Original subtitles

♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She's a beautiful bird, huh?

No. It's an ugly shuttle. It's an absolute cow to fly.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I get that. I get that.

-You know, I got an uncle-- -Me too.

Right, you might want to get out of the airlock. (SIGHS)

Unless you want to, you know,

-die. -(LAUGHS)

Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Don't want that. Not most days.

In the legend, he carried the whole world

-on his shoulders. -Mr. Judd did?

No, try to ignore his face.

That's good advice in general, kid.

Yeah, I try to ignore the rest of him too,

but it's a daily struggle.

So, I usually start the night there,

and when he falls asleep, I pop over to the bed.

My dad took them.

Why don't you show her the only other room?

This may sound brutal, and frankly, I'm glad,

I'm not around, so you substitute me with this?

Me? Nah, I'm kinda more of a "he" than a "this."

I actually do see you as a "this."

"He" feels a little arrogant for you.

Okay, so we've-- we've picked up a cannibal?

-Yes. Confirmed, reluctantly. -♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Loose? Just sort of sauntering about?

Do they saunter? I don't know.

Well, should I lock down the ship?

Well, I don't know. Should you?

BILLIE MCEVOY: It's your decision.

And the answer is yes.

-All right. -RAV MULCAIR: Okay.

-Lock up the ship then. -Lock down.

-We lock down the ship. -Down, lock down the ship. Fuck up, lock down.

(ALARM BLARING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Lockdown initiated.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

AUTOMATED VOICE: Lockdown initiated.

Lockdown initiated.

Lockdown initiated.

-What? I only just got out. -(GATE CLOSES)

I don't want to get locked back in again.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Lockdown initiated.

HERMAN JUDD: Iris...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Lockdown initiated.

Ah, hold up. I'm coming, I'm coming.

-(SCREAMS) -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Sorry, what-- what's that done exactly?

Well, I've just sealed every room on the ship.

So, we're locking an unknown number of people

in a room with an escaped cannibal?

Uh. Yes, but we're also locking a larger unknown number

of people out of the room with the cannibal.

RYAN CLARK: Yeah.

No, when you put it like that, we're fucking heroes.

♪ ("AVENUE 5" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

There is a lot of feedback from the passengers.

Uh, "Why is the door locked? Why are the toilets locked?"

Uh, "I'm sorry but the toilet was locked and--" oh...

Oh, they're fine. If they're complaining,

it means they haven't been eaten yet.

Let's find the cannibal.

The data center.

I mean, that has surveillance of every single room

in the entire ship. Thank you, Supreme Court.

My bet is he'll be in the gym.

It's probably his version of freshly baked bread.

-Um... -Oh!

Captain Von Twat has locked us in!

You have a master key.

-That's right, I do. -Other pocket.

Oh, God, I'm so tired.

Think it's possible to sleep standing up?

I might give it a try.

BILLIE: Yeah, you should.

You could stick a pole in your jacket,

-you'd make a lovely scarecrow. -Uh, urgent reminder.

Somebody really needs to speak to the passengers.

-Oh, be my guest. -Didn't mean me. Why me?

You have a mouth, and you're here.

Congratulations on clearing the lowest bar

-in the history of bars. -RAV: What are you...

-No. No, I don't want to. -RYAN: Yes, Rav.

-Oh. -(INHALES SHARPLY)

-(RYAN GRUNTS) -(SYSTEM CHIMES)

-Ryan will ride to the rescue. -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I would love to see him on a horse.

CHARLES: We've had our run-ins,

but he wears the hell out of a turtleneck.

I'm sure your wife would agree.

The way she pours herself over him like cheap seltzer.

Elena and I are no longer together.

-Sexually? -Everythingly.

No, no, no. No, Ryan, come back. I don't wanna-- (GROANS)...

Oh, God! Is there a button? Oh!

Oh, okay. What's this?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, I see, I see, I see. Here we go.

That's a tough angle.

-One, two... -(SYSTEM BEEPS)

(SCREEN BEEPS)

Hello. (CHUCKLES) Hello.

Apologies for interrupting your...

(WHISPERS) ...entrapment.

(CHUCKLES) Um, but I bring news.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

We really, really are sorry, and this time we mean it.

So, all-- all I can leave you with

is just to say...

Buh-buh-bye.

-(SYSTEM BEEPS) -(SIGHS) Oh, God.

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -Oh, my God. That was awful.

Got to shake it off. (GRUNTS, MUMBLES)

I think she's trying to human. Just give her a second.

I-- She'll get there.

Uh. Ryan, I have told the passengers

that they're locked down, but they are unaware,

repeat, unaware of the cannibal.

(CROWD GASP)

PASSENGER 1: Jesus fucking Christ!

PASSENGER 2: What did she say?

-PASSENGER 3: Cannibal. -PASSENGER 4: Let us out!

-(CROWD CLAMORING) -You get one thing wrong,

and they jump all over you.

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Sweep all open areas looking for an intruder.

-SECURITY GUARD: Sir. -White, male, middle-aged...

-British. -British accent.

-Could be a cannibal. -SECURITY GUARD: Mm-hmm.

No, another one.

Stop looking so suspicious and succulent.

♪ (TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

I'mma head to the bathroom.

See what I'm draggin' in the wagon.

That is absolutely genius. Did you just come up with that?

No, I saw it in a commercial.

(LAUGHS) Hey, don't do anything I wouldn't do in there, brudda!

-(GROANS) -(JUDD LAUGHS) Okay, man.

Why are you talking like children?

'Cause that's how friends talk, Iris.

He's my friend. I made one while you were gone.

I'm impressed. So, is he on a retainer, or...

(SCOFFS) You can't put a price on that.

He needs to sign an NDA.

Oh, Iris, I'm so glad you came back.

Why did you come back, Iris?

Because Earth is even more screwed than we are.

They're running out of lithium.

So what? Earth ran out of fruit and camels.

Not that I used either.

Without lithium, everything stops.

Except for the people fighting for clean water.

-And then that stops too. -MADS: What? No!

I was going to become a DJ when we got back.

He really should sign an NDA.

-Yeah, I think you're right. -♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

-Is there really a canni- -No, no, mi amor.

Whatever she meant,

she didn't mean literally a cannibal.

MATT SPENCER: Oh, no, she definitely did.

He jumped ship when we docked with the space prison.

And now he's here because for him,

this is like a gourmet grocery.

Okay, I-- I think you're mistaken.

And I think that you know that you are, so...

No, I'm-- I'm definitely sure. There's a monster among us.

-Mom... -Okay.

Oh, but we're safe in here.

None of us are the cannibal, right?

'Cause he's male,

-so that's the three of you out. -Right.

And it can't be me. I'm the guy from the commercials, right?

"Drink Judd beer.

It's disgusting, and so are you!"

(CROWD CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLING) Unless maybe it's this guy, right?

Hey, mister, what's a snack for you, sir?

Bag of little girl's toes?

(ALL LAUGH)

-Well... -(ALL LAUGH)

-Oh, look out! (LAUGHS) -(ELENA LAUGHS)

-BILLIE: It's in here. -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

I've even started doing it to myself going,

"Eh, that's so Ryan.

Oh, we've picked up a cannibal? Eh, that's so Ryan."

BILLIE: This is the data center.

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(SIGHS)

Bit more of a data vending machine,

-er, isn't it? -Well, it's a synoptic array.

Okay. (SIGHS) What does that mean?

-It arrays things synoptically. -No, Billie, you keep doing th--

That's just the same words in a different order.

-What does it mean? -(CLEARS THROAT)

Means that the screens go changey-changey.

And they show you all the different parts

of the ship. So, let's play "Spot the Cannibal."

What does he look like?

Your aski-- I-- I don't know what he looks like.

-I thought you knew. -That is so Ryan.

-(INHALES) -(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Oh, God, that's him, isn't it? This is how we die.

As starter and main. What-- what are you doing?

RAV: Ryan, it's Rav! Open up!

Oh, just help yourself.

-(DOOR BEEPS, OPENS) -RYAN: Rav, get in here.

So, what does he look like?

-Who? -Who? The--

Sir Humphrey Davy, who d'you think? The cannibal!

I-- (SIGHS) No idea.

All I've seen is a 30-year-old photo!

Then who does know?

Judd! Judd was on Frank's cooking show with him!

-Billie-- -I'm doing it.

-JUDD: There you go. And there. -IRIS: And again here.

-(DEVICE BUZZING) -Mm-hmm. Good.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Iris.

What?

Can you take a photograph of me signing an official Judd NDA?

(SIGHS)

-MADS: I'm so honored. -Yeah.

'Kay. Say "non-disparagement clause."

Non-disparagement clause.

-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) -BILLIE: He's not picking up.

(SIGHS) Well... that's it then.

Unless there was anyone else on Frank's show?

RAV: Well...

I suppose Frank was.

Wow, that guy is easy to forget.

(CROWD CLAMORS)

People! Everybody! Please, calm down!

-People! -(CROWD CLAMORS)

(GRUNTS) I know what he looks like!

-(CROWD SCREAMS) -(SERVING CART THUDS)

I have seen the guy. I know...

-CROWD: Three, two, one! -I am the cannibal!

(CROWD GASPS, WHISPERS)

-No, you're not. -No? Wait, I mean,

I'm a patent attorney from Pittsburgh.

I'm always getting those two confused.

But now all eyes are on me, behold! Mabel on the table here.

Uh. Yeah, I just wanted to say I-- I have actually seen...

Sorry. This... (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I just forgot what it's like to have people look up to me.

(INHALES) Um. Anyway, I have actually seen...

(BREATHES HEAVILY) ...a way out of this for all of us!

-Whoo! Yeah! -(CROWD CHEER)

CROWD: Karen! Karen! Karen!

Look, I can't treat an injury while it's basically

still happening to you. Tell you what, drink this.

-Jell-O? -PAUL: No, it's pain relief.

It's basically heroin.

-Is it strong? -Oh, it could knock out a horse,

or absolutely fuck up a Shetland pony. (SIGHS)

(SNIFFLES)

Well, well, well.

What do you want, Judd? I'm busy.

Did they give you that pebble with "turn me over"

-written on both sides again? -Oh, that's funny.

You can't just leave us up here to die.

We're not. We're just leaving you.

What you do after that is completely up to you.

Oh, yeah? And what if I were to just happen to tell everybody

on Earth about your lithium problem?

Seriously? (CHUCKLES)

Seriously, yeah, global chaos as leverage?

Leverage is such a dirty word. We prefer "blackmail."

Yeah, Lucas, either you get us all home safely,

or I will tell everyone on Earth about your little lithium...

(HESITATES)

(WHISPERS) What's another fancy word that means, um...

like a shit show?

-Double shit show. -Wait, who is that?

-Imbroglio. -Oh, that's good. That's good.

About your little lithium imbroglio.

By which I mean, double shit show.

Okay, let me talk to TOTOPOTUS,

and we'll resume in 30 minutes, all right?

-♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Fuck.

-Oh! Did you see his face? -Mm?

I'm using that next time I need to climax.

-No. -Mm-mm.

-Okay, not 74J... -♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

...just two toddlers and a pregnant woman in there.

Yep, got it. Got it.

-Why are you marking it red? -Because it's only got

two toddlers and a pregnant woman in it.

-Right, so you mark it green. -Green? No... (CHUCKLES) ...red.

Red means I've eliminated the room.

No, Rav. Red-- red means danger.

There are beetles that understand that!

What? So, you want me to change all of these?

So that Green doesn't mean "May contain cannibal"?

Yes, please. If you wouldn't mind.

BILLIE: Okay, I have eyes on Frank.

He's in the spa. Thankfully, not naked.

Shall I grab him?

Uh. No, it's all right. I'll-- Ugh.

Yeah, I'll stay here and be Rav's sticker buddy.

(DOOR BEEPS)

Charles offered comfort and security. Ryan offers...

Discomfort and insecurity?

ELENA: Yeah, but you know what, Matt?

It's himself that he hurts the most.

Okay, I can see that.

And you like him, right, Palomita?

I mean, so he can't be all that bad.

Well, sometimes I just look at him,

and he makes me feel sad.

-(CLICKS TONGUE) Aw. -Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)

I did not know that.

Well, um... (CLICKS TONGUE) ...I will ask him to smile more.

Oh, no, he's sadder when he smiles.

-Oh. -Have fun unpacking that.

-So, I know that it's not me. -We could all say that.

-Well, yeah? -Like, I know it's not me.

Yeah, but I know it's not me.

-Yeah, but I know it's not me. -But I don't know that.

Relax, no one in here is the cannibal.

Only the cannibal would be that sure about that.

(LAUGHS) Guys, it's me.

Frank, you know, from the show?

-What show? -FRANK KELLY: Okay, I'll say it.

Let it settle.

-Never seen it. -I've seen it, but...

I don't think that's the guy from it.

What? (CHUCKLES)

-I am! It's-- it's my show. -No, the guy's taller.

And isn't he, like, Greek or something?

No! He's-- he's me! I'm him!

All right, so we got ourselves an imposter.

Why would I even mention the show if it wasn't me?

I don't know. Why would you eat human people

-instead of, uh, food? -Because he's a cannibal!

Okay, look-- look,

-you're gonna regret this! -COLLETTE: Yeah, no.

Let it settle.

So, if you're standing next to someone who you know

for a fact is not the cannibal, use your right hand

-to raise their left hand, okay? -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I'm not sure about you, but thanks.

Please, your left and their right.

PASSENGER 1: Karen, we're just-- we're not quite sure-- -Hey, hold on,

why are you holding your hand up?

Are you asking a question?

You've confused the whole system.

Don't ask a question.

This whole thing is stupid.

-Oh, you're stupid. -(CROWD CLAMORS)

KAREN: Please, don't make me shout again.

-ISAAC: May I? (WHISTLES) -KAREN: It's really--

Oh, thank you. Frank can't do that.

He can't whistle. He has soft teeth.

Thanks, Karen. Great energy, but you gave us nothin'.

-Slip away. -Well, no,

-I was just trying to-- -Jesus Christ!

Have you ever heard the end of a sentence?

-CROWD: Yeah! -Time out.

Okay, people, I'm just gonna take five.

So, um, thank you for your cooperation.

Folks, I got an idea.

The Flesh Prince is a stowaway, right?

-PASSENGER 2: Yeah. -So, he won't be wearing one of these.

Here's a good idea. You know what we should do?

Someone needs to flush again. She's still here.

(CROWD LAUGHS)

If we line up in room number order

starting at 101, I'll buzz each of you

and cross reference your actual faces with your IDs.

That's way better than this cluster-fuck

of a barn-dance Karen had us doing.

(CROWD CHUCKLES)

Who wants to go next?

Mia, would you like to share?

Oh, uh. (CHUCKLES) Well, I mean,

I'm actually fine. You know, sure, I fucked one hot Swede

and immediately got pregnant. (CHUCKLES) So, that's bullshit.

Sorry, Paloma.

Waitin' for the baby to come out 'til I know who the dad is.

(CHUCKLES) That's fucking insane.

Sor-- sorry, Paloma.

Um. You know, either it'll have perfect abs

and the blue eyes of a husky, or it'll look like a thumb.

And you wanna know the really fucked up thing?

Sorry, Paloma.

I don't even know what I'm hoping for.

Do I want a hot-looking baby with a dumb dad?

Or a thumb-looking baby with a thumb dad?

I mean, at least the--

the fucking thumb fucking loves me!

Sorry, Paloma!

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

I'm gonna be a dad. (BREATHES HEAVILY)

My dad had a dad. And his dad had a dad.

It's-- it's like a... circle. (BREATHES HEAVILY)

Or no, it's-- it's like that. It's like...

one of these guys. What are they called?

The straight-along fuckers that don't bend?

-Lines. -Ah! It's a line!

-It's a goddamn line. -♪ (SOMBER MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Guys! I can prove I'm not the cannibal!

What are you gonna do? Not eat somebody?

-No! -JADEN: "No"?

You are gonna eat someone?

-(GATE CHIMES, OPENS) -No! Ah! Billie.

Thank God, Billie!

What the hell are you guys doing?

Are you trying to crush the stress out of him?

No, we trapped the cannibal freak!

That's not the cannibal. That's nobody.

-That's just... Frank. -See, I told you, I'm nothing.

No, that makes sense.

All right, believe it or not, Frank, you have a purpose,

-so come with me. -(CHUCKLES) I have a purpose.

(SCOFFS) Ah, it must be some deep state thing!

You're working with the cannibal!

Yeah, he gives me ten percent of whatever he can't finish.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

So, um, now, I tell people that I left her.

And that way, there's, um, no sympathy.

-Hmm. -And-- and I love that.

But the truth is that I, uh, I didn't leave my wife,

and she, uh, she didn't leave me. My...

my wife died. She died.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Okay! So that just leaves you.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) I'd-- I'm-- I really-- I've got nothing.

I don't think we even got your name.

Uh, Nathan.

-GROUP: Hello, Nathan. -Hello. Um...

Well, the first thing I should probably say is...

I'm the cannibal. (EXHALES)

(ALL LAUGH)

But no, I am. I really am. I really am the cannibal.

-No. -What? (LAUGHS)

But, no, I suppose I should've mentioned it earlier,

but, you know, I was just really enjoying

listening to everyone's stories, and then there didn't seem to be

a good moment to, you know, pop it in.

Frank... (SIGHS) ...this is your chance to shine.

Whatever I can do, Cap.

The cannibal you had on your show.

-What does he look like? -Oh, uh, you know, average.

Okay, uh, so, his hair? His build?

-Both average. -His skin color?

(SIGHS) Average.

So, he's brown?

-Huh? -Well... (CHUCKLES) ...if his skin was the average

of the human race, it must be pretty fucking brown.

Uh. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my g-- Frank! We know he's White.

You'd rather let a cannibal loose

than admit to being casually racist?

No, I-- I just-- I don't-- I don't...

There he is! That's... that's the guy!

-That guy? -Yeah.

He's talking to...

-♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Oh, Christ!

-Come on! Get the thing to pop! -BILLIE: I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it!

-♪ (TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -(MUNCHES)

What the fuck is taking him so long?

It's simple, do you wanna be blackmailed, yes or no?

No news is good news.

Not as good as good news, but not as bad as bad news.

What? Screw this Goldilocks of news!

The lithium news is our only leverage.

We have to time it right.

Relax, Iris, timing is my middle name.

Actually, it's not. It's Twam. Don't laugh, it's a family name.

Okay, that's everyone accounted for.

-(CROWD CHEERS, APPLAUDS) -Yeah!

Well, not to be the snot in the potato salad,

but what if the cannibal just stole

-someone's communicator? -Yeah.

So, what? All cannibals are thieves, huh?

-That's pretty narrow-minded. -That's a good point.

(SCOFFS) Only the cannibal would defend a cannibal.

-That's a nice point. -Wait, wha-- what?

PASSENGER: He's a liberal and a cannibal!

-Get him, people! -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Leave him alone. He's annoying,

-but he's not a flesh-eater. -(SIGHS)

Real cannibal was a lot huskier.

How would you know that?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-Um... -Wait? You've seen him?

Well, uh. (CHUCKLES) You know,

it's so strange 'cause now that I'm thinking about it,

I may even have spoken to him very briefly, uh,

just before he went off with, um, Frank.

-ISAAC: What? -So, it's-- it's coming back

to me now that I-- I did know what he looked like.

-(CROWD CLAMORS) -Why wouldn't you say, Karen?

(CROWD CLAMORS)

Because I wanted to organize everyone.

-(CROWD CLAMORS) -It's-- it's a sickness!

Well, you better hope because of this

you don't have to organize a funeral.

(SCOFFS) Assuming there'd be anything left

-to put in the coffin. -CROWD: Yeah.

(ALARM BLARING)

You know, we should do this on the regular. You and I.

Just get together... (INHALES)

-(DOOR OPENS) -...get our foot stuck in stuff,

-chug on some fun packs-- -Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Is someone there? Hey! We're in the airlock!

-Hit the override! -(SYSTEM BEEPS)

-(SCREAMS) -(GRUNTS)

PAUL: Oh, thank God!

GUARD: You sick son of a bitch!

No, not me, I'm fine. No, hey, ow! What are you doing?

And that's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom...

because it was-- it was actually a bottom.

Mm-hmm.

NATHAN: And that's-- Yeah, that's when I truly realized

that what I'd done through love had the ability to...

to hurt, well, not just the dead but the living.

-(DOOR OPENS) -Well, that's growth.

There he is! Look! Get him! Get him!

-♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -The one with the--

MIA: No, no, no, don't!

-(ELENA SCREAMS) -Paloma, come here!

MATT: Take me! Take me!

I'm the cannibal! I'm the cannibal!

-(GROANS) -(ELENA SCREAMS)

-Uncle Ryan! -♪ (TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Stop! Don't hurt him!

We're not gonna hurt him. We're just gonna put him somewhere safe.

He's a very bad man.

No, he's not! He's a good man who made some bad choices,

-Matt said! -MATT: Ryan, please,

try to see the human, not the cannibal.

Oh, Matt, fuck all the way off.

Sorry, Paloma.

Put him in the-- in the-- Do we have a cell or--

-It's called a brig. -RYAN: Put him in the brig!

Welcome to your vegan years, my friend!

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Was that right? Or do you think it was--

Was that too much?

Ugh, you have so little self-confidence.

I bet in the last few hours you asked yourself,

"Oh, wait, am I the cannibal?"

Very briefly, and then I dismissed it.

Sir! We found the cannibal at the shuttle dock,

-trying to make a getaway. -No, no, no, no, no.

That's not him. That's, um-- Uh, I want to say Peter?

-Paul. -Paul.

(PAUL GRUNTS) He said I'm not the cannibal!

Do you really think I don't have enough self-confidence?

No, I was wrong. You're doing great.

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (FUTURISTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

What's going on, Captain?

I need a full systems update, ASAP.

The monitors are clear. (GASPS)

But there's a red alert from mission control.

TV JUDD: Red alert indeed!

♪ (FUTURISTIC MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Planet Earth is running out of lithium.

It will be a wasteland, imminently. (INHALES)

This isn't the TV show right now.

This is happening, for real.

What the actual? Zara, what is a lithium?

-Wh-- why do we need them? -(INHALES DEEPLY) I don't know.

-DAWN: Okay. -And that's because

I just get words shoved in front of me.

-Right. -But it sounds

really, really bad.

SCARED BABY TEETH: Lithium is no joke!

-We need that fucker! -Hmm.

Can we just order some?

-I don't know. -ZARA: I'm not sure.

ILOVETURMERIC: Surely there's a plant-based alternative?

Has anyone looked into peas?

-Who's got a spare lithium? -CHUNKY BADGER: I'm pretty sure

my neighbor's got a garage full that stuff.

He's an absolute prick.

SENIOROUNCE: If this lithium thing is true,

I'm killing everyone and myself.

CHUNKY BADGER: I agree, this is terrible.

VIEWER: Should I be scared? Because I want to be.

Well, he got the message out,

but so did every asshole on planet Earth.

So, in my head, um, I-- I wanted it to be a teaser.

-It felt-- it felt teasy, right? -Dude, relax.

It was perfection. So nuanced. I still don't understand it.

(DEVICE CHIRPS)

What the fuck is wrong with you, Judd?

Why would you do that?

Look, now, Lucas, not everything's gold.

Let's just reset. How about you save us?

No, because now you've used up your leverage.

I'm gonna get, "Ya think, idiot?" carved into my forehead.

Don't call me again.

You just wasted two grams of lithium.

(SIGHS)

Herman Twam Judd, what have you done?

(SIGHS) Wait, so, what--

what exactly are we saying to the passengers?

Captain one, cannibal nil.

Or does that sound like I've eaten someone?

It does, and it's also not a plan.

What are we doing with the cannibal?

Maybe we can rehabilitate him. Tell him he can stay

if we wire his jaw shut. He can't drink us, can he?

-(SIGHS) -Oh, yeah, no, that is genius.

"Here's your new neighbor! Pretty sure he won't eat you,

but he may just juice you."

(SIGHS)

Oh, bollocks, I've lost the fob again.

BILLIE: Sometimes I forget that underneath

your confused-old-man shtick,

you're actually just a confused old man.

Sorry, I can't hear 'cause I'm a confused old man,

-so... -Oh, there it is.

Well, where did you get that?

Why have you got the fob?

Because I have been picking up after you all day.

Rule number one of initiating a lockdown,

-keep hold of the master fob. -The lockdown was your idea.

My idea and your decision!

Oh! Well, that's very convenient, isn't it?

-It's not convenient, it's true. It's true! -How it's always my decision.

-No, you're welcome. -That's so Billie.

Think I deserve a thank you, but, no, no, never mind.

You want to me to do what I want?

-Is that what you want? -Well, I'll tell you what I don't want from you,

yodeling away in my ear,

is you being the power behind the throne,

pissing on the throne, and then complaining

that the throne smells of piss!

What a phallocentric metaphor.

Okay, Ryan, I am not pissing on your throne.

And, Rav, I could totally piss on a throne.

-MATT: Ryan Clark! -Yes, you could.

You trampled our Eden. And worse than that,

-you hurt a child's feelings. -RYAN: But, wh-- Matt,

-I don't understand-- -(MIMICS RYAN)

-RYAN: What are you doing? -I don't know. I don't know.

Fuck you.

You're a bottomless fuckup!

Bringing it back into the room, cannibals and passengers.

What are we going to tell them?

Well, why don't we tell them the truth? How about that?

We picked up an elite cannibal, and we only had him

because we'd already picked up a paedo to fix the food.

A pointless endeavor because for the eight

miserable years we're gonna be on this galactic clown show,

there are only rations enough for half of us.

This is wild.

RYAN: And there's no point in hurrying back to Earth

because, you know, even if we could get there,

I'd probably miss it because I've never

had a flying lesson in my entire fucking life!

(LAUGHS)

So, we can just say some more soothing lies into the ca--

-Rav. -Yeah?

When you finished the emergency broadcast,

did you, uh, you switch off the feed by any chance?

Oh, yes. (CHUCKLES) Yes, definitely.

So, why is-- why is the light still red?

-Why is it red? -Oh, uh,

red for not recording, right?

Red for not recording.

-No? Is it-- is that no? No? -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

-Oh, my God. (GASPS) -(SYSTEM BEEPS)

(RAV WHIMPERS)

-(STIFLED SHRIEK) -BILLIE: Oh, my God.

-(RYAN BREATHES DEEPLY) -(WHISPERS) Fuck! Fuck!

(SYSTEM BEEPS)

(CHUCKLES) Ladies and gentlemen...

(CLEARS THROAT) ...what you just heard was--

Well, it was... (MUMBLES)

-Oh, what am I gonna t-- -Um. Um. Uh, uh--

-What am I gonna tell them? -You're gonna have to say s-- you can't just leave it like--

-We were just rehearsing a play? -RAV: Just say that.

-Say that, say that. -You can't say-- just--

You've got to... (CLEARS THROAT)

(SCREEN BEEPS)

(SIGHS) It's all true.

Every word of it, it's all true.

So, now you know everything.

(INHALES) Where do you want to go from here?

(ALARM BLARING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Lockdown terminated.

-Lockdown terminated. -(GRUNTS)

MATT: You remain a fuckup!

-♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(CROWD CLAMORS)

-(ALARM BLARING) -(CROWD CLAMORING)

♪ (TENSE MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪