Original subtitles

[upbeat music playing]

Sorry I'm late, love.

That's all right.

This is what you get when people start working from home.

See you next week.

[upbeat music continues]

How am I doing, Susie?

[watch] You have a performance drop of seven percent compared to yesterday.

Keep pushing hard.

-Best driver in town. -Gonna need a hand, mate.

-Damn. -These things don't get any smaller.

[machine whirring]

[moaning, groaning]

[soft music playing]

[sighs] Bugger.

[machine whirring]

[groaning]

[machine] Orgasm complete.

-I'm sorry about the mess. -No problem.

[register beeping]

The usual?

[tv chattering]

[thumping]

[whispers] God.

Lovely, darling.

[chuckles]

[tv chattering continues]

[upbeat music playing]

-Hope you enjoy it. -Thank you.

-What's your name, darling? -Peggy.

Peggy? Oh, that's a beautiful name. I used to have a cat called Peggy.

-[both chuckle] -Enjoy.

And to what pretty name am I dedicating this?

It's a birthday gift. Her name's Angela.

Her name's Angela?

Well, I hope Angela enjoys it.

-Hello, mate. -Hello, big fan.

Oh, good, good, grand.

Hey.

You just signed a gift for a friend.

[grunts] You guys always say that: "For a friend."

-You don't believe me. -No.

Do you think she'd prefer bath oils?

-What would you prefer? -The thing is: I don't like plastic.

[moaning, groaning]

[water running] Shall I call you an Uber?

[soft music playing]

[tv chattering]

[mysterious music playing]

[machine whirring]

[machine popping]

[sighs]

Goldfinger…

Good morning people! It's your boy Adam Kowinski.

It's another beautiful day in a beautiful city,

and have I got news for you!

Now, believe it or not, yesterday I had the prototype

for the brand new XT-5 dangling around my loins.

In a nutshell: This thing rocks!

Now firstly, this is as real as it gets.

Secondly, the toy also reacts to the movement of your hips.

And if you throw in some extra pounding, you get a bit more bang for your buck.

Not to mention: A free workout.

I'm sure you guys love training thighs and tight arses.

Speaking of tight arses, the jeans I'm wearing:

Now you guys can get these bad boys with a 15% discount at Lola's.

Just use the code: "Adam sent me."

That's all for today guys, signing off.

And do not forget: I love you all. Peace.

[gentle music playing]

[bike engine roaring]

[people cheering, applauding]

Hi everybody, and welcome to the 'Art of Love' Tester Conference!

Now please, give it up for our beloved host,

Mister Hector!

[crowd cheering, applauding]

[upbeat music playing]

[sighs]

Three months ago, I had a vision.

[crowd applauding]

A vision that we, all together, could improve love lives worldwide.

Yes, brother! That is something worth cheering for.

Because today, I'm gonna give all you lovely people,

all you valued members of our big, happy family

something to really cheer for.

[crowd applauding]

The "Art of Love."

The "Art of Love!"

Today is the day we say goodbye to the sex toy,

and we say "hello" to the love toy!

Three years ago, the UK government appointed a minister for loneliness.

Because according to a recent survey,

nine million people of all ages feel lonely and unloved.

And that, my family, is in England alone.

[crowd murmuring]

The love toy is the salvation!

[crowd cheering, applauding]

So the love toy will not only fulfill your wildest fantasy,

the love toy will love you for who you are.

And with the love toy,

youwill never be lonely again.

In six months' time,

we will present the ultimate love toy at the Venus Conference in Berlin!

[crowd cheering, applauding]

-[gentle music playing] -[people chattering]

[woman groaning]

[woman grunting]

Have you tested "Adam’s Pleasure" by any chance?

-"Adam’s…" what? -"Adam’s Pleasure."

He's got his own signature line. Those things have his exact dimensions.

My wife says he's the best she's ever had. [chuckles]

Right.

[clock tolling]

For those of you who have been with us for a while,

you'll know that each year,

as a company, we pay special tribute to outstanding achievements.

So, this year, the "Art of Love" Award

goes to a person who supports our cause with incomparable dedication and loyalty.

For six years running,

this person has amassed more test hours than all of us!

[crowd cheering, applauding]

Ladies and gentlemen, go mad for,

give it up for Mister Love himself, Adam Kowinski!

-[crowd cheering, applauding] -[upbeat music playing]

Well done brother, you deserve it.

Keep up the good work, I'm very proud of you, okay?

So now, this year, I'm gonna be super cheeky

and give out a second award!

The second award goes to a person who understands human longing

and sexual fantasies…

like no other.

Not only has she extensively tested the toys

but she has provided them with a soul.

Her test reports are beautiful.

In fact, they are so beautiful

that we have used them as product descriptions on our packaging.

And this has resulted in an overwhelming increase in sales!

And she's been with us only for five months, already a rising star.

Ladies and gentlemen, make lots of noise, give it up for Eva Parker!

-[crowd cheering, applauding] -[upbeat music playing]

Welcome to the family, darling.

Now our A-team here will play a major role in the development of our new love toy.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the war on loneliness has well and surely begun!

[crowd cheering]

Now, this is just the beginning.

So we'll talk next week,

but I want you two to go and celebrate, okay?

Ah, yes?

[indistinct chattering]

Well, one size fits all…

[piano music playing]

[exhales softly]

[voicemail] Hey, this is Hector, can't take your call, you know what to do.

Hey Hector, it's me,

if you could call me back ASAP to explain to me

what it is exactly I'm supposed to be doing with this, ah, boomer.

I'd really appreciate it.

Yeah, and if I don't hear from you then I will see you at the gym.

All right. Talk soon.

[gentle music playing]

[grunting]

[music continues]

Hey, sorry love. Sorry, I'm a bit late.

[groaning]

-My boss, ah, he wanted me to, you know… -It's okay.

[chuckles]

This is quite a place.

I got a bonus.

Really? What for?

Ten year anniversary gift.

Well, at least they appreciate what you do.

[murmurs]

-Where's the meat? -Oh, it's vegetarian.

No meat? How can you open a restaurant and not serve meat?

Well, more and more people are going vegan, you know?

Yeah. Well, I wouldn't trust them.

Seems you pay just as much for all the trimmings without the meat.

For god's sake!

We've not been out in eight months!

Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to, you know…

It's just…

Oh, dear.

-We need to get away. -[grunts]

You know we can't do that.

[stammers] I couldn't go through all that again, love.

But they won't kick you out for having a holiday.

Well I just don't think it's a good idea to travel

whilst I'm still taking the meds.

It's not medication, it's homeopathy.

And you've not had trouble sleeping for five months now, love.

Don't worry.

We'll work it out.

[tv chattering]

[emotional music playing]

[breathing heavily]

[sighs]

[piano music playing]

[exhales]

[knocking]

Hi! I'm Claire. From next door.

You're on my balcony.

It's my balcony, too.

[sniggers]

I was wondering if you could do me a quick favor.

[grunting]

You realize you got a bath in your apartment, don't you?

Yeah, I've noticed.

You like having a bath, obviously.

[both grunting]

Oh, actually, stop.

Ah…

Um, let's just leave it here for now, I'll drag it in in the morning.

Are you sure?

Yeah, thanks.

Good night then.

Good night.

[train chugging]

Is this where we're supposed to meet?

Did he tell you about this whole love toy A-team idea?

No, he didn't.

[grunts]

-Morning. -Hello.

Third bike in a year? Get that for free, too?

[sniggers]

[upbeat music playing]

-[Adam] Was this your idea? -[Libby] What?

Teaming up with…Maude.

-No, it was the boss' idea. -What?

Do you really expect me to work with…that?

You'll survive. You might even like it. Mr. Love.

Please excuse the inconvenience. Ingenuity comes at a price.

[mysterious music playing]

[machine whirring]

-[air puffing] -[machine beeping]

[liquid bubbling]

[machine whirring]

Here we are. The marvel we're flying to Berlin with.

The basis is a haptic suit with electrostatic adhesion.

Meaning, you can touch what you see. You can feel what you touch.

When you are touched, you feel it.

You are virtually in the middle of the experience.

We've equipped this model with an emotions processor.

In other words, this toy has a high artificial intelligence.

Your job is to feed it with real-life emotions

and behavior patterns.

Like comforting someone, being comforted, flirting, falling in love, et cetera.

-Falling in love? -You'll find everything in the manual.

We hit the market with the men's version first.

The gap is closing in but the market is still significantly bigger

in the virtual reality sector.

-Quelle surprise. -Save the best until last.

The hardware for the women's version will be ready by the end of the year.

Based on a survey, we're going to be focusing on

the ten most popular love fantasy partners for men.

Which are:

Fitness trainer, nurse, masseuse, yoga teacher, nanny, room service,

secretary, and the neighbor's wife.

God.

We are currently

working on different design options for the packaging.

[cellphone vibrating]

Hey, boss. Yes, I've just talked them through it.

They both love it!

Listen, I don't want to sound like a prick or anything

but I don't think I can do this.

-My reputation is at stake. -And my marriage is at stake!

Okay, so let's not do it then.

I mean this whole love team idea is stupid anyway.

You know, just for the record, you're not my type either.

Oh, am I not? Good!

Because I don't want to talk about love with you, let alone sex!

I mean look at you.

[motorbike engine roaring]

-What is it? -Nothing.

[tv chattering]

[emotional music playing]

What am I to you?

Oh, sorry, my love.

-What? -What am I to you?

What… [mutters]

You're the love of my life.

Do you remember the little puzzles you used to make me?

You'd sneak into our bedroom while I was brushing my teeth

and leave them on the pillow.

I loved that.

The solutions were always the special places we've been together.

Do you remember?

Yeah.

You got to let me in again.

Look, [stammers] I'm just tired, love.

Let's take a break. It's been four years!

-You know we can't do that. -Yes we can!

-You can sell that bloody picture! -Look, we've talked about this.

Your grandmother's dead! She wouldn't care.

[mutters]

[emotional music playing]

[sighs]

-Hector, we don't need her! -Yes we do, and I want you to apologize.

For what? She's older than fucking Madonna!

-Have you read her test reports? -No!

She's the sex industry's answer to Shakespeare!

And her vivid imagination translates into sales.

So pull yourself together!

So what am I, just a guy in the fucking spandex?

Yes!

You're the guy in the spandex, and you should be proud.

You're the face of this company and you're gonna be the face of this toy.

[sighs]

[emotional music playing]

Adam. We've come a long way together.

You and I are carved out of the same piece of wood.

We bend for no one.

I trust you like a son, I need you to trust me, Adam.

Berlin is just the beginning.

I mean your face is gonna be on all the posters,

you are gonna to get anything you ever wanted.

Ah, man.

Are we alike.

-[chuckles] -Huh.

[grunting]

Adam, what are your plans for your birthday?

[grunts]

-I'm gonna take you out. -[grunts]

-You gonna take me out, really? -Yeah.

We'll have a proper celebration.

-[grunting] -[laughing]

-I'll see you out there. -Yeah, see you in a minute.

-I'm sorry about what I said. -I know.

-It wasn't very nice. -It's fine.

Well I can't tell my husband I'm testing sex toys

with the king of cocks when I get home, can I?

It's this way.

[mysterious music playing]

[machine whirring]

-Where do I put this? -On your temple. It reads your thoughts.

-What? -It's what it says here.

[machine beeping]

Go get the rest of your kit.

-[machine beeping] -Oh, lord.

-What? -It's big. The screen.

[machine beeping]

[machine] Welcome. Please select a love scenario.

[Adam] Let's go with the physiotherapist.

[machine] Good choice, please wait.

Building love experience.

[thumping]

[machine whirring continues]

[machine] Building complete.

[music continues]

[knocking]

Adam, there's someone at the door.

Morning. Sorry to keep you waiting.

I just need to quickly check through your file

before we begin physical inspection.

It's okay, darling.

What am I supposed to do now?

Tell her what to do. Well, think it, I mean.

Take over her voice by saying "speech control."

-Just get her to do something. -Like what?

I don't know. Make me horny. Do something hot.

Do whatever it is that Hector loves about you.

-And why are you whispering? -Oh, this is ridiculous.

I don't know what to do!

[machine beeping]

What's the matter with you?

She's just code, she's just bits and bytes!

Don't be such an arrogant shit!

Does this seriously make you horny?

[machine beeping]

Restart.

Morning.

[mysterious music playing]

-Morning. -Restart.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Restart.

I just quickly need to check through your file.

-Restart. -[machine beeps]

Morning.

[machine beeping]

[sighs]

-Can I be honest? -Hm.

It might be a generational thing

but I think we have a very different understanding of romance.

You don't say.

You need to start thinking outside of your underpants.

Oh, I need to start thinking outside of my underpants?

That's very interesting, actually.

Because I'm not wearing any underpants, and do you know why?

Because my cock is stuck inside of a genital box!

-Yeah. How's that for romance? -You're missing out.

If you do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.

So you're firing inspirational quotes at me now?

You just need to be yourself.

-I don't think I want to do this anymore. -Try harder!

It's just bloody bits and bytes, you said so yourself!

Come on, up you get! I need that money, so get over here.

-[machine beeping] -[sighs]

Speech control.

Hi, how are you?

[machine whirring]

-I thought you'd never ask. -Ask what?

How I am. You never do.

[mysterious music playing]

I saw you at a club a few days ago. Dancing with another woman.

Can you get out of frame? You're ruining the romance.

Oh, sorry.

I saw you at a club a few days ago. Dancing with another woman.

The way she touched you made me jealous.

I watched you for a while, studied your body.

It helps me understand how to treat you.

-Move. -Move what?

Dance with me.

I don't know…

[vocal slow music playing]

♪ What is this crazy feeling ♪

♪ Running through my veins ♪

Relax.

♪ Feels like the world stopped turning ♪

Better?

I don't know.

♪ I can try to survive ♪

I don't think I can stay professional.

♪ I can't, I can't, I can't stop loving you ♪

[gasps]

-[machine beeping] -[gasps]

I need a drink. I'll be next door.

Hey, you can't just leave me like this! What about my orgasm?

Join the club!

[panting]

-Are you okay? -Oh. Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

-Do you live here? -No, I'm just visiting.

I get dizzy spells sometimes.

Thank you.

[soft music playing]

-Listen… -I don't want to talk about it. Not now.

What do I say to my husband? I can't even look at him.

-It's virtual, what's the big deal? -Does that make a difference?

I have been married for 30 years, I have never been unfaithful.

Faithful? You didn't cheat! We didn't touch, we didn't have sex!

But we had a moment!

-We didn't have a moment! -Yes we did!

No, I had a moment with the physiotherapist, at best.

I've got to go.

I'll get that.

Ah. Thank you.

Whoa. Steady.

-You've got my number. -Correct, see you tomorrow!

-Exit is that way. -Oh yes, sorry.

Hi.

-Hi. -I was worried about you.

Where you?

Are you drunk? You are drunk. I can smell it.

What's going on? What the hell is going on?

-Are you okay? -I got a promotion!

-What? -We had a little celebration.

Right well… you should have called. You know?

-I'm not sorry. -Oh, you're not?

So what's this career boost all about?

Ah, look, can we talk about it in the morning? Just, just…

Just be proud of me!

Well, I am.

[soft music playing]

[sighs]

-I love this game. -I know you do.

Oh!

Good evening, gents!

Aaron! Good to see you.

This must be him.

Finally.

Hector's been hiding you.

You have to protect your best assets, right?

-Haven't seen you here in a while. -Too much on my plate, Aaron.

I heard.

Have a good game, boys.

Who's that?

Aaron Levinger, top-notch investor. Super rich.

I've been working on him for the last couple of months

trying to get him involved in our cause.

Some nuts need a little more to crack.

He's here every Thursday.

He's been asking about you. He obviously fancies you.

But I take care of you. No one messes with my boy!

I mean, everyone has their limits, right?

As to how far they would go for the good of the company.

What might apply for me, might not apply for you, right?

[dramatic music playing]

Watch this!

[Hector sighs]

[dramatic music playing]

There they are! It's already midnight.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday dear Adam ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

-[people applauding] -[music continues]

[people cheering]

Happy birthday, mate!

I love you. Yeah?

[sniggering]

[knocking]

-Hi. -Hey.

You know I have a door like everyone else, right?

You don't have dental floss by any chance?

Last time. Promise.

[exhales deeply]

I've only got waxed.

Anything works.

It's a pity, I really missed out on jazz. Got to catch up.

Is this guy any good?

[piano music playing]

It's nice.

Nice?

It's unbelievable.

Listen to the way he shapes the space between the notes.

The way he tells a story without any words.

-Have you ever played yourself? -Yeah, when I was a kid.

Didn't have any talent, so…

[sniggers]

My parents used to play music like this.

Especially on a rainy Sunday.

Mom would burn toast,

and nobody would utter a word while the music was playing.

Out of respect for the musicians.

That's what my dad used to say.

[grunts]

That's the only thing I took with me when I moved out.

[chuckles] What?

I was just wondering who you are.

What do you mean?

You have a lot of records, but you don't listen to them.

You have over a million followers

but I never see anyone go in or out of your flat.

Except for an old lady in a London Underground uniform.

And you watch ice skating.

It's getting late.

Thanks for the tea.

And the floss.

[skipping rope slapping]

[machine beeping]

[mysterious music playing]

No, no, no!

Hey!

-Adam. -Ah, this… you two.

-You're late. -Good morning to you, too.

[sniggers]

So, you two test sex toys for couples.

-Well, no, no, no… -No!

I wouldn't necessarily say that. No no, we don't do that.

No, it's more research theory-based.

Yes, yes, it's experimental. Although not weird experimental.

And not physical or romantic, or…

Oh, no, no, I mean, we wouldn't do that. I mean look at us!

Yuck!

Sounds intriguing.

She googled you.

-Hey. -[Hector] Is Eva there?

-Yeah, yeah, she's here now. -Can you come over? Both of you.

-What, you want us to come now? -Yeah.

-Okay. -Bye.

Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle?

[motorbike engine roaring]

Any time before Christmas!

-On there? -Where else?

-It helps if I could breathe. -Oh, sorry.

Ah! Oh, it vibrates!

-Enjoy it while it lasts! -[screams]

[Hector sighs]

[microphone squeaks]

[sighs]

"Health, happiness, and success

depends upon the fighting spirit of each person.

The big thing is not what happens to us in life…

but what we do with what happens to us in life."

George Allen.

[crowd cheering, applauding]

I love you!

[exhales heavily]

Oh, fuck yeah.

[Hector sighing]

So, we've analyzed the data from your first session.

Not surprisingly, we've already been able to register a six percent increase

in emotionality in the AI behavior.

So in a nutshell, we've had our first decent result!

Good job, both of you.

Well yes, it was insanely immersive. Great orgasm.

Good.

Ah, so we'll continue along the list.

Please prioritize nanny, yoga teacher, and nurse…

We've also had a special request

for a love scenario with a dental hygienist.

Nice.

I don't think this toy will work for women.

-What do you mean? -It's too mechanical.

Too straightforward.

Well that's why we have you, darling. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

So that first session left you completely unmoved? Hm?

[grunts]

[soft music playing]

Well that came as a surprise. The positive result I mean.

Why?

How they got a reading on emotional factor from that session is beyond me.

-[sighs] -What?

Why do you do this job?

-I saw an ad. -In amongst lots of other ads.

For the money, I told you. It's well paid.

So is being a nanny. Or a dolphin trainer!

What are you trying to say?

I think what we're doing here pleases you more than you're letting on.

-No, it doesn't. -Something about it fascinates you.

That is untrue.

That something makes you write passionate test reports,

that something made your pulse race during our test session,

-that something-- -You sound like Hector!

Hm.

-Are you all right? -Yes. No. Dark-haired, one o'clock.

-What did she do? -She was hot. I was not.

She got all the boys, I got constant reminders about my greasy hair.

Oh, I think it's payback time.

Go and talk to her.

Oh! Don't be ridiculous! It was a hundred years ago.

-Go and speak to hear. -Well, what do I say?

You'll think of something.

[grunts]

Hey! I'm here.

-For what? -Beat her up.

-[laughing] -Catherine.

-Eva Parker. -It's been a while.

Oh my goodness! Eva Parker.

-What is it, like 35 years? -Yeah, I guess.

You work for the tube? How nice.

[grunts]

Hey, babe.

Oh, sorry to interrupt. Do you guys know each other?

Yeah.

Secondary school.

A long time ago. [laughs]

-Wild times. -For some.

Hm.

Well, I'm gonna go get the motorbike.

Uh, I'll see you in a minute.

Love you.

Is that… Adam Kowinski?

Yes. Do you girls use his dildo? I can get you one signed if you like.

You're dating Adam Kowinski?

Yes. It's funny how young men love a uniform.

Well, um, I'll see you around.

[soft music playing]

Hey!

You can't just kiss me in public.

-Why not? -Because… [laughing]

Because… I'm married. And because you're 20 years younger.

-And because we're working together. -Oh, you didn't enjoy it?

I know loads of women who would have paid for a kiss like that.

-Oh, what, should I feel privileged? -Yeah.

You're really enjoying playing this Mister Love card, aren't you?

-Consider it an apology. -For what?

For being an arsehole when we first met.

Oh, so it didn't mean anything to you?

-Of course not. I was just messing around. -Yes, yes, no. I'm pleased to hear that.

-No strings attached… -No!

-No emotions. -Nope!

-Just friends. -Oh, colleagues, actually.

Yes, yes. My words.

As a colleague you wouldn't be free tomorrow, would you?

[mysterious music playing]

-Are you hungry? -What?

I made sandwiches!

-So how did you meet Hector? -White bread?

Tastes better than it looks.

Well?

It's a long story.

Hector helped me through a rough patch.

-A rough patch? -Mm. A rough patch.

Do you really live off what you earn from the company?

Yeah.

I mean the videos make decent money. Not to mention all the free shit I get.

-Have you ever seen any of my videos? -No.

-Seriously? -Yes!

All right. Watch this.

[on the phone] What's up, guys. Here's your boy Adam Kowinski

Here for yet another update on AOL products.

And today we are reviewing…

I don't get all this influencer stuff. Who or what are you trying to influence?

If you don't like my videos, you don't have to watch them.

No, I'm just saying.

You could use your influencer power to get a little more substance across.

-Substance? -Yes!

And I'd send that shirt back. It's way too tight.

Should we get going then?

[piano music playing]

Can you give me a minute?

[sighs]

Hey, come over here.

It's all right, I'm not gonna kiss you.

If you try really hard, you can see the Eiffel Tower from here.

It's amazing how horizons stretch when you're in love with someone.

Why are we here?

This is the place where he proposed…

…and I said yes.

Thirty years ago.

His name was Ben.

I wanted to know if I still feel anything in this place.

[music continues]

-So, did you feel anything? -Yes, I did.

Ben's a good man.

He'll come back to his old self again, I know he will.

We just need to get away for a while, like we used to.

Why don't you just leave him?

Maybe he's lost interest in me. I mean, look at me.

Oh, don't do that.

You got beautiful eyes… a contagious smile…

a cracking uniform!

[laughing]

And your imagination!

You must really know those toys. I don't even know how you do it!

Take our "ocean breeze" massage oil for example.

That story of that surfer on the beach that gives massages.

Want to trade a secret?

Well, I don't know, it depends.

What do you want to know?

The rough patch you mentioned earlier. When Hector helped you. What happened?

My parents died when I was 18.

-I'm so sorry. -Your turn.

Oh, no, no, no. I mean…

The past is the past.

-You promise you won't laugh? -Promise.

I've never used a sex toy in my life.

-You've never used a sex toy? -No.

I just make up the test reports.

-Not even "Vagina's Blossom?" -No.

-"Giggling Willy?" -No.

-You've not used "Big Ben?" -No!

Not even "Adams Pleasure."

No.

-Well that is so sad. -Sad?

Yeah, you should really try "Adam's Pleasure." You deserve it.

My husband is my sex toy.

What, the guy that falls asleep in front of the television every night?

I hope for your sake he at least vibrates when he snores.

[both laughing]

Do you want to have some fun?

-Fun. Would you like some fun? -Oh, shut up!

Would you like some fun.

Come on!

-These jeans are really expensive. -I bet you didn't pay for them!

True.

Jesus Christ, will you get yourself over here?

-It's freezing! -Don't you ever have fun?

Oh. Says the women who's never used a sex toy.

I'm waiting, tough guy!

[Adam grunts]

-[Adam moaning] -[Eva laughing]

-Ah! It's freezing! -And it is fun.

No, it genuinely is freezing.

[grunts]

-Hi. -Hey.

-Are you moving out? -Just visiting a friend.

Oh. [chuckles]

-Do you need any help with your bags? -Ah, I'm almost done, thanks.

But, since you're here…

Would you mind watering my cacti while I'm away?

[laughs] Cacti?

Aren't they supposed to survive without water for a couple of days?

Not mine.

-Sure. -That's sweet. Thanks.

Here.

Oh!

-I'll be back on Saturday. -Okay.

-Thanks again. -Yeah.

Hey…

Why did you knock on my balcony door the other day?

Because I needed help moving my bath.

Yeah.

Eh, but also because you're inspiring.

As a person.

I write poems. People are the source of my inspiration.

-See you around! -See you around!

Yes, I know we need more money.

I'm in negotiations with potential investors as we speak.

I need you to trust me. It will be fine. Yes!

All right, keep me in the loop.

Yeah. Bye.

-[opera music playing] -[sighs]

-[Hector's wife] Who was it, honey? -That was the lab.

I mean, they're doing really well. They just need more money for the R&D.

-Are you coming to bed? -Oh, I wish.

Ah! You haven't been with me for a while.

Yeah.

I got to do these fucking reports! Everybody wants a piece of me.

Don't be an arrogant shit!

[dramatic music playing]

-What did you say? -I said: Don't be an arrogant shit!

Don't you ever speak to me like that again!

I just meant…

I said: Don't you ever speak to me like that again!

I'm sorry, babe.

[piano music playing]

[sniggers]

Eva Parker.

You've been with us for five months…

and yet…

I don't really know you.

So…

I don't mean to be rude, but my shift starts in half an hour.

Well, if we keep working well together,

you won't need to be wearing that uniform much longer.

Let me get to the point.

[clears throat]

Eva. What is the difference between a human relationship

and a relationship with a toy?

The relationship with a toy can be bought?

You can buy a human relationship.

By the hour, by the half-hour, by 15 minutes.

As a customer who spends a lot of money…

What do they expect from a product?

-I don't know. A good product I suppose? -That's right.

So, I want a love toy that takes me away from the everyday shit.

Do you know what I mean?

I'm not sure I follow.

I don't want a love toy that digs up my past.

I don't want a love toy that tells me I can't eat bacon,

when I love bacon.

And I fucking love bacon.

I fucking love bacon, Eva! All right?

I love bacon.

I thought you wanted to make the toy's human responses as real as possible.

I do. But just the right amount of real.

You'd do that for me?

I can try.

Good.

So you and Adam,

how are you getting along?

Well, we're different, but I like him.

I mean he's got his natural limits. But, you know, he's a good guy.

And his reputation in the love business is worth his weight in gold.

He'd do anything for this company.

And I feel bad for him.

I mean…

Losing his parents at that age.

-Did he tell you that? -Yes, it's terrible.

His parents live in Richmond.

[piano music playing]

You should see her place. It is a total mess! [chuckles]

And she's named all of her cacti and put them all in the bloody bathtub.

[laughs]

I mean who does that?

-Are you listening? -Yes.

And?

You should write her a letter.

Why?

Because you like her and she likes letters.

-I've never written anyone a letter. -I can help you.

I don't even know her and besides, she lives in the same building and--

Adam, why did you lie to me?

About your parents.

I need some air.

Adam?

Adam!

[soft music playing]

You can't go around telling people your parents are dead when they're not.

-Says who? -Me. Your friend.

The last time I checked, we were colleagues.

No, we're not. We're friends.

It's okay to have friends.

-I got friends. -Who?

Well, Hector!

I don't know.

Do you?

[exhales heavily]

Do you know what it feels like to be a disappointment?

Come on.

Let's go.

-Letters are outdated. -No, for her they're not.

[sighs]

-We're supposed to get testing… -It can wait!

Well, have you tried "Adam's Pleasure" in the meantime?

What's the letter got to do with that?

Have you ever tried it?

[sighs] No.

-Right. I will write this letter if you try it.

I'm doing you a favor writing this letter.

Yeah, I'm doing you a favor by making you try "Adam's Pleasure."

-How could you possibly-- -Shhhh!

[mysterious music playing]

-Ta-da! -You can't possibly be serious.

Guest rooms back there. You get the better end of the deal.

[sighs]

You'll thank me later.

[exhales heavily]

[upbeat music playing]

Is curly or wavy better?

[Eva] Wavy!

-Are these your exact dimensions? -To the sixteenth of an inch.

Can you turn the music up, please?

Yeah.

-Are you okay? -Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

-Do you want romantic or sexy? -Whatever, loud!

[door squeaks]

[soft music playing]

Bye.

[grunts]

-I thought you'd get back tomorrow. -Change of plans.

-I was just dropping-- -Thanks for looking after them.

They smiled at me when I got back.

-Well, that's what neighbors are for. -[car hooting]

-I've got to go. -I told you I write poetry, didn't I?

Yeah.

There's a late-night reading tonight with music…

-[hooting continues] -I am taking part.

Maybe you want to come?

[Adam chuckles]

[both sigh]

[hooting continues]

That's what neighbors are for.

Moron!

-Hey. -Hey!

It's like I said, they just called to say they have a business opportunity.

I said great, let’s meet and talk and so they jumped onto the plane.

-I thought we want to go to Berlin. -Yeah, we do want to go to Berlin.

I love Berlin. I really love Berlin.

But if the Japs can help, we might as well at least listen to them.

I mean we still need R&D money, you know that.

-What do you want me to say? -Nothing, just be yourself, Mr. Love!

Everybody loves you.

[emotional music playing]

[dramatic music playing]

-Okay, listen… -Don't lie to me.

No more lies.

I can't believe you've turned into a whore.

A decorated whore.

These are just toys. They don't make me a whore.

[grunts]

Are you inserting this into you?

I'm doing this for us, love. For us!

-For us? No. -Yes, for us!

Because I want to get out of this mess with you.

With you. Even if it's just for a few weeks!

[gasps] I'm not taking no sex money for a holiday!

And what are you doing to improve our situation?

When was the last time that you asked me a question?

Or made me laugh?

When was the last time that you touched me?

-Oh, come on, now you're being unfair. -I'll tell you one thing:

I'm gonna carry on doing this until I've saved enough for us both to get away

and see what we still have outside of these four walls!

Oh really? Well, you might have to go by yourself!

[dramatic music playing]

[crying]

So, Mr. Kowinski.

Where I come from,

young people have a hard time getting to know someone.

Why do you think that is?

-Maybe they're shy? I don't know. -They're scared.

They're scared?

They're afraid to open up, to show vulnerability and to get hurt.

Over time, it becomes more difficult to break out of this pattern.

They lose interest and give up.

Fucking hell.

Ah, here she is. This is Mio, our junior partner.

She understands English but unfortunately only speaks Japanese.

Please accept my apologies for the delay.

I was on a conference call and couldn't leave earlier.

Now, imagine if we could solve the problem

by giving lonely hearts someone who is always there for them.

Someone they can love without constant reminders of inadequacy.

Someone real and refined, who would end their loneliness.

I'm not sure I follow.

We want to build a tool that is as real as a human being.

So what are you suggesting in terms of business?

Our company has built a piece of hardware which comes very close to this vision.

What we lack

is the Western emotionalization of the software

which is crucial if we want to sell the toy in Europe and in America.

My suggestion is that we join forces to become giants in the business.

[indistinct]

So how do we know that this invention of yours is gonna deliver?

We will prove it to you tonight, but under one condition…

We want to see one of your emotions feedings sessions

with our hardware tomorrow.

Yeah. I don't see how that should be a problem.

-To noble intentions! -To noble intentions. Fuck yes!

Mr. Hasegawa, um, with all due respect:

What could come so close to a human that we wouldn't be able to recognize it?

[ominous music playing]

Please get up, Mr. Kowinski.

-I'm sorry? -Please, stand up. Please.

Do as the man says, come on!

[gasps]

[gentle music playing]

[machine beeping]

This is the Tokyo model. We have many more, men and women.

For every taste and preference.

[ominous music playing]

I'd never think they'd be this technologically advanced,

I mean, you know what this means?

I mean this is the fulfillment of our dream, Adam!

What do you mean?

Well, can't you see where this takes us? The hardware is ready at last.

I mean, no more rejections, no more fights,

no more painful breakups, no more ugly divorces.

We won't have to deal with them anymore, Adam.

Can you stop the cab, please?

I mean, it's gonna be customized love on demand, but not just for me or you.

It's gonna be for absolutely everyone.

[tires screeching]

Adam!

[sighs]

Where are you going?

[car hooting]

-Adam! Where are you going? -Hector, you have totally lost it!

-You ungrateful little shit! -Hey, hey. What do you mean, ungrateful?

-I made you! -Hey, calm down!

-I made you. -Calm down.

Look, when this goes through tomorrow,

I'm gonna make you the ambassador for this new way of loving.

You know, it's gonna be our biggest campaign,

it's gonna be amazing and you're gonna lead it!

I don't know. Just let me think about it, all right?

Think about it? Well, don't think about it too long.

You're passing your sell-by date!

-Come on, come back-- -No, no, no, wait.

-What's gonna happen to Eva? -Don't worry about her, it's fine.

-No, what's gonna happen to Eva? -I don't know. We'll get rid of her!

We don't need her. Once the female version is done, we'll get rid of her.

-Come on, come back to the cab. -I'm just gonna walk.

I'm gonna walk home.

Are we good?

-Yeah. Good. -Okay. Think about it, yeah?

All right.

[soft music playing]

[thunder, lightning crashing]

Ah.

Son, she's here!

It's taken me two hours to get here.

I won't do it a second time, so listen carefully.

Tomorrow is my last day working for them.

After that, I will have saved enough money for us both to get away.

It won't be a luxury cabin. It will be a small one.

So all I expect from you is a sign

that what I've done has been worth it.

[Eva sighs]

[music continues]

[crowd applauding]

Ah, thanks, guys for that lovely improvisation.

Our next guests will be Claire and Ed on piano.

[crowd cheering, applauding]

[piano music playing]

Lonely tells of feelings inside

that the senses cannot touch.

Lonely can be in the teardrops on a bereaved person's cheek.

Lonely can be in the silence of sorrows, too deep to speak.

Lonely can haunt a deserted room that laughter once made proud.

Lonely envelops you when you're alone and finds you in a crowd.

Lonely is in the echoed footsteps of a departing friend.

Lonely will not listen to the pleadings of a broken heart.

Lonely stays and torments

until you shatter it apart.

[crowd applauding]

That was lovely guys.

Um, we're gonna take a quick break and back in five.

[crowd applauding]

Hey.

-I'm so glad you came. -[gasps]

-You were fantastic. -Really?

Yeah.

Intense…

[both laughing]

But beautiful.

Hi.

So sorry. Did I miss it?

Uh, this is my neighbor, Adam.

And, um… yes, you missed it.

-Nice to meet you mate. Bob. -Adam.

-She's great, isn't she? -Yeah.

It was that bloody traffic, you know.

How do people in this bloody town even get anywhere?

It's ridiculous!

-I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. -Yeah.

Why don't I get you a drink? Come on then.

[panting]

[cellphone vibrating]

[voicemail] Hello, it's Eva Parker. Please leave a message after the tone.

Thanks for calling! Bye.

[voicemail beeps]

-[opera music playing] -Hey, baby.

[Hector's wife] Hi, love. How was your day?

How was my day? Well…

My day was unexpectedly exciting.

-I've got some great news. -Well, don't keep me waiting!

You're gonna believe what I tell you.

If this deal goes through tomorrow,

it's gonna open a whole new chapter in my life.

Darling…

I'm gonna be able to replace you. How exciting is that?

[ominous music playing]

[music intensifies]

-I was just wondering who you are… -She's great, isn't she?

[machine whirring]

[Eva] I'm doing this for us, love! For us.

[people laughing]

[Hector] There'll be no more rejections! No more fights.

We won't have to deal with them anymore.

To Hector: I'm in…

[Hector] Everyone has their limits right.

How far they would go for the good of the company.

What applies to me may not apply to you.

[Eva] You just need to be yourself.

Adam!

-[disco music playing] -[people cheering]

[grunting]

[crying]

[dramatic music playing]

[panting]

[cellphone vibrating]

[Eva] Adam?

Where are you?

It's late.

What are you doing, Adam?

It doesn't work for me.

What are you talking about?

Horizons don't stretch for me.

Please go home now.

Listen to me.

Stay away from that session tomorrow.

I need you to promise me that you're gonna go home right now, okay?

No, no, no. I told you to stay away!

I told you to stay away. I need you to go home--

-What's wrong with you? -Look, this isn't what we started, Eva.

All right. There's investors in the game, they're replacing the hardware,

and Hector, he's… Hector's got other plans.

But I've almost got the money together, I can't stop now.

-Well, how much do you need? -Why do you want me out?

Because I'm in this up to my neck

and I don't want the same thing to happen to you.

But we're a team, we do this together!

What will happen to you after this?

-Don't-- -No! No!

What will happen to you after this?

I'll be the poster boy for a new way of loving and keep doing what I do best!

No. You can do better than that, and you know you can.

-No, I obviously can't. -Is this the life you really want?

-I can't let Hector down… -That is absolute bollocks!

Do you know what he's done for me? After all these years!

Tell me, is this the life you really want? Adam!

[emotional music playing]

This is all I can do.

Then we're gonna go in there and we're gonna boost your career.

[sighing]

Gentlemen! Konbawa.

The moment you have all been waiting for.

Asian hardware combined with English software

to create a piece of art.

On my left we have our successful emotions sensing team.

It's Adam Kowinski and Ms. Eva Parker.

Now thanks to this genius here,

we're able to do the demonstration this evening in English.

The language exchange was very difficult. In fact it was fucking hard.

Mr. Hasagawa.

Press the button, onegaishimasu.

[machine beeping, whirring]

Hi everybody. Good to see you all.

[people applauding]

Now, what we gonna demonstrate today is a typical European pick-up.

This is Western romance at its best.

Gentlemen: Relax and enjoy!

[sighs] Same thing, just different hardware.

[machine beeping]

Speech control.

Hi.

Hi.

What's the matter? You look pale.

-I'm just having a bad day. -Oh, that's too bad.

Why?

-[soft music playing] -[machine whirring]

[crying, gasping]

[machine beeping]

What are you waiting for?

He's not well, can't you see?

I don't give a fucking shit. Act like a woman!

That is what I am doing!

Act like a woman I want to fucking sell!

-You'll get in line. -Excuse me?

My colleagues want to know if there's a problem?

It's a fucking shit show!

[clears throat]

No, no… there's no problem. Just… It's just…

Just fucking do it!

[machine beeping, whirring]

[gasping continues]

[dramatic music playing]

Many women must have expressed their desire

to press their hot and sensual bodies against yours.

Yes.

Haven't they told you things they want you to do with them?

[gasping]

Yes.

Haven't they told you things that they want to do with you?

Again…

and again?

And again.

Yes.

Then…

let me tell you, Adam,

what I want you to do, now.

I want you…

-[machine whirring] -[crying]

to go out and face your fucking fears!

Because the thing about love is, it all starts with yourself!

And not even the most intelligent toy like me will ever be able to change that!

Ah, for fuck's sake!

[machine beeping]

Yeah, go on!

Go back to the underground, you fucking bitch!

Where you fucking belong.

-[door slams] -Fuck!

[grunting]

You!

[panting] I'm done.

[soft music playing]

[chuckling]

[piano music playing]

Love?

I sold the painting.

I don't know what to say.

[music continues]

[Adam panting]

[laughing]

Adam!

Are you okay?

Oh. [chuckles]

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

[both laughing]

Look, I'm sorry about that letter.

I shouldn't have sent it. You've got a boyfriend, it's inappropriate…

No, hey…

It was nice.

It really touched me.

I didn't know you had it in you.

[both laughing]

Well, now what?

[both laughing, muttering]

Nothing. I'm going to work now and,

tonight I'm singing to my cacti.

Maybe I'll borrow one of your records.

Why did you name a cactus after me?

Adam Gilloway.

He's one of my favorite poets.

[music continues]

Nice.

[giggles]

Thank you.

I'm sorry Hector didn't pay you.

You know I'd have given you the money, right?

I know.

But I have enough for one.

So this is it.

What will you do now?

I've got to get some things back on track.

What do they say in war movies in moments like this?

-Um… Tell my wife I love her? -No, the other one.

Since no one's bleeding to death right now.

I'm proud to have served with you.

That's the one.

[both laughing]

See you around.

Yeah.

See you around.

Hi.

-How are you? -Fine, thank you.

-Welcome on board. -Thank you so much.

Should I put my bag down here?

[upbeat music playing]

First delivery, hey?

-Yes. -Welcome to the family.

-Who was it? -The Salvation Army!

-Good to see you. -Good to see you too.

-Long time -Long time, yeah.

Want me to come through and help out?

Why not.

Hey, boss, it's me, I just thought I'd give you a call

because I've been thinking I could do with a bit of a raise.

Do you know what I mean? I mean, it's really heavy-duty work.

And… Well actually, what I wanted to talk to you about

was the employee discount that you mentioned.

I mean, I've been through the catalog…

[both moaning, groaning]

[love toy] Oh yes, so good!

Your love toy will shortly run out of batteries.

Please charge.

[grunting]

[piano music playing]

Cacti in nature are rigid creatures,

adaptive and rugged in feature.

Quenched of thirst only at their worst yet always teeming with life.

There's something about cacti…

Shedding their spines in sweet release that feels raw…

Real…

Vulnerable.

Aren't we taught that vulnerability breeds resistance and strength?

Perhaps this is the spirit of being.

When moisture sparks the heart to heal,

when buds bloom into flowers.

Only then can we truly feel

the art of love.

[crowd applauding]

[instrumental music swells]