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1
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,939
Sorry to keep you waiting. Balloon's gone up.
2
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:51,739
Total chaos.
3
00:00:51,766 --> 00:00:54,475
Deadlines brought forward,
printers on the warpath -
4
00:00:54,681 --> 00:00:56,587
all kinds of merry hell.
5
00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:58,175
But that's Fleet Street for you.
6
00:00:58,196 --> 00:01:01,520
I wouldn't know about Fleet Street
but I'm familiar with merry hell.
7
00:01:01,541 --> 00:01:05,374
Oh, of course. Of course.
The, uh, war.
8
00:01:05,395 --> 00:01:13,292
Now, you have impressive references
here from Mr Gilbert Frankau
9
00:01:13,313 --> 00:01:14,647
and Mr RC Sherriff.
10
00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:18,882
Yes, I knew them back then when we
were all working on Tenth Avenue.
11
00:01:18,903 --> 00:01:21,465
Tenth Avenue? In New York?
12
00:01:21,486 --> 00:01:24,471
No, No. In Flanders.
13
00:01:24,492 --> 00:01:25,826
It was a trench.
14
00:01:25,847 --> 00:01:29,510
Oh, yes, the war. Very good.
I couldn't go of course.
15
00:01:29,531 --> 00:01:30,908
Eyesight.
16
00:01:30,929 --> 00:01:33,914
I'm sorry. You missed quite a show.
17
00:01:33,935 --> 00:01:36,878
Really? Yes, it must have been hell.
18
00:01:36,899 --> 00:01:38,127
From what I've read.
19
00:01:39,398 --> 00:01:40,647
We had some bad times.
20
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:43,442
But we had some good times too.
21
00:01:43,463 --> 00:01:47,951
I'm sure. So perhaps you could
tell me about yourself, Mr...?
22
00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:53,478
Roberts, Fred Roberts.
23
00:01:53,499 --> 00:01:56,484
You do have my curriculum vitae?
24
00:01:56,505 --> 00:01:58,093
Yes.
25
00:01:58,114 --> 00:02:01,290
But I'd like to
hear about you in your own words.
26
00:02:03,407 --> 00:02:05,631
Frederick Roberts.
27
00:02:05,652 --> 00:02:09,103
Formerly of the North Midlands
Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire
Regiment,
28
00:02:09,124 --> 00:02:11,220
otherwise known as the Sherwood
Foresters.
29
00:02:11,241 --> 00:02:13,761
A mining engineer by profession -
30
00:02:13,782 --> 00:02:18,101
I worked in the Kimberley diamond
mines in South Africa
31
00:02:18,313 --> 00:02:21,722
until friend
Fritz kicked off the firework party.
32
00:02:21,743 --> 00:02:25,236
I see.
So you have mining qualifications?
33
00:02:25,257 --> 00:02:27,057
Jolly useful in a pioneer battalion
34
00:02:27,078 --> 00:02:29,512
charged with trench repair
and maintenance...
35
00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:32,222
Though less useful
in a newspaper office.
36
00:02:32,243 --> 00:02:34,488
I don't know - digging up
all that muck.
37
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:36,817
Yes, Mr Roberts.
38
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:43,486
My problem is that what we need here
is men with relevant experience.
39
00:02:43,507 --> 00:02:46,175
So tell me.
Do you have any relevant experience?
40
00:03:07,051 --> 00:03:10,439
BOMBS EXPLODE
41
00:03:15,816 --> 00:03:19,098
Come on. Come on, lads. Quickly
42
00:03:19,119 --> 00:03:21,131
BOMB EXPLODES
43
00:03:21,152 --> 00:03:23,057
Move it, move it, move it.
44
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,811
BOMB EXPLODES
45
00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:31,039
All right?
46
00:03:31,061 --> 00:03:32,670
Come on! Come on!
47
00:03:37,963 --> 00:03:40,758
BOMB EXPLODES
Come on, lads.
48
00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:44,907
Everyone all right?
Good lads.
49
00:03:46,813 --> 00:03:50,137
BOMBS EXPLODE
50
00:03:50,158 --> 00:03:54,414
Oh, to be in Flanders now that
winter's here.
51
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:55,600
It's April.
52
00:03:55,621 --> 00:03:59,051
Is it? I find it frightfully
difficult to tell.
53
00:04:03,115 --> 00:04:04,343
Usual drill, Sergeant.
54
00:04:05,486 --> 00:04:09,276
Oi! Smith, Dodd, Henderson, Barnes.
You heard the officer.
55
00:04:09,297 --> 00:04:11,266
Search the place for anything
we can use.
56
00:04:11,287 --> 00:04:15,162
Preferably of the metal or timber
variety. All right, sir.
57
00:04:15,183 --> 00:04:17,745
And be sharp about it, lads.
58
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:21,683
Fritz's love tokens seem to be
arriving with greater frequency.
59
00:04:21,704 --> 00:04:24,309
BOMBS EXPLODE
60
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,875
4.2s, sir.
61
00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:28,882
That's a relief. Thought
for a minute they were 5.9s.
62
00:04:28,903 --> 00:04:31,634
BOMB EXPLODES CLOSE BY
63
00:04:31,655 --> 00:04:33,730
No. Those are 5.9s, sir.
64
00:04:40,929 --> 00:04:43,131
What the hell are you doing, Dodd?
65
00:04:43,343 --> 00:04:45,227
Die Boche vermin!
66
00:04:45,248 --> 00:04:46,878
You're wasting your time.
67
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,800
Put your bayonet away before you
hurt someone.
68
00:04:49,821 --> 00:04:51,600
But it's a rat, sir.
69
00:04:51,812 --> 00:04:53,484
Yes, I'm familiar with the species,
Dodd.
70
00:04:53,505 --> 00:04:56,660
We've encountered one or two
since we've been in Ypres.
71
00:04:56,681 --> 00:04:58,312
Ypres, sir?
72
00:04:58,333 --> 00:05:01,149
It's what the Belgians call Wipers.
73
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:04,198
Oh right, sir.
Funny lot, the Belgians.
74
00:05:04,219 --> 00:05:06,992
It's like the Napoo Rum
they got over here, sir.
75
00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:08,856
Never seem to get any.
76
00:05:08,877 --> 00:05:10,930
Napoo it's from the French, Dodd.
77
00:05:10,952 --> 00:05:13,005
"Il n'y en a plus".
There is no more.
78
00:05:13,026 --> 00:05:17,028
Well, why don't
they just say that then, sir?
79
00:05:17,049 --> 00:05:18,531
Nothing here, Captain.
80
00:05:19,675 --> 00:05:21,898
Napoo salvage, sir.
81
00:05:21,919 --> 00:05:25,010
Very good, Dodd.
We'll make a sapper of you yet.
82
00:05:28,059 --> 00:05:30,197
Quickly. Quick. Come on, lads.
83
00:05:30,219 --> 00:05:32,802
BOMB FALLING
84
00:05:34,919 --> 00:05:37,628
BOMBS EXPLODE
85
00:05:38,856 --> 00:05:40,931
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE
86
00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:44,700
Find me something, lads.
87
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:51,242
Look what we have here, sir!
Boxes of paper.
88
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:55,349
Excellent. Exactly what we're
looking for to reinforce trench 132.
89
00:05:55,371 --> 00:05:57,594
Really, sir? Er no, Dodd.
90
00:05:57,615 --> 00:06:00,473
I'm afraid you'll find when you've
been out here for a while that
91
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:03,649
paper doesn't offer much protection
against crumps and whizz-bangs.
92
00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:06,359
Unless you're a red hat in HQ with
a cushy job, then the paper
93
00:06:06,380 --> 00:06:09,111
stops you getting anywhere
near the shooting gallery at all.
94
00:06:09,133 --> 00:06:13,515
Your cynicism could become
wearying, Lieutenant Pearson
95
00:06:13,537 --> 00:06:15,717
except fortunately
I find it quite amusing.
96
00:06:15,738 --> 00:06:17,708
Some tarpaulin here, sir.
97
00:06:17,729 --> 00:06:19,423
Well, that might be useful.
98
00:06:23,318 --> 00:06:24,419
Blimey.
99
00:06:25,478 --> 00:06:27,468
Now what the bloody hell is that?
100
00:06:29,077 --> 00:06:31,131
That, Smith, is an Arab.
101
00:06:31,152 --> 00:06:34,709
I'm not stupid, Sar'nt.
102
00:06:34,921 --> 00:06:37,779
The Arab is an Anglo-American
hand-fed platen press.
103
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,277
It's probably
the finest in the world.
104
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:43,242
It's a manual, pedal-operated
printing machine
105
00:06:43,263 --> 00:06:45,909
patented in 1872 by Josiah Wade.
106
00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:48,281
Manufactured in Halifax,
107
00:06:48,302 --> 00:06:50,483
subsequently sold all over the
world.
108
00:06:50,504 --> 00:06:53,764
In short, it's a work of art.
109
00:06:53,976 --> 00:06:54,844
So, shall we smash it up?
110
00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:57,512
No. Stupid, Dodd.
111
00:06:57,533 --> 00:07:00,434
Look, it's even got the blocks and
the trays of type.
112
00:07:00,455 --> 00:07:02,106
Go on, stick that over there, Smith.
113
00:07:04,181 --> 00:07:06,066
How on earth do you know all this,
Harris?
114
00:07:06,087 --> 00:07:08,395
I was a printer in civvy street,
sir.
115
00:07:08,416 --> 00:07:11,739
Good grief.
You kept quiet about that.
116
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,126
Well, it didn't seem relevant to
fighting Fritz, sir.
117
00:07:15,148 --> 00:07:18,959
No. But it might be now.
118
00:07:20,822 --> 00:07:22,283
Can you make this work?
119
00:07:22,304 --> 00:07:26,602
Well, I mean,
she's not been used for a while.
120
00:07:26,623 --> 00:07:29,862
The type's all over the countryside.
121
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,001
There's a few unwelcome visitors.
122
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:38,226
But give it a bit of time, reckon
so, sir. Yes, sir.
123
00:07:38,437 --> 00:07:39,517
How's it work then, Sar'nt?
124
00:07:39,538 --> 00:07:43,413
Well, you stick
the ink on that plate there.
125
00:07:43,434 --> 00:07:46,377
And the rollers come down onto
the block there.
126
00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:47,647
Paper goes in there.
127
00:07:47,669 --> 00:07:49,722
Don't touch it.
128
00:07:49,743 --> 00:07:51,628
Very interesting.
129
00:07:51,649 --> 00:07:54,380
What are we going to do with it?
130
00:07:54,401 --> 00:07:56,625
We're going to borrow it.
131
00:07:56,646 --> 00:07:57,853
Isn't that looting?
132
00:07:57,874 --> 00:08:03,633
No, no. It's temporary requisitioning
of civilian
133
00:08:03,844 --> 00:08:05,517
facilities for military purposes.
134
00:08:05,538 --> 00:08:07,677
Oh, right. Sounds like looting.
135
00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:10,344
Have you ever done any journalism,
Pearson?
136
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,038
Good God, no! Excellent.
137
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,795
Me neither.
138
00:08:14,007 --> 00:08:17,077
Because what we're going to do, is
we're going to produce a newspaper.
139
00:08:17,098 --> 00:08:19,872
Aren't we, Sergeant? If you say so,
sir.
140
00:08:19,893 --> 00:08:21,905
What, like the Daily Mail?
141
00:08:21,926 --> 00:08:25,758
I was thinking something
rather more accurate.
142
00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:26,880
The Times?
143
00:08:29,124 --> 00:08:30,395
The Wipers Times.
144
00:08:32,385 --> 00:08:33,486
BOMB EXPLODES
145
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:38,207
BOMB EXPLODES
146
00:08:38,229 --> 00:08:40,600
Move it, lads! Move it!
147
00:08:52,964 --> 00:08:55,737
BOMB EXPLODES
148
00:08:55,758 --> 00:08:58,257
We've got plenty of ink,
plenty of paper.
149
00:08:58,468 --> 00:08:59,675
In fact, according to Harris,
150
00:08:59,696 --> 00:09:02,682
the only thing
we seem to be lacking is "copy".
151
00:09:02,703 --> 00:09:05,095
Uh-huh. None of us is writing men.
152
00:09:05,117 --> 00:09:07,086
We haven't done any journalism.
153
00:09:07,107 --> 00:09:10,389
There's a first time for everything.
It can't be that hard.
154
00:09:10,410 --> 00:09:14,157
I think we should aim to produce
something a bit like Punch,
155
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,867
except with jokes. Mm-hm.
156
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,942
So what are we actually going
to write about?
157
00:09:18,963 --> 00:09:21,144
EXPLOSION
158
00:09:21,165 --> 00:09:23,134
Damn you, Fritz.
I can't hear myself think.
159
00:09:23,156 --> 00:09:25,358
Put on The Bing Boys would you, Jack?
160
00:09:29,931 --> 00:09:34,186
So will The Wipers Times address
the big questions of the war?
161
00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:37,447
Certainly. And how will we do that?
162
00:09:37,468 --> 00:09:40,750
I suggest we do so just by writing
down any old thing that
163
00:09:40,771 --> 00:09:42,486
comes into our heads.
164
00:09:42,507 --> 00:09:45,323
Trial page proof, sir.
165
00:09:45,344 --> 00:09:47,568
Looks pretty good,
I must say myself.
166
00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:50,362
Who do I show it to, sir?
Who's the editor?
167
00:09:50,383 --> 00:09:54,470
Well, as senior officer, I am, of
course, the editor.
168
00:09:54,491 --> 00:09:58,154
I will need a sub-editor.
Any volunteers? Jack?
169
00:09:58,175 --> 00:10:02,177
Ugh. Bad grammar is simply something
I will not put up with.
170
00:10:02,198 --> 00:10:05,014
Up with which you simply
will not put.
171
00:10:05,035 --> 00:10:07,025
All right, Jack, the job's yours.
172
00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:11,662
Only drawback, sir, is that we're
short of Ys and Es.
173
00:10:11,683 --> 00:10:14,880
Well, it's just as well we're not
based anywhere called Ypres then.
174
00:10:14,901 --> 00:10:17,633
Ah. Now, sir, what about some copy?
175
00:10:17,654 --> 00:10:20,426
Dammit, Harris,
haven't you heard of writer's block?
176
00:10:20,447 --> 00:10:23,496
Only every day, sir, come deadline
time for the newspaper.
177
00:10:25,487 --> 00:10:28,853
Very well, Harris.
But you are very annoying.
178
00:10:28,874 --> 00:10:30,843
Very good, sir.
179
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,469
You know he's right, Fred.
180
00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:34,718
Et tu, Pearson?
181
00:10:38,613 --> 00:10:41,429
I'm going
to hold this pencil...
182
00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:42,763
and see what happens.
183
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:46,172
Something's bound to turn up.
184
00:10:46,193 --> 00:10:48,310
You are an incorrigible optimist.
185
00:10:50,682 --> 00:10:53,011
Optimism.
186
00:10:53,223 --> 00:10:54,599
Well, there's a dangerous thing...
187
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,182
particularly in a war.
188
00:10:57,203 --> 00:10:59,934
Do you suffer from optimism?
189
00:10:59,955 --> 00:11:02,475
Men! Do you suffer from optimism,
190
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,270
but fail to recognise
the tell-tale signs?
191
00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:06,752
Many do.
192
00:11:06,773 --> 00:11:08,742
Is it serious, Doctor?
193
00:11:08,763 --> 00:11:12,214
I just need you to answer a few
simple questions.
194
00:11:12,235 --> 00:11:14,797
Do you sometimes wake up
in the morning feeling that all is
195
00:11:14,818 --> 00:11:16,491
going well for the Allies?
196
00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:18,312
Yes, Doctor.
197
00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:20,472
Do you sometimes think that the
war will be over,
198
00:11:20,493 --> 00:11:22,377
within the next 12 months?
199
00:11:22,398 --> 00:11:24,706
Absolutely, Doctor.
200
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:27,755
Do you consider that our leaders
are competent to conduct the war
201
00:11:27,776 --> 00:11:30,063
to a successful issue?
202
00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:32,180
I should say so, Doctor.
203
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,589
Oh, dear. This is the worst case
of cheerfulness I've encountered.
204
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:38,299
Oh, Good. No. It's terrible.
205
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:39,400
But don't worry.
206
00:11:39,421 --> 00:11:42,618
I promise I can cure
you of optimism within two days
207
00:11:42,639 --> 00:11:46,090
and effectively eradicate all
traces of it from your system.
208
00:11:46,111 --> 00:11:49,266
Really, Doctor?
And how are you going to do that?
209
00:11:49,287 --> 00:11:52,823
I'm writing something for you now,
which should do the trick.
210
00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:54,643
Is it a prescription, Doctor?
211
00:11:54,664 --> 00:11:59,047
No. It's your orders.
I'm sending you to the front line.
212
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:01,884
Thank you, Doctor.
BOMB FALLING
213
00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:03,980
BOMB EXPLODES
214
00:12:07,749 --> 00:12:10,226
Not sure about this
piece about optimism.
215
00:12:10,247 --> 00:12:13,359
Are you questioning
the judgment of a superior officer?
216
00:12:13,381 --> 00:12:14,757
Er, yes. Good.
217
00:12:14,778 --> 00:12:17,933
So as a superior officer, of course,
I shall ignore you.
218
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:21,574
Seriously, do you not think it's
gone a little bit too far?
219
00:12:21,596 --> 00:12:24,454
How can you accuse me of going too
far - when the entire
220
00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:27,863
24th Division has gone precisely ten
yards in the last six months?
221
00:12:28,074 --> 00:12:30,615
And that was sideways. I'm just
saying we have to be careful.
222
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:34,701
Yes, I guess you are right.
We must be responsible.
223
00:12:34,723 --> 00:12:38,385
As will be made
clear in my editorial.
224
00:12:38,407 --> 00:12:40,037
You haven't written an editorial.
225
00:12:40,058 --> 00:12:41,858
How's your shorthand? Non-existent.
226
00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:44,377
Good. Take this down.
227
00:12:47,553 --> 00:12:50,073
Mm-hm? Editorial.
228
00:12:50,094 --> 00:12:52,507
Hmm, excellent.
229
00:12:55,091 --> 00:13:01,336
Having managed to pick up a printing
press, slightly soiled,
230
00:13:01,358 --> 00:13:04,428
at a very reasonable price,
231
00:13:04,449 --> 00:13:07,138
we have decided to produce a paper.
232
00:13:07,159 --> 00:13:10,102
There is much
we would like to say in it,
233
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:15,437
but the shadows of censorship
enveloping us,
234
00:13:15,458 --> 00:13:21,281
cause us to refer to the war that we
hear is taking place in Europe...
235
00:13:21,302 --> 00:13:24,605
Careful.
..in a cautious manner.
236
00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:30,956
We apologise for any shortcomings
in production of our paper...
237
00:13:32,057 --> 00:13:34,132
..on account of...
238
00:13:35,825 --> 00:13:37,731
Editorial inexperience?
239
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:38,980
Quite so.
240
00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:41,224
We hope to publish The Times weekly,
241
00:13:41,246 --> 00:13:46,200
despite the attentions of Messrs Hun
and co.
242
00:13:46,412 --> 00:13:48,741
Our local rivals. Excellent!
243
00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:51,472
And we take this opportunity
of stating that we accept
244
00:13:51,493 --> 00:13:54,076
no responsibility for the views
expressed. We?
245
00:13:55,685 --> 00:13:58,544
Yes. And we disassociate
ourselves from any
246
00:13:58,565 --> 00:14:00,491
statements in the advertisements.
247
00:14:00,513 --> 00:14:02,905
Well, that bit's true.
There are no advertisements.
248
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,133
No? Why Not?
249
00:14:04,154 --> 00:14:08,537
There's a problem with potential
advertisers such as theatres,
250
00:14:08,558 --> 00:14:11,607
restaurants, hotels,
small businesses et cetera...
251
00:14:11,819 --> 00:14:12,687
Well, what's the problem?
252
00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:16,265
There aren't any.
They've all been blown to buggery.
253
00:14:16,477 --> 00:14:17,959
Is that anywhere near Poperinghe?
254
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:21,283
No, it's not. And you didn't hear
that, Sergeant, did you?
255
00:14:21,304 --> 00:14:24,311
No, sir, but it was most amusing.
256
00:14:24,522 --> 00:14:25,475
Harris, you're our expert.
257
00:14:25,496 --> 00:14:29,286
We can't be a proper newspaper
without advertisements, can we?
258
00:14:29,307 --> 00:14:32,377
No, sir,
that's what the front page is for.
259
00:14:32,398 --> 00:14:33,499
So what do we do?
260
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:08,179
Taxi! Taxi! I say, Taxi!
261
00:15:09,449 --> 00:15:11,926
'Are you having trouble getting
home?
262
00:15:11,948 --> 00:15:16,669
'Not any more, with our fleet
of handsomely-appointed taxicabs.'
263
00:15:16,690 --> 00:15:20,057
But how will I recognise your taxis?
264
00:15:20,078 --> 00:15:23,127
'Easy, they have a red cross
painted on each side.'
265
00:15:33,544 --> 00:15:35,301
'Is your friend a soldier?
266
00:15:35,322 --> 00:15:41,991
'Do you know what he wants?
No? We do.
267
00:15:42,013 --> 00:15:44,659
'Send him one of our latest improved
combination umbrella
268
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:45,887
'and wire cutter.
269
00:15:45,908 --> 00:15:48,978
'No more nasty colds caught
when cutting the wire.
270
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,213
'He will be absolutely delighted with
the combination umbrella
271
00:15:53,234 --> 00:15:54,441
'and wire cutter.
272
00:15:54,462 --> 00:15:56,982
'Just 15 francs.
273
00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:58,294
'Quite right, Miss.
274
00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:02,105
'Now you can rest assured
your soldier friend will stay fit
275
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,371
'and healthy out in no man's land.'
276
00:16:11,908 --> 00:16:14,512
'Calling all harassed subalterns.'
277
00:16:14,534 --> 00:16:16,418
Who? Me?
278
00:16:16,439 --> 00:16:20,060
'Yes, you. Is your life miserable?
279
00:16:20,081 --> 00:16:22,939
'Do you hate your company commander?'
Uh.
280
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,993
'Of course you do.
281
00:16:25,205 --> 00:16:29,439
'Then why not buy him one of our
patent "tip me up" duckboards?'
282
00:16:30,371 --> 00:16:33,356
But how does the "tip me
up" duckboard work?
283
00:16:33,377 --> 00:16:36,235
'You just get your company commander
on the end...
284
00:16:36,257 --> 00:16:38,288
'and the duckboard does the rest.
285
00:16:42,438 --> 00:16:44,619
'Every time a blighty!
286
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,625
'That's our promise. Remember...
287
00:16:47,646 --> 00:16:49,954
'if once he steps onto the end,
288
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:52,940
'to take a month his face to mend.'
289
00:16:54,168 --> 00:16:56,200
Thank you, "tip me up" duckboard.
290
00:16:57,428 --> 00:17:00,498
BOMB EXPLODES
291
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,251
Excellent work, Sergeant.
When can we roll the pressers?
292
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,733
Soon as it eases off a bit, sir.
293
00:17:04,754 --> 00:17:07,062
Surely you're not
bothered by a spot of rain?
294
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:10,238
No. It's more the bombardment, sir.
295
00:17:10,259 --> 00:17:13,244
Fritz is getting a bit too close
to the print room to be pleasant.
296
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:16,420
Well, when Herman knocks off for his
evening sausage let's print
297
00:17:16,441 --> 00:17:18,029
the blighter.
298
00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:20,125
BOMB EXPLODES
299
00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:24,000
Everything all right? I'm fine,
Sar'nt.
300
00:17:24,021 --> 00:17:26,435
Not you, the print blocks.
Get in there.
301
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,472
Don't get your hand
caught in the plate, Dodd.
302
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,017
Or you'll come a cropper.
303
00:17:44,601 --> 00:17:46,061
A phrase, incidentally,
304
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:48,602
derived from the printing presses of
HS Cropper.
305
00:17:48,623 --> 00:17:50,973
Do you know that?
That's very interesting, Sar'nt.
306
00:17:50,995 --> 00:17:54,128
As is the phrase "mind your Ps and
Qs".
307
00:17:55,187 --> 00:17:58,680
It comes from a common mistaking of
the P for the Q in a tray of type.
308
00:17:58,701 --> 00:18:00,670
That's even more interesting,
Sar'nt.
309
00:18:00,692 --> 00:18:03,677
Whereas, the expression "get the
wrong end of the stick",
310
00:18:03,698 --> 00:18:06,641
that comes from grabbing the wrong
end of the compositing stick
311
00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:08,631
and getting your hand
covered in ink.
312
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:12,865
It means thinking you're being
interesting when really... Yes,
Henderson?
313
00:18:12,886 --> 00:18:15,406
Very, very interesting indeed,
Sar'nt.
314
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,528
Correct.
315
00:18:20,593 --> 00:18:23,705
Right, here we go. Grab it, Smith.
316
00:18:23,726 --> 00:18:24,954
There it is, Sar'nt.
317
00:18:27,495 --> 00:18:30,883
Now, the result, if I say it myself,
is a thing of beauty.
318
00:18:32,365 --> 00:18:33,677
Unlike any of you lot.
319
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:49,430
MEN CHUCKLE
320
00:19:18,055 --> 00:19:21,231
Oi, Bill, this Wipers Times does what
it says!
321
00:19:32,029 --> 00:19:34,845
Have you seen this poppycock, sir?
322
00:19:34,866 --> 00:19:36,115
Yes, I have.
323
00:19:36,136 --> 00:19:37,936
It's downright insubordination.
324
00:19:37,957 --> 00:19:40,434
That's maybe why the men
seem to like it.
325
00:19:40,456 --> 00:19:44,034
The men also like the ladies of the
Poperinghe Fancies.
326
00:19:44,055 --> 00:19:47,124
Neither are exactly conducive to
winning the war.
327
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:50,681
Really? Have you seen the ladies
of the Poperinghe Fancies?
328
00:19:50,702 --> 00:19:51,782
Of course not!
329
00:19:51,803 --> 00:19:53,539
I think they're doing their bit.
330
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:55,212
Jolly, buxom girls.
331
00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:58,197
They can't sing,
they can't dance, but...
332
00:19:58,409 --> 00:20:00,886
no-one seems to care, particularly.
333
00:20:00,907 --> 00:20:04,951
I believe the chaps call them
glycerine and Vaseline.
334
00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:08,296
No idea why. We're getting off the
point here, sir.
335
00:20:08,318 --> 00:20:11,303
Which is surely that some
of the material in this publication
336
00:20:11,324 --> 00:20:14,267
is not merely unsuitable,
it's downright treasonable.
337
00:20:14,288 --> 00:20:15,876
Like what, in particular?
338
00:20:15,897 --> 00:20:16,998
Like this.
339
00:20:20,217 --> 00:20:23,075
Oh. Answers to correspondence.
340
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,404
Whoever wrote this should be
court-martialed.
341
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,707
Like this item advising young
officers not to wear turned-up
342
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,840
slacks or shoes
when going over the top?
343
00:20:31,861 --> 00:20:34,127
What? Lovely, sound advice.
344
00:20:34,148 --> 00:20:37,260
A chap wearing turned-up
slacks on the battlefield not only
345
00:20:37,282 --> 00:20:39,124
looks a bloody fool,
346
00:20:39,145 --> 00:20:43,358
but he advertises the fact he's
an officer to any half-awake sniper.
347
00:20:43,379 --> 00:20:46,957
No, no, no. That is
not the offending article.
348
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,990
I'm referring to this
response
349
00:20:49,011 --> 00:20:51,785
to a supposed query from a
junior officer.
350
00:20:51,806 --> 00:20:53,394
"Dear Subaltern.
351
00:20:53,415 --> 00:20:54,537
"No.
352
00:20:54,558 --> 00:20:57,480
"The death penalty is not enforced
353
00:20:57,692 --> 00:20:59,830
"in the case of murdering a senior
officer,
354
00:20:59,851 --> 00:21:03,811
"as you will always be able to claim
extenuating circumstances."
355
00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:05,441
HE LAUGHS
356
00:21:07,347 --> 00:21:09,146
That's a joke.
357
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:12,068
It's an incitement to mutiny,
I'll have him shot.
358
00:21:12,089 --> 00:21:13,698
Not if he shoots you first.
359
00:21:17,128 --> 00:21:18,886
That's also a joke.
360
00:21:18,907 --> 00:21:20,705
The war is not funny, sir.
361
00:21:20,727 --> 00:21:23,288
I think the authors
are aware of that.
362
00:21:23,310 --> 00:21:25,554
I have a feeling that may be the
point.
363
00:21:27,375 --> 00:21:29,090
I mean...
364
00:21:29,111 --> 00:21:33,091
It's not all cocking a snook
at the general staff, although...
365
00:21:34,785 --> 00:21:36,712
..quite a bit of it is.
366
00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:40,226
I mean, some bits are deadly
serious - words from the heart.
367
00:21:40,248 --> 00:21:41,539
Such as?
368
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,080
"People we take our hats
off to - The French at Verdun,
369
00:21:44,101 --> 00:21:46,282
"the British Navy at Jutland,
370
00:21:46,303 --> 00:21:48,823
"and the Canadians at Ypres."
371
00:21:48,844 --> 00:21:53,163
Saluting our fallen comrades is
hardly sedition, is it?
372
00:21:53,375 --> 00:21:56,064
They also take their hats
off to the officer in charge
373
00:21:56,085 --> 00:21:59,705
of the costume department
of the Poperinghe Fancies.
374
00:21:59,726 --> 00:22:02,331
They are just a gang of backchat
comedians deliberately
375
00:22:02,352 --> 00:22:06,692
undermining morale with this
impertinent, unpatriotic rag.
376
00:22:06,713 --> 00:22:11,054
Could you think of anything more
likely to produce discontent amongst
the men?
377
00:22:11,075 --> 00:22:12,980
Yes. Banning it.
378
00:22:32,332 --> 00:22:35,656
Put your back into it, Henderson.
Sir.
379
00:22:35,677 --> 00:22:38,620
Sergeant, we're running out of
timber.
380
00:22:38,641 --> 00:22:41,838
BOMB EXPLODES
381
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:45,734
Go see if you can borrow something
from the communications line.
382
00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:49,334
Henderson. Barnes. You
work on the parapets.
383
00:22:49,355 --> 00:22:50,667
Yes, sir.
384
00:22:52,065 --> 00:22:56,383
Keep down, Barnesy, unless you want
sniper taking your head off.
385
00:23:00,067 --> 00:23:02,290
Smith. Dodd. Start on the supports.
386
00:23:02,311 --> 00:23:03,730
Do I have to work with Dodd, sir?
387
00:23:03,751 --> 00:23:05,847
Yes, you do. Poor Dodd drew
the short straw.
388
00:23:05,868 --> 00:23:07,160
Now get on with it, Smith.
389
00:23:07,181 --> 00:23:08,473
What's the plan?
390
00:23:08,494 --> 00:23:10,124
What I think we should do, Jack...
391
00:23:10,145 --> 00:23:11,691
BOMB EXPLODES
392
00:23:11,712 --> 00:23:15,714
Up the cover price, get in some new
writers and cut down on the poetry.
393
00:23:15,735 --> 00:23:20,393
You don't think you might be getting
rather obsessed with the paper?
Don't be ridiculous.
394
00:23:20,604 --> 00:23:22,319
I'm a model commanding officer
executing my duties
395
00:23:22,341 --> 00:23:23,717
in exemplary fashion.
396
00:23:23,738 --> 00:23:25,770
BOMB EXPLODES
397
00:23:28,184 --> 00:23:29,984
What do you think of the poetry?
398
00:23:30,005 --> 00:23:35,192
I think poetry's essential in the
modern battlefield. A bit like mud.
399
00:23:35,213 --> 00:23:37,309
If only it were just mud.
400
00:23:37,331 --> 00:23:43,238
Yes. Perhaps, better not
dwell on the...unmentionables.
401
00:23:43,259 --> 00:23:44,487
Better left unsaid.
402
00:23:48,044 --> 00:23:50,733
That's why I'd rather
think about the paper.
403
00:23:50,754 --> 00:23:54,036
It's important to me
because it's not important.
404
00:23:54,057 --> 00:23:56,195
Oh, dear. You're getting aphoristic.
405
00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:58,334
Am I? Apologies.
406
00:24:00,493 --> 00:24:02,039
So what are we thinking?
407
00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:04,537
I think we should crack out
another couple of issues.
408
00:24:04,559 --> 00:24:07,756
And if it keeps going this well,
try and sell it back home.
409
00:24:07,777 --> 00:24:09,365
You're getting obsessed.
410
00:24:09,386 --> 00:24:11,609
MEN SING
411
00:24:11,630 --> 00:24:15,441
Listen. Listen, Fritz is in
fine voice.
412
00:24:20,057 --> 00:24:23,677
What are they singing, sir?
Sounds like an hymn, sir.
413
00:24:23,698 --> 00:24:25,329
It is.
414
00:24:25,350 --> 00:24:27,192
It's called the Hymn Of Hate.
415
00:24:27,213 --> 00:24:29,034
It goes something like this...
416
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,522
You we will hate with
a lasting hate.
417
00:24:35,681 --> 00:24:37,502
We will never forego our hate.
418
00:24:39,365 --> 00:24:42,901
Hate by water and hate by land.
419
00:24:42,922 --> 00:24:47,411
Hate of the head
and hate of the hand.
420
00:24:48,596 --> 00:24:51,772
Hate of the hammer,
hate of the crown.
421
00:24:52,916 --> 00:24:56,049
Hate of 70 millions choking down.
422
00:24:57,743 --> 00:25:00,940
We love as one. We hate as one.
423
00:25:00,961 --> 00:25:05,831
We have one foe and one alone.
424
00:25:06,043 --> 00:25:07,292
♪ Eng-er-land. ♪
425
00:25:07,313 --> 00:25:09,028
MEN SING: Eng-er-land.
426
00:25:09,049 --> 00:25:11,187
That's not very nice is it, sir?
427
00:25:11,209 --> 00:25:12,924
Spot-on, Dodd.
428
00:25:12,945 --> 00:25:15,126
We don't have any songs like that,
do we, sir?
429
00:25:15,147 --> 00:25:17,878
No, we don't and if we did they'd
certainly be a lot funnier.
430
00:25:17,899 --> 00:25:20,588
The Wipers Times should put that
right, sir.
431
00:25:20,609 --> 00:25:22,748
Good idea, Dodd.
432
00:25:22,769 --> 00:25:25,288
Since Dodd has joined
the editorial conference,
433
00:25:25,310 --> 00:25:28,125
I propose we take his excellent
suggestion on board
434
00:25:28,147 --> 00:25:31,598
and include something suitably
melodious in the issue.
435
00:25:31,619 --> 00:25:33,101
What do you have in mind?
436
00:25:34,541 --> 00:25:36,446
We all love the music hall, sir!
437
00:25:39,707 --> 00:25:41,612
MEN CHEER
438
00:25:43,645 --> 00:25:47,181
Ladies and gentlemen!
439
00:25:47,202 --> 00:25:52,008
Welcome to the Cloth Hall at Ypres.
440
00:25:52,029 --> 00:25:56,158
Best ventilated hall in the town.
441
00:25:56,179 --> 00:25:59,207
Tonight, for your delectation,
442
00:25:59,228 --> 00:26:02,086
we proudly present
positively the greatest
443
00:26:02,107 --> 00:26:08,712
collection of performers ever
collected in one place at one time.
444
00:26:08,924 --> 00:26:13,603
Yes, it's Mr Thomas Atkins And Co in
their stupendous new revue,
445
00:26:13,624 --> 00:26:15,847
The Big Bangs Are Here.
446
00:26:15,868 --> 00:26:19,531
MEN: Oooh!
447
00:26:19,552 --> 00:26:21,162
With music by Mr R Tillery.
448
00:26:24,210 --> 00:26:26,561
And not to mention
Mrs Miniworther,
449
00:26:26,582 --> 00:26:29,419
who always meets with
a thunderous reception.
450
00:26:30,943 --> 00:26:35,474
And not forgetting Bouncing Bertha,
who's only 17 inches high...
451
00:26:36,787 --> 00:26:39,412
..but is guaranteed to bring
the house down.
452
00:26:41,021 --> 00:26:46,844
And, there's more, with Hind and
Berg, sword swallowers...
453
00:26:46,865 --> 00:26:48,707
and nail eaters.
454
00:26:48,728 --> 00:26:49,977
MEN BOO
455
00:26:49,999 --> 00:26:54,953
And introducing the world's favourite
comedian, Kaiser Bill...
456
00:26:56,350 --> 00:26:59,336
..and his little Willie.
MEN LAUGH
457
00:26:59,357 --> 00:27:01,982
That's the crown prince I'm talking
about.
458
00:27:03,083 --> 00:27:07,254
Thank you. But I promised you a song
and a song you shall have.
459
00:27:07,275 --> 00:27:12,230
A pleasing patriotic performance
from our very own privates -
460
00:27:12,441 --> 00:27:15,617
The Atkins brothers -
Thomas and Tommy.
461
00:27:17,438 --> 00:27:23,176
♪ I heard the bugles calling
462
00:27:23,197 --> 00:27:27,686
♪ Join up, I felt I must
463
00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:31,052
♪ Now I wish I'd left them bugles go
on blowing till they bust. ♪
464
00:27:31,073 --> 00:27:32,894
MEN CHEER
465
00:27:35,816 --> 00:27:41,023
Yes, this show is going to run,
and run and run and run...
466
00:27:42,548 --> 00:27:46,338
Dodd, did you go swimming? Give its
a rest, Smithy I was switching
patrols.
467
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:47,544
As you were, Smith.
468
00:27:51,567 --> 00:27:55,209
MUSIC HALL STYLE-MUSIC
469
00:27:55,421 --> 00:27:59,401
Great news, Fred, apparently the war
will be over within the week.
470
00:28:00,587 --> 00:28:02,386
Says who?
471
00:28:02,408 --> 00:28:03,720
Says Hilaire Belloc.
472
00:28:05,414 --> 00:28:09,331
Didn't he say the war was going to
be over within the week last week?
473
00:28:09,352 --> 00:28:10,771
I rather think he did.
474
00:28:10,792 --> 00:28:12,973
And the week before.
475
00:28:12,994 --> 00:28:16,064
Now you're just jealous cos we don't
have a war expert of our own.
476
00:28:16,085 --> 00:28:18,520
Somebody who really knows what's
going on.
477
00:28:18,541 --> 00:28:23,686
Yes, you're right. Perhaps we should
employ our own Hilary Belloc.
478
00:28:23,707 --> 00:28:30,080
What about Belary Helloc?
I hear he's very well informed.
479
00:28:30,101 --> 00:28:31,435
Really?
480
00:28:31,456 --> 00:28:36,855
So what is Mr Helloc's latest
take on the war?
481
00:28:36,876 --> 00:28:38,083
Good evening.
482
00:28:38,104 --> 00:28:41,301
I'm the famous Belary Helloc
and tonight my subject is
483
00:28:41,323 --> 00:28:43,842
"why we are going to win the war."
484
00:28:43,863 --> 00:28:47,357
Everything points to a speedy
disintegration of the enemy.
485
00:28:47,378 --> 00:28:49,792
So let's just have a
look at the figures.
486
00:28:51,951 --> 00:28:55,148
There are 12 million
fighting men in Germany.
487
00:28:55,169 --> 00:28:59,256
Of these,
nine million are already killed,
488
00:28:59,277 --> 00:29:01,585
or are being killed as we speak.
489
00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:03,766
Leaving just three million.
490
00:29:05,036 --> 00:29:07,979
Of these 2,500,000
are temperamentally
491
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:12,129
unsuitable for fighting owing to
obesity, due to eating sausages.
492
00:29:12,150 --> 00:29:18,734
This leaves us just 500,000
as the full German strength.
493
00:29:18,755 --> 00:29:26,991
Now, of these, 497,250 are suffering
from incurable diseases.
494
00:29:27,012 --> 00:29:29,023
And I think we know which ones.
495
00:29:29,045 --> 00:29:32,834
Leaving just 2,750 men.
496
00:29:32,856 --> 00:29:37,281
Of these,
2,150 are on the Eastern Front.
497
00:29:37,302 --> 00:29:43,844
And of the remaining 600, we see
that 584 are generals and staff.
498
00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:46,491
Thus we find, that
there are in fact just...
499
00:29:49,709 --> 00:29:52,483
..16 men on the Western Front.
500
00:29:52,504 --> 00:29:57,183
Clearly not enough to resist one
final big push, or maybe two,
501
00:29:57,204 --> 00:30:00,105
or three - four at the very most.
502
00:30:00,126 --> 00:30:03,619
And that is why we are going
to win the war.
503
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:07,113
If we haven't already
by the time you've heard this.
504
00:30:11,940 --> 00:30:14,650
Letters for you, sir.
Thank you, Henderson.
505
00:30:16,429 --> 00:30:18,080
Thank you.
506
00:30:20,748 --> 00:30:25,067
Ah, news from the home front.
507
00:30:27,227 --> 00:30:31,271
Has my wife been raising money for
noble causes,
508
00:30:31,292 --> 00:30:38,554
such as providing warm
woollens for war-worn Walloons?
509
00:30:38,575 --> 00:30:43,170
Is mine selling flags for blue body
belts for bucolic Belgians?
510
00:30:43,191 --> 00:30:44,292
Touche.
511
00:30:49,414 --> 00:30:52,993
Always a bit of a mixed blessing,
isn't it, a letter from home?
512
00:30:53,014 --> 00:30:56,126
A reminder of a land where gascons,
513
00:30:56,147 --> 00:30:59,937
whizz-bangs and mein und verfers
are not allowed.
514
00:30:59,958 --> 00:31:04,235
Good heavens - my wife has sent me
a clipping from the Tatler.
515
00:31:05,378 --> 00:31:07,559
We've been mentioned in Dispatches!
516
00:31:07,580 --> 00:31:09,888
What? Fame at last?
517
00:31:09,909 --> 00:31:12,090
What did they say?
518
00:31:12,111 --> 00:31:16,769
"We hear news from the front
of an amusing periodical designed
519
00:31:16,981 --> 00:31:18,018
"to entertain the troops.
520
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:22,676
"It is entitled The Wipers Times
after the town of Ypres
521
00:31:22,698 --> 00:31:26,445
"where its enterprising
creators are currently quartered.
522
00:31:26,466 --> 00:31:32,797
"So, we salute the anonymous
wits of the 6th Division..."
523
00:31:32,818 --> 00:31:34,279
We're the 24th Division.
524
00:31:34,300 --> 00:31:35,592
Nincompoops.
525
00:31:35,613 --> 00:31:40,377
Ah dear. Appears we're not to be
famous after all.
526
00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:43,468
Oh, damn journalists,
can't they get anything right?
527
00:31:43,489 --> 00:31:47,575
Is that a rhetorical question?
PHONE RINGS
528
00:31:47,596 --> 00:31:50,836
It's Lieutenant Colonel Howfield's
ADC, sir.
529
00:31:50,857 --> 00:31:52,784
Little bobbing Bobby.
530
00:31:52,805 --> 00:31:55,896
The one who has little red star
flashes on his jim-jams?
531
00:32:02,714 --> 00:32:04,196
Captain, how can I help?
532
00:32:05,254 --> 00:32:06,355
Of course. Yes.
533
00:32:08,854 --> 00:32:10,272
Looking forward to it, sir.
534
00:32:10,293 --> 00:32:12,665
Thank you, Smith. Sir.
535
00:32:16,306 --> 00:32:19,080
Lieutenant Colonel Howfield
has granted us
536
00:32:19,101 --> 00:32:22,975
the privilege of a full inspection.
537
00:32:22,996 --> 00:32:24,499
When?
538
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,781
Now. Initiate "Operation Panic".
539
00:32:30,914 --> 00:32:33,349
Where is that "tip me up" duckboard
when you need it?
540
00:32:33,370 --> 00:32:34,450
We under attack, sir?
541
00:32:34,471 --> 00:32:37,626
Quite the reverse. We've got an
inspection by the Divisional Staff,
542
00:32:37,647 --> 00:32:41,014
which means for as long as they're
here, there won't be any action at
all.
543
00:32:41,035 --> 00:32:44,994
Not even our artillery would open
fire when there's a brass hat down
here.
544
00:32:45,015 --> 00:32:48,466
Henderson, Dodd, shift these trays.
Put them under the books.
545
00:32:48,488 --> 00:32:50,795
Barnesy, get hold of this.
546
00:32:50,817 --> 00:32:52,680
To say an old adage -
547
00:32:52,892 --> 00:32:57,126
war is long periods of boredom
punctuated by sheer terror.
548
00:33:01,318 --> 00:33:03,478
Sir. At ease, Roberts.
549
00:33:04,790 --> 00:33:07,014
Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
550
00:33:07,035 --> 00:33:10,571
No, sir.
Well, I should be, shouldn't I?
551
00:33:10,592 --> 00:33:14,911
Boche obviously not keeping you
occupied, and vice versa.
552
00:33:15,123 --> 00:33:17,219
You've got time on your hands,
Roberts,
553
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:21,411
and time is the soldier's
greatest enemy.
554
00:33:21,432 --> 00:33:23,571
Isn't it, Booby? Yes, sir.
555
00:33:23,592 --> 00:33:26,111
Apart from the gas
and the flamethrowers.
556
00:33:26,132 --> 00:33:28,694
So, are your boys fit, Roberts?
557
00:33:28,715 --> 00:33:30,261
As a fiddle, sir.
558
00:33:30,282 --> 00:33:32,950
Because the men have got to be
fit for the big push.
559
00:33:35,237 --> 00:33:36,825
What about you, Roberts?
560
00:33:36,846 --> 00:33:37,947
Keeping busy?
561
00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:41,800
As a bee, sir.
562
00:33:42,012 --> 00:33:44,637
So no distractions?
Finding things to do?
563
00:33:46,585 --> 00:33:47,750
Yes, sir.
564
00:33:47,771 --> 00:33:49,994
Doing our best to make a little
cover for the lads
565
00:33:50,015 --> 00:33:54,504
who are hanging onto the remnants
of Belgium in the teeth of every
566
00:33:54,715 --> 00:33:58,081
disadvantage, discomfort and peril.
Sir.
567
00:33:58,102 --> 00:34:01,278
So not too much "paperwork", then?
568
00:34:04,242 --> 00:34:04,835
Not at all, sir.
569
00:34:07,460 --> 00:34:09,260
That's good to hear,
isn't it, Bobby?
570
00:34:09,281 --> 00:34:10,784
Yes, sir.
571
00:34:10,805 --> 00:34:15,823
Because the problem with the whole
damn line is inaction.
572
00:34:15,844 --> 00:34:19,910
We're getting bogged down in a mire
of defensive passivity.
573
00:34:20,121 --> 00:34:21,243
There's no forward movement.
574
00:34:21,265 --> 00:34:25,520
No sorties, no raiding parties,
no mining activity.
575
00:34:25,541 --> 00:34:30,919
You're right, sir. It's almost as
if we were...entrenched.
576
00:34:33,883 --> 00:34:34,879
Quite so.
577
00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:37,800
And the question you have to ask
yourself, and you,
578
00:34:37,822 --> 00:34:44,046
particularly, as commander, Roberts,
is are you being offensive enough?
579
00:34:48,027 --> 00:34:49,128
I'm not sure, sir.
580
00:34:53,997 --> 00:34:55,903
Are we being offensive enough?
Pearson?
581
00:34:58,062 --> 00:34:59,163
No, sir. I...
582
00:35:00,773 --> 00:35:03,588
I think we could be a lot
more offensive.
583
00:35:03,610 --> 00:35:05,409
Good man, Pearson.
584
00:35:05,430 --> 00:35:10,300
So from now on, you're going
to be a lot more offensive.
585
00:35:11,571 --> 00:35:12,756
You hear that, men?
586
00:35:14,069 --> 00:35:20,526
From now on, we are all going to be
as offensive as possible.
587
00:35:20,548 --> 00:35:22,263
MEN SNIGGER
588
00:35:22,284 --> 00:35:25,015
Very good, Roberts.
589
00:35:25,036 --> 00:35:26,836
Isn't it, Bobby?
590
00:35:26,857 --> 00:35:28,678
I'm not altogether sure, sir.
591
00:35:35,156 --> 00:35:36,447
BOMBS EXPLODE
592
00:35:36,468 --> 00:35:40,025
You heard the colonel,
we must attack something.
593
00:35:42,058 --> 00:35:44,810
How about...stupid moustaches?
594
00:35:47,055 --> 00:35:51,268
Good idea.
far too many of them around.
595
00:35:51,289 --> 00:35:53,491
I blame Charlie Chaplin.
596
00:35:56,286 --> 00:35:59,737
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE
597
00:35:59,758 --> 00:36:02,489
I say, that was a bit friendly.
598
00:36:02,511 --> 00:36:05,983
Put the gramophone on, would you?
599
00:36:09,074 --> 00:36:12,250
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE
600
00:36:18,432 --> 00:36:22,646
MUSIC HALL-STYLE MUSIC
601
00:36:22,667 --> 00:36:25,229
BOMB EXPLODES
602
00:36:25,250 --> 00:36:27,558
Well saved. No...
603
00:36:27,579 --> 00:36:32,110
It's not enough. Have to play the
piano. Oh, dear.
604
00:36:35,624 --> 00:36:36,556
BOMB EXPLODES
605
00:36:57,686 --> 00:37:01,772
♪ There are various types of courage
there are many kinds of fear
606
00:37:01,794 --> 00:37:05,413
♪ There are many brands of whisky
there are many makes of beer
607
00:37:05,434 --> 00:37:10,749
♪ There is also rum which sometimes
in our need can help us much
608
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:15,428
♪ But 'tis whisky, whisky, whisky
hands the courage which is Dutch... ♪
609
00:37:25,929 --> 00:37:29,550
♪ There are various types of courage
there are many kinds of fear
610
00:37:29,571 --> 00:37:33,784
♪ There are many brands of whisky
there are many makes of beer
611
00:37:33,805 --> 00:37:39,120
♪ There is also rum which sometimes
in our need can help us much
612
00:37:39,141 --> 00:37:43,312
♪ But 'tis whisky, whisky, whisky
hands the courage which is Dutch. ♪
613
00:37:43,333 --> 00:37:46,424
Bad news, sir. We've had a direct
hit.
614
00:37:56,629 --> 00:38:00,462
Bloody Boche. Excuse my French, sir.
615
00:38:00,483 --> 00:38:03,807
French excused, Sergeant.
616
00:38:03,828 --> 00:38:06,348
Is there nothing that can be done?
617
00:38:06,369 --> 00:38:08,507
I think it's finished, sir.
618
00:38:08,528 --> 00:38:10,519
It's the end of The Wipers Times.
619
00:38:13,229 --> 00:38:17,675
It was good while it lasted, Fred.
620
00:38:17,887 --> 00:38:20,851
I've tried, throughout this war,
621
00:38:21,063 --> 00:38:23,688
to maintain my sense of humour.
622
00:38:25,721 --> 00:38:31,183
But now I'm really unamused.
623
00:38:40,921 --> 00:38:44,902
MEN GRUMBLE AND LAUGH
624
00:38:48,459 --> 00:38:50,555
What are you men so happy about?
625
00:38:50,576 --> 00:38:54,789
Captain Roberts.
He's on grand form tonight, sir.
626
00:38:54,811 --> 00:38:56,356
What do you mean?
627
00:38:56,377 --> 00:39:01,056
Well, the orders that he gave the
men were not strictly according to
the drill manual. Really?
628
00:39:01,078 --> 00:39:05,884
Yes, sir. He said, "Fall in, you
blank, blank, blank, blank.
629
00:39:05,905 --> 00:39:08,806
"We're going up the blanking line
and if we see any blanking Boche,
630
00:39:08,827 --> 00:39:14,353
"we're going to shove their blanking
bombs up their blanking...shirts."
631
00:39:14,374 --> 00:39:18,503
Did he actually say shirts, Dodd?
No, sir.
632
00:39:18,524 --> 00:39:20,662
You'll have to excuse
Captain Roberts.
633
00:39:20,683 --> 00:39:24,007
I'm afraid he's taken the loss
of the printer somewhat badly.
634
00:39:24,029 --> 00:39:25,384
Sir.
635
00:39:26,654 --> 00:39:29,237
BOMB EXPLODES
636
00:39:33,345 --> 00:39:36,965
At least the old girl has been
put to some use.
637
00:39:36,986 --> 00:39:39,633
A distinguished end to her
literary career.
638
00:39:39,654 --> 00:39:44,248
Part of a transverse
wall of C4 trench number six post.
639
00:39:44,270 --> 00:39:46,493
Men and party coming through.
640
00:39:46,514 --> 00:39:51,193
Well, I assumed it wasn't a
delegation from the general staff.
641
00:39:51,214 --> 00:39:54,369
You wouldn't find them
at this end of the muddy stick.
642
00:39:54,390 --> 00:39:55,851
You must be, Roberts.
643
00:39:55,872 --> 00:40:00,297
Sir. I hear you're quite the thorn in
the red hats' backsides.
644
00:40:00,318 --> 00:40:01,822
Good man.
BOMB EXPLODES
645
00:40:01,843 --> 00:40:04,765
Off we go, boys. Good luck, Colonel.
646
00:40:11,413 --> 00:40:13,043
Who was that?
647
00:40:13,063 --> 00:40:15,837
Commanding officer
of the Royal Scots Fusiliers.
648
00:40:15,858 --> 00:40:18,250
Why was he wearing a French tin hat?
649
00:40:18,272 --> 00:40:21,088
A bit of a personality,
somewhat eccentric.
650
00:40:21,109 --> 00:40:23,713
Always suggesting the top brass
come down to the front
651
00:40:23,734 --> 00:40:25,026
and get a taste of the action.
652
00:40:25,047 --> 00:40:27,397
He won't last long, will he?
What's his name?
653
00:40:27,418 --> 00:40:28,604
Name's Churchill.
654
00:40:29,705 --> 00:40:31,801
Heard a rumour, sir.
655
00:40:31,822 --> 00:40:33,876
Don't tell me, the Kaiser has been
656
00:40:33,897 --> 00:40:37,390
arrested by Field Marshal
Hindenburg and shot as a spy?
657
00:40:37,412 --> 00:40:39,127
Not exactly, sir, no.
658
00:40:39,148 --> 00:40:42,599
It's a friend of a friend
of a friend, has told me...
659
00:40:42,620 --> 00:40:46,325
BOMB EXPLODES
He happens to know the whereabouts
of a lovely little hand-jigger.
660
00:40:46,346 --> 00:40:47,892
Speak English, Sergeant.
661
00:40:47,913 --> 00:40:51,534
It's a printing press, sir. And word
has it there's a lot more type.
662
00:40:51,555 --> 00:40:53,270
Priceless, Sergeant.
663
00:40:53,291 --> 00:40:55,853
Only drawback, sir, is its current
location.
664
00:40:55,874 --> 00:40:58,139
Which is where? Hellfire Corner.
665
00:40:58,161 --> 00:41:02,416
Oh, dear. That's the Hellfire
Corner, the most dangerous place on
the Salient.
666
00:41:02,437 --> 00:41:04,068
Hottest place in the world, sir.
667
00:41:04,089 --> 00:41:07,455
Where life expectancy is about,
what? 60 seconds?
668
00:41:07,477 --> 00:41:09,573
If that, sir.
669
00:41:09,594 --> 00:41:11,563
Well, it would be an
670
00:41:11,584 --> 00:41:15,501
act of pure folly to risk lives
rescuing a printing press.
671
00:41:15,522 --> 00:41:18,380
So no sensible commanding officer
could possibly sanction it,
672
00:41:18,402 --> 00:41:19,735
is that clear?
673
00:41:19,757 --> 00:41:20,858
Very clear, sir.
674
00:41:21,916 --> 00:41:23,229
Good luck, Sergeant.
675
00:41:24,372 --> 00:41:26,553
GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS
676
00:41:26,574 --> 00:41:30,576
Why do they call it Hellfire Corner,
Sar'nt? Why do you think, Dodd?
677
00:41:30,597 --> 00:41:34,980
Dodd doesn't think! Shut up, Smithy,
before Fritz shuts you up for good.
678
00:41:35,001 --> 00:41:37,097
This bloody thing weighs a ton.
679
00:41:37,118 --> 00:41:40,294
If you drop it you'll find out about
hellfire from me.
680
00:41:40,506 --> 00:41:40,844
Now run, you bugger!
681
00:41:46,688 --> 00:41:50,540
Ah, well. So that is a hand jigger.
682
00:41:51,599 --> 00:41:52,933
Pardon my French.
683
00:41:52,954 --> 00:41:57,125
God bless this printer and all the
jokes who fail in her.
684
00:41:57,146 --> 00:41:59,158
Eh, sir! Careful of the printer.
685
00:41:59,179 --> 00:42:01,465
Careful of the champagne more like.
686
00:42:01,677 --> 00:42:03,096
You mustn't waste this stuff
there's a war on.
687
00:42:03,117 --> 00:42:05,700
Is there? I had no idea.
688
00:42:05,912 --> 00:42:07,669
Better make sure the Germans
don't get hold of it.
689
00:42:07,690 --> 00:42:09,045
CORK POPS
690
00:42:11,755 --> 00:42:13,788
Too slow. There we go.
691
00:42:15,270 --> 00:42:17,747
How on earth did you get
hold of this?
692
00:42:17,768 --> 00:42:21,304
Well, I had a bit of luck at cards
with some of the brass hats
693
00:42:21,325 --> 00:42:22,871
billeted at the chateau.
694
00:42:22,892 --> 00:42:25,517
As it turned out,
magnificent cellar.
695
00:42:29,201 --> 00:42:29,604
To the hand jigger.
696
00:42:29,625 --> 00:42:32,420
CHEERING
697
00:42:35,341 --> 00:42:38,073
Ladies and gentlemen,
698
00:42:38,094 --> 00:42:42,752
welcome to the latest
venue in our grand tour of Flanders.
699
00:42:42,964 --> 00:42:47,029
The Neuve Eglise Hippodrome,
where our doors are always open.
700
00:42:48,850 --> 00:42:52,682
Tonight, we are honoured to present
a show to die for.
701
00:42:52,703 --> 00:42:54,227
The grand new revue, Over The Top.
702
00:42:56,683 --> 00:43:01,490
Positively the greatest spectacular
performance ever staged.
703
00:43:01,511 --> 00:43:02,929
And topping the bill,
704
00:43:02,950 --> 00:43:06,910
it's musical merriment from our very
own sapper songbirds,
705
00:43:06,931 --> 00:43:12,266
Trench And Foot, with their
delightful ditty, Minor Worries.
706
00:43:14,934 --> 00:43:19,063
♪ If the Hun lets off some gas
never mind
707
00:43:19,084 --> 00:43:24,080
♪ If the Hun attacks in mass
never mind
708
00:43:25,138 --> 00:43:27,954
♪ If your dugout's blown to bits
709
00:43:27,975 --> 00:43:29,944
♪ Or the CO's throwing fits
710
00:43:29,966 --> 00:43:33,967
♪ Or a crump your rum jar hits
never mind
711
00:43:33,988 --> 00:43:35,597
♪ Oh, never mind
712
00:43:37,418 --> 00:43:41,547
♪ If your trench is mud knee-high
never mind
713
00:43:41,568 --> 00:43:45,273
♪ You can't find a spot that's high
never mind
714
00:43:45,294 --> 00:43:47,496
♪ Oh, never mind
715
00:43:49,021 --> 00:43:52,726
♪ If a sniper has you set
through dents in your parapet
716
00:43:52,747 --> 00:43:56,622
♪ And your troubles fiercer get
never mind
717
00:43:56,643 --> 00:43:59,649
♪ Oh, never mind
718
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:06,446
♪ If machine guns join the muddle
never mind
719
00:44:06,467 --> 00:44:09,198
♪ Though you're lying in a puddle
never mind
720
00:44:09,219 --> 00:44:11,316
♪ Oh, never mind
721
00:44:11,337 --> 00:44:12,882
♪ If the duck board barks your shin
722
00:44:12,903 --> 00:44:14,830
♪ And the barbed wire rips your
skin
723
00:44:14,851 --> 00:44:19,022
♪ 'Tis reward for all your sin
never mind
724
00:44:19,043 --> 00:44:22,855
♪ Oh, never mind. ♪
725
00:44:25,353 --> 00:44:28,592
Gas! Gas! Gas!
726
00:44:28,613 --> 00:44:31,747
ALARM BELL RINGS
727
00:45:03,632 --> 00:45:04,944
Looks good, Jack.
728
00:45:06,003 --> 00:45:10,894
Harris and his devils have
done a fine job.
729
00:45:10,915 --> 00:45:14,345
HE CHOKES
730
00:45:15,912 --> 00:45:17,373
It's nothing to worry about.
731
00:45:17,394 --> 00:45:21,650
The quacks say I'll be right as rain
and back on the front line in no
time.
732
00:45:21,671 --> 00:45:23,873
Are you sure? Mm. Thank you.
733
00:45:26,710 --> 00:45:28,848
I'm one of the lucky ones.
734
00:45:28,869 --> 00:45:30,923
I'm still here.
735
00:45:30,944 --> 00:45:32,659
Well, you were lucky.
736
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,454
Apparently, Fritz has developed
a new type of stink bomb.
737
00:45:35,475 --> 00:45:39,392
Makes you wretch so you have to take
off your gas mask and then the
chlorine kills you.
738
00:45:39,413 --> 00:45:40,493
Fiendish.
739
00:45:40,514 --> 00:45:43,478
HE CHOKES
740
00:45:44,537 --> 00:45:45,723
Excuse me.
741
00:45:57,960 --> 00:45:59,358
What about Henderson?
742
00:46:04,143 --> 00:46:06,070
I'm very sorry.
743
00:46:06,091 --> 00:46:09,372
Well, the good news is, we still
have plenty of material
744
00:46:09,394 --> 00:46:11,617
coming in from our distinguished
contributors.
745
00:46:11,638 --> 00:46:15,385
Please, tell me it isn't all poetry.
Fine. It isn't all poetry.
746
00:46:15,407 --> 00:46:18,011
That's a lie. It is all poetry.
747
00:46:18,032 --> 00:46:20,594
Damn and blast.
Alert the medical orderlies, Jack.
748
00:46:20,615 --> 00:46:23,579
There's been a serious
outbreak of poet-itus.
749
00:46:23,791 --> 00:46:25,802
Subalterns are being seen with
notebook in one hand,
750
00:46:25,824 --> 00:46:26,903
a bomb in the other,
751
00:46:26,924 --> 00:46:30,291
absently walking near the wire
in deep communion with the muse.
752
00:46:30,312 --> 00:46:33,085
It's probably
because spring is in the air.
753
00:46:33,106 --> 00:46:34,482
The picture of little lambs
754
00:46:34,503 --> 00:46:37,997
gambolling among the whizz-bangs is
so beautiful and romantic.
755
00:46:38,018 --> 00:46:40,156
I've had enough verse. Doctor!
756
00:46:40,177 --> 00:46:42,528
I demand an injection of prose.
757
00:46:42,549 --> 00:46:48,329
What we do have is,
a lot of letters to the editor.
758
00:46:48,350 --> 00:46:51,886
This chap here wants to know why we
don't write more about the war.
759
00:46:51,907 --> 00:46:54,765
I rather thought we did? No the
"wider" war.
760
00:46:54,787 --> 00:46:56,713
The "big picture" et cetera.
761
00:46:56,734 --> 00:47:00,186
We can't write about the
"wider war" because we have no idea
what's going on.
762
00:47:00,207 --> 00:47:04,124
We're just fighting in it. Well, it's
lucky we have illustrious war
correspondents
763
00:47:04,145 --> 00:47:06,453
like William Beach Thomas to keep us
informed.
764
00:47:06,474 --> 00:47:08,782
Teach Bomas? That idiot.
765
00:47:08,803 --> 00:47:11,492
Are you trying to make me feel worse?
He's highly respected
766
00:47:11,513 --> 00:47:14,456
because he always manages to write
from the "thick of the action".
767
00:47:14,477 --> 00:47:18,309
Funny how we've never actually
seen him though, isn't it? Fred,
you're being cynical.
768
00:47:18,330 --> 00:47:21,887
He must know what he's talking
about. He's in the Daily Mail.
769
00:47:27,816 --> 00:47:33,913
I am here, in no man's land,
where all hell has broken loose.
770
00:47:38,952 --> 00:47:43,504
The air is thick with bullets
and shells but I don't mind that.
771
00:47:43,526 --> 00:47:46,574
And now I'm climbing up
a conveniently dangling
772
00:47:46,786 --> 00:47:47,845
rope into an observation balloon.
773
00:47:49,623 --> 00:47:51,677
I'm now right above the battle
774
00:47:51,698 --> 00:47:58,410
and looking down on the gallant
charge of the, hmm, Umpshires.
775
00:47:58,431 --> 00:48:05,946
Yes. The brave men of the
13th Umpshire Regiment,
776
00:48:05,968 --> 00:48:08,953
charging straight at the
elite Prussian guard -
777
00:48:08,974 --> 00:48:10,816
who are all surrendering.
778
00:48:10,837 --> 00:48:14,796
Yes, they are shouting, "Kamerad"
and putting up their hands.
779
00:48:14,818 --> 00:48:18,269
Same again, please.
780
00:48:18,290 --> 00:48:22,842
I am now over the German battle
lines where I can tell you,
781
00:48:22,863 --> 00:48:25,044
with complete confidence,
782
00:48:25,065 --> 00:48:29,321
that the cavalry are laying down a
barrage of shells,
783
00:48:29,342 --> 00:48:32,327
whilst the submarines have
advanced into the wood.
784
00:48:32,348 --> 00:48:36,519
This has been me,
William Teach Bomas,
785
00:48:36,541 --> 00:48:40,034
writing exclusively from the middle
of the bottle. Sorry, battle.
786
00:48:40,055 --> 00:48:41,643
Stop it, Jack. You're hurting me.
787
00:48:41,664 --> 00:48:44,988
Shhh, would you two, please, behave!
788
00:48:45,010 --> 00:48:49,773
There are very sick men here.
This is not the Palace of Varieties.
789
00:48:49,795 --> 00:48:52,081
No, no,
the girls here are much prettier.
790
00:49:02,413 --> 00:49:04,912
Splendid, Harris, that's much better
791
00:49:05,124 --> 00:49:09,485
I think he'll be very pleased with
that. Thank you, sir.
792
00:49:16,345 --> 00:49:18,314
Ah, what is it, Barnes?
793
00:49:18,335 --> 00:49:20,643
Are you still taking submissions,
sir?
794
00:49:20,664 --> 00:49:23,480
We are as long as there is no
poetry.
795
00:49:23,501 --> 00:49:26,720
The editor has decided
he is sick of rhyme.
796
00:49:26,931 --> 00:49:30,319
The paper cannot
live by poems alone.
797
00:49:30,531 --> 00:49:31,314
Oh.
798
00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:32,817
What have you got for me?
799
00:49:34,469 --> 00:49:35,760
Nothing, sir.
800
00:49:35,781 --> 00:49:37,263
Show me.
801
00:49:46,494 --> 00:49:51,279
To My Chum. Sounds suspiciously
like a poem to me, Barnes.
802
00:49:52,464 --> 00:49:54,158
It's about Henderson, sir.
803
00:49:55,767 --> 00:49:56,868
Ah.
804
00:49:57,927 --> 00:50:01,060
Well, I'm sure we can make
an exception in that case.
805
00:50:05,380 --> 00:50:08,661
"No more we'll share the same old
barn
806
00:50:08,682 --> 00:50:11,816
"The same old dug-out
the same old yarn
807
00:50:13,213 --> 00:50:14,949
"No more a tin of bully share
808
00:50:16,135 --> 00:50:18,761
"Nor split our rum
by a star-shell's glare
809
00:50:20,285 --> 00:50:21,979
"So long, old lad
810
00:50:23,291 --> 00:50:28,119
"What times we've had
both good and bad.
811
00:50:28,331 --> 00:50:31,358
"We've shared what
shelter could be had
812
00:50:31,379 --> 00:50:35,296
"The same crump-hole when the
whizz-bangs shrieked
813
00:50:35,317 --> 00:50:37,901
"The same old billet
that always leaked
814
00:50:39,383 --> 00:50:42,516
"And now - you've stopped one
815
00:50:45,523 --> 00:50:48,508
"We'd weathered the storms two
winters long
816
00:50:48,529 --> 00:50:50,625
"We'd managed to grin
when all went wrong
817
00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:53,145
"Because together we'd fought
and fed
818
00:50:54,669 --> 00:50:59,624
"Our hearts were light
but now, you're dead...
819
00:51:01,571 --> 00:51:02,799
"..and I am mate-less."
820
00:51:29,433 --> 00:51:35,023
Missed, bad luck.
Not artillery by any chance?
821
00:51:37,902 --> 00:51:42,222
Sir. Good to see you, Fred. Fully
recovered?
822
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:43,301
Fighting fit, sir.
823
00:51:43,323 --> 00:51:45,736
Ready to be as "offensive"
as possible?
824
00:51:47,896 --> 00:51:52,448
Ah excellent.
Ah, so now it's The Kemmel Times?
825
00:51:52,469 --> 00:51:54,353
Well, they will keep moving us
around, sir,
826
00:51:54,375 --> 00:51:56,555
and now we seem to have
become infantry.
827
00:51:56,577 --> 00:52:00,621
Modern warfare's
all about flexibility, Fred.
828
00:52:00,642 --> 00:52:04,474
Take the cavalry, now they're riding
tanks. Whatever next?
829
00:52:04,495 --> 00:52:07,735
Anyway, you'd be glad to hear you're
going to have a change of scenery.
830
00:52:07,756 --> 00:52:11,101
Your days in the Salient are over.
831
00:52:13,091 --> 00:52:14,806
I'll miss it, sir.
832
00:52:14,827 --> 00:52:18,448
Unlike the Boche artillery, which has
made rather a mess of it.
833
00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:21,835
I'm not altogether keen on their
idea of landscape gardening.
834
00:52:21,857 --> 00:52:24,313
I think you'll
prefer your next posting.
835
00:52:31,469 --> 00:52:33,226
Ah!
836
00:52:33,247 --> 00:52:36,233
Frere Jacques! Bonjour!
837
00:52:36,254 --> 00:52:37,418
How was leave?
838
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:39,790
Well, Amiens really is most
agreeable.
839
00:52:39,811 --> 00:52:44,151
Top-notch cathedral which, sadly,
I didn't have time to visit.
840
00:52:44,172 --> 00:52:45,295
Here, fromage.
841
00:52:45,316 --> 00:52:47,327
Oh. Merci.
842
00:52:47,348 --> 00:52:49,401
Fromage Bleu.
Oh, merci buckets.
843
00:52:49,422 --> 00:52:52,619
But Madame Fifi assures me it's one
of the finest
844
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:56,346
examples of Gothic Architecture
in Northern France.
845
00:52:56,367 --> 00:52:57,616
And Madame Fifi is...?
846
00:52:57,637 --> 00:52:59,691
Absolutely charming.
847
00:52:59,712 --> 00:53:03,629
Runs a delightful little club where
if you buy a bottle of champagne,
848
00:53:03,650 --> 00:53:05,916
the girls very kindly agree to
sit on your knee.
849
00:53:05,937 --> 00:53:08,118
Oh. You really must go there.
850
00:53:08,139 --> 00:53:10,870
In fact, everyone must go there.
851
00:53:10,891 --> 00:53:14,385
I'm giving all ranks one day's
leave in Amiens.
852
00:53:14,406 --> 00:53:16,862
And that's an order!
853
00:53:17,073 --> 00:53:17,815
It's a bit far, isn't it?
854
00:53:17,836 --> 00:53:19,974
It won't be - we're on the move
again.
855
00:53:19,995 --> 00:53:21,626
Really? Where to?
856
00:53:21,647 --> 00:53:24,082
You'll love it, apparently it's very
pretty, indeed.
857
00:53:24,103 --> 00:53:26,326
Oh, capital. What's it called?
858
00:53:26,347 --> 00:53:27,723
The Somme.
859
00:53:27,744 --> 00:53:30,158
MARCHING
860
00:53:44,090 --> 00:53:45,212
Zero minus three.
861
00:53:45,233 --> 00:53:47,541
BOMBS EXPLODE
862
00:53:47,562 --> 00:53:50,463
I'm sorry, Jack, this
issue's a bit thin.
863
00:53:50,484 --> 00:53:52,792
Not even sure we'll make
the deadline.
864
00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:56,730
BOMB EXPLODES CLOSE BY
865
00:53:56,751 --> 00:54:00,265
Well, we have had other
calls on our time.
866
00:54:00,477 --> 00:54:02,362
Perhaps we should wait and bring it
out after the grand show.
867
00:54:02,383 --> 00:54:04,818
BOMB EXPLODES
868
00:54:04,839 --> 00:54:08,438
No. I think
sooner is better than later.
869
00:54:10,767 --> 00:54:14,388
DISTANT GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS
870
00:54:14,409 --> 00:54:16,378
A harpsichord of hate...
871
00:54:16,399 --> 00:54:20,231
performed to an audience of terrified
Teutons.
872
00:54:20,252 --> 00:54:23,406
I rather like that. Yes?
873
00:54:23,427 --> 00:54:25,968
I must remember it if I ever get out
of this.
874
00:54:28,424 --> 00:54:30,520
Rum ration.
875
00:54:30,541 --> 00:54:34,035
Rum ration, Sergeant. It's time to
give the boys a tot.
876
00:54:34,056 --> 00:54:36,596
Sir.
877
00:54:39,476 --> 00:54:42,546
BOMB EXPLODES
878
00:54:42,567 --> 00:54:44,833
Dodd's too young. I'll have his.
879
00:54:44,854 --> 00:54:47,903
We don't want you incapable, Smith.
880
00:54:48,114 --> 00:54:48,855
How would you tell, Sar'nt?
881
00:54:48,877 --> 00:54:51,396
Any chance of seconds?
882
00:54:51,417 --> 00:54:53,132
No, it's bad for your health.
883
00:54:53,153 --> 00:54:55,122
BOMB EXPLODES
884
00:54:55,144 --> 00:54:59,336
Swine. Can't even let
a man have a drink in peace.
885
00:55:00,437 --> 00:55:04,692
S'cuse me for asking, sir,
but there's rumours going round.
886
00:55:04,714 --> 00:55:06,556
Is this the big push?
887
00:55:06,577 --> 00:55:10,367
I'm afraid such information is
hush-hush, Dodd. Who told you that?
888
00:55:10,388 --> 00:55:14,389
Germans, sir. They've been shouting
out across no man's land.
889
00:55:14,411 --> 00:55:16,676
Yes, well, perhaps it isn't
the best kept military
890
00:55:16,697 --> 00:55:19,534
secret in the history
of the British military.
891
00:55:25,590 --> 00:55:27,156
Zero minus one.
892
00:55:35,837 --> 00:55:39,288
All right, men. Just wanted to say,
893
00:55:39,309 --> 00:55:43,650
whatever happens, you know you can
894
00:55:43,671 --> 00:55:47,080
rely on the old division to give
a good account of itself.
895
00:55:47,101 --> 00:55:48,202
Even Dodd, sir?
896
00:55:49,557 --> 00:55:50,721
Especially Dodd.
897
00:55:50,743 --> 00:55:54,554
So, here to all you lads.
898
00:55:58,618 --> 00:56:02,641
The game's started, so keep the
ball rolling and remember,
899
00:56:02,852 --> 00:56:04,821
the only good Hun is a dead Hun.
900
00:56:04,843 --> 00:56:07,510
MEN CHEER
901
00:56:20,087 --> 00:56:22,268
No jokes?
902
00:56:22,289 --> 00:56:23,517
A bit short of jokes.
903
00:56:29,318 --> 00:56:32,282
There was a young girl of the
Somme...
904
00:56:33,807 --> 00:56:35,712
..Who sat on a number five bomb...
905
00:56:40,878 --> 00:56:43,927
She thought was a dud 'un
but it went off sudden...
906
00:56:46,256 --> 00:56:47,802
Her exit she made with aplomb.
907
00:56:47,823 --> 00:56:49,982
MEN LAUGH
908
00:56:54,047 --> 00:56:56,694
MEN SHOUT
909
00:56:56,715 --> 00:56:58,959
BOMBS EXPLODE
910
00:57:02,389 --> 00:57:05,100
GUNFIRE
911
00:57:05,311 --> 00:57:08,911
MEN SHOUT
912
00:57:18,015 --> 00:57:19,476
Did you know it's still going on?
913
00:57:19,497 --> 00:57:23,075
The War? Yes, apparently it is.
914
00:57:23,096 --> 00:57:25,362
No, this mutinous magazine.
915
00:57:25,383 --> 00:57:29,046
They promised to stop producing it,
erm, when the war is over.
916
00:57:29,067 --> 00:57:32,898
Just listen to this.
"Realising that men must laugh.
917
00:57:32,919 --> 00:57:37,281
"Some wise man devised the staff."
918
00:57:37,492 --> 00:57:38,403
Is that supposed to be funny?
919
00:57:38,424 --> 00:57:40,308
Well, it's funnier than what
I'm reading.
920
00:57:40,330 --> 00:57:45,644
It's a subversive attack on the
entire high command. It continues...
921
00:57:45,665 --> 00:57:50,302
"Let them lead the simple life far
from all our vulgar strife."
922
00:57:50,323 --> 00:57:52,716
My God, that's us
they're talking about.
923
00:57:52,737 --> 00:57:57,500
"Lest their relatives might grieve
often, often give them leave
924
00:57:57,522 --> 00:58:02,540
"Decorations too, galore
What on earth could man wish more?"
925
00:58:02,561 --> 00:58:07,007
We cannot allow this scurrilous
insubordination to go unpunished.
926
00:58:09,378 --> 00:58:11,432
"And yet, alas, so goes the rumour
927
00:58:11,453 --> 00:58:13,697
"The staff all lack
a sense of humour."
928
00:58:15,603 --> 00:58:16,005
Utter rubbish.
929
00:58:16,026 --> 00:58:17,530
It's not all rude rhymes.
930
00:58:17,551 --> 00:58:22,569
In fact, er, they've put in a rather
helpful glossary of military terms.
931
00:58:22,590 --> 00:58:24,051
Really?
932
00:58:24,072 --> 00:58:26,846
"Duds, there are two kinds -
933
00:58:26,867 --> 00:58:30,847
"a shell on impact failing to
explode is called a dud.
934
00:58:31,059 --> 00:58:34,129
"These are unhappily less
plentiful on the other kind of dud."
935
00:58:34,150 --> 00:58:36,627
Go on. "The kind that draws a large
salary
936
00:58:36,648 --> 00:58:41,031
"and explodes for no reason
far behind the fighting area."
937
00:58:41,052 --> 00:58:45,033
The battlefield is not
a place for humour!
938
00:58:45,245 --> 00:58:46,113
Humour, my dear Howfield,
939
00:58:46,134 --> 00:58:50,220
is what separates
civilisation from incivility.
940
00:58:50,241 --> 00:58:51,342
Us from the Boche.
941
00:58:52,697 --> 00:58:56,572
Whilst Roberts and his men are busy
writing poems poking fun at us
942
00:58:56,593 --> 00:59:01,230
brass hats, the Germans' equivalent
literary contribution is
943
00:59:01,251 --> 00:59:02,712
a hymn of hate.
944
00:59:02,733 --> 00:59:05,041
Have you heard it?
Course I've heard it.
945
00:59:05,062 --> 00:59:08,724
Has all the subtlety of a dawn
barrage from Big Bertha.
946
00:59:08,745 --> 00:59:11,773
What the Germans sing or don't
sing is irrelevant.
947
00:59:11,794 --> 00:59:14,144
We have to maintain
discipline in our army,
948
00:59:14,165 --> 00:59:17,574
or the result is defeatism
and anarchy.
949
00:59:17,595 --> 00:59:21,004
I still say something should be done
about Captain Roberts.
950
00:59:21,025 --> 00:59:23,058
Oh? Something has been done.
951
00:59:25,048 --> 00:59:28,647
He's been awarded
the Military Cross for gallantry.
952
00:59:32,839 --> 00:59:35,698
"Captain FJ Roberts, 12th Sherwood
Foresters,
953
00:59:35,719 --> 00:59:39,022
"24th Division, for conspicuous
gallantry
954
00:59:39,233 --> 00:59:45,268
"and devotion to duty in the battle
of the Somme on August 12th 1916.
955
00:59:45,289 --> 00:59:48,655
"Captain Roberts showed
outstanding leadership under fire
956
00:59:48,676 --> 00:59:50,899
"as Company Commander.
957
00:59:50,921 --> 00:59:53,377
"Throughout he behaved most
gallantly."
958
00:59:55,113 --> 01:00:00,893
♪ If you're waking call me early
call me early, Sergeant, dear
959
01:00:00,914 --> 01:00:04,852
♪ For I'm very, very weary
and my warrants come, I hear
960
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:11,352
♪ It is Blighty for a spell
my old troubles are all packed
961
01:00:11,373 --> 01:00:15,947
♪ So keep the war a-going, Sar'nt
it's all yours till I'm back. ♪
962
01:00:23,569 --> 01:00:25,241
Maitre d', maitre d'?
963
01:00:25,262 --> 01:00:26,977
Oh, I-I was saying - Pearson.
964
01:00:26,999 --> 01:00:30,492
Pearson's priceless and Harris is
an ace with the inkies.
965
01:00:30,513 --> 01:00:33,541
And you'd be amazed at the sort of
stuff that comes in from the chaps.
966
01:00:33,562 --> 01:00:37,013
The spoofs of Kipling
and Sherlock Holmes and...
967
01:00:37,034 --> 01:00:39,427
the Rubaiyat of Omar whats-it.
968
01:00:39,448 --> 01:00:42,517
And limericks and jokes from all
sorts of unlikely...
969
01:00:42,538 --> 01:00:44,994
Slow down, Fred, I'm not going
anywhere.
970
01:00:46,265 --> 01:00:50,012
But did I tell you about the poet,
Gilbert Frankau contributing?
971
01:00:50,033 --> 01:00:53,442
Now there's someone who's actually
famous, now he's working for us.
972
01:00:53,463 --> 01:00:55,475
You did mention it once or twice.
973
01:00:55,496 --> 01:00:59,794
There's a very promising writer
called Sherriff, who's good at little
dramatic squibs.
974
01:00:59,815 --> 01:01:03,986
Oh, and one of the men has started
carving drawings on wood blocks.
975
01:01:04,007 --> 01:01:08,602
So we're almost up there with the
Illustrated London News.
976
01:01:08,623 --> 01:01:10,592
You make it all sound such fun.
977
01:01:10,613 --> 01:01:13,471
It would be if the infernal
general staff didn't keep
978
01:01:13,492 --> 01:01:15,483
insisting on us
fighting all the time.
979
01:01:17,685 --> 01:01:21,220
Oh, Sommelier? Could we have another
bottle of the '97?
980
01:01:21,242 --> 01:01:23,761
Darling, can we afford all this?
981
01:01:23,782 --> 01:01:26,810
Of course we can't!
Not on a captain's pay.
982
01:01:26,831 --> 01:01:30,071
But as luck would have it,
I ran into a general in the boat home
983
01:01:30,092 --> 01:01:32,654
and I won a hand or two at cards.
984
01:01:32,675 --> 01:01:35,618
I do hope he's better at strategy
than he is at bridge.
985
01:01:35,639 --> 01:01:36,867
Same old Fred.
986
01:01:39,577 --> 01:01:40,678
Well, not quite.
987
01:02:15,696 --> 01:02:16,882
It's the quiet.
988
01:02:20,227 --> 01:02:21,328
It's keeping me awake.
989
01:02:25,182 --> 01:02:27,087
What's it really like?
990
01:02:31,914 --> 01:02:34,243
You know what the basis for this
war is?
991
01:02:36,149 --> 01:02:37,250
Mud.
992
01:02:41,188 --> 01:02:45,740
And sticking through the mud
at various places you can see
993
01:02:45,761 --> 01:02:47,074
pieces of towns.
994
01:02:49,869 --> 01:02:52,113
And out there are the trenches.
995
01:02:53,468 --> 01:02:57,618
One set for our men,
one for the Boche.
996
01:02:57,830 --> 01:02:59,947
With thick wire
fences in front of them.
997
01:03:03,165 --> 01:03:07,061
And time passes slowly.
998
01:03:10,364 --> 01:03:12,502
So, by way of amusement,
999
01:03:12,523 --> 01:03:18,219
one side will try to get in the
other's trench and bring back a man.
1000
01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:20,273
And the score is
1-0 for the night.
1001
01:03:23,194 --> 01:03:25,841
May seem a bit slow,
taking the enemy one by one,
1002
01:03:25,862 --> 01:03:27,852
when there are millions
more out there.
1003
01:03:29,588 --> 01:03:31,706
It all helps to pass the time.
1004
01:03:33,188 --> 01:03:35,813
Till Christmas,
when the war's going to end.
1005
01:03:37,211 --> 01:03:39,328
Is it?
1006
01:03:39,540 --> 01:03:42,715
Oh, yes.
We just don't know which Christmas.
1007
01:03:44,197 --> 01:03:45,298
We are winning?
1008
01:03:46,653 --> 01:03:50,845
I'm not sure anyone knows.
1009
01:03:55,037 --> 01:03:56,434
I fought in a battle...
1010
01:03:59,017 --> 01:04:03,421
..which was an epic of futility.
1011
01:04:06,851 --> 01:04:11,128
No-one could even speculate what the
battle was supposed to achieve.
1012
01:04:13,118 --> 01:04:14,664
In fact, there was never the
1013
01:04:14,685 --> 01:04:17,607
slightest chance of achieving
anything at all.
1014
01:04:20,317 --> 01:04:22,942
Apart from the flower of
British manhood...
1015
01:04:24,128 --> 01:04:27,283
..being hurled to a squalid death.
1016
01:04:27,304 --> 01:04:29,675
This isn't like you, Fred.
I'm sorry.
1017
01:04:32,046 --> 01:04:34,227
Most of us
have been cured of any illusion
1018
01:04:34,248 --> 01:04:37,509
we may have had about the pomp
and glory of war...
1019
01:04:39,499 --> 01:04:45,004
..and now know it as the vilest
disaster that can befall mankind.
1020
01:04:53,304 --> 01:04:58,808
War is nothing more than
wallowing in a dirty ditch.
1021
01:05:03,551 --> 01:05:04,737
Are you going back?
1022
01:05:09,522 --> 01:05:09,860
Of course.
1023
01:05:11,554 --> 01:05:14,264
MARCHING
1024
01:05:23,664 --> 01:05:26,141
'If you can live on bully
and a biscuit
1025
01:05:26,162 --> 01:05:29,613
'And thank your stars that
you've a tot of rum
1026
01:05:29,635 --> 01:05:31,519
'Dodge whizz-bangs with a grin
1027
01:05:31,540 --> 01:05:35,478
'And as you risk it, talk
glibly of the pretty way they hum
1028
01:05:36,749 --> 01:05:40,327
'If you can crawl through wire
and crump-holes reeking
1029
01:05:40,348 --> 01:05:42,444
'With feet of liquid mud
1030
01:05:42,465 --> 01:05:47,420
'And keep your head turned always
to the place which you are seeking
1031
01:05:47,631 --> 01:05:49,833
'Through dread of crying you will
laugh instead
1032
01:05:51,866 --> 01:05:54,174
'If you can grin, at last
when handing over
1033
01:05:54,195 --> 01:05:57,858
'And finish well, what you have well
begun
1034
01:05:57,879 --> 01:06:01,753
'And think a muddy ditch
a bed of clover
1035
01:06:01,774 --> 01:06:05,120
'You will be a soldier one day then
my son.'
1036
01:06:15,664 --> 01:06:17,484
Section, halt!
1037
01:06:20,787 --> 01:06:22,989
Give us a cigarette, Dodd.
1038
01:06:24,853 --> 01:06:29,722
We must be here.
Because this, here, is over there.
1039
01:06:30,781 --> 01:06:33,936
Where are we, sir?
If I'm not mistaken,
1040
01:06:33,957 --> 01:06:35,947
we're back at Wipers.
1041
01:06:37,895 --> 01:06:38,996
You sure, sir?
1042
01:06:53,012 --> 01:06:54,113
Pretty sure.
1043
01:06:59,829 --> 01:07:03,364
We've come a long way in the last
18 months, haven't we?
1044
01:07:03,386 --> 01:07:05,376
I'd say approximately 30 yards.
1045
01:07:08,975 --> 01:07:12,913
Find out what the hell monsieur
thinks he's up to, would you, Jack?
1046
01:07:16,385 --> 01:07:17,973
Monsieur! Bonjour!
1047
01:07:17,995 --> 01:07:20,048
Sergeant? Sir?
1048
01:07:20,069 --> 01:07:22,039
Make sure the printer's
come in one piece.
1049
01:07:22,060 --> 01:07:24,833
I thought the GS wagon
we put it on looked pretty ropey.
1050
01:07:24,854 --> 01:07:26,506
Sir. Thank you.
1051
01:07:30,444 --> 01:07:34,234
I don't think you're going to
believe this. Try me.
1052
01:07:34,255 --> 01:07:36,521
He's with the Michelin guide.
1053
01:07:36,542 --> 01:07:39,654
They're preparing a tourist
handbook for the battlefields.
1054
01:07:39,675 --> 01:07:42,491
Oh, so this is...? This is going to
be a holiday destination?
1055
01:07:42,512 --> 01:07:43,973
Apparently so.
1056
01:07:43,994 --> 01:07:46,133
We should consider ourselves
fortunate
1057
01:07:46,154 --> 01:07:49,055
we're among the first to have seen
the sights. Yes.
1058
01:07:49,076 --> 01:07:52,654
Did you ask him to recommend any top
class restaurants in the vicinity?
1059
01:07:52,675 --> 01:07:55,512
This is beyond parody.
You couldn't make it up.
1060
01:07:57,164 --> 01:08:01,081
Right. Come on men. Forward march.
1061
01:08:01,102 --> 01:08:02,203
Onwards.
1062
01:08:04,066 --> 01:08:07,157
He'll be put out of a job soon.
1063
01:08:07,369 --> 01:08:09,973
Should we see if the old editorial
den's still standing?
1064
01:08:09,994 --> 01:08:11,794
It'll be like old times.
1065
01:08:11,815 --> 01:08:16,812
Yes, very old times. Back
when there were no buildings at all.
1066
01:08:27,313 --> 01:08:31,103
Oh, tell me, Sergeant,
how many Es in Wenceslas?
1067
01:08:31,124 --> 01:08:34,405
As many of the little
blighters as I can find, sir.
1068
01:08:34,426 --> 01:08:36,395
Which, at the moment, is none.
1069
01:08:36,417 --> 01:08:42,747
Very well. I always thought the good
king was over encumbered with Es.
1070
01:08:42,768 --> 01:08:45,245
We're also short of paper, sir.
1071
01:08:45,267 --> 01:08:49,692
We... We've got
a bumper Christmas issue to produce.
1072
01:08:49,713 --> 01:08:51,936
I'm sure the readers will understand
1073
01:08:51,957 --> 01:08:54,985
if the issue's less than
the advertised 20 pages.
1074
01:08:55,006 --> 01:08:57,695
We've dropped
the pen in favour of the sword
1075
01:08:57,716 --> 01:09:00,066
and gone to liberate some
French villages.
1076
01:09:00,087 --> 01:09:04,301
No, we promised our readers 20 pages,
and 20 pages they shall have.
1077
01:09:04,322 --> 01:09:06,164
Well, that's all well and good, sir,
1078
01:09:06,185 --> 01:09:08,959
but it doesn't get
around our problem. No poo paper.
1079
01:09:08,980 --> 01:09:12,516
If I can find something funny to
say about another Christmas
1080
01:09:12,537 --> 01:09:14,506
on the front line...
1081
01:09:14,527 --> 01:09:20,328
then I'm sure you can find
some paper in Ypres, Sergeant.
1082
01:09:21,429 --> 01:09:22,636
I'll do my best, sir.
1083
01:09:22,657 --> 01:09:24,436
Thank you.
1084
01:09:26,299 --> 01:09:29,729
I had a profitable hand of Brag
with Bobbing Bobby.
1085
01:09:32,651 --> 01:09:35,573
If this issue comes out at all
it'll be a miracle.
1086
01:09:41,247 --> 01:09:43,512
A miracle at Christmas.
1087
01:09:43,533 --> 01:09:47,958
This is the story of a soldier,
Alfred Higgins,
1088
01:09:47,980 --> 01:09:53,082
or number 249921 Private Higgins A,
1089
01:09:53,103 --> 01:09:56,004
as he was officially known.
1090
01:09:56,025 --> 01:10:00,831
It was Christmas morning
and Alfred was holding the line.
1091
01:10:00,853 --> 01:10:03,245
All was peace and goodwill.
1092
01:10:03,266 --> 01:10:07,140
The Gas Gongs were chiming out
their message of joy to all mankind
1093
01:10:07,161 --> 01:10:11,120
and the merry bark of the pipsqueak,
aided by the staccato cough of the
1094
01:10:11,141 --> 01:10:15,545
howitzer, combined to reassure Alfred
that all was well with the world.
1095
01:10:16,604 --> 01:10:21,918
Alfred began to doze, when at last
his sergeant came in sight.
1096
01:10:21,939 --> 01:10:23,908
"Higgins," said the Sergeant.
1097
01:10:23,930 --> 01:10:26,449
"Have you been drinking rum?"
1098
01:10:26,470 --> 01:10:30,387
"No, Sergeant. Honestly, Sergeant,"
said Higgins.
1099
01:10:30,408 --> 01:10:32,716
"Well, then,"
said the Sergeant.
1100
01:10:32,737 --> 01:10:34,918
"You must have some of mine."
1101
01:10:34,939 --> 01:10:38,179
Alfred was treated for severe shock
1102
01:10:38,200 --> 01:10:40,910
and never went to the
front line again.
1103
01:10:42,985 --> 01:10:46,351
A happy Christmas
and New Year to all!
1104
01:10:46,372 --> 01:10:49,718
And may next Christmas see
the whole damn business over.
1105
01:10:54,460 --> 01:10:56,345
Bravo, Fred.
1106
01:10:56,366 --> 01:10:58,907
A festive tale to gladden the heart.
1107
01:11:00,558 --> 01:11:02,696
It's given me an idea.
1108
01:11:02,718 --> 01:11:05,068
Permission to go into
the pub business?
1109
01:11:05,089 --> 01:11:08,561
Permission granted.
What on earth are you talking about?
1110
01:11:09,959 --> 01:11:13,240
All right. Merci. Demain.
1111
01:11:13,262 --> 01:11:16,840
Demain deux fois, deux fois encore.
1112
01:11:16,861 --> 01:11:17,962
Very good.
1113
01:11:19,952 --> 01:11:24,292
Welcome to the Foresters Arms.
Very impressive.
1114
01:11:24,314 --> 01:11:26,071
Well, something had to be done.
1115
01:11:26,092 --> 01:11:28,358
The ambulances can't keep up
with the casualties
1116
01:11:28,379 --> 01:11:30,729
and get the wounded back to base
quick enough, so...
1117
01:11:30,750 --> 01:11:33,164
it's a sort of first aid post.
1118
01:11:33,375 --> 01:11:35,599
Or, rather, thirst aid post?
1119
01:11:35,620 --> 01:11:37,398
I'm terribly sorry.
1120
01:11:37,610 --> 01:11:38,690
That's dreadful.
1121
01:11:38,711 --> 01:11:40,024
Well done, lads.
1122
01:11:46,501 --> 01:11:49,529
There we are. One franc.
1123
01:11:49,550 --> 01:11:51,159
I've no money, sir.
1124
01:11:51,371 --> 01:11:54,356
Oh, dear. Well, then I shall have to
insist on giving it to you for free.
1125
01:11:54,378 --> 01:11:59,523
Cheers, sir. What the bloody hell is
going on here?!
1126
01:11:59,544 --> 01:12:02,571
You're meant to be a soldier
not a bloody publican.
1127
01:12:02,593 --> 01:12:04,943
Yes, sir, I was just... I want it
closed down immediately.
1128
01:12:04,964 --> 01:12:06,933
I'm afraid that's not possible.
What?
1129
01:12:06,954 --> 01:12:10,215
The Foresters Arms is providing
a vital service to these men
1130
01:12:10,426 --> 01:12:12,819
and following a petition from the
divisional chaplaincies,
1131
01:12:12,840 --> 01:12:16,249
the Foresters Arms has been
authorised to continue
its essential work.
1132
01:12:16,270 --> 01:12:18,832
On whose authority?
General Mitford's?
1133
01:12:18,853 --> 01:12:20,356
Field Marshall Haig's?
1134
01:12:20,377 --> 01:12:21,478
Higher than that.
1135
01:12:25,247 --> 01:12:29,016
You damned devil dodgers are going
to undermine the whole war!
1136
01:12:38,755 --> 01:12:43,455
May I add my own note of caution,
Captain Pearson? Sir?
1137
01:12:43,667 --> 01:12:45,594
I hope this new venture,
however admirable,
1138
01:12:45,615 --> 01:12:48,092
will not get in the way
of your duties.
1139
01:12:48,113 --> 01:12:53,894
May I remind you that you are first
and foremost assistant editor
1140
01:12:53,915 --> 01:12:55,799
of The Wipers Times.
1141
01:12:55,820 --> 01:12:56,921
Yes.
1142
01:12:58,573 --> 01:13:03,718
The General Staff are under severe
pressure from the good ladies
1143
01:13:03,739 --> 01:13:06,745
of the Temperance Society.
1144
01:13:06,957 --> 01:13:08,121
Why?
1145
01:13:08,143 --> 01:13:13,033
From their unique vantage point
on the home front, they attribute
1146
01:13:13,055 --> 01:13:17,161
all the army's reverses in the
field to the effects of alcohol.
1147
01:13:18,220 --> 01:13:22,200
They seem to be under the impression
that the trenches are awash
1148
01:13:22,412 --> 01:13:23,365
with the demon drink.
1149
01:13:23,386 --> 01:13:25,482
I can't imagine why
they would think that.
1150
01:13:25,503 --> 01:13:28,615
Rum business, war.
1151
01:13:28,637 --> 01:13:31,453
But the high command has given
the ladies their blessing
1152
01:13:31,474 --> 01:13:35,052
and whether we like it or not,
we will all have to acknowledge that
1153
01:13:35,073 --> 01:13:37,762
alcohol is a serious issue.
1154
01:13:37,783 --> 01:13:39,181
So what do you propose?
1155
01:13:40,620 --> 01:13:44,855
Well, obviously,
we'll have to do our bit...
1156
01:13:45,067 --> 01:13:49,703
and place a suitable advertisement
in a responsible trench newspaper.
1157
01:13:49,724 --> 01:13:51,270
Do you have a drink habit?
1158
01:13:51,291 --> 01:13:52,879
Do you have a drink habit?
1159
01:13:52,900 --> 01:13:54,404
Do you have a drink habit?
1160
01:13:54,425 --> 01:13:59,316
If not, I can help you acquire
one in three days.
1161
01:13:59,337 --> 01:14:03,487
If you, or any one you know, does not
drink alcohol regularly,
1162
01:14:03,698 --> 01:14:07,700
they need my new book
Confessions Of An Alcohol Slave.
1163
01:14:07,721 --> 01:14:08,843
I can cure anyone.
1164
01:14:08,864 --> 01:14:10,601
Take this once sad wretch.
1165
01:14:14,369 --> 01:14:18,074
I was a rabid teetotaller for the
first 15 years of my life,
1166
01:14:18,096 --> 01:14:21,081
but thanks to Dr Supitup
and his miracle cure
1167
01:14:21,102 --> 01:14:23,368
I now never go to bed sober.
1168
01:14:23,389 --> 01:14:26,247
All cases are treated in
absolute confidence.
1169
01:14:26,268 --> 01:14:31,540
This incredible three-step guide to
being a bona fide toper is yours now.
1170
01:14:31,561 --> 01:14:35,245
Just write to me, Dr Supitup,
at Have Another Mansions,
1171
01:14:35,457 --> 01:14:36,770
in Bedfordshire.
1172
01:14:38,125 --> 01:14:40,221
KNOCK ON DOOR
1173
01:14:40,242 --> 01:14:41,703
You wanted to see me, sir?
1174
01:14:41,724 --> 01:14:43,100
Come in, Fred.
1175
01:14:43,122 --> 01:14:45,556
If it's about ragging
the Temperance Society...
1176
01:14:45,578 --> 01:14:46,996
No, no, no. It isn't,
1177
01:14:47,017 --> 01:14:51,547
though I have had complaints
that your version of the war
1178
01:14:51,759 --> 01:14:53,876
consists of nothing but wine,
women and song.
1179
01:14:55,824 --> 01:14:59,063
Well, there has been the odd
visit to Madame Fifi's.
1180
01:14:59,085 --> 01:15:01,477
I'd keep quiet about that
if I were you, Fred.
1181
01:15:01,498 --> 01:15:03,023
Madame Fifi's is closed.
1182
01:15:04,378 --> 01:15:07,787
Napoo Madame Fifi? Quelle damage.
1183
01:15:07,808 --> 01:15:11,428
Sadly she had to leave her cosy club
one dawn for an appointment
1184
01:15:11,449 --> 01:15:12,847
with the firing squad.
1185
01:15:14,583 --> 01:15:16,721
Madame Fifi was a spy?
1186
01:15:16,743 --> 01:15:20,130
Apparently she was extracting
information from excitable
1187
01:15:20,342 --> 01:15:20,659
young officers
1188
01:15:20,681 --> 01:15:22,777
and passing it straight to Berlin.
1189
01:15:22,798 --> 01:15:24,682
My conscience is clear, sir.
1190
01:15:24,703 --> 01:15:28,176
I can't have given anything
away about the war
1191
01:15:28,387 --> 01:15:29,721
because I don't know anything.
1192
01:15:29,742 --> 01:15:32,834
Like all British
officers on the front line,
1193
01:15:33,045 --> 01:15:35,014
I'm kept completely in the dark.
1194
01:15:35,036 --> 01:15:39,376
I am amazed that, after all this
time, you can find anything funny.
1195
01:15:39,397 --> 01:15:43,314
Oh, I don't know, sir. You would have
to concede that it is somewhat
1196
01:15:43,335 --> 01:15:48,565
comical that we have spent years
fighting our way through Flanders
1197
01:15:48,586 --> 01:15:51,127
only to end up right back
where we started.
1198
01:15:53,159 --> 01:15:57,203
Then I think you'll find the news
of your next deployment hilarious.
1199
01:15:57,224 --> 01:15:59,151
I can hardly wait, sir.
1200
01:15:59,172 --> 01:16:03,322
24th division is being sent
back to The Somme.
1201
01:16:06,074 --> 01:16:07,408
And why not, sir?
1202
01:16:07,430 --> 01:16:13,125
It was such a success last time,
why not do it all again?
1203
01:16:13,146 --> 01:16:16,131
That's the spirit. War's waking up.
1204
01:16:16,153 --> 01:16:19,540
Seconds out of the ring.
Last round coming up.
1205
01:16:21,149 --> 01:16:22,229
Zero minus one.
1206
01:16:22,250 --> 01:16:23,986
EXPLOSION
1207
01:16:27,246 --> 01:16:30,570
Right, lads.
You all know the drill by now.
1208
01:16:30,591 --> 01:16:34,042
What's that you're drinking, Barnes?
Water, sir.
1209
01:16:34,064 --> 01:16:36,710
Don't you know the water is
not for drinking?
1210
01:16:36,731 --> 01:16:40,182
It's for putting in the radiators
of the staff cars.
1211
01:16:40,204 --> 01:16:44,502
Don't do anything risky, never mind
the water. Try some whisky.
1212
01:16:44,523 --> 01:16:46,619
Sir.
1213
01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:47,741
Ready, men?
1214
01:16:51,298 --> 01:16:52,780
Forward, the Foresters.
1215
01:16:54,686 --> 01:16:56,676
Give the Fritzes hell!
1216
01:17:02,816 --> 01:17:04,933
ALL SHOUT
1217
01:17:28,053 --> 01:17:30,001
Stop. Men.
1218
01:17:30,975 --> 01:17:32,817
Stop!
1219
01:17:32,838 --> 01:17:35,570
Hold your fire!
1220
01:17:35,591 --> 01:17:37,094
Sir?
1221
01:17:37,115 --> 01:17:38,513
They're already dead!
1222
01:17:42,027 --> 01:17:45,415
It's the gas. Their own gas.
1223
01:17:49,946 --> 01:17:51,640
The wind must have changed.
1224
01:17:54,943 --> 01:17:58,478
I thought they were a bit...passive.
1225
01:17:58,500 --> 01:18:01,187
What, you mean...
1226
01:18:01,209 --> 01:18:03,241
they didn't put up
much of a fight?
1227
01:18:06,078 --> 01:18:07,624
Not very sporting, is it?
1228
01:18:07,645 --> 01:18:10,122
HE LAUGHS
1229
01:18:10,143 --> 01:18:12,536
Signing off before the show
has even started.
1230
01:18:12,557 --> 01:18:15,119
Spoils the whole fun of war.
1231
01:18:15,140 --> 01:18:18,189
THEY LAUGH
1232
01:18:24,752 --> 01:18:26,235
Oh, Christ!
1233
01:18:57,739 --> 01:19:00,936
There was a little Hun and at war
he tried his hand
1234
01:19:00,957 --> 01:19:05,383
And while the Hun was winning
war was fine, you understand
1235
01:19:05,404 --> 01:19:08,474
When the others hit him
back, he shouted in alarm
1236
01:19:08,495 --> 01:19:11,586
"A little drop of peace
wouldn't do me any harm."
1237
01:19:43,598 --> 01:19:46,922
There was a young man of Avesnes...
1238
01:19:46,943 --> 01:19:49,738
Who took a stroll down a long
shady lanes...
1239
01:19:53,295 --> 01:19:57,635
..He trod on a dud
Half-hidden in mud
1240
01:19:57,656 --> 01:20:00,790
He never will do it agains.
1241
01:20:01,849 --> 01:20:04,601
Well up to our usual
terrible standard.
1242
01:20:07,057 --> 01:20:10,741
Sir, we've heard a rumour that
the Germans have surrendered.
1243
01:20:12,096 --> 01:20:14,362
Well, if that is the case, Corporal,
1244
01:20:14,383 --> 01:20:17,410
someone really ought to tell
their artillery.
1245
01:20:17,432 --> 01:20:19,739
Yes, and if Fritz really is
waving the white flag,
1246
01:20:19,761 --> 01:20:22,873
he might have the decency to
stop firing at us.
1247
01:20:22,894 --> 01:20:25,223
So you don't think it's true then,
sir?
1248
01:20:27,256 --> 01:20:31,596
All I'm prepared to say is that
the tide is apparently turned
1249
01:20:31,617 --> 01:20:37,630
and perhaps, at last, we can all
look forward to better times.
1250
01:20:38,646 --> 01:20:41,102
Better Times.
1251
01:20:41,441 --> 01:20:43,135
It's a good name for a title.
1252
01:20:59,226 --> 01:21:01,259
EXPLOSION
1253
01:21:07,314 --> 01:21:09,155
Letter to the editor.
1254
01:21:09,176 --> 01:21:10,807
Is it genuine?
1255
01:21:10,828 --> 01:21:13,284
Absolutely. I just
genuinely made it up.
1256
01:21:14,469 --> 01:21:17,709
"Dear sir.
I hear that when it's all over,
1257
01:21:17,730 --> 01:21:22,494
"people who joined up early are going
to be demobilised first.
1258
01:21:22,515 --> 01:21:24,907
"This is very unfair
1259
01:21:24,929 --> 01:21:28,083
"since they obviously much more eager
to be in the army than those of us
1260
01:21:28,104 --> 01:21:31,344
"who joined up reluctantly later.
1261
01:21:31,365 --> 01:21:34,647
"So surely we should go home sooner?
1262
01:21:34,668 --> 01:21:37,653
"Yours, Lance Corporal A Slacker."
1263
01:21:37,674 --> 01:21:39,368
Very convincing argument.
1264
01:21:43,052 --> 01:21:45,042
EXPLOSION
1265
01:21:47,668 --> 01:21:52,643
You sure about this title,
Better Times?
1266
01:21:52,665 --> 01:21:55,862
Apparently we only need one more
big effort
1267
01:21:55,883 --> 01:21:58,572
and we can completely bust the hump.
1268
01:21:58,593 --> 01:22:00,943
You seem to be
suffering from optimism.
1269
01:22:00,964 --> 01:22:03,103
Talking of which...
1270
01:22:03,124 --> 01:22:06,575
Harris thinks we can go
to a weekly edition,
1271
01:22:06,596 --> 01:22:11,910
despite brother Boche's best efforts
to prevent all forms of journalism
1272
01:22:11,932 --> 01:22:16,187
by filling the office with
shrapnel yesterday.
1273
01:22:16,208 --> 01:22:20,379
Why weekly? Why not a daily?
Now who's suffering from optimism?
1274
01:22:20,401 --> 01:22:22,094
We're selling like hot cakes.
1275
01:22:23,704 --> 01:22:27,705
Is that good? I can't remember what
a hot cake tastes like.
1276
01:22:27,726 --> 01:22:30,182
We're even selling
out on the home front.
1277
01:22:32,130 --> 01:22:34,523
It would take a lot more copy.
1278
01:22:34,544 --> 01:22:37,106
Surely there's enough
jokers out there
1279
01:22:37,127 --> 01:22:40,472
and more than enough
poets to fill the space.
1280
01:22:41,658 --> 01:22:44,748
EXPLOSION
1281
01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,654
It's a signal for you, sir.
Thank you, Harris.
1282
01:23:00,839 --> 01:23:01,178
My God!
1283
01:23:03,083 --> 01:23:04,184
What is it?
1284
01:23:07,995 --> 01:23:09,520
It's all over.
1285
01:23:15,872 --> 01:23:18,391
What, sir, just like that?
1286
01:23:18,412 --> 01:23:22,139
"Official radio from Paris. 6.01 am.
1287
01:23:24,129 --> 01:23:25,823
"November 11th 1918.
1288
01:23:26,839 --> 01:23:29,951
"Marshal Foch to Commander in Chief.
1289
01:23:29,972 --> 01:23:34,546
"Hostilities will be stopped
along entire front at 11 o'clock."
1290
01:23:37,806 --> 01:23:39,542
Fini la guerre.
1291
01:23:43,650 --> 01:23:44,751
Looks like it.
1292
01:23:47,376 --> 01:23:48,477
Napoo Boche.
1293
01:23:52,077 --> 01:23:53,178
So it would seem.
1294
01:23:57,073 --> 01:23:58,471
It's an armistice.
1295
01:24:00,292 --> 01:24:04,357
No big show then,
no final push to Berlin?
1296
01:24:10,370 --> 01:24:12,572
EXPLOSION
1297
01:24:15,282 --> 01:24:17,588
Shall I, er, tell the men then,
sir?
1298
01:24:17,610 --> 01:24:21,611
EXPLOSION
1299
01:24:21,632 --> 01:24:23,517
Thank you, Sergeant.
1300
01:24:23,538 --> 01:24:27,116
And tell them to keep their bloody
heads down until 11 o'clock.
1301
01:24:27,137 --> 01:24:28,323
Sir.
1302
01:24:34,802 --> 01:24:35,903
So, Jack...
1303
01:24:38,105 --> 01:24:41,259
..our swords are going to be
turned into ploughshares.
1304
01:24:41,281 --> 01:24:43,038
Mmm.
1305
01:24:43,059 --> 01:24:45,092
The order of the bowler hat for us.
1306
01:24:49,284 --> 01:24:50,978
We're going home.
1307
01:24:58,134 --> 01:24:59,955
Shouldn't we be celebrating?
1308
01:25:05,925 --> 01:25:08,233
I suppose we should.
1309
01:25:08,254 --> 01:25:10,456
Hmm.
1310
01:25:33,323 --> 01:25:36,880
OK, lads. Well...
just received a wire...
1311
01:26:04,064 --> 01:26:07,939
Now that we've actually won the war,
I hope that your scribbler friends
1312
01:26:07,960 --> 01:26:11,157
in The Wipers Times will treat the
staff with a little more respect.
1313
01:26:11,178 --> 01:26:12,343
Yes, indeed. In fact,
1314
01:26:12,364 --> 01:26:15,603
they're recommending the staff be
awarded more medals.
1315
01:26:15,624 --> 01:26:16,873
About time.
1316
01:26:16,895 --> 01:26:19,584
The want special recognition
for all those martyrs
1317
01:26:19,605 --> 01:26:23,903
who've had to endure wearying
years of soft jobs back at the base
1318
01:26:23,924 --> 01:26:26,634
and have missed out on all the fun
of the front line.
1319
01:26:32,224 --> 01:26:36,797
And welcome back to the European
Theatre for our grand finale.
1320
01:26:39,337 --> 01:26:44,017
Sadly Keiser Bill Hohenzollern will
not be appearing as he has
1321
01:26:44,038 --> 01:26:47,806
an alternative engagement singing
My Old Dutch in Holland.
1322
01:26:51,618 --> 01:26:54,751
Also not on the bill
are the famous Crumps.
1323
01:26:57,631 --> 01:27:00,087
And the little pipsqueaks.
1324
01:27:03,135 --> 01:27:09,106
And Duddy...whizz-bang!
1325
01:27:12,367 --> 01:27:15,310
Yes! The show mustn't go on.
1326
01:27:15,331 --> 01:27:17,130
You've seen the horrors of war.
1327
01:27:17,152 --> 01:27:19,756
Now prepare for the horrors
of peace.
1328
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:22,106
You were an army of occupation.
1329
01:27:22,318 --> 01:27:24,498
Now you're going to be
an army of no occupation.
1330
01:27:24,520 --> 01:27:25,853
THEY BOO
1331
01:27:25,874 --> 01:27:27,716
So without further ado,
1332
01:27:27,737 --> 01:27:31,315
let's have one last
encore from Tommy Atkins with
1333
01:27:31,336 --> 01:27:34,830
a delightfully delicious ditty -
costumes kindly provided by Messrs
1334
01:27:34,851 --> 01:27:38,175
D Mob & Co - the celebrated
tailors of Cheap Street.
1335
01:27:38,196 --> 01:27:40,821
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1336
01:27:43,235 --> 01:27:46,348
♪ So scrap the mortar
mine and shell
1337
01:27:46,369 --> 01:27:50,582
♪ The job's completely done
and well
1338
01:27:50,603 --> 01:27:55,325
♪ We're done with mud
and rats and stench
1339
01:27:55,346 --> 01:27:59,496
♪ Hope never again to see
a trench... ♪
1340
01:28:01,994 --> 01:28:06,080
That'll do, lads. We don't want to
end the show on a low note.
1341
01:28:06,101 --> 01:28:09,849
♪..No more we'll hear
machine guns rattle
1342
01:28:09,870 --> 01:28:13,745
♪ The minny's din
the roar of battle
1343
01:28:13,766 --> 01:28:19,250
♪ The long lost years
have been well worth
1344
01:28:19,271 --> 01:28:23,272
♪ If once again we've peace
on earth... ♪
1345
01:28:23,294 --> 01:28:26,152
That's more like it.
Now, come on, everybody,
1346
01:28:26,173 --> 01:28:30,132
let's see that
demobilisation smile.
1347
01:28:30,153 --> 01:28:36,992
♪..Farewell to you
To dear old Wipers
1348
01:28:37,013 --> 01:28:41,460
♪ For better times
have come to pass
1349
01:28:42,857 --> 01:28:49,484
♪ And if they ask us back
to Flanders
1350
01:28:49,505 --> 01:28:53,189
♪ We'll all say
Shove it up your... ♪
1351
01:28:54,968 --> 01:28:57,233
A little decorum, gentlemen, please!
1352
01:28:57,254 --> 01:28:59,667
You are not in the army now!
1353
01:29:11,693 --> 01:29:15,906
Hmm. It's all very amusing,
1354
01:29:15,927 --> 01:29:19,971
but I'm sure that it is journalism.
1355
01:29:19,993 --> 01:29:22,745
Nowadays, ours is a very modern,
high-pressure business.
1356
01:29:23,973 --> 01:29:26,916
Have you ever sat in a trench,
in the middle of a battle
1357
01:29:26,937 --> 01:29:30,515
and corrected page proofs?
You should try it.
1358
01:29:30,536 --> 01:29:34,263
I'm sure.
But that was quite a long time ago.
1359
01:29:36,126 --> 01:29:39,387
And your CV is a bit sketchy
on your more recent career.
1360
01:29:41,589 --> 01:29:43,642
I went back to prospecting.
1361
01:29:43,663 --> 01:29:47,136
Spent some time in Africa.
Looking for gold.
1362
01:29:47,347 --> 01:29:49,825
Had some ups, had some downs.
1363
01:29:49,846 --> 01:29:52,958
Came home and thought I'd have a
last shot at something,
1364
01:29:52,979 --> 01:29:56,176
which people were once kind enough
to say that I was good at.
1365
01:29:56,198 --> 01:30:00,411
I thought if old Beach Thomas
can get a job,
1366
01:30:00,432 --> 01:30:04,074
then surely I'd
be in with a chance.
1367
01:30:04,285 --> 01:30:06,191
He's Sir William Beach Thomas
1368
01:30:06,403 --> 01:30:09,070
and he's one of our most
distinguished correspondents.
1369
01:30:10,256 --> 01:30:12,246
Of course. I'm sorry.
1370
01:30:13,855 --> 01:30:16,354
Only he was
a bit of a joke in the war.
1371
01:30:16,566 --> 01:30:18,048
Yes.
1372
01:30:18,852 --> 01:30:21,583
We're not really
interested in jokes.
1373
01:30:21,605 --> 01:30:24,315
Modern writers tell
the truth about the war.
1374
01:30:25,924 --> 01:30:29,841
Then perhaps I should write you
a harrowing article about
1375
01:30:29,862 --> 01:30:33,968
how all was not quiet
on the Western Front...
1376
01:30:36,678 --> 01:30:41,696
..and how with shells
raining down upon us,
1377
01:30:41,717 --> 01:30:46,100
and the chilly November air
being rent with fury, the sub-editor
1378
01:30:46,121 --> 01:30:50,652
and I drank a case of whiskey
and shot the padre for cowardice
1379
01:30:50,864 --> 01:30:52,007
and said goodbye to all that.
1380
01:30:54,379 --> 01:30:55,988
Well, that's more like it.
1381
01:30:57,385 --> 01:30:58,486
No.
1382
01:31:01,366 --> 01:31:03,695
This was my truth.
1383
01:31:07,506 --> 01:31:09,856
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
1384
01:31:09,877 --> 01:31:13,095
No, no, no. Don't be so hasty.
1385
01:31:13,603 --> 01:31:15,636
Here's the thing.
1386
01:31:15,848 --> 01:31:18,198
I like you, Mr Roberts, I really do.
1387
01:31:18,219 --> 01:31:21,331
And it's clear you're
clever with words.
1388
01:31:21,352 --> 01:31:23,512
So I think I might have something
for you here.
1389
01:31:25,460 --> 01:31:27,577
How about you start work on the,
er..
1390
01:31:29,525 --> 01:31:30,711
..the crossword?
1391
01:31:37,444 --> 01:31:40,175
You want me
to compile the crossword?
1392
01:31:40,196 --> 01:31:43,562
Er, no. HELP compile the crossword.
1393
01:31:43,584 --> 01:31:46,696
See how things go.
Better not rush things.
1394
01:31:46,717 --> 01:31:53,048
It's not exactly the front line of
the circulation war, is it?
1395
01:31:53,069 --> 01:31:56,605
A chap in your position can't
expect too much.
1396
01:31:56,626 --> 01:31:57,727
What do you think?
1397
01:32:03,189 --> 01:32:04,290
I think...
1398
01:32:19,745 --> 01:32:22,582
Er, you haven't given me
an answer, Mr Roberts?
1399
01:32:24,488 --> 01:32:27,177
Mr Roberts?
1400
01:32:27,198 --> 01:32:29,760
Do you want this job or not?
1401
01:32:29,781 --> 01:32:31,390
Mr Roberts?
109721
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