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1
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2
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,400
L-E-N spells Len, not Arthur,
3
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,240
so what's my bloody bin doing
in front of your bloody house?
4
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,240
I ain't moved your bin! You moved my bin!
My bin's outside your house.
5
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,520
Basically, grumpy old Len's
having a fight with angry Arthur
6
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:29,120
because they're both accusing each other
of stealing the other one's recycling bin.
7
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,520
Cos we swapped 'em over. We do it
every bin day and wind them up.
8
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,960
Len's a fucking unit.
9
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,520
- You don't wash your windows!
- Ooh!
10
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,600
You don't wash your bloody trousers!
11
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:42,880
Ho-ho!
12
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,800
- Drop him, Len!
13
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,000
What are you doing?
14
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,560
Are you going to take that from him,
mate?
15
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,360
He's bang out of order!
16
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,880
- Don't you bloody dare, mate.
- Shit, he's got a brick.
17
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,520
- Don't you dare!
- Len! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
18
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,320
Len! Len!
19
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,880
Don't you dare!
20
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,760
Len! Len! Len!
21
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,640
No, put the brick down,
you fucking psychopath.
22
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,440
Or what?
You want a bricking as well?
23
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,960
No, I don't...
24
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,840
The vicar texted me earlier saying
he wants to see us both in his office,
25
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,160
but he didn't say what about.
26
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,000
When I asked him,
he just said, "Come to my office now,"
27
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,160
which means we're in the fucking shit,
cos we're always in fucking shit.
28
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,160
Yeah, but what have we actually done that
was bad in the last three weeks, though?
29
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,640
Don't say Len and Arthur and the bins, cos
they was gunning for each other anyway.
30
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,080
We did give the vicar the wrong change
31
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,280
when he gave us ten quid to go
and get printer paper from the shop.
32
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:37,120
Yeah, but that was basically
our commission.
33
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,440
And we did burn Slugs's nipples
on the radiator.
34
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,080
- Yeah, but that was for science.
- Yeah. That was for science.
35
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,200
Well, thank you both for coming in today.
I really, really appreciate it.
36
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,520
Look, if you're going to bollock us, just
save yourself the waffle and get to it.
37
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,840
What do you mean?
38
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,200
- You're going to have a go at us.
- Yeah.
39
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,720
Well, no, I'm not. Um, no.
40
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:04,080
I called you in today
because I have some news.
41
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,920
What?
42
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,240
The tadpoles have spawned
in the parish pond
43
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,800
and they are absolutely thriving.
44
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,560
That's great.
45
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,200
- That is wonderful news.
- Yes!
46
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:25,120
Yes. And, you know, all that
de-weeding you did last week
47
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,840
really helped to oxygenate the pond.
So, thank you, Kurtan and Kerry.
48
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,520
Well done, mate.
49
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,200
- Well done.
- Thank you.
50
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,840
Um, no. Just a sec. I just have
one other thing to discuss with you.
51
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:34,840
My...
52
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,440
- No. Hear me out.
- I knew it.
53
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,800
Well, I'm just...
54
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,880
I'm going to be bit busy this week, so
I'm going to need you to do me a favour
55
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,760
and take over Tea Talk for me
with Florence.
56
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,400
- No way.
- No.
57
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:49,440
Well, I'm actually going fishing anyway,
so I can't do it,
58
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,600
but the chat that gets spouted out
at Tea Talk, it's just,
59
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,400
99% of it, unfiltered guff.
60
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,560
- That's not true.
- It is true.
61
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:02,040
Tea Talk is a scheme I've been running
for the last couple of years.
62
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,160
Um, some of the older residents
63
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,080
like to talk. A lot.
64
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,920
But because they live alone
and can't get about as much,
65
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,880
they have no-one to talk to.
66
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:16,720
So, once a week, I'll pop in
and see them in their homes
67
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:21,320
and we'll have a good old chinwag
over a cup of tea and a slice of cake.
68
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,240
Seeing as you live
across the road from Florence,
69
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:28,240
- No, no, no, no, no.
70
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,480
I'll give you £5.
71
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,680
20 quid.
72
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,320
- 10.
73
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,560
- 10.
74
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,600
- I shouldn't be paying you at all.
- 10 is fine.
75
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,840
- OK. Excellent. Thank you.
- Deal.
76
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,720
Thank you, Kerry. Deal. Great.
77
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,480
What makes you so busy anyway?
78
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,080
Busy bee.
- Busy bee.
79
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,520
Well, actually, I'm picking up my son,
who's coming to stay for a while.
80
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,720
- Yeah, right.
81
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,920
You don't have a son, do you?
82
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,840
I've always had a son.
I talk about him all the time.
83
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,600
- You know that. Jacob.
84
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,840
- I thought that was his dog.
85
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,000
So did I.
86
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,080
No! He's my son. He's not my dog.
87
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,760
Yes, my son's Jacob's coming to stay,
88
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,080
which I'm really looking forward to.
89
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,640
He's been living in Bristol for the last
few years since he left university.
90
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,560
I've really missed him. I've been... A-ha!
91
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,560
I know it's not cool to say this,
92
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,240
but I've been very excited
about you coming.
93
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,280
Yeah, well, good.
Well, it's good to be here.
94
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,240
Yeah.
95
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,080
It's nice to see it again. It's been
a while since I've been here.
96
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,000
I don't think you realise
97
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,000
what a place is like until you leave it
and you come back, you know.
98
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,520
I don't know, it's a bit... bit weird,
innit?
99
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,000
It reminds me of The Wicker Man.
I don't really know why.
100
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,480
- A bit weird.
- A little bit harsh.
101
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,200
Well, it's just what I think.
102
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,680
You'll put people off.
103
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:58,560
I'd like to think there's a bit more
kindness in the village than that.
104
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,240
I dunno. It's all right... It's...
105
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:01,720
Burning people...
106
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,760
Well...
107
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,000
I've been dreading this.
108
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,720
It's just been hanging
over my head the whole day.
109
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,240
There's a reason
no-one wants to talk to these old fuckers.
110
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,000
Cos they're fucking boring.
111
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,640
Well, what I'm going to do
is I'm going to knock on the door,
112
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,520
leave it five seconds, and if she
doesn't come, at least I tried.
113
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,960
One, two, three, four...
114
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,280
Hello, Kerry.
Are you here for the Tea Talk?
115
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,880
- Yeah.
- Come on in.
116
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,640
Fine.
117
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:42,360
There you go. Can I take your coat?
118
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,200
Yeah.
119
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,280
Got rods out now.
120
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,120
Lines in.
121
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,240
Now it's just a waiting game, really.
122
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,080
- Kurtan!
123
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,840
Fucking hell,
what's he wearing them trousers for?
124
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:03,080
Christ! I can see the crease
between his bollocks!
125
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,440
Fucking huge, them bollocks!
126
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,840
- Yeah. This is my son Jacob.
127
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,960
Hello, mate. Nice to meet you. Kurtan.
Nice to meet you, son.
128
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,480
Jacob just arrived this morning.
129
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,480
I thought we'd go for a walk
and see how you're getting on.
130
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,480
- Yeah.
131
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,360
No, not yet. It's a bit quiet today. Yeah.
132
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,120
It's beautiful here, though.
I can see why people get into fishing.
133
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,280
Yes. Yeah, yeah. Well, you guys
are welcome to stay if you want.
134
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,880
- I've got chairs and...
- That's lovely of you.
135
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,560
Um, well, I've got to get back.
136
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,280
But, Jacob, you can stay if you like
and I can pick you up later.
137
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,320
Yeah.
- Lovely.
138
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,920
- Cool.
- All right, fantastic.
139
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,240
- Well, I'll... see you later, then.
- Yeah.
140
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,040
- Cool.
- Have a lovely time.
141
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,560
- Yeah, all right.
- Bye.
142
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,440
- Yeah, sit down, mate.
- Yeah, cool.
143
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,640
I've got a spare chair in here.
144
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,840
Er, it's a nice sort of
set-up you've got here.
145
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,800
Yeah. That's...
You've not been fishing before, then?
146
00:06:54,840 --> 00:07:00,000
No. This is new to me. This is...
I mean, that's mental. So...
147
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,520
- Yeah, it's a fishing rod.
- Right. OK. Cool.
148
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,640
So, what do you want to talk about?
149
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,440
We don't have to talk. We can watch TV.
150
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,040
Yeah?
151
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,440
Flog It! will be on. Have you seen it?
152
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,240
No.
153
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,880
It's absolutely brilliant.
154
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,800
Would you like some biscuits
with your tea, or...
155
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,600
...we've got scones, actually,
if you want?
156
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,720
Er...
157
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,320
Both
158
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,400
Yes.
159
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,760
So, how long are you planning on
staying around for, then?
160
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,800
- Er, dunno. Might be a while but...
161
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,400
Never usually lasts long
with me and Dad under the same roof.
162
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,000
Right, yeah. I bet.
163
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,880
- It's just, he's too nice, you know.
- Yeah.
164
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,400
- He's infuriatingly nice.
- Yeah.
165
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,040
He has no idea
what the real world is like.
166
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,240
- Yeah.
167
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,520
Yeah.
168
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,000
What is the real world actually like?
169
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,760
- Just like Bristol and that.
170
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,480
- Yeah.
171
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,560
Yeah, yeah. Bristol's great, mate. Yeah.
172
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,600
- Just, like, fast and...
- Yeah, yeah,
173
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,720
- Just so many mental things happen.
174
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,840
Like, we used to live with this guy
called Chief, yeah?
175
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,600
- He's a nudist.
176
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,080
So he just walks around
with his cock and bollocks out.
177
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,520
- Yeah, yeah!
178
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,800
But the best thing is,
my dad came to visit, yeah?
179
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,120
- Yeah.
- All the time he's sweating bullets.
180
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,920
He's trying so hard not to acknowledge
he's got his cock and bollocks out...
181
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,800
- Yeah.
- ...he actually fainted!
182
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,840
- You're joking!
- No.
183
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,520
- Fucking hell!
- Swear on my life.
184
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,440
- Yeah.
185
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,520
- Er, nah. No, I'm all right, actually.
186
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,480
- Yeah, yeah. Go on, then.
187
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,960
- Nice one.
188
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,600
- Might as well.
189
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,680
Er... Well, my dad took me
to a Slipknot concert.
190
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,760
Yeah?
191
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,440
When I was 13, or something.
192
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,880
And he tried to get into the mosh pit
193
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,520
because he thought
that's where the best view would be.
194
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,480
So, when the music started,
everybody started jumping on him...
195
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,240
- Yeah!
- Like, bottles of piss poured over him.
196
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,640
You're joking!
197
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,160
St John's Ambulance
had to get involved
198
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,440
and, like, gave him gas and air,
dragged him out.
199
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,960
Fuck!
200
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,080
Well, I'd better get on with the supper.
201
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,720
It's lovely of you to pop by, Sherry.
202
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,440
What will you have for your supper?
203
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,080
Just steak and chips, I think.
204
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,280
I love me steak, I do.
205
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,920
- Me too.
- I absolutely love... I love steak.
206
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,120
Yeah.
207
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,600
It's my favourite, actually.
208
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,080
Hadn't you better get back?
Or you'll miss yours.
209
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,000
- Miss your supper.
210
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,160
I don't have any supper.
211
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,080
Does your mum not cook for you?
212
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,320
What will you eat?
213
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,720
I suppose I'll see what's left in the bin.
214
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:33,920
Probably just eat that.
215
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,040
Would you like to stay for supper,
Kerry?
216
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,360
Is that all right?
217
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,280
Of course. Do stay for supper.
218
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,560
All right, then, yeah.
Can I give you a hand, Florence?
219
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,320
No! I'm fine. The Simpsons are on next.
220
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,680
Okely dokely.
221
00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,360
Mum!
222
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,880
What's for tea tonight?
223
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:04,760
For tea tonight?
224
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,160
Yeah, what's for tea tonight?
225
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,280
Yeah, but what will you cook,
do you think?
226
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,400
What?
227
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:28,920
What?
228
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,800
Say that again!
229
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,440
You mean falafel, Sue?
230
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,160
What the fuck is falafel?
231
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,520
It's mushed up chickpeas.
232
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,040
What are chickpeas?
233
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,440
Peas that taste like shit, basically.
234
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,760
How was fishing?
235
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,560
Brilliant,
but I am hanging out my ass today.
236
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,760
- Jacob came.
237
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,080
- Yeah!
238
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,600
- He's great.
239
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,560
- We got absolutely battered.
240
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,160
Yeah, he loves a party.
241
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,040
And on the way back we just stood
on the bridge over a dual carriageway
242
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,400
and we were just pissing on cars.
243
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,240
I want to piss on cars.
244
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,160
Yeah.
245
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,400
He has some amazing stories
about the vicar as well.
246
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:17,920
Like what?
247
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,560
The vicar, right, was in
a Christian boyband in the '80s.
248
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,280
- No way!
- Yeah. Called The Nice Guys.
249
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,320
- You are joking me!
- No!
250
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,000
- Yeah!
251
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,520
- Lead singer.
252
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,240
- Yeah.
253
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,040
And he had hair, as well, apparently.
254
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,800
- He had hair!
- Yeah! Imagine that.
255
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,800
I just can't imagine the vicar
not being bald.
256
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,520
Florence, that was just... beautiful.
Really beautiful.
257
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,040
Good. Glad you liked it.
258
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,880
Not going to let you go hungry,
you know, Kerry.
259
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,320
I love Tea Talk.
260
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,560
Florence is just an absolute dream.
261
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,440
It was a bit sad,
cos her cat died recently.
262
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,760
But I think me being here
has just cheered her up tenfold.
263
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,720
That was him, look. That's the cat.
264
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,320
His name was Tudor, look.
265
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,200
Feel the weight of that.
266
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,520
Feel the weight of that, honestly.
267
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,160
That's how fucking big he was.
268
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,480
Ate himself into physical decay.
269
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,240
That's how I want to go.
270
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,400
Yeah.
271
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:39,520
Kerry gets very jealous
whenever I talk about Tudor.
272
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:43,600
So I just try not to mention him at all.
273
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:44,680
She said...
274
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:48,680
Shh...
275
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,880
For fuck's sake!
276
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,440
That'll do.
277
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,640
Thanks so much for doing Tea Talk, Kerry.
278
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,680
I can take over now,
but thanks so much for filling in for me.
279
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,720
Well, I don't mind doing it again, so...
280
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,240
Well, that's very kind of you,
but I know how dull it must be for you...
281
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,320
No, no, no, it's not dull, it's fine.
She trusts me now.
282
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,920
Well, all I'm saying is
that I'm free now and...
283
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,120
Yeah, well, she's in a very dark place
at the moment
284
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,640
cos she's just lost her cat,
which is very upsetting.
285
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,120
You know, I'm not quite sure
286
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,160
why you're so insistent on trying to,
like, ruin this for me.
287
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,720
- I'm not...
- It feels like that.
288
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,400
I'm really not trying to ruin
anything for you.
289
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:41,080
You know, I think it's brilliant that you
want to keep Tea Talk going with Florence,
290
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,680
I really do, Kerry.
I couldn't be prouder of you.
291
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,800
Sounds like you're really making
a difference.
292
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,560
Well, I am, I'm making
a massive difference.
293
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,360
She'd lose her shit
if it wasn't for me, so...
294
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,480
- Great, good.
295
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,240
- Kurtan, come on in.
296
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,240
Look, I've been meaning
to say thanks so much
297
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,400
for spending time with Jacob.
He's been raving about it.
298
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,400
Yeah?
299
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,840
That's great, yeah,
we're going fishing again tonight
300
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,520
and probably go down Keepers,
have a few beers and that.
301
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,120
- It'll be a laugh.
- Excellent.
302
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:13,480
But just to let you know,
Jacob's had a bit of a tough time of late.
303
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,160
What do you mean?
304
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,480
Um, well, he's had some problems
that you should probably be aware of.
305
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,120
What sort of problems?
306
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:24,280
Well... drink and drugs problems, mainly.
307
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,760
Shit.
308
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,440
Could have told me earlier about that.
309
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,840
Why?
310
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:39,960
Just... Just would... would have been nice
to have known sooner. No reason as such.
311
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,880
- Sorry, yes.
- Yeah.
312
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,640
- Go on, then.
- See you later.
313
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,160
- See you, Kerry.
- See you.
314
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,800
See you, Kurtan. Bye.
315
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:55,040
We have had a few problems with Jacob,
mostly with sort of addiction issues
316
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,640
with alcohol and... heroin,
317
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,720
which caused him a bit of bother.
318
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:04,040
He ran up a bit of debt
with a chap called, um, Sketchy,
319
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:08,720
so we had to remortgage
the cottage to bail him out.
320
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,840
Well, I feel bad now.
You know, I had no idea.
321
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,520
I just thought he liked to party.
322
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,040
But that's just a whole different
ball game. You know. I am shocked.
323
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,160
Having said that,
he did try and smoke my hemp seed
324
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,320
that I use as ground bait for fishing.
You know.
325
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,400
And that should have been
a clear sign to me at the time...
326
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,080
My God!
327
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,160
- Look at that.
328
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,280
What's that?
329
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,880
I just typed in " '80s Christian boyband
The Nice Guys" into Google,
330
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,320
and that's just come up.
331
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,840
- That's the vicar.
- "Good Guy by The Nice Guys."
332
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,640
That is so typical of him.
333
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,120
So, er...
334
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,640
...my dad mentioned that he'd told you
the real reason I'm here
335
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,040
and, like, the problems I've had
and stuff.
336
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:08,480
I think, yeah.
He said something about it, but...
337
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,560
I can't really remember now, to be honest.
So...
338
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:15,800
Well, thanks for not saying
anything about the other night.
339
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,400
You know, I don't want to upset him
or anything, so...
340
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:19,560
Yeah, sure.
341
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,600
Probably best if we keep it between
ourselves and...
342
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,800
Yeah.
343
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,120
It's just like a final blowout, I guess,
you know...
344
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,680
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Just getting it out of my system and...
345
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,160
But... Yeah, I'm just on the water
tonight.
346
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,040
- All right, cool.
- Just so you know.
347
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,400
- No worries, mate. No worries.
- Sweet.
348
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,200
Before we go, Chris, a question,
I nearly forgot.
349
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:50,040
If Sir Frederick Banbury
came second and Solario came fourth,
350
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,600
who or what came third?
351
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,240
The answer is Flying Scotsman...
352
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,200
...between Sir Frederick Banbury and...
353
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,440
Thank you, Chris.
354
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,720
Join us next time to see if the new team
of Challengers have the brains...
355
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,840
Right, I'd best be off.
356
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,120
Don't you want to watch Springwatch?
357
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,040
I wish I could
but I've got to get back.
358
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,680
Shall I see you tomorrow?
359
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,640
- Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
- OK.
360
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,040
- All right, Florence, ta for that!
- Right.
361
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,360
Mum?
362
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,200
Where's dinner?
363
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:09,560
All right, cheers.
364
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,480
Yes!
365
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,400
And you pour a cup of cold water...
366
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,440
It's not a cup of
cold water, it's the absolute reality,
367
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,720
and also, you've got to think,
the jackdaws have got young, too.
368
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,840
What about an "ah"
for the baby jackdaws?
369
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,080
I just want everything to survive!
370
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,560
Be a weird world
if everything survived.
371
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,480
Let's have a look
at our buzzard.
372
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,640
Now, we know it's a one chick,
a single child.
373
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:57,280
And because of that,
it's been doing extremely well,
374
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,480
it's been growing rapidly,
it's had plenty of food.
375
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,400
Let's take a look at it
when we first met it.
376
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,720
Got a good feeling
about this little place here.
377
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,480
Yeah, me too.
This could be the one, yeah.
378
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,360
That's what I think.
379
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,760
Right, I mean, it's just great, isn't it?
Fishing.
380
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,240
Yeah.
381
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,200
Like, just something about it. Like,
the lake and the trees...
382
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,680
- Yeah.
- ...and, like, the birds.
383
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,280
- Yeah, it's beautiful.
- It's beautiful.
384
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,720
- Yeah.
- Exactly.
385
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,320
Like, you live in a city, yeah,
386
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:33,520
and you just kind of forget
how beautiful just the countryside is!
387
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,880
- I mean, it's amazing.
- Yeah.
388
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,440
That's true, that is... Do you know what,
I'm really glad you like...
389
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,240
- I've got you onto fishing now.
- Yes.
390
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,520
- Yeah, yeah, no, that's great. Yeah.
391
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,880
This is you, this is all you.
You've done this.
392
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,480
I've done it and, you know,
we can go all the time.
393
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:48,800
- Yeah, yeah.
- That's the thing.
394
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:50,240
Whenever you're back and...
395
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:54,120
I mean, the thing that amazes me
is it's just like all of it together,
396
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:58,760
you know, as an experience. Like,
us being here, do you know what I mean?
397
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,480
- And, like, the environment...
- Yeah.
398
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,480
...and like... And just, like, nature.
399
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,880
Nature's, like, here with us,
do you know what I mean?
400
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,400
Yeah, it's just nature.
Nature's your friend.
401
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,920
The lake and the trees and...
402
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,440
And you've just got to embrace it,
you know?
403
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,080
Hey, have you taken something?
404
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:16,240
Yeah, mate, yeah.
405
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,920
- It's a pill...
406
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,400
Yeah, it is a pill, yeah.
407
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,640
And you're definitely not interested
in fishing any more?
408
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,720
Yeah, exactly.
409
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,480
Feel that. Feel it, feel it.
No, feel it. You're not feeling it?
410
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,520
- I am feeling it.
411
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,040
- Feel it.
412
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,600
All right.
413
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,400
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
414
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,560
Yeah.
415
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,000
- No, don't...
416
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,840
OK.
417
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,280
Where is he going Can...?
418
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,320
Can you look after that?
Because I'm going to have to...
419
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,080
For fuck's sake.
420
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,120
Jacob got wrecked again
last night.
421
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,760
- Yes, he's an absolute wreck-head.
422
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,520
- Shit.
- Just wandered off on his own.
423
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,200
Came back with some homeless guy,
424
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,040
trying to get me to take him back
to my nan's to give him a bath.
425
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,480
Sh...!
426
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,520
You know, they ended up
having a fight later on,
427
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,800
got kicked out of the fucking
fishing club. He's a total liability.
428
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,920
- No.
429
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,920
He thinks he's on the straight and narrow.
430
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,120
Well, you've got to tell the vicar.
431
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:32,560
What?
432
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:46,040
Well... Florence is probably just
making it up to get attention.
433
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,280
Is that what you've been
doing in the evenings, Ker?
434
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,680
You told me you'd been running
in the evenings,
435
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,800
but that's not
what you've been doing, is it?
436
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,280
I know Kerry said I should
tell the vicar about Jacob,
437
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,200
but I just can't face it. I think
438
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:53,000
the best thing I can do in this situation
is just stay out of it.
439
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,000
You know, it's far bigger
than what I can deal with.
440
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,320
- And the vicar's just so far...
441
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,200
...in his bloody dream world,
he's dancing with a Minotaur.
442
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:06,000
- On a cruise ship heading straight for...
443
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,280
Fuck's that?
444
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,680
For fuck's sake!
445
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,880
- Fuck!
446
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,240
Jacob! Sorry, mate, sorry.
447
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,560
- Sit down, mate.
448
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,600
No, you can't do it.
This is the marketplace.
449
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,080
Kebabs!
450
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,360
What you doing? That's a bin, mate.
451
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,520
Fucking hell.
452
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,040
Hello?
453
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,200
Hi, Vicar. Yeah, it's Kurtan.
454
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,280
Yeah, I... It's Jacob, really.
455
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,920
Yeah.
456
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,040
That's right. He's been drinking, yeah.
457
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,440
- God. Jacob.
- All right.
458
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,080
- Hello.
- Jacob, it's all right.
459
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,360
Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
460
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,440
- We're going to get you home.
- Yeah...
461
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,440
Yes, it's a difficult situation.
462
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,680
I suppose I was in denial
463
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,480
and I didn't realise I was doing
more damage to my son than good.
464
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,600
Don't be harsh on yourself.
465
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,560
No. I...
I feel like being harsh on myself.
466
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:16,360
Sometimes, it... It has to be bad
to be good again, you know.
467
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:20,600
My trousers are falling down.
My trousers are falling down.
468
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,760
Right. One second...
469
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,240
Dear. Thank you, Kurtan.
470
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:30,440
Thank you for being a friend to me
and a friend to Jacob.
471
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,240
It's a pleasure, that's what I do.
472
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,840
And thank you.
For whatever it is you do.
473
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,600
Because I still don't really know.
474
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,400
Shall I get the kettle on?
475
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,160
Biscuits?
- Yes, please.
476
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,400
Thank you.
477
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,280
Come on, then.
Let's get you inside, out the rain.
478
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:04,720
There she is, look.
479
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,560
I just find it weird
how you can be so close to someone
480
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,480
and they can be
such a big part of your life,
481
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,560
and then the next minute, you're just
sort of strangers in the night.
482
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,000
You know?
483
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,080
Nothing much changes.
I'm just more hungry.
484
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,280
I reckon she's going to be cooking
her thrice-cooked chips tonight.
485
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,960
Because they're not cooked once
and they're not cooked twice,
486
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,400
they're cooked thrice!
487
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,200
But those days are in the past now,
I suppose.
488
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,240
Standing in the rain
489
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,880
I hand you my jacket
490
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,040
I guess I'm just a good guy...
491
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,640
- It's me.
492
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,680
- Yeah, that's me.
493
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,760
...You're always out of reach
494
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,200
These words I long to preach
495
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:16,880
Love is my word...
496
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,880
- That's good! That's actually not shit.
- Thank you very much.
497
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,800
- Yeah! You can hold a note, mate.
- Yes, I can, yeah.
498
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,360
...I'll be your prop and your line...
499
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,760
- We all did.
500
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,440
...Divine intervention!
501
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,400
Good guy
502
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,880
Just a good guy...
503
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,640
I quite like that.
504
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,600
...Give me a try
505
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,960
Fall in love with a good guy...
506
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,200
What's the song about?
- A good guy.
507
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,240
- Well, it works on lots of levels.
508
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:51,560
Are you the good guy?
509
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,560
Well, I am in this, and it could
mean... a lot of other things.
510
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,560
Wait for it - here comes the flute solo,
here comes the flute solo.
511
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,120
Bad boys are all the fashion
512
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,160
Crimes of hate, crimes of passion
513
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,160
Love is pure, it can't be wrong
514
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,480
Where have all the good guys gone?
515
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,160
Girl, dry your eyes
516
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,520
Leave the bad guys
517
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,160
They'll hurt you with their lies
518
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,920
So find yourself a good, good guy
519
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,160
Good guy...
519
00:28:28,305 --> 00:29:28,836
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