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1
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:19,562
What
the actual fuck?
2
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,189
You need to stop them!
3
00:00:21,272 --> 00:00:22,815
How? With magic beans?
4
00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,943
I... I don't know. Uh, tear gas.
Rubber bullets. Bullet bullets!
5
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,195
Do we have any of that?
6
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:28,278
It's a cruise ship.
7
00:00:28,321 --> 00:00:30,740
We have a scented
candle shop and a spa.
8
00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:31,824
We used to.
9
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:38,039
Let it burn, baby. Let it burn.
10
00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:50,869
Everybody
to the bridge!
11
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:54,180
Where's Ryan?
12
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,598
Let's smash down the doors!
13
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,433
Let's use her as
a battering ram!
14
00:00:57,517 --> 00:00:58,851
No! Hey! Hey!
15
00:00:58,935 --> 00:00:59,769
I just ate.
16
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,604
I'm gonna throw
up if you don't...
17
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,023
What are you
doing? Oh, my God!
18
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,876
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
19
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,568
No, no. No need!
20
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,737
I'm right here.
21
00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:11,864
Oh, come on. P...
put Karen down.
22
00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:13,658
She looks even
sadder horizontal.
23
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,077
I'm sorry, again.
24
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,622
But I know that sorry
is... is too small a word.
25
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:22,750
- Here's a small word. Fuck you!
- Yeah!
26
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:26,045
- Well that's actually two words.
- Oh, let's pull his teeth out!
27
00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:29,048
- No, no, no, no!
- Wait! Everyone, please stop!
28
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,633
Okay, who's this talking to me?
29
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,343
Can you patch me ship-wide?
30
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,303
It's not allowed, but sure.
31
00:01:34,387 --> 00:01:35,805
It's your hearts that p...
32
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,974
Oh, what the...
33
00:01:38,057 --> 00:01:39,600
I hate to be presumptuous...
34
00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:40,726
Who's this prick?
35
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:43,521
But can I suggest a
more peaceful solution?
36
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,773
- I like him.
- Let's not punish a guy
37
00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:47,525
who should never have
been put in charge.
38
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,027
I mean, he's just one
step up from animatronic.
39
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,129
It's true.
40
00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,488
- Actually, I hate him.
- Hmm.
41
00:01:52,572 --> 00:01:55,032
I say maybe we take charge.
42
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,826
- Yeah!
- Okay!
43
00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:58,303
- Come on!
- Yeah!
44
00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,704
I can't hear you!
45
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,581
I smell a shake-up, Iris.
46
00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:02,975
This might actually
be a good thing.
47
00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:04,584
Yeah! Let's do it!
48
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,711
You do realize this
is an uprising?
49
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,629
You are not seeing
the bigger picture.
50
00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:11,966
I am and it's called "Still
life of you being strung up."
51
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:16,262
"Passengers" contains
the word "ass"
52
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,806
'cause that's how they see us.
53
00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:20,516
Well, not anymore.
54
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,519
I see people with two eyes.
55
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,022
You know what else has two I's?
56
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,983
"Citizens."
57
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,610
He means the spelling!
58
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:35,198
All right, opaque wordplay!
Never a bad time for it.
59
00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:37,033
You know what else has two I's?
60
00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,492
Whiskey on the rocks.
61
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,705
- Yeah!
- We need ideas from everyone.
62
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,081
Yeah!
63
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:47,418
As citizens, I say we
form a citizens' assembly
64
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,961
and run this ship!
65
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,338
Yeah!
66
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:51,923
Who's with me?
67
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,884
Together there are more of us.
68
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,093
Yeah!
69
00:02:56,177 --> 00:03:00,139
The twilight of the
moron-tyrant is upon us!
70
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:04,560
- Sorry, Ryan. It's over.
- Oh, thank fuck for that.
71
00:03:04,644 --> 00:03:06,938
I mean, obviously
it'll be a loss,
72
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:10,566
but snap my neck and bury me in
a shallow bog, what a relief.
73
00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:12,652
Security, take Ryan below decks.
74
00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:14,779
- Mm, smart move, Iris.
- Him too.
75
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,155
Fuck you, Iris.
76
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,324
This is treason,
that's what this is.
77
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,218
This is for your own good.
So they don't chop off
78
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,845
your hands and turn
them into soap dishes.
79
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,412
There's a word for
people like you.
80
00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:24,830
- Treasoners.
- That's...
81
00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,499
Oh my God, will
they be tortured?
82
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,794
No. They'll just be held
in the same room. So, yes.
83
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,879
Isaac Davis,
ladies and gentlemen!
84
00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:34,006
Because not all
heroes wear hats!
85
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:35,925
Together there are more of us!
86
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:37,677
Yeah!
87
00:03:40,805 --> 00:03:43,557
Then what's your
least favorite color?
88
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,977
I don't know. Whatever
color you are, I suppose.
89
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,813
No, stop that. We're not
gonna do this.
90
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,023
You understand those
fuckers want us
91
00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,358
to have a horrible time.
92
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,319
Well, I say we prove them wrong
and get along out of spite.
93
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:59,198
I say we sit here in
silence and wait for death.
94
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,158
Pray for death.
95
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,161
Some combination of
sitting and death, I say.
96
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,329
This is you.
97
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,540
I want to show you what
you look like to me.
98
00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:11,460
"I'm Captain
Ryington Misery-ford.
99
00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,796
I'm... I'm a British
space-gentleman..."
100
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,479
"and manic-depressive
101
00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:16,882
without the manic.
102
00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:19,468
All I wanna do is sit naked
103
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,222
and suck up marmalade."
104
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:25,742
There's that smile.
105
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,435
There's that little
pretty laugh.
106
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:28,644
See, we can do this.
107
00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:30,563
Oh, God. I have
to hand it to you.
108
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,274
You are the most positive
idiot I have ever met.
109
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:35,277
That's sweet. A lot
of people tell me that.
110
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:39,572
You know what? I think
you're ready to connect.
111
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,508
How about we
cover everything in glitter?
112
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:42,926
Skipping
ropes in every room!
113
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,744
Ginger is not an ethnicity.
114
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:49,206
I got three suggestions.
Gold, food tokens, or teeth.
115
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,667
The Engineering Committee
has unanimously voted
116
00:04:51,751 --> 00:04:53,461
against allowing you to join.
117
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:57,423
But I'm the ship's
chief engineer.
118
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,216
And you're an aromatherapist.
119
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,719
Okay. Next up is food shortages.
120
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:03,846
Oh, the cannibal.
121
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,973
Okay, go ahead, say it.
We all eat each other.
122
00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:08,267
No. We could use the
arboretum to grow vegetables.
123
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,936
That's a... That's actually
a really good idea.
124
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,439
It's perfect for when you
have a friend for dinner.
125
00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,484
This fucking guy.
126
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:18,694
When I was five,
127
00:05:18,778 --> 00:05:22,073
I stole my father's
ride-on lawnmower
128
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,909
and drove it into our
compound's electrified fence.
129
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,994
That was the first time
I ever saw him cry.
130
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,245
He loved that fence.
131
00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:30,039
Okay, your turn.
132
00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,582
When I was 27,
133
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,085
I had this small vineyard
just outside Dundee
134
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,503
with my best friend Phillip.
135
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,505
And in the evening,
summer's evening,
136
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,090
I would sit there
with a glass of wine
137
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,257
and just look at the vines
138
00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:43,135
and think, "My God, these
vines, they just grow.
139
00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:45,304
I don't have to do
anything. That's the dream."
140
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:49,225
Amazing. You
really are such a lazy fuck.
141
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,578
And then the vineyard went bust
142
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:55,106
and Phillip shot himself
in the head. But he missed,
143
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,775
so he spent the next 20
years as a vegetable.
144
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,527
On Sundays, I
would take his kids
145
00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:02,238
to see him and they'd say,
"When will Daddy wake up?"
146
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,323
Really?
147
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,784
No. I just made it up.
148
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,035
Why would you do that?
149
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,871
Seemed like fun?
150
00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:13,707
Dude, there's something
wrong with your brain.
151
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,459
You belong in the Museum
152
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,587
of Depressed British
Fucking Assholes.
153
00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:20,005
That is my favorite museum.
154
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,882
Why is that your
favorite museum?
155
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,217
Because it's quiet.
156
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,679
Uh, welcome to the first meeting
of the Education Committee.
157
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,348
We think that the kids
should be grouped by ability.
158
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,058
What if your kid isn't academic?
159
00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:33,227
Why would my kid
not be academic?
160
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,353
Well...
161
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,355
Excuse me?
162
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,482
- What, you think I'm dumb?
- No.
163
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:41,277
I think mixed ability
sets for all subjects.
164
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,696
Well, why should my kid suffer
because your kid can't find
165
00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:45,739
- his ass in a sleeping bag?
- Thank you.
166
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,200
Hey, don't talk about
my kid like that.
167
00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:50,178
Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want
to go to school right now?
168
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,930
- 'Cause I'll take you to school.
- Doug, no.
169
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,432
You ready for lunch, buddy? 'Cause I got
a sandwich for you! I got two of them!
170
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:55,666
Order!
171
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,127
Here's the fucking playground.
And here's the fucking...
172
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:01,380
Okay. The safety
committee are drunk.
173
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:04,049
The logistics committee
have locked themselves out.
174
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,052
And the crimes committee
want to outlaw pool shoes.
175
00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:09,555
Oh my God! Shut up!
176
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,056
And that's the
welfare committee.
177
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:15,728
People, can't you see
yelling diminishes us all!
178
00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,730
Can I swap my gavel
for a sledgehammer?
179
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:18,981
My group is out of control.
180
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,417
No, there's just
too much democracy.
181
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,193
It's like fifth-century Athens.
182
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,944
We need
a strong leader.
183
00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:26,322
- Yeah, true.
- We need a tough decision-maker.
184
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,823
- Yes.
- We need a dictator.
185
00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:28,991
What?
186
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,868
But a benign dictator.
187
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,870
Yeah, let's play with matches.
188
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,039
Did the ship just
lurch to the right?
189
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,790
You'd think I'd hate bronze,
190
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,459
but it's actually
a kick-ass color.
191
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:42,588
I mean, it's essentially gold
with balls and a machete.
192
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,065
Oh, people are coming!
193
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:47,092
Quick, laugh, so they think
we're having a good time.
194
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:49,345
And I said, "I'm hilarious."
195
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,638
Which is hilarious!
196
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,641
Oh, we didn't know
you guys were coming.
197
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,267
Mi amor! I've come
to rescue you!
198
00:07:55,351 --> 00:07:56,977
- Oh, great.
- No, not you.
199
00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:58,520
Well, I don't need
to be rescued.
200
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,105
Wherever I am is the
best place to be.
201
00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:03,859
Oh my God, Elena, you are
a sight for sore ears.
202
00:08:03,943 --> 00:08:06,111
And Charles, what...
What are you, the muscle?
203
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,112
No,
204
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,114
I'm... I'm the horse
you... You ride off on.
205
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,616
Giddyap.
206
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,302
Oh Christ, what is this?
207
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,620
It's chaos up there, so
you have to do something.
208
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,497
Oh, so you're rescuing
me by taking me
209
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,141
out of the panic room
and into the panic.
210
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,925
A lot of people still
see you as the captain,
211
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,228
especially when
you wear the hat.
212
00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:23,295
I'm not wearing the hat.
It's a stripper hat.
213
00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:24,838
All the more reason to wear it.
214
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,924
Come on, just do
something. Be brave.
215
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,218
Be a bit more like TV Ryan.
216
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,719
Wait a minute, you...
217
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:33,305
You don't like me just because
I'm the captain, do you?
218
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,699
- No. No!
- Course she does.
219
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,267
It's for the passengers.
220
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,688
People, the system
isn't working.
221
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,523
There's too many I's...
222
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,108
in the citizens' assembly.
223
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:48,112
Oh, he means the spelling but
also the number of people.
224
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,405
I agree.
225
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,033
Hi.
226
00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,619
That exceptionally smart
passenger is correct.
227
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:59,623
This ship needs a
strong singular voice.
228
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:03,085
Yeah, that comes out of a
mouth, not from an asshole.
229
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,837
Right. Yes.
230
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,840
That is why we need an election.
231
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,509
Yes, to elect our dictator.
232
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,970
A benign dictator. Right, Isaac?
233
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,888
- Yeah.
- No.
234
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,848
- Yeah.
- No.
235
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,433
The nominations are open!
236
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:18,600
- No!
- Yes.
237
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,978
- Engage thrusters!
238
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,647
- Which thrusters, Captain?
- All the thrusters!
239
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,375
Any thrusters you can find!
240
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,692
Oh, this again?
241
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,986
God's sake.
242
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,323
Together there are more of us.
243
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:35,617
But as I cannot
nominate all of you,
244
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,244
I am nominating myself.
245
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:40,873
I will be that "I"
in your benign.
246
00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:42,958
- This guy's a fucking wordsmith.
- Right?
247
00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:44,585
Okay, any, uh, any challengers?
248
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:48,505
I don't want to, but Isaac
is the false prophet.
249
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,800
And I will be your Jesus.
250
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,552
But without the
abdominal strength.
251
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:57,014
Well, okay. Well, obviously we
can't have a free jazz sociopath
252
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,140
as the only other...
253
00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,350
Okay, is there anybody else?
254
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:02,227
I'd prefer a warlord
to either of these two.
255
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:03,729
- I am honored...
- Hey!
256
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:07,983
To announce the candidacy
of Mr. Frank Kelly.
257
00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:10,486
Kentucky Fried Bollocks.
258
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,446
It's Mr. Fondue In A Pedal Bin.
259
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,323
Who's next? The ship's cat?
260
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:17,326
Isaac is weak. I am strong.
261
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,620
I will lead, you will follow.
262
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,497
Iris!
263
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,665
I can protect you from
a position of power.
264
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,043
Oh, good. Okay. Got it. Got it.
265
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,921
This woman supports child labor!
266
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:31,066
I'm just pretending I don't
want you to be in charge.
267
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,759
Um, Iris is an
inflexible power monger.
268
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,928
I have a friendly,
human interface.
269
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,263
Um, and I like tennis. Vote Rav!
270
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,015
I'm... I'm Rav.
271
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,017
Okay, anybody else?
272
00:10:42,101 --> 00:10:45,270
Yes, s... um, so, I... I'd
like to put myself forwards.
273
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:48,941
Literally anybody else?
274
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,654
Yes. Me.
275
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:55,906
I will stand.
276
00:10:55,989 --> 00:11:00,119
Billie, I like you. But you
are not universally loved.
277
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,704
Yeah, but it's not like
it's a popularity contest.
278
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,373
That is exactly what it is.
279
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:05,749
So, I guess I'm the winner.
280
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,418
Should I just declare
me the winner?
281
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,461
Iris cannot be in charge of me.
282
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,466
I'm six-foot-two,
good-looking, great complexion,
283
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:17,553
and I've heard I'm about
to become a proud father.
284
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:19,138
Thus, I will stand.
285
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:22,474
Well, I am almost alarmed
286
00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:24,977
by the quality of
the candidates.
287
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,270
All right, well, if that's it,
288
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,814
then, uh, I declare
the polling is open.
289
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:32,735
And may God have
mercy upon our souls.
290
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:37,156
When God judges us for what
we've done here tonight,
291
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:38,907
and he will,
292
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,077
what will you say to him?
293
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,872
Hmm?
294
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:48,459
Will you bow down and
grovel like a child?
295
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:53,630
Or will you stand up
and fight like a dog?
296
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,383
Sometimes dogs grovel.
297
00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,720
And sometimes children fight.
298
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,055
You know...
299
00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:05,267
Ugh, I
was enjoying that.
300
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,852
If you elect me,
301
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,646
I will tell you the truth
about everything, okay.
302
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,899
World War II never happened.
303
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,525
Mass media conspiracy.
304
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:14,818
I have pamphlets.
305
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:16,195
So why vote for me?
306
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:19,114
Well, I'm newish here, so,
you know, fresh pair of eyes.
307
00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,800
Yum, actually.
308
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,160
Hi, everybody. I'm Karen
Kelly, not standing.
309
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,663
But my husband is "Frank Kelly,
nobody's puppet."
310
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,165
What's your headline policy?
311
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,185
- Oh, tell them about the...
- Hey.
312
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:33,045
I'm just gonna take
the good we have
313
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,589
and make it gooder.
314
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,216
Engooden everyone!
315
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,009
You have sad eyes.
316
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,887
I'm intensely competent.
317
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:45,057
So vote for me unless
you're incompetent.
318
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,184
Swans breaking a human's arm?
319
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,896
It's lies. They break
your will, not your arm.
320
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,023
I've seen the videos, okay.
321
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,609
How's it going?
322
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,362
It's frankly a
tsunami of the subpar.
323
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,364
We've scraped the bottom
of the barrel so hard
324
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,908
we've clawed our way through it
into the first circle of hell.
325
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,369
Wait, TV Ryan
is a candidate now?
326
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,037
Surely that's a protest vote.
327
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,206
Well, if we can vote for
fictional characters,
328
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,767
I mean, that just
throws it wide open.
329
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:13,335
I'm torn between Dumbledore
and Anna Karenina.
330
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,921
There's not one good option.
331
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,422
Basically I run the ship...
332
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:21,843
Well, there is one person
who is smart, sane,
333
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,762
unlikely to die in office.
334
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,847
Yeah. Packing a lot of sinews.
335
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:27,015
Platelets too.
336
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:30,352
You... Oh, Billie.
337
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,896
Why don't you go and
build Billie better?
338
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,149
And so that's why
the four pillars
339
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:41,738
of my campaign are
en-gin-eer-ing.
340
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,116
- Engineering.
- I'll take the gin.
341
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,076
Hmm? You'll what?
Take the what?
342
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,370
Yeah, I... can I
have this? Hey.
343
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,956
I... I'm actually talking to
my base right now. So I...
344
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,584
Fuck those virgins.
We need to broaden your appeal
345
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,502
to include literally
anyone else.
346
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:58,922
- What?
- So you drink coconut water now.
347
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,883
Vote
for me and I promise you
348
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,636
I will use proportionate
force when necessary.
349
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,807
And by no means am I ruling out
disproportionate or unnecessary.
350
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,143
She should use proportionate
force on herself,
351
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,478
am I right?
This is fun.
352
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,813
She should kill herself!
353
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,982
I'm just running with
it. I'm running with it.
354
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,942
Hello. Hello.
355
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,277
Uh, I'm Rav.
356
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,237
Wow, this is exciting, isn't it?
357
00:14:22,321 --> 00:14:23,530
Not really.
358
00:14:23,614 --> 00:14:25,782
Well... well, not
exciting, but obligatory.
359
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,784
Ooh, that can
be my campaign slogan.
360
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,620
"Not exciting, but obligatory."
361
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,121
Only half of us
362
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,833
will survive Ryan's litany
of terrible choices.
363
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,712
This will be a series
of rolling tragedies
364
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,965
in which each false glimmer
of hope is succeeded
365
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:45,719
by a much more real
and crushing despair.
366
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,554
I am Matt Spencer.
367
00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:50,098
I'm running on a ticket
of radical honesty.
368
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,934
I think I preferred
being violently deposed.
369
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,311
It was less stressful.
370
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,812
- Hi.
- Hi.
371
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:59,066
So, uh, I want to talk to
you guys about engineering.
372
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,442
I'll be honest,
373
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,736
I am not interested
in engineering.
374
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,196
Keep it... keep it nice.
375
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:08,241
Oh, what I wanted to say
was, do you have a child?
376
00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:09,826
Or more than one child?
377
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,079
A daughter, yes. She's nine.
378
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,622
And how much does it weigh?
379
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,333
"I love what
you're wearing."
380
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:21,213
And I love what you have
put your bodies in today.
381
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,006
Thank you.
382
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,776
- You've got my vote. Yeah.
- Okay.
383
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,194
- Great, thank you.
- Thank you.
384
00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:27,135
Oh my God, is that it?
385
00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,595
You just say what
they want to hear
386
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,281
and try and hide your
contempt, that's it?
387
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,891
Yeah, that's politics.
And also dating.
388
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,434
Together there are more of us.
389
00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:36,061
Well, together we
want less of you.
390
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,580
Yeah, you...
You started this here.
391
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,231
You... you opened
some bitch's box!
392
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,983
Pandora's box. She has a name.
393
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,485
It's a shame about Isaac.
394
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:46,988
But I gotta tell you,
I'm kind of into Nathan.
395
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,867
Nathan, the man
who ate other men?
396
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,911
That... Hey, we all got baggage.
397
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,371
You ate ostrich that time.
398
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,580
He eats people.
399
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,749
Okay, but if you didn't
know that about him,
400
00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:58,709
he'd be quite impressive.
401
00:15:58,792 --> 00:15:59,952
But I do know that about him.
402
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,962
And I find it to be his
defining characteristic.
403
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:04,089
We need change.
404
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,674
I love you, Nathan! Eat me!
405
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,437
Eat me too!
406
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,428
Oh, no, no, I'm
watching my figure.
407
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,346
And yours. I mean, it's lovely.
408
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,640
But seriously, there
is an important issue
409
00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,642
I would like to
raise. Mental health.
410
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:17,602
Yeah.
411
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,108
Who's left?
412
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:26,027
Well, Rav's still hanging
about like an inert gas.
413
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:27,529
Anybody else like tennis?
414
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:28,905
No?
415
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,782
TV Me is forging ahead.
416
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,910
Pity he's fictional.
God, I envy him.
417
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,930
But it looks like we're
going to end up with someone
418
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,474
who think that fingers
are finger food.
419
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,082
Who we talking about? Nathan?
420
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,376
God, he's good.
Reminds me of my dad.
421
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,545
Have you lost your fucking mind?
422
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,796
Or has he eaten it?
423
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,131
No, he has some good ideas.
424
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:48,091
He thinks we should
adopt a corporate model,
425
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,635
run the ship as an
employee-owned partnership.
426
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:54,431
That is... That is... Yeah,
that's quite a good idea.
427
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,309
No that's communism,
which is illegal.
428
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,978
Okay, we need to discredit
him and start a rumor.
429
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,188
Saying what?
430
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,647
He's an alcoholic?
431
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,191
He's already a fucking cannibal.
432
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,942
Yes, sorry. I forget
that sometimes.
433
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,004
Formed in the wake
434
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,529
of the third attack on Congress,
435
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,031
the Office of the
Other President
436
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:14,034
is a constellation of America's
brightest legacy CEOs.
437
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,453
Beth Bezos, Amazon.
438
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,538
Mike Zuckerberg, Reality Whack,
439
00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:20,749
formerly Meta,
formerly Facebook.
440
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,751
And Dusty Musk, SpaceX.
441
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:25,712
Together they ratify all the
President's key decisions
442
00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,339
along with this
quantum computer.
443
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,233
My
decision has been ratified.
444
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:31,510
The Office
of the Other President.
445
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,345
- Mr. Sato?
- Yeah?
446
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,515
We're here to make
challenging decisions.
447
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:39,226
Like when we dropped the
word "book" from "Facebook"
448
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,394
because people feel like
books look down on them.
449
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,188
Yeah, you're really
making the tough calls.
450
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,356
Avenue 5.
451
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,984
The lithium disinformation
has become problematic.
452
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:52,030
We think it's time to
sunset the Avenue 5 project.
453
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,950
Sure. Cut comms.
Don't prioritize them.
454
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,160
Avenue 5 currently exists.
455
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,705
We say let's 180 that reality.
456
00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:06,378
What, you mean you want
to destroy Avenue 5?
457
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:08,815
Okay, so this is where you say,
458
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,358
"That's absolutely not
what we're saying."
459
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:14,010
That is absolutely
not what we're saying.
460
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,558
I am gonna work my socks off
461
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:22,727
to protect this little
guy's future. Yeah.
462
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,813
Yeah. 'Cause I'm not a quitter.
463
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,691
And there is no problem that
I won't sink my teeth into.
464
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,277
Don't eat the baby.
465
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,237
Oh, no, I'm not going
to eat the baby.
466
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,363
That would be a red line.
467
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,323
- Now remember, keep it short.
- Short.
468
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,325
Smile. And don't
threaten them with death.
469
00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:38,910
- Go. Go, go, go.
- Okay, I'm going.
470
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,370
Ha!
471
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,664
Hi, guys. So...
472
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,125
- Why you?
- Why me? Well.
473
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,043
Training, uh,
intelligence, and...
474
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,545
Okay, but if you're so good,
475
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,380
then why haven't
we gotten home yet?
476
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,090
Why haven't you used warp speed?
477
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,927
Because it
doesn't exist, babe.
478
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,929
Then why can't you invent it?
479
00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,806
- Yeah.
- Because even if it did,
480
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,850
it would probably
smear everybody
481
00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:03,602
into a molecular paste.
482
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:04,954
Wow, are you...
483
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,396
Are you threatening to kill us?
484
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,316
This is the one thing
I told her not to do.
485
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,335
Guys, you are booing...
486
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,570
You are booing physics.
So that's stupid.
487
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,488
Am I the only one here
with half a brain?
488
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:16,948
Oh!
489
00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:18,992
Okay, now you're
booing competence?
490
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,327
Okay, you know what?
491
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:22,203
All of you morons
deserve everything
492
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:23,371
that is coming to you.
493
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:27,167
When death visits upon
you, may you see my face.
494
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,752
Okay.
495
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,837
Okay, listen. I almost had it.
496
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,047
Down she goes!
497
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,925
Oh, Christ, we're gonna get
the cannibal, aren't we?
498
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,468
"Here lies Ryan Clark.
499
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,428
Freed a cannibal,
captured a cannibal,
500
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,306
elected a cannibal, was
eaten by a cannibal.
501
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,308
May he rest in a cannibal."
502
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,477
- Who else have we got?
- Frank?
503
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:48,605
Could we have Frank?
504
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:54,010
- No, it can't be Frank.
- No, he's a human donkey sanctuary.
505
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,237
Frank couldn't lead himself
down a one-way corridor.
506
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:59,115
- Rav?
- People say that I'm cold.
507
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:02,118
But does a body need
a heart to function?
508
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,579
I mean, yes. But
does... does it really?
509
00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:05,997
Um, okay, okay, still yes.
510
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:08,208
But cold? Do you know
who else was cold?
511
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,256
No, sorry, I started that
without anyone in mind
512
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:12,772
and I just thought
it would come to me.
513
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,506
- That was... that was silly.
- No.
514
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:18,176
Okay, it's time to reach
for the nuclear football
515
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,679
and turn the... the twisty keys.
516
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,097
Oh, please, God, no. Not Karen.
517
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,491
- Please.
- No, don't feed the beast.
518
00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:24,867
That is a very
complicated issue and...
519
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,251
And I don't have
an answer for you.
520
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,352
Sorry, excuse me, Frank.
521
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:30,689
Uh, Karen, we need you to run.
522
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,357
Oh, God.
523
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,527
I knew it. You want me.
524
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,112
Uh, well, we need you.
525
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:39,114
Come on.
526
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:42,117
It's okay to say you want
me. Say it. Say you want me.
527
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,288
I... ...want you.
528
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:52,168
And, um, what exactly is it
that you want me to do, Captain?
529
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,271
- Okay, is this really necessary?
- Yes, it's necessary.
530
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,547
I need clarity.
531
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:04,139
Karen, I... want you to rule me.
532
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,891
I want to be ruled by you.
533
00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,144
Governed by you. All of us do.
534
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,688
We all want to be
governed by Karen.
535
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,982
Not just today,
but for all time.
536
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,316
I know.
537
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:18,194
I guess I've always known.
538
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,405
I just wanted to
hear you say it.
539
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,323
Frank?
540
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:24,743
Excuse me, people.
541
00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:27,107
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Make a hole, people.
542
00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:39,841
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am humbled...
543
00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:45,138
You know what, just eff
off, you effing eff-heads!
544
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:49,309
No, we can't just be stuck
with Edward Eat-my-hands.
545
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:51,394
Actually, I...
546
00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,937
Isaac. Yes.
547
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:54,939
He's been right in front
of us all this time.
548
00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:56,900
I was the fifth
Canadian on Mars!
549
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,383
What's that got to
do with anything?
550
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,821
Isaac, bad news.
551
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,948
- We need you to save us.
- No, I... I can't.
552
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:05,658
I'm not cut out for this.
553
00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:07,118
I'm just a patent attorney.
554
00:22:07,202 --> 00:22:08,620
Oh, come now.
555
00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:11,998
There's no such thing as
"just" a patent attorney.
556
00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:13,708
Look at me, I... I
can't handle this.
557
00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:15,418
These people scare
the shit out of me.
558
00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:17,087
It's like a nest
of vipers developed
559
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:18,213
a sense of entitlement.
560
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:20,215
Okay, take off your diapers
561
00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:23,635
and put on your big-boy
panties 'cause Daddy's home!
562
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:24,594
Vote me!
563
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,012
No!
564
00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:28,431
Why are you booing? Because
I didn't stand earlier?
565
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,475
No, 'cause we don't want
you to stand at all.
566
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:33,061
Okay, I won't stand. I'll
just campaign manage Mads.
567
00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:36,064
I'll just tell you
to vote for Mads.
568
00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:38,024
- No!
- I'll recommend Mads.
569
00:22:38,108 --> 00:22:39,108
No!
570
00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:40,544
- I'll just say the word "Mads."
- No!
571
00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:42,008
- I'll stay out of this.
- Thank you.
572
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,365
Wow. Wow, bud.
573
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,867
They hate you so much
they took it out on me.
574
00:22:47,951 --> 00:22:49,452
Listen, I'm... I...
I know, I'm sorry.
575
00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,162
Look, uh, you're a loser.
576
00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:52,956
And, um, I hate losers.
577
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,291
So I'm gonna end this here.
578
00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,877
- Yeah.
- Uh... and, uh, yeah.
579
00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,004
I delete you. Boop!
580
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:01,756
Look at it this
way. If you win,
581
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,716
you get a lovely
apartment to cry in.
582
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,552
And you'll probably
be deposed in a year.
583
00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:07,345
Come on, let's go.
Come on, Isaac.
584
00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:08,989
- No, I really don't...
- No, no, no, come on.
585
00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:10,282
- Please don't make me...
- It'll be fun.
586
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,432
In four years' time,
587
00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:14,602
we will all be at each
other's throats, okay?
588
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,187
That's just facts.
589
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,648
And I will help you to survive.
590
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,733
I've made a crossbow...
591
00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:22,861
um, out of, uh,
592
00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:24,338
steam-pressed ply...
593
00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:26,156
And... and eel gut.
594
00:23:26,239 --> 00:23:27,615
I'm gonna teach you to survive.
595
00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:29,325
I'm gonna teach you
how to make your own.
596
00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:31,911
And you'll be safe. You'll
all be safe with me.
597
00:23:31,995 --> 00:23:33,454
Except for Ryan Clark.
598
00:23:33,538 --> 00:23:36,499
He will suffer immensely
and be shown no mercy.
599
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:39,294
The only question is,
how will we kill him?
600
00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:42,130
Will he be fried
or eaten or sexed?
601
00:23:42,213 --> 00:23:44,382
Well, yeah. Right now
it's unstable up there.
602
00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:45,746
But once they elect a president,
603
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,719
then we'll have a clear
line of communication.
604
00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:50,763
Well, it looks like they're
about to elect a cannibal.
605
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,102
Hello again, everyone. Uh...
606
00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:57,520
Um, look, I... I realize
607
00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:59,397
that he's not as
exciting as someone
608
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,774
who might kill you,
but we need someone
609
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,694
with natural authority
and charisma.
610
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:06,529
We need someone like TV Ryan.
611
00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:08,281
- Yes!
- Absolutely!
612
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:10,450
How is TV Ryan gonna work out?
613
00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:14,329
He's fictional, and
he's not on the ship.
614
00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:16,539
- Because he's fictional!
- This man.
615
00:24:17,916 --> 00:24:20,543
He can be our TV Ryan.
616
00:24:21,502 --> 00:24:23,213
He picked me up when I was down,
617
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:26,049
and he can do the same
thing for this ship.
618
00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:27,800
No... no, I can't.
619
00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:30,261
I've tried that and
I was shit at it.
620
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:32,430
- That's why you deposed me.
- He was shit!
621
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:34,390
So, so shit.
622
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:36,809
And that's why he'll
be so great this time!
623
00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,938
That is literally meaningless.
624
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:42,023
He could be the
best of both worlds!
625
00:24:42,106 --> 00:24:45,235
Together there are more of him!
626
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:46,569
No!
627
00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:47,820
This is insane!
628
00:24:47,904 --> 00:24:50,990
He brought a pedophile on
board, followed by a cannibal.
629
00:24:51,074 --> 00:24:52,283
Vote for Ryan!
630
00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:55,411
He doesn't eat people and
he looks hot in a hat!
631
00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:57,914
And without the hat! Whoo!
632
00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,707
Okay, let's put it to a vote.
633
00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:02,043
No, Spike, let's not
put it to a vote.
634
00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:03,294
No, no, no, no. We are...
635
00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:07,048
Do not put it to a vote. We
are not voting on... on this.
636
00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:09,425
- Don't...
- Eighty-six percent.
637
00:25:09,509 --> 00:25:11,261
That's more than the
Jonas Brothers got
638
00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:12,637
for their second term.
639
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,222
- Oh...
- Let's make Ryan
640
00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:16,099
president for life!
641
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:19,102
No, no, no, no, no!
642
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,229
Jesus Christ.
643
00:25:21,312 --> 00:25:24,148
- Ryan! TV Ryan!
- No! No!
644
00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,401
Let's make him look
more like TV Ryan!
645
00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:30,780
No!
646
00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:35,952
This makes zero sense
constitutionally.
647
00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,870
We literally just deposed him.
648
00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:39,664
My fucking chair.
649
00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:41,457
TV Ryan! TV Ryan!
650
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:46,004
-Guys, that's not me! That's not me!
-TV Ryan! TV Ryan! TV Ryan!
651
00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:48,339
That's not me!
652
00:25:48,423 --> 00:25:50,049
Oh, for fuck's sake.
653
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:51,550
I lied.
654
00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:53,720
- I liked you being the captain.
- Oh, me too.
655
00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:55,179
We voted for you!
656
00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:56,764
Oh... oh, actually
I voted for Nathan.
657
00:25:56,848 --> 00:25:57,974
I didn't vote.
658
00:25:58,057 --> 00:26:00,601
If you need a first lady,
you know where to find me.
659
00:26:00,685 --> 00:26:02,228
He already has a first lady.
660
00:26:02,312 --> 00:26:04,105
Well, I could be the
second first lady,
661
00:26:04,188 --> 00:26:06,941
- in case you get shot.
- Well, I would take a bullet.
662
00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:08,401
If it helps.
663
00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:10,361
I'm offering you my
guidance and support.
664
00:26:10,445 --> 00:26:12,947
And you'll need my advice to,
uh, counterbalance her advice.
665
00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:14,866
I like winners. And
you're a winner.
666
00:26:14,949 --> 00:26:17,160
I'm really sorry
about this whole...
667
00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:20,204
I will make your reign
a reign of blood.
668
00:26:20,288 --> 00:26:21,664
Billie! Help me!
669
00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:23,374
Uh, for the first
time in my life,
670
00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:24,792
I have no idea what to do.
671
00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:26,753
Okay, people,
step away. Step away.
672
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:31,674
Our supreme leader.
673
00:26:48,983 --> 00:26:51,903
And so it begins again.
674
00:27:04,499 --> 00:27:07,335
Right.
What's first up?
48775
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