All language subtitles for Sports Night - 01x05 - Mary Pat Shelby

Isaac: That's great news, Bill.
Sensational.

We'll treat him very well.

I say, we'll treat
your client very well, Bill.

T ake care. Heh heh heh heh!

-- We got him?
-- How much do you love me?

-- We got him?
-- I'm asking you right now
at this very moment --

-- how much do you love me?
-- lsaac?

We...got...him.

-- We got him?!
-- We got him!

-- We got him?!
-- We got him!

-- [ Gasps ]
-- We got him!

Christian Patrick
right here in our studio.

It's not remote?

In our studio
tomorrow night at 1 1 :00!

I am so hot for you
right now.

-- You know who ESPN's got?
-- No.

I don't either, but
it's not Christian Patrick.

We gotta promote
the hell out of this, lsaac.

I know.

-- I mean, you gotta get on the
phone with Promotions right now.
-- I will.

Get them out of bed!
It's moving day.

-- It's a big day.
-- I mean, this is a coup,
Isaac.

We need it promoted!

What, do I look like I just
sailed in from Minskapinsk?

No, you don't, but you've gotta
stop using Yiddish expressions.

They work for me!

[ Chuckling ]
Not as much as you think.

-- I'm thinking seriously
about doing it.
-- I wouldn't.

I'm thinking seriously
about it.

-- What do you think?
-- I wouldn't.

-- Guys?
-- No.

It's not a good idea.

I wouldn't do it.

I want this now.
This is important to me.

I'm an adult,
and I wanna grow a goatee.

-- Danny.
-- Dana.

-- How much do you love me?
-- I wanna grow a goatee.

Very, very bad idea.
How much do you love me?

I think
it would look good.

I think you'd look like
Colonel Sanders.

How much do you love me?

A little less
than I did before
the "Colonel Sanders" thing.

We got Christian Patrick.

-- Seriously?
-- Tomorrow night.

Remote from the locker room?

In the studio,
my clean-shaven friend.

In the studio -- 5 minutes.

Oh, we gotta promote
the hell out of this.

Ah, do I look like I just
sailed in from Minskapinsk?

I really couldn't say,
but I still think we should
promote this interview.

-- Yes!
-- Good job.

[ Gasps ] Natalie!

Yes, ma'am.

How much do you love me,
right now, this very second?

-- What did I do?
-- Nothing.

I'm asking how much
this very second --

You know what?
Never mind.

Tomorrow night...

you are going to go out
to the Meadowlands and do
a pre-interview.

-- Since when do we do
pre-interviews?
-- Since we booked
Chris Patrick.

-- You're kidding.
-- No.

Seriously?

Tomorrow night,
we are gonna win our time slot
in 14 major markets

for the first time
since we went on the air.

Does this strike you
as something I'm inclined
to joke about?

-- No.
-- See?

But you're not generally
inclined to joke about much
of anything at all.

Yes. But if I were,
this wouldn't be it.

-- Right.
-- Now, what does that mean?

-- What does what mean?
-- Are you saying I don't have
a sense of humor?

-- Dana, I --
-- Never mind.

You'll interview him
right after the game tomorrow,
then hustle on back.

I need you here
90 minutes before showtime.

-- You sure
you don't want Jeremy?
-- I want you.

-- Jeremy knows the NFL.
-- So do you.

-- Not like Jeremy.
-- You'll do fine.

Show me a list of the questions,
and don't play softball.

This man is a convicted felon,

and he's talking to us
and nobody else,

-- so let's make it count,
you got it?
-- Yeah.

This show's lived in third place
long enough, Natalie.

It's moving day!

-- Dana, you are wired.
-- Yes, I am!

Plus...I have a terrific
sense of humor.

I know lots and lots of jokes.

People say that about you.

Good. Go.

"SportsCenter"...

"Fox Sports News"...

and here comes
"Sports Night,"

Ied by Dana Whitaker
in the number-3 car.

I'm talking to myself,
and that can't be a good sign.

A lot of great and distinguished
men have worn goatees.

I'll give you $100 if you don't
start naming them for me.

-- King Tut.
-- Thank you.

-- Sigmund Freud.
-- Dan, Casey.

Galileo is another.

Uh, I've just been on
a conference call

with Patrick's agent
and his lawyer.

Ah, and here come
the guidelines.

5 minutes and 30 seconds total.

Casey will ask a question
with a follow-up,

then Dan, and so on.

Mary Pat Shelby?

Off limits.

How off limits?

Completely off limits.

-- Totally off limits?
-- Entirely off limits.

No questions
about Mary Pat Shelby.

Really?

We're just gonna talk
about football.

How 'bout something
like this --

Chris, what were you thinking

when you punched your girlfriend
in the face

and threw her down
that flight of stairs?

I'm sorry, I meant,

"How the heck did you catch
that pass against the Raiders?"

No, that would be
a bad thing to do.

And you make this agreement
two hours before the show?

It was the only time!

You are getting played
like a fiddle, and I'm serious.

I am not getting played.
I got beat.

-- Damn right you got beat.
-- I know. I got beat.

You promote the thing
nonstop, all day, all night,

then they get you to agree
to this nonsense

at the eleventh hour,
when there's no chance
you'll pull it.

You got beat like a drum.

Something was better than
nothing, and we needed this.

Yeah, and Patrick's people
need to show

-- their guy can still sell
sneakers and soda.
-- [ Cup rattles ]

And when the whole thing's
over...

we hop in the shower,
and they leave the money
on the night table.

Plus, we get to show
Mary Pat Shelby

that unless she can catch
80 passes in a season,

the world couldn't honestly
give a damn

about her concussion
and broken jaw.

I don't think I need
a civics lesson from you, Casey.

Well, I think you need one
from somebody, Dana,

'cause you're doing
a big thing badly.

I'm aware of the
moral questions posed by this,

but I'm also aware of the fact

that this is a third-place show
that doesn't deserve to be.

But I can't educate viewers
to that fact

unless they're watching us
in the first place.

So... your pedantic scolding
aside,

I'll do anything,

short of a "wet T-shirt" contest
to get us there,

and these days,

the "wet T-shirt" contest
isn't looking so bad to me.

-- You see what I'm saying?
-- I wasn't really listening.

I was handicapping the odds
of something falling on your
head when you were talking.

Oh.

These are the guidelines.

-- Hey, you wanna
get involved with this?
-- I so don't.

Thank you.

-- Didn't you used to care
about these things?
-- Yes.

-- And it wasn't that long ago
that you did.
-- No.

-- I mean,
it was, like, yesterday.
-- Right.

Now, when I say "yesterday,"
I'm not speaking metaphorically.

I mean it was yesterday.

What happened
to your values?

I find that maintaining them
is a lot of work.

I take a day off
every now and then.

-- You take a vacation
from doing the right thing?
-- Yeah.

I don't loot storefronts
or anything,

but once in a while, when l
consider the effort it takes

to diligently adhere
to a moral compass,

I take myself out of the lineup
and I rest for the next game.

I swear, you could run
for Congress and win.

-- Not with a goatee.
-- Yeah, that's true.

[ Telephone ringing ]

-- Hey.
-- Oh, hey.

-- How did it go?
-- I didn't know
anyone was using the room.

I'm pretty much done.

I was just gonna put
the voiceover on

the N.C. State/Clemson
package.

-- You wanna see it?
-- No, let's do it later, okay?

I need to get the pre-interview
notes together for Dana.

-- What happened to your wrist?
-- What?

-- What happened to your wrist?
-- Oh, God, yeah.

-- It got jammed in a thing.
-- Is it all right?

Yeah, I got it jammed in
the door by accident in the van.

-- It was my own -- I closed it,
and I wasn't thinking --
-- It looks pretty sore.

Yeah. No. It's fine.

I once got an lndian burn
that looked like that.

My sister Louise
tied me to a tree.

[ Laughs ] Why did your sister
Louise tie you to a tree?

That's a perfectly fair
question,

but I honestly
couldn't tell you.

I'm gonna find another room.

-- I should call and ask her.
-- Yeah!

All right, first of all...

a priest, a minister,
and a rabbi walk into a bar.

-- What are you doing?
-- I'm telling a joke.

A priest, a minister,
and a rabbi walk into a bar --

Don't do it.

-- Why?
-- lt'll end badly for you.

-- I can tell a joke.
-- No, you can't.

-- You've seen me tell jokes.
-- You telegraph your jokes.

I don't telegraph my jokes.

You do it with
a satanic grin.

Ooh, Satan's another one.

-- Another what?
-- Goatee.
-- That's right.

-- You see?
-- Plus, he can tell a joke.

Who thinks Danny
should grow a goatee?

-- No.
-- No, I don't like it.
Not one bit.
-- No.

There it is.
20 through 30 --

do we have the film on
the Rangers and the Red Wings?

Toulouse-Lautrec.

Are you just gonna keep naming
people with goatees?

-- As they come to me.
-- It actually presents
a lighting problem.

A lighting problem?

People, we need to focus
for a minute.

Yes, the goatee.

-- A lighting problem?
-- It would be a bit
of a lighting problem.

-- Folks --
-- I have a hard time believing

that my growing a goatee is
gonna cause any kind of lighting
problem, guys, all right?

Hey, these guys still haven't
figured out how to light
your nose.

Can I get a flag
on that play, please?

20 through 30 --
40, we go to Pebble Beach --

Excuse me, Dana.

I'm sorry, but I have to get
some people on the phones.

-- What's going on?
-- I'm not sure yet.

But there's a story
coming out of the Meadowlands.

A maintenance worker,
a custodian,

or somebody witnessed
Christian Patrick

in an otherwise empty
locker room

exposing himself to a woman.

What does the woman say?

We don't know
who the woman is,

but if she was in there,
it's likely she's press.

He exposed himself?

The thing is...he may have done
more than that.

The witness says he saw Patrick
grab the woman's arm...

and there was some kind
of struggle.

-- Her arm?
-- Yes.

-- Wait. He grabbed her arm?
-- Well, we're getting a lot --

Could it have been
her wrist?

-- Yes, but --
-- Son of a bitch.

What's with him?

It was Natalie.

[ Door closes ]

Ohh.

[ Door opens ]

Um...[Clears throat]
everybody else...

work the phones.

I'm fine.

-- Is it just your wrist?
-- I'm fine.

Did he hurt you
anyplace else?

He didn't hurt me.

-- Natalie.
-- Dana.
-- Put this on.

Keep it on top like this.
Don't put it underneath.

It's not swollen.

It will be.

Put the ice on, Natalie.

Natalie...

he's gonna be here soon.

We'll have a car come,
pick you up, take you home.

Why do I need to go home?

It's gonna be uncomfortable
for you when he gets here.

Am I being fired?

Don't be ridiculous.
He's saying --

Then I'd like to stay.

I'm the senior
associate producer here.

I've got a show
in 38 minutes.

I'd like to be allowed
to do my job.

[ Sighs ]
Of course you can stay.

Why don't we all
get back to work?

[ Door opens ]

Marsha, get me someone
from Legal,

and you'd better call J.J.
at the network.

Isaac, Christian Patrick's
in the lobby

with Bill Evans
and David Burke.

Put Patrick in the greenroom
and have Evans and Burke
sent to my office.

Natalie's in the edit bay.
Bring Patrick around the back.

This is a whole new ballgame.

-- It is?
-- Yeah.

-- It's a whole new ballgame?
-- Casey --

Because we only agreed
not to discuss Mary Pat Shelby,

but we never agreed
not to discuss any further acts
of violence.

Is that why
it's a whole new ballgame?

Listen!

You pompous jackass!

I am closer to Natalie
than anybody in this world,
and I'm also a woman,

so don't imply
that I'm somehow insensitive
to what's happened here.

But...there happens to be

an exclusive story
sitting in the greenroom

that's gonna be wildfire whether
we light the match or not.

It happened. It's news.

I can't decide not to pursue it
just 'cause it happened to us!

Not only that,
I think Natalie deserves
to have her story told.

Don't use the last part.

What?

You had me till the last part.

-- What do you --
-- Of course it's a legitimate
news story,

and it would be embarrassing
if we weren't the ones
to break it.

But Natalie didn't seem
at all to me anxious
to have her story told.

And speaking as a friend,
I think it's wrong of you
to use that.

I am not rationalizing, Danny.
I am saying what I believe.

That's fine, but in a minute,
you're gonna have to float
an argument by Isaac,

and I'm just saying...
you had me till the last part.

[ Telephones ringing ]

You're right.

Natalie doesn't want
the story to get out anyway.

You know what?
It's a whole new ballgame.

[ Sighs ]

I thought you were taking a
break from moral accountability.

-- I threw in one for nothing.
-- Hmm.

Man: We're not gonna let
Chris Patrick walk into
an impromptu interrogation.

If it's not tonight,
then it's tomorrow morning.

We don't know what happened.
We don't know if anything --

We know Natalie
has a mark on her wrist
the size of a charm bracelet,

and we know we have a live
interview with your client.

-- [ Sighs ]
-- Well, talk to us.

Despite a mountain
of fairly immutable evidence,

I'm prepared to believe

that what happened to Natalie
didn't happen to Natalie,

and I'm confident

I can persuade Natalie
to see it the same way.

What's the catch?

Mary Pat Shelby.

What do we get?
What do you get?

Natalie will deny reports

that she was sexually assaulted
in an empty locker room,

and I'm including
league security as well
as press inquiries.

In exchange, I get
a 5-minute interview
with Patrick,

in which Mary Pat Shelby
is fair game.

You do what I'm telling you,
and your client stays off
"America's Most Wanted."

-- And you get your ratings.
-- Yes, I do.

We'll talk to Chris.

Do it now.

[ Door opens ]

What was that about?

It's not important.

I can't be shielded
like this, Jeremy.

I need to know
what's going on around here.

Dana cut a deal
with Chris Patrick's people.

There aren't gonna be any
questions about what happened.

And we get Mary Pat Shelby?

-- Yeah.
-- Dana knows what she's doing.

-- Yeah, she does.
-- Listen --

-- Are you happy with that?
-- Yes.

-- Natalie...
forget about the show.
-- She did the smart thing.

-- Look...
-- She thinks
it's what you want.

You can go to her right now,
Natalie.

It wouldn't be
as bad as you think.

Yes, it would.

-- Natalie --
-- Yes, it would!

Private conversations
in the corridor,

secret meetings
in lsaac's office,

"We'll have a car
take you home"?

I'm already out of the loop.

-- It's just tonight.
-- No, it's not.

This is a soundproof room,

and I can still hear
the phones ringing out there.

They're on the scent,

and they're all calling
to talk to me.

I have a journalism degree
from Northwestern.

I started out
as a summer intern.

I worked my way up
to senior associate.

Tomorrow, I'd be
a cocktail-party joke.

So it'd actually be
every bit as bad as I think.

Yeah.

If you don't mind,
I really have this work to do.

Isn't there anything
I can do for you?

No.

[ Sighs ]

Hey, I'm looking for
the men's room.

Down the hall to your right.

Thanks.
Chris Patrick.

Get your hand
out of my face.

Did I say something funny?

[ Sighing ]
I'm 6'4," 230 pounds...

bench-press 3 bills,
run a 4.4 40.

[ lnhales sharply ]

What, do you want to dance
with me, Junior?

You touch her again,
I'm gonna have you killed.

Do you understand
what I'm saying?

I'm gonna pay someone $50
to have you killed.

Well, let me tell you
something...Skippy.

By the look in her eyes
when she got a load of me...

...seemed pretty impressed.

[ lndistinct conversation ]

[ Door opens ]

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doin'?

There's just, uh...

Nothing.

The network says
intend-to-view tracking
puts us in 4.2 million homes.

It's a landslide.

Hmm.

Well, you're about to take us
into the big-time, Dana.

You deserve credit for that.

I sent her there on purpose.

I sent her there
instead of Jeremy

'cause I knew how Patrick felt
about women in a locker room,

and I thought I could...
provoke a more...

a better response
to the questions.

I sent her there on purpose.

I know.

Does she?
Does Natalie know?

Of course she knows.

She learned from you.

It was the right thing to do.

Does she know
that I sold her?

Dana, Natalie wouldn't complain
if her hair were on fire.

[ Chuckles softly ]

She wants what's best
for the show.

And she knows that I know.

What's that?

That you tend to do
the right thing.

[ Voice breaking ] Oh.

[ Sighs ]

Hey.

Hey.

How's your wrist?

It's fine. My wrist is fine.
My wrist is fine.

I know it's hard to think of
things to say to me right now,

but if people would stop
asking about my wrist,
I'd really appreciate it.

My wrist is fine.

Cool.

Wait. [ Sighs ]

Yeah?

-- What were you gonna say?
-- Nothin'.

You came in here
to say something.

I came in to ask you
about your wrist.

-- No, you didn't.
-- It's what everybody's doing.

-- You're not everybody.
-- I can work on that.

[ Sighing ] You came in to say
I shouldn't keep quiet.

No. Actually, you caught me
on my day off.

You're not gonna tell me
to be strong?

It hasn't been my experience
that you need to be told that.

We all remember
a Boston Globe reporter
who was strong, Danny.

There isn't
a female sports journalist

that didn't learn
their lesson from it.

I would imagine.

She had death threats.

The FBl had to open her mail.

Every loser
who knew how to dial a phone

is calling talk radio,
saying, "She was a bitch

who shouldn't have been where
she was in the first place."

And when it was all said
and done,

she had to pack up her life
and move to the other side
of the planet.

Nat, I have
absolutely no problem

with you going along with Dana
and taking a pass.

Mm-hmm.

The only reason
I came in here...

was to tell you this --

no matter what you decide...
you've got friends.

And this is what friends
gear up for.

[ Door closes ]

This is insane.

Oh! Jesus! I'm so sorry!

I'm so -- I'll --
I'll help you later.

[ Panting ]

-- Kim!
-- Yeah, right here.

Um...I need you to cut
a new intro.

Blow off 30 and, um,
give it to me in 2 minutes.

-- [ Telephones ringing ]
-- I need all hands now!

-- Uh...Elliott!
-- What do you need?

I need graphics
in the control room.

Uh...Jeremy!

I need you to create 5 minutes.
Can you do that?

-- Are we?
-- Yes.

-- Absolutely.
-- Thank you.

Um...

[ lndistinct conversations ]

[ Panting ]

-- lsaac.
-- Yeah?

[ Clears throat ]
We did a big thing badly.

I know.

Can I try and fix it?

Go.

Excuse me, everybody!

Can I have your attention,
please?

[ Sighs deeply ]

This interview's off.

-- Yes!
-- What?
-- Why?

I want to thank you
for coming down,

but we're gonna do a show now,
and I need you to clear
the studio.

Let's go. Move it.

-- You can't do this, lsaac.
-- It's done.

You're all gonna be the
laughingstock of broadcast news.

We're pretty much
used to that by now.

Dave:
Three minutes to air.

Folks, I'm pretty sure
I heard my boss ask you all
to leave the building.

This is a third-place show
on a fourth-rate network.

Yeah, but that's all gonna
change once I grow a goatee.

He's just crazy enough
to do it, too.

Get your things.

[ lndistinct conversations ]

We've got two minutes!

Have a good show.

Hey.

Hey.

How you doin'?

Jeez.

[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

A lot of fuss
about nothin', huh?

I'll say.

I mean...

maybe I came on to you
a little.

No big deal, right?

Do you remember
how much you wanted to play

professional football
when you were a kid?

Yeah.

That's how much I wanted to be
a sports reporter.

I was just there doing my job.

But tomorrow the sky's gonna
fall down on both of us,

'cause as soon as my show
comes down at midnight,

I'm going over
to the 23rd precinct,

and I'm swearing out a warrant
for your arrest.

Chris.

Yeah.

Right now, this second...
how much do you love me?

[ Sighs ] I'm sorry.

Dan: Good evening.
From New York City,

I'm Dan Rydell
alongside Casey McCall.

Those stories, plus...

-- I am so sorry.
-- It's okay.

...controversies
in the PAC-1 0 and the SEC.

What can I do?

Casey: Goalies get into
the action in the NHL...

Tell me a joke, Dana.

...there's no place
like home.

Dan: All that coming up
after this.

You're watching "Sports Night"
on CSC, so don't go away.

[ Rock music plays ]