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1
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:19,151
Hey!
2
00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:23,856
Ooh! Aah! Hey!
3
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:26,625
[squish]
4
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:29,294
Ok, who left their
golden ring of qwelldar
5
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:30,662
In the fucking crapper?!
6
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:33,165
Guilty! Ha ha! Sorry.
7
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:36,035
Oh. Is this yours?
8
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,937
Come and get it,
big boy.
9
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,339
[exhales]
10
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,608
[foghorn blows]
11
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,911
[xandir whimpers]
12
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,680
[squish]
13
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:48,847
[suction]
14
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,719
Fabbo!
That makes 100!
[giggles]
15
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,655
Ooh, now I can
jump with a spin!
Whee!
16
00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:58,424
[electronic beeps]
17
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:01,460
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
18
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,696
Oh, tch, I thought
it was cute.
19
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,498
Houseguests, please
report to the living room.
20
00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,867
Wooldoor: since we've
gone 5 days without
a hate crime,
21
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:11,003
We were rewarded with
a new household item.
22
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,371
I sure hope
it's a new stereo.
23
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:13,672
Ours is getting old.
24
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,275
[squawks]
it's a living.
25
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:17,676
[reality tv
music plays]
26
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,112
Producer: roommates, we have
decided to reward you with...
27
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:21,814
Come on, television...
28
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:24,516
...A brand-new
36-inch plasma...
29
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:25,517
Booyah!
30
00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:27,653
...Sewing machine!
31
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,987
[deflated]
booyah.
32
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,122
Gee, mr. Hero,
33
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,890
We can always
sew a television.
34
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:34,259
That has to be
the dumbest thing
i've heard
35
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,762
Since I taught those
special-ed classes,
36
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,598
But seriously,
those kids try hard.
37
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,400
[ling-ling grunts]
38
00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:43,102
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
39
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,336
[speaking japanese]
40
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,904
Announcer: coming up
on drawn together...
41
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,407
[ka-ching]
42
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,443
Damn. That asian thing
sure can sew!
43
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,611
[ka-ching]
44
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,580
Let me introduce myself.
45
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,016
I'm spanky ham,
and you are...
46
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:03,022
Well, mr. Asian gibberish,
47
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,657
I've got a business
proposition for you.
48
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:08,127
I thought the sewing machine
was pretty lame,
49
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,829
But somebody was happy
about it.
50
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,065
You know i'm talking
about the queer, right?
51
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,334
I'm so happy
we finally got
a sewing machine.
52
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:18,937
I've been so looking
forward to finishing
my tea cozy.
53
00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:21,407
Have you ever seen
anything so adorable?
[giggles]
54
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:25,110
Dude,
you are so gay.
55
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,512
You know something?
56
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:29,448
These jokes you make,
they can be so hurtful.
57
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:33,585
Strong, xandir.
Strong, xandir. Breathe!
58
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:36,522
Come on, xandir.
We all know you're gay.
59
00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:38,957
You don't have
to keep livin' a lie.
60
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,959
You know, I used to say
I wasn't black.
61
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,862
I'd just tell everybody
I fell into a vat
of chocolate puddin'.
62
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:44,863
[slurps]
63
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,065
You mean,
this isn't pudding?
64
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,233
Did I tell you
to stop lickin'?!
65
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,568
[slurps]
66
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,871
But, xandir, I finally
admitted the truth,
67
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,006
And so should you.
68
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,674
Hello.
69
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,744
I'm on a never-ending
quest to save
my girlfriend.
70
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,846
What more proof
do you need?!
71
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,514
How about this?!
72
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,616
[cats screech,
train whistles]
73
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:08,854
"acme gay test." hmm.
74
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,289
[deep voice]
let's do it.
75
00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:14,159
Ok, question one:
76
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,761
You gay?
77
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,429
No!
78
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,231
Question 2:
79
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:20,366
Homo say what?
80
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,668
First of all, foxxy,
i'm not an idiot.
81
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:25,337
Ok, i've heard that one,
like, a million times,
82
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,840
And secondly...
Wait, what?
83
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,509
Tell me the first
thing you see.
84
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:31,677
Cock?
85
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,045
Willie.
86
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,046
Wang.
87
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,047
Woody.
88
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,048
Wood...
89
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,316
Pecker.
90
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,518
Blue-vein
custard-chucker.
91
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:41,920
One-eyed wiggling
welshman.
92
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,289
Pink-helmeted,
milk shooting
man banana
93
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:47,192
Plunging into
the hole of an ass!
94
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,595
We're gonna make
imitation name-brand
sneakers,
95
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,363
Ones that everyone
will likey,
96
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:53,966
But our sneakers
will be bigger
and cooler
97
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,100
And more sneakery.
98
00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:56,535
Can ya do it,
little buddy?!
99
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,838
Ah-so.
100
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:02,508
That's
a good oriental.
101
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,043
We're gonna do
great things,
102
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,811
Just like fat man
and little boy!
103
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,112
Oh, hai!
104
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:10,849
Yeah! Now make
100 more, and big ones!
105
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:13,152
They ain't for them
midget girl feet
106
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,920
You asiatics get off on!
107
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,693
Well, according
to this game,
108
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,561
You real gay.
109
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,563
Of course xandir's gay!
110
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:27,733
Why else wouldn't he be
attracted to all this?
111
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,636
'cause you're fat,
and nobody likes
fat chicks.
112
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,204
Whee!
113
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,839
Captain hero:
dude, I like
fat chicks.
114
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,842
[squawks]
it's a living.
115
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,444
Let me see that box.
116
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,947
Hey, this gay test
is for ages 6 to 12.
117
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,215
It doesn't even
apply to me!
118
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,084
Xandir continued protesting
119
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:46,352
That he was in fact
straight,
120
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,520
So I turned to the bible
121
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,522
And was reminded
of the one true test
122
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,257
Of a man's sexuality...
123
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:55,794
The mysterious
and deadly woodbeast.
124
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,730
[thunder]
125
00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:01,834
All: woodbeast...
Woodbeast...
126
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,103
Princess clara: deep inside
this stump of tree
127
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,505
Lives the all-knowing
woodbeast.
128
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,707
Choose a hole
and stick your hand in.
129
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:09,775
Should the beast bite you,
130
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,946
Then it is true.
You are indeed homosexual.
131
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,649
[whimpers]
132
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:27,292
Aah! My arm!
133
00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:29,895
Aah! I'm gay!
134
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,771
Xandir, please
come on out.
135
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,006
It's totally cool
that you gay.
136
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,608
Stop beatin' yourself up.
137
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:46,211
Seriously, xandir,
it's not your place
to punish yourself.
138
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:47,212
It's god's.
139
00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:48,213
Leave me alone!
140
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,282
I'm taking
another gay test.
141
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:53,919
What?
The only test in there
is a pregnancy test.
142
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,321
Oh, great.
Now i've got 2 problems.
143
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:58,891
Man, this is
some bullshit.
144
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,027
We gonna need to knock
some sense into this child,
145
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,595
And I know just the thing.
146
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:05,264
Gay bash!
147
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,331
Aah!
148
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,434
All: surprise!
It's a gay bash!
149
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:10,502
[dance music playing]
150
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:12,871
Xandir, look around you.
151
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,007
Everything the light
touches is gay.
152
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,709
[lion king like music]
¶ hey, ohh ¶
153
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,377
¶ homo-oh ¶
154
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,578
¶ ohh! ¶
155
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,180
¶ homo-oh ¶
156
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,448
¶ ee-ya homo ¶
157
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:25,284
Ya see, all xandir
needed was to be
surrounded
158
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,652
By his queer peers.
159
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,087
Now, come on.
160
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:33,025
Heavens to murgatroid!
You're fabulacious, even!
161
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,627
Wow. What a weer end.
162
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:39,131
Ohh, hello, hello,
hello, captain hero.
163
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,835
I not see you since
initiation into
league of heroes.
164
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:43,836
Zip it!
165
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,638
What happens in
bizarro world
166
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,273
Stays in bizarro world.
167
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:51,076
Well, technically,
bathroom at bus station
168
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:54,546
Not considered
bizarro world. Huh?
169
00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:56,582
Aah!
[cat screeches]
170
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,518
Come on, xandir,
dance!
171
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,687
Oh, um, I don't know how.
172
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:04,390
Oh, sure you do.
Everyone knows how.
173
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:07,192
Well, um, I do
have a special move,
174
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:10,229
But, uh, y-you'll
just laugh.
175
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,331
Don't be siwwy, siwwy.
176
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,434
[electronic beeps]
177
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,102
Man: oh, wow!
178
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,238
That is reawwy hot.
179
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,939
He's one of us now.
180
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:21,940
[electronic beeps]
181
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,843
Finally I could be
who I really was:
182
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:27,746
A gay xandir!
183
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:30,649
I reawwy, reawwy
wike you, wandir.
184
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,752
Oh, and I--I
weally wike you.
185
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:36,922
Shh. Be vewwy,
vewwy quiet.
186
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,491
I'm gonna rewease
your thwobbing member
187
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,492
From its leather prison.
188
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,493
[chains and buckles
become undone]
189
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:42,895
Ha ha ha ha ha.
190
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,663
Uh...Ohh.
191
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:48,233
Yeah, will do.
192
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:49,935
That was the nba.
193
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:54,073
If we can produce
10,000 more fake
name-brand sneakers,
194
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,475
By this time tomorrow,
we'll be rich,
195
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,843
Rich, I tells ya!
196
00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,511
Ohh...
197
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,013
I know, ling-ling.
198
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,515
What you need is
some good, old-fashioned
199
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,317
Positive reinforcement.
200
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,386
You can do this.
201
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,887
[snap snap]
202
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,223
You're special
'cause you're you!
203
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,393
There's 2 is
in "ling-ling."
204
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:15,928
Just do it!
205
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,797
If you conceive it,
you can achieve it!
206
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:23,369
[singing sad song
in japanese]
207
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:37,916
Oh!
208
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,052
Aah!
209
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:50,863
[song ends]
210
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,235
¶ can you feel it? ¶
211
00:08:56,236 --> 00:09:00,072
Xandir: oh, ho! It was
the best gay bash of my life,
212
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,342
And I didn't think
anything or anyone
could ruin it,
213
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,177
But I was wrong.
214
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,079
Gay wrong.
215
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,048
Packie, hey.
216
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,083
I didn't expect
to see you here.
217
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,719
[lisping]
oh, I could say
the same thing.
218
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,720
This is juicy, huh?
219
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,255
Does your
girlfriend know?
220
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,524
Oh, uh, listen,
pac-man,
221
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:21,660
I know your ex
and my girlfriend
are good friends,
222
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:24,263
But let's keep this
between us, huh?
223
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:28,100
I mean, there's
no reason ms. Pac-man
needs to know i'm gay.
224
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,868
Oh, sweetie,
225
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:33,072
I think she
already knows.
226
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,041
Ohh, you and
pac-man, huh?
227
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:39,978
Heh, well, you won't
be the first fruit
he ate. Ha ha ha!
228
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,082
Yeah! Go, foxxy!
It's your birthday!
229
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,617
Not for real, real,
just for play, play.
230
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,487
Oh, my god! Foxxy,
don't you understand?!
231
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:52,591
That big-mouth tranny is
gonna tell my girlfriend
i'm out!
232
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,926
Oh, my god!
233
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,461
She's gonna freak!
234
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,862
What am I gonna do?
235
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:58,397
What am I gonna do?!
236
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:01,433
Hmm. I wonder
what this is for.
237
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,003
Man, you shoulda
seen me out there
on the dance floor.
238
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,405
I was dancin' and--
what the...
239
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,339
Hello.
240
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,009
You're a funny fella.
241
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,110
What's your name?
242
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,144
[sniffs]
243
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,680
[electronic beeps]
244
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,151
What a party.
245
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:23,522
Those gays left
the place way cleaner
than it was before!
246
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,191
You better be
strong. Call her.
247
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,260
Your girlfriend
deserves to know
248
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,762
That you love
mangina.
249
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,263
Xandir: foxxy was right.
250
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,599
She did deserve to know,
251
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,068
And I do love mangina.
252
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,338
Xandir! Thank god
you called!
253
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:43,475
Evil lord slashdab
is lowering me into
a pit of mega-cobras!
254
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,378
Sure, listen, before
we talk about your problems,
255
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,513
There's something
I have to--
256
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,314
These snakes are
gonna eat me alive!
257
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,684
Shh, shh, sweetheart,
let me just get this out.
258
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:54,019
I...
259
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,020
I'm gay.
260
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:58,390
Aah! The venom!
It burns!
261
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,925
What? You're gay?
262
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,326
Mes, oui.
263
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,096
But don't worry.
I'm still on
a never-ending quest
264
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,097
To save you!
265
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,231
The hell you are!
266
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,600
I do not want
to be saved by
no limp-wristed,
267
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,636
Fart-catching,
rump-ranging
fairy boy,
268
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,638
So you can just
fly your flesh rocket
269
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,373
To chocolate land
for all I care.
270
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,508
Good-bye, xandir p.
Whipplebottom!
271
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,643
Wait! Don't hang up!
272
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:18,811
[dial tone]
273
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,883
Strong, xandir.
Strong, xandir.
274
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,318
[doorbell]
275
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:30,856
Mr. Sir, I work
at a real sweatshop
in the vietnam.
276
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:34,026
Your cheap sneakers
make us lose low-paid job.
277
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,961
We starving in street.
278
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:39,131
So what you gonna
do about it, chinese?!
279
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,533
Prease,
honorable pig demon,
280
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,837
You take gruel from
my mouth and mouth
of 47 brothers
281
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:45,838
And one sister.
282
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,241
Oh, yeah?
Well, me no carey!
283
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,047
All my life,
i've had one purpose:
284
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,217
To be on a never-ending
quest to save my girlfriend...
285
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,553
Now that i'm gay,
286
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,188
I--I have no purpose.
287
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:08,927
I--I wish I were dead.
288
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:11,363
Oh, come on.
If you're in a bus station
289
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,565
And they sell postcards
from bizarro world,
290
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,268
You have to assume
you're in bizarro world, right?
291
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,570
I mean, am I crazy?
292
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,373
Xandir: good-bye,
cruel world!
293
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,875
Aah!
[electronic whine]
294
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,511
Oh, my god! Xandir!
295
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,414
[electronic beeps]
296
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:31,750
Whoo, lord, thank god you
ain't dead for real, real,
297
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,951
Just for play, play.
298
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,754
Good-bye,
cruel world!
299
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,990
Aah!
300
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,793
[electronic beeps]
301
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,862
Good-bye,
cruel world!
302
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,564
This could
take a while.
303
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,201
[sword unsheathes
and pierces flesh]
304
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:52,805
[electronic beeps]
305
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,574
[slowly]
good-bye,
cruel world.
306
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:58,210
Ow.
307
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,714
Xandir spent the entire
night killin' hisself.
308
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,315
[sword pierces flesh,
electronic beeps]
309
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,517
[sword pierces flesh,
electronic beeps]
310
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,952
[sword pierces flesh,
electronic beeps]
311
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,887
Ohh...Hah!
312
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,756
[speaking japanese]
313
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,858
Damn it, xandir!
The noise!
314
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,460
You're keeping
us all awake!
315
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,328
Can't you kill
yourself more quietly
316
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,163
Like bizarro
captain hero did?!
317
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:21,033
[rope
creaking]
318
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,003
Uh...Yeah. Yeah.
319
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,671
Right, right.
Killed himself.
320
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,206
Sure. Tragic.
321
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,675
Sorry. I-I-i'll
just be done in a second.
322
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:30,943
I only have
one life left.
323
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,813
Wait. Maybe instead
of killing yourself,
324
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:38,050
You could, you know,
just stop being gay?
325
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:39,618
Clara, that's just stupid.
326
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,222
Homosexuality
is something
you born with,
327
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,624
Like red hair
or a dead twin.
328
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,860
It's not something
you could just wish away.
329
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,561
That's it,
black girl!
330
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,230
We'll wish
the gay away!
331
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,699
All we have to do
is find the genie
in the lamp.
332
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,168
That's a great idea!
Let's do it!
333
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,636
There's only one person
334
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,171
Who knows where
the genie's lamp is,
335
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,541
And he is sworn to never
reveal its sacred location,
336
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,010
But luckily, I knew
his only weakness.
337
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,679
[sniffs]
338
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,880
Ahh...
339
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:08,881
Aah!
340
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:09,882
Tell us where
the lamp is,
341
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,150
You lousy, lying,
piece of shit!
342
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,786
Lamp?! I don't know
what you're talking about!
343
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:15,888
Listen, bitch,
tell us where the lamp is
344
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:18,824
And maybe we talk
to the d.A. About
extenuating circumstances.
345
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,393
Guys! Guys! Seriously,
I don't even know what
a lamp is.
346
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,295
Fuck this shit!
I'm gonna off this
glue-sniffin',
347
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,897
Cocksucker
right fuckin' now!
348
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,498
I say then do it, man!
349
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:29,001
I'll talk! I'll talk!
350
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,437
I--I keep the lamp
in my fanny.
351
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,906
I put things in there
so I can pull them out
for comic effect.
352
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,808
Aah!
353
00:14:35,809 --> 00:14:36,809
[glove snaps]
354
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:38,177
[squeak and hiss]
355
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,112
Ohh...Ugh!
356
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,480
[horn playing
comically]
357
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,421
[ka-ching]
358
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,359
[teeth chattering]
359
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,360
Wooldoor:
a little to the left.
360
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,361
A little left!
361
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,695
Bingo!
362
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:57,863
Bingo.
363
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,064
[whip cracks]
364
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,567
Ling-ling: aiee!
365
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,035
Ohh!
366
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,870
Aiee!
367
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:05,904
Ohh!
368
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,240
Well, that's the last crate.
369
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,908
Ohh!
370
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,478
The nba's gonna pick up
these shoes in an hour.
371
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:17,383
Yep, i'm gonna be rich,
and nothin' can possibly
go wrong.
372
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,252
Child: herro again,
mr. Sir.
373
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,456
We're going to make you
into number 107
374
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:28,394
Happy family pork special,
3-kind with delicious sauce.
375
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,395
Choice of rice?
376
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,562
Hot napkin?
377
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,265
Oh, yeah, like,
i'm real scared
378
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,434
Of a bunch
of chinese-eses.
379
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,037
All: separate
individuality!
380
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,939
Full mass consciousness!
381
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,616
[roars]
382
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:55,554
Dang, I forgot
asians-es can do that. Aah!
383
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,089
Aah! Aah! Aah!
384
00:15:57,090 --> 00:16:01,126
Aah! Aah! Aah!
385
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,663
Ling-ling, save me!
386
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,131
Use your
freaky powers!
387
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,066
Uh-uh.
388
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:11,403
Aah!
[roars]
389
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:12,671
Aah!
390
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:16,575
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh!
391
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,811
Princess clara:
I really wanted
xandir to get well,
392
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,280
Not only for him,
but for all of humanity.
393
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:24,216
I sure hope
i'm doing this
correctly.
394
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:27,252
[as robin williams]
hey, hey, i'm groucho marx!
What's the secret woid?
395
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,521
Now i'm a wacky sailor!
Ah, ga ga ga ga.
396
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,757
Now i'm a cross-dressing
nanny,
397
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,059
And now i'm a wacky doctor
who cures cancer with laughter
398
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,361
And a big, red nose. Oh!
399
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,362
Jumanji!
400
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,363
Nanu-nanu.
401
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,766
Wow! You're
a comic genius!
402
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,134
Tell 'em the rules,
man with mustache!
403
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,803
Contestants get
one wish and one wish only!
404
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,172
Oh! Ok.
[inhales deeply]
405
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,908
I wish not to be gay.
406
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,478
Well, then step right up
and--[tires squeal]
407
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,746
What you talkin' 'bout,
xandir?
408
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:56,348
My wish is to
no longer be gay
409
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,083
So I can have
my old life back.
410
00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:00,753
Ohh, that is
without a doubt
411
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:04,556
The single most offensive wish
anyone has ever made...
412
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,992
Next to that
stupid make-a-wish kid.
413
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,361
I mean, come on.
A trip to the circus? Really!
414
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,963
What? But...
415
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,364
No. Sorry, sweetheart.
416
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,668
You can shove that wish
up your gay-hating mangina!
417
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:17,736
But wait!
Genie! Genie!
418
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,371
What's going on?!
419
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,974
Strong, xandir!
Strong, xandir!
420
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:25,477
[sobbing]
421
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:30,916
I thought I was dead, man,
422
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,819
But suddenly, I remembered
the one thing
423
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,355
All asians crave.
424
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:39,124
Uh, ooh! Honor!
425
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:41,694
Ling-ling,
you want honor!
426
00:17:41,695 --> 00:17:42,961
Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!
427
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,563
Ok, i'll give you honor,
428
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:49,468
Just kick some
chinese-children-giant
transformer-thing ass!
429
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:52,938
¶ ling-ling
into battle go ¶
430
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,006
Uhh!
431
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,875
¶ fulfill destiny
of the soul ¶
432
00:17:56,876 --> 00:18:01,213
¶ severed skulls
of adversary ¶
433
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,182
¶ shove it
in the poo-poo hole ¶
434
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,583
¶ all the children sing ¶
435
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,786
Kids: ¶ kill,
kill, kill, kill,
die, die, die ¶
436
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,154
¶ kill, kill,
kill, kill... ¶
437
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:12,725
[singing japanese version
of "it's your birthday"]
438
00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:13,726
...Play, play.
439
00:18:13,727 --> 00:18:15,094
Why are you so happy?
440
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,430
I was gonna make millions
off this nba deal.
441
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,867
Now we got nothin'
except a bunch
of sweatshop kids.
442
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,969
[ka-ching]
443
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,738
[organ playing
in arena]
444
00:18:25,739 --> 00:18:29,708
Being on feet
of shaquille o'neal
great honor.
445
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,210
That honor
not so great.
446
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:35,080
Lebron james
is the future!
447
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:38,350
I'm so glad we could
help our new chinese
friends,
448
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,919
And, ling-ling,
I haven't forgotten
449
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,388
My promise to you.
450
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,956
[purrs]
451
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:50,229
Xandir, don't worry.
452
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,597
We'll figure
something out.
453
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:52,831
No, we won't.
454
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,300
I should have killed
myself when I had
the chance.
455
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,236
You could still
kill yourself now.
456
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:02,508
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't kill yourself.
457
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,277
Hey, look, buddy, there's
lots of gay reasons to live.
458
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:09,515
I, myself, enjoy the ballet,
crepes, and snerd nurgling
for dollars. Ohh...
459
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:13,052
Wait, you mean,
you're a gay, too?
460
00:19:13,053 --> 00:19:15,287
Uh, duh!
461
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,523
Gee, but you're
so handsome
462
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:21,126
And witty and
perfectly dreamy.
463
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:23,962
And you're whiny and self-hating
and most likely bi-polar.
464
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,464
You're exactly my type!
465
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,301
Could this be it?
466
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:32,237
Could this be love?
467
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,706
Gay love?
468
00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:36,608
Say, why don't
you come into my lamp,
469
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:40,479
And I do mean that
as a double-entendre.
[purrs]
470
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,547
Yes, sir!
471
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:44,049
Comin' in the lamp!
Hubba hubba!
472
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,150
Aah!
473
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:47,853
Wha ha ha ha ha!
474
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,455
Lord slashdab?!
475
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:51,357
I will steal
this magic lamp
476
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,425
For no particular reason!
477
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,493
Oh!
478
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,995
Wha ha ha ha ha ha!
479
00:19:56,996 --> 00:20:01,567
No! I loved him!
480
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:02,735
He was my...
481
00:20:02,736 --> 00:20:04,436
My everything!
482
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,940
Yeah, xandir.
You'll feel better
after you kill yourself.
483
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:09,141
Kill myself?
484
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:10,442
No way!
485
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,244
I have to save the genie.
486
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:15,647
In fact, dare I say it?
487
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,916
I am xandir,
488
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:22,388
And I am on a never-ending
quest to to save my boyfriend!
489
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,323
Did you hear that, clara?
490
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,591
Why, yes.
491
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,160
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
492
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,595
Eww, don't touch me.
493
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:33,532
So xandir finally found
new purpose and a new love,
494
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,434
And like all
fairy-tale endings,
495
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,870
I'm sure he'll live
happily ever after...
496
00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:40,739
Until god casts him into
the fiery pits of hell,
of course,
497
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:41,974
But until then,
he'll be happy.
498
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:45,978
That clara is such
an asshole.
499
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,546
I love the gays!
500
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,014
Come on.
They're adorable.
501
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,716
And calling hair gel
"product,"
502
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:52,851
That's just fancy,
that's what that is.
503
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:53,919
Ha ha ha ha!
504
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:54,920
What the...
505
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:58,023
Hello.
You're a funny fella.
506
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,658
[sniffs]
507
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:00,659
What's your name?
508
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,461
[electronic beeps]
509
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:06,365
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
510
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,401
[child laughing]
511
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:13,272
¶ ling-ling
into battle go ¶
512
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:16,909
¶ fulfill destiny
of the soul ¶
513
00:21:16,910 --> 00:21:20,612
¶ severed skulls
of adversary ¶
514
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,514
¶ shove it in
the poo-poo hole ¶
515
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,183
¶ all the children sing ¶
516
00:21:24,184 --> 00:21:27,519
¶ kill, kill, kill, kill,
die, die, die ¶
517
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,156
¶ kill, kill, kill, kill,
die, die, die ¶
518
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,058
¶ kill, kill, kill,
kill ¶
519
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:34,660
¶ die, die, die ¶
520
00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:36,462
¶ kill, kill,
kill, kill ¶
521
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:38,364
¶ die, die, die ¶
35456
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