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[***]
2
00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:13,934
9:45. It's official.
3
00:00:13,934 --> 00:00:16,000
We now have a crisis
on our hands.
4
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,567
Dennis,
what's the update?
5
00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:20,868
Still no word
on where your bagel is...
6
00:00:20,868 --> 00:00:21,868
But the deli said
7
00:00:21,868 --> 00:00:23,267
somebody did leave
an hour ago.
8
00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:24,701
It's one block away.
9
00:00:24,701 --> 00:00:26,934
What are they doing,
rolling it here?
10
00:00:26,934 --> 00:00:28,400
Well, I was saving
my breakfast
11
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,701
until later,
12
00:00:29,701 --> 00:00:31,601
but I don't
mind sharing.
13
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,467
Dad, I think I saw
some muffins in the kitchen.
14
00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:37,200
Muffins aren't breakfast.
15
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,267
They're cake in a doily.
16
00:00:39,267 --> 00:00:40,801
Man, when this guy
gets here,
17
00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:43,300
I'm gonna rake him
over the coals.
18
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:46,400
Bagels.
Hope I'm not late.
19
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,801
No, of course not.
20
00:00:48,801 --> 00:00:51,167
I got lost, and then
I got really hungry,
21
00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:52,367
so I ate your bagel.
22
00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:54,167
And when I went back
to get another one,
23
00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:55,567
it was time
for my break.
24
00:00:56,901 --> 00:00:59,200
Don't worry.
Happens to me all the time.
25
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,701
Here you go.
26
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:06,200
Oh, a 20. Oops.
I forgot change.
27
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,567
Well, then, you'll just
have to keep it, won't you?
28
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,701
Oh, hey, thanks.
29
00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:12,434
And I'll need you
to sign this.
30
00:01:12,434 --> 00:01:15,901
Oh, wait.
That was my old job.
31
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,100
Sweet girl.
32
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:24,767
Tasty treat.
33
00:01:24,767 --> 00:01:26,868
Are you as amazed
as I am?
34
00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:30,968
Hardly. That's why they
call it the Miracle Bra.
35
00:01:30,968 --> 00:01:33,367
I was referring to the raking
36
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:34,901
my father just gave
the bagel girl.
37
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:36,701
I wish he would yell at me
like that.
38
00:01:36,701 --> 00:01:38,067
I could use the money.
39
00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:39,834
She had a good excuse.
40
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:41,767
Yeah, that she was pretty.
41
00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:45,300
I suppose her eyes did
have a certain warmth,
42
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:48,467
not unlike
a New England sunrise.
43
00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:51,734
And don't get me started
on that ass.
44
00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:55,467
Maya, I wasn't nice to her
because she was pretty.
45
00:01:55,467 --> 00:01:57,767
I was nice to her
because I'm starving
46
00:01:57,767 --> 00:02:00,567
and I finally got my...
muffin.
47
00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:02,067
It's just so unfair
48
00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:04,000
that beautiful people
get all the breaks.
49
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,200
Oh, my God.
50
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,501
Not the cheerleader
tryout story again.
51
00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:12,100
It's true. They get out
of speeding tickets,
52
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:13,601
they land better jobs...
53
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,501
Now, let's not get carried away.
54
00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:18,067
Looks might help
with trivial stuff,
55
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:20,100
but an important job,
no, sir.
56
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:23,300
No. That's when a little thing
called "nepotism" kicks in.
57
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,634
Hey, hey, wait.
58
00:02:25,634 --> 00:02:27,367
This would make
a great article.
59
00:02:27,367 --> 00:02:30,434
I know. I'll take two guys
60
00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:32,901
and send them up
for the same job...
61
00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:36,868
one guy, gorgeous
but completely unqualified,
62
00:02:36,868 --> 00:02:39,634
the other one, plain-looking
but perfect for the position.
63
00:02:39,634 --> 00:02:41,033
I bet they go
for the gorgeous.
64
00:02:41,033 --> 00:02:42,334
And you know why?
65
00:02:42,334 --> 00:02:44,868
Because the world places
too much importance on looks.
66
00:02:44,868 --> 00:02:48,200
Maya, how did you get
to be so cynical?
67
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,467
Hey, check out this girl.
68
00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:52,601
Do you think her shins
are too long?
69
00:02:52,601 --> 00:02:54,601
What a waste.
70
00:02:54,601 --> 00:02:57,434
You people are so screwed up.
71
00:02:57,434 --> 00:02:59,968
Oh, no.
What's today's sermon?
72
00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:01,267
She thinks
that beautiful people
73
00:03:01,267 --> 00:03:03,300
get unfair advantages
in the job market,
74
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,567
but I have to disagree,
75
00:03:04,567 --> 00:03:06,167
since I certainly didn't
rise to the top
76
00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,501
just because of my looks.
77
00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:11,367
No. You get there
because you slept around.
78
00:03:11,367 --> 00:03:13,000
I resent that.
79
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,000
I slept around
because I was promiscuous,
80
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,100
not ambitious.
81
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:20,033
You people are all warped.
82
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,200
I mean, Dad...
83
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,200
the bagel girl
84
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,734
and the new wife
every 10 years,
85
00:03:23,734 --> 00:03:25,167
and you--
86
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,567
you are so obsessed
with your looks,
87
00:03:26,567 --> 00:03:29,567
you fell in the reflecting pool
at Lincoln Center.
88
00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:31,067
I resent that.
89
00:03:31,067 --> 00:03:33,434
I wasn't vain. I was drunk.
90
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,901
And, Elliott,
when was the last time
91
00:03:36,901 --> 00:03:39,334
you dated a woman who
wasn't absolutely perfect?
92
00:03:39,334 --> 00:03:40,701
Rachel Farrell.
93
00:03:40,701 --> 00:03:42,601
November's cover girl?
94
00:03:42,601 --> 00:03:45,400
Her belly button's an outie.
95
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,701
What a waste.
96
00:03:56,634 --> 00:03:58,000
Uhh!
97
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,334
Jack, your bubbly baby bungalow
has arrived.
98
00:04:01,334 --> 00:04:03,167
Finally.
99
00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:05,300
Hannah is gonna
love this.
100
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,334
You ordered that?
101
00:04:06,334 --> 00:04:07,501
Don't sound so surprised.
102
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:10,267
This time, I'm gonna be
a hands-on parent.
103
00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:11,701
Dennis, have
someone in maintenance
104
00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:12,734
put this together.
105
00:04:12,734 --> 00:04:14,000
Check.
106
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,133
Wait. You know what might
be even more hands-on?
107
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,868
Actually using
your hands.
108
00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:20,934
Fine. I'll call maintenance.
109
00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:24,567
No. I mean...put it
together yourself.
110
00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:25,801
Ha ha ha.
111
00:04:25,801 --> 00:04:27,200
Like that'll
ever happen.
112
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,200
This guy couldn't
dial information
113
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,000
if you spotted him the 4.
114
00:04:31,901 --> 00:04:34,467
Uh, Maya, um...
115
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:36,434
there's a Dr. Handsome
and Mr. Hyde
116
00:04:36,434 --> 00:04:37,434
in your office.
117
00:04:37,434 --> 00:04:39,133
You know, Finch,
they're people.
118
00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:45,167
They deserve respect,
you little freak.
119
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:46,801
I can do this.
120
00:04:46,801 --> 00:04:48,200
I mean, how hard is it
121
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,901
to assemble
a few pieces of plastic?
122
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,400
I'll cancel the rest
of your week.
123
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,834
Hi. Sorry to keep you
waiting. Maya Gallo.
124
00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:04,100
Neil Loemann.
Nice to meet you.
125
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:07,234
Thanks for doing this.
And you must be...
126
00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:10,200
Yow. Um...Derek.
127
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,601
I thought this would be
good practice
128
00:05:11,601 --> 00:05:13,200
for my acting career.
129
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,467
Right.
130
00:05:14,467 --> 00:05:16,501
So, do you two
have any questions?
131
00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:18,000
Yeah. Which one of us
132
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,634
is supposed to be
the handsome guy?
133
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:24,901
My agent said I was.
134
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:30,701
Great. Um...
so I have you two going in
135
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:32,434
for interviews
at a telemarketing firm.
136
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:33,767
Do you have your resumes?
137
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,267
Here you go.
138
00:05:35,267 --> 00:05:37,000
I got rid of
the modeling stuff,
139
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,000
like you asked me
140
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,934
on the quote-unquote
"telephone."
141
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,734
"Gap store.
142
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:48,467
Liaison between denim
and cash register."
143
00:05:48,467 --> 00:05:52,234
And I see you've misspelled
"denim," "liaison,"
144
00:05:52,234 --> 00:05:54,100
and "register."
145
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:58,067
Way to go
with "cash," though.
146
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:00,901
I could fix those.
147
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:02,567
No. It's perfect. Neil?
148
00:06:02,567 --> 00:06:04,267
Here you go.
149
00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,601
"Undergrad, Columbia,
150
00:06:06,601 --> 00:06:08,167
"Masters degree in marketing
151
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,634
from London School
of Economics."
152
00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:11,067
Oh, England...
153
00:06:11,067 --> 00:06:12,968
Voted best teeth
in my graduating class.
154
00:06:14,267 --> 00:06:17,534
Hey, me too.
155
00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:25,000
Hey, Nina, have you
seen the proof sheets
156
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,734
for those Ungaro layouts?
157
00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:27,834
No.
I got 'em.
158
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:29,634
Aah!
159
00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:32,200
Don't ever do that.
160
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,267
What? Do what?
161
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,901
Pop up like that.
162
00:06:34,901 --> 00:06:36,467
Like this?
163
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:39,734
Don't! I'm serious.
It's not cool.
164
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,801
Finch, you're
trembling.
165
00:06:43,801 --> 00:06:47,267
Yeah, well, you would,
too, if...forget it.
166
00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:48,534
What are you
talking about?
167
00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:52,801
I don't like things
that pop up, okay?
168
00:06:52,801 --> 00:06:55,467
Aw, you're kidding,
right?
169
00:06:55,467 --> 00:06:57,501
Finch, if
something's wrong--
170
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,567
Ah. Forget it.
You'll laugh.
171
00:06:59,567 --> 00:07:01,968
No. No, we won't.
Right, Elliott?
172
00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,434
I might. Uhh.
173
00:07:03,434 --> 00:07:04,868
Please, go ahead.
174
00:07:04,868 --> 00:07:09,033
It's not really a big deal,
it's just that, uh...
175
00:07:09,033 --> 00:07:10,033
never mind.
176
00:07:10,033 --> 00:07:11,300
Come on. Come on.
177
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,234
Okay. When I was 6,
178
00:07:13,234 --> 00:07:14,467
my parents hired
a Jack-in-the-box
179
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:15,667
to come to my
birthday party.
180
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:16,968
Sounded like a great idea.
181
00:07:16,968 --> 00:07:19,834
Lots of fun, big surprise.
182
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:21,467
Anyway, all my friends
are there,
183
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:24,000
pops up,
scares the hell out of me,
184
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,968
and I, you know,
ruin my pajamas.
185
00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:30,968
So now just the idea
of a Jack-in-the-box
186
00:07:30,968 --> 00:07:32,434
freaks me out.
187
00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:34,868
So go ahead and laugh.
It's funny.
188
00:07:34,868 --> 00:07:37,534
Hey, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
189
00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:40,701
Are you gonna
be okay?
190
00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:44,734
Yes...I'll be fine.
191
00:07:45,701 --> 00:07:48,133
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
192
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:51,167
What?
193
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,601
Would it be mean
if we used
194
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:54,100
this highly sensitive
information
195
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:56,367
to play a little
practical joke?
196
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:58,167
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, the poor guy--
197
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:00,033
We?
198
00:08:00,033 --> 00:08:01,534
We could hire someone,
199
00:08:01,534 --> 00:08:03,534
put him in a Jack-in
-the-box costume
200
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,834
and pop the weasel
out of Finch.
201
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:08,834
We? Oh, Elliott,
you've never once
202
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,868
let me be part of one
of your office pranks.
203
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,267
Are you sure
you're up to it?
204
00:08:12,267 --> 00:08:14,601
Well, I can be
quite the prankster.
205
00:08:14,601 --> 00:08:18,000
I remember once years ago,
I roomed with Twiggy,
206
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,701
and she loved a particular
kind of mint.
207
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,701
Well, one day when she was
out buying some,
208
00:08:22,701 --> 00:08:27,968
I slept with her boyfriend.
209
00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:30,901
Well, actually, maybe
it wasn't so much a prank
210
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,767
as a betrayal
of our friendship.
211
00:08:33,767 --> 00:08:35,634
That's awful.
212
00:08:35,634 --> 00:08:36,634
I know.
213
00:08:36,634 --> 00:08:38,868
Welcome aboard.
214
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:45,467
Hey, Jack, you
gonna pick up line one?
215
00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:46,467
It's your broker.
216
00:08:46,467 --> 00:08:47,868
Tell him I'll call him back.
217
00:08:47,868 --> 00:08:49,200
He says it's urgent.
218
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,167
I'll give him a buzz
after lunch.
219
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:57,133
Aww. You glued your hands
to the desk, didn't you?
220
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,167
Hey, Neil, how'd it go?
221
00:09:10,167 --> 00:09:11,868
I think it went
pretty well.
222
00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:13,133
Personnel director
said I was
223
00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:15,067
the most qualified
candidate she interviewed.
224
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:16,167
She said I'm a shoe-in.
225
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:19,067
Wow. Maybe you'll get the job.
226
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:21,234
Maybe the world isn't
as shallow as I thought.
227
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:23,334
Somebody's never been to Vegas.
228
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:26,100
Hey, listen, if you're
not busy later,
229
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:29,234
i know this great restaurant
in Little Italy, and--
230
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:30,934
actually,
just north of Little Italy,
231
00:09:30,934 --> 00:09:34,234
which I guess would make that
Little Switzerland, you know?
232
00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:40,767
Oh, hey, that is really nice,
233
00:09:40,767 --> 00:09:42,300
but I kind of have this rule
234
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,033
against dating people
on the job.
235
00:09:44,033 --> 00:09:46,334
It's sort of a journalistic
ethic sort of thing.
236
00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:47,734
Hey, I know
where this is going,
237
00:09:47,734 --> 00:09:49,567
and I'm not gonna
let you quit your job,
238
00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:51,200
all right?
You're too good.
239
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,601
I'm just gonna
walk out this door
240
00:09:53,601 --> 00:09:55,767
while you still have
your dignity, all right?
241
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,400
Scissors.
242
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,501
I'm gonna do this thing
if it kills me.
243
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:09,033
"With a pair of shears,
244
00:10:09,033 --> 00:10:13,501
cut the plastic backdrop
in half."
245
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:19,934
"Diagonally."
246
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,701
Shiny.
247
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:33,534
You're inviting
the entire magazine?
248
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:34,901
This is my first
practical joke,
249
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,300
and I want everything
to be perfect
250
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,734
right down
to the catering.
251
00:10:37,734 --> 00:10:39,567
Well, I've rented the
Jack-in-the-box costume
252
00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:40,968
and hired an actor
to play it.
253
00:10:40,968 --> 00:10:43,033
Oh. This is gonna
be so great.
254
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,400
What are you guys
talking about?
255
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,667
Uh... my friend,
uh, Betty.
256
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:48,167
Yeah? What about her?
257
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:50,901
Well, it seems
that her Chihuahua, Ferdinand
258
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,901
is just mad for pat�,
259
00:10:52,901 --> 00:10:54,033
so much so
260
00:10:54,033 --> 00:10:55,501
that at a recent Junior
League luncheon,
261
00:10:55,501 --> 00:10:57,200
Ferdinand,
who was stowed away
262
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,167
in her Louis Vuitton
fanny pack--
263
00:10:59,167 --> 00:11:00,567
Hey, wait. I just
remembered something.
264
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:03,801
You're boring,
and my legs work.
265
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:10,467
Derek, hi.
266
00:11:10,467 --> 00:11:11,601
I got the job.
267
00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:12,601
You did?
268
00:11:12,601 --> 00:11:13,868
You would have
been so impressed.
269
00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:17,367
I got through the whole thing
without even giggling.
270
00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:20,667
I knew it. I knew they'd
give you the job.
271
00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:22,934
Good-looking people
get all the breaks.
272
00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:24,434
Do you want to go out?
273
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,968
Excuse me?
274
00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:29,033
You know, like dinner
or something to eat.
275
00:11:30,334 --> 00:11:31,334
With me?
276
00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:33,834
Yeah. I think
you're really cute.
277
00:11:33,834 --> 00:11:36,467
Oh, Derek,
I'm flattered,
278
00:11:36,467 --> 00:11:37,667
but I really
don't think I...
279
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,567
Okay.
280
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:54,801
Where are the menus?
281
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,868
I'm hungrier
than a Triceratops,
282
00:11:56,868 --> 00:11:59,701
and they had
two stomachs.
283
00:11:59,701 --> 00:12:00,734
Wow.
284
00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:03,701
You really know a lot
about dinosaurs.
285
00:12:03,701 --> 00:12:06,667
Yeah. I learned everything
I know about them
286
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:09,000
from this really intense
place mat.
287
00:12:10,968 --> 00:12:13,400
I also know all
the state capitals. Quiz me.
288
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,667
Oh, I don't know.
289
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,067
Come on.
290
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:17,801
All right. Um, Alaska.
291
00:12:17,801 --> 00:12:19,334
Pass.
292
00:12:22,634 --> 00:12:24,801
So...um...
293
00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:28,534
it must be really hard
to be a male model.
294
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:30,934
Yeah.
295
00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:33,133
How so?
296
00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:36,467
Well, you know, people
are so quick to label.
297
00:12:36,467 --> 00:12:39,667
I mean, who's to say that just
because you're one thing
298
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:42,234
that you can't be another.
Am I right?
299
00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:43,567
Wow.
300
00:12:43,567 --> 00:12:44,968
I gotta go to the bathroom.
301
00:12:44,968 --> 00:12:46,534
Time me.
302
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:52,100
Maya?
Maya Gallo.
303
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:54,434
Connie, how are ya?
304
00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:55,434
Aw, jeez.
305
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:57,300
Can't complain.
306
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,300
Yeah, we just closed
on a gorgeous house
307
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,300
on the island,
308
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:01,801
and I'm sure
you heard,
309
00:13:01,801 --> 00:13:03,601
Ron made partner
at the firm.
310
00:13:03,601 --> 00:13:05,767
Right. Congratulations.
How ya doing?
311
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,367
Oh, well, he's
hardly ever home,
312
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:10,334
but, God,
he loves it. Ha!
313
00:13:10,334 --> 00:13:12,634
So, honey,
still single, huh?
314
00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:13,634
Well--
315
00:13:13,634 --> 00:13:14,934
Don't be
discouraged.
316
00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:16,567
I'm sure you're gonna
find your perfect--
317
00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:19,901
yow.
318
00:13:19,901 --> 00:13:22,701
Connie, Ron,
this is Derek.
319
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:25,000
Derek, hi.
320
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,434
So,
what do you do?
321
00:13:26,434 --> 00:13:29,734
He makes me happy.
322
00:13:29,734 --> 00:13:31,868
Well--ha ha--
323
00:13:31,868 --> 00:13:34,601
my Ron
makes me happy.
324
00:13:34,601 --> 00:13:35,701
Get the car.
325
00:13:40,634 --> 00:13:43,968
Can you come to
my high school reunion?
326
00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:47,567
I didn't go
to your high school.
327
00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:59,667
That's it. It's done.
328
00:13:59,667 --> 00:14:01,467
I'm finished.
329
00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:02,667
This fax just
came for you.
330
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:03,868
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
331
00:14:03,868 --> 00:14:07,067
With my own two hands,
I built something
332
00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:08,367
that will bring my daughter joy,
333
00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:12,701
and, Dennis, no one can
take that away from me.
334
00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:13,734
Except the people
335
00:14:13,734 --> 00:14:16,434
at the consumer safety
commission.
336
00:14:16,434 --> 00:14:17,901
That toy
has been recalled.
337
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:19,801
What the hell for?
338
00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:22,267
Allow me
to demonstrate.
339
00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:24,534
I'm 6 to 18 months old.
340
00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:26,934
Mmm. Tasty. Candy-looking.
341
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:30,934
I think I'll cram it
down my esophagus.
342
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,000
I'll get rid of it for you.
343
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,434
Come on.
344
00:14:35,434 --> 00:14:38,033
Hannah's too smart
to swallow some toy.
345
00:14:38,033 --> 00:14:39,701
Everyone says
she's a genius.
346
00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:42,601
Who's everyone?
Your butt-kissing house staff
347
00:14:42,601 --> 00:14:45,467
that rely on you
to stay in this country?
348
00:14:47,901 --> 00:14:49,234
All right. Take it away.
349
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:53,667
What?
350
00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:54,868
We have a meeting?
351
00:14:54,868 --> 00:14:57,200
Oh yeah.
352
00:14:58,701 --> 00:15:00,501
So how's the article going?
353
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:01,534
Article?
354
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,501
Yeah, that one where
you send the smart guy
355
00:15:03,501 --> 00:15:05,467
and the dumb guy
for the same job.
356
00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:08,467
Oh, um, good.
They gave the job
357
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:10,734
to the slightly less qualified
candidate.
358
00:15:10,734 --> 00:15:13,400
Really? They gave it
to the bonehead?
359
00:15:14,767 --> 00:15:16,868
I wouldn't call him
a bonehead.
360
00:15:16,868 --> 00:15:19,467
Derek? Oh, please.
I've worked with him.
361
00:15:19,467 --> 00:15:22,801
He once locked himself
to his own bike.
362
00:15:22,801 --> 00:15:24,267
[LAUGHTER]
363
00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:27,100
You know... it was
a stupid article anyway.
364
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,234
Instead why don't we have a quiz
365
00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:33,133
where readers try to match up
supermodels with their cats?
366
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:37,968
No, no, Maya. This is gonna be
a great story.
367
00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:39,300
You were right.
368
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:43,200
Hey, to be fair, sometimes
I do get a little spouty.
369
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,200
Aw, nonsense.
370
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,267
How the hell do you
lock yourself to a bike?
371
00:15:48,267 --> 00:15:51,133
Can we please forget
about Derek?
372
00:15:51,133 --> 00:15:53,267
Hey, my Apple-pie-a.
373
00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,334
Derek.
374
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:57,100
The funniest thing
just happened to me.
375
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,367
I'm on the quote-unquote "bus,"
right?
376
00:15:58,367 --> 00:15:59,901
And I'm doing chin-ups--
377
00:15:59,901 --> 00:16:02,400
Um, Derek, could we
talk a little later?
378
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:06,334
Oh, sure. I just wanted
to give you something.
379
00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:09,133
It's a Stegosaurus.
380
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:11,300
Rrr!
381
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:14,901
Or...sssss.
382
00:16:14,901 --> 00:16:17,367
Nobody really knows.
383
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:20,901
Such an impressive creature,
384
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:23,100
and yet it had the brain
the size of a walnut.
385
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,534
Poor dumb bastard.
386
00:16:26,534 --> 00:16:28,000
You shouldn't
have, really.
387
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,300
Well, you know,
388
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,767
I figured you liked the one
at my place so much--
389
00:16:31,767 --> 00:16:34,567
MAYA: Could I meet you
downstairs?
390
00:16:34,567 --> 00:16:35,567
Okay. I'll see you
391
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:37,968
at the quote-unquote
"newsstand."
392
00:16:37,968 --> 00:16:39,734
My, my, my.
393
00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:42,734
Look who fell
off her high horse.
394
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:46,067
And climbed back up
on a stallion.
395
00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:50,100
Does the word "hypocrite"
mean anything to you?
396
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:53,033
It certainly doesn't
mean anything to Derek.
397
00:16:56,868 --> 00:16:59,133
Hey, hey, everyone,
398
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:01,267
let's leave
the poor girl alone.
399
00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:05,067
Who Maya dates is none of
our quote-unquote "business."
400
00:17:06,801 --> 00:17:10,400
Okay, have your fun.
Make your jokes,
401
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,367
but you don't know Derek
like I do.
402
00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:14,200
He's not just a pretty face.
403
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,534
He's thoughtful and intelligent.
404
00:17:16,534 --> 00:17:19,834
[CHOKING]
405
00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:37,868
I don't care.
I'm keeping him.
406
00:17:45,968 --> 00:17:47,200
Come on, come on.
407
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,400
Where are we going?
408
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,200
Our guy's on the way up.
Here's the costume,
409
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,601
and the box
is in my studio,
410
00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:52,601
all ready to go.
411
00:17:52,601 --> 00:17:53,801
Oh, this is such a rush.
412
00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:55,868
It's like sex,
but no one gets hurt.
413
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,100
Elliott DiMauro?
414
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,467
You're Howie?
415
00:18:01,467 --> 00:18:03,534
That's me, 24-7.
416
00:18:03,534 --> 00:18:08,200
Oh, come on. You can't
fit into this costume.
417
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,534
Is it Lycra?
418
00:18:09,534 --> 00:18:13,834
Yes, but it's still governed
by the laws of physics.
419
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,834
We're screwed.
The prank is over.
420
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:19,200
No, it can't be over.
421
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,534
Oh, let it go, Nina.
422
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,000
Besides, it's probably
for the best.
423
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,100
What if Finch really
freaks out or something?
424
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,167
He won't, and if he does,
I'll bring him soup.
425
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:27,367
Oh, I don't know...
426
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,968
Come on. I've never been
in on a prank before.
427
00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:32,100
Oh, sure you have.
428
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,834
Remember when we emptied
Jack's briefcase
429
00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:35,100
and filled it
with bananas
430
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:36,434
before the shareholders
meeting?
431
00:18:36,434 --> 00:18:37,868
I didn't do that.
432
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:40,501
You and Finch
just told him I did it.
433
00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:42,467
Oh yeah.
434
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,167
Hey, Finch,
435
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,200
there's a surprise for you
in the bullpen.
436
00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:55,734
What's going on?
437
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:58,334
The new spring fashion.
438
00:18:58,334 --> 00:18:59,601
Oh, no.
439
00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:01,601
Oh, no, no, no. Not funny.
This isn't funny.
440
00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:04,434
[BOING]
441
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,968
I'm Jack-in-the-box.
442
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:07,501
Booga-booga-booga-booga!
443
00:19:07,501 --> 00:19:10,801
Now, that's funny. Yeah.
444
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,868
Ha ha ha.
445
00:19:12,868 --> 00:19:14,801
Well, why are you laughing?
Aren't you scared?
446
00:19:14,801 --> 00:19:18,367
Only that I'll pop a lung.
447
00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:20,167
Elliott, it isn't working.
448
00:19:20,167 --> 00:19:21,567
Oh, I think it's working
just fine.
449
00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:25,934
Here we go. One for the guys
in the warehouse.
450
00:19:25,934 --> 00:19:29,267
Hey, hey, you...
you were in on this.
451
00:19:29,267 --> 00:19:32,968
Nice job,
Murder, She Wrote.
452
00:19:32,968 --> 00:19:34,868
You! You set me up.
453
00:19:34,868 --> 00:19:36,667
Oh, come on. I can't
take all the credit.
454
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:38,167
You helped.
455
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,000
Nina, what the hell
are you doing?
456
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,634
Have you lost your mind?
457
00:19:43,634 --> 00:19:45,267
Oh.
458
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,601
Jack, hi.
459
00:19:46,601 --> 00:19:48,200
You know, I don't even
know what happened.
460
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,000
I mean, it all made
sense in the dark
461
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,234
with the lid closed.
462
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,968
Hey, I know
what's going on here.
463
00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:58,968
You've been working
too hard.
464
00:19:58,968 --> 00:20:01,534
I'm sending you for a week
to the Caribbean,
465
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,534
and I'm not taking "no"
for an answer.
466
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:06,100
Okay.
467
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,901
No, you don't wanna do that.
468
00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:10,467
Yeah, yeah. We got
a double issue next week.
469
00:20:10,467 --> 00:20:14,868
Oh, that's okay.
You two can handle the workload.
470
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:16,834
And by the way, boys,
471
00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:21,968
I never did thank you
for the bananas in my briefcase.
472
00:20:26,234 --> 00:20:28,868
That didn't
turn out right.
473
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,033
Just think--
a hundred years ago,
474
00:20:36,033 --> 00:20:40,801
even if you had a TV,
there'd be nothing on.
475
00:20:44,234 --> 00:20:47,868
Derek, let's just
talk for a while.
476
00:20:47,868 --> 00:20:49,267
Something wrong?
477
00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:51,467
No, no. I just feel
like there's so much about you
478
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:52,734
that I don't know.
479
00:20:52,734 --> 00:20:54,334
I mean, I'm sure
there's more to you
480
00:20:54,334 --> 00:20:57,400
than modeling
and dinosaurs and...
481
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,467
maybe other people don't see it,
but I do,
482
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:02,067
and, well, I would just love
to hear what you...
483
00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,167
think about.
484
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:05,167
Hey, and I want to know
what you think about.
485
00:21:05,167 --> 00:21:06,567
This is great.
486
00:21:06,567 --> 00:21:07,968
I'll tell you what,
let's go outside,
487
00:21:07,968 --> 00:21:09,968
get comfortable,
sit under the stars,
488
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,367
and just really talk.
489
00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:12,667
That sounds
really nice, Maya.
490
00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:14,033
Okay, good.
This'll be good.
491
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,534
So what do you want
to talk about?
492
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:19,934
Art? Religion? Politics?
493
00:21:19,934 --> 00:21:22,234
Wow. Yeah. Politics.
What a great idea.
494
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:24,634
I mean, people would never guess
that you're the kind of guy
495
00:21:24,634 --> 00:21:26,634
that likes to just sit around
and talk politics,
496
00:21:26,634 --> 00:21:28,234
but you have opinions,
I have opinions,
497
00:21:28,234 --> 00:21:29,634
and come on,
that back and forth,
498
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:30,834
I mean, that's
what a relationship
499
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:32,701
is really all about.
500
00:21:32,701 --> 00:21:33,901
Honk!
501
00:21:37,801 --> 00:21:41,133
I have to break up
with you.
502
00:21:44,501 --> 00:21:49,300
[***]
503
00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:53,801
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you *
504
00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:57,667
* Keeps bringing me home *
505
00:21:57,667 --> 00:22:00,767
* It don't matter
What I want to do *
506
00:22:00,767 --> 00:22:07,334
* 'Cause it's got
A mind of its own *
507
00:22:07,334 --> 00:22:11,868
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you *
508
00:22:11,868 --> 00:22:13,667
* Yeah **
509
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:24,667
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