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- [Julian] Warning.
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00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:04,130
The following program contains
really coarse language
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00:00:04,178 --> 00:00:08,398
weed, alcohol consumption,
smoking, and sexual inferences.
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00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:11,843
This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.
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00:00:11,881 --> 00:00:13,621
To activate parental controls,
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00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:15,575
please press the go
[beep] self button
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00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:17,504
on your remote control.
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[sweet poignant jazz]
[birds sing]
9
00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:23,495
[children chatter]
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00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,936
- I still didn't fix my lamp
for fuckin' the game tonight.
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00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,158
Fuckin' piece of shit.
12
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:34,247
- [Bubbles] What do you
need a lamp for?
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00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:35,035
- [Julian] What do you
need that for?
14
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:36,338
- Cause once it gets dark,
15
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:37,954
you're trying to find,
you drop piece of hash.
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00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:41,264
And you're, "Ah, fuck,
where did that go?"
17
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:44,263
Fuckin', I know it's
in there right.
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00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,605
- [Bubbles] Why don't you
just get a flashlight?
19
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:46,574
- [Julian] Is here a button?
20
00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:49,401
- Yes. Oh fuck, there we go.
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00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,360
Ah, fuckin' perfect, all right.
22
00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:53,529
- So this is your hash
finding lamp?
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00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:54,705
- Or whatever else. Maybe mixin'
a drink.
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00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,230
You want to know how
much is in there?
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00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,803
So you wanna put, too little,
you wanna have a good drink.
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00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,281
- Why wouldn't you just turn
on a fuckin' light, though?
27
00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:01,631
- Darkness outside.
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00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:02,980
Happens. Falls.
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00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,110
All right, let's do this.
30
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:09,495
- Just hang on now. I'm not-
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- [Julian] Why do you
keep him going like this?
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00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,860
- Well, because I'm interested.
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00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:19,562
You keep this around inside
in case you lose hash.
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00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,341
- Well, usually out by the car.
35
00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,685
I like to watch the games
outside 'cause I can smoke.
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You don't have to worry
about getting smoke
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in the baby's lungs, especially
if you're smoking a joint.
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00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,444
- [Julian] So it's
basically your flashlight.
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00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:29,349
- Even know there's no evidence
40
00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:31,923
it's bad fuckin' bad for them.
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00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,355
- No evidence? What?
42
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:36,569
- Well, if you're in the fuckin'
trailer,
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00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:39,358
watch the game, you want
to light up a joint,
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and, you know, well,
Trin's got her little,
45
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:43,576
like, my grandson in there,
whatever.
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00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:44,665
Apparently you're not
supposed to smoke
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00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:46,803
in front of your
grandkids or other kids.
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- [Bubbles] No, Ricky.
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00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:52,068
- But there's no fuckin'
solid papers that say
50
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,112
it's goin' to fuck them
over or anything.
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00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:54,236
- Yes there is!
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00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,678
- [Ricky] I mean I do it
out of respect,
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00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:56,904
'cause I don't, some people
don't like to smoke it.
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- What are you talkin' about?
55
00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:58,810
- He can decide when he's
seven or eight
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00:01:58,857 --> 00:01:59,857
if he wants to smoke or not.
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00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:01,642
Not goin' to wait 'til then,
but.
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00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:04,166
- There's thousands of
documented fuckin' papers
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00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:06,391
sayin' smoke hurts babies.
60
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,351
- Cigarettes.
61
00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:09,649
- Like, smoke outside.
62
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,174
Why can't you just step
outside and smoke it.
63
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,828
- I always smoke my
cigarettes outside.
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00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:13,701
- Well that's a good thing.
65
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:14,792
That's a good start.
66
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:15,920
Now smoke the dope-
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00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,141
- Oh, you're talkin'
about smokin' dope
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00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:18,400
and blowin' it on the baby.
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00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:19,752
- Well not even a joint,
just a little hit
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00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,491
off a water bong or something.
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00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:22,972
- [Julian] And you blow
it on the baby?
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00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,882
- No, it, fuck, you guys
are missin' the point
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00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:26,667
of the whole fuckin' cause.
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00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:28,191
- [Julian] Well, that's
what he said.
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00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,795
- Just don't, try not to
smoke around the baby.
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00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:30,925
- I try not, I don't.
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- Smoke outside or smoke
in the bathroom.
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00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:34,975
Fuck, just think, man.
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- Look, it's got a
morse code button.
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00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,940
[Bubbles imitates
telegraph beeps]
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00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:42,895
- Pretty hard to see
that on the radio, Bubs.
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00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,425
- Oh.
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00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,468
- All right, what else are
we gonna talk about here.
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00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,124
- Nothing. Let's just
keep gettin' a buzz on
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'til the fuckin' game starts.
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Fuck all this shit.
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00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:53,128
- No, I got some fun
facts to talk about-
88
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:53,913
- [Ricky] Ah, fuck.
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00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:54,906
- I looked up.
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00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:57,177
- [Ricky] Mr. Preparation H.
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00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:02,658
- Why would I be Mr.
Preparation H?
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00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:04,754
- 'Cause your, I don't
know. It just went together.
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00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:05,623
- You know what that is, right?
94
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:06,493
- What?
95
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:07,934
- Preparation H.
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00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,100
- No.
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00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:11,275
- That's the stuff you
stick in your hoop
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00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:12,321
if you got a-
99
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:13,536
- Ass cream, man, for
hemorrhoids.
100
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:15,244
- What do you mean,
stick in your hoop?
101
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,372
- You gotta put this
cream up your ass
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00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:19,294
if you've got hemorrhoids
and shit, man.
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00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,199
- What are the fuck
you you talk...
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00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,243
You put cream on your finger
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00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,118
and drive your finger
up your ass?
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00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,249
What are you talkin' about?
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00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,381
- It doesn't go in.
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00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:28,382
You just put it on the
actual 'roid.
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00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:30,857
- I've never had hemorrhoids,
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00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,996
so I, I don't know, but
it's hemorrhoid cream.
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00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,648
- I don't even know how
the fuck we got on asses
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00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:35,692
and things goin' in asses.
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00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:37,517
- You called me Mr.
Preparation H.
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00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,435
- I thought 'cause you're
prepared, all right?
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00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,050
- I know, but why would
you add the H
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00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:43,700
when that's a hemorrhoid cream?
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00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,395
You basically called me
hemorrhoid cream.
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00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,272
- No, it's from a TV show,
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00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,934
the greatest hero of
the Americans
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when he was Mr. H. and
he was always prepared.
121
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:53,891
That's what I was talkin' about.
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00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,279
- The Greatest American Hero
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'cause he had H on his
little fuckin' costume.
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- He didn't have H on it,
did he?
125
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:00,585
- I don't fuckin' know.
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00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,071
- You know what, boys,
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00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:04,071
I'm too fucked to be talkin'
about this stuff right now.
128
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,983
All I meant to say was
you're fuckin' prepared.
129
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:06,808
So what do you got?
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00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:07,725
- I am prepared.
131
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:08,599
- [Ricky] Fuck.
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00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:09,899
- So I was just readin'
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00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:12,075
fuckin' Stamos is back
on the liquor.
134
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:12,901
- Oh, yeah.
135
00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:13,818
- Did you know that?
136
00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:14,732
- [Ricky] What do you mean?
137
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:15,726
- Stamos, you know Stamos.
138
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,037
- Yeah.
139
00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:20,002
Three's a crowd, or
whatever the fuck that-
140
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,482
- "Full House."
- "Full House."
141
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:24,182
- [Ricky] Yes. Full crowd.
- See, he doesn't know how to,
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00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:27,830
that's somebody who does not
know how to pace themself.
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00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:31,266
[sweet poignant jazz]
144
00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:36,284
[birds chirping]
[children chatter]
145
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:48,718
- Hi, I'm Sarah, and I
live in Sunnyvale.
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00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,156
Okay, questions.
147
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:51,682
So the first thing is
who they're from, right?
148
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,026
- [Trinity] Yes.
149
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,685
- This one's name Sara,
which is a fantastic name.
150
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:58,780
"Dear Sara, you're a
versatile and talented lady,
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00:04:58,820 --> 00:04:59,690
beautiful too."
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00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,304
Well, obviously.
153
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,044
"What's your favorite way to
spend the day in Sunnyvale,
154
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:06,175
provided the boys aren't
fucking things up too much?"
155
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,088
Well, whenever we aren't
looking after Moe,
156
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:12,574
me and Trinity basically,
like to just get really high.
157
00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:15,046
Our new thing lately is we've
been making a lot of jewelry,
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00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:16,617
and we make a lot of
snacks and we just,
159
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,364
like, get really blasted
out of our minds
160
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,665
and eat snacks.
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00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:22,020
And it's fuckin' awesome.
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00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:22,970
Okay.
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00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,928
Next question, Dion Jamieson.
164
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:27,626
"Sarah, what's up with you
falling in love
165
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:30,105
with the guys Ricky makes,
basically, his slaves,
166
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,845
Cory, Trevor and even Jacob.
167
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,716
Do you think it's something
like pity you have towards them
168
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:34,938
that makes you
attracted to them.
169
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,336
Thanks."
170
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,899
Uh, Dion, I'm not
attracted to them.
171
00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:40,857
I was never attracted
to any of them.
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00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:42,245
Like, duh, obviously it's pity.
173
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:43,038
I felt sorry for them.
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00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,171
They can't run themselves,
175
00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:45,393
and they needed
someone to run them.
176
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,832
So I just, like, took them
over for a bit.
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00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:48,959
And then I was done with Jacob,
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00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,000
so now Trinity runs him.
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00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:51,785
And it's no big deal.
180
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:52,919
Fall in love.
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00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,360
Ah, Jenks wonders,
182
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,974
"Sarah, would you ever
consider getting back together
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00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:00,710
with Ricky?"
184
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:01,581
No.
185
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:06,543
Chloe Jamieson wants to know,
oh,
186
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:10,673
"Sarah, if you had to kill
one, fuck one and marry one,
187
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,628
who would you pick and why?
188
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,106
Out of Ricky, Bubbles
and Julian."
189
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,456
That's like the worst
fucking thing
190
00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:17,025
I've ever heard in my life.
191
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:20,682
I wouldn't kill any of them
'cause they're my friends.
192
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,688
And that would make me like
some fuckin' psychopath.
193
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:25,301
And I don't fuck people.
194
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,391
Sometimes I bang people,
but we don't fuck.
195
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:28,950
That's so crass, God.
196
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,217
And marry?
197
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,519
Like, hello, I'm not
really the marrying kind.
198
00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:34,176
So, to answer your question,
199
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:35,659
I think that's a really
fucked up game,
200
00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:38,659
and I don't like it, and
I'm not playing.
201
00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:41,012
Allison Hope wonders,
202
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:42,662
"Dear Sarah, after
all these years
203
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,266
dealing with stress in the park,
204
00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:46,276
how do you manage to
stay so young?
205
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,798
Your face seriously hasn't
aged since the early 2000s.
206
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,193
What's your secret?
207
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:52,495
Well, Allison, I don't
know what you want from me,
208
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,202
but you're not getting it, okay?
209
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,369
Like, it's been 17 years
since those guys
210
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,196
started filmin'
whatever in the park,
211
00:06:58,243 --> 00:06:59,203
and I look 17 years older.
212
00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:00,294
And you know what,
213
00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,602
I'm totally fuckin'
cool with that.
214
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:04,548
I'm 41. I look 41, and
that's great.
215
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,728
I'm not into this whole
thing of like,
216
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,864
"Ooh, people want to
be young all the time."
217
00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:10,556
Like, I just think, you
know, I look my age.
218
00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:12,174
I mean that's, I should be nice.
219
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:14,874
That's nice of you to say.
220
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,872
I use Oil of Olay, okay.
221
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:21,094
Uh, oh, another suck-up
question, I guess.
222
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:21,956
NjdB says,
223
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,400
"Hi Sarah, before I
praise your smarts,
224
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,357
before I praise your smarts,
225
00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:30,965
first let me compliment you
226
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,495
being the hottest
person in the park."
227
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:35,629
Well, I think, really, the
smart should come before the hot
228
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:39,722
because I always think, you
know, you can brains and beauty,
229
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,593
and it's nice to have both
which, obviously, I do.
230
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:43,155
But I think, you know, really,
your brains
231
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:44,421
are gonna get you
further in life.
232
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,124
So, next time you give
someone a compliment,
233
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:49,642
I would say definitely
put the smarts first.
234
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:52,336
And I don't think that, oh yes,
oh no,
235
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,304
he did ask a question.
236
00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:55,873
"Apart from Bubbles, you're
clearly the smartest person
237
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,350
in the park.
238
00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,649
Do you ever see yourself owning
and/or running Sunnyvale?
239
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:02,306
You managed the Dirty
Dancer, Julian's Sports Bar.
240
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,791
Surely it would be easy for
you, and you'd do a better job-"
241
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,012
Obviously.
242
00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:07,270
"than Barb, Julian,
Drunkey-the-Fuck-clown
243
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:08,882
or that cavedick Sam."
244
00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:12,063
Um, like, I don't think I
would ever wanna run Sunnyvale
245
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:16,320
because there's so many fucking
crazy people that live here.
246
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,145
Like, I would not
wanna be in charge
247
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:21,763
of tryin' to track down
people's lot fees and stuff.
248
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,885
And also there's always
people like Ricky around
249
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:27,418
just, like, making a
huge mess and screaming,
250
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:28,553
and the cops are always called.
251
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,985
So, no.
252
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,951
Um, I would do a better job,
yes.
253
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,779
Obviously, I would do a
much better job.
254
00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,208
But I would never wanna do that.
255
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,344
And, actually, I think Barb
does a pretty good job.
256
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:39,557
I have to say.
257
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:42,296
Barb, um, ran a
pretty good park.
258
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:47,570
Last question is Aaron
Estevan Villarreal.
259
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:51,974
"Sarah, are you finally gonna
go back to being with Ricky?"
260
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,619
No.
261
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,013
So, I guess that's it.
262
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:56,266
These are the questions
you guys asked.
263
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:58,098
I wanna say thank you very much
264
00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,316
for, like, keepin' it real
265
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:00,634
and not asking
anything too gross.
266
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:01,800
I really appreciate that
267
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,665
'cause you know I won't
answer it anyway.
268
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,847
And, uh, yeah, Sarah
from Sunnyvale,
269
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:06,113
we out.
270
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,457
Well, actually, the fuckin'
birds came back from south.
271
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:12,065
And they're all, "This
is cool, it's spring."
272
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:13,116
And then we got a bunch of snow,
273
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,471
and they got fucked
over big time.
274
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,950
Bunch of them probably
fuckin' starved to death.
275
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:17,170
They couldn't find any
food and shit.
276
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:17,908
So,
277
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:19,208
[Ricky chomps on chip]
278
00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:21,174
in case that happens, I'm
gonna get you learnin'
279
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:26,302
on how to make these little
bird feedies and bird housies,
280
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,308
and birds are gonna be fuckin'
looked after this year.
281
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,920
Here's what you're gonna need.
282
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,530
One of these little trays,
283
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,921
some apples,
284
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:35,883
one of these fuckin' things,
just a coat hanger, cut.
285
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,713
Some water, soap and shampoo,
286
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,492
one of these little
drink containers,
287
00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:43,836
a bunch of fuckin' seed
and, I guess one of these
288
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:48,277
little things that help big
things go into smaller things.
289
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,886
All right, a torch, some drills,
290
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:52,846
snippers,
291
00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:56,424
this shit that's for pipe,
292
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:59,205
bunch of, you know, glue
and wood, saw.
293
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,117
You don't even need a fuckin'
measurin' tape for this.
294
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,726
I'm gonna show you how to
make a furkin' bird housie
295
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,517
without even using a measurin'
tape.
296
00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:09,001
But first we're gonna
make a bird feedie.
297
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,393
Peanut butter.
298
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,125
It's fuckin' good for
birds. They love this shit.
299
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:13,216
So what you wanna do is
300
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:14,614
we got three compartments here.
301
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:17,137
We're gonna make three different
types of food for them.
302
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,441
For fuck sakes.
303
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:22,584
[wooden spoon clatters]
304
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,582
Thanks, guys, for gettin'
me some great fuckin' tools.
305
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,894
This is amazing.
306
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,590
You want to take some of
this delicious
307
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,109
fuckin' peanut butter, just
coat that shit on there.
308
00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:33,463
For fuck sakes.
309
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:38,726
Get that on there as
good as you can.
310
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:39,638
All right.
311
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:41,640
Fuck.
312
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,816
Now, in this big
compartment here
313
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,651
we'll probably put
some bird seed
314
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,999
on top of the peanut butter.
315
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:55,179
Make sure that sticks
really good there.
316
00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:57,659
Yeah, that's lookin' fuckin'
awesome.
317
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,090
In one of these small
compartments,
318
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,526
we'll take some of this
little toasties.
319
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:02,753
Break those fucking things up
320
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,012
'cause birds love bread crumbs.
321
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:07,104
Mixed with peanut
butter, it's even better.
322
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:09,844
Get some of that in there.
323
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,446
I'm havin' some ketchup
chips for breakfast,
324
00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:14,756
so put some of those on there
mixed with the peanut butter.
325
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:18,244
Birds'll probably love
that fuckin' thing.
326
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:20,684
Fuck.
327
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:21,993
Now,
328
00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:23,069
you're gonna want to
be able to hang
329
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:25,117
this fuckin' thing from a tree,
so.
330
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,902
This stuff is like wire,
I guess.
331
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,818
You could use that for catchin'
rabbits
332
00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:32,953
or all kinds of different
crazy shit, so.
333
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:35,696
[drill whirring]
334
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:39,962
There we go.
335
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,526
It's a lot easier to do
when you're not covered
336
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:48,532
[Ricky yells]
in fuckin' peanut butter!
337
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,227
All right, and look at
that bird feedie.
338
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:51,624
Fuckin' beautiful.
339
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:52,357
Set that up there.
340
00:11:52,407 --> 00:11:53,707
Birds come in and like,
341
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,316
"Holy fuck, I'm fuckin'
starvin' and now I'm not.
342
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:56,716
I can eat all this shit.
343
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:59,539
Holy fuck. Ketchup chips,
are you fuckin' kiddin' me?"
344
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:01,108
Awesome.
345
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:04,765
- Okay, now, just before we
bring in our special guest in,
346
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,731
we have got an incredible thing.
347
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:08,860
A lot of places-
348
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,342
- What the fuck!
349
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:11,601
- Randy, don't say "fuck"
on the air.
350
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:12,913
You're a "frig" guy.
351
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,299
A lot of people give us
presents over the years.
352
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,393
This present was given to me.
353
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:20,172
And the guy's name is
on the back.
354
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:22,127
It's Donny Brown.
355
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,866
And he makes
356
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,397
[guitar strums]
357
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,400
three-string guitars like this.
358
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:28,181
And he gave this to me.
359
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:31,315
And I'm so proud and
happy about this,
360
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:32,659
I just wanted to show it off.
361
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:33,708
But look at this.
362
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,673
Look, Randy.
363
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:35,840
Oh.
364
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:36,755
Ta-da!
365
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:39,319
- [Randy] There's liquor in it!
366
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,017
- [Mr. Lahey] I know.
367
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:41,283
There's liquor in it,
368
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,935
and there's dopey-poo
in this little bag here.
369
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,200
And there's a cigar right there.
370
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:47,723
And isn't it incredible.
371
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,807
And you know what?
372
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:51,025
This thing hooks up
an amp-li-kire.
373
00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:51,814
- Really?
374
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:52,728
- Yeah.
375
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,822
We should get an
amplifier and I,
376
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,380
we should go on the road,
Randers.
377
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:56,856
- Hey I'll be, I
could play kazoo.
378
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:57,946
[Mr. Lahey sings]
379
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:01,224
- They're gonna put us
in the movies.
380
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:04,308
They're gonna make some
big stars out of we.
381
00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:04,998
Don't you think, Randy?
382
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:05,475
[Randy sings]
383
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:06,873
Do do do do.
384
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,736
[Mr. Lahey sings] Do you
know that's sad and lonely.
385
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:09,608
- Okay, guess what?
386
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:10,698
It's time for our guest Randy.
387
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:11,786
- We got guests?
388
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,584
- It's time for our
special guests.
389
00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,838
And every week we're gonna
show you special things
390
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:16,972
that people give us.
391
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:20,153
As an in, as an incren-en-enema.
392
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,110
Fuck, some, put some
shit on the,
393
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:22,929
ugh God.
394
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,056
- What's wrong, Mr. Lahey.
395
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,807
- Naw, somebody dropped
a pickle puck
396
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:26,808
on the fuck locker, Randy.
397
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,679
[Mr. Lahey groans]
398
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,550
[indistinct]
399
00:13:29,591 --> 00:13:31,071
- I'm gonna make some burgers-
400
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:33,074
- This [indistinct] show's
fallin' apart, Randy.
401
00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:34,196
You fucked up, bud.
402
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,028
- I did not.
403
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,415
- Just wait.
404
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,727
I, uh, oh, geez we have
another minute.
405
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:39,784
I just want,
406
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,339
this is time for our
commercial break
407
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:42,595
for "The Dickshitnary."
408
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:43,907
- [Randy] Good job, Mr. Lahey.
No lulls.
409
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:45,833
- Yeah, and look it's a,
410
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,778
this is with apologies to
William Blake.
411
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,568
"Sphincter, sphincter,
burning bright.
412
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:55,053
Through my tortured
sleepless night.
413
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:57,095
Was it the peppers in my sub,
414
00:13:57,140 --> 00:14:00,230
or the soap
insertion in my tub?"
415
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:03,024
That was like an apology to,
416
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,149
I wrote this book.
417
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:07,591
Go to dickshitnary.com
and buy your own.
418
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:09,409
Now, there's a companion piece
419
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,457
'cause he wrote, "Tyger,
Tyger burning bright."
420
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:14,552
And then he wrote, "Little
Lamb who made thee."
421
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:17,422
So I wrote, "Little Turd,
who made thee?
422
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,205
Dost thou know who made thee?
423
00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:21,339
Ate the food so you could grow.
424
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:24,342
Pushed you out with
grunt and blow.
425
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:26,645
Wiped your remnants
from her ass.
426
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:29,041
Smiled so sweetly
when you passed.
427
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,165
Grabbed the handle of the loo,
428
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,568
and sadly said,
'Farewell to you.'"
429
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:34,531
- Ah.
430
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,089
- "Little Turd, who made thee?
431
00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,876
Dost thou know who made thee?
432
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:40,491
- I don't like dost, Mr. Lahey.
433
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,141
- Dost thou know it.
434
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,355
- Well if you're gonna
dost any more-
435
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,884
- It's English, Randy.
436
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,617
[insects chirping]
437
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:49,278
[dog barks]
438
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:50,853
- [Ricky] Shut up!
439
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,459
You better shut up, or I'll
come out there after you.
440
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:56,202
I wear to God, I'll kill
everyone of you.
441
00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:57,813
- [Julian] Ricky,
would you shut up!
442
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,333
[dog barks and howls]
443
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:00,806
Go to sleep!
444
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:02,286
- Well I've been out of
jail for week now,
445
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,856
and it's time for me to make
some important decisions
446
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:04,823
in my life.
447
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,730
[light percussion music]
448
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:08,075
I'm gonna go to
community college.
449
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,524
- [Ricky] Please, dog,
please stop barking.
450
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,040
I'm tryin' to sleep here.
451
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:13,874
- I'm either gonna become an
electrician, a meat cutter,
452
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,053
or I'm gonna get into television
and radio broadcasting.
453
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,440
- [Ricky] Stop fuckin' barking!
454
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,532
[gun firing]
455
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:21,921
- Ricky, what are you shootin'
at?
456
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,924
- [Ricky] Shut the fuck up!
- Squirrels and dogs and-
457
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:24,746
[gun firing]
458
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:25,583
- Shut up!
459
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:26,840
- [Julian] Ricky!
460
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,622
Hold your fire.
461
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:31,796
[cat lapping]
462
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:32,933
Jesus Christ.
463
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:33,975
What are you doin?
464
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,070
- Sh, sh. Listen, listen.
465
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,286
[dog barks]
Asshole.
466
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:39,108
[gun fires]
[bullets whiz]
467
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:39,715
- Ricky!
468
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:40,424
What are you doin?
469
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:41,511
I'm on probation, man.
470
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,459
- I'm tryin' to get some
sleep here, man.
471
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,676
- Do you wanna go back to jail?
472
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:44,855
I can't handle this living
in a car stuff.
473
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:45,770
- You wanna go back to jail?
474
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:46,554
- Listen to this stuff. Listen-
475
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:47,377
- Get in the car!
476
00:15:47,424 --> 00:15:48,254
[gun fires]
477
00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:49,295
Get in the car.
478
00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:51,079
- [Bubbles] Stop fuckin' firin'!
479
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:51,604
- [Julian] Jesus.
480
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:52,816
Get in there.
481
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,694
[car horn honks]
- [Person] What in the fuck!
482
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:57,736
- I wish everyone would
shut the fuck up, out there.
483
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,392
- Ricky.
484
00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:00,436
What are you doin'.
- Assholes.
485
00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:01,311
- Ricky!
486
00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:02,831
Listen, gimme that gun.
487
00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:04,224
- You don't know what it's
like livin' in a car, Julian.
488
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:05,657
I got insects and animals
fuckin' me around here.
489
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:06,923
- Well that's what you
gotta deal with
490
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,396
when you live in a car.
- [Ricky] I can't sleep.
491
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:09,445
- [Julian] Go to sleep.
You know what?
492
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:10,620
You're movin' out of
here tomorrow.
493
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:11,745
- Why?
494
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,096
- [Julian] 'Cause your drivin'
me nuts.
495
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:14,966
You're shootin' guns off
in the middle of the night.
496
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:15,927
- It's not a big deal, Julian.
497
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:16,925
- [Julian] Think, Ricky, think!
498
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,456
- I can't sleep is the problem.
499
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:19,629
- [Julian] Go to sleep.
500
00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:20,984
[car door slams]
501
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:22,763
- Can I have the gun back
in case anything happens?
502
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,197
- No more of that shit.
503
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:25,594
- [Ricky] I won't fire it
unless I absolutely have to.
504
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:28,196
- You're not gonna
fire it at all.
505
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,208
Go to sleep.
506
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:30,896
Idiot.
507
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:33,426
[Ricky whispers]
- Fuck you.
508
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:34,780
[dog barks]
Shut up.
509
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,259
[dog barks]
Shut up!
510
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:36,909
[dog barks]
Shut!
511
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,002
[gun fires]
Up!
512
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,000
- [Julian] Ricky!
[dog howls and bays]
513
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,351
Put that thing away.
514
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,351
[birds chirping]
515
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,963
[Ricky snores]
516
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:50,014
[door banging]
517
00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:51,362
- I want my kitty.
518
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,141
- [Ricky] Frig off, Bubbles.
You gave me the cat.
519
00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,446
- I didn't say you
could keep him.
520
00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:56,931
And I don't want him
livin' in a fuckin' car.
521
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:57,712
- Bubbles,
522
00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:58,925
you've got tons of cats.
523
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,584
Let me keep him.
- [Bubbles] He was a loner.
524
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:01,798
I loaned him to you.
525
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,066
- Well, I need him.
526
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,019
Look at my weed plants.
One of them's dead.
527
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,977
- I don't give a flyin' fuck.
528
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,976
I didn't, never said you
could keep him.
529
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,028
- What the hell you doin'
waking me up so early.
530
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:11,472
- No cat of mine's gonna
live in a car.
531
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:12,548
Julian?
532
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:14,076
- [Julian] Both of you guys,
shut up!
533
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,030
- [Bubbles] Ricky won't
gimme my kitty.
534
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,337
- Ricky, give him his cat.
535
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:17,473
- [Ricky] It's my cat now.
536
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:18,954
- [Julian] I don't care.
Give him his cat.
537
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:19,474
- [Ricky] Look.
538
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:20,686
[Ricky grunts]
539
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,345
See that? You know why
that plant's dead?
540
00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:23,479
'Cause a squirrel peed in it.
541
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,650
That's why I need the cat.
542
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,605
He protects my weed plants.
543
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:27,744
I got four plants left, guys.
544
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,085
It's all I got left in my life.
545
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:31,915
Please, let me have one
cat to protect my plants.
546
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:33,143
- Here's what I know, Ricky.
547
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,792
If you love somethin',
let it go.
548
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,526
If it comes back to you,
you own it.
549
00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:38,317
If it doesn't, you don't own it.
550
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,711
[spacey music]
551
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:41,064
And if it doesn't, your
an asshole, just like you.
552
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:41,893
- [Julian] Stay in the car.
553
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,020
- [Bubbles] Give me the cat.
554
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,542
Bubbles, take your cat.
Get out of here.
555
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:46,235
[Ricky banging on car door]
Ricky, you stay in the car.
556
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,242
- [Ricky] Let me out of this
car right now. [Ricky banging]
557
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:49,594
- Ricky, calm down!
558
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:50,983
- Fuckin' let me outta here.
559
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:53,246
I want that cat back.
I need him.
560
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,509
- [Julian] Bubbles,
get outta here.
561
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:56,512
Calm down, Ricky.
562
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:57,953
- [Ricky] I just got woken up
563
00:17:57,989 --> 00:17:59,209
in the middle of a great dream,
564
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,862
and I'm pissed off.
565
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,165
[ice tinkles]
566
00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,352
"Dear Julian, I have a neighbor
who is always comin' over
567
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:08,258
to borrow my tools or askin'
for snacks and other shit
568
00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,794
when he sees me out on my porch.
569
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:11,918
He borrowed my lawn trimmer,
570
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,090
and after usin' up all
my string, fuel
571
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,396
and then bring it back
to me all fucked to shit,
572
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,233
he then had the nuts to
ask me if I could help
573
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,322
put a new trimmer he
had just bought together
574
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,151
and if I had any more fuckin'
fuel."
575
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,229
Are you kiddin' me?
576
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,113
"How can I tell this douche
moocher of a neighbor
577
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,410
he can't borrow any
more of my shit
578
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,366
without bein' a complete
dick about it?"
579
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:32,024
[Julian clears throat]
580
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,327
[Julian sighs]
581
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,643
Fuck. You know, you
shouldn't have let the guy
582
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,588
fuckin' borrow your
shit in the first place.
583
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:37,897
Okay?
584
00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,552
Sounds like you got a
neighbor like Ricky.
585
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:41,076
Ricky does this to
people all the time.
586
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,510
He'll borrow the tools.
587
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:45,166
He'll either, he'll
try to take them
588
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,131
and not give them back.
589
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,518
Or if he does give them back,
590
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,041
he'll beat the shit outta them
591
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,784
because of pissed off that your,
592
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:51,905
like, naggin' him, sayin',
593
00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:54,566
"Give me my fuckin' tools back."
594
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:55,831
So, I mean.
595
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:58,493
[Julian sighs]
596
00:18:58,528 --> 00:18:59,918
Best thing I would do
with this guy,
597
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:02,324
get really drunk and high
with him until he passes out
598
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,968
and then fuck with him, okay?
599
00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:06,363
Hit him a few times,
if you want.
600
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,096
Draw some shit on him.
601
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,707
I don't know, piss on him.
602
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,317
Do what ever you want
to this guy,
603
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:12,717
but do it when he's wasted.
604
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,370
He'll wake up and then
you'll be like, "Hey, man,"
605
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,975
if he says, "What you do
this to me for?"
606
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,235
You're like, "You're a fuckin'
drunk, man.
607
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:19,977
You did it to yourself.
608
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,728
Abuse the fuck out of him.
609
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:24,859
Like, okay, this is plan two.
610
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:28,602
After you do that, borrow the
motherfucker's new trimmer.
611
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:31,775
Use his fuel. Fuck
over his string.
612
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,042
And fuck it over and give
it back to him.
613
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:36,385
If he, you know,
gets mad at you,
614
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:37,646
you either punch him in the face
615
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:39,608
and say, "You fucked
over my trimmer first."
616
00:19:39,656 --> 00:19:42,696
Or just say, you know,
"Fuck off" and, I don't now.
617
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:44,876
Just punch him in the face.
618
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,795
I don't know if that's
great advice or not,
619
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,798
but I know how you feel, man.
620
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,230
It pisses me off that somebody
621
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,367
could fuck over your
shit like that.
622
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,759
Fuck him over when he's drunk.
623
00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:56,462
Fuck over his shit.
624
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:58,889
Fight him if you have to.
625
00:19:58,936 --> 00:19:59,756
DJP420,
626
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,029
[ice tinkles]
627
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:04,330
"I need some advice.
628
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:06,207
I have a solid way to
more to Florida.
629
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,598
The catch is, ah, is my family.
630
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:09,692
That's the only catch here.
631
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:10,560
I live in Chicago.
632
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,430
I'm not happy here.
633
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:12,951
I have the money moved.
634
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:16,174
But I don't wanna leave my
three-year-old son nor my mom.
635
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,695
I'm simply not happy in Chicago.
636
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:22,399
I have to worry about myself
and my wellbeing also."
637
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,528
Okay, you're fucked, okay?
638
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:28,226
Number one, you had the kid,
all right?
639
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,050
The kid is your responsibility,
640
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:32,098
not your mother's
responsibility.
641
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,673
If you're like all
down on yourself
642
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,580
because you're not
fuckin' happy in Chicago,
643
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:38,365
which is fucked because
I've been to Chicago.
644
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,021
It's an awesome place to be
645
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:41,204
and I would fuckin' love
to live there.
646
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,760
You kiddin' me.
647
00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:45,506
All the pubs you guys have
downtown by the water and shit,
648
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:47,678
turnin' your water green at St.
Patrick's.
649
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,384
You live in a good fuckin' city.
650
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,552
Al Capone, come on.
651
00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:53,078
Yeah, so,
652
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:55,041
you're thinkin' too much
about your self here.
653
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:56,559
You think about your son.
654
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,133
If you can move to Florida
with your son, maybe,
655
00:20:58,169 --> 00:20:59,689
and make it, which you
probably could,
656
00:20:59,736 --> 00:21:02,476
unless your bein' a
selfish bitch,
657
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:05,256
then take your son, all right?
658
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,827
Ended.
659
00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:07,484
Fuckin' dumb.
660
00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:11,529
- How the fuck does a duck
have hit song, though.
661
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,754
Like, hey, "I'm dancin'
duck and."
662
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:15,274
How's he, does he sing?
663
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:17,407
- You don't remember Disco Duck?
664
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:20,020
- [Ricky] I don't think so.
665
00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:20,841
- Ricky.
666
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,058
- What year was it?
667
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:23,106
- [Bubbles] 1976.
668
00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:24,761
- [Julian] Sing a bit of it,
Bubs.
669
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:27,755
- Wasn't it just like the
Village People, disco, disco duck.
670
00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,108
- Yeah, that was it.
671
00:21:29,157 --> 00:21:30,677
And they would do like a
Donald Duck kind of thing.
672
00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:31,994
- Okay, hold the fuck on here.
673
00:21:32,029 --> 00:21:34,599
But, is the duck the one
singin' the fuckin' song.
674
00:21:34,641 --> 00:21:36,031
Is it a quack song.
675
00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:38,467
I don't understand what
the fuck a disco duck does.
676
00:21:38,514 --> 00:21:39,914
- You think a duck was
actually singin'
677
00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:41,910
the fuckin' song, Ricky?
678
00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:44,002
- Was he the singer or
he was the song?
679
00:21:44,041 --> 00:21:45,391
- Ducks can't fuckin' sing.
680
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:46,914
- That was my point.
681
00:21:46,957 --> 00:21:49,657
- Well, it's pretty fuckin'
obvious, man, that it's not-
682
00:21:49,699 --> 00:21:51,009
- It could have been like
the Chipmunks, though.
683
00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:53,088
You know how they make
chipmunks singing songs,
684
00:21:53,137 --> 00:21:54,307
maybe a duck fuckin'.
685
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:55,526
I don't know how you would
686
00:21:55,575 --> 00:21:57,575
shift it into a duck talk, but.
687
00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:59,320
- This internet sucks.
688
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:02,361
- Pull up Disco Duck, then.
689
00:22:02,408 --> 00:22:05,188
- I can't get on Mary
fuckin' Antoinette's servers.
690
00:22:05,236 --> 00:22:06,186
- Sing the song.
691
00:22:06,237 --> 00:22:07,717
How the fuck, was it
a dumb song?
692
00:22:07,761 --> 00:22:08,891
How does it become number one?
693
00:22:08,936 --> 00:22:10,586
I could have wrote a song
called "Disco,"
694
00:22:10,633 --> 00:22:11,633
look at loolie loolie chicken.
695
00:22:11,678 --> 00:22:12,508
There you go.
696
00:22:12,548 --> 00:22:13,588
You guys are makin' fun of that.
697
00:22:13,636 --> 00:22:15,116
Maybe that could be number one.
698
00:22:15,159 --> 00:22:17,069
- I think loolie loolie
loolie chicken's
699
00:22:17,118 --> 00:22:18,898
a fuckin' hit waitin' to happen.
700
00:22:18,946 --> 00:22:21,206
- Here we go, "Disco Duck."
- These chips are fucked.
701
00:22:21,252 --> 00:22:22,522
- No, internet's fucked.
702
00:22:22,558 --> 00:22:24,078
- It's not gonna play?
703
00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:27,735
- Wow, what a fuckin' great
piece of history lesson this is.
704
00:22:27,781 --> 00:22:30,351
- [Bubbles] No "Diso Duck"
was fuckin' huge, Ricky.
705
00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:32,222
- Did you ever dance to it?
706
00:22:32,263 --> 00:22:33,613
- Maybe.
707
00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:36,396
- [Ricky] You disco danced
to "Disco Duck," did you?
708
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:37,662
- Oh, I might have.
709
00:22:37,704 --> 00:22:40,754
- Had a little shiny fuckin'
kid's suit,
710
00:22:40,794 --> 00:22:42,404
goin' around dancin' for fuckin'
coins.
711
00:22:42,448 --> 00:22:45,148
- I didn't have a shiny
disco suit when I was a kid.
712
00:22:45,189 --> 00:22:46,889
- Yes, you did, man.
713
00:22:46,930 --> 00:22:47,980
What are you talkin' about?
714
00:22:48,018 --> 00:22:48,578
- [Ricky] I do remember-
715
00:22:48,628 --> 00:22:49,628
- A sliver one.
716
00:22:49,672 --> 00:22:51,722
- I did not have a
shiny disco suit.
717
00:22:51,761 --> 00:22:54,421
- Shiny, silver, it was like
a jump suit or somethin'.
718
00:22:54,460 --> 00:22:55,680
- [Ricky] I thought
it was white.
719
00:22:55,722 --> 00:22:57,642
- Was it white.? I
thought it was silver.
720
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,730
- I wonder if I can
chew this in half.
721
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:01,600
- Ricky.
722
00:23:01,641 --> 00:23:02,381
[Ricky taps table]
723
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:02,864
- All right, boys.
724
00:23:02,903 --> 00:23:03,773
- I'm done.
725
00:23:03,817 --> 00:23:05,077
- I gotta go build a water bong
726
00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:07,912
for the fuckin' big
Blue Jays game tonight.
727
00:23:07,951 --> 00:23:09,041
- This internet's not working.
728
00:23:09,083 --> 00:23:11,693
- Angela Lanberry,
Lansbury's birthday.
729
00:23:11,738 --> 00:23:12,998
- Well, that's great. Awesome.
730
00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:13,783
- "Murder, She Wrote."
731
00:23:13,827 --> 00:23:14,827
- Awesome.
732
00:23:14,871 --> 00:23:15,661
- She'd be a-
733
00:23:15,698 --> 00:23:16,658
- [Julian] Happy birthday.
734
00:23:16,699 --> 00:23:17,739
- If you're gonna pick someone
735
00:23:17,787 --> 00:23:19,877
not to hang out with, though,
maybe.
736
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,180
- Oh, absolutely.
737
00:23:21,225 --> 00:23:22,785
Why in the fuck would
you hang out with her.
738
00:23:22,836 --> 00:23:24,576
Every fuckin' where she
goes, somebody gets murdered.
739
00:23:24,620 --> 00:23:26,010
- Yeah, it's pretty fucked.
740
00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:28,886
- "Oh, I'm goin' on vacation
to the fuckin' Poconos"
741
00:23:28,929 --> 00:23:30,319
Murders.
742
00:23:30,365 --> 00:23:31,275
- All right, I'm take,
743
00:23:31,322 --> 00:23:33,112
good job with this one, Bubs.
744
00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:34,760
- [Ricky] Good job, Bubs.
745
00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:36,334
- Nice facts, buddy.
746
00:23:36,371 --> 00:23:37,591
- Tim Robbins' birthday.
747
00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:39,203
[objects crash and clatter]
748
00:23:39,243 --> 00:23:40,033
Aw.
749
00:23:40,070 --> 00:23:41,290
- Jesus, Ricky.
750
00:23:41,332 --> 00:23:42,072
Are you kiddin' me?
751
00:23:42,116 --> 00:23:42,936
- [Ricky] Fuck!
752
00:23:42,986 --> 00:23:44,416
- Like, was that necessary?
753
00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:45,596
[Ricky groans]
754
00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:46,991
Holy fuck.
755
00:23:47,034 --> 00:23:48,694
- [Ricky] I wanted to prove
I could fuckin' do it,
756
00:23:48,731 --> 00:23:49,781
and I fucked up.
757
00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:51,339
[sweet poignant jazz]
758
00:23:51,386 --> 00:23:53,256
[seabirds squawk peacefully]
759
00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:54,911
[waves lapping]
760
00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:57,605
[boat chugging]
761
00:24:02,092 --> 00:24:05,012
[seabirds squawk]
762
00:24:05,052 --> 00:24:08,192
- [Fish] Oh fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck off, fuck, fuck
763
00:24:08,229 --> 00:24:10,489
ooh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
764
00:24:10,536 --> 00:24:11,616
Jesus Christ!
765
00:24:13,277 --> 00:24:15,847
[metal grinding]
766
00:24:15,889 --> 00:24:17,329
[wildcat snarls]
767
00:24:17,368 --> 00:24:18,408
[latch closes]
768
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,887
- [Whispering voice] Fuck off.
769
00:24:20,937 --> 00:24:25,487
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