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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,340 --> 00:00:04,890 Previously on Kidding... 2 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,440 And I think that's appropriate, 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,460 because it reminds us... 4 00:00:11,050 --> 00:00:12,350 I wanna do a show about death. 5 00:00:12,450 --> 00:00:13,990 You do a show about death, 6 00:00:14,090 --> 00:00:16,420 children will run from the room in tears. 7 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,240 So what do you think? 8 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,020 It's perfect. 9 00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:22,380 I'll take it. 10 00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:24,940 What do you want to say? 11 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,520 Allahu Akbar! 12 00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,320 Allahu Akbar? 13 00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:31,110 Stop talking. We get it. 14 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,620 You always know what to say. 15 00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:34,300 Sometimes I don't want you to talk. 16 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,100 I want you to listen. 17 00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:46,040 I'm gonna call you Big P. 18 00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:47,099 What can I call you? 19 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,280 Jeff Pickles. 20 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,970 Olympic gold medalist Ms. Tara Lipinski. 21 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,300 Will's smoking reefer 22 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,820 like a jazz musician. 23 00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:03,479 Teaching Will a magic trick 24 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,230 isn't gonna get him to stop smoking pot. 25 00:01:08,770 --> 00:01:10,190 The National Tree Lighting. 26 00:01:10,210 --> 00:01:13,040 That'll be, what, 10 million people watching? 27 00:01:13,050 --> 00:01:14,320 Oh, fuck. 28 00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:17,040 How did December get here so quickly? 29 00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:21,140 You are a bagpipe of insanity. 30 00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:23,180 This is not insanity. 31 00:01:24,390 --> 00:01:26,050 This is how honesty looks 32 00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:28,550 when you're inside out and upside down. 33 00:01:29,870 --> 00:01:31,770 Saying yes to drugs 34 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:34,840 is the biggest oops you can make. 35 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,500 Get between your kids and drugs. 36 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,340 It doesn't matter how 37 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,460 if you want to save your child's life. 38 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:43,750 Hmm. 39 00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:47,900 _ 40 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:05,240 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 41 00:02:05,260 --> 00:02:06,890 Live from President's Park 42 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,600 in the heart of the nation's capital, 43 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:11,780 it's America's Christmas Tree Lighting 2018. 44 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,140 This year, we celebrate the festive season 45 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,350 in a time-honored holiday tradition 46 00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:18,730 featuring performances from Trisha Yearwood, 47 00:02:18,830 --> 00:02:21,090 Wynonna Judd, The Texas Tenors, 48 00:02:21,190 --> 00:02:23,370 with Kathie Lee Gifford and Dean Cain. 49 00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:26,960 Please welcome our host, Mr. Jeff Pickles. 50 00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:58,080 Your parents don't deserve you. 51 00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:03,850 If they did, you wouldn't be able to walk from 52 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,180 Los Angeles to Beijing on a bridge of floating plastic. 53 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,820 What's left to drink when the water 54 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,060 has too much lead in it? 55 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,140 The orange juice has too much sugar. 56 00:03:14,810 --> 00:03:16,550 They put so many hormones in the milk, 57 00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:19,510 girls are spending their eighth birthday with Aunt Flo. 58 00:03:19,610 --> 00:03:22,440 They want me to put Soap Scum on a tampon box. 59 00:03:22,540 --> 00:03:24,900 They want Ennui hawking antidepressants. 60 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:30,270 _ 61 00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:35,350 You are the product of narcissism. 62 00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:39,040 Your parents look at you and see their own death. 63 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,660 They either expect more of you than you can give them 64 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,980 or, worse, nothing at all. 65 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,300 Statistically, they hate each other. 66 00:03:47,350 --> 00:03:52,700 _ 67 00:03:52,730 --> 00:03:54,380 They use you to fix their flaws. 68 00:03:54,410 --> 00:03:56,870 They want you to read the books they won't. 69 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,280 You are the caviar of a trout. 70 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,640 Caviar of a trout. 71 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:03,360 Your parents will always love you enough 72 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,840 to pretend they love you. 73 00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:07,970 That's why they buy you dolls, 74 00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:10,050 so you can practice pretending too. 75 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,900 Repeat after me. Every pain needs a name. 76 00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:14,450 Every pain needs a name. 77 00:04:14,550 --> 00:04:16,990 Good, that's very good. Green means go. 78 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,500 - Green means go. - Good. 79 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,860 Good. Now say, "I love you, Daddy." 80 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,780 - Why? - Just say it. 81 00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:27,240 - I love you, Daddy. - Thank you. 82 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,670 Your parents are failing you. 83 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,550 Mine did, and yours do. 84 00:04:32,650 --> 00:04:34,960 Every day. 85 00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:38,020 I know this because they leave you with me. 86 00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:41,400 Don't believe me? 87 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,090 Next time you're watching my show, 88 00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:45,610 call out for your mom or your dad. 89 00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:47,850 Do they respond? 90 00:04:47,950 --> 00:04:49,410 No. 91 00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:51,460 Of course not. 92 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,220 They're avoiding you. 93 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,140 Mom? 94 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,580 Your mom is chasing down a handful of Klonopin 95 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,640 - with a Diet Dr Pepper. - Mom? 96 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:00,820 And Dad is out there drinking 97 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,770 from the bottles that empty him. 98 00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:03,980 Mom? 99 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:08,750 Hypothetically if I-I have an account 100 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,280 that he doesn't know about 101 00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:13,400 with hundreds of thousands of dollars 102 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,520 that was supposed to go to charity, 103 00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:19,400 what happens to that, um, money in the divorce? 104 00:05:21,590 --> 00:05:23,690 I see, yeah. 105 00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:26,170 I like you, 106 00:05:26,270 --> 00:05:28,320 the friends who visit me on television. 107 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,220 But I'm not your father. 108 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:32,560 And I shouldn't be. 109 00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:38,670 I killed my son. 110 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,140 Murderer! 111 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,580 Please don't use a bad word when you can... 112 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,820 I didn't listen to him. 113 00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:16,220 So he didn't listen to me. 114 00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:20,800 Turns out, I was a pretty good talker but a terrible listener. 115 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,640 Why didn't I listen? 116 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:25,740 Because I can be selfish too. 117 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,500 If I had really listened to him, 118 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,770 I would have heard my own flaws, my own anger. 119 00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:34,250 For me to address his flaws, 120 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,350 I would have had to admit to my own. 121 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,420 If I had listened to him, 122 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,860 maybe he would have listened to me. 123 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,540 Maybe he would have done his homework. 124 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,040 Maybe he would have put on a seat belt. 125 00:06:54,090 --> 00:06:57,010 Now it's almost Christmas. Again. 126 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:01,360 And in that spirit, 127 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,380 I want you to go to where your parents hide things. 128 00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:07,330 Sometimes it's a special drawer 129 00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:08,810 or the linen closet. 130 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:11,100 All children know where this is. 131 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,570 It's where your parents hide your presents. 132 00:07:14,870 --> 00:07:16,740 I want you to open them early. 133 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,700 It's all right. 134 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,660 I say it's okay. 135 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,510 I don't wanna fail you anymore. 136 00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:30,830 Did you get a talking Mr. Pickles? 137 00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,120 Go ahead. Pull the string. 138 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,760 I'm listening. I'm listening. 139 00:07:42,860 --> 00:07:45,810 I'm listening. I'm listening. 140 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,040 What did you get me for Christmas? 141 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,430 Maddy. Maddy! 142 00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:07,530 What? 143 00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:10,200 I'm listening. 144 00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:15,040 And, Jill, if you're listening, 145 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,880 I'm sorry. 146 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,900 I will always love you. 147 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,280 _ 148 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,060 Allahu Akbar! 149 00:08:51,350 --> 00:08:52,660 We're gonna be fine. 150 00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:13,506 We'll air whatever's left on the shelf, 151 00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:15,060 but then I-I don't know. 152 00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:17,710 I like to call this an indefinite hiatus. 153 00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,110 But if I'm PBS talking... and I am... 154 00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:21,680 I'd be lying if I said I saw 155 00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:23,200 the show coming back from this, 156 00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:25,640 animated or not. 157 00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:27,240 I see. 158 00:09:27,340 --> 00:09:28,630 Look, we all know Jeff 159 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,880 hasn't been the same since the car accident. 160 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,190 Maybe this is for the best. 161 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,690 You there, Seb? 162 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,290 Hello, hi. Fuck you. 163 00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:40,960 You don't get to say that about my son. 164 00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,580 Could I let you in on something that's bugged me 165 00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:30,610 for 30 years? 166 00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:33,190 Okay. 167 00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:35,080 I've always understood how I get down 168 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,520 to Pickle Barrel Falls. 169 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,760 I get in a pickle barrel, 170 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,920 go over the falls, a parachute deploys. 171 00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:44,099 What I've never understood is, 172 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,700 how do I get back up? 173 00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:50,150 There's no way back up. 174 00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:56,140 Yeah. I don't know. 175 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,400 I never thought about that. 176 00:10:58,860 --> 00:11:02,810 Derrell, do you think what I did was wrong? 177 00:11:06,050 --> 00:11:07,710 Yes. 178 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,460 I need help. 179 00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:29,910 I don't know how to help you. 180 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,040 Yes, you do. You help by loving me. 181 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,820 I don't know how to love anyone. 182 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,320 You love Maddy. You love Scott. 183 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,120 - I'm leaving Scott. - What? 184 00:11:39,150 --> 00:11:41,590 I'm giving Maddy a divorce for Christmas. 185 00:11:41,690 --> 00:11:44,030 I'm gonna tell her tonight. Maybe I'll bake brownies. 186 00:11:44,130 --> 00:11:45,950 I'm so sorry. I didn't know. 187 00:11:46,050 --> 00:11:48,060 No, it's my fault. 188 00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:50,380 I don't know who I am. 189 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:55,600 Somehow I know who everyone is except me. 190 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:07,040 You think I'm going insane? 191 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,900 You know how I make a new puppet? 192 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,910 I start with someone I know, 193 00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:19,110 and then, uh, 194 00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:22,330 I search for their essence. 195 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,360 I look them in the eye, 196 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,620 and I'm thinking to myself, 197 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:30,140 "Who are you, really? 198 00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:32,770 Are you someone who likes secrets?" 199 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,920 - Are you... - What? 200 00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:50,840 "Are you someone's opposite?" 201 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:55,440 They say time and space are both immutable, 202 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,720 governed by laws that cannot be broken. 203 00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:02,800 All I have to say to that is, 204 00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:05,960 laws were meant to be broken. 205 00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:08,820 And that's why they call me... 206 00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:11,460 the amazing Pickle-ini! 207 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,940 "At the end of the day, what's your purpose, huh? 208 00:13:18,950 --> 00:13:20,760 Are you somebody's heart?" 209 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,080 I'm sorry if my actions hurt you in any way. 210 00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:27,870 Hey, I found my next relationship 211 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,180 in a hospital hallway, so maybe I led by example. 212 00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,860 "Are you an old soul?" 213 00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,799 "Are you the voice of God?" 214 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,580 The general populace doesn't see you as a sexual being. 215 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,860 We see Mr. Potato Head. No one sees a man. 216 00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:50,740 Thanks, Dad. 217 00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:52,520 But I am a man. 218 00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,220 I am. 219 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,160 Just a different kind. 220 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,740 So who am I, Dee? 221 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,790 Ennui the Sad 222 00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:06,640 or Sy the Happy Fly? 223 00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:08,920 You know who you are. 224 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,760 Um, there's some kid here to see Jeff. 225 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,420 She just wandered in here without a parent. 226 00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:20,060 Thanks. 227 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,420 What can I do for you? 228 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,280 I'm listening. 229 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,450 I'm always here to listen. 230 00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:47,640 After T-ball, no one was there to get me. 231 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,480 So when the coach dropped me off, 232 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:52,720 Mom and Dad were both home without any pants on. 233 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:56,100 Oh. Did that make you sad? 234 00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,210 - Mm-hmm. - Hmm. 235 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,650 It's gonna be okay. 236 00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,520 Where are you going? 237 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,140 To see Dad. 238 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,190 You're spending the night there tonight. 239 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:20,140 Hey, get in line. 240 00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:34,830 Thank you. 241 00:16:53,390 --> 00:16:55,380 You talk. 242 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,100 I'll listen. 243 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:06,510 I had a son named Phil. 244 00:17:06,550 --> 00:17:08,610 He was once your age. 245 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,260 He died. 246 00:17:12,380 --> 00:17:16,800 So we put him in a box, 247 00:17:16,850 --> 00:17:19,660 and we buried him. 248 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,920 ♪ What does it mean to lose a thing ♪ 249 00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:24,490 ♪ You really want to stay? ♪ 250 00:17:24,590 --> 00:17:26,850 ♪ What if they sent your favorite socks ♪ 251 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,330 ♪ A million blocks away? ♪ 252 00:17:29,350 --> 00:17:33,140 ♪ If you knew they were warming someone else's feet ♪ 253 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,380 - ♪ Hooray ♪ - Hooray. 254 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,680 Yay! 255 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,270 ♪ Nothing you really love ♪ 256 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,190 ♪ Can ever ♪ 257 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:45,810 ♪ Go away ♪ 258 00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,640 Hello? 259 00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:52,800 - Hi, it's me. - I know. I know. 260 00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:54,540 Sorry Will didn't make it over 261 00:17:54,580 --> 00:17:55,840 to your place last night. 262 00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:57,480 He says he's not feeling well, 263 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,410 but I think it's girl problems. 264 00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:02,570 Oh, well, he's gonna have to get used to that. 265 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,330 He's a heartbreaker. 266 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,780 It was a beautiful song. 267 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,660 You saw that? 268 00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:14,300 I always felt you were ashamed of Phil's death 269 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,430 because you never talked about it in public. 270 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,770 You could hide behind the show and never deal with it. 271 00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:22,870 I know. 272 00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:24,270 For what it's worth, it felt like 273 00:18:24,290 --> 00:18:26,240 you stopped hiding today. 274 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,640 I didn't think you still watched the show. 275 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,720 I do sometimes. 276 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,360 Oh! 277 00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:33,840 I kinda got it. 278 00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:35,610 I like that you visit me 279 00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:37,880 when I don't know you're visiting me. 280 00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:40,850 I know I made this whole thing about setting 281 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,180 rules and boundaries, but I want you to know 282 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,300 that you can come by the house whenever you like. 283 00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:48,260 Tonight? 284 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,300 - If you want. - We could go for a walk. 285 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,560 - Sure. - Maybe we could 286 00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:53,500 see a baseball game together. 287 00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:55,770 It's the middle of winter. 288 00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:57,310 No, I don't mean tonight. 289 00:18:57,410 --> 00:18:59,740 I just mean someday. 290 00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:02,320 Yeah! 291 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,480 - That was a strike. - Oh, good. 292 00:19:04,580 --> 00:19:06,060 - Hello? - I'm here. 293 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,800 Oh. 294 00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:10,790 I thought you, uh, nodded off. 295 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:43,640 So what's the plural of clitoris? 296 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:44,980 Plethoris? 297 00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,699 Baruch atah Adonai. 298 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:07,540 Baruch atah Adonai. 299 00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:10,440 Eloheinu melech haolam. 300 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,000 Eloheinu melech haolam. 301 00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:15,880 Hey. 302 00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:17,080 What's up? 303 00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:18,420 Are we friends? 304 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,760 Uh, we're your only friends. 305 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,650 He wasn't talking to you. 306 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,100 Sometimes I don't feel like myself 307 00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:35,660 and I do stuff I'm not proud of. 308 00:20:35,670 --> 00:20:38,220 Is he talking about the chickens? 309 00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:39,820 Mm-mm. 310 00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:43,030 I'm sorry I was stupid. 311 00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:46,030 I'm sorry I was your first kiss and I was stupid. 312 00:20:46,130 --> 00:20:48,100 You weren't my first kiss. 313 00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:50,540 Oh. You were mine. 314 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,160 Oh. 315 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,440 Come to bed. 316 00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:59,450 Jeff's coming over for a bit, I think. 317 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:00,856 Drink! Drink! Drink! 318 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,980 Oh, come on! 319 00:21:03,230 --> 00:21:06,010 Who's this asshole new neighbor of yours? 320 00:21:06,020 --> 00:21:07,280 I don't know. 321 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,440 Ah, there's not enough Ambien in the world. 322 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:11,780 Mm. 323 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,940 I have a 4 a.m. shift. 324 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,510 - I'll call the police. - Mm. 325 00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:20,690 No. 326 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:24,360 I can be... 327 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,000 polite but firm. 328 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,060 What's up, dude? 329 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,560 Hello. 330 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,750 Hey. 331 00:21:52,850 --> 00:21:54,900 Anybody actually live here? 332 00:21:54,940 --> 00:21:57,840 Hey, I think this old guy will know. 333 00:21:57,980 --> 00:21:59,240 Yo, dude, 334 00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,220 what do you call more than one clitoris? 335 00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:03,040 A medical condition. 336 00:22:11,470 --> 00:22:14,530 Oh, that is fucked up. 337 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:21,660 Not you guys. 338 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,740 You guys, I never saw. 339 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,500 Hey, turn down the music, okay? 340 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,240 Oh. 341 00:22:45,340 --> 00:22:46,850 Hey, hey, you! 342 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,290 God, you. I need to talk to you. 343 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,570 Hey there, Big P. 344 00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:53,360 Jill and I are just going for a walk. 345 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,400 Why are your clothes in that house? 346 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,640 What? 347 00:22:57,660 --> 00:22:59,280 Did you move in next door? 348 00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:05,940 I didn't... move in. 349 00:23:08,940 --> 00:23:11,860 - Please don't tell her. - You're hurting her. 350 00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:13,960 You're... I'm sorry, it's not my place 351 00:23:13,970 --> 00:23:15,760 to say any of this. 352 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,519 She loves you, all right? 353 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,180 You love her. 354 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,730 That's great. But the more that you love her, 355 00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:26,650 the more you are hurting her. 356 00:23:26,750 --> 00:23:29,450 'Cause you can't rebuild this. It's impossible. 357 00:23:29,470 --> 00:23:31,730 Please stop asking her to try. 358 00:23:31,740 --> 00:23:32,750 I'm sorry. You're right. 359 00:23:32,770 --> 00:23:34,660 God, you're right. I'm sorry. 360 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,990 I like you. I don't wanna be the bad guy 361 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,659 that tears your family apart. 362 00:23:38,660 --> 00:23:39,999 You're not. 363 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,440 You're the opposite of everything I wanted you to be. 364 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:43,839 You're smart and charming 365 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,760 and clearly you do push-ups sometimes. 366 00:23:46,010 --> 00:23:48,430 Not really. My-my father was big-chested, 367 00:23:48,450 --> 00:23:50,640 and... you know. 368 00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:53,980 When Jill and I had our falling-out... 369 00:23:56,460 --> 00:23:59,850 ... my biggest fear was that I'd have to watch another man 370 00:23:59,900 --> 00:24:01,540 raise my child. 371 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,760 And now that that moment has come, 372 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,790 I'm relieved... 373 00:24:09,220 --> 00:24:12,960 ... because... that other man is you. 374 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,320 You're terrific. 375 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,060 You really are. 376 00:24:19,970 --> 00:24:21,540 Inside and out. 377 00:24:21,580 --> 00:24:24,740 Well, that's the most wonderful thing anyone's ever said to me. 378 00:24:24,820 --> 00:24:26,560 I hope I didn't overstep. 379 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,700 No, it's... I... 380 00:24:28,820 --> 00:24:32,140 Thank you, bud. Thank you for saying that. 381 00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:43,490 The P in Big P used to stand for "pussy," 382 00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:45,820 but now it stands for "Peter." 383 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,300 Don't worry about it. 384 00:24:47,340 --> 00:24:49,820 I'll tell Jill about the house. 385 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,920 I'll apologize. 386 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,580 We'll work through this together. 387 00:24:55,810 --> 00:24:57,780 Okay. 388 00:24:58,020 --> 00:25:00,250 Okay. 389 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,400 Thanks. 390 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,380 Thanks for trusting me with Will. 391 00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:11,530 Hey, do you wanna smoke a joint? 392 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:16,930 You mean marijuana? 393 00:25:19,650 --> 00:25:22,420 Make you feel good. 394 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,180 I should go home. 395 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,820 - Night. - Good night. 396 00:25:48,250 --> 00:25:50,350 Oops. 397 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,876 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 398 00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:16,280 ♪ You can feel anything at all ♪ 399 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,420 ♪ Anything at all, it's fine ♪ 400 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,800 ♪ It's you who's doing the feeling ♪ 401 00:26:24,150 --> 00:26:27,700 ♪ And that makes it okay ♪ 402 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:32,820 ♪ And if you don't know who you are yet ♪ 403 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,860 ♪ You can feel anyway ♪ 404 00:26:40,550 --> 00:26:44,760 ♪ You can feel feelings you don't know ♪ 405 00:26:44,780 --> 00:26:48,750 ♪ Feelings gotta grow, like feet ♪ 406 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,920 ♪ So feel it ♪ 407 00:26:54,950 --> 00:26:56,460 ♪ And you can ♪ 408 00:26:56,470 --> 00:27:00,420 ♪ Heal it ♪ 409 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,280 ♪ Isn't growing up ♪ 410 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:07,609 ♪ Funny ♪ 411 00:27:07,610 --> 00:27:12,540 ♪ And sweet? ♪ 27577

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