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00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:05,067
[***]
2
00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:18,467
What are you doing?
3
00:00:18,467 --> 00:00:20,100
Oh, I can't decide
4
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,601
which one to take
to the Hamptons.
5
00:00:22,601 --> 00:00:24,234
Lynn has
perfect legs,
6
00:00:24,234 --> 00:00:26,734
but Chrissy has
perfect breasts.
7
00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:30,601
What a coincidence.
You're a perfect ass.
8
00:00:30,601 --> 00:00:32,334
Good morning.
9
00:00:32,334 --> 00:00:33,334
[SNIFFS]
10
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:34,968
Hmm. Tension in the air.
11
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,400
Let me guess.
12
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,734
Mr. Love Machine
made some yappity-dappity
13
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,501
about getting it on
with the ladies,
14
00:00:40,501 --> 00:00:42,501
and then Mother Superior
was all,
15
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,367
"What a pig!"
16
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:47,701
and then you were all,
"But me likin' them womens."
17
00:00:47,701 --> 00:00:49,767
and then
you were all,
18
00:00:49,767 --> 00:00:50,767
"Boo hoo hoo.
19
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:53,200
What about
our brains?"
20
00:00:54,601 --> 00:00:57,133
Finch, do you want
to get smacked?
21
00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:59,300
Kind of.
22
00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,834
I'm not proud of it. Hey!
23
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,334
Your mom sent some more faxes.
24
00:01:02,334 --> 00:01:03,534
Tell her to keep them coming.
25
00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:04,834
We wouldn't want
26
00:01:04,834 --> 00:01:06,334
a business letter
to sneak through.
27
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:09,801
Oh, wow.
28
00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:11,501
I don't believe this.
29
00:01:11,501 --> 00:01:12,667
Mr. Farrell died.
30
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,801
"A memorial service,
31
00:01:14,801 --> 00:01:16,000
"hosted by
the class of '81,
32
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,167
"will be held
33
00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:18,767
at the Hawthorne High
Cafetorium."
34
00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:20,167
Who's Mr. Farrell?
35
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,167
He was my high school
history teacher.
36
00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:24,834
We used to call him
"Farrell the Ferret."
37
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,300
Why did you call him that?
38
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:28,901
Ah, you know,
because he was a big man.
39
00:01:28,901 --> 00:01:32,334
Why didn't you call him
"Farrell the Barrel"?
40
00:01:32,334 --> 00:01:37,167
People weren't that clever
in my town.
41
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:40,334
When the train went by,
everyone would clap.
42
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,334
So are you going to go?
43
00:01:42,334 --> 00:01:43,367
Are you kidding?
44
00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:44,767
I had to miss
my 10-year reunion.
45
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:47,267
This will finally be
my triumphant return.
46
00:01:47,267 --> 00:01:49,634
A chance to let everyone
revel in my success.
47
00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:51,200
It is time
48
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,501
for Elliott DiMauro
to descend from the clouds.
49
00:01:55,501 --> 00:01:57,601
I'll leave you alone
with your grief.
50
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,367
Finch, I'm having
an antique mirror
51
00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:12,400
delivered
to my office
52
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,434
tomorrow.
53
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,701
Here's the bill.
54
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,601
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
55
00:02:16,601 --> 00:02:18,334
You can't charge this
to the magazine.
56
00:02:18,334 --> 00:02:19,534
And why not?
57
00:02:19,534 --> 00:02:21,534
Because it's for personal use.
58
00:02:21,534 --> 00:02:22,534
How do you know?
59
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:24,467
Because it's a mirror.
60
00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:26,534
So?
61
00:02:26,534 --> 00:02:30,701
So I can't explain it
any better than that.
62
00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:33,501
As Fashion Editor,
it's my job to look good.
63
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:34,934
As a Keebler Elf,
64
00:02:34,934 --> 00:02:37,434
it's your job to make
delicious little cookies.
65
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:40,767
Don't be surprised
66
00:02:40,767 --> 00:02:42,200
if that mirror
talks back to you...
67
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,334
witch.
68
00:02:44,868 --> 00:02:47,033
JACK: Dennis?
Got a minute?
69
00:02:50,801 --> 00:02:52,033
Yes?
70
00:02:52,033 --> 00:02:55,400
So I heard all that with Nina.
71
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,601
Yeah.
Did you like that witch line?
72
00:02:57,601 --> 00:03:01,901
Dennis, I see this magazine
as my castle,
73
00:03:01,901 --> 00:03:04,400
and you are,
for lack of a better word,
74
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,634
my gargoyle.
75
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,534
What I'm trying to say is,
76
00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:11,400
you have to make the staff
respect you
77
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,033
the same way they respect me.
78
00:03:13,033 --> 00:03:14,234
Yeah, of course
Nina respects you.
79
00:03:14,234 --> 00:03:15,234
You're the boss,
80
00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:16,968
and she's two paychecks away
81
00:03:16,968 --> 00:03:20,367
from lap dancing
at a Mexican truck stop.
82
00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:27,501
Being the boss
doesn't win me respect.
83
00:03:27,501 --> 00:03:30,667
It's winning respect
that made me the boss.
84
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:33,300
Ah. I see.
85
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,868
No more for you.
86
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:39,868
Dennis,
87
00:03:39,868 --> 00:03:41,167
40 years
in the trenches
88
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:43,167
have taught me
a few tricks,
89
00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:46,767
tricks I have shared
with no one.
90
00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:48,234
Okay, like what?
91
00:03:52,567 --> 00:03:55,200
How to use
perception and position,
92
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,834
light and shadow.
93
00:03:56,834 --> 00:03:58,167
Subtle tactics
94
00:03:58,167 --> 00:04:00,000
that give you
an advantage
95
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,901
over your adversary.
96
00:04:01,901 --> 00:04:04,434
If this is about
stuffing a sock down my pants,
97
00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:06,868
I'm way ahead of you.
98
00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:11,934
It's all about psychology.
99
00:04:11,934 --> 00:04:14,934
What people want,
what they fear,
100
00:04:14,934 --> 00:04:17,667
what makes them vulnerable.
101
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,067
Yeah, I appreciate the advice,
102
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,467
but if you're saying
these little mind games
103
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:22,901
can change the way people think,
104
00:04:22,901 --> 00:04:24,067
I say no way.
105
00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:32,000
Damn it. I'll try it.
106
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,400
Nina, I need you
to help me find a suit.
107
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,767
Well, well, well.
108
00:04:42,767 --> 00:04:44,100
What?
109
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,200
So now, after all the taunting,
110
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,234
after all the cheap shots,
111
00:04:47,234 --> 00:04:49,434
now you need my help.
112
00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:51,000
That's right.
Now, suddenly,
113
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,167
you want me to do you
a personal favor.
114
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,534
Yeah.
Ha!
115
00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:56,033
I want everyone here
116
00:04:56,033 --> 00:04:57,234
to bear witness
to the fact
117
00:04:57,234 --> 00:04:58,234
that today, I, Nina--
118
00:04:58,234 --> 00:04:59,234
Okay, forget it.
119
00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:00,367
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
120
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,434
Wait, wait, wait.
121
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:02,434
Let me help.
Please.
122
00:05:02,434 --> 00:05:03,767
Okay, so, uh...
123
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,501
what do you want this suit
to say?
124
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:07,133
It's for a memorial service,
125
00:05:07,133 --> 00:05:09,534
so I want it to say
I'll be sad for an hour,
126
00:05:09,534 --> 00:05:11,234
but then,
on my way back to town,
127
00:05:11,234 --> 00:05:13,100
I'm having sex in a limo.
128
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,501
Hugo Boss, charcoal gray.
129
00:05:15,501 --> 00:05:18,300
It's what my tennis pro wore
to my second husband's funeral.
130
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,701
Elliott,
why are you trying so hard?
131
00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:27,133
Because they expect it.
132
00:05:27,133 --> 00:05:28,901
Ever since grade school,
133
00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:31,300
I've always been the trendsetter
in that town,
134
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:32,968
the guy destined for greatness.
135
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:34,567
I was the artist.
136
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,934
I had a certain
joie de vivre.
137
00:05:36,934 --> 00:05:38,334
From the looks of your
yearbook picture,
138
00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:42,000
you also had a certain
joie de acne.
139
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,968
What?
140
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,033
Your mom faxed
it over.
141
00:05:46,033 --> 00:05:47,934
Delores and I
are like this.
142
00:05:47,934 --> 00:05:49,167
Give me that.
Give me that.
143
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:50,934
Don't worry
about it.
144
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,033
Everybody's
yearbook picture
145
00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:53,367
is embar--
146
00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:57,000
Oh, my God!
147
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,167
You were
a little fatty.
148
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,968
"Member,
Model Train Club."
149
00:06:03,968 --> 00:06:05,367
Oh, my gosh.
150
00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:07,434
"Co-manager,
Chess Team."
151
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:08,467
Chess.
152
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:09,667
I'm surprised
153
00:06:09,667 --> 00:06:11,667
you weren't in
the marching band.
154
00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:14,367
Whoa, whoa.
155
00:06:14,367 --> 00:06:16,767
Have you ever been invited
to the Gator Bowl?
156
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:17,767
No...
157
00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:19,367
so shut up.
158
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:25,167
So the truth comes out.
159
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:27,334
The legendary Elliott DiMauro
was once...
160
00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:28,601
a nerd.
161
00:06:28,601 --> 00:06:29,968
No, I wasn't.
162
00:06:29,968 --> 00:06:31,033
Nerd.
163
00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:32,167
Ha ha. That's
very funny.
164
00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:33,334
Nerd.
That's not funny.
165
00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:34,634
Nerd.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah?
166
00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:35,634
Would a nerd
167
00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:36,834
bring a supermodel
to a funeral
168
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:37,934
in a stretch limo,
169
00:06:37,934 --> 00:06:40,901
with 400 roses shaped
in a giant tear?
170
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:41,968
Hmm?
171
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,200
No, but the nerd king might.
172
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,501
Nina, a moment,
please.
173
00:06:49,501 --> 00:06:51,100
Look, why don't we
just skip the part
174
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,901
where you tell me
to pay for the mirror
175
00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:54,300
and get right
to me ignoring you?
176
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:56,067
Oh, Nina.
177
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,100
How can I convince you
that it would be best
178
00:06:58,100 --> 00:06:59,567
if you paid for the mirror.
179
00:06:59,567 --> 00:07:01,234
Hmm. You can't.
180
00:07:05,534 --> 00:07:06,701
Hmm?
181
00:07:12,734 --> 00:07:13,834
I repeat,
182
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,701
you most likely
can't.
183
00:07:19,968 --> 00:07:21,167
Hmm?
184
00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:24,701
I'll get
my checkbook.
185
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:29,834
Welcome to
the varsity team,
186
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:30,834
Dennis.
187
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:33,200
Can you
teach me more?
188
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,901
Can you show me the way?
189
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,267
Can you help me down?
190
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,467
Sorry I'm late.
191
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:52,801
Are you going
to rob a train?
192
00:07:52,801 --> 00:07:54,200
Oh, this?
193
00:07:58,033 --> 00:07:59,434
Whoa!
194
00:07:59,434 --> 00:08:01,667
Krakatoa.
195
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:03,868
It's just a little blemish.
196
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:06,434
It's like an escape hatch
for your brain.
197
00:08:08,534 --> 00:08:10,300
Can we move on?
198
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,868
Yes, let's.
199
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:13,067
Item one.
200
00:08:13,067 --> 00:08:14,400
Santa called.
201
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,434
It's a foggy night,
and he wants to borrow Elliott.
202
00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:20,000
I'm so sorry
about your pimple,
203
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,033
Elliott.
204
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:23,334
How did you know?
205
00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:24,934
I saw you get out
of the cab.
206
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:27,167
I mean, we're only
19 floors up.
207
00:08:28,534 --> 00:08:29,701
That's it.
208
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:31,300
I'm out of here.
No, no, no. Wait.
209
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,501
You have
to double-check
210
00:08:32,501 --> 00:08:33,367
the cropping
on these photos.
211
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,801
Oh...
Oh, ho, ho.
212
00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:45,968
What?
213
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,868
I lost my contacts
this morning.
214
00:08:47,868 --> 00:08:49,467
[FINCH CHUCKLES]
215
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,601
They're fine.
216
00:08:50,601 --> 00:08:51,601
Ah.
217
00:08:51,601 --> 00:08:53,033
Moving on.
218
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,367
Item two.
219
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,434
NASA called,
220
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,434
and they need their
telescopes back.
221
00:08:59,033 --> 00:09:00,067
Okay, enough. Enough.
222
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,868
So I have a little
zit on my nose,
223
00:09:01,868 --> 00:09:03,634
and I have to wear
my old glasses.
224
00:09:03,634 --> 00:09:05,534
[WHEEZING]
Big deal.
225
00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:13,000
I can still outscore
any guy at this magazine.
226
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:17,934
Take a gander, Zeke.
227
00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:19,567
You couldn't score
in a monkey whorehouse
228
00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:21,868
with a bag of bananas.
229
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:27,067
Oh, my God.
230
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,968
I'm a nerd!
231
00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:43,834
You wanted to see me?
232
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,834
Elliott's locked himself
in his studio
233
00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:47,033
and won't come out.
234
00:09:47,033 --> 00:09:49,934
I know. What a nerd.
235
00:09:49,934 --> 00:09:52,033
Well, what do you
plan to do about it?
236
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,901
Me? Why me?
237
00:09:53,901 --> 00:09:56,367
Because a photographer's work
is all about confidence,
238
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:58,467
and when you called him a nerd,
239
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,400
that confidence was shattered.
240
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,767
Oh, please!
241
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:05,067
Maya...
242
00:10:05,067 --> 00:10:07,167
what's more important
to a bird...
243
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:10,834
wings or the belief
that he can fly?
244
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:12,868
Wings.
245
00:10:12,868 --> 00:10:14,167
Wrong.
246
00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:17,701
Witness the penguin,
a flightless bird.
247
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,501
Why?
248
00:10:19,501 --> 00:10:24,167
Because its wings
can't support its body mass?
249
00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:27,200
Wrong again.
250
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:32,934
Maya, there was a day
when penguins filled the sky...
251
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:40,634
terrifying nomads
with their angry barking.
252
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:45,133
Until the day
their confidence was shattered,
253
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:49,300
and they never flew again.
254
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:52,367
Ah. I see.
255
00:10:52,367 --> 00:10:54,801
No more for you.
256
00:10:56,968 --> 00:10:59,701
Look, I got models waiting,
257
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,834
and I need the old Elliott back,
258
00:11:01,834 --> 00:11:03,367
so go talk to him.
259
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:06,267
You're his boss.
You talk to him.
260
00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:10,033
Maya, why do you think
hippos live underground?
261
00:11:10,033 --> 00:11:12,234
All right. I'll talk to him.
262
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,868
[LOUD ROCK MUSIC
PLAYING]
263
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,567
Elliott.
264
00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:30,767
Elliott!
ELLIOTT:
What?
265
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:31,767
Open the door!
266
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:32,767
Go away!
267
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:34,000
[MUSIC STOPS]
268
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,300
Elliott,
there are models out here,
269
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,667
waiting for you.
270
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,801
They'll laugh
at me.
271
00:11:38,801 --> 00:11:40,200
No, they won't.
272
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,667
They're too busy
making out with each other.
273
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:49,968
Elliott, this is nuts.
274
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:52,234
You're the same person
you were yesterday.
275
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:54,133
Yeah, and the day
before that
276
00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:55,133
and the day
before that
277
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,734
and all the way
back to ninth grade.
278
00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:58,267
That was
a long time ago.
279
00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,801
You've changed.
280
00:11:59,801 --> 00:12:02,033
Ah, I've pretended
to change,
281
00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:04,067
but I've only been
fooling myself.
282
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:07,767
Look, everybody worries
about fitting in,
283
00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:09,167
but it's no big deal.
284
00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:10,667
Okay? Okay. Now!
285
00:12:10,667 --> 00:12:13,601
Let's take some pictures!
286
00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:14,834
I can't.
287
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,234
Elliott,
I'm gonna tell you something
288
00:12:21,234 --> 00:12:22,701
I never thought I would.
289
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:27,067
When I first met you,
I thought to myself,
290
00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:30,767
"Now, there is a man."
291
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,801
[SNIFFLES]
292
00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:37,133
Sexy, talented, sophisticated...
293
00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:38,267
[LOUD BLOWING]
294
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,934
You really think I'm talented?
295
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:46,200
Oh, I know you are.
296
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,534
I mean, look at this.
297
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,067
Look at this...
298
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,868
vibrance, this style.
299
00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:53,234
It just screams Elliott DiMauro.
300
00:12:53,234 --> 00:12:55,901
Coincidentally,
so did that model.
301
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,167
Ew.
302
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,334
I mean, there you go.
You're the king.
303
00:13:01,334 --> 00:13:03,634
She screamed that too.
304
00:13:03,634 --> 00:13:04,634
Uh...
305
00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:06,334
Uh, okay, my point is...
306
00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:08,267
you're living the dream.
307
00:13:08,267 --> 00:13:10,634
I bet every guy
at that memorial service
308
00:13:10,634 --> 00:13:12,834
would trade places with you
in a heartbeat.
309
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,434
You're the man!
310
00:13:14,434 --> 00:13:17,200
You're right. I am the man!
311
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,634
Yes! Now let's get
some models in here
312
00:13:19,634 --> 00:13:21,234
and start taking some pictures.
313
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,267
I can't.
314
00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:23,501
I've got a speech to write.
315
00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:24,567
What?
316
00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:26,734
Yeah, I'm going
to that memorial service
317
00:13:26,734 --> 00:13:28,067
to notify
the citizens
318
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,634
of Loserville,
New Jersey,
319
00:13:30,634 --> 00:13:34,067
that their top export
is Elliott DiMauro.
320
00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:35,734
That's not what I meant.
321
00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:36,934
Oh, I know what you meant.
322
00:13:36,934 --> 00:13:38,601
By the way,
323
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:41,400
that stuff
about the first day we met?
324
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,534
I knew you wanted me.
325
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,234
Yeah?
326
00:13:53,234 --> 00:13:55,734
Dennis, I'm very
disappointed in you.
327
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,734
What do you mean?
328
00:13:57,734 --> 00:13:58,968
Don't play innocent with me.
329
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,767
Nina's doing your job.
330
00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:03,267
Come on. You're exaggerating.
331
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:09,767
Jack Gallo's office.
May I help you?
332
00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:11,701
So what's the harm?
333
00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:13,934
I trusted you with
my secret power tips.
334
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:17,767
Now you're using them
for evil.
335
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:19,701
Evil in whose eyes?
336
00:14:19,701 --> 00:14:21,367
I'm cutting you off
from training,
337
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:23,868
and I forbid you
to use my knowledge.
338
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:28,000
Perhaps
it's too late.
339
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,434
Perhaps the student
340
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:31,300
has outgrown
the master.
341
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,334
I speak...
342
00:14:33,334 --> 00:14:34,501
hypothetically,
of course.
343
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:35,667
Of course.
344
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:39,701
Cigar?
345
00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:41,300
Don't mind if I do.
346
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,467
Ah, the tiny cigar trick.
347
00:14:46,467 --> 00:14:48,300
Interesting.
348
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:49,701
I think
I'll pour myself a drink.
349
00:14:49,701 --> 00:14:50,701
Allow me.
350
00:14:50,701 --> 00:14:53,801
I insist.
I insist.
351
00:14:53,801 --> 00:14:58,000
I hope you enjoy
my scotch.
352
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,634
I always have.
353
00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:04,133
Oh.
354
00:15:09,634 --> 00:15:15,067
Oh, my shirt! I just bought it.
It's going to ruin...
355
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:19,734
Ha. The dribble glass.
356
00:15:19,734 --> 00:15:21,534
I guess you win.
357
00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:23,434
Should have seen it coming.
358
00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:29,267
That tastes weird.
359
00:15:29,267 --> 00:15:32,300
Perhaps it's the chili sauce
I poured in it.
360
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,467
Ha ha! Face.
361
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:37,133
I...
362
00:15:37,133 --> 00:15:39,868
I'm severely allergic
to chili peppers.
363
00:15:39,868 --> 00:15:42,334
My throat cuts off completely.
364
00:15:42,334 --> 00:15:43,968
[COUGHING]
What?
365
00:15:43,968 --> 00:15:46,067
I... I'm feeling dizzy.
366
00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:48,467
Oh, my... I'm sorry.
367
00:15:48,467 --> 00:15:50,634
Antihistamines.
368
00:15:50,634 --> 00:15:51,934
I'm going to the pharmacy.
369
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:53,534
I'll be right back!
370
00:15:53,534 --> 00:15:55,567
Don't die on me!
371
00:15:55,567 --> 00:15:57,501
Lord, take me instead!
372
00:16:05,067 --> 00:16:06,067
[LAUGHS]
373
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:08,100
Face.
374
00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:22,167
Elliott, there you are.
375
00:16:22,167 --> 00:16:23,467
What are you
doing here?
376
00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:24,534
You're making
a big mistake.
377
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:26,167
I don't want you to get up there
378
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:28,501
and make some
stupid, self-serving speech.
379
00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:30,033
Oh, yeah?
380
00:16:30,033 --> 00:16:31,534
You see that guy by the flag?
381
00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:34,567
That's Deke Williams.
382
00:16:34,567 --> 00:16:35,567
When I was 14,
383
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:36,968
he pulled my jacket
over my head,
384
00:16:36,968 --> 00:16:37,968
yanked my pants down,
385
00:16:37,968 --> 00:16:38,968
and pushed me
386
00:16:38,968 --> 00:16:40,167
into the girls'
locker room.
387
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,734
Kids do dumb things.
388
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:42,734
Another time,
389
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:44,133
he cornered me in this
very cafetorium,
390
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:45,834
dumped mashed potatoes
on my head,
391
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:47,033
yanked my pants down,
392
00:16:47,033 --> 00:16:48,067
and pushed me
393
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:49,100
into the girls'
locker room.
394
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,000
That is so mean.
395
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,334
Anyway, every morning
for four years,
396
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:53,534
I didn't
want to wake up
397
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:55,133
because I knew
when I got to school,
398
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:56,234
someone, somehow
399
00:16:56,234 --> 00:16:59,501
was gonna remind me
that I didn't fit in,
400
00:16:59,501 --> 00:17:01,133
that I was nobody...
401
00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:02,334
I'm so sorry.
402
00:17:02,334 --> 00:17:03,334
and that's
why I'm here.
403
00:17:03,334 --> 00:17:04,334
That's why I want
404
00:17:04,334 --> 00:17:05,734
to rub their faces
in my success,
405
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:06,734
and I don't
expect you
406
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,000
to understand.
407
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000
Oh, you'd be
surprised.
408
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,133
What do you mean?
409
00:17:10,133 --> 00:17:11,734
I know what it's like
to be bullied
410
00:17:11,734 --> 00:17:12,734
or made fun of,
411
00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:14,033
because maybe you're
a little clumsy
412
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,734
or a little heavy
413
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,300
or maybe you wear
corrective shoes.
414
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:19,100
You know what the kids
used to call me?
415
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:20,567
Crisco.
416
00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:23,067
Because I was "fat in the can."
417
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,567
Pretty funny, huh?
418
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,100
You get it?
419
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:28,701
I mean, that's the kind of thing
that could warp you for life!
420
00:17:28,701 --> 00:17:29,734
Well, who's fat now, Gina?
421
00:17:29,734 --> 00:17:32,667
Calm down, Maya.
This is about me.
422
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,801
Yo, Deke.
423
00:17:37,801 --> 00:17:39,834
Elliott, is that really you?
424
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:41,000
Yeah, it's really me.
425
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,133
Wow.
426
00:17:42,133 --> 00:17:43,567
So who's your friend?
427
00:17:43,567 --> 00:17:45,467
Oh, this is Maya Gallo.
428
00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:48,267
No, I mean the one on your nose.
429
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,567
Just kidding.
430
00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:52,367
Just kidding.
431
00:17:52,367 --> 00:17:53,667
You know me.
432
00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:54,701
Seriously,
433
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:57,000
you're looking
really good.
434
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,000
You lost some weight...
435
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,200
especially in the, uh,
scalp area.
436
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:06,267
Just kidding.
Just kidding.
437
00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:08,901
So anyway, uh...
438
00:18:08,901 --> 00:18:10,367
what are you doing these days?
439
00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:14,267
Well, Deke, my man,
I'm glad you asked.
440
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,033
Remember
how the Ferret used to say
441
00:18:16,033 --> 00:18:20,234
if you believed in yourself,
one day you'd end up a winner?
442
00:18:20,234 --> 00:18:23,100
No.
443
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,367
Come on, come on.
444
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,367
Remember how he used
to pull you into his office
445
00:18:26,367 --> 00:18:28,033
and say that you were
capable of anything?
446
00:18:28,033 --> 00:18:30,234
That you were special?
447
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:33,267
He hit me with a pen once.
448
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:35,501
Oh.
449
00:18:39,734 --> 00:18:41,934
I guess he was just
spouting off to me.
450
00:18:45,033 --> 00:18:47,033
It's good to see you, Deke.
451
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,200
I can't believe
452
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,200
you didn't
rub his face in it.
453
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,968
I didn't have to.
454
00:18:56,968 --> 00:19:00,200
No wonder why you
always got pantsed.
455
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:04,367
Well, welcome,
friends, and, uh...
456
00:19:04,367 --> 00:19:06,300
former students.
457
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:07,968
We are here to
celebrate the life
458
00:19:07,968 --> 00:19:10,300
of Jasper Farrell.
459
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,367
I remember
Jasper Farrell...
460
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:13,634
I can't believe you.
461
00:19:13,634 --> 00:19:15,200
At least
do your speech.
462
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,400
No. I'm taking the high road.
463
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,701
So at this time,
464
00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:22,033
does anyone wish
to share any special thoughts?
465
00:19:22,033 --> 00:19:23,868
Right here.
Special thoughts.
466
00:19:23,868 --> 00:19:26,133
Would you like to speak, sir?
467
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:27,133
I, uh...
468
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,167
Sure. Sure.
469
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,868
Please come up.
470
00:19:30,868 --> 00:19:33,300
Hey, why don't you
dump DiMoron,
471
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,300
and step up
to the Deke, huh?
472
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:40,000
I'm Elliott DiMauro,
473
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,868
and I would just like to say
474
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:43,701
that Mr. Farrell
was a wonderful man
475
00:19:43,701 --> 00:19:45,968
and an inspiring teacher.
476
00:19:45,968 --> 00:19:48,334
Say, what do you
do for a living?
477
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:53,200
A teacher who taught me
how to be the bigger man.
478
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,834
Ever date a supermodel?
479
00:19:55,834 --> 00:19:59,267
Anyway...
480
00:19:59,267 --> 00:20:01,467
I will always appreciate
the way he singled me out
481
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:03,567
and made me feel special.
482
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:05,534
I'll miss him.
483
00:20:07,334 --> 00:20:09,267
In fact, uh...
484
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:16,200
In fact, I just realized
how much I'll miss him,
485
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,334
and I really feel
bad for those
486
00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:21,300
who will never have
the privilege of knowing him.
487
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,534
Like Cindy Crawford.
488
00:20:22,534 --> 00:20:24,400
Oh, shut up.
489
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,133
Hey.
490
00:20:26,133 --> 00:20:28,434
I like crazy chicks.
491
00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:30,834
Just kidding.
492
00:20:30,834 --> 00:20:32,701
[CLEARS THROAT]
493
00:20:32,701 --> 00:20:33,901
Well, thank you.
494
00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:36,667
Uh, does anyone else
wish to speak?
495
00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:38,167
Deke.
496
00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:39,934
Deke, Deke,
Deke,
497
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,901
Deke, Deke,
498
00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:44,868
ALL: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Deke, Deke, Deke, Deke.
499
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,167
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh,
500
00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:48,234
ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh...
501
00:20:50,601 --> 00:20:53,767
Hello, Deke.
502
00:20:53,767 --> 00:20:54,834
[CLEARS THROAT]
503
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:55,901
Thank you.
504
00:20:55,901 --> 00:20:57,901
Thank you very much.
505
00:20:57,901 --> 00:21:00,100
I'm not much
of a speaker.
506
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,901
I'm more of a doer...
507
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,601
but Farrell
was a good guy.
508
00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:08,634
I mean,
509
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:09,801
his quizzes
were hard,
510
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:11,033
but they prepared us
511
00:21:11,033 --> 00:21:12,701
for the hardest
test of all.
512
00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:14,501
Life.
513
00:21:14,501 --> 00:21:16,534
Can you believe this guy?
514
00:21:16,534 --> 00:21:18,501
But you've
got to be tough.
515
00:21:18,501 --> 00:21:20,667
Like at
the hardware store.
516
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:22,067
I see somebody
slacking off,
517
00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:23,968
I kick a little butt,
518
00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:25,467
you know
what I'm saying?
519
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:27,300
Because that's me.
520
00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:29,400
That's the Dekester,
521
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,767
and what you see
is what you get.
522
00:21:46,634 --> 00:21:48,901
[***]
523
00:21:51,868 --> 00:21:55,434
* Life keeps bringin' me
Back to you *
524
00:21:55,434 --> 00:21:59,167
* Keeps bringin' me home *
525
00:21:59,167 --> 00:22:02,601
* It don't matter
What I want to do *
526
00:22:02,601 --> 00:22:07,501
* 'Cause it's got
A mind of its own *
527
00:22:09,734 --> 00:22:13,200
* Life keeps bringin' me
Back to you **
528
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:24,200
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