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Previously on
"Reginald the Vampire..."
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That woman is insane.
3
00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:06,528
That woman is
a stone-cold killer.
4
00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:07,964
Surprise.
5
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,010
Here's your target,
Reginald Andres.
6
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,576
He's a vampire?
7
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,318
Visualize, believe, achieve.
8
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- Why are you helping me?
- I want you to live.
9
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,453
- Hey, Reggie.
- Hi, Maurice.
10
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,063
I needed some time
to clear my head.
11
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,065
- I'm sorry too.
- Is that what I think it is?
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00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,806
Don't touch anything.
13
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,112
What in the world are you
doing with herb of the cross?
14
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,766
- Ooh!
- Feeding on Todd stops now.
15
00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:29,507
- What am I supposed to do?
- You hunt.
16
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:32,467
- That's my jam.
- I know.
17
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,773
Next up,
we have Reginald and Sarah.
18
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,775
[cheers and applause]
19
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[tense music]
20
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:48,657
♪ ♪
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00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,577
I turn my back
for one second--
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00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:58,493
one second, and there he is
in the shit again.
23
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,886
Huh?
How does it keep happening?
24
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:03,628
And I'm the idiot who has to
clean it up every goddamn time.
25
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:06,414
Look, I-I'm very sympathetic
26
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,807
when you clean up
my mess and all,
27
00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:11,332
but I'm a little lost here.
28
00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:13,247
Reggie, do you have
any idea the level
29
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,640
of cluster----
you just found yourself in?
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What, you mean
the weird vampire lady?
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No, no, I'm talking
about the timeless power
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00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:21,559
of a Bonnie Tyler classic.
33
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:23,474
Of course I'm talking
about the weird vampire lady.
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00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:25,476
That's Nikki,
the vampire assassin--
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00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:26,912
the world's deadliest.
36
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,566
Okay, that woman,
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00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:31,961
she takes care
of Angela's problems.
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Reginald, that problem is you.
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Wait, wait, wait.
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Did you not see her singing?
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00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,317
She's a big softie.
42
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:42,014
No, that woman
is chaos incarnate.
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She is a hurricane with feet.
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00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:45,583
She'll enter your life
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and obliterate everything
and everyone in it.
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Sarah.
47
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Sarah!
48
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,201
I know it sucks right now,
49
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:57,073
but you're gonna get over
whatever this is.
50
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,249
- Hey, we should go now.
- Your voice
51
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is the voice of an angel.
52
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:02,948
Wait, are you talking
about Reginald?
53
00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:04,428
Let's just leave
the sad lady alone.
54
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,038
But I think she's
talking about you.
55
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:06,996
Well, that makes
no sense at all.
56
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,302
None, but--
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Hey, it was really nice
to meet you
58
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:13,481
and good luck with whatever
future endeavors you may have,
59
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,439
but we got to go.
- But--okay.
60
00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:16,788
- Yeah. We should go.
- But should we--
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The voice of an angel
that made us.
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00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,532
[chuckles softly]
63
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:24,492
[soft string melody]
64
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:28,278
♪ ♪
65
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[indistinct chatter]
66
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Haemolacria.
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It's a condition
where you cry blood
68
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,692
like you do.
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00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,564
- You.
- Yes.
70
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,045
Me, Ashley.
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00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,966
I was hoping
I'd run into you again.
72
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,446
Obviously, this isn't
what I pictured,
73
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:06,882
the running into--not--
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00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:10,364
not that I pictured anything.
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00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,975
It just looked like you could
maybe use a friend right now.
76
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:15,978
Is there any way you could
stop this incessant pounding?
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00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,980
I-I think that's your heart
and you want it to do that.
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00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,982
But I-I can't--
I can't breathe.
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00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,592
I feel like it's trying
to bust out of my chest.
80
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,203
Mm, mm, mm.
81
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:26,815
Textbook panic attack.
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00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,992
I've seen a lot of panic.
This feels different.
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00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:32,081
Denial will only
make it worse.
84
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:36,564
What you want to do is
you want to put your head down
85
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:40,829
between your knees like so,
and you just let it hang loose,
86
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:44,311
and, uh, take some deep breaths
in through your nose...
87
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,617
[whooshing]
And out through your mouth.
88
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:50,708
In and out.
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00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:55,887
In and out.
90
00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:57,541
How does that fee--
91
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,771
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what's your hurry?
92
00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:12,034
Let's enjoy the night
while it lasts.
93
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:13,905
You know, I feel like
the night would be
94
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:16,168
much better enjoyed
inside where we can
95
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,259
lock doors and hopefully
windows as well.
96
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:22,740
Well, I feel
completely safe with you.
97
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:25,265
Really?
98
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,658
[chuckles]
99
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:31,923
We emerged from a crazy
food fight unscathed
100
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,752
and a karaoke superfan unmurdered.
101
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,711
I'm not sure what it is
about our dates,
102
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:39,366
but crazy sure seems
to follow us wherever we go.
103
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:42,020
Oh, no, that's so true,
isn't it?
104
00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:46,155
Oh, but they're unforgettable
and ridiculous,
105
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,679
and I wouldn't change a thing.
106
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:53,031
There is one thing
I would change.
107
00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:55,860
[dramatic
electroacoustic music]
108
00:04:55,947 --> 00:05:02,867
♪ ♪
109
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,753
I should've done that
so much sooner.
110
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,407
- [laughs]
- [sighs]
111
00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:22,626
Your timing feels
perfect to me.
112
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:26,848
I promise you, our next date
is gonna be so, so normal.
113
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,240
- [chuckles]
- It'll be boring.
114
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,591
Oh, well,
it would have to be boring
115
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,375
in order for us
to course correct.
116
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,857
Maybe we file taxes.
117
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:38,120
We could sit at a bus stop
and not get on the bus.
118
00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:40,122
Ooh, how late
is the DMV open?
119
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,993
Oh, clog dancing.
120
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,213
Oh, yeah, that sounds awful.
121
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,823
- Nice.
- Yeah.
122
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:48,826
Maybe we could do, like,
123
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,829
some Russian
language class or--
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00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,310
Oh, we could do our taxes.
125
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:55,833
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
126
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,357
[laughing]
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
127
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:00,316
My grandma is making some pie--
128
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,672
[scoffs]
129
00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:10,326
[sighs]
130
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,328
[groans]
131
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,330
Can we raincheck this please?
132
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:17,420
I need a palate cleanser
after that.
133
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,379
You're welcome to join
if you'd like.
134
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,945
[sighs]
135
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,165
I don't know
who's more delusional,
136
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,428
the unhinged assassin
137
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,561
or the woman who thinks
she can control her.
138
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:31,478
Ooh, hypocrisy
is crisp tonight.
139
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:32,522
Yeah, I wonder what
the Council will think
140
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,263
of your illegal maneuver,
141
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:38,006
which, from the looks of it,
failed miserably.
142
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:41,923
And now,
Nikki's loose in Akron.
143
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:43,446
Did Reginald really
deserve that?
144
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,709
Hate to break it to you, Maurice,
145
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:49,060
but you're little pet project
is the real threat.
146
00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,367
When he fails The Assessment,
147
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,238
you die,
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00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,458
along with any human
who knows his secret.
149
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,723
And I wonder if he told
150
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,464
that pretty little
girlfriend of his.
151
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:02,726
No, she doesn't
know anything.
152
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,162
You sure?
153
00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,469
[tense music]
154
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:10,125
If I kill Reginald now,
155
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:13,084
you don't have to worry
about any of that.
156
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:15,957
I'd kind of be
doing you a favor.
157
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:19,526
Keep your claws off
of Reginald.
158
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:25,967
♪ ♪
159
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,970
[humming]
160
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:33,453
Whoa!
161
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:35,890
[gagging]
162
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:37,282
You sing like an angel.
163
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,589
Do you know them?
Do they speak to you?
164
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:40,808
[strangled]
Who?
165
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,985
[panting]
- The angels.
166
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,552
Yes, they're terrifying
in their glory,
167
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,075
and yes,
they shaped us like clay,
168
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:48,468
but I've never heard them
until I heard the sound
169
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,470
of your voice.
170
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,123
I think you might
be overestimating
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00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,951
my singing ability.
172
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,518
Well, if that's the case,
I'm afraid I have to kill you.
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00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,999
A job's a job and so forth.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
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00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,305
You said the angels?
I know the angels.
175
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:01,568
I talk to them all the time.
They're--
176
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:03,221
they're the ones
who taught me to sing.
177
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:05,049
Two angels in particular,
178
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,704
Eric B and Rakim.
179
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:09,750
Good guys as angels go.
180
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,186
I knew it.
181
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,320
I came to the city made
of rubber to kill you.
182
00:08:15,407 --> 00:08:17,018
Well, that's a terrible idea.
183
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,410
I'm having second thoughts.
184
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,977
I'm also very much
on board with that.
185
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,153
- Close your eyes.
- Why?
186
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,809
Because I've never,
ever, never
187
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:28,595
said something like this before
and it embarrasses me,
188
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:32,076
which is another emotion
I'm not familiar with.
189
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:34,296
What a night I'm having.
190
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:36,385
Okay.
191
00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:37,604
[whimpers]
192
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,782
I've never been
in love before,
193
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:44,524
and love is scarier than me.
194
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,311
Oh, my God.
195
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,095
Oh, my God.
196
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:54,055
[suspenseful music]
197
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:57,580
♪ ♪
198
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,799
Oh, my God.
199
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,503
- Maurice, hey.
- Oh, hey.
200
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,766
Hey, you live around here?
201
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,899
- I'm not too far.
- Oh.
202
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,117
I was still wired
so I thought
203
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,945
I'd get some fresh air.
204
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:18,209
That was, uh,
quite the performance tonight.
205
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:20,342
I've never seen Reggie
so happy.
206
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,430
- Really?
- Yeah.
207
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:22,649
But that's no surprise,
208
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:24,476
Reginald is crazy about you.
209
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,435
He talks about you nonstop.
210
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,264
I probably shouldn't--
211
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:30,874
[laughter]
212
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,441
It just feels like I know you
213
00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:35,618
because he's talked
about you so much.
214
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,054
We kissed.
215
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,839
- You and Reginald?
- Yeah.
216
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:40,405
- Reginald Andres?
- Uh-huh.
217
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:43,800
That Reginald?
What?
218
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,323
How was it?
219
00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:47,804
How do you feel about tea?
[chuckles]
220
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,114
- Thanks.
- Welcome.
221
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,688
So you and Reginald have
spent a lot of time together.
222
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,168
Mm, at the delightful microcosm
223
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:06,475
that is the Slushy Shack, yes.
224
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:10,479
He has single-handedly
preserved my sanity.
225
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:12,960
Time just flies by
when we're together.
226
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,831
We can talk about
absolutely nothing
227
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,181
and absolutely everything
at the same time.
228
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,967
That's great you have someone
you can be an open book with.
229
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,359
Yeah.
230
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:29,803
But sometimes I feel like
it's a bit one-sided.
231
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,370
How's that?
232
00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,808
I suppose
we all have walls up,
233
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:38,376
but Reginald has
one giant wall.
234
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:40,727
It's like there's something
in the way of him being
235
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,032
completely honest with me.
236
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,687
I don't know what.
237
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,602
I don't know, maybe it's me.
238
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,038
Maybe I'm just overthinking it.
239
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,431
Yeah, you got it bad.
240
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:52,129
[laughs]
- Oh, I suppose I do.
241
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:55,219
Look, Reginald has a lot
on his plate right now,
242
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:56,786
and I'm sure he'll
tell you all about it
243
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:59,006
once he's on the other side.
244
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,922
Until then, we just gotta
take it easy on him.
245
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,750
He's got it bad too, you know.
246
00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:07,057
[chuckles]
Take care of him.
247
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:08,276
You too.
248
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,888
[soft guitar music]
249
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:13,760
Mm.
250
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,500
Good night, Sarah.
Thank you for the tea.
251
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,024
Night.
[chuckles]
252
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:23,987
♪ ♪
253
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,607
"Upon receipt of the deposit,
254
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,915
there are no refunds
and no cancellations."
255
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:42,310
No refunds.
That is your policy.
256
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:45,443
So I can only assume that
that wire transfer you sent me
257
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,445
was, I don't know, a gift?
258
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,186
It's a refund,
259
00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:51,493
but since this job was
off the books,
260
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:53,669
I'm sure you can give me
a little wiggle room.
261
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,671
It's been a pleasure
not doing business with you.
262
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,978
Nikki.
263
00:11:58,065 --> 00:12:01,242
I am giving you the chance
to finish the job
264
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:04,898
as contracted
and salvage your reputation.
265
00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:06,638
No can do.
I'm on sabbatical.
266
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,163
What happened to you?
267
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,904
I know I hired crazy,
268
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,733
but I didn't know
I hired batshit crazy.
269
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,735
I-I don't know.
270
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,301
I'm--I'm still figuring it out.
271
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,868
Well, then do the job
and then figure it out.
272
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,003
When my heart cracked open,
273
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,701
I heard it crack.
274
00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:26,789
Hearts don't crack.
275
00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:29,618
- Mine did.
- Okay.
276
00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,359
I know I'm gonna regret
asking you this,
277
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:36,059
but why did your heart
crack open?
278
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:42,109
Have you ever seen
something so amazing
279
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:44,372
it makes your whole world
go topsy-turvy?
280
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,855
Like, hey, here's an example.
281
00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:51,727
The golden-voice wonder
you were hired to kill.
282
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,295
No, no.
283
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:59,691
Mm. Please tell me
you are not talking about...
284
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,259
R-Reginald.
285
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:05,610
I've never felt
like this before.
286
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,699
He is everything
in the world to me.
287
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,137
He is the night.
288
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,835
He is the first taste of blood.
289
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:15,055
He's a song.
290
00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:16,491
Thanks, Angela.
291
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:17,971
I never would've met him
if it wasn't for you.
292
00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:19,407
So for that, I owe you--
293
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,930
Don't!
294
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:24,020
Just...
295
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,413
go away.
- Okay.
296
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:30,113
[ominous music]
297
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:35,162
Oh, Reginald------- Andres.
298
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,990
♪ ♪
299
00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:42,082
Been here, done this.
300
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,474
The Assessment is
on the books, Reggie.
301
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,346
Couple months out.
- Awesome.
302
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,478
Plenty of time.
I can't wait.
303
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,741
Look, it's all
about centering yourself.
304
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,482
Clearing your mind
and trusting your instincts.
305
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,049
You're a vampire now
306
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,878
and with that comes
an innate primal intelligence.
307
00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:57,532
Okay?
308
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,187
When faced with an obstacle,
your body,
309
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,537
if you trust it,
will know exactly what to do,
310
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:03,930
even if you've never
done it before.
311
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,323
Visualize, believe, achieve.
312
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:07,803
Mike was very emphatic
about that.
313
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,674
Where is he?
- Um,
314
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,242
Mike had to...
315
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,462
Mike's nesting somewhere else.
316
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,943
Nesting sounds nice.
Sounds really fun actually.
317
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:17,987
Like having a bunch
of friends over
318
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:20,294
who share similar interests.
319
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:22,426
- Blood.
- Sure, that,
320
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:25,168
or in my recent experience
with vampires,
321
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:28,606
they're very keen on karaoke.
322
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:31,696
No, stay away from Nikki.
She's a killer.
323
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,482
Understood, but maybe there's
more to her than that.
324
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,267
Everybody has a secret self
just waiting to be revealed.
325
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,313
No, Nikki's
secret self is soaked
326
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,141
in the blood
of everyone she's killed.
327
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,187
Okay, and that's enough blood
to source the Nile.
328
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,929
Okay, that's vivid
and pretty convincing.
329
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,975
Yeah.
330
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,193
What about Sarah?
331
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,544
Sarah is my undead life goal.
332
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:57,548
Very first vampire girlfriend.
333
00:14:57,635 --> 00:15:00,377
Yeah.
You know, believe it or not,
334
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:02,118
I think I'm starting to see
the value in the two of you.
335
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,294
You do? Me and Sarah?
336
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:05,382
Yeah, you and Sarah.
337
00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:08,168
[laughter]
338
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:09,386
[exhales]
Okay.
339
00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,649
[clears throat]
I think I'm ready.
340
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,914
Fully centered.
341
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,655
Visualizing, believing, achieving.
342
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:18,743
This is my moment.
343
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,049
That's the spirit.
344
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,137
Go for it. Break that thing.
345
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:22,530
All right.
346
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:25,489
[playful music]
347
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:31,800
♪ ♪
348
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:38,894
This hammer
is my big-ass brain.
349
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:42,071
This broken piece of
cinderblock is The Assessment.
350
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,768
Are there any questions?
351
00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:53,648
There's something
different about you.
352
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:54,866
Me?
353
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,218
You're, like, glowing.
354
00:15:58,305 --> 00:15:59,523
No, I'm not.
355
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,917
Oh, my God,
you and Reginald had sex.
356
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,832
No, we just kissed.
357
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:09,055
Jeez, what happens to you
when you have sex?
358
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:12,101
What can I say?
It was a pretty good kiss.
359
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,886
Hey, this is
an interesting development.
360
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,976
What's next on the carnal
to-do list?
361
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,368
Good question.
362
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:21,241
I guess only time will tell.
363
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:22,546
You're not actually
waiting for Reginald
364
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:24,200
to make the next more, are you?
365
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:25,419
This is Reginald
we're talking here.
366
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,247
Reginald has no game.
367
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:31,468
If you want to get with him,
you better take the lead.
368
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:32,948
Never thought about that.
369
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,515
Take bonobos, for example.
370
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:35,907
Bono-what?
371
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,911
They're a super
sex positive primate.
372
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,522
The females call all the shots.
373
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,219
They decide when, where, who.
374
00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:44,829
One could argue
that bonobos are actually
375
00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:48,398
the most evolved primate
on the planet.
376
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,793
So you want me to take
dating advice from a monkey?
377
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,186
A very satisfied monkey.
378
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,363
[bell rings]
379
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,241
[eerie music]
380
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:08,201
Welcome to the Slushy Shack.
How may I help you?
381
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:09,941
I'm here to kill
my romantic rival.
382
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,988
[laughs]
383
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,947
[upbeat music playing]
384
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:23,607
[suspenseful music]
385
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:26,132
♪ ♪
386
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:28,264
Hey, can you watch the till?
Thanks. Bye now.
387
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:29,700
Sure.
388
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,789
Isn't that sad karaoke lady?
389
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,362
I'm glad you're
no longer crying blood.
390
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:41,060
The homicidal ideation isn't
much of an improvement.
391
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,974
It's nothing personal.
If I want something,
392
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,281
I simply eliminate obstacles
standing in my way.
393
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:48,067
That is very goal-oriented,
394
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:51,592
but that doesn't really apply
to romantic interests.
395
00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:53,072
Well, I have to do something.
396
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:56,031
I can't stop thinking
about him.
397
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,164
- Who him?
- Reginald, of course.
398
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:02,255
- Reginald Andres?
- Mm.
399
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:07,651
Your romantic rival is
the nice lady serving slushies
400
00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:08,957
to thirsty customers out front?
401
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:10,698
She is deader than dirt.
402
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:16,486
Your eyeballs wobble
the tiniest fraction
403
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:17,879
when you think.
404
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:19,489
- They do?
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,796
Nobody's ever
noticed that before.
406
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:25,147
[tense music]
407
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,541
Falling in love is like...
408
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:32,023
Being in a jumbo pot
of love soup.
409
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,374
Love and all its by-products,
410
00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:37,290
fear, anxiety...
411
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,989
Obsession.
412
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:43,339
Giving a heart
to your one, true love.
413
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,211
If you try to act
on all those emotions,
414
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:47,822
including killing
your romantic rival,
415
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:49,911
all at once,
416
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:52,174
you're gonna end up alone
and in jail.
417
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,002
As if any jail could hold me.
418
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,656
Not the point.
419
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,837
All right.
420
00:19:02,924 --> 00:19:04,578
I'm impressed
by your superior knowledge
421
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,406
on the subject of romance.
422
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:09,583
What do I do now?
423
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:14,501
Uh, I'm thinking...
424
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,503
let him take the lead.
425
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,375
Reginald has game, so go slow.
426
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:22,161
One year, maybe five.
427
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:23,814
Time's a fungible concept anyways.
428
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:25,555
Time is usually
not a problem for me,
429
00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:28,776
but in this case,
I don't think I can wait.
430
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,952
I'm thinking...
431
00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:34,912
Today.
432
00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:37,654
- Sure.
- Mm-hmm.
433
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,787
That's one way to go,
but is that really the best--
434
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:40,918
I'm gonna give Reginald
my heart
435
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:42,181
just like you told me to.
436
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,226
[squeals]
437
00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:47,186
[suspenseful music]
438
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:50,232
♪ ♪
439
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,495
[sighs]
Thanks for all your advice.
440
00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:54,280
You're really good
at this friend stuff.
441
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:58,153
I tried.
I really did.
442
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,634
What an odd lady.
443
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:02,940
Hey, I've been thinking
about what you said.
444
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:04,812
Isn't that just splendid.
445
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,466
I'm gonna be like
the bonobos.
446
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,076
I'm gonna call the shots.
447
00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:09,860
Thanks for your advice.
I really appreciate it.
448
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:11,558
Reginald's not gonna know
what hit him.
449
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:14,648
[nervous laughing]
He sure won't.
450
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,824
[groans]
451
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:18,956
Whoa, whoa, not today.
452
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:22,438
Not today,
not today, not today.
453
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,527
Relax, you rotund imbecile.
454
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,268
I'm here on business.
455
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,836
Wh-what kind of business?
456
00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:31,665
Logan the Punctilious,
deacon of the Vampire Council,
457
00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,754
has asked me to reschedule
your Assessment
458
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,669
to accommodate
his busy schedule.
459
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,845
I brought a pen.
460
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,848
Okay, well--
[grunts]
461
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:44,330
He has to travel
all the way from Buenos Aires.
462
00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:51,728
I suppose I could use
more time to train.
463
00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:54,035
True, but we're
moving The Assessment up,
464
00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:55,776
not back.
465
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:57,299
How does a month sound,
give or take?
466
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,996
A month?
467
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:01,042
That's not enough time
for anything.
468
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:03,436
Well, I'm happy to take
your complaints to the Council,
469
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:05,481
but you could lose more time
as a result.
470
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,222
Oh, no, no,
I'm fine with the rescheduling.
471
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,920
Hmm, can't be easy being you.
472
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,835
I mean,
now that you mention it, I--
473
00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:13,141
wait, what?
474
00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:16,405
On the plus size,
you're unique.
475
00:21:16,492 --> 00:21:18,277
Plus size. Funny.
476
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:22,063
On the minus,
everyone wants you dead.
477
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,239
Into every life
must come a little rain.
478
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:27,155
Wait, everybody?
479
00:21:27,242 --> 00:21:28,896
That seems a bit exaggerated,
don't you think?
480
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:30,767
Not everybody wants me dead.
- [sighs]
481
00:21:30,854 --> 00:21:32,769
I suppose
Maurice has your back.
482
00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:34,336
Exactly.
483
00:21:34,423 --> 00:21:37,644
And I'm assuming
that you have friends.
484
00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,907
Pretty awesome friends, actually.
485
00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:43,214
Also, a surprisingly
dynamic love life too.
486
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,304
Love is all right.
487
00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:50,004
It's not worth dying for,
you understand, but...
488
00:21:50,091 --> 00:21:51,658
there are times
where living for it
489
00:21:51,745 --> 00:21:53,355
isn't the worst possible idea.
490
00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:55,662
You're talking about Maurice,
aren't you?
491
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:57,011
He had your back too?
492
00:21:58,621 --> 00:22:00,493
Yes, he did.
493
00:22:02,538 --> 00:22:04,975
Well, this has...
[sighs]
494
00:22:05,062 --> 00:22:08,196
Been awesome.
495
00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:10,720
You and me, right?
Finding common ground.
496
00:22:10,807 --> 00:22:12,896
This is kind of crazy.
497
00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:14,289
Just a couple of vampires
498
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:15,421
sitting around
talking about love.
499
00:22:15,508 --> 00:22:16,987
I want you deader than dirt.
500
00:22:17,074 --> 00:22:18,772
Every relationship has
its challenges.
501
00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:20,904
Nice chat, Blob.
502
00:22:20,991 --> 00:22:23,167
Enjoy the next four weeks
to the fullest.
503
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:24,778
Like they were your last.
504
00:22:24,865 --> 00:22:26,693
[ominous music]
505
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,216
Will do.
506
00:22:29,913 --> 00:22:33,569
Vampires are------- weird.
507
00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:34,875
[sighs]
508
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:37,181
♪ ♪
509
00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:45,407
[knock on door]
510
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:52,675
Hey.
511
00:22:56,462 --> 00:22:59,421
[laughs]
512
00:22:59,508 --> 00:23:01,597
Oh. Mm.
513
00:23:06,210 --> 00:23:08,517
- Hey.
- Hey.
514
00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:12,042
Oh, oh, oh.
515
00:23:12,129 --> 00:23:13,304
Wait, wait.
516
00:23:15,045 --> 00:23:16,307
In the interest
of full disclosure,
517
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,396
I have to tell you something.
- Oh.
518
00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:20,007
And brace yourself because,
519
00:23:20,094 --> 00:23:23,271
again fully aware of what
a shocker this is gonna be,
520
00:23:23,358 --> 00:23:24,881
but the thing
I wasn't telling you,
521
00:23:24,968 --> 00:23:29,625
my big, bold,
impossible secret is...
522
00:23:29,712 --> 00:23:31,932
I'm...
523
00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:37,067
[groans]
I'm...
524
00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:38,329
a virgin.
525
00:23:40,636 --> 00:23:42,769
Oh.
526
00:23:54,868 --> 00:23:57,958
[dark dreamy music]
527
00:23:58,045 --> 00:23:59,916
I'm glad you came back.
528
00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:01,527
Me too.
529
00:24:01,614 --> 00:24:05,139
The only thing is,
I can't figure out why.
530
00:24:05,226 --> 00:24:08,969
I need to make amends.
531
00:24:09,056 --> 00:24:12,276
That's the least attractive
sentence you've ever uttered.
532
00:24:12,363 --> 00:24:14,365
Well, what would you prefer?
533
00:24:15,932 --> 00:24:17,760
All right.
534
00:24:17,847 --> 00:24:22,461
Let's say amends
is the righteous thing.
535
00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:24,463
What exactly does that entail?
536
00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,987
I made a mistake.
537
00:24:29,859 --> 00:24:32,993
I put someone in danger
who does not deserve it,
538
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,213
and I need to make sure
he does not die.
539
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,433
Intriguing generalities.
540
00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:42,916
But...
- I'm gonna stop Angela
541
00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:44,700
before she kills
the fat vampire.
542
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,402
[chuckling]
543
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:54,405
[laughing]
544
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:57,321
[dramatic music]
545
00:24:57,408 --> 00:25:04,198
♪ ♪
546
00:25:04,285 --> 00:25:07,506
Looks like someone could
use a pick-me-up.
547
00:25:07,593 --> 00:25:11,074
Pineapple surprise.
548
00:25:11,161 --> 00:25:14,077
That's, uh,
really sweet of you.
549
00:25:14,164 --> 00:25:16,427
Thank you.
- [chuckles]
550
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:17,951
You know I'm just trying
to bribe you
551
00:25:18,038 --> 00:25:19,387
with your favorite slushy, right?
552
00:25:19,474 --> 00:25:21,389
I know. I'm sorry.
553
00:25:21,476 --> 00:25:23,173
I--I'm not trying
to ignore you.
554
00:25:23,260 --> 00:25:24,871
I just...
555
00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:27,003
I feel like the world's
biggest idiot.
556
00:25:27,090 --> 00:25:29,266
Like, that is not
how I wanted to tell you.
557
00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:30,703
Like I said last night,
558
00:25:30,790 --> 00:25:33,401
I think it's awesome
that you're a virgin
559
00:25:33,488 --> 00:25:35,055
and that you're waiting
for the right person.
560
00:25:36,665 --> 00:25:38,711
If I'm being honest,
561
00:25:38,798 --> 00:25:42,628
I never really had
a choice in the matter.
562
00:25:42,715 --> 00:25:45,413
It just never happened for me.
563
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:48,068
I feel like virginity's
just a outdated concept
564
00:25:48,155 --> 00:25:51,724
to shame women anyway, but if I was
565
00:25:51,811 --> 00:25:54,074
waiting for a person,
566
00:25:54,161 --> 00:25:55,815
it would be you.
567
00:25:55,902 --> 00:25:59,775
From the very first date,
if that makes any sense.
568
00:25:59,862 --> 00:26:01,603
Completely.
569
00:26:05,215 --> 00:26:09,393
I think it's time
for our third date.
570
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,092
You do?
I mean, I agree.
571
00:26:12,179 --> 00:26:14,007
It's--third time's
a charm, right?
572
00:26:14,094 --> 00:26:16,009
Yes, it will be.
573
00:26:16,096 --> 00:26:19,316
- You and me.
- Saturday night.
574
00:26:21,014 --> 00:26:24,191
Mm. Stolen moments
are the best kind.
575
00:26:25,714 --> 00:26:27,455
We're you wearing this
the entire time?
576
00:26:27,542 --> 00:26:30,980
- [laughs]
- Stop and is this rigatoni?
577
00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:34,114
The little rug rats
are crafty.
578
00:26:34,201 --> 00:26:35,942
I tried to compost it
the other night,
579
00:26:36,029 --> 00:26:38,031
but they caught me red-handed.
580
00:26:38,118 --> 00:26:42,165
They're keeping tabs on me
like secret agents.
581
00:26:42,252 --> 00:26:44,298
[fangs click]
[gasps]
582
00:26:44,385 --> 00:26:45,821
[moans]
583
00:26:45,908 --> 00:26:47,736
I need to take a page
from your book.
584
00:26:49,564 --> 00:26:51,697
Move through the world
like a glorious goddess
585
00:26:51,784 --> 00:26:54,221
no one will---- with.
586
00:26:56,658 --> 00:26:59,226
Not as glorious as it sounds.
587
00:26:59,313 --> 00:27:03,578
No? Why do you say that?
588
00:27:03,665 --> 00:27:08,801
Well, for starters,
that assassin that I hired,
589
00:27:08,888 --> 00:27:11,412
yeah, she had
a change of heart,
590
00:27:11,499 --> 00:27:15,938
which means Reginald is still
very much at large.
591
00:27:16,025 --> 00:27:19,681
I'm sure that Yukon brat
is cackling in her yurt.
592
00:27:19,768 --> 00:27:21,422
Yukon brat?
593
00:27:21,509 --> 00:27:24,730
[chuckles]
Eve.
594
00:27:24,817 --> 00:27:27,515
Eve of my doom is more like it.
595
00:27:27,602 --> 00:27:30,431
She's, uh,
watching my every move,
596
00:27:30,518 --> 00:27:32,738
so I can't afford
another slip up,
597
00:27:32,825 --> 00:27:34,653
especially when I'm
expecting a visit
598
00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:37,699
from the esteemed head of
council, Logan the Vivisector.
599
00:27:37,786 --> 00:27:39,614
Nice nickname.
600
00:27:39,701 --> 00:27:42,182
Oh, he earned it.
Trust me.
601
00:27:42,269 --> 00:27:45,185
I may not be able to relate
602
00:27:45,272 --> 00:27:49,624
to the complexities
of the vampire underworld,
603
00:27:49,711 --> 00:27:55,674
but, um, I have my own little
monsters to contend with,
604
00:27:55,761 --> 00:28:01,680
and when plan A
and plan B fall through,
605
00:28:01,767 --> 00:28:05,248
there's usually a plan C.
606
00:28:05,335 --> 00:28:09,644
It's hiding in plain sight
and solves everything.
607
00:28:13,779 --> 00:28:16,303
See?
I knew I could count on you.
608
00:28:16,390 --> 00:28:17,739
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
609
00:28:21,830 --> 00:28:23,527
Now, hand me my Spanx,
610
00:28:23,614 --> 00:28:25,355
'cause not all of us
are eternally 20.
611
00:28:25,442 --> 00:28:27,357
Oh, shut up.
612
00:28:27,444 --> 00:28:31,144
You are just as beautiful
as the first day we met.
613
00:28:31,231 --> 00:28:35,452
You know, you don't have
to hide your problems from me.
614
00:28:35,539 --> 00:28:40,849
Having feelings for you
and no sense of what hurts you,
615
00:28:40,936 --> 00:28:42,111
hurts.
616
00:28:42,198 --> 00:28:45,462
We talked about this.
617
00:28:45,549 --> 00:28:47,813
There are parts of my life
618
00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:51,468
that are best kept secret.
619
00:28:51,555 --> 00:28:54,254
It's dangerous to know
everything about me.
620
00:28:54,341 --> 00:28:57,953
It sounds like
the working definition of love.
621
00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,999
This is the only way
to keep you safe.
622
00:29:00,086 --> 00:29:03,176
[dreamy electroacoustic music]
623
00:29:03,263 --> 00:29:04,438
Listen to me.
624
00:29:04,525 --> 00:29:06,309
[echoing]
Listen.
625
00:29:06,396 --> 00:29:12,315
♪ ♪
626
00:29:12,402 --> 00:29:14,230
Hey, what are you doing
up already?
627
00:29:14,317 --> 00:29:15,666
Oh, I just had a hankering.
628
00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:17,668
You always have a hankering.
629
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:19,148
- For you, I do.
- [chuckles]
630
00:29:27,722 --> 00:29:29,506
Oh, Reggie-boo.
631
00:29:29,593 --> 00:29:31,552
Anything for my ray
of sunshine.
632
00:29:34,947 --> 00:29:38,254
Wait.
Something's missing.
633
00:29:40,561 --> 00:29:43,129
On today's menu
we have an aromatic blend
634
00:29:43,216 --> 00:29:46,828
of A and B positive
with a dash of O.
635
00:29:46,915 --> 00:29:49,352
Oh, honey,
you shouldn't have.
636
00:29:49,439 --> 00:29:51,050
It's perfect.
637
00:29:56,490 --> 00:29:59,580
Uh--oh, oh, that's generous.
638
00:29:59,667 --> 00:30:01,451
I'm good though.
That's plenty.
639
00:30:01,538 --> 00:30:04,585
- But aren't you hungry?
- Not that hungry.
640
00:30:04,672 --> 00:30:07,718
Oh, don't be afraid,
Reggie-boo.
641
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:10,765
The only thing you have
to fear is me itself.
642
00:30:10,852 --> 00:30:12,767
both: Good to the last drop.
643
00:30:12,854 --> 00:30:14,638
Good to the last drop.
644
00:30:14,725 --> 00:30:17,163
Good to the last drop.
645
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:19,208
Good to the last drop.
646
00:30:19,295 --> 00:30:20,644
[knock on door]
647
00:30:22,821 --> 00:30:23,952
[groans]
648
00:30:25,998 --> 00:30:27,651
[knock on door]
649
00:30:31,264 --> 00:30:32,700
[groans]
650
00:30:32,787 --> 00:30:35,703
What a weird-ass dream.
651
00:30:35,790 --> 00:30:37,313
[sighs]
652
00:30:39,402 --> 00:30:41,230
[gasps]
653
00:30:41,317 --> 00:30:44,190
[ominous music]
654
00:30:44,277 --> 00:30:49,238
♪ ♪
655
00:30:49,325 --> 00:30:51,719
Don't be shy.
656
00:30:51,806 --> 00:30:55,679
I love presents,
and I brought one for you.
657
00:30:59,814 --> 00:31:03,078
I've never met a vampire
like you before.
658
00:31:03,165 --> 00:31:04,471
Okay.
659
00:31:04,558 --> 00:31:06,386
I'm intrigued if not terrified.
660
00:31:06,473 --> 00:31:10,303
Go on.
- You're soft, gentle.
661
00:31:10,390 --> 00:31:12,087
Made to cuddle, which doesn't
662
00:31:12,174 --> 00:31:13,132
have the advantages
you think it does.
663
00:31:13,219 --> 00:31:14,785
You sing like an angel.
664
00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:16,178
I'll take your word for it,
although all the evidence
665
00:31:16,265 --> 00:31:17,571
points towards the contrary.
666
00:31:17,658 --> 00:31:18,877
Here.
667
00:31:25,100 --> 00:31:26,406
This doesn't belong
to anyone I know, right?
668
00:31:26,493 --> 00:31:27,798
No, but there may be
669
00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:29,017
a slight delay
in your next mail delivery.
670
00:31:31,802 --> 00:31:36,024
Nikki, you seem so cool.
671
00:31:36,111 --> 00:31:37,678
Thank you.
672
00:31:37,765 --> 00:31:39,854
Most times people say my name,
it's all...
673
00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:43,727
"Nikki, you promised to stop
after the second fingernail.
674
00:31:43,814 --> 00:31:46,600
Please, God, make it stop."
675
00:31:46,687 --> 00:31:48,994
But I'm seeing someone
right now.
676
00:31:49,081 --> 00:31:51,605
Of course you are.
How could anyone resist?
677
00:31:51,692 --> 00:31:53,607
It's really serious.
678
00:31:56,653 --> 00:32:00,483
After briefly considering bloodshed...
679
00:32:00,570 --> 00:32:03,051
I've come to realize
680
00:32:03,138 --> 00:32:04,270
I have no problem with that.
681
00:32:04,357 --> 00:32:05,836
Three is a very
underrated number.
682
00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:08,752
And that's--
that's so generous of you,
683
00:32:08,839 --> 00:32:10,450
but it's just the two of us.
684
00:32:10,537 --> 00:32:12,278
You and me, two?
685
00:32:13,844 --> 00:32:15,629
No.
686
00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:18,284
I'm sorry.
687
00:32:18,371 --> 00:32:19,850
Please don't kill me.
688
00:32:26,248 --> 00:32:28,598
Time will tell
when it comes to you and me.
689
00:32:28,685 --> 00:32:33,473
But Reginald,
that thing inside you,
690
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,041
the difference?
691
00:32:36,128 --> 00:32:41,133
It needs to be protected
from others like me,
692
00:32:41,220 --> 00:32:43,570
because they don't love you
like I do.
693
00:32:43,657 --> 00:32:44,832
[chuckles]
694
00:32:44,919 --> 00:32:47,791
[suspenseful music]
695
00:32:47,878 --> 00:32:54,668
♪ ♪
696
00:32:58,498 --> 00:33:01,414
[tense music]
697
00:33:01,501 --> 00:33:08,377
♪ ♪
698
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:27,483
- Hey, there.
- Hi.
699
00:33:27,570 --> 00:33:29,833
Welcome to the Slushy Shack.
How may I help you?
700
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:34,621
That is a tough question.
701
00:33:36,275 --> 00:33:40,018
There's just so many flavors.
702
00:33:41,976 --> 00:33:43,978
How am I ever gonna choose?
703
00:33:44,065 --> 00:33:46,937
[suspenseful music]
704
00:33:49,897 --> 00:33:52,900
[soft piano music playing]
705
00:33:58,036 --> 00:34:00,081
It's wild to think
of all the decisions
706
00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:01,648
that led us to this moment.
707
00:34:01,735 --> 00:34:03,563
Like, who knows?
708
00:34:03,650 --> 00:34:06,392
I could be selling bagels
and you could be selling,
709
00:34:06,479 --> 00:34:08,568
I don't know, comic books or...
710
00:34:08,655 --> 00:34:10,526
- Fitness equipment.
- Shut up.
711
00:34:10,613 --> 00:34:12,746
Yeah, I applied to that
one place down the street
712
00:34:12,833 --> 00:34:16,532
and they accepted me,
but, you know,
713
00:34:16,619 --> 00:34:19,709
the Slushy Shack had
better staff discounts,
714
00:34:19,796 --> 00:34:22,408
cuter uniforms,
cuter employees.
715
00:34:22,495 --> 00:34:25,150
- Oh, is that right?
- Mm-hmm.
716
00:34:25,237 --> 00:34:27,369
So this whole time,
you've been my Heathcliff?
717
00:34:27,456 --> 00:34:29,893
I may have been
lowkey brooding.
718
00:34:29,980 --> 00:34:31,634
Are you still reading
"Wuthering Heights?"
719
00:34:31,721 --> 00:34:33,114
I finished it actually.
720
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:34,550
Yeah, the book
cover should read,
721
00:34:34,637 --> 00:34:36,639
"When unbridled passion
meets unrequited love,
722
00:34:36,726 --> 00:34:37,945
shit gets ugly."
723
00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:40,034
Right?
It's a total bummer,
724
00:34:40,121 --> 00:34:42,819
and at the end of the day,
nothing mattered 'cause...
725
00:34:42,906 --> 00:34:44,995
both: They were together.
726
00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:47,955
[tender music]
727
00:34:48,042 --> 00:34:50,218
♪ ♪
728
00:34:50,305 --> 00:34:53,091
So this place is nice.
729
00:34:53,178 --> 00:34:54,483
Wonder what
the rooms look like.
730
00:34:56,485 --> 00:35:01,316
Guess we're gonna have
to figure that out on our own.
731
00:35:01,403 --> 00:35:03,927
- Think we should?
- Absolutely, yes. 100%.
732
00:35:04,014 --> 00:35:05,451
I'm, like, not even
kidding right now.
733
00:35:05,538 --> 00:35:06,713
I'm so--
734
00:35:09,759 --> 00:35:11,152
[chuckles]
735
00:35:18,246 --> 00:35:20,292
[ominous music]
736
00:35:20,379 --> 00:35:21,815
I have to pee.
737
00:35:27,516 --> 00:35:29,779
Hey, there's way
too much soda in this.
738
00:35:29,866 --> 00:35:32,130
Whoa--no.
739
00:35:32,217 --> 00:35:34,871
[spluttering]
740
00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,137
- Hey, what are you doing here?
- What does it look like?
741
00:35:39,224 --> 00:35:42,009
I'm a mixologist serving
alcohol to needy customers.
742
00:35:42,096 --> 00:35:44,011
Is this really a job or
is this entry-level stalking?
743
00:35:44,098 --> 00:35:45,969
I thought everything
between us was cool.
744
00:35:46,056 --> 00:35:47,406
Is that blood on your shirt?
745
00:35:50,583 --> 00:35:51,888
Nikki, you can't be here.
746
00:35:51,975 --> 00:35:53,542
But my shift isn't over
until midnight.
747
00:35:53,629 --> 00:35:54,848
What?
748
00:35:54,935 --> 00:35:57,807
[ominous music]
749
00:35:57,894 --> 00:36:00,723
♪ ♪
750
00:36:00,810 --> 00:36:02,986
- You okay?
- Great.
751
00:36:03,073 --> 00:36:04,901
Never better.
752
00:36:04,988 --> 00:36:06,729
Dessert?
753
00:36:06,816 --> 00:36:08,383
Tranquilizer?
754
00:36:08,470 --> 00:36:10,820
You pick.
[chuckles]
755
00:36:13,519 --> 00:36:15,216
Oh, my God.
- What?
756
00:36:15,303 --> 00:36:17,044
I might've left my phone
in the bathroom.
757
00:36:17,131 --> 00:36:18,828
- Oh, you want me to call it?
- No, it's fine.
758
00:36:18,915 --> 00:36:21,266
How about you decide
on dessert?
759
00:36:21,353 --> 00:36:24,138
And make sure that
it's vegan and gluten-free.
760
00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:27,663
But you had steak for dinner
and some of my chicken.
761
00:36:27,750 --> 00:36:29,535
[softly] What do you think
you're doing?
762
00:36:29,622 --> 00:36:32,712
I'm bringing you signature
Nikki cocktails on the house.
763
00:36:32,799 --> 00:36:34,496
Okay, great.
Drinks received.
764
00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:36,150
Go now.
We don't need any more appies.
765
00:36:45,159 --> 00:36:47,727
Hello? Earth to Reginald.
766
00:36:47,814 --> 00:36:49,207
- Hey.
- Hi.
767
00:36:49,294 --> 00:36:51,905
Um, I'm s-I'm sorry,
I just...
768
00:36:51,992 --> 00:36:53,167
I can't believe
all this is happening.
769
00:36:53,254 --> 00:36:55,865
Me too.
Is this sangria?
770
00:36:55,952 --> 00:36:57,824
Yeah, sure.
771
00:36:59,739 --> 00:37:02,002
Mm, it's good.
772
00:37:02,089 --> 00:37:03,873
Has... a bit
of a weird aftertaste.
773
00:37:05,614 --> 00:37:07,486
Tastes like coppery.
774
00:37:07,573 --> 00:37:09,139
Oh, that one's actually mine.
775
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:10,837
What'd you put in here?
Truffle oil?
776
00:37:10,924 --> 00:37:12,273
Oh, Reginald.
- Sorry.
777
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,537
I'm-I'm really sorry.
I...I'm just so nervous.
778
00:37:15,624 --> 00:37:17,887
Hey, you don't have to
be nervous.
779
00:37:17,974 --> 00:37:20,063
Not with me.
Not with us.
780
00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:23,328
Ohh...
you're right, you're right.
781
00:37:23,415 --> 00:37:26,722
Us is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
782
00:37:26,809 --> 00:37:29,638
- Come on, let's go.
- Okay, yeah.
783
00:37:40,736 --> 00:37:44,436
For the ambience,
for the mood,
784
00:37:44,523 --> 00:37:48,614
and... for the senses.
785
00:37:48,701 --> 00:37:52,313
Thank you for doing all this.
This is so nice.
786
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,185
Is it too much?
God, it's too much, isn't it?
787
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:58,754
I'm so glad that I skipped
on that mariachi band.
788
00:37:58,841 --> 00:38:01,191
- [laughs]
- Okay, it's just...
789
00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:04,282
I know it's your first time,
and it's our first time.
790
00:38:04,369 --> 00:38:06,632
And I just... I want it
to be special.
791
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,503
I can pretty much
guarantee you
792
00:38:08,590 --> 00:38:11,158
that this is gonna be the most
special night of my life.
793
00:38:14,117 --> 00:38:16,555
Why are you so sweet?
794
00:38:16,642 --> 00:38:19,079
- I'm so nervous.
- [laughs]
795
00:38:29,176 --> 00:38:30,569
This is really happening.
796
00:38:30,656 --> 00:38:32,266
It's really happening.
797
00:38:32,353 --> 00:38:35,269
I cannot tell you how many
nights I've dreamt of this.
798
00:38:35,356 --> 00:38:36,923
[laughs]
799
00:38:37,010 --> 00:38:38,968
I visualized it.
I believed it.
800
00:38:39,055 --> 00:38:40,927
I achieved it.
801
00:38:41,014 --> 00:38:43,669
Actualization pillow talk
is the sexiest pillow talk.
802
00:38:43,756 --> 00:38:44,757
- Right?
- Yeah.
803
00:38:44,844 --> 00:38:46,889
[laughter]
804
00:38:46,976 --> 00:38:48,587
Ready?
- Yeah.
805
00:38:48,674 --> 00:38:51,459
[laughter]
806
00:38:51,546 --> 00:38:53,461
Don't move.
I'll be right back.
807
00:38:53,548 --> 00:38:55,811
- Okay.
- Okay.
808
00:38:55,898 --> 00:38:56,943
[laughs]
809
00:38:57,030 --> 00:39:00,599
[quiet music]
810
00:39:00,686 --> 00:39:06,648
♪ ♪
811
00:39:06,735 --> 00:39:08,171
[sighs]
812
00:39:23,665 --> 00:39:26,538
[ominous music]
813
00:39:26,625 --> 00:39:28,496
♪ ♪
814
00:39:28,583 --> 00:39:30,280
Hey, welcome to
the Slushy Shack.
815
00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,586
How may I help you?
816
00:39:31,673 --> 00:39:34,067
That is a tough question.
817
00:39:34,154 --> 00:39:35,764
Listen to me.
818
00:39:35,851 --> 00:39:38,201
[echoing]
Listen... listen...
819
00:39:38,288 --> 00:39:41,944
♪ ♪
820
00:39:46,514 --> 00:39:49,561
[eerie vocalization]
821
00:39:49,648 --> 00:39:54,783
♪ ♪
822
00:40:09,319 --> 00:40:12,366
Okay, be cool.
Just go with the flow.
823
00:40:12,453 --> 00:40:14,629
You just have to unlock your...
824
00:40:19,329 --> 00:40:20,940
[whispers] Instinct.
825
00:40:25,553 --> 00:40:27,076
[Sarah giggles]
826
00:40:29,165 --> 00:40:32,212
You're gonna wanna close
your eyes for this next part.
827
00:40:32,299 --> 00:40:35,084
Okay,
but remember, be careful.
828
00:40:35,171 --> 00:40:37,522
I'm your gentle,
delicate, little flower.
829
00:40:37,609 --> 00:40:40,481
Don't worry, Reginald.
830
00:40:40,568 --> 00:40:43,092
It'll be over
before you know what hit you.
831
00:40:44,398 --> 00:40:45,443
[groans]
832
00:40:45,530 --> 00:40:48,097
Whoa, whoa, hey!
833
00:40:48,184 --> 00:40:50,186
Did you see that?
I almost got staked.
834
00:40:50,273 --> 00:40:51,927
Wait, Sarah. Is she okay?
835
00:40:52,014 --> 00:40:53,494
She was the one trying
to stake you, remember?
836
00:40:53,581 --> 00:40:55,322
I'd give her some space.
- What? That's impossible.
837
00:40:55,409 --> 00:40:57,324
I know Sarah.
- You sure about that?
838
00:40:57,411 --> 00:40:59,369
'Cause her weapon of choice
was very specific.
839
00:40:59,457 --> 00:41:01,154
In my experience,
only humans of a certain kind
840
00:41:01,241 --> 00:41:02,372
know how to find us
and kill us.
841
00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:03,852
No, no, absolutely not.
842
00:41:03,939 --> 00:41:05,419
There's no way that Sarah,
843
00:41:05,506 --> 00:41:07,900
my Sarah, is a vampire slayer.
844
00:41:07,987 --> 00:41:09,075
[door opens]
845
00:41:09,162 --> 00:41:10,990
[dramatic chords]
846
00:41:11,077 --> 00:41:12,992
She bounced back fast.
847
00:41:13,079 --> 00:41:14,297
I killed a slayer
in Walla Walla.
848
00:41:14,384 --> 00:41:15,473
She wasn't really a slayer.
849
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:16,648
Learned about it
from a comic book.
850
00:41:16,735 --> 00:41:18,432
I rammed her stake
down her throat.
851
00:41:18,519 --> 00:41:20,565
Ironic, right?
Or is it just a coincidence?
852
00:41:20,652 --> 00:41:21,827
Don't kill her.
Don't hurt her, please.
853
00:41:21,914 --> 00:41:23,611
Spoilsport.
[beeps]
854
00:41:23,698 --> 00:41:25,961
This is all
just a big misunderstanding.
855
00:41:28,094 --> 00:41:29,312
"Oh, hey, Reginald.
How did your date go?"
856
00:41:29,399 --> 00:41:30,705
"Oh, it went great. Thanks.
857
00:41:30,792 --> 00:41:31,924
"We had a lovely dinner
at the restaurant
858
00:41:32,011 --> 00:41:32,925
"and then we went
to the hotel room
859
00:41:33,012 --> 00:41:34,535
"where she tried to kill me.
860
00:41:34,622 --> 00:41:35,928
"You know how it goes.
861
00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:37,973
"Kissing one moment,
then screaming the next.
862
00:41:38,060 --> 00:41:40,323
"And then your vampire stalker
comes and saves you
863
00:41:40,410 --> 00:41:41,368
"and locks your girlfriend
in a closet
864
00:41:41,455 --> 00:41:42,978
"because as fate would have it,
865
00:41:43,065 --> 00:41:45,677
I'm in love with Buffy
the------- Vampire Slayer!"
866
00:41:45,764 --> 00:41:48,114
[gasps/laughs]
867
00:41:48,201 --> 00:41:50,159
"Okay, it was great knowing
you, Reginald.
868
00:41:50,246 --> 00:41:53,511
Have fun dying."
[sighs]
869
00:41:55,948 --> 00:41:56,949
[fangs click]
870
00:41:59,212 --> 00:42:00,996
Here.
This will calm you down.
871
00:42:01,083 --> 00:42:03,869
[quiet
electroacoustic music]
872
00:42:03,956 --> 00:42:06,306
♪ ♪
873
00:42:06,393 --> 00:42:08,351
[gasps]
874
00:42:08,438 --> 00:42:11,050
[slurping sounds]
875
00:42:24,759 --> 00:42:26,413
[moans]
876
00:42:28,328 --> 00:42:31,418
[both breathing heavily]
877
00:42:31,505 --> 00:42:37,990
♪ ♪
878
00:42:45,867 --> 00:42:48,783
[gentle guitar music]
879
00:42:48,870 --> 00:42:55,703
♪ ♪
880
00:42:55,753 --> 00:43:00,303
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