All language subtitles for The.Watcher.S01E02.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.Atmos.H.264-SMURF

I'm tired of you saying
there's nothing you can do.

No, I said
you got to meet me halfway.

I'm doing my part. We're running the DNA
on the first envelope now.

We can run it on this one, too.

I imagine it's the same person.

We had a squad car driving by
your house four times last night.

They didn't see anything.

You have to get
those cameras set up, okay?

But, I don't know, it's like
they knew that was going to happen,

like they sent the second letter
knowing we couldn't catch them. Right?

Who will we press charges against?

Who do we slap with a restraining order?
We don't know who did it.

Well, I think we do know and I think
it's staring us right in the face.

It's got to be Jasper Winslow.
Have you even looked into him?

I think he got spooked
by you throwing him out of your house

and threatening to kill him.

The sister says
he hasn't left his room in five days.

She sounded spooked too,
so I think she's telling the truth.

- She's as odd as he is.
- Yeah...

I mean, she said something
about keeping an eye on us.

Then she says something about
the 100-year-old tree,

- which is what the letter says.
- I think it's the tracksuit twins.

- Mitch and Mo?
- Yeah.

Those two are a hoot.

Look.
Here's what I've been thinking.

Whoever's writing these letters
wants you out of there.

I say list the house, call their bluff.

What?
I'm not selling the house, detective.

I didn't say sell it.

I said list it.
See who gives a bid on it, right?

Might give us a good lead.

But you don't want to
sell the house. I get it.

Look, I hate to say you just gotta
sit tight here, but that's where we are.

Get those cameras in
and if you still don't feel safe,

I suggest hiring private security.

Can't have
a squad car sitting there all night.

That's taxpayer money.

But, if you want to pay for it,

you could have a guy with a gun
in your driveway, 24/7.

No. We already looked into that.

- It's $7,000 a week. We can't afford that.
- That money is going into the renovation.

Well, maybe a private detective.

It's cheaper.
They can do some digging we can't.

Might speed the process along.

How do we find a private detective?

I can give you some names.

One hundred and twenty-two cases.

I've solved 93.

I'm a regular goddamn Murder, She Wrote.

So, you were a cop?

A cop? Oh, dear lord, no.

I was a jazz singer.

A jazz... You're kidding!

I was good, too.

Wow. Well, can I just ask
why did you leave it?

Well, see, as good a musician as I was,
I was an even better drinker.

So at a certain point,
the husband gives me an ultimatum.

It's either me or the booze.
Easy, I pick booze.

And then I had a heart attack on stage.

I was legally dead for ten minutes.

It rather took the fun out of things.

And the funniest thing happened
when I got to rehab.

My taste for alcohol just dried up.

Instead, I got a taste for murder.

That became my addiction.

Watching those true crime shows.

Cases that hadn't been solved.

My mind would just turn them
over and over and over and over.

It was all I could think about.

It took me over entirely.

Until...

one day I thought, "Fuck it!"

"I'm going to become a private eye."

Like you see in the movies!

I'm going to solve some fucking crimes!

And you can see there,
I've solved all sorts of cases.

See, I like a riddle.

And that's why I like your case.

Because that is quite a riddle,
isn't it, hmm?

Whoever's writing those letters
is trying to scare you. Why?

Why? What do they have to gain?

What do they want?

That is the question
at the root of every crime.

Those are letters
from a person coveting something.

Somebody wants the thing you have.

Yeah, okay, fine, but who?

For $100 an hour you can find out.

I'll find this son of a bitch,
Mr. Brannock.

Oh, shit.

I have to get back to work.

Listen, thank you so much.

I just have to talk to my wife
about this but... I'll be in touch.

I'll do it for half.

Fifty bucks.

And I won't charge for mileage.

I've got cancer of the liver.

And I've got a daughter,
who's a single mum,

who I need to provide for
for as long as I can.

I'll be in touch.

You think Chamberland was right?
Maybe we list the house.

Whoa. That's not
what Chamberland was saying.

I'm going to text Theodora Birch,
let her know she's hired.

She'll have a few weeks
to figure out who The Watcher is,

but by then the renovation should be done.

Okay, here's one.

Ten minutes from here.
It looks... It looks nice.

It looks...

Okay. Well, look, I...

I just don't feel safe sleeping here

and the dust is going to be bad
for Carter's asthma anyway.

And if this is what
we can afford, then fine.

We stayed at Motel 6s all the time
when we were growing up.

It was fun. I don't need
a suite at the Ritz-Carlton, honey.

I know, look, I just... I'm thinking
that one of us needs to be here at night.

We've got workers
getting here at the crack of dawn.

Somebody's gotta let them in, right?

They've got $30,000 worth
of equipment laying around,

it's like we're begging
to get broken into.

So we set the alarm.

Now we're giving out our alarm codes
and we got randos with our code.

Then we change the code.

Babe, we need to have some

car in the driveway.
Lights, on and off, like it's normal.

Okay, so, you sleep here

and me and the kids
will sleep at the motel.

Are you going to be okay with that?

Honey. It's this place I'm scared of,
not some stupid motel

and it's just a couple weeks.

Look, we'll eat dinner here
with you every night,

then the kids and I
will sleep at the motel.

It's going to be fine, I promise.

The kids will love it, okay?

Yeah.

How many nights are you
planning on staying here?

- Not sure, really. Two weeks? Maybe three.
- Hmm.

We're having some work done on the house.
Some construction...

My son Carter's got asthma.
So, you know, the dust and all that so...

Do you take Amex?

Are you sure
that you want to stay with us?

You're just not the kind of folks that...
Our usual clientele.

- This place is perfect.
- It's fine.

We've had our eye on it for a while.
It's like a little staycation.

Suit yourself.

Hey, guys.
Come on, it's late. Time to go to sleep.

Hey, wait, are you leaving?

Yeah, I'm gonna stay home tonight

so I can let the workers in
tomorrow, right?

This is an incredible situation
for you guys.

It's like you have
your own apartment. Practicing.

Plus you got a pool, right?

Been swimming at the house lately,
you can keep up with it.

Okay, night-night. Bye.

- Dad?
- What?

What if whoever we're hiding from
comes here to get us?

Hey, nobody's coming to get you, okay?

Yeah.
Mom's right here, right?

Gonna leave that door open,
lock all these doors.

Nobody knows that we're here. Okay?

- Okay.
- All right?

Okay, go to sleep.

- El, it's eleven o'clock, phone off.
- Okay.

Thank you. Okay?

I love you.

- Love you.
- I love you more.

I mean not more,
just different. All right.

You're just staying at the house
so you can catch whoever's doing this,

aren't you?

Don't lie.

Yeah. I'm gonna nail that son of a bitch.

Hey, might not be a man, could be a woman.

That's true. Night. Love you.

Hello.

Hello?

Who is it?

- Where are the kids?
- They're inside, fast asleep.

- You okay?
- Let's just go talk to her.

I don't know what to tell you.

Someone called,
asked for room number five.

I put the call through.
It's not so unusual.

- Was it a man or a woman?
- I don't know. A man, I guess.

Or maybe it was a woman.
Some folks think I sound like a man.

Yeah.

Look, did he say anything?

No. It was just breathing...

- Has anyone called since?
- No.

- Dial star-69, please.
- What?

- Star-69. It's gonna call them right back.
- Yeah.

Nobody's picking up.

I just don't have any answers.

I found out that there was
one other offer and it was, like...

It was, like, a lowball offer

and, uh, my guess is
that they were trying to flip it.

You know, just a flipper
doing that, but it was an LLC.

That means there doesn't have
to be any names on any of the documents.

And, as you know, my boss, Darren,

he's a real stickler about
protecting the privacy of his clients.

That's why he's number one
on the west side.

Okay. Well, thanks for trying.

Yeah.

Anyway, can I just ask you something?
Something really blunt?

Who, you? Yeah, be blunt. Come on.

What was your first instinct?

You know, when you...
when you got that first letter,

did you just want to grab your husband
and kids and get the hell out of here?

Yeah, I guess.

Then that's what you need to do.

You need to sell, sell, sell.

You do. I'll be your realtor.

I can sell your house in a weekend.

You think so?

It just has to be the right price.

You know, if it was me, I would just,

I would take like 500k off.

500k?

Sweetheart, you've got two demonic letters

threatening you and your kids' lives!

For fuck's sake, I mean...

Hi, we're not ready yet.
And my napkin smells like vinegar.

Seriously, sweetie,
you need to sell your house immediately.

You do. You just...
You can get a cute little house nearby.

There's a very cute one on Hollyhock.

It's not as fancy and as grand
as yours, but it's really cute.

It's the same school district,
so your kids don't have to change schools,

and you can stay at the country club.

I don't know. I...

You know what? I'm...
I'm starting to miss New York.

- Not the apartment, but, yeah, the city.
- Oh, my God.

Did you know that New York City

is going to be underwater in five years?

Did you know that?

And what are you gonna do anyway?
Are you gonna sell your pots?

That's what I do.

You've got to sell that house.
Got to do it.

You just gotta finish construction

and, uh, don't get murdered in that motel,
that you're staying in, down the street.

Because, Nora, you're exhausted.

You're really exhausted
and you're scared, but...

but what you really should be is...

You really should be angry.

I got the name and number
of a guy who used to live in your house.

A talent agent of all things.

- He's not who you bought the house from...
- I need to stop you there.

Okay.

My wife wants to sell the house.

With everything that's been happening,
and now this prank call thing,

I need to be sure she feels
like she's being protected by me.

- But don't you want to know?
- Know what?

Who's doing this to you.

Nora doesn't care about any of that.

What she wants is to get out of that house
and what she needs from me is support.

I understand. Just hear me out, hmm?

When I was still drinking, years ago,

my husband was fucking around
with somebody and I knew it.

He and I weren't even
talking at that point.

So one day, finally,
he'd had enough of my drinking,

so he up and walked out.

But after I'd had my heart attack,
and quit drinking for good, I missed him.

Begged him to take me back
and he said he would on one condition.

That I'd never ask
who he'd been sleeping with.

If I agreed to that, he'd take me back.

Forgive me for wasting
the best years of his life.

So I said yes.

And we were happy.

But not knowing who this woman was...

It ate me up.
It's all I could think about.

Smiling across the table,
snuggling up on the sofa, watching TV.

All I could picture
was this woman's face blurred out.

This woman who took something from me.

Although what she took was something
I didn't deserve in the first place, so...

I found out.

Drove up to Rockland County.

Told her if she ever spoke another word
to my husband, I'd kill her.

And my husband never found out.

And our life was never stronger.

I had to know.

I didn't have a choice in the matter.

I had to know.
Couldn't get on with life until I did.

Okay, so you just
prop this under the doorknob...

And see, you can't even start to open it.

You could try
but not even a battering ram could do it.

Once you put this up,
nobody's getting through this door.

I mean, simple but effective.

Thank you.

Honestly, it's my pleasure. Um...

I'll just put this in the kids room
and you'll be all set.

We'll be fine. Thanks.

Okay. No problem.

It's like my first New York apartment.

Hmm.

You okay?

- Uh... Yeah.
- What is it? What?

You know how I was saying
we should sell?

Mm-hmm.

It's like all this time,
I felt the terror.

And I don't think
I've actually acknowledged how angry I am.

Angry at me?

At whoever's doing this to us.

We moved out here to be
inoculated from this kind of fear, right?

And I know it's not happening just to us.

It's happening to everyone
all across the country.

Your life can just be destroyed.

You're targeted.

We're not really safe anywhere.

Is that what
we should be telling our kids?

That if somebody terrorizes us,
we just let them?

We just run?

I don't know how we keep doing this, but...

I don't think we can give up yet.

You are a fighter, baby.

You always have been.

Oh.

- It's okay.
- So I'm all finished.

That's great. Thank you.

You know, I was thinking, um,
and don't feel obliged,

but if you wanted me to post up at night,
out there, where I can see your rooms

and just watch for any trouble.

You know, I'd be happy to do it.

What do you mean?
Like, all night out there?

Well, yeah.

That's what I used to do
before I started doing alarm systems.

Right, okay. Well, I gotta ask,
how much would you charge?

Don't know.

Twenty bucks an hour?

From, like, sundown to sunup?

- Okay. Yeah. That would be so helpful.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I'll leave you guys to it.

- Dean, right?
- Yeah.

Andrew.

Where you coming from?

What?

Why are you asking me that?

I'm just curious.

Look, I don't want to be here right now.

Okay?

I don't like talking about what happened.

I don't like having to relive it.

But if you're living in that house,
then I have a responsibility to help you

because nobody helped me

and I really wish they had.

If you care about your family,
you are going to get out of that house.

Okay. Can you tell me why?

I never wanted to move to the suburbs.

I love the city.

Yeah.

I was a talent agent.

My wife Rose was a cellist.

We met one night and then...

we fell in love.

Six months later, we were married.

She gets pregnant.

And it was a tough pregnancy.

She had to be in bed most of the time.
She couldn't play.

And my career was taking off, right,
so I couldn't be home for her.

When Caleb was born
the postpartum was endless.

Year and a half, maybe.

I had to hire all this help

because she wasn't dealing
with being a mom.

She'd tell the nanny she was going to play
but she still wasn't touching the cello.

Finally I said...

"We gotta change this up."

"This isn't working."

So, we drove out to Westfield.

And we saw the house.

And we couldn't believe
what they were asking for it.

This was, um, 2014.

A few years after the crash,
so the prices were still good.

And I am killing it at work, right?

I'm repping Rosamund Pike.
I'm repping Andrew Garfield.

So we were fine.

And the house... I mean, it was amazing.

I was like, "Oh, shit!
We can't afford not to get this."

My son is two and a half now, three.

Big yard for him to play in,
so I'm like, "Fuck it."

We are moving to the suburbs.

And just like that,
it was like everything changed.

Suddenly, my wife is herself again.

She starts playing cello again...

And then they came into our lives.

Who?

The weird couple in the house behind.

Welcome to the neighborhood!

Big Mo's famous rhubarb pie!

And a little gift for the little one.

Their son was grown
and out of the house, so they said...

You know, if you ever need some time
to practice your cello, we'll babysit.

Give you a moment to yourself.

Oh, that'd be wonderful.

Boom.

And then,
my wife takes a turn, just like that.

Wait a minute. What happened?

She'd wake up in the middle of the night
saying she heard music.

And then she started seeing things.

We're calling the cops
every other night and they search.

Nobody's there.

Suddenly she's given up. Fuck the cello.
She doesn't want to be a stay-at-home mom.

Here I am racing my son
over to Mitch and Mo's at 6:00 a.m.,

so I can get to work on time.

- I come home to a fight every night.
- Fuck you!

And I was losing my shit at this point.

Rosamund drops me. Garfield drops me.

And I don't blame them.
I wasn't doing my job.

I'm putting my son to bed one night
and I asked him how his day was.

Daddy, I need to tell you something.

He was over at Mitch and Mo's.

Said he was playing in their bedroom

and he went down to the living room

and there were all these old people,

standing in a circle, in long red robes.

And they're chanting.

And in the middle of the circle...

What?

There is this little baby on an altar.

They had slit its throat.

They were drinking its blood.

Sorry,
and your son told you this?

I know. I know it sounds crazy.

Because he's three years old at the time...

I'm fucking telling you,
dude, my kid was scared.

I, uh...

I take him to therapy.

Therapist is like,
"Look, he's just making this up."

But then, I read a story two days later

about a three month old baby in Stamford
who disappears out of his crib one night.

They never find him.

So now, I'm fucking losing my mind, right?

I start taking pills
so I can get to sleep.

My wife, she's doing rehab
as an outpatient every day,

so I take a leave of absence
from work so I can watch my son.

And I am just staring
at Mitch and Mo's the whole time.

I tell the cops. They say I'm crazy.

Then I got a letter.

Dear Mr., Mrs. Pierce.
Welcome to 657 Boulevard.

And I knew it was them.

You wrote this, didn't you?

- What are you talking about?
- What did we do?

Why can't we see little Caleb?

You stay the fuck away from my family!

We're the only stable part
of that boy's life, you know?

It's that wife of yours
who's driving you crazy.

You should lock her up!

More letters came.

Your son, Caleb,
has a beautiful smile.

I miss your wife most days.

And they got more...

Have you thought
about just killing her?

...violent.

Will you sacrifice your wife or son?

But this is...

These are just like
the letters we're getting.

They are drinking the blood of children.

Right.

I'm sorry.
Why are they doing this again?

To look younger?

I looked it up.

There are these cults, right,

and there is something in the blood
called adrenochrome

that's excreted from the body by fear

and they fucking feed off of it.

Look. I just... I got to ask you, okay,
just to be devil's advocate here...

Uh... You... you were pretty medicated
at the time, right?

Uh-huh. I've taken every fucking pill
I can get my hands on.

I didn't know
what was real and what wasn't.

The fucking letters kept coming.

I'm talking to detectives,
I'm talking to the fucking FBI.

Young blood. Young blood!

You asked for a credible threat.
How about that?

Is that credible enough for you?

One day, I come home,
my wife's fucking out of her mind

and I ask her what happened
and she tells me...

Caleb?

...our son said he cut himself,

and suddenly she is just there.

Coming out of a secret tunnel.

I looked. I couldn't find it.

So we left that night.

We went back to the city.
We moved into a one-bedroom.

But my wife never recovered.

She said the visions never stopped.

One day I was bringing my son home
from a playdate.

Go play in there, buddy.

Babe?

Hello?

I'm sorry.

No, no, it's okay.

- Wait, no. Andrew, please.
- What?

Look, there's a neighbor.

He lives with his sister.
A strange guy, bald.

- Jasper Winslow?
- Yes.

Yeah, he's a good guy.
He brought me my mail,

he was always sweet with my son...
He's a good guy.

Who did you sell the house to?

I don't know. Some LLC.

It's the old couple, I'm telling you.

Get the fuck out of that house.

Fuck!

You scared the shit out of me.

Some watcher you are.
I snuck out and you didn't even notice.

Damn. You're right.

Don't get me in trouble. Okay?

I won't tell, if you don't tell them
that I went swimming.

You know, I love night swimming.
You should come with me.

Oh, man, I don't know.
It's pretty chilly out.

Pool looks heated to me.

You can still watch the room from here.

Oh, my God. It's perfect.

You know, I feel a little bad for you,
I got to say.

What do you mean?

Well, your dad...
He's tough on you, isn't he?

Yeah, but I mean,
he didn't used to be that way.

But in the last
couple of months, it's like...

I don't know, somebody flipped a switch.

Yeah, well, I get it, you know,
where he's coming from.

He's got a beautiful daughter and
he wants to protect her.

Yeah, I'm not beautiful.

Yeah, you are.

Swim with me.

- I told you, I'm not getting in.
- Oh, my God. Just get in!

I don't have a swimsuit!

Okay, just come in in your underwear.

I mean, they have towels. So...

I can't believe you're making me do this.

So, um, who do you think it is?

Who?

Whoever's writing letters? The Watcher.

I mean,
I think it's the crazy guy next door.

Keeps coming in your house, like...

It's gotta be him.

But I also don't really think
he's dangerous or anything.

Can I kiss you?

Oh, man... Uh...

How old are you?

Sixteen.

See, I'm 19.

You know, I could... I could get in trouble.

Yeah, well, then that just makes it
more exciting then, doesn't it?

Yes.

It's Pearl. I know it's early
but this is an emergency.

They're tearing it apart.

They're monsters.

This way, be careful
with the glass in the kitchen.

- I don't need the wife on me.
- Is that a jackhammer?

It is! Hi, Mo.

Uh, we're renovating the kitchen.

Gonna be blasting out the basement, too.

But I think these guys
will be here for a while.

You can't do that between
the hours of 8:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m.

I do. I know that. Look at that. 7:02.

Wow! That's loud.

God, it's just what I need.

My nerves are fried already
and now you go pulling a stunt like this.

I can't hear you!

Shit like this comes around, you know.

My husband and I are retired seniors.

You could have given us a heads up

and we would've fucked off
to our timeshare, asshole!

- Heard that.
- Why are you fucking with the house?

Well, I don't like Carrara marble,
you know. I'm Italian! I like to cook.

Carrara marble is Italian,
you fucking moron!

Yeah, well, you can't make red sauce
on Carrara marble because it stains the...

What am I explaining it to you for?

It's my house, okay?
I'm gonna do what I want.

What you can do is
not make it as tacky as shit.

You're going to put naked
concrete cherubs pissing everywhere

and a goddamn foosball table
in the basement.

The house is perfect as is.
You're going to ruin it.

So you've been in the house, have you?

- Of course I have.
- Oh.

How'd you get in? Back door? Tunnel?

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Why don't you
just get off my property?

I'm going to be making
journal entries, you hear me?

I got a sound meter thing, okay.

I'll make journal entries,
recording every decibel.

I'm watching you!

You're watching me?

I know it's you sending those letters.

And now I'm going to be watching you.

Ah!

Full sun today.

Great opportunity
to get some of that vitamin D.

I'm going to go oil up with my husband.

Don't get too much vitamin D.
Hate to see you get melanoma.

Maybe that's a battle
I'm already fighting.

Fuck her.

Hey!

What's going on?
Is Randy getting married or something?

You didn't hear?

Al, let me call you right back.

What are you doing, Jack?

You can't barge into my office.

You made Randy partner? Randy?

The guy has been here for, what, a year?

I don't think the guy's 30 years old.

I have been at this firm
for ten years, Jack.

At the Christmas party,
you said I was next.

I told you that you could be next
and it is not just up to me.

He brings us clients.

I brought you Lennox Hill.
They're massive.

Randy brought us
Warby Parker and Instacart.

Those are two multi-billion dollar IPOs.

You have been off your game, pal.

If you can't understand that,
we have a bigger problem.

Okay, look.

I've been busy the last few months.
I bought a new house.

- I had to put the kids in a new...
- It's about the last four years.

You used to be a killer, Dean.
This place was your life.

First person in the office, last to leave.

It almost cost me my marriage.

It was the filing
for chapter 13 that did that.

Okay, that's...

That's over. Okay, Jack?

I was counting on making partner.

Jack, okay, I... I need the money.

So, what do we do here?

It might help not seeing you leave here
every day at 4:30.

Josie, get me Albert again, please?

Hey.

Oh, hey. How was work?

You know, it was...

Well, actually, that's why I'm calling.

They dumped a huge load
of work on me, babe,

and I'm not going to be able
to come by tonight.

Oh, okay.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

Just make sure you get some rest, okay?

Don't stay up too late.

Yeah, I'm tired.

Yeah.

Have sweet dreams, yeah?

Honey, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good. I'm good, babe.

- Good night.
- Love you.

Hello! Good morning!

- Hey!
- Honey!

- Hey! Hi buddy.
- Hey, Dad.

- Oh, wow. Okay.
- I missed you.

- Look at all this cool stuff.
- Looking good.

- Hi.
- Wow. Okay.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hello.

- It'll be great.
- Thanks for your messages.

- Okay.
- It was so sweet. I'm kidding.

She didn't contact me once.

But that's okay.

Hey. How'd you sleep?

- Amazing.
- Yeah?

- Kids slept, I slept. How about you?
- Amazing.

I had weirder dreams, man, I...
Plus, I thought I heard gunshots.

Wait, gunshots?

No, I thought I heard gunshots.

You know what?
I had it out yesterday with Big Mo.

- Really? What...
- Yeah.

She was all up my ass
about the construction.

- Oh, honey.
- That doesn't matter.

Point is,
I found out some shit about them.

What?

- It's them.
- No.

- Yeah.
- Are you...

- How did you...
- I'm positive.

Hey. Did you hear that?

Honey.

You! You threatened them, didn't you?

What? No, I... I don't know what...

They fucking killed themselves.
My dad shot my mom and then shot himself.

They're your parents?

She had cancer. She didn't have long.

My dad didn't want to live without her.

All they wanted was some quiet time
and you go and you start construction.

And then you threaten them?

No, I didn't. I didn't threaten anybody.

It's right here in this note, asshole.

You threatened them. You did this!

What's happening?

Everything's fine.
Just go upstairs, please.

Dean?

What happened? What did you say to her?

I didn't say anything.

I didn't. I just told them
we were doing construction.

I didn't tell them
they should kill themselves.

Christ, Nora.

Why can't we stay here tonight?

Well, we still need a few more days
to finish up the kitchen.

Plus, I got Dakota coming.
He's going to put some cameras up outside.

Okay?

So it's like I said,
we just want to be super safe.

Although,
I think we actually are safe now.

But, it's true.
We should put the cameras up.

So Dad will stay here
and we'll go back to the motel.

Just a few more nights.

I really like the motel.
I really want to try out the pool.

You know, you got a pool here, Ellie.

I don't know if you forgot that.

What the...

What the fuck!