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1
00:00:02,739 --> 00:00:04,676
(breathing heavily)
2
00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:06,012
Look who I'm kissing.
3
00:00:06,145 --> 00:00:07,549
-(door closes)
-It's Max. Can you believe it?
4
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,318
(moaning, breathing heavily)
5
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,420
Wait.
6
00:00:10,522 --> 00:00:12,024
Are you sure you're okay
with this?
7
00:00:12,091 --> 00:00:13,628
Take your shirt off.
8
00:00:15,063 --> 00:00:18,069
I am abs-olutely okay
with this.
9
00:00:18,136 --> 00:00:19,405
(both chuckle)
10
00:00:20,073 --> 00:00:21,911
I have wanted to do this
for so long.
11
00:00:21,977 --> 00:00:25,317
So, first round's for speed,
second round is for distance.
12
00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:27,822
Third round is for creativity.
13
00:00:27,889 --> 00:00:30,360
Three rounds? All right.
14
00:00:30,494 --> 00:00:31,931
All right, buddy,
I know we're 40,
15
00:00:31,964 --> 00:00:34,335
but it's time to rise
to the occasion.
16
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:35,370
Sex pun!
17
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:37,141
-I've never been so turned on.
-Ah.
18
00:00:39,378 --> 00:00:40,648
You know,
19
00:00:40,715 --> 00:00:43,353
three generations of Silver
women have slept in this bed.
20
00:00:44,055 --> 00:00:47,027
I don't know why I thought
that would be hot.
21
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:49,432
-Are you purring?
-(purring)
22
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:53,273
(groans) Snowball,
get out of here.
23
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:54,610
(yowls)
24
00:00:54,676 --> 00:00:55,878
(chuckles)
25
00:00:55,979 --> 00:00:57,616
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
26
00:00:57,716 --> 00:01:00,120
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
27
00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:05,163
Oh, my gosh, Max is in my bed,
and we did it.
28
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:08,169
That literally
cuts my bucket list in half.
29
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:12,177
What do you know?
Three rounds with Kat Silver.
30
00:01:12,244 --> 00:01:14,215
Would've gotten to four
if that pervert cat
31
00:01:14,315 --> 00:01:16,820
wasn't licking himself
in the corner.
32
00:01:17,522 --> 00:01:19,860
I had an orgasm
with Max Kingbird,
33
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,197
and he was actually here for it!
34
00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:25,738
This is weird. I'm feeling...
35
00:01:25,838 --> 00:01:27,141
What is this?
36
00:01:27,207 --> 00:01:29,846
I don't regret
what I did last night.
37
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,284
Why isn't he saying anything?
38
00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:35,490
Does he regret this?
What is he thinking?
39
00:01:35,558 --> 00:01:37,562
Don't fart.
40
00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:40,200
Don't. Fart.
41
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,604
Okay, be cool.
42
00:01:41,704 --> 00:01:44,375
Just roll over
and say good morning.
43
00:01:44,442 --> 00:01:47,381
It's only Max.
Your friend Max.
44
00:01:47,481 --> 00:01:50,822
Who spun you like a dreidel
in Nana Silver's bed.
45
00:01:50,888 --> 00:01:55,130
All right, I think I can
hide this on the rollover.
46
00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:56,867
On three.
47
00:01:56,934 --> 00:01:59,773
One, two, three.
48
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,612
-Ow!
-Ow, ow. (sputters)
49
00:02:02,679 --> 00:02:04,482
-You okay?
-Yep.
50
00:02:04,549 --> 00:02:05,652
(Max groans)
51
00:02:05,718 --> 00:02:08,123
Here, let me fan you
with these sheets a little.
52
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:14,201
So...
53
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,538
last night was fun,
54
00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:19,813
but also stuff that
friends don't normally do.
55
00:02:19,913 --> 00:02:22,251
Yeah. (laughs)
56
00:02:23,086 --> 00:02:24,355
Yeah.
57
00:02:24,422 --> 00:02:29,131
Are we friends who just had
a crazy night, or...
58
00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:31,704
or are we...?
59
00:02:31,804 --> 00:02:33,473
Yeah.
60
00:02:33,541 --> 00:02:35,177
Are we...?
61
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:38,918
That's right, Max. I may have
cut off a lock of your hair
62
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,354
while you were sleeping,
63
00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:42,759
but I will not ask you
to be my boyfriend.
64
00:02:43,561 --> 00:02:45,397
Honestly...
65
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:49,105
I'd like to see
if there's something here.
66
00:02:49,205 --> 00:02:51,510
I mean,
if-if that's what you want.
67
00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:53,881
It worked!
We're gonna do this!
68
00:02:53,948 --> 00:02:55,885
It's happening,
it's happening!
69
00:02:57,354 --> 00:02:59,225
Yeah, we can give it a shot.
70
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:01,362
(Kat chuckles)
71
00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:06,940
You know,
Papa Silver died in this bed.
72
00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:09,178
Maybe you should just kiss me
so I shut up.
73
00:03:09,245 --> 00:03:11,315
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
74
00:03:12,852 --> 00:03:14,255
-Hey.
-Hey.
75
00:03:14,355 --> 00:03:15,658
Wait, why are you so sweaty?
76
00:03:15,725 --> 00:03:17,762
Did somebody finally teach you
how to Dougie?
77
00:03:17,829 --> 00:03:20,033
I was training my son.
He's going out for track.
78
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:23,073
I mean, it's not football,
but at least it's not band.
79
00:03:23,139 --> 00:03:24,375
Oh, well, I can work with CJ.
80
00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:25,645
I used to run the 100 meters.
81
00:03:25,678 --> 00:03:27,114
I was the fastest girl
in my school.
82
00:03:27,247 --> 00:03:29,351
So was I.
83
00:03:29,986 --> 00:03:31,289
I appreciate the offer,
84
00:03:31,389 --> 00:03:34,228
but, you know,
men run different than women.
85
00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:37,936
I see,
and "different" meaning faster?
86
00:03:38,002 --> 00:03:40,173
Oh, good, you know.
87
00:03:40,273 --> 00:03:42,512
So, you think that
you can beat me in a race
88
00:03:42,579 --> 00:03:44,448
just because you have a penis?
89
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,818
Well, I'm not a scientist,
90
00:03:45,885 --> 00:03:49,024
so I don't know
where the speed is stored,
91
00:03:49,091 --> 00:03:50,393
but yes.
92
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:51,964
You know what?
That's it.
93
00:03:52,030 --> 00:03:53,567
After work,
we are gonna race.
94
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,036
Put some lotion
on those ashy knees
95
00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:56,239
and meet me in the park
96
00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:58,209
for a good
old-fashioned ass-kicking.
97
00:03:58,276 --> 00:03:59,546
Oh, you're on.
98
00:03:59,613 --> 00:04:00,915
And there won't be
any ass-kicking,
99
00:04:00,982 --> 00:04:02,317
only ass-gazing.
100
00:04:02,418 --> 00:04:07,494
As in, your eyes watching my ass
leave your ass behind.
101
00:04:08,731 --> 00:04:09,833
Hey, everybody.
102
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,603
Oh, my God, you've had sex.
103
00:04:12,539 --> 00:04:13,808
What are you talking about?
104
00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:16,513
Ugh, been so long,
she doesn't remember what it is.
105
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:19,251
(singsongy):
Knowing when people had sex
is my superpower.
106
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:20,220
Yeah, it's true.
107
00:04:20,287 --> 00:04:22,725
When she met my parents,
she called them out.
108
00:04:22,792 --> 00:04:25,096
Made church so awkward.
109
00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,836
Hold up, you've had sex
with Max.
110
00:04:27,936 --> 00:04:29,338
-(gasps)
-Max?
111
00:04:29,405 --> 00:04:31,142
Did my name come up?
112
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,647
What happened between me and Max
is private.
113
00:04:33,714 --> 00:04:36,887
We did it three times
last night.
114
00:04:36,954 --> 00:04:38,724
Let's get this baby cooking.
115
00:04:38,791 --> 00:04:40,795
Go lie down
and put your feet in the air.
116
00:04:40,895 --> 00:04:41,897
You need to marinate.
117
00:04:41,964 --> 00:04:43,466
You know, like you do
with an old chicken.
118
00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:45,538
We're putting the baby
on the backburner--
119
00:04:45,605 --> 00:04:47,341
unfortunate choice of words.
120
00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:49,746
We just want to focus
on seeing where this goes.
121
00:04:49,846 --> 00:04:51,683
We have our first real date
tonight!
122
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,856
Great, we're gonna gamble
my grandchild's existence
123
00:04:54,923 --> 00:04:56,894
on your personality.
124
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,564
I need a drink.
125
00:05:03,072 --> 00:05:05,343
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
126
00:05:06,647 --> 00:05:07,549
Oh.
127
00:05:07,615 --> 00:05:08,651
(chuckles):
Oh, we're gonna sit
128
00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:10,120
on the same side
of the booth.
129
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,357
That's the other
half of my bucket list.
130
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:14,428
Hello, I'm Greg.
131
00:05:14,495 --> 00:05:16,399
Is this your first time
dining with us?
132
00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:19,673
It's actually our first time
dining anywhere as a couple.
133
00:05:19,773 --> 00:05:22,144
We have been best friends
forever,
134
00:05:22,211 --> 00:05:24,448
no benefits, just really strong
feelings for each other.
135
00:05:24,516 --> 00:05:25,885
We're kind of
like Cagney and Lacey,
136
00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:28,423
but we don't solve crimes
and he's not a lady.
137
00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:31,495
He was in a relationship,
and I was in a relationship.
138
00:05:31,563 --> 00:05:33,366
And then last night, Greg,
out of the blue,
139
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:36,707
boom, bang,
Bonetown, population two.
140
00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:40,515
We did it three times,
and I'm 40.
141
00:05:41,482 --> 00:05:44,088
I'll get you some bread.
142
00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:48,363
He's not coming back, is he?
143
00:05:48,463 --> 00:05:50,501
(both chuckle)
144
00:05:51,168 --> 00:05:52,437
Why are you staring at me?
145
00:05:52,505 --> 00:05:54,576
-Oh, no, do I have a bat
in the cave?
-What?
146
00:05:54,643 --> 00:05:55,912
No.
147
00:05:56,012 --> 00:05:58,517
You just, you look great.
148
00:05:59,719 --> 00:06:01,055
Thank you.
149
00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:02,190
Is that a new outfit?
150
00:06:02,257 --> 00:06:04,161
Oh, no.
I-I've had it forever.
151
00:06:04,261 --> 00:06:06,567
Uh, fire sale.
An estate sale.
152
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,369
She died in a fire.
153
00:06:11,475 --> 00:06:12,979
You look really nice.
154
00:06:13,079 --> 00:06:15,450
Thanks. Shaved the ears.
155
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:19,024
Yeah, that was supposed to be
in my head.
156
00:06:27,575 --> 00:06:30,046
(chuckles nervously)
157
00:06:33,319 --> 00:06:35,791
-This is weird. Okay. Yeah.
-Yeah, I'm gonna sit
on that side. Yeah.
158
00:06:35,925 --> 00:06:37,695
-Okay.
-Yeah.
159
00:06:37,762 --> 00:06:39,265
Yeah, this is much better.
160
00:06:39,331 --> 00:06:41,102
You know, now I got
a little elbow room.
161
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,441
Like the settlers moving west,
taking land from the natives.
162
00:06:44,576 --> 00:06:45,845
Why would I go there? I...
163
00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:47,815
You know what,
we both just need to relax.
164
00:06:47,849 --> 00:06:49,418
Let's just,
let's start this thing over.
165
00:06:49,485 --> 00:06:52,124
That's a great idea.
That's a really great idea.
166
00:06:52,759 --> 00:06:55,698
Whoa. What the hell?! Is there
something under the table?
167
00:06:55,798 --> 00:06:57,936
That was my foot.
I was playing footsie.
168
00:06:58,002 --> 00:07:01,208
(sighs)
I have a very specific phobia
169
00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:05,283
about alligators attacking
my feet under restaurant tables.
170
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:07,622
That has literally
never happened.
171
00:07:07,722 --> 00:07:10,895
Uh, I saw it on Gator 911.
172
00:07:10,962 --> 00:07:12,497
That poor bride.
173
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,034
Well, this is no gator.
174
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,074
It's a size 12 foot
in a sock from Men's Wearhouse.
175
00:07:17,174 --> 00:07:19,879
(laughs):
That's nice.
176
00:07:19,946 --> 00:07:22,050
Five-toe fandango.
177
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:23,687
Whoa, gator!
178
00:07:23,821 --> 00:07:25,056
Your other foot.
179
00:07:32,270 --> 00:07:36,880
All right, this is gonna be
a Harlan County two-scamper.
180
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:41,990
No skipsies, no jumpsies,
no shooty-backsies.
181
00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:44,529
So, you scared?
182
00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:46,232
Scared? Please.
183
00:07:46,298 --> 00:07:47,568
I'm only scared
of three things--
184
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:51,543
horror films, snakes
and very low ceiling fans.
185
00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:52,945
Yeah, big talk, old man.
186
00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:55,216
Did you get a biscuit
with those chicken legs?
187
00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:59,124
Yeah, well, these chicken legs
got 11 herbs and spices,
188
00:07:59,191 --> 00:08:02,464
which that makes them extra
crispy, so that means that...
189
00:08:02,532 --> 00:08:04,836
You know what?
Let's just do this.
190
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,583
Okay.
191
00:08:11,683 --> 00:08:15,023
Ready, set, scamper!
192
00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:17,494
♪ ♪
193
00:08:39,104 --> 00:08:41,510
(whoops) You see that?
194
00:08:41,576 --> 00:08:43,046
It's the running man.
195
00:08:43,112 --> 00:08:46,218
Ooh, and now, oh,
it's the running Carter.
196
00:08:46,285 --> 00:08:47,755
-(whimpering)
-(Carter stammers)
197
00:08:47,855 --> 00:08:49,091
-You tripped me!
-(laughs)
198
00:08:49,191 --> 00:08:53,099
Ain't nobody tripping out here
but you, loser.
199
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,334
(high-pitched):
Loser.
200
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,573
-Loser.
-Phil, you saw, she cheated!
201
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,242
What? I'm sorry.
202
00:08:58,309 --> 00:09:02,552
I just realized I'm wearing
two different color shoes.
203
00:09:02,618 --> 00:09:05,156
(laughing)
204
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,701
How's your lamb?
205
00:09:12,104 --> 00:09:13,674
Good.
206
00:09:14,576 --> 00:09:15,911
How's your pasta?
207
00:09:15,978 --> 00:09:17,648
Good.
208
00:09:18,316 --> 00:09:19,451
This lamb is terrible.
209
00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:20,988
Why didn't I tell her that?
210
00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:24,027
I could've said,
"Pretty baaad."
211
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:26,733
I just wanted
this night to be special.
212
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,737
I shaved every inch of my body.
213
00:09:28,837 --> 00:09:30,674
I'm like a fricking dolphin.
214
00:09:30,741 --> 00:09:34,649
Why can't I think of
something funny or cool to say?
215
00:09:34,749 --> 00:09:36,185
Wait, I got it.
216
00:09:36,853 --> 00:09:41,195
Is it just me or is
the service here pretty baaad?
217
00:09:42,063 --> 00:09:43,801
What?
218
00:09:44,636 --> 00:09:46,238
I don't know
what's wrong with me, I'm sorry.
219
00:09:46,305 --> 00:09:49,512
-Me, too.
Why is this so awkward?
-(laughs): I don't know.
220
00:09:49,579 --> 00:09:50,815
We're usually so comfortable
together.
221
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,350
Like this morning,
I heard you fart.
222
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:55,023
What? No. No.
It was, it was your bed.
223
00:09:55,089 --> 00:09:56,960
You said so yourself,
it's very old.
224
00:09:57,060 --> 00:10:00,099
(sighs)
We had so much fun last night.
225
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,102
And again this morning.
226
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,905
I want this
to be more like that.
227
00:10:02,972 --> 00:10:07,380
You know, we could wash away
this whole night in my shower.
228
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,184
That's a slip-and-fall risk.
229
00:10:09,251 --> 00:10:10,855
Safety first, sexy second.
230
00:10:11,455 --> 00:10:14,829
Don't worry, 'cause my shower
has grippy ducks on the floor.
231
00:10:15,764 --> 00:10:18,937
Recommended by the AARP.
232
00:10:20,106 --> 00:10:21,776
Really?
233
00:10:21,877 --> 00:10:26,653
Well, those grippy ducks are
about to swim with a dolphin.
234
00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:29,124
I don't get that,
235
00:10:29,191 --> 00:10:31,530
but quack, quack, quack.
236
00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:33,967
-(imitating dolphin)
-(quacking)
237
00:10:37,274 --> 00:10:39,478
Ooh, a candle.
238
00:10:39,546 --> 00:10:41,382
I didn't realize Bonetown had
239
00:10:41,448 --> 00:10:43,386
a Spiced Pumpkin district.
240
00:10:43,452 --> 00:10:44,923
We're close to shopping
241
00:10:44,989 --> 00:10:47,060
and the schools are excellent.
242
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,429
Are they?
243
00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,701
Maybe you're a teacher
244
00:10:50,768 --> 00:10:52,170
and I'm the new student.
245
00:10:52,237 --> 00:10:53,507
Yeah.
246
00:10:53,607 --> 00:10:55,945
And you're in trouble because
you didn't do your homework.
247
00:10:56,011 --> 00:10:58,249
Why wouldn't I do my homework?
248
00:10:58,316 --> 00:11:00,286
I'm all for role-play
249
00:11:00,353 --> 00:11:02,457
but, like, it has to make sense.
250
00:11:02,558 --> 00:11:04,696
Okay, all right, so...
251
00:11:04,762 --> 00:11:07,234
what would you want
to get in trouble for?
252
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,737
I don't want to get
in trouble for anything.
253
00:11:08,804 --> 00:11:09,973
I'm new to this school,
254
00:11:10,106 --> 00:11:11,877
I'm trying to make
a good impression.
255
00:11:13,012 --> 00:11:15,216
Maybe let's work up
to role-play.
256
00:11:15,316 --> 00:11:16,586
Oh, um...
257
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,356
-I could be a foreign
exchange student.
-Oh.
258
00:11:18,456 --> 00:11:21,195
(Irish accent): Good day
to ya, Professor Kingbird.
259
00:11:21,228 --> 00:11:24,334
Do you want to see
where I hid me pot o' gold?
260
00:11:25,136 --> 00:11:26,840
I'm not gonna lie.
261
00:11:26,907 --> 00:11:28,710
I don't hate that.
262
00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:31,883
KAT:
Oh, no, I am wearing
263
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,754
some weapons-grade
shapewear right now.
264
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:35,891
He doesn't need to see
how this sausage is cased.
265
00:11:35,958 --> 00:11:37,929
Uh, actually, I'm gonna run
266
00:11:37,995 --> 00:11:39,431
to the bathroom real quick.
267
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,001
(Irish accent):
When you come back,
268
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,239
you can kiss me Blarney Stone.
269
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,278
Damn, you're sexy.
270
00:11:48,149 --> 00:11:50,654
(panting)
271
00:11:50,721 --> 00:11:52,925
(grunting)
272
00:11:54,729 --> 00:11:56,833
This is like prom
all over again.
273
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:59,606
You know, if I went to prom.
274
00:11:59,672 --> 00:12:01,910
(grunting)
275
00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:07,521
-Ow!
-MAX: You okay?
276
00:12:07,622 --> 00:12:09,959
Yeah, yeah,
just getting ready to pee!
277
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:13,499
Oh, oh, I don't want him
to hear this mighty tinkle.
278
00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:17,073
MAX:
Are you taking a shower?
279
00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:18,744
Yeah, just gonna take
a quick rinse.
280
00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:20,514
(Irish accent):
Ooh, you've got Irish Spring!
281
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,284
It's the body wash of me people.
282
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,121
MAX: I'm gonna get us
a bottle of wine.
283
00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:26,358
Yeah, and I'm gonna make room
for that wine.
284
00:12:26,492 --> 00:12:28,296
(mouthing)
285
00:12:29,264 --> 00:12:31,836
(exclaims, grunts)
286
00:12:35,544 --> 00:12:37,915
Hard to believe
I didn't go to prom.
287
00:12:49,338 --> 00:12:50,808
What do we think?
288
00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:52,110
Does this pose say
289
00:12:52,177 --> 00:12:54,281
"my butt's never been dunked
in toilet water"?
290
00:12:55,416 --> 00:12:56,987
What is taking him so long?
291
00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,191
-Oh! (laughing)
-Ooh! (laughing)
292
00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:01,128
I don't understand cricket,
but I do understand
293
00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:02,865
a guy getting hit in the nuts.
294
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:04,434
Hey, balls hitting balls.
295
00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:06,005
It's poetic.
296
00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:09,712
Hey, uh, what's going on?
297
00:13:09,779 --> 00:13:11,448
Oh, you've got to see
these bloopers.
298
00:13:11,516 --> 00:13:13,720
The Phillie Phanatic's about
to take a fastball to the nuts.
299
00:13:13,754 --> 00:13:15,490
They're all pretty much about
300
00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,595
guys taking one to the nuts.
301
00:13:17,628 --> 00:13:20,801
Uh, what happened
to getting us wine?
302
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,139
Oh, right.
303
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:25,577
Hey!
304
00:13:25,678 --> 00:13:28,082
You know what, uh, just keep it.
305
00:13:28,149 --> 00:13:29,852
I'll be hanging out
in your bedroom,
306
00:13:29,919 --> 00:13:30,788
and if you'd rather watch
307
00:13:30,954 --> 00:13:32,758
guys get hit in the testicles
with your buddy,
308
00:13:32,858 --> 00:13:35,330
that's, it's fine,
that's fine by me.
309
00:13:35,998 --> 00:13:39,071
Bruh, you have
the coolest girlfriend.
310
00:13:39,171 --> 00:13:41,175
(sighs)
311
00:13:42,745 --> 00:13:45,149
Hey. I shouldn't
have kept you waiting.
312
00:13:45,249 --> 00:13:47,354
Carter was upset
about his fight with Randi.
313
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,759
(chuckles) He, he was
even crying a little.
314
00:13:49,826 --> 00:13:51,663
CARTER:
The hell I was!
315
00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:54,267
You know, I-I think
I just want to go home.
316
00:13:54,368 --> 00:13:55,771
What? No, no.
317
00:13:55,838 --> 00:13:58,142
-We can turn this around.
-Can we?
318
00:13:58,209 --> 00:14:00,647
I mean, this night has been off
from the beginning.
319
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:03,052
And it's not just the-the wine
320
00:14:03,152 --> 00:14:05,023
or the TV or the freak hurricane
321
00:14:05,123 --> 00:14:06,358
that hit your bathroom.
322
00:14:06,458 --> 00:14:07,728
Wait, what?
323
00:14:07,828 --> 00:14:09,766
Climate change.
324
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,468
It's fine.
325
00:14:11,569 --> 00:14:14,107
I just, I'll talk to you later.
326
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:16,245
Okay.
327
00:14:16,311 --> 00:14:18,349
Okay. Bye.
328
00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:20,854
(door closes)
329
00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:27,000
What the hell?!
330
00:14:27,802 --> 00:14:29,137
(singsongy):
I've got something
331
00:14:29,204 --> 00:14:31,008
to show you.
332
00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:33,780
I get it, your mole looks
like Winnie the Pooh.
333
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,116
Go see a doctor.
334
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:37,722
I got a video
of your race with Randi.
335
00:14:37,788 --> 00:14:38,957
Really?
336
00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:40,594
How'd you get it?
337
00:14:40,627 --> 00:14:41,930
Security cam.
338
00:14:42,063 --> 00:14:43,600
Let's just say my dalliance
339
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:45,436
with a certain deputy mayor
340
00:14:45,537 --> 00:14:47,541
finally paid off.
341
00:14:48,476 --> 00:14:51,315
Hey, y'all. I'm so excited
to be auditioning
342
00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:54,287
for So You Think You Can Dance.
343
00:14:55,156 --> 00:14:57,762
'Cause I think I can.
344
00:14:57,828 --> 00:14:59,565
No, no, that's the wrong file.
345
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,036
I see.
(chuckles)
346
00:15:02,972 --> 00:15:05,376
Okay, here we go.
347
00:15:05,443 --> 00:15:07,013
I'm winning.
348
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,650
Here's where we're close.
349
00:15:08,717 --> 00:15:11,088
Let's slow it down.
350
00:15:15,531 --> 00:15:16,733
She never touched me.
351
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,539
She was pulling ahead
when you fell.
352
00:15:19,605 --> 00:15:21,509
She spanked you.
353
00:15:22,143 --> 00:15:25,617
Just like I spanked
that deputy mayor.
354
00:15:27,387 --> 00:15:28,890
Well...
355
00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:31,295
I know what I got to do.
356
00:15:31,361 --> 00:15:32,698
My audition!
357
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,267
What do you want me to do, Phil?
358
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,673
Tell my girlfriend the truth?
359
00:15:39,411 --> 00:15:40,547
Hey.
360
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:42,083
How was your night with Max?
361
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,553
Randi, do your thing.
362
00:15:43,687 --> 00:15:45,389
They didn't have sex.
363
00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:47,093
You know, I don't
appreciate people talking
364
00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:48,864
about how I didn't have sex.
365
00:15:48,964 --> 00:15:50,601
It's like high school
all over again.
366
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:52,638
And college.
367
00:15:52,738 --> 00:15:54,609
And my 30s.
368
00:15:54,709 --> 00:15:56,478
What happened, sweetheart?
369
00:15:56,579 --> 00:15:57,781
I don't know.
370
00:15:57,848 --> 00:15:59,986
We went out
for a romantic dinner.
371
00:16:00,086 --> 00:16:01,488
It was super awkward.
372
00:16:01,523 --> 00:16:03,192
I thought I got attacked
by a gator.
373
00:16:03,292 --> 00:16:06,365
I fell in his toilet
and my Spanx are in an oak tree.
374
00:16:06,431 --> 00:16:08,235
Carter thought
that was a beige raccoon.
375
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:11,208
He was so excited thinking
he discovered a new species.
376
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:13,212
This was only our first date.
377
00:16:13,279 --> 00:16:15,851
What if it never gets better
and Max and I were stupid
378
00:16:15,918 --> 00:16:17,521
to think we could ever
be a couple?
379
00:16:17,621 --> 00:16:19,291
Maybe this whole thing was
a huge mistake.
380
00:16:19,391 --> 00:16:21,028
Let's keep
some perspective here.
381
00:16:21,128 --> 00:16:22,898
Those glasses were
a huge mistake.
382
00:16:22,998 --> 00:16:26,806
It's not romantic dinners
that will get you
383
00:16:26,906 --> 00:16:28,175
through a lifetime together.
384
00:16:28,275 --> 00:16:31,516
It's the fact that you two
are such good friends.
385
00:16:31,583 --> 00:16:34,087
That's the foundation
for everything.
386
00:16:34,154 --> 00:16:36,358
Look at your father and me.
387
00:16:36,458 --> 00:16:38,730
Dad did always say
you were his best friend.
388
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,201
I assumed it was
a hostage situation.
389
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:43,172
We loved being together.
390
00:16:43,272 --> 00:16:44,609
We made each other laugh.
391
00:16:44,675 --> 00:16:47,615
Although we did tie each other
up from time to time.
392
00:16:47,681 --> 00:16:49,685
-Oh!
-Okay! You are a freak.
393
00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:52,423
We can have a talk when
the children leave the room.
394
00:16:52,525 --> 00:16:54,394
Yeah, thank you,
you've been very helpful.
395
00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:56,064
You've given me
a lot to think about,
396
00:16:56,131 --> 00:16:58,770
and one disturbing thing
to try and forget.
397
00:16:58,904 --> 00:17:01,341
We used Kat's jump rope.
398
00:17:01,375 --> 00:17:03,580
Two things!
399
00:17:05,751 --> 00:17:07,487
-Hey.
-Hey, what's that?
400
00:17:07,555 --> 00:17:08,489
They're running shoes.
401
00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:10,594
I got them for CJ
for his tryouts.
402
00:17:10,694 --> 00:17:12,631
Oh, really? Aw, thank you.
403
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,100
Ooh, and they're spiked.
404
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,973
Fast around the track,
hard on my ex-wife's floors.
405
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,209
Win-win.
406
00:17:18,342 --> 00:17:20,747
Yeah, I didn't know if you would
have time to buy them yourself,
407
00:17:20,781 --> 00:17:23,018
you know,
given how slow you are.
408
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:25,223
Look, there's no way for us
to know for sure
409
00:17:25,323 --> 00:17:26,491
what happened in that race.
410
00:17:26,593 --> 00:17:29,765
So let's just blame Phil
and move on.
411
00:17:29,832 --> 00:17:33,372
Fine, but can you do me a favor?
412
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,877
Don't tell CJ
that boys are faster than girls.
413
00:17:35,944 --> 00:17:38,482
Because that's how the guys
treated me on the track team,
414
00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:39,919
and it sucked.
415
00:17:39,986 --> 00:17:41,990
All right.
416
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:43,325
I'll see you.
417
00:17:43,392 --> 00:17:44,929
Hold up.
418
00:17:44,996 --> 00:17:46,031
Yeah?
419
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:49,204
Uh, I saw security footage
of our race,
420
00:17:49,304 --> 00:17:51,709
and you didn't trip me.
421
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,080
Ha! I knew it. I beat your ass.
422
00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:56,418
Piano man,
play "We Are the Champions."
423
00:17:56,519 --> 00:17:59,357
Not if you want
to get paid, Lawrence.
424
00:17:59,424 --> 00:18:00,560
Listen.
425
00:18:00,627 --> 00:18:03,165
There's something else
I want to tell you.
426
00:18:03,265 --> 00:18:05,637
I think you should train CJ.
427
00:18:05,737 --> 00:18:06,739
Really?
428
00:18:06,839 --> 00:18:08,843
Yeah, you ran track.
429
00:18:08,944 --> 00:18:10,514
You'd be a better coach.
430
00:18:10,614 --> 00:18:13,720
And it's hard for me
to teach what's God-given.
431
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:16,058
-Well, thank you.
-Yeah.
432
00:18:16,158 --> 00:18:17,460
You think it'll be okay
even though
433
00:18:17,528 --> 00:18:19,598
I don't have
a penis full of speed?
434
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,168
Yeah, that was stupid.
435
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:24,274
Clearly you've got
a lot of it in your boobs.
436
00:18:33,727 --> 00:18:34,829
Hey, I got your text.
437
00:18:34,895 --> 00:18:35,964
Everything all right?
438
00:18:35,998 --> 00:18:38,469
Yeah, I just wanted to see you.
439
00:18:38,603 --> 00:18:40,272
Oh, okay.
440
00:18:40,373 --> 00:18:41,709
You said "important,"
441
00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:43,947
so I thought you got locked
on the roof again.
442
00:18:44,014 --> 00:18:45,383
(laughs)
443
00:18:45,517 --> 00:18:46,786
So what's up?
444
00:18:46,819 --> 00:18:48,723
Okay, well, um...
445
00:18:48,757 --> 00:18:50,426
I've been thinking.
446
00:18:50,493 --> 00:18:52,463
What's, like,
your favorite moment
447
00:18:52,497 --> 00:18:53,767
we've ever spent together?
448
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,002
Oh, that's easy.
449
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:56,238
The first time
we ever sang together.
450
00:18:56,305 --> 00:18:58,610
"Time of My Life"
from Dirty Dancing?
451
00:18:58,677 --> 00:19:01,181
Yeah, karaoke contest
at Warblers.
452
00:19:01,281 --> 00:19:03,018
We came in second
to those frat boys
453
00:19:03,085 --> 00:19:04,487
doing "Bohemian Rhapsody."
454
00:19:04,555 --> 00:19:06,559
They didn't even know
who Galileo was.
455
00:19:06,626 --> 00:19:08,730
Yeah, idiots.
456
00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:14,809
So... what's yours?
457
00:19:16,211 --> 00:19:18,182
Sophomore year,
the night we finished finals.
458
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,687
-Aw.
-We took a blanket to the park.
459
00:19:20,754 --> 00:19:22,825
We had pizza and beer.
460
00:19:22,891 --> 00:19:24,929
We're all growed up now.
461
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:29,538
And we made wishes
on a shooting star.
462
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:31,943
Mine...
463
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:34,114
was that
that night would never end.
464
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,218
That's so sweet.
465
00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:39,625
Mine was that Rob Schneider
would make The Hot Chick 2.
466
00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:42,363
(both laugh)
467
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:46,171
Max, I don't want
to lose moments like that.
468
00:19:46,238 --> 00:19:48,843
Like this.
469
00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:50,781
What? Why would we?
470
00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:52,851
Because if this dating thing
doesn't work out,
471
00:19:52,951 --> 00:19:55,456
it's gonna be weird.
472
00:19:58,429 --> 00:20:00,466
So...
473
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,907
So you're saying that
you don't want to do this?
474
00:20:03,973 --> 00:20:05,644
It's not worth it if it means
475
00:20:05,711 --> 00:20:08,248
we're never gonna be
Kat and Max again.
476
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:11,254
(exhales)
477
00:20:13,693 --> 00:20:15,463
I get why you're afraid.
478
00:20:15,564 --> 00:20:16,733
I am, too.
479
00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:18,570
But...
480
00:20:18,636 --> 00:20:21,843
I think that we have
a chance at something
481
00:20:21,943 --> 00:20:24,214
really special.
482
00:20:25,817 --> 00:20:27,386
So do I.
483
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:29,124
And I can't promise
484
00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:31,194
that this is gonna work out,
485
00:20:31,261 --> 00:20:33,800
but I can promise
486
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:37,206
that you are never gonna
lose me as a friend.
487
00:20:37,908 --> 00:20:40,079
How can you promise that?
488
00:20:40,146 --> 00:20:42,383
Kat.
489
00:20:43,085 --> 00:20:45,289
You couldn't lose me
if you tried.
490
00:20:53,773 --> 00:20:55,544
Should we go inside?
491
00:20:55,644 --> 00:20:57,180
Or should we stay right here?
492
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,117
I don't think
anybody can see us.
493
00:20:59,184 --> 00:21:01,889
(whispers):
He doesn't know about you.
494
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,970
♪ We need peace ♪
495
00:21:09,037 --> 00:21:12,611
♪ We need love ♪
496
00:21:13,245 --> 00:21:16,118
♪ You're my beloved ♪
497
00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:19,892
♪ I'm not a boy ♪
498
00:21:20,827 --> 00:21:24,300
♪ I've been around a little
longer than 40 years now ♪
499
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,373
♪ And one thing that I know ♪
500
00:21:27,473 --> 00:21:31,114
♪ Is nothing, nothing changes ♪
501
00:21:31,181 --> 00:21:35,557
♪ If we'll just... ♪
502
00:21:35,590 --> 00:21:37,694
Captioning sponsored by
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503
00:21:37,761 --> 00:21:40,534
Captioned by
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