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Hello.

WAITING FOR BOJANGLES

What about you? What's your line?

Yes.

You.

I said to my husband, you're very young

to attend a Success Story Weekend.

The next generation is woefully underestimated.

Isn't it, Edmond?

I manufacture harpoons.

Really?

Harpoons to kill flies.

Very sophisticated, guaranteed never to miss.

In my country, flies...

are a real problem.

I thought I detected an accent. You're from...

Romania.

That explains the sad air.

The Slav soul.

Melancholy runs in the family.

It comes from my ancestor, the Count of Pal.

Dracula, if you prefer.

My father held Detroit in the palm of his hand.

He was a very rich manufacturer of...

And you took up the torch?

He must be so proud.

¡Gracias!

I started out in haute couture after my wife passed.

Carmen danced the tango

out of this world.

Together, we won competitions nationwide.

My dear sir,

Francine may be no brainbox but don't take advantage.

Truth is stranger than fiction. Dracula really existed.

I knew it.

As a boy, I was struck dumb

by the factory noise.

I was...

And now you're bilingual!

What was your first word?

Tire!

Wonderful!

You're the most gullible of all.

- Really, Francine... - You are!

You have before you

a direct descendant of Dracula.

Do you do large sizes?

Marie-Françoise!

Francine!

I recommend a bowtie.

Very pretty, a bowtie.

Time to leave, my friend.

You're right.

Give my regards to the undertakers!

Don't even think about it.

She'll drive you doolally.

I had the bad idea to invite her.

And she acts as if I don't exist.

Next to her, nobody exists!

A name?

Jean-Paul, if you like.

Antoinette. You look like an Antoinette.

Antoinettes are the best dressed, true.

And they tend to dance divinely to forget their woes.

A single name from cradle to grave, what a drag!

Name me as you wish.

I have a painting of a handsome Prussian hussar

and your hairstyle is the same as his.

In the whole wide world, nobody wears their hair like that.

Where do you find a barber now Prussia is gone?

My hair doesn't grow.

Never did.

I was born like this a few centuries ago.

I'm quite serious.

You are the hussar I fell in love with as a child.

Now you mention it, I recall one campaign when I was in the cavalry.

I had my portrait painted after a monumental battle.

You mock, sir!

My Prussian looks through me

even as I dance naked before him for hours on end.

Your sense of rhythm is capable of raising

an entire army.

It's innate talent?

You'll never believe me.

Try me.

Can you imagine,

my father was none other than Josephine Baker's lovechild.

Sapristi!

I knew Josephine well.

Don't tell me grandma and you...

Sure!

We frequented the same Paris hotel during the last war.

She fled to my room during an air raid.

That beautiful summer night,

the terror,

the heat...

We could not resist.

Sweet Jesus! Might you be Granddaddy?

I sensed we were cut from the same cloth.

There!

- There he is. - That's him!

The bereaved tango dancer is certainly fleet of foot.

It turns out you're Spanish, after all.

Don Quixote's grandson?

I was not so lucky.

My mother was indeed Spanish, married to a Hungarian prince.

They moved to America shortly before I was born.

It makes perfect sense.

Your accent is French. Citizen of the world, my eye!

I travel therefore I am.

You are a crook!

How did you get in?

Via the pretty patio. Not you?

The man's demented! Call security!

Come on, Camille. Party's over.

Wrong, Charles. Today my name is Antoinette.

Do you know this gentleman?

No, never seen him.

I'd be amazed if he was invited.

Let's not fight!

Stop this.

Please!

That man is every man!

He's my grandfather.

The lover of Josephine Baker.

As well as the descendant of Dracula!

And many more besides.

Is that not wonderful?

I believe you, my hussar!

I believe you.

We shall be husband and wife.

You are the best contract at the whole sad shindig.

Truth be told,

you signed the most fraudulent.

I'm a mere car salesman,

living off my father.

He moves in high society

and forced me to come to boost my business.

You saw the scope of my ambition!

Have no fear, dear man,

I'll lower my cover charge.

Special offer till midnight. Step right up!

Antoinette, you'll catch your death.

As long as it doesn't catch me!

Drive faster to dry me off.

Faster!

Or our lies will catch us!

More!

Faster!

Let us marry now before we forget!

Yes, sir, Antoinette!

I swear before Almighty God,

the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary,

to love and cherish

all the women you'll be.

All of them?

Absolutely all?

All of them.

Absolutely all.

I swear to accompany them

all life long.

Day and night.

Everywhere they go.

Everywhere?

Absolutely everywhere?

Everywhere.

Absolutely

everywhere.

Ladies...

Antoinette!

Yes?

Five minutes! I'm coming!

Room service for...

The honorable senator, no less?

Okay? Your head's not spinning up among the elite?

What do you want?

Don't be a grouch first thing.

I always knew we'd get along.

Even two had a job cheering me up.

More fool me, thinking I had a chance with Camille.

Guess what, she vanished.

You wouldn't know where?

She did you a favor.

She dances on the edge of a precipice.

- She didn't want you to fall. - Dear man...

I already did.

Love is not to order.

Camille's scared of love.

I must reassure her.

A mighty task.

She grew up in abject poverty.

Hunger shrinks not only the stomach, but also the heart.

Her father misbehaved rather during the war.

The Liberation ruined him.

She found him hanging in their attic.

Poor angel.

She left home shortly after.

She got by for years in sordid circumstances.

I tried to help her.

But in order to need nothing,

she had no use for anything.

You won't escape the same fate.

The last thing I want is to escape.

Help me find Antoinette.

Jean-Paul, Camille, Bernadette, for all I care!

I miss them all terribly.

What can I do?

I know the road ahead is foggy.

Yes, I could find a normal wife,

live an ordinary life, cocktails before dinner,

early to bed...

But what's the point,

if I miss out on this wonder?

She alone in the world

is able to make you feel like you're unique.

Absolutely unique.

Being at her side, quite simply,

is to die for.

That's the third time today.

What's come over you? You want to bankrupt us?

Flowers are free, waiting to be picked!

What if I gave your wages to customers?

Flowers are life!

Since when is life for sale?

Pay me back, no matter how.

I'm done! I quit!

Antoinette!

Wait!

Camille!

Your clunker's keys are in the shop. You get them.

What is mine is yours. Man and wife share and share alike.

Why the hurry?

I never felt this before.

That's how it starts.

Then it's the scrap heap for me.

I have foibles, you see.

I cannot stand routine.

I'm easily bored, temperamental, always late.

Pathologically jealous.

Wait, disaster is my middle name.

I'm a skirt-chaser, a spendthrift a compulsive liar.

I am bad faith made flesh.

Bravo, you're a scoundrel!

Even so, I'm the queen of lost causes.

I'm either happy or sad, never serene.

So you must be sadder than most people, sure.

But far happier, also.

Having the world's most soothing voice is not fair.

You know what?

I had never fallen in love before I met you.

Don't deprive me of such a delight.

You're the love of my life!

Nobody marries the love of their life.

Rest assured, the love of yours is not yet born.

We'll make him together.

A boy named Gary.

I'm a big fan of Gary Cooper.

It's scary.

You build more castles in Spain than me.

Spain's beautiful.

A fabulous place to live!

We'll have the finest castle, Antoinette.

Rita! I feel like a Rita now.

- Pleased to meet you, Rita. - It's mutual.

Paris 9 months later

Do something!

Send for the cavalry!

Help!

Georges!

- Sir, outside! - I have no choice.

It's most improper.

- I see your baby. - Deep breaths.

Relax.

It's a conspiracy, Georges.

Nobody tells little girls how much it hurts.

Be strong, Esmeralda. Be strong!

Good! Help her push.

The best day in whose life, honestly?

- It's torture. - Calm, Marie-Louise.

You must work harder.

I demand a medal for this.

It's yours, Henriette!

Really? I hate Henriettes!

Concentrate on baby now.

Georges...

Get me out of here now.

Sweetheart, we can't. Not now.

He's fine, no worries.

Come on, push. That's right.

Push. Help her.

He'll be back, don't worry.

Push!

Anxiety is such a vulgar emotion.

Before Camille, it never occurred to me.

Now everything worries me.

She was cadaverous.

Come now...

She's tougher than you and I combined.

Recently, I found her at the races, amid the crowd,

cursing like a sailor.

In her condition.

To be fair, her winnings bought us dinner.

You're broke again?

My folks flipped their lids, thinking we'd married.

Now she's pregnant, they're pleading for us to tie the knot.

Camille insists we already did.

They've cut me off as long as we're living in sin.

Can one live any other way?

On top of a family,

I've gained a friend.

I wonder what I did to deserve you.

Legally,

Camille will be a single mother.

So there's still hope for me.

You rotter!

All done?

They say it's not easy every day.

But that depends on you, Gary.

Never let anyone dictate what you should feel.

Or who you should be.

No one, you hear me?

No one's in your shoes.

It's called the human condition.

It's not as bad as they say.

In fact, it could be marvelous.

If you are what you choose, you become...

master of the world.

It can be scary, true.

It's monstrous power.

Some even claim it's an illusion.

But if you decide

that it's the only truth there is,

so it shall be.

There he is! Grab him!

Grab him!

He's ours!

Admit you're a liar.

- A dirty liar! - It's a tissue of nonsense!

Pets are cats and dogs,

not African birds with stupid names.

Mademoiselle Superfluous comes from Numidia.

She's lived with us for years.

Her name's in the dictionary. It means unnecessary.

You're unnecessary!

Showing off with your tall tales, acting like we're idiots,

yammering like a grown-up.

No parents leave their mail unopened.

Parties with 300 people every night?

That only happens in films, you moron!

You just have no imagination.

The truth sometimes

is like a funny lie.

Who'd believe you wet the bed, for example?

He still wets the bed?

Why's he never on class trips?

He pees his pants!

The truth hurts.

Mama?

Come on!

The first one.

It's queenly.

Stylist, where's your common sense?

I've worn this to so many parties.

A queen wears outfits once.

It's an unforgivable gaffe.

Don't worry. As you know, I forgive you everything.

There!

That one will be perfect.

The mirror is a more objective, unsentimental judge.

Sometimes, cruel even.

- I look like a cow. - The queen of cows.

Queen of what? What was that?

Watch your step.

Yes, yes, yes!

No, stop that.

How did you come to be in such a pitiful state?

Speak without fear of punishment.

I promise, nobody will force you to open the mail.

And definitely not to watch TV.

When reality is banal and sad,

make up a fabulous story.

You lie so well, why deprive us?

In that case...

I can confess.

There was a terrible earthquake this afternoon.

Really? I felt nothing.

It was an earthquake aimed solely at children.

The most fearsome kind!

The ground opened up in the middle of algebra.

Half the class toppled in the hole.

The teacher was stricken.

Yes, the fright of her life!

I jumped after the poor wretches.

- No? - Yes!

I had to act fast before the hole closed up.

By what miracle did you resurface?

By the muscles of my arms.

Carrying the victims on my back.

Such heroism is...

- What's the word? - My duty.

In comparison, this bruise is a minor detail.

Good sir!

Your imaginary day is unspeakably perfect.

And now...

the same lie the right way round.

Recount the real reason for your bothers.

Deposit your sorrow in the shell of my ear.

In a murmur, it hurts less.

Are you sure?

I believe so.

Those boys are dreadfully mean.

And foolhardy.

They'll deter you from saving them during the next earthquake.

It's late, we'd given up on you.

Catherine, you know I work late to stop early.

Promises, non-stop promises.

When Gary's a widower, you'll still be a hamster on your wheel.

How is our love-child?

General de Gaulle's problem is his nose.

Puberty cannot have been serene with that nose.

I think it is more a case of dereliction than malediction.

Caipiroska!

The Rotter's a firm family friend,

on a years-long quest for his Russian girlfriend,

but Miss Caipiroska never graces us with her presence.

Being slow on the uptake,

he hasn't grasped she'll never attend.

To help him pass the time, we give him a cocktail

with mint in it.

Gary!

Gary!

Can you call your parents? I need a word.

They dance with their heads in the clouds.

It's too high to talk.

It's the utilities fees.

They're two months in arrears.

I bet my drawers, they'll make it three.

Their motto is no fees.

Only fi-fo-fun!

I agree but...

No, I don't...

Parliament is out of commission.

We are no longer fooled

by sterile games.

You washed them?

The country feels neglected.

Even so, Parliament puts bread on our table.

He's right!

I introduced a law for the scoundrel.

Mandatory vehicle inspections.

Blame him.

That lunacy costs a fortune.

That you're drinking away.

Our hosts were on their uppers when we met.

Since Georges dabbled in automobiles,

I brought forward legislation,

supposedly to reduce accidents

but mainly to bail him out.

Your birthright.

It won't see him into old age if you fritter it away.

It's fun, Charles.

We're having fun.

Bottoms up!

You mislaid your smile on the dance floor, Camille?

Only you may call me that. Don't take advantage.

Is something wrong?

Pay no attention to me.

This comes over me when...

From peak happiness, I swing to the opposite extreme.

What do you expect? I do nothing by halves.

Sorry.

It must be the price to pay.

Nonsense.

You are priceless.

If these clouds linger on your horizon

and block the future

in an unbearable manner,

don't keep it to yourself.

Promise me.

I promise.

On your life not mine, to be safe.

Don't go bothering my mother.

She might tell Miss Caipiroska.

Heaven forbid!

Why do you always carry that cigar

without ever smoking it?

To have the air of a thinker.

When will you smoke it?

The day I really need to think.

You're going to work again?

As I do every day of the week.

I wish I'd married a child, not my grandfather.

I'd see my husband then, rather than always waiting.

It might be frowned upon.

It's illegal to marry children.

My hussar!

Wait!

Don't leave with an empty stomach and heavy heart.

I couldn't sleep a wink all day.

Sleep well, my Eurydice.

See you later.

What is going on?

Children!

What is it?

Can I touch it?

Mademoiselle Superfluous

felt the urge to learn. She insisted on coming.

It's inhumane and dangerous to keep a bird on a leash.

Don't worry, Mademoiselle never bit anyone.

She's far friendlier than a good many furbags.

Don't touch it!

Move! Let me see.

Excuse me,

could I have a word?

You think this is a good time?

Apologies for the disruption but I'm worried about my son.

With reason.

He's miles away in class.

You make him miss every other morning.

It's criminal to have no notion of timekeeping.

That's why his classmates mistreat him?

They're sticklers for punctuality?

Gary tends to provoke them.

He always sounds so formal and distant.

No, that's self-preservation.

And basic courtesy, wouldn't you agree?

You're doing him no favors.

Beautiful, isn't she?

He comes late because, every night,

he listens to fine prose with us.

Yes.

He discusses current affairs with...

With senators and diplomats.

He courts duchesses and commoners alike.

It's far more stimulating than The Famous Five.

Why don't you take the class?

Calm down.

Good gracious, of course!

Yes, that's an excellent idea.

I never should have doubted you.

Angel!

Angel,

we've decided you're taking early retirement.

Great!

Think of his future.

I've chosen my job.

I'll write stories when I grow up. I practice with Mama.

Writer, the world's finest profession.

Stay at home and work in your pajamas.

Thank you!

Thank you, Mama.

I adore you.

What brings you here, my loves?

It's my school-leaving party.

The world's youngest retiree.

- Sorry? - Yes.

I confess to being surprised by the teacher's suggestion.

Champ, you don't hop off the education train on impulse.

I'll go faster by car.

Right, let's hit the road.

I said I'd deal with the schoolyard bullies.

You cannot carry every burden.

Don't worry, Papa,

school was boring me to death.

Boring can be good, to get things straight in your head.

You can't be serious?

Golly gosh,

I was on the verge.

Faster!

Buckle up, Mademoiselle!

Right!

- Left! - Left, watch out!

Honk!

- Don't want to. - Come on!

Retirees get more cavities. Let's go.

- No! - Please!

- No, Mama! - Please, child.

Please. Yes, yes.

Thank you, my boy.

You're too kind.

A bit more.

Another 45 minutes.

It'll be fine.

We'll come up with something.

We always do.

Thank you.

Best of luck.

You didn't?

Selling up at the drop of a hat?

Short-term scams are best.

And it's a tidy sum

to tide us over.

Come on, the recession,

your loans, your accounting. Terrible timing!

We'll be careful.

That's just your style.

And with your free time?

We're going to build a castle in Spain.

- No more, no less. - Exactly!

That was the plan all along.

Isn't that an expression?

Building castles in Spain?

Castles exist, don't they?

And Spain likewise.

Life doesn't stop for a proverb.

Archimedes' principle.

6th grade syllabus.

You're ahead now, champ.

To love.

To love?

- To love! - Easy.

First group.

To climb.

To climb or to rhyme?

Gary, concentrate.

Verbs like Mama's features. Perfectly...

Regular. Second group.

I look like a regular verb?

Yes.

To go.

Irregular. Third group.

To cheat.

- 24. - Divided by 4?

1, 2, 3...

4, 5...

6!

Minus infinity?

And now, sir...

The ballet of the present perfect.

With words and music.

What is done is forever done

Leave in the present all that's gone

To be and to have cause headaches

If you've made it or on the make

To go, to come, to live, to die

It's better to exist than wonder why

We have rules that might not apply

Good, sweetheart.

In Search of Lost Time

Sport is good for you, Marguerite.

Honestly.

It's fun.

Gives you a real buzz.

Orange juice is good for you.

Although it might take the edge off your fun.

Can I try?

Silly!

No sport until you're of drinking age.

- Yes? - Mr. Fouquet?

Depends. Who's asking?

I'm here to serve on you a major tax adjustment.

We adjust our own tax here, thank you, major.

You have 30 days to pay or I'll repossess your assets,

in accordance with Article 651 of the tax code.

Constraint is bad counsel.

I'm doing my duty, sir, for society's good.

You see?

Sir!

Society can make her own decisions.

You pay tax any old how,

you get on your high horse

while enjoying the country's privileges.

It's my privilege to choose my house guests. Out!

You never use roundabouts?

Roundabouts! I walked the streets!

Wait! I'll write you a check.

- I'll pay from the proceeds of my sale. - Talking of which...

You omitted to pay tax.

Look, here.

Your sale barely covers what you owe.

One cannot escape reality.

Leave!

Calm down!

Get out!

- Go! - Put it down!

Hurry, move!

- Go! - Camille...

Stop!

Go! Get out of here!

My love,

what came over you?

Camille, calm down.

It doesn't matter. I'll just go back to work.

Definitely not!

Over my dead body! Never!

Do you hear?

Never!

I can't...

I can't...

I can't wait all day as if time is not wasted without you,

as if it won't separate us forever one day.

I cannot!

I cannot live without you!

Not for a second, never mind a day!

Calm down.

My love!

I wonder how everyone else manages to live without you.

Gently.

- Stuffed tomato, Mrs. Lantern? - No, just some bread.

Cheers!

Just one slice.

- You don't want a tomato? - No, thanks.

I bet my drawers, we'll miss you terribly.

Don't let it stop you paying your bills before you go.

Quite a delicious housecooling party.

The caterer on Rue du Bac?

Think again! Mama did it all herself.

Treasure, everything from the caterer is homemade.

You are misinformed.

Mama cooks non-stop in secret and supplies the caterer,

who returns it as needed.

But of course!

Will the renovations take much longer?

The color is yet to be decided.

It's a perfectly decent apartment. No need for such upheaval.

Mama wants it to gleam like a new penny.

To make us lots more.

I bet my drawers, you'll get a pretty penny for the place.

I bet mine that a pretty penny

does a fat lot of good!

She's lost her mind.

No, Miss Lantern, only my panties.

Darling!

Darling, how about a little nap?

I don't know.

I don't know, Georges.

I'd like to lie down with you.

The company is most pleasant

but it does not have your soft skin.

Nor your abandon.

Nor your scent.

Come with me?

- Who'll entertain the guests? - Gary, of course.

He'll tell them a fine story.

Anyone care for some cake?

- Yes! - You bet we do.

- For sure. - Yup, cake.

It's chocolate.

I'll take the raspberry.

Raspberry, coffee, pistachio...

I'm sorry.

It's no big deal, darling.

I love you so much.

I know you love me.

Same here.

I love you to bits.

So what do we do now?

Now, now!

You're going out?

Yes.

I crave oysters and muscadet. Perfect for lunch.

Our guests are not here yet?

They just left, Mama.

Without eating? How foolish.

Cover up, or you'll catch cold!

You are so right, dear Rotter.

And indispensable.

Antoinette!

Tell me, Georges...

Clear something up for me.

Yes?

Josephine Baker...

She left Paris during the war.

It says so, black on white,

in the biography you gave me for our anniversary.

She cannot, therefore, have met you.

Nor succumbed to your charms.

It's impossible.

Utterly impossible.

Don't believe all you read in books, my dear.

Nor strangers at cocktail parties.

Why lead me to believe such balderdash?

I lost my first name, now I lose my grandfather.

Who says you're my husband?

Or even Dracula's descendant?

I'm sorry, I...

I don't know what I'm saying.

Those paint fumes make my head spin.

Get some fresh air, you deserve it.

Come with us.

I need to rest.

Tell me all about it.

- The imaginary or real stroll? - You decide, pumpkin.

See you.

How come Mama only listens to one song?

It brings back happy memories.

Who is this Mister...

Bojangles?

Someone who traveled a lot.

Took his dog everywhere. He loved that dog.

It was his Mademoiselle, see?

One day, his dog died.

So Mr. Bojangles began to dance.

All the time.

Like you two.

That's right.

Shall we go?

He danced in baggy pants.

He jumped so high. He was funny.

People loved him.

He danced to bring his dog back.

Or for life to go on.

Come on...

- Mr. Martin... - Thank you.

If someone dies...

what can you actually do?

Be happy instead of them.

And dance.

Your whole life long.

Until they come back.

- Bye, Mr. Martin. - Goodbye!

Say, Papa,

is Mama sick?

No more, nor less than most people.

Grown-ups are all a bit sick.

Perhaps she's more.

When we left, she called me pumpkin.

You know, son...

Your mother's strength is also her problem.

She has unbridled imagination.

She plays with everything.

Even her genealogical tree.

But in reality,

our roots,

our branches,

our leaves

are her.

And we

are her gardeners.

We keep the tree standing.

Excuse me, coming through!

- Don't push. - That's my wife!

My love, it's all settled. I reduced everything to ashes.

They can't take it now.

Is this your wife?

Yes.

Angel!

There are no victims.

We contained the fire, but have someone examine the lady.

There's nothing to examine. I gathered all I wanted,

added the bothersome paperwork and put a match to it.

If not for the stupid sheets, you wouldn't have a clue.

That's all.

It must be the paint fumes, making her head spin.

You might have injured the neighbors. Or worse.

You're joking, I hope.

I've always loved our neighbors.

Haven't I?

We go way back, don't we?

I'd never do that, sir.

Or I'd burn their flats, not mine.

That's a crazy notion.

Sir, it makes no sense.

Does it, sweetheart?

Tell them.

Thank you, doctor.

All good?

We're back in business?

They'll keep her longer than we thought, darling.

Doctors are no fun, you know.

How long?

A few days.

A few weeks.

But when she comes out, she'll be cured.

It's for the best.

I promise you, champ.

Thinking about it, it works out great.

Until then...

we'll live it up, you and I.

Bachelors out on the town.

Cocks of the walk.

You'll see.

Perhaps the invitations got lost.

More like the guests got lost.

Mind you, we can go get others.

Good point.

Guests are a dime a dozen.

The issue is selecting the right ones.

I wouldn't take any from Parliament.

Or school.

Definitely no tax assessors.

No, there are two categories of people

to avoid at all cost.

Vegetarians.

And professional cyclists.

How come?

The former because

a man who refuses a T-bone

was clearly a cannibal in another life.

The latter because a man who dons a suppository

and squishes his gonads in fluorescent tights

to ride a bike up a hill must be dangerous.

Indeed!

The Tour de France is the most terrifying sight.

I beseech you, young man,

if you ever meet a vegetarian cyclist,

sprint in the opposite direction.

I sincerely hope you never run into one.

That's information of the utmost importance.

The most fearsome are people who flunked life.

Which indubitably applies

to any vegetarian cyclist.

Say, Mr. Rotter,

have you made a success of life?

Not yet.

I will have succeeded

the day I can keep a plate

and silverware on my belly.

With no hands, naturally.

It looks promising.

I've been chewing it over for years.

How delightful it would be

to gorge oneself all day long

while recumbent

without those confounded trays that tip over in bed.

With no need to get up, ever.

Taking it easy, with one's feet up.

With Miss Caipiroska?

If Miss Caipiroska cared to join, truly,

pure bliss!

Success

is fickle.

A matter of kilos here or there.

Here we are.

Hold on...

Surprise!

Surprise, my loves!

Beatrice...

Odd sense of humor.

It's no joke for a child.

I'm sorry, so sorry.

Sorry, dear sir.

I'm so sorry.

I wanted to lighten the mood so it wouldn't weigh you down.

Your psychiatrists will end up in depression.

Thankfully, makeup isn't allowed or I'd look dreadful.

I really don't think this is necessary.

My skin is extremely firm, thank you.

My love...

Are you okay?

I'm here.

Talk to me.

I'm here.

I'm sorry.

Play in the park, champ.

We'll be right there.

As soon as Mama perks up.

She won't perk up in here.

Come back, my love.

I beg of you.

You can't go like this.

Sorry.

Sorry.

It's my fault.

I should have

kept our feet on the ground.

I should have opened the mail.

Not let myself be distracted

by parties...

feelings...

joy.

By your beauty.

I should have protected you better.

Protected...

Like the cover of a textbook.

Or a tabletop.

I loved you from the very start

because you didn't try to protect me.

From the very start?

Damn well made me work.

Please...

Keep familiarity at bay.

Resorting to it at the first hurdle spells trouble.

Undeniably,

I'm failing in all my duties.

Want to know why I love you?

Why I will only love you?

I always wondered, yes.

Because you're madder than me.

Darling Necessity, you are quite right.

A little one.

You are always right.

Dutch courage.

Ice?

You know what?

The mad do not complain, they act.

It's high time I delivered you.

How I regret consigning you here.

Easy, comrade.

It's not lemonade.

If we wait any longer,

they'll give you a discharge.

And you'll be doomed to stay forever.

Trouble is, how to convince the doctors to allow me to leave?

Who suggested we ask their permission?

I shall abduct you.

Like a rerun of the Sabine women.

Ready?

Yes!

Hold on...

Why didn't I think of that!

A sound mind is just not me. I'll stop the meds.

C'mon! Pull, Jean-Paul!

Only one kilometer to go!

And then we go on the run?

Hunted by the authorities?

I won't tolerate lying low to avoid suspicion.

I can be trying when so inclined.

Will you not continue the novel of our love?

With a chapter

up to snuff?

Georges, I would love to.

So, help me

make our mini -masterpiece happy.

Deservedly happy.

Help me impress Gary

one more time.

You both reek of booze!

Our son is out of his tree!

It's a heck of a caper, coming to get you, Mama.

He did great.

A real gangster!

It looks like a kidnapping?

Yes.

Let's go, my loves!

Freedom is a step away.

Come on...

Are you out of your mind?

It's anything but inconspicuous.

"Inconspicuous" has entered your vocabulary?

I'm a wanted woman now!

They'll see us miles away.

A good cover is like a good lie.

The bigger the better!

Don't you recognize me?

I am Archibald Bojangles,

eminent captain of Daydreamer, a luxury cruiser

that's all the rage with the Upper East Side jet-set.

Not forgetting our son, Archie Jr.

If Lady Liberty would care to board now.

You deserted Mademoiselle Superfluous?

She's traveling separately.

To avoid ructions at the border post.

You have plotted a curious course.

The police will have sent my photo to the border.

Have no fear, Liberty.

The Rotter has friends in high places.

It's unclear which places exactly,

but they produce beautiful forged documents.

Tell me, Georges,

if you're a sailor, I'm a floozy in the port?

Think again, Mama.

Liberty Bojangles is a big movie star.

Why, naturally!

Naturally!

What was I thinking?

What is our mystery destination, Archie?

The Daydreamer is moored in Valencia.

Where's Valencia?

In Spain.

I supervised renovations in your absence, Marlene.

I hope you'll approve.

I saw someone!

- Where? - Up there!

Caipiroska!

It's fabulous!

Look at this!

I always planned to invest in Spain. Good timing.

A happy accident!

Until I come this summer, keep in touch.

Don't worry.

We'll behave.

I don't want promises.

Look, Charles...

When I met Camille,

I read the small print.

I accepted the terms and conditions.

I rolled the dice.

Now, I can't let myself lose.

Look at them.

Look!

Those two, there...

are too beautiful to be a bad call.

Never will I regret my stroke of madness!

Hear me, my Rotter?

Never.

After all these years, I still wonder what you see in me.

Unless it's my wife.

You don't know solitude.

In reality, I am in your debt.

You gave me a family, my friend.

The world spins off-kilter.

As long as it's spinning.

I love gazing at the sky while listening to the depths.

It feels like I'm everywhere at once.

You are, Olga. You are.

The Rotter forgot his bird.

It's dangerous, letting that run loose.

A croissant perhaps? Coffee?

You haven't eaten.

I shan't breakfast before that beastly gaze.

Shoo it away. Rotter is too lax.

But Mama!

It's Mademoiselle Superfluous.

It lives up to its name.

What are you waiting for?

A favor for me is too much to ask?

Fine.

I'll take her to Gary's room to stop her importuning you.

And take it back to Paris with us?

You're completely out to lunch.

Olga, I assure you, the bird is harmless.

The notion will soon vanish.

Do not adopt that tone. It's unbearable!

- No, stop! - Don't!

Don't you understand? Don't you see it judging me?

Since it arrived, it's been watching me, looking so superior!

It mutters atrocities to me.

That I'm not good enough for you.

It says so in front of you and you ignore it?

No way!

As usual, I must do everything myself.

Stay there.

Good girl.

Come back!

Mademoiselle, please! Come back!

Please!

Come back! Please!

Please!

Come back!

My loves, this is serious. War is declared.

Playing Swiss is no longer an option.

We need to fight the raging in my head.

From now on, no mercy.

Our losses are heavy and our resources limited but...

we are undeterred!

You're our most resilient lieutenant.

As for you, dear sir, I know no more valorous soldier.

I need you both.

It's just...

The enemy is invisible.

We have no idea where to strike.

A permanent embargo on cocktails and champagne?

A constant thirst is no help.

There!

I'm willing to give up anything.

Except you two.

The embargo is official.

Our adversary is ferocious, let's not forget.

Sobriety will not suffice.

Dear sir, I'm sure you are

full of wonderful ideas.

Do not keep them in.

I'll do anything you want.

I don't want to go to war.

Yes...

Yes, of course. It's obvious!

You alone stand tall in this army of no-hopers.

We must simply

make peace with this blasted madness.

- And how? - Well...

I must face my demons, look them in the eye,

and reassure them as often as needed.

It turns out, we have a dusty but charming keep here.

Lock me in there for the period of negotiations.

You detest being locked up.

I'm past the age of acting chicken.

I must confront the invaders in the dark.

In the daylight, you understand...

I cannot discern them.

A marvelous idea!

What if they overpower you?

What if you never re-emerge?

No, the upside of troubles is,

they're cruelly down-to-earth.

I have too much imagination to stay captive to anything.

I cannot remain a prisoner.

It'll be fine.

Thank you, dear sir.

It will all be fine.

Sweetheart!

My angel!

Beat it!

Beat it!

Beat it!

- Beat it! - Stop!

- Let go! - You'll hurt yourself.

- Let go of me! - Stop!

Stop! It's me!

It's me!

Stop!

Let me go!

Breathe!

Camille, calm down.

Calm down!

Go on!

Let me go!

- Calm down! - Let me go!

Calm down!

Not this, damn it.

Come back.

Come back!

Music!

Say, Mama...

Will Mademoiselle come back one day?

She never really went away.

She's here.

Let her fly over the mountains.

The seas and rivers...

Let her soar over borders.

Each beauty that she discovers

will be for you through her eyes.

You'll never lose each other

because no one belongs to anyone.

You belong to the world, pumpkin.

And...

It can't wait to meet you.

To see you write your own story.

How lucky it is!

The world is not always most pleasant.

Don't worry, it can't resist pumpkin.

You're stronger, more beautiful, than all our imaginary days.

I could never have come up with a boy as sweet and smart as you.

Who embraces life with no second thoughts.

And makes it magical

simply by having ideas.

You're my greatest happiness.

I won't let mean old madness ruin everything, I promise.

It will never hurt you again.

I've decided.

Sleep now, angel.

Sweet dreams.

Don't ever forget them. Tell me them all.

I love you.

What news of the world?

It's going to pot.

At least it's going.

Come back.

Come back.

To all those you were

Ready or not?

- You count down? - Sure.

- Go on. - One...

What a stink!

It's the Rotter!

Another red one!

A last red one...

It's over.

It's bedtime now, champ.

- Goodnight, darling. - Goodnight.

We'll never agree on that!

He's gone, hasn't he?

When reality is banal and sad,

make up a fabulous story.

You lie so well, why deprive us?

Actually...

Your father...

He had something crucial to say to your mother.

A most urgent matter.

You see?

He went to look for her.

Without him, she gets up to mischief.

He'll find her.

Assuredly.

He always finds her.

How do other children manage to live without my parents?

We'll have to dance a lot, you and I.

To be happy instead of them.

Actually...

I'm not a great dancer, son.

I'll teach you.