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1
00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:04,816
PAT: OK. Thank you, Lady B.
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,456
Right, for me, it's a nice day,
3
00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,736
so I would go for my tracky Bs,
my tracky T and my white Hi-Tecs.
4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,576
ALL: Ooh! Trendy.
5
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,216
Robin? Eh...
6
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,176
..Apollo A7L spacesuit.
7
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,016
You've got liquid cooling,
portable life-support system,
8
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,656
locking cuff, go, "Kshhh..."
9
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,576
Spaceman. Yeah, really cool.
10
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,376
It is cool. Julian?
11
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,336
Trousers. Right, any sort of...?
12
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,496
No, any kind of trousers.
13
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,536
It's funny, you don't miss them till
they're gone.
14
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,216
No. Kitty?
15
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:39,616
Blue jeans... and a green jumper.
16
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,296
Like Alison?
17
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,656
Oh, gosh. Yes!
18
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,536
We'd be like twins. Captain?
19
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:46,696
This.
20
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:49,576
You're kidding. No. We're saying you
get up in the morning
21
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,056
and you can wear whatever you like.
22
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,256
Thomas is wearing double denim
with aviators!
23
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,136
So...? And Mary
24
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,616
is wearing a dress made out
of seashells.
25
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,816
With a simple lobster hat.
26
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,936
Still wouldn't change a thing.
All right.
27
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,816
Well, that's it for What I Would
Wear If I Could Today... today.
28
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,016
Don't forget, later,
Julian will be giving a speech
29
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,136
at 6pm sharp, on the art of spin.
30
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,616
Is that off spin or leg spin?
Because...
31
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,416
No, no. Different kind of spin. It's
a political tactic, coined in the...
32
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,936
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's save it for later.
33
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,376
Yeah, OK, yeah, OK. Cool, cool.
34
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,136
Look at all these bits I found out
there. Could be valuable.
35
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,856
ALL: Ooh... That's interesting.
That might be worth something.
36
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,496
Is that Queen Victoria?
Oh, that's Elizabeth II.
37
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:33,816
Which one's that?
38
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,136
Our one. Oh, I despair!
39
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,296
Hmm. There might be something else
worth something.
40
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,336
There's an old pipe
and whatever this is.
41
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,696
Ah, looks like a musket ball.
42
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,896
Yes, I think it is.
They think it's a musket ball.
43
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,416
It is.
44
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,736
Thomas, you don't think
that it's the one that...?
45
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,056
I know it.
46
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,336
HE GASPS SHARPLY
47
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,136
Oh, God.
48
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,736
Oh, God, it burns!
49
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,680
CRYING: Mock me no more,
cruel world!
50
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,800
It is a musket ball.
51
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,936
UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY
52
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,016
Are you sure you want me to come?
53
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,616
Everyone's bringing partners.
Yeah, but it's your reunion.
54
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,096
I didn't even go to your school.
I'll just be like a lemon.
55
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,056
Obi's going to be there.
You can talk to him.
56
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,960
Is that Kevin guy going?
57
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,456
Kevin McMahan?
58
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,016
You know who I'm talking about.
59
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,616
The one you dumped when you met me.
60
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,496
I don't know. Maybe.
61
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,576
Is his partner going to be there?
I don't know.
62
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,656
I don't know if he has one.
63
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,256
Right. OK.
64
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,936
Yeah, cool.
Are you OK? Yep. Cool.
65
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,256
OK. Cool.
66
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,720
Cool, cool, cool. I am cool.
67
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,896
THOMAS CLEARS HIS THROAT
68
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,056
Thomas.
69
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,176
I wanted to apologise
for my outburst earlier today.
70
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,496
Which one?
You are kind to make light of it.
71
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,896
It must've been a shock
to see me so ruled by my emotions.
72
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:19,496
Erm... You see, I was overcome with
the memory of it all.
73
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,696
Come in. 'Tis not a pleasant thing
to contemplate, as you can imagine.
74
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,336
Hmm.
75
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,736
Perhaps I can give you account of
the unhappy events
76
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,456
of that fateful day.
77
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,736
Oh, you don't have to.
78
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,216
October 10th, 1824.
79
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,536
OK. A crisp, autumnal afternoon.
80
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,336
SPRIGHTLY HARPSICHORD PLAYS
81
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,896
My cousin and I had accepted
invitation
82
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,936
to a gathering at Higham House,
83
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,256
as it was then known.
84
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,816
FRANCIS: What a place.
Imagine inheriting this!
85
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,096
It's pleasant enough to visit.
86
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,536
I wouldn't want to live here!
87
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,056
FRANCIS CHUCKLES
88
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,736
The day's proceedings were
to feature recitals
89
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,216
of both music and poetry.
90
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,296
Try not to embarrass me, cousin.
91
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,336
I looked forward to unveiling my new
work, but most of all,
92
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,976
I looked forward to seeing once
again Lord Higham's daughter...
93
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,176
..my beloved Isabelle.
94
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,480
Oh, my heart is aflutter, cousin.
95
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,416
She is fine indeed.
96
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:17,816
Shall we speak to the girl?
97
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,496
Nay! Nay, nay, nay, nay.
98
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,056
She is with her father.
99
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,200
He does not know we have an
attachment - we cannot speak openly.
100
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:30,216
Though I long to know
that her feelings are unchanged.
101
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,136
Write her a note, then.
102
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,280
I will deliver it.
I will be your Cupid.
103
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,376
I penned a note,
thanked my cousin...
104
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,936
Thank you, Cousin.
105
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,696
..and waited, breath bated,
for the...
106
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,200
RATTLING
Oh, where is that thing?
107
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,400
I am listening.
108
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,536
Carry on.
109
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,416
Snickers? Yes.
110
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,816
What's wrong with Marathon?
111
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,776
Snickers just sounds like,
"It's knickers".
112
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,136
'S'knickers. 'S'knickers.
113
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,416
Well, is that a bad thing?
114
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,976
Well, no, I suppose not, but what
does it mean? I mean, the word.
115
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,696
It doesn't make any bloody sense,
does it?
116
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,656
Am I early? As usual!
117
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,376
You and Lady B are always the first.
118
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,616
What?
119
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,896
I was just saying, you're always the
first.
120
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,976
You could set a clock by you
two.
121
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,256
Well, there's nothing wrong
with being punctual.
122
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,656
Anyway, it's not six yet, so...
123
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,120
..let's talk amongst ourselves,
shall we?
124
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,440
KEYBOARD TAPS
125
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,936
So. your cousin gave her your
letter?
126
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,776
Yes. Oh, my...!
127
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,496
In the meantime, the day's
entertainments had begun...
128
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,616
Oh. AEROSOL SPRAYS
129
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,040
SINGING FINISHES
130
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,616
And soon it came my turn to enthral.
131
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,776
And now, esteemed guests,
132
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:01,136
we are honoured by a recital
from our greatest living poet,
133
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,096
Thomas Thorne.
134
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,096
APPLAUSE
135
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,320
THOMAS CLEARS HIS THROAT
136
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,256
Summer hath aroused
137
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,496
the twilight of life in the hay
138
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,416
Shadows long and dark
139
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,216
Time has passed
since the honeymoon of May
140
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,000
And held aloft by rosy buds
141
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,360
Whose nectar sweet forbade...
142
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,096
VOICEOVER: How I longed to read her
words.
143
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,456
But Hermione And Roger
is an epic poem,
144
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,856
and I could not cheat
my rapt audience.
145
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,296
Upon the banks of the rushing Ouse
146
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,416
Sits there a poor man...
147
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,696
Oh, welcome, Death...
148
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,336
Two hours later, I finally reached
the climax of the piece.
149
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,760
On this Earth, we are but lodger
150
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:59,816
For she was his Hermione
151
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:04,336
And he... always...
152
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,976
..her Roger!
153
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Bravo! Bravo!
154
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,296
The man's a genius!
155
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,600
Oh, God!
156
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,456
Oh, thank you.
157
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,640
Pray silence for Lady Isabelle.
158
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,760
ISABELLE CLEARS HER THROAT
Her letter, cousin.
159
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,776
"Dear Mr Thorne.
160
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,176
"I'm sorry, but I do not love you.
161
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:35,576
"Perhaps you misinterpreted my words
or actions when last we met."
162
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,256
Might you have done?
163
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:41,696
I mean, you do maybe have
the tendency to, you know,
164
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,400
get the wrong idea.
165
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,096
Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
166
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,216
Almost definitely not.
167
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,560
And again, not. No.
168
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,320
Hmm.
169
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,960
HE TUTS
170
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,440
Mm.
171
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,880
HE EXHALES
172
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,336
HE GROANS
173
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,800
Nah, bruv.
174
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,416
CLEARS THROAT AWKWARDLY
175
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,016
I was just thinking the other day...
176
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,816
DOOR BELL CLANGS There you go.
177
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,096
They're late.
178
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,456
Always the same ones. Well...
179
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,376
Well, what else have they got to
do? I know.
180
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,816
Not stuck in traffic, are they?
Or washing their hair.
181
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,856
Let's play a game to pass the time.
182
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,736
How about Grandma Went To The Shops
And Bought An Apple?
183
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,136
JULIAN SIGHS Oh, not this! Sake!
184
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,136
SOLEMN HARPSICHORD PLAYS
185
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:46,696
THOMAS: As my sweetheart played on,
I was racked with confusion.
186
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,656
I cannot fathom it.
187
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,176
Her affections were so clear before.
188
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,616
Poor cousin.
189
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,456
Perhaps her father has discovered us
and forbidden the match.
190
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,816
I must know.
191
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,936
Let her tell me to my face,
at least. Have a care, cousin.
192
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,080
I wouldn't want you
further hurt in this.
193
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,656
MUSIC FINISHES, APPLAUSE
194
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:12,016
Shall we take our leave?
Stand aside, cousin. Excuse me.
195
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,456
Excuse me. Excuse me.
196
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,896
Isabelle Higham?
197
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,536
Ha! The girl's unbearable.
198
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,056
Ugly and untalented.
199
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,480
Unbearable, you say?!
200
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,800
Untalented, you say?!
201
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,056
Damn your eyes, I say!
202
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:34,536
Damn your head, shoulders,
knees and toes, sir!
203
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,136
And what concern is it of yours?
204
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,776
I happen to love that woman
of whom you speak.
205
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,256
And I demand satisfaction.
SCATTERED GASPS
206
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,416
If her father thought me
unworthy before,
207
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,880
he certainly thought me worthy now.
208
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,120
Very well.
209
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,840
Good luck, cousin.
210
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,536
The evening air was cold.
211
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,000
Those of steady stomach
came to witness my bravery.
212
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,040
Now count your paces.
213
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,000
WHISPERS: Four, five, six...
214
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,576
..11, 12...
215
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,216
GUNSHOT
216
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,656
ISABELLE GASPS
217
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,760
CONFUSED MURMURS Good God.
218
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,536
Thomas! Cousin!
219
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,216
We didn't get to 20.
220
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,120
I am shot.
221
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,816
He cheated, the coward!
222
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,400
THOMAS PANTS
223
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,440
I am done for.
224
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,416
May God welcome me to the heavens.
225
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,080
ISABELLE: My beloved!
226
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,376
My darling!
227
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:06,336
Oh, how foolish was I
to believe Papa would not approve.
228
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,336
You are the best of men.
229
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,496
Kiss me...
230
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,160
..as the French do.
231
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:22,560
Oh. Oh!
232
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,376
ROBIN: That didn't happen.
233
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,696
What? It didn't happen!
234
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,240
I was there.
235
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,016
Of course you were!
236
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,096
Well, that's how I remembered it.
237
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,256
Go on, Robin. I remember that day.
238
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,336
Great! Are we really going to...?
Let's hear it.
239
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,920
He come on horsey with pasty friend.
240
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,896
It big, nice house.
241
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,920
Nice to come. Me not want live here.
242
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,936
Oh, blast!
243
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,696
ROBIN LAUGHS
244
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,616
After he clean poo from his lady
shoes, he come inside.
245
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,040
Oh, what you got there?
246
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,816
Ta-da!
247
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,096
GUEST: Look that.
248
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,336
What so good?
249
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,216
No!
250
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,136
APPLAUSE
251
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,616
No, do it again. Do it again!
252
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,336
And now, man called Thomas do poem.
253
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,320
ROBIN GRUNTS
254
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,256
Something 'bout flowers,
or wine or girls, or something.
255
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,416
HE GROANS
256
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:36,136
It was big boring,
but outside, something happened.
257
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:40,536
Blink one for yes, two for no.
258
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,936
No!
259
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,496
Really?
260
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,936
Where?
261
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,816
VOICEOVER: Something was in grounds.
262
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,376
Ooh! There!
263
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,600
WOLF HOWLS
264
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,560
I have sixth sense, so I follow.
265
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,880
HE SNIFFS
266
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,000
HE PANTS
267
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,576
And then I see baby deer - dead.
268
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,016
What beast did this?
269
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,176
ALISON: Robin?
270
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,336
What creature...? Robin?
271
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,656
What demon...? Robin! Robin.
272
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,536
It's a bit off topic.
But it just getting to a good bit.
273
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,496
It's got nothing to do
with how I died.
274
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,336
Eh... Oh, I remembers that!
275
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,456
Oh, yes! Not you two as well.
276
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,496
This is amazing.
277
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,816
OK, you're sure?
Is he definitely going tonight?
278
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,136
Well, I mean, the event page
says he is.
279
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,696
Grandma went to the shops
and bought an apple,
280
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,456
a packet of Monster Crunch...
281
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,096
Munch. Munch,
282
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,256
a bottle of sherry...
283
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,520
..Playboy magazine...
284
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,816
..and...
285
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,256
An Enfield No.2 standard-issue
revolver. Yes, that.
286
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,216
You know he's a boxer now?
Yeah, he got into that in prison.
287
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,416
Prison?
288
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,416
..a swingball, and a...
DISTANT: ..big tank of a man.
289
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,736
Oh, ah...
290
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,176
Well, it's your go.
It can be anything.
291
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,576
Come on, Fanny.
..a-a-a lace brassiere!
292
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,016
Ooh, saucy!
293
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,616
What are you worried about anyway?
Alison dumped him when she met me.
294
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,456
Oh. Did she?
295
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:13,896
It was ages ago, wasn't it?
296
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,096
So, he'd be over it by now,
wouldn't he?
297
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,736
Hmm, probably, yeah, yeah.
298
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,336
Mm...
299
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,576
Mary, you must remember what
happened.
300
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,656
Oh, yeah.
301
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,520
THOMAS SIGHS
I remembers it well.
302
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,936
MARY: The room was full
of dandies and wenches,
303
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,480
talking and all floating
about the place.
304
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,896
They had wine coming out
of their ears.
305
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:44,056
It happens all the time.
The people all laughed and danced.
306
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,096
ALL SHOUT AND LAUGH
307
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,216
When Thomas came in,
Lady Isabelle did look at him.
308
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,176
Said I to Annie...
309
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,576
Is he the man of which she spoke?
310
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,496
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. Annie? Who's Annie?
311
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,536
ALL MUMBLE IN SURPRISE
Oh, did we never tell you?
312
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,616
Oh, yeah, yeah, Annie ghosted here
for 100 year or more.
313
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,136
A true friend to me.
314
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,416
I see.
315
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,136
Till she got sucked off.
316
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,376
I'm sorry?
317
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,496
SHE HUMS CELESTIAL TUNE
318
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,776
Ah, like, moved on? Oh, yeah.
There's many that's been sucked off
319
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,216
in this house. Moved on.
I used to dream of the day
320
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,216
that I would be sucked off.
Moved on.
321
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,696
But I've long since given up hope
of ever being sucked off.
322
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,496
Moving on. Anyways...
323
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:29,856
..Annie and I did watch,
and Thomas said his poem...
324
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,416
Summer hath aroused the twilights
of lifes in the haze...
325
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,960
..and the people all turned to
statues.
326
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,056
Honestly, I think they died
of boredoms.
327
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,656
Oh, come, now. This is a nonsense!
328
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,656
I says it as I remembers
I sees it, mate.
329
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,536
Kitty, you must have been there,
too. Yes.
330
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:49,776
HUMPHREY: And me!
331
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,016
Good God, how long have you been
there?! Oh, the whole time.
332
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,376
Yeah, I remember it.
So many beautiful shoes.
333
00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,656
Some heeled, some flat, one pair of
boots with lovely buckles.
334
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,496
Wait, did you just see shoes?
335
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:03,656
Pretty much, yeah.
336
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,176
Hmm. Kitty, what did you see?
337
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,896
Oh, I don't know if I should say.
338
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,416
Aren't you meant to be going out
with Michael this evening?
339
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,296
We've already detained you long
enough.
340
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,976
No, but I want to hear what Kitty
saw. Mike, I'll be five minutes.
341
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,800
Take your time.
342
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,496
Great.
343
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,216
Perfect. Fantastic.
344
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,576
Go on, Kitty. All right.
345
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,736
Well, to start with, it was so
exciting.
346
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,536
SHE GIGGLES
347
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,096
All sorts of interesting people
coming to the house,
348
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,160
food laid out on a table.
349
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,080
PAT: What kind of food?
350
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,016
No, come one, come all!
351
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,976
The more, the merrier.
We're only talking about my death!
352
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,656
We were supposed to muster at 1800
hours in the common room
353
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,776
for Julian's talk. Postpone it.
You've literally got forever.
354
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,096
Carry on, Kitty.
355
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,536
Where was I? You were
talking about a spread.
356
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,936
Now, was it like a buffet
sort of thing?
357
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,656
You know, cheese and pineapple?
358
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,096
Pineapple?!
359
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,160
Goodness, no. They were wealthy,
but they weren't royalty.
360
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,976
I remember Thomas arriving,
so in love with Lady Isabelle.
361
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,336
MARY: Is he the man of which she
spoke?
362
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:10,840
Looks a silly arse.
363
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,056
I remember his poem.
Welcome, Death!
364
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,776
Oh, sweetest sleep...
365
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,896
I don't understand poetry very well,
but it must have been funny
366
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,976
because people were giggling.
367
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,360
And he always...
368
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,336
..her Roger!
369
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:28,736
HE SNORTS
370
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,616
SCATTERED APPLAUSE
371
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,080
The man's a penis.
372
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,736
And I remember the argument - Thomas
didn't like something he heard.
373
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,416
What do you think of this Shelley
woman I keep hearing about?
374
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,896
Oh, she's unbearable.
375
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,456
Ugly and untalented.
376
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,696
Shelley?
377
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,096
No, that can't be right.
You've got that wrong.
378
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,176
That's what I heard -
Mary Shelley, the writer.
379
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,496
Unbearable, you say?
380
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,016
Untalented, you say?
381
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,616
Damn your eyes, I say!
382
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,936
Damn your head...
383
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:04,096
..shoulders, knees and toes, sir.
384
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:07,016
And what concern is it of yours?
385
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,416
I happen to love that woman
of whom you speak.
386
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,296
And I...
387
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,536
Sorry, does anybody have a glove?
388
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,056
Can I borrow your glove?
389
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,976
No. Fine.
390
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,536
Imagine the glove.
391
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,600
I demand satisfaction.
392
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,056
Very well. Really?
393
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,376
Yes.
394
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,816
QUIET: God... ALOUD: Good.
395
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,296
Good God.
396
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,976
Lady Isabelle didn't see
what Thomas had done.
397
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,736
Why are they duelling?
Over Mary Shelley.
398
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,880
Apparently, the poet is in love
with her.
399
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:44,080
WHISPERS: Seven, eight, nine, ten...
400
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,040
Ah!
401
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,240
MACHINE-GUN FIRE
402
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,616
FANNY: Do you mind?!
403
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,416
Kitty was telling the story!
404
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,096
You weren't even there!
405
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:02,736
Well, it's what I would have done.
406
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,336
Close-quarter battle...
THEY SHOUT OVER HIM
407
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,096
Excuse me, but what shoes was he...?
408
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,576
I don't know why that's relevant.
All I wanted to do was...
409
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,976
ALL TALK AT ONCE
..they're a low-model rifle.
410
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,816
ALL ARGUE Alison.
411
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,696
I just want to hear what... Alison.
Yeah, hi. Hi, sorry. I'm going to be
down in, like, one second.
412
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,336
Just... Shh!
You don't even know her!
413
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:23,616
Shh-shh-shh! Just... It looks like
you've got something to deal with
here. Maybe second thoughts about
414
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,096
the reunion? That's cool. We don't
have to go. No problem.
415
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,936
What? I can just... go back to...
No, no.
416
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,376
We're still going to go. I just need
to finish something real quick.
417
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,616
Yeah, it's just that I actually...
Just really quickly.
418
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,176
Everyone, just let Kitty finish.
419
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,776
OK. They marched away
from each other.
420
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,496
I could hardly bear to watch.
421
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,840
Oh...
422
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,680
WHISPERS: Five, six...
423
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,936
..nine, ten...
424
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,720
..11, 12.
425
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,240
HE MOUTHS
426
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,016
GUNSHOT
427
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,000
Oh! Good God!
428
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,120
GUNSHOT, BIRD SCREECHES Sorry.
429
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,736
FRANCIS: Cousin!
430
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,496
We didn't get to 20.
431
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,856
I am shot!
432
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,800
He cheated, the coward!
433
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:25,736
I know she doesn't love me
but, please, fetch Isabelle,
434
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,560
that I might say goodbye to her.
435
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,800
Of course.
436
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,600
THOMAS PANTS AND GROANS
437
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,240
He waited...
438
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,880
..and waited...
439
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,800
..but she never came.
440
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,320
KITTY GIGGLES
441
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,376
You OK?
442
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,496
Fine, yeah. Just... something
in my eye.
443
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,256
HE CLEARS THROAT
444
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,600
So now you know.
445
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,976
I wanted you to believe better of
me, but the truth is...
446
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,720
..I was a fool.
447
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,696
A fool who died alone and unloved.
448
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,856
Hang on. Your cousin,
he wasn't wearing boots
449
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,776
with bronze buckles, was he?
450
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,216
We've finished now, Humphrey.
451
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,056
Yes. Why?
452
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,536
Well, who was he writing letters to?
453
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:38,896
What?
454
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,136
Well, he wrote two letters.
455
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,200
On the stairs, where I was.
456
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,416
Why would he...?
457
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,720
Please, fetch Isabelle,
that I might say goodbye.
458
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,680
Of course.
459
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,616
No!
460
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,256
What a place.
461
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,696
Imagine inheriting this.
462
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,096
My heart is aflutter, cousin.
463
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,496
She is fine indeed.
464
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,616
Write her a note, then.
I will deliver it.
465
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,656
I will be your Cupid.
466
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,520
Thank you, cousin.
467
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,136
ISABELLE READS: "Please understand,
468
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,496
"I do not love you.
469
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,456
"Thomas Thorne."
470
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,816
SHE GASPS
471
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,376
And held aloft by rosy buds.
472
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,376
But how could his feelings
have cooled so quickly?
473
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,616
You deserve better.
My cousin... How can I say this?
474
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,856
..has many fancies.
475
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,320
A typical poet.
476
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,000
Nectar sweet forbade...
477
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,256
THOMAS READS: "Dear Mr Thorne,
I'm sorry, but I do not love you."
478
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:53,976
I must know!
479
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,416
Let her tell me to my face, please.
480
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,496
Have a care, cousin.
481
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,736
I would not want you further hurt
in this.
482
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,536
Come to think of it, it was Francis
who told me about the officer.
483
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,296
Excuse me.
484
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,176
Say, what do you think of this
Shelley woman I keep hearing about?
485
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,616
Oh, she's unbearable.
486
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,560
Ugly and untalented.
487
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,296
He called Isabelle
unbearable and untalented.
488
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,736
Damn your eyes, I say!
489
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,096
Very well.
490
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,856
20 paces, cousin.
491
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,320
20?
492
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,120
WHISPERS: 11, 12...
493
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,096
HE MOUTHS
494
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,416
GUNSHOT
495
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,936
BIRD SCREECHES
496
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,296
We didn't get to 20!
497
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,016
ISABELLE: Thomas!
FRANCIS: Cousin!
498
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,256
I am shot!
499
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,136
He cheated, the coward!
500
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,536
Please, fetch Isabelle,
that I might say goodbye.
501
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:47,800
Of course.
502
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,960
HE PANTS AND GROANS
503
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,296
Mm.
504
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,576
But he didn't fetch her.
505
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,536
ISABELLE: He was taken too soon!
506
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,296
He is gone. He is gone,
and there's nothing we can do.
507
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,496
SOBBING: Oh, God, Thomas!
Oh, you poor thing.
508
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,296
Oh, what he's put you through,
it is not fair.
509
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,816
Let me lend you some comfort.
Oh, you are kind.
510
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,496
Forgive me. I...
511
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,296
..I don't even know your name.
512
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,560
Button. Francis Button.
513
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:24,696
Button?!
514
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,376
Yes. They got married.
515
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,416
It was their son
who returned here to live.
516
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,296
My George's grandfather.
517
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,216
This letter...
518
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,496
..is a lie.
519
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,696
I thought it was not her usual hand.
520
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,376
And her name is misspelt.
I just thought
521
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,976
she'd written it in a hurry.
522
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,256
Mm. All those years
523
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,696
I thought I'd been spurned
when, really...
524
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,736
..she did love me.
525
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,520
Does that make you feel any better?
526
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,536
No, it's worse!
527
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,136
Mm.
528
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,216
Wait, hold on. Button? So...
529
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,736
..that means we're related. Yes!
530
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,496
Yeah. No.
531
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,576
I mean, very distantly related.
Our children would be fine.
532
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,816
We're probably all related,
if you go back far enough.
533
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,616
Yeah, you all come from me.
534
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,056
And my sister.
535
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,440
Mm?
536
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,536
Heh-heh, joking!
537
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,936
Right, that's quite enough
of this nonsense.
538
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,656
Shall we go and listen to Julian's
talk? It's only 43 minutes late.
539
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:22,896
MARY: What be it about?
540
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,936
The art of spin -
541
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,576
how the same fact or story can be
told in different ways to, you know,
542
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,536
promote a particular bias.
543
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,016
Well, I think we've covered that.
544
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,136
Well done, Humphrey.
545
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,896
Not just a pretty face.
546
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:39,000
Well, I am.
KITTY: Yes, I suppose you are.
547
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,336
Right, shall we hit the road?
548
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,336
I don't want to go.
549
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:51,016
What? I don't want to go,
550
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,056
because Kevin, right,
you dumped him for me,
551
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,816
and I looked him up, and he's a
boxer.
552
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,776
He fights people. And Obi says he's
done time, so if he's not over you,
553
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,920
I don't want to go because...
He dumped me.
554
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,816
What?
555
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,936
He dumped me.
556
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,656
I told you that I dumped him because
557
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,696
I thought it made it sound better.
558
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,216
And I wanted to make you think
that I was choosing you.
559
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,776
Which I... which I was. So...
560
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,576
No, I was choosing you.
So I was a rebound?
561
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,376
No!
562
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,576
Well, kind of. At first.
563
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:25,480
Look, he's not going to be angry at
you, because he dumped me.
564
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,240
And I'm glad he did.
565
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,480
Come on, then. Let's go.
566
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,016
Of course, I don't know
what you're worried about,
567
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,296
because you're a black belt
in taekwondo.
568
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,096
Yeah...
569
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:44,720
..I did say that.
570
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,760
YELLS: Fie!
571
00:27:14,784 --> 00:27:17,784
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