All language subtitles for Fantail

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
M_I_SForEver

(MAN SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)

He's very brave,
isn't he, Maui?

TANIA: Dad gave you that name.

Pi. Piwakawaka, the fantail.

Oh, you remember that story?

Hine-nui-te-po
was the goddess of death.

Maui tries to beat death while
she's asleep, kill her...

If he can climb right up her insides
and out her mouth without her waking up

then everyone
will live forever.

Eternal life.

So him and his mates,
the birds of the forest, go find her.

And Maui tells them
to stay real quiet.

And the birds hold their
breath as he sneaks up on her.

But the Piwakawaka sees him

crawling up between
Hine-nui-te-po's legs,

and he starts cracking up.

He can't stop laughing.

The chirping wakes Hine-nui up
and her eyes blaze with anger.

The ground heaves and shakes,

and she snaps Maui in half
with her giant thighs.

The cheeky little Piwakawaka
ruins everything.

(CHUCKLES)

- When did you get this?
- Dad said he'll pay for it.

Well, I wouldn't let
you into my country.

Oh, you reckon
he'll pay for mine?

I don't know.

Oh, sweet.

What do you want that for?

Travel.

Here. It's for you.

TANIA: You don't have
to walk me the whole way.

I'm protecting you.

(CHUCKLES)

- Free hit.
- (GROANS)

(TANIA GRUNTS)

Fuck you! (GIGGLES)

Fuck! What a dick!

Where are you going?

Home.

Hi, Rog.

Tania.

(CAR LOCKS CHIRP)

- Bye, Rog!
- Cheerio.

(MIMICKING VEHICLE NOISES)

- Man, hold on.
- I am.

Hey!
Don't steal trolleys, dicks.

- Hey, Tania!
- Whoa!

TANIA: Be careful!

- Why won't you get out of there?
- Get out!

I can't. Whoa!

Bro, 91 or 95?

- 91.
- Grow up, Bigman.

I'm just filling up here.

Is that enough gas,
do you think, bro?

Yeah, bro.

(MIMICKING VEHICLE NOISES)

You're staying here.

Oi. Oi, nah.

I'm gonna take him back
to the supermarket, I swear.

Fuckin' chill out.

- He said you were cool.
- She is, piss off.

Bitch.

You should be
looking after Mum.

PI: Hey.

TANIA: Hey.

Tania! Ow!

Ah, Tania!
Can you get it out please!

- Tania, please!
- (GIGGLES)

Dick.

I can't walk you today.

Why not?

'Cause I'm going to Bigman's.

Why do you hang
out with him, man?

- He's my mate.
- He's a loser.

Don't bring him
to my work again.

Hi, Rog.

Hey. I'm not coming
to the training tonight.

Oh, you have to.

Oh, this guy from the
head office is a dickhead.

Well, if you stay then I'll tell
him what a great boss you are.

(CHUCKLES) Goodbye.

- Hey, Rog.
- Yeah?

Have you been to Australia?

See ya.

Oh, where should
I say you went?

- The moon.
- Don't make me do it by myself.

Do you want to get fired?

ROG: Smile.

Stop saying that.
You're not allowed to.

Oh, stand still.

Oh.

- Hey, Rog.
- Mmm?

If me and Pi go away
for a couple of weeks,

will you look after Mum?

Yeah, of course I will.

Can I've a couple
of weeks off, Rog?

Going to Surfers.

(SIGHS) I'll be honest...

Yeah, there's some terrible
ones in there.

I've never been overseas.

We're gonna go find our dad.

Here's a good one.

Oh, you probably
won't like it.

- It's all right, isn't it?
- Yeah, I like that one.

Whoa. Whoasies!

What are you doing?

- What?
- How do you know I'm not a robber?

You're here for the training.

Do you just let strangers
in through this door?

Make sure I'm not a robber.

Are you a robber?

Ask me questions that only the
regional manager would know.

Who runs this station?

Roger.

How long have I worked here?

Five years,
and your name is Tania.

Can I let you in now?

Ask me who I am?

Who are you?

(CLEARS THROAT)

The Triangle of Fire.

If we remove any one of these
items from the triangle,

the risk of fire or explosion

disappears, doesn't it?

The Triangle of Fire.

Who knows where the emergency
button is to stop the petrol?

(GROANS)

It's there, isn't it?

(CAR LOCKS CHIRP)

TANIA: Oh, Rog!

Sorry.

It's okay.

(VEHICLE STARTS)

Tania,

what you need to do, is to work on
your positive non-verbal communication.

First of all smiling,
it's very important.

We are open 24/7,

that means smiling 24/7.
(CHUCKLES)

Even in the middle
of the night.

Always smile.

Let's try that together.

(SIGHS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Wow.

- You look pretty when you smile.
- Get fucked.

Tania!

Look, I'm not telling you off,

but swearing is
unacceptable in Horizon.

- Sorry.
- Imagine if a customer heard that.

Yeah, sorry.

And also that,
that voice you're doing.

Horizon would appreciate it
if you stopped that.

I mean,
I understand it's cultural.

If I had an Indian
girl working in here,

I'd let her wear a nose
piercing, do you understand?

No.

Even though Horizon is an
equal opportunity employer...

I wouldn't let you
wear a ring in your nose

or a dot.

What are you talking about?

(CHUCKLES)

You're not a Maori,
but you speak like one. (CHUCKLES)

Um, I am Maori.

Well, no. You're not.

You've got blonde hair
and blue eyes.

I'm Ngati Whatua.

Look, Tania pretending to be
Maori offends them.

And me.

But you are Maori.

Not really.

Your last name's Henare.

Okay, do you speak Maori
or do you just do the voice?

My brother got
all the Maori genes.

You should see him.
He looks like you. Brown as.

Yeah.

- Pump Number 4, 91.
- How's it...

My dad's Maori.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

Well I'd like you, as a Maori,
to use more diction.

Let's pick this up tomorrow.

If you could

pass on the handbook to Rog,

once you've studied it,

and I'll catch up
with him another day.

For the test.

(VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES)

(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)

$2.50, unleaded please.

- Hey, bro.
- Hey, bro.

- Hey. What's up?
- What's up?

- I'm going somewhere.
- Lucky.

Ooh.

Can I take some of these
for the road?

Mmm. You can only take one,
otherwise it's real obvious to Rog.

Oh, what if I take
one of each kind?

No, greedy.

I'm leaving.

Go on then.

I've got a job.
Only, it's not here.

It's in Papamoa.

Bigman's got this
sweet job fruit picking.

I asked him if he
could get me a job.

I didn't actually think
he'd hook me up.

Check out my mad skills.
(LAUGHS)

Yeah, yeah.
You're real clever.

(CAR HORN HONKS)

I got to go.

Now?

What, for like
a couple of weeks?

The season.

Months?

I started saving money
for our trip, man.

You can't just leave
me by myself.

Who's looking after Mum?

Who's looking after you?

Yeah, don't you dare go.

- You didn't even...
- I got you this, sis.

Check that out, sis.
It's Dreamworld.

Fa, look at that lady's face.

Look how scared she is.

We'll probably do that Giant
Drop heaps of times, I reckon.

- Pretty awesome.
- See...

Look at that.

Yeah, you reckon you're
tough enough to go on that?

- Yeah, hard.
- (CAR HORN HONKS)

Come on, man.

Sis, can I have my hoodie?

What?

You're wearing my hoodie.

- No, I'm not.
- Yes.

- Get your own hoodie.
- I did. And you took it.

Promise you'll at least
ring me.

Promise.

At least once a week.

Cross my heart.

Just be good, okay?

You just do what you're told.

Here, take some of these.

And this, okay?
It's got money on it.

Have you got some
place to stay?

Yeah, Bigman's cousins
down there.

It's all sussed.

Oi. Drive safe!

Hey, sis.

Did you know kiwifruit aren't
even native to New Zealand?

Some fulla from China
brought them over.

Hey, Pi, I'll miss you.

Don't call me Pi.
Call me Maui!

Love you, Maui.

YOUNG PI: Don't call me Pi!

Call me Maui!

Can I help you?

You work here?

Can I come in?

I'll serve you there.

Go over there.

You on your own?

Hey, can I come in?

- You by yourself?
- Rog! Rog!

Put the fuckin' money
in the bag, you fuckin' bitch.

Oh, settle down!

No, no. Tania, just do what
you would do in this situation.

Roger had a hatch put in.

Makes me lock the doors when he leaves,
the customers pay through there.

Just pretend
I'm a real life crim, okay?

Now put the fuckin'
money in the bag...

(GROANS IN PAIN)

(GROANS)

Sorry.

Sorry.

DEAN: What you should
be doing is just...

Putting the money in the bag.

Eh?

(GRUNTS)

Just hand it over.

Try not to...

Make eye contact because
that only intimidates them.

The perps.

(GRUNTS)

We don't want
to get stabbed, do we?

No.

It's good.

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

(CHUCKLES)

Don't be a hero, Tania.

It's only money.

So that's it.

Any questions?

Do you like
the smell of petrol?

Yes. Hmm.

Same.

Do you want to go out with me?

What? No!

I've got this
Entertainment Book.

It's full of vouchers.

I can get two-for-one
deals sometimes,

25% off the entire bill.

You can choose
what you wanna do.

I'd actually never
go out with you.

- Well, don't say never.
- Never!

- What...
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

Stop talking like a gangster,
it's not attractive.

Hello?

Huh? Yeah.

Um, yeah.

TANIA: Dean says they
don't want us to be heroes.

"Don't be a hero, Tania.
It's only money."

I'm thinking, well Roger
wouldn't think it's only money.

Would you, Rog?

I didn't tell him about your
hammer under the counter.

Just keep talking.

Stay there.

Man, I can't wait
until he leaves.

Is it going?

Hello, Rog, this is Tania.

No.

Not at all.

Got this off Trade Me.

I saw the "Buy now, $50."
I thought, yeah.

Trouble is, it doesn't work.

Well, I'll tell you what
though, one red frowny face

and no bugger will trade
with that Chinaman again.

How do you know he's Chinese?

Oh, he's got to be bringing them
in from China at that price.

Either that or
some Maoris who've...

Sorry, Tania.

You know, Dean's a drongo.

He doesn't know the first thing about
petrol or running a petrol station.

He's just done
a couple of business papers

and now he wants to boss
everyone around.

Hang on. Hang on.

Ah, it's, uh...

Okay.

Go and see if it works.

Kia ora, Tania.

Kia ora, Rog.

Yeah, it's working.

Great.

He asked me out on a date.

- What did you say?
- I said no, of course.

Well, mind your fingers.

He's a good-looking
fella, but...

Oh, I don't trust him.

Too much teeth.
Never trust a man with too much teeth.

I watched him, checking the
place out with his wee iPod,

making notes.

He's done a whole PMI
on how I run the place.

- What's that?
- Mmm? Oh.

"Plus, Minus, Interesting."

Pluses are things
I'm doing right.

Minuses are things
I'm doing wrong.

Interesting is
neither one or the other.

- What did it say?
- Yeah, well,

wouldn't I like
to bloody know?

Probably wants
to get rid of me.

If he gets rid of
my energy-saving light bulbs,

I'll be very cross.
Are you mentioning those to the customers?

- Yes.
- Ooh.

Oh, it really catches the eye,
that pyramid, doesn't it?

Retail is detail.

Anyway, I had to go on
a security course, right.

And we had to do
fucking role-play.

- And he was the robber, and I was the cashier.
- Yeah?

And you just have
to do nothing

and don't look at them,
and do what they say.

Like, they say,
"Empty the till," and you just do it.

Like, hundreds of dollars
and you just do it.

Pi, it'd be so easy

- ...at my work.
- Oh, yeah.

And Rog's got these
budget-as cameras,

- but he never does tape.
- (DOOR BANGS)

What's that noise?

Nothing.

- How was work today?
- Didn't go.

- Why not?
- Tired.

Slack.

What you get up to then?

Just having some fun.

Fun? What does that mean?

Just smoking a bit.

Smoking what?

- It makes me feel big.
- Don't need to be messing with that shit, bro.

You've got to stay focused.

And you don't need to do that.
That's fucked...

- Okay, I won't.
- Promise me, all right?

- Look, don't be an idiot.
- Shut up.

Pi...

Pi, are you still there?

Are you listening?

Promise we're going
to Surfers, okay?

Remember? To see Dad?
Promise me, Pi.

Promise.

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS)

(DEAN PANTING)

I was just freerunning in
the area and I thought I'd...

Freerun in to see you.

(CONTINUES PANTING)

Cashing up early, Tania?

No. It's my money.
I'm counting it.

Oh, why don't you
put it in a bank?

It's my savings.
I don't want it mixed up.

Shut your eyes.

Oh, man. I just konged this
4-meter bridge wall,

rolled out perfectly
which I'm really happy about.

TANIA: Oh, yeah.

I, uh, sorted my rolls out to
perfection on both shoulders,

- rolling from height.
- I don't actually even know

what you're talking about.

Freerunning. It's...

Parkour?

It's a physical art,
in which participants,

freerunners, attempt
to pass all obstacles

in a smooth and fluid way.

(CONTINUES PANTING)

Basically, I ran
in a straight line

from my house to you,
over and under

and through anything
blocking my path.

Well, how far away
do you live?

Meadowbank.

Fa, what a rich guy.

- (GRUNTS)
- Are you, like...

Into trying to waste yourself?

Nah. I'm just a...
An extreme sports athlete.

(EXHALES) No fear.

I've done the, uh, Kawarau Bungy,
the Ledge Bungy, Nevis Bungy.

(SNIFFING)

It's the biggest bungy
in the Southern Hemisphere.

- (DEODORANT SPRAYING)
- Well...

I've done the Fearfall at
Rainbow's End a hundred times.

And me and my brother
are going to Surfers

and we're going
to every theme park.

And we are almost definitely
going to ride the Giant Drop.

Skydiving.

Real?

No, I would've.
When are you going to Surfers?

When my brother
gets back from Papamoa.

I've told Roger
I want the time off work.

Giant Drop is the tallest vertical
free-fall ride in the world.

- True?
- Done it.

Held a koala and shit.

I'm going to The Futuregas Australian
Petroleum Retailers Conference

at the end of the year.

I can't go till
I've got the money.

I get to take the top
sellers with me.

I need some more hours.

Okay. Well, you can work days.

No. I got another
job in the day.

You can finish a couple
of hours later if you want.

Yeah. Yeah, I will. Chur.

Why do you want to be a Maori?

What's your culture?

Don't have one.
Freerunning, maybe.

HAYDO: Just comes off.

You can just tap it out, bro.

It should only come out just,
just like that.

Bro, just,
only little bits, bro.

Just a little bit
will do for all of us.

Give it some
time just to heat up.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)

Sometimes he calls me
his "Employer of the Month."

- "Employee."
- Mainly 'cause I'm the only other one really,

and 'cause, like,
we're like whanau... Family.

- I know that.
- He's a bit like a dad to me, so...

I usually drink two cans
of V a night to stay awake.

I could do more than two.

- It's not a competition.
- Just saying.

Go on then. I dare you to
drink three cans of V in a row.

- Three? Easy.
- Okay, six.

Six?

I could do six.

It says recommended
daily maximum is two.

No fear.

(LAUGHING)

Bro, I can't believe
you're even...

Fucking hell!

That was amazing.

Hey, if you drink six,
that's 1.5 liters of V.

Man, you'll never do it.
It's not actually...

- Whoa!
- That was really fast.

I don't reckon your stomach is
big enough to hold that much.

Bro, you're so sweet
at sculling.

You are an idiot.

Don't spew on me, okay, bro?

- (GROANS)
- You have two more.

- Ready?
- Oh...

Can you please
sign my leave form?

Don't stop. Keep drinking.

(LAUGHING)

- Mean Maori, mean!
- (BURPS)

I feel like I could
vomit any time now.

- Are you all right?
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)

I feel like my chest
is pounding.

It's going to explode.

Ah, feel my heartbeat.

Yeah, feel how
fast it's beating.

I'm not very good at saying
no to a dare.

You know, if someone
dares me, I'll do it.

I think it's
my extreme background.

- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
- BIGMAN: Harder.

HAYDO: Yeah.
Go harder. Harder.

Get him. Oh. Go. Go.

- (GROANS)
- Hurry up. Harder.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go.
Harder. Harder.

Hit me, bro. Hit me, bro.

Hit me, bro. Go. Go.

(GROANS) You a tough guy, eh?

You tough, eh?
You think you're tough, eh?

(PANTING)

What do you want to be
when you grow up?

I am grown up.

No, I mean what would you...

If you could be
anything you wanted?

Eh?

If you must make paper planes,
please do so on your break.

This came for you.

And Tania, you can't make personal
phone calls from the landline.

- Stop it, okay?
- Okay.

Good night.

(CLEARS THROAT)

My dad used
to work at the airport,

that'd be pretty cool, eh?

Did you know that?
Do you remember him?

There's this photo
of him in our garage.

And I'm at their wedding,

and they're holding me up to
the camera and Mum's pregnant.

Like, she's this big fat
massive-as bride, you know?

Yeah, I didn't
get to the wedding.

I remember how fun he was,

and I remember
him telling us stories.

Oh, Mum always tells
these stories about him.

How, like, he carried her to the
hospital to give birth to Pi.

Like, they didn't have a car.

So he just picks
her up and runs.

And he takes this shortcut
through a forest

and he just runs through the
night to get her there safely.

He was a pilot.

And a chief.
He was gonna be a chief.

And he taught Mum Maori.

And then one day she told us
that he'd died.

Oh, Pi's talked to him
a couple of times.

And he buys
Pi birthday presents.

Yeah, I don't think he
knows when my birthday is.

And, he's not dead, obviously.

Obviously.

- He lives in Surfers Paradise.
- Oh.

What was he like?

Do you reckon I look like him?

Yeah.

Now that is a plane.

Good night.

Did I wake you up?

Nah.

I took Mum
to the clinic today.

Yeah, she's been up there
heaps lately

with her diabetes,
and her kidney's packing up and...

Yeah, she might have to get...

Oh, what's that thing
they do for kidneys,

when they recycle your blood?
What is that?

Don't know, man. That sucks.

She's pretty much Jonah Lomu.

Except no one's gonna give her a
kidney 'cause she's not an All Black.

PI: I will.

Same. I was gonna ask you,
we got to do tests then.

- To see if we match.
- Yep.

Will you come up, then?

- I can't.
- Yes, you can. Mum wants to see you.

PI: I'm busy.

Well, what about on weekends?

I got plans.

- What's wrong with you? We miss you, dick.
- I got to go.

Come on, bro. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go. Drive!

Stop fucking
ringing me so much.

Ah, where's Bigman?

Fuck your plans, Pi.
I need you here.

- Just come home, okay?
- BIG BIGMAN: Come on.

- What's happening?
- (TIRES SCREECHING)

(DIAL TONE)

MAN 1 ON TV: Come on.
Calm down. It's all right.

MAN 2 ON TV: No, it's not!
He's going to be buried Sunday.

MAN 1: Stay strong...

You're a good person.

MAN 2: Why'd he die?

Why did my son have to die?

(MAN 2 SOBBING)

He wasn't...

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Look at this.
What the shit is this?

TANIA: Hang on!

Who did this?

You need to keep
an eye out for these people!

- What does that mean?
- It's pretty funny.

DEAN: That is minor terrorism.

Look, I need you to be awake
so this doesn't happen.

Ah, I don't think you should
work two jobs anymore.

I've got a sick mum.
That's my other job.

Oh.

You can go home now.

Yeah, I had a feeling
you might need me, uh...

- Yeah, I sensed it.
- Well, you sensed wrong.

Good.

Look, uh, I...
I got you a present.

It's an extra small.

Well, I let the carwash
run out of soap.

I dare you to go jump in it.

Yeah, well...

I dare you to...

Eat this whole packet of bubble gum and...
And then sing me a song.

(MUMBLING) ♪ Happy birthday
to you Happy birthday to you

- ♪ Happy birthday to... ♪
- I'm so into you.

- Ugh...
- Just kidding.

Go get in the carwash,
you a-hole.

Okay, I will.

Here's your Super Clean code.

Kia tupato!

Don't die!

(CAR WASH WHIRRING)

(DEAN SCREAMING)

DEAN: Oh, yeah!

(DEAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

(VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES)

There's a fellow
in your carwash.

Oh, yeah.
He doesn't have a car.

It's actually touch-free,
do you want one?

Nah. Pump 5.

It's Tania, eh?

We were in kapa haka together.

We always used to put
you at the back at comps.

You were our white Maori.

Would you like to buy
an energy-saver light bulb?

Nah. Hey, do you know
where Sapphire Bar is?

Oh, yeah. You want me to draw
you a map or something?

- Yeah. Thanks.
- (DEAN YELLING)

Man, I don't know
what all the fuss is about.

Girls are too dressed up, dancing like
they're in a hip-hop video or something.

Thanks, Tania.

Hope you find it.

DEAN: Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Ow, I can't see!
Oh, my eyes!

Oh, I'm blind, Whoo!

No fear, man, eh? No fear!

Whoo! Did you see that?

Did you see that?
Huh, did you see that?

Ah, Tania! Tania! No fear!

Whoo! We're still alive!

Whoa! Ahhh... Ahhh!

(PANTING)

That was extreme!

(CHUCKLING)

- I thought I was going to drown.
- (CHUCKLING)

I couldn't breathe. The...

I swallowed a lot of water.
That shit is not touch-free!

Go and do it Tania, like,
I triple command you. Like...

Imagine, like...
(STUTTERS) A hydro-slide

plus a wind machine
combo plus,

you don't know if you're
gonna live or die because,

well no one's
ever done it before.

Although you won't have that
because, uh, you know I survived.

Oh, man, I feel incredible!

No fear!

You keep saying that, but there are
some things you should be afraid of.

Quick lesson, Tania.

When you're gripped by fear,

you have two problems
to deal with, count 'em Tania.

One, the thing
that you're afraid of

and two, the fear
that goes along with it.

When you learn
to master your fear...

Bam! You've just cut in half the
number of things to worry about.

You're retarded.

And anyway
you've got plenty of fear.

You're afraid of being Maori.
You're afraid of being yourself.

I'm not a real Maori
and neither are you.

Hey, give me your arm!

Look how brown I am.
I'm the same color as you.

Oh, you're not brown,
you've just...

You've just been in the sun.

- Fuck.
- If I'm not Maori,

then what am I? I'm nothing.

Oh, you're not nothing.

Bro, it's sad that you're
not proud of being Maori.

It's in your toto.
You're lucky.

What does that mean?

Mum says it's your heart that connects
you, not your skin.

But, yeah, that's not true.

It's either in your blood
or it's not.

Hey, you can be a brown pakeha,
if that's what you want.

If that's how you feel,
that's sweet-as.

I don't look Maori,
but I wish I did.

- What you got there?
- Nothing.

Yes, you have, let me see.

I already read the first page.

Give me that.

- Hey, it's personal.
- No, it's not.

- I know a PMI when I see one.
- Tania!

Please do not read that.

"Roger Flinn,
plus, Loyal bloke.

"Minus, spends too many work
hours on Trade Me and FreeCell.

"Heart's not in it.

"Using Horizon to start his own
energy-saver light bulb business.

- "Lazy. Hates me."
- Okay. Yeah.

"Interesting, wants to save
the environment."

Okay, Tania. That's enough...

- Hey, be careful, that's really expensive.
- Don't get it wet!

(LAUGHING) You've done
one about yourself, man.

- One about yourself!
- Just...

Fuckin' give me it, Tania!

I can have you fired.

"Plus, good at sports,

"has a university degree,
important job, winning smile."

Oh, you're not
smiling now, are you?

"Minus, no car, no girlfriend,
lives at home.

"Interesting, not very."

"Tania.

"Plus, makes me laugh,
beautiful, honest,

"hard worker, reliable,
punctual.

"Minus..."

You didn't write any minuses.

Haven't finished yet.

I dare you to kiss me.

I've got another plus for you,
good kisser.

Minus, tastes like soap.

You weren't supposed
to read that.

I was gonna type it up,
make it an official document.

I dare you
to have sex with me.

Really?

Yes.

- Now?
- Physical challenge.

I like that you keep visiting
me in the middle of the night.

It's my job.

- Don't fire Rog.
- Okay.

(INAUDIBLE)

Why'd you choose that one?

Because it was
the best one you took.

- Looks like a mug shot.
- Yeah, awesome, eh?

Oh, well. You're stuck with
that for the next 10 years.

- Night.
- Thanks, Rog. Night.

PI: Fuck! Fuck sake!

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hello?
- I'm sorry.

Eh?

- Oh.
- What's wrong?

Just breathe
a bit for a second.

I'm coming back to Auckland.

- MAN: Hey!
- Awesome, bro.

- MAN: I've got to pay!
- Ah, that's so good. Yeah, come home.

- Come home now.
- But I've spent all my wages.

Yeah. Oh, no. Hold on.

Don't tell Mum.

As if I would, she'd probably
have a stroke or something.

MAN: Excuse me!

Hang on!
How are you gonna get back,

if you can't even
afford the bus?

I just stole a sweet Subaru.

Hey, you dumbfuck,
you haven't even got your learner's!

- (CAR ENGINE STARTING)
- Oh, you wanker!

What about our plans?

You're ruining everything!

- (VEHICLE RECEDING)
- Wait! We've got cameras!

Fuck! Fuck...

Will you please
take me to Papamoa?

What are you gonna tell Dean?

It was a family emergency.

If he fires you...

No, he wouldn't have the guts.

If you leave, I'm gonna leave.

Good.

You should leave.

Don't get stuck there.

What's your plan?

Find Pi and bring him home.

That's the worst plan
I've ever heard.

TANIA: Is it inside
or outside the car?

I'm not telling.

- Clouds.
- Nah. (CHUCKLES)

Cow.

Yep.

ROG: Here we go.

(ROG SIGHS)

Hey...

Sorry.

Oi...

Do you know where that is?

ROG: I'll wait here.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)

TANIA: Hello?

Hello?

(MEN CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY)

Hey.

I've come to get you.

What's up? How are you?

BIG BIGMAN:
This your girlfriend, bro?

Fuck off, man. It's my sister.

TANIA: Shall we go?

- Let's go.
- BIG BIGMAN: You're tweaking man.

This girl is white.
She ain't your sister, bro.

- This guy is on the fries.
- He's frizzled.

Pi, you gearhead. Come on.

Nah, I'm all good.
It's all good.

PI: I gotta save more, Tania.

Why aren't you at work?

BIGMAN:
Where's your dollars at, Pi?

Straight down the flute.

TANIA: Gonna fry your brain
out on that shit, bro.

You want some?

I'm taking my brother
home now.

Come on. Get up.
Get up. We're going.

PI: Don't fuckin' touch me!

- (TANIA GRUNTING)
- Fuck off!

- Let go!
- ROG: Get off her!

Fuck you! Stay there!
Stay the fuck there!

HAYDO: Who this old fulla?

Hey. Please.

Come on, I'm taking you
to Surfers to see Dad.

My dad probably
doesn't want to see you.

Come on, Tania. Let's go.

We're leaving, mate.
All right?

Were you lying?

When you said
I looked like him.

Yes.

No, sit up. It's dangerous.

Your brother's a plonker.

- (CHANGING RADIO STATIONS)
- But he loves you.

(STATIC HISSING ON RADIO)

I'll work your shift tonight.

Thanks.

And thanks for the lift.

That's for you.

No, don't open it
till tomorrow, okay?

- Good night.
- Night.

Say hi to your mum.

Hey, Tania!

Just have a talk with her.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)

He had to hit the sun

to slow it down.

(DAD SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)

He just kept hitting the sun.
Right on his nose.

(LINE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

(SIGHS)

(ENGINE STARTING)

Read the sign! It's on prepay!

Pump 5, $20,
and a chocolate milk.

(CASH REGISTER BEEPING)

BOY 1: Yeah, what did I tell you?
Talk to a girl, all right?

BOY 2: No. (CHUCKLES)

BOY 2: So, ah...
BOY 1: See look. Easy.

(BOY 1 CHUCKLES)

BOY 1: Shh.

(CHUCKLES)

Two please.

BOY 1: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

BOY 1: Yeah...
BOY 2: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

BOY 1: Yeah, nah.

Oh, and, um,
another chocolate milk.

Nah, sorry, we're out.

Get me my fuckin'
chocolate milk. Please.

Give me my fuckin'
chocolate milk, bitch,

or I'll burn your house down!
Huh?

(LAUGHS)

(SLAMS CONTAINER DOWN)

Get a job you like!

Fuck up!

Man, you're lucky there's
glass here or I'd smash you.

Oh. Pretty tough behind
your window, eh, white girl?

(INAUDIBLE)

(PI BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GUN COCKS)

(TANIA GRUNTS)

- (THUDS)
- (PANTING)

You better fuck off, punk.
I've called the cops.

(PANTING)

(SOBBING)

(CRYING) Stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid.

TANIA: Please.

No.

(PANTING)

(TURNS OFF ENGINE)

DEAN:
♪ Howdy, angel

♪ Where did you
hide your wings

♪ Her love shines
over my Horizon

♪ She's a slice of heaven

♪ Slice of heaven

♪ Oh, moonlight over
my Horizon petrol station

♪ She's a slice of heaven ♪

♪ Oh, baby, I love your way

♪ Every day, yeah ♪

Get lost!

Tania!

Tania!

(VOICE BREAKING)
You need to go.

Tania.

I don't want to see you.

Okay?

Just fuck off.

Please go away! Go home!

Fuck off! I fuckin' hate you!

Okay? Just please, fuck off!

TANIA: We're going soon.

Gotta wait till Rog comes.

You can't wait
to go on a plane.

You said that it'll be like the
closest you can get to really flying.

I'm taking you to Surfers
to see your dad.

And I'll drop you off
at the airport, okay?

But I can't come with you.

I can't, sorry.

I'm real sorry.

I gotta go home.

I gotta go back
to Rog and Mum.

Be good.

Just do what you're told.

Don't be a hero, Tania.

I borrowed your hoodie,

so no one can see my face.

I am no one.

Didn't know it was you.

I couldn't see your eyes.

And you've grown a bit.

I just hit you once...

Just one time...

In the exact right spot.

(INAUDIBLE)

TANIA: Maui nearly
beat death once...

While she was sleeping.

But the Piwakawaka laughed
and woke her up...

So no one will live forever.

The cheeky little fantail
ruined everything.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull