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1
00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:07,355
(door opens)
2
00:00:10,663 --> 00:00:13,034
(footsteps approaching)
3
00:00:19,146 --> 00:00:21,183
(chains jingling)
4
00:00:38,017 --> 00:00:39,453
Hello.
5
00:00:41,224 --> 00:00:44,564
I'm Alan Strauss.
6
00:00:45,398 --> 00:00:47,235
Dr. Strauss.
7
00:00:48,404 --> 00:00:51,711
-Y-You're...?
-Candace.
8
00:00:51,811 --> 00:00:53,582
Sorry.
9
00:00:56,254 --> 00:00:57,690
I'm Sam's mother.
10
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,395
Oh.
11
00:01:02,199 --> 00:01:05,238
Is this... your house?
12
00:01:06,407 --> 00:01:09,748
Sam moved back in with me
when he split up with Mary.
13
00:01:09,848 --> 00:01:13,154
-Ah, I see.
-Did he...
14
00:01:14,925 --> 00:01:16,595
You know about Mary, don't you?
15
00:01:16,695 --> 00:01:19,433
I'm sorry, I can't
really discuss that.
16
00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:21,103
Of course. Yes.
17
00:01:21,203 --> 00:01:25,112
So, you know who I am?
18
00:01:25,245 --> 00:01:27,616
Of course I do.
19
00:01:27,717 --> 00:01:29,520
I loved your book.
20
00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:32,393
When his father left,
21
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,630
I started reading
all these books.
22
00:01:34,764 --> 00:01:37,169
You know, self-help.
23
00:01:37,269 --> 00:01:40,442
The Cactus and the Mirage
was one of my favorites.
24
00:01:40,543 --> 00:01:44,317
I had Sam read it, too,
but it didn't really help him,
25
00:01:44,417 --> 00:01:46,220
so I...
26
00:01:46,287 --> 00:01:48,358
told him he should try
real therapy.
27
00:01:48,458 --> 00:01:50,329
This isn't trying real therapy.
28
00:01:50,462 --> 00:01:51,665
Of course.
29
00:01:51,765 --> 00:01:54,069
I know how terrible this is.
30
00:01:54,136 --> 00:01:56,775
-Believe me, I know.
-(chains jingling)
31
00:02:00,115 --> 00:02:01,684
Unlock me.
32
00:02:01,818 --> 00:02:03,488
I don't have a key.
33
00:02:03,622 --> 00:02:05,593
(sighs) Well...
34
00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:07,831
call the police.
Then we can help Sam.
35
00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:09,466
CANDACE:
Please understand.
36
00:02:09,601 --> 00:02:13,208
I don't support him
in this at all.
37
00:02:13,308 --> 00:02:15,813
I'm not... like him.
38
00:02:16,882 --> 00:02:20,088
But I can't turn in my own son.
39
00:02:20,154 --> 00:02:22,159
You're his mother.
Can't you tell him to stop this?
40
00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:24,598
He's trying to stop.
I know it's-it's...
41
00:02:24,698 --> 00:02:27,268
Candace, please.
42
00:02:27,335 --> 00:02:30,509
I have kids.
A son and a daughter.
43
00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:33,515
They need me,
just like he needs you.
44
00:02:35,252 --> 00:02:36,821
I know this isn't right.
45
00:02:38,357 --> 00:02:40,062
But you have to help him.
46
00:02:40,162 --> 00:02:42,332
He's my baby.
47
00:02:44,470 --> 00:02:46,273
♪
48
00:02:59,801 --> 00:03:02,205
(truck approaching)
49
00:03:05,445 --> 00:03:08,552
(truck door opens, closes)
50
00:03:09,921 --> 00:03:12,225
(footsteps crunching in gravel)
51
00:03:21,678 --> 00:03:23,181
You ever had pho?
52
00:03:23,281 --> 00:03:25,853
-Yes.
-Not like this, you haven't.
53
00:03:31,798 --> 00:03:33,200
(Sam exhales)
54
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,402
(door opens)
55
00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:38,745
(liquid pouring)
56
00:03:38,879 --> 00:03:42,887
(water runs, stops)
57
00:03:49,735 --> 00:03:51,337
I'm gonna get bowls.
58
00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:53,642
Sam, hold on a second.
59
00:03:53,742 --> 00:03:55,746
When you were gone,
60
00:03:55,846 --> 00:03:58,886
I heard someone
moving around upstairs,
61
00:03:58,986 --> 00:04:00,790
and I called up to them
62
00:04:00,923 --> 00:04:03,361
and asked them to come down.
63
00:04:03,428 --> 00:04:04,764
Did they come down?
64
00:04:06,935 --> 00:04:09,339
-So you met my mother.
-Yes.
65
00:04:09,439 --> 00:04:13,516
I was a little surprised.
Y-You said she was dead.
66
00:04:13,616 --> 00:04:16,522
Yeah, my parents aren't dead.
67
00:04:16,622 --> 00:04:18,458
I-I lied about that, too.
68
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,863
Sorry.
69
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,637
One of the reasons
that I didn't want
70
00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:26,542
to go into therapy
71
00:04:26,608 --> 00:04:28,444
was because I know it's all
72
00:04:28,545 --> 00:04:31,417
"mothers, mothers, mothers."
My mother is not my problem.
73
00:04:31,518 --> 00:04:33,855
Let me get the bowls.
74
00:04:33,955 --> 00:04:36,728
(footsteps ascending stairs)
75
00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:39,767
(exhales shakily)
76
00:04:49,787 --> 00:04:51,858
I'm going to
77
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,429
need you to take off this chain.
78
00:04:55,799 --> 00:04:58,204
There's no way to do
this work effectively
79
00:04:58,304 --> 00:04:59,807
with the therapist tied up.
80
00:04:59,941 --> 00:05:02,212
The chain's on your leg,
not on your mouth.
81
00:05:02,312 --> 00:05:05,419
Sam, I present
no physical threat to you.
82
00:05:05,485 --> 00:05:08,290
You're young and strong,
83
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:11,498
and I-I... I sit
in a chair all day.
84
00:05:11,631 --> 00:05:15,438
What do you imagine
would happen if I attacked you?
85
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:18,912
(sighs)
86
00:05:19,012 --> 00:05:21,784
I... I pictured this
with you chained to the floor.
87
00:05:21,851 --> 00:05:24,456
I understand,
and I am asking you
88
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,059
to adjust that
89
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:29,466
so I can help you
more effectively.
90
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:34,276
Sam, there is no way that
this is going to work
91
00:05:34,343 --> 00:05:36,413
unless you take off this chain.
92
00:05:40,221 --> 00:05:42,425
She usually doesn't
come down here.
93
00:05:47,703 --> 00:05:49,707
-(grunting)
-(gurgling)
94
00:05:53,882 --> 00:05:55,351
(sighs)
95
00:05:55,452 --> 00:05:59,259
Before, when we were
in my office...
96
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,365
you told me that your mother
took care of you
97
00:06:02,465 --> 00:06:04,069
when your father
was being violent.
98
00:06:04,169 --> 00:06:05,605
"Mothers, mothers, mothers."
99
00:06:05,706 --> 00:06:08,945
It's just one part of things,
Sam, but we can't ignore it.
100
00:06:11,217 --> 00:06:14,389
Your mother told me
that he left.
101
00:06:15,358 --> 00:06:18,397
Can you tell me about that?
102
00:06:18,531 --> 00:06:19,901
He left us.
103
00:06:20,001 --> 00:06:21,971
How old were you?
104
00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:24,577
Fourteen.
105
00:06:25,378 --> 00:06:27,549
And what do you remember
about that?
106
00:06:30,789 --> 00:06:32,727
He left us.
107
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:35,298
So, he didn't hit me anymore.
108
00:06:35,398 --> 00:06:37,836
Did you see him after that?
109
00:06:41,410 --> 00:06:43,515
This is the house
you grew up in?
110
00:06:44,518 --> 00:06:47,055
(clears throat) Yup.
111
00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:52,599
Do you have memories,
um, like...
112
00:06:54,069 --> 00:06:57,509
Did he hurt you in this room?
113
00:06:59,046 --> 00:07:00,783
If I was in this room...
114
00:07:00,917 --> 00:07:03,588
-(bowl thuds)
-it was in this room.
115
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,563
And you'd be here and...
116
00:07:07,663 --> 00:07:10,001
And he'd say something
117
00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:13,542
that I was supposed to do,
and if I didn't do it
118
00:07:13,609 --> 00:07:15,579
within one second...
119
00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:19,119
I didn't know what he meant
sometimes. I-- He was...
120
00:07:19,219 --> 00:07:21,691
(scoffs) I needed time to think,
121
00:07:21,791 --> 00:07:23,093
but...
122
00:07:24,898 --> 00:07:26,366
Like, one time,
123
00:07:26,466 --> 00:07:27,803
he got a whole load of grout
124
00:07:27,904 --> 00:07:30,475
for the kitchen
and the bathroom, and...
125
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:32,813
he got a deal, right,
126
00:07:32,947 --> 00:07:36,487
so he ordered a ton of it,
and it came in these boxes.
127
00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:39,761
And he was yelling at me,
"Break 'em down."
128
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,633
Screaming. "Break 'em down."
129
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:45,305
I didn't know what he meant
130
00:07:45,405 --> 00:07:47,442
because I'd never
heard that before
131
00:07:47,543 --> 00:07:50,983
'cause he... he wasn't
pointing at the boxes.
132
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:53,454
(inhales sharply, exhales)
133
00:07:53,555 --> 00:07:57,496
Then he just,
he just went at me,
134
00:07:57,596 --> 00:08:00,101
like he did.
135
00:08:05,177 --> 00:08:07,683
You said your mom got it, too.
136
00:08:08,218 --> 00:08:11,223
She's a good mother.
137
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:14,029
She made me sandwiches
every day.
138
00:08:14,129 --> 00:08:15,832
She did the laundry.
139
00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:23,147
It's a terrible situation
for a mother and a son.
140
00:08:30,997 --> 00:08:33,669
♪
141
00:08:33,769 --> 00:08:36,941
(Alan breathing deeply)
142
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,597
RABBI:
Everyone, please.
Everyone, please.
143
00:08:47,697 --> 00:08:50,035
-(overlapping chatter)
-RABBI: People!
144
00:08:50,168 --> 00:08:53,074
People. People!
145
00:08:53,207 --> 00:08:54,944
I have something to say.
146
00:08:55,045 --> 00:08:59,052
People, people.
I have something to say.
147
00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:01,525
-(chatter quiets)
-RABBI: I understand that
148
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,196
the mother of the chatan
has some
149
00:09:04,263 --> 00:09:05,966
words she'd like to share
150
00:09:06,066 --> 00:09:08,170
with the new couple.
151
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:15,050
(murmuring)
152
00:09:20,696 --> 00:09:22,734
We don't have women sing.
153
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:25,739
Rabbi, it's my son's wedding.
154
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:39,700
BETH:
Hi. I'm Ezra's mom.
155
00:09:40,669 --> 00:09:43,007
-(overlapping chatter)
-Where are you going?
156
00:09:43,107 --> 00:09:45,779
BETH: I'm also the cantor
at Temple Sinai.
157
00:09:45,912 --> 00:09:48,619
(murmuring continues)
158
00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:51,123
(Beth clears throat)
159
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,695
(strums guitar)
160
00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:59,105
(sighs)
161
00:10:00,776 --> 00:10:02,946
(thunder rumbles)
162
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:12,766
Talk to me, Sam.
163
00:10:14,604 --> 00:10:16,473
I know you're struggling
with your feelings
164
00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:18,745
about the manager
at the restaurant.
165
00:10:20,649 --> 00:10:24,022
Is there anything else
you can tell me about it?
166
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,126
(thunder rumbling)
167
00:10:27,630 --> 00:10:28,799
Uh...
168
00:10:28,899 --> 00:10:30,969
You should help me.
169
00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:43,795
Hmm...
170
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:49,774
I have a thought for us.
171
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,512
-Mm-hmm.
-You know,
172
00:10:52,613 --> 00:10:55,519
your mother
is an impressive woman,
173
00:10:55,619 --> 00:10:58,190
and she would clearly
do anything
174
00:10:58,323 --> 00:11:00,127
to help you feel better,
175
00:11:00,194 --> 00:11:02,767
help you live the life
that you want to live,
176
00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:05,839
and I think that
she can help us now.
177
00:11:06,808 --> 00:11:10,148
We are all part
of family systems.
178
00:11:10,215 --> 00:11:12,218
You, me, everyone.
179
00:11:12,351 --> 00:11:15,124
Changes to those systems
180
00:11:15,191 --> 00:11:17,028
can have a profound effect
on us,
181
00:11:17,128 --> 00:11:19,700
even at your age.
182
00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:20,970
And I was thinking
183
00:11:21,036 --> 00:11:23,574
that it might be beneficial
184
00:11:23,675 --> 00:11:26,313
if we were to do
some family therapy work
185
00:11:26,413 --> 00:11:27,849
with you and your mother.
186
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:31,958
Mm.
187
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,828
She's been through enough.
188
00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:38,806
She doesn't need to be dragged
into what we're doing here.
189
00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,609
I think that's kind of you,
190
00:11:40,709 --> 00:11:42,947
and I can see why
you'd want to protect her.
191
00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:44,282
But I don't think you need
192
00:11:44,382 --> 00:11:47,689
to worry about her feeling
dragged into this.
193
00:11:47,789 --> 00:11:51,129
I think she might
find it helpful, too.
194
00:11:53,702 --> 00:11:55,070
Sam.
195
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,413
You don't have to take
this next step alone.
196
00:11:59,514 --> 00:12:03,989
There is someone
who wants to be there with you.
197
00:12:04,089 --> 00:12:08,230
She doesn't want you struggling
with this by yourself.
198
00:12:20,254 --> 00:12:22,224
(birds chirping)
199
00:12:32,245 --> 00:12:35,251
He was always
a very physical man,
200
00:12:35,384 --> 00:12:39,226
and it was always
a very intense relationship.
201
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:42,733
-I think Sam and I...
-SAM: He was an asshole.
202
00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,737
It's pretty simple.
203
00:12:44,871 --> 00:12:47,909
He was a terrible father,
and Sam and I...
204
00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:49,513
Worse than terrible.
205
00:12:49,614 --> 00:12:51,918
Let's try to slow down
a little bit.
206
00:12:52,051 --> 00:12:55,926
In this space, let everybody
finish what they're saying.
207
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:58,865
When we go more slowly,
208
00:12:58,932 --> 00:13:02,104
usually, everyone thinks
a little more clearly,
209
00:13:02,204 --> 00:13:05,011
and sometimes, when we wait,
210
00:13:05,111 --> 00:13:08,283
people don't say what we think
they are going to.
211
00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:15,197
Sam and I took refuge
in each other.
212
00:13:15,264 --> 00:13:18,104
I learned that from one
of the books I read.
213
00:13:18,237 --> 00:13:20,074
Not yours.
214
00:13:20,141 --> 00:13:21,944
Hmm.
215
00:13:23,314 --> 00:13:25,417
That it was a refuge.
216
00:13:25,484 --> 00:13:27,121
You were in this together.
217
00:13:27,255 --> 00:13:29,326
Mm-hmm.
218
00:13:29,426 --> 00:13:31,430
ALAN:
You still are.
219
00:13:31,498 --> 00:13:35,905
You are bonded to each other.
220
00:13:35,972 --> 00:13:38,143
It's very moving.
221
00:13:40,381 --> 00:13:43,087
-Sam.
-Yup.
222
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,391
You love your mother,
223
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,931
and I think that can give us
a way to help you.
224
00:13:50,936 --> 00:13:53,407
I want you to think
in a new way of how
225
00:13:53,473 --> 00:13:56,514
you can protect your mother.
226
00:13:56,614 --> 00:14:00,320
As you struggle
with this impulse
227
00:14:00,421 --> 00:14:03,595
to become violent,
228
00:14:03,695 --> 00:14:05,733
I want you
to protect your mother
229
00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:08,470
by not acting on that impulse.
230
00:14:09,472 --> 00:14:13,180
So that she can be free
from this source of pain.
231
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,351
So...
232
00:14:15,451 --> 00:14:17,422
you think to yourself,
233
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:20,161
"I will not do this,
234
00:14:20,261 --> 00:14:22,966
so that I can
protect my mother."
235
00:14:28,912 --> 00:14:30,481
(sniffles)
236
00:14:42,105 --> 00:14:44,342
(Alan clears throat)
237
00:14:50,555 --> 00:14:53,494
Will you do that for me, Sam?
238
00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:10,361
(truck approaching)
239
00:15:10,428 --> 00:15:12,398
(sighs) Okay.
240
00:15:14,336 --> 00:15:16,306
(chains jingling)
241
00:15:19,212 --> 00:15:20,983
(truck door opens, closes)
242
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:23,721
-(metallic creak)
-(footsteps approaching)
243
00:15:29,433 --> 00:15:31,069
(door slides closed)
244
00:15:32,038 --> 00:15:34,408
(Sam sighs)
245
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,427
SAM:
Pastitsio.
246
00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:05,404
That guy at the--
247
00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:08,076
this restaurant
where I did the inspection.
248
00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:11,584
I went back there tonight.
249
00:16:24,944 --> 00:16:26,080
Mmm.
250
00:16:26,146 --> 00:16:28,951
I figured I'd be okay,
251
00:16:29,051 --> 00:16:30,120
maybe,
252
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,626
you know, with you here.
253
00:16:32,693 --> 00:16:35,297
I was just looking at him.
254
00:16:37,468 --> 00:16:39,072
How did that feel?
255
00:16:39,139 --> 00:16:41,310
I got my food.
256
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:42,946
There he was.
257
00:16:43,046 --> 00:16:46,621
Mm, I sat in my car
across the street,
258
00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:49,492
and I did the whole thing
259
00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:53,433
in my head, every second.
260
00:16:55,171 --> 00:16:57,308
You said with me here.
261
00:16:57,408 --> 00:16:59,513
Was this a test for yourself?
262
00:17:01,016 --> 00:17:02,184
Yeah, I guess so.
263
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,459
Seems like you did well.
264
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:11,469
I-I want to show him...
265
00:17:12,506 --> 00:17:15,812
I-I want to teach him
how to behave
266
00:17:15,879 --> 00:17:18,350
to other people
in the world. I...
267
00:17:19,553 --> 00:17:21,456
I still want to do it.
268
00:17:27,535 --> 00:17:29,640
(mutters): Okay.
269
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:36,219
Mmm. Mmm.
270
00:17:37,388 --> 00:17:38,223
Thanks.
271
00:17:40,695 --> 00:17:44,168
Was it like that
with the other ones who you...
272
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,210
Did they do something
273
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:51,316
that made you want
to teach them a lesson?
274
00:17:51,383 --> 00:17:54,055
Yes.
275
00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:56,728
They were all-- I...
276
00:17:56,828 --> 00:17:58,698
Every one of them deserved it.
277
00:18:08,183 --> 00:18:09,954
(birds chirping)
278
00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:12,424
♪
279
00:18:28,625 --> 00:18:31,195
(creaking overhead)
280
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:37,408
Candace?
281
00:18:37,542 --> 00:18:39,713
(footsteps)
282
00:18:44,355 --> 00:18:47,394
Candace, we need to talk.
283
00:19:01,490 --> 00:19:03,694
♪
284
00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:16,721
(guitar playing)
285
00:19:16,821 --> 00:19:20,093
(Beth singing in Hebrew)
286
00:19:20,194 --> 00:19:21,764
(others murmuring)
287
00:19:21,864 --> 00:19:24,235
(continues singing in Hebrew)
288
00:19:30,147 --> 00:19:32,886
(Beth continues singing
in Hebrew)
289
00:19:43,139 --> 00:19:46,245
(continues singing in Hebrew)
290
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,763
♪
291
00:20:05,150 --> 00:20:07,488
(Beth continues singing
in Hebrew)
292
00:20:23,086 --> 00:20:25,558
(Beth continues singing
in Hebrew)
293
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,063
(song ends)
294
00:20:28,130 --> 00:20:29,800
(sighs)
295
00:20:38,718 --> 00:20:40,721
(truck approaching)
296
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:46,199
(truck door opens, closes)
297
00:20:46,299 --> 00:20:48,303
(thudding overhead)
298
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,695
(grunting)
299
00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:06,674
-(gasps)
-(chains jingling)
300
00:21:06,774 --> 00:21:08,778
(grunting)
301
00:21:08,878 --> 00:21:11,382
MAN:
No. No. No. No.
302
00:21:11,483 --> 00:21:13,687
Stop. (whimpering)
303
00:21:18,163 --> 00:21:20,568
(duct tape stretching, ripping)
304
00:21:28,717 --> 00:21:30,721
(keys jingle)
305
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:43,480
(door opens, slams closed)
306
00:21:43,581 --> 00:21:45,751
♪
307
00:23:31,964 --> 00:23:34,134
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
20254
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