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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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Gentlemen, crack open a fresh pack
of rubber pantaloons, we have problem.
2
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,248
We're picking up ship
heading straight for us
3
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,129
in an unmapped region of deep space.
4
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:55,441
Where?
5
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,925
Here in Region Uncharted,
Sector No Name, Quadrant Nameless.
6
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,690
Message incoming.
7
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,287
I am seeking
JMC Second Technician
8
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,044
Arnold Judas Rimmer.
9
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,568
Keep it zipped. Say nothing.
Sound-wise, we're going commando people.
10
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,966
That's him there!
11
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,406
I cracked. Sorry, guys!
12
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,562
I tried to stay strong, but he broke me!
13
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,847
Second Technician Rimmer,
14
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:27,481
I understand you have a crew man
who falls under your jurisdiction.
15
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,530
A David Lister.
16
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:30,926
Right there, bud!
17
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,840
Sorry, guys, he...
He broke me again!
18
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,201
What do you expect?
I'm not made of concrete!
19
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,562
I am Combat Droid Four of Batch 27.
20
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,243
We wish to conduct a transaction
of goods with you.
21
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,488
But you're simulants.
You despise humans.
22
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:49,721
Why would you wanna trade with us?
23
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,771
You have something we want
and we have something you want.
24
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,161
- What?
- A hostage
25
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,720
taken from human transport ship.
26
00:01:58,840 --> 00:01:59,921
Allow me to show you.
27
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,489
We cannot negotiate with simulants.
28
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,927
We cannot cave in
to their insane demands.
29
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,968
Under no circumstances are JMC personnel
permitted to negotiate with the enemy.
30
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,123
Guys, it's me! They've taken me hostage.
31
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,811
You've gotta help me!
Argh!
32
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,165
Of course, that's what the JMC think,
33
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,129
but who the hell listens
to those pen pushers?
34
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,809
Here are our demands.
35
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,763
One second. We need a moment.
36
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,690
What's going on here?
37
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,803
Is that me? How can it be me, I'm here?
38
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,889
There are a number of options, sir.
39
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,123
All involving you and all extremely bad.
40
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,410
I'm all ears!
41
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,926
Perhaps that person we saw
is a different version
42
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,207
of Mr Rimmer
from an alternative dimension.
43
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,283
So, if he dies,
not the end of the world?
44
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,880
Or perhaps he's a clone of Mr Rimmer
45
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,008
produced somehow from his DNA.
46
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,122
Again, if he dies,
not the end of the world.
47
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,322
Or perhaps that man is you, sir,
48
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,882
a you seized from the future
and taken back into the past.
49
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,801
Again, if he dies,
not the end of the world.
50
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,842
We've no choice,
we're gonna have to negotiate.
51
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,645
- But we never negotiate with the enemy.
- Until today.
52
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,082
Well, if that's the way they're gonna
roll, let me handle negotiations.
53
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,283
You think I'm gonna leave the life
of a possible future me in your hands?
54
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,011
I've seen movies, Rimmer.
I know how to talk to hostage takers.
55
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,526
I've done
JMC crisis negotiation, Lister.
56
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,371
I'm handling this.
Now, get me a pad and open comms.
57
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,841
Okay, Arn, we're working on the pad.
58
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,287
But in return, I'm gonna need
something from you.
59
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:36,925
Wait a minute.
60
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,482
Are you just using your hostage
negotiation techniques on me?
61
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:41,926
Just get me a damn pad!
62
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,368
Okay, Arnold, we're working on the pad,
but you gotta realise
63
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,041
I can't pull a pad
out my ass in five minutes.
64
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,361
I've gotta talk to my boss.
They've gotta talk to their boss.
65
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,124
They've gotta talk to the DA.
66
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,688
Here are my demands.
67
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,164
In return for the whiney
human hologram man,
68
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,206
you will give us the Casket of Cronos,
69
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:07,126
which you salvaged from our abandoned
attack ship the AS Thanatos.
70
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,163
The Casket of what? What's that?
71
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,040
It contains the essence of 23 of 27.
72
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:14,891
I remember this.
73
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,042
It's upstairs in the rec room
underneath the pool table.
74
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,891
- For safe keeping?
- Nah, to keep the table level.
75
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,121
Go and get it!
76
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:23,926
Oh, man!
77
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,165
Now the pool table's gonna be
all bent and wibbly again!
78
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,922
You have the Casket of Cronos?
79
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,644
How do we know you won't betray us?
80
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:41,170
I am 4 of 27.
I am a warrior and high born.
81
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,523
Who do you think I am? Three of 63?
82
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,441
Three of 63? You're nothing like him.
83
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,887
Then, we trade.
84
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,048
Now, what about the hostage?
85
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,130
Wait. I'm being taken hostage...
86
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,686
I'm back! Thank god!
87
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,003
I was their hostage. I didn't think
you were ever gonna save me.
88
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,571
I was kinda hoping we weren't!
89
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,324
You were only gone two seconds.
90
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,564
Two seconds for you,
but for me it was hours.
91
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,406
I overheard what they were saying.
92
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,849
That Cronos casket didn't contain
the spirit of anyone.
93
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,083
It was an amplifier they needed
to plug into their temporal transporter
94
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,321
to expand the beam.
95
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,169
- What?
- They're Expanoids.
96
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,685
What the hell are Expanoids?
97
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:36,084
Droids capable of doubling
their transistor power every two years.
98
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,049
They progress so rapidly,
99
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,805
they became threat
to every living entity in the universe.
100
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:41,961
What are they planning?
101
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,281
To travel back into the past
to change the present.
102
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,885
That's a bit old hat, isn't it?
103
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,530
How many times have we seen that before?
104
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,202
Expanoids are unemotional,
cold-hearted psychopaths.
105
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,250
They will have no hesitation
106
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,802
using hackneyed old clichés
if it suits their purpose.
107
00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,443
If they've gone back into the past
to screw around with human evolution,
108
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,965
how come I'm still here?
109
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,805
Maybe you didn't qualify?
110
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,440
Look at the scanner.
111
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,091
They're accelerating.
Preparing to time jump.
112
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,329
We need to get after them,
stop whatever they're doing
113
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,680
and get that Cronos machine back.
114
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,411
So, we can utilise
its time travel abilities ourselves?
115
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,126
No, so we can prop
the pool table back up.
116
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,770
We haven't got a second to lose.
If we hurry we can time surf
117
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:25,921
on their slipstream.
118
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:41,567
Planet up ahead.
119
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,961
I'm detecting some kind
of electron wavelet.
120
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,405
Approaching at speed.
121
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,046
We've lost navigation.
122
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,202
- And steering!
- And monitors!
123
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,850
And me...
124
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,008
I think what he was
about to say was we're both...
125
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,370
All the electrics are down!
What the hell's happening?
126
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,289
We're crashing, that's
what the hell's happening.
127
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,361
Now, brace!
128
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,847
Do you think this is a good time
to make a crack about my teeth?
129
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,610
Brace!
130
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:07,926
Argh!
131
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,211
- Argh!
- Argh!
132
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:22,801
Argh!
133
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,205
Argh!
134
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,726
Kryten could'nt be more fried if he
was a Mars bar living in Scotland.
135
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,929
- Rimmer is out too.
- Every cloud!
136
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,170
What the hell happened?
137
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:05,645
We got hit by some
sort of electromagnetic pulse weapon.
138
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,088
It's taken out the grid and drained
everything connected to it.
139
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,170
We need to reboot
using the auxiliary drives.
140
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,089
Jump leads attached.
141
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,006
I always forget which one's positive
and which one's negative.
142
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,683
Don't get 'em mixed up, bud!
143
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,886
Or he'll wind up with nipples
144
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,769
that look like two
barbequed-flavoured Nik Naks.
145
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:36,968
Here's goes nothing.
146
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,967
Okay, start her up.
147
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,925
Sir, what happened?
148
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,647
Kryten, stand up and walk up and down
really fast to recharge your dynamo.
149
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:56,202
Get going! And don't stop
till you're fully charged.
150
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,806
Close hatches.
So embarrassing.
151
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,964
- What happened?
- I think we got hit
152
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,451
by one of those PMTs.
153
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,160
And where are the Expanoids?
154
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,967
There's no sign of their ship
and there's no sign of them.
155
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,451
Kryt, any theories?
156
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:16,962
Well, according to the monitor,
they too landed here,
157
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,441
but due to the curvature of space time,
158
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,285
several years have elapsed
in the time it took us to get here.
159
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,202
We've gotta find them
and get that Cronos machine!
160
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:32,362
Well, the vibrations in the lithosphere
tells us there's some kind of township
161
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,124
not far from here.
162
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,720
- Are we there yet?
- Not far now, sirs.
163
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,524
Real people?
164
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,683
I'm gonna be seeing real people again.
165
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:51,369
Gas street lighting. Steam-powered
right-hand drive motor vehicles.
166
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:56,045
Technology-wise this time period doesn't
correlate with anything in my database.
167
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,370
Any theories, Kryts?
168
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,204
Mmm, not at this juncture, sir.
169
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,325
Why do you always ask him
if he's got any theories?
170
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,449
I'm acting stand-in, commanding,
senior, premier officer.
171
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,010
Why do you never ask me?
172
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,241
Maybe I've got a theory?
173
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:10,890
Maybe I've got a really great theory.
174
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,883
But you're always too busy asking him
175
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,122
to find out how great
my theory really is.
176
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,810
- Okay, any theories, Rimmer?
- No!
177
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,491
- It's the principle.
- Look at that.
178
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,731
"Closed for violation
of the Prohibition Act."
179
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,007
Prohibition, that was the 1920s.
180
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,329
Yeah, when alcohol was banned
and the bootleggers took over.
181
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,401
Dark days.
182
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,402
Society run by a bunch of hoodlum
gangsters, dark days indeed.
183
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,289
I was thinking more about the booze ban.
184
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,681
Whatever they prohibited
around here, it ain't booze.
185
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,040
Look at that!
186
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,004
Well, if it's not booze they prohibited,
what is it?
187
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:49,011
According to this leaflet,
the year is 1952,
188
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:52,084
nearly two decades
after prohibition ended.
189
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,044
Hey! What's going on?
190
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,931
- Get 'em!
- Hey, don't move.
191
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,563
Well, lookie here, illegal contraband.
192
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,723
If that's the penalty for toast,
what the hell do you get for pizza?
193
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,569
It's not the toast that's illegal, sir.
It's the technology.
194
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,522
That's why that electron wavelet
shut down Starbug.
195
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,884
Any technology beyond the 1920s
is illegal 'round here.
196
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,250
Unless, of course, you're an Expanoid.
197
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,725
The Expanoid's haven't travelled
into the past to change the present.
198
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,083
They travelled into the past
to enslave humanity.
199
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,003
- It's contraband.
- By doing what?
200
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,845
By travelling to a point in history
where we haven't got the technology
201
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,684
to defeat them or defend ourselves.
202
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,690
And they plan for it to stay that way.
Hence the tech ban.
203
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,081
A tech ban which means
you, sir, are illegal.
204
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,491
He is?
205
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,450
I may move here.
Lay down roots and start a family.
206
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,569
He's not the only one who's illegal.
So am I!
207
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,889
You know the penalty.
208
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,129
Looks like they're gonna
shoot them! Hey!
209
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,640
Move! Get outta here!
210
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,083
Don't move! Get 'em!
211
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,085
Argh.
212
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,405
- Is he dead?
- He's moaning.
213
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,962
Can you blame him?
He's just been shot!
214
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,481
Did you see what happened?
215
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,489
Yeah, we saw. We'll get you a doctor.
216
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,168
No, It's too late.
I ain't gonna make it. Here.
217
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,367
Pizza delivery. You want a pizza now?
218
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:32,365
Oh, wrong pocket! Argh!
219
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,570
The Lady Be Good Club.
220
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,571
Here. Ask for Harmony De Gaultier.
221
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,884
And give her this.
222
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,531
What is it?
223
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,241
It appears to be
some kind of machine part, sir.
224
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,124
We've gotta get
to this Lady Be Good Club.
225
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,124
Uh, dressed like this?
We gotta get some clothes!
226
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,041
Oh!
227
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,684
Have you done this before?
228
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,928
It was the only way
to get home sometimes,
229
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,883
when I lost all me money
playing Texas Hold'em.
230
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,846
I know it was wrong.
I was young, I was stupid.
231
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,160
But what do you really know
when you're seven?
232
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,125
Stealing cars at the age of seven?
Why didn't you take the bus?
233
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,288
Hotwire a bus? I was seven!
234
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:33,725
I just wasn't up to it.
235
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:34,801
Catching the bus.
236
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,848
What's wrong with catching
the bus home from school?
237
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,888
Who mentioned school?
I was off shoplifting.
238
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,280
Don't look at me like that.
239
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,930
I've been on the straight and narrow
since I was nine.
240
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,764
Or ten. All right, eleven.
241
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,971
This must be it.
242
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:03,601
There's no buzzer.
243
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,006
Tech cap.
244
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,530
Allow me, sirs. I'm well versed in
the ancient human signalling technique
245
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:13,690
that was all the rage
before electro-magnetism was discovered
246
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,683
and the electric buzzer took off.
247
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,569
Now, if memory serves...
248
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,445
We're out.
249
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,726
I'll handle this.
250
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,810
Americans love the English accent.
So, that rules out Lister.
251
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:34,042
They're particularly impressed by people
who say "whom" a lot.
252
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,321
I bid you good evening, stout fellow.
253
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,448
My companions whom stand before you
254
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,849
require information
about a personage to whom I understand
255
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,729
frequents your establishment
256
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,531
and who goes by the name
Harmony De Gaultier.
257
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,802
Are whom acquainted with said lady?
258
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,330
You been drinking the giggle water.
259
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,848
If you ain't members, beat it.
260
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,040
Listen, buddy.
261
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,282
You know who you got standing out here,
262
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,330
nuts so cold you can
serve him up in a Martini cocktail?
263
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:14,130
Lucky "No Middle Name" Listerano.
264
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,683
Ain't you got no lugs? I said blow!
265
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,563
Wait, Listerano.
266
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:26,321
He ain't related
to the scientist Joseph Lister, is he?
267
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,841
Uncle Joe! Course I am.
268
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,728
Right down the stairs.
First on the left.
269
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,881
What is this place?
270
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,443
It appears to be some sort
of illicit science club.
271
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,562
A place where bootleg professors
272
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,321
and astrophysicists
get together to create illegal tech
273
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:01,165
and discuss outlawed
scientific theories.
274
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,844
You boys want company?
275
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,968
We're looking for a Harmony De Gaultier.
276
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,408
Hey, Har, there's a bunny
here who wants to get acquainted.
277
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,204
So, uh, you wanna grab a drink first
278
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,931
or you wanna go somewhere quiet
and discuss relativity?
279
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,285
For an extra 10 bucks, I'll do both,
general and special.
280
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,009
No, that's... That's not why I'm here.
281
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,323
You into electrons?
Is that what pings your microwave?
282
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,402
You wanna watch me do
the double slit test?
283
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,729
And experience the probabilistic nature
of quantum mechanics?
284
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,286
What?
285
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,326
No. Every guy likes particles
that turn into waves, right?
286
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,808
Or maybe you're more in the mood
for some Copenhagen interpretation?
287
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,482
You know what I'm talking about.
Where sub-atomic events
288
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,042
are only perceptible as indeterministic
physically discontinuous transitions
289
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,726
between discreet stationary states.
290
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,086
Look, we're not here to do
science with you, okay?
291
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,687
I'll wear a tweed suit
and sensible shoes
292
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,000
if that revs up your engine.
293
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,201
We're here for something else.
294
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,009
Hey, I don't do the Big Bang!
295
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,164
That's Beryl.
296
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,001
And if you're looking for
unified field theory, I ain't your gal.
297
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,126
Look, we've been sent
here to deliver some gizmo.
298
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,440
We got told you might help.
299
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,045
This is the capacitor.
300
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,050
The cops get their mitts on this,
301
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,441
we're deader
than Galileo's theory of tides.
302
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:24,881
So, who are you?
303
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,522
Just some guys from the future,
looking to help.
304
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,165
So, what does that thing do?
305
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,770
It fits into this.
306
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,562
But how I don't know. It's not my area.
307
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,448
- You were just keeping it safe.
- Exactly. No one goes up there.
308
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,171
So, what does this thing do?
309
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,811
It infiltrated the electron wavelet
and redirects it.
310
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,810
Creating an EMP
to destroy the Expanoids.
311
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,247
- You got it.
- Any clue how they go together?
312
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,731
We're all theoretical.
313
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,522
And all the scientists still active
have been driven underground.
314
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,490
No one's exactly Ra-Ra
about getting sent to Old Steamy.
315
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,449
So, there's no scientists around
who can put this thing together?
316
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,289
Just the bums and palookas
who fell apart
317
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,806
- when they couldn't practise science.
- But where are they?
318
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,082
They spend all day
drinking themselves goofy.
319
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,003
Einstein, Hubble and Edison.
320
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,609
But you only get phonus ballonus
out of those screwballs.
321
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,921
They're spifflacated
morning, noon and night.
322
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,124
Did you say Einstein,
as in Albert Einstein?
323
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,926
Sure. He's half goofy now,
screaming at people who aren't there.
324
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,765
Walking around the park
pushing a pram full of string.
325
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,200
He's got some theory about it,
but no one will listen.
326
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,280
Pram theory?
327
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,645
Einstein's one of the most brilliant
minds that ever lived.
328
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:41,846
He can do anything.
329
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,803
You think I'm just off the boat?
330
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,126
Well, where will we find him?
331
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,165
At this time? Probably on the corner
of Hope Street with the other blueys.
332
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,451
Hey, man, is that your pram?
333
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:58,721
Yes!
334
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,406
Sir, allow me to introduce myself.
335
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,566
Who the hell are you?
336
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,526
Acting senior officer Arnold Rimmer
from the mining ship Red Dwarf.
337
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,962
I have to say, at school,
I always loved a bit of science.
338
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:14,123
Bunsen burners, brilliant.
Dropping sodium into water.
339
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,890
All the fizzing. Marvellous.
340
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,203
Oh, and congratulations on...
What was it again?
341
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,442
The theory of relativity, sir.
342
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,522
The theory of relativity.
343
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,325
I don't know what you're talking about?
344
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,409
Of course, of course!
345
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,369
In this world,
he hasn't achieved anything.
346
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,845
So, how can he help us?
347
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,445
He'll still be a genius.
348
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,682
Whatever problem we give him,
he'll be able to solve.
349
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,690
Come on, let's get Einey the Winey back
to the Lady Be Good.
350
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,009
It's my pram. My pram.
351
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,525
You leave the string alone, yes?
352
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,324
Don't take my string.
353
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,050
You leave my string alone you see?
354
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,645
Your string is fine, sir.
Your string is safe.
355
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,643
- My string.
- We won't touch your string.
356
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:53,210
- My string.
- It's your string.
357
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,805
Would you mind getting him a steak
with spring fries or something?
358
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,849
Now, here's the problem,
we've gotta get this into this somehow.
359
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:05,921
How?
360
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,405
You think I know?
361
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,530
I don't know.
362
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,764
Yes, you do, and do you know why?
363
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,410
Because you're genius. You can do this!
364
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,329
- I can do this?
- We realise electrics
365
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,368
isn't strictly Einstein's field,
366
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,482
but we thought he was
so incredibly brilliant,
367
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:21,800
he'd be able to figure it out.
368
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,121
You ain't gonna get nothing
outta this gutter muncher.
369
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,486
Oh, and why not?
370
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,324
'Cause this bird ain't Einstein!
371
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,844
What, he's just some old bum
who pushes around a pram full of string?
372
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:32,921
You got it.
373
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,885
We haven't been introduced.
I am Bob the Bum.
374
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:48,328
So, you want to know if I can get
this potato into this potato?
375
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,327
I'll get right onto it.
376
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,721
I didn't realise I was so brilliant!
377
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,490
Cops, coming down the alley!
378
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,971
It's a raid!
379
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,691
Find something to do!
Don't look suspicious.
380
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:33,407
It doesn't go there, how about there?
381
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,723
I can do this, I'm brilliant!
382
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:42,010
Okay, everybody pipe down! Quiet!
383
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,411
This is a raid.
384
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,882
Hey, drinking and dancing ain't illegal.
What's the beef?
385
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,323
Harmony De Gaultier.
386
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,687
Now that's one fancy stage name,
387
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,764
but you ain't fooling no one,
Professor Baldwin!
388
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,765
That's who you are, ain't it?
389
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,047
A dirty, no-good scientist
who'll discuss
390
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:03,091
theoretical physics with anyone
so long as the funding's right.
391
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,447
I'm outta the science game now, see?
392
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,642
I ain't touched a petri dish in months.
393
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,204
How dense do you think I am?
394
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,762
You really wanna know?
just divide your mass by your volume.
395
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,401
Hey. What the hell happened
to your face?
396
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,521
Who me? I went bobbing for apples
in the cement mixer.
397
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,210
Sure ya did.
398
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:32,441
So what do you do?
399
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,924
I just play in the band, ma'am.
400
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,645
Ooh, and what about you?
401
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,768
Are you a scientist?
402
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,728
You think scientist could
tap dance like that? Hmm?
403
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:56,851
Wait a minute.
404
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,680
How come you're drinking out
of an Erlenmeyer flask?
405
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:03,088
They've been doing science!
You're busted!
406
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,968
We nailed a couple of white-coats, boss.
407
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,240
We think they know something
about this screwy contraption machine
408
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,891
the resistance bunnies have
been working on to whack you guys.
409
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,087
So, we meet again.
410
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,807
You really don't mind
a hackneyed old cliché, do ya?
411
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,364
You know, we're
really not so different, you and I.
412
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:35,925
Now you're taking the smeg.
413
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:38,566
What is it you want?
414
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,847
Human beings in the distant future
415
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,207
realised that humanity was
not mature enough
416
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,009
to handle modern technology.
417
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:49,290
And so, we were created
to prevent that version of the future
418
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,164
from ever happening.
419
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,091
We are the good guys here.
420
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:56,645
But you kill people!
421
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,129
No one said that we couldn't have
a little fun along the way.
422
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,406
So what happens to us?
Are you gonna kill us too?
423
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:10,129
I wasn't planning to, but, you know,
that's a really good idea.
424
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,010
You're gonna kill us in cold blood?
425
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:17,369
Actually, human blood isn't cold.
It's around 37.5 degrees centigrade.
426
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,840
Prepare to die, human scum.
427
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,768
You said you were a high born!
A droid of distinction.
428
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,251
A real big spender!
429
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,525
So much better than that other droid,
what was his name?
430
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,045
Three of 63.
431
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,561
Did someone say my name?
432
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,009
Ah, so you're of three of 63?
433
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,602
- What of it?
- Nothing. Er, don't say anything.
434
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,040
We're good now.
435
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,770
He was slagging you off
behind your back.
436
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,246
- He was?
- Look, just leave it, three of 63.
437
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:52,970
It's not worth it.
438
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,522
No, no. You were slagging me off
behind my back.
439
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,682
Look, you remember we were
going through that bad patch?
440
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:01,761
Well...
441
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,322
You're no better than 18 of 241.
442
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,046
Ooh!
443
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,926
Two potato makes one potato!
444
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,329
- You did it!
- Bob!
445
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,680
You are brilliant!
446
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:22,841
Just like you said!
447
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,645
We don't have much time.
448
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,768
This place will be swarming
with Expanoids in no time.
449
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,123
If I can hook this to the transmitter,
450
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,044
we can send the signal worldwide
and wipe out all the mechs.
451
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:33,286
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What about Kryten?
452
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,050
We have to detonate it,
there's no choice.
453
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,568
- No!
- Lister, don't you see?
454
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,371
Once the Expanoids are gone,
you can stay here.
455
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:42,170
We'll no longer be trapped together.
456
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:43,605
I can't lose Kryten.
457
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:48,402
Listen to me, sir, Mr Rimmer is speaking
only about what is best for you.
458
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,804
As obviously detonating a global
EMP will destroy him too.
459
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,088
Hang on, it's gonna take me out too?
460
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:58,361
Anything electrical.
461
00:25:58,480 --> 00:25:59,845
My hair straighteners?
462
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:01,686
Hand over the EMP.
463
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,371
I already detonated it
while you two were yacking.
464
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,084
You got 15 minutes to scram!
465
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,005
Leg it!
466
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,051
We're five minutes to orbit!
467
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,449
Activating the Cronos machine.
468
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,083
Sir, we're gonna hit
some turb at 37,000 feet.
469
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,725
Any chance we can go a shorter route?
470
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,211
Not according to Pythagoras.
471
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,926
Yeah, well, Pythagoras wasn't
much of pilot.
472
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,129
Leave this to me.
473
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,448
I learned a few things today, Kryten.
474
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:49,681
Hmm, really sir? What about?
475
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,445
Well, it seems to me
us humans better be on our toes.
476
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,285
Make sure we don't lose ourselves
and let technology take over.
477
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,806
Mmm, I'll make a note, sir,
and remind you
478
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,406
if you ever appear
to be in danger. Arms?
479
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,562
Yeah. Yeah, you do that.
480
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,881
Shoe.
481
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,689
Other shoe.
482
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,131
Socky.
483
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,571
Other socky.
484
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,529
You can't rely on machines, Kryten,
485
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,604
or else we'll lose
the very thing that makes us human.
486
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,045
Open.
487
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:18,281
Ah!
488
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,606
That's the lad.
489
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,848
♪ It's cold outside
There's no kind of atmosphere ♪
490
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,089
♪ I'm all alone
More or less ♪
491
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,528
♪ Let me fly
Far away from here ♪
492
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:39,085
♪ Fun, fun, fun
In the sun, sun, sun ♪
493
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,528
♪ I want to lie
Shipwrecked and comatose ♪
494
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,649
♪ Drinking fresh mango juice ♪
495
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,202
♪ Gold fish shoals nibbling at my toes ♪
496
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:55,731
♪ Fun, fun, fun
In the sun, sun, sun ♪
497
00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:02,689
♪ Fun, fun, fun
In the sun, sun, sun ♪
39022
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