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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:19,562 What the actual fuck? 2 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,189 You need to stop them! 3 00:00:21,272 --> 00:00:22,815 How? With magic beans? 4 00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,943 I... I don't know. Uh, tear gas. Rubber bullets. Bullet bullets! 5 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,195 Do we have any of that? 6 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:28,278 It's a cruise ship. 7 00:00:28,321 --> 00:00:30,740 We have a scented candle shop and a spa. 8 00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:31,824 We used to. 9 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:38,039 Let it burn, baby. Let it burn. 10 00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:50,869 Everybody to the bridge! 11 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:54,180 Where's Ryan? 12 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,598 Let's smash down the doors! 13 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,433 Let's use her as a battering ram! 14 00:00:57,517 --> 00:00:58,851 No! Hey! Hey! 15 00:00:58,935 --> 00:00:59,769 I just ate. 16 00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,604 I'm gonna throw up if you don't... 17 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,023 What are you doing? Oh, my God! 18 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,876 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 19 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,568 No, no. No need! 20 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,737 I'm right here. 21 00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:11,864 Oh, come on. P... put Karen down. 22 00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:13,658 She looks even sadder horizontal. 23 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,077 I'm sorry, again. 24 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,622 But I know that sorry is... is too small a word. 25 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:22,750 - Here's a small word. Fuck you! - Yeah! 26 00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:26,045 - Well that's actually two words. - Oh, let's pull his teeth out! 27 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:29,048 - No, no, no, no! - Wait! Everyone, please stop! 28 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,633 Okay, who's this talking to me? 29 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,343 Can you patch me ship-wide? 30 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,303 It's not allowed, but sure. 31 00:01:34,387 --> 00:01:35,805 It's your hearts that p... 32 00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,974 Oh, what the... 33 00:01:38,057 --> 00:01:39,600 I hate to be presumptuous... 34 00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:40,726 Who's this prick? 35 00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:43,521 But can I suggest a more peaceful solution? 36 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,773 - I like him. - Let's not punish a guy 37 00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:47,525 who should never have been put in charge. 38 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,027 I mean, he's just one step up from animatronic. 39 00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,129 It's true. 40 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,488 - Actually, I hate him. - Hmm. 41 00:01:52,572 --> 00:01:55,032 I say maybe we take charge. 42 00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,826 - Yeah! - Okay! 43 00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:58,303 - Come on! - Yeah! 44 00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,704 I can't hear you! 45 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,581 I smell a shake-up, Iris. 46 00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:02,975 This might actually be a good thing. 47 00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:04,584 Yeah! Let's do it! 48 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,711 You do realize this is an uprising? 49 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,629 You are not seeing the bigger picture. 50 00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:11,966 I am and it's called "Still life of you being strung up." 51 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:16,262 "Passengers" contains the word "ass" 52 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,806 'cause that's how they see us. 53 00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:20,516 Well, not anymore. 54 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,519 I see people with two eyes. 55 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,022 You know what else has two I's? 56 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,983 "Citizens." 57 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,610 He means the spelling! 58 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:35,198 All right, opaque wordplay! Never a bad time for it. 59 00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:37,033 You know what else has two I's? 60 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,492 Whiskey on the rocks. 61 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,705 - Yeah! - We need ideas from everyone. 62 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,081 Yeah! 63 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:47,418 As citizens, I say we form a citizens' assembly 64 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,961 and run this ship! 65 00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,338 Yeah! 66 00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:51,923 Who's with me? 67 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,884 Together there are more of us. 68 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,093 Yeah! 69 00:02:56,177 --> 00:03:00,139 The twilight of the moron-tyrant is upon us! 70 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:04,560 - Sorry, Ryan. It's over. - Oh, thank fuck for that. 71 00:03:04,644 --> 00:03:06,938 I mean, obviously it'll be a loss, 72 00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:10,566 but snap my neck and bury me in a shallow bog, what a relief. 73 00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:12,652 Security, take Ryan below decks. 74 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:14,779 - Mm, smart move, Iris. - Him too. 75 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,155 Fuck you, Iris. 76 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,324 This is treason, that's what this is. 77 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,218 This is for your own good. So they don't chop off 78 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,845 your hands and turn them into soap dishes. 79 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,412 There's a word for people like you. 80 00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:24,830 - Treasoners. - That's... 81 00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,499 Oh my God, will they be tortured? 82 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,794 No. They'll just be held in the same room. So, yes. 83 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,879 Isaac Davis, ladies and gentlemen! 84 00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:34,006 Because not all heroes wear hats! 85 00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:35,925 Together there are more of us! 86 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:37,677 Yeah! 87 00:03:40,805 --> 00:03:43,557 Then what's your least favorite color? 88 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,977 I don't know. Whatever color you are, I suppose. 89 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,813 No, stop that. We're not gonna do this. 90 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,023 You understand those fuckers want us 91 00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,358 to have a horrible time. 92 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,319 Well, I say we prove them wrong and get along out of spite. 93 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:59,198 I say we sit here in silence and wait for death. 94 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,158 Pray for death. 95 00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,161 Some combination of sitting and death, I say. 96 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,329 This is you. 97 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,540 I want to show you what you look like to me. 98 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:11,460 "I'm Captain Ryington Misery-ford. 99 00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,796 I'm... I'm a British space-gentleman..." 100 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,479 "and manic-depressive 101 00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:16,882 without the manic. 102 00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:19,468 All I wanna do is sit naked 103 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,222 and suck up marmalade." 104 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:25,742 There's that smile. 105 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,435 There's that little pretty laugh. 106 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:28,644 See, we can do this. 107 00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:30,563 Oh, God. I have to hand it to you. 108 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,274 You are the most positive idiot I have ever met. 109 00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:35,277 That's sweet. A lot of people tell me that. 110 00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:39,572 You know what? I think you're ready to connect. 111 00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,508 How about we cover everything in glitter? 112 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:42,926 Skipping ropes in every room! 113 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,744 Ginger is not an ethnicity. 114 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:49,206 I got three suggestions. Gold, food tokens, or teeth. 115 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,667 The Engineering Committee has unanimously voted 116 00:04:51,751 --> 00:04:53,461 against allowing you to join. 117 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:57,423 But I'm the ship's chief engineer. 118 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,216 And you're an aromatherapist. 119 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,719 Okay. Next up is food shortages. 120 00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:03,846 Oh, the cannibal. 121 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,973 Okay, go ahead, say it. We all eat each other. 122 00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:08,267 No. We could use the arboretum to grow vegetables. 123 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,936 That's a... That's actually a really good idea. 124 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,439 It's perfect for when you have a friend for dinner. 125 00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,484 This fucking guy. 126 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:18,694 When I was five, 127 00:05:18,778 --> 00:05:22,073 I stole my father's ride-on lawnmower 128 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,909 and drove it into our compound's electrified fence. 129 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,994 That was the first time I ever saw him cry. 130 00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,245 He loved that fence. 131 00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:30,039 Okay, your turn. 132 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,582 When I was 27, 133 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,085 I had this small vineyard just outside Dundee 134 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,503 with my best friend Phillip. 135 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,505 And in the evening, summer's evening, 136 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,090 I would sit there with a glass of wine 137 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,257 and just look at the vines 138 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:43,135 and think, "My God, these vines, they just grow. 139 00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:45,304 I don't have to do anything. That's the dream." 140 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:49,225 Amazing. You really are such a lazy fuck. 141 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,578 And then the vineyard went bust 142 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:55,106 and Phillip shot himself in the head. But he missed, 143 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,775 so he spent the next 20 years as a vegetable. 144 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,527 On Sundays, I would take his kids 145 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:02,238 to see him and they'd say, "When will Daddy wake up?" 146 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,323 Really? 147 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,784 No. I just made it up. 148 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,035 Why would you do that? 149 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,871 Seemed like fun? 150 00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:13,707 Dude, there's something wrong with your brain. 151 00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,459 You belong in the Museum 152 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,587 of Depressed British Fucking Assholes. 153 00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:20,005 That is my favorite museum. 154 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,882 Why is that your favorite museum? 155 00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,217 Because it's quiet. 156 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,679 Uh, welcome to the first meeting of the Education Committee. 157 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,348 We think that the kids should be grouped by ability. 158 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,058 What if your kid isn't academic? 159 00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:33,227 Why would my kid not be academic? 160 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,353 Well... 161 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,355 Excuse me? 162 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,482 - What, you think I'm dumb? - No. 163 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:41,277 I think mixed ability sets for all subjects. 164 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,696 Well, why should my kid suffer because your kid can't find 165 00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:45,739 - his ass in a sleeping bag? - Thank you. 166 00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,200 Hey, don't talk about my kid like that. 167 00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:50,178 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to go to school right now? 168 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,930 - 'Cause I'll take you to school. - Doug, no. 169 00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,432 You ready for lunch, buddy? 'Cause I got a sandwich for you! I got two of them! 170 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:55,666 Order! 171 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,127 Here's the fucking playground. And here's the fucking... 172 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:01,380 Okay. The safety committee are drunk. 173 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:04,049 The logistics committee have locked themselves out. 174 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,052 And the crimes committee want to outlaw pool shoes. 175 00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:09,555 Oh my God! Shut up! 176 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,056 And that's the welfare committee. 177 00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:15,728 People, can't you see yelling diminishes us all! 178 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,730 Can I swap my gavel for a sledgehammer? 179 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:18,981 My group is out of control. 180 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,417 No, there's just too much democracy. 181 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,193 It's like fifth-century Athens. 182 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,944 We need a strong leader. 183 00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:26,322 - Yeah, true. - We need a tough decision-maker. 184 00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,823 - Yes. - We need a dictator. 185 00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:28,991 What? 186 00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,868 But a benign dictator. 187 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,870 Yeah, let's play with matches. 188 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,039 Did the ship just lurch to the right? 189 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,790 You'd think I'd hate bronze, 190 00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,459 but it's actually a kick-ass color. 191 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:42,588 I mean, it's essentially gold with balls and a machete. 192 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,065 Oh, people are coming! 193 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:47,092 Quick, laugh, so they think we're having a good time. 194 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:49,345 And I said, "I'm hilarious." 195 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,638 Which is hilarious! 196 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,641 Oh, we didn't know you guys were coming. 197 00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,267 Mi amor! I've come to rescue you! 198 00:07:55,351 --> 00:07:56,977 - Oh, great. - No, not you. 199 00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:58,520 Well, I don't need to be rescued. 200 00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,105 Wherever I am is the best place to be. 201 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:03,859 Oh my God, Elena, you are a sight for sore ears. 202 00:08:03,943 --> 00:08:06,111 And Charles, what... What are you, the muscle? 203 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,112 No, 204 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,114 I'm... I'm the horse you... You ride off on. 205 00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,616 Giddyap. 206 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,302 Oh Christ, what is this? 207 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,620 It's chaos up there, so you have to do something. 208 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,497 Oh, so you're rescuing me by taking me 209 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,141 out of the panic room and into the panic. 210 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,925 A lot of people still see you as the captain, 211 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,228 especially when you wear the hat. 212 00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:23,295 I'm not wearing the hat. It's a stripper hat. 213 00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:24,838 All the more reason to wear it. 214 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,924 Come on, just do something. Be brave. 215 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,218 Be a bit more like TV Ryan. 216 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,719 Wait a minute, you... 217 00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:33,305 You don't like me just because I'm the captain, do you? 218 00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,699 - No. No! - Course she does. 219 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,267 It's for the passengers. 220 00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,688 People, the system isn't working. 221 00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,523 There's too many I's... 222 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,108 in the citizens' assembly. 223 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:48,112 Oh, he means the spelling but also the number of people. 224 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,405 I agree. 225 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,033 Hi. 226 00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,619 That exceptionally smart passenger is correct. 227 00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:59,623 This ship needs a strong singular voice. 228 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:03,085 Yeah, that comes out of a mouth, not from an asshole. 229 00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,837 Right. Yes. 230 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,840 That is why we need an election. 231 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,509 Yes, to elect our dictator. 232 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,970 A benign dictator. Right, Isaac? 233 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,888 - Yeah. - No. 234 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,848 - Yeah. - No. 235 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,433 The nominations are open! 236 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:18,600 - No! - Yes. 237 00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,978 - Engage thrusters! 238 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,647 - Which thrusters, Captain? - All the thrusters! 239 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,375 Any thrusters you can find! 240 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,692 Oh, this again? 241 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,986 God's sake. 242 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,323 Together there are more of us. 243 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:35,617 But as I cannot nominate all of you, 244 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,244 I am nominating myself. 245 00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:40,873 I will be that "I" in your benign. 246 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:42,958 - This guy's a fucking wordsmith. - Right? 247 00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:44,585 Okay, any, uh, any challengers? 248 00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:48,505 I don't want to, but Isaac is the false prophet. 249 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,800 And I will be your Jesus. 250 00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,552 But without the abdominal strength. 251 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:57,014 Well, okay. Well, obviously we can't have a free jazz sociopath 252 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,140 as the only other... 253 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,350 Okay, is there anybody else? 254 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:02,227 I'd prefer a warlord to either of these two. 255 00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:03,729 - I am honored... - Hey! 256 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:07,983 To announce the candidacy of Mr. Frank Kelly. 257 00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:10,486 Kentucky Fried Bollocks. 258 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,446 It's Mr. Fondue In A Pedal Bin. 259 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,323 Who's next? The ship's cat? 260 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:17,326 Isaac is weak. I am strong. 261 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,620 I will lead, you will follow. 262 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,497 Iris! 263 00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,665 I can protect you from a position of power. 264 00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,043 Oh, good. Okay. Got it. Got it. 265 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,921 This woman supports child labor! 266 00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:31,066 I'm just pretending I don't want you to be in charge. 267 00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,759 Um, Iris is an inflexible power monger. 268 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,928 I have a friendly, human interface. 269 00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,263 Um, and I like tennis. Vote Rav! 270 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,015 I'm... I'm Rav. 271 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,017 Okay, anybody else? 272 00:10:42,101 --> 00:10:45,270 Yes, s... um, so, I... I'd like to put myself forwards. 273 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:48,941 Literally anybody else? 274 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,654 Yes. Me. 275 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:55,906 I will stand. 276 00:10:55,989 --> 00:11:00,119 Billie, I like you. But you are not universally loved. 277 00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,704 Yeah, but it's not like it's a popularity contest. 278 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,373 That is exactly what it is. 279 00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:05,749 So, I guess I'm the winner. 280 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,418 Should I just declare me the winner? 281 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,461 Iris cannot be in charge of me. 282 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,466 I'm six-foot-two, good-looking, great complexion, 283 00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:17,553 and I've heard I'm about to become a proud father. 284 00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:19,138 Thus, I will stand. 285 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:22,474 Well, I am almost alarmed 286 00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:24,977 by the quality of the candidates. 287 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,270 All right, well, if that's it, 288 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,814 then, uh, I declare the polling is open. 289 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:32,735 And may God have mercy upon our souls. 290 00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:37,156 When God judges us for what we've done here tonight, 291 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:38,907 and he will, 292 00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,077 what will you say to him? 293 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,872 Hmm? 294 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:48,459 Will you bow down and grovel like a child? 295 00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:53,630 Or will you stand up and fight like a dog? 296 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,383 Sometimes dogs grovel. 297 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,720 And sometimes children fight. 298 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,055 You know... 299 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:05,267 Ugh, I was enjoying that. 300 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,852 If you elect me, 301 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,646 I will tell you the truth about everything, okay. 302 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,899 World War II never happened. 303 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,525 Mass media conspiracy. 304 00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:14,818 I have pamphlets. 305 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:16,195 So why vote for me? 306 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:19,114 Well, I'm newish here, so, you know, fresh pair of eyes. 307 00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,800 Yum, actually. 308 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,160 Hi, everybody. I'm Karen Kelly, not standing. 309 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,663 But my husband is "Frank Kelly, nobody's puppet." 310 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,165 What's your headline policy? 311 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,185 - Oh, tell them about the... - Hey. 312 00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:33,045 I'm just gonna take the good we have 313 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,589 and make it gooder. 314 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,216 Engooden everyone! 315 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,009 You have sad eyes. 316 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,887 I'm intensely competent. 317 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:45,057 So vote for me unless you're incompetent. 318 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,184 Swans breaking a human's arm? 319 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,896 It's lies. They break your will, not your arm. 320 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,023 I've seen the videos, okay. 321 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,609 How's it going? 322 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,362 It's frankly a tsunami of the subpar. 323 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,364 We've scraped the bottom of the barrel so hard 324 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,908 we've clawed our way through it into the first circle of hell. 325 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,369 Wait, TV Ryan is a candidate now? 326 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,037 Surely that's a protest vote. 327 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,206 Well, if we can vote for fictional characters, 328 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,767 I mean, that just throws it wide open. 329 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:13,335 I'm torn between Dumbledore and Anna Karenina. 330 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,921 There's not one good option. 331 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,422 Basically I run the ship... 332 00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:21,843 Well, there is one person who is smart, sane, 333 00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,762 unlikely to die in office. 334 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,847 Yeah. Packing a lot of sinews. 335 00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:27,015 Platelets too. 336 00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:30,352 You... Oh, Billie. 337 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,896 Why don't you go and build Billie better? 338 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,149 And so that's why the four pillars 339 00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:41,738 of my campaign are en-gin-eer-ing. 340 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,116 - Engineering. - I'll take the gin. 341 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,076 Hmm? You'll what? Take the what? 342 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,370 Yeah, I... can I have this? Hey. 343 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,956 I... I'm actually talking to my base right now. So I... 344 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,584 Fuck those virgins. We need to broaden your appeal 345 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,502 to include literally anyone else. 346 00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:58,922 - What? - So you drink coconut water now. 347 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,883 Vote for me and I promise you 348 00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,636 I will use proportionate force when necessary. 349 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,807 And by no means am I ruling out disproportionate or unnecessary. 350 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,143 She should use proportionate force on herself, 351 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,478 am I right? This is fun. 352 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,813 She should kill herself! 353 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,982 I'm just running with it. I'm running with it. 354 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,942 Hello. Hello. 355 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,277 Uh, I'm Rav. 356 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,237 Wow, this is exciting, isn't it? 357 00:14:22,321 --> 00:14:23,530 Not really. 358 00:14:23,614 --> 00:14:25,782 Well... well, not exciting, but obligatory. 359 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,784 Ooh, that can be my campaign slogan. 360 00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,620 "Not exciting, but obligatory." 361 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,121 Only half of us 362 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,833 will survive Ryan's litany of terrible choices. 363 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,712 This will be a series of rolling tragedies 364 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,965 in which each false glimmer of hope is succeeded 365 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:45,719 by a much more real and crushing despair. 366 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,554 I am Matt Spencer. 367 00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:50,098 I'm running on a ticket of radical honesty. 368 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,934 I think I preferred being violently deposed. 369 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,311 It was less stressful. 370 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,812 - Hi. - Hi. 371 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:59,066 So, uh, I want to talk to you guys about engineering. 372 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,442 I'll be honest, 373 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,736 I am not interested in engineering. 374 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,196 Keep it... keep it nice. 375 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:08,241 Oh, what I wanted to say was, do you have a child? 376 00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:09,826 Or more than one child? 377 00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,079 A daughter, yes. She's nine. 378 00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,622 And how much does it weigh? 379 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,333 "I love what you're wearing." 380 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:21,213 And I love what you have put your bodies in today. 381 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,006 Thank you. 382 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,776 - You've got my vote. Yeah. - Okay. 383 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,194 - Great, thank you. - Thank you. 384 00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:27,135 Oh my God, is that it? 385 00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,595 You just say what they want to hear 386 00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,281 and try and hide your contempt, that's it? 387 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,891 Yeah, that's politics. And also dating. 388 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,434 Together there are more of us. 389 00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:36,061 Well, together we want less of you. 390 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,580 Yeah, you... You started this here. 391 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,231 You... you opened some bitch's box! 392 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,983 Pandora's box. She has a name. 393 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,485 It's a shame about Isaac. 394 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:46,988 But I gotta tell you, I'm kind of into Nathan. 395 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,867 Nathan, the man who ate other men? 396 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,911 That... Hey, we all got baggage. 397 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,371 You ate ostrich that time. 398 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,580 He eats people. 399 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,749 Okay, but if you didn't know that about him, 400 00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:58,709 he'd be quite impressive. 401 00:15:58,792 --> 00:15:59,952 But I do know that about him. 402 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,962 And I find it to be his defining characteristic. 403 00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:04,089 We need change. 404 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,674 I love you, Nathan! Eat me! 405 00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,437 Eat me too! 406 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,428 Oh, no, no, I'm watching my figure. 407 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,346 And yours. I mean, it's lovely. 408 00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,640 But seriously, there is an important issue 409 00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,642 I would like to raise. Mental health. 410 00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:17,602 Yeah. 411 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,108 Who's left? 412 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:26,027 Well, Rav's still hanging about like an inert gas. 413 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:27,529 Anybody else like tennis? 414 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:28,905 No? 415 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,782 TV Me is forging ahead. 416 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,910 Pity he's fictional. God, I envy him. 417 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,930 But it looks like we're going to end up with someone 418 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,474 who think that fingers are finger food. 419 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,082 Who we talking about? Nathan? 420 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,376 God, he's good. Reminds me of my dad. 421 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,545 Have you lost your fucking mind? 422 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,796 Or has he eaten it? 423 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,131 No, he has some good ideas. 424 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:48,091 He thinks we should adopt a corporate model, 425 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,635 run the ship as an employee-owned partnership. 426 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:54,431 That is... That is... Yeah, that's quite a good idea. 427 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,309 No that's communism, which is illegal. 428 00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,978 Okay, we need to discredit him and start a rumor. 429 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,188 Saying what? 430 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,647 He's an alcoholic? 431 00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,191 He's already a fucking cannibal. 432 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,942 Yes, sorry. I forget that sometimes. 433 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,004 Formed in the wake 434 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,529 of the third attack on Congress, 435 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,031 the Office of the Other President 436 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:14,034 is a constellation of America's brightest legacy CEOs. 437 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,453 Beth Bezos, Amazon. 438 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,538 Mike Zuckerberg, Reality Whack, 439 00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:20,749 formerly Meta, formerly Facebook. 440 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,751 And Dusty Musk, SpaceX. 441 00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:25,712 Together they ratify all the President's key decisions 442 00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,339 along with this quantum computer. 443 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,233 My decision has been ratified. 444 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:31,510 The Office of the Other President. 445 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,345 - Mr. Sato? - Yeah? 446 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,515 We're here to make challenging decisions. 447 00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:39,226 Like when we dropped the word "book" from "Facebook" 448 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,394 because people feel like books look down on them. 449 00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,188 Yeah, you're really making the tough calls. 450 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,356 Avenue 5. 451 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,984 The lithium disinformation has become problematic. 452 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:52,030 We think it's time to sunset the Avenue 5 project. 453 00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,950 Sure. Cut comms. Don't prioritize them. 454 00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,160 Avenue 5 currently exists. 455 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,705 We say let's 180 that reality. 456 00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:06,378 What, you mean you want to destroy Avenue 5? 457 00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:08,815 Okay, so this is where you say, 458 00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,358 "That's absolutely not what we're saying." 459 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:14,010 That is absolutely not what we're saying. 460 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,558 I am gonna work my socks off 461 00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:22,727 to protect this little guy's future. Yeah. 462 00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,813 Yeah. 'Cause I'm not a quitter. 463 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,691 And there is no problem that I won't sink my teeth into. 464 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,277 Don't eat the baby. 465 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,237 Oh, no, I'm not going to eat the baby. 466 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,363 That would be a red line. 467 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,323 - Now remember, keep it short. - Short. 468 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,325 Smile. And don't threaten them with death. 469 00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:38,910 - Go. Go, go, go. - Okay, I'm going. 470 00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,370 Ha! 471 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,664 Hi, guys. So... 472 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,125 - Why you? - Why me? Well. 473 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,043 Training, uh, intelligence, and... 474 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,545 Okay, but if you're so good, 475 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,380 then why haven't we gotten home yet? 476 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,090 Why haven't you used warp speed? 477 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,927 Because it doesn't exist, babe. 478 00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,929 Then why can't you invent it? 479 00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,806 - Yeah. - Because even if it did, 480 00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,850 it would probably smear everybody 481 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:03,602 into a molecular paste. 482 00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:04,954 Wow, are you... 483 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,396 Are you threatening to kill us? 484 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,316 This is the one thing I told her not to do. 485 00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,335 Guys, you are booing... 486 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,570 You are booing physics. So that's stupid. 487 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,488 Am I the only one here with half a brain? 488 00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:16,948 Oh! 489 00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:18,992 Okay, now you're booing competence? 490 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,327 Okay, you know what? 491 00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:22,203 All of you morons deserve everything 492 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:23,371 that is coming to you. 493 00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:27,167 When death visits upon you, may you see my face. 494 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,752 Okay. 495 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,837 Okay, listen. I almost had it. 496 00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,047 Down she goes! 497 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,925 Oh, Christ, we're gonna get the cannibal, aren't we? 498 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,468 "Here lies Ryan Clark. 499 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,428 Freed a cannibal, captured a cannibal, 500 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,306 elected a cannibal, was eaten by a cannibal. 501 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,308 May he rest in a cannibal." 502 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,477 - Who else have we got? - Frank? 503 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:48,605 Could we have Frank? 504 00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:54,010 - No, it can't be Frank. - No, he's a human donkey sanctuary. 505 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,237 Frank couldn't lead himself down a one-way corridor. 506 00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:59,115 - Rav? - People say that I'm cold. 507 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:02,118 But does a body need a heart to function? 508 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,579 I mean, yes. But does... does it really? 509 00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:05,997 Um, okay, okay, still yes. 510 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:08,208 But cold? Do you know who else was cold? 511 00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,256 No, sorry, I started that without anyone in mind 512 00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:12,772 and I just thought it would come to me. 513 00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,506 - That was... that was silly. - No. 514 00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:18,176 Okay, it's time to reach for the nuclear football 515 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,679 and turn the... the twisty keys. 516 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,097 Oh, please, God, no. Not Karen. 517 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,491 - Please. - No, don't feed the beast. 518 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:24,867 That is a very complicated issue and... 519 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,251 And I don't have an answer for you. 520 00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,352 Sorry, excuse me, Frank. 521 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:30,689 Uh, Karen, we need you to run. 522 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,357 Oh, God. 523 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,527 I knew it. You want me. 524 00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,112 Uh, well, we need you. 525 00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:39,114 Come on. 526 00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:42,117 It's okay to say you want me. Say it. Say you want me. 527 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,288 I... ...want you. 528 00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:52,168 And, um, what exactly is it that you want me to do, Captain? 529 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,271 - Okay, is this really necessary? - Yes, it's necessary. 530 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,547 I need clarity. 531 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:04,139 Karen, I... want you to rule me. 532 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,891 I want to be ruled by you. 533 00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,144 Governed by you. All of us do. 534 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,688 We all want to be governed by Karen. 535 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,982 Not just today, but for all time. 536 00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,316 I know. 537 00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:18,194 I guess I've always known. 538 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,405 I just wanted to hear you say it. 539 00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,323 Frank? 540 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:24,743 Excuse me, people. 541 00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:27,107 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Make a hole, people. 542 00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:39,841 Ladies and gentlemen, I am humbled... 543 00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:45,138 You know what, just eff off, you effing eff-heads! 544 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:49,309 No, we can't just be stuck with Edward Eat-my-hands. 545 00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:51,394 Actually, I... 546 00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,937 Isaac. Yes. 547 00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:54,939 He's been right in front of us all this time. 548 00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:56,900 I was the fifth Canadian on Mars! 549 00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,383 What's that got to do with anything? 550 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,821 Isaac, bad news. 551 00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,948 - We need you to save us. - No, I... I can't. 552 00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:05,658 I'm not cut out for this. 553 00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:07,118 I'm just a patent attorney. 554 00:22:07,202 --> 00:22:08,620 Oh, come now. 555 00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:11,998 There's no such thing as "just" a patent attorney. 556 00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:13,708 Look at me, I... I can't handle this. 557 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:15,418 These people scare the shit out of me. 558 00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:17,087 It's like a nest of vipers developed 559 00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:18,213 a sense of entitlement. 560 00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:20,215 Okay, take off your diapers 561 00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:23,635 and put on your big-boy panties 'cause Daddy's home! 562 00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:24,594 Vote me! 563 00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,012 No! 564 00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:28,431 Why are you booing? Because I didn't stand earlier? 565 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,475 No, 'cause we don't want you to stand at all. 566 00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:33,061 Okay, I won't stand. I'll just campaign manage Mads. 567 00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:36,064 I'll just tell you to vote for Mads. 568 00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:38,024 - No! - I'll recommend Mads. 569 00:22:38,108 --> 00:22:39,108 No! 570 00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:40,544 - I'll just say the word "Mads." - No! 571 00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:42,008 - I'll stay out of this. - Thank you. 572 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,365 Wow. Wow, bud. 573 00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,867 They hate you so much they took it out on me. 574 00:22:47,951 --> 00:22:49,452 Listen, I'm... I... I know, I'm sorry. 575 00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,162 Look, uh, you're a loser. 576 00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:52,956 And, um, I hate losers. 577 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,291 So I'm gonna end this here. 578 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,877 - Yeah. - Uh... and, uh, yeah. 579 00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,004 I delete you. Boop! 580 00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:01,756 Look at it this way. If you win, 581 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,716 you get a lovely apartment to cry in. 582 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,552 And you'll probably be deposed in a year. 583 00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:07,345 Come on, let's go. Come on, Isaac. 584 00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:08,989 - No, I really don't... - No, no, no, come on. 585 00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:10,282 - Please don't make me... - It'll be fun. 586 00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,432 In four years' time, 587 00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:14,602 we will all be at each other's throats, okay? 588 00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,187 That's just facts. 589 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,648 And I will help you to survive. 590 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,733 I've made a crossbow... 591 00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:22,861 um, out of, uh, 592 00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:24,338 steam-pressed ply... 593 00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:26,156 And... and eel gut. 594 00:23:26,239 --> 00:23:27,615 I'm gonna teach you to survive. 595 00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:29,325 I'm gonna teach you how to make your own. 596 00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:31,911 And you'll be safe. You'll all be safe with me. 597 00:23:31,995 --> 00:23:33,454 Except for Ryan Clark. 598 00:23:33,538 --> 00:23:36,499 He will suffer immensely and be shown no mercy. 599 00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:39,294 The only question is, how will we kill him? 600 00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:42,130 Will he be fried or eaten or sexed? 601 00:23:42,213 --> 00:23:44,382 Well, yeah. Right now it's unstable up there. 602 00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:45,746 But once they elect a president, 603 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,719 then we'll have a clear line of communication. 604 00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:50,763 Well, it looks like they're about to elect a cannibal. 605 00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,102 Hello again, everyone. Uh... 606 00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:57,520 Um, look, I... I realize 607 00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:59,397 that he's not as exciting as someone 608 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,774 who might kill you, but we need someone 609 00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,694 with natural authority and charisma. 610 00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:06,529 We need someone like TV Ryan. 611 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:08,281 - Yes! - Absolutely! 612 00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:10,450 How is TV Ryan gonna work out? 613 00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:14,329 He's fictional, and he's not on the ship. 614 00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:16,539 - Because he's fictional! - This man. 615 00:24:17,916 --> 00:24:20,543 He can be our TV Ryan. 616 00:24:21,502 --> 00:24:23,213 He picked me up when I was down, 617 00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:26,049 and he can do the same thing for this ship. 618 00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:27,800 No... no, I can't. 619 00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:30,261 I've tried that and I was shit at it. 620 00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:32,430 - That's why you deposed me. - He was shit! 621 00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:34,390 So, so shit. 622 00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:36,809 And that's why he'll be so great this time! 623 00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,938 That is literally meaningless. 624 00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:42,023 He could be the best of both worlds! 625 00:24:42,106 --> 00:24:45,235 Together there are more of him! 626 00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:46,569 No! 627 00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:47,820 This is insane! 628 00:24:47,904 --> 00:24:50,990 He brought a pedophile on board, followed by a cannibal. 629 00:24:51,074 --> 00:24:52,283 Vote for Ryan! 630 00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:55,411 He doesn't eat people and he looks hot in a hat! 631 00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:57,914 And without the hat! Whoo! 632 00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,707 Okay, let's put it to a vote. 633 00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:02,043 No, Spike, let's not put it to a vote. 634 00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:03,294 No, no, no, no. We are... 635 00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:07,048 Do not put it to a vote. We are not voting on... on this. 636 00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:09,425 - Don't... - Eighty-six percent. 637 00:25:09,509 --> 00:25:11,261 That's more than the Jonas Brothers got 638 00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:12,637 for their second term. 639 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,222 - Oh... - Let's make Ryan 640 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:16,099 president for life! 641 00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:19,102 No, no, no, no, no! 642 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,229 Jesus Christ. 643 00:25:21,312 --> 00:25:24,148 - Ryan! TV Ryan! - No! No! 644 00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,401 Let's make him look more like TV Ryan! 645 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:30,780 No! 646 00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:35,952 This makes zero sense constitutionally. 647 00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,870 We literally just deposed him. 648 00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:39,664 My fucking chair. 649 00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:41,457 TV Ryan! TV Ryan! 650 00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:46,004 -Guys, that's not me! That's not me! -TV Ryan! TV Ryan! TV Ryan! 651 00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:48,339 That's not me! 652 00:25:48,423 --> 00:25:50,049 Oh, for fuck's sake. 653 00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:51,550 I lied. 654 00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:53,720 - I liked you being the captain. - Oh, me too. 655 00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:55,179 We voted for you! 656 00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:56,764 Oh... oh, actually I voted for Nathan. 657 00:25:56,848 --> 00:25:57,974 I didn't vote. 658 00:25:58,057 --> 00:26:00,601 If you need a first lady, you know where to find me. 659 00:26:00,685 --> 00:26:02,228 He already has a first lady. 660 00:26:02,312 --> 00:26:04,105 Well, I could be the second first lady, 661 00:26:04,188 --> 00:26:06,941 - in case you get shot. - Well, I would take a bullet. 662 00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:08,401 If it helps. 663 00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:10,361 I'm offering you my guidance and support. 664 00:26:10,445 --> 00:26:12,947 And you'll need my advice to, uh, counterbalance her advice. 665 00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:14,866 I like winners. And you're a winner. 666 00:26:14,949 --> 00:26:17,160 I'm really sorry about this whole... 667 00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:20,204 I will make your reign a reign of blood. 668 00:26:20,288 --> 00:26:21,664 Billie! Help me! 669 00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:23,374 Uh, for the first time in my life, 670 00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:24,792 I have no idea what to do. 671 00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:26,753 Okay, people, step away. Step away. 672 00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:31,674 Our supreme leader. 673 00:26:48,983 --> 00:26:51,903 And so it begins again. 674 00:27:04,499 --> 00:27:07,335 Right. What's first up? 48775

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