All language subtitles for 34 - 3 Habits Breakdown English

You've got on your table a list of the behaviours that we have in the book, there are 12 of them and

just pull that out so you have it here.

What I've learned from experience is that going through the behaviours doesn't work.

It feels like a laundry list and I practically put myself to sleep.

So what I would like to do is I'd like to focus on in the way that Marshall did with that one behavior

of putting your job before your career.

I'd like to focus in on three of them and then suggest them suggest a topic for you to discuss in your

smaller groups.

So we will have that interactivity and the first one.

Is the one that I find the highest number of women identify with, and that is that business of expecting

people to spontaneously notice and reward what you contribute without your having to draw attention

to it.

I first became aware of that when I was doing a study, a survey of partnership firms, law firms,

investment banking, consulting and accounting.

And I was interviewing women partners at those firms.

This was fairly early on when they when they were few and far between.

And two of the questions that a lot of questions, but two of the questions I asked the women were,

number one, what are the younger women in your firm who have the greatest potential to become partners?

What do they best start and what are they worst out?

And the answers were remarkably consistent.

What they're best at is doing great work, doing their conscientious.

They show up, they go the extra mile, they stay Memorial weekend.

They take their work very seriously.

And what they are worst at is getting known for the quality of their work, especially at the higher

levels.

They spread credit.

They can never speak in the voice.

It's like you did a great job on that.

Oh, it was my team.

You did a terrific job on that.

Well, my boss trusted me and I was surprised when he trusted me.

But, you know, I muddle through.

They were had a very, very difficult time claiming credit.

And so they would expect others to really notice.

And when I talk to the younger women and said, you know, how good are you at this, they would say,

I'm not good at it at all.

I had a few who said, you know, I'm good at this.

I understand it's important to my career.

Maybe I'm not comfortable with it, but I do it.

But that was pretty rare.

And when I would ask and I still do this with audiences when I would ask, why aren't you good with

that?

The first response I would get was always, if I have to act like that idiot down the hall to get noticed

around here.

No, thank you.

And where that's problematic is it's a total either or either you're going to be like the most obnoxious

person in the organization or you're just going to stand back and hope that people notice.

So it leaves no middle ground, no gray area, no even hint that there is a way that you could get comfortable

representing and bringing notice to your achievements.

And the other, as Marshall said, was over and over.

I believe that if I do great work, people should notice good luck with that, especially now when people

are overwhelmed and so involved with their devices.

People are just not noticing the example in the book that I used, which I still it gets so much resonance

when I talk about it, was this young woman who was an engineer in Silicon Valley who felt that she

said she said, you know, I've always been a more active, more extroverted than a lot of the engineers

in my organization.

She said, now I'm a good connector, I'm a go to person.

I connect people get resources to flow so that I had a new boss.

When we went away for the performance review, he said, Your work is terrific.

But you need to be more connected, and she said, I came away from that feeling as if I had been kicked

in the stomach because the very thing I was best at, the very thing he didn't even notice, she said.

So I went through the whole scenario, you know, maybe I should leave.

I need to put in have a different boss.

Maybe why did I become an engineer?

Why did I go to college here instead of Stanford said she went through the whole thing and then she

realized about three weeks later when she was in a program that I was doing, that she had never told

him.

He had no idea that she was well connected because he didn't see her email or see people coming in and

out of her office.

So as a result of that, she began sending him an email every Friday morning.

Those of you read it, saw it every Friday morning, just saying this week I connected with A, B and

C, nothing else.

Nothing else.

And when he came to her later, two months later, she thought, oh, what am I doing?

I'm wasting his time.

He's going to think I'm a suck up, blah, blah, blah.

So he came up to her and he said, thank you for sending that.

That is important information.

It is information I need to know because it helps me understand who I am connecting with.

I am connecting with.

He saw it as strengthening him.

Guess what?

He wanted information about what was strengthening him.

She hadn't thought of it in that way.

So that really gave me the idea.

And this is something I use in my own work with women, whether it's coaching or doing workshops and

programs, which is that treat it, treat it neutrally as information, treat what you contribute as

if it is just valuable information that is in other people's interest to know and understand.

And that's what gets you out.

That's what gets you out of that either or place where it's so easy to get stuck thinking either people

will notice or I have to become obnoxious and be inauthentic.

You know, there's so much everybody so committed these days to being authentic.

And so you feel so I hear a lot that's not authentically me is really speaking up and talking about

myself, then find a way that is authentically you, if that's so important, which I'm a little dubious

about, but find a way that is authentically you represent it and step up.