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1
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:31,885
Candace!
Candace?
2
00:00:31,970 --> 00:00:35,376
Get down here! Now!
3
00:00:36,752 --> 00:00:39,340
Sam just left.
He is going to kill his father.
4
00:00:39,425 --> 00:00:41,145
- What did you say to him?
- He decided
5
00:00:41,229 --> 00:00:43,316
that killing his father
would make him better.
6
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:44,685
Would it?
7
00:00:44,769 --> 00:00:46,523
Well, no, I don't think so.
8
00:00:46,607 --> 00:00:48,292
He could come back here and...
9
00:00:48,376 --> 00:00:49,896
Are you sure it won't work?
10
00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:55,206
Candace, I understand
that this man was brutal to you.
11
00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:57,644
But I'm supposed to care
what happens to him?
12
00:00:57,728 --> 00:01:01,002
Well... yes. Yes, a little.
13
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,904
Can I come in?
14
00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:33,834
You hungry?
15
00:01:57,382 --> 00:01:59,768
I've been in this position
many times.
16
00:01:59,852 --> 00:02:02,258
There's nothing you can do.
17
00:02:03,327 --> 00:02:07,301
I usually have a beer
and try to relax.
18
00:02:30,524 --> 00:02:31,799
Bathroom?
19
00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:34,155
Uh, around the corner.
20
00:03:13,266 --> 00:03:16,239
You think I'm some sort
of a monster, too.
21
00:03:18,677 --> 00:03:20,982
But I'm not.
22
00:03:21,749 --> 00:03:24,005
I'm like anybody else.
23
00:03:24,089 --> 00:03:28,746
When he's... out, like now...
24
00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:31,118
I'm so scared for him.
25
00:03:31,202 --> 00:03:36,279
I'm so sad for
the life he's living.
26
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:46,032
But the families...
the people he does this to...
27
00:03:47,368 --> 00:03:50,023
I make up stories
in my head about them.
28
00:03:50,107 --> 00:03:52,627
I live it, in a way.
29
00:03:52,711 --> 00:03:56,635
I picture... them as babies,
30
00:03:56,719 --> 00:03:59,308
with their mothers holding them.
31
00:03:59,392 --> 00:04:02,932
Their fathers playing
with them on the floor.
32
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,860
These poor men.
33
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:11,399
But you won't call the police?
34
00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:17,061
Candace... you won't
save them from this?
35
00:04:19,132 --> 00:04:20,901
I can't.
36
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:25,010
I cannot.
37
00:04:32,158 --> 00:04:33,293
God.
38
00:05:06,326 --> 00:05:09,832
Why did you used to hit me
so much when I was a kid?
39
00:05:15,878 --> 00:05:17,448
I don't know.
40
00:05:21,289 --> 00:05:25,998
How did it make you feel?
When you...?
41
00:05:26,766 --> 00:05:28,470
What?
42
00:05:30,608 --> 00:05:34,865
When you used to hit me
all the time.
43
00:05:34,949 --> 00:05:37,604
How did it make you feel?
44
00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:41,736
I don't know.
45
00:05:41,963 --> 00:05:44,602
Bad, I guess.
46
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,092
You were a weird kid.
47
00:05:48,176 --> 00:05:52,033
You couldn't follow rules,
you couldn't play games,
48
00:05:52,117 --> 00:05:54,956
you didn't have any friends.
49
00:05:55,724 --> 00:05:57,611
And your mother was
reading all her books,
50
00:05:57,695 --> 00:06:01,302
telling me it was all my fault
you were like that.
51
00:06:02,739 --> 00:06:05,277
Anyway, I'm sorry.
52
00:06:52,939 --> 00:06:55,677
My therapist said
not to kill you.
53
00:07:01,657 --> 00:07:03,293
And then I left.
54
00:07:04,829 --> 00:07:06,499
How do you feel?
55
00:07:08,403 --> 00:07:13,998
I was choking him and I could
feel him disappearing,
56
00:07:14,082 --> 00:07:16,319
and I stopped.
57
00:07:17,990 --> 00:07:20,193
It was like I didn't want to.
58
00:07:21,563 --> 00:07:23,049
Why not?
59
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:25,287
I-I don't know.
60
00:07:25,371 --> 00:07:28,593
I mean, he said he was sorry,
but fuck him, right?
61
00:07:28,677 --> 00:07:32,401
I just, I hate him so much
62
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:35,440
and usually that feeling,
it makes me want to
63
00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:38,079
go ahead and...
64
00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:41,452
But I was on top of him,
and I hated him.
65
00:07:41,536 --> 00:07:47,798
And this time, that feeling,
it-it made me not want to.
66
00:07:47,882 --> 00:07:50,453
I...
67
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:53,209
Hmm.
68
00:07:53,293 --> 00:07:55,964
Do you know why I didn't do it?
69
00:07:57,701 --> 00:08:00,357
What was different,
between your father,
70
00:08:00,441 --> 00:08:02,744
and everyone else
that you've hurt?
71
00:08:04,816 --> 00:08:06,068
I don't know.
72
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:09,091
What's the obvious difference?
73
00:08:10,327 --> 00:08:11,946
He hurt me the most.
74
00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:14,484
Okay, good. What else?
75
00:08:14,568 --> 00:08:18,042
What's the most
obvious difference?
76
00:08:21,549 --> 00:08:23,669
He's my father.
77
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,975
Right.
78
00:08:26,059 --> 00:08:28,179
Sam, you were on top of him...
79
00:08:28,263 --> 00:08:32,253
the one who treated you
like this.
80
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:36,261
If you killed him,
you'd be doing it, too.
81
00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:37,831
Acting just like him.
82
00:08:37,915 --> 00:08:39,668
Being just like him.
83
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:40,938
You hate that part of him.
84
00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:43,576
You are trying to be different.
85
00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:46,582
Trying to get rid of
that ugly part of him
86
00:08:46,666 --> 00:08:48,352
that lives inside of you.
87
00:08:48,436 --> 00:08:53,162
You were right to
confront your father.
88
00:08:53,246 --> 00:08:55,266
But you didn't need to kill him.
89
00:08:55,350 --> 00:08:58,790
You needed to not kill him.
90
00:08:59,759 --> 00:09:03,148
This is it, Sam.
91
00:09:03,232 --> 00:09:04,485
It is a major breakthrough,
92
00:09:04,569 --> 00:09:07,959
even if you're not quite
feeling it yet.
93
00:09:08,043 --> 00:09:12,000
Not killing your father is...
94
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,337
You wanted to change.
95
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:18,129
Look at you. You've changed.
96
00:09:19,298 --> 00:09:22,104
How does it feel?
97
00:09:23,106 --> 00:09:25,427
Okay. I guess.
98
00:09:25,511 --> 00:09:28,399
It's everything that
we have been working towards.
99
00:09:28,483 --> 00:09:32,624
You-you stopped yourself.
This is extraordinary.
100
00:09:38,136 --> 00:09:39,655
Thanks.
101
00:09:42,612 --> 00:09:44,748
Hmm.
102
00:09:51,162 --> 00:09:53,015
I'm gonna go and
get some dinner.
103
00:09:53,099 --> 00:09:55,553
Uh, is there anything
in particular that you'd...
104
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,025
I'm-I'm not really hungry
right now.
105
00:09:58,109 --> 00:10:01,649
I, um... Sam...
106
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,761
It's time to let me go home.
107
00:10:08,897 --> 00:10:10,768
You're ready.
108
00:10:11,636 --> 00:10:14,274
And I need to get back
to my family.
109
00:10:16,612 --> 00:10:20,703
Sometimes therapists
talk with their patients
110
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,040
about their own lives.
111
00:10:22,124 --> 00:10:25,948
Because... well, you know,
we're all human beings.
112
00:10:26,032 --> 00:10:29,487
We all are struggling,
every last one of us.
113
00:10:29,571 --> 00:10:33,696
So... I want you to understand
a few things about me.
114
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:36,501
You have been struggling
with your father.
115
00:10:36,585 --> 00:10:39,066
And you just had
a big breakthrough.
116
00:10:39,363 --> 00:10:42,647
I'm in the middle of
a struggle with my son, too.
117
00:10:42,731 --> 00:10:46,739
And I need to get back to him
for our breakthrough.
118
00:10:47,508 --> 00:10:50,430
I did a lot of damage
to my son, too.
119
00:10:50,514 --> 00:10:53,369
I know it's not the same
as what your father did.
120
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:59,715
But, Sam...
people don't deserve to die
121
00:10:59,799 --> 00:11:01,920
for falling short.
122
00:11:02,004 --> 00:11:04,090
No matter how short.
123
00:11:04,174 --> 00:11:09,218
We're all... broken vessels.
124
00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:14,395
I need to get back to my son.
125
00:11:16,099 --> 00:11:19,221
I want you to come see me in
my office for regular sessions,
126
00:11:19,305 --> 00:11:20,623
every day at first,
127
00:11:20,707 --> 00:11:24,381
but pretty soon we can
go to three days a week.
128
00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:27,454
I have enormous faith in you.
129
00:11:29,191 --> 00:11:30,610
I also want to address
130
00:11:30,694 --> 00:11:32,915
your completely understandable
concern, I assume,
131
00:11:32,999 --> 00:11:35,620
that, if you let me go,
I will turn you in.
132
00:11:35,704 --> 00:11:39,963
As a therapist, I have a
legal and ethical obligation
133
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,934
to keep your confidence.
134
00:11:42,018 --> 00:11:44,906
Including any, um,
135
00:11:44,990 --> 00:11:47,277
crimes that you may have
committed in the past.
136
00:11:47,361 --> 00:11:52,220
It only gets thorny if you are
clearly going to kill somebody.
137
00:11:52,304 --> 00:11:53,856
And if, at some point
in the future,
138
00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:56,829
you have an overwhelming urge
to kill again,
139
00:11:56,913 --> 00:11:59,501
and you don't think
you'll be able to control it,
140
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:01,471
that will be the moment for us
141
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:04,311
to find a therapeutic
institution for you.
142
00:12:04,395 --> 00:12:06,448
But I don't see that happening.
143
00:12:06,532 --> 00:12:11,191
I think that, by not
killing your father,
144
00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:14,364
you have demonstrated
great progress
145
00:12:14,448 --> 00:12:16,819
and likely permanent change.
146
00:12:18,590 --> 00:12:20,309
I'm really proud of you.
147
00:12:20,393 --> 00:12:24,017
I am proud of the progress
that you have made.
148
00:12:24,101 --> 00:12:28,910
And I think that you will
continue to make progress.
149
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:04,421
I'll be right back.
150
00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:50,596
I get what you've been saying.
151
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,500
I've been rushing you.
152
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:55,340
Because I want to get better.
153
00:15:55,424 --> 00:15:59,814
But therapy takes time.
154
00:15:59,898 --> 00:16:03,172
Years, you said, sometimes.
155
00:16:05,644 --> 00:16:09,701
So, I'll get a TV and...
156
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:12,691
I can stock the fridge
with anything you want.
157
00:16:31,328 --> 00:16:33,749
It's a miracle that everyone
who was beaten like that
158
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,155
doesn't become
a serial killer.
159
00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:39,027
Why wouldn't they,
after suffering like that?
160
00:16:39,111 --> 00:16:44,604
It's like an effort to
turn them into a serial killer
161
00:16:44,688 --> 00:16:46,977
that doesn't always work.
162
00:16:47,061 --> 00:16:49,414
That poor kid...
163
00:16:49,498 --> 00:16:51,952
with all of it...
164
00:16:52,036 --> 00:16:56,328
he somehow managed
to not kill his father.
165
00:16:56,412 --> 00:16:59,367
Maybe this fucking therapy
is working after all.
166
00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:03,876
We know this story.
He needs a replacement father.
167
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,950
That's why he wants to keep you
here for the next ten years.
168
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:10,589
He understands, maybe
intuitively, that he needs
169
00:17:10,673 --> 00:17:12,593
to do it again.
170
00:17:12,677 --> 00:17:15,900
To relive his life
with a different model.
171
00:17:15,984 --> 00:17:20,009
Well, I'm not spending
the next ten years down here.
172
00:17:20,093 --> 00:17:23,232
No, you're not.
173
00:19:06,405 --> 00:19:09,160
A little meshuggener, maybe.
174
00:19:44,481 --> 00:19:46,485
Sam?
175
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:49,724
Sam, could you
come out here, please?
176
00:20:17,947 --> 00:20:23,225
Sam, I don't think...
177
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:31,024
I don't think that
I said what really
178
00:20:31,108 --> 00:20:33,895
needed to be said yesterday.
179
00:20:33,979 --> 00:20:39,040
It has been a problem
down here for me,
180
00:20:39,124 --> 00:20:42,780
to always know exactly
how to communicate with you.
181
00:20:42,864 --> 00:20:45,737
And to know what I'm feeling.
182
00:20:46,739 --> 00:20:50,129
I have something to say
that may be difficult to hear.
183
00:20:50,213 --> 00:20:52,466
That is part of
this process, though,
184
00:20:52,550 --> 00:20:54,805
honestly sharing the truth,
185
00:20:54,889 --> 00:20:57,193
even if it's hard.
186
00:21:02,604 --> 00:21:04,223
You brought me down here,
187
00:21:04,307 --> 00:21:08,148
and you asked me to treat you,
and I did.
188
00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:13,125
And I can't do it anymore.
189
00:21:14,861 --> 00:21:17,985
I have done the most I can.
190
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:21,191
And I am telling you,
in my professional opinion,
191
00:21:21,275 --> 00:21:25,366
and I consider this
to be a near certainty,
192
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:30,475
for you to get better, you
need to be physically stopped
193
00:21:30,559 --> 00:21:32,446
from acting out your compulsion.
194
00:21:32,530 --> 00:21:36,588
Being physically prevented
from hurting anyone else
195
00:21:36,672 --> 00:21:40,862
is what will give you
the freedom to actually heal
196
00:21:40,946 --> 00:21:42,901
your heart and your mind.
197
00:21:42,985 --> 00:21:45,739
It's what will give you
the space to heal
198
00:21:45,823 --> 00:21:47,176
what your father did to you.
199
00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:49,982
As much as it can be, Sam.
200
00:21:50,066 --> 00:21:53,055
That kind of pain
never heals entirely.
201
00:21:53,139 --> 00:21:57,881
But you can do enough of it to
allow you to live a better life.
202
00:21:58,949 --> 00:22:02,640
Sam, I have so much respect
for what you're trying to do.
203
00:22:02,724 --> 00:22:04,009
It's very brave.
204
00:22:04,093 --> 00:22:07,249
In the whole history of
people who have struggled
205
00:22:07,333 --> 00:22:08,953
with what you're
struggling with,
206
00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:11,491
I bet you stand alone
207
00:22:11,575 --> 00:22:14,481
in the strength of
your efforts to change.
208
00:22:16,352 --> 00:22:18,889
And...
209
00:22:20,894 --> 00:22:24,150
...it's time to
turn yourself in.
210
00:22:24,234 --> 00:22:27,056
Call the police
and turn yourself in.
211
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:31,031
I now know, apart from
anything having to do with me,
212
00:22:31,115 --> 00:22:34,220
this is the only way for you.
213
00:22:36,959 --> 00:22:39,464
Our therapy is over.
214
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,186
You need to make a choice.
215
00:22:42,270 --> 00:22:44,724
I'm making one,
and you have to make one, too.
216
00:22:44,808 --> 00:22:48,832
My choice is that I am not
doing therapy with you anymore.
217
00:22:48,916 --> 00:22:53,910
Your choice...
You can turn yourself in,
218
00:22:53,994 --> 00:22:57,934
or you can end this
the other way.
219
00:23:00,907 --> 00:23:03,863
I don't want to do that.
220
00:23:03,947 --> 00:23:05,132
Either one.
221
00:23:05,216 --> 00:23:08,305
I know. But it's time.
222
00:23:08,389 --> 00:23:12,597
And I'm not going to live
down here like a pet.
223
00:25:31,775 --> 00:25:33,745
Thank you.
224
00:25:38,189 --> 00:25:39,874
I know you want to go home...
225
00:25:39,958 --> 00:25:44,884
but... he's not ready.
226
00:25:44,968 --> 00:25:47,306
He's not.
227
00:25:49,044 --> 00:25:51,615
Candace, this needs to end now.
228
00:25:52,383 --> 00:25:56,491
No matter what happens,
we can't leave anything unsaid.
229
00:25:58,595 --> 00:26:01,484
This is going to
be hard to hear,
230
00:26:01,568 --> 00:26:03,822
and I want you to know
that I am saying it
231
00:26:03,906 --> 00:26:05,492
not just in my best interests,
232
00:26:05,576 --> 00:26:08,248
but in yours and Sam's as well.
233
00:26:10,052 --> 00:26:14,677
When he was a boy and
his father was abusing him,
234
00:26:14,761 --> 00:26:18,101
you didn't take
any steps to stop it.
235
00:26:18,936 --> 00:26:22,693
You didn't leave or get help.
236
00:26:22,777 --> 00:26:26,251
It wasn't your fault,
you didn't know what to do.
237
00:26:27,053 --> 00:26:30,259
But you did not protect him.
238
00:26:32,864 --> 00:26:36,404
You did not protect your son.
239
00:26:51,435 --> 00:26:53,355
- Ah! What are you doing?
- Sam! Sam?!
240
00:26:53,439 --> 00:26:55,358
Ow, ow! Stop.
What are you doing, Dr. Strauss?
241
00:26:55,442 --> 00:26:57,530
Sam, come downstairs
right now! Stop!
242
00:26:57,614 --> 00:27:00,069
I am sorry to be
in this position.
243
00:27:00,153 --> 00:27:02,273
I don't want to be doing this.
244
00:27:02,357 --> 00:27:04,110
I care about you, Sam,
I really do.
245
00:27:04,194 --> 00:27:05,981
But... No, no! Stop!
246
00:27:06,065 --> 00:27:08,151
But I will kill her if
you don't call the police.
247
00:27:08,235 --> 00:27:09,554
Sam, I...
248
00:27:09,638 --> 00:27:11,124
Do it, Sam,
249
00:27:11,208 --> 00:27:12,526
- or I will cut her throat.
- Sam, please.
250
00:27:12,610 --> 00:27:14,397
- Dr. Strauss, you...
- I don't want to.
251
00:27:14,481 --> 00:27:16,767
I don't want to, Sam. What I
want is for you to call 911,
252
00:27:16,851 --> 00:27:20,075
and turn yourself in,
you have to. Turn yourself in!
253
00:27:20,159 --> 00:27:21,411
- Or I will do it!
- He's just bluffing, Mom.
254
00:27:21,495 --> 00:27:22,948
All he wants to do
is get out of here.
255
00:27:23,032 --> 00:27:24,617
I am not, Sam. Call 911!
256
00:27:24,701 --> 00:27:26,388
I-I don't...
I don't believe you...
257
00:27:26,472 --> 00:27:28,025
I am not bluffing, Sam!
258
00:27:28,109 --> 00:27:29,661
I am going to kill her.
259
00:27:29,745 --> 00:27:32,132
You said we shouldn't interrupt
each other down here!
260
00:27:32,216 --> 00:27:35,422
Goddamn it, we let
each other finish!
261
00:27:39,898 --> 00:27:42,753
You... you said
I was getting better.
262
00:27:42,837 --> 00:27:45,259
You... I believed you.
263
00:27:45,343 --> 00:27:47,129
I told you last night.
You cannot get better
264
00:27:47,213 --> 00:27:49,935
unless you are stopped from
acting out your compulsions.
265
00:27:50,019 --> 00:27:52,506
That is the only way out
for you.
266
00:27:52,590 --> 00:27:55,362
This is the only way out for me.
267
00:27:58,936 --> 00:28:00,991
Make your choice.
268
00:28:01,075 --> 00:28:03,662
I don't want to.
269
00:28:03,746 --> 00:28:08,188
Then your mother's going to die.
And you'll kill me.
270
00:28:10,592 --> 00:28:13,598
I don't think you're the kind
of man that can even do it.
271
00:28:45,529 --> 00:28:46,848
Alan?
272
00:28:48,368 --> 00:28:49,486
Alan?
273
00:28:51,441 --> 00:28:52,492
Are you okay?
274
00:28:52,576 --> 00:28:54,931
Just a bad dream.
275
00:28:59,257 --> 00:29:03,365
About when you were... away?
276
00:29:04,268 --> 00:29:05,686
Not exactly.
277
00:29:05,770 --> 00:29:08,241
Then what was it?
278
00:29:09,510 --> 00:29:12,466
I'll tell you in
about ten years.
279
00:29:12,550 --> 00:29:14,636
Keep your stuff together,
here we go.
280
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,660
Everyone, let's go.
It's dinnertime.
281
00:29:29,384 --> 00:29:30,735
I'm just saying, I don't know
282
00:29:30,819 --> 00:29:32,239
how Shmuel ended up
being the coach.
283
00:29:32,323 --> 00:29:33,508
Shush. Dov likes him.
284
00:29:33,592 --> 00:29:35,245
You can't shield him
from the truth.
285
00:29:35,329 --> 00:29:36,814
I'm not so sure about that.
286
00:29:36,898 --> 00:29:37,984
Coach Shmuel was captain
287
00:29:38,068 --> 00:29:39,286
of the intermural baseball team
288
00:29:39,370 --> 00:29:40,990
- at UMass.
- Yes, we know.
289
00:29:41,074 --> 00:29:42,793
We all know. That's my point.
290
00:29:46,284 --> 00:29:47,620
Thank you.
291
00:31:03,005 --> 00:31:07,363
Stop! Stop! Stop! Don't!
292
00:31:07,447 --> 00:31:10,168
Don't, Sam!
293
00:31:10,252 --> 00:31:13,074
Stop! Stop! Stop!
294
00:31:13,158 --> 00:31:17,082
No! No...
295
00:31:17,166 --> 00:31:20,505
No, no, no...
296
00:31:23,045 --> 00:31:25,782
Oh, Sam.
297
00:35:54,753 --> 00:35:57,675
"Dear children of Dr. Strauss,
298
00:35:57,759 --> 00:35:59,880
"I am writing to
let you know the bad news
299
00:35:59,964 --> 00:36:02,386
"that your dad is dead.
300
00:36:02,470 --> 00:36:04,690
"He helped me a lot.
301
00:36:04,774 --> 00:36:08,464
"I know from him it's important
for you Jews to have a body
302
00:36:08,548 --> 00:36:12,239
"when someone dies, so I
put it where you can find it.
303
00:36:12,323 --> 00:36:15,678
"It's ten yards back
in the trees
304
00:36:15,762 --> 00:36:19,954
"by the northwest entrance
to Finch Ridge Preserve.
305
00:36:20,038 --> 00:36:23,978
I am enclosing a letter
he left for you."
306
00:36:25,916 --> 00:36:28,738
"Dear Shoshana and Ezra,
307
00:36:28,822 --> 00:36:31,961
"I love you both so much.
308
00:36:33,465 --> 00:36:37,356
"I'm sorry this happened to you,
and I'm sorry it happened to me.
309
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,862
"But here we are.
310
00:36:40,946 --> 00:36:44,236
"I want you to know
I haven't suffered.
311
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,342
"And I've had a lot
of time to think.
312
00:36:47,426 --> 00:36:50,615
"You know I like to do that.
313
00:36:50,699 --> 00:36:55,024
"The two of you gave my life,
and your mother's life, meaning.
314
00:36:55,108 --> 00:36:57,129
"All parents love
their children,
315
00:36:57,213 --> 00:37:00,502
"but no one loved their kids
more than we did.
316
00:37:00,586 --> 00:37:05,111
"You are extraordinary people.
317
00:37:05,195 --> 00:37:07,950
"I want you both to go forward
without my death
318
00:37:08,034 --> 00:37:10,622
"defining your lives.
319
00:37:10,706 --> 00:37:14,697
"I also want to make sure that
some of the conflicts we had
320
00:37:14,781 --> 00:37:19,189
"don't define how you remember
our relationships either.
321
00:37:20,726 --> 00:37:25,151
"Shoshana, you and I and
your mother had our issues,
322
00:37:25,235 --> 00:37:30,461
"but mostly it has been easy
and full of caring.
323
00:37:30,545 --> 00:37:34,269
"I thank you for that gift.
324
00:37:34,353 --> 00:37:38,444
"You are the brightest,
most extraordinary young woman
325
00:37:38,528 --> 00:37:40,415
"I can imagine.
326
00:37:40,499 --> 00:37:44,322
"In these dark times,
I have thought about you
327
00:37:44,406 --> 00:37:46,962
"and your beautiful family constantly,
328
00:37:47,046 --> 00:37:53,057
"and it has given me joy,
pride and solace.
329
00:37:54,961 --> 00:37:57,248
"Ezra, my dear son,
330
00:37:57,332 --> 00:38:01,390
"you are a bright light
in this world.
331
00:38:01,474 --> 00:38:06,300
"We both know it hasn't been
such smooth sailing between us.
332
00:38:06,384 --> 00:38:08,438
"And your mother.
333
00:38:08,522 --> 00:38:10,842
"I have spent a lot of time
thinking back on everything
334
00:38:10,926 --> 00:38:14,449
"that happened,
and I see things now
335
00:38:14,533 --> 00:38:18,424
"that I was unable to grasp
when they were happening.
336
00:38:18,508 --> 00:38:22,232
"I want you to know
that I understand now
337
00:38:22,316 --> 00:38:25,071
"everything you said to me.
338
00:38:25,155 --> 00:38:27,743
"You were right. Mostly.
339
00:38:27,827 --> 00:38:33,087
"I was judgmental, I didn't
accept you for who you were,
340
00:38:33,171 --> 00:38:36,126
"and worst of all,
I allowed your mother
341
00:38:36,210 --> 00:38:37,629
"to take the blame for this,
342
00:38:37,713 --> 00:38:42,372
"when I was as much
at fault as anyone.
343
00:38:42,456 --> 00:38:44,259
"More.
344
00:38:45,762 --> 00:38:51,540
"I want you to know that
I see this and I'm sorry.
345
00:38:53,144 --> 00:38:55,331
"Through it all,
I always loved you.
346
00:38:55,415 --> 00:38:58,137
"And I want you to know
how very much
347
00:38:58,221 --> 00:39:02,345
"I respect who you are
and the choices you've made.
348
00:39:02,429 --> 00:39:07,222
"You've built a beautiful family
and a beautiful life.
349
00:39:07,306 --> 00:39:12,499
You are a special
and truly wonderful person."
350
00:39:20,932 --> 00:39:23,454
A little meshuggener, maybe.
351
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:14,189
I think I really changed.
352
00:40:14,273 --> 00:40:16,911
The therapy worked.
353
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,650
I'm not going to do it again.
354
00:40:21,654 --> 00:40:26,197
I am never going to
hurt anyone again.
355
00:40:29,003 --> 00:40:31,289
That's not true.
356
00:40:31,373 --> 00:40:34,496
You're going to do it again.
357
00:40:34,580 --> 00:40:37,185
We both know it.
358
00:41:01,467 --> 00:41:05,141
Mom! Can you come down here?!
359
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:55,578
Did you know him?
360
00:42:55,662 --> 00:42:57,549
Not personally.
361
00:42:57,633 --> 00:43:00,288
I have colleagues who
were students of his.
362
00:43:00,372 --> 00:43:02,392
And I read his book.
363
00:43:02,476 --> 00:43:05,214
You know, I never read it.
364
00:43:06,283 --> 00:43:09,339
I don't even have a copy.
365
00:43:09,423 --> 00:43:12,078
Although, I think
I'm about to inherit
366
00:43:12,162 --> 00:43:14,416
like three boxes of them.
367
00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:18,691
I think one of the sections
is on parenting.
368
00:43:18,775 --> 00:43:20,794
Huh.
369
00:43:20,878 --> 00:43:23,284
I guess I should read it.
370
00:43:26,391 --> 00:43:28,694
So, how are you getting along?
371
00:43:32,102 --> 00:43:35,141
What happened was...
372
00:43:42,456 --> 00:43:45,913
I'm just worried for my kids.
373
00:43:45,997 --> 00:43:49,019
And my wife.
374
00:43:49,103 --> 00:43:51,440
And my sister.
375
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:56,483
What about you?
376
00:43:58,321 --> 00:44:01,794
It's been hard, but I'm okay.
377
00:44:07,172 --> 00:44:10,878
Do you want to tell me a little
more about yourself, Ezra?
378
00:44:12,449 --> 00:44:17,008
I'm... I'm not sure
where to start.
379
00:44:17,092 --> 00:44:19,863
Really anywhere's okay.
380
00:44:37,933 --> 00:44:40,204
I...
381
00:44:41,540 --> 00:44:44,846
"You Want It Darker"
by Leonard Cohen plays...
382
00:44:56,904 --> 00:45:01,296
♪ ♪ If you are the dealer,
I'm out of the game ♪
383
00:45:01,380 --> 00:45:05,872
♪ ♪ If you are the healer,
it means I'm broker than lame ♪
384
00:45:05,956 --> 00:45:10,983
♪ ♪ If thine is the glory,
then mine must be the shame ♪
385
00:45:11,067 --> 00:45:13,554
♪ You want it darker ♪♪
386
00:45:13,638 --> 00:45:16,677
♪ We kill the flame ♪♪
387
00:45:23,290 --> 00:45:26,112
♪ Magnified, sanctified ♪♪
388
00:45:26,196 --> 00:45:28,150
♪ Be the holy name ♪♪
389
00:45:28,234 --> 00:45:30,455
♪ Vilified, crucified ♪♪
390
00:45:30,539 --> 00:45:32,792
♪ In the human frame ♪♪
391
00:45:32,876 --> 00:45:34,462
♪ A million candles burning ♪♪
392
00:45:34,546 --> 00:45:37,168
♪ For the help that never came ♪♪
393
00:45:37,252 --> 00:45:39,790
♪ You want it darker ♪♪
394
00:45:45,335 --> 00:45:48,558
♪ Hineni, hineni ♪♪
395
00:45:48,642 --> 00:45:50,678
♪ I'm ready, my Lord ♪♪
396
00:45:59,329 --> 00:46:02,752
Vvocalizing...
397
00:46:21,807 --> 00:46:23,978
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Media Access Group at WGBH
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