All language subtitles for Gentlemen.Broncos.2009.

(IN THE YEAR 2525 PLAYING)

ln the year 3535

Ain't gonna need
to teII the truth,
tell no lies

Everything you think,
do and say

ls in the pill you took today

ln the year 4545

Ain't gonna need your teeth,
won't need your eyes

You won't find a thing to chew

Nobody's gonna look at you

ln the year 5555

Your arms are hanging
limp at your sides

Your legs got nothing to do

Some machine's
doing that for you

ln the year 6565

Ain't gonna need no husband,
won't need no wife

You'll pick your son,
pick your daughter, too

From the bottom
of a long glass tube,
whoa-oh

ln the year 751 0

lf God's a-coming
He ought to make it by then

Maybe he'll look around
himself and say

Guess it's time
for the Judgment Day

ln the year 851 0

God is gonna shake
his mighty head

He'll either say,
"l'm pleased
where man has been"

Or tear it down
and start again,
whoa-oh

ln the year 9595

l'm kind of wondering
if man is gonna be alive

He's taken everything
this old Earth can give

And he ain't put back
nothing, whoa-oh

Now it's been 1 0,000 years

Man has cried a billion tears

For what he never knew

Now man's reign is through

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
JUDlTH: Benjamin.

What are you doing?
We're going to be late.

Are you excited?
Yeah.

And guess what?

l heated up the hot water
bottle so you can sit
on it while we drive.

ln the year 2525

lf man is still alive

lf woman can survive
they may find

(TlRES SCREECH)

Benjy, l'm so glad
you signed up
for this.

l think this is gonna be
a really neat opportunity
for you.

Hey. You Benjamin?

Yeah.

l'm Mr. Keefe,
the homeschool co-op
advisor this year,

but you can call me Todd,
or some people just like
to call me Keefe.

l think you're really
gonna enjoy the Cletus
Festival this year.

lt's the best writers'
camp in the state.

Keefe, can you tell me
how much money he's gonna
need for two days?

You think 4 bucks
would be enough?

Uh. . . l'd say
more like 40, maybe?

Really?

Well, we better hit the road.
Got a big day tomorrow.

Be safe.

(BUS ENGlNE STARTlNG)

Hey, Benjy.

Remember who you are
and what you stand for.

l love you
forever and ever.

Good morning,
homeschoolers.

ls everybody excited
for Cletus Fest or what?

Yeah.

We will be stopping for lunch
at the Kozy Cafe in Echo.

Some of you
can afford
to eat there,

but those who can't
will just eat the food
they brought from home.

Are there any questions?

TABATHA: Whether
you like it or not,
when you get overseas,

especially to Europe,
l think. . .

KEEFE: Right.

lt's different.
lt's totally different.

And you're completely
infused with
another energy,

whether you
open yourself up
to it or not.

So, l found it really,
really inspiring.

Hey, Benjamin.

Come here, l want
you to meet someone.

Benjamin,
l'd like you to meet
Tabatha Jenkins.

She's new to the co-op
as well. Kind of.

(TABATHA CHUCKLES)

She spent all last year
as a foreign exchange
student out in Europe.

Cool.
Where did you go?

Brussels.

Benjamin is from Saltair,
and he likes to write
sci-fi stories.

Keefe is so dang awesome.

Yeah, he seems pretty cool.

l write French mysteries,
you know.

How long you been
doing that?

Mainly the last six months.
l write about
a stable hand named Pierre.

Can l borrow some money
to buy some tampons?

All my cash is still in euros
and l haven't had time
to change it over yet.

What? Yeah, sure.

Thanks.
l owe you big time.

Don't worry about it.

(BUS ENGlNE STARTlNG)

Sorry, they didn't have any,
so l just bought some treats
for me and Lonnie.

Hey, can we come
sit by you?

Hey, Lonnie, bring our stuff.
Let's sit over here.

Benjamin,
this is Lonnie Donaho.

Hi.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

He has his own video
production company,
Donaho Studios.

Since l've been away,
he's been shooting
my work on weekends.

l sent him my latest
installments via e-mail.

lt's been
an amazing experience.

How many films
have you made?

Mmm. Eighty-three.

But some
are just trailers.

Dang. That's a lot.

Do you produce
only Tabatha's work?

No. l do all
kind of movies.

Horse movies,
romance, soaps,
fantasies. . .

Hey, Lonnie, can you
squirt me some of that
lotion we just bought?

Will you give me
a hand massage?

Yeah.

Yeah, l can do that.

(MOANlNG)

(CONTlNUES MOANlNG)

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

(SNORlNG)

You guys are so lucky
you get to be roommates.

Mine just
wants to eat.

Hey. l don't think
you're allowed to be here.
Mr. Keefe is right next door.

Relax, Benjamin,
l just want to get
to know you better.

(STUDENTS CHATTERlNG)

So, when are you
gonna let me read
one of your stories?

l don't know.
l usually don't let
people read my stuff.

Why not?

l've let my mom read
a few, but they've
just made her cry.

Most people
just get sicked out
and stop reading.

Really? Are there
romantic sequences?

No. None of that crap.
lt's just some mild swearing
and sci-fi violence.

Well, have you tried posting
any of your stories online?

Yeah. But everybody
can do that, you know.

l want to get
published for real.

Ronald Chevalier
had his first trilogy
published when he was 1 5.

Well, you'll never get
anywhere by just letting
your mom read your work.

You can read this.
lt's called Yeast Lords.

(CLEARS THROAT)

BENJAMlN: The Nad Lab
was a cold, white room.

Bronco, the last
of the Yeast Lords,

lay spread-eagle,
strapped to a medical pod.

Someone had stolen his yeast,
and he had gone
totally ape-sh...

(GASPS)

What the crap?

Oh, my. . .
My gems!

Sorry, Bronco.
We had to borrow
one of your gonads.

Daysius. l should've
known it was you.

Oh, l'm not
the real
Lord Daysius.

My name is Dennis.
l'm one of his many clones.

We're all very sorry.
Lord Daysius
sends his regards.

But we're investigating ways
to strengthen the military.

Your gonad is being
used for research.

You took my nads.

We only took one.

You took my nads, Dennis.

l know you're upset,
but we plan to give it back.

We'll be done
with it very soon.

Darn you,
flippin' Daysius.

Get away from
me with that.
You hear me?

Relax, Bronco.
This will ease the pain.

(SNARLlNG)

You release me,
my cat's hungry.

Release me!

(GROANS)

You tell Lord Daysius
to eat the corn
out of my crap.

(GASPS)

(TOlLET FLUSHlNG)

Good night, Benjamin.
l really need to think
about this one.

Program.

Before we commence
the activities,

l'd like to introduce you
to a very special person.

He is a man
who has repeatedly probed
our imaginations for decades.

A man whose canon of work
has pushed the envelope
of science and reason.

A man who has created
such realistic characters,
l call them friends.

Chevalier.
He's talking about
Ronald Chevalier.

Without further ado,

l give you one
of the greatest

science fiction
authors of our time,

Dr. Ronald Chevalier.

(WHOOPlNG)

Thank you. So good
to see you, Cletus.

Greetings and salutations.

lt is such an honor to be
in the midst of so many
juvescent ripe minds.

When l was your age,
l had just completed
my first trilogy,

a body of work you now know
as The Cyborg Harpies.

(AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG)
WOMAN: l love
you, Ronald !

Thank you.

But what many people
fail to recognize

is that l created
over 49 different pieces
of cover art for that trilogy.

No way.

ln this first piece,
we see an early rendering
of a harpy named Linda.

Here, she uses her knowledge
of lasers to rupture
the crust of a distant moon.

Here is a detail
of the ruptured
moon crust.

"Must rupture
the moon crust,""
she's thinking.

This is a piece that
came to me in a dream
when l was 1 1 .

l call it Migration,

and it depicts a fleet
of harpies synchronizing
their mammary cannons

to create laser-rain.

A hard rain's
gonna fall.

And finally
we have
a youngling

trying to penetrate
the secrets
of the human mind.

You won't do it
like that, youngling.
You must use friendship.

Thank you.

For the first time ever,
it is my privilege
to announce

Prism Publishing will
be hosting a contest

for the best work
submitted at this festival.

lt will be judged by a panel
of industry professionals,

including myself,

and the winner will
receive a 1 ,000-copy
release of their work

at selected
bookstores nationwide.

(AUDlENCE MURMURlNG)

ln addition, l will personally
create an original
piece of cover art

to accompany
the winning story.

(AUDlENCE EXCLAlMlNG)

May the glistening chrome
of the Borg Queen shed
her light upon us all.

(AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG)

Amen.

l'm assuming that
most of you are here
for two main reasons.

Alpha,
you love to write
fantasy fiction,

and beta, the character
names in your stories
are suffering.

We're going to begin
with a little game which will
demonstrate a theory of mine

known as
"The Power of the Suffix."

You. Give me the name
of one of the protagonists
in your fantasies.

Nebuchadnezzar.

Oh, boy.

Very original.

l've heard
that one before.

But don't worry,
need thou not be afraid,

for we can turn a humdrum,
forgettable name
like Nebuchadnezzar

into something
magical like this. . .

Nebucoronius.

And it's that easy.

We can add "onius,"
"ainous," or "anous"

to just about anything,
and it becomes magical.

You. Give me the name
of one of your
central protags.

Bronco.

What is he, a centaur?

No.

Does he shape-shift
into equine form ever?

No, he's just a man.

Well, then, l would. . .
l would lose
the "C" immediately,

and l'd replace it
with an "L." Bronlonius.

And if he's part
of a traveling clan,

his clansfellow
could call him
Bronlo for short,

except on formal
occasions.

Yes?

What about names
found in troll colonies?

ln troll colonies, well,
that's a different matter.

Give me an example.

One of my trolls
is named Teacup.

l don't like it.
l would go with
Trojainous every time.

Yes?

But l still like
the name Teacup better.

lt's not a. . .

lt's not a question
of liking it better,
it's just l'm, as an author,

picturing myself
as a troll mother.

l have just given birth
to a litter of troll cubs.

They're covered in placentae,
pawing at my many teats

for the vital,
life-giving colostrum.

l'm not thinking,
"Hmm, Teacup," am l?

lt's just not
believable.

And if l don't believe it,
the reader doesn't believe it.

Trojainous.
Troka Kahn. Trody.

Names in this vein.

lf female, Trojana.

Yes?

l thought trolls were supposed
to be named after resources,
like trees.

Are you telling me what
trolls are named after?

You do realize l am
the author of Troll, Ho.

Because it all
boils down to species.

Are they tree-dwellers,
bridge-dwellers, subterranean?

A troll wouldn't come up
with a name like Teacup,
a little girl would.

Trojainous.

How was the workshop?

l don't know.
Chevalier seems
kind of full of himself.

He's kind of lame.

Really? l think
he's gorgeous.

He's not gonna like my story,
the names are all wrong.

Oh, l don't think so.

What do you mean?

Well, l thought your
story was really good.

Really?

l thought you didn't like it.
Last night you
seemed offended.

No. l. . . l actually thought
it was kind of amazing.

What inspired it?
Some weird surgery you had?

l wanted to write
a story for my dad.

He kind of died
when l was young.

Oh, gosh,
l'm so sorry.

He was real brave.
He was a game warden,
an explorer.

l see. So Bronco
is kind of like your dad,

and his gonads
are his seed,

which means
the gonads are you.

That's why
they're so precious.

Well, you know,
like all great writers,

you're gonna
have to go through
a lot of crap,

but someday your junk
will be seen by all,
and it will be awesome.

l truly believe that.

Thanks, Tabatha.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Chevalier.

MERVE: Ronald, how"s
the conference going?
Any contenders?

Well, let me read you
a passage from what
l'm reading right now.

"Pierre used to be
a jockey in college.

"He loves to have
rice pudding with his tea.

"He loves solving
animal murders.

"Pierre has two horses,
Jacques and Paris France,
both girls.

"He rides Paris France
on the brick roads
in London,

"looking for
mysterious things.

"He rides Jacques
for pleasure."

Merve, never make me
do another one
of these things again.

These kids are a joke.

Ronald,
as your publisher,

it's not a bad idea
to get in touch with your
audience once in a while.

(SlGHS)

All right.

Listen, Merve,
did you have a chance

to look at the
Sandcastle Diaries yet?

Ronald,
l'll cut to the chase.
lt's horrible.

We can't publish it.
lt won't sell.

Unless you can
give us something
worth taking to print,

we're just gonna
have to let you go.

Merve, Merve, wait.

Moon Fetus.

A fetus is found
on a moon base.

That's the premise.

l'll talk to you later.

(GRUNTlNG)

BENJAMlN: Bronco cried out
in pain as he sat
on the shore of Goose Lake,

trying to sew
his junk back on.

(GROANlNG)

Excuse me.

What?

ls this your pudding?

What do you want?

Hey!

(EXCLAlMS)

That was my backup nad.

l'm sorry.

Was it a fancy pudding?

l know who you are.

Say what?

Our fathers fought valiantly
and were victorious
in the Battle of Shiroh.

l was but a child then,
maybe you don't remember.

When your father died
at the hands of Daysius,

your mother wept so hard
that her milk dried.

To keep you alive,
we shared suckle
at my mother's breast.

Vanaya?

lt is l.

l don't believe that.

My family is dead.

My brother and l have
been forced to work
in the yeast factories

ever since the epidemic.

You have a brother?
Yes.

His name is Kanaya.

He doesn't speak.

(YELPS)

But he's very handy
with powders
and gizmos and such.

He can build anything.

What y'all. . .
What y'all want from me?

Let us come with you.

Together, we can destroy
Lord Daysius once and for all.

We shall begin
a new yeast colony,

just like when
we were children.

Well, that's my dream,
but there's only one problem.

They got my
reproductives,
Vanaya.

Daysius is gonna build
himself an army
using my seed.

l can't let that happen.
His power's become unruly.

You know how weird
that'd be, a bunch
of gorgeous yeast lords

with my face,
running around, making
dang fools of themselves?

l'm sorry, Vanaya,
l have to do this alone.

You and Kanaya
would just be dead
weight, big time.

Gotta cut bait
on this deal.

Krolaxx, come on.
Come on, Krolaxx.

We know where
Daysius is hiding
your yeast, Bronco.

Yeah, right.

l can smell a cache
of yeast cakes 40 mile off.

lt's being held in
a mountain fortress
just north of here.

l can show you.

Kanaya and l just escaped
from the yeast factory there.

lf you don't believe me,
smell my breath.

(BELCHlNG)

(SNlFFlNG)

Tastes like
homemade licorice.

Take me there.

Take me to your
yeast factory.

l am your soldier.

JUDlTH: l know
you like wearing
your dad's old clothes,

but while you were
at Cletus Fest,
l got you some new shoes.

Only $5,
clearance sale at Haymart.

These are girls'
shoes, Mom.

Oh, shoot.

l thought they
were skipper shoes.

How about
some good news?

l got really inspired
about my collection,

and l came up with
a bunch of new designs.

Do you mind if l run
a few of them by you?

Okay.

l've changed
the name of my collection
to Decent Beginnings.

l liked it 'cause l thought
it had a wholesome ring,

but l was hoping
it could appeal
to a younger market.

Now, my first one
is called Front Pew.

Now what l did was l extended
the hemline down like that,

so it brings the attention
back up to the eyes.

And this one,
it's breakfast-inspired.

lt's called
Simply Cinnamon.

l'm gonna make it out
of some beach towels
with some burlap fringe.

This one is called
Righteous Dew.

Your father would've
just loved this one.

This one's called
Reachable Dream,

because all of our dreams
are reachable, Benjy,
even yours.

Hi. Welcome to LeVonne's.

Can l look at that
salmon gown?

Certainly.

This is a very practical
design from LeVonne's
new Sunset Plains edition.

CUSTOMER: Well,
how much is it?

This treasure
right here is on sale
today for $79.95.

Well, that's a rip-off.

Hey. What are you
guys doing here?

Lonnie's stepsister runs
the Navajo Taco stand.

They make
a really good taco.

So, l noticed
you left Cletus early.

Yeah,
l had to come back and help
my mom with the trade show.

When do we get
our manuscripts back?

Well, we got ours
at the end of camp.
Maybe they'll mail yours.

But don't you have
another copy?

Because l really think
Lonnie should read it.

He has connections
in the audiovisual industry.

He might know someone
that could help
get you published.

Are you serious?

Mmm.

Well, it was so nice
to see you, Benjamin. Bye.

Oh, okay.

Yes.

Bronco.

l can do better.

Broncanuss.

(SlGHS)

Broncaho.

Not quite.

Brutus.

Forgive me.

(KEYS CLACKlNG)

Cyclops there.

CHEVALlER: Brutus
and Venonka surveyed
the yeast factory,

looking for
an Achilles' heel.

There was none.

Cyclops there.
Cyclops there.

Cyclops there.

Turrets.

Moon buggies.

Oh, my holy crap.

Surveillance does.

l hate those.

This is ridiculous.
That's the most well-guarded
yeast factory l've ever seen.

Kenonka. Kenonka.

Show me
your bag of secrets.

What's all this crap?

l thought you said
he was good at making bombs
and robots and stuff.

What l meant to say was
he likes collecting things.

BRUTUS: What's
he doing now?

VENONKA: l don't know.

He must have
found something.

(SlGHS) l'm
not seeing it.

l'm not seeing results.

All l see is a bunch
of organic waste.

What did he find,
the genius?

Wait a sec.

(SNlFFlNG)

Well, it's not
a clean yeast.

lt's just a fungus beef
sharing a few yeast-like
properties.

'Tis ripe
and delicious,
though.

Watch this.

All right,
let's give it
a little test.

Not bad.

lt's pretty good yeast.

This isn't bad.

This is pretty good.

lt's not concentrate,
but it's pretty darn good.

Ha ha, whoopee!

l like it.

JUDlTH: Hey, Benjamin,
come here. l want you
to meet someone.

(DOOR SHUTS)

(JUDlTH EXCLAlMS)

Benjamin.

l want you to meet Dusty,
your new Guardian Angel.

What?

Well, l noticed
you didn't have
any friends,

so l signed you up
for the Guardian Angel
program at church.

(HlSSlNG)

l thought maybe you two
could go out in the back
and get to know each other

while l grill up
some cod.

Oh, my word.

That's all right.

Maybe l have
some paper towel.

Oh, my goodness.

Your mom's smoking hot.

What?

Shh !

(MEOWS)

What is that?

lt's rat poison
and some of my poo.

Sick. ls it lethal?

No. l don't know.
Maybe.

Here, you try it.

l can't.

Dude, it's the
circle of life.
Go for it.

(SCREAMlNG)

(MYSTERlOUS MUSlC
PLAYlNG ON SPEAKER)

CHEVALlER: (SlNGlNG)
Centaur lover

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Centaur lover

(MUSlC STOPS)

Chevalier.

Ronald, it"s Merve.

Yes?

l don't know
where this came from,
but it's fantastic.

Really? You like it?

l haven't even
finished reading it,

l've already
approved it for print.

That's amazing.

I mean, it"s a little
jarring in places,

but l think it's gonna
sell really well.

Are you sure, Merve?

l've just completed
the cover art
for Star Bracelets.

No, no, no, I want
you to start doing
preliminary sketches

of Brutus
and his dog,
Balzaak.

Yes. Yes,
l'll get right on it.

You're back to your old self.
Congratulations, Ronald.

Thank you, Merve.

No, thank you.

(SOBBlNG)

Mom.
What?

You're not bleeding,
it's just water.

What?

My gelée insert.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

You're gonna
be okay.

Hello?

TABATHA: May l please speak
to Mr. Benjamin Purvis?

Tabatha?

l'm calling you
on behalf of
Donaho Studios.

Lonnie thinks he wants
to produce Yeast Lords.

Are you serious?
He wants to make
it into a movie?

Mmm-hmm.

lt's gonna be
our next major
motion picture.

We'd like
for you to come down to
Donaho Studios to discuss.

Also, could you play
a role in the movie that
we're shooting right now?

The sooner we finish it,
the sooner that
we can start yours.

Yeah.

Yeah, totally.
l'd be honored.
What's it about?

lt's a romantic
story l wrote.
You would be perfect.

And also, since your mom
works for LeVonne's,

do you think you could
bring some nightgowns?

'Cause we are
in desperate need
of sexy nightwear.

That's fine.
Yeah, l could do that.

Okay, great.
So, we'll see you soon.

And congratulations,
Benjamin.
This is a very big deal.

Are these
the nighties?

Yeah. We have
to be really careful
with them, though.

Hey, Lonnie,
what are my lines?

TABATHA: Okay, guys,
we've just got
two more scenes,

and then this
trailer will be done.

Headphone,
please.

(SMOOTH JAZZ
MUSlC PLAYlNG)

And. . .

Action.

(EXHALES)

Mmm. You like?

Cut!

(MUSlC STOPS)

Lonnie! You can't do that.
That's an $80 Don Carlos.

Excuse me?

l don't even think
we were supposed
to take the tags off.

l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
l can't do this.
This movie's gonna suck.

Benjamin.

No, Benjamin,
wait, l'm sorry.

Look, it was
Lonnie's idea,
not mine.

And l'll have
my people restore it
with scrap linens.

Tabatha, me and my mom
are gonna be out, like,
1 00 bucks now.

We can't afford that.

Benjamin, look,

Lonnie has come into
some serious cash lately.

What does that mean?

Benjamin, Lonnie wants
to pay you for Yeast Lords.

Are you serious?

l'm dead serious.

Yeast Lords is amazing,

and it is definitely
worth at least
a couple hundred bucks.

Hey, Lonnie?
Tell him how much
you're willing to pay.

LONNlE: 500, cash.

500?

What's wrong?
These guys owe
you some money?

No.

Who's that guy?

He's my Angel.

Nice.

So, do we have
a deal or what?

Yeah.

JUDlTH: Hi, guys.

Did you catch
any neat rocks?

Yeah. lt was fun.

How about you, Duster?

What?

BENJAMlN: Bronco and Vanaya
began their assault
on the yeast factory,

but the yeast patty Bronco
had previously eaten started
to make him feel like crap.

(GROANS)

(GROANlNG)

Bronco!

We must stop that gunfire
before it kills Lord Bronco.

Well, find something,
Kanaya, anything.

Well, not that,
you idiot.

That's just
an old pudding.

(SlGHS)

(POWERlNG DOWN)

(COUGHS)

Bronco. Are you
all right?

What happened?

The fungus beef,
it's poisoned
your spine juice.

We must get you
out of here.

l can't move. My buttocks
is completely numb.

(STAG BELLOWlNG)

(GASPS)

Oh, mother.
A battle stag.

l hate those.

No! Run, Kanaya, run !

No, Kanaya, no!

Run away!

And action.

(CRYlNG)

Are you all right,
Vanaya?

My brother.
He sacrificed himself,
and for nothing.

We are yeastless.

Easy, easy.

Your brother
loves you, Vanaya.

He'll do
anything for you.

But Daysius has surely
destroyed him by now.

He's the chosen one.

He was born
with flesh pockets.

Haven't you read
the prophecies?

DUSTY: No.

We must stop him,
Bronco.

Yes, but first
we must rest our bodies.

Come, let's bed
down for the eve.

LONNlE: Okay.

And. . .

Cut!

(EXCLAlMS)

(TAPE REWlNDlNG)

Lonnie.

And there we go, l think.
ls that good?

(EXCLAlMlNG)
Yes.

TABATHA: Oh, my gosh, Lonnie,
l think all the changes
you made to the script

are so much better
than the original.

l mean, this will be one
of the few movies out there

that is actually
way better than the book.

(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG
lN EXClTEMENT)

Without a doubt,
the best line
I"ve ever written is this,

"Referring to her neck,
she squawked,

"""This isn"t a wart,
this is the chancellor
of the galaxy.

"'Now let us in."'

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

Next question.

Over here.

ln the second book of the
Cyborg Harpies trilogy,

Tribonius seduces
the Borg Queen

by playing her
an original piece of music
on his harpy-chord.

Can you explain
what that music
was supposed to sound like?

Yes. l believe
you're referring to a piece
entitled Gorgana's Lullaby,

the notes of which
are too numerous
for the human ear to decipher.

I can, however, reveal
the lyrics to that tune,

which until now
have been unpublished.

That'd be awesome.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"Within my breast-meat,
there is a famine

"No more sweets
in the mammary cannon

"You are Gorgana,
my eagle, my queen

"Your ovaries
will destroy me

"Collect me in your wings

"l am just a man,
and l want to breed

"Together we will
learn to love

"You gorgeous hag,
you freak machine"

Yes, the young man
right over here.

l recently sold a story
that l wrote to some
independent filmmakers,

and l'm worried
they're gonna ruin it.

l know a lot of your books
have been made
into TV movies,

so l'm just wondering
how you've been
able to let go

and let somebody
else completely change
the vision of your work.

Great question.
Thank you for
firing it at me.

l remember early on
in my career working on
the first Harpy mini-series.

l told the producers l wanted
everything to be
absolutely real.

No special effects.
l didn't believe in them
and l still don't.

And l had a scientist friend
of mine from MlT build

a prototype of some mamocans,
which shot actual lasers.

l tried them on
during a lunch break
in front of the crew,

and one overheated
and began to malfunction,

and actually exploded
and maimed a dolly grip.

lt was very sad.

So how do l avoid
situations like that?

l mean, the idea
of somebody bastardizing
my work really freaks me out.

l see. Have they
paid you yet?

Yeah. They gave me a check.

Well, cash that
check immediately.
Enjoy your money.

l mean, isn't that why we
do what we do, dagnammit?

For the money,
for the riches
of the earth.

When the future generations
will look back,

do you think they
will remember us
for our writing?

No, but for the wealth
we have accumulated.

Why do you think
l wear this bracelet?

And who knows?
Perhaps these
producers may create

something even better
than your original version.

Thank you,
and thank you for coming.
Thank you.

Thank you very much.

CHEVALlER:
You're welcome.
Thank you.

Hello.

Hey. l don't know
if you remember me
or anything.

l was actually
in your workshop
at Cletus Fest.

Of course.
Yes, you look
vaguely familiar.

l submitted this story
called Yeast Lords.

l know it didn't
win or anything,

l was just wondering
maybe if you had read it,

l thought maybe you can
give me your feedback.

No, l don't think
l read that one.

lt must have been
one of the other judges.

Okay.

Goodbye.

(JUDlTH CRYlNG)

Mom.

Mom, you need
to calm down and stop
watching yourself cry.

My gosh.

l just. . . You know,
l did the inventory

for the LeVonne's
gowns this morning,

and it. . .
lt appears that there's
one or two things missing.

And that's $1 00
we don't have this month.

l don't know how
l'm gonna give
you a birthday.

Don't worry
about that, l'm fine.

You know, in the meantime,
l might have you try to sell
some of my Country Balls.

You know, maybe
we could have, like, a. . .
A two-for-one deal.

Mom, l am not
selling two in a sack.

Come on, feel
how heavy these are.

Two-for-one
Country Balls.

Hi. l just need
to cash this.

This check
is post-dated
for next year.

lt is?

Come back in a year from now,
and we'll see if it clears.

(TABATHA WHOOPlNG)

(WlND OF CHANGE PLAYING)

TABATHA: Yeah !

(lNAUDlBLE)

The world is closing in

Did you ever think

that we could be so close,
like brothers?

The future's in the air

l can feel it everywhere

Blowing with
the wind of change

Take me to the magic
of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children
of tomorrow dream away

ln the wind of change

Walking down the street

Distant memories

Are buried in the past forever

l follow the Moskva

Down to Gorky Park

Listening to
the wind of change

Take me to the magic
of the moment

On a glory night

Where the children
of tomorrow dream away

ln the wind of change

(lNAUDlBLE)

MALE ANNOUNCER ON TV:
Broadcasting live
from Saltair Studios

here in the
Great Basin valley,

we bring you
The Rod Decker Show,

serving your community
for over a decade.

Your host, Rod Decker.

Good morning. Welcome
to The Rod Decker Show.

We have some filmmakers
here today.

Mr. Lonnie Donaho
is the director
ofYeast Lords.

Miss Tabatha Jenkins
is the producer.

And seated next to me
is Mr. Dusty Crissop.
He's the leading man.

Look. lt's Dusty.

These guys are prolific.
This is your 84th
production, Mr. Donaho?

And what's it about?

Basically, it's a story
about two lonely souls

that find love during
a time of war and disease.

War and disease.

Okay, that sounds...
That sounds interesting.
Yeast Lords.

Your idea?
Did you come up with it?

No way. She bought
the story from a boy
named Benjy Purvis.

This is so neat.

But to be honest,
his story had
some major issues.

Bridgette? Some kind
of troupe of pre-teen
amateur circus freaks

have made an adaptation
of Brutus and Balzaak

without my permission.

l'm completely distressed.
l can't even concentrate
on my audio book narration.

Dusty Crissop,
the leading man,
a movie star.

What was it like
working with Mr. Donaho?

Lonnie is the best director
l've ever worked with, by far.

l don't know of another
director who can call
"action" one minute,

and the next he puts on
a bald head and he's acting.

Yes, l don't know
what we can do.
Can we sue them?

Can we crush
them in the press?

DUSTY: lt's like working
with an extension of myself.

l know, but if there's
one thing l can't stand,
it's plagiarism.

We're out of time.

lf you want to see
Yeast Lords,

premiere is tonight
at the Saltair Cinema.

And to my guests,
break a leg.

l think that's
what they say
in show business.

Thanks for being here.
Good luck to you.

Thanks, Rod.

Thank you.

Oh, my gosh.
Benjamin.

What are you and l gonna
wear to the premiere?

You got to promise me
you're gonna let me
make you something.

MAN: Mr. Donaho?

Hi, l'm with
the Village Gazette.
Nice to meet you.

Hi.

Hey, Benjamin.
l'm so glad you came.
How are you?

l'm good.

Nice to see you,
Benjy-boy.

Hey, Lonnie.
This is my mom, Judith.

Hi. l like your
matching hippie clothes.

Oh, thank you.

There are important
press people here,

so don't forget to do
a nice standing ovation.

You got it.

Shall we take our seats?

(AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG)

(LONNlE READlNG)

LONNlE: Daisy had everything.

Beauty.

Money.

A 50-acre horse ranch.

(HORSE NElGHlNG)

A prize-winning stallion.

But what she didn't have was

Logan, the stable boy.

But he was already
married to her sister.

Hey, Logan,
want to go for a ride?

Can we bring
old big sis along?

l was thinking
it could be
just the two of us.

Come on in.
The water's great.

l don't think
that's a good idea.

(LAUGHlNG)

l don't care if you have
a 50-acre ranch
or a prize-winning stallion.

l love my wife.
We have a great
physical relationship.

TABATHA: My horse's semen
is worth $1 0 million.

lnvestors from all over
the world have tried
everything they can

to get their hands on it.

(HORSE NElGHlNG)

(TABATHA SCREAMlNG)

Benjamin.

(GULPS)

l've only just realized
that what we shared
together onscreen

was very real to me.

l don't feel very good.

Oh, well, you're nervous
about the film, aren't you?

Yeah.

Well, let's get
out of here, then.

Let's go someplace
where we can relax
and be alone.

(TABATHA SCREAMlNG)

(GUNSHOTS FlRlNG)

Okay.

Can you hold on
for just a second?

Oh, yeah.

(LONNlE READlNG)

Come with me to my
underground facilities.

Working at
the yeast facility has
made my breasts so big

and gave me
so many diseases.

l wish l could've
been there for ye.

Your brother loves you,
Vanaya, and he'd do
anything for ye.

But Daysius has surely
destroyed him by now.

(GROANS)

LONNlE: One of the
laser hit my boobs.

Okay, we can go.

l thought we could grab
a couple of sudokus
and snuggle up somewhere.

CHEVALlER: Groggily,
Brutus regained consciousness.

There was a numb pain below,

some stitches obviously
sewn by a medical droid.

lnstantly, Brutus knew that
one of his reproductive bags
had been stolen.

Oh, my gosh, is that
the new Chevalier book?

Read this.

Benjy, don't
ruin it for me.

Just read it.

Okay.

"As Brutus struggled to free
himself from the medical pod,

"a voice spoke to him
from across the room.

"'l'm sorry, Brutus,
we had to borrow
one of your gonads.

"'We're investigating ways
to strengthen the military."'

l don't believe this.

(JUST LlKE JESSE JAMES
PLAYlNG)

Benjamin, wait,
we can get through this.

Strutting into town
like you're slinging a gun

Just a small-town dude
with a big-city attitude

Honey, are you looking
for some trouble tonight?

Well, all right

You think you're so bad,
drive the women folk wild

Shoot them all down
with the flash
of your pearly smile

Honey, but you met
your match tonight

Oh, that's right

You think you'll
knock me off my feet

Till l'm flat on the floor

Till my heart is crying lndian
and l'm begging for more

So come on, baby
Come on, baby

Come on, baby, show me
what that loaded gun is for...

Dusty?

What are you doing here?

l brought your wrap gift.

Oh.

People hated
your movie.

Some of them
walked out.

Yeah, l kind of
figured that.

And this guy said
you stole the whole deal
from some book.

lt's not true.

Yeah.

l hit that guy
in the face.

Then l punched
Lonnie in the neck.

Lonnie's a butthole.

Did you hear what
he did to my voice?
l sound like a leprechaun.

That's why if somebody
messes with one
of your stories again,

you gotta take them out.

'Cause you're good.

And l'm not saying that
just 'cause
l'm your Guardian Angel.

Thanks.

Just like Jesse James

Tonight you're gonna
go down in flames

Just like Jesse James

Tonight you're gonna
go down in flames

Just like Jesse James

l'm gonna shoot you down,
Jesse James

Look.

Who's that?

lsn't that
your hero?

He's in town.

Maybe after Don Carlos,
we could drop by
the book signing.

You know, Don Carlos owns
the biggest nightgown
company in the state,

and he wants to see
my entire line.

l mean, this could
be my big ticket.

l feel like things
are changing for us,
don't you?

And it's gotta be Dusty.
He's our good luck charm.

Come on.
Come on, honey,
l need your help.

We gotta do a few loads.

Ow.

Get her.

JUDlTH: Guess this is it.

l'm so nervous.

l just pray that he
likes my collection.

How do l look?

You look fine.

Wish me luck.

(PlANO PLAYlNG
SCHMALTZY MUSlC)

(GASPS)

Your house
is a real palace.

Hey. l didn't
see you there.

Love your dress.

Thank you.

Why don't you go into
my bedroom and undress
to your comfort level,

and l'll be there
in a second.

(SlGHS)

CHEVALlER: Brutus stood
at the edge of the pond

and held aloft
a futuristic cylinder.

l made us a time capsule.

l put a butt-load
of keepsakes in it.

We can send it
floating downstream,

and that way, if we die,
future generations
will learn from us.

Look at this.

lt's a friendship stone.

Come closer.

Let's blow on it.

You blow first.

(BOTH BLOWlNG)

(SPLASHES)

(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

What?

(CRYlNG)

Mom. What happened?

He wanted me
to bed down
with him.

He what?

He said if l
slept with him,

that l could have
my nightgowns in every
Penney's across America.

But l couldn't do it.

Benjamin, no!
Benjamin, no!

Hey, Don Carlos!
How about you come down here
and fight me like a man !

Benjamin, stop,
get back in the car.

Benjamin, get back
in the car!

(EXCLAlMlNG)

BENJAMlN: You think
you can harass my mom,
you fat sack of crap?

Come down here
and fight me!

(GUNSHOT)

(JUDlTH SOBBlNG)

Mom, l need you
to pop open the trunk
and run away from the car.

l can't.

Just pop open the trunk
and get out of here.

No, but l can't.

(SCREAMlNG)

(CLlCKlNG)

(PARANOlD PLAYlNG)

(EXCLAlMS)

(SCREAMlNG)

Finished with my woman
'cause she couldn't
help me with my mind

People think l'm insane
because l am frowning
all the time

All day long
l think of things

But nothing
seems to satisfy

Hello.
Hi.

And who can l
make this out to?

Kristie.

l would just love to step
inside your brain for a day
and see what it's like.

Explore its many kingdoms
and learn its darkest secrets.

Take it from someone
who lives there, you might
not be able to handle it.

My mind is a landscape
of mystery, of thrills.

A place where even
the bravest of travelers

would be shaken
by its geysers
of original thought.

Wow!

Hmm.

l know.
May the gods bless you.

(SlNGlNG) And so as you hear
these words telling
you now of my state

l tell you to enjoy life
l wish l could
but it's too late

Hi.
Hi.

l was wondering
if you would
sign this for me.

Excuse me
for a moment.

(FEEDBACK SCREECHlNG)

Friends. Friends.

l would like to introduce you
to a dear disciple of mine.

This young man
standing beside me

loved Brutus
and Balzaak
so much

that he turned it into
a gripping screen adaptation
called Yeastie Boys.

(PEOPLE GASP)

As a reward
for his efforts,

Prism Publishing has
decided to honor him

with an
all-expenses-paid trip

to any one of
the lower 48 states,

(PEOPLE EXCLAlMlNG lN AWE)

and this
commemorative
bean-pillow,

this jacket,

and a trip
to Space Camp.

(ALL GASP)

Awesome.

Join me now
in a moment
of silence

as we commemorate
his contribution
to science and the arts.

(EXCLAlMS)

(PEOPLE MURMURlNG)

Put the pillow down,
l beg of you.

You stole my story.

l don't know what
you're talking about.

All you did was change
the character names and turn
Bronco into a tranny.

Shut up.
l don't know what
he's talking about.

Please,
someone seize him.

Seize him.

You're a fraud,
and all your fans
should know you're a fraud.

Take him away.

MAN: Get lost.

But, please,
show leniency.
Always leniency.

GUARD: Open the gate.

Benjamin?

Oh, Benjamin.
There you are.

Oh, honey.

This is a terrible place.

Are you all right?
You're not wounded,
are you?

l'm fine.

l don't know how this
all happened. l just. . .

You're gonna have to spend
your birthday in jail.

Oh, honey, don't cry.
l know l. . .

l brought you
some presents.

Happy birthday.

A popcorn car.

Well, l can give
it to you later.

l've been registering
all your stories

with the Writers' League
since you were seven.

(lN THE YEAR 2525 PLAYING)

ln the year 2525

l thought someday
you could show
it to your kids.

lf man is still alive

lf woman can survive

They may find...

"'Aroo?' questioned Balzaak.

"'Don't give me that,
you crazy wolf,'
erupted Brutus.

"'You know
why l put that in there.
Perhaps they can clone me.

"'And besides, it's always
good to have a spare."'

(lNAUDlBLE)

ln the year 4545

Ain't gonna need your teeth,
won't need your eyes

Chevalier.

You won't find a thing to chew

Nobody's gonna look at you

ln the year 5555

Your arms are hanging
limp at your sides

Your legs got nothing to do

Some machine's
doing that for you

ln the year 6565

Ain't gonna need no husband,
won't need no wife

You'll pick your son,
pick your daughter, too

(EXCLAlMS)

From the bottom
of a long glass tube,
whoa-oh

ln the year 6565

Ain't gonna need no husband,
won't need no wife

You'll pick your son,
pick your daughter, too

From the bottom
of a long glass tube,
whoa-oh

Land your stag !

(EXCLAlMS)

(GRUNTS)

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(EXCLAlMS)

(EXCLAlMlNG)

Come on, Daysius.

(EXCLAlMS)

(GRUNTlNG)

(GROANS)

(SCREAMlNG)

For what he never knew

Now man's reign is through

But through the eternal night

The twinkling of starlight

So very far away

Maybe it's only yesterday

(EXCLAlMlNG)

ln the year 2525

lf man is still alive

(GRUNTS)

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(EXHALES)

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Benjamin,
you are so talented.

This is amazing.

So are you, Mom.

What's this?

l love you.

(JUDlTH CRYlNG)

(SNAKE HlSSlNG)

(WHOOPlNG)

(CARRY ON WAYWARD SON PLAYlNG)

Carry on my wayward son

There'll be peace
when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Once l rose above
the noise and confusion

Just to get a glimpse
beyond this illusion

l was soaring ever higher

But l flew too high

Though my eyes could see
l still was a blind man

Though my mind could think
l still was a madman

l hear the voices
when l'm dreaming

l can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son

There'll be peace
when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man
with a reason

My charade is the event
of the season

And if l claim
to be a wise man

lt surely means
that l don't know

On a stormy sea
of moving emotion

Tossed about,
l'm like a ship on the ocean

l set a course
for winds of fortune

But l hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son

There'll be peace
when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more
No!

(MOANlNG) Oh, yeah.

English - US - PSDH