subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for A.Christmas.Story.Christmas.2022 2_English

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek Download

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew Download

Hindi

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese Download

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai Download

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:45,003 [Ralphie] When you're a kid, all you want is the perfect Christmas gift. 2 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:50,425 When you're a parent, all you want is for Christmas to be perfect. 3 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,969 But sometimes, if we're lucky, 4 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:56,139 the Yuletide stars shine full upon us 5 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,224 in a rare moment of truth. 6 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:04,481 And how we react in these moments can forever seal our fate. 7 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:16,409 [Ralphie] Ah, there it is. Our humble abode 8 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,495 on the south side of the city. 9 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,288 Just like I remember, 10 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:25,794 in all of its yellow, orange and avocado-green glory. 11 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,962 Oh, life moves fast. 12 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:32,217 One day you're playing "kick the can" with kids named Flick and Schwartz. 13 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:38,056 And the next thing you know, you're paying taxes and pulling out grey hairs. 14 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:44,145 But no matter. My sights were set on a higher purpose. 15 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:47,607 And I was gonna get there with Sandy 16 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,400 by my side. 17 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,112 Even though times were lean, 18 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,031 we had everything we needed. 19 00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:58,952 At least that's what we told our kids, Mark and Julie. 20 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:02,455 [Julie] Okay, but what if there's a fire in the fireplace? 21 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,374 Santa is fireproof. 22 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,793 What if the fireplace is too small? 23 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,378 He sneaks in a window. 24 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,504 Good morning. 25 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,047 -Good morning, Mom. -Morning. 26 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,465 What if the window is stuck? 27 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,175 He has WD-40. 28 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,927 -What if the window is too small? -He sucks in his gut. 29 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,470 -Hey. Get your breakfast. -Okay. 30 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,389 [both] Yes, Mom. 31 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,224 [Ralphie] While the kids counted the days left 'til Christmas, 32 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,893 I was racing against the clock. 33 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:28,022 We had socked away just enough for one year, so I could write 34 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,483 the next great American novel. 35 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:34,529 Everyone gets their chance, and when yours comes along, 36 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:37,365 you had better grab it. 37 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,368 [laughs] Nothing could stop me now. 38 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:42,412 Dad! We're out of milk. 39 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:46,124 -What? -My fault, my fault. I forgot to get it. 40 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:51,880 But have you ever had the delicacy of cereal with... 41 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:55,592 orange juice? 42 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,093 -[groans] -Ew. 43 00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:59,554 Nobody? You are in for a treat. 44 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:02,307 Nice bowl full of cocoa buds 45 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:06,185 poured with some delicious OJ. Hm. 46 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,313 And then... [slurps] 47 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,023 [Mark] Ugh. That's disgusting. 48 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,316 -Mm. -Ew. 49 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,361 Mm. You can't beat that. 50 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,946 There you go, sweetie. 51 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,699 Well, you gonna try it? 52 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,492 -Mom, you go first. -No. 53 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,536 Dad, when can we take out the stockings? 54 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,080 Let's wait for Grandpa. He loves that stuff. 55 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,458 Yeah, you guys can do it together. 56 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:31,210 The angel! She's so beautiful. 57 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:34,714 It's almost Christmas and we don't have a tree for our angel. 58 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,299 I know, honey. We're gonna get a tree 59 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,010 as soon as Grandma and Grandpa get here. Two more days. 60 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:41,512 I feel like I've been waiting forever. 61 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,807 [Ralphie] Every year, my parents made the long drive to Chicago 62 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,727 so we could all celebrate with a big city Christmas. 63 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:51,648 But until then, I could stay focused on my dream. 64 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:52,815 Oh... 65 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,776 -How do I look? -Like a writer. 66 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,152 -Hey, kids. -Good luck. 67 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:57,570 -Good luck. -Good luck. 68 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:02,533 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 69 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,328 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 70 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,579 ♪ You better watch out ♪ 71 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,247 ♪ You better not cry ♪ 72 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:12,126 ♪ You better not pout I'm telling you why ♪ 73 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:15,505 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 74 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,174 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 75 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:21,010 ♪ Santa Claus is comin'... ♪ 76 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,846 [Ralphie] This was the deal. I had to be published 77 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,640 by the end of this year, 78 00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:30,603 or I'd pack up my dream and return to the rat race. 79 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:34,524 So, I'd sent my manuscript to 16 lucky publishers, 80 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:39,862 and 14 of them enthusiastically said, "No." 81 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:45,201 With the year almost over, I desperately needed a win. 82 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,455 Mr. Parker... 83 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:54,002 we generally handle this sort of meeting with a written correspondence, 84 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,713 but your insistence to meet in person-- 85 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,716 Oh. Uh, I brought you a little something. 86 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,510 Greasing the wheels certainly couldn't hurt. 87 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,137 Marshall Field's. 88 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,430 The good stuff. 89 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,808 Is this... 90 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,978 a bribe? 91 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:13,187 I don't know. 92 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,148 You tell me. 93 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,742 [chuckles] 94 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,910 Your manuscript, Jupiter's Oblivion-- 95 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,747 Uh, Neptune. It's Neptune's Oblivion. 96 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:34,167 Though an interesting title and thoroughly written, 97 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,670 we're not accepting manuscripts over 2,000 pages. 98 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,422 Oh. Well, I could cut it down a bit. 99 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,091 You could cut it in half and there'd still be too many words. 100 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,844 Ah, Well, I know it doesn't feel like it ends, 101 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:49,265 but that's because it all pays off in the sequel, which I'm writing right now. 102 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,267 Oh, Lord, not more. 103 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,898 This isn't a subject we're interested in... 104 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,274 -at all. -No. 105 00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,026 This has been my entire life this past year. 106 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,986 Good day, Mr. Parker. 107 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,654 And have a Merry Christmas. 108 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,448 [Ralphie] Merry my foot. 109 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,743 This pencil pusher had no appreciation for my vision. 110 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:11,079 Oh, one day he'd see. 111 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,122 They'd all see. 112 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,250 [male awards announcer] We're back, just in time for the main event! 113 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:19,087 And the winner of the Pulitzer Prize 114 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:22,632 for literary achievement in science fiction writing 115 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:26,177 over 2,000 pages is... 116 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:31,849 Mr. Ralph Wesley Parker for Neptune's Oblivion! 117 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:35,228 [male awards announcer] What an upset! We're seeing history, folks! 118 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:38,481 This is Ralph's first nomination and first win. 119 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:41,943 -That's my husband. -With 100% of the vote. 120 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,904 Even the other contestants voted for him. 121 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,824 Anyone who doubted him must be kicking themselves tonight. 122 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,910 -And there's one of them now! -Forgive me, Mr. Parker. I was wrong. 123 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,703 Dead wrong! Please. 124 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,164 -[male awards announcer] What a moron! -Please. 125 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:59,335 Tonight, we crown the new voice of a generation. 126 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:02,880 Eat your heart out, Hemingway. [laughs] 127 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:06,008 [crowd chanting] Parker! Parker! Parker! Parker! Parker! 128 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,635 Mr. Parker. 129 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,929 Oh. 130 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,556 I said good day. 131 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:15,560 Oh, right. Good day. 132 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,315 [Sandy] Well, there's still one publisher left. 133 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,859 Yeah. 134 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,360 Hey, you know, I heard that Mark Twain 135 00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:27,280 got rejected 34 times before he got published. 136 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,867 -That's brutal. -Yeah. 137 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,202 -I just mean you're in good company. -Thanks. 138 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:38,249 -[Sandy] But he actually said that you could cut it in half? -That's crazy, right? 139 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,876 I mean, it is... 140 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,545 a little wordy. 141 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,589 [Ralphie] It's an epic saga. 142 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:47,216 [Sandy] Right, honey. Are you sure you should be writing a sequel? I mean-- 143 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,970 The first thing they're gonna ask when it sells is, "What's next?" 144 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,848 Okay. No, I mean, you're the expert. 145 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,892 -Well, what do you suggest? -Well, okay. 146 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,393 Honey, you write so well. 147 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,353 And you have such a strong voice. 148 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,772 So maybe you could write something that's... 149 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,609 like, more relatable. 150 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,068 You know, Denise at the Book Barn, 151 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,321 she says true crime is the next big thing. 152 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,739 [Ralphie] That's it. 153 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,158 A book about strangling Denise from Book Barn. 154 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,868 Can I have another piece of pizza? 155 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,953 Here you go. Take mine. 156 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,083 Well, what do you guys want for Christmas? 157 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,794 An Easy-Bake Oven, Hungry Hungry Hippos 158 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,171 and a stuffed kitty cat. 159 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,715 [chuckles] Got it. What about you? 160 00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,134 A Flexible Flyer F-23 Yankee Clipper. 161 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:31,552 And what is that? 162 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,514 -A sled. -Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 163 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:35,890 What do you want, Dad? 164 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:37,683 Want? 165 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,853 A time machine to restart the year. 166 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,773 What I need is a new radiator for the Plymouth. 167 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,483 -[phone ringing] -Oh. I got it. I got it. 168 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:49,070 -Could be my manager with some good news. -Okay. 169 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,404 [Ralphie clears throat] 170 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,823 Mr. Ralph Parker speaking. 171 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,243 -Hi, Mom. -Nope. It's Grandma. 172 00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,789 What's wrong? 173 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:00,748 What? 174 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,044 What? 175 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,300 Wait. Wait a minute. 176 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,099 Okay. 177 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,142 [sniffs] 178 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,436 Uh-huh. 179 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,147 [sighs deeply] 180 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,316 Where are you now? 181 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,986 [Ralphie] Nothing can prepare us for one of life's 182 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:33,406 most painful and inescapable events. 183 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,910 The passing of a parent. 184 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:38,995 Okay, Ma. 185 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:47,461 As the sadness of losing my old man took grip, 186 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:52,008 two undeniable truths washed over us that night. 187 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,093 Grandma needed us in Hohman, 188 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:58,556 and this Christmas would be nothing like we anticipated. 189 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,608 We're getting close. 190 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,027 Yeah. You can taste it. 191 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,737 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 192 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:15,781 You said the birds fly backwards so they don't choke. 193 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,743 And the sludge pool swallowed children whole. 194 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,912 Does Santa go to Hohman? 195 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,956 Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't he? 196 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,835 Because Dad said winter in Hohman is so bleak, it crushes the human spirit. 197 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,212 [Ralphie] Kids ignore every important thing you say, 198 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,214 then recall with painful accuracy 199 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,926 every incriminating word you've uttered in the last five years. 200 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,054 Honey, it's the opposite. 201 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,305 Santa loves Hohman. 202 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:41,223 In fact, if you play your cards right, 203 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,767 you'll get to meet him at Higbee's. 204 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,769 But is it the real Santa Claus? 205 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,563 Oh, it's him. Trust me. 206 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,482 I'll see for myself. 207 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,447 Egg. [sighs] 208 00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,742 Oh. I'm sorry. It's cold. 209 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:03,120 [Ralphie] Ah! There is no nobler a sacrifice for the common egg 210 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:07,041 than the ingenious automotive repair known as... 211 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,378 "The Midwest Souffle." 212 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,714 One serving temporarily seals any bum radiator, 213 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:18,386 ensuring safe passage to the next pit stop. 214 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:21,138 Our car ate more eggs than Cool Hand Luke. 215 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,224 [grunts] Come on! Stupid trunk! 216 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,226 Stupid... 217 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:30,314 [Ralphie] Ah, there it was. 218 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,983 Our old house on Cleveland Street. 219 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,444 It looked like it had been frozen in time. 220 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,949 [Mrs. Parker gasps, chuckling] 221 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,784 You're here! 222 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,285 Oh, my goodness! 223 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,330 -Grandma! -Grandma! 224 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,707 Oh, my goodness! I could eat you up. [kisses] 225 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,167 I missed you, Grandma! 226 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,585 I love you guys. 227 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,713 Oh, Sandy. 228 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:56,549 I am so sorry. 229 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,259 -Oh. -[sniffles] 230 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,470 [both chuckle] 231 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,721 Hello, Mom. 232 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:03,973 Ralphie. 233 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,558 I am so sorry, Mom. 234 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,977 He was the best. 235 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,562 [chuckles, sniffles] 236 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,440 -I'm so glad that you all are here. -Of course. 237 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,567 And I don't want you to worry about anything. 238 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,193 I'm gonna take care of all the arrangements, 239 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,319 -the service-- -No, no, no. 240 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,821 Listen to me, Ralphie. 241 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,824 All that can wait. [chuckling] 242 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,952 Your father was so excited about Christmas. 243 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:28,497 [chuckling] I mean, if he saw us moping around, 244 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,541 he'd just throw a fit. 245 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,251 I've given this a lot of thought. 246 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:35,337 This can't be the thing that we think of every Christmas. 247 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,382 We've gotta make it a good memory, so... 248 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,092 promise me... 249 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,510 promise me... 250 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,973 we're gonna make this a wonderful Christmas. 251 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,850 One that we'll never forget. 252 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,727 Mom. 253 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,188 [Ralphie chuckles] In the history of tall orders, this one took the cake! 254 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:57,234 There was no way. Impossible! Give up now, stupid! 255 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,277 I promise. 256 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,071 [chuckles] Okay. 257 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,991 [Ralphie] Oh, what had I done? The old man was the reason 258 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,952 for the greatest Christmases any of us ever knew. 259 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,079 And now it was all up to me? 260 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:11,207 Get a grip, man! 261 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:15,878 Millions of folks pull it off every year because everyone knows the recipe. 262 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,423 -[laughs] -[exclaims] 263 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,175 Oh. 264 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,177 Oh, yeah! 265 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,514 [all cheering] 266 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,727 [all laughing] 267 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,731 I had to pull this off. 268 00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:40,694 For the memory of my old man, and for every Christmas to come. 269 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,449 [grunts] 270 00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:59,088 [the old man] Fragile. It must be Italian. 271 00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:03,008 -[dog barking] -Bumpuses! 272 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,808 Not a finger! 273 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,811 [Ralphie] It suddenly struck me that my old man's voice 274 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:17,481 would never echo through these walls again. 275 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,858 [the old man, echoes] A fuse is out! 276 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,445 [Ralphie] It was my old home. 277 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,948 With its light, its colors... 278 00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:28,325 its smells. 279 00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,662 But it was forever changed. 280 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:37,626 In the Southwest, it's said they bring chili con carne. 281 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,045 Atlantic states, stew. 282 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,672 But here in Hohman, 283 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:45,092 it's the fabled casserole that appears in times of need. 284 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:49,096 [exhales] I swear, every neighbor dropped off a casserole. 285 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:52,182 It's gonna take us a year to finish all this. [chuckles] 286 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:59,023 Mm. Well, this one looks like tuna and olive and... beans? 287 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,734 Hm. Uh, I think that's a blueberry. 288 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,736 Uh, I think, let's see. 289 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:08,115 [Mrs. Parker] This one is, uh, cream, beans, and pickled carrots and... 290 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:09,825 Mm... 291 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:13,078 And tastes of cinnamon. Mm. 292 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,830 So inventive. 293 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:17,166 [Ralphie] No matter the tongue-curling flavors 294 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,501 or indistinguishable ingredients, 295 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:23,672 no one dared waste food in my mother's house. 296 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:28,719 I'm so touched that everyone has gone to all this trouble for us. 297 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,638 Will we have turkey on Christmas? 298 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,098 Oh, no. We have to finish all this first. 299 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,225 -[groans] -Oh, hot, hot, hot. 300 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,353 -Yum. -Oh, my. 301 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,605 -Ketchup and what? -Mm. 302 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:40,856 What do you think that is? 303 00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:41,857 It's mayonnaise. 304 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:42,733 Yeah. 305 00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,026 Cooked mayonnaise. 306 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,444 [dog barking] 307 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:49,698 [grunts] It's colder here than in Chicago. 308 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,825 It's looking pretty good. 309 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:55,287 I don't know. His arms aren't even the same size. 310 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,373 He doesn't know that. 311 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,668 [Ralphie] Oh, this would surely be a highlight of Mark and Julie's Christmas. 312 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,462 A close encounter with Delbert Bumpus. 313 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:06,548 The smartest member of the hillbilly family next door. 314 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,342 [gathers spit in throat] 315 00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:17,851 [gulps] Ah! 316 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,271 Hey. 317 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,690 Hey yourself. 318 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,566 We're building a snowman. 319 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,610 His name is Sparklypoof. 320 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,737 We did not agree on that. 321 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,447 -Bad idea. -[engine revving] 322 00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:36,745 Snowmen don't last long 'round here. 323 00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:41,083 [grunts] 324 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,127 -[Julie screaming] -[engine revving] 325 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:45,212 [screaming continues] 326 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,466 Whoo! [laughs] 327 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,428 [Ralphie] By God! The neighborhood bullies reincarnate. 328 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,722 What was once mere beatings and shakedowns 329 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:58,517 had evolved into surprise attacks of mechanized terror. 330 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,519 Yeah! 331 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:03,689 -[whooping] -They murdered Sparklypoof! 332 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,149 [bullies chuckling] 333 00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,901 [bully] Grab it. Grab it! Yeah! I got your scarf! 334 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:08,861 That's mine! 335 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,279 Hey, you get back here! 336 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:13,282 -[whooping, laughing] -Hey, bring that back! 337 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,910 Well, this town is full of surprises, isn't it? 338 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,038 How fun. 339 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,415 -Uh, come on. Let's go inside. -[Ralphie] This was a new wrinkle in the Christmas plans. 340 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:26,628 Mark and Julie just landed at the bottom of the local food chain. 341 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:32,676 ♪ O come, all ye faithful ♪ 342 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,096 Hey, guys. I just hung up with my manager, 343 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,973 and I asked him to call here with any news. 344 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,893 So please pick up the phone, day or night, okay? 345 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:42,019 Yeah. 346 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,980 Ralphie, how is it going with your novel? 347 00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:50,027 [Ralphie] Oh, if mothers knew every rocky detail of our lives, they'd never sleep. 348 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,321 Best to keep her off the scent. 349 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,032 Oh, I got some real nice irons in the fire. 350 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,494 Oh. Well, you know, that's really good to know. [chuckles] 351 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,954 [Ralphie] Whew. Out of the frying pan... 352 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:06,418 That way, we can really focus on getting into the Christmas spirit. 353 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,462 [Ralphie] ...and into the fire. 354 00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:13,217 Absolutely. 355 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,301 It's gonna be great. 356 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,386 Well, it's only five days away. 357 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,638 Well, Ralph's got this. 358 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:18,806 -Yeah? -Right? 359 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,766 Oh, you bet. Uh... 360 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,685 We're gonna do it all. [chuckles] 361 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:28,440 Aw... That would make your father so happy, Ralphie. 362 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:31,318 I can't wait to see what you're gonna do with it. [chuckles] 363 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,153 [Ralphie] Oh, that makes two of us. 364 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,696 I gotta figure this out. 365 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,907 You know, I think I'm gonna take a walk. 366 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:40,786 Um, just get some fresh air, maybe clear my head a little bit. 367 00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:42,079 I'll be back. 368 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,583 [dogs barking] 369 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,918 Come on, get out of here! 370 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,837 Not the Bumpus hounds, too. 371 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,506 They tormented my old man his whole life. 372 00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:56,093 Now even they expected me to fill his shoes. 373 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,137 Uh, how was I supposed 374 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:02,140 to replace the greatest Christmas ringmaster of all time? 375 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,727 Especially when he was the one everyone was missing. 376 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:09,481 Well, sometimes, at life's most desperate moments, 377 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:13,861 the universe offers us a sign. 378 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:18,907 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ♪ 379 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:23,829 Perhaps some insight from the Hohman brain trust could help. 380 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,083 [all cheering] 381 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:31,670 My old pal Flick had inherited the bar from his old man. 382 00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,339 Before that, he was best known as the genius 383 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:38,176 who once stuck his tongue to a frozen flag pole. 384 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,387 -[cheering continues] -[man] You're up by one. 385 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,640 [all cheering] 386 00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:45,893 Down by one. 387 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,020 You're up, Schwartz. 388 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,354 Last shot. 389 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:54,985 [Ralphie] Any good luck Schwartz ever had ran out in the fourth grade. 390 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:58,113 These days, he was either running up his tab at Flick's, 391 00:19:58,196 --> 00:19:59,948 or at home with his mom. 392 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,618 For all the donuts, suckers. 393 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,497 [Ralphie] Could it be? Schwartz? 394 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:08,874 In a moment of triumph? 395 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,670 Not a chance. 396 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,589 [man] He did it again! 397 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,341 Congratulations to the Slag Heaps! 398 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,801 Come on, drink up, everybody. Drink it up. 399 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,844 Here we go. 400 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,597 [indistinct chatter] 401 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,309 Looks like I backed the wrong team. 402 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,186 Again. 403 00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,854 -Well, if it wasn't such a junk table. -Junk? I just had it waxed. 404 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,397 [Ralphie] Some things never change. 405 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:33,649 [young Schwartz] Well, I double dog dare you! 406 00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,359 [Ralphie] Especially Flick... 407 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,652 [young Schwartz] Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? 408 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:37,945 [Ralphie] ...and Schwartz. 409 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:38,987 That's 'cause you know it'll stick. 410 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:39,947 Yeah, you've got an-- 411 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,490 -[both] Ralphie! -Hey! 412 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,283 -[chuckling, cheering] -Am I glad to see you guys. 413 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,661 Come, have a drink! The cosmopolitan man returns. 414 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:49,456 Yeah, Mr. Big Shot, gracing us small town folk with his presence. 415 00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:52,167 Yeah. Come on, I could never forget about you guys. 416 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:53,961 Believe me, I tried. 417 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,171 [Ralphie] Truth was, years ago, I had promised myself 418 00:20:56,254 --> 00:21:00,133 that I wouldn't return to Hohman until I was a genuine success. 419 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:04,763 And now, I didn't have the heart to tell them the embarrassing truth. 420 00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:06,932 Hey, Flick! Come on, get us all a round, right? 421 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,558 -Put it on my tab. Come on. -Yeah. 422 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,519 What? I'll pay my tab. 423 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:11,687 Eventually. 424 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:12,729 Mm-hmm. 425 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:14,398 Now, here's you two. 426 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:15,983 Here's mine. 427 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,318 Ralph, to your old man. 428 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:19,778 Hell of a guy. 429 00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,321 Thanks. 430 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:22,948 Sorry, Ralphie. 431 00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,825 He was the best. 432 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,827 -To the old man. -[both] To the old man. 433 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,707 -[phone ringing] -[all gasp] 434 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:34,793 [Ralphie] Oh, no. 435 00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:38,296 The death knell for stool rats 'round the world. 436 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:39,673 Flick's Tavern. 437 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:42,050 No one knows for whom the bell tolls. 438 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,885 Yes. Is Larry here? 439 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:48,390 Is Larry Novak here? 440 00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,642 [mouthing] No. 441 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,853 Nope. Sorry, Mrs. Novak. Larry's not here. 442 00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:56,356 Yes, you have a Merry Christmas as well. 443 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,525 [crowd sighs in relief] 444 00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:00,902 [Ralphie] You ever wonder what happened to your high school quarterback? 445 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:04,156 Ours turned into good old Larry Novak. 446 00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,742 So what do you guys do around here for Christmas these days? 447 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,452 [sighs] It's the same here as it's always been. 448 00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:09,619 Yeah, just the usual. 449 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,121 No, the usual's not gonna cut it. 450 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:13,040 I need something more. It's all on me this year. 451 00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:15,917 Well, in that case, I suggest you start drinking 452 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,252 and don't stop till New Year's. 453 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,920 No, this is serious. 454 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:20,255 Larry? 455 00:22:20,338 --> 00:22:21,590 What do you want from me? 456 00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,675 I come here to avoid my family. 457 00:22:25,093 --> 00:22:27,471 All right. Got an idea. Here, you take that. 458 00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,639 -We'll come up with some idea. -All right. 459 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:32,225 So, let's make a list. It's okay. You're gonna be fine. We got this. Okay. 460 00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:34,603 Ooh! But first, line 'em up again. 461 00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:36,980 -To lubricate our brains, right? Come on. -It's a good idea. 462 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,733 -Christmas is... -I have a terrarium. 463 00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,069 Okay. 464 00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:45,363 It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards. 465 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,240 It's very stimulating. 466 00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:49,451 -[Schwartz] Ah. -Cool. That's a great start. I love terrariums. 467 00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:52,079 Hey. My sister knows a guy who owns a Cessna. 468 00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:54,790 -My cousin Craig, he's got a buffalo. -Yeah. 469 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,291 Oh, that'd be fantastic. 470 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,460 -It's huge. -No bad ideas, guys. Keep 'em coming. 471 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,337 I need this stuff. 472 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,089 -We got you covered. We got you. -It's the kind of magic I need. 473 00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:02,672 -Come on, to Christmas. -We got you. Christmas! 474 00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:06,384 [snores] 475 00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,095 [chatter echoing] 476 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:16,812 Ralph? 477 00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:19,314 It's almost 10:00. Are you awake? 478 00:23:19,397 --> 00:23:21,316 -Uh-uh. -Mm. 479 00:23:21,399 --> 00:23:23,276 [smacks lips, breathes deeply] 480 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:27,072 So, is this the list? 481 00:23:27,155 --> 00:23:30,659 You know, the one you woke me up about at 3:00 am? 482 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:31,868 Yeah. 483 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:34,621 That's my Christmas plan. [grunting] 484 00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:36,665 Okay. All right. 485 00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,417 Well, you know, some of these are good. 486 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,002 Yeah, sledding. That's great. 487 00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:42,504 Maybe you and Mark could do that. 488 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,548 -You know, father-son outing. -Okay. Great. 489 00:23:44,631 --> 00:23:47,425 But some of these are... 490 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:48,677 wax throwing? 491 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,178 Axe. Axe throwing. 492 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:53,849 -With the tomahawks and stuff. -Okay. Even better. 493 00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:57,769 Uh, "Make them catch and kill their own turkey." Ooh. [chuckles] 494 00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,397 Well, maybe we could combine that with the axe throwing. 495 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,190 Could be fun for the kids, I think. 496 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:05,193 Right here, "Volunteer at a soup kitchen." 497 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,028 See, that one's crossed off. 498 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,530 Yeah, it could be too much. 499 00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:10,198 Polar bear plunge. 500 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,200 -Terrarium. -Yeah. 501 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:14,035 -Chips and salsa. -Larry has one. 502 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,745 Overthrow Castro. I'm in. 503 00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:17,414 Ambitious. But we can do it. 504 00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:19,708 Buffalo. Three exclamation points. 505 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,042 So, do we move there? 506 00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:23,086 No, no, no. We're gonna bring it here. 507 00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:24,963 [laughing] It's buffalo? 508 00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:26,423 Like an animal? 509 00:24:26,506 --> 00:24:28,258 Yeah, some of these need to bake, but-- 510 00:24:28,341 --> 00:24:31,720 You know, honey, I think you're maybe overcomplicating this. 511 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,471 Why don't we just keep it simple? 512 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:35,807 Like, we could go ice skating. You know I would love that. 513 00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,392 Oh, I know. 514 00:24:37,475 --> 00:24:40,770 And, you know, maybe we just do the usual Christmas stuff. 515 00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:42,480 -Really? -Yeah. 516 00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:46,401 Like, we could start with just getting the house decorated. Hm? 517 00:24:46,484 --> 00:24:47,819 -Hm? Okay? -Hm. Okay. 518 00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:49,863 It's a little boring. [chuckles] 519 00:24:49,946 --> 00:24:51,948 Okay. So... 520 00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:54,451 Ooh. No, let's start with the shower. 521 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:56,995 Okay. 522 00:24:57,078 --> 00:24:58,747 [grunts] 523 00:25:01,082 --> 00:25:02,500 [Mrs. Parker] Ralphie, be careful! 524 00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:05,962 There's spiders as big as cats up there! 525 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:08,256 [Ralphie] Attics are museums of indifference. 526 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,176 Littered with junk you don't wanna look at, 527 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:14,012 but don't have the courage to throw away. 528 00:25:14,095 --> 00:25:15,555 This place is a mess. 529 00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:17,849 How am I supposed to find the Christmas stuff up here? 530 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:19,768 [Mrs. Parker] In the cardboard boxes! 531 00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:22,103 [Ralphie] Which one? There's hundreds of them. 532 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:25,398 [Mrs. Parker] Figure it out. We're busy down here! 533 00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:29,611 [the old man] He looks like a deranged Easter bunny. 534 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,239 [Ralphie sighs] And still traumatizing. 535 00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:42,916 My first typewriter. 536 00:25:42,999 --> 00:25:44,251 [chuckles] 537 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,711 Oh, the stories we could tell. 538 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:56,054 Oh! [laughs, imitates fanfare] 539 00:25:56,137 --> 00:25:58,390 The motherlode of Christmas past. 540 00:25:58,473 --> 00:26:00,141 This was gonna be easy. 541 00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:01,351 Wait. 542 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,812 What the hell? 543 00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:05,897 Sandy, honey, I'm just trying to be helpful. 544 00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:07,482 That does not go there. 545 00:26:07,565 --> 00:26:09,693 I... Okay. It may be more helpful 546 00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:11,820 -if you start working-- -I'm way ahead of you. 547 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,905 What is this? Ow! 548 00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:15,657 Damn it! It cut me. 549 00:26:15,740 --> 00:26:17,993 No, don't. Your mouth is just full of diseases. Come on. 550 00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:20,829 -Let's get some Bactine on that finger. -Mom, it's fine. 551 00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:23,999 [Ralphie] My mother's cure-all for any breach of the skin, 552 00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:26,418 from a splinter to a decapitation... 553 00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:28,503 was a healthy swab of Bactine. 554 00:26:28,586 --> 00:26:31,589 [blows, sighs] Your father hated that tree. 555 00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:33,717 So do I. Where did it come from? 556 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,345 I bought it a few years ago, thinking it'd make things easier, 557 00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,223 but your father banished it to the attic. [chuckles] 558 00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:41,725 [chuckles] He was right. 559 00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:43,518 We're getting a real tree. Today. 560 00:26:43,601 --> 00:26:44,686 None of that fake junk. 561 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,354 -Well, you're the boss. -Hm. 562 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:49,441 [breathes heavily] 563 00:26:49,524 --> 00:26:51,609 What is it? 564 00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:54,529 Well, I know that you've got a lot on your shoulders, 565 00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:56,656 but I need you to do something for me. 566 00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,533 Yeah, Mom. Of course. Anything. 567 00:26:58,616 --> 00:27:01,661 I want you to write your father's obituary for the newspaper. 568 00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:03,621 Me? 569 00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:05,707 You are the writer in the family. 570 00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:08,001 [Ralphie] Oh, tell that to the publishing industry. 571 00:27:08,084 --> 00:27:10,837 -Yes. I'll just have to think of what to say. -[shushes] 572 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,340 [carolers singing in the distance] 573 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:20,013 -♪ Oh, we Three Kings Of Orient are ♪ -[shushes] 574 00:27:20,096 --> 00:27:21,806 -They're coming. -Who's coming? 575 00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:23,516 [shushes] 576 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,310 Get down. Sandy, get down! 577 00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:27,937 [Ralphie] There are two acknowledged schools of thought 578 00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:30,732 on the holiday tradition of caroling. 579 00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,691 The first... 580 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,360 [gasps] Carolers! 581 00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:35,904 [Ralphie] ...believes it is a gift to the world. 582 00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:37,781 -The second school... -Get the lights. 583 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:40,450 [Ralphie] ...to which our family devoutly subscribed, 584 00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:43,745 believes carolers to be a scourge set upon the earth 585 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:46,414 -to pillage your time and ravage your patience. -Oh. Ah! 586 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,167 What are you doing? They're just carolers. 587 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,836 Exactly. They're just like ticks. 588 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,548 Once they get to your door, you can't get rid of 'em. Hide. 589 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:56,925 Hide. 590 00:27:57,008 --> 00:27:59,677 ♪ Forever, ceasing never Over us all ♪ 591 00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:01,304 You're kidding, right? 592 00:28:01,388 --> 00:28:02,972 No. No. 593 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:04,349 A couple of days ago, 594 00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:07,060 I let my guard down and they ambushed me. 595 00:28:07,143 --> 00:28:10,313 They sang three whole songs before I could break free. 596 00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:12,565 ♪ Star with royal Beauty bright ♪ 597 00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:15,276 -Oh! They're here. -But they're so cute. 598 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:16,778 Look at their costumes. 599 00:28:16,861 --> 00:28:18,780 Don't encourage them. 600 00:28:18,863 --> 00:28:20,490 [knocking at door] 601 00:28:20,573 --> 00:28:22,409 You know, I grew up caroling. 602 00:28:23,743 --> 00:28:25,662 [whispers] How could you? 603 00:28:25,745 --> 00:28:27,122 [whispers] I didn't know. 604 00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:29,249 But we can't just leave them out there like this. 605 00:28:29,332 --> 00:28:30,542 Oh, yes, we can! 606 00:28:30,625 --> 00:28:32,127 [yelps, grunts] 607 00:28:33,253 --> 00:28:34,546 Hey! 608 00:28:34,629 --> 00:28:36,297 The jig is up. I'll draw them off. Now, go. 609 00:28:36,381 --> 00:28:37,298 Mom, no! 610 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,842 Save yourselves! Go! 611 00:28:38,925 --> 00:28:41,428 -Mom! -Save the children! 612 00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,765 -This is so crazy! -Come on, out! 613 00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:47,225 [breathes heavily] 614 00:28:47,308 --> 00:28:51,980 -[William] There's one over here! -Hello! 615 00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:55,984 ♪ We three kings Of orient are bearing gifts We traverse afar ♪ 616 00:28:56,067 --> 00:28:58,361 ♪ Field and fountain Moor and mountain ♪ 617 00:28:58,445 --> 00:29:00,864 Dad! There's something wrong with this axe. 618 00:29:00,947 --> 00:29:02,824 [whispers] Come on, come on. 619 00:29:02,907 --> 00:29:04,284 We should have got the chainsaw. 620 00:29:04,367 --> 00:29:06,202 We're going to get a Christmas tree, now! 621 00:29:06,286 --> 00:29:08,872 -[both excitedly] Really? -[shushing, whispering] Come on, come on. 622 00:29:08,955 --> 00:29:12,459 -♪ To reign, O... ♪ -[engine starts] 623 00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:15,211 [Olivia] They're getting away! 624 00:29:16,754 --> 00:29:18,548 I'm sorry. It was lovely! 625 00:29:20,467 --> 00:29:23,470 Merry Christmas, you... you... 626 00:29:23,553 --> 00:29:25,972 -turds! -[gasps] Terrence! 627 00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:32,020 [Ralphie] What do you think, huh? [Sandy] It's okay. 628 00:29:32,103 --> 00:29:34,105 -As long as you're... [gasps] -Look at that one. 629 00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:36,357 -Christmas trees. -[Ralphie] Pretty good. 630 00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:37,484 -[Mark] Yeah. -Okay. 631 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:38,860 -Hello. -Hello. 632 00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:40,069 [Mark] I like that tree. [Julie] I like that one. 633 00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:41,696 Hello. Can I help you, sir? 634 00:29:41,779 --> 00:29:43,364 Uh, just looking for a tree. 635 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:47,368 Uh, tall, short, skinny, fat? 636 00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:49,078 I'll know when I see it. 637 00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:53,500 -Well, just let me know if I-- -If I see it. 638 00:29:53,583 --> 00:29:55,210 Pretty slim pickings here, huh? 639 00:29:55,293 --> 00:29:57,378 What do you mean, Dad? There's plenty of trees. 640 00:29:57,962 --> 00:29:59,464 No, Mark. 641 00:29:59,547 --> 00:30:00,798 -Yeah, they're all so beautiful. -Come here. [shushes] 642 00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:01,841 Come here, come here. 643 00:30:01,925 --> 00:30:03,343 -Now listen. -What? 644 00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:05,303 Now, one of the many things my old man taught me 645 00:30:05,386 --> 00:30:08,223 was you have to bargain with these people or they'll rob you blind. 646 00:30:08,306 --> 00:30:11,392 -[Mark] Mm-hm. -You see, it's a battle of wits. Right? 647 00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:12,977 Can't let 'em know what you're thinking. 648 00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:14,729 But you gotta get in their head. 649 00:30:14,812 --> 00:30:17,524 Now, we open with a low bid. 650 00:30:17,607 --> 00:30:18,733 Okay? 651 00:30:18,816 --> 00:30:21,277 Real insult, right across their bow. 652 00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:24,489 And if you're willing to walk away, they'll come around. 653 00:30:24,572 --> 00:30:25,865 Hm. 654 00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:27,784 They always do. [chuckles] 655 00:30:28,910 --> 00:30:30,119 -You got it? -Hm. 656 00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:31,371 -Okay. Follow my lead. -[Mark] Yeah. 657 00:30:31,454 --> 00:30:32,747 Let's go! 658 00:30:32,830 --> 00:30:34,999 -Okay. -[Mark] Let's go. [chuckles] 659 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,379 [Ralphie sighs] 660 00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:48,179 Find anything you like? 661 00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:52,433 [stutters] I mean, I suppose I could, maybe... 662 00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:55,019 with this meager inventory you have, 663 00:30:55,103 --> 00:30:58,439 I could give you three... 664 00:30:58,523 --> 00:31:00,233 maybe... 665 00:31:00,316 --> 00:31:02,610 four bucks tops... 666 00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:03,778 for that one. 667 00:31:06,406 --> 00:31:08,449 But, Ralph, isn't that-- 668 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,577 [Ralphie] Not now, woman! I'm about to judo flip this bozo into the gutter! 669 00:31:10,660 --> 00:31:12,036 Sold. 670 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:13,454 Thank you so much. 671 00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,707 I'll go get the twine. [chuckles] 672 00:31:15,790 --> 00:31:18,001 Yeah, you bet you will. [chuckles] 673 00:31:18,084 --> 00:31:19,627 Look at that, huh? 674 00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:22,255 [tree lot guy] Hey, Chuck, I got rid of the monster tree! 675 00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:23,923 -Bye! -[tree lot guy chuckles] 676 00:31:24,007 --> 00:31:26,467 [Sandy] Ralph, are you sure it's gonna fit in the house? 677 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:28,344 [Ralphie] Oh, you bet. 678 00:31:28,428 --> 00:31:29,596 [Ralphie grunts] 679 00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:31,973 [Ralphie] My family was enthralled. 680 00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:35,393 Awed by the spectacle I raised before them. 681 00:31:36,352 --> 00:31:38,271 Isn't it great? 682 00:31:38,354 --> 00:31:41,691 We probably should've trimmed the tree before we brought it inside. 683 00:31:41,774 --> 00:31:43,526 No, that's just a saying. 684 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,236 Nobody trims trees. 685 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:46,904 Besides, it's perfect. 686 00:31:46,988 --> 00:31:49,532 [grunts, sighs] 687 00:31:49,616 --> 00:31:52,869 Yeah. Kinda looks like it's going through puberty. 688 00:31:52,952 --> 00:31:55,038 No wonder they gave it to us for four bucks. 689 00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:59,792 No, it's a wonder how I actually negotiated the deal of a lifetime. 690 00:32:01,919 --> 00:32:03,630 Oh! [chuckles] 691 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:06,591 [laughs] 692 00:32:06,674 --> 00:32:09,052 -Let's get to work. Come on! -[music playing over radio] 693 00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:11,179 -Okay! -Come on! Let's go! 694 00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:12,305 Decoration time! 695 00:32:12,388 --> 00:32:14,682 A beautiful little angel. 696 00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:16,643 -[radio powers off] -[Sandy] Radio. 697 00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:18,019 Radio. Okay. 698 00:32:18,102 --> 00:32:20,688 Um, what about this one? Nothing important? 699 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:22,023 -No. -[Ralphie] All right. 700 00:32:22,106 --> 00:32:24,442 Three, two, one... 701 00:32:24,525 --> 00:32:26,152 -[music resumes] -Hey! 702 00:32:26,235 --> 00:32:28,029 [all cheering] 703 00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:29,697 I don't think we should have so much red. 704 00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:34,869 I like that. Ooh. 705 00:32:34,952 --> 00:32:36,746 -Cheers! -Cheers! 706 00:32:36,829 --> 00:32:37,872 [exclaims] 707 00:32:39,415 --> 00:32:41,376 Cheers. You, too, yeah. 708 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:43,878 [Ralphie] Now, one of the best reasons to have children 709 00:32:43,961 --> 00:32:48,174 is to make them do the things you don't wanna do as an adult. 710 00:32:48,257 --> 00:32:49,509 This a good place? 711 00:32:49,592 --> 00:32:50,718 -Higher than that. -[Ralphie] Go, go, go. 712 00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:51,719 -Here? -[Sandy] Your hand. 713 00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:52,929 -Yeah. Now up. -Now in. 714 00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:53,971 -Here? -Both. 715 00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:55,473 In and up. 716 00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:57,016 -Go in and up. -Why didn't you just point there? 717 00:32:57,100 --> 00:32:58,851 -[Ralphie] Looks good. -Yeah. 718 00:32:58,935 --> 00:33:01,896 -Keep it up, guys. -How come you're not helping? 719 00:33:01,979 --> 00:33:04,065 -We're having fun watching you. -Yeah. 720 00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:07,485 When it's just us, it kind of feels like child labor. 721 00:33:07,568 --> 00:33:08,903 [laughs] 722 00:33:08,986 --> 00:33:11,072 Oh, no, honey, it's not labor if we don't pay you. 723 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:13,408 -Yeah. -[both groan] 724 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:15,660 -Cheers. -Cheers. 725 00:33:15,743 --> 00:33:17,954 You're hanging too many on the bottom. 726 00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:21,249 -Well, I can't reach that height! -Use the ladder. 727 00:33:21,332 --> 00:33:22,709 [chuckles] 728 00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:23,876 [Sandy] Careful, honey. 729 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:25,128 Yeah, Mark, hold the ladder. 730 00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:27,088 I am! 731 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:28,756 [Ralphie] Yeah, you're doing good, honey. 732 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,508 -Just get up a little higher. -It looks really good. 733 00:33:30,591 --> 00:33:31,676 What next? 734 00:33:31,759 --> 00:33:33,094 We have the whole side over here, 735 00:33:33,177 --> 00:33:34,470 -the one that faces the window. -Mm-hm. 736 00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:35,888 [sighs] 737 00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:38,099 Grandma! Are you sleeping? 738 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:40,143 No, just resting my eyes. 739 00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:45,356 It was more fun with all of us. 740 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,693 Yeah. Grandpa always helped us finish the tree. 741 00:33:48,776 --> 00:33:50,486 -You know what? You're right. -Yep. 742 00:33:50,570 --> 00:33:52,947 -All right. Here we come. Come on. -Okay. 743 00:33:53,030 --> 00:33:56,159 -[Ralphie] The tree topper! -It's not an angel. 744 00:33:56,242 --> 00:33:57,952 We always have an angel. 745 00:33:58,035 --> 00:34:00,705 [Ralphie] Uh-oh. Better think fast. 746 00:34:00,788 --> 00:34:02,290 Not here in Hohman. 747 00:34:03,666 --> 00:34:04,959 Uh-oh! 748 00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:06,419 Here. Honey, hold this, will you? 749 00:34:06,502 --> 00:34:08,212 Kids, come over here by Grandma. Come on. 750 00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:09,964 [Ralphie] To hook this little guppy, 751 00:34:10,047 --> 00:34:13,760 I'd need just the right combo of mystique and legend. 752 00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:16,971 Here in Hohman, it's star country. 753 00:34:17,054 --> 00:34:19,891 If you don't have a star, you can forget about it. 754 00:34:19,974 --> 00:34:22,310 Santa won't even stop by your house. 755 00:34:22,393 --> 00:34:23,728 Wait. Huh? 756 00:34:23,811 --> 00:34:25,396 [whispering] I'm improvising. 757 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,440 Building new traditions. 758 00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:29,942 -It's good. -Okay. 759 00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:31,360 No doubt about it. 760 00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:34,197 Around these parts... 761 00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,908 no star, no Christmas. 762 00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:40,870 -[Ralphie] Come on, take the bait. -Mm. 763 00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:42,663 That's it. 764 00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:43,915 Okay. 765 00:34:43,998 --> 00:34:45,500 Hook, line and sinker. 766 00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:48,085 [all cheering] 767 00:34:51,714 --> 00:34:54,383 -[Sandy] Ralph, we're leaving in 15. -Okay. 768 00:34:56,385 --> 00:34:59,388 -[Sandy] How's it going up here? -Oh. Couldn't be better. 769 00:35:03,768 --> 00:35:04,977 Look at this. 770 00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:07,105 These obituaries are so impersonal. 771 00:35:07,188 --> 00:35:10,233 Well, make it un-impersonal. 772 00:35:10,316 --> 00:35:13,694 This will be the last time most folks ever give him a thought. 773 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:14,862 It's a lot of pressure. 774 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:15,947 Yeah. 775 00:35:17,990 --> 00:35:20,284 If anyone can do it, it's you. 776 00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:23,204 -I gotta finish getting ready. -All right. I'll be down in a few. 777 00:35:23,287 --> 00:35:24,372 Okay. 778 00:35:24,455 --> 00:35:25,748 [sighs] 779 00:35:34,340 --> 00:35:36,342 [typewriter clacking] 780 00:35:39,136 --> 00:35:41,430 [Ralphie] The human animal has an incredible knack 781 00:35:41,514 --> 00:35:44,308 for avoiding its greatest responsibilities 782 00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:46,435 when any easier pursuit... 783 00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:49,981 is nearby. 784 00:35:50,064 --> 00:35:52,233 -[phone ringing] -Don't answer it! 785 00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,861 Expecting a big call from my manager. 786 00:35:56,779 --> 00:35:58,030 [clears throat] 787 00:36:00,658 --> 00:36:02,827 Good afternoon. Mr. Ralph Parker speaking. 788 00:36:02,910 --> 00:36:04,912 [man] Good afternoon to you, Mr. Parker. 789 00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:09,333 I do hope that we have not caught you at an inconvenient time. 790 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:10,167 No. 791 00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:12,253 Your Excellency. 792 00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:13,880 Randy. 793 00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:15,214 Yeah. 794 00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:17,091 Well, who were you expecting, President Nixon? 795 00:36:17,174 --> 00:36:20,052 [Ralphie] To everyone's amazement, my kid brother, Randy, 796 00:36:20,136 --> 00:36:22,054 had done quite well for himself, 797 00:36:22,138 --> 00:36:25,099 traveling the globe for business, a regular Rockefeller. 798 00:36:25,182 --> 00:36:27,310 [Randy] So I'm calling to see how Mom's holding up. 799 00:36:27,393 --> 00:36:29,270 Yeah, she said you're on your way. 800 00:36:29,353 --> 00:36:32,899 [sighs] Look, Ralph, it's... 801 00:36:32,982 --> 00:36:36,903 it's not that easy getting from India to Indiana. 802 00:36:36,986 --> 00:36:38,779 But you're working on it, right? 803 00:36:38,863 --> 00:36:40,364 Yeah. I'm at the airport. 804 00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:42,575 Just waiting for my plane to show up. 805 00:36:42,658 --> 00:36:46,329 [Ralphie] And true to form, Randy was burying his head in the sand. 806 00:36:46,412 --> 00:36:47,788 So how's Mom? 807 00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:49,582 Now, the unspoken rule amongst siblings 808 00:36:49,665 --> 00:36:52,501 is that under certain extraordinary circumstances, 809 00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:57,298 a hit below the belt is not only fair but necessary. 810 00:36:57,381 --> 00:37:00,551 I think she is getting her strength back. 811 00:37:00,635 --> 00:37:01,844 What does that mean? 812 00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:04,722 She finally ate something. Thank God. 813 00:37:05,848 --> 00:37:07,224 Half a cracker. 814 00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:08,309 A cracker? 815 00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:10,228 Wait, that's it? A cracker? 816 00:37:10,311 --> 00:37:12,104 Yeah, she's still in bed. 817 00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:13,773 -[whispers] Hi, Mom. -[mouthing] Hi. 818 00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:16,192 But she did speak today. 819 00:37:16,275 --> 00:37:17,818 [chortles] 820 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:19,028 What'd she say? 821 00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:20,947 A... 822 00:37:21,656 --> 00:37:23,115 It was one word. 823 00:37:24,158 --> 00:37:25,076 She said... 824 00:37:26,118 --> 00:37:27,328 "Randy." 825 00:37:27,411 --> 00:37:28,663 Oh. 826 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:30,498 But we all know how busy you are 827 00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:31,666 -and how hard you're trying to get here. -No, wait! 828 00:37:31,749 --> 00:37:33,167 Ralphie, Ralphie! Wait, no! 829 00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:34,335 -Ralphie, don't go. -Oh. I think she's up. 830 00:37:34,418 --> 00:37:35,169 Ralphie, don't go, don't go. 831 00:37:35,252 --> 00:37:37,213 Okay, gotta go. 832 00:37:37,296 --> 00:37:38,839 -Don't hang up on me now, Ralphie. Ralphie-- -Good luck, Randy. Bye. 833 00:37:38,923 --> 00:37:40,049 [laughs] 834 00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:53,521 [Ralphie] There are hobbyists, dabblers, and dilettantes. 835 00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,523 -But they all take a backseat... -Blade covers. 836 00:37:55,606 --> 00:37:58,275 -...to the most annoying amateur of all... -Pom-poms. 837 00:37:58,359 --> 00:38:00,778 the aficionado. 838 00:38:00,861 --> 00:38:03,155 She packed her own skates? 839 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:04,532 -Always. -Oh. 840 00:38:04,615 --> 00:38:06,492 You look like a princess. 841 00:38:06,575 --> 00:38:10,329 [Ralphie] My wife was a self-avowed figure skating devotee. 842 00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:12,081 Okay. Let's go. 843 00:38:12,164 --> 00:38:13,499 Let's go. 844 00:38:13,582 --> 00:38:15,126 -Have fun, Ralphie. -Bye, Mom. 845 00:38:15,209 --> 00:38:17,878 [Ralphie] Her keen ability to recall every skater, 846 00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:20,715 move, and point value was matched only by... 847 00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:22,174 [yelps] 848 00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:25,428 ...her complete lack of athletic ability. 849 00:38:27,013 --> 00:38:30,349 You know, I really am good once I get on the ice. 850 00:38:30,433 --> 00:38:34,228 Well, you have such sturdy ankles. I'm surprised they gave out. 851 00:38:34,311 --> 00:38:35,646 [footsteps approaching] 852 00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:37,273 [breathing deeply] Ah. Ah. 853 00:38:37,356 --> 00:38:39,734 Hey, look. Found these in the attic. 854 00:38:39,817 --> 00:38:40,901 Pretty fun. 855 00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:42,278 -[laughs] -Thank you. 856 00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:44,655 All right. I'll leave these with you, honey. 857 00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:47,491 -Like, I can do tricks and stuff. -Uh-huh. 858 00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,744 [horn tooting] 859 00:38:51,912 --> 00:38:53,789 [bully screams] 860 00:38:53,873 --> 00:38:55,916 [Ralphie] Most bullies enjoy a little time off for the holidays, 861 00:38:56,000 --> 00:39:00,046 but for devoted lifers like these, the hunt never ends. 862 00:39:00,129 --> 00:39:01,839 I can even do an arabesque. 863 00:39:01,922 --> 00:39:04,717 Is that what you did off the front porch? 864 00:39:05,426 --> 00:39:06,927 Uh... 865 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:09,263 [Ralphie] Like unaware prey on the Serengeti, 866 00:39:09,346 --> 00:39:13,768 Julie, Mark, and Delbert were distracted by the Bumpus' junkyard jungle. 867 00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:16,270 -Slow down! I get car sick. -What? 868 00:39:16,353 --> 00:39:18,773 -[horn tooting] -[Ralphie] What happened next was inevitable. 869 00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:19,940 Mark, they're back! 870 00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:21,275 Go to the backyard. 871 00:39:21,358 --> 00:39:22,693 Whoa. Here they are. 872 00:39:23,819 --> 00:39:25,237 -[Mark grunts] -[bully laughs] 873 00:39:25,321 --> 00:39:27,239 -You better run! -[Julie] Come on, Mark. 874 00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:28,783 -Hurry! -[Delbert] See you later. 875 00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:31,118 -[bully] Aw... He's stuck. -[grunts] 876 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:33,537 -Hey, kids, do you wanna play some-- -[bully laughs] 877 00:39:33,621 --> 00:39:35,247 [Mark] Stop. 878 00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:36,916 [Ralphie] Barbarians! 879 00:39:36,999 --> 00:39:38,751 Oh, not on my watch. 880 00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:40,419 -Let him go! -Say it and we'll let you go. 881 00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:41,962 -[screams] -[laughs] 882 00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:43,589 -Just say it. Mercy. -No! 883 00:39:43,672 --> 00:39:44,799 -Just say it. -Say it. 884 00:39:44,882 --> 00:39:46,717 Okay, mercy! 885 00:39:46,801 --> 00:39:48,010 Hey! That's enough! 886 00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,970 -It's his dad. We gotta bail. -[grunts] 887 00:39:50,054 --> 00:39:51,180 Go, go, go! 888 00:39:51,263 --> 00:39:53,808 Babies need their daddy to save them. 889 00:39:53,891 --> 00:39:55,017 See you next time! 890 00:39:55,101 --> 00:39:56,852 -Mark, you're okay? -Leave me alone. 891 00:39:57,686 --> 00:39:59,313 [Julie cries] 892 00:39:59,396 --> 00:40:01,065 -Mom. -Oh... 893 00:40:01,148 --> 00:40:03,275 Oh, you're okay. Oh, here we go. 894 00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:04,819 -Come on. -Now you done it. 895 00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:06,403 It's open season on us. 896 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:08,405 Dumbass. 897 00:40:10,366 --> 00:40:12,535 Watch your mouth. 898 00:40:12,618 --> 00:40:15,037 [Ralphie] Was he right? Was there untold wisdom lurking behind Delbert's dead eyes? 899 00:40:15,121 --> 00:40:18,332 By protecting them, was I making things worse? 900 00:40:20,626 --> 00:40:22,294 Pa, they're back! 901 00:40:22,378 --> 00:40:24,004 [Sandy gasps] 902 00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:25,673 Oh, Lordy be! 903 00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:27,591 -Not Black Bart and his gang. -[Mark gasps] 904 00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:31,095 [Julie] Your old nemesis. What we gonna do? 905 00:40:33,889 --> 00:40:35,099 We gonna fight. 906 00:40:44,650 --> 00:40:46,569 We meet again. 907 00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:50,447 Ralphie. 908 00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:56,453 Follow my lead. 909 00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:00,374 [grunting] 910 00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:04,879 [grunts] 911 00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:06,172 Fire! 912 00:41:07,965 --> 00:41:09,842 [grunting] 913 00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:12,344 [Julie] Get out of my way! 914 00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:14,930 Fight back. What are you doing? 915 00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:16,348 [laughs] 916 00:41:16,432 --> 00:41:18,225 They're useless. 917 00:41:18,309 --> 00:41:19,727 Not Mark! 918 00:41:23,647 --> 00:41:25,566 [Mark] Pa! Save me! 919 00:41:25,649 --> 00:41:27,860 -[distorted groan] -[gasps] 920 00:41:27,943 --> 00:41:29,153 [distorted] No! 921 00:41:29,236 --> 00:41:30,905 [pained grunts] 922 00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:33,699 [Julie] Oh, no! Pa! 923 00:41:33,782 --> 00:41:36,368 We'll be back, Ralphie. 924 00:41:36,452 --> 00:41:39,830 And you won't be around to save 'em. 925 00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:41,749 [laughs] 926 00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:43,918 Let's ride! 927 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:45,711 -[horse neighs] -[laughs] 928 00:41:45,794 --> 00:41:48,464 -[Ralphie gasps] -[crying] 929 00:41:49,632 --> 00:41:50,925 [Sandy] Oh, Ralph. 930 00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:53,093 [Mark] Who's going to fight for us now, Pa? 931 00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:56,388 [Julie] We're as good as coyote food. 932 00:41:56,472 --> 00:41:58,432 [all crying] 933 00:41:58,515 --> 00:42:01,977 [Ralphie] Every parent learns you can't protect your kids forever. 934 00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:05,189 Eventually, they have to do it for themselves. 935 00:42:07,608 --> 00:42:10,486 I needed to get Christmas back on the rails. 936 00:42:10,569 --> 00:42:15,658 And no better place than the biggest and brightest distraction in all of Hohman. 937 00:42:16,533 --> 00:42:17,952 [indistinct chatter] 938 00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:19,995 -Look at that. It's the Higbee's window. -Wow. 939 00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:22,581 -You guys wanna go see it? Go, go, go. -Yeah. 940 00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:24,625 [Sandy] Wow! [Ralphie] It's pretty good, right? 941 00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,377 [Sandy] It's just like you described it. 942 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:31,131 [toy train toots] 943 00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:33,550 [Ralphie] Magically withstanding the test of time... 944 00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:36,762 the window at Higbee's did not disappoint. 945 00:42:40,307 --> 00:42:43,560 Casting its spell on young and old alike. 946 00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:52,278 Slowly, I could feel the Christmas ember beginning to glow again. 947 00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:55,781 Time to turn it up to a full-blown crackle. 948 00:42:55,864 --> 00:42:57,616 Who wants to go see Santa? 949 00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:58,742 [gasps] 950 00:42:58,826 --> 00:42:59,994 -He's inside right now. -Oh, yes! 951 00:43:00,077 --> 00:43:02,288 -Oh, yes. -Come on, let's go. 952 00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:07,751 [Santa] Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! 953 00:43:13,507 --> 00:43:15,301 This is amazing! 954 00:43:15,384 --> 00:43:17,177 Incredible! 955 00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:18,846 [Ralphie laughs] It was. 956 00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:22,266 Thank God. It really was. 957 00:43:22,349 --> 00:43:24,184 Okay. Go get in line for Santa. 958 00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:26,854 -And we will meet you right here when you're done. -Okay, Mom. 959 00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:28,814 -Bye. Love you. -All right. Bye. Love you. [laughs] 960 00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:30,941 [Ralphie] Seeing Christmas through your children's eyes 961 00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:34,445 has the power to summon long-forgotten memories and emotions. 962 00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:36,196 Don't let him kick you in the face. 963 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,698 -Huh? -Oh, it's okay. 964 00:43:37,781 --> 00:43:39,700 Uh, all right. What do we got? 965 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:41,785 Okay, all right. I have got the Christmas budget and here's the list. 966 00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:43,203 -Oh, well. You kids have fun. -All right. 967 00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:44,621 I'm going to the lounge. 968 00:43:44,705 --> 00:43:46,123 -Bye, Ma. -Bye. 969 00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:48,083 Okay. Flexible Flyer F-23. 970 00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:50,711 -Hungry Hungry Hippos, Easy-Bake Oven. -Mm-hm. Yeah. It's all there. 971 00:43:50,794 --> 00:43:51,879 -All right. Ready? -Yeah. 972 00:43:51,962 --> 00:43:53,297 -Let's go! -Let's go! 973 00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:56,508 -[grunts] -[pained grunts] 974 00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:58,719 -Here you go, sir. Sorry about that. -Are you okay? 975 00:43:58,802 --> 00:44:00,387 -I'm so sorry. -Everybody's okay. 976 00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:01,930 -Here we go. Let's get you off your feet. -Okay. 977 00:44:02,014 --> 00:44:03,724 -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. -Merry Christmas, buddy. 978 00:44:03,807 --> 00:44:05,392 Thank you. 979 00:44:05,476 --> 00:44:07,144 -Oh, there she is. -Hi, Ma. 980 00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:08,604 -Hi! -[Ralphie] We had a little accident. 981 00:44:08,687 --> 00:44:09,938 -Sit down. -[Ralphie] Okay. 982 00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:11,440 -Here we go. -[Sandy] Thank you. 983 00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:12,941 [Mrs. Parker] There. [Sandy] Oh, God. Okay. 984 00:44:13,025 --> 00:44:14,902 -I got it. I got it. Okay. -[Sandy exclaims] 985 00:44:14,985 --> 00:44:16,612 -All right, I'm gonna go. I got this. -Are you sure you're okay? 986 00:44:16,695 --> 00:44:18,489 -No problem. I can do it. I got it. -Okay. Good luck. 987 00:44:19,281 --> 00:44:20,074 Ooh. 988 00:44:20,157 --> 00:44:21,575 -Want one? -Yeah. 989 00:44:24,787 --> 00:44:26,538 ♪ We wish you A merry Christmas ♪ 990 00:44:26,622 --> 00:44:28,290 ♪ We wish you A merry Christmas ♪ 991 00:44:28,374 --> 00:44:30,125 ♪ We wish you A merry Christmas ♪ 992 00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:32,002 ♪ And a happy new year ♪ 993 00:44:32,878 --> 00:44:34,505 [Santa] Ho, ho, ho! 994 00:44:34,588 --> 00:44:35,631 Want some? 995 00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:37,508 [both] No. 996 00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:39,510 Okay. 997 00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,846 [panting] 998 00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:44,515 I like this kind of Christmas shopping. 999 00:44:44,598 --> 00:44:46,767 Oh, it's very civilized. 1000 00:44:46,850 --> 00:44:48,602 [cashier] Merry Christmas... 1001 00:44:48,685 --> 00:44:49,853 All right. I got the puzzle. 1002 00:44:49,937 --> 00:44:51,438 -And all the little stuff. -Okay. 1003 00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:52,981 -Ooh. Good work, good work. -Pretty good start. 1004 00:44:53,065 --> 00:44:54,525 -Where are the kids? -About halfway through. 1005 00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:56,193 -Okay. All right. Go, go, go. -All right. Okay. 1006 00:44:56,276 --> 00:44:58,570 My husband's doing all the Christmas shopping. 1007 00:44:58,654 --> 00:45:00,823 She had a skating accident. 1008 00:45:12,501 --> 00:45:14,086 Are you sure you don't want some? 1009 00:45:14,711 --> 00:45:15,879 [both] Yeah. 1010 00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:17,005 Okay. 1011 00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:21,009 [woman] I never-- 1012 00:45:23,429 --> 00:45:25,389 [laughs] 1013 00:45:25,472 --> 00:45:28,058 -Ah! Merry Christmas! -[screams] 1014 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:30,936 We got a wild one. 1015 00:45:31,019 --> 00:45:32,187 Get her up. 1016 00:45:32,271 --> 00:45:33,564 Last chance. 1017 00:45:33,647 --> 00:45:35,149 We're good. 1018 00:45:35,232 --> 00:45:36,442 Okay. 1019 00:45:40,904 --> 00:45:42,114 [Santa] Ho, ho, ho. 1020 00:45:42,197 --> 00:45:43,657 Merry Christmas. 1021 00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:45,075 -Who's next? -All right. You're next. Come on up. 1022 00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:47,369 -Come on. -Let's go. Are you? Let's go. 1023 00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:49,204 Let's go. Come on! 1024 00:45:49,288 --> 00:45:51,457 Don't you dare! Ah! 1025 00:45:51,540 --> 00:45:52,458 Oh, Lord. 1026 00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:53,500 [male elf] Jeez! Get the mop. 1027 00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:55,335 Go get the mop. Come on. 1028 00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:56,503 -You gotta put it in a letter this year. -Get out of here, kid. 1029 00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,087 Come back tomorrow. 1030 00:45:57,171 --> 00:45:58,505 [laughs] 1031 00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,132 I really shouldn't drink this much on an empty stomach. 1032 00:46:00,215 --> 00:46:02,593 -I have a candy cane in my purse. -Mm. 1033 00:46:02,676 --> 00:46:04,845 [Ralphie] Oh, come on, come on, lady, please 1034 00:46:06,054 --> 00:46:07,181 [sighs] 1035 00:46:14,104 --> 00:46:15,189 [grunts] 1036 00:46:17,566 --> 00:46:18,775 [grunts] 1037 00:46:24,781 --> 00:46:26,783 [male elf] Merry Christmas! 1038 00:46:26,867 --> 00:46:29,161 So you're the real Santa Claus? 1039 00:46:29,244 --> 00:46:30,996 [male elf] Oh, here we go again. 1040 00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:33,040 Why, yes, I am. 1041 00:46:33,123 --> 00:46:35,125 -Reindeer. How many? -Eight. 1042 00:46:35,209 --> 00:46:37,920 -Naughty kids. What do they get? -Coal. 1043 00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:39,379 Your legal name? 1044 00:46:39,463 --> 00:46:40,714 Kristopher Kringle. 1045 00:46:40,797 --> 00:46:44,259 North Pole. Longitude and latitude? 1046 00:46:44,343 --> 00:46:47,888 90 North by 135 West. 1047 00:46:47,971 --> 00:46:50,807 You're good. Very good. 1048 00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:52,100 Yes, I am. 1049 00:46:52,184 --> 00:46:55,270 Tree-toppers. Star or angel? 1050 00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:03,320 [Ralphie] Come on, Kringle, don't screw this up. 1051 00:47:03,403 --> 00:47:05,572 -Star! -[Ralphie laughs] That's my guy! 1052 00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:08,408 -[gasps] You really are Santa. -Yes, I am! 1053 00:47:08,492 --> 00:47:10,202 Okay. I want... 1054 00:47:10,285 --> 00:47:12,287 -[whispers] -Huh. 1055 00:47:13,497 --> 00:47:15,123 Well, the cat, I can do. 1056 00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:17,584 The other thing, you're on your own. 1057 00:47:18,168 --> 00:47:19,169 Deal. 1058 00:47:20,504 --> 00:47:23,924 All right. Here we go. Merry Christmas! Hey! 1059 00:47:25,008 --> 00:47:26,969 Hey, Santa. What other thing? 1060 00:47:27,052 --> 00:47:28,971 The kid asked for a radiator... 1061 00:47:29,888 --> 00:47:31,765 for a '66 Plymouth. 1062 00:47:33,517 --> 00:47:34,768 [pants] 1063 00:47:34,851 --> 00:47:36,520 -[woman 1] Oh, let go! -[woman 2 screams] 1064 00:47:36,603 --> 00:47:39,231 -[laughing] -[gasps] 1065 00:47:39,314 --> 00:47:40,566 Did you do it? 1066 00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,403 [cheering] 1067 00:47:46,029 --> 00:47:48,156 You didn't think he could do it. 1068 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:49,741 [laughing] 1069 00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:51,285 ♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells ♪ 1070 00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:53,620 ♪ Robin laid an egg ♪ 1071 00:47:53,704 --> 00:47:56,081 ♪ The Batmobile Lost its wheel ♪ 1072 00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,208 ♪ And the Joker got away ♪ 1073 00:47:58,292 --> 00:48:00,377 [all blowing raspberry, laughing] 1074 00:48:00,460 --> 00:48:02,170 [Sandy] You got my mouth. 1075 00:48:02,254 --> 00:48:04,298 Oh, damn radiator! 1076 00:48:04,381 --> 00:48:06,633 -[all] Ah... -[Sandy] Are you kidding me? 1077 00:48:06,717 --> 00:48:09,428 [Julie] Again? [Mrs. Parker] Poor Ralphie. 1078 00:48:09,511 --> 00:48:10,345 [sighs] 1079 00:48:10,429 --> 00:48:11,513 -Egg. -Yeah. 1080 00:48:13,849 --> 00:48:16,184 -We're out. -Ah, you gotta be kidding. 1081 00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:18,645 All right. Well, get comfortable. It's gonna be a while. 1082 00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,480 Gotta let it cool on its own. 1083 00:48:20,564 --> 00:48:22,024 [Julie] Oh, man! 1084 00:48:23,025 --> 00:48:24,610 Mom, can we play in the snow? 1085 00:48:24,693 --> 00:48:26,111 Yeah. Why not? 1086 00:48:26,903 --> 00:48:28,739 Bring your gloves. 1087 00:48:28,822 --> 00:48:31,408 [Ralphie imitating Mrs. Parker] "No, honey, get the Plymouth." 1088 00:48:31,491 --> 00:48:32,534 Stinkin'... 1089 00:48:33,201 --> 00:48:34,995 [grunts, laughs] 1090 00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:37,414 [Ralphie] No, no, no. That's not how you do it. 1091 00:48:37,497 --> 00:48:40,167 You gotta pack it tighter if you want it to go further. 1092 00:48:40,250 --> 00:48:42,044 Here, let me show you. 1093 00:48:42,127 --> 00:48:43,670 You gotta pack it up. 1094 00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,173 Come on, you guys have made snowballs before. Here. 1095 00:48:46,256 --> 00:48:48,342 If you want it to go far, you gotta pack it. Pack it. 1096 00:48:48,425 --> 00:48:51,261 Push it. See, the tighter you pack it, the further it will go. 1097 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,847 Like this. Then it goes... 1098 00:48:53,930 --> 00:48:56,683 Like that, all right? Good luck. 1099 00:48:57,434 --> 00:48:58,727 Like that? 1100 00:48:58,810 --> 00:49:01,521 [all laughing] 1101 00:49:01,605 --> 00:49:03,106 [Ralphie] The question is... 1102 00:49:04,316 --> 00:49:06,360 do you have enough ammo? 1103 00:49:06,443 --> 00:49:07,819 [all grunt] 1104 00:49:07,903 --> 00:49:09,029 What did I do? 1105 00:49:09,112 --> 00:49:10,739 -You're his accomplice. -[screams] 1106 00:49:10,822 --> 00:49:12,199 [Ralphie] Snowball fight! 1107 00:49:12,282 --> 00:49:14,117 [children scream] 1108 00:49:14,201 --> 00:49:15,619 You shouldn't have challenged me. 1109 00:49:15,702 --> 00:49:17,537 [grunting] 1110 00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:19,206 -[Julie screams] -Get him! Get him! 1111 00:49:19,289 --> 00:49:20,624 Get 'em, Ralphie! 1112 00:49:22,334 --> 00:49:23,210 Come on. 1113 00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:24,670 [grunting] 1114 00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:27,589 -[grunts] -[laughs] 1115 00:49:27,673 --> 00:49:30,300 -[laughs] I thought you were injured. -Mm. 1116 00:49:30,384 --> 00:49:33,220 -I'm feeling no pain. -Well, whose side are you on? 1117 00:49:33,303 --> 00:49:35,305 Uh... me and Mark. 1118 00:49:35,389 --> 00:49:38,058 -And you and Julie. -[grunts, laughs] 1119 00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:40,310 -Oh, you got it. -[screams] 1120 00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:42,062 -Come on, Mom! -Stop. Take cover. 1121 00:49:42,145 --> 00:49:43,563 Oh, God. Oh, God. 1122 00:49:43,647 --> 00:49:45,273 -Now! -[Mrs. Parker] Hey! 1123 00:49:45,357 --> 00:49:48,485 Wait for me. Oh! [grunts] 1124 00:49:48,568 --> 00:49:49,736 Back in the car, Ma! 1125 00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:51,571 Oh, yeah. 1126 00:49:51,655 --> 00:49:53,281 That's a good idea. 1127 00:49:53,990 --> 00:49:55,409 [laughing] 1128 00:49:58,578 --> 00:50:01,289 No, no, no. Head for cover! Run! 1129 00:50:01,373 --> 00:50:03,542 -I bet you can't hit me! -Want to bet? 1130 00:50:03,625 --> 00:50:05,419 -Yes, we can! -No, you can't! 1131 00:50:05,502 --> 00:50:07,462 [Ralphie] Oh, yeah? Watch this! 1132 00:50:07,546 --> 00:50:08,964 Get 'em, Dad! 1133 00:50:11,508 --> 00:50:14,052 [Ralphie] Oh, my God! I killed Julie! 1134 00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:20,350 -Dad, you ran three stop signs. -Thank you, Mark. 1135 00:50:21,143 --> 00:50:22,185 He is your dad. 1136 00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:23,770 Everyone out, please. 1137 00:50:23,854 --> 00:50:25,272 [Mrs. Parker] Ralphie. [Ralphie] Come here. I got her. 1138 00:50:25,355 --> 00:50:26,773 [Sandy] All right. [Ralphie] She's fine. 1139 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:27,941 -Come on, honey. -[Mrs. Parker] Are we home? 1140 00:50:28,024 --> 00:50:29,234 No, Mom. We're at the hospital. 1141 00:50:29,317 --> 00:50:30,610 Would you get in the hospital, please? 1142 00:50:30,694 --> 00:50:32,195 [Mark] Is she gonna lose her eyeball? 1143 00:50:32,279 --> 00:50:34,030 [Ralphie] She's not losing anything. Get inside. 1144 00:50:34,114 --> 00:50:36,408 [Mark] You let her have it. Pow! 1145 00:50:36,491 --> 00:50:37,909 [Ralphie] Yes, I was there. I saw. 1146 00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:39,453 [Sandy] You'll be okay, sweetheart. 1147 00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:41,038 [Ralphie] She's fine. 1148 00:50:41,121 --> 00:50:42,622 [snores] 1149 00:50:42,706 --> 00:50:44,416 [soft Christmas music playing on radio] 1150 00:50:46,168 --> 00:50:49,546 [grunts] 1151 00:50:58,221 --> 00:51:02,434 -Mark, it's not polite to stare. -Uh-huh. 1152 00:51:02,517 --> 00:51:05,729 [snores, grunts] 1153 00:51:06,980 --> 00:51:08,690 Oh. [chuckles] 1154 00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:10,817 Would you look at that? 1155 00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:14,571 I'm a Cyclops. 1156 00:51:14,654 --> 00:51:18,283 [Sandy] Oh... Hey. Oh, oh. [Mrs. Parker] Oh, honey. 1157 00:51:18,366 --> 00:51:20,327 Come on, let's get you home. 1158 00:51:20,410 --> 00:51:22,329 I'll put some Bactine on it. 1159 00:51:22,412 --> 00:51:23,872 I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 1160 00:51:23,955 --> 00:51:25,791 No, it's okay, honey. 1161 00:51:25,874 --> 00:51:27,501 Because the doctor said it's just gonna be a couple of days, tops. 1162 00:51:27,584 --> 00:51:28,919 Yeah. Better to be safe. 1163 00:51:29,002 --> 00:51:30,587 We don't want anything to get in that eye. 1164 00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:33,465 -Like a snowball? -[Ralphie grunts] 1165 00:51:33,548 --> 00:51:35,550 Okay. Let's get you home. Okay? 1166 00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:38,386 -We'll get you safe. -Um, Ralph... 1167 00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:45,060 [Mrs. Parker] Were we robbed? 1168 00:51:45,143 --> 00:51:47,354 [Ralphie] My mind grappled with the grim reality 1169 00:51:47,437 --> 00:51:51,191 that every dollar we had set aside for Christmas was spent! 1170 00:51:51,274 --> 00:51:54,152 And now, just three days before Christmas, 1171 00:51:54,236 --> 00:51:55,487 what do we have to show for it? 1172 00:51:55,570 --> 00:51:58,949 Nothing! Not one stinkin' thing! 1173 00:51:59,032 --> 00:52:00,325 The only upshot... 1174 00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,327 -That hurt? -No. 1175 00:52:02,410 --> 00:52:04,496 [Ralphie] Our kids had no idea. 1176 00:52:07,082 --> 00:52:08,708 Son of a bitch. 1177 00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:11,211 You got that right. 1178 00:52:11,294 --> 00:52:13,880 -[typewriter clacking] -[dog barking] 1179 00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:16,299 [Ralphie] Faced with an impossible situation, 1180 00:52:16,383 --> 00:52:21,388 I did what any good parent would do in a time like this. 1181 00:52:21,471 --> 00:52:25,016 Completely ignore the problem and hope it goes away on its own. 1182 00:52:27,269 --> 00:52:28,562 Hey, Reuben. It's Ralph Parker. 1183 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:30,146 I just wanted to call and let you know 1184 00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:32,482 that I'm close to completing my follow-up manuscript. 1185 00:52:32,566 --> 00:52:34,276 I can probably have it wrapped up in a few days. 1186 00:52:34,359 --> 00:52:36,319 So if you think it'll make a difference-- 1187 00:52:36,403 --> 00:52:37,654 [Reuben] Seeing as though we haven't heard back on the one. 1188 00:52:37,737 --> 00:52:39,489 -Nothing yet, huh? -Yeah. 1189 00:52:39,573 --> 00:52:41,658 Okay. Uh... 1190 00:52:41,741 --> 00:52:44,953 Do you know if they received the fruit basket I sent? 1191 00:52:50,083 --> 00:52:53,086 I know. I know. I'm getting to that. 1192 00:52:53,169 --> 00:52:55,338 Ralph, I know you'll write a great obituary. 1193 00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:58,800 But right now, we need to focus on Christmas. 1194 00:52:58,884 --> 00:53:01,094 Yeah, I know. I'd love nothing more. 1195 00:53:01,177 --> 00:53:05,515 But I'm just a little hung up on the monsters that stole presents from our children. 1196 00:53:05,599 --> 00:53:07,976 I had everything. I had everything. Every gift. 1197 00:53:08,059 --> 00:53:09,936 You were a sight to behold at Higbee's. 1198 00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:11,813 I was. I really was. 1199 00:53:11,897 --> 00:53:13,899 But then, you know, we get into a snowball fight, we're having fun, 1200 00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:15,984 and then Mark says, "Hey, I bet you can't hit me from here!" 1201 00:53:16,067 --> 00:53:17,986 -And then she just came out of nowhere. -Ralph... 1202 00:53:18,069 --> 00:53:20,113 -I mean, I didn't see her. She just sort of teleported. -Ralph. 1203 00:53:20,196 --> 00:53:23,450 Honey, everyone knows that you did not try to bean our daughter. 1204 00:53:23,533 --> 00:53:25,285 [sighing] Man. 1205 00:53:25,368 --> 00:53:26,494 This is, you know... 1206 00:53:26,578 --> 00:53:29,623 My dad made this all look so easy. 1207 00:53:29,706 --> 00:53:31,583 Yeah, that's what good parents do. 1208 00:53:31,666 --> 00:53:34,419 But that doesn't mean it was easy. 1209 00:53:34,502 --> 00:53:36,296 So, look, I put together all our cash 1210 00:53:36,379 --> 00:53:38,131 and what we have left of the Christmas fund 1211 00:53:38,214 --> 00:53:41,968 and we can still get the kids some presents. 1212 00:53:42,761 --> 00:53:44,930 How much do we have? 1213 00:53:45,013 --> 00:53:47,057 Including the change from the ashtray... 1214 00:53:48,558 --> 00:53:50,352 $21.17. 1215 00:53:50,435 --> 00:53:52,771 [Ralphie] Oh! It was worse than I thought. 1216 00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:54,898 Things had sunk to a new low, 1217 00:53:54,981 --> 00:53:59,402 forcing us to attempt the most delicate of parental maneuvers... 1218 00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:02,238 the lowering of expectations. 1219 00:54:02,322 --> 00:54:04,950 -[Julie] It's crazy. -Hey, kids. 1220 00:54:05,033 --> 00:54:08,828 So, this Christmas, we thought it might be really fun 1221 00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:11,331 to focus a little more on gratitude. 1222 00:54:11,414 --> 00:54:12,374 Yeah. 1223 00:54:12,457 --> 00:54:13,833 Wait, what's going on? 1224 00:54:13,917 --> 00:54:15,961 [Ralphie] That was fast. 1225 00:54:16,044 --> 00:54:18,046 Well, that's what we wanted to talk about. 1226 00:54:18,129 --> 00:54:22,550 Um, because Christmas isn't really about how many great gifts you get. 1227 00:54:22,634 --> 00:54:24,177 -Oh, no. -Isn't it? 1228 00:54:24,260 --> 00:54:26,930 -[Ralphie] They're onto us. -No. It isn't, Mark. 1229 00:54:27,013 --> 00:54:31,017 Because this is part of Christmas, right? And maybe the best part. 1230 00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:32,686 Mm-hm. 1231 00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:35,814 Yeah, all of us together, enjoying delicious home-cooked... 1232 00:54:35,897 --> 00:54:37,023 food. 1233 00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:38,191 [flies buzzing] 1234 00:54:38,274 --> 00:54:40,026 [Ralphie] Nice try, Sandy. 1235 00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:42,153 Are you saying we're not getting presents, just more casserole? 1236 00:54:42,237 --> 00:54:43,530 [Ralphie] No, no, no. [Sandy] No. 1237 00:54:43,613 --> 00:54:46,241 What your mom is trying to help me say 1238 00:54:46,324 --> 00:54:48,785 -is that there will be presents. -Mm-hm. 1239 00:54:48,868 --> 00:54:53,456 -Yeah. -Just more likely not the ones you wanted. 1240 00:54:53,540 --> 00:54:55,208 Does this mean Santa's not coming? 1241 00:54:55,291 --> 00:54:57,627 [Ralphie] Bail out, bail out! Eject, eject! 1242 00:54:57,711 --> 00:54:59,379 No, no. Of course he's coming. 1243 00:54:59,462 --> 00:55:01,047 [Ralphie] Because Santa always comes. [Sandy] Yeah. Yeah. 1244 00:55:01,131 --> 00:55:02,966 No, we just want you to keep one thing in mind. 1245 00:55:03,049 --> 00:55:06,428 [Ralphie] Oh, please, please. Don't say it. 1246 00:55:06,511 --> 00:55:08,138 It's the thought that counts. 1247 00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:10,181 [Ralphie] Oh, no! She said it! 1248 00:55:10,265 --> 00:55:13,393 Kids can smell that stinker from a mile away. 1249 00:55:13,476 --> 00:55:15,353 So, Christmas is gonna suck? 1250 00:55:15,437 --> 00:55:18,648 I knew it! This means I'm not getting a sled, doesn't it? 1251 00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:22,277 Okay, less attitude and more gratitude, mister. 1252 00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:23,570 [door closes] 1253 00:55:23,653 --> 00:55:27,240 [sighs] Well, they certainly got the message. 1254 00:55:27,323 --> 00:55:29,909 Can you just go after Mark? 1255 00:55:33,997 --> 00:55:35,040 Sorry. 1256 00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,506 Wanna play Spades? 1257 00:55:44,924 --> 00:55:46,342 One-Eyed Jacks? 1258 00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:49,345 No, thanks, Grandma. 1259 00:55:49,429 --> 00:55:51,931 I have something important I need to figure out. 1260 00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:14,537 Mark, let's go for a walk. 1261 00:56:16,831 --> 00:56:17,916 Come on. 1262 00:56:20,293 --> 00:56:21,628 Suds for Dad, 1263 00:56:21,711 --> 00:56:23,213 Shirley Temple for the kid. 1264 00:56:25,465 --> 00:56:26,925 To Christmas. 1265 00:56:27,008 --> 00:56:28,343 -Cheers. -Cheers. 1266 00:56:28,426 --> 00:56:30,804 [Ralphie] Ah, the genius of the Shirley Temple. 1267 00:56:30,887 --> 00:56:36,267 A few simple ingredients that can make a kid feel like he's one of the grown-ups. 1268 00:56:36,351 --> 00:56:38,186 [Flick] Oh, no, no. Ralphie. 1269 00:56:38,269 --> 00:56:40,480 After the week you've had, don't worry about it. It's on the house. 1270 00:56:40,563 --> 00:56:42,607 Whoa! Did I hear "on the house"? 1271 00:56:42,690 --> 00:56:45,610 -No, you didn't. -[sighs] 1272 00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:48,530 Hey, how's your Christmas going, kid? 1273 00:56:48,613 --> 00:56:50,281 It's okay, I guess. 1274 00:56:50,365 --> 00:56:54,285 -I'm trying to focus on gratitude. -[confused grunts] 1275 00:56:54,369 --> 00:56:56,579 That's real low, Ralph. 1276 00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:00,917 Hey, Mark, you ever bartend before? 1277 00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:03,628 -I'm ten. -Old enough. Come on back here. 1278 00:57:03,711 --> 00:57:05,213 Have some fun. Come on. 1279 00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,634 [dogs bark distantly] 1280 00:57:14,472 --> 00:57:15,557 Any in here? 1281 00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:17,350 Nope. Nothing. 1282 00:57:20,770 --> 00:57:22,897 [dog whimpers] 1283 00:57:26,985 --> 00:57:29,154 [gasps] Look at you. 1284 00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:32,532 Hey. Come with me. 1285 00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:39,831 [laughs] 1286 00:57:47,922 --> 00:57:49,048 What do you want? 1287 00:57:49,132 --> 00:57:51,467 I'm fixin' to feed the lobster. 1288 00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:52,760 I found your puppy. 1289 00:57:52,844 --> 00:57:55,430 She must have gotten out somehow. 1290 00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:56,931 What's your angle? 1291 00:57:57,015 --> 00:58:00,768 If you want your adorable little puppy back, 1292 00:58:01,477 --> 00:58:02,770 I want a reward. 1293 00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:05,565 What kinda reward? 1294 00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:09,444 There you go. 1295 00:58:09,527 --> 00:58:11,029 No way. 1296 00:58:11,112 --> 00:58:12,238 Yup. 1297 00:58:12,322 --> 00:58:13,406 You got it. Just go right down there. 1298 00:58:13,489 --> 00:58:15,658 Hey, thanks, kid. You're all right. 1299 00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:17,619 -[phone ringing] -[all gasp] 1300 00:58:17,702 --> 00:58:19,871 Mark, answer it. Go on. 1301 00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,084 Hello? Mm-hm. 1302 00:58:25,168 --> 00:58:27,587 Hold on. Let me check. Is Junior here? 1303 00:58:28,379 --> 00:58:30,173 Junior Kissel? 1304 00:58:30,256 --> 00:58:31,674 -Junior Kissel? -[mouthing] No. 1305 00:58:33,176 --> 00:58:36,137 Junior Kissel? 1306 00:58:36,221 --> 00:58:37,722 -[mouthing] No? -[mouthing] No. 1307 00:58:39,057 --> 00:58:40,225 No, I'm sorry, ma'am. 1308 00:58:40,308 --> 00:58:41,893 There's no one here named Junior. 1309 00:58:42,977 --> 00:58:44,229 Mm-hm. 1310 00:58:44,312 --> 00:58:46,022 Merry Christmas to you, too. 1311 00:58:46,105 --> 00:58:47,190 [chuckles] Bye. 1312 00:58:47,273 --> 00:58:48,441 [whistles] 1313 00:58:48,524 --> 00:58:51,194 -Good job. You're great. -[all cheering] 1314 00:58:51,277 --> 00:58:53,696 -He's great. -Your kid's a natural. 1315 00:58:53,780 --> 00:58:55,073 Well done, kid. 1316 00:58:55,156 --> 00:58:56,741 -There you go. -Wow. 1317 00:58:56,824 --> 00:58:59,786 Flick. Beer and a bag of pork rinds. Put it on my tab. 1318 00:58:59,869 --> 00:59:01,246 No, out of pork rinds. 1319 00:59:01,329 --> 00:59:03,414 Jeez. What kind of bar runs out of pork rinds? 1320 00:59:03,498 --> 00:59:06,167 Hey, you know, last week they were out of corn nuts. 1321 00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:08,795 [all laughing] 1322 00:59:08,878 --> 00:59:12,131 It's the kind of bar that floats a guy who runs up a big tab 1323 00:59:12,215 --> 00:59:14,300 while disrespecting the place. 1324 00:59:14,384 --> 00:59:16,427 Whoa. I don't like your tone. 1325 00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:18,471 [Ralphie] Though he'd be the last to admit it, 1326 00:59:18,554 --> 00:59:20,765 deep down somewhere in his inner core, 1327 00:59:20,848 --> 00:59:25,019 Flick had it out for Schwartz since that day on the playground long ago. 1328 00:59:25,103 --> 00:59:27,814 And what kind of tone would you prefer, Your Highness? 1329 00:59:27,897 --> 00:59:30,024 You know, you may be a little more comfortable 1330 00:59:30,108 --> 00:59:32,277 down the street at The Knight Cap. 1331 00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,362 -[all murmuring] -The Knight Cap? 1332 00:59:34,445 --> 00:59:38,491 [Ralphie] The Knight Cap? Ugh. Dante's lowest circle of bars. 1333 00:59:38,574 --> 00:59:40,285 The Knight Cap? 1334 00:59:41,619 --> 00:59:43,871 -Oh, you think? -Yeah, maybe I do. 1335 00:59:43,955 --> 00:59:45,290 -Oh, yeah? -Yeah. 1336 00:59:45,373 --> 00:59:47,083 -Yeah? You're taking it back. -Why would I? 1337 00:59:47,166 --> 00:59:48,334 I swear on my mother, Flick. 1338 00:59:48,418 --> 00:59:50,503 -You're taking it back! -Oh, yeah? 1339 00:59:50,586 --> 00:59:51,796 Well, how about this? 1340 00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:54,716 I'll take it back if you ride The Ramp. 1341 00:59:54,799 --> 00:59:55,717 [all exclaim] 1342 00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:57,427 [Ralphie] The Ramp? 1343 00:59:57,510 --> 00:59:59,721 No one with half a brain would agree to ride The Ramp. 1344 00:59:59,804 --> 01:00:02,807 What, are you out of your skull? I mean, I'm a grown man. 1345 01:00:02,890 --> 01:00:04,517 I ain't ridin' no ramp. 1346 01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:07,020 [Ralphie] But Flick was already two moves ahead. 1347 01:00:07,103 --> 01:00:08,688 And... 1348 01:00:08,771 --> 01:00:12,191 -I'll clear your tab. -[all] Ooh. 1349 01:00:12,275 --> 01:00:15,903 [Ralphie] Poor Schwartz was outmaneuvered. 1350 01:00:15,987 --> 01:00:19,866 Rather than lose face with his fellow lowlifes, 1351 01:00:19,949 --> 01:00:22,618 Schwartz sealed his fate. 1352 01:00:24,078 --> 01:00:25,621 -You're on. -Okay. 1353 01:00:25,705 --> 01:00:27,540 -[all exclaiming] -[Flick] All right. Everybody out. 1354 01:00:27,623 --> 01:00:28,958 -[bell dinging] -Dad, let's go! 1355 01:00:38,343 --> 01:00:40,178 [Ralphie] The Ramp. 1356 01:00:40,261 --> 01:00:43,431 An abandoned experiment from the Army Corps of Engineers. 1357 01:00:43,514 --> 01:00:47,435 In winter, it transformed into a frosted sluice of terror. 1358 01:00:47,518 --> 01:00:51,898 On The Ramp, you may as well be riding in your coffin. 1359 01:00:51,981 --> 01:00:53,941 -Holy... -Yeah? What was that? 1360 01:00:54,025 --> 01:00:55,818 Huh? No. Nothing. 1361 01:00:55,902 --> 01:00:57,236 [boy] Here. It's your funeral. 1362 01:01:04,118 --> 01:01:05,411 He's gonna ride that? 1363 01:01:05,495 --> 01:01:06,746 Uh-huh. 1364 01:01:06,829 --> 01:01:08,790 [heavy breaths] 1365 01:01:08,873 --> 01:01:11,959 What the hell are you looking at? Stupid kids. 1366 01:01:12,043 --> 01:01:13,461 He's out of his mind. 1367 01:01:14,962 --> 01:01:16,255 [Flick] Keep going. 1368 01:01:16,339 --> 01:01:19,884 Keep going up that hill, Schwartzy. Let's go! 1369 01:01:19,967 --> 01:01:21,761 It's getting cold! 1370 01:01:21,844 --> 01:01:23,262 What are you doing, man? 1371 01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:25,598 Oh, he's gonna chicken out. Don't worry. 1372 01:01:27,850 --> 01:01:31,312 [panting] This is crazy. This is crazy. 1373 01:01:31,979 --> 01:01:32,939 [exhales] 1374 01:01:33,022 --> 01:01:34,524 But it's gonna clear my tab. 1375 01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:37,902 [exhales sharply] 1376 01:01:37,985 --> 01:01:39,654 [panting] 1377 01:01:42,698 --> 01:01:43,866 [grunts] 1378 01:01:45,034 --> 01:01:46,619 [Flick] Hey, you gonna go down, 1379 01:01:46,702 --> 01:01:48,621 or we gonna stand here and freeze our nuts off? 1380 01:01:48,704 --> 01:01:51,958 [Ralphie] If revenge is a dish best served cold, 1381 01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:55,795 -this was a frozen dinner. -[exhales] 1382 01:01:57,964 --> 01:02:01,175 There's no way I'm gonna kill myself for this. It's crazy! 1383 01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:02,552 Hey, Schwartz! 1384 01:02:02,635 --> 01:02:05,555 I Triple Dog Dare you! 1385 01:02:05,638 --> 01:02:07,557 [Ralphie] Oh, if Schwartz backed down now, 1386 01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,143 he could never show his face in Flick's Tavern, 1387 01:02:10,226 --> 01:02:14,021 or perhaps even in Hohman ever again. 1388 01:02:14,105 --> 01:02:15,148 [grunts] 1389 01:02:15,231 --> 01:02:16,858 Oh, I got him now. I got him. 1390 01:02:23,072 --> 01:02:25,408 Okay. We should probably move out of the way. 1391 01:02:26,075 --> 01:02:26,993 [grunts] 1392 01:02:27,076 --> 01:02:28,453 Hey, hey, hey, Ralphie. 1393 01:02:29,328 --> 01:02:30,955 He's gonna be okay, right? 1394 01:02:33,958 --> 01:02:37,170 We should just probably move out of the way. 1395 01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:39,255 [man] He's going to do it! [woman] All right, let's go! 1396 01:02:45,511 --> 01:02:48,181 [shouting] Geronimo! 1397 01:02:58,900 --> 01:03:00,776 -[grunts] -[all gasp] 1398 01:03:00,860 --> 01:03:01,861 Schwartz! 1399 01:03:01,944 --> 01:03:03,196 -Schwartz. -Schwartz. 1400 01:03:03,279 --> 01:03:04,530 -Schwartz, wake up. -Schwartz, wake up. 1401 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:05,865 Schwartz. Schwartz. 1402 01:03:05,948 --> 01:03:07,867 -Is he alive? -I think. I don't know. 1403 01:03:07,950 --> 01:03:09,327 -Schwartz, wake up, man. -Schwartz. 1404 01:03:09,410 --> 01:03:12,038 -[burps] -[all groan] 1405 01:03:12,121 --> 01:03:13,414 The stink! 1406 01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:17,752 Uh... I thought we lost you there, brother. 1407 01:03:17,835 --> 01:03:19,212 Did I do it? 1408 01:03:19,295 --> 01:03:20,922 -Did I clear my tab? -[man] Yeah, come on, Flick! 1409 01:03:21,005 --> 01:03:23,174 Yeah, your tab is forgiven. 1410 01:03:23,257 --> 01:03:25,676 [all cheering] 1411 01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:27,762 -Let's get you home. -Okay. 1412 01:03:27,845 --> 01:03:30,640 Wait, but first, let's go get a drink. 1413 01:03:30,723 --> 01:03:32,725 Put it on my tab. [laughs] 1414 01:03:32,808 --> 01:03:36,354 [Ralphie] Fueled by bravado, one-upmanship, and libations, 1415 01:03:36,437 --> 01:03:39,190 the barflies took matters into their own hands. 1416 01:03:39,273 --> 01:03:41,484 -No! My sled! -Come on! 1417 01:03:41,567 --> 01:03:46,656 [Ralphie] Any sensible person knew full well, no one over 40 should go sledding. 1418 01:03:46,739 --> 01:03:49,867 But these were not sensible people. 1419 01:03:49,951 --> 01:03:51,202 [grunts] 1420 01:03:51,285 --> 01:03:53,704 You could not look away. 1421 01:03:53,788 --> 01:03:56,666 [screams, groans] 1422 01:03:56,749 --> 01:03:57,750 Make way! 1423 01:03:57,833 --> 01:03:59,085 Make way! 1424 01:03:59,168 --> 01:04:00,127 [grunts] 1425 01:04:00,836 --> 01:04:01,754 Whoa! 1426 01:04:01,837 --> 01:04:03,172 Ooh. Ooh. 1427 01:04:03,256 --> 01:04:04,715 [grunts] 1428 01:04:04,799 --> 01:04:06,509 [screams] Whoa! 1429 01:04:06,592 --> 01:04:08,219 [dodging grunts] 1430 01:04:08,302 --> 01:04:09,387 [screams] 1431 01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:12,265 [screams] 1432 01:04:12,348 --> 01:04:15,226 [Ralphie] I hadn't seen that many cold-weather casualties 1433 01:04:15,309 --> 01:04:16,477 since the Korean War. 1434 01:04:16,561 --> 01:04:18,020 [Mark] Dad! Watch this! 1435 01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:19,397 Mark! No! No! 1436 01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:23,150 -[laughs] -[kid] Watch out! 1437 01:04:24,235 --> 01:04:25,403 Steer! 1438 01:04:25,486 --> 01:04:27,113 -Steer! -[screams] 1439 01:04:27,196 --> 01:04:28,573 [man] Slow down, kid. 1440 01:04:28,656 --> 01:04:29,782 [both scream] 1441 01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:31,367 [grunts] 1442 01:04:32,868 --> 01:04:35,788 [Ralphie] Oh, my God! I killed Mark! 1443 01:04:35,871 --> 01:04:37,373 [dogs bark distantly] 1444 01:04:43,379 --> 01:04:44,463 Hi. 1445 01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:46,382 It's so late. 1446 01:04:46,465 --> 01:04:48,467 Everything go okay with Mark? 1447 01:04:48,551 --> 01:04:51,012 -More or less. -That's good. 1448 01:04:51,095 --> 01:04:52,930 I took care of the presents. 1449 01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:54,181 Oh. Thank you. 1450 01:04:54,265 --> 01:04:55,600 You're welcome. 1451 01:04:58,102 --> 01:04:59,395 Good night. 1452 01:04:59,478 --> 01:05:00,521 Good night. 1453 01:05:05,651 --> 01:05:06,861 By the way... 1454 01:05:06,944 --> 01:05:08,988 -Mark broke his arm. -Hm? 1455 01:05:14,076 --> 01:05:17,955 [Ralphie] My mother was one of the most creative and ruthless Scrabble players, 1456 01:05:18,039 --> 01:05:19,874 in the entire Midwest. 1457 01:05:19,957 --> 01:05:23,836 Everyone knew better than to lock horns with her. 1458 01:05:23,919 --> 01:05:25,504 Sandy, on the other hand... 1459 01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:30,259 Oh, um, I don't think "bajillion" is actually a word. 1460 01:05:30,343 --> 01:05:32,345 Yes, it is. You just used it in a sentence. 1461 01:05:32,428 --> 01:05:35,222 So, that's a double-word score, a double-word score, 1462 01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:37,058 and a seven-tile bonus 1463 01:05:37,141 --> 01:05:40,686 which is 50 points. So, just give me a second. 1464 01:05:43,314 --> 01:05:45,107 122 points. 1465 01:05:45,941 --> 01:05:47,068 Wow. 1466 01:05:47,151 --> 01:05:49,528 [vehicle approaching, horn tooting] 1467 01:05:51,072 --> 01:05:52,490 [bully laughing] 1468 01:05:52,573 --> 01:05:54,909 Kids, you know, when your father was your age, 1469 01:05:54,992 --> 01:05:57,578 he had a similar sort of problem, 1470 01:05:57,662 --> 01:05:59,622 but he worked it out. 1471 01:05:59,705 --> 01:06:01,957 [Ralphie] Uh, the Scut Farkus Affair. 1472 01:06:02,041 --> 01:06:03,542 Really? What happened? 1473 01:06:03,626 --> 01:06:07,922 Well, he beat the snot out of that kid. [laughs] 1474 01:06:08,005 --> 01:06:09,090 That's what happened. 1475 01:06:09,173 --> 01:06:11,550 -Wow! -Daddy beat someone up? 1476 01:06:11,634 --> 01:06:14,053 Wait, that story is true? 1477 01:06:14,136 --> 01:06:15,971 Is it so hard to believe? 1478 01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:18,099 Huh. Ralph. 1479 01:06:18,182 --> 01:06:21,435 -Did he ever bother you again? -Nope. 1480 01:06:22,978 --> 01:06:25,356 Hey, you guys gotta get this figured out. 1481 01:06:25,439 --> 01:06:27,149 You can't just be a target for 'em. 1482 01:06:30,277 --> 01:06:31,529 Armoire. 1483 01:06:31,612 --> 01:06:33,906 -That's not a word. -Yes, it is. 1484 01:06:33,989 --> 01:06:35,825 It's just a fancy word for "cabinet." 1485 01:06:35,908 --> 01:06:38,953 -You have one upstairs. -I certainly do not. 1486 01:06:39,036 --> 01:06:42,998 In Indiana, we say "wardrobe." 1487 01:06:43,082 --> 01:06:46,043 -Come on, grab your coat. -What for? 1488 01:06:46,127 --> 01:06:47,378 I have an idea. 1489 01:06:49,004 --> 01:06:50,381 "Arm." For five. 1490 01:06:50,464 --> 01:06:51,841 Oh, boy! 1491 01:06:51,924 --> 01:06:55,386 Five whole points for Sandy. 1492 01:06:55,469 --> 01:06:57,054 Good for you. 1493 01:06:59,974 --> 01:07:01,892 It's hideous. 1494 01:07:01,976 --> 01:07:03,352 The worst. 1495 01:07:08,357 --> 01:07:11,986 [Ralphie] The window was closing, and I needed some good news. 1496 01:07:12,069 --> 01:07:15,406 All my hopes were pinned on one last publisher. 1497 01:07:15,489 --> 01:07:18,033 -Hello, it's Reuben. -Hey, Reuben. It's Ralph again. 1498 01:07:18,117 --> 01:07:19,285 -Ralph. -Uh... 1499 01:07:19,368 --> 01:07:22,121 Wow. Still in the office on Christmas Eve? 1500 01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:23,873 -That's dedication. -Yeah. 1501 01:07:23,956 --> 01:07:29,962 Um, I was just calling to check in, um, 1502 01:07:30,045 --> 01:07:32,506 one last time, before Christmas. 1503 01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:36,761 No. Ralph. Um, not interested in it. 1504 01:07:36,844 --> 01:07:37,845 I see. 1505 01:07:45,394 --> 01:07:48,147 [Ralphie] That was it. I had my chance. 1506 01:07:48,230 --> 01:07:52,401 And now... I had my answer. 1507 01:07:52,485 --> 01:07:54,320 [dogs barking distantly] 1508 01:07:54,403 --> 01:07:56,030 Ralphie, are you all right? 1509 01:07:57,031 --> 01:07:58,032 Yes. 1510 01:07:59,408 --> 01:08:01,118 No. No. 1511 01:08:01,202 --> 01:08:06,248 That obituary is the hardest damn thing I have ever had to write. 1512 01:08:06,332 --> 01:08:07,958 And I just found out why. 1513 01:08:08,042 --> 01:08:09,502 I'm no writer. 1514 01:08:09,585 --> 01:08:11,504 Just ask any publisher in Chicago. 1515 01:08:12,254 --> 01:08:13,714 Nobody cares, Mom. 1516 01:08:13,798 --> 01:08:16,342 Nobody wants my book. It's over. 1517 01:08:16,425 --> 01:08:19,929 -Oh, Ralphie. -And an obituary? 1518 01:08:20,012 --> 01:08:23,766 How do you sum up a man's life into a paragraph? 1519 01:08:25,893 --> 01:08:26,894 I can't do it. 1520 01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:28,729 Ralphie. 1521 01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:31,106 Ralphie, look at me. 1522 01:08:31,190 --> 01:08:36,153 Just forget about the publishers and the paragraphs. 1523 01:08:36,237 --> 01:08:39,406 Forget about trying to write the perfect words. 1524 01:08:40,324 --> 01:08:41,992 Life isn't perfect. 1525 01:08:42,827 --> 01:08:44,036 [shuddering breaths] 1526 01:08:44,119 --> 01:08:46,914 Your father certainly wasn't perfect. 1527 01:08:48,040 --> 01:08:51,210 Just write about the man you love. 1528 01:08:53,796 --> 01:08:55,881 Or don't. 1529 01:08:55,965 --> 01:08:57,258 It's up to you. 1530 01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:13,190 [the old man] He looks like a pink nightmare. 1531 01:09:18,654 --> 01:09:21,615 This is a lamp! 1532 01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:33,210 I had one when I was eight years old. 1533 01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:54,732 [Ralphie] Incredibly, the dam had broken. 1534 01:09:54,815 --> 01:10:00,154 Once I got out of the way, the words and emotions poured onto the page. 1535 01:10:00,237 --> 01:10:03,908 My fingers raced to keep up with the flood of memories 1536 01:10:03,991 --> 01:10:05,826 of my old man. 1537 01:10:34,188 --> 01:10:35,564 [exhales sharply] 1538 01:10:57,795 --> 01:10:59,797 [children giggle] 1539 01:11:12,601 --> 01:11:13,435 Hey. 1540 01:11:15,688 --> 01:11:16,730 Are you okay? 1541 01:11:17,606 --> 01:11:19,024 You know, actually... 1542 01:11:19,608 --> 01:11:20,943 I am... 1543 01:11:21,026 --> 01:11:22,987 [Christmas song playing on low volume on radio] 1544 01:11:29,159 --> 01:11:30,869 [children giggle] 1545 01:11:30,953 --> 01:11:33,664 [Ralphie] What's going on with you two? [both] Nothin'! 1546 01:11:34,456 --> 01:11:36,041 [Ralphie] Nothin'? 1547 01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:38,544 Behind every nothin', there's always a somethin'. 1548 01:11:38,627 --> 01:11:40,879 -[Julie] Here they come. -[bully] Look! Another snowman. 1549 01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:42,256 [engine revving, horn tooting] 1550 01:11:42,339 --> 01:11:43,757 -[bully] Say goodbye! -[crash] 1551 01:11:43,841 --> 01:11:45,300 [bullies scream] 1552 01:11:45,384 --> 01:11:47,886 [Julie gasps, laughs] 1553 01:11:50,597 --> 01:11:52,349 Oh, my... 1554 01:11:52,433 --> 01:11:53,892 [horn toots, vehicle hisses] 1555 01:11:55,310 --> 01:11:56,520 [pained grunt] 1556 01:11:56,603 --> 01:11:58,981 Gee, what happened, fellas? 1557 01:11:59,064 --> 01:12:02,526 Yeah, fellas. Run into something? 1558 01:12:02,609 --> 01:12:04,778 Like a tree stump? 1559 01:12:04,862 --> 01:12:06,572 [grunting] 1560 01:12:07,740 --> 01:12:09,908 That is mine. 1561 01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:11,577 Thank you very much. 1562 01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,579 Pop's gonna kill us. 1563 01:12:13,662 --> 01:12:17,082 -Look! He done pissed himself! -Did not! 1564 01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:19,918 [laughing] 1565 01:12:20,002 --> 01:12:23,422 [Ralphie] Laughter, the sharpest weapon in the arsenal of man, 1566 01:12:23,505 --> 01:12:27,051 able to cut giants down to the size of mice. 1567 01:12:27,134 --> 01:12:27,968 Come on. 1568 01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:31,847 -Did you actually pee yourself? -Shut up. 1569 01:12:33,015 --> 01:12:34,058 Mark. 1570 01:12:35,184 --> 01:12:36,185 Nice job. 1571 01:12:38,187 --> 01:12:39,605 [laughs] 1572 01:12:40,689 --> 01:12:42,733 I got snowmobiles. 1573 01:12:43,942 --> 01:12:45,819 [radio tuning] 1574 01:12:45,903 --> 01:12:47,654 [announcer on radio] Wait a minute, folks. 1575 01:12:47,738 --> 01:12:50,324 North American Aerospace Defense Command radar 1576 01:12:50,407 --> 01:12:54,620 has just picked up an unknown flying object in the night sky. 1577 01:12:54,703 --> 01:12:57,956 It's headed south toward the continental United States 1578 01:12:58,040 --> 01:12:59,958 at a very high rate of speed. 1579 01:13:00,042 --> 01:13:02,127 -Repeat, NORAD radar... -Is that what I think it is? 1580 01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:06,632 ...has just intercepted a signal originating from the North Pole. 1581 01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:09,510 It's Santa Claus! It's Santa Claus! 1582 01:13:09,593 --> 01:13:12,471 [Ralphie] You know what? I think it is! 1583 01:13:12,554 --> 01:13:17,351 [Ralphie] At last, we were one silent night away from Christmas. 1584 01:13:17,434 --> 01:13:19,937 I was home free. 1585 01:13:20,020 --> 01:13:21,480 By morning, my job would be-- 1586 01:13:21,563 --> 01:13:23,816 -[shatters] -[Sandy gasps] 1587 01:13:23,899 --> 01:13:24,817 Oh. 1588 01:13:24,900 --> 01:13:27,444 The star. [cries] It shattered. 1589 01:13:27,528 --> 01:13:30,364 [Ralphie] Not just shattered, pulverized! 1590 01:13:30,447 --> 01:13:31,990 [cries] Can we fix it? 1591 01:13:32,074 --> 01:13:33,700 Oh, honey... 1592 01:13:33,784 --> 01:13:36,328 You said it won't be Christmas without a star. 1593 01:13:36,411 --> 01:13:38,997 Oh, no, honey. It's okay. We can still have a great Christmas. 1594 01:13:39,081 --> 01:13:41,959 No! You said Santa won't come without a star. 1595 01:13:43,544 --> 01:13:44,837 [Sandy] Oh, honey. 1596 01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:46,880 -Did I say that? -[all] Yes! 1597 01:13:46,964 --> 01:13:49,216 Well, I didn't know this was gonna happen. 1598 01:13:49,299 --> 01:13:51,677 I knew it. No Christmas. 1599 01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:53,846 Okay. You know what? 1600 01:13:53,929 --> 01:13:55,597 I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get us a star. 1601 01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:57,015 An even better one! 1602 01:13:57,099 --> 01:13:58,851 Ralphie, it's Christmas Eve. 1603 01:13:58,934 --> 01:14:02,062 -Well, then I better hurry. -Well, uh... Everything's closed! 1604 01:14:02,146 --> 01:14:04,231 Well, you heard her. Where are you going? 1605 01:14:04,314 --> 01:14:05,941 I am fixing this. 1606 01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:07,943 Ralph! Just give it up. 1607 01:14:08,026 --> 01:14:11,238 No! I am not giving it up. 1608 01:14:11,321 --> 01:14:13,365 I'm gonna go get us a star! 1609 01:14:15,701 --> 01:14:18,495 Oh. And we're gonna have a great Christmas! 1610 01:14:21,081 --> 01:14:22,833 -[door closes] -[dogs bark] 1611 01:14:22,916 --> 01:14:25,377 Get out of here! Not now. Not now. 1612 01:14:25,460 --> 01:14:27,296 Not now, damn it. Get out of here. 1613 01:14:29,089 --> 01:14:30,549 Get out of here. 1614 01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:48,692 [Ralphie] As the town went dark, so did my hopes of completing my mission. 1615 01:14:51,653 --> 01:14:52,863 [brakes screech] 1616 01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:03,749 The term "breaking and entering" has always had such an unduly, sinister tone. 1617 01:15:03,832 --> 01:15:05,918 "Borrowing from a friend," on the other hand, 1618 01:15:06,001 --> 01:15:08,295 that sounded downright neighborly. 1619 01:15:16,011 --> 01:15:17,137 [doorknob rattling] 1620 01:15:20,515 --> 01:15:23,310 If Flick were here, he'd let me in. 1621 01:15:24,519 --> 01:15:26,230 But since he wasn't... 1622 01:15:35,489 --> 01:15:36,782 [grunts] 1623 01:15:36,865 --> 01:15:38,367 -[dog barks distantly] -Son of a... 1624 01:15:47,584 --> 01:15:48,794 [grunts] 1625 01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:55,175 Come on. 1626 01:15:56,593 --> 01:15:58,595 Ow! [groans] 1627 01:16:03,684 --> 01:16:04,726 [exhales] 1628 01:16:10,732 --> 01:16:11,942 [sighs] 1629 01:16:17,114 --> 01:16:19,116 Victory! 1630 01:16:19,199 --> 01:16:23,829 With star in hand, I could return triumphant to my adoring family. 1631 01:16:23,912 --> 01:16:25,706 Christmas would be saved. 1632 01:16:25,789 --> 01:16:28,375 [man] You! Hold it right there. 1633 01:16:28,458 --> 01:16:31,169 Put your hands up. I said put 'em up. 1634 01:16:31,253 --> 01:16:32,838 It's okay. I know the owner, Flick. 1635 01:16:32,921 --> 01:16:34,756 I just had to borrow a Christmas star. 1636 01:16:34,840 --> 01:16:36,174 I left a note. 1637 01:16:36,258 --> 01:16:38,093 [laughs] You left a note. Well, that's a new one. 1638 01:16:39,219 --> 01:16:40,846 Wait. 1639 01:16:40,929 --> 01:16:42,514 Don't I know you? 1640 01:16:48,312 --> 01:16:51,690 Scut Farkus. 1641 01:16:51,773 --> 01:16:55,152 -There he was, with those same yellow eyes. -[evil laugh] 1642 01:16:55,235 --> 01:16:58,030 Dear God, he still had yellow eyes! 1643 01:16:58,113 --> 01:17:00,198 I hadn't said as much as two words to Scut 1644 01:17:00,282 --> 01:17:03,618 since I miraculously knocked the snot out of him decades ago. 1645 01:17:03,702 --> 01:17:05,078 Say uncle! 1646 01:17:05,162 --> 01:17:07,247 Maybe he wouldn't recognize me. 1647 01:17:08,206 --> 01:17:09,541 Ralph Parker. 1648 01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:11,251 Damn! 1649 01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:14,046 Breaking and entering. Never imagined you'd end up like this. 1650 01:17:14,129 --> 01:17:15,547 Wait. I can explain. 1651 01:17:15,630 --> 01:17:17,132 Get in the car. 1652 01:17:20,886 --> 01:17:22,220 [police radio chatter] 1653 01:17:23,680 --> 01:17:25,140 [Ralphie] Rule number one. 1654 01:17:25,223 --> 01:17:26,892 When taken by the enemy, don't show fear. 1655 01:17:26,975 --> 01:17:30,562 Befriend your captor and develop a rapport. 1656 01:17:30,645 --> 01:17:34,816 So, what's it been? 20, 30 years? 1657 01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:36,401 Thirty-three... 1658 01:17:36,485 --> 01:17:37,652 if you're counting. 1659 01:17:37,736 --> 01:17:39,196 Oh, this was it. 1660 01:17:39,279 --> 01:17:41,865 Scut would lock me up and throw away the key. 1661 01:17:41,948 --> 01:17:44,117 What would become of my family? 1662 01:17:46,036 --> 01:17:47,788 -[door unbolts] -[grunts] 1663 01:17:47,871 --> 01:17:50,499 -Who's there? -You got visitors. 1664 01:17:50,582 --> 01:17:51,917 [door buzzes] 1665 01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,254 [man] Dead man walking. 1666 01:18:04,429 --> 01:18:05,806 Sandy. 1667 01:18:05,889 --> 01:18:07,474 Wow, you look great. 1668 01:18:07,557 --> 01:18:09,101 I feel great, Ralph. 1669 01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:10,268 Better than ever. 1670 01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:12,437 Mark? 1671 01:18:12,521 --> 01:18:13,772 [in British accent] Hello, Dad. 1672 01:18:13,855 --> 01:18:15,357 Why are you talking like that? 1673 01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:17,943 -Oh, look. He suddenly cares. -[chuckles] 1674 01:18:18,026 --> 01:18:22,072 You never came home, Dad. So things went a wee bit rotten. 1675 01:18:23,740 --> 01:18:25,701 Julie, is that you? 1676 01:18:27,536 --> 01:18:28,954 [gasps] 1677 01:18:29,037 --> 01:18:31,873 -Brought you a present. -What happened to your eye? 1678 01:18:34,084 --> 01:18:35,252 [groans] 1679 01:18:35,335 --> 01:18:38,088 Well, you did keep one promise, Ralph. 1680 01:18:38,171 --> 01:18:41,049 It was a Christmas we'll never forget. 1681 01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:43,552 [all] Never forget. 1682 01:18:43,635 --> 01:18:45,303 -Never forget. -[grunting] 1683 01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:49,099 -Never forget. Never forget. -[gasps] 1684 01:18:49,182 --> 01:18:51,017 -Never forget. -[laughs] 1685 01:18:51,101 --> 01:18:52,936 Never forget. 1686 01:18:53,019 --> 01:18:54,312 Never forget. 1687 01:18:55,063 --> 01:18:56,648 Ah, man. 1688 01:19:02,237 --> 01:19:03,655 [Ralphie] Uh... 1689 01:19:03,738 --> 01:19:06,825 That's the police station. I think we just passed it. 1690 01:19:06,908 --> 01:19:09,619 Don't worry about it. 1691 01:19:09,703 --> 01:19:13,165 [Ralphie] Don't worry? I was very worried. 1692 01:19:13,248 --> 01:19:15,208 Oh, forget jail. 1693 01:19:15,292 --> 01:19:17,252 Scut was gonna kill me! 1694 01:19:17,335 --> 01:19:20,297 You're looking kinda jumpy, Parker. 1695 01:19:20,380 --> 01:19:22,674 Me? No. I'm fine. 1696 01:19:22,757 --> 01:19:26,261 Like busting into a bar on a Christmas Eve fine? 1697 01:19:26,344 --> 01:19:28,221 Oh, I didn't want to do that. 1698 01:19:28,305 --> 01:19:31,516 I had to. I needed that star for the tree 1699 01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:33,852 for my family for Christmas. 1700 01:19:33,935 --> 01:19:35,645 None of it makes any sense. 1701 01:19:35,729 --> 01:19:37,689 When we were kids, life was simple. 1702 01:19:37,772 --> 01:19:41,693 It was all just fun and games. Am I right? 1703 01:19:41,777 --> 01:19:43,737 Lots of laughs. [fake laugh] 1704 01:19:43,820 --> 01:19:45,989 Yeah, now I got some devil spawn of my own, 1705 01:19:46,072 --> 01:19:49,868 running around all day on that stupid snowmobile. 1706 01:19:52,078 --> 01:19:55,457 Between us... I think they're worse than I ever was. 1707 01:19:55,540 --> 01:19:56,958 No. What are you talking about? 1708 01:19:57,042 --> 01:19:58,210 I mean, you... 1709 01:19:58,293 --> 01:20:00,337 You were great. 1710 01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:02,047 [Ralphie] Oh, what was I saying? 1711 01:20:02,130 --> 01:20:05,467 My mind was mush. My dying words were lies! 1712 01:20:05,550 --> 01:20:06,801 All lies! 1713 01:20:06,885 --> 01:20:08,720 [man on radio] Farkus. Come in, Farkus. 1714 01:20:08,804 --> 01:20:10,889 -What's your 20? Can you hear me? -[turns off radio] 1715 01:20:10,972 --> 01:20:13,058 [Ralphie] Oh, no! How would he do it? 1716 01:20:13,141 --> 01:20:14,935 Death by a thousand cuts? Buried alive? 1717 01:20:15,018 --> 01:20:16,895 Medieval chin breaker? Burned at the stake? 1718 01:20:16,978 --> 01:20:19,564 Steam rolled? Pool of piranhas? 1719 01:20:19,648 --> 01:20:20,899 End of the road, Parker. 1720 01:20:20,982 --> 01:20:22,567 Oh, no! This was it! 1721 01:20:22,651 --> 01:20:24,152 Kiss my sweet ass... 1722 01:20:24,236 --> 01:20:25,820 This is home, right? 1723 01:20:27,405 --> 01:20:28,657 [dog barking] 1724 01:20:28,740 --> 01:20:31,201 Yeah, this is home. 1725 01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:43,588 Breaking into Flick's dump, huh? 1726 01:20:43,672 --> 01:20:45,715 You must've really needed that star. 1727 01:20:45,799 --> 01:20:48,260 Yeah, I did. 1728 01:20:48,343 --> 01:20:52,347 Look, I appreciate you blowing smoke up my dress like you did, 1729 01:20:52,430 --> 01:20:54,933 but we both know when we were kids... 1730 01:20:55,016 --> 01:20:56,434 I was kind of a nightmare. 1731 01:20:56,518 --> 01:20:57,769 [Ralphie] Kinda? 1732 01:20:57,853 --> 01:21:00,230 I was just trying to be a tough guy, you know? 1733 01:21:00,313 --> 01:21:02,190 Like my old man. 1734 01:21:02,274 --> 01:21:06,778 But that day you handed my ass to me... I mean, that got me thinkin'. 1735 01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:09,030 [Ralphie] Not sure where this is going. 1736 01:21:09,114 --> 01:21:12,617 You know, I put all that garbage behind me. 1737 01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:13,743 And look at me now. 1738 01:21:15,245 --> 01:21:17,622 I'm one of the good guys. 1739 01:21:17,706 --> 01:21:19,791 So I guess what I'm saying is... 1740 01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:20,959 I owe you, Parker. 1741 01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:28,925 Hey. 1742 01:21:34,014 --> 01:21:35,098 Merry Christmas, Ralph. 1743 01:21:36,516 --> 01:21:37,809 Merry Christmas, Scut. 1744 01:21:42,731 --> 01:21:45,984 You know, if anyone else but me had answered that call, 1745 01:21:46,067 --> 01:21:49,070 you'd be rotting in a jail cell all weekend. 1746 01:21:49,154 --> 01:21:50,322 How about that? 1747 01:21:50,947 --> 01:21:52,073 [laughs] 1748 01:22:06,588 --> 01:22:07,714 [siren wails] 1749 01:22:14,763 --> 01:22:15,639 [exhales] 1750 01:22:29,944 --> 01:22:32,697 [Mrs. Parker] Oh, Ralphie. You found a star. 1751 01:22:33,448 --> 01:22:34,491 Yeah. 1752 01:22:43,458 --> 01:22:45,585 I miss him, Ma. 1753 01:22:45,669 --> 01:22:47,170 [Mrs. Parker] I miss him, too. 1754 01:22:49,464 --> 01:22:50,965 But I know he's here. 1755 01:22:54,886 --> 01:22:56,805 -[Ralphie groans] -[Mrs. Parker sighs] 1756 01:22:56,888 --> 01:23:00,392 -[Ralphie] I'll get the fuse. -No. No. You go to bed. 1757 01:23:00,475 --> 01:23:04,062 I've gotta learn to do these things on my own from now on. 1758 01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,647 -I'll be fine. -Okay. 1759 01:23:05,730 --> 01:23:07,357 Okay, so, go. Go on. 1760 01:23:07,440 --> 01:23:09,317 -I'm going up. -Okay. All right. 1761 01:23:09,401 --> 01:23:10,443 Be careful, Ma. 1762 01:23:10,527 --> 01:23:11,653 Good night, Ralphie. 1763 01:23:11,736 --> 01:23:12,779 Good night. 1764 01:23:15,323 --> 01:23:16,574 [footsteps running] 1765 01:23:16,658 --> 01:23:18,034 [both] Wake up! 1766 01:23:18,118 --> 01:23:19,703 [screaming] 1767 01:23:19,786 --> 01:23:21,746 -Come on, it's Christmas! -There's presents under the tree! 1768 01:23:21,830 --> 01:23:24,040 We have to go see! Come on! 1769 01:23:24,124 --> 01:23:25,959 -Okay, we're up, we're up. -Okay, okay. 1770 01:23:26,042 --> 01:23:27,919 -Hurry up! -Faster! 1771 01:23:29,546 --> 01:23:31,047 [gasps] Look, Julie! 1772 01:23:31,131 --> 01:23:33,425 [screams] Daddy, Daddy, you did it! 1773 01:23:33,508 --> 01:23:36,261 -You got the star and Santa came! -[Mark] Look at it! 1774 01:23:36,344 --> 01:23:38,680 -Is that a beer logo? -[Mark] Awesome. 1775 01:23:38,763 --> 01:23:40,306 Don't ask. 1776 01:23:40,390 --> 01:23:43,059 -[laughs] Oh. Merry Christmas. -[Sandy] Oh. Merry Christmas. 1777 01:23:43,143 --> 01:23:44,936 -Merry Christmas, Ma. -[Mark] He ate the cookies! 1778 01:23:45,019 --> 01:23:47,313 -Good morning. -[Julie] And the stockings are full! 1779 01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:49,691 -[both] Wow. -Did you get extra presents? 1780 01:23:49,774 --> 01:23:51,234 No. Did you? 1781 01:23:51,317 --> 01:23:52,152 No. 1782 01:23:53,111 --> 01:23:55,238 "For Ralph. Love, Dad." 1783 01:23:56,030 --> 01:23:57,031 Oh. 1784 01:23:59,993 --> 01:24:02,287 "For Julie. Love, Grandpa." 1785 01:24:02,370 --> 01:24:03,246 [gasps] 1786 01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:07,459 Mom, these are all from Dad. 1787 01:24:08,376 --> 01:24:09,627 Yeah. 1788 01:24:09,711 --> 01:24:12,380 Last night, when I was down in the basement 1789 01:24:12,464 --> 01:24:14,632 fixing the fuse, I found them. 1790 01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:20,096 He must've got them before. 1791 01:24:22,724 --> 01:24:25,810 Yeah. [chuckles] He did good. 1792 01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:27,145 [Ralphie] Yeah. 1793 01:24:28,730 --> 01:24:31,941 -[laughs] Well, come on! Let's open gifts! -[Ralphie] Yeah! 1794 01:24:32,025 --> 01:24:35,487 [Ralphie] Each of us, in turn, opened the gifts from my old man, 1795 01:24:35,570 --> 01:24:37,989 marveling at their thoughtful perfection. 1796 01:24:38,072 --> 01:24:39,616 An Easy-Bake Oven! 1797 01:24:39,699 --> 01:24:42,076 -I can make Christmas cookies today! -[Ralphie] Yeah! 1798 01:24:42,160 --> 01:24:43,495 It even has a pom-pom. 1799 01:24:43,578 --> 01:24:45,497 -[Ralphie] Wow. -Really pretty. 1800 01:24:45,580 --> 01:24:47,999 -It is soft. -Yeah. 1801 01:24:48,082 --> 01:24:49,667 -[Sandy] Ah... -Fountain pen. 1802 01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:52,045 -Oh, lovely. -Wow. 1803 01:24:52,754 --> 01:24:53,588 Wow! 1804 01:24:54,297 --> 01:24:56,132 [chuckles] 1805 01:24:56,216 --> 01:24:59,511 A Flexible Flyer F-23 Yankee Clipper! 1806 01:24:59,594 --> 01:25:00,804 How did he know? 1807 01:25:00,887 --> 01:25:03,723 He knows. He always knows. 1808 01:25:03,807 --> 01:25:07,560 And right when it seemed the only thing missing was the old man, 1809 01:25:07,644 --> 01:25:12,232 he was here, just like always, on Christmas morning. 1810 01:25:14,150 --> 01:25:16,402 [Ralphie] Whoa! Look at that. [Sandy] Oh, you are... 1811 01:25:16,486 --> 01:25:18,196 Oh, boy. 1812 01:25:18,279 --> 01:25:20,156 [Ralphie] We tore into the remaining presents with abandon. 1813 01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:23,159 See, now your papa can't hit you in the eyes anymore. 1814 01:25:23,243 --> 01:25:24,744 It was an accident. 1815 01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:26,955 [Ralphie] Some were from Mom's stockings from Santa, 1816 01:25:27,038 --> 01:25:30,583 and the rest from Sandy's ingenious use of our remaining cash. 1817 01:25:30,667 --> 01:25:31,876 It's a party calendar. 1818 01:25:31,960 --> 01:25:33,419 [Ralphie] Disco. [Sandy] Disco. 1819 01:25:33,503 --> 01:25:35,088 [Mrs. Parker] Disco. Yeah. [Ralphie] Look at that. 1820 01:25:37,131 --> 01:25:39,551 No one cared how much they cost, because... 1821 01:25:39,634 --> 01:25:42,178 and I can't believe I'm admitting this, 1822 01:25:42,262 --> 01:25:44,180 it was the thought that counts. 1823 01:25:44,264 --> 01:25:46,808 [Sandy] He's gonna break his other arm, too. [Ralphie] Yeah. He just might. 1824 01:25:46,891 --> 01:25:49,894 -And, Dad, I have something for you. -Oh. 1825 01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:51,396 [chuckles] 1826 01:25:51,479 --> 01:25:53,356 -Ooh. -The gifts are great. 1827 01:25:53,439 --> 01:25:55,149 -Thanks. -You're welcome. 1828 01:25:55,233 --> 01:25:57,318 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 1829 01:25:58,736 --> 01:25:59,988 [Mrs. Parker] Oh. 1830 01:26:00,071 --> 01:26:02,740 -[laughing] -[Sandy] What? 1831 01:26:03,658 --> 01:26:05,493 Oh. A radiator. 1832 01:26:05,577 --> 01:26:07,745 -Where did you-- -I blackmailed Delbert. 1833 01:26:07,829 --> 01:26:10,540 -It was easy. -[chuckles] That's my girl. 1834 01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,127 Thank you, sweetheart. 1835 01:26:14,210 --> 01:26:16,045 I love it. 1836 01:26:16,129 --> 01:26:18,923 -[Ralphie] Delbert Bumpus. The gift that keeps on giving. -Oh, my God. 1837 01:26:25,889 --> 01:26:27,348 I can't wait. 1838 01:26:27,432 --> 01:26:29,183 Me neither. 1839 01:26:29,267 --> 01:26:31,686 [Mrs. Parker] Not until the casseroles are finished. 1840 01:26:31,769 --> 01:26:33,104 [groans] 1841 01:26:33,187 --> 01:26:35,607 [laughs] Come on, let's go. Two plates, two forks. 1842 01:26:35,690 --> 01:26:37,192 -Off you go. -You serious? 1843 01:26:37,275 --> 01:26:39,193 I'm serious. Out you go. Come on. 1844 01:26:39,277 --> 01:26:40,778 Put some meat on those bones. Go on. 1845 01:26:40,862 --> 01:26:42,488 -[Julie] It never ends. -I know, I know. 1846 01:26:47,744 --> 01:26:48,870 [Sandy sighs] 1847 01:26:51,247 --> 01:26:54,208 You know, I've been thinking. 1848 01:26:54,292 --> 01:26:56,961 I mean, a year, it really isn't that much time. 1849 01:26:57,045 --> 01:26:59,839 -And to build a writing career-- -No, honey. 1850 01:27:00,548 --> 01:27:01,841 A deal's a deal. 1851 01:27:01,925 --> 01:27:03,551 And it was a real gift. 1852 01:27:03,635 --> 01:27:06,471 But come January, I'm going back to work. 1853 01:27:07,096 --> 01:27:08,306 And that's okay. 1854 01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:10,642 Okay. 1855 01:27:31,955 --> 01:27:36,334 [Ralphie] It wasn't the lack of success that bothered me. 1856 01:27:36,417 --> 01:27:38,878 It was the sting that laid in the belief 1857 01:27:38,962 --> 01:27:42,173 that I still had something meaningful to say. 1858 01:27:44,717 --> 01:27:45,885 [woman] Ralphie! 1859 01:27:46,886 --> 01:27:48,137 Great job! 1860 01:27:50,598 --> 01:27:51,808 Okay. 1861 01:27:57,021 --> 01:27:58,356 [man] Hey, Ralphie! 1862 01:27:58,439 --> 01:27:59,857 The wife and I loved your story. 1863 01:28:00,817 --> 01:28:01,859 The newspaper. 1864 01:28:03,444 --> 01:28:04,487 It's great! 1865 01:28:30,388 --> 01:28:32,557 It's my story. 1866 01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:34,434 How did they get my story? 1867 01:28:34,517 --> 01:28:35,560 Don't look at me. 1868 01:28:38,062 --> 01:28:39,731 I gave it to 'em. 1869 01:28:39,814 --> 01:28:41,566 What are you talking about? 1870 01:28:41,649 --> 01:28:43,985 Well, last night, after you stormed out, the newspaper called. 1871 01:28:44,068 --> 01:28:46,446 They wanted the obituary for the Sunday paper. 1872 01:28:46,529 --> 01:28:49,949 So, I borrowed your mom's car and I dropped it off. 1873 01:28:50,033 --> 01:28:51,367 It's not an obituary. 1874 01:28:51,451 --> 01:28:55,121 No, I know. The editor said the same thing. 1875 01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:59,208 Ralph, I read it. It's the best thing you've ever written. 1876 01:29:01,377 --> 01:29:02,962 And besides, I wasn't about to give them 1877 01:29:03,046 --> 01:29:06,382 the lousy three sentences you scribbled on that notepad. 1878 01:29:06,466 --> 01:29:08,468 -[phone ringing] -Oh, I'll get it. 1879 01:29:10,553 --> 01:29:13,181 Hello? Yes. 1880 01:29:13,264 --> 01:29:14,682 Yes, he's here. 1881 01:29:14,766 --> 01:29:15,767 It's for you. 1882 01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:16,768 Who is it? 1883 01:29:16,851 --> 01:29:18,811 It's the editor from the paper. 1884 01:29:25,234 --> 01:29:26,235 Hello? 1885 01:29:27,361 --> 01:29:28,279 Uh-huh. 1886 01:29:29,072 --> 01:29:30,156 Yes. 1887 01:29:30,239 --> 01:29:32,742 Yes, I do. All right. 1888 01:29:34,368 --> 01:29:36,579 Okay. Mm-hm. 1889 01:29:39,373 --> 01:29:40,458 Thank you. 1890 01:29:46,422 --> 01:29:48,591 Well, what did he say? 1891 01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:54,263 He wants to know if I have more stories. 1892 01:29:59,185 --> 01:30:00,353 Ralph... 1893 01:30:01,562 --> 01:30:03,064 You did it. 1894 01:30:03,147 --> 01:30:05,233 I did it. I did it! 1895 01:30:05,316 --> 01:30:07,318 -[all laughing] -I did it. 1896 01:30:08,820 --> 01:30:11,030 I did. I actually did it! 1897 01:30:11,114 --> 01:30:13,991 I was a bona fide published writer! 1898 01:30:14,075 --> 01:30:15,409 And they wanted more! 1899 01:30:15,493 --> 01:30:18,621 -[indistinct chatter] -[knocking on door] 1900 01:30:18,704 --> 01:30:21,916 -I'll get it! -He also said it's gonna be syndicated. 1901 01:30:21,999 --> 01:30:23,334 -What? -What does that mean? 1902 01:30:23,417 --> 01:30:25,336 It means it's going in all the papers. 1903 01:30:25,419 --> 01:30:27,004 -Even in Chicago? -Yeah. 1904 01:30:27,088 --> 01:30:29,507 Come on. Let's go read it! 1905 01:30:29,590 --> 01:30:32,009 -Ralph. -[Julie] Wait for me! 1906 01:30:32,093 --> 01:30:34,387 -Thank you, honey. -Of course. 1907 01:30:34,470 --> 01:30:37,265 -[Mrs. Parker] Ralphie, you have visitors. -Go, go, go! 1908 01:30:37,348 --> 01:30:38,683 -Okay. Okay. -Go! 1909 01:30:38,766 --> 01:30:39,976 Who is it, Ma? 1910 01:30:40,059 --> 01:30:42,770 There he is! Hohman's own Ray Bradbury! 1911 01:30:42,854 --> 01:30:44,647 Oh, man! Good job. 1912 01:30:44,730 --> 01:30:47,733 -Hey! Yeah, good stuff, man. -Thanks, buddy. 1913 01:30:47,817 --> 01:30:48,985 Mom loved it. 1914 01:30:49,068 --> 01:30:50,653 -Had me read it to her twice. -Wow. 1915 01:30:50,736 --> 01:30:53,030 -Thanks for the story, Ralph. -Hey, Larry. 1916 01:30:53,114 --> 01:30:55,449 Great excuse to get out of the house. 1917 01:30:55,533 --> 01:30:56,617 -Yeah. -Oh, yeah. 1918 01:30:56,701 --> 01:30:59,036 How do you feel about casserole? 1919 01:30:59,120 --> 01:31:01,289 -I love it. -You must be hungry. 1920 01:31:01,372 --> 01:31:02,373 Casserole. 1921 01:31:02,456 --> 01:31:03,541 -Let's eat! -Come on. 1922 01:31:03,624 --> 01:31:05,877 Merry Christmas, everybody! 1923 01:31:05,960 --> 01:31:09,088 [Ralphie] As the word spread, it seemed like half the neighborhood showed up. 1924 01:31:09,172 --> 01:31:11,883 My mother welcomed them with open arms... 1925 01:31:11,966 --> 01:31:14,093 as long as they weren't carolers. 1926 01:31:14,177 --> 01:31:15,970 -You digging in? -Ralph. 1927 01:31:16,053 --> 01:31:17,138 [indistinct chatter] 1928 01:31:18,973 --> 01:31:20,850 -No, it's not true. -Officer Farkus... 1929 01:31:20,933 --> 01:31:22,393 Hey! What's all the fuss? 1930 01:31:22,476 --> 01:31:23,895 [all] Oh, Randy! 1931 01:31:24,770 --> 01:31:26,731 -Randy! -Mom! 1932 01:31:28,691 --> 01:31:30,151 Oh. 1933 01:31:30,234 --> 01:31:32,278 -Hey! Merry Christmas, big brother. -You made it. 1934 01:31:32,361 --> 01:31:34,572 Yeah. A cracker? 1935 01:31:34,655 --> 01:31:36,073 Mm-hm. 1936 01:31:36,157 --> 01:31:39,368 -[both] Uncle Randy! -Hey, runts! How are you doing? 1937 01:31:39,452 --> 01:31:41,078 Good to see you. Good to see you. 1938 01:31:41,162 --> 01:31:43,122 Hey, why don't you go check out that suitcase over there. 1939 01:31:43,206 --> 01:31:45,416 I picked up some gifts along the way. 1940 01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:46,709 -Sandy! -Randy! 1941 01:31:46,792 --> 01:31:49,086 -Hey. -Hey. Merry Christmas. 1942 01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:51,797 [gasps] It's the stuffed cat I wanted! 1943 01:31:51,881 --> 01:31:52,798 Oh. 1944 01:31:52,882 --> 01:31:55,259 Cool! A saber. 1945 01:31:55,343 --> 01:31:56,594 -Awesome! -Oh. 1946 01:31:56,677 --> 01:31:58,429 [Mrs. Parker] No, no, no. 1947 01:31:58,512 --> 01:32:00,598 [sniffs] What's that smell? 1948 01:32:00,681 --> 01:32:02,058 Casserole. Come on, let's eat. 1949 01:32:02,141 --> 01:32:03,434 -What, on Christmas? -Let's go. Go. 1950 01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:05,269 Come on. We need some dishes. 1951 01:32:05,353 --> 01:32:08,814 Extra chairs. Come on, everybody. Come on. 1952 01:32:08,898 --> 01:32:12,443 [Ralphie] Everyone gathered 'round, rolled up their sleeves, 1953 01:32:12,527 --> 01:32:14,320 and loosened their belts a notch. 1954 01:32:14,403 --> 01:32:17,281 Those casseroles didn't stand a chance. 1955 01:32:17,365 --> 01:32:20,660 Not with the bottomless pit known as... 1956 01:32:21,536 --> 01:32:23,788 good ol' Larry Novak. 1957 01:32:34,799 --> 01:32:35,591 Yeah! 1958 01:32:35,675 --> 01:32:37,134 [all cheering] 1959 01:32:37,218 --> 01:32:40,972 Turkey! Turkey's ready! Make room for the turkey! 1960 01:32:41,055 --> 01:32:42,223 [Mark] Finally! 1961 01:32:42,306 --> 01:32:44,767 Here we go. All right. 1962 01:32:44,850 --> 01:32:47,103 [Ralphie] When I tallied up the final scorecard, 1963 01:32:47,186 --> 01:32:50,147 it was hardly the perfect holiday I'd imagined. 1964 01:32:50,231 --> 01:32:52,024 My wife on crutches, 1965 01:32:52,108 --> 01:32:53,734 broken arm for my son, 1966 01:32:53,818 --> 01:32:55,945 my daughter nearly blinded, 1967 01:32:56,028 --> 01:32:57,405 stolen gifts, 1968 01:32:57,488 --> 01:32:59,532 and my book flopped. 1969 01:32:59,615 --> 01:33:03,119 But somehow, beyond the scope of probability, 1970 01:33:03,202 --> 01:33:05,997 through all the headaches and heartaches, 1971 01:33:06,080 --> 01:33:08,582 the house was filled with life, 1972 01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:09,959 laughter, 1973 01:33:10,042 --> 01:33:12,086 and love once again. 1974 01:33:13,212 --> 01:33:15,298 The old man would be proud. 1975 01:33:16,590 --> 01:33:18,467 [radio tuning, turns off] 1976 01:33:19,135 --> 01:33:20,136 [chuckles] 1977 01:33:21,345 --> 01:33:22,805 Hot damn, Ralph! 1978 01:33:22,888 --> 01:33:24,348 You did it. 1979 01:33:24,432 --> 01:33:26,017 [chuckles] 1980 01:33:26,100 --> 01:33:27,268 [Ralphie] Mom, what'd you think? 1981 01:33:27,351 --> 01:33:28,853 Oh, I haven't read it yet. 1982 01:33:28,936 --> 01:33:30,187 -What? -No. 1983 01:33:30,271 --> 01:33:33,190 I wanted to hear it from my son, the writer. 1984 01:33:33,274 --> 01:33:34,692 Yeah, Dad. Read it. 1985 01:33:34,775 --> 01:33:35,818 [Sandy] Yeah. 1986 01:33:37,320 --> 01:33:38,362 [chuckles] 1987 01:33:38,446 --> 01:33:39,905 Come here. 1988 01:33:39,989 --> 01:33:41,365 Come here. 1989 01:33:52,626 --> 01:33:53,836 [clears throat] 1990 01:33:55,212 --> 01:33:57,548 "My Old Man. 1991 01:33:57,631 --> 01:34:00,760 My old man didn't just celebrate Christmas, 1992 01:34:00,843 --> 01:34:02,261 he indulged in it. 1993 01:34:02,345 --> 01:34:04,388 Brought it to life for his family. 1994 01:34:06,974 --> 01:34:10,353 One Christmas in particular stood out as the gold standard. 1995 01:34:10,436 --> 01:34:14,065 And it all started back in the good old house on Cleveland Street. 1996 01:34:16,650 --> 01:34:18,944 Christmas was on its way... 1997 01:34:19,028 --> 01:34:21,530 lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas 1998 01:34:21,614 --> 01:34:24,492 around which the entire kid year revolved. 1999 01:34:26,327 --> 01:34:30,039 Downtown Hohman was prepared for its annual bacchanalia 2000 01:34:30,122 --> 01:34:33,376 of peace on Earth and good will to men. 2001 01:34:35,169 --> 01:34:37,380 But more importantly, to one boy, 2002 01:34:37,463 --> 01:34:40,341 his quest to acquire the most coveted gift 2003 01:34:40,424 --> 01:34:42,593 a nine-year-old could hope for... 2004 01:34:43,344 --> 01:34:45,054 The Holy Grail" 2005 01:34:45,137 --> 01:34:46,764 [young Ralphie] ...Holy Grail of Christmas gifts. 2006 01:34:46,847 --> 01:34:49,892 The Red Ryder, 200 shot, 2007 01:34:49,975 --> 01:34:52,311 range model air rifle. 141698