All language subtitles for Trailer Park Boys Show s02e07.eng

[piano music]
[children chatting]

- Once you're baked and
someone tells you some shit,

Sometimes it just sticks
like fuckin' boss to butter.

- Boss to butter.

- Okay.

- What's, let's just
keep going. What is this?

There's a skeleton found
in a in a sofa?

- Somebody found a skeleton
in a coach left on the side of

the highway.

I just thought I'd throw
that out there.

- Was it a hide bed or
just a normal couch?

- See, that's pretty
good question.

I wasn't expecting that.

Does it make a difference,
Ricky?

[laughing]

- I wonder if people were like
actually actually using that

sofa, they would, you know,
cruise over.

- [Ricky] I was just thinking,

- Just wait. I wanna know
why Ricky asked that.

[Ricky coughing]

- Cause a lot of people
up fuck up sometimes,

they're sleeping on it,
it goes down, folds back.

[Ricky laughing]

- Take that.

- They might end up in the
bed. No one deal with them.

Fuck.

- Ricky!

- I'm too fucked up again boys.

You can't come over at
breakfast, feed me joints and beer,

I'm fucked!

- Roll something normal that's
not gonna take our heads off.

- You fuckin kidding me?

- Were you always wearing
sunglasses or did that just

happen?

- I just put them on cuz
you're freaking me out a little

bit.

- Wait a second. So you think
maybe somebody was laying on

the bed and they got
accidentally folded inside it?

- And something ate the
whole body except the head,

- Or it just rotted, Ricky.

- Ricky. Don't you think?

[bottle knocked over]

- Jesus.

- I mean, if somebody, you
know, got trapped in their hide

a bed,

- Okay. I don't know if
that's what happened.

Maybe somebody just dropped
a skull in a fuckin' couch

and someone found it.

- No, they found a skeleton,
not a head.

- Oh, okay. So that makes
sense. So someone did get folded

up in the fuckin' thing and
they rotted to death and then

somebody found it years later,
it's probably a hide a bed

from the seventies.

Could have been that fuckin'
missing mafia guy. Who knows?

- Who?

Jimmy Hoffa?

- That's what happened to him.

- Are you kidding me?

- There's no, there's
no way it's Jimmy Hoffa.

You know how fuckin' long
they've been looking for that

motherfucker?

- Wouldn't that be
awesome though?

- How much money was
poured into that?

- [overlapping] Well, you'd
never found him if he was folded

up in a fuckin' hide a bed.

- Be a big news story.

- He's found in a fuckin' hide
a bed sofa. On the side of

the road.

- Jimmy Hoffa was found today.

- Contact the family.

- He wasn't killed
after all, he fucked up.

- He passed out and got
folded up in a sofa bed.

- Wow.

- He was in the dump for
the last, fuck, 35 years.

[laughing]

- That's fucked.

- I bet it happens all
the fuckin' time.

- Ricky you've done that.

- Well, next time you go to
a fuckin' flee market you're

thinking of buying a hide a
bed, you should unfold the

fuckin' thing first.
That's all I'm saying.

- Well, I would anyway,
Ricky, just in case there's

something else in there. I
wouldn't unfold to make sure

there wasn't a human skeleton.

- Like what? What else
would be in the, the bed?

- Well, you'd want unfold it
just make sure there wasn't a

dog or a -

- A chinchilla.

- See? That's just bull

- Or you know,

- You're thinking
like Ricky now.

- Or somebody might play a
prank. It could be full of

shitty diapers.

[sighs]

You get it home, you open
it up and boom.

- I could see like maybe
a Guinea pig or something,

but I don't know. Let's
just move on.

- See, I know people that
would do that as a trick.

- What stuff their - ?

- Yeah, fill a hide a bed with
shitty diapers and take it

to the flee market

- Oh, okay, I thought
you meant Guinea pigs.

- No that wouldn't be a very
nice thing to do to those pigs.

- They're not pig.

[laughing]

- Fuck off. Guinea pigs.

- Your mother's a pig.

- What?

- You bang pigs.

- I'm just saying I'm hungry.

- If Ricky lived on a farm,
he would definitely be banging

the pigs.

- That's a weird thing to say.

- Well, you're weird.

- Remember that time you
ate a Guinea pig, Ricky?

Cuz you thought it was
like a little Baconator.

[moving wrappers]

[sighs]

- I did eat a Guinea
pig. I'm not proud of it.

- Did you know he ate
a Guinea pig?

- I didn't know he ate
a Guinea pig.

- Because he thought it would
be like a mini Baconator?

- I thought it was like
a Mensha pig,

and all parts would
taste like a pig.

No.

- Did you eat the whole thing?

- Not the head.

- Oh God.

- Fuck.

- He deep fried him.

- Sick.

- Deep fried him. Ate
him like a little snack.

- Little beer batter.

- [laughing] Oh you
beer battered him?

- Nice.

- I didn't know you
beer battered him.

- Fuck, I just had a
flashback boys.

- What?

- I didn't finish my
tall boy from last night.

- What the heck is that?

[can opening]

- Tall boy homemade.

- Wait.

- Well you drink this side and
then you flip it over and you

open this side, right?

- You taped two beers together.

- Yeah. You just need
one hand then, two beers.

- Ricky. That's, why
would you want to do that?

- Ricky, why wouldn't
you just have two beers.

- Two separate beers?

- No, it's cause then you
gotta hold fuckin' both hands,

right now, I can do whatever
I want. I could fuckin' dance

or punch people.

- No, but you could set
this one down.

You wouldn't have to hold
the two of them.

If the other one's not
open, why would you hold it?

- It's more when you're
going outside

and you're walking around
right? Going for a little walk.

You finish this one, you know?

- I know, but the whole time
you're drinking this one,

you're shaking the piss out
of this one. So when you open

this one, it's gonna be all
[pshhh], you're doin' this -

- Oh no it does foam up a
little bit, but it's not bad.

It's worth it. It's fuckin'
awesome.

- So you're two fistin' with
one fist. Is that the theory?

- I think they should
sell 'em like that.

- You're double fistin'
with one fist.

- They're not gonna sell
him like that.

- I like that.

- No, I, that's that's pretty
good. That's a pretty good

slogan, too. Double fist
it with one fist.

- Silee's beer twins.

- Silee's beer twins.

That's a, that's fuckin',
that's ridiculous, Ricky,

why would you put the effort
into tapin' it together?

- Breakfast is a fuckin',
pretty liquid and smoky this

morning.

- [Offscreen] Let's see. Oh,
the joke of the day, Randy.

- What's the joke?

- You're gonna tell the
joke of the day.

- What did the janitors say?

- Didn't we already
say that one?

- Oh, darn, I thought
we didn't do that one.

- You can't think of any jokes,
can you?

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- Cheeseburger.

- Good one, Randy.
Cheeseburger who?

- Cheeseburgers can't talk, Mr.
Lahey.

- Yes they can, look, say that,
Randy.

Just say it once more.
Just for fun.

- [Dog] Hello?

- Knock, knock.

- [Dog] Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- [Dog] Who's there?

- I don't like this guy.

- [Dog] I don't like this guy.

- Randy is a little,

- [Dog] Randy is a little,

- You say.

- [Dog] You say.

- You say what he is.

- [Dog] You say what he is.

- No, you say.

- [Dog] No, you say.

- Mr. Lahey, come on.

- Look, this is an, this
is cerebral intelligence.

Randy, you know what?
I invented this myself.

I built it myself. And
it's the new,

it's the state of the art
in cybernetics, Randy.

You can make love
with that thing,

that thing'll eat, supper
time and everything.

Okay, so we are gonna,
[stammering] oh Nicole,

could you bring in our list
of all the places that we were

this year, please?

This is where we were, Randy.

Do you remember all
these wonderful places?

- Thanks Nicole. Yeah. We've
been to all of these places,

everybody.

- Do you remember Lansing,
Michigan?

- Yeah. Yeah. Lansing.

- What, what, what went on
in Lansing? I don't fucking

remember Lansing.

- People had swords.

- Do you remember Hamilton?

- That one's just in Ontario.

- Yeah. We were with Syrian
refugees in our motel.

Remember that? I remember that.

- Do you remember Brantford?

[mmm-hmm]

You do not.

Bangor, we were in Bangor,
Lewiston, Biddeford,

Spartansburg, Pensacola,
Orlando, Barrie, we were in Barrie,

- Orlando was sunny.

- Da-da-da-da-da-da!

[plane flying]
[announcements overhead]

- Excuse me, sir. Do you know
where a guy could get a little

drinky poo around here?

- Where's Randy?

- Fuck! Fuck that, turn it off.

[cheering]

Don't make me take my pants off.

[cheering louder]

- [Randy] Pro-peen pro-peen

- Take them off!

- [Randy] Pro-peen pro-peen

- Let's start the show!

- [Randy] Pro-peen pro-peen

- Let's start the show!

- [Randy] Pro-peen pro-peen

- Let's start the show!

- I love you guys.

[cheering]

- What do you think, Randy?

- It was a good one, yeah.

- Okay, now,

- Are they playing it?

- Don't forget, Randy.

- Are they playing it though?

- What?

- Are they playing The Barrie?

- They just played the Barrie,
Randy.

like it's not real time cuz
like they just interjected into

the start of the show.

Here, don't forget this.

- Oh yeah, that's mine.

My assistant trailer park
supervisor of the year award.

- It was Orlando if I
can remember.

- It's from the IETPTPSATTPS.

- Oh, we sold them out
in Nashville, Randy.

We sold them out and our names
painted on the wall all with

those big, can you remember
some of the groups?

- Tom Petty and the Red
hot chili peppers.

- Yeah. And we got our names
right on the fuckin' wall.

- What's that guy that
was in the jerk?

He was a comedian.

- Minneapolis. That was nice.

- Steve Martin.

- Birmingham

- Not the singer. Steve
Martin, the funny guy.

He was in Roxanne or
Roseanne with the nose.

- Pittsburgh's kind of cool.

Where were we? When
we saw the Val?

Oh yeah. Val, fuck, Randy,
we been all over the place.

- We went to
Christopher Columbus.

- [slurring] That's not
Christopher Columbus, Randy, that's

Columbus, Ohio.

- He discovered
America in Columbus.

- Yeah, but not, not
in Columbus.

They named the Columbus because
there's big columns there.

Like, like the Grecian columns,
Randy, because cheers bud.

- Why did you give me my award?

[slams cup down]

- Because I just wanted to
remind you how wonderful you were

Randy

[electric guitar music]

- Thank you.

[violin music]

- [Offscreen] How's it goin?

- I'm grand.

- Are you real? Are you a
real leprechaun?

- We're from Canada. We've
never really met one.

- It's pleasure.

- Nice to meet you.

- Cheers.

- Sunnyvale trailer
park in Canada.

- Cheers, good to meet you.

- Yeah, that's right.

- Stinks too.

- He's not the cleanest fella.

- Yeah.

[laughing]

- Cheers.

- Nice to meet you too.

- Oh, well that's what
we're going to do right now.

- That's what we're
gonna do right now.

- Just gotta pace yourself.

- Alright.

- Thank you. Thank you.

[rock music]

- Bubbles, you say that we
can't drink and get high.

You bring to a fuckin'
beer factory.

- Yeah. As a tourist,
not as a drinker.

- Bubs, I don't even like
beer. I don't give a fuck about

Guinness beer.

- I don't give a fuck what
you give a fuck about.

You're not drinking and doing
drugs today and I want to do

tourist things. So we're
at the Guinness factory.

- I need a buzz on.

I don't work without a buzz on.

- Do you want to see the
Guinness factory, Randy?

- Yeah. That'd be fun.

- Who gives a shit what he
wants to do? He's here to work.

- Well, me and Randy.

- Let's go see some shit then.

- For fuck's sakes.

- No drinking.

- Look, who's got a new
little boyfriend.

[water falling]

[chattering]

- Jesus.

- Welcome to brewing. My name
is Fergal Murray and I'm a

Guinness master brewer.

- Scared the hell out of me.

- It's my great pleasure to
explain to you the fascinating

steps in the Guinness
brewing process,

you will see how this
great beer is made.

- Cool.

- I'm Ricky.

Fuckin' asshole. Wouldn't
shake my hand.

Where'd he go? He went this way.

Where'd you go now?

Dick.

He keeps going away.

- Over here now.

- [Ricky] How did he
get so small?

- Here are three of
our ingredients.

- He's on a TV, Ricky.

- All right. Are we done?

- No, we're just getting going.

There's four more floors to see.

- This barrel hold 720
Guinness pints.

- No, Ricky, 720,000.

Think about that, at five bucks
a pint. That's about three

and a half million dollars
worth of liquor in that barrel.

- Fuck, I need a buzz on.

- Hey look boys. If you
promise, you'll be good.

- Yeah.

- They gave us a free pint each.

Let's go fuck these pints over.

- Bring on Bubbs, thanks man.

- Come on, Julian. We'll
drink some beer.

- I don't like beer.

- Okay. I'll drink yours.

- Okay, there's a big
problem here.

- I'll drink his.

[sighs]

- Look, there's like
five more levels to go.

- Great.

- So we're only right here?

- We're here. Look, we
gotta go up here.

- Oh my god.

- Four more levels. Look,
there's a gravity bar at the top.

- Great big escalator
too. I love escalators.

[upbeat music] [chattering]

- Oh, love them. Yeah.
We love pints.

- On the way, my man. Pints?

- I guess, why not?

- Only allowed to
have one though.

- Do you have any rum?

- unfortunately not, man.

- I'm okay then I guess.

- Okay.

[clapping rhythmically]

- It's pretty cool, Bubbs.

I like it up here.

- Jesus, really powered
through that one, Randy.

- She's good, Bubbles.

That's made fresh right here.

Cheers, Bubbles.

- far there again.

What are you doing Randy?
Tomorrow.

- Randy!

- I finally get to drink and
now Randy's drinking my beer.

You better not finish, you
son of a bitch. Oh, you dirty,

dirty brick.

[sighs]

- All right, let's go.

- Great.

- Oh my God, Randy.

- Since he drank my beer, I
should get to smoke a joint.

- Sounds fair.

- One little one,
one little one.

- Yes!

- Alright. Let's go.

- I'm glad you drank my
beer. Now I can smoke.

- Thanks, Ricky, that's great.

- Listen. We're gonna do what
I want to do for the rest of

the day. Okay?

- What do you want to do?

- Got to see the tour. Go
get some rum and get drunk,

please.

- Alright.

- [Offscreen] Thank you,
Mr. Lahey, for your expert

testimony, and for providing
this very illuminating tape.

Your honor, [sighs],

I think the video evidence
clearly speaks for itself, and

that any sane and rational
person would have no choice

but to convict these individuals
of these ridiculous crimes.

- Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, fucking hell.

- Oh, ah, objection.

That's the 17th time
that he has sworn so far.

- Richard, please.

- Alright. I'm fuck-

I'm sorry about all the
bulls-, about all the stuff,

but the prosecutor is a f-,
he's a,

he's an effin' bad guy, and
he's, he's pissin' me off.

- He can't even speak
without swearing. Your honor,

this is ludicrous. It's a
disgrace to these proceedings.

- [Judge] Thank you. Richard,
since you chose to defend

yourself and fired the public
defender, I guess it's your

turn to question the witness.

- Thank you, your majesty.

- And Richard, before you
begin, I'd like to say that I

think this is a bad idea.
However, you do have a right to

defend yourself so proceed,
but please remember to watch

your language.

- Look, I can't speak without
swearing and I've only got my

grade 10 and I haven't had
a cigarette since I've been

arrested and I'm ready
to fuckin' snap.

So I'd like to make a request
under the people's freedom of

choices and voices act that I
be able to smoke and swear in

your courtroom. Cuz if I can't
smoke and swear, I'm fucked.

And so are all these guys.

I won't be able to properly
express myself at a court level

and that's bullshit. It's
not fair. And if you ask me,

I think it's a fuckin' mistrial.

- This man can't represent
anyone. Your honor,

he's a complete and total idiot.

- Yeah, well though I am opposed
to that kind of language in

my courtroom, I'm
going to allow it.

As unfortunately it is part
of your right to a fair trial.

So you may proceed, but please,
I want to remind you that

this is not a carnival.

Richard, you have permission
to smoke and swear.

- Thank you.

I just gotta get some
cigarettes, actually.

[snaps] Let's go smokes.

- But I only got two left.

- I don't care. You've
been a dick all morning.

It's the least you
can do for me.

- Oh, for the love of God.

[carton opening]

- [Judge] Just the defendant,
please.

[lighter]

- My first order of business
is to tell the prosecutor,

shut the fuck up and wipe that
stupid fuckin' grin off his

face. Cuz it's
distraculating my case.

Next I'd like to announce
that Randy and Lahey had been

drinking all fuckin' day,
they're wasted out of their

fuckin' minds and they're
both assholes.

And the testimony they just
gave was total fuckin' bullshit.

And I can prove it. And I'm
gonna show you what really

fuckin' happened here.

[chattering]

- Hey boys, here's $20 cash.

Know what for him, please.

- Don't know what that's
for, probably prostitution.

- We don't want your
money Corey and Trevor.

- watch him put this right,
right in his pocket right there.

- What's going on with you guys?

- Oh man. We're, we're sick
from stealing so much gas,

but we should be better
in like six to eight days.

- Stealing gas? Why, Cory and
Trevor. That's highly illegal.

You shouldn't be stealing
gas, Cory and Trevor.

- That's right. It's fucked up
to be stealing gas like Corey

and Trevor did. And you know,

I don't want anything to do
with Corey and Trevor's gas

stealing.

- We wanted nothing
to do with it.

- Me neither. You know
what I'm saying?

Only wax suckers like Cory
and Trevor steal gas and deal

dope.

- That was -

- Alright. See you later, Randy.

- Now, I don't wanna say
anything about the dope dealing

because you know, I don't
know anything about that,

but clearly they accepted money
on film, and they admitted

they stole gas and they're
sick. I mean, look at them.

That's gas sickness, fuckin'
idiots.

I got nothing else to
say right now,

except that the crown and
Lahey can go fuck themselves.

- You're not buying any
of this bullshit are ya?

- Sit down please, sir or
you'll be in contempt of court,

and watch your language.

- Yeah, Lahey, sit the fuck
down. Truth fuckin' hurts

doesn't it you son of a bitch.

- Booby sub booby, Ricky.

- Okay.

- Whatever, defense rests.
Everybody can fuck off. Except

you, I'm s-, I didn't mean you,
but.

- Thank you Richard.

You may be seated.

- Can you guys get the
fuck outta the way please?

- Okay, well, I think I've
heard enough, and I'll be back

shortly with my verdict.

- Well, you know, just because
these young men have little

education and live in squalor,

[footsteps]

doesn't entitle them to
commit any social behavior and

get away with it.

- There's two things
motherfuckers gotta know about Jada the

ROC straight up. You know
what I'm saying?

First of all, I spin more
rhymes than a lazy Susan and I'm

innocent until my
guilt is proven.

Peace represents Sunnyvale
straight the fuck up.

- Be seated please.

[sitting] [sighs]

[lighter]

- Well, I've reached a verdict
in this ridiculous case and I

do mean ridiculous.

Given Richard's deconstruction
of the video evidence,

clearly Trevor and Corey are
the only ones with any hard

evidence against them here.

- [muffled] No but we
were afraid!

- Quiet, please.

- You should talk to the
guy that stole my shirt.

- Therefore, I find Richard,
Julian, Jamie, and Bubbles,

not guilty on all counts.

[cheering]

- Order please. Order please.

[bangs gavel]

- Trevor and Corey,
please stand.

[papers rustling]

I find you guilty, and
sentence you to 450 hours

community service. Case closed.

- I'm not giving it here.
Do you want another bag?

You get any money?
[bags rustling]

Alright. Suit yourself, man.

- Billy, what do you got?

- Okay. [bag
rustling] Fresh one.

- Holy shit. Right on. Right on.

- You got the money?

- Yeah, actually gimme
two, I'm feeling fancy.

[coins jingling]

- Fancy man. Alright. At least
yours is not leaking all over

the fuckin' place.

- Yeah, I like to keep it thick.

[bags rustling]

- Drink some more water.
Okay. Drink more water. It's a

little dark.

- Thanks guys.

- Hey, no problem.

- See you a bit.

- Alright. So take care of it,
man. You get paid when you're

done.

- Pound it.

- Right on.

- Fuckin' Julian asked me
to hide this shit and piss

and I'm, I'm like really
fuckin' good at hiding stuff.

You know, I'm kind of like,
like a squirrel with a nut,

you know, except the nut's
kind of like, you know,

there's nuts in the shit though.
So.

[liquid spilling] [spitting]

Fuck!

- Look at that and you can just,

you can always keep your hand
down at your side now. Right?

- And you got chips when
you get hungry.

- That's right.

- You know what? If they made
the Pringles where you open

them down here, tshhhhh,
you know?

And the chips come out
like a little,

little upside down pads.
You know what I mean?

Then you'd have your beer
and your chips.

- There's no way they'd do that,
man.

- See, you know what we should
do? Call up fuckin' Wekerle,

tell him we're coming
to dragons den.

- He'll say smoke another one.
That's what he's gonna say.

- He's gonna say sign me up.

- No, he's not man.

- For the fuckin' beer
and chipinator.

[plastic falls on the ground]

Fuck, I thought that
was a towel.

- Get Wekerle on the
phone right now.

That is gonna make us a
million dollars.

- I'm not, I'm not talking
with that stupid idea, man.

I will not make any money.

- Beer hold the chip dispenser.

- It's a good, people might
try it, but it's fucked.

- What would it be called,
Ricky? Me and you, we're going 50

50 on this beer holder chip
dispenser. What do you want to

call it?

- I need another joint for that,
Bub.

You know what? I'm
not feeling it.

- What do you mean?

- You mean like you have
to fuckin' peel open,

[slams can on table]

- Yeah. You just have a
little tab here.

Go bshhh, and then the chips,
you know, are ejected on a

spring.

- I think I can, I can
think I can work with it.

- We gonna stop talking about
this. We gotta end this.

Okay. We're done.

- What do you mean we're done?

- I'm done. I don't
wanna talk about Pringle.

- Well, some people can't see.

- We've only been talking
for five fucking minutes.

I just woke up five minutes ago.

- We've been, it's
been a half hour.

- Bullshit.

- Julian, I don't think
it's been that long.

- It's been a half hour,
man, I'm telling you.

- Alright. Well I'm going
the fuck back to bed then.

[sighs] [slams papers on table]

- No, well we need a big
zinger for the finale.

- Got nothin'.

- You should sing something.
Sing something from the heart.

- When do I ever sing, man?
I don't sing.

- Well, that's what I mean.
This would be a very special

thing, if we ended it
with you singing.

- You're not gonna
get me singing.

- I'm Lampy.

- Sing us a song, Lampy.

- No.

- Alright, we're done then.

[clicks his tongue]

Just see later.

- Wait, wait, just wait.
Not done quite yet.

Ricky.

- Mmm-hmm. [sniffles]

- How you doing under there,
bud?

- Mmm-hmm.

- He's fucked.

- [yells] Ricky!

[soft music]

- Ta-da.

- That's it.

[calm music grows]

[seagulls]

[boat engine]

- Come on! Fuck, come
on! Fuck, fuck, fuck.

[whooshing]

- [Whispering] Fuck off.

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