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1
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2
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I told him, "Donald...
3
00:00:40,060 --> 00:00:43,646
"I have to attend. It's my ball."
4
00:00:44,314 --> 00:00:46,190
And then he said:
5
00:00:46,775 --> 00:00:51,275
"The lodge only throws their ball
once every decade.
6
00:00:51,488 --> 00:00:54,365
"Why can't you ever attend my balls?"
7
00:00:54,491 --> 00:00:58,369
And I said, "Jesus Christ, Donald,
that's what I've been doing for 30 years."
8
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You're such an idiot!
9
00:01:08,171 --> 00:01:10,298
Governor Dalton,
this is Jared Svenning...
10
00:01:10,424 --> 00:01:12,759
the gentleman to whom
you are presenting the honorarium.
11
00:01:12,884 --> 00:01:15,303
Governor, it's a pleasure
to meet you.
12
00:01:15,429 --> 00:01:17,806
Might I add, you're absolutely
stunning this evening?
13
00:01:18,348 --> 00:01:21,351
You can dispense
with the ass-munching.
14
00:01:21,476 --> 00:01:23,269
You're getting your check.
15
00:01:26,898 --> 00:01:28,608
Thank you.
16
00:01:28,734 --> 00:01:32,946
The grant, that is, will go a long way
towards funding the new programming
17
00:01:33,071 --> 00:01:35,114
that I'm working on for KREL.
18
00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:37,868
That's the public
access station, right?
19
00:01:37,993 --> 00:01:40,578
The one they run
the lottery numbers on?
20
00:01:40,704 --> 00:01:43,123
Well, we, we air more than
just lottery numbers.
21
00:01:43,248 --> 00:01:45,583
I mean, in fact...
22
00:01:45,709 --> 00:01:49,337
we're going to broadcast a live
game show from a local mall this Saturday.
23
00:01:51,381 --> 00:01:53,549
How long is this thing going to take tonight?
24
00:01:53,634 --> 00:01:56,219
I've got "Melrose" at 9:00.
25
00:01:57,471 --> 00:02:01,971
Well, there's dinner,
followed by the presentation.
26
00:02:02,142 --> 00:02:05,979
And then we adjourn into the auditorium
for a stage presentation
27
00:02:06,104 --> 00:02:07,855
by the Drama and History Clubs.
28
00:02:07,981 --> 00:02:11,651
They put together an impressive
musical about Paul Revere
29
00:02:11,777 --> 00:02:14,154
entitled "Light Your Own Lamps".
30
00:02:14,279 --> 00:02:16,114
Is there a dance number?
31
00:02:17,574 --> 00:02:22,074
Nothing better than a couple
of skimpily clad undergraduates
32
00:02:22,204 --> 00:02:25,916
just hurling themselves
across the stage, I always say.
33
00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:27,751
Get me another highball.
34
00:02:27,876 --> 00:02:28,918
Right away, Governor.
35
00:02:29,586 --> 00:02:32,755
Will you stop? Stop it! Cut it out!
36
00:02:33,382 --> 00:02:35,801
Just don't eyeball everyone like that.
37
00:02:35,926 --> 00:02:38,386
All you're doing is creeping
everyone out.
38
00:02:39,137 --> 00:02:40,471
Sorry, Governor.
39
00:02:40,597 --> 00:02:43,933
Sven, you know
these security types...
40
00:02:44,893 --> 00:02:48,438
Everyone a glory hound,
I always say.
41
00:02:50,565 --> 00:02:54,610
They're all just waiting to tackle
the next Sirhan Sirhan.
42
00:02:56,613 --> 00:02:58,489
I mean, I ask you...
43
00:02:59,491 --> 00:03:03,991
can you imagine anyone wanting
to attack me, for Christ's sake?
44
00:03:48,373 --> 00:03:50,333
Freeze!
45
00:03:50,459 --> 00:03:54,337
What are you doing? You looking
at naked guys in the shower again?
46
00:03:55,046 --> 00:03:58,257
Didn't anyone ever tell you
not to point guns at people?
47
00:03:58,383 --> 00:04:00,343
Once. I shot him.
48
00:04:05,182 --> 00:04:06,308
Nice sneakers.
49
00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:09,477
I went to look for you
in your room,
50
00:04:09,603 --> 00:04:11,521
and Ronnie told me
I could find you up here.
51
00:04:11,646 --> 00:04:12,772
What gives?
52
00:04:12,898 --> 00:04:15,108
I wanted to finish that paper
on supernovas,
53
00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:17,526
and John Slas said that
I could use his telescope
54
00:04:17,652 --> 00:04:19,403
before he went home for break.
55
00:04:19,529 --> 00:04:21,656
What do you need his for?
You got your own.
56
00:04:21,782 --> 00:04:24,910
No, I got the lenses, T.S.,
but I need Slas' shaft.
57
00:04:27,788 --> 00:04:29,831
You need Slas' shaft?
58
00:04:30,415 --> 00:04:32,250
You insatiable slut!
59
00:04:32,793 --> 00:04:36,546
"We're all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars."
60
00:04:36,671 --> 00:04:37,963
Oscar Wilde.
61
00:04:38,089 --> 00:04:41,634
I thought that you'd be down there trying
to secure the best seat in the house.
62
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:46,014
This might be the first and last time
you ever see your boyfriend on stage,
63
00:04:46,139 --> 00:04:47,807
especially in a musical.
64
00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:52,270
So I thought you'd be down there
front row, center.
65
00:04:52,395 --> 00:04:54,063
I'm gonna watch you from up here.
66
00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:57,066
With that thing?
You'll never see me.
67
00:04:57,192 --> 00:04:58,193
Are you kidding?
68
00:04:58,318 --> 00:05:00,820
Do you have any idea
how powerful this thing is?
69
00:05:00,946 --> 00:05:03,657
I'll be able to see the flop sweat
form on your brow.
70
00:05:04,699 --> 00:05:06,826
Yeah, but you won't be able
to hear me sing.
71
00:05:06,952 --> 00:05:08,078
Bingo.
72
00:05:09,955 --> 00:05:11,081
Strident.
73
00:05:11,206 --> 00:05:14,667
I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson
about being demure for your man.
74
00:05:15,377 --> 00:05:16,628
In fact...
75
00:05:16,753 --> 00:05:19,672
that's it, I'm having sex with you
right here, right now.
76
00:05:19,798 --> 00:05:22,342
- What are you doing?
- Let's go, come on. Pull them down.
77
00:05:22,467 --> 00:05:25,261
- Would you get off me? I've got work to do.
- I don't mind.
78
00:05:25,387 --> 00:05:26,846
I'll just let you finish
your star-gazing.
79
00:05:26,972 --> 00:05:28,390
I'll take you from behind here.
80
00:05:28,515 --> 00:05:31,768
It'll be great practice for when we get
older, and you watch TV while we screw.
81
00:05:31,893 --> 00:05:33,269
Will you get off me?
82
00:05:33,895 --> 00:05:34,896
Alright.
83
00:05:35,355 --> 00:05:36,773
For now.
84
00:05:36,898 --> 00:05:41,398
But when we get to Florida in...
approximately 17 hours, you owe me.
85
00:05:48,451 --> 00:05:49,702
About that...
86
00:05:50,579 --> 00:05:51,580
Yes?
87
00:05:52,455 --> 00:05:54,123
Well, I can't go.
88
00:05:56,418 --> 00:05:57,544
Excuse me?
89
00:05:57,669 --> 00:06:00,296
My dad's asked me to help him
with his new show.
90
00:06:00,422 --> 00:06:02,424
What, like his assistant or...
91
00:06:02,549 --> 00:06:03,967
As a contestant.
92
00:06:04,092 --> 00:06:05,802
You mean that
Dating Game rip-off thing?
93
00:06:05,927 --> 00:06:07,970
That is what you're talking
about here, right?
94
00:06:08,096 --> 00:06:09,138
Geez!
95
00:06:09,264 --> 00:06:11,015
That guy knows no shame.
96
00:06:11,141 --> 00:06:14,269
What, so he forbid you to go
to Florida when you said no, is that it?
97
00:06:14,394 --> 00:06:15,395
I can't believe...
98
00:06:18,982 --> 00:06:19,983
Brandi?
99
00:06:22,819 --> 00:06:23,945
You didn't say no?
100
00:06:24,070 --> 00:06:27,406
T.S., it's no big deal.
I mean, it's just TV.
101
00:06:27,532 --> 00:06:30,409
Besides, it is really important
for my father's career.
102
00:06:30,535 --> 00:06:32,703
Otherwise, he would never
have asked me.
103
00:06:32,829 --> 00:06:34,580
Brandi, the guy hates me,
for Christ's sake.
104
00:06:34,706 --> 00:06:36,958
Don't you think that might be
a little part of the motive here?
105
00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:38,459
He'd love to see us break up.
106
00:06:38,585 --> 00:06:40,795
He'd love for us not to go
on that vacation, that's for sure.
107
00:06:40,921 --> 00:06:42,923
What did you think,
for Christ's sake?
108
00:06:43,048 --> 00:06:47,052
Jesus! You know, for a science major,
you can be really fucking stupid sometimes.
109
00:06:50,263 --> 00:06:53,474
I was giving you the benefit
of the doubt, T.S.
110
00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:57,145
I thought that you might be able
to handle this like an adult,
111
00:06:57,270 --> 00:07:00,898
and show my father how wrong he is
about our relationship.
112
00:07:01,024 --> 00:07:02,942
Well, I guess I credited you
with too much.
113
00:07:03,068 --> 00:07:05,987
You are just as thoughtless
and possessive as he is.
114
00:07:06,112 --> 00:07:08,155
You both see me as property.
115
00:07:08,281 --> 00:07:11,617
In fact, the two of you have
so much in common,
116
00:07:11,743 --> 00:07:14,287
you should just go date each other!
117
00:07:15,455 --> 00:07:16,998
Brandi, wait!
118
00:07:17,499 --> 00:07:18,833
- Just leave me alone.
- Please.
119
00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:21,419
No. The gun's caught in your hair.
120
00:07:21,544 --> 00:07:23,712
- Would you get it out?
- I'm trying.
121
00:07:24,381 --> 00:07:26,007
Mr. Svenning...
122
00:07:26,132 --> 00:07:27,633
Jesus Christ! Don't kill me!
123
00:07:27,759 --> 00:07:30,428
No! Shh. For God's sake!
124
00:07:30,553 --> 00:07:32,179
He's with me.
125
00:07:32,305 --> 00:07:36,058
He's one of my people. It's okay.
126
00:07:36,184 --> 00:07:40,684
We'll be ready in five,
Mr. Svenning.
127
00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:42,649
Go, it's okay.
128
00:07:43,441 --> 00:07:46,026
No, your hair's caught around
the trigger here. Stop moving.
129
00:07:46,152 --> 00:07:48,237
Would you just get it off? It hurts.
130
00:07:48,363 --> 00:07:51,324
The presentation will begin
in about five minutes, Governor.
131
00:07:51,449 --> 00:07:52,450
MmMmm-
132
00:07:52,575 --> 00:07:54,076
Why not freshen up a bit?
133
00:07:54,202 --> 00:07:55,786
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
134
00:07:55,912 --> 00:07:57,747
That I look like a piece of shit
or something?
135
00:07:57,872 --> 00:08:00,374
Maybe we can jar it loose.
Here, come over here to the right.
136
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:04,337
Here, lean over here.
Come over here, okay? Alright? Ready?
137
00:08:05,046 --> 00:08:06,172
Sniper!
138
00:08:12,637 --> 00:08:14,847
Shit!
139
00:08:17,726 --> 00:08:20,061
- How many are there?
- I spotted two, a male and a female.
140
00:08:20,186 --> 00:08:22,730
- What kind of artillery?
- Perps were using a shotgun.
141
00:08:22,856 --> 00:08:25,817
- Was the Governor hit?
- Of course I'm hit, you asshole.
142
00:08:25,942 --> 00:08:27,985
You hit me like some goddamn wrestler.
143
00:08:28,111 --> 00:08:29,946
There's no blood.
She wasn't attacked.
144
00:08:30,655 --> 00:08:33,032
- Get your foot off my tit!
- Sorry, ma'am.
145
00:08:33,158 --> 00:08:34,951
Mr. Svenning, I quit!
146
00:08:35,618 --> 00:08:38,329
Hey, I think they're trying to signal us.
147
00:08:41,791 --> 00:08:43,876
It's okay, we're not armed.
148
00:08:44,002 --> 00:08:46,796
This is just a prop.
I'm in the musical.
149
00:08:46,921 --> 00:08:48,547
It's just a blank.
It wasn't serious.
150
00:08:48,673 --> 00:08:51,050
- What did he say?
- I think he said they were Syrians.
151
00:08:51,176 --> 00:08:52,677
Sweet Christ, terrorists on our campus?
152
00:08:52,802 --> 00:08:54,929
Why is he dressed like
a Revolutionary War Minuteman?
153
00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:58,183
For irony! Your average terrorist's
a showman first, killer second.
154
00:08:58,308 --> 00:09:00,768
My God! It's a member
of the History Club.
155
00:09:00,894 --> 00:09:02,896
I blame the parents.
It's the parents at blame.
156
00:09:03,021 --> 00:09:06,190
They are not raising their children
properly these days.
157
00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:08,526
Is Jared Svenning
down there?
158
00:09:09,611 --> 00:09:13,072
Hey... that's you, isn't it?
159
00:09:13,198 --> 00:09:17,577
No. Well, yes, but, I mean,
how would a terrorist know me?
160
00:09:19,412 --> 00:09:22,415
Daddy? It's me, Brandi.
161
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:24,625
That explains it.
162
00:09:27,212 --> 00:09:31,216
Governor, please.
I want to apologize for this fiasco.
163
00:09:31,341 --> 00:09:33,926
My daughter is a huge fan
of your work.
164
00:09:34,052 --> 00:09:35,428
Svenning.
165
00:09:36,763 --> 00:09:38,222
Your check.
166
00:09:41,101 --> 00:09:43,561
I don't know what to say,
but thank you.
167
00:09:43,686 --> 00:09:46,522
You want money
for your pissant station.
168
00:09:46,648 --> 00:09:49,359
Just try playing the lottery.
169
00:09:49,859 --> 00:09:50,860
No!
170
00:09:50,985 --> 00:09:53,278
You know where they air
those results.
171
00:09:55,907 --> 00:09:58,576
Get me to the goddamned hospital.
172
00:10:00,203 --> 00:10:04,123
Now! Goddamn,
I fractured my collarbone.
173
00:10:11,089 --> 00:10:12,965
Mr. Svenning, look, I want to apologize.
174
00:10:13,091 --> 00:10:15,468
Thank you for squaring everything
with the police.
175
00:10:15,593 --> 00:10:19,847
I know we probably worried you,
but Brandi and I are both okay...
176
00:10:19,973 --> 00:10:22,642
If it wouldn't mean implicating
my daughter in this somehow,
177
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:26,145
I would insist that the authorities
lock you up
178
00:10:26,271 --> 00:10:28,856
for the rest of your young life,
you goddamned little menace!
179
00:10:28,982 --> 00:10:32,527
- Sir, it was an accident, I swear!
- No, you're the accident, you moron!
180
00:10:32,652 --> 00:10:35,696
You have no idea what you just
cost me here today.
181
00:10:36,531 --> 00:10:39,033
I mean, you're like
all the other spoiled jerks
182
00:10:39,159 --> 00:10:40,243
I've ever known in my whole life!
183
00:10:40,368 --> 00:10:44,038
Everything is handed to you
on a silver platter.
184
00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:47,709
You people, you just don't grasp
the precept
185
00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:50,211
of somebody who has to work
for their breaks.
186
00:10:50,336 --> 00:10:52,087
- That's "concept".
- What?
187
00:10:52,797 --> 00:10:56,300
You said "precept",
I think you meant to say... "concept".
188
00:10:56,426 --> 00:10:58,678
Listen to me, you little prick, you.
189
00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:02,139
You may have my daughter snowed,
but it'll be a cold day in hell
190
00:11:02,265 --> 00:11:05,351
before you pull the wool
over my eyes.
191
00:11:05,476 --> 00:11:07,269
What you just did to me
here tonight,
192
00:11:07,395 --> 00:11:10,064
I'm going to make it
my mission in life
193
00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:13,234
to do to you on a regular basis.
194
00:11:14,569 --> 00:11:17,947
Nobody fucks with
Jared Svenning's career
195
00:11:18,072 --> 00:11:20,074
and walks away clean!
196
00:11:20,575 --> 00:11:22,201
I promise you that.
197
00:11:26,414 --> 00:11:30,914
Hey man, I just want to tell you that
I really dug what you did up there.
198
00:11:31,211 --> 00:11:33,213
Anarchy rules, dude!
199
00:11:35,006 --> 00:11:36,632
- We're over, T.S.
- Come on!
200
00:11:36,758 --> 00:11:39,719
I thought we weren't going through
this break-up, make-up shit anymore.
201
00:11:39,844 --> 00:11:41,887
No, we're not. So you can
just forget about making up.
202
00:11:42,013 --> 00:11:44,223
- Listen to you. Why don't you just admit it?
- Admit what?
203
00:11:44,349 --> 00:11:46,351
That this isn't about just
what happened on the roof.
204
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:48,686
You're using that as an excuse
'cause you don't have the guts
205
00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:50,354
- to stand up to your father.
- Maybe I don't.
206
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,440
Come on, Brandi.
What about Florida?
207
00:11:52,565 --> 00:11:56,026
You have just humiliated me
in front of the entire school,
208
00:11:56,152 --> 00:11:57,987
the community, the nation,
for God's sakes.
209
00:11:58,112 --> 00:12:00,030
You seriously damaged
my father's career,
210
00:12:00,156 --> 00:12:02,658
you insult me with that
good-cop bad-cop routine,
211
00:12:02,784 --> 00:12:06,496
and now you have the gall to ask me
if I still want to go on vacation!
212
00:12:06,996 --> 00:12:09,123
I was going to propose to you
in Florida.
213
00:12:14,671 --> 00:12:18,299
I thought that you'd screwed up
in every way possible tonight, T.S.
214
00:12:19,425 --> 00:12:21,510
Guess I underestimated you.
215
00:12:24,889 --> 00:12:26,181
Shit!
216
00:15:03,464 --> 00:15:05,883
Sweet fucking Christ,
would you knock it off?
217
00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:07,509
- God!
- What?
218
00:15:14,642 --> 00:15:17,269
- What time is it?
- 9:30.
219
00:15:17,395 --> 00:15:19,397
Man, go back to sleep!
220
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,492
Thank Christ.
221
00:15:33,828 --> 00:15:35,830
- What the hell are you doing?
- Finishing my game.
222
00:15:35,955 --> 00:15:37,539
No. You promised me breakfast.
223
00:15:37,665 --> 00:15:38,707
Breakfast!
224
00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:42,044
Breakfast, shmeckfast.
Look at the score, for God's sake.
225
00:15:42,545 --> 00:15:45,673
I'm only in the middle of the second
and I'm winning 12 to 2.
226
00:15:45,798 --> 00:15:47,925
Breakfasts come and go, Rene.
227
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:49,843
Now Hartford, the Whale?
228
00:15:49,969 --> 00:15:53,639
They only beat Vancouver
once, maybe twice, in a lifetime.
229
00:15:59,979 --> 00:16:02,439
You hit the bathroom already?
230
00:16:02,565 --> 00:16:04,358
Don't worry. I didn't let
your mother see me.
231
00:16:04,484 --> 00:16:06,152
- Who's worried?
- Are you kidding me?
232
00:16:06,277 --> 00:16:09,822
I've never met a person who lives
in as much fear of his mother as you do.
233
00:16:09,947 --> 00:16:11,281
I do not.
234
00:16:11,782 --> 00:16:14,326
So that's why I have to sneak in here
after everyone's asleep at night,
235
00:16:14,452 --> 00:16:16,245
and sneak out undetected
in the morning?
236
00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:19,164
You want I should tell my mother
what we do in here at night?
237
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:22,042
That you play video games
and I fall asleep unfulfilled?
238
00:16:22,168 --> 00:16:24,920
Go ahead. It beats
the sneaking-around shit.
239
00:16:25,046 --> 00:16:27,590
What can I say?
She doesn't like you.
240
00:16:27,715 --> 00:16:30,134
You've never even introduced me
to her, Brodie.
241
00:16:30,259 --> 00:16:31,301
She wouldn't like you.
242
00:16:31,427 --> 00:16:33,929
You're retarded.
Everybody's mother likes me.
243
00:16:34,597 --> 00:16:35,764
Not mine.
244
00:16:38,434 --> 00:16:41,437
Jesus Christ! Are you back
in the bathroom again?
245
00:16:41,562 --> 00:16:43,772
Then what do you do in there all the time?
246
00:16:43,898 --> 00:16:45,232
Figure it out.
247
00:16:45,775 --> 00:16:48,152
No, I mean like before, like
every morning before you leave,
248
00:16:48,277 --> 00:16:51,655
you're in there for like a half an hour
and all I ever hear is water running.
249
00:16:51,781 --> 00:16:52,782
And?
250
00:16:53,282 --> 00:16:56,243
You're not in there touching yourself,
are you?
251
00:16:57,203 --> 00:17:00,915
I was wrong about you.
You're crass and retarded.
252
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,791
What do you do in there?
253
00:17:02,917 --> 00:17:04,460
You really want to know?
254
00:17:04,585 --> 00:17:07,713
I asked, didn't I? I'm playing the role
of the concerned guy.
255
00:17:07,838 --> 00:17:09,089
I cry.
256
00:17:10,466 --> 00:17:12,843
- You cry?
- 1 cry.
257
00:17:14,178 --> 00:17:15,762
Any particular reason?
258
00:17:15,888 --> 00:17:17,014
Hey!
259
00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:20,809
I think about the people that make
decisions that affect our lives.
260
00:17:21,352 --> 00:17:24,313
The doctors who make advancements
in curing diseases.
261
00:17:26,107 --> 00:17:28,400
The engineer that designs
skyscrapers.
262
00:17:29,986 --> 00:17:31,487
The guy that maps out
a plane's flight path.
263
00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:32,821
The navigator.
264
00:17:32,947 --> 00:17:35,532
I think about how those people
are out there every day,
265
00:17:35,658 --> 00:17:38,369
making a difference,
leading big lives,
266
00:17:39,328 --> 00:17:40,996
and how they refuse to be intimidated
267
00:17:41,122 --> 00:17:43,624
by the tremendous odds
of failure they face.
268
00:17:44,584 --> 00:17:46,460
And how they only
concern themselves
269
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:49,630
with peers and company that apply
to their goals and noble causes.
270
00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:53,383
Jesus! I'd hate to tell you what
I think about when I'm in the bathroom.
271
00:17:54,218 --> 00:17:56,553
I think about all that and I cry...
272
00:17:58,681 --> 00:18:01,684
...because I have nothing better
to do than fuck you.
273
00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:13,237
You're dumping me?
274
00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,323
What are you, crazy?
275
00:18:20,036 --> 00:18:22,705
Is this because I didn't introduce you
to my mother?
276
00:18:40,848 --> 00:18:43,767
Holy shit! If it isn't mon frére.
277
00:18:43,893 --> 00:18:45,185
Last time I saw you,
278
00:18:45,311 --> 00:18:47,855
you were on CNN
taking shots at public officials.
279
00:18:55,738 --> 00:18:58,407
Mr. Quint. Mr. Quint!
280
00:18:58,532 --> 00:18:59,533
Move!
281
00:19:05,289 --> 00:19:06,915
So you're looking for sanctuary.
282
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:08,292
It's been like this all morning.
283
00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:10,961
Can you blame them after
the spectacle you made of yourself?
284
00:19:11,087 --> 00:19:13,255
What were you trying to do, anyway?
Impress Jodie Foster?
285
00:19:13,381 --> 00:19:14,882
I wasn't gunning
for the Governor, Brodie.
286
00:19:15,007 --> 00:19:16,842
It was a stupid misunderstanding.
287
00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:19,177
Now you're crying patsy,
288
00:19:19,303 --> 00:19:21,346
thus demonstrating
all the key characteristics
289
00:19:21,472 --> 00:19:23,348
of a lone-nut assassin.
290
00:19:27,978 --> 00:19:32,232
Usual vault rules apply:
touch not, lest ye be touched.
291
00:19:32,358 --> 00:19:33,984
You're such an anal-retentive bastard.
292
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:37,488
Hey, I tried to teach you how to handle
comics in the sixth grade, but, no...
293
00:19:37,613 --> 00:19:40,115
you wanted to play
Little League instead.
294
00:19:40,658 --> 00:19:42,034
What's that?
295
00:19:42,159 --> 00:19:44,161
Like it? I framed it
before you got here.
296
00:19:45,996 --> 00:19:47,747
My God! Rene dumped you!
297
00:19:47,873 --> 00:19:50,876
Hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned for Sega.
298
00:19:51,502 --> 00:19:54,254
- What's that mean?
- You had to be there. Just keep reading.
299
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,632
Wow! Look at this laundry list
of complaints.
300
00:19:57,341 --> 00:20:00,844
"You have no direction,
no college ambition, no job prospects.”
301
00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:02,846
Yeah. It also says I have no dick.
302
00:20:02,972 --> 00:20:06,350
But you'll notice that follows
the financial question, proving once more,
303
00:20:06,475 --> 00:20:08,226
what women really look for.
304
00:20:08,352 --> 00:20:09,853
What do you do for money, anyway?
305
00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:13,691
Blood bank, sperm bank,
currently considering the eye bank.
306
00:20:13,816 --> 00:20:15,692
Wow, she calls you callow in here.
307
00:20:15,818 --> 00:20:17,277
You say that like it's bad.
308
00:20:17,403 --> 00:20:20,489
- It means frightened and weak-willed.
- Really?
309
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:26,912
Shit. That was the only part of the letter
I thought was complimentary.
310
00:20:27,037 --> 00:20:28,955
Yeah, well, you're lucky.
311
00:20:29,081 --> 00:20:33,251
Unlike you, I didn't even get a letter
filled with obscure adjectives.
312
00:20:33,377 --> 00:20:35,170
What are you telling me here?
313
00:20:35,296 --> 00:20:37,589
I, too, now am
in the framing business.
314
00:20:37,715 --> 00:20:39,925
Holy shit! Brandi dumped you.
315
00:20:40,593 --> 00:20:43,345
Wait a second, aren't you two
supposed to go to Florida?
316
00:20:43,471 --> 00:20:46,557
Should've left this morning.
It gets worse.
317
00:20:47,516 --> 00:20:49,976
- I was gonna propose to her.
- Where?
318
00:20:50,686 --> 00:20:53,772
- On the Universal tour.
- You're kidding! What part?
319
00:20:53,898 --> 00:20:56,525
When Jaws pops out of the water.
320
00:20:57,193 --> 00:21:00,613
That's the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.
321
00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:04,074
Too bad I'm not trying to marry you.
322
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,661
Let me ask you something.
Did you ever fart in front of her?
323
00:21:09,497 --> 00:21:10,539
Why do you ask?
324
00:21:10,664 --> 00:21:13,333
I never farted in front of Rene,
not once, alright?
325
00:21:13,459 --> 00:21:16,587
Then last week, I let one slip.
Today she dumps me.
326
00:21:18,255 --> 00:21:20,382
You think that that's why
Rene dumped you?
327
00:21:20,508 --> 00:21:22,343
She's not the shallow type, Brodie.
328
00:21:22,468 --> 00:21:24,303
She was going down on me
at the time.
329
00:21:24,428 --> 00:21:27,431
- Shut up!
- What can I say? I was feeling very relaxed.
330
00:21:27,556 --> 00:21:30,350
When I'm relaxed, I squirt.
331
00:21:31,143 --> 00:21:33,562
If all she did was dump you,
you got off light.
332
00:21:33,687 --> 00:21:34,979
I can't believe this shit.
333
00:21:35,105 --> 00:21:36,898
Why are we sitting here
trying to figure out
334
00:21:37,024 --> 00:21:38,859
where we went wrong
with our significant others?
335
00:21:38,984 --> 00:21:40,443
We just nailed it, in your case.
336
00:21:40,569 --> 00:21:44,656
No, there is something out there that can
help ease our simultaneous double loss.
337
00:21:44,782 --> 00:21:45,783
Ritual suicide?
338
00:21:45,908 --> 00:21:47,868
No, you idiot. The fucking mall!
339
00:21:48,452 --> 00:21:49,786
I prefer ritual suicide.
340
00:21:49,912 --> 00:21:51,371
Come on, man! It'll be great.
341
00:21:51,497 --> 00:21:53,457
They got these new cookies
at the cookie stand.
342
00:21:53,582 --> 00:21:55,709
You have to try them,
they're awesome.
343
00:21:55,835 --> 00:21:57,920
You think the promise of a cookie
is gonna lure me
344
00:21:58,045 --> 00:21:59,921
into doing something
I have zero interest in?
345
00:22:00,047 --> 00:22:01,256
What am I, 5 years old?
346
00:22:01,382 --> 00:22:04,134
Quint, don't be such a pussy, alright?
Just go.
347
00:22:04,844 --> 00:22:06,095
Alright, I'll tell you what.
348
00:22:06,220 --> 00:22:08,680
We can stop off at Brandi's
if that'll make you feel better.
349
00:22:08,806 --> 00:22:11,725
You can talk to her,
maybe patch this thing up.
350
00:22:11,851 --> 00:22:14,937
Mr. Quint, I'm Fred Bishop with NBC.
351
00:22:15,062 --> 00:22:18,899
The network would like to buy the rights
to your story to make a tasteful telepic.
352
00:22:20,234 --> 00:22:21,944
Mr. Quint, Tom Drucker, CBS.
353
00:22:22,069 --> 00:22:25,655
We'll pay more money and we'll get
Drew Barrymore to play your girlfriend.
354
00:22:25,781 --> 00:22:27,032
Hey, back off.
355
00:22:27,533 --> 00:22:29,785
- We can stop at Brandi's, right?
- Yeah.
356
00:22:31,203 --> 00:22:32,287
Get dressed.
357
00:23:03,319 --> 00:23:06,322
Jazzercise? Why does your mother
have an aerobics tape in her car?
358
00:23:06,447 --> 00:23:07,739
Did we lose them?
359
00:23:08,782 --> 00:23:10,325
Not a news van in sight.
360
00:23:10,993 --> 00:23:13,328
Damn, anyone ever tell you
you drive like the Bandit?
361
00:23:14,788 --> 00:23:17,373
Shit! So much for seeing Brandi.
362
00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:19,459
Just ignore them and go in.
363
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,337
You kidding? That's Hard Edition.
That's tabloid TV.
364
00:23:22,463 --> 00:23:24,923
They see me here and
it's "Suburban Bonnie and Clyde reunite
365
00:23:25,049 --> 00:23:26,383
"to slay father in his own home."
366
00:23:26,508 --> 00:23:27,842
Man, I don't know
what you're crying about.
367
00:23:27,968 --> 00:23:30,553
I'd cut one of my nuts in half
to be on TV.
368
00:23:30,679 --> 00:23:32,013
That'd get you on this show.
369
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,892
Alright, tell you what.
You go round the back,
370
00:23:35,017 --> 00:23:37,602
I'll run interference
with the Fourth Estate.
371
00:23:37,728 --> 00:23:39,730
- You got my back?
- Your back is got.
372
00:23:39,855 --> 00:23:41,106
Alright.
373
00:23:45,736 --> 00:23:47,112
So what's this all about?
374
00:23:47,237 --> 00:23:49,072
I'm Tori Metzger from Hard Edition.
375
00:23:49,198 --> 00:23:51,533
We're hoping to get an interview
with Brandi Svenning.
376
00:23:51,659 --> 00:23:54,161
Yeah, that's the girl who took
a shot at the Governor.
377
00:23:54,286 --> 00:23:55,537
The same. Do you know her?
378
00:23:55,663 --> 00:23:59,124
I should say so.
I've lived next door to her for 19 years.
379
00:23:59,249 --> 00:24:00,625
Even dated her once.
380
00:24:00,751 --> 00:24:03,670
- Shit, the stories I could tell you!
- Really?
381
00:24:22,106 --> 00:24:24,608
- Satanic rituals?
- All the time.
382
00:24:24,733 --> 00:24:26,568
I remember coming over
for Christmas one year
383
00:24:26,694 --> 00:24:28,862
and they were celebrating
a Black Mass.
384
00:24:28,988 --> 00:24:31,949
Her father had sex with a goat
right there in the den.
385
00:24:32,074 --> 00:24:34,910
And nobody ever reported this
to the authorities?
386
00:24:35,035 --> 00:24:37,537
Everyone around here
is paralyzed by fear.
387
00:24:37,663 --> 00:24:39,873
Makes for shitty block parties.
388
00:24:39,999 --> 00:24:42,376
Could we possibly go
onto your property
389
00:24:42,501 --> 00:24:44,961
and get you on tape
with their backyard behind you?
390
00:24:45,087 --> 00:24:47,005
You want to put me on TV?
391
00:24:47,548 --> 00:24:49,216
Shit, I'll take you to their property
392
00:24:49,341 --> 00:24:52,010
if you're gonna put me on TV.
Come on!
393
00:24:56,890 --> 00:24:58,349
I was thinking of calling you.
394
00:24:59,518 --> 00:25:01,520
Has your dad calmed down any?
395
00:25:01,645 --> 00:25:04,189
Well, until this morning.
396
00:25:04,314 --> 00:25:08,318
He read an article today comparing him
to the father of James Earl Ray.
397
00:25:10,988 --> 00:25:14,157
Can't you explain it to him?
You know it was an accident.
398
00:25:14,283 --> 00:25:15,784
I know it wasn't planned.
399
00:25:15,909 --> 00:25:18,786
But "accident" is too light a term
to describe what happened, T.S.
400
00:25:18,912 --> 00:25:21,915
Whatever.
Can't we just forget about it?
401
00:25:22,041 --> 00:25:24,293
Look, we already missed Florida.
402
00:25:24,418 --> 00:25:26,962
We could be spending this time
alone together.
403
00:25:27,087 --> 00:25:30,423
Away from our friends,
school, studies, everything.
404
00:25:31,258 --> 00:25:34,302
Don't you want to spend some time
alone with me?
405
00:25:34,928 --> 00:25:36,262
Just to talk.
406
00:25:37,765 --> 00:25:39,016
Perhaps.
407
00:25:40,392 --> 00:25:41,601
Perhaps.
408
00:25:42,227 --> 00:25:44,020
Or perhaps more than talk.
409
00:25:47,107 --> 00:25:50,735
Absolutely. I'm always one
for active non-talking.
410
00:25:53,947 --> 00:25:56,282
Why don't you go get a pizza
with me tonight?
411
00:25:57,159 --> 00:25:59,411
I've got the game show tonight.
412
00:26:01,789 --> 00:26:03,540
This is Svenning's bedroom.
413
00:26:03,665 --> 00:26:04,874
Now, I must warn you.
414
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,752
The images that you capture,
whatever is going on in that room,
415
00:26:07,878 --> 00:26:10,380
may be ungodly and horrific.
416
00:26:11,131 --> 00:26:12,590
Take a look.
417
00:26:26,522 --> 00:26:28,732
I can't believe that you're still
going through with this.
418
00:26:28,857 --> 00:26:30,066
Come on, T.S,, it's no big deal.
419
00:26:30,192 --> 00:26:32,110
I mean, it's not like
I'm going to sleep with them.
420
00:26:32,236 --> 00:26:34,821
You might as well! I thought
you had more backbone than this.
421
00:26:34,947 --> 00:26:37,115
Why do you have to do everything
that he tells you to do?
422
00:26:37,241 --> 00:26:38,408
There you go again.
423
00:26:38,534 --> 00:26:41,703
Just as you're making headway,
you louse it up with this...
424
00:26:41,829 --> 00:26:44,623
possessive machismo which brings
everything endearing about you
425
00:26:44,748 --> 00:26:46,499
to a screaming halt, T.S.
426
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,733
What are you doing out here?
Who are you people?
427
00:27:13,485 --> 00:27:16,154
What are you doing on my property,
Get out of here!
428
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:17,948
How do you answer
to your neighbor's charges
429
00:27:18,073 --> 00:27:20,116
that you practice satanic rituals?
430
00:27:20,242 --> 00:27:21,451
Satanic what?
431
00:27:21,577 --> 00:27:23,912
Daddy, what are you doing
outside in a towel?
432
00:27:24,037 --> 00:27:25,747
You did this, didn't you?
433
00:27:25,873 --> 00:27:27,374
You trashed my fiscal year,
434
00:27:27,499 --> 00:27:30,835
and now, you and your crony here
egg these media vultures
435
00:27:30,961 --> 00:27:32,963
into taking naked pic...
Aargh!
436
00:27:34,506 --> 00:27:36,174
Daddy, T.S. had nothing
to do with...
437
00:27:36,300 --> 00:27:38,802
Mr. Svenning, look. Whatever happened,
I assure you, I didn't...
438
00:27:38,927 --> 00:27:43,264
You get your ass
off my property now! Go!
439
00:27:43,390 --> 00:27:47,727
And you people, you get the hell
out of here before I call the cops!
440
00:27:47,853 --> 00:27:49,521
- Me, too?
- Now!
441
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:11,417
I don't know what he's so mad about.
442
00:28:11,543 --> 00:28:13,670
They'll digitally erase his organ
when they air the footage.
443
00:28:13,795 --> 00:28:15,463
Goddamn it!
What is my problem?
444
00:28:15,589 --> 00:28:18,466
I was this close to reconciliation
and I blew up at her.
445
00:28:18,592 --> 00:28:20,802
And here I'm going to the fucking mall,
of all places.
446
00:28:20,928 --> 00:28:23,305
You know what, as a matter of fact,
I'm not. I'm going home.
447
00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:26,015
Look, the safest place for you
to be right now is at the mall.
448
00:28:26,141 --> 00:28:28,476
No press'll think to look for you here.
Hide in plain sight.
449
00:28:28,602 --> 00:28:29,603
Just shut up!
450
00:28:29,728 --> 00:28:32,021
You know what, this is all your fault
this happened anyway.
451
00:28:32,147 --> 00:28:33,356
You and your 15 minutes of fame.
452
00:28:33,482 --> 00:28:34,649
Get a grip, for God's sake.
453
00:28:34,775 --> 00:28:35,859
Did you ever stop to think
454
00:28:35,984 --> 00:28:39,070
that maybe the relationship wasn't
on firm ground to begin with?
455
00:28:39,863 --> 00:28:40,864
Hey!
456
00:28:41,323 --> 00:28:43,491
You know, it couldn't have been
that strong if she breaks up with you
457
00:28:43,617 --> 00:28:47,662
over something stupid
like getting her shot at, numbskull.
458
00:28:50,874 --> 00:28:52,292
Hey.
459
00:28:59,967 --> 00:29:03,512
I love the smell of commerce
in the morning!
460
00:29:04,513 --> 00:29:07,140
- You're really making that last.
- Waste not, want not.
461
00:29:10,602 --> 00:29:13,062
- What, you wanna say something?
- Yeah, about a million things!
462
00:29:13,188 --> 00:29:17,688
But I can't express myself monosyllabically
enough for you to understand them all.
463
00:29:17,818 --> 00:29:19,569
- Asshole.
- Prick!
464
00:29:19,695 --> 00:29:21,488
- Fuck you!
- What the hell was that all about?
465
00:29:21,613 --> 00:29:23,406
That's the jerk from Fashionable Male,
466
00:29:23,532 --> 00:29:26,409
this upscale wannabe shop
on the 2nd floor.
467
00:29:26,535 --> 00:29:30,413
He's the manager. The guy's always
giving me shit. I've no idea why.
468
00:29:30,539 --> 00:29:31,748
I thought everybody loved you
at this mall.
469
00:29:31,873 --> 00:29:34,041
"FF" him!
Where do you want to go first?
470
00:29:34,167 --> 00:29:35,877
Back to Brandi's.
471
00:29:36,003 --> 00:29:38,171
Look, Brandi is the past, my friend.
472
00:29:38,297 --> 00:29:39,965
She's behind you now.
473
00:29:40,090 --> 00:29:44,590
You face forward, or you face
the possibility of shock and damage.
474
00:29:48,140 --> 00:29:50,016
You should learn
to heed your own advice.
475
00:29:50,142 --> 00:29:52,936
Where the hell did that come from?
What's going on here?
476
00:29:53,061 --> 00:29:55,104
It looks like a stage
is being erected.
477
00:29:55,856 --> 00:29:57,607
What is this monstrosity?
478
00:29:57,733 --> 00:29:59,192
Maybe it's for
the Easter Bunny pictures.
479
00:29:59,318 --> 00:30:02,404
Impossible! The Easter Bunny Court
is down at the other end of the mall.
480
00:30:02,529 --> 00:30:05,698
It's been up since two days
after Christmas. I want answers.
481
00:30:06,158 --> 00:30:08,076
Ask one of the workers.
482
00:30:08,577 --> 00:30:11,246
No, no, no, there's a soul
who might know what's up.
483
00:30:20,422 --> 00:30:21,714
Willam.
484
00:30:23,675 --> 00:30:25,718
- Willam!
- Poopie trim.
485
00:30:26,345 --> 00:30:28,055
Brodie, man, what's going on?
486
00:30:28,180 --> 00:30:31,349
- What, do you work here now?
- No, man. Just hanging with T.S.
487
00:30:31,475 --> 00:30:34,603
T.S., I saw you on TV.
I think it was on "Baywatch".
488
00:30:34,728 --> 00:30:36,229
CNN, Willam.
489
00:30:36,355 --> 00:30:38,857
Yeah, didn't you kill the Pope
or something?
490
00:30:38,982 --> 00:30:41,484
I got a musket tangled
in my girlfriend's hair, for Christ's sake.
491
00:30:43,487 --> 00:30:45,906
- What are you doing, Willam?
- Looking for the hidden picture.
492
00:30:46,031 --> 00:30:48,324
If you stare at these things long enough,
you're supposed to see
493
00:30:48,450 --> 00:30:51,578
some kind of hidden
three-dimensional picture.
494
00:30:51,703 --> 00:30:53,538
Yeah, look. It's a sailboat.
495
00:30:53,663 --> 00:30:55,831
- You saw it, too? Dammit!
- What?
496
00:30:55,957 --> 00:30:58,876
I've been staring at this thing
for a week now from opening till closing,
497
00:30:59,002 --> 00:31:01,004
and I can't see a goddamned thing!
498
00:31:01,129 --> 00:31:02,630
You gotta relax your eyes.
499
00:31:02,756 --> 00:31:04,466
Everyone sees this thing except me.
500
00:31:04,591 --> 00:31:07,260
But today's my day.
I brought a lunch and a soda,
501
00:31:07,386 --> 00:31:10,931
and I'm not gonna leave until I see
this sailboat everyone keeps talking about.
502
00:31:11,056 --> 00:31:13,141
So, Willam...
503
00:31:13,934 --> 00:31:16,353
Would you happen to know
what this stage business is all about?
504
00:31:16,478 --> 00:31:18,354
It's not a stage!
505
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,607
I'm gonna see it
if I have to go blind trying.
506
00:31:20,732 --> 00:31:22,775
No man, this stage over here.
507
00:31:22,901 --> 00:31:25,904
That thing? They're having some
game show in the mall today.
508
00:31:26,029 --> 00:31:29,949
I think it's going to be on TV.
It's called Truth or Date or something.
509
00:31:30,075 --> 00:31:31,951
My God!
That's Brandi's father's game show.
510
00:31:32,077 --> 00:31:34,579
- What is it?
- It's this cheesy Dating Game rip-off thing.
511
00:31:34,704 --> 00:31:35,913
Supposed to be for college kids.
512
00:31:36,039 --> 00:31:39,083
Just trying to capture the '90s youth
market with a staple of '70s television.
513
00:31:39,209 --> 00:31:43,046
Why can't they bring back or remake
good shows like "BJ and the Bear"?
514
00:31:43,171 --> 00:31:46,007
Now there's a concept I can't get
enough of: a man and his monkey.
515
00:31:46,133 --> 00:31:48,135
Would you guys shut up?
516
00:31:48,260 --> 00:31:51,638
- You're breaking my concentration.
- Sorry, Willam.
517
00:31:51,763 --> 00:31:54,390
Now I have to start all over again.
518
00:31:55,725 --> 00:31:59,520
- Good luck with that thing.
- Remember, relax your eyes.
519
00:32:05,485 --> 00:32:07,195
Wow, a sailboat!
520
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,404
Shut up!
521
00:32:10,157 --> 00:32:11,783
Could this week get any worse?
522
00:32:11,908 --> 00:32:14,619
Now she's going to be auctioned off
on live TV from a mall.
523
00:32:14,744 --> 00:32:17,913
Not "a" mall, alright?
"The" mall. Show some respect.
524
00:32:18,039 --> 00:32:20,916
It doesn't have to go down like that,
if we trash the thing.
525
00:32:21,042 --> 00:32:23,127
There's a unique way of getting back
in her good graces,
526
00:32:23,253 --> 00:32:24,671
by ruining her father's show.
527
00:32:24,796 --> 00:32:26,964
- You're a clever one.
- I can get someone to do it for us.
528
00:32:27,090 --> 00:32:30,635
We'll be blame-free and
Brandi won't be able to do the show.
529
00:32:31,136 --> 00:32:32,762
Who is this imaginary hatchet man?
530
00:32:32,888 --> 00:32:34,264
Hatchet men.
531
00:32:56,161 --> 00:32:57,662
Knock it off!
532
00:32:58,330 --> 00:32:59,706
Kitty, kitty, Kitty!
533
00:32:59,831 --> 00:33:01,833
Look at these two. Ten bucks says
they're trying to figure out
534
00:33:01,958 --> 00:33:03,542
which one they're gonna bury
up to its neck
535
00:33:03,668 --> 00:33:05,378
and run over with a lawn mower.
536
00:33:05,504 --> 00:33:06,838
- Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!
- Hey, Jay!
537
00:33:06,963 --> 00:33:09,715
Brodie, man! Nootchie-nootchies!
538
00:33:09,841 --> 00:33:13,219
And, holy shit, what do we have here?
Mr. America's Most Wanted himself.
539
00:33:13,345 --> 00:33:15,013
I had a musket tangled
in my girlfriend's hair.
540
00:33:15,138 --> 00:33:17,098
- Ex-girlfriend.
- What's he doing?
541
00:33:17,224 --> 00:33:19,434
Shithead here watched
"Empire" and "Jedi" last week,
542
00:33:19,559 --> 00:33:21,894
and ever since, he's been trying
to do the Jedi mind trick.
543
00:33:22,020 --> 00:33:24,063
Crazy fuck thinks he'll levitate shit
with his thoughts.
544
00:33:24,189 --> 00:33:25,315
Knock it off!
545
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,067
- The Force is strong with this one.
- Dude, don't encourage him.
546
00:33:28,193 --> 00:33:31,070
So I was telling T.S. here
we gotta find Jay and Silent Bob.
547
00:33:31,196 --> 00:33:32,614
If there's anyone
that can help us out,
548
00:33:32,739 --> 00:33:34,824
it's the two guys
that have even less to do than us.
549
00:33:34,950 --> 00:33:36,910
What is this shit?
Everyone's looking for us today.
550
00:33:37,035 --> 00:33:40,329
We're ducking Tricia 'cause she wants
to talk to Obi-Wan about her video set-up.
551
00:33:40,455 --> 00:33:42,707
- Why him?
- Silent Bob's an electrical genius.
552
00:33:42,832 --> 00:33:46,126
He won the science fair in eighth grade
by turning his mom's vibrator
553
00:33:46,253 --> 00:33:48,213
into a CD player,
using chicken wire and shit.
554
00:33:48,338 --> 00:33:51,299
Motherfucker's like MacGyver.
No, motherfucker's better than MacGyver!
555
00:33:51,424 --> 00:33:52,425
Knock it off!
556
00:33:52,551 --> 00:33:54,636
And it's that kind of smarts we need,
right, mopey?
557
00:33:54,761 --> 00:33:55,803
Leave me out of this.
558
00:33:55,929 --> 00:33:58,139
We need you to embark
on a little sabotage mission
559
00:33:58,265 --> 00:34:00,517
on behalf of T.S.'s love life.
560
00:34:03,687 --> 00:34:05,105
Stage dive!
561
00:34:07,649 --> 00:34:10,276
You know about this game show thing
they got going on here?
562
00:34:10,402 --> 00:34:13,321
We need you guys to somehow
ensure that it doesn't happen.
563
00:34:13,446 --> 00:34:15,281
Is that it?
We were gonna do that anyway.
564
00:34:15,407 --> 00:34:17,492
- Really? Why?
- What else are we gonna do?
565
00:34:17,617 --> 00:34:20,870
Silent Bob just stole the schematic
of the stage from some foolish carpenter
566
00:34:20,996 --> 00:34:23,498
and found a weakness,
just like the fucking Death Star.
567
00:34:23,623 --> 00:34:25,541
He figures if you pull
this crossbeam out,
568
00:34:25,667 --> 00:34:28,086
fucking bickety-bam,
the whole stage comes crashing down.
569
00:34:28,211 --> 00:34:30,213
We were thinking
about something simple,
570
00:34:30,338 --> 00:34:32,757
but if you want to destroy the stage,
hey, we're all for that.
571
00:34:32,882 --> 00:34:35,426
- Only problem is LaFours.
- Who's LaFours?
572
00:34:35,552 --> 00:34:38,555
You don't know who LaFours is?
They don't know who LaFours is!
573
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,474
He's only the most feared
security guard in the business, man.
574
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,395
460 collars, all convicted.
I hear he's even got two Kills.
575
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:47,813
Holy shit! I never thought
I'd see the day
576
00:34:47,939 --> 00:34:51,067
when two such highly reputable
mischief-makers as yourselves
577
00:34:51,192 --> 00:34:54,403
douse their drawers at the sight
of a mall security guard.
578
00:34:54,529 --> 00:34:57,657
Shit, bitch! We're gonna bust out
that stage like a high-school kegger.
579
00:34:57,782 --> 00:35:00,034
We're just gonna outwit LaFours
X-Men style.
580
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,703
Should I call you Logan, Weapon X?
581
00:35:01,828 --> 00:35:05,039
No, Wolverine! Snickety, snickety, snoine.
582
00:35:05,165 --> 00:35:09,002
What he's doing is imitating Wolverine's
berserker attack with his Adamantium claws.
583
00:35:09,127 --> 00:35:10,628
I never would've guessed.
584
00:35:10,754 --> 00:35:14,007
Alright, guys. You have your mission.
Go forth and wreak havoc.
585
00:35:14,132 --> 00:35:15,883
Bye, baby kitties.
586
00:35:16,009 --> 00:35:18,177
Damn, Silent Bob, show some heart.
587
00:35:18,928 --> 00:35:20,262
Psst, psst...
588
00:35:21,014 --> 00:35:23,433
That's better. We're on the job.
589
00:35:24,184 --> 00:35:25,768
Thanks.
590
00:35:26,561 --> 00:35:30,481
I have to admit, I'm shocked
you didn't try to dissuade them.
591
00:35:30,607 --> 00:35:33,443
I would if I actually thought for a second
they could pull it off.
592
00:35:33,568 --> 00:35:36,320
Ye of little faith,
want a cookie?
593
00:35:40,116 --> 00:35:41,742
What's he doing?
594
00:35:41,868 --> 00:35:45,913
If you stare at this poster for a few
seconds, a hidden picture appears.
595
00:35:46,039 --> 00:35:48,249
Can we do it? Please?
596
00:35:48,375 --> 00:35:51,669
Alright, go ahead,
but hurry, the Easter Bunny's waiting.
597
00:35:52,379 --> 00:35:55,340
Wow, it's a schooner!
598
00:35:57,258 --> 00:36:01,387
You dumb bastard!
It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat.
599
00:36:01,513 --> 00:36:04,641
A schooner is a sailboat,
stupid head.
600
00:36:05,767 --> 00:36:07,393
You know what?
601
00:36:07,519 --> 00:36:09,479
There is no Easter Bunny!
602
00:36:09,604 --> 00:36:12,398
Over there is just a guy in a suit!
603
00:36:15,735 --> 00:36:18,446
- But they're engaged.
- It doesn't matter, it can't happen.
604
00:36:18,571 --> 00:36:19,947
Why not? It's bound to come up.
605
00:36:20,073 --> 00:36:23,076
It's impossible. Lois could never
have Superman's baby.
606
00:36:23,201 --> 00:36:25,786
Do you think her fallopian tubes
can handle his sperm?
607
00:36:25,912 --> 00:36:29,248
I guarantee he blows a load like
a shotgun, right through her back.
608
00:36:29,374 --> 00:36:32,543
What about her womb? Do you think
it's strong enough to carry his child?
609
00:36:32,669 --> 00:36:35,421
- Sure. Why not?
- He's an alien, for Christ's sake!
610
00:36:35,547 --> 00:36:39,008
His Kryptonian biological makeup
is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun.
611
00:36:39,134 --> 00:36:42,137
If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick
right through her stomach.
612
00:36:42,262 --> 00:36:45,932
Only someone like Wonder Woman has
a strong enough uterus to carry his kid.
613
00:36:46,057 --> 00:36:49,268
The only way he could bang regular chicks
is with a Kryptonite condom.
614
00:36:49,394 --> 00:36:50,686
But that would kill him.
615
00:36:50,812 --> 00:36:53,481
How did I go from the verge
of hot Floridian sex with Brandi
616
00:36:53,606 --> 00:36:55,858
to Man of Steel coital debates
with you in the food court?
617
00:36:55,984 --> 00:36:57,568
Cookie stand is not part
of the food court.
618
00:36:57,694 --> 00:36:59,237
Of course it is.
619
00:36:59,738 --> 00:37:02,490
The food court is downstairs,
the cookie stand is upstairs.
620
00:37:02,615 --> 00:37:04,366
It's not like we're talking
quantum physics here.
621
00:37:04,492 --> 00:37:07,536
The cookie stand counts as an eatery,
the eatery's a part of the food court.
622
00:37:07,662 --> 00:37:10,873
Bullshit. Eateries that operate
within the designated square downstairs
623
00:37:10,999 --> 00:37:12,000
qualify as food court.
624
00:37:12,125 --> 00:37:14,710
Anything outside of said
designated square
625
00:37:14,836 --> 00:37:17,755
is considered an autonomous unit
for mid-mall snacking.
626
00:37:17,881 --> 00:37:21,175
Now if you're gonna wax intellectual
about the subject...
627
00:37:21,301 --> 00:37:22,760
Holy shit!
628
00:37:24,095 --> 00:37:26,097
- Wait here.
- Where are you going?
629
00:37:28,099 --> 00:37:29,934
Cherchez la femme.
630
00:37:33,938 --> 00:37:36,273
He said it was just a guy in a suit.
631
00:37:36,399 --> 00:37:39,485
Don't listen to that man,
he just said it to be mean.
632
00:37:44,699 --> 00:37:46,659
That would look terrible on you.
633
00:37:46,785 --> 00:37:48,828
Didn't I dump your ass this morning?
634
00:37:48,953 --> 00:37:52,164
Look, I know you've had some time
to think about the mistake you've made,
635
00:37:52,290 --> 00:37:54,792
and I just want to let you know
you don't have to apologize.
636
00:37:54,918 --> 00:37:57,086
I'm sure you were just PMSing
or something.
637
00:37:57,212 --> 00:37:59,923
Brodie, what kills me about you
is your inability to function
638
00:38:00,048 --> 00:38:02,675
on the same plane of existence
as the rest of us.
639
00:38:02,801 --> 00:38:04,177
Piss off.
640
00:38:04,928 --> 00:38:08,306
Okay. I see you want to continue
with this charade of ending our union.
641
00:38:08,431 --> 00:38:09,765
Fine, I'll play along.
642
00:38:09,891 --> 00:38:12,894
But if we're divorced, we're gonna have
to divide our mutual possessions.
643
00:38:13,019 --> 00:38:14,020
What the hell are you talking about?
644
00:38:14,145 --> 00:38:16,480
You have my Punisher War Journal #6,
645
00:38:16,606 --> 00:38:19,483
my copy of Fletch
and the remote control to my TV.
646
00:38:19,609 --> 00:38:21,402
I know it's gonna be hard to give
this stuff up,
647
00:38:21,528 --> 00:38:24,531
- because of its sentimental attachment.
- Sentimental attachment?
648
00:38:24,656 --> 00:38:25,990
If I have any of that crap,
649
00:38:26,115 --> 00:38:29,243
it's because you brought it
over to my house and left it there.
650
00:38:29,869 --> 00:38:33,247
Okay, then let's talk about coming up
with a schedule for visitation rights.
651
00:38:33,373 --> 00:38:34,874
- For what?
- For the mall.
652
00:38:34,999 --> 00:38:38,127
I figure you can have the odd days,
I'll take the even days and weekends.
653
00:38:38,253 --> 00:38:41,589
When there's any special function,
like a sidewalk sale, boat show...
654
00:38:41,714 --> 00:38:43,048
Brodie!
655
00:38:43,883 --> 00:38:46,886
I have always taken you
with a grain of salt.
656
00:38:47,011 --> 00:38:49,346
On your birthday, when you asked me
to do a striptease
657
00:38:49,472 --> 00:38:52,266
to the theme from Mighty Mouse,
I said okay.
658
00:38:52,392 --> 00:38:53,893
When we were at that hotel,
prom night,
659
00:38:54,018 --> 00:38:55,728
and you asked me to sleep
underneath the bed
660
00:38:55,854 --> 00:38:58,356
in case your mother burst in,
I did it.
661
00:38:58,481 --> 00:39:00,566
And even when we were
at my grandmother's funeral,
662
00:39:00,692 --> 00:39:01,943
and you told most of my relatives
663
00:39:02,068 --> 00:39:05,821
that you could see her nipples
through her burial dress, I let it slide.
664
00:39:05,947 --> 00:39:08,950
If you think that I'm gonna suffer
any more of your shit with a smile
665
00:39:09,075 --> 00:39:12,411
now that we're broken up, you're in
for some serious fucking disappointment.
666
00:39:17,792 --> 00:39:21,212
It wasn't Mighty Mouse.
It was Josie and the Pussycats.
667
00:39:23,214 --> 00:39:24,423
What?
668
00:39:29,345 --> 00:39:30,596
Sorry.
669
00:39:33,975 --> 00:39:34,976
Phase one:
670
00:39:35,101 --> 00:39:37,895
First, you take a run at LaFours
with a sock full of quarters.
671
00:39:38,021 --> 00:39:41,524
I'd do it, but I pulled my back out
humping your mom last night. Nooch.
672
00:39:41,649 --> 00:39:44,735
You clock him on his headpiece
and knock his ass out cold.
673
00:39:44,861 --> 00:39:46,404
That's when phase two kicks in.
674
00:39:46,529 --> 00:39:49,990
I attack the structure Wolvie-berserk style
and knock out the fucking pin,
675
00:39:50,116 --> 00:39:54,370
and bickety-bam, the motherfucker's
rubble, hence, no game show.
676
00:40:43,002 --> 00:40:44,044
Fuck!
677
00:40:56,224 --> 00:40:57,850
Do you know that kid
or something?
678
00:40:57,976 --> 00:41:00,979
I hope his pants get caught
and a bloodbath ensues.
679
00:41:01,104 --> 00:41:02,105
What is with you today?
680
00:41:02,230 --> 00:41:04,065
Don't get me wrong,
I don't wish the kid harm,
681
00:41:04,190 --> 00:41:06,192
but his mother should suffer
that horrific ordeal
682
00:41:06,317 --> 00:41:08,277
so she'll learn how to manage her child!
683
00:41:08,403 --> 00:41:10,071
Sort of a harsh lesson, don't you think?
684
00:41:10,196 --> 00:41:14,617
There's not a year goes by that I don't
read about an escalator accident
685
00:41:14,742 --> 00:41:17,870
involving some bastard kid that
could've been easily avoided
686
00:41:17,996 --> 00:41:20,081
had some parent,
I don't care which one,
687
00:41:20,206 --> 00:41:24,706
but some parent, conditioned him
to fear and respect that escalator!
688
00:41:27,213 --> 00:41:29,381
Wow! Look who it is.
689
00:41:33,970 --> 00:41:35,137
Jerk!
690
00:41:35,263 --> 00:41:36,764
Little Tricia Jones!
691
00:41:36,889 --> 00:41:38,724
What's a pretty girl like you
doing sitting alone
692
00:41:38,850 --> 00:41:41,894
in the middle of this monument
to consumerism?
693
00:41:42,020 --> 00:41:45,231
Updating my calendar
and waiting for Jay and Silent Bob.
694
00:41:45,356 --> 00:41:48,776
And I suppose you're here
with no agenda, as per usual.
695
00:41:48,901 --> 00:41:50,986
On the contrary,
I'm here for comics.
696
00:41:51,112 --> 00:41:54,698
T.S. Quint, Tricia Jones.
They call her Trish the Dish.
697
00:41:54,824 --> 00:41:56,242
Nobody calls me that.
698
00:41:56,367 --> 00:42:00,204
Our little Tricia here is only 15,
but, somehow she's a senior.
699
00:42:00,329 --> 00:42:02,497
How'd you manage that?
700
00:42:02,623 --> 00:42:05,709
- Don't listen to him. I studied my ass off.
- Yeah, right.
701
00:42:05,835 --> 00:42:08,087
So what do you say?
You wanna nail T.S. or what?
702
00:42:08,212 --> 00:42:10,422
- Jesus, Brodie!
- Calm down.
703
00:42:10,548 --> 00:42:12,383
Tricia's compiling data
for this book she's writing
704
00:42:12,508 --> 00:42:15,802
about the sex drive
of men ages 14 to 30.
705
00:42:15,928 --> 00:42:18,472
If I remember correctly,
it's titled "Bore-gasm:
706
00:42:18,598 --> 00:42:21,392
"A Study of the '90s
Male's Sexual Prowess".
707
00:42:21,517 --> 00:42:24,102
Ready to get sick?
Tell him about the advance you got.
708
00:42:24,228 --> 00:42:27,856
Pendant Publishing gave me $20,000
based on a treatment and a sample chapter.
709
00:42:27,982 --> 00:42:29,733
- You're kidding.
- It's true.
710
00:42:29,859 --> 00:42:31,694
She'll be the youngest author
to tackle the subject.
711
00:42:31,819 --> 00:42:34,863
So when are they gonna publish
this filthy little tome of yours?
712
00:42:34,989 --> 00:42:38,826
After my 18th birthday, to avoid
the moral and legal entanglements.
713
00:42:38,951 --> 00:42:41,453
So Tricia sleeps with
a bunch of guys as research.
714
00:42:41,579 --> 00:42:42,997
If that's not enough, get this...
715
00:42:43,122 --> 00:42:44,998
- She videotapes all of them.
- What?
716
00:42:45,124 --> 00:42:47,376
I get everybody's consent
before we do it.
717
00:42:47,502 --> 00:42:49,003
Most guys get off on it.
718
00:42:49,128 --> 00:42:50,754
Men are easily amused.
719
00:42:51,297 --> 00:42:53,340
What are you writing
in the calendar?
720
00:42:53,466 --> 00:42:55,342
I was coding last night's research.
721
00:42:55,468 --> 00:42:58,512
- She means sex.
- I know what she meant.
722
00:42:58,638 --> 00:43:01,474
- What kind of codes?
- Here, look.
723
00:43:01,599 --> 00:43:03,851
The smiley face is
for when I go down on the guy.
724
00:43:03,976 --> 00:43:07,145
The smiley face with lashes
is for when the guy goes down on me.
725
00:43:07,271 --> 00:43:09,022
The circle is for when we have sex.
726
00:43:09,148 --> 00:43:11,775
The circle with the "X" in it
is for when I have an orgasm.
727
00:43:11,901 --> 00:43:15,070
The little house is when we do it inside,
and the grass is for outside.
728
00:43:15,196 --> 00:43:18,115
That kid is back
on the escalator again!
729
00:43:18,241 --> 00:43:21,369
Wow, that's a pretty
elaborate log you got there.
730
00:43:21,494 --> 00:43:23,787
Wow, look at all those smiley faces
without eyelashes.
731
00:43:23,913 --> 00:43:26,123
That shows you
how courteous men are.
732
00:43:26,249 --> 00:43:29,460
Out of 50 entries, only two have
smiley faces with lashes.
733
00:43:30,086 --> 00:43:31,962
You slept with 50 guys?
734
00:43:32,088 --> 00:43:33,589
To fill out my research, yes.
735
00:43:33,714 --> 00:43:35,924
That's more guys
than you've slept with, dude.
736
00:43:36,050 --> 00:43:39,887
My God. That kid is sitting
on the escalator again!
737
00:43:40,346 --> 00:43:42,765
How old was last night's subject,
if you don't mind me asking?
738
00:43:42,890 --> 00:43:44,474
Twenty-five.
739
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,019
It was the guy who runs
that store Fashionable Male.
740
00:43:47,145 --> 00:43:49,730
Holy shit! You slept
with that asshole? Why?
741
00:43:49,856 --> 00:43:51,566
I needed a 25-year-old.
742
00:43:51,691 --> 00:43:54,360
And he has quite a distaste for you,
I might add.
743
00:43:54,485 --> 00:43:56,111
Ew, he mentioned me during sex?
744
00:43:56,237 --> 00:43:57,238
Afterwards.
745
00:43:57,363 --> 00:43:58,739
He says he wants to kick your ass.
746
00:43:58,865 --> 00:44:00,449
I'd steer clear of him, if I were you.
747
00:44:00,575 --> 00:44:02,577
- Tell me you videotaped him saying that.
- No.
748
00:44:02,702 --> 00:44:04,495
I shut the camera off after the sex.
749
00:44:04,620 --> 00:44:06,705
You should've heard the stuff
he wanted to do.
750
00:44:06,831 --> 00:44:09,583
I'm having a hard time with this.
Do your parents know about this?
751
00:44:09,709 --> 00:44:11,794
- Of course.
- That's remarkable.
752
00:44:11,919 --> 00:44:13,420
That's criminal. That kid...
753
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,966
That kid is back
on the escalator again!
754
00:44:17,091 --> 00:44:18,926
- Leave it alone.
- What?
755
00:44:19,051 --> 00:44:23,551
So, I heard you were going to propose
to Brandi Svenning in some theme park.
756
00:44:23,848 --> 00:44:26,600
When are men going to learn
that women want romance,
757
00:44:26,726 --> 00:44:29,228
not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride?
758
00:44:29,353 --> 00:44:30,771
Be fair, alright?
759
00:44:30,897 --> 00:44:35,359
Everyone wants
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. We gotta go.
760
00:44:36,861 --> 00:44:38,028
And remember my offer.
761
00:44:38,154 --> 00:44:40,865
I'm young, virile,
sensitive to a woman's needs...
762
00:44:40,990 --> 00:44:43,409
Somehow I doubt it, Sega-boy.
763
00:44:43,534 --> 00:44:45,744
Good luck with
the comic-book store.
764
00:44:53,544 --> 00:44:56,255
"Sega-boy."
God, Rene's got a big mouth!
765
00:44:56,380 --> 00:44:59,132
What does that mean,
"Good luck with the comic-book store"?
766
00:44:59,258 --> 00:45:02,219
How does that junior Masters
and Johnson know about my proposal?
767
00:45:02,345 --> 00:45:04,430
It's not like she's in an exclusive club
or anything.
768
00:45:04,555 --> 00:45:05,722
What are you talking about?
769
00:45:05,848 --> 00:45:08,016
Sean Hartle's giving everyone
the inside scoop.
770
00:45:08,142 --> 00:45:09,560
What? What's he saying?
771
00:45:09,685 --> 00:45:13,522
How her father made her do the game show
so you couldn't take her to Florida.
772
00:45:13,648 --> 00:45:15,858
Now, what the hell is this shit?
773
00:45:18,778 --> 00:45:20,196
One hour? For what?
774
00:45:20,696 --> 00:45:23,448
What the hell is this?
What's going on here?
775
00:45:23,574 --> 00:45:26,076
What, you live in a fucking cave?
The man is in there.
776
00:45:26,202 --> 00:45:27,912
How'd Sean find this out?
777
00:45:28,037 --> 00:45:30,205
He was interning at KREL
and he said he heard Svenning
778
00:45:30,331 --> 00:45:31,832
barking at Brandi
over the phone about it.
779
00:45:31,958 --> 00:45:34,335
Apparently he had a feeling
you were gonna pop the question.
780
00:45:34,460 --> 00:45:36,044
Who the fuck is "the man"?
781
00:45:36,170 --> 00:45:37,671
You waited till now to tell me this?
782
00:45:37,797 --> 00:45:40,299
If you're gonna bother me about this
for the rest of the day,
783
00:45:40,424 --> 00:45:41,550
- I'll go home!
- You dragged me here!
784
00:45:41,676 --> 00:45:44,178
You needed this.
Who the fuck is in there?
785
00:45:45,304 --> 00:45:46,930
One side, Red.
786
00:45:47,056 --> 00:45:48,724
What the hell's going on here?
787
00:45:48,849 --> 00:45:49,850
I was warned about you.
788
00:45:49,976 --> 00:45:52,269
- Take it easy before I have you removed.
- Warned?
789
00:45:52,395 --> 00:45:53,729
What the fuck are you talking about?
790
00:45:53,854 --> 00:45:56,439
- Tell him, Steve Dave.
- Fuck you, fan-boy!
791
00:45:56,565 --> 00:45:59,067
Would you testosterone-seething,
He-Man comic book fans
792
00:45:59,193 --> 00:46:00,819
finish up with this tough-guy
back-and-forth?
793
00:46:00,945 --> 00:46:03,197
- I got some questions I need answered.
- Who's in there?
794
00:46:03,322 --> 00:46:05,365
- You got to ask me nicely.
- Fuck this!
795
00:46:05,491 --> 00:46:07,117
Jesus Christ!
796
00:46:07,243 --> 00:46:08,911
- Get the hell off of him.
- Come on!
797
00:46:09,036 --> 00:46:12,330
You fuckers think just 'cause a guy
reads comics he can't start some shit?
798
00:46:12,456 --> 00:46:14,249
I'll fucking take all of you on!
799
00:46:14,375 --> 00:46:17,920
Get a medic! There's a little boy
caught in the escalator!
800
00:46:18,045 --> 00:46:19,629
Come back here
and arrest this goon!
801
00:46:19,755 --> 00:46:21,923
- You're fucking next, man.
- Jesus, Brodie!
802
00:46:22,049 --> 00:46:25,385
I'm not going anywhere until I find out
why I can't get my comics.
803
00:46:25,511 --> 00:46:27,513
Alright.
804
00:46:27,638 --> 00:46:29,056
- Excuse me.
- Don't hit me.
805
00:46:29,181 --> 00:46:30,473
Why is there a line?
806
00:46:30,599 --> 00:46:32,183
Stan Lee's signing comics.
807
00:46:34,395 --> 00:46:35,979
Stan Lee?
808
00:46:36,564 --> 00:46:39,066
Okay, Lunchbox,
let's try this again.
809
00:46:39,191 --> 00:46:42,110
We tie you to the roof, you jump
and sail like a Spitfire,
810
00:46:42,236 --> 00:46:44,613
passing right over
the arch-nemesis LaFours.
811
00:46:44,739 --> 00:46:47,199
You then swing up to the stage
and knock out the pin.
812
00:46:47,325 --> 00:46:50,369
And when that's gone, the stage
is trashed and we go smoke a bowl.
813
00:46:50,494 --> 00:46:52,787
You got it?
Now, get your fat ass out there!
814
00:46:52,913 --> 00:46:56,541
And, dude, don't forget your helmet.
Snoogins.
815
00:47:28,532 --> 00:47:31,326
Fly, fat-ass, fly!
816
00:47:47,259 --> 00:47:49,010
What the fuck?
817
00:47:50,179 --> 00:47:51,805
You fucker!
818
00:47:51,931 --> 00:47:53,933
Security?
819
00:47:54,058 --> 00:47:57,936
This is Popular Girl. We just had
something crash through the wall.
820
00:47:58,062 --> 00:48:00,773
Stan Lee! How does something
as big as the creator
821
00:48:00,898 --> 00:48:05,068
of the most important titles in comics
history coming to my mall get by me?
822
00:48:05,194 --> 00:48:07,112
I must be slipping in my old age.
823
00:48:07,238 --> 00:48:08,989
The name amongst names.
824
00:48:09,115 --> 00:48:11,325
God, there's a million questions
I'd love to ask him.
825
00:48:11,450 --> 00:48:12,617
Her father!
826
00:48:12,743 --> 00:48:15,787
I knew this game show thing was just
a beard for an attempt to break us up.
827
00:48:15,913 --> 00:48:18,582
Why can't he just leave us alone and
let us follow through with our plans?
828
00:48:18,707 --> 00:48:20,875
What kind of man are you, anyway?
829
00:48:21,001 --> 00:48:24,087
I'm talking comics and
you bring up chicks and romance?
830
00:48:24,213 --> 00:48:27,674
While we're on the subject, why the hell
do you want to get married now anyway?
831
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,344
- You're still in college.
- I was just gonna propose.
832
00:48:30,469 --> 00:48:32,179
The wedding wouldn't be
till after we graduate.
833
00:48:32,304 --> 00:48:33,847
Waste of time, if you ask me.
834
00:48:33,973 --> 00:48:38,143
My grandmother always said, "Why buy
the cow, when you get the sex for free?"
835
00:48:38,269 --> 00:48:40,062
- She did?
- All the time.
836
00:48:40,187 --> 00:48:42,480
Of course, she became a lesbian
on her 60th birthday,
837
00:48:42,606 --> 00:48:44,274
but that's beside the point.
838
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:47,736
Where the hell are these two going
in such a hurry?
839
00:49:00,958 --> 00:49:04,044
- Is he gone?
- Halfway to Buy Me Toys by now.
840
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,550
Damn, that bastard"s faster
than Walt Flanagan's dog.
841
00:49:09,675 --> 00:49:12,844
- What's with all the running?
- What the hell happened to him?
842
00:49:12,970 --> 00:49:15,347
The human brown-eye here
is a walking calamity.
843
00:49:15,473 --> 00:49:17,850
We'll have to take a pass
on the stage-trashing business,
844
00:49:17,975 --> 00:49:19,851
otherwise he's liable to kill himself.
845
00:49:19,977 --> 00:49:22,396
- Sorry, bro.
- No hard feelings.
846
00:49:22,521 --> 00:49:24,022
Isn't that Rene?
847
00:49:24,148 --> 00:49:26,859
She's probably looking for me.
I better go talk to her.
848
00:49:26,984 --> 00:49:28,151
Keep that.
849
00:49:28,903 --> 00:49:32,031
- I don't know, she's with somebody.
- With? She's practically blowing him.
850
00:49:33,407 --> 00:49:34,908
Wait a minute, isn't that...?
851
00:49:35,034 --> 00:49:38,287
The asshole from
Fashionable Male! Son of a bitch!
852
00:49:38,412 --> 00:49:39,496
My God!
You think that they're...
853
00:49:39,622 --> 00:49:42,207
Could be. It'll explain why
he hates me so much.
854
00:49:42,333 --> 00:49:43,792
And there's only one way to find out.
855
00:49:43,918 --> 00:49:45,920
Can you run interference
with the lug?
856
00:49:46,045 --> 00:49:48,547
- What are you gonna do?
- Get some answers.
857
00:49:52,885 --> 00:49:54,303
Shit!
858
00:50:08,609 --> 00:50:11,069
You work at the Fashionable Male,
don't you?
859
00:50:12,071 --> 00:50:13,447
Yeah. So?
860
00:50:14,782 --> 00:50:17,409
That's a great store you got there.
861
00:50:18,410 --> 00:50:20,245
Thanks. Listen...
862
00:50:20,371 --> 00:50:22,873
I'm trying to spend my lunch hour
with my lady friend here.
863
00:50:22,998 --> 00:50:24,791
So why don't you beat it?
864
00:50:28,629 --> 00:50:31,089
That's your girlfriend?
Right there?
865
00:50:34,343 --> 00:50:35,844
If you don't stop gawking at me
866
00:50:35,970 --> 00:50:38,180
and get the hell out of here,
I'll kick your ass, OK?
867
00:50:38,305 --> 00:50:41,599
Haven't you ever heard the phrase,
"The customer's always right"?
868
00:50:42,476 --> 00:50:44,519
Let me tell you a little secret:
869
00:50:44,645 --> 00:50:46,647
the customer's always an asshole!
870
00:50:51,026 --> 00:50:53,528
- Jesus Christ!
- What the hell gives with the cover boy?
871
00:50:53,654 --> 00:50:56,531
None of your damn business.
He'd kick your ass if he knew about this.
872
00:50:56,657 --> 00:50:59,826
Are you insane?
The guy looks like a date rapist!
873
00:50:59,952 --> 00:51:01,620
- Is that my jacket?
- Start the elevator.
874
00:51:01,745 --> 00:51:03,872
Not until you tell me
what the situation is
875
00:51:03,998 --> 00:51:05,499
with you and the Sperminator out there.
876
00:51:05,624 --> 00:51:07,208
How long has this been going on?
877
00:51:07,334 --> 00:51:09,753
Since I finally mustered the good sense
to send you packing.
878
00:51:09,878 --> 00:51:11,921
He's a much more suitable companion
than you, any day.
879
00:51:12,047 --> 00:51:13,256
Are you nuts?
880
00:51:13,382 --> 00:51:16,843
The guy's pure testosterone!
He's a walking hard-on, looking for a hole!
881
00:51:16,969 --> 00:51:20,055
I need testosterone after babysitting you
and your comic book collection.
882
00:51:20,180 --> 00:51:21,681
I forgot what real men were like.
883
00:51:21,807 --> 00:51:25,602
I can't believe you have the nerve
to come to my mall and pick up guys!
884
00:51:25,728 --> 00:51:27,646
No, Shannon did the picking up.
885
00:51:27,771 --> 00:51:29,647
He's already taken me to lunch
at the Cheese Haus,
886
00:51:29,773 --> 00:51:32,525
purchased tickets for the opera night
and took me to stores I like!
887
00:51:32,651 --> 00:51:34,986
I took you shopping all the time!
888
00:51:35,112 --> 00:51:36,696
You took me where you went shopping,
jerk!
889
00:51:36,822 --> 00:51:40,200
Do you think I care what rat-hole store
in that shit-pit you call the dirt mall
890
00:51:40,326 --> 00:51:41,577
has got the latest Godzilla bootlegs?
891
00:51:41,702 --> 00:51:44,579
You call eating pizza in the same
dive pizzeria every night eating out?
892
00:51:44,705 --> 00:51:47,999
Do I give a shit when two major comic
labels are crossing over characters
893
00:51:48,125 --> 00:51:50,877
and selling two editions of the book
in varied-ink chromium covers?
894
00:51:51,003 --> 00:51:52,212
I'm a girl, damn it!
895
00:51:52,338 --> 00:51:56,342
I want to do girly things like fix someone's
hair and get romantic phone calls.
896
00:51:56,467 --> 00:51:58,093
I call you all the time!
897
00:51:58,218 --> 00:52:00,720
"Rene, my mom's asleep. Come over."
You call that romantic?
898
00:52:00,846 --> 00:52:03,974
When was the last time you pulled out
my chair or told me I was beautiful?
899
00:52:04,099 --> 00:52:06,184
This guy does all this
in the span of a day!
900
00:52:06,310 --> 00:52:09,021
This guy already introduced me
to his mother.
901
00:52:09,146 --> 00:52:10,230
Really?
902
00:52:10,356 --> 00:52:12,566
He was up and at work
by 9:00 this morning.
903
00:52:12,691 --> 00:52:14,818
Unlike my ex-boyfriend,
who would sleep until 1:00,
904
00:52:14,943 --> 00:52:17,487
'cause he played Sega
and watched videos all night long!
905
00:52:17,613 --> 00:52:19,740
Which, by the way,
has enormous effect on your libido.
906
00:52:19,865 --> 00:52:22,742
- Now you attack my libido?
- There's no libido to attack.
907
00:52:22,868 --> 00:52:24,911
No libido to attack?
908
00:52:30,376 --> 00:52:32,252
You're sure you saw her get on, right?
909
00:52:32,378 --> 00:52:34,213
Maybe she was getting off.
910
00:52:46,642 --> 00:52:48,894
- Sorry.
- It's alright.
911
00:52:53,399 --> 00:52:55,651
You know something?
You look familiar to me.
912
00:52:57,403 --> 00:52:59,655
Couldn't be.
I'm never at the mall much.
913
00:52:59,780 --> 00:53:01,948
No, it's not from the mall.
914
00:53:03,409 --> 00:53:06,578
I know. You're the guy from the news
that kidnapped the President's daughter
915
00:53:06,704 --> 00:53:08,455
and threw her off the roof.
916
00:53:09,289 --> 00:53:12,166
I got a musket tangled
in my girlfriend's hair, for Christ's sake.
917
00:53:16,338 --> 00:53:18,631
There, that was romantic, right?
918
00:53:20,342 --> 00:53:22,218
Passionate, yeah.
919
00:53:23,303 --> 00:53:26,639
No, Brodie.
That was too little, too late.
920
00:53:27,641 --> 00:53:30,602
Too little?
You said it was a good size.
921
00:53:30,728 --> 00:53:34,231
The effort, you retard.
The effort was too little, too late.
922
00:53:34,815 --> 00:53:38,443
But now that you mention it,
when a girl says it's a good size,
923
00:53:38,569 --> 00:53:41,572
it's a nice way of saying
that it's small.
924
00:53:43,031 --> 00:53:45,408
Hey!
925
00:53:50,956 --> 00:53:52,165
Hey!
926
00:53:53,333 --> 00:53:54,667
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.
927
00:53:54,793 --> 00:53:56,878
No, forget about him.
928
00:53:57,004 --> 00:54:00,257
He just wanted to give me something
that he forgot to give me a long time ago.
929
00:54:00,382 --> 00:54:01,925
He's harmless now. Okay?
930
00:54:04,303 --> 00:54:07,389
Fine. I gotta get back to the store.
Let's go.
931
00:54:16,482 --> 00:54:18,942
- Right there in the elevator?
- I don't know what came over me.
932
00:54:19,067 --> 00:54:23,567
She challenged my libido. I felt obligated
to defend myself against her accusations.
933
00:54:23,781 --> 00:54:27,785
- It's not like you still wanted her.
- Not in the least. I'm over her.
934
00:54:29,203 --> 00:54:30,662
Holy shit!
935
00:54:30,788 --> 00:54:33,290
- You really love that girl.
- Yeah, right.
936
00:54:33,415 --> 00:54:36,584
No, I never noticed it before,
but she really fuels your engine.
937
00:54:36,710 --> 00:54:39,379
- You have this new glow about you.
- I don't have a glow.
938
00:54:39,505 --> 00:54:40,547
You do. You're glowing.
939
00:54:40,672 --> 00:54:43,049
If I have a glow,
it's because just I got laid.
940
00:54:43,175 --> 00:54:45,760
I'd look the same if I banged
anyone in that elevator,
941
00:54:45,886 --> 00:54:47,888
present company excluded.
942
00:54:48,639 --> 00:54:51,850
Deny it all you want. I think you're
too proud to admit you want her back.
943
00:54:51,975 --> 00:54:54,227
I suddenly want something very bad
to happen to you.
944
00:54:54,353 --> 00:54:56,897
What's your problem? I don't understand.
945
00:54:58,148 --> 00:55:00,692
- Gwen! I'm sorry.
- You fucker!
946
00:55:04,238 --> 00:55:08,200
See! That's what you get
for fucking with me.
947
00:55:08,742 --> 00:55:10,827
Hey, Gwen,
he didn't really mean to hit you.
948
00:55:10,953 --> 00:55:14,456
He's got a funny way of showing it
by elbowing me in my frigging tit!
949
00:55:14,581 --> 00:55:17,750
- Why the hell are you glowing?
- I'm not glowing.
950
00:55:17,876 --> 00:55:21,087
- Brandi dumped him.
- Would you stop saying that?
951
00:55:21,213 --> 00:55:23,423
- I know. I heard.
- You heard how?
952
00:55:23,549 --> 00:55:26,134
She told me.
I ran into her a few minutes ago.
953
00:55:26,260 --> 00:55:28,178
- Really? Where?
- By the stage.
954
00:55:30,764 --> 00:55:32,599
Do you want me to rub it?
955
00:55:33,892 --> 00:55:36,269
Work with me, people,
would you please?
956
00:55:36,395 --> 00:55:39,272
No, I don't want this here.
I want it toward the front.
957
00:55:39,398 --> 00:55:42,109
The rug keeps popping up.
If I put the podium there, it'll stay down!
958
00:55:42,234 --> 00:55:44,945
Move it!
959
00:55:45,070 --> 00:55:47,906
- Mr. Svenning!
- Give me the podium!
960
00:55:48,740 --> 00:55:53,240
You put the podium
down over here...
961
00:55:54,538 --> 00:55:55,622
...like this.
962
00:55:55,747 --> 00:56:00,247
You stamp the carpet down
with your feet. You speak English?
963
00:56:01,086 --> 00:56:02,087
Like this...
964
00:56:03,964 --> 00:56:06,549
Mr. Svenning! Let me help you up.
965
00:56:06,675 --> 00:56:09,302
- Get off! Move!
- Here, let me help you.
966
00:56:10,929 --> 00:56:13,348
- Alright, where's Brandi?
- Let go of me!
967
00:56:13,473 --> 00:56:14,891
Where's Brandi?
968
00:56:17,603 --> 00:56:20,272
You're fired.
You get the hell out of here.
969
00:56:20,397 --> 00:56:22,190
Get off my set!
970
00:56:23,483 --> 00:56:26,527
- Where is she?
- You are out of her life.
971
00:56:26,653 --> 00:56:30,073
Now, you stay out of her business
and mine, understand me?
972
00:56:30,198 --> 00:56:31,991
Come on, people.
Are we working here?
973
00:56:32,117 --> 00:56:34,953
Get the backdrop ready.
Are those lights ready to go?
974
00:56:35,078 --> 00:56:38,956
Excuse me, you go on the other side
and put the podium
975
00:56:39,082 --> 00:56:42,627
over the bad spot in the carpet, okay?
The hole? Please. Go. Now.
976
00:56:42,753 --> 00:56:44,755
So, you made her dump me and now
you're gonna auction her off
977
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:47,716
in an effort to better further
your own career?
978
00:56:47,841 --> 00:56:51,261
Not that it's any of your concern,
but Brandi agreed to be on Truth or Date.
979
00:56:51,386 --> 00:56:54,347
After that shit you pulled last night,
I think she's even looking forward to it.
980
00:56:54,473 --> 00:56:58,185
It'll give her a chance
to find herself... a decent guy.
981
00:56:58,310 --> 00:56:59,769
Somebody with a brain.
982
00:56:59,895 --> 00:57:01,688
You admit it?
You are behind our break-up.
983
00:57:01,813 --> 00:57:03,189
Admit it?
984
00:57:03,315 --> 00:57:07,193
Hell, I'm as proud of it
as I am of this game show here.
985
00:57:08,153 --> 00:57:09,487
T.S...
986
00:57:10,572 --> 00:57:13,575
Listen to me.
It's over between you two.
987
00:57:14,451 --> 00:57:18,288
The sooner you get that,
the better off we're all gonna be.
988
00:57:18,872 --> 00:57:21,583
Understand me?
You don't.
989
00:57:22,709 --> 00:57:26,629
Guard, come here.
Get this guy off of my set.
990
00:57:26,755 --> 00:57:30,675
If he gives you any shit,
you have my permission to castrate him.
991
00:57:30,801 --> 00:57:33,845
- You can't do this!
- I just did.
992
00:57:38,934 --> 00:57:41,686
- Get me LaFours.
- Right away, sir.
993
00:57:41,812 --> 00:57:43,396
Well, go on!
994
00:57:45,774 --> 00:57:48,943
I wonder if my mother
ever wore a pair like this.
995
00:57:49,569 --> 00:57:51,028
How about these?
996
00:57:51,154 --> 00:57:53,906
- Very sexy.
- That sounded convincing.
997
00:57:54,032 --> 00:57:55,158
I'm preoccupied.
998
00:57:55,283 --> 00:57:58,244
T.S., she told you. She's just doing it
as a favor to her father.
999
00:57:58,370 --> 00:57:59,412
Regardless.
1000
00:57:59,538 --> 00:58:01,581
It's not like she'll fuck the guy
on public access.
1001
00:58:01,707 --> 00:58:04,292
- She might as well.
- You're overreacting again.
1002
00:58:04,418 --> 00:58:06,420
That's why your relationships fail.
1003
00:58:06,545 --> 00:58:08,213
It's certainly why ours did.
1004
00:58:08,338 --> 00:58:12,300
You got bent out of shape the same way
over that costume party in high school.
1005
00:58:12,426 --> 00:58:15,637
You fucked Rick Derris on a pool table!
With everyone watching, no less.
1006
00:58:15,762 --> 00:58:19,098
It was a costume party, T.S.
No one could tell it was me.
1007
00:58:19,224 --> 00:58:22,518
Besides, who else but you remembers
shit like that?
1008
00:58:22,644 --> 00:58:24,187
I would've been a sexy chick.
1009
00:58:24,312 --> 00:58:26,480
Do you remember that costume party?
1010
00:58:26,606 --> 00:58:29,984
Might that have been the one where
you banged Rick Derris on the pool table?
1011
00:58:30,110 --> 00:58:31,319
Nobody remembers shit like that?
1012
00:58:31,445 --> 00:58:33,822
How is it that you recall
the most trivial events?
1013
00:58:33,947 --> 00:58:37,659
I'll never forget it. How many chances
do you get to see Smokey fuck the Bandit?
1014
00:58:37,784 --> 00:58:39,660
Didn't I look just like Burt Reynolds?
1015
00:58:39,786 --> 00:58:41,704
Except for the mustache.
1016
00:58:41,830 --> 00:58:44,415
You know, they have a whole room
you're supposed to do that in?
1017
00:58:44,541 --> 00:58:47,085
Some pervert wanted to see me
naked so badly today,
1018
00:58:47,210 --> 00:58:49,670
he busted in on me twice
while I was trying on stuff.
1019
00:58:49,796 --> 00:58:52,965
This saves him the effort.
1020
00:58:53,091 --> 00:58:55,343
How much longer are we gonna be
in this chick store, anyway?
1021
00:58:55,469 --> 00:58:56,845
I'm starting to get a mean hard-on.
1022
00:58:56,970 --> 00:58:59,347
So, Brodie, tell me about
the Rene break-up.
1023
00:58:59,473 --> 00:59:01,975
I threw her away like a- parking ticket.
- Ha!
1024
00:59:02,100 --> 00:59:04,852
Don't front, Brodie.
I talked to Rene's cousin this morning.
1025
00:59:04,978 --> 00:59:08,523
- It was vice-versa.
- They certainly aren't acting broken up.
1026
00:59:08,648 --> 00:59:11,359
- Go ahead, ask him about the elevator.
- Tell me about the elevator.
1027
00:59:11,485 --> 00:59:14,362
It goes up and down.
1028
00:59:14,821 --> 00:59:17,990
Rene seems so coarse, anyway.
What was it like to date her?
1029
00:59:18,116 --> 00:59:20,827
- Ever slept with somebody?
- Yeah.
1030
00:59:20,952 --> 00:59:22,495
I mean, really slept with somebody.
1031
00:59:22,621 --> 00:59:25,915
Beside them, not just
fucked them on a gaming table.
1032
00:59:26,041 --> 00:59:28,418
We slept together one time,
remember, in high school?
1033
00:59:28,543 --> 00:59:30,920
- That ski trip?
- That was you?
1034
00:59:31,046 --> 00:59:33,381
Yes, Brodie,
I've slept beside many people.
1035
00:59:33,882 --> 00:59:36,801
Alright. You know how when
someone lays with their back to you
1036
00:59:36,927 --> 00:59:40,138
and you lay behind them really close
and you throw one arm over them?
1037
00:59:40,263 --> 00:59:43,266
- It's called spooning.
- But you gotta put the other arm somewhere.
1038
00:59:43,391 --> 00:59:46,352
You can either lay on it
or just shove it in between your bodies.
1039
00:59:46,478 --> 00:59:48,980
The only other option is to stretch it
above your head.
1040
00:59:49,106 --> 00:59:52,776
But sometimes my arm pops out
of the socket when I'm sleeping like that.
1041
00:59:52,901 --> 00:59:55,570
So, I was constantly searching
for some place to keep my arm
1042
00:59:55,695 --> 00:59:57,822
while still laying close to her.
1043
00:59:58,657 --> 00:59:59,699
And?
1044
00:59:59,825 --> 01:00:04,120
What do you mean, "And"? That's like
a metaphor for our whole relationship.
1045
01:00:04,246 --> 01:00:06,039
Jackass.
1046
01:00:07,374 --> 01:00:10,377
I'm all out.
I'll meet you at the food court.
1047
01:00:11,628 --> 01:00:15,131
I know exactly
how he feels. Excuse me.
1048
01:00:17,884 --> 01:00:20,303
Fill this with Coke, no ice.
1049
01:00:24,391 --> 01:00:26,226
Want a sip of my soda?
1050
01:00:31,273 --> 01:00:32,983
Smartass ex-boyfriend.
1051
01:00:33,900 --> 01:00:35,902
You know who I am?
1052
01:00:36,027 --> 01:00:38,487
A deeply resentful retail manager?
1053
01:00:39,948 --> 01:00:42,992
Rene's with me now.
Okay? You got that?
1054
01:00:43,118 --> 01:00:46,162
So don't be sniffing around her anymore
like you tried to do today.
1055
01:00:46,288 --> 01:00:47,497
Shit!
1056
01:00:47,622 --> 01:00:49,165
There goes the lung.
1057
01:00:49,291 --> 01:00:52,168
Listen to me.
I got two things to tell you.
1058
01:00:52,294 --> 01:00:55,171
One: I don't like you.
I see you every week in this mall.
1059
01:00:55,297 --> 01:00:57,173
I don't like shiftless layabouts.
1060
01:00:57,299 --> 01:00:59,175
You're one of these fucking
loser mallrat kids.
1061
01:00:59,301 --> 01:01:02,512
You don't come here to work or shop,
you hang out all day.
1062
01:01:02,637 --> 01:01:04,221
Act like you fucking live here.
1063
01:01:04,347 --> 01:01:06,974
I have no respect for people
with no shopping agenda.
1064
01:01:07,100 --> 01:01:09,852
Is this what's known
as motivated salesmanship?
1065
01:01:13,899 --> 01:01:17,944
Rene told me to leave you alone,
but she's fucking clueless.
1066
01:01:21,031 --> 01:01:24,743
The newly single often feel strangely
protective of the ex-boyfriend.
1067
01:01:24,868 --> 01:01:28,162
If this is her idea of protective,
hate to have her mad at me.
1068
01:01:34,211 --> 01:01:36,087
Now, you see, Bruce...
1069
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:41,092
I like to pick up girls on the rebound
from a disappointing relationship.
1070
01:01:41,218 --> 01:01:44,054
They're more vulnerable,
they're much more in need of solace,
1071
01:01:44,179 --> 01:01:45,972
and they're fairly open to suggestion.
1072
01:01:46,097 --> 01:01:50,226
And I use that to fuck them
some place very uncomfortable.
1073
01:01:50,727 --> 01:01:53,229
What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
1074
01:01:53,939 --> 01:01:57,817
No, like somewhere girls dread.
1075
01:02:03,698 --> 01:02:07,660
Alright. Now...
is it because it's a challenge?
1076
01:02:07,786 --> 01:02:09,704
Is it because it's taboo?
1077
01:02:09,829 --> 01:02:11,580
Or is it because I like to,
you know...
1078
01:02:12,207 --> 01:02:15,001
have them differently
than they've ever been had before?
1079
01:02:15,126 --> 01:02:17,253
This sounds like a discussion
much more suited
1080
01:02:17,379 --> 01:02:19,839
to an extended professional
counseling session.
1081
01:02:19,965 --> 01:02:22,008
I'll go get a therapist for you.
1082
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:28,973
Now, evidently, the only one
that's gonna need a doctor here
1083
01:02:29,099 --> 01:02:30,809
is yourself, my friend.
1084
01:02:31,393 --> 01:02:34,145
And my suggestion to you is...
1085
01:02:34,271 --> 01:02:36,356
forget you ever dated Rene.
1086
01:02:36,481 --> 01:02:39,984
Until I get what I'm looking for
from this latest dalliance,
1087
01:02:40,527 --> 01:02:42,612
I better not find you
within ten city blocks of her,
1088
01:02:42,737 --> 01:02:45,990
otherwise I will be forced to do you
some very serious damage.
1089
01:02:46,116 --> 01:02:48,368
Alright?
We clear on that?
1090
01:02:48,493 --> 01:02:49,869
Rene who?
1091
01:02:50,870 --> 01:02:53,539
There you go.
Not bad, you're learning.
1092
01:02:53,665 --> 01:02:56,167
- Well, alright, Bryce.
- Bruce.
1093
01:02:58,878 --> 01:03:00,713
I'm glad we had this little chat.
1094
01:03:00,839 --> 01:03:03,800
I'll remember it
when I'm fucking your girlfriend.
1095
01:03:03,883 --> 01:03:05,801
Alright.
1096
01:03:05,885 --> 01:03:08,470
And, my store's having
a sale next weekend.
1097
01:03:08,596 --> 01:03:11,056
You should come by.
I'll cut you a nice deal on a suit.
1098
01:03:16,813 --> 01:03:19,398
- Did we ever get along?
- Once or twice.
1099
01:03:19,524 --> 01:03:22,235
- How come we went out as long as we did?
- You had cable.
1100
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,028
So, are you gonna stay for the show?
1101
01:03:24,154 --> 01:03:26,364
Absolutely not.
As soon as he gets back here, I'm gone.
1102
01:03:26,489 --> 01:03:29,283
T.S. Quint, where's your sense
of chivalry?
1103
01:03:29,951 --> 01:03:31,994
My God! Is that Brodie?
1104
01:03:33,496 --> 01:03:35,539
You're fucking kidding?
The Easter Bunny did this?
1105
01:03:35,665 --> 01:03:36,832
All I said was the Easter Bunny
1106
01:03:36,958 --> 01:03:39,001
at the Menlo Park mall
was more convincing.
1107
01:03:39,127 --> 01:03:40,962
He just jumped the railing
and knocked me down.
1108
01:03:41,087 --> 01:03:42,088
He's fucking dead!
1109
01:03:42,213 --> 01:03:44,048
Let it go.
He's under a lot of pressure.
1110
01:03:44,174 --> 01:03:45,466
What the hell happened to him?
1111
01:03:45,592 --> 01:03:47,051
The guy in the Easter Bunny suit
kicked his ass.
1112
01:03:47,135 --> 01:03:48,678
I had it coming.
1113
01:03:48,803 --> 01:03:51,180
Fuck all that shit.
Come on, Silent Bob.
1114
01:03:51,306 --> 01:03:52,307
What really happened?
1115
01:03:52,432 --> 01:03:55,393
The proprietor of Fashionable Male
beat a rain check into my stomach.
1116
01:03:55,518 --> 01:03:57,520
- Shannon Hamilton?
- You know that guy?
1117
01:03:57,645 --> 01:03:59,313
I went out with him
after we dated.
1118
01:03:59,439 --> 01:04:01,816
He tried to screw me
somewhere very uncomfortable once.
1119
01:04:01,941 --> 01:04:04,693
- What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
- Sounds like his M.O.
1120
01:04:04,819 --> 01:04:06,529
- Can you get up?
- Am I still glowing?
1121
01:04:06,654 --> 01:04:09,031
You're barely breathing.
Was Rene involved in any of this?
1122
01:04:09,157 --> 01:04:11,284
This was an independent
act of aggression.
1123
01:04:11,409 --> 01:04:14,245
He told me that his intentions were
to penetrate my ex-girlfriend
1124
01:04:14,371 --> 01:04:17,207
- in the most notorious of body cavities.
- Sounds just like him.
1125
01:04:17,332 --> 01:04:19,792
- You better tell Rene.
- Let him do whatever the hell he wants.
1126
01:04:19,918 --> 01:04:23,379
If she's not smart enough to see him for
what he is, she deserves the discomfort.
1127
01:04:23,505 --> 01:04:27,258
I, on the other hand, have had just about
all the discomfort I can stand for a day.
1128
01:04:27,384 --> 01:04:28,927
Shit, I'm late. I gotta go.
1129
01:04:29,052 --> 01:04:30,928
You're just gonna leave
with him in this condition?
1130
01:04:31,054 --> 01:04:32,930
I gotta split.
You gonna be okay?
1131
01:04:33,056 --> 01:04:35,308
Couple of pins in the hip,
I'll be good as new.
1132
01:04:35,433 --> 01:04:38,853
That's my boy.
Bye, guys. Be good.
1133
01:04:39,854 --> 01:04:43,774
Women, always leaving you when
you've just had the crap kicked out of you.
1134
01:04:43,900 --> 01:04:47,153
You look like you're gonna live to me.
You stay here. I gotta hit the bathroom.
1135
01:04:48,446 --> 01:04:50,948
Please, don't say "hit!"
1136
01:04:54,494 --> 01:04:57,830
Alright, honey. Don't forget
to look for your Easter eggs on Sunday.
1137
01:04:57,956 --> 01:04:59,749
Bye-bye, Easter Bunny.
1138
01:05:00,333 --> 01:05:03,794
Alright, who's next?
It's hot in this goddamn suit!
1139
01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:06,964
Hey, guys.
Wait in line like everybody else.
1140
01:05:07,090 --> 01:05:09,342
- What the hell is this?
- This is for Brodie.
1141
01:05:23,314 --> 01:05:24,481
He's here.
1142
01:05:24,607 --> 01:05:25,774
- What?
- Him and Brodie.
1143
01:05:25,900 --> 01:05:28,903
Don't sweat it, though. He's leaving.
1144
01:05:29,028 --> 01:05:31,864
He seems really broken up
over this whole thing.
1145
01:05:31,990 --> 01:05:34,867
Maybe because
we're broken up for good this time.
1146
01:05:35,785 --> 01:05:37,661
I remember when I dumped T.S.
1147
01:05:37,787 --> 01:05:40,247
I was alright with it till
he started dating you.
1148
01:05:40,373 --> 01:05:41,916
A little jealousy residue?
1149
01:05:42,041 --> 01:05:45,586
I thought so at first.
Then I realized it was more than that.
1150
01:05:45,712 --> 01:05:49,215
When I saw how he was with you, how
well you two complemented each other,
1151
01:05:49,340 --> 01:05:52,718
it finally hit me that T.S.
is a great catch.
1152
01:05:52,844 --> 01:05:54,637
Gwen, you were always
cheating on him.
1153
01:05:54,762 --> 01:05:58,223
Capricious youth?
Doesn't mean I wasn't regretful about it.
1154
01:05:58,349 --> 01:06:00,768
Jesus, Gwen, the last thing
I need at this point
1155
01:06:00,894 --> 01:06:02,770
is a lecture on my love life.
1156
01:06:02,896 --> 01:06:06,524
All I'm saying is that the really
good guys are few and far between.
1157
01:06:06,649 --> 01:06:09,109
In fact, I haven't met one since T.S.
1158
01:06:09,235 --> 01:06:11,570
Even if I did meet one,
I guarantee I'd use him
1159
01:06:11,696 --> 01:06:13,698
as the basis for my comparison.
1160
01:06:13,823 --> 01:06:15,950
You can have him if you want him.
1161
01:06:17,952 --> 01:06:20,120
Believe me, I might consider trying...
1162
01:06:22,624 --> 01:06:25,710
...if he weren't so hung up on you.
1163
01:06:25,835 --> 01:06:27,962
Well, I gotta get home.
1164
01:06:28,671 --> 01:06:31,298
- Have a great show.
- Okay. Bye.
1165
01:06:41,643 --> 01:06:43,436
Chocolate-covered pretzel?
1166
01:06:44,395 --> 01:06:47,481
This is Roddy,
Mr. Svenning's assistant.
1167
01:06:47,607 --> 01:06:50,234
Mr. Svenning would like
to have a word with you.
1168
01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:52,612
Where?
These are melting.
1169
01:06:52,737 --> 01:06:55,114
Copy that.
By the stage.
1170
01:06:56,574 --> 01:06:58,784
Tell him I'll be there in a minute.
1171
01:07:00,787 --> 01:07:02,497
- What do you think?
- I don't trust it.
1172
01:07:02,622 --> 01:07:04,999
Maybe he's calmed down a little bit.
We'll talk reasonably.
1173
01:07:05,124 --> 01:07:08,168
Reasonably, shmeasonably. You should
go over there and give him shit.
1174
01:07:08,294 --> 01:07:09,920
You kidding?
I'm trying to marry his daughter.
1175
01:07:10,046 --> 01:07:12,798
Alright, so you can't scream at him,
but after all he's done,
1176
01:07:12,924 --> 01:07:14,300
you should still stick it to him.
1177
01:07:14,425 --> 01:07:17,136
- How do you propose I do that?
- You stink-palm him.
1178
01:07:17,262 --> 01:07:18,596
What's a stink-palm?
1179
01:07:18,721 --> 01:07:20,848
Take your hand and you stick it
in your ass like this.
1180
01:07:20,974 --> 01:07:22,809
You've been walking all day
and you're also nervous
1181
01:07:22,934 --> 01:07:24,685
and no doubt you're sweaty as hell.
1182
01:07:24,811 --> 01:07:27,563
You should see yourself right now.
A man with his hand in his pants.
1183
01:07:27,689 --> 01:07:29,732
I probably look like my old man.
1184
01:07:29,857 --> 01:07:31,525
Now you shake hands with the guy.
1185
01:07:31,651 --> 01:07:33,194
"Hey, Mr. Svenning.
How've you been?"
1186
01:07:33,653 --> 01:07:34,779
What's the point?
1187
01:07:34,904 --> 01:07:37,072
Know how long it takes
for that smell to come off?
1188
01:07:37,198 --> 01:07:40,075
Scrub all you like, it'll stick around
for at least two days.
1189
01:07:40,201 --> 01:07:42,244
How does he explain it
to his colleagues and family?
1190
01:07:42,370 --> 01:07:44,538
They'll think he doesn't know
how to wipe his ass properly.
1191
01:07:44,664 --> 01:07:47,917
Meanwhile, you yourself are left
with a hand that smells like shit?
1192
01:07:48,042 --> 01:07:51,712
Small price to pay
for the smiting of one's enemies.
1193
01:07:51,838 --> 01:07:53,965
I think I'll pass. Do me a favor.
1194
01:07:54,090 --> 01:07:56,092
Stay here while I go talk to him.
1195
01:08:08,938 --> 01:08:12,107
I assure you, tonight's program
will go off without a hitch.
1196
01:08:12,233 --> 01:08:13,943
I hope so, Jared, for your sake.
1197
01:08:14,068 --> 01:08:15,986
You picked a dangerous mall
to host a game show in.
1198
01:08:16,112 --> 01:08:18,072
I hear the Easter Bunny
was accosted this morning.
1199
01:08:18,573 --> 01:08:20,157
If there's anything
even remotely resembling
1200
01:08:20,283 --> 01:08:22,576
the trouble you had
at the Governor's Ball,
1201
01:08:22,702 --> 01:08:26,789
you're gonna be hosting the Lotto drawing
on public access the rest of your career.
1202
01:08:26,914 --> 01:08:28,874
Gentlemen, please trust me.
1203
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,502
I have just taken
the necessary precautions
1204
01:08:31,628 --> 01:08:36,090
To insure everything
will go smoothly.
1205
01:08:36,215 --> 01:08:38,634
Look out!
1206
01:08:40,762 --> 01:08:45,262
Nothing to worry about. Sound test!
1207
01:08:46,893 --> 01:08:49,562
I tell you what. Why don't...
1208
01:08:49,687 --> 01:08:53,315
Why don't I meet you back here
around show time?
1209
01:09:00,490 --> 01:09:01,824
Somebody said you wanted to see me?
1210
01:09:01,949 --> 01:09:04,576
Yes, I did.
1211
01:09:04,702 --> 01:09:07,204
You know what?
I'm feeling a little less frazzled,
1212
01:09:07,330 --> 01:09:09,874
and I thought maybe we might chat.
1213
01:09:11,584 --> 01:09:13,752
- Chat?
- Yes, chat.
1214
01:09:15,004 --> 01:09:16,296
Alright, look.
1215
01:09:17,757 --> 01:09:21,385
I realize that the other night
didn't go very well for you.
1216
01:09:22,470 --> 01:09:24,597
And I realize I'm to bear
most of the blame for that.
1217
01:09:24,722 --> 01:09:26,390
Yes, you do.
1218
01:09:27,350 --> 01:09:30,186
But hey, it was a grant
that would have enabled
1219
01:09:30,311 --> 01:09:34,481
the station and myself to make the leap
into syndication-viable programming,
1220
01:09:34,607 --> 01:09:36,734
leaving me, of course,
with no choice,
1221
01:09:36,859 --> 01:09:41,359
but to peddle this show
to the network execs and beg for a job.
1222
01:09:41,781 --> 01:09:45,576
No big deal. It's okay.
1223
01:09:46,786 --> 01:09:49,371
And for that I'm sorry.
1224
01:09:49,497 --> 01:09:53,542
But to penalize Brandi and I,
our relationship, for that...
1225
01:09:53,668 --> 01:09:55,920
Come on, isn't there
some other way?
1226
01:09:56,045 --> 01:09:57,671
No, I'm afraid not.
1227
01:09:57,797 --> 01:10:00,716
I mean, I can't exactly ask Brandi
to marry me if...
1228
01:10:04,554 --> 01:10:06,556
Marry you?
1229
01:10:08,266 --> 01:10:10,351
Marry you?
1230
01:10:10,893 --> 01:10:14,396
Yeah, I was gonna ask her
to marry me when we got to Florida.
1231
01:10:22,113 --> 01:10:23,781
You know...
1232
01:10:25,032 --> 01:10:29,532
I've always felt bad about the fact
that I had to raise Brandi on my own.
1233
01:10:29,662 --> 01:10:34,162
Her mother, she left us
when Brandi was only three.
1234
01:10:35,293 --> 01:10:37,044
Well, her mother was a little immature.
1235
01:10:37,170 --> 01:10:41,174
She was only 15
at the time when she had her.
1236
01:10:42,258 --> 01:10:45,928
Of course I was only 14,
but that's another story.
1237
01:10:46,679 --> 01:10:51,179
Anyway, ever since she left,
it was just the two of us.
1238
01:10:52,226 --> 01:10:56,355
But I've prided myself
on the fact that...
1239
01:10:57,023 --> 01:11:00,693
I have instilled in her
some strong values.
1240
01:11:01,277 --> 01:11:04,571
And while I know
she's generally a good girl,
1241
01:11:04,697 --> 01:11:08,951
I also know that,
being young once myself,
1242
01:11:09,076 --> 01:11:12,287
it's hard to sometimes
ignore certain...
1243
01:11:13,831 --> 01:11:15,749
...urges.
1244
01:11:18,044 --> 01:11:20,629
Tingles.
1245
01:11:21,380 --> 01:11:23,090
I'm not sure I follow you, sir.
1246
01:11:23,216 --> 01:11:24,926
Quint...
1247
01:11:26,969 --> 01:11:30,973
I accept the fact that
you no doubt fucked my daughter.
1248
01:11:31,098 --> 01:11:33,350
The two of you...
1249
01:11:33,476 --> 01:11:37,976
have been dating long enough for you
to have slimed your way into her panties,
1250
01:11:38,231 --> 01:11:42,485
and I'm sure you did just that
at least once or twice
1251
01:11:42,610 --> 01:11:45,988
in my own house,
probably while I was at home.
1252
01:11:46,113 --> 01:11:49,741
The idea of that used to keep me
awake at nights.
1253
01:11:49,867 --> 01:11:53,704
But now you give me something
even worse to think about.
1254
01:11:53,830 --> 01:11:57,834
The notion... of you...
1255
01:11:57,959 --> 01:12:01,212
as an albatross around my daughter's neck
for the rest of her life...
1256
01:12:02,630 --> 01:12:04,798
...Is too much.
1257
01:12:05,258 --> 01:12:09,758
Brandi has a bright future.
1258
01:12:10,346 --> 01:12:14,846
She is an extremely intelligent
and capable girl.
1259
01:12:15,726 --> 01:12:20,226
And I'm sure that one day she'll be
even more successful than me.
1260
01:12:21,899 --> 01:12:24,067
Maybe. But you...
1261
01:12:25,236 --> 01:12:29,736
You, on the other hand,
have absolutely no ambition.
1262
01:12:32,869 --> 01:12:37,206
And no chance of making it
in the real world.
1263
01:12:40,293 --> 01:12:44,463
My daughter is too good for you.
1264
01:12:44,589 --> 01:12:49,089
You will never, ever be with her.
1265
01:12:51,721 --> 01:12:54,640
So... if there isn't anything else...
1266
01:12:56,267 --> 01:12:58,143
Hey, fellas!
1267
01:12:58,269 --> 01:13:01,522
Well, well, well, if it isn't my neighbor.
1268
01:13:01,647 --> 01:13:05,692
You've been watching my family conduct
any more of our satanic rituals lately?
1269
01:13:05,818 --> 01:13:08,862
Please, sir, accept my apology
for my juvenile behavior.
1270
01:13:08,988 --> 01:13:12,199
Damn! Would you feel
that iron-grip handshake?
1271
01:13:12,992 --> 01:13:16,829
You know,
with an imagination like yours,
1272
01:13:16,954 --> 01:13:18,455
you belong on TV.
1273
01:13:18,581 --> 01:13:22,001
That's your forte, sir.
And you do it so well.
1274
01:13:22,627 --> 01:13:25,004
So, what's going on here?
1275
01:13:25,129 --> 01:13:29,133
Well, T.S. and I were just discussing
a few of his lesser points.
1276
01:13:29,258 --> 01:13:31,468
Of which he does have many.
1277
01:13:31,594 --> 01:13:34,430
Hey! Look at that ring. What is that?
1278
01:13:34,555 --> 01:13:38,976
That is my junior-college class ring.
Cum laude, '69.
1279
01:13:39,101 --> 01:13:42,854
I also hope to come loud one day,
preferably in a 69.
1280
01:13:46,067 --> 01:13:49,987
Boy, look at the shine on that.
Do you polish it daily?
1281
01:13:50,112 --> 01:13:53,532
You know, Bruce,
once you eventually get a job
1282
01:13:53,658 --> 01:13:55,618
and start working for a living,
1283
01:13:55,743 --> 01:13:58,370
you're gonna realize that
there's not enough time in the day
1284
01:13:58,496 --> 01:14:01,290
for such luxuries as ring polishing.
1285
01:14:01,415 --> 01:14:02,582
Is that so?
1286
01:14:02,708 --> 01:14:06,211
Say, would you like
a chocolate-covered pretzel?
1287
01:14:06,337 --> 01:14:09,006
They're a little melty,
but, damn, are they exquisite!
1288
01:14:09,131 --> 01:14:12,467
If I remember correctly,
you're a big pretzel fan.
1289
01:14:13,177 --> 01:14:16,346
- Um... Dark chocolate?
- Yeah.
1290
01:14:16,472 --> 01:14:18,140
- Come on!
- No, please, no!
1291
01:14:18,265 --> 01:14:21,142
They're awesome. Here you go.
1292
01:14:24,855 --> 01:14:26,314
Thank you.
1293
01:14:35,199 --> 01:14:39,203
That's good. Very nice.
1294
01:14:40,705 --> 01:14:45,205
Being a man who, believes in:
"One good turn deserves another..."
1295
01:14:48,921 --> 01:14:53,008
I have something to offer
the both of you.
1296
01:14:53,134 --> 01:14:55,177
Really, what's that?
1297
01:15:00,224 --> 01:15:02,935
- What is this?
- These are called handcuffs.
1298
01:15:03,060 --> 01:15:06,855
This is what is known
as a precautionary measure.
1299
01:15:06,981 --> 01:15:08,482
Easy, boy, easy.
1300
01:15:08,607 --> 01:15:12,319
I couldn't risk having you screw up
my career or make another play for Brandi.
1301
01:15:12,445 --> 01:15:15,030
Once I realized the both of you
were in the mall together,
1302
01:15:15,156 --> 01:15:19,656
I decided to set up
this little ambush to remove
1303
01:15:19,785 --> 01:15:24,285
you and your sidekick here
from the premises, permanently.
1304
01:15:24,832 --> 01:15:28,585
Why am I his sidekick?
How do you know he's not my sidekick?
1305
01:15:29,295 --> 01:15:33,090
Well, that's something you're gonna
have to figure out for yourself...
1306
01:15:33,215 --> 01:15:34,633
...in jail!
1307
01:15:34,759 --> 01:15:37,595
Take them away!
1308
01:15:40,973 --> 01:15:41,974
Yes! Whoo!
1309
01:15:42,850 --> 01:15:44,643
Joyous.
1310
01:15:48,814 --> 01:15:50,440
So good.
1311
01:15:56,822 --> 01:15:58,406
You're nothing
but a lot of talk and a badge!
1312
01:15:58,532 --> 01:16:02,285
Rene! Get Jay and Silent Bob!
Please!
1313
01:16:02,411 --> 01:16:04,996
- Hurry!
- Did somebody call your name?
1314
01:16:05,122 --> 01:16:08,125
Um, I have to go to the bathroom.
Wait here, okay?
1315
01:16:08,250 --> 01:16:11,044
Hey, anything for you, babe.
It's your day.
1316
01:16:11,170 --> 01:16:12,588
Thanks.
1317
01:16:14,215 --> 01:16:16,675
I'll tell you, what you need
is a fatty-boombatty blunt.
1318
01:16:16,801 --> 01:16:19,261
Then I guarantee
you see a sailboat, an ocean,
1319
01:16:19,386 --> 01:16:22,639
and maybe even some of them
big-titted mermaids doing lesbian shit.
1320
01:16:22,765 --> 01:16:25,517
Look at me, look at me,
you sloppy bitch!
1321
01:16:27,061 --> 01:16:29,605
Dude, you're a mad chick magnet!
1322
01:16:29,730 --> 01:16:33,108
T.S., Brodie, security guards.
1323
01:16:33,234 --> 01:16:35,945
Under arrest,
they need help! Go!
1324
01:16:38,948 --> 01:16:41,659
Wow. A sailboat.
1325
01:16:43,035 --> 01:16:45,328
- Brenda?
- Dick!
1326
01:16:50,876 --> 01:16:54,087
This is illegal!
You can't arrest us for nothing!
1327
01:16:57,675 --> 01:16:59,218
Alright.
1328
01:16:59,343 --> 01:17:02,012
I believe when Mr. LaFours turns us
over to the police,
1329
01:17:02,138 --> 01:17:04,723
the bag of contraband
that he's "found" on our persons
1330
01:17:04,849 --> 01:17:07,351
will give them more than enough
reason to keep us locked up.
1331
01:17:07,476 --> 01:17:10,896
At least for the duration of this evening's
show. Isn't that right, Mr. LaFours?
1332
01:17:13,274 --> 01:17:17,528
Come, son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!
1333
01:17:17,653 --> 01:17:19,404
Snootchie bootchies! Ha-ha!
1334
01:17:19,530 --> 01:17:20,531
Asshole.
1335
01:17:28,706 --> 01:17:30,749
- Vulcan nerve pinch?
- That was close.
1336
01:17:30,875 --> 01:17:33,460
What about that stink-palm back there?
He even licked his hand.
1337
01:17:33,586 --> 01:17:35,838
We gotta disappear, man.
They'll be looking for us.
1338
01:17:35,963 --> 01:17:38,715
- Thank you, man. We owe you one.
- You wanna hide?
1339
01:17:38,841 --> 01:17:40,634
- I know just the place.
- Whatever. Let's just go.
1340
01:17:40,759 --> 01:17:43,219
- Don't I even get to wash my hand first?
- Brodie!
1341
01:18:00,988 --> 01:18:03,281
What the shit are we gonna do?
1342
01:18:14,501 --> 01:18:15,335
Yeahhh!
1343
01:18:15,419 --> 01:18:19,172
Come on, we're fucked!
They're right behind us. Come on!
1344
01:18:23,010 --> 01:18:25,846
Yeah! Bad-ass! Yeah!
1345
01:18:48,410 --> 01:18:51,204
Where do you get
those wonderful toys?
1346
01:18:55,042 --> 01:18:56,626
This is where we're hiding out?
1347
01:18:56,752 --> 01:18:59,588
This is the dirt mall.
Cops never come in here.
1348
01:18:59,713 --> 01:19:02,549
Neither does any
self-respecting consumer.
1349
01:19:05,261 --> 01:19:07,429
I never could figure out
what you saw in this place.
1350
01:19:07,554 --> 01:19:10,181
Good buys. Great people.
Earthy aromas.
1351
01:19:10,307 --> 01:19:12,309
- Hey, Walt!
- Brodie!
1352
01:19:12,434 --> 01:19:15,395
- They know me here.
- I wouldn't be too proud of that.
1353
01:19:15,521 --> 01:19:17,564
Listen to the sound of defeat
in your voice.
1354
01:19:17,690 --> 01:19:20,025
Might it have to do with the fact
that I've been defeated?
1355
01:19:20,150 --> 01:19:22,068
You're giving up? You?
1356
01:19:22,194 --> 01:19:25,155
You used to be a stand-up kind of guy.
What happened to that guy?
1357
01:19:25,281 --> 01:19:28,993
The guy who punched Amanda Gross'
mother after she called him "low-class."
1358
01:19:29,118 --> 01:19:32,079
- That wasn't me, that was you.
- Yeah.
1359
01:19:32,204 --> 01:19:33,997
It wasn't her mother,
it was her grandmother.
1360
01:19:34,123 --> 01:19:36,208
No wonder the bitch
went down so fast.
1361
01:19:36,333 --> 01:19:40,086
Hey! You should have boards
in them. Alright?
1362
01:19:40,212 --> 01:19:41,838
Bloody savage.
1363
01:19:42,381 --> 01:19:45,092
That is one of your more
admirably deplorable traits.
1364
01:19:45,217 --> 01:19:47,719
You, unlike me, would beat up
somebody's grandmother
1365
01:19:47,845 --> 01:19:50,889
or an entire senior citizens' community
if you believed in the principle.
1366
01:19:51,015 --> 01:19:53,434
Yeah. But only if they were really old.
1367
01:19:53,559 --> 01:19:55,561
Maybe I was deluded.
1368
01:19:55,686 --> 01:19:57,437
Maybe you were right this morning
1369
01:19:57,563 --> 01:20:00,274
when you said if something stupid
could change how she feels
1370
01:20:00,399 --> 01:20:01,983
she's not into it in the first place.
1371
01:20:02,109 --> 01:20:04,986
You're gonna listen to me?
To something I said?
1372
01:20:05,112 --> 01:20:08,657
Jesus, man! Haven't I made it clear
during the tenure of our friendship
1373
01:20:08,782 --> 01:20:10,283
that I don't know shit?
1374
01:20:10,409 --> 01:20:12,953
I mean, half the time
I'm just talking out of my ass.
1375
01:20:13,078 --> 01:20:14,621
Or sticking my hand in it.
1376
01:20:14,747 --> 01:20:16,248
Sometimes, yes, but on occasion,
1377
01:20:16,373 --> 01:20:18,792
you've been known to let
a nugget of truth slip out.
1378
01:20:18,917 --> 01:20:20,919
This morning might've been
one of those occasions.
1379
01:20:21,045 --> 01:20:24,423
You know what you need?
Some sage-like advice.
1380
01:20:24,548 --> 01:20:26,716
You've given me enough
for one day, thanks.
1381
01:20:26,842 --> 01:20:28,760
Not from me, from Ivannah.
1382
01:20:28,886 --> 01:20:30,554
Who's lvannah?
1383
01:20:39,229 --> 01:20:42,065
- I can't even find the words.
- Is that ingenuity or what?
1384
01:20:42,191 --> 01:20:44,109
What's palm-reading have to do
with being topless?
1385
01:20:44,234 --> 01:20:46,069
Man, it makes the news easier to take.
1386
01:20:46,195 --> 01:20:49,865
She could tell me I'd die in 10 minutes
so long as she told me topless.
1387
01:20:49,990 --> 01:20:51,992
Your maleness amazes me
sometimes.
1388
01:20:52,117 --> 01:20:54,035
What can I say? I love tits.
1389
01:20:54,161 --> 01:20:55,871
What kind of people
patronize this service?
1390
01:20:55,996 --> 01:20:59,290
- People like us.
- Wait a minute, you're not suggesting...
1391
01:20:59,416 --> 01:21:01,626
Come on, don't be such
a damn fundamentalist.
1392
01:21:01,752 --> 01:21:05,005
I've already reached my lowest today.
This is where I draw the line.
1393
01:21:05,130 --> 01:21:07,006
You used to like tits, too.
1394
01:21:07,132 --> 01:21:10,718
I love tits as much as the next guy,
but why pay some old hag good money
1395
01:21:10,844 --> 01:21:14,639
for supernatural chicanery coupled
with sagging, wrinkled, weathered boobs?
1396
01:21:15,432 --> 01:21:16,766
You know, Quint...
1397
01:21:17,726 --> 01:21:19,394
you're a homosexual.
1398
01:21:21,814 --> 01:21:24,983
Man, this place is
something out of "Octopussy."
1399
01:21:25,484 --> 01:21:28,570
You've come
for a glimpse at your future?
1400
01:21:28,695 --> 01:21:30,321
Amongst other things.
1401
01:21:31,698 --> 01:21:35,576
Talents like those I possess
are not to be taken lightly.
1402
01:21:35,702 --> 01:21:39,330
If you have heart condition,
suffer from nervous nausea,
1403
01:21:39,456 --> 01:21:42,584
or have a family history
of stress-induced breakdown,
1404
01:21:42,709 --> 01:21:46,671
Empire Entertainment recommends
you do not partake
1405
01:21:46,797 --> 01:21:50,300
in the fortune-telling activities
contained within.
1406
01:21:51,343 --> 01:21:52,844
You guys still in?
1407
01:21:52,970 --> 01:21:55,597
We're both healthy
and strapping young men.
1408
01:21:55,722 --> 01:21:58,641
You give me $58.60.
1409
01:22:01,478 --> 01:22:02,770
What?
1410
01:22:03,981 --> 01:22:06,942
- You expect me to pay for this?
- I'm broke. I'll pay you back.
1411
01:22:07,067 --> 01:22:09,736
I knew it. I can't believe you.
I didn't even want to do this.
1412
01:22:09,862 --> 01:22:11,822
You'll thank me later.
1413
01:22:15,159 --> 01:22:16,493
Thank you.
1414
01:22:20,038 --> 01:22:23,791
Alright, gentlemen,
free your mind.
1415
01:22:23,917 --> 01:22:25,919
I'd like to free something.
1416
01:22:26,044 --> 01:22:28,087
- Focus.
- That's what I was thinking.
1417
01:22:28,213 --> 01:22:30,173
- She said "focus."
- Whatever.
1418
01:22:34,678 --> 01:22:38,598
I sense a grave disturbance
between you both.
1419
01:22:38,724 --> 01:22:43,224
A difficulty in affecting a resolution
for a problem.
1420
01:22:44,897 --> 01:22:48,775
- Something hard.
- I'm convinced. She's got the gift.
1421
01:22:48,901 --> 01:22:50,152
Try to contain yourself.
1422
01:22:50,277 --> 01:22:53,321
But look, Miss, I appreciate the effort
and I'm sure you're very good at...
1423
01:22:53,447 --> 01:22:57,947
...whatever it is you do, but my shallow
friend isn't interested in his future,
1424
01:22:58,160 --> 01:23:00,287
so you can cut the theatrics.
1425
01:23:00,412 --> 01:23:02,747
What a relief.
I do so much better
1426
01:23:02,873 --> 01:23:04,457
when I don't have to say
things in character.
1427
01:23:04,583 --> 01:23:06,585
You don't have to say
anything at all.
1428
01:23:06,710 --> 01:23:08,628
You paid,
I should tell you something.
1429
01:23:08,754 --> 01:23:11,298
In order to do that......
1430
01:23:11,423 --> 01:23:13,591
I have to work completely...
1431
01:23:15,385 --> 01:23:17,845
...unfettered.
1432
01:23:25,062 --> 01:23:26,188
Ooh, yes.
1433
01:23:26,897 --> 01:23:30,483
I can definitely sense
the problem. Here.
1434
01:23:31,068 --> 01:23:33,111
Girl trouble.
1435
01:23:33,237 --> 01:23:37,737
Apparently, you're both on the outs
with your respective steadies.
1436
01:23:38,033 --> 01:23:40,577
- That's amazing.
- That's disgusting!
1437
01:23:40,702 --> 01:23:44,664
You both feel the pain...
1438
01:23:45,332 --> 01:23:49,669
...of loss, but only one of you
makes it vocal.
1439
01:23:49,795 --> 01:23:52,756
The other one suffers silently.
1440
01:23:53,799 --> 01:23:56,218
- My God, you're right.
- We gotta go.
1441
01:23:56,343 --> 01:23:58,511
How can this be resolved?
1442
01:23:58,637 --> 01:24:01,473
I would say, yes...
1443
01:24:01,598 --> 01:24:03,057
combine your efforts.
1444
01:24:03,183 --> 01:24:05,101
You both have very strong auras,
1445
01:24:05,227 --> 01:24:09,727
and two strong auras
produce positive results.
1446
01:24:10,023 --> 01:24:11,065
I feel nauseous.
1447
01:24:11,191 --> 01:24:15,236
- So, in working together...
- You'll beat the odds. The odds. Yes.
1448
01:24:15,362 --> 01:24:16,696
That's what I see.
1449
01:24:16,822 --> 01:24:18,907
- Let me tell you what I see...
- That's great!
1450
01:24:19,032 --> 01:24:20,950
I don't buy her power.
1451
01:24:21,076 --> 01:24:23,703
Alright, when's my birthday?
1452
01:24:23,829 --> 01:24:28,329
Between the first and the last...
1453
01:24:29,084 --> 01:24:31,461
of October.
1454
01:24:31,587 --> 01:24:34,131
- Did you hear that?
- Very haunting. Let's go.
1455
01:24:34,256 --> 01:24:36,925
Miss Ivannah, why are you
stuck here in this dirt mall
1456
01:24:37,050 --> 01:24:39,302
and not in an upscale
commercial setting?
1457
01:24:39,428 --> 01:24:41,847
You could be raking in the dough
with your kind of accuracy.
1458
01:24:41,972 --> 01:24:46,059
Believe it or not, some people
still frown on topless fortune-telling.
1459
01:24:46,184 --> 01:24:49,395
Unfortunately, it's the only way
that I'm effective.
1460
01:24:49,521 --> 01:24:52,482
- Really?
- It's the third nipple that does it.
1461
01:24:52,608 --> 01:24:54,276
You have a third nipple?
1462
01:24:54,401 --> 01:24:56,027
What are you talking about?
1463
01:24:56,153 --> 01:24:59,030
It's clear as day!
Look at it, for God's sake.
1464
01:24:59,156 --> 01:25:01,700
- You can stare at it. I don't mind.
- No.
1465
01:25:01,825 --> 01:25:06,325
Understanding is reached
only after confrontation.
1466
01:25:09,499 --> 01:25:13,711
Of course!
Miss Ivannah, thank you so much.
1467
01:25:13,837 --> 01:25:16,756
I can't tell you how informative
you've been. Thank you very much.
1468
01:25:16,882 --> 01:25:18,717
And don't ever lose that nipple.
1469
01:25:18,842 --> 01:25:20,093
I won't.
1470
01:25:27,893 --> 01:25:30,520
- Do you have...
- Any other extra body parts?
1471
01:25:30,646 --> 01:25:32,814
- No.
- Just curious.
1472
01:25:32,939 --> 01:25:35,691
You could double-check me,
if you like.
1473
01:25:35,817 --> 01:25:38,110
- Really?
- Come on!
1474
01:25:48,121 --> 01:25:50,248
Works every time.
1475
01:25:51,750 --> 01:25:53,835
Cherry.
1476
01:26:07,933 --> 01:26:10,060
- You're gonna what?
- I'll get on her father's game show.
1477
01:26:10,185 --> 01:26:14,314
Are you kidding? Last time he had dope
planted on us. What'll he do this time?
1478
01:26:14,439 --> 01:26:16,816
He can't touch us once it starts.
It's a live feed.
1479
01:26:16,942 --> 01:26:19,361
He can't risk losing face
in front of the network execs.
1480
01:26:19,486 --> 01:26:21,404
- It can't happen.
- I'm gonna make it happen.
1481
01:26:21,530 --> 01:26:23,740
"Understanding is reached
only after confrontation."
1482
01:26:23,865 --> 01:26:26,367
That's what Miss lvannah said.
Brandi will respond to confrontation.
1483
01:26:26,493 --> 01:26:29,037
Hey, man.
Didn't I see you on CNN?
1484
01:26:29,162 --> 01:26:30,663
What the hell's your problem, anyway?
1485
01:26:30,789 --> 01:26:32,707
You're supposed to be
the impetuous one, not me.
1486
01:26:32,833 --> 01:26:34,709
- Why are you fighting me?
- I'm being rational!
1487
01:26:34,835 --> 01:26:37,504
You're being scared you may want
to follow my lead and win Rene back!
1488
01:26:37,629 --> 01:26:39,422
- Rene who?
- Whatever. Just do me a favor.
1489
01:26:39,548 --> 01:26:41,341
Meet me by the stage
once the show starts.
1490
01:26:41,466 --> 01:26:43,384
- I'll need your help.
- Where are you going?
1491
01:26:43,510 --> 01:26:47,096
- Shopping!
- What the hell am I supposed to do?
1492
01:26:47,222 --> 01:26:49,182
Hey, man! It wasn't me!
1493
01:26:50,726 --> 01:26:53,311
Dude, this looks like your mom.
1494
01:26:53,437 --> 01:26:54,771
I've been looking all over
for you two.
1495
01:26:54,896 --> 01:26:56,772
- We're hiding.
- In a bookstore?
1496
01:26:56,898 --> 01:26:59,317
Last place anyone'd look for me
and this tubby bitch.
1497
01:26:59,443 --> 01:27:00,861
- I need your help.
- What?
1498
01:27:00,986 --> 01:27:03,363
- You two up for getting stoned?
- Look who you're asking.
1499
01:27:10,162 --> 01:27:12,622
You looking at that couple inside?
1500
01:27:13,540 --> 01:27:16,960
Actually, I was just looking
at this little pink number over here.
1501
01:27:17,085 --> 01:27:21,172
That's kind of nice.
They look happy, don't they?
1502
01:27:21,298 --> 01:27:24,634
- What, the bras?
- No, the couple. They look happy.
1503
01:27:25,260 --> 01:27:27,387
I guess, as far as couples go.
1504
01:27:27,512 --> 01:27:31,432
You know, it reminds me
of an issue of Spider-Man I did.
1505
01:27:31,558 --> 01:27:35,603
When Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy
went lingerie shopping.
1506
01:27:35,729 --> 01:27:37,897
Of course, the Green Goblin
showed up,
1507
01:27:38,023 --> 01:27:40,900
and he pumpkin-bombed
the hell out of the place.
1508
01:27:41,026 --> 01:27:44,029
But aside from that,
it's pretty much the same thing.
1509
01:27:44,154 --> 01:27:45,572
My God!
1510
01:27:46,740 --> 01:27:48,324
Holy shit!
1511
01:27:49,910 --> 01:27:52,913
- Aren't you...
- Stan Lee. Hi.
1512
01:27:54,623 --> 01:27:56,541
What's up, boys?
You guys on this show?
1513
01:27:56,666 --> 01:27:57,875
That's the rumor.
1514
01:27:58,001 --> 01:28:00,586
Man, between hoping to win,
the crowd out there,
1515
01:28:00,712 --> 01:28:03,715
and being on TV, I'd be scared as hell
if I were you two.
1516
01:28:03,840 --> 01:28:06,050
- Yeah?
- Sure, man. What if you fuck up?
1517
01:28:06,176 --> 01:28:07,802
Your friends and family watching.
1518
01:28:07,928 --> 01:28:11,389
I'd be piss scared I'd get a boner
or fucking fart or something.
1519
01:28:11,515 --> 01:28:14,100
He's got a point, man.
This is live. Anything could happen.
1520
01:28:14,226 --> 01:28:17,270
Shut the fuck up, man.
You're making me nervous.
1521
01:28:17,395 --> 01:28:20,064
There's only one thing
that could take off that edge.
1522
01:28:20,190 --> 01:28:22,233
Make you feel relaxed as hell.
1523
01:28:22,359 --> 01:28:25,278
Make you forget how many people
are staring at you here and on TV.
1524
01:28:25,403 --> 01:28:27,321
And what's that?
1525
01:28:27,447 --> 01:28:29,824
Snootchie bootchie nootchies!
1526
01:28:29,950 --> 01:28:33,370
The Fantastic Four. Reed Richards.
Can his whole body stretch?
1527
01:28:33,495 --> 01:28:35,038
I mean every part,
you know, like his...
1528
01:28:35,163 --> 01:28:36,664
I know what you mean.
1529
01:28:36,790 --> 01:28:39,876
We never really tackled
stuff like that in the old days.
1530
01:28:40,001 --> 01:28:42,128
What with the comic-book code
and all.
1531
01:28:42,254 --> 01:28:44,798
I can't believe I'm standing here
talking to you!
1532
01:28:44,923 --> 01:28:48,301
You're responsible for the greats.
Let's do the list. Spider-Man?
1533
01:28:48,426 --> 01:28:50,052
- Guilty.
- The Incredible Hulk?
1534
01:28:50,178 --> 01:28:52,138
- Afraid so.
- Man, this is so cool.
1535
01:28:52,264 --> 01:28:54,724
- The X-Men?
- Now that you mention it.
1536
01:28:54,850 --> 01:28:57,102
Shit, man. You are a god!
1537
01:28:57,227 --> 01:28:59,145
Hey, look at that couple.
1538
01:28:59,271 --> 01:29:01,690
Boy, they sure seem
to be in love?
1539
01:29:01,815 --> 01:29:05,318
What's with that? That's the second time
you've commented on couples in love.
1540
01:29:05,443 --> 01:29:07,278
Well, I like that sort of thing.
1541
01:29:07,404 --> 01:29:09,489
Tell me, do you have a girlfriend,
Brodie?
1542
01:29:09,614 --> 01:29:11,824
Had one.
We just broke up.
1543
01:29:12,534 --> 01:29:15,912
The Thing? Is his dork made of orange rock
like the rest of his body?
1544
01:29:16,037 --> 01:29:17,913
It's a superhero secret.
1545
01:29:18,039 --> 01:29:20,875
Tell me, Brodie. Why did you
and your girlfriend break up?
1546
01:29:21,001 --> 01:29:22,502
She was a pain in the ass.
1547
01:29:22,627 --> 01:29:24,587
She wanted me to be
this typical boyfriend guy.
1548
01:29:24,713 --> 01:29:27,507
Said I was too into my own world
of comics and all.
1549
01:29:27,632 --> 01:29:29,759
Yeah, I can relate.
1550
01:29:29,885 --> 01:29:33,179
There was a time when it was
all about comics for me.
1551
01:29:33,305 --> 01:29:36,308
I had a girl, probably
the same as yours.
1552
01:29:36,975 --> 01:29:40,895
She always complained that I spent
too much time with my own comics.
1553
01:29:41,021 --> 01:29:43,398
And eventually we broke up.
1554
01:29:43,523 --> 01:29:46,484
See, what did she know?
Here you are now, a legend in the field.
1555
01:29:46,610 --> 01:29:48,612
Probably had a slew of women
since her, am I right?
1556
01:29:48,737 --> 01:29:50,822
Lots of women.
1557
01:29:50,947 --> 01:29:54,784
Jagger and me, we had a running
contest to see who had the most.
1558
01:29:54,910 --> 01:29:58,288
Matter of fact, last time I looked,
I was way ahead.
1559
01:29:58,413 --> 01:29:59,914
Damn, that's hot!
1560
01:30:00,040 --> 01:30:01,666
But I never forgot that girl.
1561
01:30:01,791 --> 01:30:03,834
Did you ever get back
together with her?
1562
01:30:03,960 --> 01:30:06,504
One day I found out
she got married.
1563
01:30:06,630 --> 01:30:10,008
I had blown it.
I had missed my window.
1564
01:30:10,133 --> 01:30:11,509
No way.
1565
01:30:11,635 --> 01:30:13,303
What'd you do?
1566
01:30:13,428 --> 01:30:15,304
I went on with my life.
1567
01:30:15,430 --> 01:30:19,183
I created some special
new superheroes.
1568
01:30:19,309 --> 01:30:20,935
They were characters
that reflected
1569
01:30:21,061 --> 01:30:23,313
my own heartbreak
and my own regrets.
1570
01:30:23,438 --> 01:30:24,480
How so?
1571
01:30:24,606 --> 01:30:26,899
Doctor Doom wears body armor
1572
01:30:27,025 --> 01:30:29,444
to conceal his own mangled form.
1573
01:30:29,569 --> 01:30:31,028
- Right?
- Yeah.
1574
01:30:31,154 --> 01:30:34,407
Okay, that was me
beneath the armor.
1575
01:30:35,075 --> 01:30:36,159
The Hulk.
1576
01:30:36,284 --> 01:30:40,538
A normal guy one minute,
a rage of emotions the next.
1577
01:30:40,664 --> 01:30:43,750
Just like me when I thought
about what I'd given up.
1578
01:30:43,875 --> 01:30:45,459
So you created each character
1579
01:30:45,585 --> 01:30:47,712
as a way to deal
with your one big regret.
1580
01:30:47,837 --> 01:30:49,880
Yeah, the girl that got away.
1581
01:30:50,006 --> 01:30:52,591
Look, do yourself a favor, Brodie.
1582
01:30:52,717 --> 01:30:53,718
Don't wait.
1583
01:30:53,843 --> 01:30:56,720
Because all the money,
all the women,
1584
01:30:56,846 --> 01:30:58,931
even all the comic books
in the world,
1585
01:30:59,057 --> 01:31:02,018
they can't substitute
for that one person.
1586
01:31:02,143 --> 01:31:04,061
I don't know.
All the comics in the world?
1587
01:31:04,187 --> 01:31:06,022
Trust me, true believer.
1588
01:31:06,147 --> 01:31:08,023
Well, good talking to you.
1589
01:31:08,149 --> 01:31:09,692
Keep up all the good work.
1590
01:31:09,818 --> 01:31:12,237
You keep reading 'em,
I'll keep writing 'em.
1591
01:31:13,071 --> 01:31:15,448
- Hey, Stan!
- Yeah?
1592
01:31:16,241 --> 01:31:19,160
- She really meant that much to you?
- Brodie...
1593
01:31:19,285 --> 01:31:23,785
I'd give it all up, all of it,
for just one more day with her.
1594
01:31:25,041 --> 01:31:26,542
Take care.
1595
01:31:36,886 --> 01:31:38,429
- Stan!
- Hit
1596
01:31:38,555 --> 01:31:41,808
- Hey, you know, I think he bought it.
- What kind of story did you give him?
1597
01:31:41,933 --> 01:31:43,976
It was the Vulture's soliloquy,
you know,
1598
01:31:44,102 --> 01:31:46,020
from the Spider-Man
anniversary issue.
1599
01:31:46,146 --> 01:31:48,648
"Love Be a Vulture Tonight." Yeah.
1600
01:31:48,773 --> 01:31:51,150
- I can't thank you enough, Mr. Lee.
- Forget it.
1601
01:31:51,276 --> 01:31:53,695
You know, I think you ought
to get him some help.
1602
01:31:53,820 --> 01:31:57,698
He seems to be really hung up
on superheroes' sex organs.
1603
01:31:57,824 --> 01:32:00,034
But he'll outgrow it. Okay.
1604
01:32:00,160 --> 01:32:01,536
- Mr. Lee?
- Yeah.
1605
01:32:01,661 --> 01:32:03,746
- Excelsior!
- You got that right.
1606
01:32:03,872 --> 01:32:05,248
See you.
1607
01:32:05,373 --> 01:32:06,916
Cool.
1608
01:32:12,380 --> 01:32:14,048
I think I felt it move.
1609
01:32:14,841 --> 01:32:15,925
Just kidding.
1610
01:32:16,051 --> 01:32:18,011
- Just the two I'm looking for. I need help.
- With what?
1611
01:32:18,136 --> 01:32:20,054
- Let me borrow the Shannon Hamilton tape.
- Why?
1612
01:32:20,180 --> 01:32:22,640
It's important! The future
of my relationship depends on it.
1613
01:32:22,766 --> 01:32:25,643
- It's at my house.
- Take T.S.'s station wagon, parked in 2D.
1614
01:32:25,769 --> 01:32:27,896
- I don't even have a license.
- Just go!
1615
01:32:28,772 --> 01:32:30,482
You still got that stage schematic?
1616
01:32:30,607 --> 01:32:33,192
I need you to wire something
together for me.
1617
01:32:39,240 --> 01:32:40,950
Jesus. What's with him?
1618
01:32:41,076 --> 01:32:44,537
I don't know.
I'm suddenly not feeling too well.
1619
01:32:44,662 --> 01:32:46,580
But everything is fine.
1620
01:32:46,706 --> 01:32:48,374
We're about to start.
1621
01:32:48,500 --> 01:32:52,253
You are in for something
really special tonight, gentlemen.
1622
01:32:53,088 --> 01:32:54,672
I have lined up...
1623
01:32:57,926 --> 01:32:59,135
Excuse me.
1624
01:32:59,260 --> 01:33:01,095
Jesus.
1625
01:33:05,433 --> 01:33:09,933
Sorry. I have lined up
some really bright kids here.
1626
01:33:10,355 --> 01:33:14,108
This promises to be a lot of fun.
I'm sure you're gonna love it.
1627
01:33:14,234 --> 01:33:15,902
Shouldn't you be in bed or something?
1628
01:33:16,027 --> 01:33:20,072
No, no, no. I wouldn't miss this
for the world.
1629
01:33:23,618 --> 01:33:27,496
Go and make sure everybody's
ready and let's start.
1630
01:33:37,590 --> 01:33:39,133
How much did you smoke?
1631
01:33:39,259 --> 01:33:43,429
All it took was a fat chronic blunt.
These guys were lightweights.
1632
01:33:43,555 --> 01:33:45,557
- How tent you?
1633
01:33:45,682 --> 01:33:48,601
As long as you promise,
next time you pop your old lady,
1634
01:33:48,726 --> 01:33:51,395
you make her call you "Jay."
Snootchie bootchies.
1635
01:33:51,521 --> 01:33:54,815
- Let's hope there is a next time.
- Alright, I'm ready.
1636
01:33:54,941 --> 01:33:57,860
You're never gonna believe
who I just met.
1637
01:33:57,986 --> 01:34:01,656
- What the hell happened to these two?
- Power of the Dark Side.
1638
01:34:01,781 --> 01:34:02,948
Wait, there's only two.
1639
01:34:03,074 --> 01:34:04,992
There's supposed to be three.
Where's the third guy?
1640
01:34:05,118 --> 01:34:07,912
- I never saw a third guy.
- Hey, who's this asshole?
1641
01:34:08,037 --> 01:34:10,164
What the hell happened to those guys?
1642
01:34:10,290 --> 01:34:12,583
- They got lightheaded.
- You got that right.
1643
01:34:12,709 --> 01:34:15,378
- So what, they gonna cancel the show?
- What do you care?
1644
01:34:15,503 --> 01:34:18,797
I'm supposed to be on it.
I'm Gil Hicks. Suitor Number Three.
1645
01:34:18,923 --> 01:34:21,592
We're taking their place.
I'm T.S. Quint. This is Brodie Bruce.
1646
01:34:21,718 --> 01:34:23,010
Didn't I see you on the news?
1647
01:34:23,136 --> 01:34:26,055
Look, dude, don't give him
any shit, alright?
1648
01:34:26,181 --> 01:34:28,391
Something's going on here.
Where's Mr. Svenning?
1649
01:34:28,516 --> 01:34:31,435
Mr. Svenning has come down
with a sudden case of diphtheria.
1650
01:34:31,561 --> 01:34:32,979
What happened to those two?
1651
01:34:33,104 --> 01:34:35,481
They got sick. We volunteer
to take their place.
1652
01:34:35,607 --> 01:34:37,317
Isn't this guy from Monmouth State?
1653
01:34:37,442 --> 01:34:38,943
He and that broad tried
to kill the Governor.
1654
01:34:39,068 --> 01:34:40,778
Yes, it is. Alright, Quint.
1655
01:34:40,904 --> 01:34:43,781
I don't know how you got back in,
but I'm alerting Mr. Svenning.
1656
01:34:43,907 --> 01:34:46,326
We'll postpone the start
until we figure this all out.
1657
01:34:46,451 --> 01:34:49,495
You called down the thunder,
now you've got it! Security!
1658
01:34:49,621 --> 01:34:51,372
- Hey, Roddy...
- What?
1659
01:34:53,708 --> 01:34:56,669
- Jesus Christ, you knocked him out.
- Now hit him!
1660
01:34:56,794 --> 01:34:59,171
Somebody call security?
What happened to those two?
1661
01:34:59,297 --> 01:35:02,133
They got stoned and knocked him out.
He needs medical attention.
1662
01:35:02,258 --> 01:35:03,634
That's not what...
1663
01:35:03,760 --> 01:35:06,262
Could you have him removed?
The show's about to start.
1664
01:35:06,387 --> 01:35:07,679
Whatever.
1665
01:35:10,141 --> 01:35:12,184
Look, dude. No more shit, alright?
1666
01:35:12,310 --> 01:35:14,937
Just go out and woo like you're
supposed to and nobody gets hurt.
1667
01:35:15,063 --> 01:35:17,106
When Tricia shows up
with the videotape,
1668
01:35:17,232 --> 01:35:19,025
you get it to Silent Bob, understand?
1669
01:35:19,150 --> 01:35:21,986
I'm on it.
Wait a sec, where is that tubby bitch?
1670
01:35:45,176 --> 01:35:48,804
Good evening and welcome
to Truth or Date.
1671
01:35:48,930 --> 01:35:52,558
One match made here
ignites the fires of romance.
1672
01:35:52,684 --> 01:35:54,727
Hi, I'm Bob Summers, your host,
1673
01:35:54,852 --> 01:35:57,896
and tonight we'll watch as one
of our three lucky suitors
1674
01:35:58,022 --> 01:36:01,734
woos our beautiful, eligible suitor-ette.
1675
01:36:01,859 --> 01:36:05,612
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready
for romance in the making,
1676
01:36:05,738 --> 01:36:08,949
as we introduce the suitors!
1677
01:36:31,431 --> 01:36:33,724
Our first suitor goes
to Marymount College
1678
01:36:33,850 --> 01:36:35,810
where he majors in Economics.
1679
01:36:35,935 --> 01:36:38,687
Say hi to Doug Paging.
1680
01:36:43,943 --> 01:36:45,611
Do it, Doug!
1681
01:36:45,737 --> 01:36:49,365
Our second suitor hails
from Canisius College in Buffalo,
1682
01:36:49,490 --> 01:36:51,575
where he majors
in Communications.
1683
01:36:51,701 --> 01:36:55,079
Say hi to Rob Feature.
1684
01:37:02,712 --> 01:37:04,922
Our final suitor goes to Rutgers,
1685
01:37:05,048 --> 01:37:08,134
where he majors
in Fine Arts and Greek mythology.
1686
01:37:08,259 --> 01:37:11,178
A nice welcome for Gil Hicks.
1687
01:37:11,304 --> 01:37:14,473
Pay attention, dick.
1688
01:37:15,808 --> 01:37:18,018
May the best man win.
1689
01:37:18,144 --> 01:37:21,856
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce our lovely suitor-ette.
1690
01:37:21,981 --> 01:37:25,442
From Monmouth State where she majors
in Astronomy and Earth Sciences,
1691
01:37:25,568 --> 01:37:30,068
a big welcome for
the lovely Brandi Svenning.
1692
01:37:41,959 --> 01:37:44,962
Alright, everybody knows
how the game is played.
1693
01:37:45,088 --> 01:37:48,925
Our lovely suitor-ette will ask
a series of questions of our suitors,
1694
01:37:49,050 --> 01:37:51,427
and make her decision
based on their answers.
1695
01:37:51,552 --> 01:37:53,053
Anything goes!
1696
01:37:53,179 --> 01:37:55,264
Brandi, are you ready?
1697
01:37:55,390 --> 01:37:58,976
- Absolutely, Bob.
- Then you may fire when ready.
1698
01:37:59,519 --> 01:38:00,520
Okay.
1699
01:38:01,229 --> 01:38:03,105
Um...
1700
01:38:03,231 --> 01:38:05,107
Suitor Number One.
1701
01:38:05,233 --> 01:38:08,027
If you were a car,
what kind of car would you be?
1702
01:38:10,988 --> 01:38:14,616
Um... the kind you'd never dump
your boyfriend in.
1703
01:38:17,328 --> 01:38:19,913
Okay...
Suitor Number Two.
1704
01:38:20,039 --> 01:38:22,291
Can't you call me
the Second Suitor?
1705
01:38:22,417 --> 01:38:25,378
"Suitor Number Two" sounds like
a bathroom code, you know?
1706
01:38:25,503 --> 01:38:28,881
Now, the Second Suitor
sounds like a figure of mystery.
1707
01:38:29,006 --> 01:38:31,925
Like I belong on the Grassy Knoll.
1708
01:38:34,512 --> 01:38:35,638
Okay.
1709
01:38:35,763 --> 01:38:37,473
Second Suitor.
1710
01:38:37,598 --> 01:38:39,182
If we were making whoopee...
1711
01:38:39,308 --> 01:38:42,352
- What's whoopee?
-Um...
1712
01:38:45,356 --> 01:38:47,316
Well, if we were...
1713
01:38:47,442 --> 01:38:49,068
If we were being intimate...
1714
01:38:49,193 --> 01:38:50,319
What, like fucking?
1715
01:38:54,866 --> 01:38:59,366
Yeah. If we were, you know...
what kind of noises would you make?
1716
01:39:07,628 --> 01:39:11,089
No, I think that's kind of personal.
I don't think I should answer that.
1717
01:39:11,215 --> 01:39:14,092
Okay.
Suitor Number Three.
1718
01:39:14,969 --> 01:39:17,888
- What would our first date be like?
- Well...
1719
01:39:18,014 --> 01:39:21,726
First I'd take you shopping
to the stores you'd want to shop in.
1720
01:39:21,851 --> 01:39:24,603
And then we'd do a little lunch,
probably at the Cheese Haus,
1721
01:39:24,729 --> 01:39:27,231
followed by some golfing.
1722
01:39:27,356 --> 01:39:31,856
Then at night, we'd take in an opera,
probably Die Fledermaus.
1723
01:39:32,236 --> 01:39:36,156
And then I'd follow it all up
with a drive to a secluded beach,
1724
01:39:36,282 --> 01:39:38,325
where I'd pop on the radio
1725
01:39:38,451 --> 01:39:41,912
and then we could slow dance
till the sun came up.
1726
01:39:42,955 --> 01:39:46,959
That was the biggest load of crap
I've ever heard!
1727
01:39:47,084 --> 01:39:50,629
I mean, look at you, you're the kind
of guy that would beg for sex!
1728
01:39:50,755 --> 01:39:52,965
I should know,
we can smell our own.
1729
01:39:59,388 --> 01:40:01,640
Suitor Number One.
1730
01:40:01,766 --> 01:40:05,352
If we fell in love,
how would you propose to me?
1731
01:40:05,478 --> 01:40:08,481
- When Jaws popped out of the water.
- Excuse me?
1732
01:40:10,191 --> 01:40:12,067
I'll propose to you right now.
1733
01:40:12,193 --> 01:40:14,111
I propose you stop letting
your father run your life,
1734
01:40:14,237 --> 01:40:17,031
and be true to yourself and not give up
on someone you know has value.
1735
01:40:17,156 --> 01:40:19,533
Yeah, and take off your socks
when you make whoopee,
1736
01:40:19,659 --> 01:40:22,620
or whatever the hell that word is,
he hates it when you leave them on.
1737
01:40:22,745 --> 01:40:26,081
- W-What?
- Hypothetically speaking.
1738
01:40:26,207 --> 01:40:29,001
Suitor Number One,
you sound familiar.
1739
01:40:29,126 --> 01:40:30,669
Like your conscience, maybe?
1740
01:40:30,795 --> 01:40:33,589
Look, lady, you don't know him,
alright?
1741
01:40:33,714 --> 01:40:38,093
- Now make with the questions.
- Suitor Number Three...
1742
01:40:38,219 --> 01:40:42,719
Is your kiss like a soft breeze,
a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?
1743
01:40:43,724 --> 01:40:45,809
What's the funny guy doing
with his hands?
1744
01:40:45,935 --> 01:40:48,562
I don't want to know.
1745
01:40:48,688 --> 01:40:52,316
What the fuck is going on up there?
1746
01:40:52,441 --> 01:40:55,819
Never mind. You go tell LaFours
to call the police.
1747
01:40:55,945 --> 01:40:59,573
I want the fucking Department
down here now to arrest those guys.
1748
01:40:59,699 --> 01:41:01,367
Now. Go.
1749
01:41:02,201 --> 01:41:03,952
Definitely a jackhammer.
1750
01:41:04,078 --> 01:41:06,955
I'm in there with some pressure,
and when I'm done,
1751
01:41:07,081 --> 01:41:09,958
you're not the same as before,
you're changed.
1752
01:41:10,084 --> 01:41:12,461
Where do you come up
with this shit?
1753
01:41:12,587 --> 01:41:16,299
That is the cheesiest response
to an honest question I've ever heard.
1754
01:41:16,424 --> 01:41:19,093
I saw you kiss
and it wasn't anything like that.
1755
01:41:19,218 --> 01:41:22,429
Ha-ha! Suitor Number Two,
you have to wait
1756
01:41:22,555 --> 01:41:24,515
until you're addressed
before you respond.
1757
01:41:24,640 --> 01:41:26,725
Richard Dawson,
just go back to your podium
1758
01:41:26,851 --> 01:41:29,103
until it's time to play the Feud,
alright?
1759
01:41:32,106 --> 01:41:34,608
- Who the hell did you see me kiss?
- Some dude backstage.
1760
01:41:34,734 --> 01:41:36,736
I don't know who he was,
but he seemed unimpressed.
1761
01:41:36,861 --> 01:41:39,697
I didn't kiss any guy backstage,
I swear. I'm not gay.
1762
01:41:39,822 --> 01:41:41,615
Hey, Suitor-ette,
this guy's a homophobe.
1763
01:41:41,741 --> 01:41:43,534
You heard how repulsed he sounded.
1764
01:41:43,659 --> 01:41:45,952
Is this the kind of guy
you want to spend a vacation with?
1765
01:41:46,078 --> 01:41:48,038
- This hatemonger?
- I don't hate gay people!
1766
01:41:48,164 --> 01:41:49,623
- So you love them?
- Yes!
1767
01:41:49,749 --> 01:41:52,543
- I mean, no!
- Textbook closet case. Self-loather.
1768
01:41:52,668 --> 01:41:54,753
Can't be comfortable
with his own sexuality.
1769
01:41:57,465 --> 01:41:59,049
Brodie told me to give this to you.
1770
01:41:59,175 --> 01:42:01,594
Are you watching this shit, man?
It's fucked up!
1771
01:42:01,719 --> 01:42:04,888
I don't wanna be here when that tape
does what I think it's going to do.
1772
01:42:05,014 --> 01:42:07,016
Why the hell not, man?
This shit is dope.
1773
01:42:07,141 --> 01:42:11,145
- Holy fuck. He'll kill him.
- Who'll kill who?
1774
01:42:11,270 --> 01:42:14,022
LaFours, man.
Silent Bob, he's my fucking boy, man.
1775
01:42:14,148 --> 01:42:17,025
- What am I going to fucking do?
- Point him out.
1776
01:42:17,151 --> 01:42:20,404
Miss Suitor-ette, how about
you answer a question from me?
1777
01:42:20,529 --> 01:42:23,823
- Um, I don't think that's...
- How strong are your convictions?
1778
01:42:24,950 --> 01:42:26,576
Hi.
1779
01:42:26,702 --> 01:42:30,956
Would you be interested in partaking
in some psycho-behavioral research?
1780
01:42:34,043 --> 01:42:36,462
- What are you talking about?
- How easily do you quit?
1781
01:42:36,587 --> 01:42:39,881
- Say you wind up with one of us...
- Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh over here.
1782
01:42:40,007 --> 01:42:42,134
I'm not like Rush Limbaugh!
1783
01:42:42,259 --> 01:42:46,759
Why not, because he's fat?
You got something against fat people, too?
1784
01:42:49,725 --> 01:42:52,018
Snootchie bootchies!
1785
01:42:52,144 --> 01:42:53,353
Are you ready?
1786
01:43:04,699 --> 01:43:08,828
If I have a conviction,
I stick to it.
1787
01:43:08,953 --> 01:43:11,163
Were you ever in love?
1788
01:43:11,288 --> 01:43:14,124
- Yes, as a matter of fact.
- Really?
1789
01:43:14,250 --> 01:43:16,835
- What happened to your boyfriend?
- Well, he...
1790
01:43:17,461 --> 01:43:19,463
- We broke up.
- Why?
1791
01:43:21,173 --> 01:43:24,217
- It just didn't work out.
- I mean, were you unhappy?
1792
01:43:24,343 --> 01:43:26,345
- Sometimes.
- Why?
1793
01:43:26,470 --> 01:43:28,680
I don't know. The usual baggage.
1794
01:43:28,806 --> 01:43:30,682
He lacked a sense of romance.
1795
01:43:30,808 --> 01:43:32,601
He almost ruined my father's career.
1796
01:43:32,727 --> 01:43:34,729
He got me implicated
in an attempted murder.
1797
01:43:34,854 --> 01:43:36,605
That was an accident!
1798
01:43:36,731 --> 01:43:38,274
T.S.?
1799
01:43:38,399 --> 01:43:41,735
Hey, what about the rest of us?
Why don't you ask me a question?
1800
01:43:41,861 --> 01:43:43,195
Suitor Number Two...
1801
01:43:43,320 --> 01:43:46,531
- Hey, what about me?
- Gil, just shut the fuck up!
1802
01:43:48,117 --> 01:43:52,329
Second Suitor... would you ever
make whoopee in public?
1803
01:43:52,455 --> 01:43:54,915
I already did once today.
1804
01:43:58,210 --> 01:44:01,796
But my cousin Walter jerked off
in public once. True story.
1805
01:44:01,922 --> 01:44:05,717
He was on a plane to New Mexico,
when all of a sudden the hydraulics went.
1806
01:44:05,843 --> 01:44:08,554
The plane started spinning around,
going out of control.
1807
01:44:08,679 --> 01:44:12,557
He decides it's all over, whips it out
and starts beating it right there.
1808
01:44:12,683 --> 01:44:14,726
So all the other passengers
take a cue from him,
1809
01:44:14,852 --> 01:44:17,312
and they start whipping it out
and beating like mad.
1810
01:44:17,438 --> 01:44:21,608
So all the passengers are beating off,
plummeting to their certain doom,
1811
01:44:21,734 --> 01:44:26,234
when all of a sudden... the hydraulics
kick back in and the plane rights itself.
1812
01:44:26,781 --> 01:44:28,282
It lands safely,
1813
01:44:28,407 --> 01:44:32,160
and everyone puts their pieces,
or whatever, away and deboard.
1814
01:44:32,286 --> 01:44:35,455
Nobody mentions the phenomenon
to anyone else.
1815
01:44:42,421 --> 01:44:44,172
Well, did he come or what?
1816
01:44:44,298 --> 01:44:46,425
Jesus Christ, Gil!
1817
01:44:46,550 --> 01:44:49,427
There are just some things
you do not mention in public!
1818
01:44:51,096 --> 01:44:52,347
Second Suitor...
1819
01:44:52,473 --> 01:44:55,184
If you were a comic-book character,
what character would you be?
1820
01:44:55,309 --> 01:44:57,728
Wow, that's a great question.
1821
01:44:57,853 --> 01:45:00,564
A tough one, though.
What does one gauge his response on?
1822
01:45:00,689 --> 01:45:03,066
Physical prowess?
Keen detection skills?
1823
01:45:03,192 --> 01:45:05,402
The ability to banter well
with super villains?
1824
01:45:05,528 --> 01:45:07,071
How's your comic-book
collection, Brodie?
1825
01:45:07,196 --> 01:45:09,072
It's going good.
But, I mean...
1826
01:45:09,198 --> 01:45:11,867
Comics!
What are you talking about, lady?
1827
01:45:11,992 --> 01:45:13,994
I don't collect comics.
Comics are for kids!
1828
01:45:14,119 --> 01:45:15,787
I knew it.
1829
01:45:15,913 --> 01:45:19,124
Suitor Number One, you just don't
know when to quit, do you?
1830
01:45:19,250 --> 01:45:22,419
No. No, but you sure do.
I thought you were in love.
1831
01:45:22,545 --> 01:45:26,882
- I was. But you complicated my life.
- How so?
1832
01:45:27,007 --> 01:45:30,635
Well, you placed me in such a damned
uncomfortable position with my father...
1833
01:45:30,761 --> 01:45:32,763
Twice even!
What was I supposed to do?
1834
01:45:32,888 --> 01:45:34,514
Show a little backbone.
1835
01:45:34,640 --> 01:45:37,434
I was ready to show a little backbone.
1836
01:45:37,560 --> 01:45:40,813
And then you had to show up
with Bumbler the Boy Wonder over there
1837
01:45:40,938 --> 01:45:45,192
and screw things up further, proving that
you never took the situation seriously.
1838
01:45:45,317 --> 01:45:48,069
Boy Wonder?
I'm all man, lady!
1839
01:45:49,446 --> 01:45:51,614
I've never done anything
but show interest in you.
1840
01:45:51,740 --> 01:45:53,950
Our whole goddamn romantic career
I doted on you.
1841
01:45:54,076 --> 01:45:56,119
The minute things got dicey,
you cracked.
1842
01:45:56,245 --> 01:45:59,665
There we were, mere hours from
spending an entire week alone together
1843
01:45:59,790 --> 01:46:01,666
away from our family, school,
1844
01:46:01,792 --> 01:46:04,961
and she throws in the towel
because her daddy says so.
1845
01:46:05,087 --> 01:46:07,881
He got us shot at
by the Federal authorities.
1846
01:46:08,007 --> 01:46:11,135
He brought his troublemaker friend
over to my house,
1847
01:46:11,260 --> 01:46:15,347
where he proceeded to allow news cameras
to take naked videos of my father.
1848
01:46:16,640 --> 01:46:18,516
Then he had the audacity to inform me
1849
01:46:18,642 --> 01:46:21,061
that on this vacation
that we were supposed to take
1850
01:46:21,186 --> 01:46:24,647
that he was gonna propose to me,
without even discussing it with me first!
1851
01:46:24,773 --> 01:46:27,192
We've been talking about getting
married since high school.
1852
01:46:27,318 --> 01:46:29,403
He could've approached my father
man to man,
1853
01:46:29,528 --> 01:46:31,071
and made his intentions clear.
1854
01:46:31,196 --> 01:46:34,240
He could've apologized
for all the problems that he caused.
1855
01:46:34,366 --> 01:46:37,535
But what does he do instead?
He just goes on with his life.
1856
01:46:37,661 --> 01:46:39,871
I mean here he is,
he's hanging out at a mall.
1857
01:46:39,997 --> 01:46:42,165
You put yourself on an auction block,
for God's sake,
1858
01:46:42,291 --> 01:46:43,875
in front of a live studio audience!
1859
01:46:44,001 --> 01:46:46,169
Do I get a chance
to field any more questions?
1860
01:46:46,295 --> 01:46:47,337
No!
1861
01:46:47,463 --> 01:46:50,591
Look, I think I should say something here.
I know both of you pretty well.
1862
01:46:50,716 --> 01:46:54,094
Suitor-ette, Suitor Number One has done
nothing but pine over you all day
1863
01:46:54,219 --> 01:46:56,095
trying to figure out a way
to win you back.
1864
01:46:56,221 --> 01:46:59,140
When this public opportunity
to literally do that arose,
1865
01:46:59,266 --> 01:47:01,935
he pulled his shit together,
risked life and limb,
1866
01:47:02,061 --> 01:47:04,646
and faced the odds to get up here
and give it his best shot.
1867
01:47:04,772 --> 01:47:06,440
I'm tired of this whole thing!
1868
01:47:06,565 --> 01:47:08,441
You're both retarded for each other!
1869
01:47:08,567 --> 01:47:11,987
Now forget about the shit that happened
and do what you're supposed to!
1870
01:47:12,112 --> 01:47:14,405
I think the audience would agree
with me there.
1871
01:47:22,164 --> 01:47:24,708
Well, ask her, you silly bastard!
1872
01:47:27,294 --> 01:47:29,462
Miss Suitor-ette...
1873
01:47:29,588 --> 01:47:31,214
Suitor Number One loves you,
1874
01:47:31,340 --> 01:47:34,051
has always loved you,
and will always love you.
1875
01:47:35,177 --> 01:47:37,971
He's only got one question
that he'd like to ask.
1876
01:47:40,307 --> 01:47:42,767
Will you marry me?
1877
01:48:00,202 --> 01:48:01,328
Yes.
1878
01:48:23,809 --> 01:48:26,728
Snootchie bootchies,
Brodie-nootchies!
1879
01:48:37,740 --> 01:48:40,659
- Are we set or what?
- Good to go.
1880
01:48:40,784 --> 01:48:42,994
- Hey, did you see LaFours out there?
- No.
1881
01:48:43,120 --> 01:48:45,080
For a minute there,
I thought that we were in trouble.
1882
01:49:01,346 --> 01:49:03,306
A sailboat.
1883
01:49:15,736 --> 01:49:19,281
I think it's safe to say,
we've made our match.
1884
01:49:19,406 --> 01:49:22,117
These two lucky people will soon
be winging their way
1885
01:49:22,242 --> 01:49:26,412
to beautiful, sunny Florida
for a week of theme parks, beaches
1886
01:49:26,538 --> 01:49:28,915
and a lot more from the look of it.
1887
01:49:29,041 --> 01:49:31,585
Well, I guess that about wraps it up for...
1888
01:49:31,710 --> 01:49:35,922
Not just yet, Pat Sajak. Alright?
1889
01:49:38,884 --> 01:49:40,427
You, alright...
1890
01:49:40,886 --> 01:49:44,681
I believe you have something
that belongs to me.
1891
01:49:44,807 --> 01:49:49,307
- Yeah? What's that?
- Not you, asshole! The girl.
1892
01:49:50,604 --> 01:49:52,647
You have my heart.
1893
01:49:55,692 --> 01:49:58,736
What can I say?
I love the retard.
1894
01:49:59,947 --> 01:50:01,865
Wait a minute, I thought tonight
we were supposed to...
1895
01:50:01,990 --> 01:50:04,450
Hey, Hamilton!
1896
01:50:04,576 --> 01:50:07,370
Let's try to wrap this up, alright?
I promised her breakfast.
1897
01:50:07,496 --> 01:50:09,164
Alright, that's it.
1898
01:50:09,289 --> 01:50:12,375
You're dead, mallrat.
I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair!
1899
01:50:29,518 --> 01:50:32,979
Sailboat. Sailboat. Goddamn sailboat.
1900
01:50:38,694 --> 01:50:40,904
What in Christ's name
took you guys so long?
1901
01:50:41,029 --> 01:50:43,072
Get your asses up there
and arrest those guys.
1902
01:50:43,198 --> 01:50:45,658
The one with the girl
and the one with the microphone.
1903
01:50:45,784 --> 01:50:46,910
For what?
1904
01:50:47,035 --> 01:50:50,788
Trespassing, public lewdness,
FCC violation.
1905
01:50:52,249 --> 01:50:53,708
Food poisoning!
1906
01:50:53,834 --> 01:50:57,838
Ladies and gentlemen,
this tall drink of water headed my way
1907
01:50:57,963 --> 01:50:59,923
is a pillar of the shopping community,
1908
01:51:00,048 --> 01:51:03,217
who informed me earlier today
of a nefarious plan of his
1909
01:51:03,343 --> 01:51:06,012
to screw my girlfriend
in a very uncomfortable place.
1910
01:51:06,138 --> 01:51:08,473
What? Like the back
of a Volkswagen?
1911
01:51:13,395 --> 01:51:16,022
And as he comes up here to...
1912
01:51:17,524 --> 01:51:19,484
Holy shit.
1913
01:51:21,111 --> 01:51:23,404
Well, without further ado,
I'd like to present you all
1914
01:51:23,530 --> 01:51:26,783
with an accurate portrayal
of the proprietor of Fashionable Male.
1915
01:51:26,909 --> 01:51:28,160
Now, Silent Bob!
1916
01:51:30,787 --> 01:51:32,747
I said now, Silent Bob!
1917
01:51:35,000 --> 01:51:39,500
When, Lord? When the hell do I
get to see the goddamn sailboat?
1918
01:51:40,547 --> 01:51:43,299
Now, now, now!
1919
01:51:54,019 --> 01:51:55,937
'Who's your favorite New Kid?"
1920
01:51:57,272 --> 01:52:01,401
'Call me Joey. Yeah.
Don't make me get loose. I think that's it.
1921
01:52:01,526 --> 01:52:05,655
'Yeah. Call me Donnie.
Come on. Girl.
1922
01:52:05,781 --> 01:52:07,324
"Yeah, please don't go.
1923
01:52:07,449 --> 01:52:09,701
No wonder why she walks
all fucked up.
1924
01:52:09,826 --> 01:52:12,662
Hey, that girl's only 15.
1925
01:52:14,665 --> 01:52:18,293
15? I thought she was 36.
1926
01:52:18,794 --> 01:52:21,797
Hey, come on, guys.
Tell me you wouldn't have popped her?
1927
01:52:46,446 --> 01:52:48,990
Hey, you know where you're going
1928
01:52:49,116 --> 01:52:51,368
they screw people
in a very uncomfortable place.
1929
01:52:51,493 --> 01:52:52,911
- Really?
- Yeah.
1930
01:52:53,036 --> 01:52:55,663
Hey, hey, hey! You can't strike
a prisoner in police custody.
1931
01:52:55,789 --> 01:52:57,957
Come on, just once?
1932
01:52:58,083 --> 01:53:00,376
Alright, but make it fast.
1933
01:53:03,171 --> 01:53:05,423
Would you have gone on vacation
with the winner?
1934
01:53:06,550 --> 01:53:08,426
What do you think?
1935
01:53:09,303 --> 01:53:11,805
I don't know, I think you would have.
1936
01:53:13,056 --> 01:53:15,266
But I would've sent you a postcard.
1937
01:53:17,436 --> 01:53:19,187
What the hell is wrong with me?
1938
01:53:19,313 --> 01:53:22,316
If the tape was out of your reach,
how the hell did you get it?
1939
01:53:23,066 --> 01:53:25,151
The Jedi mind trick!
1940
01:53:25,277 --> 01:53:27,737
Holy shit!
Motherfucking Yoda and shit!
1941
01:53:28,613 --> 01:53:32,742
Adventure? Excitement?
A Jedi craves not these things.
1942
01:53:32,868 --> 01:53:34,703
Holy! You spoke.
1943
01:53:34,828 --> 01:53:36,830
There was never anything good
to say before.
1944
01:54:04,941 --> 01:54:08,527
Did you see that shit?
You call that romance?
1945
01:54:08,653 --> 01:54:10,488
I call that illegal.
1946
01:54:12,032 --> 01:54:13,450
So...
1947
01:54:15,369 --> 01:54:16,870
So what?
1948
01:54:16,995 --> 01:54:20,123
I was just wondering, if maybe
you're not busy tomorrow night...
1949
01:54:20,248 --> 01:54:22,708
Yeah?
1950
01:54:22,834 --> 01:54:25,878
Would you like to come over to my house
for dinner and meet my mother?
1951
01:54:26,004 --> 01:54:29,007
I can't guarantee
she's gonna like you, but...
1952
01:54:36,014 --> 01:54:37,890
Hey, want a cookie? It's on me.
1953
01:54:38,016 --> 01:54:40,601
It was just a warm-up.
Please, come on?
1954
01:54:40,727 --> 01:54:42,603
The show would always go smoother
and be less racy.
1955
01:54:42,729 --> 01:54:46,107
Svenning, the show was a piece of shit.
Unoriginal, uninspired, you know.
1956
01:54:46,233 --> 01:54:48,860
The only thing that saved it
was this guy here.
1957
01:54:48,985 --> 01:54:50,736
I'm Bentley Garrison,
with the network.
1958
01:54:50,862 --> 01:54:52,905
Me and Mason thought
you were hysterical.
1959
01:54:53,031 --> 01:54:54,866
Hilarious.
You've got great presence, kid.
1960
01:54:54,991 --> 01:54:57,201
Have you ever considered
hosting your own talk show?
1961
01:54:57,327 --> 01:55:00,580
- Yeah.
- Him?
1962
01:55:00,705 --> 01:55:03,958
Excuse me, sir.
Are you the producer of this program?
1963
01:55:04,084 --> 01:55:05,960
Of course I am, you stupid shit!
1964
01:55:06,086 --> 01:55:08,338
And I want those two guys arrested!
1965
01:55:08,463 --> 01:55:11,007
Sir, you're under arrest.
1966
01:55:11,133 --> 01:55:12,551
- What?
- What for?
1967
01:55:12,676 --> 01:55:15,845
For broadcasting lewd
or indecent images in a public forum
1968
01:55:15,971 --> 01:55:19,349
and violation of about
19 FCC regulations.
1969
01:55:19,474 --> 01:55:21,350
Jesus Christ!
1970
01:55:25,188 --> 01:55:27,690
And for vomiting on my shoes!
1971
01:56:53,109 --> 01:56:53,943
Yeah?162962
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