50,593
- So you think he's got
beautiful eyes.
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00:03:50,636 --> 00:03:52,036
- I never said the
word beautiful.
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00:03:52,072 --> 00:03:53,202
- You think you have, you know,
nice eyes.
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00:03:53,245 --> 00:03:55,865
- I think he has
qualities about his eyes
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00:03:55,897 --> 00:03:58,417
that make them superior to mine.
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00:04:00,071 --> 00:04:01,331
And I'm a little jealous.
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00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,775
- What would those
qualities be? Shape, color?
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00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,902
- All of it, pretty much, yeah.
Size.
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00:04:09,071 --> 00:04:10,681
- Oh, I hope they put
up a picture.
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00:04:10,722 --> 00:04:12,852
Like a nice picture of Peter
Forsberg's eyes right now.
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00:04:12,896 --> 00:04:15,856
- He has fucking
perfect wolf eyes.
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00:04:17,765 --> 00:04:20,855
Anyway, so what? I
Google a man's eyes.
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00:04:20,895 --> 00:04:21,895
Doesn't mean anything.
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00:04:21,939 --> 00:04:23,069
How come you're not
talking about
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00:04:23,113 --> 00:04:25,863
the other things I search?
Perfect tits.
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00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:29,940
- Cause those are boring. I
know why you're Googling that.
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00:04:29,982 --> 00:04:32,072
I want to know why you're
Googling these other things.
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00:04:32,112 --> 00:04:33,722
"Does the queen smoke weed?"
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00:04:34,851 --> 00:04:36,771
- Well, yeah, that's a
great question
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00:04:36,807 --> 00:04:38,507
'cause we're going over there,
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00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,556
and she turned 90, which
is pretty cool.
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00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:42,070
She made it that long.
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00:04:42,111 --> 00:04:43,681
So I was gonna fucking,
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00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,420
well first I'd like to
smoke a joint with her
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00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:46,379
for her 90th birthday.
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00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:47,196
But if she's not up for that,
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00:04:47,242 --> 00:04:48,242
I could at least leave her
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00:04:48,285 --> 00:04:49,725
a little something as
a nice gift.
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00:04:49,763 --> 00:04:50,943
It's the fucking queen.
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00:04:50,981 --> 00:04:53,201
You're supposed to do nice
things for her.
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00:04:54,415 --> 00:04:55,895
- She doesn't smoke weed.
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00:04:55,937 --> 00:04:57,117
- How do you know? She
lived to be 90.
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00:04:57,154 --> 00:05:00,894
She probably does. Anyway.
133
00:05:00,936 --> 00:05:02,196
- She does have a drink
every morning.
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00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:03,461
- See, you guys are
gonna be jealous
135
00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:05,061
when all of a sudden I fucking,
136
00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,630
"Where were you last night,
Ricky?"
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00:05:06,675 --> 00:05:08,025
I'll tell you where I was,
assholes.
138
00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:10,717
Smoking fucking hash with
the queen. Where were you?
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00:05:11,805 --> 00:05:15,985
♪ ["Ode to Joy"] ♪
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00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:23,029
- Welcome. Welcome once again
to the Randy-Lahey show.
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00:05:23,066 --> 00:05:25,766
Have we got a show for you
today? Haven't we Randy.
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00:05:25,804 --> 00:05:26,984
- That's right, Mr. Lahey.
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00:05:27,021 --> 00:05:29,941
And you got the name
right, Randy-Lahey show!
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00:05:29,978 --> 00:05:31,418
- I meant the Lahey-Randy show.
145
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,026
- Randy-Lahey show!
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00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:36,985
- Whom thinketh style cometh
on our show today? Randers?
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00:05:38,151 --> 00:05:39,501
- Cometh who?
148
00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:43,032
- This is the Jim Lahey
literary episode, Randers.
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00:05:43,064 --> 00:05:45,504
And we have got a
Shakespearean expert
150
00:05:45,542 --> 00:05:47,412
that's gonna come on
the show today, Randy!
151
00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:48,275
- I hate Shakespeare, Mr. Lahey!
152
00:05:48,325 --> 00:05:49,755
- You love Shakespeare, Randy.
153
00:05:49,802 --> 00:05:51,012
- [Randy] I don't like him
at all, I don't understand-
154
00:05:51,064 --> 00:05:52,284
- To be or not to be.
That is the question.
155
00:05:53,889 --> 00:05:55,239
- Mr. Lahey that's a
dumb question.
156
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,670
If you're in the car and
there's a bee buzzing around,
157
00:05:57,715 --> 00:05:59,675
stop and let the fricker out.
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00:05:59,714 --> 00:06:01,974
You could get stung on
your nipple, Mr. Lahey.
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00:06:03,758 --> 00:06:07,498
- This is a show where we
enhance our acting skills
160
00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:09,590
whereby we achieve
fame and fortune
161
00:06:09,627 --> 00:06:11,717
on the magnificent
stages of London
162
00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:13,418
and New York City, Randers.
163
00:06:13,453 --> 00:06:14,673
- Well, this is really stupid.
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00:06:14,713 --> 00:06:16,153
You sound like an idiot, Mr.
Lahey.
165
00:06:16,192 --> 00:06:17,242
- [Lahey] No I don't, Randy.
166
00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:18,669
- You don't sound like
your normal self
167
00:06:18,713 --> 00:06:20,013
and we don't have to do that.
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00:06:20,062 --> 00:06:22,282
We practice at the
Blanchford recreation center,
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00:06:22,322 --> 00:06:24,062
everybody. And I think
that's enough.
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00:06:24,104 --> 00:06:25,114
Isn't it, Mr. Lahey?
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00:06:25,148 --> 00:06:26,718
- [unintelligible]
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00:06:26,757 --> 00:06:29,197
We need to improve our
performance skills
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00:06:29,235 --> 00:06:31,675
so we can conquer shit mountain,
Randers.
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00:06:31,712 --> 00:06:34,242
- Sounds really dumb, Mr. Lahey.
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00:06:34,278 --> 00:06:36,318
- Well, that's what you think,
Bo Diddler.
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00:06:36,364 --> 00:06:38,014
- Oh, if you ask me it's stupid.
177
00:06:38,061 --> 00:06:39,361
- Well, what should we
have for today,
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00:06:39,408 --> 00:06:41,848
oh, I have a new episode.
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00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:43,765
A new segment on our episode.
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00:06:43,798 --> 00:06:46,758
What have I got in the bag,
Randers?
181
00:06:46,798 --> 00:06:48,148
- You're in the bag, Mr. Lahey.
182
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,450
- That's true. Ta-da!
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00:06:50,885 --> 00:06:52,235
- You remember what the
producers said?
184
00:06:52,276 --> 00:06:53,926
They said that you're
not allowed to drink.
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00:06:53,973 --> 00:06:55,243
You're only gonna have to drink
186
00:06:55,276 --> 00:06:57,016
half of that today, Mr. Lahey.
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00:06:58,059 --> 00:06:58,929
- Okay, just so-
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00:06:58,972 --> 00:07:00,272
- Give me a good one this time.
189
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,710
- Just a little sippy-poo,
Randy, just for courage.
190
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:03,924
- Oh, give a little more.
191
00:07:03,972 --> 00:07:04,982
- What, what?
192
00:07:05,015 --> 00:07:06,315
- Come on, just a little.
193
00:07:06,362 --> 00:07:07,272
- Let me see how much I got.
194
00:07:07,319 --> 00:07:08,579
- Yeah.
195
00:07:08,623 --> 00:07:10,103
No- Mr. Lahey.
196
00:07:10,145 --> 00:07:11,235
- Cheers, Randy.
197
00:07:11,275 --> 00:07:13,925
- There's not any,
gimme a drinky-poo.
198
00:07:13,971 --> 00:07:15,371
- What are we gonna drink to,
Randers?
199
00:07:15,406 --> 00:07:16,316
- That's not enough for
a drinky-poo.
200
00:07:16,362 --> 00:07:18,492
- Okay, for fuck's sakes Randy.
201
00:07:18,535 --> 00:07:21,545
[Lahey] Piece of shit.
[Randy] Okay! Stop- Mr. Lahey.
202
00:07:21,579 --> 00:07:24,449
- Okay. Today we're gonna
drink to Randy's big gut.
203
00:07:24,492 --> 00:07:26,362
- No, we're not gonna
drink to my big gut.
204
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,755
I think what we should do,
205
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:30,275
we should have a toast
today to all of the people,
206
00:07:30,318 --> 00:07:32,838
all the fans, to season
10 is what we should do.
207
00:07:32,882 --> 00:07:33,702
- To season 10!
208
00:07:33,752 --> 00:07:34,832
- [Randy] Yeah. To season 10.
209
00:07:34,882 --> 00:07:36,582
- That's great, to season 10.
210
00:07:36,621 --> 00:07:38,101
Our fans love us out there.
211
00:07:38,143 --> 00:07:41,103
- They love season 10, to
season 10 and the fans...
212
00:07:41,143 --> 00:07:42,963
- Okay, so roll it, Chipper,
roll it.
213
00:07:44,099 --> 00:07:46,019
- Roll what, Mr. Lahey?
214
00:07:46,056 --> 00:07:47,626
- Show the footage,
Randy, show the footage.
215
00:07:47,664 --> 00:07:48,884
- Show footage of what?
216
00:07:48,925 --> 00:07:49,925
- Show the fucking footage
217
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,799
of when we were on the road,
Randy.
218
00:07:52,881 --> 00:07:55,971
- Fuck you, Lahey,
fuck you Lahey!
219
00:07:56,011 --> 00:07:58,531
- Have you guys seen Mr.
Lahey out there?
220
00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:00,617
[crowd cheering]
221
00:08:00,663 --> 00:08:05,053
'Cause if he's fricking
drinking, I'm taking his shit.
222
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:07,788
- Lahey! Lahey! Lahey!
223
00:08:08,750 --> 00:08:10,010
- [Lahey] Propane, propane.
224
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,704
- Time to start the flame!
225
00:08:11,749 --> 00:08:12,969
- [Lahey] Propane, propane.
226
00:08:13,010 --> 00:08:14,620
- Let's start the game!
227
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,312
- [Lahey] Propane, propane.
228
00:08:16,358 --> 00:08:18,058
- Time to start the flame!
229
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:20,227
- [Lahey] I love you guys.
230
00:08:21,531 --> 00:08:23,491
Swearnet.com, say it!
231
00:08:23,531 --> 00:08:25,621
- Swearnet.com!
232
00:08:25,662 --> 00:08:26,972
- [Lahey] Say it one more time.
233
00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:29,009
- Swearnet.com!
234
00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:31,003
- [Randy] Say the
Randy-Lahey Show!
235
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,183
- Randy-Lahey Show!
236
00:08:33,966 --> 00:08:36,446
- [Lahey] Say the Lahey
with Randy show.
237
00:08:36,487 --> 00:08:39,357
- Lahey with Randy show!
238
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,580
- No, say it's the Randy
with Lahey show!
239
00:08:42,617 --> 00:08:45,237
- Randy with Lahey show!
240
00:08:45,269 --> 00:08:46,879
- [Lahey] Fuck off.
241
00:08:52,007 --> 00:08:53,347
- And it says "I am the liquor!"
242
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,359
- It's coming up right now,
here we go.
243
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,440
That was good, wasn't it Randy?
244
00:09:00,485 --> 00:09:01,355
- What was that?
245
00:09:02,659 --> 00:09:04,399
- That was how much our
fans loved us.
246
00:09:04,441 --> 00:09:07,921
- Oh yeah. Oh boy, they love us.
247
00:09:07,963 --> 00:09:10,793
Oh, Mr. Lahey. This is
good liquor, it's good.
248
00:09:12,701 --> 00:09:15,621
- So, liquorman's... okay.
249
00:09:15,658 --> 00:09:18,398
So today, Randy, we
have a special.
250
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,830
We're gonna do the
dictionary game. Okay, bud?
251
00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:23,145
- No, Mr. Lahey. We agreed
that we're gonna do something-
252
00:09:23,179 --> 00:09:24,659
- I'll tell you what I'll do.
253
00:09:24,701 --> 00:09:29,711
How would you like 20 free
meals at A&W? 20 free coupons.
254
00:09:31,439 --> 00:09:32,219
- At A&W?
255
00:09:32,265 --> 00:09:32,655
- Ta-da!
256
00:09:34,092 --> 00:09:37,662
And you wanna know why we
do this every week, Randy?
257
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,520
In my little book called
the dictionary,
258
00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:43,920
go to dictionary.com and you
can get one of these books.
259
00:09:43,961 --> 00:09:45,921
You can order it online.
Read this, Randy.
260
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,741
- Mr. Lahey, I don't
wanna read it.
261
00:09:49,134 --> 00:09:51,224
- This the literary
episode you gotta be more,
262
00:09:52,482 --> 00:09:54,622
- Why do we have to
teach people words?
263
00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:56,396
They can go to school.
264
00:09:56,438 --> 00:09:57,318
- Dictism.
265
00:09:57,351 --> 00:09:57,871
- Dictism.
266
00:09:57,916 --> 00:09:59,136
- [Lahey] Do it.
267
00:09:59,177 --> 00:10:02,827
- Dictism. Fiat locks.
And in brackets it says,
268
00:10:02,872 --> 00:10:04,742
"Let there be light."
269
00:10:04,785 --> 00:10:07,095
Is it like the car Mr. Lahey?
270
00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:10,183
And there's an N in
dots, which means a noun.
271
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:12,180
N in dots is a noun.
272
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,920
Dictism: The study of
cosmic coincidence
273
00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:18,129
by posing questions and
having them answered
274
00:10:18,175 --> 00:10:23,135
by pointing at random, in
dictionaries of any language.
275
00:10:23,175 --> 00:10:26,655
Dictists believe every
atom of every element
276
00:10:26,696 --> 00:10:28,866
contains the map of
the universe.
277
00:10:28,914 --> 00:10:31,044
- Every atom in every element
278
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,528
contains the map of
the universe.
279
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,876
And it's true. And I
didn't make it up.
280
00:10:34,914 --> 00:10:35,964
It's the true shit.
281
00:10:37,783 --> 00:10:40,223
[jazzy music]
282
00:10:42,044 --> 00:10:45,564
- Ricky Brown had a few
near death experiences
283
00:10:45,608 --> 00:10:47,958
and it does tend to bring
him closer to the Lord.
284
00:10:49,478 --> 00:10:52,528
One of the near death
experiences I can remember is,
285
00:10:52,565 --> 00:10:55,745
is almost being killed by
someone I knew.
286
00:10:56,868 --> 00:10:58,778
They lost their mind.
287
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:02,395
Ricky was there to
help that person.
288
00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:05,913
He almost killed the person
he loved most, his wife.
289
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,052
And Ricky Brown stood
between them,
290
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:12,265
naked and no clothes on,
telling him, don't, don't.
291
00:11:12,303 --> 00:11:13,783
It was mean.
292
00:11:13,824 --> 00:11:16,354
Ricky Brown threw himself
in harm's way,
293
00:11:16,389 --> 00:11:20,609
much like he would a bus
or oncoming car or a rhino,
294
00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:22,820
or maybe a hippopotamus,
whatever.
295
00:11:22,866 --> 00:11:25,476
Cause hippopotamuses
are vicious creatures.
296
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:26,999
You see 'em laugh,
vicious creatures
297
00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:29,521
with a big old mouth. They
say they're herbivores,
298
00:11:29,562 --> 00:11:31,732
but motherfucker's
mouth swallow you whole.
299
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:37,784
I digress. Jumping in front
of that person he knew
300
00:11:39,301 --> 00:11:42,171
helped Ricky understand that,
you know, in that moment,
301
00:11:42,214 --> 00:11:45,614
he almost got his ass kicked
and his life was almost ended.
302
00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:50,173
You know, since then, I,
you know, I believe that
303
00:11:50,213 --> 00:11:52,043
that act of valor, that
act of honor,
304
00:11:52,082 --> 00:11:56,782
that Ricky Brown did, the
selfless act that he did
305
00:11:56,821 --> 00:11:59,651
might have brought those
two closer together.
306
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:03,520
They're not friends with
Ricky anymore, but you know,
307
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,130
Ricky does pay child
support now,
308
00:12:05,168 --> 00:12:08,958
but everything worked
out and I found the Lord
309
00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,734
and it was brought together.
310
00:12:10,776 --> 00:12:13,036
It's things like that
that make me realize,
311
00:12:13,081 --> 00:12:14,741
Ricky Brown was
meant to be here.
312
00:12:15,951 --> 00:12:17,691
And God got a plan for him.
313
00:12:19,211 --> 00:12:20,471
And he got a plan for you.
314
00:12:24,341 --> 00:12:28,171
- All right. Welcome to A
Date With Class.
315
00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:30,731
In my brief
interactions with you all,
316
00:12:30,775 --> 00:12:34,255
I have realized this is
something you seriously need,
317
00:12:34,297 --> 00:12:37,517
especially for those of you
who are getting out soon, okay?
318
00:12:37,558 --> 00:12:39,728
You need to know how
to treat a lady, okay.
319
00:12:39,774 --> 00:12:41,684
We're gonna talk about etiquette
320
00:12:41,731 --> 00:12:45,651
and we're gonna talk about
not fucking it up. All right?
321
00:12:45,687 --> 00:12:49,177
So who thinks that they know
how to treat a lady on a date?
322
00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:50,819
Come on.
323
00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:55,603
All right. So you're picking
me up for a date. Let's go.
324
00:12:55,643 --> 00:12:56,773
What's your first move?
325
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,480
Okay. Problem number
one. Does anyone know?
326
00:13:03,512 --> 00:13:05,252
- He sat down too fast.
327
00:13:05,295 --> 00:13:08,645
- Exactly, Freddy. What
should he have done, Freddy?
328
00:13:08,685 --> 00:13:11,645
- He should have slowed
it down. Took his time.
329
00:13:11,685 --> 00:13:13,205
- Took his time with what?
330
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:13,731
- Sitting down.
331
00:13:13,772 --> 00:13:14,952
- No, no, no.
332
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,160
The first thing, you
need to compliment me,
333
00:13:17,207 --> 00:13:19,207
make me feel good. Okay?
334
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:20,950
- This is nice. This is
a nice finger-
335
00:13:20,989 --> 00:13:23,609
Those are really nice
fingernails. It's like really nice.
336
00:13:24,858 --> 00:13:28,818
- All right. So let's say,
I'm sorry.
337
00:13:28,858 --> 00:13:30,338
Who do you think I am?
338
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:32,380
Am I supposed to pull
out my own chair here?
339
00:13:32,423 --> 00:13:33,333
- Oh. Sorry.
340
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:34,550
- Jesus, man.
341
00:13:34,597 --> 00:13:36,687
- Jesus Christ, Larry.
What the fuck, man.
342
00:13:36,727 --> 00:13:38,037
- Wonder why you're single.
343
00:13:40,336 --> 00:13:41,426
- Thank you.
344
00:13:41,466 --> 00:13:43,816
All right. What next? Anybody?
345
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:48,037
- Help her, have the chair
in? Push the chair in for her.
346
00:13:48,074 --> 00:13:48,764
- Jesus.
347
00:13:49,856 --> 00:13:51,516
Better off staying in here.
Okay.
348
00:13:53,595 --> 00:13:54,595
- What the fuck is he doing?
349
00:13:54,639 --> 00:13:55,549
- Sit the fuck down.
350
00:13:55,595 --> 00:13:58,075
- The fucking waiter does that.
351
00:13:58,118 --> 00:14:02,868
- Okay, now does anybody see
a mistake that he's made here?
352
00:14:03,855 --> 00:14:05,375
- He didn't wipe his forehead.
353
00:14:05,421 --> 00:14:08,121
- He didn't go to the bathroom
and use his one hitter.
354
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,160
- Paper napkins.
355
00:14:10,204 --> 00:14:13,604
Why the fuck am I on a
date without cloth napkins?
356
00:14:13,638 --> 00:14:16,558
- That's all they have
at the- that's all they-
357
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,244
That's all you have at the
facility. That's all you have.
358
00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:19,770
- You want cloth napkins.
359
00:14:19,811 --> 00:14:22,731
At least there's a tablecloth.
Okay.
360
00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:25,157
And here we are. So, small talk.
361
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:29,817
- So what was your
first time like?
362
00:14:29,854 --> 00:14:30,774
Was it good?
363
00:14:30,811 --> 00:14:31,811
- Nice.
364
00:14:31,854 --> 00:14:32,644
- Whoa.
365
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:33,330
- That's a great question.
366
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:35,986
- Can anybody think of
a better thing
367
00:14:36,028 --> 00:14:37,728
he could have started with?
368
00:14:37,766 --> 00:14:40,816
- When will you guys'
first time be?
369
00:14:40,853 --> 00:14:41,683
- I was 13, it was like,
370
00:14:41,723 --> 00:14:42,993
- Jesus.
371
00:14:43,028 --> 00:14:45,548
- You know, I had one of
those hot cousins, right.
372
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:49,165
- You don't wanna-
don't talk about
373
00:14:49,201 --> 00:14:51,201
banging your first
cousin on the first date.
374
00:14:51,244 --> 00:14:52,544
- Jesus.
- What is wrong with you?
375
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:53,901
- You're trying to get
outta here, buddy.
376
00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:55,340
- Are you supposed to
talk about banging at all?
377
00:14:55,374 --> 00:14:56,504
- [Larry] No, don't-
378
00:14:56,548 --> 00:14:57,238
- Probably not.
379
00:14:58,591 --> 00:14:59,981
- [Larry] Y'all, I'm
really close with my mom.
380
00:15:00,027 --> 00:15:01,847
My mom's like, you know,
like my best friend.
381
00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,856
- Okay, nobody cares. Nobody
wants to hear about your mama.
382
00:15:04,895 --> 00:15:06,415
Nobody wants to hear
about your exes.
383
00:15:06,461 --> 00:15:09,071
Just ask me about my day
and we'll go from there.
384
00:15:09,113 --> 00:15:10,203
- Oh, that's good.
385
00:15:13,026 --> 00:15:15,246
- How was your day? How
was your day?
386
00:15:15,286 --> 00:15:16,466
- Thank you. Eye contact.
387
00:15:16,503 --> 00:15:18,553
Do you see that?
That's really nice.
388
00:15:18,590 --> 00:15:19,460
- Doing good.
389
00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:21,423
- Not down here, but up here.
390
00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:23,200
- This is good stuff, actually.
391
00:15:23,242 --> 00:15:26,412
I never do any of this
stuff. It's fucking boring.
392
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,239
- And then you need to listen.
Okay?
393
00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:29,675
- All right.
394
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,420
- No, you don't have to
look like you're listening,
395
00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:34,419
but actively try and understand
what I'm saying. Okay?
396
00:15:34,459 --> 00:15:35,239
- Fuck is wrong with-
397
00:15:35,285 --> 00:15:35,465
- Okay.
398
00:15:37,024 --> 00:15:39,554
- Okay. But that makes me feel
like you're gonna kill me.
399
00:15:39,588 --> 00:15:41,458
So let's find a
balance in there.
400
00:15:46,936 --> 00:15:48,366
Okay. Now you're just
thinking pervy thoughts.
401
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:49,234
- [Larry] Oh gosh.
402
00:15:49,284 --> 00:15:50,634
- So we need to find something
403
00:15:50,674 --> 00:15:54,724
that your face can look
like that isn't scary.
404
00:15:54,761 --> 00:15:56,761
That doesn't give me bad dreams.
405
00:15:58,152 --> 00:16:01,632
And doesn't make me feel
like, all you want is sex.
406
00:16:01,674 --> 00:16:03,064
- But that's all I want.
- Is there a trick to that?
407
00:16:03,109 --> 00:16:04,539
'Cause, you know, when you're
on a date with a woman,
408
00:16:04,587 --> 00:16:07,237
it's hard not to look down
here and you don't want to,
409
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:08,023
cause you know, it makes
them feel weird,
410
00:16:08,065 --> 00:16:09,155
and you're trying not to,
411
00:16:09,196 --> 00:16:10,376
but you just find your
eyes going there.
412
00:16:10,412 --> 00:16:12,022
Is there a trick to that?
413
00:16:12,065 --> 00:16:15,335
- I actually think if you
just look right through her.
414
00:16:15,369 --> 00:16:16,369
- Okay.
415
00:16:16,412 --> 00:16:17,722
- Right past.
416
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,459
Then you will be less in
danger of looking down.
417
00:16:20,499 --> 00:16:22,319
- But what if they're
talking to you?
418
00:16:22,369 --> 00:16:23,669
- That's good.
419
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,366
- No, not your eyes or lips.
420
00:16:27,368 --> 00:16:27,848
- Look through.
421
00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:30,453
- Your tiddies might be
talking to 'em.
422
00:16:30,498 --> 00:16:31,758
- Oh Jesus.
423
00:16:31,803 --> 00:16:33,373
- Their tiddies aren't
gonna be talking to you.
424
00:16:33,411 --> 00:16:34,461
- You know what?
425
00:16:34,498 --> 00:16:35,408
- Just right through their eyes,
man.
426
00:16:35,455 --> 00:16:37,495
- If you're that concerned,
427
00:16:37,541 --> 00:16:40,371
you should just jack off
before the date.
428
00:16:40,410 --> 00:16:41,840
So your mind is clear.
429
00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:44,669
- Hey man, can you write
that down for me?
430
00:16:44,715 --> 00:16:45,845
- How many times?
431
00:16:45,888 --> 00:16:48,028
- As many as you feel
will make you
432
00:16:48,062 --> 00:16:50,452
a civilized member of society.
433
00:16:50,497 --> 00:16:52,017
- I've been told if you do
that and then you go on a date
434
00:16:52,062 --> 00:16:53,542
and you still want to
have sex with a person,
435
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:55,233
then you really like them.
436
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:56,069
- There you go.
437
00:16:56,106 --> 00:16:56,806
- That's a real Christ.
438
00:16:56,844 --> 00:16:57,714
- That's love. Okay.
439
00:16:57,757 --> 00:16:59,157
- [Larry] That's romance. Yeah.
440
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,152
- Yeah. So remember that.
441
00:17:00,192 --> 00:17:01,242
- You're so romantic.
442
00:17:02,018 --> 00:17:03,238
- I'm just horny.
443
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:06,849
- Okay. Do we know about
the cutlery situation?
444
00:17:06,887 --> 00:17:09,157
- The fork goes on the left,
I think.
445
00:17:09,192 --> 00:17:10,542
- And when you have
multiple forks,
446
00:17:10,582 --> 00:17:12,722
you start on the outside
and work your way in. Okay?
447
00:17:12,756 --> 00:17:14,196
- Where do you see
multiple forks?
448
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,494
- Well hopefully you've
taken her somewhere nice.
449
00:17:17,539 --> 00:17:20,229
So you're gonna have
multiple meals.
450
00:17:20,278 --> 00:17:21,408
You're gonna have
your appetizer,
451
00:17:21,451 --> 00:17:23,411
your entree, and then
your dessert.
452
00:17:23,451 --> 00:17:24,751
- Oh, Chinese buffet,
you use the same fork
453
00:17:24,799 --> 00:17:26,369
for everything you're
eating though.
454
00:17:26,407 --> 00:17:29,547
- Look, unless you plan on
ending the night in the bathroom,
455
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:31,761
do not take your date to a
Chinese buffet.
456
00:17:32,972 --> 00:17:34,322
- I've been in the
bathroom before,
457
00:17:34,364 --> 00:17:36,014
it's kind of fun sometimes.
458
00:17:37,363 --> 00:17:39,583
- Little crammy but you
can still do it.
459
00:17:39,624 --> 00:17:41,184
- Oh my word. All right.
460
00:17:42,058 --> 00:17:42,718
So we start our meal,
461
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:48,319
some topics to maybe avoid,
we've already discussed
462
00:17:48,363 --> 00:17:52,723
the banging, your ex, your
mom, probably your time here.
463
00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:56,583
Because I mean, let's be honest.
464
00:17:56,623 --> 00:17:58,283
Nothing to be proud of, right?
465
00:17:59,449 --> 00:18:01,239
- I thought chicks dig
guys in jail.
466
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,103
- That is up to you. That is-
467
00:18:04,144 --> 00:18:05,754
If that's who you're
looking for, that's fine.
468
00:18:05,796 --> 00:18:06,836
- No talk time.
469
00:18:08,883 --> 00:18:11,753
- It's really about the
eyes, and the body language,
470
00:18:11,796 --> 00:18:13,536
but remember not the
creepy eyes.
471
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,191
- Bite your bottom lip.
472
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,410
- Is there a best color
of eye to look for?
473
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,578
- Best color of eye?
474
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:24,321
- You just said it's all about
the eyes and I don't know.
475
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,710
- Like, the look in the eyes.
476
00:18:25,751 --> 00:18:27,231
- Okay. Looking at. All right.
477
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,093
- Yeah.
478
00:18:28,142 --> 00:18:29,352
- So no eye color.
479
00:18:29,403 --> 00:18:31,923
- No. No. Not a
specific eye color.
480
00:18:34,142 --> 00:18:36,672
So hopefully the date goes well,
481
00:18:36,707 --> 00:18:38,707
you stayed away from
those topics.
482
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:40,970
You're having nice time
and let's talk about
483
00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:43,232
the end of the night. Okay?
484
00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:44,102
- Yeah. So, okay.
485
00:18:45,967 --> 00:18:47,577
- Make sure you got
your cardinals.
486
00:18:49,185 --> 00:18:49,965
- Okay chair.
487
00:18:50,011 --> 00:18:51,491
- Thank you.
488
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:52,402
- Push it back.
489
00:18:52,445 --> 00:18:54,845
- That's great. So we're here.
490
00:18:56,271 --> 00:18:59,061
- I like your, the lipstick's
really, it's really.
491
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,187
- Whoa. Okay.
492
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,361
- Why'd you fucking kiss her?
493
00:19:02,401 --> 00:19:03,841
- What the fuck?
494
00:19:03,879 --> 00:19:06,489
- Easy there. Romeo.
495
00:19:06,531 --> 00:19:09,011
- You know what? You
go on a date.
496
00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:11,833
Do whatever you gotta do.
You're fucked either way.
497
00:19:12,965 --> 00:19:15,525
- [Ricky] And just-
- Horse wheels.
498
00:19:15,574 --> 00:19:18,014
- Horse wheels. I do.
That was me.
499
00:19:18,052 --> 00:19:20,272
These probably aren't
all me, but that was me.
500
00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:23,884
- Why were you Googling
that, horse wheels?
501
00:19:23,922 --> 00:19:25,012
- Well, I was pretty baked,
502
00:19:25,052 --> 00:19:27,482
and you know how they
have horse shoes.
503
00:19:27,530 --> 00:19:28,400
So I was wondering, you know,
504
00:19:28,443 --> 00:19:30,313
if instead they had horse wheels
505
00:19:30,356 --> 00:19:32,226
and then you could just
roll your horse around.
506
00:19:33,790 --> 00:19:36,190
It would save, you know,
some of his energy.
507
00:19:36,225 --> 00:19:38,185
And if you had to move
him like in a tight area,
508
00:19:38,224 --> 00:19:39,754
like especially if the
wheels turned every way
509
00:19:39,790 --> 00:19:43,490
you could just like, move
them forward or sideways.
510
00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:44,749
- What would you do?
Would you like,
511
00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:46,269
you mean like a set of casters?
512
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:48,311
You just screw gun them right
to the bottom of the hooves?
513
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:49,965
- Yeah. Or I dunno if
you'd screw gun them,
514
00:19:50,007 --> 00:19:51,047
but like maybe Velcro.
515
00:19:51,094 --> 00:19:53,094
So they're quick release
or I don't know.
516
00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:56,354
- So you want Velcro
with some casters
517
00:19:56,397 --> 00:19:58,147
onto a horse that you don't own?
518
00:19:59,397 --> 00:20:00,567
Why were you
thinking about this?
519
00:20:00,615 --> 00:20:01,825
You don't even own a horse.
520
00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:03,225
- I know, but would it
make the horse faster?
521
00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:07,227
Is another question, once
you got the hang of it.
522
00:20:07,266 --> 00:20:08,916
- Oh my fuck, Ricky.
523
00:20:08,962 --> 00:20:11,362
- [Ricky] Kind of like
roller skates, I guess.
524
00:20:11,396 --> 00:20:12,356
But on a horse.
525
00:20:14,222 --> 00:20:15,312
- What.
526
00:20:15,353 --> 00:20:15,833
- Ricky.
527
00:20:17,135 --> 00:20:20,055
- Why would you even
think about that? Like I-
528
00:20:20,092 --> 00:20:21,102
- Because I've been trying
to come up with
529
00:20:21,135 --> 00:20:22,615
one of those million
dollar ideas.
530
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:26,796
And anyway, I couldn't
find anything on it, so.
531
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:29,180
- You should start a
Kickstarter campaign, Ricky.
532
00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:31,141
Get horse wheels off the ground.
533
00:20:31,178 --> 00:20:32,918
- What is that? How
do you do that?
534
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,570
- I'll show you! Go
on the internet
535
00:20:34,612 --> 00:20:36,222
and you just put up your ID
536
00:20:36,264 --> 00:20:38,184
and you ask people to
give you money.
537
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:40,620
- Horse wheels. It's
got a good ring to it.
538
00:20:42,003 --> 00:20:43,133
- HorseWheels.com.
539
00:20:44,046 --> 00:20:45,316
You gotta look for that one.
540
00:20:45,351 --> 00:20:49,881
This is one here that- a
pair of them, actually,
541
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,966
that kind of took me
by surprise.
542
00:20:52,003 --> 00:20:55,793
Why were you Googling "How
to barbecue a Guinea pig?"
543
00:20:57,567 --> 00:20:59,397
And then immediately after that,
544
00:20:59,437 --> 00:21:01,527
"How to barbecue a porcupick."
545
00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:07,609
- I've been doing a lot
of researching lately.
546
00:21:07,653 --> 00:21:10,043
You know, just trying to
figure out different food,
547
00:21:10,088 --> 00:21:12,358
alternative native foods.
548
00:21:13,783 --> 00:21:15,223
So, you know, people
don't have a lot of money.
549
00:21:15,262 --> 00:21:17,052
There's all kinds of those
things fucking around.
550
00:21:17,088 --> 00:21:19,218
I just wanted to know if
people have barbecued them
551
00:21:19,262 --> 00:21:21,822
and if they have what they
would use to make it taste good.
552
00:21:21,870 --> 00:21:24,610
And if it tastes good,
even in the first place.
553
00:21:24,652 --> 00:21:25,872
Couldn't find a lot on it.
554
00:21:25,913 --> 00:21:27,693
- So as an
alternative food source,
555
00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:31,093
you're recommending Guinea
pigs and porcupines.
556
00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:35,261
- Just throwing it out
there. I don't know.
557
00:21:35,303 --> 00:21:36,303
You've never heard of many
people eating them before.
558
00:21:36,347 --> 00:21:37,527
Maybe it's like-
559
00:21:37,564 --> 00:21:39,304
- Did you barbecue one?
Tell me the truth.
560
00:21:39,347 --> 00:21:41,827
- Maybe it tastes like
fucking KFC or something good.
561
00:21:43,042 --> 00:21:45,052
- Tell me, did you
barbecue a Guinea pig?
562
00:21:45,086 --> 00:21:47,086
I need to know 'cause I
use that barbecue.
563
00:21:48,346 --> 00:21:50,486
- What's the right answer here,
Bubs?
564
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,260
- [Bubbles] The truth, Ricky.
565
00:21:52,302 --> 00:21:55,352
- The truth sometimes is not
the best answer all the time.
566
00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:01,910
I didn't, I did not
barbecue a porcupick.
567
00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:02,824
Put it that way.
- You didn't?
568
00:22:02,867 --> 00:22:04,127
Why would you want to though?
569
00:22:04,172 --> 00:22:06,082
- But you barbecued a
Guinea pig, then.
570
00:22:07,606 --> 00:22:11,306
- Well, little Mo had a
little Guinea pig,
571
00:22:11,345 --> 00:22:13,735
got pretty fat and he died.
572
00:22:13,779 --> 00:22:17,089
So I'm thinking, what do you do,
bury him?
573
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:19,787
Or do you not waste him
and make a meal out of him.
574
00:22:21,735 --> 00:22:22,955
Didn't turn out so fucking good.
575
00:22:22,996 --> 00:22:24,916
That's why, you know,
I was trying to think,
576
00:22:24,952 --> 00:22:25,782
- What did you have him with?
577
00:22:25,821 --> 00:22:27,211
Did you have him with like some,
578
00:22:27,257 --> 00:22:29,297
you know, like a jacket potato?
579
00:22:29,344 --> 00:22:30,614
- Potato salad.
580
00:22:33,778 --> 00:22:35,998
- You had a potato salad
with Guinea pig.
581
00:22:36,039 --> 00:22:37,119
- So you did eat a Guinea pig.
582
00:22:37,169 --> 00:22:38,519
- Not the whole thing, no,
'cause
583
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,090
it wasn't fucking, very good.
- Oh my fuck, Ricky.
584
00:22:41,125 --> 00:22:42,385
- Did you pull him apart?
585
00:22:42,430 --> 00:22:44,960
Like, you know, eat his
little legs and stuff.
586
00:22:44,995 --> 00:22:47,695
- The legs are just a bit
smaller than like a chicken,
587
00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:48,913
you know, when you get
chicken wings
588
00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:50,211
and they throw in little
mini legs sometimes.
589
00:22:50,255 --> 00:22:52,255
- They're a lot smaller man.
590
00:22:53,646 --> 00:22:54,346
Like, Ricky.
591
00:22:55,994 --> 00:22:58,174
- All right guys. Sorry for
fucking trying out new foods.
592
00:22:58,211 --> 00:23:00,911
- Do people actually eat
Guinea pigs or porcupine?
593
00:23:00,950 --> 00:23:02,000
Do they actually do that
over the woods?
594
00:23:02,037 --> 00:23:04,217
- They- actually, they do
eat porcupine.
595
00:23:04,254 --> 00:23:06,384
I did see that when
I Googled it.
596
00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:07,998
Didn't say anything about
barbecuing the little fuckers,
597
00:23:08,036 --> 00:23:11,166
but you can cook them. It's
one guy roasts 'em in the oven.
598
00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:17,041
- Ricky, if I catch you
fucking barbecuing porcupicks
599
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,130
or Guinea pigs or any of that.
600
00:23:21,427 --> 00:23:22,297
- That's probably why I'm sick,
man.
601
00:23:22,340 --> 00:23:23,430
- [Ricky] What about a squirrel?
602
00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:25,080
- Probably sick because
of that shit.
603
00:23:25,122 --> 00:23:27,122
Like the Guinea pig, if it
died, Ricky, it could have died
604
00:23:27,166 --> 00:23:29,206
because it ate rat
poisoning or something bad.
605
00:23:29,253 --> 00:23:32,693
I mean, you just can't eat
shit like that. It's dead.
606
00:23:32,730 --> 00:23:33,770
- Didn't do anything to me.
607
00:23:33,817 --> 00:23:34,557
- It'd be better if
you killed it.
608
00:23:35,687 --> 00:23:36,777
- Don't- why would you
tell him that?
609
00:23:36,817 --> 00:23:38,257
- I'm just saying, it
could have died
610
00:23:38,295 --> 00:23:40,345
from some fucking disease, man.
611
00:23:40,382 --> 00:23:42,862
- You go to a pet store and
fucking buy a couple Guinea pigs
612
00:23:42,904 --> 00:23:45,084
and strangle them and
throw 'em on the 'cue.
613
00:23:45,121 --> 00:23:47,951
- Why don't you just go through
a fucking drive-through?
614
00:23:47,991 --> 00:23:50,511
And get a burger or
something, man, for 99 cents.
615
00:23:50,555 --> 00:23:52,345
- Cause that's plain and normal.
616
00:23:53,873 --> 00:23:57,873
[peaceful music,
seagulls calling]
617
00:23:57,874 --> 00:24:00,354
[boat engine]
618
00:24:07,616 --> 00:24:11,496
[indistinct yelling, swearing]
619
00:24:20,498 --> 00:24:21,408
- Fuck off.
620
00:24:21,458 --> 00:24:26,008
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