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1
00:00:00,869 --> 00:00:04,977
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:05,043 --> 00:00:09,085
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:09,118 --> 00:00:13,126
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,193 --> 00:00:17,134
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:21,209
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,242 --> 00:00:23,681
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:23,714 --> 00:00:24,683
[laughs]
8
00:00:24,716 --> 00:00:26,185
Ooh!
Ah!
9
00:00:26,252 --> 00:00:27,254
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,321 --> 00:00:29,325
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
11
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:33,968
Hurry up, kids.
12
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,003
You're gonna miss
the school bus.
13
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:36,372
Why aren't you driving us?
14
00:00:36,406 --> 00:00:38,611
You said the school bus
driver was an alcoholic.
15
00:00:38,644 --> 00:00:41,115
I said he drives
like an alcoholic.
16
00:00:41,182 --> 00:00:43,386
We didn't even have breakfast.
17
00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:44,488
Here you go.
18
00:00:44,556 --> 00:00:46,392
all: Nom, nom, nom.
19
00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:47,662
Okay, time's up.
Your father and I
20
00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:50,067
have to get to work.
We're busy, frazzled,
21
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,302
working parents,
aren't we, Jack?
22
00:00:51,336 --> 00:00:54,442
So busy, so frazzled. Bye.
23
00:00:56,412 --> 00:00:58,851
[all scream]
24
00:00:58,918 --> 00:01:01,322
Bam!
Binge time.
25
00:01:01,389 --> 00:01:03,561
[grunts]
26
00:01:05,063 --> 00:01:06,767
[organ plays]
27
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:10,007
Slanket us, baby.
28
00:01:10,073 --> 00:01:11,977
[both sigh]
29
00:01:11,977 --> 00:01:13,413
[dramatic music]
30
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:17,187
M'lady, prepare yourself for
ten hours of heaving bosoms
31
00:01:17,254 --> 00:01:19,893
and quivering buttocks.
- Don't forget lip-licking
32
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,496
and looks of askance.
33
00:01:21,563 --> 00:01:23,734
narrator: Last season
on "Bodicetown,"
34
00:01:23,801 --> 00:01:27,074
Lady Paleshoulders made
a shocking announcement.
35
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,445
I am betrothed
to Sir Tightincloth,
36
00:01:29,478 --> 00:01:32,418
and my flower is ready
to be plucked.
37
00:01:32,484 --> 00:01:34,589
[all gasp]
[horse neighs]
38
00:01:34,656 --> 00:01:37,896
narrator: But how quickly
spring can turn to winter.
39
00:01:37,996 --> 00:01:39,298
You plucked my flower
40
00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:42,171
and didn't even send
a messenger pigeon afterward.
41
00:01:42,204 --> 00:01:44,910
Perhaps this message
will suffice.
42
00:01:44,977 --> 00:01:46,079
[romantic music]
43
00:01:46,145 --> 00:01:48,116
- Mm...
- [warbles]
44
00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:51,089
Oh, what a recap.
45
00:01:53,628 --> 00:01:55,832
Butta gutta,
butta gutta, butta gutta.
46
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:57,301
Good morning, students.
47
00:01:57,401 --> 00:01:59,740
After a series
of violent parent protests,
48
00:01:59,806 --> 00:02:02,478
we will no longer
be serving 2% milk.
49
00:02:02,512 --> 00:02:04,081
My stepdad whaled
on a guy for that.
50
00:02:04,148 --> 00:02:05,350
He's a full-fatter.
51
00:02:05,384 --> 00:02:07,054
And today's big
announcement--
52
00:02:07,121 --> 00:02:09,926
it's C-SET time.
[cheering]
53
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,897
We all know
what C-SET stands for,
54
00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:12,599
but I'll say it anyway:
55
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,636
Class Superlative
Election Time.
56
00:02:14,703 --> 00:02:16,472
It's important
that students are recognized
57
00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:18,678
for things that won't matter
a damn in ten years.
58
00:02:18,744 --> 00:02:21,950
I'm Mr. Mitch, and those are
your morning announcements.
59
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,854
[coughs]
60
00:02:23,921 --> 00:02:25,157
Sorry, y'all--allergies.
61
00:02:25,190 --> 00:02:26,459
Yeah, that's good.
62
00:02:26,527 --> 00:02:29,065
This is the year
I'm finally winning Best Laugh.
63
00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:30,601
Tell me which one
you like the best.
64
00:02:30,668 --> 00:02:31,837
[giggles]
65
00:02:31,904 --> 00:02:33,774
[cackles]
66
00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:34,643
[heaving laughter]
67
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,212
Can I hear
the last one again?
68
00:02:36,245 --> 00:02:38,316
- [heaving laughter]
- Yeah, not that one.
69
00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:40,187
I think I have a shot
at Mr. Personality.
70
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,590
[heaving laughter]
71
00:02:41,657 --> 00:02:44,563
I just hope I don't get
Most Likely to Succeed again.
72
00:02:44,629 --> 00:02:47,301
It's so embarrassing.
- You could withdraw your name.
73
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,604
Or you could mind
your own business, Bex.
74
00:02:48,637 --> 00:02:50,474
What title are you going for,
D?
75
00:02:50,508 --> 00:02:53,413
I don't know.
Maybe Class Couple?
76
00:02:53,446 --> 00:02:56,185
Or Best Eyes.
I'd totally vote for you.
77
00:02:56,252 --> 00:02:58,089
You would?
Yeah, my eyes
78
00:02:58,123 --> 00:03:00,327
are pretty dreamy.
79
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,799
Okay, I'm just gonna
give you a baby wipe.
80
00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:05,203
Oh, you definitely gettin'
Class Clown again, Bex.
81
00:03:05,237 --> 00:03:06,439
You had a stellar year--
82
00:03:06,507 --> 00:03:08,243
Alka-Seltzer
in the teachers' toilet,
83
00:03:08,309 --> 00:03:09,679
arm fart
during that moment of silence,
84
00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:11,683
and who else would draw
a wiener on that painting
85
00:03:11,717 --> 00:03:14,288
of George Washington
crossing the Delaware?
86
00:03:14,355 --> 00:03:16,693
Mwah.
- Yeah, the laughter I get
87
00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:20,568
from my vulgar and crass
behavior is a special feeling.
88
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,739
But I can't take the title
for granted.
89
00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:25,444
You're only as funny
as your last crying teacher.
90
00:03:25,511 --> 00:03:28,283
Now if you'll excuse me--
91
00:03:28,316 --> 00:03:31,890
Hoomby, doomby,
ding me down, me poomp-a-wha.
92
00:03:31,957 --> 00:03:34,996
[laughter]
- [cries]
93
00:03:35,097 --> 00:03:36,800
- Yes!
- [laughs]
94
00:03:36,867 --> 00:03:38,236
She got my vote.
95
00:03:38,303 --> 00:03:39,205
[giggles]
Pluck my flower.
96
00:03:39,238 --> 00:03:40,641
Pluck it, pluck it, pluck--
oh, yes.
97
00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:43,379
Keep plucking.
- Me doth loves this.
98
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,850
Wow, look at 'em go, Jack.
99
00:03:44,883 --> 00:03:47,856
It's been eight minutes
of nonstop relations.
100
00:03:47,889 --> 00:03:51,195
Well, back then, they had
no "Bodicetown" to watch.
101
00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:52,799
It was just duelin'
and doin' it.
102
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,972
Yeah, if you didn't use it,
it got cut off.
103
00:03:56,038 --> 00:03:57,074
The king would take it!
104
00:03:57,174 --> 00:03:59,445
I'll tell you what I do
find unbelievable though.
105
00:03:59,478 --> 00:04:01,683
He hasn't had one
lower-back spasm.
106
00:04:01,717 --> 00:04:04,723
And her bosoms haven't
rolled under her armpits.
107
00:04:04,756 --> 00:04:07,161
Jack, you're suckin'
on that spoon pretty hard.
108
00:04:07,227 --> 00:04:08,396
Oh, my God,
the spoon's empty.
109
00:04:08,463 --> 00:04:09,866
We ran out of ice cream.
110
00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:13,473
We can't watch seven more hours
of hot young people
111
00:04:13,541 --> 00:04:16,345
getting it on without the
cooling comfort of ice cream.
112
00:04:16,412 --> 00:04:17,549
Aw, I don't feel like
113
00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:19,586
putting on pants
and going to the store.
114
00:04:19,619 --> 00:04:22,291
Who said anything
about putting on pants?
115
00:04:22,357 --> 00:04:24,361
Oh, God bless you,
Gary Clegg,
116
00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,165
inventor of the Slanket.
117
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:29,271
M'lady.
118
00:04:29,305 --> 00:04:31,442
And the nominees
for Best Eyes
119
00:04:31,476 --> 00:04:33,213
are Duncan Harris...
120
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:34,616
[small smattering of claps]
- Gorgeous.
121
00:04:34,683 --> 00:04:36,787
- To die for.
- I'm lost in them.
122
00:04:36,854 --> 00:04:40,728
And the new student
who just started today, Januko.
123
00:04:40,795 --> 00:04:43,501
[cheers and applause]
124
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,972
- Seems close.
- Sit down, Duncan.
125
00:04:46,038 --> 00:04:47,074
- Yes, sir.
- Damn,
126
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:48,711
we are getting smoked today.
127
00:04:48,744 --> 00:04:51,315
I won,
but I'll probably give it back.
128
00:04:51,382 --> 00:04:53,052
- When?
- When I feel like it, Wolf.
129
00:04:53,119 --> 00:04:56,459
And now it's time
for the most anticipated award,
130
00:04:56,527 --> 00:04:57,461
Class Clown.
[all gasp]
131
00:04:57,595 --> 00:05:00,367
And this sole nominee
is the five-year reigning
132
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,070
Jester of Jokedale, Bex.
133
00:05:02,104 --> 00:05:03,373
[cheering]
134
00:05:03,373 --> 00:05:05,210
- I'm Bex!
- Whoo!
135
00:05:05,243 --> 00:05:07,615
You're the best!
- Fellow students,
136
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:11,489
as your incumbent clown,
I promise you another year
137
00:05:11,523 --> 00:05:16,332
of food fights, split pants,
and pricelessly timed farts.
138
00:05:16,365 --> 00:05:18,771
[farts]
[laughter]
139
00:05:18,804 --> 00:05:20,675
[chuckles]
What a one-two punch.
140
00:05:20,741 --> 00:05:23,146
Okay, let's wrap up
this sham election.
141
00:05:23,213 --> 00:05:24,816
Who votes for Bex?
- Who cares?
142
00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:26,687
Friday night,
we're playing the Vikings,
143
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:30,260
or as I call them,
the Suckings!
144
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,763
[laughter]
145
00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:33,667
Whoa--
[laughter]
146
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:36,840
- Corey's hilarious.
- Corey for Class Clown!
147
00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:40,480
That wasn't class clowning.
That was just cruelty,
148
00:05:40,515 --> 00:05:43,419
and he already won Most Cruel.
149
00:05:43,453 --> 00:05:46,392
all: Corey! Corey! Corey!
150
00:05:46,459 --> 00:05:49,064
- No chant-in candidates!
- Sorry, Bex,
151
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:52,137
but the popular kids scare me.
Plus, it's lunchtime.
152
00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:54,174
Corey wins.
- Yeah!
153
00:05:54,208 --> 00:05:56,045
My life's easy.
154
00:05:56,112 --> 00:05:58,016
[all cheering]
155
00:05:58,049 --> 00:06:01,055
Oh, my closer.
156
00:06:01,088 --> 00:06:03,928
Okay, give us a pint
of your Robert Brownie Jr.,
157
00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:07,569
Drew Barrys'more,
Fudge Judy, Anderson Scooper,
158
00:06:07,602 --> 00:06:09,673
and I'm gonna finally try
the Mint Romney.
159
00:06:09,706 --> 00:06:12,211
I'm sorry, this isn't
an ice cream store anymore.
160
00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:14,281
Wait, it's not
Pop's Sprinkle Shop?
161
00:06:14,315 --> 00:06:16,252
No, it's Doc's Wrinkle Spot.
162
00:06:16,319 --> 00:06:17,522
We tried to come up with a name
163
00:06:17,589 --> 00:06:19,559
to replace as little
of the sign as possible.
164
00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:21,362
So we can't get a cold scoop?
165
00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:23,466
No, but you can
get a cool sculpt.
166
00:06:23,499 --> 00:06:24,536
That's where
we freeze your fat,
167
00:06:24,603 --> 00:06:27,709
and it leaks out of your body
at unexpected times.
168
00:06:27,775 --> 00:06:30,146
We provide age-reversing
treatments like fillers,
169
00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:34,288
skin peels, laser back shaving,
testicle balancing, and Botox.
170
00:06:34,321 --> 00:06:35,323
Those things are for people
171
00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:36,760
who are unhappy
with their looks,
172
00:06:36,827 --> 00:06:38,664
and we're very happy
with our looks.
173
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,435
Are you?
Your frown lines say otherwise.
174
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,605
We look fine.
175
00:06:42,672 --> 00:06:44,643
And here's
the magnifying side.
176
00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:47,982
- [screams]
- Oh, God!
177
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,418
So that's a yes?
178
00:06:49,485 --> 00:06:52,190
In the words
of Lady Paleshoulders--
179
00:06:52,257 --> 00:06:55,297
both: Poketh me good, baby.
180
00:06:55,363 --> 00:06:56,833
- We look amazing.
- Now that we've
181
00:06:56,867 --> 00:06:58,504
chemically altered
your appearance,
182
00:06:58,570 --> 00:06:59,506
You probably have
some questions
183
00:06:59,539 --> 00:07:01,843
you should have asked earlier.
- Just one.
184
00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:04,516
Is there
a horse-drawn carriage nearby?
185
00:07:04,582 --> 00:07:06,653
I believe there's
one parked outside.
186
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:08,323
Ah.
187
00:07:08,389 --> 00:07:11,128
Oh, pluck.
Oh, pluck.
188
00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:12,665
[horse neighs]
189
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,042
narrator:
Annie and Jack had discovered
190
00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:21,015
the botulism-infused plague
of eternal youth,
191
00:07:21,082 --> 00:07:25,524
and as their skin tightened,
their undergarments loosened.
192
00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:27,294
[sighs]
We just had sex twice
193
00:07:27,361 --> 00:07:28,631
in 12 hours.
194
00:07:28,664 --> 00:07:30,367
I'll get
your post-coital Ben-Gay.
195
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:31,970
I don't even need the PCBG.
196
00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:34,475
My back was having
too much fun to spasm.
197
00:07:34,542 --> 00:07:35,778
And my trick knee
didn't give out
198
00:07:35,811 --> 00:07:37,682
when I backflipped
off the hamper.
199
00:07:37,715 --> 00:07:40,253
Is it possible
that the lady magazines
200
00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:41,657
at the supermarket are right,
201
00:07:41,723 --> 00:07:43,894
that looking younger
makes you feel younger?
202
00:07:43,927 --> 00:07:47,535
Yeah, I feel like I could do
50 sit-ups right now.
203
00:07:47,602 --> 00:07:49,238
[grunts]
Well, the point is,
204
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:51,943
I haven't felt
that delusion in years.
205
00:07:52,010 --> 00:07:55,150
Mommy and Daddy
haven't come downstairs yet.
206
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,653
How do we get food?
207
00:07:56,687 --> 00:07:59,826
All right, let's see what's
in the old emergency kit.
208
00:08:01,663 --> 00:08:05,003
Okay, what do we got?
Foil blanket, toilet paper--
209
00:08:05,036 --> 00:08:06,405
hello--
210
00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:07,942
and some dried food.
211
00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:11,148
"Parsnip flakes and
dehydrated pork fat gravy"?
212
00:08:11,215 --> 00:08:15,725
"Dried turkey chips
and taco-style sauce"--I'm out.
213
00:08:15,758 --> 00:08:18,731
Just fire the gun
and wake up Mom and Dad.
214
00:08:18,797 --> 00:08:20,668
Where have you two been,
and why do you look like
215
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,574
vacation photos of you
from before we were born?
216
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,678
Where are the lines
in your face?
217
00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:27,682
I can't see the road.
218
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,719
Yeah, where's
your normal haggardness?
219
00:08:29,786 --> 00:08:33,594
Uh, we've been just drinking
water and eating lettuce.
220
00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:35,831
And stretching.
Lots of stretching.
221
00:08:35,865 --> 00:08:37,568
Don't you think
they look different?
222
00:08:37,602 --> 00:08:40,373
I don't know.
I never look at their faces.
223
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,444
[gasps]
You had work done.
224
00:08:42,512 --> 00:08:43,580
- No, we didn't.
- Oh, yeah?
225
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,551
I let Dylan Walker feel a boob.
226
00:08:45,618 --> 00:08:46,953
both: Kimberly!
227
00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:50,193
We have never been
more disappointed in you.
228
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:51,162
I knew it.
229
00:08:51,295 --> 00:08:53,667
You got your crow's feet
'toxed, elevens filled,
230
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,738
marionette lines smoothed,
eyebags emptied,
231
00:08:55,771 --> 00:08:56,873
and necks de-waddled.
232
00:08:56,940 --> 00:08:59,713
'Fess up,
younger looking lady!
233
00:08:59,779 --> 00:09:01,182
Okay,
234
00:09:01,215 --> 00:09:02,317
lettuce.
- All right.
235
00:09:02,451 --> 00:09:04,956
We were watching "Bodicetown,"
ate $100 worth of ice cream,
236
00:09:04,989 --> 00:09:06,492
were feeling
bad about ourselves.
237
00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:07,595
We got a little tune-up.
238
00:09:07,662 --> 00:09:09,198
Aren't we entitled
to look our best?
239
00:09:09,264 --> 00:09:12,003
No, you gave that up
when you decided to get old.
240
00:09:12,037 --> 00:09:14,475
We just wanna relive
that moment in our life
241
00:09:14,509 --> 00:09:15,578
when we were young and hot
242
00:09:15,611 --> 00:09:17,849
before time and children
ravaged us.
243
00:09:17,915 --> 00:09:19,652
Let's do it, Jack!
Right now,
244
00:09:19,719 --> 00:09:21,623
while we're still
artificially young.
245
00:09:21,656 --> 00:09:24,461
To our tight, sexy past!
246
00:09:24,495 --> 00:09:27,802
So should we go
to school or what?
247
00:09:27,869 --> 00:09:29,873
I'm just gonna lay
under this foil blanket
248
00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:32,912
and listen
to this hand-cranked radio.
249
00:09:32,979 --> 00:09:36,452
As this emergency broadcast
goes off-air, good luck
250
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,791
and God bless everyone.
251
00:09:40,226 --> 00:09:44,201
Welcome to sexual education.
[all giggling]
252
00:09:44,234 --> 00:09:47,642
This loser's trying to
prevent unwanted pregnancies.
253
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:48,911
Tear him apart, Bex.
254
00:09:48,944 --> 00:09:50,915
Today, we'll be learning
the application
255
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:53,419
of a prophylactic
onto a genitalia.
256
00:09:53,453 --> 00:09:54,923
I'll demonstrate with a banana.
257
00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:57,227
Give me a moment while
I rummage around my sack.
258
00:09:57,227 --> 00:09:59,966
He's rummaging his sack.
Trash this good man, Bex.
259
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:02,104
Oh, my sack smells terrible.
260
00:10:02,137 --> 00:10:05,410
My ex-wife always complained
about my smelly, unwashed sack.
261
00:10:05,477 --> 00:10:06,680
[all laughing]
262
00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:08,750
He givin' you the alley-oop,
Bex!
263
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,621
Here's the little guy.
Oh, it might be hard
264
00:10:10,688 --> 00:10:11,823
to put on a condom
when it's so mushy--
265
00:10:11,857 --> 00:10:13,059
better when they're firm.
266
00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:15,731
Even I wanna hear
what you have to say, Bex.
267
00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:18,469
Oh, I have
something to say, all right.
268
00:10:18,537 --> 00:10:19,906
Grow up!
- [laughs]
269
00:10:19,939 --> 00:10:22,244
Good one!
Wait, no, it wasn't.
270
00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:26,686
You want jokes?
Go to your class clown, Corey.
271
00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:28,524
Corey, you got anything?
272
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:31,328
Um, that banana
looks like a wang.
273
00:10:31,362 --> 00:10:32,397
[all laugh]
274
00:10:32,497 --> 00:10:34,769
You gotta admit, Bex.
That wasn't bad under pressure.
275
00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:38,577
Everybody, shut up!
This poor educator
276
00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:41,850
is trying to teach
you ungrateful hooligans
277
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:44,288
some sexual manners.
- Thank you, Bex.
278
00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:46,893
You know, I also am in charge
of the Student Patrol.
279
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,997
We could always use another
humorless scold like you
280
00:10:49,031 --> 00:10:50,768
to keep order
and stifle laughter.
281
00:10:50,835 --> 00:10:52,003
Student Patrol?
282
00:10:52,037 --> 00:10:55,845
You mean I'd be empowered
to take out my petty grievances
283
00:10:55,878 --> 00:10:57,982
on those
who didn't vote for me?
284
00:10:58,015 --> 00:11:02,692
Yeah,
that fills the void nicely.
285
00:11:02,758 --> 00:11:05,063
You hear that?
You didn't celebrate me,
286
00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:08,236
but now you will fear me.
Now pipe down,
287
00:11:08,302 --> 00:11:11,141
and listen to this guy
talk about smashin'.
288
00:11:11,175 --> 00:11:12,477
Carry on, Mr. P.
289
00:11:12,512 --> 00:11:16,485
And now a subject that gives
me no pleasure, masturbation.
290
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,822
[all laugh]
- [yells]
291
00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:20,895
[all gasp]
That's what I thought.
292
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:25,571
[dramatic music]
293
00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:27,508
♪ ♪
294
00:11:27,575 --> 00:11:30,113
You look very snazzy, mister.
295
00:11:30,146 --> 00:11:33,520
Please, "mister" is what
people called me yesterday.
296
00:11:33,587 --> 00:11:35,256
[pop music playing]
297
00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:38,396
We need spunky new duds to
match our bitchin' new look.
298
00:11:38,462 --> 00:11:42,204
I'm gonna follow your lead.
You seem to know the lingo.
299
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:44,642
Can I be honest?
Those are way
300
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,111
too young for you.
301
00:11:46,178 --> 00:11:47,548
Let me show you
where the clothes
302
00:11:47,615 --> 00:11:49,552
for people in their 20s are.
303
00:11:49,619 --> 00:11:52,357
Our 20s?
Hot diggity!
304
00:11:52,390 --> 00:11:53,694
Jack, watch the slang.
305
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,098
Hot diggity.
I like that.
306
00:11:56,165 --> 00:11:57,835
Hot diggity,
I'll take this shirt.
307
00:11:57,902 --> 00:12:00,206
Oh, well, hot diggity,
I'll ring it up.
308
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,745
Oh, my God, Jack.
We're really pulling this off.
309
00:12:02,778 --> 00:12:04,749
Wanna see how far
we can take this?
310
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:06,151
Hot diggity!
311
00:12:08,289 --> 00:12:11,262
Sorry, kids.
I can't sell you beer.
312
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:12,197
both: Yes!
313
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,001
You're too young
to buy cigarettes,
314
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,940
but just the right age to buy
this cotton candy vape juice.
315
00:12:16,973 --> 00:12:19,478
both: Yes!
- Also, shame on you.
316
00:12:19,512 --> 00:12:22,150
You're not old enough
to get your prostate checked.
317
00:12:22,183 --> 00:12:25,189
Get out of here,
you crazy, perverted kid.
318
00:12:25,256 --> 00:12:26,191
Yes!
319
00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:31,569
[dramatic music]
320
00:12:31,636 --> 00:12:34,909
♪ ♪
321
00:12:34,943 --> 00:12:36,646
Hey, hey, hey, no running!
322
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,884
Hey, you're walking too slow.
323
00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:42,123
Hey, what's with you
walking just right?
324
00:12:42,157 --> 00:12:45,898
Clean up this table.
Your mom doesn't work here.
325
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,868
Actually,
my mom does work here.
326
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:52,511
Not anymore.
Dolores, you're fired!
327
00:12:54,782 --> 00:12:56,218
[cat yowls]
[laughter]
328
00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:59,859
Oh, Poker Cat
is tearing Ben Affleck up.
329
00:12:59,926 --> 00:13:01,863
I don't like
those frivolity levels.
330
00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,867
Take it down.
- What happened to you, Bex?
331
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,069
You used to be diggity.
332
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:07,107
We get you're pissed
about losing your title,
333
00:13:07,173 --> 00:13:09,277
but acting like this
can't be making you happy.
334
00:13:09,311 --> 00:13:11,983
That's where
you're wrong, Red.
335
00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:15,791
It's filling my tank.
- You're scaring me, Bex.
336
00:13:15,858 --> 00:13:18,530
Sorry, but being
class clown was my world
337
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:22,370
ever since I got my first laugh
when I was six years old.
338
00:13:22,437 --> 00:13:24,007
♪ ♪
339
00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:27,047
Ow.
- You're next, frizz ball.
340
00:13:27,113 --> 00:13:30,654
This is the body of Christ.
341
00:13:30,721 --> 00:13:32,023
Ew.
I don't know
342
00:13:32,090 --> 00:13:35,063
what part of His body this is,
but I'm guessing butt.
343
00:13:35,096 --> 00:13:39,037
[gasps]
[laughter]
344
00:13:39,104 --> 00:13:42,077
Making kids laugh
made me feel special.
345
00:13:42,143 --> 00:13:44,214
Then I saw how easily
I could be replaced
346
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,153
and realized I'm not.
But a bad attitude
347
00:13:47,187 --> 00:13:50,259
and yardstick, baby--
that's special,
348
00:13:50,326 --> 00:13:53,099
and I don't have to fart
so hard I split my pants,
349
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,971
which my doctor said was
sending me to an early grave.
350
00:13:56,005 --> 00:13:59,779
all: ♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
351
00:13:59,846 --> 00:14:01,783
Hey, no open flame!
352
00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:04,956
But I was
just about to make my wish.
353
00:14:05,023 --> 00:14:07,227
It's my wish now.
354
00:14:07,260 --> 00:14:10,934
Well, when you get Rihanna,
make sure you treat her right.
355
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,807
[sighs]
Fun day, but I gotta admit
356
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:14,909
I'm beat.
Good news
357
00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:18,082
about my prostate though.
- Yeah, my torso's gettin'
358
00:14:18,082 --> 00:14:20,554
a little cold in this crop top.
359
00:14:20,654 --> 00:14:23,125
Mm!
- Hey, freshmen, a little help!
360
00:14:23,192 --> 00:14:24,428
He thinks we're freshmen,
361
00:14:24,494 --> 00:14:28,202
and he wants
their giant can of beer back.
362
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,908
Thanks, d-bags.
Wanna party?
363
00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:32,343
It's one
of the brodies' birthdays.
364
00:14:32,377 --> 00:14:35,183
Annie,
it's a real live frat party.
365
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:36,251
We've been dreaming of this
366
00:14:36,318 --> 00:14:38,222
ever since
we never went to college.
367
00:14:38,255 --> 00:14:39,458
Yeah, we've only seen these
368
00:14:39,491 --> 00:14:41,996
in funny movies
and chilling documentaries.
369
00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:43,834
We can't pass this up--
370
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,103
unless you're too tired.
371
00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:46,138
Hell no.
I'm gonna pop
372
00:14:46,138 --> 00:14:48,409
a Silver Centrum gummy
and get a second wind.
373
00:14:48,476 --> 00:14:52,885
We accept your kind invitation.
- Hot diggity!
374
00:14:52,952 --> 00:14:54,956
Wait, are you lying
about your age?
375
00:14:54,989 --> 00:14:56,893
- Mm...
- 'Cause if you're high school
376
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,097
students,
we could get in trouble.
377
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:01,368
Chill, dude.
We're older than we look.
378
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:03,272
Awesome!
Sorry I called you guys
379
00:15:03,339 --> 00:15:05,176
d-bags earlier.
- No problem.
380
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:07,247
We deserved it.
Let's party!
381
00:15:07,347 --> 00:15:09,050
Yeah!
narrator: Will Annie and Jack
382
00:15:09,084 --> 00:15:11,623
enjoy a night
of drunken revelry?
383
00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:12,792
I know I will.
384
00:15:12,825 --> 00:15:16,900
Happy birthday, brodie!
Yee-haw!
385
00:15:19,972 --> 00:15:21,776
[electronic music playing]
386
00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:24,515
It's even more magical
than I imagined!
387
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:27,688
- Freshman burrito!
- I'm gettin' hazed, Annie.
388
00:15:27,721 --> 00:15:29,491
[indistinct chatter]
389
00:15:29,525 --> 00:15:32,598
- It burns so good!
- Good for you, honey.
390
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:36,739
I'm playing flippy cup.
all: Flip, flip, flip the cup.
391
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,710
Soon, we'll all be throwing up.
392
00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:40,848
[grunting]
393
00:15:40,881 --> 00:15:43,018
Bam, bam, bam, boom.
394
00:15:43,052 --> 00:15:44,354
both: Our queen.
395
00:15:44,387 --> 00:15:46,759
They're gonna push me
off the roof.
396
00:15:46,826 --> 00:15:49,231
[laughs]
- Have fun, honey!
397
00:15:49,264 --> 00:15:53,339
YOLO!
We young people are crazy.
398
00:15:53,405 --> 00:15:56,145
Tonight's game is dedicated
to the memory of--
399
00:15:56,245 --> 00:15:58,917
It's dedicated to the memory
of the Vikings,
400
00:15:58,984 --> 00:16:02,925
or as I call them--
all: The Suckings!
401
00:16:02,992 --> 00:16:04,629
[laughter]
[mic feedback]
402
00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:06,431
- What are you doing here?
- We don't know where Mom
403
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:10,674
and Dad are, so we decided to
have cotton candy for dinner.
404
00:16:10,741 --> 00:16:12,076
Hey, hey!
405
00:16:12,143 --> 00:16:14,281
Leave some room
for the Holy Ghost.
406
00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:17,053
Did you sneak
those empañadas from home?
407
00:16:17,086 --> 00:16:19,124
I'm appropriating
this contraband.
408
00:16:19,157 --> 00:16:22,631
My grandma made those
for my birthday.
409
00:16:22,665 --> 00:16:24,602
Tell her they're bad.
410
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:28,042
Hey, our cotton candy
looks like Duncan's hair.
411
00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:29,979
[laughter]
- [chuckles] Yeah,
412
00:16:30,046 --> 00:16:32,116
it do look like your 'do.
- It do not.
413
00:16:32,183 --> 00:16:33,987
[laughs lazily]
[mockingly] I'm Duncan.
414
00:16:34,054 --> 00:16:35,924
I'm an idiot.
I ran out of clean underwear
415
00:16:35,958 --> 00:16:38,495
and wore my sister's.
- One time!
416
00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:39,431
[laughter]
417
00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:41,503
What's all
the commotion up there?
418
00:16:41,536 --> 00:16:45,577
[mockingly] I'm Duncan.
My mom has to give me a bath.
419
00:16:45,611 --> 00:16:49,184
Oh, you're one to talk, Jing.
[laughter]
420
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,421
No cuttin' up and hee-hawing.
421
00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:55,496
But we're being funny
like you, Bex.
422
00:16:55,564 --> 00:16:58,904
She's right.
I don't need a stupid title
423
00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:00,473
to be down to clown.
424
00:17:00,507 --> 00:17:04,114
I'm an inspiration
to future fire alarm pullers
425
00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:06,118
and stink bomb throwers.
426
00:17:06,184 --> 00:17:08,122
I am special.
427
00:17:08,188 --> 00:17:11,863
[dramatic music]
428
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:14,936
[yells]
429
00:17:14,969 --> 00:17:15,904
Ha!
430
00:17:15,938 --> 00:17:17,975
[laughter]
431
00:17:18,042 --> 00:17:21,215
Why?
I'm a good person!
432
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,520
Hail to the clown, baby!
433
00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,256
[all cheering]
♪ I am your clown ♪
434
00:17:25,323 --> 00:17:26,258
[arm farts]
♪ And I'll see you ♪
435
00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:27,962
♪ In sex ed class ♪
436
00:17:27,995 --> 00:17:29,799
Oh, dear.
437
00:17:29,832 --> 00:17:32,504
[party music playing]
438
00:17:32,571 --> 00:17:33,907
["Every Little Step"
by Bobby Brown plays]
439
00:17:34,007 --> 00:17:35,343
All right, Bobby Brown
440
00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:37,280
dance challenge.
Let's do this.
441
00:17:37,313 --> 00:17:40,219
Bobby Brown?
From the '80s?
442
00:17:40,253 --> 00:17:42,357
That's before our time.
443
00:17:42,390 --> 00:17:44,427
Yeah, we've never
heard of him or made out
444
00:17:44,494 --> 00:17:48,402
at one of his concerts,
but we'll try to keep up.
445
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,774
both:
♪ Every little step I take ♪
446
00:17:50,807 --> 00:17:55,584
♪ You will be there,
every little step I make ♪
447
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,222
♪ We'll be together ♪
448
00:17:58,255 --> 00:18:01,128
We got old once, Jack,
but never again!
449
00:18:01,161 --> 00:18:04,835
Let's be
young and drunk forever!
450
00:18:04,869 --> 00:18:06,873
[gasps] We're being TikTok'd!
451
00:18:06,906 --> 00:18:09,477
"Yahoo! News," here we come!
452
00:18:09,512 --> 00:18:11,448
♪ Listenin'
for the telephone ♪
453
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,920
Jack, your right jowl
just dropped.
454
00:18:13,987 --> 00:18:17,427
Oh, you wanna see a drop?
455
00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:19,397
That was dope.
Why are you frowning?
456
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,803
[gasps]
You're frowning!
457
00:18:21,903 --> 00:18:22,671
Why didn't they warn us
458
00:18:22,771 --> 00:18:25,744
this dubious procedure
was temporary?
459
00:18:25,811 --> 00:18:27,146
Your brow is furrowing!
460
00:18:27,213 --> 00:18:28,850
You shouldn't be able
to furrow.
461
00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:30,319
Nicole Kidman doesn't furrow!
462
00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:32,625
If these kids realize
we're secretly hideous,
463
00:18:32,691 --> 00:18:35,129
we'll be exposed as the
pathetic old people we are!
464
00:18:35,162 --> 00:18:38,903
I don't wanna be
a biral me-me.
465
00:18:38,937 --> 00:18:40,874
Let's get out of here.
466
00:18:40,907 --> 00:18:42,611
- [crying]
- Oh, no!
467
00:18:42,645 --> 00:18:45,349
A crying girl--
I have to console her.
468
00:18:45,383 --> 00:18:47,253
Look at me!
If he can't handle your worst,
469
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,560
he doesn't deserve your best.
- Mm.
470
00:18:50,594 --> 00:18:53,098
It's a college party,
I'm a dead man
471
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,267
if I don't play "Wonderwall."
472
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,937
And you're an old man
if you stay.
473
00:18:56,038 --> 00:18:57,775
You're already Giuliani'ing!
474
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,116
[both scream]
475
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,423
all: Wrestle! Wrestle!
Wrestle! Wrestle!
476
00:19:05,456 --> 00:19:06,693
- Ew!
- Dude, I don't mean to be
477
00:19:06,759 --> 00:19:09,965
body shaming, but that
is not the freshman 15.
478
00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:11,869
['80s rock music playing]
479
00:19:11,936 --> 00:19:13,640
Edward Fortyhands!
480
00:19:13,673 --> 00:19:15,711
Jack, I played this
at a baby shower once.
481
00:19:15,777 --> 00:19:17,514
They won't take them off
until we drink them all.
482
00:19:17,548 --> 00:19:19,919
- Whose baby shower?
- Lianne.
483
00:19:19,952 --> 00:19:21,421
Oh, right. Lianne.
484
00:19:21,488 --> 00:19:23,593
God, I hope that kid's okay.
485
00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:26,999
all: Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
486
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,570
[record scratch]
[all gasp]
487
00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:30,774
[slurring]
What are you looking at?
488
00:19:30,807 --> 00:19:33,045
[monkey screeches]
489
00:19:33,112 --> 00:19:34,447
[yells]
490
00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:37,086
That's right.
We're old.
491
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,124
You don't know
what's diggity.
492
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:41,261
[horse neighs]
493
00:19:41,294 --> 00:19:44,502
Oh, my burps taste awful.
494
00:19:44,568 --> 00:19:46,539
They smell awful too, honey.
495
00:19:46,606 --> 00:19:49,377
Here, have some more Dwayne,
The Rocky Road, Johnson.
496
00:19:49,411 --> 00:19:51,381
Well, there's no fightin' it,
Jack.
497
00:19:51,415 --> 00:19:53,285
We're aging, but you know what?
498
00:19:53,352 --> 00:19:55,590
There's no one I'd rather
grow old with than you.
499
00:19:55,657 --> 00:19:58,395
Aw, babe.
Well, I think we look
500
00:19:58,462 --> 00:20:01,268
better this way.
- We do look good,
501
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,971
and also, we're both
losing our eyesight,
502
00:20:03,005 --> 00:20:04,074
so who cares?
503
00:20:04,107 --> 00:20:05,342
There's nothing
I'd rather do
504
00:20:05,409 --> 00:20:06,879
than feel you up
under a Slanket.
505
00:20:06,913 --> 00:20:10,352
[Victorian accent] Then have
at me, Lady Thickbottom.
506
00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:12,991
[Victorian accent] Oh,
I shall, Sir Dadboddington.
507
00:20:13,058 --> 00:20:15,731
[romantic music]
508
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,402
narrator: Annie and Jack's
torrid passion quickly turned
509
00:20:18,435 --> 00:20:19,505
to deep sleep...
510
00:20:19,538 --> 00:20:20,907
[both snoring]
And they learned
511
00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:23,546
that while getting old
is no prance in the park,
512
00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,951
at least they could--
- [burps]
513
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,621
narrator: Good God.
514
00:20:30,326 --> 00:20:31,763
[doorbell rings]
515
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:37,674
Oh, is it cookie time again?
I'll take 100.
516
00:20:37,708 --> 00:20:39,578
No, we're the new writers
for Bex.
517
00:20:39,612 --> 00:20:43,553
Get in here.
School starts in ten minutes.
518
00:20:43,586 --> 00:20:45,724
All right,
what do you got for me?
519
00:20:45,757 --> 00:20:49,330
Okay, you know how juice box
holes are always too small
520
00:20:49,397 --> 00:20:52,303
for the straw?
Well, I was thinking it--
521
00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,340
[snores]
Are you gonna get to the joke
522
00:20:54,407 --> 00:20:56,579
before I die?
What do you got, Kimberly?
523
00:20:56,612 --> 00:20:59,150
So this isn't ha ha funny,
but--
524
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:01,622
I eat, sleep, and crap
ha ha's.
525
00:21:01,689 --> 00:21:04,327
But I struggled all night
to come up with this.
526
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:05,362
Will you at least hear it?
527
00:21:05,362 --> 00:21:06,766
You wanna talk
about struggle?
528
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,437
I struggled all
through grade school to learn
529
00:21:09,471 --> 00:21:13,278
how to fit a banana up my nose.
530
00:21:13,312 --> 00:21:15,483
But when I sneeze it out
at lunch today,
531
00:21:15,584 --> 00:21:18,422
that cafeteria is gonna be
a river of pee
532
00:21:18,455 --> 00:21:20,326
from kids laughing so hard.
533
00:21:20,392 --> 00:21:24,200
That's the bar--
banana nose.
534
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:25,804
You know she likes you, right?
535
00:21:25,871 --> 00:21:28,743
I don't care.
I just want the soda.
536
00:21:28,810 --> 00:21:30,914
[gulping]
537
00:21:30,964 --> 00:21:35,514
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