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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:17,293 --> 00:00:19,916 [jingle bells] 4 00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:06,204 - [Radio Man] Ah enough of the picky pack, 5 00:01:06,204 --> 00:01:09,103 well the weird weather continues, no snow this Christmas. 6 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,036 Now that's a first but in exchange, 7 00:01:11,036 --> 00:01:13,211 we can expect some chilly gusty winds. 8 00:01:13,211 --> 00:01:17,629 How about 60 miles per hour folks, what's goin' on here? 9 00:01:17,629 --> 00:01:19,665 Those heading out for the long three day weekend 10 00:01:19,665 --> 00:01:22,910 you'll want to steer clear of the downtown corridor. 11 00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,913 We got toilets tying up traffic, 12 00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:28,329 it's a strange new world Harry. 13 00:01:28,329 --> 00:01:30,745 Hey this is Ray Horner, WAKR. 14 00:01:32,230 --> 00:01:34,922 [playful music] 15 00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:59,981 [laughs and sighs] 16 00:01:59,981 --> 00:02:03,088 [cell phone ringing] 17 00:02:04,193 --> 00:02:05,366 - Not now Lou. 18 00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:10,371 [cars honking and yelling] 19 00:02:14,479 --> 00:02:16,136 God a little help here please! 20 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,654 [laughter] 21 00:02:17,654 --> 00:02:19,208 - [Voiceover] Easy! 22 00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:30,460 [dramatic music] 23 00:02:38,848 --> 00:02:42,334 [whimpering and crashing] 24 00:02:48,409 --> 00:02:50,411 [sighs] 25 00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:08,188 [Christmas music] 26 00:03:11,777 --> 00:03:13,123 Merry Christmas. 27 00:03:16,886 --> 00:03:20,545 - Finally, I was this close to giving him a foot rub. 28 00:03:20,545 --> 00:03:22,719 Also, your brother called like 10 times. 29 00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:24,204 - What are you wearing? 30 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,309 - Christmas gift, he made me wear it. 31 00:03:26,309 --> 00:03:27,966 - You don't have to wear that. 32 00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:29,209 What did my brother want? 33 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,003 - He wouldn't say, he was talking so fast. 34 00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:34,317 Something about the end is near or beer or here, 35 00:03:34,317 --> 00:03:35,974 the end is beer, could that be it? 36 00:03:35,974 --> 00:03:38,873 - No, no, no, it's Armageddon again, perfect. 37 00:03:38,873 --> 00:03:40,875 Go be with your family, enjoy your children 38 00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:44,879 while you still have write off, Merry Christmas. 39 00:03:46,295 --> 00:03:48,158 Donald, I am so sorry. 40 00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:51,403 - Christmas time is not the time, 41 00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:53,060 why am I here waiting for you? 42 00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:55,373 - Yes, and I'm very sorry I got here 43 00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:56,684 as soon as I could, trust me. 44 00:03:56,684 --> 00:03:58,341 - Muffins are what pays your bills, trust that! 45 00:03:58,341 --> 00:03:59,894 - Yes, ah? 46 00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:03,139 - Bran new, that's what I'm callin 'em, bran new. 47 00:04:03,139 --> 00:04:05,728 Get it, 'cause it's bran and-- 48 00:04:05,728 --> 00:04:07,592 - New, that's clever. 49 00:04:07,592 --> 00:04:11,527 - And they got icing on the top, a little cherry. 50 00:04:11,527 --> 00:04:13,874 Bran muffin with icing, ain't nobody doin' that 51 00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:15,772 besides the muffin king, boom! 52 00:04:15,772 --> 00:04:16,601 - Boom! 53 00:04:18,119 --> 00:04:19,328 - This thing weighs a ton. 54 00:04:19,328 --> 00:04:20,812 - Those are your taxes. 55 00:04:20,812 --> 00:04:23,021 - How come you're always tryna bring me down man? 56 00:04:23,021 --> 00:04:24,712 This is more like war and peace. 57 00:04:24,712 --> 00:04:27,577 - Well, war and peace had a happy ending. 58 00:04:27,577 --> 00:04:29,890 Donald, if there were another write off that 59 00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:32,030 I could find for you, trust me I would 60 00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:33,790 tear apart my whole house to find it for you. 61 00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:35,620 - Eat or be eaten. 62 00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:36,862 - I don't? 63 00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:39,382 - I want you to eat at the IRS Martin, 64 00:04:39,382 --> 00:04:41,695 no more taxes, no more taxes, 65 00:04:41,695 --> 00:04:45,940 that's all I wanna hear from you Martin, no more taxes! 66 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:48,771 [phones ringing and knocking] 67 00:04:48,771 --> 00:04:50,117 What's goin' on? 68 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,845 What, you didn't like my gift? 69 00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:58,159 - I'm sorry Martin but your brother absolutely will not 70 00:04:58,159 --> 00:05:00,300 take no for an answer, I don't know how he's done it 71 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,509 but he's got ever line in the office ringing at once. 72 00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:04,027 [phones ringing] 73 00:05:04,027 --> 00:05:06,789 - Go enjoy yourself, have fun at the party, I got it. 74 00:05:06,789 --> 00:05:10,033 Little family crisis, take me a second. 75 00:05:11,449 --> 00:05:13,416 This better be good Sam. 76 00:05:13,416 --> 00:05:16,074 [playful music] 77 00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:43,377 - [Sam] Spidey, over here. 78 00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,448 [grunting] 79 00:05:45,448 --> 00:05:46,967 - Never gets old. 80 00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:49,038 Stocked, armed and ready. 81 00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:56,494 Little Christmas gift to the fam. 82 00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:08,229 Food, shelter and if I don't have, I can make it or kill it. 83 00:06:21,450 --> 00:06:23,313 - Where's my daughter? 84 00:06:23,313 --> 00:06:26,662 - In the house, she might even be sober by now. 85 00:06:26,662 --> 00:06:28,905 [chugging] 86 00:06:35,774 --> 00:06:37,742 - That is so disgusting. 87 00:06:37,742 --> 00:06:39,606 - Just 'cause your dad didn't kill it. 88 00:06:39,606 --> 00:06:42,402 - My dad doesn't call dead animals art Gordy. 89 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,644 Could you turn that down, 90 00:06:43,644 --> 00:06:45,266 I'm trying to make a phone call here. 91 00:06:45,266 --> 00:06:46,613 [gun fire] 92 00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,408 Such a total moron. 93 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,030 Hey, there you are, is everything-- 94 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:51,376 - [Martin] Let's go! 95 00:06:51,376 --> 00:06:52,791 - That is so rude. - [Martin] Zip it! 96 00:06:52,791 --> 00:06:54,483 - Zip it, oh let me guess, Leave it to Beaver? 97 00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:55,932 - Get in the car. 98 00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:03,353 - You are so weird, I can believe we're related. 99 00:07:03,353 --> 00:07:05,804 Bye Uncle Sammie Sam, Aunt Marilyn, 100 00:07:05,804 --> 00:07:08,048 absolutely love what you've done with the place 101 00:07:08,048 --> 00:07:10,499 and the tin foil window dressing is very 102 00:07:10,499 --> 00:07:13,122 redneck bunker chic, lovin' it! 103 00:07:18,679 --> 00:07:21,026 - Again, my apologies. 104 00:07:21,026 --> 00:07:21,958 - It happens. 105 00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:23,477 - Take control Marty. 106 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,514 A river's risin' and you're goin' under. 107 00:07:25,514 --> 00:07:27,930 Little Christmas girl for you and the fam. 108 00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:30,001 Read it, watch it, do it! 109 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:34,523 We did it, saved our lives course, 110 00:07:34,523 --> 00:07:38,492 I was always more prepared to handle that kinda thing. 111 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,461 - You've become a very scary guy Sam. 112 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,497 - Be scary, or be scared. 113 00:07:45,119 --> 00:07:46,500 - Scaredy scared. 114 00:07:52,610 --> 00:07:53,542 - Let's go. 115 00:07:55,405 --> 00:07:57,891 - What happened to your nice new car? 116 00:07:57,891 --> 00:07:59,030 - Why do you care? 117 00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,480 - Sometimes you are so pathetic. 118 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,412 - Yeah well sometimes you're like so grounded, 119 00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:03,655 like right now. 120 00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:10,317 Drinking, going off to college and now you're drinking. 121 00:08:10,317 --> 00:08:11,905 - No, are you really gonna listen 122 00:08:11,905 --> 00:08:14,217 to anything your creepy brother says, 123 00:08:14,217 --> 00:08:17,876 you can't see he's yanking your chain like usual. 124 00:08:17,876 --> 00:08:21,362 I wasn't drinking, hello, look father come in, 125 00:08:21,362 --> 00:08:22,674 I don't drink, gross. 126 00:08:22,674 --> 00:08:25,125 - Oh yeah, then how come the cops arrested ya? 127 00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:28,611 - First of all, I wasn't arrested I was escorted here. 128 00:08:28,611 --> 00:08:30,889 Second of all, it wasn't the police. 129 00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:32,408 - Okay, go on. 130 00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:34,099 - You sure you can handle it? 131 00:08:34,099 --> 00:08:35,031 - Bring it. 132 00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:37,586 - Regis and I-- 133 00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:40,243 - Oh God, Regis is that the harry guy with the tattoos? 134 00:08:40,243 --> 00:08:42,349 - You know what, forget it. 135 00:08:42,349 --> 00:08:44,247 Can we just go home, you're not listening 136 00:08:44,247 --> 00:08:46,664 and as usual you're not here. 137 00:08:51,738 --> 00:08:54,430 [playful music] 138 00:09:25,703 --> 00:09:27,946 - Hey, where's your mother? 139 00:09:29,465 --> 00:09:30,293 - So lame. 140 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,887 [cheerful music] 141 00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,862 [dog whining] 142 00:10:01,497 --> 00:10:03,982 [water drops] 143 00:10:18,479 --> 00:10:19,860 - Kids, I'm home! 144 00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:24,175 [television] 145 00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:32,390 Jessie, you didn't hear me? 146 00:10:36,946 --> 00:10:39,017 - [Jessie] Lights please! 147 00:10:44,195 --> 00:10:46,542 - You have a kiss for daddy? 148 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,697 - Tina says we were rude and 149 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,044 you can turn the lights back on. 150 00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:06,873 - Okay. 151 00:11:12,637 --> 00:11:16,192 So, what did you and Tina do today? 152 00:11:16,192 --> 00:11:20,749 - Watch TV, Santa from the Mall was on the news 153 00:11:20,749 --> 00:11:24,684 but the police took him away, he looked skinny. 154 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,996 Tina says he was a fake one. 155 00:11:28,446 --> 00:11:32,519 I told her we shouldn't watch so much TV but she likes it. 156 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,421 - Have you and Tina had dinner? 157 00:11:38,421 --> 00:11:40,700 And where is your brother? 158 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,047 - He's keeping an eye on me. 159 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:46,326 - Okay. 160 00:11:50,019 --> 00:11:50,848 Hey buddy. 161 00:11:54,886 --> 00:11:55,715 Adam! 162 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:00,616 Hi dad. 163 00:12:08,831 --> 00:12:10,384 Right. 164 00:12:10,384 --> 00:12:13,836 Hey I was gonna make a little dinner downstairs, you hungry? 165 00:12:13,836 --> 00:12:16,011 [beeping] 166 00:12:20,878 --> 00:12:23,570 [playful music] 167 00:12:28,023 --> 00:12:30,370 - When is Splatter's puppies gonna come? 168 00:12:30,370 --> 00:12:34,546 - I don't know soon I just hope someone's home when they do. 169 00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:41,795 - Here you go. 170 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,693 - I thought you loved franks and beans. 171 00:12:43,693 --> 00:12:46,524 - Splatter loves franks and beans. 172 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,460 - Oh, well what do you like to eat then? 173 00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:52,288 - Cereal. 174 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,395 - You can't have cereal for dinner. 175 00:12:55,395 --> 00:12:56,914 - What about Tina? 176 00:12:56,914 --> 00:13:00,572 - Well you definitely can't have Tina for dinner [laughs]. 177 00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:06,855 - I think you upset her. 178 00:13:08,891 --> 00:13:10,065 - [Mom] Hey guys. 179 00:13:10,065 --> 00:13:11,480 - Mommy! 180 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,346 - Hey, oh you and Tina didn't feel like pizza today? 181 00:13:15,346 --> 00:13:16,692 - What pizza? 182 00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:17,624 - The pizza I told Lou to order, 183 00:13:17,624 --> 00:13:19,246 I gave her money this morning. 184 00:13:19,246 --> 00:13:21,662 - Oh, she spent it on booze for her boyfriend. 185 00:13:21,662 --> 00:13:24,286 - [laughs] Exaggeration Boyce Martin. 186 00:13:24,286 --> 00:13:26,667 I talked to her, wrong place, wrong time. 187 00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:28,531 We have all been there. 188 00:13:28,531 --> 00:13:30,292 I am not gonna get into this with you. 189 00:13:30,292 --> 00:13:31,811 Come on, let's go get a Christmas tree 190 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,123 you know, before Christmas actually happens, come on. 191 00:13:34,123 --> 00:13:36,574 Come on kids, Christmas tree! 192 00:13:41,441 --> 00:13:44,513 - You know a toilet fell on me today? 193 00:13:47,102 --> 00:13:50,001 [Christmas jingle] 194 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,824 - That one, that one, Tina likes that one! 195 00:14:19,824 --> 00:14:21,757 [laughter] 196 00:14:21,757 --> 00:14:25,692 Tina says he's not the real Santa either. 197 00:14:25,692 --> 00:14:27,073 - I want this one. 198 00:14:27,073 --> 00:14:29,316 It's 8'6", perfect for a nine foot ceiling. 199 00:14:29,316 --> 00:14:31,042 - Great, let's grab it and go. 200 00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:32,561 - No, no, no, not so fast. 201 00:14:32,561 --> 00:14:34,218 - Your girl made a fine choice there, 202 00:14:34,218 --> 00:14:35,702 that's the best tree in the lot. 203 00:14:35,702 --> 00:14:37,531 - Come on, show me the good stuff! 204 00:14:37,531 --> 00:14:39,326 - Martin let's not make a big deal, 205 00:14:39,326 --> 00:14:40,534 all these trees are beautiful. 206 00:14:40,534 --> 00:14:42,295 - Just the smell, smell it. 207 00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:43,710 - That's a good tree. 208 00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:45,885 - I'd burn it as firewood. 209 00:14:47,990 --> 00:14:50,096 Yeah for munchkins maybe. 210 00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:58,656 Now that's a tree. 211 00:15:10,288 --> 00:15:13,705 Jessie's in her pajamas everyday, the same ones. 212 00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:15,500 Morning, noon and night. 213 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:18,434 - [laughs] I put my money on Tina. 214 00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:19,919 - Oh yeah well and her. 215 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,404 Jessie freaks out that I don't wanna give her doll Tina 216 00:15:22,404 --> 00:15:25,786 a birthday party and then what do I do, I cave. 217 00:15:25,786 --> 00:15:28,099 - [Wife] Oh it was sweet. 218 00:15:28,099 --> 00:15:30,101 - Yeah it's preposterous is what it is. 219 00:15:30,101 --> 00:15:34,899 $413.16, thinking of claiming her as a dependent. 220 00:15:34,899 --> 00:15:38,316 - Aw, there's my accountant, always looking for a write on. 221 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:40,318 - Well with Adam you know his voice could've changed by now 222 00:15:40,318 --> 00:15:42,010 and I wouldn't know it 'cause you gotta make an appointment 223 00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:43,459 with his door to talk to him. 224 00:15:43,459 --> 00:15:45,599 - He's buying the stuff, look on the bright side babe, 225 00:15:45,599 --> 00:15:47,153 least he can spell. 226 00:15:47,153 --> 00:15:48,395 - You know he invented a little camera, 227 00:15:48,395 --> 00:15:49,949 he's goin' around spying on us. 228 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,400 - Oh it's just a toy, it's pretty ingenious if you ask me. 229 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,402 I think every family can use a Macgyver. 230 00:15:55,402 --> 00:15:57,887 Speaking of which babe, you gotta fix that shower. 231 00:15:57,887 --> 00:15:59,096 I need my shower fixed. 232 00:15:59,096 --> 00:16:02,064 - It's weird, the whole spying thing. 233 00:16:02,064 --> 00:16:05,447 - Look if you don't like what you see do something about it. 234 00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:09,278 Just take some responsibility, take control. 235 00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:10,728 - Take control? 236 00:16:10,728 --> 00:16:11,729 Okay, everybody keeps telling me to take control. 237 00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:13,282 What does that even mean? 238 00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:15,284 - Martin try connected with your children. 239 00:16:15,284 --> 00:16:16,527 - How, what do you want me to do, 240 00:16:16,527 --> 00:16:19,495 Skype 'em, text 'em, Tweet 'em, I work. 241 00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:24,086 - Oh here we go, so do I Martin, raising our children. 242 00:16:24,086 --> 00:16:26,123 - [Martin] What's with all the classes? 243 00:16:26,123 --> 00:16:28,125 What did you take this week, was it ceramics, 244 00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:32,922 dance, kung-fu, interpretive baking, what was it tonight? 245 00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:34,959 - I've told you several times 246 00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:37,203 and as usual you never pay attention. 247 00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:41,897 - Oh I pay attention, people pay me to pay attention. 248 00:16:41,897 --> 00:16:44,451 - Well then you should know, all in all Lou, 249 00:16:44,451 --> 00:16:48,628 she's a pretty good kid, try cuttin' her some slack. 250 00:16:53,081 --> 00:16:55,014 Lights please. 251 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,119 [laughs] 252 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,644 - [Tree] Hey, you destroyed me. 253 00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:07,578 - You were too tall. 254 00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:11,478 [calming music] 255 00:17:47,687 --> 00:17:50,448 - It doesn't take a genius to realize that with each passing 256 00:17:50,448 --> 00:17:53,969 day, we give up one more piece of control in our daily 257 00:17:53,969 --> 00:17:58,111 lives, we have become slaves to technology and worst of all 258 00:17:59,492 --> 00:18:02,598 our children, our future, they're unmotivated, 259 00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:06,947 their morals eroding in the face of uncertainty. 260 00:18:06,947 --> 00:18:09,364 They hopelessly walk the streets like zombies, 261 00:18:09,364 --> 00:18:12,470 passing through a data mushroom cloud, speaking a language 262 00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:15,266 we no longer understand but rest assured, 263 00:18:15,266 --> 00:18:19,408 there is one last sliver of hope, the three day test. 264 00:18:21,617 --> 00:18:24,517 The ground rules are simple, without discussion 265 00:18:24,517 --> 00:18:27,934 turn off every utility and service coming into your house. 266 00:18:27,934 --> 00:18:32,111 Water, power, gas, phone, cable, satellite, all of it. 267 00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:37,806 Collect the cell phones, lock the windows, lock the doors, 268 00:18:37,806 --> 00:18:41,982 no one in, no one out for 72 hours, that is three full days. 269 00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:47,609 The world outside no longer exists. 270 00:18:47,609 --> 00:18:49,611 You're gonna wanna spring this on your family 271 00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:52,717 without warning and at the most inappropriate time 272 00:18:52,717 --> 00:18:56,031 as that is how true emergencies develop. 273 00:18:56,031 --> 00:19:00,208 Now is the time to make that choice, take it or be taken. 274 00:19:03,521 --> 00:19:04,833 - Eat or be eaten Martin. 275 00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:06,559 - Scary or be scared. 276 00:19:09,907 --> 00:19:12,254 - You had me a cataclysmic pal. 277 00:19:12,254 --> 00:19:15,223 - Alright then, let's get started. 278 00:19:15,223 --> 00:19:18,087 [Christmas music] 279 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,482 [crashing and grunting] 280 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,222 - Okay, let's see here. 281 00:20:59,188 --> 00:21:02,019 [Christmas music] 282 00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:24,524 Jessie, Lou, Adam, Jackie! 283 00:21:28,217 --> 00:21:32,429 Everybody up, let's go, let's go, everybody upstairs, 284 00:21:32,429 --> 00:21:36,433 downstairs, let's go, move it, move it, move it! 285 00:21:41,161 --> 00:21:44,164 The world as we know it is over, this is a test. 286 00:21:44,164 --> 00:21:46,408 - A test, what are you talking about? 287 00:21:46,408 --> 00:21:48,617 - A test of survival, boom! 288 00:21:48,617 --> 00:21:50,205 - Sam. 289 00:21:50,205 --> 00:21:52,863 - Been there, seen that, not that interested, boom, bye. 290 00:21:52,863 --> 00:21:57,039 - Stay, alright, for the next three days time is stopped. 291 00:21:58,455 --> 00:22:00,249 Everything that we've come to depend on is gone. 292 00:22:00,249 --> 00:22:02,355 No water, no power, no heat. 293 00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:03,632 - Are you out of your mind? 294 00:22:03,632 --> 00:22:06,325 - Yes I'm out of my mind, off the hook. 295 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:07,705 Speaking of which, no phones. 296 00:22:07,705 --> 00:22:09,155 - What? 297 00:22:09,155 --> 00:22:11,295 - Yeah, no one go in this house, no one leaves this house 298 00:22:11,295 --> 00:22:15,023 for three days and three nights, 72 hours. 299 00:22:15,023 --> 00:22:17,232 - It's freezing in here, what happened to the heat. 300 00:22:17,232 --> 00:22:19,441 - The heat is off, if we don't make it in here, 301 00:22:19,441 --> 00:22:20,856 it doesn't exist. 302 00:22:22,996 --> 00:22:25,654 - What happened to our windows. 303 00:22:25,654 --> 00:22:29,382 - Blacked out, the cruel world stays outside 304 00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:33,110 [laughs] and we stay inside. 305 00:22:33,110 --> 00:22:35,112 - You painted our windows black. 306 00:22:35,112 --> 00:22:36,251 - Yeah. 307 00:22:36,251 --> 00:22:38,736 - He's lost it, happened to Cara's dad, 308 00:22:38,736 --> 00:22:40,531 moved the whole family to North Dakota 309 00:22:40,531 --> 00:22:42,326 to build canoes from scratch. 310 00:22:42,326 --> 00:22:44,155 - We're gonna build a canoe? 311 00:22:44,155 --> 00:22:46,675 - Okay honey, this is about last night right? 312 00:22:46,675 --> 00:22:48,574 Fine, you've made your point okay. 313 00:22:48,574 --> 00:22:50,610 Now turn on the heat, I'll make some pancakes. 314 00:22:50,610 --> 00:22:53,406 - No, no, no, wait this is about the last 17 years. 315 00:22:53,406 --> 00:22:55,995 This is about finding us again. 316 00:22:57,030 --> 00:22:58,860 I want my family back. 317 00:23:01,449 --> 00:23:04,141 [calming music] 318 00:23:21,469 --> 00:23:25,404 - You sure this where the toilet dude lives? 319 00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:26,474 - Absolutely. 320 00:23:27,475 --> 00:23:29,200 - That's pretty weird huh? 321 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,410 - Maybe it hit him a little harder than they thought. 322 00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:34,413 - Yeah apparently, I'm smellin' a bigger deal here. 323 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:37,312 - You know what, I hope so, I truly hope so 324 00:23:37,312 --> 00:23:39,038 because my parents didn't spend 100 grand 325 00:23:39,038 --> 00:23:41,420 to put me through college for a, "Man gets hit by 326 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,111 port-o-potty topping our news story." 327 00:23:43,111 --> 00:23:44,423 - George, George chill. 328 00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:45,872 - My mama would whoop me. 329 00:23:45,872 --> 00:23:46,804 - George. 330 00:23:46,804 --> 00:23:48,357 - That doesn't feel good. 331 00:23:48,357 --> 00:23:50,739 - Cool, alright man, what else you got on this guy? 332 00:23:50,739 --> 00:23:54,950 - Says here the guy's an accountant, his firm does taxes. 333 00:23:56,849 --> 00:23:58,713 - That sounds totally-- 334 00:23:58,713 --> 00:23:59,990 - Stressful? 335 00:23:59,990 --> 00:24:01,474 - Okay, we're gonna be warmer sleeping together 336 00:24:01,474 --> 00:24:02,682 in the living room. 337 00:24:02,682 --> 00:24:04,891 - We'd be warmer if you turned on the heat. 338 00:24:04,891 --> 00:24:06,824 - You think you're free don't ya. 339 00:24:06,824 --> 00:24:08,067 - I guess. 340 00:24:08,067 --> 00:24:09,931 - Now you're not, you're a slave. 341 00:24:09,931 --> 00:24:12,105 All that stuff in your room, 342 00:24:12,105 --> 00:24:14,832 the oil, oil heats the house, drives your car. 343 00:24:14,832 --> 00:24:16,420 - I don't drive dad. 344 00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:18,215 - Alright, where's all the camping gear? 345 00:24:18,215 --> 00:24:19,285 Up in the attic? 346 00:24:19,285 --> 00:24:20,769 - I'm on it. 347 00:24:20,769 --> 00:24:22,564 - Would that be the ton of camping gear you bought for 348 00:24:22,564 --> 00:24:24,463 the trip to Yellowstone that never happened there Yogi? 349 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,086 - We got too busy to go camping. 350 00:24:27,086 --> 00:24:28,570 - Martin, it's freezing. 351 00:24:28,570 --> 00:24:32,712 - Yeah well, layers, it's survival not yoga, Yogi. 352 00:24:32,712 --> 00:24:34,300 - Get in here, now! 353 00:24:35,991 --> 00:24:38,235 Take off that stupid hat! 354 00:24:38,235 --> 00:24:39,892 - You know, you lose 30 percent 355 00:24:39,892 --> 00:24:41,307 of your body heat through your head. 356 00:24:41,307 --> 00:24:44,172 - I'm not doing this Martin, it's Christmas. 357 00:24:44,172 --> 00:24:45,449 You have us locked in our house. 358 00:24:45,449 --> 00:24:47,071 This has Sam written all over it. 359 00:24:47,071 --> 00:24:50,765 - This is me taking control, he said it, you say it, 360 00:24:50,765 --> 00:24:53,595 every one says, now I'm doin' it, 361 00:24:53,595 --> 00:24:55,873 I gotta do this now Jackie. 362 00:24:58,531 --> 00:25:00,671 Just say I love you Martin. 363 00:25:00,671 --> 00:25:03,950 - Of course I love you but right now, 364 00:25:03,950 --> 00:25:06,643 I wanna get dressed, I wanna go get a latte, 365 00:25:06,643 --> 00:25:08,817 do some Christmas shopping, it's Christmas. 366 00:25:08,817 --> 00:25:12,511 - I used to love Christmas, where did it go? 367 00:25:14,996 --> 00:25:16,963 But now Christmas is just another excuse 368 00:25:16,963 --> 00:25:19,172 for everyone to melt their credit cards, 369 00:25:19,172 --> 00:25:22,728 go further into debt and then expect me to fix it. 370 00:25:22,728 --> 00:25:26,835 Well I say no, no more shopping, no more showers, 371 00:25:26,835 --> 00:25:30,770 no more lattes, no more connectivity unless it's in person 372 00:25:30,770 --> 00:25:33,773 under this roof, I'm taking a stand, 373 00:25:33,773 --> 00:25:35,223 we are unplugging from this lunacy. 374 00:25:35,223 --> 00:25:38,882 - No, Martin, you're plugging right into it. 375 00:25:40,504 --> 00:25:43,093 Kids get dressed, we're goin' out. 376 00:25:43,093 --> 00:25:46,924 - Jackie, I really need this, we need this. 377 00:25:46,924 --> 00:25:49,168 - I can't do this for you Martin. 378 00:25:49,168 --> 00:25:51,998 It's Christmas and this is nuts. 379 00:25:51,998 --> 00:25:55,139 This is just you and Sam doin' the same old thing. 380 00:25:55,139 --> 00:25:59,316 So get over it okay, I am done with this, it is crazy! 381 00:26:01,352 --> 00:26:04,355 Put that stuff down we're goin' out. 382 00:26:20,061 --> 00:26:23,098 - What do you two bozos think you're doing? 383 00:26:23,098 --> 00:26:24,721 - We're here to do a story on your neighbor. 384 00:26:24,721 --> 00:26:26,274 - Why, he's an idiot. 385 00:26:26,274 --> 00:26:28,379 - Construction toilet fell on him yesterday. 386 00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:31,037 - We're here to ask him the question everyone wants to know. 387 00:26:31,037 --> 00:26:33,626 What does it feel like to get hit by a toilet? 388 00:26:33,626 --> 00:26:35,594 - Well, you'd better hurry then, 389 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:38,597 'cause I've just called the cops on him. 390 00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:39,839 - Why? 391 00:26:39,839 --> 00:26:43,394 - I think he's got his family hostage in there. 392 00:26:50,056 --> 00:26:51,575 - Jessie go find your brother and sister 393 00:26:51,575 --> 00:26:55,441 and tell them we are leaving now with or without them. 394 00:26:58,306 --> 00:27:02,482 - You know, I haven't asked for anything in 17 years. 395 00:27:03,656 --> 00:27:06,590 Three days is all I ask, is that so much to ask? 396 00:27:06,590 --> 00:27:09,869 - Yes, you wanna lock yourself in here fine, 397 00:27:09,869 --> 00:27:11,560 I've already done it. 398 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,080 My friends have careers, I have carpools. 399 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,357 They talk business, I can't form 400 00:27:15,357 --> 00:27:18,084 a sentence that doesn't end in pee-pee. 401 00:27:18,084 --> 00:27:21,018 You know, you wanna do something really constructive? 402 00:27:21,018 --> 00:27:24,297 Use those tools you have on display in the garage 403 00:27:24,297 --> 00:27:27,507 to fix the drain in the shower before the ceiling caves in! 404 00:27:27,507 --> 00:27:29,026 I could've had a plumber do it six months ago 405 00:27:29,026 --> 00:27:33,548 but no, you wanted to save the $538.42 by doing it yourself. 406 00:27:33,548 --> 00:27:35,895 Well now, it's double that and counting. 407 00:27:35,895 --> 00:27:37,379 - Jackie, do you know what I am? 408 00:27:37,379 --> 00:27:40,659 I am a bean counter, k, day in, day out 409 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,522 I account for other people's lives. 410 00:27:42,522 --> 00:27:44,386 I never take the time to account for ours. 411 00:27:44,386 --> 00:27:47,010 - And whose fault is that? 412 00:27:47,010 --> 00:27:50,565 - Mine, we live in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, 413 00:27:50,565 --> 00:27:52,671 on a nice block, we've got the whole package, 414 00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:54,534 but what do we really know, seriously, 415 00:27:54,534 --> 00:27:57,123 what do we really know about anything? 416 00:27:57,123 --> 00:27:58,677 How socks get made. 417 00:27:59,850 --> 00:28:01,818 - Ask Cara's dad, I'm sure he can 418 00:28:01,818 --> 00:28:04,441 knit you a pair between canoes. 419 00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:10,102 - Seriously, we take so much for granted. 420 00:28:11,517 --> 00:28:13,692 Uh Jackie, we kinda need the water, so you might not wanna-- 421 00:28:13,692 --> 00:28:16,556 [toilet flushing] 422 00:28:22,839 --> 00:28:24,116 - The power's out. 423 00:28:24,116 --> 00:28:27,809 - Ugh, Martin, Jessie get in the car please. 424 00:28:27,809 --> 00:28:28,948 Lou could you open the door? 425 00:28:28,948 --> 00:28:31,261 - What, with my hands? 426 00:28:31,261 --> 00:28:33,021 - Nevermind I got it. 427 00:28:34,747 --> 00:28:36,749 - [Lou] This is so lame. 428 00:28:36,749 --> 00:28:39,096 [sad music] 429 00:28:50,798 --> 00:28:53,593 [skidding tires] 430 00:28:53,593 --> 00:28:56,251 [police sirens] 431 00:29:10,610 --> 00:29:12,716 - Martin Taylor, please come out the front door 432 00:29:12,716 --> 00:29:15,926 with your hands up, you are surrounded. 433 00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:25,764 [suspenseful music] 434 00:29:42,573 --> 00:29:43,402 - What? 435 00:29:52,618 --> 00:29:54,309 - Drop your weapon! 436 00:29:54,309 --> 00:29:55,138 - What? 437 00:29:55,138 --> 00:29:57,140 - The frying pan Martin. 438 00:29:58,797 --> 00:29:59,728 - Go. 439 00:29:59,728 --> 00:30:01,592 - [Cops] Get down on the ground! 440 00:30:01,592 --> 00:30:03,905 [screaming] 441 00:30:06,943 --> 00:30:08,703 - Hello Network News. 442 00:30:10,084 --> 00:30:11,948 - [Police Chief] Okay guys up. 443 00:30:11,948 --> 00:30:13,846 - I'm swallowing blood. 444 00:30:14,743 --> 00:30:15,814 - Are you Martin Taylor? 445 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,091 - Yeah. 446 00:30:17,091 --> 00:30:18,161 - You know why we're here? 447 00:30:18,161 --> 00:30:19,645 - No. 448 00:30:19,645 --> 00:30:22,199 - Were you holding your family hostage inside your house? 449 00:30:22,199 --> 00:30:23,028 - Huh? 450 00:30:23,028 --> 00:30:24,270 - No. 451 00:30:24,270 --> 00:30:25,306 - We have reason to believe you were. 452 00:30:25,306 --> 00:30:26,859 - Well you heard wrong. 453 00:30:26,859 --> 00:30:28,102 - Ma'am please. 454 00:30:28,102 --> 00:30:30,069 - No you back off, get off him now! 455 00:30:30,069 --> 00:30:31,795 - Ma'am I'm gonna ask you straight out, 456 00:30:31,795 --> 00:30:33,452 was your husband holding you or any member 457 00:30:33,452 --> 00:30:37,628 of your family against their will inside that house? 458 00:30:39,872 --> 00:30:40,839 - Well-- 459 00:30:40,839 --> 00:30:42,323 - Jackie! 460 00:30:42,323 --> 00:30:44,256 - I'm kidding, no, no, of course not, that's ridiculous. 461 00:30:44,256 --> 00:30:47,052 - Ma'am, now's the time for truth. 462 00:30:47,052 --> 00:30:49,571 - Kids get over here. 463 00:30:49,571 --> 00:30:53,472 The rest of you, back off, this is private property. 464 00:30:53,472 --> 00:30:56,095 I don't know what you think is going on here 465 00:30:56,095 --> 00:30:59,236 but you are mistaken, just move it now, all of you. 466 00:30:59,236 --> 00:31:03,723 - Who, who said I was holding my family hostage? 467 00:31:03,723 --> 00:31:05,035 Who, who was it? 468 00:31:07,279 --> 00:31:10,075 - Look, clearly there's been a little mix up. 469 00:31:10,075 --> 00:31:12,594 - Oh a little mix up is that what this is, a little mix up? 470 00:31:12,594 --> 00:31:14,734 Well this is not over, I'm an accountant 471 00:31:14,734 --> 00:31:16,322 and I know people who know people. 472 00:31:16,322 --> 00:31:20,395 - Martin down, down boy listen, please just take your guns 473 00:31:20,395 --> 00:31:22,915 and your big toys with all the flashing lights. 474 00:31:22,915 --> 00:31:25,090 Just go home k, we'll call it even. 475 00:31:25,090 --> 00:31:27,609 - You heard the lady, go home! 476 00:31:28,748 --> 00:31:30,923 Show's over, go back in your houses! 477 00:31:30,923 --> 00:31:31,959 Eat or be eaten! 478 00:31:31,959 --> 00:31:33,892 - Seriously, calm down. 479 00:31:37,033 --> 00:31:38,758 - [Cameraman] Hey dude, how does it feel to get hit 480 00:31:38,758 --> 00:31:41,520 by a toilet flying from the sky?! 481 00:31:52,393 --> 00:31:54,429 - Jona made it three days in a whale's belly 482 00:31:54,429 --> 00:31:56,397 without power and stuff. 483 00:32:04,577 --> 00:32:06,821 - Okay, you got three days. 484 00:32:08,616 --> 00:32:10,721 - What, are you kidding?! 485 00:32:11,895 --> 00:32:15,864 - Three days Martin, you want your family back, 486 00:32:15,864 --> 00:32:18,764 hop in the belly, here we are. 487 00:32:18,764 --> 00:32:20,214 - Hop in the belly, a whale, 488 00:32:20,214 --> 00:32:23,148 am I totally missing something here? 489 00:32:23,148 --> 00:32:25,012 - Are you serious? 490 00:32:25,012 --> 00:32:27,083 - Since we can't go Christmas shopping, 491 00:32:27,083 --> 00:32:29,775 consider this my Christmas gift to you. 492 00:32:29,775 --> 00:32:31,673 - That kinda stinks. 493 00:32:31,673 --> 00:32:35,401 - Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 494 00:32:36,989 --> 00:32:40,096 - Alright, I'm gonna go make breakfast 495 00:32:40,096 --> 00:32:42,546 without water, power, or gas. 496 00:32:47,689 --> 00:32:48,518 - Gum? 497 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:53,592 - Alright, so what do you think, hey? 498 00:33:01,496 --> 00:33:04,983 - Oh yeah, we hey, we most definitely hey. 499 00:33:09,642 --> 00:33:11,127 - Candles? 500 00:33:11,127 --> 00:33:12,404 - Check. 501 00:33:12,404 --> 00:33:15,234 - Check, flashlights and lanterns? 502 00:33:16,511 --> 00:33:17,581 - Uhh, check. 503 00:33:18,789 --> 00:33:21,792 - Check, you know Adam when the power runs out 504 00:33:21,792 --> 00:33:23,311 on that thing that's it right? 505 00:33:23,311 --> 00:33:27,074 - Don't worry dad, you do it your way, I'll do mine. 506 00:33:28,730 --> 00:33:32,010 - We might need to start thinkin' about rationing the chow. 507 00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:33,666 Just for-- 508 00:33:33,666 --> 00:33:37,429 - We have food Martin, not tons but enough. 509 00:33:37,429 --> 00:33:39,672 - I can make food, see? 510 00:33:39,672 --> 00:33:40,949 - We can't eat clay dumbo. 511 00:33:40,949 --> 00:33:42,365 - Tina does dumbo. 512 00:33:42,365 --> 00:33:44,022 - Tina's a doll moron. 513 00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,369 - She is not and you're whatever you just said. 514 00:33:46,369 --> 00:33:47,335 - Oh yeah. 515 00:33:47,335 --> 00:33:48,164 [screaming] 516 00:33:48,164 --> 00:33:50,028 - Enough guys! 517 00:33:50,028 --> 00:33:52,340 - Mm, how do you like it so far? 518 00:33:52,340 --> 00:33:53,859 - [Lou] So lame. 519 00:33:53,859 --> 00:33:55,895 - Oh fyi there's no water in the downstairs toilet 520 00:33:55,895 --> 00:33:57,242 if that's where you're headed. 521 00:33:57,242 --> 00:33:59,175 - You can thank your mother for that. 522 00:33:59,175 --> 00:34:03,110 The average toilet tank in every older home 523 00:34:03,110 --> 00:34:05,767 holds about three gallons of water, unflushed toilet water, 524 00:34:05,767 --> 00:34:08,529 we've got two bathrooms, that's two times three, that's six. 525 00:34:08,529 --> 00:34:09,668 We're here for three days-- 526 00:34:09,668 --> 00:34:11,049 - Wait we're drinking toilet water? 527 00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:12,981 Eww, is that even healthy? 528 00:34:12,981 --> 00:34:14,914 - Tank water, it's fine. 529 00:34:14,914 --> 00:34:18,056 Necessity is the mother of invention alright. 530 00:34:18,056 --> 00:34:20,265 Next is firewood, firewood. 531 00:34:21,438 --> 00:34:23,337 - I don't think we have any outside either. 532 00:34:23,337 --> 00:34:25,166 - You can always burn that pamphlet. 533 00:34:25,166 --> 00:34:28,687 - Ah that's funny Lou but that means you're thinking! 534 00:34:28,687 --> 00:34:30,861 Let's see, burn furniture. 535 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,178 [playful music] 536 00:34:43,736 --> 00:34:46,705 - Oh no, no you don't, no you don't. 537 00:34:54,782 --> 00:34:55,610 Hey. 538 00:34:57,129 --> 00:34:59,890 - Uh, that's Lou's changing table. 539 00:34:59,890 --> 00:35:02,169 Ah, not ready, not ready. 540 00:35:02,169 --> 00:35:03,756 - Honey she's outta diapers, 541 00:35:03,756 --> 00:35:04,895 she's going to college next year. 542 00:35:04,895 --> 00:35:05,724 - Not yet. 543 00:35:08,934 --> 00:35:11,350 Gordy's desk, I can't. 544 00:35:11,350 --> 00:35:13,594 - Oh you can, yeah that's hideous. 545 00:35:13,594 --> 00:35:15,354 I'm freezing and grandpa, 546 00:35:15,354 --> 00:35:17,632 God rest his soul, it's gonna keep us warm. 547 00:35:17,632 --> 00:35:19,600 [sighs] 548 00:35:22,879 --> 00:35:25,537 [calming music] 549 00:35:42,036 --> 00:35:44,728 - Look, the clock is dead. 550 00:35:44,728 --> 00:35:46,696 Some strange, ironic act of fate, 551 00:35:46,696 --> 00:35:48,146 the Taylor family killed time 552 00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:50,044 on their way to killing themselves. 553 00:35:50,044 --> 00:35:53,254 - I like that Lou, very clever. 554 00:35:53,254 --> 00:35:55,049 - Look at the bright side, at least we'll look 555 00:35:55,049 --> 00:35:57,707 like runway models on our way to starvation. 556 00:35:57,707 --> 00:36:00,710 - Yeah if the hypothermia doesn't get us first. 557 00:36:00,710 --> 00:36:02,160 - I've got a great idea, 558 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,783 how 'bout we decorate that Christmas tree. 559 00:36:04,783 --> 00:36:06,233 - Ornaments are in the attic, I'm on it. 560 00:36:06,233 --> 00:36:08,062 - No, no, no, better idea. 561 00:36:08,062 --> 00:36:10,651 We make our ornaments from stuff that's laying around the 562 00:36:10,651 --> 00:36:14,379 house, maybe like Jessie's art supplies, that's a cool idea. 563 00:36:14,379 --> 00:36:17,209 - So cool, give me my phone so I can Tweet it. 564 00:36:17,209 --> 00:36:18,659 - Paper angels! 565 00:36:18,659 --> 00:36:20,247 - Oh that's a great idea. 566 00:36:20,247 --> 00:36:22,697 - There's our angel. 567 00:36:22,697 --> 00:36:25,010 We make stars made out of aluminum foil 568 00:36:25,010 --> 00:36:27,323 and strings of cranberry and popcorn. 569 00:36:27,323 --> 00:36:29,083 - Oh which of course we will get from 570 00:36:29,083 --> 00:36:31,499 the cranberry and popcorn tree in our kitchen. 571 00:36:31,499 --> 00:36:33,432 - Come on team, where's the Christmas spirit? 572 00:36:33,432 --> 00:36:35,193 You think they used to make Christmas decorations 573 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:38,437 out of old cheap ornaments and tacky tinsel? 574 00:36:38,437 --> 00:36:42,027 No, they made their own, they made their own Christmas. 575 00:36:42,027 --> 00:36:43,511 They went out and chopped down the tree 576 00:36:43,511 --> 00:36:44,995 and caught a wild turkey. 577 00:36:44,995 --> 00:36:46,687 - And at night they would dream of microwaves, 578 00:36:46,687 --> 00:36:49,621 and iPods and a cure for small pox. 579 00:36:49,621 --> 00:36:51,554 - Tina likes this idea. 580 00:36:52,589 --> 00:36:55,213 - Enough said, Tina has spoken. 581 00:36:58,699 --> 00:37:02,979 - You're gonna burn down the house Martin. 582 00:37:02,979 --> 00:37:03,911 - It's lit. 583 00:37:05,292 --> 00:37:07,294 - Tina wants to know if we're gonna burn the house down. 584 00:37:07,294 --> 00:37:10,469 - If it does, are we allowed to leave? 585 00:37:16,958 --> 00:37:19,444 - I think the tree has spoken. 586 00:37:20,859 --> 00:37:23,655 - Okay, check it out, how 'bout this for a reality show. 587 00:37:23,655 --> 00:37:28,176 So check it out, you take out 10 spoken supermodels, 588 00:37:28,176 --> 00:37:30,455 you stick 'em on a deserted island with some 589 00:37:30,455 --> 00:37:34,666 blue collar guy for like a month, the guy's a real loser. 590 00:37:34,666 --> 00:37:36,219 - Someone like you? 591 00:37:36,219 --> 00:37:39,187 - Man I've done real news, I've been in the trenches, 592 00:37:39,187 --> 00:37:42,950 I paid the price, I've seen stuff that you couldn't handle. 593 00:37:42,950 --> 00:37:47,437 I'm tellin' you, reality TV is the new news. 594 00:37:47,437 --> 00:37:52,235 You see everything from the, [mumbles] 595 00:37:52,235 --> 00:37:54,168 to the beauty of God's creation. 596 00:37:54,168 --> 00:37:55,859 - And that's what's happening with you 597 00:37:55,859 --> 00:37:59,794 and 10 supermodels or a deserted island? 598 00:37:59,794 --> 00:38:00,657 - Yeah. 599 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:02,866 - You need help. 600 00:38:14,395 --> 00:38:17,778 - 20 years ago did you ever think we'd be here today? 601 00:38:17,778 --> 00:38:21,609 - Yesterday I didn't think we'd be here today. 602 00:38:25,958 --> 00:38:30,100 - Even in high school I knew I wanted to marry you. 603 00:38:30,100 --> 00:38:34,277 You were so beautiful, loads of common sense, a good heart. 604 00:38:38,246 --> 00:38:40,835 - You, could count really well. 605 00:38:44,356 --> 00:38:47,601 Wait a minute, you married up, no fair. 606 00:38:48,740 --> 00:38:52,399 - Seriously, did you ever regret marrying me? 607 00:38:54,021 --> 00:38:55,816 'Cause I would hate to think we've gone this far 608 00:38:55,816 --> 00:38:57,818 and you had any regrets. 609 00:38:58,957 --> 00:39:01,649 - No I'm not sorry I married you. 610 00:39:02,685 --> 00:39:04,790 I don't have any regrets. 611 00:39:06,999 --> 00:39:08,829 Or feeling in my toes. 612 00:39:30,229 --> 00:39:33,163 [suspicious music] 613 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:03,987 - [Sam] Role call little brother! 614 00:40:03,987 --> 00:40:06,334 [screaming] 615 00:40:09,683 --> 00:40:10,891 - Sam? 616 00:40:10,891 --> 00:40:13,411 - That's right, it's your Uncle Sam 617 00:40:14,584 --> 00:40:17,760 and I want you and you and you and you. 618 00:40:19,071 --> 00:40:21,073 - Sam get out of my house now! 619 00:40:21,073 --> 00:40:23,938 - No problem Jackie, we already got what we came for. 620 00:40:23,938 --> 00:40:26,285 - I can see your zits through your mask Gordon. 621 00:40:26,285 --> 00:40:28,115 - My name is Night Crawler. 622 00:40:28,115 --> 00:40:31,429 - Oh how a appropriate, a worm. 623 00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:33,845 - Lockin' yourself inside, nice Marty 624 00:40:33,845 --> 00:40:35,847 but that's only half of it. 625 00:40:35,847 --> 00:40:38,263 When the real battles starts, the marauders will come 626 00:40:38,263 --> 00:40:40,265 and they'll take your food, then they'll take your women 627 00:40:40,265 --> 00:40:41,680 and children to start a new world. 628 00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,131 - You touch me or my children I'll call the cops. 629 00:40:44,131 --> 00:40:46,098 You can start your new world in prison. 630 00:40:46,098 --> 00:40:47,617 - Alright Jackie, come on, it's just a game. 631 00:40:47,617 --> 00:40:49,170 He's just tryna make it a little realistic for us. 632 00:40:49,170 --> 00:40:51,069 - Because that's the way it's gonna happen. 633 00:40:51,069 --> 00:40:53,071 - Why are you such a twerp around him? 634 00:40:53,071 --> 00:40:54,659 Would you stand up for yourself, defend your family. 635 00:40:54,659 --> 00:40:56,246 - That's a girl, bring it Jackie. 636 00:40:56,246 --> 00:40:58,110 You're right Marty, right now it's just a game 637 00:40:58,110 --> 00:41:00,803 but when that day comes, there won't be any police 638 00:41:00,803 --> 00:41:03,426 or any phones to call 'em on Jackie. 639 00:41:03,426 --> 00:41:05,255 - Martin, do something. 640 00:41:05,255 --> 00:41:08,535 - Okay alright, listen Sam, the fun's over. 641 00:41:08,535 --> 00:41:11,883 Now get going home, get out, scram, skedaddle. 642 00:41:11,883 --> 00:41:14,541 - Serious dad, did you grow up in 1925? 643 00:41:14,541 --> 00:41:18,199 - Oh we're leavin' Marty but just remember 644 00:41:18,199 --> 00:41:22,376 night after night, they'll come in waves night after night. 645 00:41:23,619 --> 00:41:25,310 Oh, I almost forgot. 646 00:41:26,207 --> 00:41:27,933 - [Jackie] Sam, Sam! 647 00:41:27,933 --> 00:41:31,696 [gun shot and screaming] 648 00:41:31,696 --> 00:41:35,838 - [laughs] Come on man you've got this beautiful family 649 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,325 and the best you can do to protect them is a 650 00:41:40,325 --> 00:41:42,051 hide a key fake rock. 651 00:41:44,536 --> 00:41:47,712 Maybe you're not as smart as you look. 652 00:41:51,129 --> 00:41:52,440 Gordon! 653 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,822 - Uh oh worm, looks like daddy's angry. 654 00:41:54,822 --> 00:41:57,169 Run along like a good little soldier. 655 00:41:57,169 --> 00:41:58,343 - [Sam] Gordon! 656 00:41:58,343 --> 00:42:00,656 - [Gordon] Stop, I'm coming. 657 00:42:06,420 --> 00:42:09,872 - Is it true, Uncle Sam took all our food. 658 00:42:11,321 --> 00:42:13,979 - Well not all of it, don't you guys see what he's doing? 659 00:42:13,979 --> 00:42:17,224 - [mumbles], cut him off for good behavior? 660 00:42:17,224 --> 00:42:19,191 - No, in his own weird way 661 00:42:19,191 --> 00:42:20,986 he's actually trying to protect us. 662 00:42:20,986 --> 00:42:23,023 - Well now I'm going to try in my own weird way 663 00:42:23,023 --> 00:42:25,543 to protect us, the power's going back on 664 00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:28,235 we are returning to Earth. 665 00:42:28,235 --> 00:42:30,133 - You mean that same Earth with all the weird weather, 666 00:42:30,133 --> 00:42:32,757 random acts of violence and bomb crazy dictators 667 00:42:32,757 --> 00:42:34,517 making every day a guess game? 668 00:42:34,517 --> 00:42:36,415 Jackie I'm tired of livin' in the dark. 669 00:42:36,415 --> 00:42:38,521 - All the more reason to turn on the lights. 670 00:42:38,521 --> 00:42:40,558 - Just well then do it for the children. 671 00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:43,595 - You really think beating Sam at this ridiculous game 672 00:42:43,595 --> 00:42:46,046 of tug of war you've been playing for 30 years 673 00:42:46,046 --> 00:42:49,014 is somehow gonna make life better for your kids? 674 00:42:49,014 --> 00:42:52,017 - Maybe in some weird Nightmare Before Christmas, 675 00:42:52,017 --> 00:42:55,952 ET, Castaway, Home Alone kinda way, yeah I do. 676 00:42:55,952 --> 00:42:58,714 - He's taken everything, it's freezing in here, 677 00:42:58,714 --> 00:43:02,890 we have nothing to eat and your children are afraid. 678 00:43:04,443 --> 00:43:07,999 - Come on guys, let's be pioneers, let's have an adventure. 679 00:43:07,999 --> 00:43:09,656 How many guys do you know that 680 00:43:09,656 --> 00:43:11,347 get to have a Christmas like this? 681 00:43:11,347 --> 00:43:12,590 - The Pilgrims. 682 00:43:14,246 --> 00:43:15,834 - What do you mean we got nothin' to eat, 683 00:43:15,834 --> 00:43:17,974 we got food, there's plenty of food. 684 00:43:17,974 --> 00:43:20,321 See food, let there be food. 685 00:43:22,082 --> 00:43:23,808 - Not the table. 686 00:43:23,808 --> 00:43:25,257 - Jessie's fake clay hamburger's 687 00:43:25,257 --> 00:43:26,811 lookin' pretty good right about now. 688 00:43:26,811 --> 00:43:29,710 - You want heat, let there be heat. 689 00:43:31,505 --> 00:43:35,647 Burn this, I'm giving you the shirt off my back Jackie. 690 00:43:42,654 --> 00:43:46,002 - Two more days Martin, make them count. 691 00:44:00,672 --> 00:44:03,675 - Careful you don't start a new fashion trend there. 692 00:44:03,675 --> 00:44:05,884 - Oh yeah, shabby, shabby. 693 00:44:05,884 --> 00:44:08,473 Hey, what is A-Dog Productions? 694 00:44:09,854 --> 00:44:11,683 - That's Adam's label. 695 00:44:12,891 --> 00:44:14,099 - Label? 696 00:44:14,099 --> 00:44:16,205 - Yeah, he downloads music, movies, whatever 697 00:44:16,205 --> 00:44:17,413 and makes copies of them and 698 00:44:17,413 --> 00:44:20,209 then sells them to his friends at school. 699 00:44:20,209 --> 00:44:22,936 - Hey isn't that illegal? 700 00:44:22,936 --> 00:44:24,731 - Oh come on guys, seriously, 701 00:44:24,731 --> 00:44:27,768 how do you think he affords all that stuff in his room? 702 00:44:27,768 --> 00:44:29,874 - I thought I bought it for him. 703 00:44:29,874 --> 00:44:33,222 - Yeah well think again Sherlock. 704 00:44:33,222 --> 00:44:35,534 Mom, seriously I need to let Regis know I'm okay. 705 00:44:35,534 --> 00:44:38,054 I don't want him to worry, how can I do that? 706 00:44:38,054 --> 00:44:39,573 - Who? 707 00:44:39,573 --> 00:44:41,851 - Regis, what is it the name, you can't remember the name? 708 00:44:41,851 --> 00:44:44,751 There are only two in the world and mine isn't 100. 709 00:44:44,751 --> 00:44:46,269 - I don't really care about the name, 710 00:44:46,269 --> 00:44:48,306 all I can see is hair and tattoos. 711 00:44:48,306 --> 00:44:51,102 - What is it with you and what is up with this hair thing? 712 00:44:51,102 --> 00:44:54,657 Regis practically shaves his head. 713 00:44:54,657 --> 00:44:56,694 - Bald and then covered in tattoos. 714 00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:58,454 He's practically a convict. 715 00:44:58,454 --> 00:44:59,627 Next you're gonna tell me he's 716 00:44:59,627 --> 00:45:00,939 shoving a earring in his nose. 717 00:45:00,939 --> 00:45:02,976 - That would be a nose ring Martin. 718 00:45:02,976 --> 00:45:06,842 - Nose ring, that's it, that's the last step 719 00:45:06,842 --> 00:45:08,188 before they're gone for good, 720 00:45:08,188 --> 00:45:10,121 they start callin' you by your first name. 721 00:45:10,121 --> 00:45:12,779 - Dad, he doesn't have a nose ring 722 00:45:12,779 --> 00:45:15,713 and his hair is short because he plays football 723 00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:19,855 and he only has one little tattoo, that matches mine. 724 00:45:25,999 --> 00:45:28,035 - You have a tattoo? 725 00:45:28,035 --> 00:45:29,727 My baby has a tattoo? 726 00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:31,625 Ahh, is it hot in here? 727 00:45:33,006 --> 00:45:35,733 - Martin, foot off the pedal okay? 728 00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:37,493 She's pushing your buttons. 729 00:45:37,493 --> 00:45:38,908 - Tattoos, no tattoos, boyfriends, 730 00:45:38,908 --> 00:45:40,220 why don't we know any of this stuff? 731 00:45:40,220 --> 00:45:42,187 You're her mother, why don't you know this? 732 00:45:42,187 --> 00:45:44,465 - Woah, once again you are under the impression 733 00:45:44,465 --> 00:45:46,674 that handling all this stuff is all up to me. 734 00:45:46,674 --> 00:45:48,262 You are her father. 735 00:45:49,850 --> 00:45:52,370 - I'm boiling hot, I'm gonna go talk to her. 736 00:45:52,370 --> 00:45:55,235 - Just sweetie, take a breathe okay? 737 00:45:55,235 --> 00:45:57,271 This is not an audit, she's not the IRS, 738 00:45:57,271 --> 00:46:01,448 calm down, you can't go in there like a locomotive. 739 00:46:03,519 --> 00:46:05,935 - Okay, I've got this under control. 740 00:46:05,935 --> 00:46:08,110 I think I'm gonna be fine. 741 00:46:10,250 --> 00:46:11,078 You're 17! 742 00:46:13,563 --> 00:46:14,910 There is a time for everything okay. 743 00:46:14,910 --> 00:46:16,635 You're gonna graduate high school this year 744 00:46:16,635 --> 00:46:19,328 and next year you go to college, 50 years from now-- 745 00:46:19,328 --> 00:46:20,329 - Dad, stop. 746 00:46:21,951 --> 00:46:23,470 - You know what? 747 00:46:23,470 --> 00:46:26,024 I wanna see the tattoos, I wanna see those tattoos, 748 00:46:26,024 --> 00:46:27,543 show 'em to me right now. 749 00:46:27,543 --> 00:46:28,786 Has Reggie seen 'em? 750 00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:29,648 - Regis! 751 00:46:30,788 --> 00:46:32,928 And seriously, you know nothing about me. 752 00:46:32,928 --> 00:46:34,274 You know nothing about anything 753 00:46:34,274 --> 00:46:37,795 except for crunching stupid numbers. 754 00:46:37,795 --> 00:46:40,349 You know sometimes life isn't in the math dad. 755 00:46:40,349 --> 00:46:44,594 Look at me, me, do you actually think I would mess up this 756 00:46:44,594 --> 00:46:48,529 velvety pristine skin that I moisturize three times daily. 757 00:46:48,529 --> 00:46:52,982 Do you actually think I would mess that up with ink? 758 00:46:52,982 --> 00:46:55,433 - So you don't have a tattoo? 759 00:46:57,642 --> 00:47:01,232 - If you have to ask then I can't help you. 760 00:47:02,750 --> 00:47:06,824 - Okay, I've been somewhat derelict in my duties. 761 00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,483 - Nice word, means nothing. 762 00:47:17,006 --> 00:47:21,183 - How 'bout we change it, how 'bout we start talkin' now. 763 00:47:22,425 --> 00:47:24,772 We can talk about the boyfriends and tattoos, 764 00:47:24,772 --> 00:47:28,811 and everything, the good, the bad, the ugly. 765 00:47:28,811 --> 00:47:30,709 - For what, three days? 766 00:47:33,643 --> 00:47:35,128 What's that's supposed to accomplish? 767 00:47:35,128 --> 00:47:39,304 In four days everything goes back to the way it was? 768 00:47:42,445 --> 00:47:44,102 You've had 17 years. 769 00:47:50,695 --> 00:47:55,320 Please leave, alright, I'll play along with your stupid game 770 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:58,668 but right now I don't feel like talking. 771 00:48:19,724 --> 00:48:20,552 - I lost. 772 00:48:22,002 --> 00:48:25,903 - Yeah, when you start eating your old fruit cake, I agree. 773 00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:28,319 - Lou, it's not her, it's me. 774 00:48:31,425 --> 00:48:33,980 I've lost her, I was not there for her. 775 00:48:33,980 --> 00:48:36,568 - Oh honey, don't be so hard on yourself. 776 00:48:36,568 --> 00:48:40,641 She's your baby girl, she's growin' up and you're worried. 777 00:48:40,641 --> 00:48:43,230 - Another glorious normal phase. 778 00:48:43,230 --> 00:48:44,059 - Exactly. 779 00:48:45,543 --> 00:48:47,372 - Is she gonna be ready? 780 00:48:47,372 --> 00:48:50,168 Have we really prepared her for the world, 781 00:48:50,168 --> 00:48:52,067 this world, that world? 782 00:48:57,072 --> 00:49:00,247 - Honey, she'll be fine and speaking of lost, 783 00:49:00,247 --> 00:49:02,767 I can't find Adam, I've looked everywhere. 784 00:49:02,767 --> 00:49:03,595 - What?! 785 00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:08,290 - I think he left the house. 786 00:49:10,568 --> 00:49:14,744 - No, no, no, no, he's gotta be around here somewhere. 787 00:49:19,370 --> 00:49:22,407 He's a good kid, he probably know we're onto him 788 00:49:22,407 --> 00:49:24,789 about all this DVD stuff and he knows 789 00:49:24,789 --> 00:49:26,377 we're gonna have to deal with it sooner or later. 790 00:49:26,377 --> 00:49:28,896 - Daddy, I'm not allowed to tell 791 00:49:28,896 --> 00:49:31,969 but I think Tina knows where Adam is. 792 00:49:32,900 --> 00:49:34,419 - Where is he? 793 00:49:34,419 --> 00:49:36,007 - Adam will get mad if I tell. 794 00:49:36,007 --> 00:49:38,941 So maybe Tina can tell you instead. 795 00:49:40,218 --> 00:49:43,808 - Jessie, Tina's a doll, she's eight inches 796 00:49:44,671 --> 00:49:46,845 of cotton, plastic and a bad wig 797 00:49:46,845 --> 00:49:49,572 that's gonna cost me around $10,000 in birthday parties 798 00:49:49,572 --> 00:49:51,885 for the next 20 years okay, maybe we can just talk 799 00:49:51,885 --> 00:49:55,026 to each other directly don't you think that'd be nice? 800 00:49:55,026 --> 00:49:58,996 It'd be cheaper, tell me where your brother is. 801 00:50:03,966 --> 00:50:04,760 - Smooth. 802 00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:16,254 - Jessie, sweetie, I'm really sorry 803 00:50:17,738 --> 00:50:20,741 that I said that to you, I apologize, that was mean. 804 00:50:20,741 --> 00:50:24,055 - [Jessie] Are you going to apologize to Tina? 805 00:50:24,055 --> 00:50:25,505 - I'm sorry Tina. 806 00:50:31,649 --> 00:50:34,928 I really am sorry Tina, I do mean that. 807 00:50:38,725 --> 00:50:40,899 - Okay, Tina forgives you. 808 00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:59,642 - You were right, ran outta juice. 809 00:50:59,642 --> 00:51:02,404 - Mind tellin' me what you're doin' up here. 810 00:51:02,404 --> 00:51:04,647 - I don't know, wanna bite? 811 00:51:05,786 --> 00:51:08,168 - Jessie go down and tell mom we found Adam. 812 00:51:08,168 --> 00:51:09,756 We'll be right down okay? 813 00:51:09,756 --> 00:51:10,653 - K, sorry. 814 00:51:12,069 --> 00:51:13,070 - It's okay. 815 00:51:23,045 --> 00:51:24,978 - So what is this place? 816 00:51:24,978 --> 00:51:27,843 - I don't know, just a place. 817 00:51:27,843 --> 00:51:31,157 - Wanna tell me about all the DVD stuff? 818 00:51:31,157 --> 00:51:33,607 - I don't know, sure I guess. 819 00:51:35,057 --> 00:51:39,096 - Now first I just wanna make sure you downloaded music 820 00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:43,272 and movies off the internet and sold it to your friends. 821 00:51:44,653 --> 00:51:45,447 - I guess. 822 00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:50,417 - But you know that's wrong and illegal, 823 00:51:50,417 --> 00:51:52,247 kinda a big deal Adam. 824 00:51:55,042 --> 00:51:59,323 You know your Uncle Sam and my dad are an awful lot alike. 825 00:51:59,323 --> 00:52:01,566 They like hunting and fishing and 826 00:52:01,566 --> 00:52:04,466 bringin' home a lot of dead smelly things. 827 00:52:04,466 --> 00:52:07,883 I actually hated it, I wasn't that into it but 828 00:52:07,883 --> 00:52:10,472 I wanted so badly to share what they had. 829 00:52:10,472 --> 00:52:12,819 I wanted the attention that Sam had. 830 00:52:12,819 --> 00:52:14,752 - So did you start killin' stuff? 831 00:52:14,752 --> 00:52:18,169 - I tried, always kinda made me puke a little but 832 00:52:18,169 --> 00:52:22,311 what I did do I did things that I knew would make my dad mad 833 00:52:23,692 --> 00:52:26,281 I grew my hair long, I listened to music I knew 834 00:52:26,281 --> 00:52:29,215 he detested and I even stole stuff. 835 00:52:30,250 --> 00:52:32,701 - You stole stuff, like what? 836 00:52:34,116 --> 00:52:34,944 - Jeans. 837 00:52:35,807 --> 00:52:36,981 - You stole jeans? 838 00:52:36,981 --> 00:52:40,364 - Oh not just any jeans, acid washed jeans. 839 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,266 [laughs] It made him really angry. 840 00:52:46,266 --> 00:52:49,027 - So wait, why are you mad at me if you did it too? 841 00:52:49,027 --> 00:52:51,029 - Well first of all, stealing is stealing 842 00:52:51,029 --> 00:52:53,273 no matter how you cut it, it's wrong. 843 00:52:53,273 --> 00:52:56,621 Now second of all, I'm not mad at ya. 844 00:52:56,621 --> 00:52:58,002 It's my job as your dad to help 845 00:52:58,002 --> 00:53:00,832 you understand right from wrong. 846 00:53:00,832 --> 00:53:03,628 Thinking back to stealin' those jeans, 847 00:53:03,628 --> 00:53:06,079 it was just a dumb kid thing to do. 848 00:53:06,079 --> 00:53:08,392 The bigger part of it was that I was really just tryna 849 00:53:08,392 --> 00:53:12,016 flag down my old man and say, I'm here too. 850 00:53:15,468 --> 00:53:17,849 - So how do we fix it? 851 00:53:17,849 --> 00:53:20,335 - I don't know, got any ideas. 852 00:53:21,646 --> 00:53:22,751 - Not really. 853 00:53:24,373 --> 00:53:25,926 - Alright, why don't you just sit here 854 00:53:25,926 --> 00:53:30,068 and you think about it, we'll figure it out together. 855 00:53:31,104 --> 00:53:32,105 - I'm sorry. 856 00:53:34,797 --> 00:53:35,626 - Me too. 857 00:53:45,636 --> 00:53:48,294 [playful music] 858 00:53:53,713 --> 00:53:56,060 - Okay take the dumbest weirdest looking redneck 859 00:53:56,060 --> 00:53:57,579 you can find in the country right? 860 00:53:57,579 --> 00:53:59,236 You give 'em a tan, you bleach his teeth, 861 00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:01,479 you cut off his mullet if he has one, 862 00:54:01,479 --> 00:54:03,240 you put 'em in some designer clothes, 863 00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:06,243 you send him on a date with a supermodel. 864 00:54:06,243 --> 00:54:10,557 Redneck Redo, now that's a show America will watch. 865 00:54:10,557 --> 00:54:12,628 - Is there any idea floating around 866 00:54:12,628 --> 00:54:14,561 in that extremely goofy brain of yours 867 00:54:14,561 --> 00:54:16,943 that doesn't completely degrade women? 868 00:54:16,943 --> 00:54:18,565 - What are you talkin' about? 869 00:54:18,565 --> 00:54:20,257 I love women, all women. 870 00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:22,500 [knocking] 871 00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:27,678 - What are you two screw balls still doin' out here? 872 00:54:27,678 --> 00:54:29,611 - Nothin' just hangin'. 873 00:54:29,611 --> 00:54:32,372 - You get too cold out here, feel free to drop in 874 00:54:32,372 --> 00:54:36,411 for a cup of something hot to warm you up. 875 00:54:36,411 --> 00:54:37,550 - That's nice. 876 00:54:40,691 --> 00:54:43,210 [smacks lips] 877 00:54:45,282 --> 00:54:46,766 What was that? 878 00:54:46,766 --> 00:54:48,008 I'm not that old. 879 00:54:48,008 --> 00:54:51,426 - [laughter] You're old. 880 00:54:53,911 --> 00:54:57,328 [upbeat Christmas music] 881 00:55:01,505 --> 00:55:05,267 - Night after night, the marauders will come. 882 00:55:09,789 --> 00:55:13,171 Now bring it on big brother [laughs]. 883 00:55:13,171 --> 00:55:15,070 - [Jackie] Marty hurry. 884 00:55:16,934 --> 00:55:17,866 - What? 885 00:55:17,866 --> 00:55:19,454 - Hey shh shh shh shh. 886 00:55:19,454 --> 00:55:20,317 - Puppies! 887 00:55:22,042 --> 00:55:24,424 [whimpering] 888 00:55:27,462 --> 00:55:28,635 - Martin, put down the flashlight. 889 00:55:28,635 --> 00:55:32,052 - Oh yes I'm sorry, there we go. 890 00:55:32,052 --> 00:55:35,470 One, two, three, breathe in, breathe out. 891 00:55:36,850 --> 00:55:39,784 [mimics breathing] 892 00:55:43,305 --> 00:55:46,135 - Sweetie, I'm pretty sure it's not the same thing. 893 00:55:46,135 --> 00:55:47,585 - Oh. 894 00:55:47,585 --> 00:55:50,485 - You know truthfully, this is a little disgusting. 895 00:55:50,485 --> 00:55:52,659 I don't think I'm ever gonna get pregnant. 896 00:55:52,659 --> 00:55:54,903 - Actually I'm okay with that. 897 00:55:54,903 --> 00:55:58,251 - That's not disgusting, it's beautiful. 898 00:56:16,890 --> 00:56:19,859 [wind and crashing] 899 00:56:36,185 --> 00:56:38,498 [screaming] 900 00:56:39,603 --> 00:56:41,018 - [Jackie] What? 901 00:56:41,018 --> 00:56:42,019 Jessie what? 902 00:56:48,543 --> 00:56:52,063 - Thanks for the puppies, they'll make great watch dogs. 903 00:56:52,063 --> 00:56:53,306 - [Jackie] Sam! 904 00:56:53,306 --> 00:56:56,033 - They took Tina too, she's gone. 905 00:57:00,693 --> 00:57:03,558 That's it Martin, he stole our dog. 906 00:57:03,558 --> 00:57:06,319 [dramatic music] 907 00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:15,777 - You, get in here, come on! 908 00:57:30,619 --> 00:57:32,449 - Hello North Dakota. 909 00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:34,796 - Couple days ago I told Don Brendall 910 00:57:34,796 --> 00:57:36,591 that I would tear apart my own house 911 00:57:36,591 --> 00:57:40,871 to find a tax deduction, then I got to thinkin' 912 00:57:40,871 --> 00:57:43,321 over 50 percent of my taxes payments go 913 00:57:43,321 --> 00:57:45,392 to some part of the Department of Defense 914 00:57:45,392 --> 00:57:47,015 which is around 630 billion dollars, 915 00:57:47,015 --> 00:57:49,224 two percent of which goes to Civil Defense, 916 00:57:49,224 --> 00:57:53,470 which is constructing shelters and early warning systems, 917 00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:57,612 so then I thought why can't this test be part of that budget 918 00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:02,789 and have it deductible, so based on my salary 919 00:58:02,789 --> 00:58:06,966 that deduction would end up being around $9,232.16. 920 00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,178 If Sam wants a war, we'll give him a war. 921 00:58:12,178 --> 00:58:14,939 But we'll have the other Uncle Sam pay for it. 922 00:58:14,939 --> 00:58:16,320 [laughter] This is brilliant. 923 00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:19,737 Oh and this test will be televised. 924 00:58:19,737 --> 00:58:22,222 The IRS is gonna want proof of the test. 925 00:58:22,222 --> 00:58:26,399 - It's a hole, daddy's making booby traps like Home Alone. 926 00:58:28,746 --> 00:58:32,163 - Night after night, the marauders will return. 927 00:58:32,163 --> 00:58:34,303 - Three days and three nights, 928 00:58:34,303 --> 00:58:36,167 Uncle Sam's comin' back but we're 929 00:58:36,167 --> 00:58:38,204 gonna get to him before he gets to us. 930 00:58:38,204 --> 00:58:41,034 - Excuse me, yeah that didn't exactly work last night 931 00:58:41,034 --> 00:58:42,588 with your pots and pans. 932 00:58:42,588 --> 00:58:44,106 - It's okay we're not gonna be doin' alarms, 933 00:58:44,106 --> 00:58:45,763 there's gonna be booby traps, I'm talkin' big booby traps 934 00:58:45,763 --> 00:58:47,800 like extreme home makeover booby traps. 935 00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:49,560 - Am I the only one seeing this here, 936 00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:51,976 you're talking about completely destroying 937 00:58:51,976 --> 00:58:54,531 our house that is preposterous. 938 00:58:55,670 --> 00:58:57,430 - Hey check it out, it says here 939 00:58:57,430 --> 00:58:58,811 the power's out all over the city. 940 00:58:58,811 --> 00:59:00,847 - Huh, let me see, ouch! 941 00:59:03,401 --> 00:59:07,405 Wind blew out everything, that's weird. 942 00:59:07,405 --> 00:59:10,029 [calming music] 943 00:59:22,593 --> 00:59:23,698 - A blackout. 944 00:59:29,117 --> 00:59:31,844 - Hold on, I'm still seein' a new shower outta this right? 945 00:59:31,844 --> 00:59:33,500 - Oh God, we're half way there. 946 00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:36,262 [dramatic music] 947 00:59:51,277 --> 00:59:52,692 - [Cameraman] You're on. 948 00:59:52,692 --> 00:59:55,074 - All Martin Taylor wanted was three days 949 00:59:55,074 --> 00:59:57,732 away from the maddening crowd. 950 00:59:57,732 --> 01:00:01,045 Three days away from the technological progress and moral 951 01:00:01,045 --> 01:00:05,222 regression that has put a strangle hold on today's society 952 01:00:08,121 --> 01:00:11,262 but in the process, family Taylor has been invaded by 953 01:00:11,262 --> 01:00:15,232 the very forces they've tried to insulate themselves from. 954 01:00:15,232 --> 01:00:19,305 An over zealous armed forces, noisy neighbors who ridicule 955 01:00:19,305 --> 01:00:23,481 and point fingers, and yes, they've even been invaded by 956 01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:30,385 the media, they've been pushed to their limit by one of 957 01:00:30,385 --> 01:00:32,525 society's outcasts, Mr. Taylor's 958 01:00:32,525 --> 01:00:35,597 own unstable survivalist brother Sam. 959 01:00:43,501 --> 01:00:47,126 - Power, who says we don't have power. 960 01:00:47,126 --> 01:00:49,749 - With their meager provisions pillaged, 961 01:00:49,749 --> 01:00:52,579 their beloved pet stolen, and even one of their own, 962 01:00:52,579 --> 01:00:56,480 Tina, the soul of their family taken hostage. 963 01:00:56,480 --> 01:01:00,242 The Taylor family has endured and united 964 01:01:00,242 --> 01:01:04,281 in a heroic effort to fight back the tide. 965 01:01:04,281 --> 01:01:07,284 And yes, for better or worse, 966 01:01:07,284 --> 01:01:11,357 come together under one roof with a common purpose. 967 01:01:11,357 --> 01:01:14,084 [dramatic music] 968 01:01:31,135 --> 01:01:33,275 Can the family Taylor do it? 969 01:01:33,275 --> 01:01:36,106 Can they keep afloat against an under toe so strong 970 01:01:36,106 --> 01:01:38,902 and has sucked into the darkness the very society 971 01:01:38,902 --> 01:01:41,663 was meant to protect and inspire? 972 01:01:46,012 --> 01:01:48,843 Alas, they are a metaphor for the little people, 973 01:01:48,843 --> 01:01:52,778 you and I, the fate but enduring course crying out 974 01:01:52,778 --> 01:01:55,470 for liberty and justice for all. 975 01:01:55,470 --> 01:02:00,337 Their voyage is our voyage, their success is our success, 976 01:02:00,337 --> 01:02:03,478 their failure is our failure, 977 01:02:03,478 --> 01:02:06,308 God speak Taylor family, God speak. 978 01:02:06,308 --> 01:02:08,655 [drum roll] 979 01:02:12,521 --> 01:02:16,836 - Five minutes 'til the curtain, places please! 980 01:02:16,836 --> 01:02:18,148 - So how'd I do? 981 01:02:18,148 --> 01:02:20,667 - Your parents would be proud. 982 01:02:21,530 --> 01:02:24,844 - Chh chh chh, give us a second. 983 01:02:24,844 --> 01:02:28,675 Alright guys, I know this has been a pretty rotten Christmas 984 01:02:28,675 --> 01:02:32,714 and I just wanted to let you know that after taking 985 01:02:32,714 --> 01:02:37,167 a good hard look in the mirror and checking in with you, 986 01:02:37,167 --> 01:02:41,654 I realized that the missing link in all this has been me 987 01:02:41,654 --> 01:02:43,656 and for that I am sorry. 988 01:02:44,968 --> 01:02:46,797 Now, let's go get 'em! 989 01:02:48,799 --> 01:02:51,043 [cheering] 990 01:02:56,773 --> 01:02:59,706 [mysterious music] 991 01:03:03,503 --> 01:03:06,403 - [Gordon] Ow, I scratched my back. 992 01:03:16,344 --> 01:03:20,417 - [laughs] Seriously Marty, you can do better than that. 993 01:03:20,417 --> 01:03:22,177 - [Gordon] So stupid. 994 01:03:32,394 --> 01:03:33,223 Wigs? 995 01:03:36,951 --> 01:03:38,538 - Game on Gordy. 996 01:03:38,538 --> 01:03:39,367 - It's Ni- 997 01:03:39,367 --> 01:03:40,713 - Night Crawler. 998 01:03:43,854 --> 01:03:45,614 [baby laugh] 999 01:03:45,614 --> 01:03:47,340 - They're here. 1000 01:03:47,340 --> 01:03:48,445 - You're up. 1001 01:03:48,445 --> 01:03:50,033 - I'm on it. 1002 01:03:50,033 --> 01:03:51,172 - Downstairs. 1003 01:03:51,172 --> 01:03:52,276 - Roger that. 1004 01:03:56,625 --> 01:03:57,626 - Huh, nice. 1005 01:04:04,944 --> 01:04:07,844 - Hi Uncle Sam, so nice to see you. 1006 01:04:12,987 --> 01:04:15,265 - Alright Jess, you got me. 1007 01:04:19,372 --> 01:04:20,546 - Here, catch. 1008 01:04:23,790 --> 01:04:26,103 [lightning] 1009 01:04:29,866 --> 01:04:34,008 - [laughs] I'm not buyin' it, are you buyin' it Tina? 1010 01:04:37,701 --> 01:04:40,428 Tina's not buyin' it either Jess. 1011 01:04:41,394 --> 01:04:43,362 [gun shots] 1012 01:04:43,362 --> 01:04:45,640 [grunting] 1013 01:04:48,125 --> 01:04:50,610 - I'm buyin' that, strike! 1014 01:04:50,610 --> 01:04:53,165 [bowling pins] 1015 01:04:55,477 --> 01:04:57,100 - You're goin' down little brother. 1016 01:04:57,100 --> 01:04:58,584 - [laughs] Look who's talkin'. 1017 01:04:58,584 --> 01:05:00,724 [coughing] 1018 01:05:00,724 --> 01:05:04,072 - You too old man, I'm not that old. 1019 01:05:04,072 --> 01:05:05,177 - You're old. 1020 01:05:06,212 --> 01:05:07,041 - Tina! 1021 01:05:07,041 --> 01:05:08,594 - [Jessie] No leave her. 1022 01:05:08,594 --> 01:05:10,078 - Alright come on. 1023 01:05:11,217 --> 01:05:12,943 - Ho ho ho that hurt. 1024 01:05:27,061 --> 01:05:30,064 [suspenseful music] 1025 01:05:31,997 --> 01:05:35,172 - Come on, come here, night job, boom! 1026 01:05:36,208 --> 01:05:38,451 We got another player. 1027 01:05:38,451 --> 01:05:39,280 - Hmm. 1028 01:05:41,627 --> 01:05:44,285 - He swallowed the bait, hit it. 1029 01:06:02,544 --> 01:06:05,789 [grunting and yelling] 1030 01:06:12,865 --> 01:06:14,694 - We can't clay dumbo. 1031 01:06:20,390 --> 01:06:23,117 [dramatic music] 1032 01:06:37,027 --> 01:06:39,029 [smack] 1033 01:06:41,238 --> 01:06:44,828 - Come on Sam, you can do better than that. 1034 01:06:48,590 --> 01:06:52,663 - [Gordon] Dad, Night Crawler's down, I'm stuck. 1035 01:06:58,842 --> 01:07:00,154 - What are you doin'? 1036 01:07:00,154 --> 01:07:01,672 - I'm stuck. 1037 01:07:01,672 --> 01:07:04,020 - I'm standing right here, you can put that thing down 1038 01:07:04,020 --> 01:07:07,540 you dummy, we're in the middle of a battle. 1039 01:07:08,990 --> 01:07:12,028 Get unstuck, they're dug in upstairs. 1040 01:07:19,138 --> 01:07:20,657 Hurry, come on! 1041 01:07:20,657 --> 01:07:22,590 - Now my feet are cold. 1042 01:07:23,763 --> 01:07:27,457 - I need Night Crawler, not whiny the pooh. 1043 01:07:27,457 --> 01:07:29,459 Move it, come on, hurry! 1044 01:07:32,496 --> 01:07:35,154 - Okay, I'm coming, wait for me. 1045 01:07:39,365 --> 01:07:43,507 - Good start bro [laughs] yeah I like your spirit! 1046 01:07:44,439 --> 01:07:45,716 Oh what's this? 1047 01:07:47,891 --> 01:07:51,895 Okay, I think I'll start with door, number, two. 1048 01:08:04,666 --> 01:08:06,634 We're gonna go on a little recon. 1049 01:08:06,634 --> 01:08:08,739 You check out the rest of the rooms down here. 1050 01:08:08,739 --> 01:08:09,568 - Really? 1051 01:08:09,568 --> 01:08:11,294 - Yes really. 1052 01:08:11,294 --> 01:08:12,364 Where's your weapon? 1053 01:08:12,364 --> 01:08:13,710 - I don't know. 1054 01:08:13,710 --> 01:08:16,782 - Gordon, you're on your own now son. 1055 01:08:26,343 --> 01:08:29,864 - [crying] Come in Gordy. 1056 01:08:39,494 --> 01:08:40,323 Help me. 1057 01:08:44,706 --> 01:08:48,641 Gordy I'm so scared, I don't like this anymore. 1058 01:08:48,641 --> 01:08:49,849 - What happened? 1059 01:08:49,849 --> 01:08:52,542 - [Lou] Will you take me out of here? 1060 01:08:59,687 --> 01:09:00,688 [door slams] 1061 01:09:00,688 --> 01:09:04,588 - Woah, woah, woah [crashes] ow! 1062 01:09:06,072 --> 01:09:10,215 [grunting] No stop, please don't, no, oh no! 1063 01:09:22,917 --> 01:09:24,298 - Now that's art. 1064 01:09:28,716 --> 01:09:29,993 He's all yours. 1065 01:09:32,513 --> 01:09:35,067 - I wanna be on your team Uncle Marty. 1066 01:09:35,067 --> 01:09:37,069 - Maybe next time Gordy. 1067 01:09:38,001 --> 01:09:40,106 [grunts] 1068 01:09:44,663 --> 01:09:47,010 [footsteps] 1069 01:10:02,508 --> 01:10:06,685 - Fe fi fo fum I smell the blood of my nephew Adam [laughs]. 1070 01:10:29,155 --> 01:10:30,053 Gotcha [laughs]! 1071 01:10:30,053 --> 01:10:32,676 [screaming] 1072 01:10:32,676 --> 01:10:34,678 - Hey big brother! 1073 01:10:34,678 --> 01:10:35,921 Go long. 1074 01:10:35,921 --> 01:10:39,442 [thud and grunting] 1075 01:10:39,442 --> 01:10:43,618 Remember that Sam, it's between you and me now, mano a mano. 1076 01:10:51,626 --> 01:10:52,455 - Game on! 1077 01:10:58,978 --> 01:11:00,428 - Go go go go go! 1078 01:11:07,263 --> 01:11:09,161 Can't even beat your unfair 1079 01:11:09,161 --> 01:11:11,922 disorganized little baby brother. 1080 01:11:18,998 --> 01:11:20,828 Be scary or be scared! 1081 01:11:33,599 --> 01:11:35,221 The world ain't goin' anywhere Sam 1082 01:11:35,221 --> 01:11:39,502 but this thing between you and me does end, tonight. 1083 01:11:39,502 --> 01:11:43,920 - The bathroom huh [chuckles], right back where you started! 1084 01:11:43,920 --> 01:11:45,335 - [Martin] Ha ha. 1085 01:11:53,861 --> 01:11:56,691 - You know what Marty, I'm proud of ya. 1086 01:11:56,691 --> 01:11:58,417 You finally cracked the nut and started standing up 1087 01:11:58,417 --> 01:12:02,594 for yourself, you're right, it ends tonight, you win. 1088 01:12:07,046 --> 01:12:10,187 Don't, don't wimp out on me now, 1089 01:12:10,187 --> 01:12:12,466 just surrendering my weapon. 1090 01:12:17,125 --> 01:12:19,024 Game over, I surrender. 1091 01:12:21,544 --> 01:12:25,720 [laughs] Don't just stand there, I give already. 1092 01:12:27,101 --> 01:12:29,379 I want you to know what victory smells like, what it does 1093 01:12:29,379 --> 01:12:33,487 to your soul, take me down, come on do it, do it! 1094 01:12:39,562 --> 01:12:40,908 - Okay get down. 1095 01:12:43,289 --> 01:12:44,532 Arms up, lower! 1096 01:12:49,848 --> 01:12:51,125 [laughs] 1097 01:12:51,125 --> 01:12:52,644 Hands where I can see 'em. 1098 01:12:52,644 --> 01:12:56,337 - Yes sir officer [laughs]. 1099 01:13:02,032 --> 01:13:04,276 [grunting] 1100 01:13:07,624 --> 01:13:08,625 Goin' down. 1101 01:13:08,625 --> 01:13:10,627 [yells] 1102 01:13:13,768 --> 01:13:14,735 - Dad? 1103 01:13:14,735 --> 01:13:16,909 - [laughs] You think I'm blind? 1104 01:13:16,909 --> 01:13:18,877 Survival means knowing your surroundings 1105 01:13:18,877 --> 01:13:21,673 and playing them before they can play you. 1106 01:13:21,673 --> 01:13:24,365 - Oh yeah, how'd you miss this?! 1107 01:13:26,194 --> 01:13:27,023 Hi-yah! 1108 01:13:27,023 --> 01:13:29,128 [yelling and crashing] 1109 01:13:29,128 --> 01:13:31,407 [grunting] 1110 01:13:37,999 --> 01:13:38,828 Hey Marty! 1111 01:13:42,314 --> 01:13:47,043 - Oh karate, those are the classes you were taking. 1112 01:13:47,043 --> 01:13:49,286 [grunting] 1113 01:13:51,530 --> 01:13:53,290 - Dad, dad, dad? 1114 01:13:53,290 --> 01:13:57,433 - [Sam] You're tickling, stop the tickling [laughter]. 1115 01:13:58,434 --> 01:14:01,678 [yelling and slapping] 1116 01:14:08,167 --> 01:14:11,999 [grunting and deep breathing] 1117 01:14:25,046 --> 01:14:26,392 - [Adam] Gotcha. 1118 01:14:32,398 --> 01:14:33,779 - [Jessie] Uh uh. 1119 01:14:35,022 --> 01:14:37,369 - [Adam] Not goin' that way. 1120 01:14:40,234 --> 01:14:41,338 - Oh come on. 1121 01:14:43,340 --> 01:14:46,067 [screaming] 1122 01:14:46,067 --> 01:14:47,690 [crashing] 1123 01:14:47,690 --> 01:14:50,071 - Ow, wow, that hurt. 1124 01:14:50,071 --> 01:14:54,075 - [sighs] I'm too old for this. 1125 01:14:58,390 --> 01:15:01,911 - That'll teach you to mess with Tina. 1126 01:15:01,911 --> 01:15:06,053 - Oh and another thing, you can huff and you can puff, 1127 01:15:07,641 --> 01:15:11,161 but you're never blowin' this house down again. 1128 01:15:11,161 --> 01:15:11,990 Game over. 1129 01:15:17,133 --> 01:15:18,755 - You're not gonna shoot me? 1130 01:15:18,755 --> 01:15:21,068 - Oh that's you and dad, I'm with Lou, 1131 01:15:21,068 --> 01:15:23,553 I don't call dead animals art. 1132 01:15:28,385 --> 01:15:30,526 Thanks for the gift buddy. 1133 01:15:32,044 --> 01:15:33,701 Love you bro. 1134 01:15:33,701 --> 01:15:36,980 - Can I get a towel or something? 1135 01:15:36,980 --> 01:15:39,155 I think I chipped a tooth. 1136 01:15:40,294 --> 01:15:43,815 - It makes you look cool Gordy, you'll live. 1137 01:15:47,888 --> 01:15:49,234 - Come here son. 1138 01:15:53,549 --> 01:15:55,378 - Come here. 1139 01:15:55,378 --> 01:15:57,725 - A little goofy but, what the hay. 1140 01:15:57,725 --> 01:15:58,657 - Why not? 1141 01:15:58,657 --> 01:15:59,831 - Did I just say what the hay? 1142 01:15:59,831 --> 01:16:00,832 [laughter] 1143 01:16:00,832 --> 01:16:02,972 [beeping] 1144 01:16:04,145 --> 01:16:06,976 - Hey guys, we did it, three days. 1145 01:16:08,184 --> 01:16:10,186 We did the test, we did it, we make it. 1146 01:16:10,186 --> 01:16:12,671 [celebrating] 1147 01:16:14,224 --> 01:16:16,433 - Come here, come here, let 'em do their thing. 1148 01:16:16,433 --> 01:16:18,953 I'm proud of you kid, I'm proud of ya. 1149 01:16:18,953 --> 01:16:21,197 [giggling] 1150 01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:35,832 - Wait, wait, check it out. 1151 01:16:39,664 --> 01:16:42,839 - [Martin] Feels good out, doesn't it? 1152 01:16:44,565 --> 01:16:45,635 There you go. 1153 01:16:47,741 --> 01:16:49,535 - And there was light. 1154 01:16:49,535 --> 01:16:50,847 - Merry Christmas. 1155 01:16:50,847 --> 01:16:52,366 - Merry Christmas. 1156 01:16:53,816 --> 01:16:55,541 Alright guys, get your coats on, let's go get those dogs. 1157 01:16:55,541 --> 01:16:56,888 - Great and get our phones. 1158 01:16:56,888 --> 01:16:58,061 - Not so fast. 1159 01:17:03,653 --> 01:17:04,550 Better? 1160 01:17:04,550 --> 01:17:05,690 - Much better. 1161 01:17:06,898 --> 01:17:09,590 - Hmm down boy, we have an audience. 1162 01:17:11,316 --> 01:17:14,802 - [Martin] Hey Jessie, I got a great idea. 1163 01:17:16,286 --> 01:17:17,874 - It's alright dude. 1164 01:17:17,874 --> 01:17:21,222 I got it, reality show, this is the one. 1165 01:17:22,879 --> 01:17:26,572 Every week we take a family, stick 'em in a house, 1166 01:17:26,572 --> 01:17:31,163 like this, come here, stick 'em in a house for three days 1167 01:17:31,163 --> 01:17:33,165 and we see what happens. 1168 01:17:42,140 --> 01:17:44,418 [baby doll laugh] 1169 01:17:44,418 --> 01:17:47,179 [dramatic music] 81053