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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,366
(SURRENDER PLAYING)
3
00:01:18,084 --> 00:01:19,564
♪ Mother told me ♪
4
00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:21,924
♪ Yes, she told me ♪
5
00:01:21,964 --> 00:01:25,004
♪ That I'd meet girls like you ♪
6
00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:26,644
♪ She also told me ♪
7
00:01:26,684 --> 00:01:31,367
♪ Stay away
You'll never know what you'll catch ♪
8
00:01:33,124 --> 00:01:34,530
(TIRES SCREECHING)
9
00:01:35,684 --> 00:01:36,924
Cooper, it's open.
10
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:37,964
It's open?
11
00:01:38,004 --> 00:01:39,251
Come on!
12
00:01:40,764 --> 00:01:42,489
It's supposed to be awesome.
13
00:01:43,044 --> 00:01:46,844
- COOPER: Thank you.
- Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser!
14
00:01:46,884 --> 00:01:48,449
Mom!
15
00:01:50,004 --> 00:01:53,044
♪ They just seem a little weird ♪
16
00:01:53,084 --> 00:01:56,924
♪ Surrender, surrender ♪
17
00:01:56,964 --> 00:02:02,694
♪ But don't give yourself away ♪
18
00:02:20,324 --> 00:02:24,084
♪ Whatever happened to all this season's ♪
19
00:02:24,124 --> 00:02:26,406
♪ Losers of the year? ♪
20
00:02:27,404 --> 00:02:31,084
♪ Every time I got to thinking ♪
21
00:02:31,124 --> 00:02:34,524
♪ Where'd they disappear? ♪
22
00:02:34,564 --> 00:02:37,724
♪ But when I woke up, Mom and Dad ♪
23
00:02:37,764 --> 00:02:42,324
♪ Are rolling on the couch ♪
24
00:02:42,364 --> 00:02:43,565
Damn.
25
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:45,765
What?
26
00:02:47,764 --> 00:02:49,044
I suck.
27
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:52,163
♪ Mommy's all right, daddy's all right ♪
28
00:02:52,203 --> 00:02:56,883
♪ They just seem a little weird ♪
29
00:02:56,923 --> 00:02:58,124
COOPER: Wow, Sam.
30
00:02:58,563 --> 00:03:02,563
How are you so good at this?
You've never even played it before.
31
00:03:02,603 --> 00:03:03,929
I don't know.
32
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:07,210
There's a pattern to how they're moving.
Watch.
33
00:03:10,003 --> 00:03:12,968
I don't see it, but you sure as hell do.
34
00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:19,449
♪ Away ♪
35
00:03:24,523 --> 00:03:27,883
♪ Surrender, surrender ♪
36
00:03:27,923 --> 00:03:31,883
♪ But don't give yourself away ♪
37
00:03:31,923 --> 00:03:34,843
♪ Surrender, surrender ♪
38
00:03:34,883 --> 00:03:38,043
♪ But don't give yourself away ♪
39
00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:41,810
- Use the Force. Use the Force.
- (MECHANICAL HAND WHIRRING)
40
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,965
(CHEERING)
41
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,083
BRENNER: Hey, Chewie.
42
00:03:51,123 --> 00:03:52,683
COOPER: You're a superstar, dude.
43
00:03:52,723 --> 00:03:54,603
And it's time to show the world.
44
00:03:54,643 --> 00:03:56,283
♪ Surrender ♪
45
00:03:56,323 --> 00:04:00,083
♪ But don't give yourself away ♪
46
00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:03,523
♪ Surrender, surrender ♪
47
00:04:03,563 --> 00:04:07,403
♪ But don't give yourself away ♪
48
00:04:07,443 --> 00:04:09,043
MAN: (ON PA SYSTEM)
Attention, all contestants.
49
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,889
The competition will start
in 15 minutes.
50
00:04:12,923 --> 00:04:16,445
You too? That's so funny.
51
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:19,204
Really?
52
00:04:19,283 --> 00:04:22,407
I think you're pretty darn
foxy yourself.
53
00:04:26,723 --> 00:04:30,123
Lady Lisa, I'll love you
till the end of time.
54
00:04:30,163 --> 00:04:32,163
- Who are you talking to?
- Nobody!
55
00:04:32,203 --> 00:04:33,323
(SOFTLY) We'll talk later.
56
00:04:33,363 --> 00:04:35,763
You're Ludlow Lamonsoff,
the Wonder Kid, right?
57
00:04:35,803 --> 00:04:38,083
Who told you that? The government?
58
00:04:38,123 --> 00:04:41,690
'Cause I'm this close to figuring out
the secret of the Bermuda Triangle.
59
00:04:41,962 --> 00:04:44,122
Wow, you don't have any friends, do you?
60
00:04:44,162 --> 00:04:45,932
Just my grandma.
61
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,403
Yoo-hoo!
62
00:04:49,002 --> 00:04:51,603
Well, Wonder Kid,
you can hang out with us.
63
00:04:51,762 --> 00:04:53,373
- Really?
- (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
64
00:04:56,202 --> 00:04:58,642
What's up, geeks and goobers?
65
00:04:58,682 --> 00:05:01,082
They call me the Fire Blaster!
66
00:05:01,122 --> 00:05:03,122
'Cause my hands are blazing fast,
67
00:05:03,162 --> 00:05:07,686
and also I will blast and burn
all my competitors' weak-ass moves.
68
00:05:13,682 --> 00:05:15,762
You must be the local talent.
69
00:05:15,802 --> 00:05:19,563
If this was a fugly contest,
I'd be in trouble.
70
00:05:19,682 --> 00:05:21,802
At least we didn't make up
our own nicknames, Fire Blaster.
71
00:05:21,842 --> 00:05:23,922
Who cares who came up with it?
72
00:05:23,962 --> 00:05:25,922
It's totally tubular.
73
00:05:25,962 --> 00:05:29,642
Welcome, gamers, to the first annual
74
00:05:29,682 --> 00:05:33,282
Worldwide Video Arcade Championships!
75
00:05:33,322 --> 00:05:34,802
(CHEERING)
76
00:05:34,842 --> 00:05:39,162
Tonight, we have representatives here
from the Guinness Book of World Records,
77
00:05:39,202 --> 00:05:42,642
as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics
and Space Administration,
78
00:05:42,682 --> 00:05:45,162
who will be videotaping
tonight's competition
79
00:05:45,202 --> 00:05:49,691
to be included in a compilation of 1982's
news events and popular culture.
80
00:05:49,842 --> 00:05:53,242
That videotape will be placed
in a space probe
81
00:05:53,282 --> 00:05:56,402
which will be launched by NASA
into our solar system
82
00:05:56,442 --> 00:05:59,562
with the hope of connecting to,
and perhaps providing a message for
83
00:05:59,602 --> 00:06:02,642
extraterrestrial life, should it exist.
84
00:06:02,682 --> 00:06:04,082
Oh, it exists.
85
00:06:04,122 --> 00:06:06,282
Ladies and gentlemen,
86
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:09,571
start your gaming!
87
00:06:11,322 --> 00:06:12,853
(GAME BEEPING)
88
00:06:14,922 --> 00:06:16,123
(CONTROLLER CLICKING)
89
00:06:20,682 --> 00:06:23,842
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
what an evening we have had here.
90
00:06:23,882 --> 00:06:26,602
Six new US records set.
91
00:06:26,642 --> 00:06:29,162
- Three new world records set.
- Oh, yeah.
92
00:06:29,202 --> 00:06:34,761
And, as the smoke clears,
right now we have a tie.
93
00:06:34,801 --> 00:06:36,721
- Two hundred and fifty-nine points
- (CHEERING)
94
00:06:36,761 --> 00:06:39,561
for your new Pac-Man world champion.
95
00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:42,088
The Fire Blaster, Eddie Plant!
96
00:06:42,641 --> 00:06:44,521
- (CHEERING)
- GIRL: Go, Fire Blaster!
97
00:06:44,561 --> 00:06:46,401
And 259 points
98
00:06:46,441 --> 00:06:50,161
for your new Galaga Centipede
world champion, rookie sensation,
99
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,051
Sam Brenner!
100
00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:54,690
- (CHEERING)
- Yeah, Sam!
101
00:06:57,081 --> 00:06:59,921
Well, gentlemen,
how 'bout we break this tie.
102
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,041
Let's play
103
00:07:01,081 --> 00:07:03,602
Donkey Kong!
104
00:07:07,641 --> 00:07:09,881
- Good luck, man.
- Thanks.
105
00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:12,241
You have the patterns down pretty good
with these games.
106
00:07:12,281 --> 00:07:14,085
You're gonna be tough to beat.
107
00:07:15,801 --> 00:07:17,002
(COIN DROPS)
108
00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:21,291
(WE WILL ROCK YOU VONLICHTEN PLAYING)
109
00:07:24,041 --> 00:07:26,321
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
110
00:07:26,361 --> 00:07:29,521
Playing in the street
gonna be a big man some day
111
00:07:29,561 --> 00:07:32,161
You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
112
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:35,081
Kickin' your can all over the place
113
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:41,481
- Singin'
- We will, we will rock you
114
00:07:41,521 --> 00:07:45,965
We will, we will rock you
115
00:07:51,201 --> 00:07:53,241
You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is,
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00:07:53,281 --> 00:07:57,201
at the higher levels the barrels become
more random, possessed almost.
117
00:07:57,241 --> 00:07:59,921
And playing by the patterns
doesn't do the trick anymore.
118
00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:01,281
Does it, Brenner?
119
00:08:01,321 --> 00:08:05,685
We will, we will rock you
120
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,648
Congratulations.
121
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:27,241
On coming in second!
122
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:28,761
(CROWD CHEERING)
123
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,200
Fire Blaster is the world champ!
124
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,720
The local yokel looked destiny
in the eye and blinked.
125
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,320
He's a loser,
and he will always be a loser.
126
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,720
Sam!
127
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,560
Sam, Sam, wait.
128
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,640
Sam, listen.
129
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,160
You're still gonna go to MIT
130
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,240
and invent something
that makes you a millionaire.
131
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,562
And maybe even marry Olivia Newton-John.
132
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,680
I was actually thinking Samantha Fox.
133
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,763
Nice, but she's no Sheena Easton.
134
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:58,880
Well,
135
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,804
there's always Madonna.
136
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,680
How about Scarlett Johansson?
137
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:03,840
So hot.
138
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,840
Mmm. Not Halle Berry hot,
but so, so hot.
139
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,366
And don't forget Katy Perry.
140
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,960
What are we doin' right now?
We're too old. It's just gross already.
141
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,600
Plus, you're married to a woman
who hates you.
142
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,320
She doesn't hate me.
She just doesn't get it, you know.
143
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,840
We don't have the free time to do stuff
together like we did 10 years ago.
144
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,480
This job is killing me, man.
145
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,520
If I were you,
146
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:27,520
maybe a half hour a day,
turn off the cell phone,
147
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,080
shut down the emails,
put away the Reggie bars
148
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,240
and focus on your wife.
149
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,880
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: The President's
gaffe-filled summer continued today...
150
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,040
Hold on a second. I gotta see this.
151
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,800
...at Joseph Knibb Elementary School
to promote his new youth reading initiative.
152
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:39,960
Here's what happened.
153
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:44,440
"Mittens jumped up onto the table
and knocked over the whole bowl of soup.
154
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,040
"Mrs. Pickles gassed... Gasped."
155
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,281
She gasped.
156
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,760
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- "And the whole room fell silent.
157
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,480
"This was casta...
158
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:53,881
"This is cast... (CLEARS THROAT)
159
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,240
"Catatastrophic."
160
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,440
Catastrophic.
161
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,170
I got it, sweetheart, okay?
162
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,760
Why'd you yell at me?
163
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:02,960
You're mean.
164
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,406
Leave her alone.
165
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,760
The President can't read.
166
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,083
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
167
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,080
(LAUGHING)
168
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,280
You gotta learn how to read, buddy.
It's as simple as that.
169
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,040
(GUARDS SNICKERING)
170
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,160
(SNICKERING STOPS)
171
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,439
I was on three hours' sleep, all right?
172
00:10:21,479 --> 00:10:23,039
WOMAN: Your economics
are hurting poor people!
173
00:10:23,079 --> 00:10:24,199
Nice to see ya!
174
00:10:24,239 --> 00:10:26,719
MAN: You've got the blood of
innocent children on your hands.
175
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:27,799
Thank you for your support.
176
00:10:27,839 --> 00:10:29,879
I can't afford to go to college
because of you!
177
00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:30,959
- (CROWD JEERING)
- That's a lovely dress.
178
00:10:30,999 --> 00:10:34,203
- You're ruining the country!
- Yeah, we're all in this together, now.
179
00:10:34,439 --> 00:10:35,639
You got a rough life, bud.
180
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,290
- Sir? Okay.
- Thank you.
181
00:10:38,759 --> 00:10:39,959
But at least you have a life.
182
00:10:39,999 --> 00:10:42,399
Look, Brenner, you're meant
for something more than this.
183
00:10:42,439 --> 00:10:45,119
You just need to channel your genius
into something productive.
184
00:10:45,159 --> 00:10:47,479
I mean, you were incredible
at video games back in the day,
185
00:10:47,519 --> 00:10:49,319
but that's a useless skill now.
186
00:10:49,359 --> 00:10:51,159
It's like being a great blacksmith.
187
00:10:51,199 --> 00:10:55,319
Ooh! That hurt, man.
That's catatastrophic that you said that.
188
00:10:55,359 --> 00:10:56,879
I'm gonna get you back for that.
189
00:10:56,919 --> 00:11:00,639
Mr. President,
if you take away all the libraries, sir,
190
00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,768
how will the children
ever learn to read?
191
00:11:03,519 --> 00:11:05,959
(JEERING INTENSIFIES)
192
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,406
Blacksmith, over and out.
193
00:11:34,719 --> 00:11:36,444
(DOORBELL RINGING)
194
00:11:39,119 --> 00:11:42,039
Hello. I am a nerd
from the Nerd Brigade.
195
00:11:42,079 --> 00:11:45,399
Here to nerd out
on all your audio and visual needs.
196
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,879
Do you have to say that
every time you show up at a house?
197
00:11:47,919 --> 00:11:49,719
If I wanna get paid, yes.
198
00:11:49,759 --> 00:11:51,279
Isn't that kind of demeaning?
199
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,009
Only if someone brings it up.
200
00:11:53,199 --> 00:11:55,447
- Okay, I won't bring it up, then.
- Thanks.
201
00:11:55,599 --> 00:11:57,085
Come on in.
202
00:11:58,479 --> 00:12:00,919
So, what am I installing?
203
00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:04,039
(SIGHS) A new 85-inch, 4K, 3D TV,
204
00:12:04,079 --> 00:12:07,839
- PlayStation 4, 7.1 surround-sound speakers.
- Mmm-hmm.
205
00:12:07,879 --> 00:12:10,719
Really, if you guys sell it,
we've probably bought it.
206
00:12:10,759 --> 00:12:12,598
Huh. Is it your birthday?
207
00:12:12,638 --> 00:12:14,283
No, my parents are getting a divorce.
208
00:12:14,478 --> 00:12:16,278
Oh. So it's like 10 birthdays.
209
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:20,678
Yeah, my dad cheated on my mom
with his 19-year-old Pilates instructor.
210
00:12:20,718 --> 00:12:22,518
Her name's Sinnamon, with an "S"
211
00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:25,159
which really tells you
all you need to know about her.
212
00:12:25,438 --> 00:12:27,398
No, I could hear a little more.
You got any pictures?
213
00:12:27,438 --> 00:12:28,918
I'm kiddin'. I'm sorry to hear that.
214
00:12:28,958 --> 00:12:30,678
My mom kind of hates him right now.
215
00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:34,398
And she says she's gonna invent
a slut-seeking missile to take out Sinnamon.
216
00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:38,688
Okay, Matty, you don't need to tell
the nice installer man our whole life.
217
00:12:40,238 --> 00:12:41,439
Whoa.
218
00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:43,238
I'm sorry, "Whoa"?
219
00:12:43,278 --> 00:12:45,758
- What?
- No, just you. Whoa.
220
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:49,398
Me? Whoa?
I don't even know what that means.
221
00:12:49,438 --> 00:12:54,963
I mean, it's just, when your son told me
that your husband left you for a 19-year-old,
222
00:12:55,478 --> 00:12:58,558
I guess I thought
you were gonna be, like
223
00:12:58,598 --> 00:13:01,038
one of those
"hot when we first met in high school,
224
00:13:01,078 --> 00:13:05,328
"but then let herself go
and got a potbelly and turkey neck
225
00:13:06,238 --> 00:13:07,769
"with a hairy chin."
226
00:13:07,958 --> 00:13:10,838
But clearly that's not the case.
227
00:13:10,878 --> 00:13:12,278
So more like,
228
00:13:12,318 --> 00:13:15,838
"Whoa, I should have brushed my teeth
before I left the house this morning."
229
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,238
Or studio apartment,
if we're getting real here.
230
00:13:18,278 --> 00:13:20,719
Did you really
not brush your teeth this morning?
231
00:13:21,198 --> 00:13:22,524
No, I did.
232
00:13:22,998 --> 00:13:26,805
I guess I should just start
settin' this stuff up right now.
233
00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:28,649
Go get 'em.
234
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:35,639
(TSKS)
235
00:13:38,598 --> 00:13:39,799
(CHUCKLES)
236
00:13:43,798 --> 00:13:45,478
Colonel Devereux.
237
00:13:45,518 --> 00:13:47,402
You need to see this, sir.
238
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,609
We're under attack.
239
00:13:54,478 --> 00:13:56,965
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)
240
00:14:03,238 --> 00:14:05,121
What the hell are those things?
241
00:14:05,877 --> 00:14:07,681
So are you a gamer?
242
00:14:08,357 --> 00:14:09,397
Uh...
243
00:14:09,437 --> 00:14:10,557
Yeah.
244
00:14:10,597 --> 00:14:12,845
I played when I was your age.
245
00:14:13,077 --> 00:14:14,637
Were you any good?
246
00:14:14,677 --> 00:14:17,837
I was pretty good
at some of the classic games.
247
00:14:17,877 --> 00:14:20,597
Hmm. Classics.
You mean like Halo and Call of Duty.
248
00:14:20,637 --> 00:14:22,917
No! The real classics.
249
00:14:22,957 --> 00:14:26,077
Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids.
250
00:14:26,117 --> 00:14:28,037
Games you played in an arcade
251
00:14:28,077 --> 00:14:30,557
which was a building outside
of your house.
252
00:14:30,597 --> 00:14:34,517
You would go there with your friends,
listen to music, cute girls everywhere.
253
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:37,408
In ancient times,
they called it "socializing."
254
00:14:38,157 --> 00:14:39,643
What are you guys talking about?
255
00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:41,397
- Video games.
- Video games.
256
00:14:41,437 --> 00:14:43,958
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- (CHUCKLES)
257
00:14:47,757 --> 00:14:49,004
I'll be right back.
258
00:14:51,917 --> 00:14:54,237
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- BRENNER: Mrs. Van Patten.
259
00:14:54,277 --> 00:14:55,917
All finished up down there.
260
00:14:55,957 --> 00:14:57,997
I need you to sign the work order.
261
00:14:58,037 --> 00:14:59,284
VIOLET: (VOICE WAVERING) Okay.
262
00:15:01,237 --> 00:15:03,797
Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet?
263
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,198
Yes.
264
00:15:06,597 --> 00:15:09,721
Not judging,
but what are you doin' in the closet?
265
00:15:10,357 --> 00:15:12,127
I'm mostly crying.
266
00:15:12,917 --> 00:15:14,767
A little drinking.
267
00:15:15,437 --> 00:15:17,877
Probably equally crying and drinking.
268
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,757
Something I do often, also.
269
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:22,840
But why in the closet?
270
00:15:23,997 --> 00:15:26,677
Because I don't want Matty to see me.
271
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,646
(SOBBING)
272
00:15:30,117 --> 00:15:33,161
I'm comin' in the closet,
Mrs. Van Patten.
273
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,526
I'm opening the door.
274
00:15:39,157 --> 00:15:41,007
Are you all right?
275
00:15:41,557 --> 00:15:45,357
I'm sobbing on the floor of my closet
drinking Chardonnay out of a sippy cup.
276
00:15:45,397 --> 00:15:46,997
So I guess not.
277
00:15:47,037 --> 00:15:49,524
Sorry. I withdraw the question.
278
00:15:54,117 --> 00:15:56,319
(SOBBING) Oh, God.
279
00:15:57,956 --> 00:16:00,397
- Wanna talk about it?
- No.
280
00:16:01,316 --> 00:16:02,597
Yes!
281
00:16:03,476 --> 00:16:05,087
Yes.
282
00:16:07,796 --> 00:16:09,680
Oh, God.
283
00:16:10,996 --> 00:16:15,716
Sir, we are in the midst of an aerial attack
by an unidentified force!
284
00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:17,796
Activate the QRF.
285
00:16:17,836 --> 00:16:19,276
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
286
00:16:34,396 --> 00:16:35,802
(GRUNTS)
287
00:16:38,316 --> 00:16:39,927
(SOLDIER COUGHS)
288
00:17:02,316 --> 00:17:04,086
(SCREAMING)
289
00:17:08,116 --> 00:17:10,284
Mama! No!
290
00:17:15,996 --> 00:17:17,596
We were high-school sweethearts.
291
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:19,236
- Mmm-hmm.
- The perfect couple.
292
00:17:19,276 --> 00:17:22,236
Do you know that he proposed
in a waterfall?
293
00:17:22,276 --> 00:17:24,796
- I mean, a freaking waterfall.
- Smooth.
294
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,316
But now, according to a text
I got 20 minutes ago,
295
00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:30,480
he's marrying
a 19-year-old named after a spice.
296
00:17:31,156 --> 00:17:33,196
It's not even spelled correctly.
297
00:17:33,236 --> 00:17:34,801
- Mmm.
- (SCOFFS)
298
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:39,476
It's just not where I thought I'd be
at this point in my life.
299
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:41,876
- Oh, God. I hear that.
- (SIGHS)
300
00:17:41,916 --> 00:17:45,356
I was supposed to have a baby
with my ex-wife.
301
00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:47,916
And the doctor
who was helping us make the baby
302
00:17:47,956 --> 00:17:49,596
did help us make the baby.
303
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,837
But, unfortunately,
I wasn't in the room.
304
00:17:54,235 --> 00:17:56,642
(TOOTS SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT)
305
00:18:02,035 --> 00:18:04,886
Maybe this really is all for the best.
306
00:18:05,235 --> 00:18:06,675
How do you mean?
307
00:18:06,715 --> 00:18:10,203
You already married the wrong guy.
You got the worst part over with.
308
00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:13,241
True, and you married the wrong girl.
309
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:19,158
Maybe it just means
we're gonna meet the right person now.
310
00:18:23,275 --> 00:18:24,476
Yeah.
311
00:18:25,035 --> 00:18:26,361
Yeah.
312
00:18:33,115 --> 00:18:34,316
Whoa!
313
00:18:35,555 --> 00:18:37,395
Are you trying to kiss me?
314
00:18:37,435 --> 00:18:38,675
Absolutely not.
315
00:18:38,715 --> 00:18:40,201
Oh, God.
316
00:18:40,875 --> 00:18:42,795
Sorry, I thought
we were having a moment.
317
00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:45,003
We were. A moment.
318
00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:49,875
Look, you seem like a very nice guy,
but I just met you, okay?
319
00:18:49,915 --> 00:18:51,355
And, no offense,
320
00:18:51,395 --> 00:18:55,075
I don't think my rebound guy
is a 210-pound person
321
00:18:55,115 --> 00:18:58,125
that installs flat screens for a living.
322
00:18:58,395 --> 00:19:00,555
First of all, 208.
323
00:19:00,595 --> 00:19:04,035
And, wow,
I didn't peg you as the snobby type.
324
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:05,875
Snob? Me?
325
00:19:05,915 --> 00:19:07,355
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
326
00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:08,835
I am not a snob.
327
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:13,955
Okay, well, let's just say I was a billionaire,
and we were out on my giant yacht
328
00:19:13,995 --> 00:19:16,635
in the middle of the Mediterranean,
sipping champagne,
329
00:19:16,675 --> 00:19:17,995
and I went in to kiss you.
330
00:19:18,035 --> 00:19:19,475
Would you have kissed me back, then?
331
00:19:21,715 --> 00:19:24,316
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- Hold that thought, snobby.
332
00:19:25,675 --> 00:19:27,035
Big Man!
333
00:19:27,075 --> 00:19:28,915
COOPER: Can you get to
the White House right now?
334
00:19:28,955 --> 00:19:30,839
I'll be there in 15.
335
00:19:31,715 --> 00:19:33,035
While I'd love to stick around
336
00:19:33,075 --> 00:19:36,275
and listen to you lie about not wanting to
make out with the yacht guy,
337
00:19:36,315 --> 00:19:37,516
I have to go.
338
00:19:38,315 --> 00:19:40,715
For the record, I'm an amazing kisser.
339
00:19:40,755 --> 00:19:42,035
All us nerds are.
340
00:19:42,075 --> 00:19:44,322
'Cause we appreciate it more.
341
00:19:44,914 --> 00:19:47,794
You didn't even brush your teeth
this morning.
342
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,638
I ate a Tic Tac.
343
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:51,955
(DOOR CLOSING)
344
00:20:06,634 --> 00:20:09,594
Too late, sweetheart.
You had your shot and ya blew it.
345
00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:11,154
I'm not following you.
346
00:20:11,194 --> 00:20:14,796
Yeah, whatever you say, stalky.
It's over. Deal with it.
347
00:20:17,594 --> 00:20:19,444
(TIRES SCREECHING)
348
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:27,714
Whoa, she went from zero
to psycho in 3.4 seconds,
349
00:20:27,754 --> 00:20:29,115
a new world record.
350
00:20:31,754 --> 00:20:33,080
(TIRES SCREECHING)
351
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:45,634
BRENNER: Hey, Steve-O.
352
00:20:45,674 --> 00:20:48,994
There's a crazy woman following me.
I guarantee she's here to shoot the President.
353
00:20:49,034 --> 00:20:51,154
And if I were you,
I'd break out the billy club
354
00:20:51,194 --> 00:20:53,237
and go full throttle on her, seriously.
355
00:21:01,034 --> 00:21:03,043
Go right on through, Lieutenant Colonel.
356
00:21:08,474 --> 00:21:10,994
- At this point, it's primarily data collection.
- (BRENNER SIGHS)
357
00:21:11,034 --> 00:21:13,354
- Why are you following me?
- Oh, God.
358
00:21:13,394 --> 00:21:16,874
Oh, God. I can't believe
they even let you in here.
359
00:21:16,914 --> 00:21:18,195
BRENNER: Right.
360
00:21:18,874 --> 00:21:22,154
Colonel Van Patten, you can go
right into the Situation Room.
361
00:21:22,194 --> 00:21:24,114
Yeah, see, they need me
in the Situation Room,
362
00:21:24,154 --> 00:21:26,594
- so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
- Mmm.
363
00:21:26,634 --> 00:21:29,963
Mr. Brenner, the President is waiting
for you in the Oval Office.
364
00:21:31,274 --> 00:21:34,318
(MOCKINGLY) Somebody's more important.
365
00:21:38,873 --> 00:21:42,202
Freddy, can you keep
the riffraff outta here?
366
00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:48,953
Yo, wassup?
367
00:21:48,993 --> 00:21:51,273
Oh, come on,
you couldn't have at least changed?
368
00:21:51,313 --> 00:21:53,233
You told me to rush right over.
369
00:21:53,273 --> 00:21:55,833
What's going on, man?
Why's it so crazy out there?
370
00:21:55,873 --> 00:21:58,393
(SIGHS) Our Air Force base
in Guam was attacked.
371
00:21:58,433 --> 00:21:59,673
By who?
372
00:21:59,713 --> 00:22:01,313
I'm not sure.
That's what I wanted to ask you.
373
00:22:01,353 --> 00:22:03,553
Come here. Check this out.
374
00:22:03,593 --> 00:22:06,478
- Me?
- Yes, you. Come here.
375
00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:09,433
- Listen to this.
- (KEYBOARD CLACKS)
376
00:22:09,473 --> 00:22:12,353
- (DEEP WHIRRING)
- Does that sound familiar to you?
377
00:22:12,393 --> 00:22:14,960
Yeah. Where do I know that from?
378
00:22:15,393 --> 00:22:17,516
- Can you freeze it?
- Yeah, hold on.
379
00:22:18,193 --> 00:22:21,795
- Go in tighter.
- (BEEPING)
380
00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:23,833
That can't be real.
381
00:22:23,873 --> 00:22:26,201
Okay, so you're seeing
the same thing I'm seeing.
382
00:22:26,873 --> 00:22:30,361
What kind of mushrooms
did that guy put on our burgers?
383
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:33,715
- They're ready for you, Mr. President.
- COOPER: Great.
384
00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,793
Now I gotta explain this
to the National Security Council.
385
00:22:35,833 --> 00:22:37,153
Listen, do me a favor, Sam.
386
00:22:37,193 --> 00:22:38,393
Watch that again, okay?
387
00:22:38,433 --> 00:22:41,233
And just see if there's anything
you can find to help us out.
388
00:22:41,273 --> 00:22:43,073
Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?
389
00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:44,793
No, you can't,
and everything's recorded.
390
00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:47,639
Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't.
391
00:22:48,393 --> 00:22:50,994
I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.
392
00:22:51,553 --> 00:22:54,073
(ALL SPEAKING TOGETHER)
393
00:22:54,113 --> 00:22:58,673
Mr. President, we told the press that it was
an advanced weapons test that misfired.
394
00:22:58,713 --> 00:23:00,993
- So there's no mass panic yet.
- Well, good.
395
00:23:01,033 --> 00:23:03,113
Then let's solve this thing
before there is.
396
00:23:03,153 --> 00:23:05,873
Mr. President, someone's made
a major breakthrough in drone technology
397
00:23:05,913 --> 00:23:06,993
and it wasn't us.
398
00:23:07,033 --> 00:23:08,713
CIA CHIEF: This has got
Moscow's fingerprints all over it.
399
00:23:08,753 --> 00:23:11,313
Nonsense!
It's an Iranian black-ops sideshow.
400
00:23:11,353 --> 00:23:12,554
I guarantee it.
401
00:23:12,753 --> 00:23:13,873
I have a theory.
402
00:23:13,913 --> 00:23:16,473
I think, based on analysis
of the footage,
403
00:23:16,513 --> 00:23:20,638
that preliminary indications
are that we were attacked by
404
00:23:21,553 --> 00:23:22,754
(MUMBLING) Galaga.
405
00:23:23,753 --> 00:23:25,159
By who, sir?
406
00:23:25,513 --> 00:23:26,913
Galaga.
407
00:23:26,953 --> 00:23:28,722
Sons of bitches.
408
00:23:29,072 --> 00:23:31,559
Then let's blow Galaga to hell.
409
00:23:31,632 --> 00:23:32,833
Who's Galaga?
410
00:23:33,232 --> 00:23:37,192
It's an old-timey video game,
'80s kind of folks like my dad used to play.
411
00:23:37,232 --> 00:23:41,072
Mr. President, there is no nation on Earth
that has the military technology
412
00:23:41,112 --> 00:23:43,992
to simply pixelate entire buildings.
413
00:23:44,032 --> 00:23:45,233
Except Iran.
414
00:23:45,352 --> 00:23:46,512
DEFENSE SECRETARY: Forget Iran!
415
00:23:46,552 --> 00:23:49,032
I'm thinking this is a cutting-edge
multinational enterprise.
416
00:23:49,072 --> 00:23:51,552
An NGO, a think tank,
maybe even a corporation.
417
00:23:51,592 --> 00:23:54,159
We're thinkin' Iran
when we should be thinking Google.
418
00:23:54,672 --> 00:23:56,072
So let's blow up Google.
419
00:23:56,112 --> 00:23:57,192
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
420
00:23:57,232 --> 00:24:00,675
Can somebody take Grandpa's keys away
before he drives us into a ditch?
421
00:24:01,832 --> 00:24:03,158
(PERSON CLEARS THROAT)
422
00:24:04,032 --> 00:24:06,155
- Who is this person?
- The sandwich guy?
423
00:24:06,552 --> 00:24:10,872
This here is, uh,
my old arcade game technical
424
00:24:10,912 --> 00:24:13,479
advisor person-guy.
425
00:24:13,992 --> 00:24:16,152
Sam Brenner.
He works in the tech sector.
426
00:24:16,192 --> 00:24:17,992
So Caltech, MIT?
427
00:24:18,032 --> 00:24:19,432
MIT. Yes.
428
00:24:19,472 --> 00:24:21,752
Mississippi Institute
of Technology, though.
429
00:24:21,792 --> 00:24:22,952
Not the one you were thinking of.
430
00:24:22,992 --> 00:24:24,552
Anyway, more to the current point,
431
00:24:24,592 --> 00:24:27,232
uh, Mr. Brenner here
was the World Galaga Champion.
432
00:24:27,272 --> 00:24:29,712
He knows everything
there is to know about this game.
433
00:24:29,752 --> 00:24:32,792
So, what is it you and your orange shorts
barged in here to say?
434
00:24:32,832 --> 00:24:35,752
Oh, just the Galaga that attacked us,
435
00:24:35,792 --> 00:24:37,752
that doesn't exist anymore.
436
00:24:37,792 --> 00:24:41,883
Hello. You can download Galaga
on your phone for $1.99.
437
00:24:41,952 --> 00:24:44,472
Yeah, not this version though,
Blue Lagoon.
438
00:24:44,512 --> 00:24:48,272
The Galaga that exists
now came out in 1986.
439
00:24:48,312 --> 00:24:50,912
But this is the 1982 arcade version.
440
00:24:50,952 --> 00:24:53,632
And all those machines, they recalled them,
they reprogrammed them,
441
00:24:53,672 --> 00:24:55,512
because there were glitches
in the original code.
442
00:24:55,552 --> 00:24:58,872
You can see from the giant space bugs,
the way they come swoopin' in.
443
00:24:58,912 --> 00:25:00,232
Kind of ziggy-zaggy.
444
00:25:00,272 --> 00:25:01,712
Ziggy-zag? Is that the snobby term?
445
00:25:02,112 --> 00:25:04,312
VIOLET: So someone
designed these space bugs
446
00:25:04,352 --> 00:25:07,952
after an old out-of-print version
of a video game from 30 years ago
447
00:25:07,992 --> 00:25:09,312
that nobody would know today?
448
00:25:09,352 --> 00:25:12,362
Does she really get to talk twice?
She's not even at the grown-ups table.
449
00:25:12,472 --> 00:25:15,672
I'm sorry. Is this a National
Security Council meeting,
450
00:25:15,712 --> 00:25:17,277
or a dorm-room drug party?
451
00:25:17,752 --> 00:25:21,351
Our nation has just been attacked
by an unknown military force.
452
00:25:21,391 --> 00:25:23,831
If this gets out to the press
that we're pinning the blame
453
00:25:23,871 --> 00:25:25,391
on some old computer game,
454
00:25:25,431 --> 00:25:29,522
they'll not only mock you in the news,
Mr. President, they'd impeach you!
455
00:25:30,871 --> 00:25:35,201
So I suggest the man in the orange shorts
leave the room immediately.
456
00:25:35,271 --> 00:25:38,911
And those of us with long pants
and government positions
457
00:25:38,951 --> 00:25:41,961
can discuss our options.
458
00:25:44,031 --> 00:25:47,872
All right, Brenner. Do me a favor.
Take off, all right? I appreciate the help.
459
00:25:47,991 --> 00:25:49,192
(MOUTHING) Bye!
460
00:25:50,591 --> 00:25:53,078
Sorry, everybody. (STAMMERS)
461
00:25:53,871 --> 00:25:55,596
Mr. President.
462
00:25:56,591 --> 00:25:59,111
Generals and Admirals.
463
00:25:59,151 --> 00:26:00,637
Guys in suits.
464
00:26:01,391 --> 00:26:02,717
Zac Efron.
465
00:26:03,751 --> 00:26:04,831
Gandalf,
466
00:26:04,871 --> 00:26:07,031
and Harry Potter in the same room.
467
00:26:07,071 --> 00:26:08,432
Imagine that.
468
00:26:08,631 --> 00:26:11,994
Grandpa, we'll see you
around the, uh, nursing home.
469
00:26:13,311 --> 00:26:15,115
Oh, uh, the sandwich guy is here.
470
00:26:16,111 --> 00:26:17,312
Fooled you.
471
00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:23,154
COMMENTATOR 1: (ON RADIO) Past the
shortstop into left center field for a single.
472
00:26:23,351 --> 00:26:27,071
That's the second straight inning
where Washington has led off with a single.
473
00:26:27,111 --> 00:26:30,231
COMMENTATOR 2: They're talking about
how he's standing straight up over the plate.
474
00:26:30,271 --> 00:26:31,431
That seems to be working out for him,
475
00:26:31,471 --> 00:26:34,231
'cause he just drove
that ball into the gap hard.
476
00:26:34,271 --> 00:26:36,911
COMMENTATOR 1: First pitch
taken outside for a ball, 1-0,
477
00:26:36,951 --> 00:26:38,191
and the 1-0 swung...
478
00:26:38,231 --> 00:26:39,432
- Brenner!
- (SCREAMS)
479
00:26:41,511 --> 00:26:42,712
(TIRES SCREECH)
480
00:26:43,031 --> 00:26:44,831
(GROANING)
481
00:26:44,871 --> 00:26:46,751
What's your problem, dude?
482
00:26:46,791 --> 00:26:49,471
- What's goin' on?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
483
00:26:49,511 --> 00:26:50,591
No, Brenner!
484
00:26:50,631 --> 00:26:52,311
No, Brenner, no, no, no!
485
00:26:52,351 --> 00:26:55,316
Stop! It's me! It's me! It's Ludlow!
It's Ludlow.
486
00:26:55,791 --> 00:26:59,311
- Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid?
- Yeah.
487
00:26:59,351 --> 00:27:00,598
How'd you get into my van?
488
00:27:00,711 --> 00:27:03,271
I've been in there ever since
you went to that nice lady's house.
489
00:27:03,311 --> 00:27:04,431
She's cute, by the way.
490
00:27:04,471 --> 00:27:05,672
- What?
- Hey!
491
00:27:06,951 --> 00:27:10,155
- What is that?
- This is moisturizer.
492
00:27:10,391 --> 00:27:11,956
Show me what that is.
493
00:27:13,150 --> 00:27:14,476
Chloroform?
494
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:15,790
Is that what that says?
495
00:27:15,830 --> 00:27:17,270
You were gonna drug me?
496
00:27:17,310 --> 00:27:19,390
- Only as a last resort.
- What are you...
497
00:27:19,430 --> 00:27:22,361
- There was something I had to tell you.
- Why didn't you call me, then?
498
00:27:22,830 --> 00:27:25,030
Because the CIA
has been tapping my phones
499
00:27:25,070 --> 00:27:27,910
ever since I found out
the Zapruder film has been edited.
500
00:27:27,950 --> 00:27:29,914
JFK shot first!
501
00:27:31,470 --> 00:27:32,717
Ludlow, it is you!
502
00:27:33,430 --> 00:27:37,070
- Hi, buddy! Let me look at you!
- Hey! Good to see you, my boy!
503
00:27:37,110 --> 00:27:40,150
How are you? My goodness! Look at you!
504
00:27:40,190 --> 00:27:42,230
- I know.
- Stayin' in shape!
505
00:27:42,270 --> 00:27:44,430
I'm on an all protein diet,
but I'm also doing carbs.
506
00:27:44,470 --> 00:27:46,320
- Good.
- But seriously, Brenner.
507
00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:49,070
There's something I have to show you.
508
00:27:49,110 --> 00:27:51,190
And let's just say
509
00:27:51,230 --> 00:27:53,034
(WHISPERING) it's a game changer.
510
00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:59,150
LUDLOW: You're the first guest
I've had here. Voluntarily.
511
00:27:59,190 --> 00:28:00,596
That's a shocker.
512
00:28:06,470 --> 00:28:08,350
If Lady Lisa was real,
513
00:28:08,390 --> 00:28:11,550
she'd have about
17 restraining orders out on you.
514
00:28:11,590 --> 00:28:12,830
Actually, I think if she was real,
515
00:28:12,870 --> 00:28:14,834
things might just play out
a little bit differently.
516
00:28:14,910 --> 00:28:16,310
- Hmm?
- You wanna know how I know that?
517
00:28:16,350 --> 00:28:17,750
- Mmm.
- If She Was Real.
518
00:28:17,790 --> 00:28:19,870
A book written and illustrated
by Ludlow Lamonsoff.
519
00:28:19,910 --> 00:28:21,157
Oh, boy.
520
00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:26,910
(GASPS)
521
00:28:27,430 --> 00:28:29,870
You should sell
that at Barnes & Unstable.
522
00:28:29,910 --> 00:28:31,390
- Do you want a copy?
- No.
523
00:28:31,430 --> 00:28:32,590
I have eight others.
524
00:28:32,630 --> 00:28:35,190
Why am I here right now?
Why did you try to roofie me?
525
00:28:35,230 --> 00:28:37,190
- Right. Thank you for reminding me.
- Uh-huh.
526
00:28:37,230 --> 00:28:39,432
Okay. Follow me.
527
00:28:40,270 --> 00:28:43,952
Earlier today, our military base in Guam
was attacked by this guy, Galaga.
528
00:28:44,350 --> 00:28:45,390
How would you know that?
529
00:28:45,430 --> 00:28:47,870
I have a pen pal in Guam.
His name is Baubau.
530
00:28:47,910 --> 00:28:49,070
Baubau was terribly frightened,
531
00:28:49,110 --> 00:28:52,470
so I hacked into the government's servers
to assure Baubau that everything was okay.
532
00:28:52,510 --> 00:28:53,550
But you know what?
533
00:28:53,590 --> 00:28:54,830
- What?
- Everything was not okay.
534
00:28:54,870 --> 00:28:56,230
- (DOOR OPENS)
- MICKEY: Ludlow!
535
00:28:56,270 --> 00:28:59,710
Did you get me some diet root beer
while you were out?
536
00:28:59,750 --> 00:29:01,950
- You remember my grandma.
- Sure.
537
00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:05,000
She's still a character
after all those years.
538
00:29:05,270 --> 00:29:09,269
No, no, Grandma! It's funny.
I didn't get a chance to because, um...
539
00:29:09,309 --> 00:29:11,029
Oh, what happened? Oh, I remember now.
540
00:29:11,069 --> 00:29:15,069
(SCREAMING) I'm trying to save the world
from annihilation!
541
00:29:15,109 --> 00:29:16,509
Are you nuts?
542
00:29:16,549 --> 00:29:18,149
You cracker!
543
00:29:18,189 --> 00:29:20,118
- Don't yell at me!
- (DOOR SLAMS)
544
00:29:20,789 --> 00:29:24,469
So look, I know that sometimes people
think of me as a bit of a conspiracy nut.
545
00:29:24,509 --> 00:29:25,710
Right.
546
00:29:25,909 --> 00:29:28,269
But sometimes, Brenner, sometimes
547
00:29:28,309 --> 00:29:30,511
the conspiracies are real.
548
00:29:30,829 --> 00:29:32,909
Have you been playing Space Invaders
a lot lately?
549
00:29:32,949 --> 00:29:34,109
I have. How did you know that?
550
00:29:34,149 --> 00:29:36,158
'Cause you're invading my space.
Back up.
551
00:29:37,109 --> 00:29:38,509
Brenner, do you remember
when we were children,
552
00:29:38,549 --> 00:29:40,989
and we played
in that video game championship?
553
00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,909
Of course, buddy.
554
00:29:42,949 --> 00:29:44,869
Do you remember how
there was a tape of the event
555
00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:47,149
and all the games that were played
that was then put in a capsule
556
00:29:47,189 --> 00:29:48,869
and shot out into the universe
557
00:29:48,909 --> 00:29:51,309
- looking for extraterrestrial life?
- Mmm-hmm.
558
00:29:51,349 --> 00:29:55,589
I have reason to believe that some
alien life force found that tape
559
00:29:55,629 --> 00:30:00,189
and has sent down real-life versions
of what they saw
560
00:30:00,229 --> 00:30:01,669
to attack us.
561
00:30:01,789 --> 00:30:03,149
Brenner, I spent the day on 4chan
562
00:30:03,189 --> 00:30:06,069
searching for messages
from the aliens to prove my theory.
563
00:30:06,109 --> 00:30:08,198
- And you wanna know something?
- Tell me.
564
00:30:08,309 --> 00:30:09,874
I came up absolutely empty.
565
00:30:09,949 --> 00:30:12,229
So then, as a distraction, I got up
566
00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:15,829
to try to watch an episode of One Tree Hill
that I recorded on my VCR last night.
567
00:30:15,869 --> 00:30:17,389
I've been binge-watching to catch up.
568
00:30:17,429 --> 00:30:19,309
And you don't have cable because...
569
00:30:19,349 --> 00:30:22,269
Because the government spies on us
through our cable boxes, Brenner.
570
00:30:22,309 --> 00:30:23,509
That's been proven.
571
00:30:23,549 --> 00:30:25,309
And you don't want them to see you
dancin' around
572
00:30:25,349 --> 00:30:27,029
in your underwear for Lady Lisa.
I get it.
573
00:30:27,069 --> 00:30:29,795
No, that tape was burned
three months ago. Anyway...
574
00:30:31,429 --> 00:30:33,309
In the middle of the UHF broadcast,
575
00:30:33,349 --> 00:30:37,669
something peculiar interrupted
Sophia Bush's sexy shenanigans.
576
00:30:37,709 --> 00:30:39,559
No, you're the freak with the fat...
577
00:30:39,749 --> 00:30:42,475
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
578
00:30:44,789 --> 00:30:46,718
Inhabitants of Earth,
579
00:30:47,029 --> 00:30:49,589
we are a race from the planet Volula.
580
00:30:49,629 --> 00:30:52,429
We came to you
in these familiar Earth forms
581
00:30:52,469 --> 00:30:54,717
to tell we received your vessel.
582
00:30:54,829 --> 00:30:56,949
And in it, your hostile challenge.
583
00:30:56,989 --> 00:31:02,028
We accept your offer to compete
in winner-take-all battles.
584
00:31:02,068 --> 00:31:06,948
Gather your bravest warriors
to face our bravest warriors!
585
00:31:06,988 --> 00:31:08,868
The winner takes the loser's planet.
586
00:31:08,908 --> 00:31:10,788
You have already lost the first battle.
587
00:31:10,828 --> 00:31:13,429
And for our victory,
we have taken a trophy.
588
00:31:14,508 --> 00:31:16,358
I'm okay, Mama.
589
00:31:16,868 --> 00:31:18,479
I love you.
590
00:31:19,308 --> 00:31:21,112
That's not the real Madonna!
591
00:31:21,908 --> 00:31:23,828
You will get three lives.
592
00:31:23,868 --> 00:31:25,268
You have two lives left.
593
00:31:25,308 --> 00:31:29,428
Losing both will lead
to the total destruction of your planet.
594
00:31:29,468 --> 00:31:31,828
The next battle is in 15 hours
595
00:31:31,868 --> 00:31:35,595
(VOICE DISTORTING)
at coordinates 27° 24' 79".
596
00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,268
(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
597
00:31:37,308 --> 00:31:38,868
Okay, I got lost about halfway through.
598
00:31:38,908 --> 00:31:40,948
Why does Madonna
wanna take over our planet?
599
00:31:40,988 --> 00:31:44,908
These moron aliens think that
the footage NASA sent up to space
600
00:31:44,948 --> 00:31:46,708
of us playing video games in 1982
601
00:31:46,748 --> 00:31:48,468
was a declaration of war.
602
00:31:48,508 --> 00:31:53,468
Intergalactic war, Mr. President.
Isn't that crazy? Isn't that unpredictable?
603
00:31:53,508 --> 00:31:54,908
Lud, listen.
604
00:31:54,948 --> 00:31:57,068
You helped unscramble my Cinemax
when we were kids.
605
00:31:57,108 --> 00:31:58,673
I think you can call me Chewie.
606
00:31:58,988 --> 00:32:01,270
What do they mean by three lives?
What is that?
607
00:32:01,348 --> 00:32:03,988
Uh-huh. If I may. See, that's just it.
608
00:32:04,028 --> 00:32:08,028
It's like the video games of old,
Chewie Mr. President.
609
00:32:08,068 --> 00:32:10,919
One quarter, three lives.
610
00:32:11,108 --> 00:32:13,908
This is clearly not a quarter.
This is far more valuable. May I keep this?
611
00:32:13,948 --> 00:32:15,668
- Put it back on the desk.
- LUDLOW: Fair enough.
612
00:32:15,708 --> 00:32:17,910
We lost the first one, Galaga.
613
00:32:18,068 --> 00:32:19,588
Two more losses and...
614
00:32:19,628 --> 00:32:20,908
LUDLOW: It's game over.
615
00:32:20,948 --> 00:32:22,548
Now, assuming that...
616
00:32:22,588 --> 00:32:24,708
- You know what, that's not happening.
- Fair enough.
617
00:32:24,748 --> 00:32:28,428
Assuming that Alien Madonna's numbers
are actually latitude and longitude,
618
00:32:28,468 --> 00:32:31,788
then we can safely assume that
the next attack should happen somewhere
619
00:32:31,828 --> 00:32:33,268
in Northern India tonight.
620
00:32:33,308 --> 00:32:36,108
If you can get your guys from the NSA
to clean up the signal,
621
00:32:36,148 --> 00:32:39,108
then we can pinpoint
exactly where the attack is gonna be,
622
00:32:39,148 --> 00:32:42,268
and maybe even which game
they're gonna use to attack us.
623
00:32:42,308 --> 00:32:44,628
- Right?
- I can't authorize a military response
624
00:32:44,668 --> 00:32:48,628
based off a video that looks like
it was made by a couple high school kids.
625
00:32:48,668 --> 00:32:51,787
You gotta at least warn the people
of India somethin' could be comin'.
626
00:32:51,827 --> 00:32:54,707
The whole country thinks
I'm a buffoon right now as it is.
627
00:32:54,747 --> 00:32:57,598
Look, I can't risk it, Brenner.
I just can't!
628
00:32:58,667 --> 00:32:59,707
(MAN SPEAKING HINDI)
629
00:32:59,747 --> 00:33:01,867
So I guess we've been dating
for almost three years now.
630
00:33:01,907 --> 00:33:03,627
Yes, almost three.
631
00:33:03,667 --> 00:33:06,677
They have been
the best years of my life.
632
00:33:07,187 --> 00:33:09,867
...and I think
we have something very special.
633
00:33:09,907 --> 00:33:14,078
Raj, is this what I think it is?
634
00:33:14,507 --> 00:33:15,708
(CHUCKLES)
635
00:33:16,667 --> 00:33:18,915
(TRUE PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)
636
00:33:21,547 --> 00:33:24,353
(MAN SINGING IN THE STYLE
OF TRUE IN HINDI)
637
00:33:27,227 --> 00:33:29,191
Will you marry me?
638
00:33:31,987 --> 00:33:33,348
- (SCREAMING)
- (EXPLOSION)
639
00:33:39,627 --> 00:33:41,670
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
640
00:33:56,787 --> 00:33:57,988
(GASPS)
641
00:34:01,227 --> 00:34:03,555
(SCREAMING)
642
00:34:09,827 --> 00:34:11,747
Don't sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing.
643
00:34:11,787 --> 00:34:14,707
It's probably better that there's only
an even six Wonders of the World now.
644
00:34:14,747 --> 00:34:16,387
You know what? I get it. I screwed up.
645
00:34:16,427 --> 00:34:18,107
It won't happen again. Shut up.
646
00:34:18,147 --> 00:34:19,837
Good morning, Mr. President.
647
00:34:20,667 --> 00:34:23,791
What's Radio Shack Robbie doing here?
And this other
648
00:34:23,867 --> 00:34:24,867
fella.
649
00:34:24,907 --> 00:34:27,107
Hi. Ludlow Lamonsoff.
650
00:34:27,147 --> 00:34:29,067
We've actually met before,
but you wouldn't remember
651
00:34:29,107 --> 00:34:32,356
because it was in the back of Brenner's van
and I was watching you through a window.
652
00:34:32,427 --> 00:34:35,867
(SNIFFS) You smell so nice,
like the Book of Genesis.
653
00:34:35,907 --> 00:34:38,227
Mr. Lamonsoff and Mr. Brenner
654
00:34:38,267 --> 00:34:41,307
have agreed to share their video game
expertise with you and your team.
655
00:34:41,347 --> 00:34:42,387
Happy to do it.
656
00:34:42,427 --> 00:34:43,546
With all due respect, sir,
657
00:34:43,586 --> 00:34:46,826
having civilians with zero security
clearance in this facility is...
658
00:34:46,866 --> 00:34:50,066
These civilians have
better insight into our current crisis
659
00:34:50,106 --> 00:34:51,746
than my entire administration.
660
00:34:51,786 --> 00:34:54,266
I dunno if I wanna do it now.
She's being so mean.
661
00:34:54,306 --> 00:34:55,466
- I kind of wanna leave.
- Okay.
662
00:34:55,506 --> 00:34:57,306
- If he leaves, I leave. We're a team.
- Stop it.
663
00:34:57,346 --> 00:35:00,066
- This is how it's gonna be the whole time?
- Guys, knock it off. Lead the way.
664
00:35:00,106 --> 00:35:01,426
Of course, Mr. President.
665
00:35:01,466 --> 00:35:03,156
(DOOR BUZZES)
666
00:35:04,346 --> 00:35:06,946
So have we made any progress, Colonel?
667
00:35:06,986 --> 00:35:08,786
Enormous progress, sir.
668
00:35:08,826 --> 00:35:11,786
We now understand the entities
that attacked us were made of energy.
669
00:35:11,826 --> 00:35:13,266
Intelligent energy.
670
00:35:13,626 --> 00:35:16,352
- Morning, Colonel.
- Good morning, Michael.
671
00:35:17,906 --> 00:35:20,226
Michael's a robot!
672
00:35:20,266 --> 00:35:23,586
I think maybe the extraterrestrials
took what they saw in the orbiter
673
00:35:23,626 --> 00:35:26,586
and recreated the same things
using light energy.
674
00:35:26,626 --> 00:35:29,546
And then sent these light creatures
back at us.
675
00:35:29,586 --> 00:35:34,266
That's why solid matter,
bullets and missiles, won't harm them.
676
00:35:34,306 --> 00:35:35,506
Can anything harm them?
677
00:35:35,546 --> 00:35:36,986
Maybe.
678
00:35:37,426 --> 00:35:41,346
The cubes we recovered in Guam
are normally pretty feisty.
679
00:35:41,386 --> 00:35:43,031
BRENNER: Hey, look at that!
COOPER: Whoa!
680
00:35:43,386 --> 00:35:44,946
Oh, he didn't like it though.
681
00:35:44,986 --> 00:35:46,187
(GASPS)
682
00:35:47,506 --> 00:35:49,266
But they calm down pretty quick
683
00:35:49,306 --> 00:35:52,237
when we hit them with
some super-charged light particles.
684
00:35:53,746 --> 00:35:56,146
And the slut-seeking missile,
I'd love to see that.
685
00:35:56,186 --> 00:35:58,426
- Do you have that around here?
- You are so smart.
686
00:35:58,466 --> 00:35:59,946
Yeah? You think so?
687
00:35:59,986 --> 00:36:02,626
Is that how you got into
the Mississippi Institute of Technology?
688
00:36:02,666 --> 00:36:04,986
You know, I wish I never went
in that closet with you.
689
00:36:05,026 --> 00:36:07,826
I was very happy
drinking and crying by myself.
690
00:36:07,866 --> 00:36:09,306
I so regret trying to kiss you.
691
00:36:09,346 --> 00:36:12,629
I would kiss the guy in the yacht
100 times before I kissed you.
692
00:36:20,426 --> 00:36:22,151
- Moving on.
- Yeah.
693
00:36:23,706 --> 00:36:26,346
We have begun instructing
the Navy SEAL task force
694
00:36:26,386 --> 00:36:28,270
on the use of the prototype weapons.
695
00:36:28,746 --> 00:36:30,346
PORTER: What do we train for?
SEALS: War!
696
00:36:30,386 --> 00:36:32,026
- Why do we fight?
- To win!
697
00:36:32,066 --> 00:36:33,666
- When do we quit?
- Never!
698
00:36:33,706 --> 00:36:35,506
- What do we train for?
- War!
699
00:36:35,546 --> 00:36:37,225
- Why do we fight?
- To win!
700
00:36:37,265 --> 00:36:39,505
- When do we quit?
- Never!
701
00:36:39,545 --> 00:36:44,467
Perhaps our new expert advisors
would like to say a few words to the SEALs.
702
00:36:44,945 --> 00:36:46,226
Oh, boy.
703
00:36:47,425 --> 00:36:50,025
Men, you have served this nation
with distinction,
704
00:36:50,065 --> 00:36:55,305
in combat zones, in every nook
and cranny of this godforsaken world,
705
00:36:55,385 --> 00:36:58,634
defeating every enemy
they've thrown at you.
706
00:36:58,745 --> 00:37:00,026
(WHISPERING) Hey, what's up?
707
00:37:00,425 --> 00:37:01,425
Brenner?
708
00:37:01,465 --> 00:37:03,945
- I couldn't get a babysitter.
- Oh.
709
00:37:03,985 --> 00:37:09,745
The President has brought in
these two civilian Arcaders
710
00:37:09,785 --> 00:37:12,067
who we are required to listen to
711
00:37:12,345 --> 00:37:15,310
for 120 seconds,
712
00:37:15,465 --> 00:37:16,505
starting...
713
00:37:16,545 --> 00:37:17,705
I can't do this.
714
00:37:17,745 --> 00:37:18,905
- You can do this.
- Uh, no.
715
00:37:18,945 --> 00:37:19,985
...now!
716
00:37:20,025 --> 00:37:21,705
I can't do this. I'm gonna throw up!
717
00:37:21,745 --> 00:37:24,385
We know how to do this. They don't.
Just act the part.
718
00:37:24,425 --> 00:37:25,745
Hey, guys.
719
00:37:25,785 --> 00:37:29,305
How are you? Hey, thank you, General Zod,
for that beautiful intro.
720
00:37:29,345 --> 00:37:32,025
Hey, uh, fellas. Good to see you.
721
00:37:32,065 --> 00:37:33,266
Um...
722
00:37:33,345 --> 00:37:36,625
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Sam Brenner.
723
00:37:36,665 --> 00:37:40,425
And this is the Wonder Kid,
also known as...
724
00:37:40,465 --> 00:37:42,827
Your worst nightmare!
725
00:37:46,305 --> 00:37:48,065
Looks to me, Brenner,
726
00:37:48,105 --> 00:37:50,825
like someone forgot to send us
the best of the best.
727
00:37:50,865 --> 00:37:51,945
Oops.
728
00:37:51,985 --> 00:37:55,905
And instead,
dropped off a bunch of incontinent,
729
00:37:55,945 --> 00:37:58,105
adult diaper-wearing,
730
00:37:58,145 --> 00:38:01,345
candy-assed, cries-himself-to-sleep,
731
00:38:01,385 --> 00:38:04,065
women-baby-man-people!
732
00:38:04,305 --> 00:38:06,075
What am I lookin' at right now?
733
00:38:06,145 --> 00:38:09,785
Are you guys soldiers?
Or the cast of Magic Mike?
734
00:38:09,825 --> 00:38:12,756
You gonna fight?
Or dance naked?
735
00:38:14,705 --> 00:38:16,425
From now on,
736
00:38:16,465 --> 00:38:19,305
you maggots, you little girl maggots...
737
00:38:19,345 --> 00:38:21,945
Whatever the hell
the female form of maggot is.
738
00:38:21,985 --> 00:38:23,105
Magina?
739
00:38:23,145 --> 00:38:24,705
You magina!
740
00:38:24,745 --> 00:38:27,785
When you magina poop your pants,
741
00:38:27,825 --> 00:38:29,864
you're gonna be thinking of me!
742
00:38:29,904 --> 00:38:31,104
In your pants!
743
00:38:31,144 --> 00:38:32,869
You know what I mean.
744
00:38:32,944 --> 00:38:34,191
(LAUGHING)
745
00:38:34,584 --> 00:38:36,388
Do you feel me?
746
00:38:37,184 --> 00:38:39,352
Do you feel me, sailor?
747
00:38:39,904 --> 00:38:42,064
You beautiful Nubian man!
748
00:38:42,104 --> 00:38:45,228
You gorgeous specimen
of what God can make!
749
00:38:46,544 --> 00:38:47,904
Do you feel me?
750
00:38:47,944 --> 00:38:49,714
I think you're about to feel him, Lud.
751
00:38:50,344 --> 00:38:51,705
I can't move.
752
00:38:52,184 --> 00:38:54,144
Lemme help you. Hey, come here.
753
00:38:54,184 --> 00:38:56,304
Sorry. Don't touch the guy.
Just sit down.
754
00:38:56,344 --> 00:38:57,624
- Did I do good?
- You did awful.
755
00:38:57,664 --> 00:38:58,945
Sit down.
756
00:38:59,904 --> 00:39:01,629
Sorry about that, everybody.
757
00:39:01,864 --> 00:39:03,424
I know it's weird.
758
00:39:03,464 --> 00:39:06,824
Two buffoons like me and this guy
giving advice to you badasses.
759
00:39:06,864 --> 00:39:10,224
But the truth is we've been training.
760
00:39:10,264 --> 00:39:13,984
Since childhood, we've been training
our prefrontal cortex
761
00:39:14,024 --> 00:39:17,264
to perform extremely complex motor feats
762
00:39:17,304 --> 00:39:22,544
with hand-eye coordination
unique to a very specific cognitive acuity.
763
00:39:22,584 --> 00:39:25,594
I learned a lot of big words
at the dorm-room drug parties.
764
00:39:25,984 --> 00:39:29,472
All of it's been meaningless
in all areas of our life.
765
00:39:30,544 --> 00:39:35,591
But suddenly, it might be comin' in
handy to saving our planet.
766
00:39:35,904 --> 00:39:39,624
So we're hopin' you guys can forget
about us bein' civilian morons,
767
00:39:39,664 --> 00:39:43,425
and let us teach you a few things
in the little time we have.
768
00:39:43,784 --> 00:39:46,794
I think we might help you
win this thing.
769
00:39:47,304 --> 00:39:51,104
BRENNER: There is only
one objective in Asteroids.
770
00:39:51,144 --> 00:39:55,544
That is to destroy every rock
and every saucer.
771
00:39:55,584 --> 00:39:58,584
You don't wanna get hit
by any of these boulders.
772
00:39:58,624 --> 00:40:01,544
That's why I recommend
stayin' in the middle.
773
00:40:01,584 --> 00:40:04,064
Just 'cause you see a hammer
doesn't mean grab it.
774
00:40:04,104 --> 00:40:06,144
You're not gonna climb a ladder
with a hammer in your hand.
775
00:40:06,184 --> 00:40:08,193
- Very good.
- Good piloting, Maverick!
776
00:40:08,584 --> 00:40:09,744
(GRUNTS)
777
00:40:09,784 --> 00:40:11,104
Don't lock into radar.
778
00:40:11,144 --> 00:40:13,144
Okay, it's fine, son. It's fine.
779
00:40:13,184 --> 00:40:15,466
You just blew up our entire planet.
780
00:40:15,584 --> 00:40:18,071
Ain't no way Inky's catching up to you!
781
00:40:20,664 --> 00:40:24,143
I want you to focus mostly on the ships.
782
00:40:24,183 --> 00:40:27,823
Every 10,000 points,
you get another triangle ship.
783
00:40:27,863 --> 00:40:29,623
That's a good thing.
784
00:40:29,663 --> 00:40:31,103
(ARCADE GAME PINGING)
785
00:40:31,783 --> 00:40:33,144
Damn.
786
00:40:33,303 --> 00:40:35,503
He's still the master.
787
00:40:35,543 --> 00:40:36,903
COOPER: This is just like
when we were dating.
788
00:40:36,943 --> 00:40:39,303
JANE: Aw.
COOPER: No distractions, just us.
789
00:40:39,343 --> 00:40:41,103
(CHUCKLES) And cake.
790
00:40:41,143 --> 00:40:44,143
Whoa, Big Man. Settle down there
with that butterscotch frosting.
791
00:40:44,183 --> 00:40:46,103
What? Too much? Well, you know what?
792
00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:48,943
You're really not gonna like what I do
with the rainbow sprinkles.
793
00:40:48,983 --> 00:40:51,943
- Come on now! No! I love it!
- Will! No!
794
00:40:51,983 --> 00:40:53,823
Here comes the sprinkle monster!
795
00:40:53,863 --> 00:40:55,713
- (GROWLING)
- (CHUCKLING)
796
00:40:57,063 --> 00:40:58,344
Mr. President.
797
00:40:58,743 --> 00:40:59,863
(MUFFLED) Yes, Jennifer.
798
00:40:59,903 --> 00:41:03,103
We just received an alien transmission
from the "Where's the Beef?" lady.
799
00:41:03,143 --> 00:41:04,223
(STUTTERS) What did she say?
800
00:41:04,263 --> 00:41:06,543
First of all, she asked
where the beef was.
801
00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:09,623
Then she said that the next battle
was on at sundown tomorrow.
802
00:41:09,663 --> 00:41:13,223
5130' 29" latitude. 09' 42" longitude.
803
00:41:13,263 --> 00:41:14,510
Where is that?
804
00:41:37,183 --> 00:41:38,908
Go! Go! Go! Move! Move! Move!
805
00:41:42,783 --> 00:41:43,984
(GRUNTS)
806
00:41:49,023 --> 00:41:50,748
Clear the area!
807
00:41:50,863 --> 00:41:53,663
The lot of ya, come on! Move it!
808
00:41:53,703 --> 00:41:55,343
I said, move it!
809
00:41:55,383 --> 00:41:57,983
- What's all this then, mate?
- Hey, I got this. Hi.
810
00:41:58,023 --> 00:41:59,343
We're Americans.
811
00:41:59,383 --> 00:42:01,503
Our Navy SEALs were given permission
by your government
812
00:42:01,543 --> 00:42:04,423
to prepare
for an extraterrestrial invasion,
813
00:42:04,463 --> 00:42:08,145
which we believe will occur at these
coordinates in approximately 60 minutes.
814
00:42:09,143 --> 00:42:10,469
We're shootin' a beer commercial.
815
00:42:11,703 --> 00:42:13,950
Oh, right, then.
Break a leg, then, yeah?
816
00:42:14,262 --> 00:42:17,502
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that, man?
Why'd you lie to him?
817
00:42:17,542 --> 00:42:20,427
I'm trying not to cause
total panic, Yank.
818
00:42:20,982 --> 00:42:22,263
And, you...
819
00:42:23,222 --> 00:42:26,824
I don't want to hear
another word out of you. All right?
820
00:42:28,622 --> 00:42:30,267
You walkin' wiener coat.
821
00:42:30,742 --> 00:42:33,104
What's a wiener coat?
822
00:42:33,702 --> 00:42:35,950
(SIRENS BLARING)
823
00:42:36,502 --> 00:42:40,222
Madam Prime Minister, I can't thank you
enough for your cooperation on this.
824
00:42:40,262 --> 00:42:41,862
But of course, Will.
825
00:42:41,902 --> 00:42:44,222
Well, I trust with the concord
of our powers
826
00:42:44,262 --> 00:42:47,062
we can duff up the jiggery-pokery
of these blighters
827
00:42:47,102 --> 00:42:48,982
and send them scuffering back
828
00:42:49,022 --> 00:42:51,342
to the fractious firmament
from whence they came!
829
00:42:51,382 --> 00:42:52,583
I know, right?
830
00:42:53,022 --> 00:42:54,382
Bang on!
831
00:42:54,422 --> 00:42:55,623
(CHUCKLING)
832
00:42:56,342 --> 00:42:58,306
(SOFTLY) No idea what she just said.
833
00:43:01,142 --> 00:43:03,310
I just wanna touch it.
834
00:43:03,822 --> 00:43:08,072
Easy with those light cannons, gentlemen.
We don't have any backups.
835
00:43:08,702 --> 00:43:10,742
These ray guns gonna work, Van Patten?
836
00:43:10,782 --> 00:43:12,222
We had no way to field-test them, sir.
837
00:43:12,262 --> 00:43:14,902
But our computer models show
a great likelihood of effectiveness.
838
00:43:14,942 --> 00:43:18,622
"Great likelihood"? You're sending my men
into battle with untested ordnance?
839
00:43:18,662 --> 00:43:22,025
I had two days to do things
never done before on this planet, sir.
840
00:43:22,302 --> 00:43:24,823
Just remember
who you're talking to, missy.
841
00:43:25,702 --> 00:43:26,742
HILL: All right!
842
00:43:26,782 --> 00:43:31,510
Anybody who doesn't need to be here,
follow me to the support area.
843
00:43:32,142 --> 00:43:33,992
That means you two nipple-twisters.
844
00:43:35,622 --> 00:43:36,869
Move it!
845
00:43:37,862 --> 00:43:40,508
Hey, Colonel. Don't worry.
They're gonna work.
846
00:43:42,622 --> 00:43:45,942
The US military was attacked
and what does President Cooper do?
847
00:43:45,982 --> 00:43:48,182
His critics say, "Nothing."
848
00:43:48,222 --> 00:43:51,422
That's not strictly true.
He made a cake.
849
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:53,462
No, because I'm the sprinkle monster!
850
00:43:53,502 --> 00:43:55,386
- You are my sprinkle monster!
- (GROWLING)
851
00:43:56,342 --> 00:43:57,462
(COOPER CHUCKLING ON TV)
852
00:43:57,502 --> 00:44:00,023
- Let's put that on pause, Sean.
- Thank you.
853
00:44:02,822 --> 00:44:04,353
- Turn it off.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
854
00:44:04,662 --> 00:44:06,192
Apologies, Will.
855
00:44:06,661 --> 00:44:10,181
Just wanted to spend some quality time
with the wife.
856
00:44:10,221 --> 00:44:11,661
Oh, I understand.
857
00:44:11,701 --> 00:44:14,781
My husband actually said that we don't
spend time together like we used to,
858
00:44:14,821 --> 00:44:18,621
so I took him to one of those, um,
do-it-yourself pottery studios.
859
00:44:18,661 --> 00:44:22,707
And he made me a "World's Sexiest
Prime Minister" coffee mug.
860
00:44:22,941 --> 00:44:26,111
Well, maybe he sees somethin' that
nobody else does, you know. (CHUCKLES)
861
00:44:27,501 --> 00:44:28,661
(CLEARS THROAT)
862
00:44:28,701 --> 00:44:30,903
Anything, Colonel Van Patten?
863
00:44:31,181 --> 00:44:33,622
It's eerily quiet, Mr. President.
864
00:44:43,061 --> 00:44:44,141
In case it's Space Invaders,
865
00:44:44,181 --> 00:44:45,261
I just thought of something
I should tell...
866
00:44:45,301 --> 00:44:47,181
Please return to the support area!
867
00:44:47,221 --> 00:44:49,421
Okay, but there's a 5 plus 1 formation,
all right?
868
00:44:49,461 --> 00:44:53,021
If we need ya, we know where to find ya.
All right?
869
00:44:53,061 --> 00:44:54,626
Now, bugger off.
870
00:44:55,981 --> 00:44:57,592
Bloody geek.
871
00:45:36,581 --> 00:45:38,351
It's Centipede.
872
00:45:43,941 --> 00:45:46,901
Okay, boys! Do exactly
what we talked about!
873
00:45:46,941 --> 00:45:49,221
Shoot each centipede from the head down!
874
00:45:49,261 --> 00:45:53,352
Do not hit him in the middle
or he will split into two!
875
00:46:09,380 --> 00:46:12,340
No! No! Didn't we just say
don't split him in half?
876
00:46:12,380 --> 00:46:13,620
Shoot for the head!
877
00:46:13,660 --> 00:46:15,988
The mushroom things are in the way!
878
00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:19,188
You shoot the mushroom things!
Like the game!
879
00:46:22,660 --> 00:46:26,421
Guys, every time he hits a mushroom,
he's gonna change direction!
880
00:46:28,220 --> 00:46:31,580
My God! Will you please find the pattern
and anticipate!
881
00:46:31,620 --> 00:46:33,700
I don't know the patterns!
882
00:46:33,740 --> 00:46:35,783
Sergeant Duff! 12 o'clock!
883
00:46:36,820 --> 00:46:38,021
(GROWLING)
884
00:46:38,860 --> 00:46:41,745
(GROANING)
885
00:46:44,740 --> 00:46:45,941
(GASPS)
886
00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:50,306
(SNARLING)
887
00:46:50,740 --> 00:46:53,546
What the hell kind of
beer commercial is this?
888
00:46:53,820 --> 00:46:58,708
If I say it's a beer commercial,
it's a bloody beer commercial.
889
00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:08,710
Get your flabby ass back here, Yank!
890
00:47:30,380 --> 00:47:32,500
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Shock and awe, baby!
891
00:47:32,540 --> 00:47:34,340
High score, alien trash!
892
00:47:34,380 --> 00:47:35,900
You messed with the wrong planet!
893
00:47:35,940 --> 00:47:37,980
From Land's End to John o'Groats!
894
00:47:38,020 --> 00:47:40,666
- What the hell are you saying?
- I don't know!
895
00:47:42,180 --> 00:47:43,380
(BRENNER GRUNTS)
896
00:47:43,420 --> 00:47:47,420
Hey, Ludlow! Grab a light cannon!
Get out here now! I need your help!
897
00:47:47,460 --> 00:47:50,020
Me? No! Look at me! I look delicious!
898
00:47:50,060 --> 00:47:52,579
They'll gobble me up like space dim sum!
899
00:47:52,619 --> 00:47:53,820
(PIXELS CLICKING)
900
00:47:54,819 --> 00:47:56,179
BRENNER: It's level two!
901
00:47:56,219 --> 00:47:58,579
We're the only ones who can do this!
902
00:47:58,619 --> 00:48:00,539
Come on! You're the Wonder Kid!
903
00:48:00,579 --> 00:48:03,783
You have no authority
to dispense weapons here, Mr. Brenner!
904
00:48:03,899 --> 00:48:05,430
Mr. President?
905
00:48:05,819 --> 00:48:08,181
Let the nerds take over.
906
00:48:08,659 --> 00:48:10,179
VIOLET: What was that, sir?
907
00:48:10,219 --> 00:48:12,219
Let the nerds take over!
908
00:48:14,139 --> 00:48:15,939
Let the nerds take over!
909
00:48:17,459 --> 00:48:19,104
Brenner's right.
910
00:48:20,259 --> 00:48:22,109
I am the Wonder Kid.
911
00:48:23,579 --> 00:48:25,349
(WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND PLAYING)
912
00:48:30,339 --> 00:48:36,859
Everyone's watching to see
what you will do
913
00:48:36,899 --> 00:48:41,219
Everyone's looking at you, oh
914
00:48:41,259 --> 00:48:42,579
This is the best, huh?
915
00:48:42,619 --> 00:48:46,869
I've never been happier and more alive!
916
00:48:47,099 --> 00:48:48,300
(BRENNER LAUGHING)
917
00:48:49,939 --> 00:48:53,619
Everyone's trying to get it right
918
00:48:53,659 --> 00:48:56,419
Get it right
919
00:48:56,459 --> 00:48:59,981
Everybody's working for the weekend
920
00:49:00,139 --> 00:49:01,340
(PINGING)
921
00:49:03,099 --> 00:49:06,099
Everybody wants a new romance
922
00:49:06,139 --> 00:49:07,579
(SCREAMING)
923
00:49:09,499 --> 00:49:12,099
Everybody's going off the deep end
924
00:49:12,139 --> 00:49:15,024
Okay. You can let go of each other now.
925
00:49:16,179 --> 00:49:19,419
Everybody needs a second chance
926
00:49:19,459 --> 00:49:20,899
Oh
927
00:49:20,939 --> 00:49:24,419
You want a piece of my heart?
928
00:49:24,459 --> 00:49:26,787
All right, you finish that.
I'll finish this.
929
00:49:29,499 --> 00:49:30,700
(TIRES SCREECHING)
930
00:49:32,379 --> 00:49:36,265
It's been 30 years since I kicked your butt,
and it's gonna happen again!
931
00:49:36,499 --> 00:49:38,428
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
932
00:49:41,619 --> 00:49:42,820
(SCREAMS)
933
00:49:49,418 --> 00:49:50,949
With the arms!
934
00:49:51,258 --> 00:49:52,869
Let's take it forward.
935
00:49:54,538 --> 00:49:56,228
Then take it back.
936
00:49:58,378 --> 00:50:00,228
- Enjoy it!
- BRENNER: Hey!
937
00:50:06,698 --> 00:50:07,858
Come here!
938
00:50:07,898 --> 00:50:09,099
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
939
00:50:09,178 --> 00:50:10,379
You little... (GRUNTS)
940
00:50:20,098 --> 00:50:22,738
Who are you, mister?
941
00:50:22,778 --> 00:50:25,948
Son, I'm just a loser
who's good at old video games.
942
00:50:26,298 --> 00:50:28,739
Well, thank God for that.
943
00:50:28,818 --> 00:50:31,259
- Drinks are on the US government!
- (ALL CHEERING)
944
00:50:32,298 --> 00:50:34,018
Which is covering up the truth
945
00:50:34,058 --> 00:50:36,738
about the ancient pyramid
under the Hoover Dam!
946
00:50:38,898 --> 00:50:40,258
You know, you're all right, Brenner.
947
00:50:40,298 --> 00:50:42,421
You're all right too, snobby.
948
00:50:43,058 --> 00:50:46,018
You gonna nurse that all night long,
or when are you gonna start hittin' it?
949
00:50:46,058 --> 00:50:48,538
We ding up a few foreign belligerents,
beer is fine.
950
00:50:48,578 --> 00:50:50,818
We defeat a full-on alien invasion,
951
00:50:50,858 --> 00:50:53,902
I'm thinking something
a little stronger.
952
00:50:54,738 --> 00:50:55,738
- Mmm-hmm.
- No.
953
00:50:55,778 --> 00:50:58,018
You're really challenging me
to drink you under the table?
954
00:50:58,058 --> 00:50:59,058
- You got it.
- Oh!
955
00:50:59,098 --> 00:51:01,266
I'm not so sure you can, buddy.
956
00:51:01,458 --> 00:51:03,938
I was the vodka shot record holder
in my class at West Point.
957
00:51:03,978 --> 00:51:06,258
Well, one time I drank
15 milkshakes at Denny's,
958
00:51:06,298 --> 00:51:08,182
so we'll see what happens.
959
00:51:08,458 --> 00:51:10,698
- Where are my gamers at, huh?
- (CHEERING)
960
00:51:10,738 --> 00:51:13,978
Looks like all the time you wasted
when we were kids is finally payin' off.
961
00:51:14,018 --> 00:51:15,898
- Yeah, baby.
- All right, huh?
962
00:51:15,938 --> 00:51:18,345
Sir, may I have the honor
of pouring you a frosty?
963
00:51:18,578 --> 00:51:21,702
The President can't be seen drinking
during times of crisis.
964
00:51:22,778 --> 00:51:23,938
So nobody look!
965
00:51:23,978 --> 00:51:26,067
- That's it. Look away!
- (ALL CHEERING)
966
00:51:26,458 --> 00:51:28,378
MR. ROARKE ON TV:
(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Inhabitants of Earth.
967
00:51:28,418 --> 00:51:32,179
Congratulations,
you have won this battle.
968
00:51:33,258 --> 00:51:37,826
Please accept one of our warriors
as a trophy of your victory.
969
00:51:40,457 --> 00:51:41,658
(LAUGHING)
970
00:51:43,097 --> 00:51:44,298
(BARKING)
971
00:51:45,017 --> 00:51:46,218
Aw.
972
00:51:46,457 --> 00:51:48,737
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
The next challenge will not be as easy.
973
00:51:48,777 --> 00:51:51,777
The details will be sent
via this signal shortly
974
00:51:51,817 --> 00:51:55,817
Remember, we are still leading
two battles to one.
975
00:51:56,297 --> 00:52:00,417
One more loss for you will mean
the annihilation of your world.
976
00:52:00,457 --> 00:52:03,263
Good luck and may the best planet win.
977
00:52:05,697 --> 00:52:06,944
COOPER: Well, you heard 'em.
978
00:52:07,017 --> 00:52:08,417
Let's get back to work.
979
00:52:08,457 --> 00:52:10,297
We gotta get you guys
ready for your next battle.
980
00:52:10,337 --> 00:52:11,777
Battle? Us? Huh?
981
00:52:11,817 --> 00:52:13,457
This is like a regular thing now?
982
00:52:13,497 --> 00:52:16,377
Remember when I told you that
you were meant for something more in life?
983
00:52:16,417 --> 00:52:17,697
Yeah.
984
00:52:17,737 --> 00:52:19,457
This could be it, buddy.
985
00:52:19,497 --> 00:52:21,457
There's nobody better than you.
986
00:52:21,497 --> 00:52:22,537
LUDLOW: Well,
987
00:52:22,577 --> 00:52:25,178
(INHALES SHARPLY) not at every game.
988
00:52:25,577 --> 00:52:28,428
No. No! Never gonna happen.
989
00:52:29,217 --> 00:52:30,657
You know, he's right, Brenner.
990
00:52:30,697 --> 00:52:33,377
We don't even know
where to find that idiot!
991
00:52:33,537 --> 00:52:35,580
(SIRENS WAILING)
992
00:52:37,377 --> 00:52:40,297
VIOLET: Eddie Plant.
Married and divorced four times,
993
00:52:40,337 --> 00:52:43,897
declared bankruptcy in 1991 and 2004.
994
00:52:43,937 --> 00:52:46,297
In 2005, he was caught
hacking cell phone companies
995
00:52:46,337 --> 00:52:48,657
and adding one of those fees you see
on your bill every month,
996
00:52:48,697 --> 00:52:50,417
- but have no idea what it is.
- What an idiot.
997
00:52:50,457 --> 00:52:52,617
Made about 50 million
before he was convicted and sentenced
998
00:52:52,657 --> 00:52:54,746
to 20 years in prison.
999
00:52:58,457 --> 00:53:00,897
Guards, get me outta here.
1000
00:53:00,937 --> 00:53:03,377
It's that mean Centipede killer.
1001
00:53:03,417 --> 00:53:06,657
I hope he don't zap me
with his space gun.
1002
00:53:06,697 --> 00:53:08,217
How are you, Eddie?
1003
00:53:08,257 --> 00:53:10,177
'Sup, Second Place?
1004
00:53:10,217 --> 00:53:12,537
Oh! And your sidekick here,
1005
00:53:12,577 --> 00:53:14,063
Presi-donut.
1006
00:53:14,577 --> 00:53:18,537
I didn't know you can have
an approval rating so catatastrophic.
1007
00:53:18,577 --> 00:53:21,497
- Okay, look, Eddie, here's what we need.
- EDDIE: I know what you need.
1008
00:53:21,537 --> 00:53:23,697
You need the Fire Blaster.
1009
00:53:23,737 --> 00:53:25,057
Who's the Fire Blaster?
1010
00:53:25,097 --> 00:53:28,028
Me. That's my nickname, sugar buns.
1011
00:53:28,297 --> 00:53:30,736
Oh, yeah. That's right.
The one you made up for yourself.
1012
00:53:30,776 --> 00:53:32,376
Yeah. Who cares who made it up?
1013
00:53:32,416 --> 00:53:34,056
It's totally tubular!
1014
00:53:34,096 --> 00:53:35,136
Yeah.
1015
00:53:35,176 --> 00:53:40,216
See, this is why I don't think
I can have Brenner on my team.
1016
00:53:40,256 --> 00:53:41,856
He's just not really a gamer.
1017
00:53:41,896 --> 00:53:44,616
Break out a bag of quarters.
Pick a game. I'll destroy you at it.
1018
00:53:44,656 --> 00:53:46,824
Oh, I'll pick a game, all right.
1019
00:53:47,016 --> 00:53:48,422
(GIBBERING)
1020
00:53:48,656 --> 00:53:51,536
- Okay. I'm leaving.
- No, no, no. Hey, here, come on.
1021
00:53:51,576 --> 00:53:52,857
Sit down.
1022
00:53:53,816 --> 00:53:55,536
Okay, in exchange for helping us,
1023
00:53:55,576 --> 00:53:59,622
I will personally speak to the parole board
about reducing your sentence.
1024
00:54:02,656 --> 00:54:04,938
- Pass.
- Pass?
1025
00:54:05,096 --> 00:54:07,256
That deal don't work for Eddie Plant.
1026
00:54:07,296 --> 00:54:10,784
You want the Fire Blaster's help,
he has some demands.
1027
00:54:10,936 --> 00:54:12,376
Demands?
1028
00:54:20,336 --> 00:54:22,698
The Bifocal Blaster is here, by the way.
1029
00:54:26,616 --> 00:54:27,816
I want an island.
1030
00:54:27,856 --> 00:54:29,056
Oh, my God.
1031
00:54:29,096 --> 00:54:31,976
There are 18,617 named islands
1032
00:54:32,016 --> 00:54:34,576
that are part of the United States
and its territories.
1033
00:54:34,616 --> 00:54:37,896
Not to mention
all the countless unnamed ones,
1034
00:54:37,936 --> 00:54:40,980
like the soon-to-be-called Edwahii.
1035
00:54:41,216 --> 00:54:42,861
Mmm. You're not getting an island.
1036
00:54:43,536 --> 00:54:46,656
Then I want a full pardon.
I wanna get outta here for good.
1037
00:54:46,696 --> 00:54:49,696
And after I do,
I don't wanna pay no taxes like,
1038
00:54:49,736 --> 00:54:50,856
forever.
1039
00:54:50,896 --> 00:54:54,016
And no sales tax.
If I wanna buy some, for instance, gum,
1040
00:54:54,056 --> 00:54:56,856
I wanna flash me a card
that says "I saved the world."
1041
00:54:56,896 --> 00:55:00,225
I don't have to pay
no shitballs taxes on the gum.
1042
00:55:01,976 --> 00:55:05,416
And I want a stealth-attack helicopter,
like they fly over the Super Bowl
1043
00:55:05,456 --> 00:55:07,496
at my disposal, at all times.
1044
00:55:07,536 --> 00:55:09,296
You know, so I can fly around.
1045
00:55:09,336 --> 00:55:12,858
If the world's still here,
I don't wanna deal with traffic no more.
1046
00:55:13,856 --> 00:55:15,467
And lastly,
1047
00:55:16,656 --> 00:55:19,016
I want you to set up
a romantic rendezvous
1048
00:55:19,056 --> 00:55:22,455
between me,
Serena Williams and Martha Stewart
1049
00:55:22,495 --> 00:55:25,015
in the Lincoln Bedroom.
1050
00:55:25,055 --> 00:55:29,375
Number one. You're not getting a helicopter
or any sort of flying or driving vehicle.
1051
00:55:29,415 --> 00:55:31,735
Number two.
I'm pretty sure the federal government
1052
00:55:31,775 --> 00:55:34,295
could do without your income taxes
and be fine.
1053
00:55:34,335 --> 00:55:38,895
And number three.
If you help us beat these things,
1054
00:55:38,935 --> 00:55:41,103
I think we can get you outta here.
1055
00:55:42,175 --> 00:55:44,821
And the Martha-Serena sandwich?
1056
00:55:45,055 --> 00:55:47,215
Pick one of 'em. We'll set up a coffee.
1057
00:55:47,255 --> 00:55:49,219
Serena Williams. And we are closed.
1058
00:55:50,415 --> 00:55:51,616
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
1059
00:55:53,015 --> 00:55:54,216
Hello?
1060
00:55:55,375 --> 00:55:56,986
I understand.
1061
00:55:58,255 --> 00:56:00,175
It's happening tonight.
1062
00:56:00,215 --> 00:56:01,335
Where?
1063
00:56:01,375 --> 00:56:02,576
New York City.
1064
00:56:03,135 --> 00:56:05,735
Oh! Fuhgeddaboutit!
1065
00:56:05,775 --> 00:56:08,945
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (CHUCKLING)
1066
00:56:26,695 --> 00:56:28,175
Hello, Big Apple.
1067
00:56:28,215 --> 00:56:31,146
- The cavalry has arrived.
- (PEOPLE CHEERING)
1068
00:56:37,695 --> 00:56:39,215
Thanks for comin'.
1069
00:56:39,255 --> 00:56:42,415
We saw how you guys
took care of the centipedes.
1070
00:56:42,455 --> 00:56:44,215
We hope you can do the same for us.
1071
00:56:44,255 --> 00:56:47,140
We hope so also.
Well, what are we dealin' with?
1072
00:56:47,615 --> 00:56:49,146
Over here.
1073
00:56:50,615 --> 00:56:54,024
Rookie, just tell 'em what you saw.
1074
00:56:55,095 --> 00:56:56,735
It was awful.
1075
00:56:56,775 --> 00:56:59,335
It was like one of those monster movies,
you know?
1076
00:56:59,375 --> 00:57:00,495
But this time
1077
00:57:00,535 --> 00:57:02,095
(WHISPERING) the monster was real.
1078
00:57:02,135 --> 00:57:04,258
And who was this monster?
1079
00:57:05,615 --> 00:57:06,895
Pac-Man.
1080
00:57:06,935 --> 00:57:08,895
Pac-Man? Boom. That's my jam.
1081
00:57:08,935 --> 00:57:10,895
Let's get us some light cannons
and blow this sucker back
1082
00:57:10,935 --> 00:57:12,415
to whatever planet it came from.
1083
00:57:12,455 --> 00:57:14,894
No! No, light cannons
don't kill Pac-Man.
1084
00:57:14,934 --> 00:57:16,454
Those little ghosts do.
1085
00:57:16,494 --> 00:57:18,934
Boom! Let's get us some little ghosts.
1086
00:57:18,974 --> 00:57:20,778
You want ghosts?
1087
00:57:21,134 --> 00:57:22,824
She's got ghosts.
1088
00:57:32,454 --> 00:57:35,574
We used the energy force-field
technology from the cube
1089
00:57:35,614 --> 00:57:38,574
to develop four mini-generators
for each of the cars.
1090
00:57:38,614 --> 00:57:39,654
Ghosts.
1091
00:57:39,694 --> 00:57:43,014
We're calling them XM950 attack modules.
1092
00:57:43,054 --> 00:57:44,654
- (WHISTLES)
- Okay and we're callin' 'em Mini Ghosts
1093
00:57:44,694 --> 00:57:47,214
'cause we'll never remember
what you just said.
1094
00:57:47,254 --> 00:57:49,775
Why are there four of 'em?
There's only three of us. Who's our fourth?
1095
00:57:50,094 --> 00:57:53,696
May I introduce to you
Professor Toru Iwatani.
1096
00:57:55,974 --> 00:57:57,858
The creator of Pac-Man.
1097
00:58:01,654 --> 00:58:02,855
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)
1098
00:58:12,894 --> 00:58:14,294
You speak Japanese?
1099
00:58:14,334 --> 00:58:15,865
No.
1100
00:58:16,894 --> 00:58:18,094
Sir, what an honor.
1101
00:58:18,134 --> 00:58:20,621
Thanks for all the joy
you brought to our lives.
1102
00:58:20,734 --> 00:58:22,174
Awesome.
1103
00:58:23,894 --> 00:58:26,859
I made your game my bitch.
1104
00:58:29,374 --> 00:58:31,254
What is a
1105
00:58:31,294 --> 00:58:32,574
"bitch"?
1106
00:58:32,614 --> 00:58:34,418
Don't worry about it. He's a criminal.
1107
00:58:38,614 --> 00:58:39,694
(SEATBELT CLICKS)
1108
00:58:39,734 --> 00:58:41,694
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1109
00:58:41,734 --> 00:58:45,134
Okay, now, assuming they play by the rules
of the game like they did with Centipede,
1110
00:58:45,174 --> 00:58:49,220
if you guys hit Pac-Man three times
with this energy field, we win.
1111
00:58:49,334 --> 00:58:51,457
Ludlow's right. You do smell good.
1112
00:58:53,254 --> 00:58:55,104
- Good luck.
- Yeah.
1113
00:58:58,214 --> 00:59:00,781
(SIRENS WAILING)
1114
00:59:08,533 --> 00:59:10,973
Gentlemen, I'll be sending
Pac-Man's current coordinates
1115
00:59:11,013 --> 00:59:12,853
to each of your car's GPSes.
1116
00:59:12,893 --> 00:59:14,424
Let's locate and eliminate.
1117
00:59:16,573 --> 00:59:17,899
Come on, guys.
1118
00:59:18,333 --> 00:59:20,023
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
1119
00:59:25,573 --> 00:59:27,537
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1120
00:59:37,093 --> 00:59:39,295
Pac-Man's a bad guy?
1121
00:59:41,893 --> 00:59:43,094
(MAN GRUNTS)
1122
00:59:44,053 --> 00:59:46,142
Pac-Man is not bad!
1123
00:59:46,613 --> 00:59:50,053
I created him to bring joy
to all the people of the world.
1124
00:59:50,093 --> 00:59:51,499
They have brainwashed him!
1125
00:59:53,773 --> 00:59:57,944
Deep down, he's kind, gentle.
1126
00:59:58,973 --> 01:00:02,495
Someone you can tell your troubles to
or grab a hamburger with.
1127
01:00:07,733 --> 01:00:09,173
You'll see.
1128
01:00:13,293 --> 01:00:15,573
Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!
1129
01:00:15,613 --> 01:00:17,613
Professor Iwatani, what are you doin'?
1130
01:00:17,653 --> 01:00:20,213
I will talk to him. He's my son!
1131
01:00:20,253 --> 01:00:21,784
No, that's a bad idea.
1132
01:00:29,173 --> 01:00:30,818
Hello,
1133
01:00:31,333 --> 01:00:33,501
my sweet little boy.
1134
01:00:34,253 --> 01:00:36,296
Look how big you've grown!
1135
01:00:36,773 --> 01:00:38,862
I'm so proud of you.
1136
01:00:39,093 --> 01:00:41,660
It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
1137
01:00:43,333 --> 01:00:45,773
But all these destructive things
you're doing,
1138
01:00:45,813 --> 01:00:47,299
it's wrong.
1139
01:00:48,933 --> 01:00:50,737
I'm your father.
1140
01:00:53,613 --> 01:00:55,053
I know
1141
01:00:55,373 --> 01:00:56,699
you're a good boy.
1142
01:01:01,012 --> 01:01:02,213
(BEEPS)
1143
01:01:02,812 --> 01:01:04,132
(SCREAMING)
1144
01:01:04,172 --> 01:01:05,498
No!
1145
01:01:07,452 --> 01:01:10,656
Somebody kill this stupid bitch!
1146
01:01:11,972 --> 01:01:17,053
That was some twisted
Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there.
1147
01:01:18,692 --> 01:01:19,893
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
1148
01:01:20,052 --> 01:01:21,583
All right, losers!
1149
01:01:22,172 --> 01:01:23,783
- It's three on one.
- (ENGINE REVVING)
1150
01:01:23,852 --> 01:01:25,213
Let's hit it.
1151
01:01:39,812 --> 01:01:41,582
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1152
01:01:46,052 --> 01:01:47,253
(SCREAMING)
1153
01:01:54,732 --> 01:01:57,094
Pac-Man's faster than I remember.
1154
01:02:00,212 --> 01:02:02,452
Pac-Man's always been faster
than the ghosts.
1155
01:02:02,492 --> 01:02:04,854
We're gonna have to outmaneuver his ass.
1156
01:02:09,292 --> 01:02:10,493
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
1157
01:02:14,212 --> 01:02:17,655
EDDIE: Wonderfro,
you and Silver Medal break off.
1158
01:02:18,612 --> 01:02:20,780
I'll stay with Big Yellow.
1159
01:02:22,412 --> 01:02:24,455
(GAME PINGING)
1160
01:02:24,572 --> 01:02:26,732
VIOLET: Whoa, Eddie,
how did you do that so fast?
1161
01:02:26,772 --> 01:02:28,815
'Cause I'm the champ,
Lieutenant Long Legs.
1162
01:02:30,132 --> 01:02:31,333
(SIREN WAILING)
1163
01:02:34,332 --> 01:02:35,613
Nope!
1164
01:02:37,052 --> 01:02:38,253
What's up?
1165
01:02:41,612 --> 01:02:43,302
Oh, yeah!
1166
01:02:48,052 --> 01:02:49,092
(ALL CHEERING)
1167
01:02:49,132 --> 01:02:50,332
Good one, Eddie.
1168
01:02:50,372 --> 01:02:51,812
(EXHALES)
1169
01:02:52,291 --> 01:02:53,571
BRENNER OVER RADIO: One down.
1170
01:02:53,611 --> 01:02:54,858
Two to go!
1171
01:02:56,931 --> 01:02:58,132
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1172
01:03:00,131 --> 01:03:01,571
All right, Pac-Man Number Two
1173
01:03:01,611 --> 01:03:04,542
just regenerated four streets away
headed northbound.
1174
01:03:04,811 --> 01:03:08,051
Turn east at the next intersection.
1175
01:03:08,091 --> 01:03:09,291
Brenner, go straight.
1176
01:03:09,331 --> 01:03:10,411
Got it.
1177
01:03:10,451 --> 01:03:12,255
- VIOLET: Ludlow, go left.
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
1178
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:16,341
Eddie, at the next intersection,
turn left.
1179
01:03:17,291 --> 01:03:18,411
LUDLOW: We got him!
1180
01:03:18,451 --> 01:03:20,494
He's got nowhere to go!
1181
01:03:22,651 --> 01:03:23,852
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1182
01:03:26,011 --> 01:03:28,291
Oh, God. No!
1183
01:03:28,331 --> 01:03:29,451
"Oh, God. No," what?
1184
01:03:29,491 --> 01:03:30,811
He ate the power pellet.
1185
01:03:30,851 --> 01:03:33,418
Pac-Man's got 10 seconds
where he can eat us.
1186
01:03:36,451 --> 01:03:38,176
Why me?
1187
01:03:45,651 --> 01:03:47,571
Oh, God. Don't eat me,
don't eat me, don't eat me.
1188
01:03:47,611 --> 01:03:49,222
Please, please, don't eat me!
1189
01:03:51,011 --> 01:03:52,497
(SCREAMING)
1190
01:03:55,651 --> 01:03:57,691
Guys! Help!
1191
01:03:57,731 --> 01:04:00,059
I'm gonna die a virgin!
1192
01:04:04,171 --> 01:04:05,372
(SCREAMING)
1193
01:04:13,971 --> 01:04:16,902
Why are you doing this to me?
1194
01:04:18,651 --> 01:04:20,691
You've been brainwashed!
1195
01:04:20,731 --> 01:04:23,457
You're a good boy!
1196
01:04:23,531 --> 01:04:25,733
Ludlow, run! Pump your legs! Go, baby!
1197
01:04:26,331 --> 01:04:27,532
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1198
01:04:30,491 --> 01:04:32,261
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Attaboy, Eddie!
1199
01:04:32,451 --> 01:04:36,451
(CHUCKLES)
You just got fire-blasted, sucka.
1200
01:04:36,731 --> 01:04:37,771
Uh-huh.
1201
01:04:37,811 --> 01:04:38,891
(THUDS)
1202
01:04:38,931 --> 01:04:41,259
(SIGHS) What?
1203
01:04:41,571 --> 01:04:44,092
How the hell did he get
over there so fast?
1204
01:04:45,770 --> 01:04:47,050
Way to go, champ.
1205
01:04:47,090 --> 01:04:49,657
Aren't you glad you sprung me,
Second Place?
1206
01:04:49,730 --> 01:04:51,650
Yeah, thrilled.
1207
01:04:51,690 --> 01:04:54,496
One more to go and it's happy hour.
1208
01:05:04,890 --> 01:05:07,821
So I guess they're just leaving me here.
1209
01:05:12,930 --> 01:05:15,451
Now it's time for the hat trick.
1210
01:05:22,410 --> 01:05:24,021
(SCREAMING)
1211
01:05:27,370 --> 01:05:28,617
Wow!
1212
01:05:28,730 --> 01:05:30,450
Brenner, it's on you.
1213
01:05:30,490 --> 01:05:33,090
There are still three other
power pellets out there.
1214
01:05:33,130 --> 01:05:34,770
So stay alert.
1215
01:05:34,810 --> 01:05:36,091
I got this.
1216
01:05:36,570 --> 01:05:38,050
If I don't,
1217
01:05:38,090 --> 01:05:39,890
the world ends.
1218
01:05:39,930 --> 01:05:41,570
Can't let that happen.
1219
01:05:41,610 --> 01:05:43,972
Come on, Brenner. Come on.
1220
01:05:46,130 --> 01:05:47,661
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1221
01:05:49,490 --> 01:05:52,370
Brenner, he's leading you directly
towards one of the power pellets.
1222
01:05:52,410 --> 01:05:54,055
Get out of there.
1223
01:05:55,650 --> 01:05:56,931
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1224
01:06:01,770 --> 01:06:02,971
One.
1225
01:06:03,290 --> 01:06:04,651
What the hell is he doing?
1226
01:06:05,890 --> 01:06:06,930
Two.
1227
01:06:06,970 --> 01:06:10,290
VIOLET: Damn it, Brenner.
I have a son who I'd like to see grow up.
1228
01:06:10,330 --> 01:06:12,339
Three. You'll see your boy grow up.
1229
01:06:15,490 --> 01:06:16,570
Four.
1230
01:06:16,610 --> 01:06:19,541
Brenner, get out! He's going to eat you!
1231
01:06:21,490 --> 01:06:22,737
Five.
1232
01:06:25,010 --> 01:06:26,291
Six.
1233
01:06:28,130 --> 01:06:29,377
Seven.
1234
01:06:31,290 --> 01:06:32,616
Eight.
1235
01:06:33,770 --> 01:06:35,131
Nine.
1236
01:06:40,289 --> 01:06:41,536
Ten.
1237
01:06:46,449 --> 01:06:49,050
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
- (PAC-MAN POWERING DOWN)
1238
01:06:49,249 --> 01:06:51,129
(ALL CHEERING)
1239
01:06:51,169 --> 01:06:54,578
You did it! Brenner!
That's the one, baby!
1240
01:06:57,689 --> 01:06:59,379
(ALL CHEERING)
1241
01:07:01,769 --> 01:07:03,095
(CHUCKLES)
1242
01:07:05,369 --> 01:07:07,094
MAN: He's over here!
1243
01:07:07,849 --> 01:07:10,017
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
1244
01:07:16,129 --> 01:07:18,491
(HORN BLARING)
1245
01:07:27,049 --> 01:07:30,139
(INAUDIBLE)
1246
01:07:32,049 --> 01:07:34,616
WOMAN: Fire Blaster, I love you!
1247
01:07:34,929 --> 01:07:36,089
LUDLOW: Hey, guys!
1248
01:07:36,129 --> 01:07:38,969
Sorry. Coming through.
I'm one of tonight's heroes. Sorry.
1249
01:07:39,009 --> 01:07:40,290
Hey!
1250
01:07:40,409 --> 01:07:41,656
(SOFTLY) Hey.
1251
01:07:42,049 --> 01:07:43,489
Check it out.
1252
01:07:44,249 --> 01:07:47,214
I think I might have found
our next trophy.
1253
01:07:47,449 --> 01:07:50,892
(MUMBLING)
1254
01:07:51,409 --> 01:07:52,849
It's Q*bert.
1255
01:07:52,889 --> 01:07:55,296
Yeah, I know! I know.
1256
01:07:55,929 --> 01:07:57,249
Can I kill it?
1257
01:07:57,289 --> 01:07:58,529
No!
1258
01:07:58,569 --> 01:08:01,729
Let's get to know him a little bit.
Ask him some questions.
1259
01:08:01,769 --> 01:08:03,049
And then we'll kill him.
1260
01:08:03,089 --> 01:08:04,336
Huh?
1261
01:08:04,769 --> 01:08:07,569
- I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.
- Q*BERT: Bye.
1262
01:08:07,609 --> 01:08:09,089
- Mr. President!
- Mr. President!
1263
01:08:09,129 --> 01:08:10,409
- Yes, Hal.
- HAL: Mr. President,
1264
01:08:10,449 --> 01:08:14,049
your approval ratings have tripled
since this crisis began.
1265
01:08:14,089 --> 01:08:17,169
Do you feel the heretofore
sanguine causata
1266
01:08:17,209 --> 01:08:19,616
are tracking toward
an auspicious denouement?
1267
01:08:21,049 --> 01:08:22,729
REPORTER: Oh, shut up, Hal.
1268
01:08:22,769 --> 01:08:25,734
You're just using big words
to try to make him look like an idiot.
1269
01:08:26,649 --> 01:08:29,500
We love you, Mr. President.
Thank you for saving us.
1270
01:08:30,568 --> 01:08:32,448
Please, don't thank me.
1271
01:08:32,488 --> 01:08:36,170
It's Sam Brenner and his team who have
brought us here to the brink of victory.
1272
01:08:36,248 --> 01:08:38,530
And we understand
you're holding a soirée in their honor.
1273
01:08:38,648 --> 01:08:42,048
Is that a good idea when another attack
may be imminent?
1274
01:08:42,088 --> 01:08:43,288
COOPER: No need to worry.
1275
01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:46,328
They will have their Arcader uniforms on
underneath their tuxes,
1276
01:08:46,368 --> 01:08:48,650
ready to go at a moment's notice.
1277
01:08:48,808 --> 01:08:50,368
And for the record, Hal,
1278
01:08:50,408 --> 01:08:53,657
I happen to know
what several of those big words meant.
1279
01:08:54,128 --> 01:08:57,848
I drank a few cold sanguines
on my last trip to México.
1280
01:08:57,888 --> 01:08:58,928
(ALL LAUGHING)
1281
01:08:58,968 --> 01:09:00,897
Bite on that, Hal!
1282
01:09:00,968 --> 01:09:04,012
ALL: (CHANTING) You! You! You! You! You!
1283
01:09:07,488 --> 01:09:08,769
(TURNS TV OFF)
1284
01:09:10,808 --> 01:09:13,010
I don't know what would be worse.
1285
01:09:13,648 --> 01:09:15,373
Them failing,
1286
01:09:15,648 --> 01:09:18,288
or them actually pulling this off.
1287
01:09:18,328 --> 01:09:19,768
WOMAN: What was that, Jim?
1288
01:09:19,808 --> 01:09:22,375
Can you shut up for five seconds?
1289
01:09:26,888 --> 01:09:28,928
We need to increase the rate of fire.
1290
01:09:28,968 --> 01:09:32,217
Now you already calculated
that in your beautiful mind, didn't you?
1291
01:09:33,808 --> 01:09:35,968
BRENNER: There's no
rhyme or reason to this game.
1292
01:09:36,008 --> 01:09:39,288
I mean, where are the patterns?
He just attacks out of left field.
1293
01:09:39,328 --> 01:09:42,488
Patterns? Is that why you were so good
with Pac-Man and Centipede?
1294
01:09:42,528 --> 01:09:43,928
You memorized the patterns?
1295
01:09:43,968 --> 01:09:45,808
Yeah. Only way to beat these things.
1296
01:09:45,848 --> 01:09:48,968
Count the bullets, calculate the speed,
crunch the numbers.
1297
01:09:49,008 --> 01:09:50,328
Where's the fun in that?
1298
01:09:50,368 --> 01:09:52,208
Oh, boy. Why? What do you do?
1299
01:09:52,248 --> 01:09:55,368
You gotta pretend you're the guy
and you don't wanna die.
1300
01:09:55,408 --> 01:09:59,008
Yeah, that sounds cool,
but it's not gonna work every time.
1301
01:09:59,048 --> 01:10:01,455
Well, that's why you have
your reset button.
1302
01:10:01,568 --> 01:10:03,930
Yeah, we didn't have those growin' up.
1303
01:10:05,208 --> 01:10:07,208
Most violent game I've ever seen.
1304
01:10:07,248 --> 01:10:08,968
I don't think it's healthy for you.
1305
01:10:09,008 --> 01:10:10,208
It's fine. I can handle it.
1306
01:10:10,248 --> 01:10:12,735
No, I'm not talkin' to you.
I'm talkin' to homeboy.
1307
01:10:12,808 --> 01:10:16,615
(SHIVERING) So much blood!
1308
01:10:16,728 --> 01:10:19,208
Yeah. Hey.
You know what'll cheer you up?
1309
01:10:19,248 --> 01:10:21,048
- A cheese ball.
- Q*BERT: Yep.
1310
01:10:21,088 --> 01:10:22,289
Huh?
1311
01:10:22,368 --> 01:10:23,932
Come on, suck one up.
1312
01:10:24,567 --> 01:10:26,257
- (GULPS)
- Take a handful.
1313
01:10:28,047 --> 01:10:31,407
That was smooth.
(CHUCKLING) That was very smooth.
1314
01:10:31,447 --> 01:10:33,287
You know, we should
get him some exercise.
1315
01:10:33,327 --> 01:10:35,207
Maybe throw him
on the trampoline for a little bit?
1316
01:10:35,247 --> 01:10:37,527
Q*BERT: Trampoline!
Trampoline! Trampoline!
1317
01:10:37,567 --> 01:10:39,047
Okay. How about me and him do that
1318
01:10:39,087 --> 01:10:42,336
while you go ask my mom
to the ball tomorrow night?
1319
01:10:42,447 --> 01:10:44,887
Unfortunately,
I'm not attracted to your mother.
1320
01:10:44,927 --> 01:10:46,687
Q*BERT: Bullcrap.
1321
01:10:46,727 --> 01:10:48,407
You're right, I am. Okay.
1322
01:10:48,447 --> 01:10:50,137
Here. Finish these.
1323
01:10:50,607 --> 01:10:53,492
- You're gettin' chubby.
- (Q*BERT CHUCKLES)
1324
01:10:54,927 --> 01:10:56,253
- Hi.
- (Q*BERT WHOOPING)
1325
01:10:56,727 --> 01:10:57,974
Hi.
1326
01:10:59,087 --> 01:11:00,448
So...
1327
01:11:01,487 --> 01:11:02,813
So...
1328
01:11:02,967 --> 01:11:04,168
Q*BERT: Whoo!
1329
01:11:05,927 --> 01:11:07,128
(LAUGHING)
1330
01:11:09,527 --> 01:11:10,847
Sorry!
1331
01:11:10,887 --> 01:11:13,249
Q*BERT: Again! Again! Again! Again!
1332
01:11:13,887 --> 01:11:17,887
So I'm feeling obligated to make
an appearance at that thing tomorrow night.
1333
01:11:17,927 --> 01:11:19,767
I was wondering, when you got there,
1334
01:11:19,807 --> 01:11:23,567
if possibly you'd like to hang out
with me while I was there?
1335
01:11:23,607 --> 01:11:24,887
- Like a date?
- Like a date, but...
1336
01:11:24,927 --> 01:11:26,007
- Ooh!
- Yeah.
1337
01:11:26,047 --> 01:11:27,527
I dunno about that.
1338
01:11:27,567 --> 01:11:29,927
I'm a snob.
I have mental problems, so...
1339
01:11:29,967 --> 01:11:32,207
Well, you know, you are and you do,
1340
01:11:32,247 --> 01:11:34,973
but I'm willin' to overlook that
for the evening.
1341
01:11:35,287 --> 01:11:36,287
Okay.
1342
01:11:36,327 --> 01:11:37,813
- You will?
- Mmm-hmm.
1343
01:11:39,407 --> 01:11:41,974
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1344
01:11:51,407 --> 01:11:52,927
MAN: Three, four.
1345
01:11:52,967 --> 01:11:54,578
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
1346
01:11:55,847 --> 01:11:58,287
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thanks.
1347
01:11:58,327 --> 01:12:00,336
Nice welcome, for a change, huh?
1348
01:12:05,807 --> 01:12:08,658
Bring it down, Travolta. Bring it down.
1349
01:12:11,167 --> 01:12:14,371
They love the Big Man!
Good to see the respect, pal.
1350
01:12:17,806 --> 01:12:19,246
Well, lookie here, Serena.
1351
01:12:19,286 --> 01:12:21,966
They threw me a big party to thank me
for savin' the world.
1352
01:12:22,326 --> 01:12:24,654
And you get to stand
next to me all night.
1353
01:12:24,886 --> 01:12:27,009
- MAN: Champagne, sir?
- Thanks.
1354
01:12:27,286 --> 01:12:29,966
- They promised me an island if I did this.
- Ah.
1355
01:12:30,086 --> 01:12:32,046
I'm dying to meet Sam's new ladyfriend.
1356
01:12:32,086 --> 01:12:34,886
She's nothin'.
It's just a little hangin' out thing.
1357
01:12:34,926 --> 01:12:36,206
Yeah, right.
1358
01:12:36,246 --> 01:12:37,886
Is she pretty, Will?
1359
01:12:37,926 --> 01:12:41,255
Uh, define pretty.
I mean, you're pretty. (CHUCKLES)
1360
01:12:41,446 --> 01:12:43,286
- Extremely pretty.
- Thank you.
1361
01:12:43,326 --> 01:12:47,486
She, I think, in the classical sense
of the word, is certainly... I mean, I feel...
1362
01:12:47,526 --> 01:12:49,326
- Brenner, help me out here.
- No, you're doing great.
1363
01:12:49,366 --> 01:12:50,646
- Keep going.
- Okay.
1364
01:12:50,686 --> 01:12:53,966
Uh, You know, she, for
military personnel, certainly.
1365
01:12:54,006 --> 01:12:55,126
I mean...
1366
01:12:55,166 --> 01:12:56,966
You're the First Lady,
1367
01:12:57,006 --> 01:12:58,651
she's a 10.
1368
01:13:03,766 --> 01:13:05,252
Hey, Brenner.
1369
01:13:07,086 --> 01:13:08,776
Q*BERT: Hey, Brenner.
1370
01:13:09,606 --> 01:13:11,774
Excuse me for a second.
1371
01:13:12,166 --> 01:13:14,812
Come on, Matty. Let's dance!
1372
01:13:20,006 --> 01:13:21,571
You look nice in a tux.
1373
01:13:22,326 --> 01:13:24,767
Green's officially
my favorite color now.
1374
01:13:25,486 --> 01:13:27,246
I have a question for you.
1375
01:13:27,286 --> 01:13:30,526
President said I'm on call tonight,
so I can only have half a beer.
1376
01:13:30,566 --> 01:13:31,686
Um...
1377
01:13:31,726 --> 01:13:34,726
I know you like drinkin'
out of sippy cups,
1378
01:13:34,766 --> 01:13:36,456
but wanna split a bottle with me?
1379
01:13:38,006 --> 01:13:39,856
- (SNIFFS)
- What happened?
1380
01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:42,406
- You brushed your teeth.
- Yes! Yes.
1381
01:13:42,446 --> 01:13:43,646
All right. Lead the way.
1382
01:13:43,686 --> 01:13:45,047
You got it.
1383
01:13:48,526 --> 01:13:52,173
(SINGING) Welcome to your life
1384
01:13:52,526 --> 01:13:56,886
There's no turning back
1385
01:13:56,926 --> 01:14:00,846
Even while we sleep
1386
01:14:00,886 --> 01:14:03,166
We will find you
1387
01:14:03,206 --> 01:14:06,808
Acting on your best behavior
1388
01:14:07,686 --> 01:14:10,085
So let's hear about Sinnamon.
What does she look like?
1389
01:14:10,125 --> 01:14:12,125
- Oh, God. Are you kidding?
- I wanna know.
1390
01:14:12,165 --> 01:14:15,085
She's a husband-stealing
Pilates teacher. She's hot!
1391
01:14:15,125 --> 01:14:16,770
- Uh-huh.
- And limber.
1392
01:14:17,525 --> 01:14:18,565
That doesn't matter.
1393
01:14:18,605 --> 01:14:20,853
Yes! Actually, it does.
1394
01:14:20,965 --> 01:14:22,685
She's not perfect, though, right?
1395
01:14:22,725 --> 01:14:24,814
Girls like that who steal husbands,
1396
01:14:24,885 --> 01:14:27,247
they always got one
thing wrong with them.
1397
01:14:27,325 --> 01:14:28,606
Come on.
1398
01:14:29,125 --> 01:14:31,565
- Her forehead's too big?
- (CHUCKLES) No.
1399
01:14:31,605 --> 01:14:33,045
- Mole on the chin?
- No.
1400
01:14:33,085 --> 01:14:35,094
- Two different nostrils?
- No!
1401
01:14:36,125 --> 01:14:37,975
She's flawless.
1402
01:14:38,045 --> 01:14:39,531
She is.
1403
01:14:39,725 --> 01:14:43,532
I mean, her eyes.
Okay, her eyes are a little far apart.
1404
01:14:44,885 --> 01:14:46,205
Kind of looks like a flounder.
1405
01:14:46,245 --> 01:14:48,565
- There it is! Good.
- (CHUCKLES)
1406
01:14:48,605 --> 01:14:52,165
So tonight, your dopey ex-husband's
gonna be lookin' into those eyes and sayin',
1407
01:14:52,205 --> 01:14:54,125
"What kind of choice did I make?
1408
01:14:54,165 --> 01:14:56,685
"I used to stare into the most
beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
1409
01:14:56,725 --> 01:15:00,885
"and now I'm stuck starin'
at the Filet o' Fish sandwich."
1410
01:15:00,925 --> 01:15:02,685
Did you just say I have beautiful eyes?
1411
01:15:02,725 --> 01:15:04,805
While insulting the other chick.
1412
01:15:04,845 --> 01:15:08,365
Wow. That is really,
really, really, really good.
1413
01:15:08,405 --> 01:15:09,936
Thank you.
1414
01:15:11,805 --> 01:15:15,214
Can I have some of that? No?
I thought we were splitting it.
1415
01:15:16,165 --> 01:15:17,685
Hooyah!
1416
01:15:17,725 --> 01:15:21,765
So glad we've almost made it
1417
01:15:21,805 --> 01:15:25,365
So sad they had to fade it
1418
01:15:25,405 --> 01:15:28,605
Everybody wants to rule the world
1419
01:15:28,645 --> 01:15:30,449
(FEEDBACK)
1420
01:15:33,085 --> 01:15:35,325
They wanna rule
1421
01:15:35,365 --> 01:15:37,613
Why do they act so mean?
1422
01:15:39,685 --> 01:15:41,965
You know, everybody's like,
1423
01:15:42,005 --> 01:15:44,485
"Brenner this" and "Brenner that."
1424
01:15:44,525 --> 01:15:48,565
But make no mistake,
Fire Blaster's the leader of this crew.
1425
01:15:48,605 --> 01:15:50,325
Who's the Fire Blaster again?
1426
01:15:50,365 --> 01:15:53,525
Me, Serena! All right, lemme
just cut to the chase here.
1427
01:15:53,565 --> 01:15:55,565
Fire Blaster's been in prison
for eight years.
1428
01:15:55,605 --> 01:15:58,411
He hasn't been with a woman since '05.
1429
01:15:58,965 --> 01:16:02,604
You're in for the time of your life.
1430
01:16:02,644 --> 01:16:05,404
You even think about touching me,
I'm gonna smack you through the wall.
1431
01:16:05,444 --> 01:16:07,408
Mmm. I'd have it no other way.
1432
01:16:10,084 --> 01:16:12,366
Should've gone with Martha Stewart.
1433
01:16:12,564 --> 01:16:16,371
At least then, I'd have a tasty panini
cooked for me or some shit.
1434
01:16:19,404 --> 01:16:21,404
So, what are you gonna do
after all this?
1435
01:16:21,444 --> 01:16:23,646
You gonna go back to the Nerd Brigade?
1436
01:16:23,764 --> 01:16:24,965
Wow.
1437
01:16:25,164 --> 01:16:26,884
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1438
01:16:26,924 --> 01:16:29,286
Probably. I mean...
1439
01:16:29,724 --> 01:16:31,084
What else would I do?
1440
01:16:31,124 --> 01:16:33,484
I mean, it just seems like
someone with your skills,
1441
01:16:33,524 --> 01:16:36,853
you'd be better off inventing technology
rather than installing it.
1442
01:16:36,964 --> 01:16:40,691
No, of course.
I would love to do somethin' different.
1443
01:16:40,884 --> 01:16:42,644
You know, I had my shot
1444
01:16:42,684 --> 01:16:44,773
when I was a kid in the arcades.
1445
01:16:45,204 --> 01:16:46,485
But
1446
01:16:46,844 --> 01:16:48,853
(CLICKS TONGUE) I blew it.
1447
01:16:49,164 --> 01:16:52,368
Yeah, I always think maybe my life
would've been different.
1448
01:16:52,604 --> 01:16:55,444
Any time I'm getting on a roll,
1449
01:16:55,484 --> 01:16:59,245
or I feel like everything's going great,
1450
01:17:00,044 --> 01:17:03,088
that giant ape throws
another barrel at me.
1451
01:17:05,644 --> 01:17:09,604
But it's all good. Don't worry.
1452
01:17:09,644 --> 01:17:10,845
Hooyah.
1453
01:17:11,284 --> 01:17:12,485
Hooyah.
1454
01:17:13,404 --> 01:17:17,524
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am proud to introduce a special message
1455
01:17:17,564 --> 01:17:21,405
to the Arcaders
from the students of PS 427
1456
01:17:21,684 --> 01:17:23,444
in New York City.
1457
01:17:23,484 --> 01:17:25,334
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
1458
01:17:26,484 --> 01:17:29,004
CHOIR KIDS: New York was in trouble.
1459
01:17:29,044 --> 01:17:31,124
Pac-Man caused a ruckus.
1460
01:17:31,164 --> 01:17:33,724
But the Arcaders saved us.
1461
01:17:33,764 --> 01:17:35,887
'Cause they're bad mother...
1462
01:17:36,644 --> 01:17:38,414
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
1463
01:17:39,804 --> 01:17:41,210
People of Earth,
1464
01:17:41,324 --> 01:17:43,765
you have violated
the rules of warfare, dudes.
1465
01:17:43,924 --> 01:17:45,364
Violated the rules?
1466
01:17:45,404 --> 01:17:49,165
Because of this,
you forfeit and your planet is now ours.
1467
01:17:50,004 --> 01:17:54,367
Dudes, in 12 hours, we'll commence with
the all-out destruction of Earth.
1468
01:17:55,163 --> 01:17:59,523
After that, we will sing this
about your precious planet.
1469
01:17:59,563 --> 01:18:03,843
(SINGING) She's gone
1470
01:18:03,883 --> 01:18:06,848
I'd better learn how to face...
1471
01:18:07,163 --> 01:18:09,650
- (AUDIENCE MURMURING)
- What the heck are they talkin' about?
1472
01:18:19,083 --> 01:18:20,883
Where you goin', Fire Blaster?
1473
01:18:20,923 --> 01:18:22,923
Oh, hey, kid. Uh...
1474
01:18:22,963 --> 01:18:25,483
I told Serena
I needed to get some air, you know?
1475
01:18:25,523 --> 01:18:27,283
Only known her half an hour
and she's already like,
1476
01:18:27,323 --> 01:18:29,924
"Mrs. Fire Blaster this.
Mrs. Fire Blaster that."
1477
01:18:30,483 --> 01:18:33,843
A cop fished these out of the East River
the night you fell in.
1478
01:18:33,883 --> 01:18:35,723
I was gonna give 'em back to you,
1479
01:18:35,763 --> 01:18:39,092
but I saw some interesting things
written on the inside of the lenses.
1480
01:18:40,483 --> 01:18:42,845
The Pac-Man cheat code for super-speed.
1481
01:18:43,123 --> 01:18:45,166
- You're a cheater.
- So what?
1482
01:18:45,603 --> 01:18:48,843
I used cheat codes back in the day
to help me dominate.
1483
01:18:48,883 --> 01:18:51,803
So I figured, why not use it
for the big show. And it worked.
1484
01:18:51,843 --> 01:18:54,045
You've been a cheater your whole life?
1485
01:18:54,643 --> 01:18:55,843
No.
1486
01:18:55,883 --> 01:18:58,203
Only since I was 10.
1487
01:18:58,243 --> 01:19:02,607
That's how I beat your boy Brenner
at the World Championship. Oh, yeah.
1488
01:19:02,723 --> 01:19:04,288
(TAKES SUNGLASSES)
1489
01:19:04,363 --> 01:19:07,567
I owe everything I have
to these bitchin' shades.
1490
01:19:12,763 --> 01:19:13,963
What did you do?
1491
01:19:14,003 --> 01:19:17,363
I didn't do anything. (STUTTERS)
I thought we obeyed every rule.
1492
01:19:17,403 --> 01:19:19,043
Ya thought wrong, civilian!
1493
01:19:19,083 --> 01:19:21,323
We squandered our one chance on you!
1494
01:19:21,363 --> 01:19:22,803
A hi-fi repair man.
1495
01:19:22,843 --> 01:19:24,043
But I swear...
1496
01:19:24,083 --> 01:19:27,643
But nothin'! You heard Hall & Oates!
You blew it!
1497
01:19:27,683 --> 01:19:28,883
I've seen your files.
1498
01:19:28,923 --> 01:19:31,203
You've never accomplished
a damn thing in your entire life.
1499
01:19:31,243 --> 01:19:34,443
Brenner won two battles, Admiral.
That's two more than you.
1500
01:19:34,483 --> 01:19:36,163
PORTER: I wouldn't get
smart with me, Colonel.
1501
01:19:36,203 --> 01:19:39,486
You were all over this sideshow that did
nothing but waste valuable time.
1502
01:19:39,563 --> 01:19:42,363
Sometimes I wonder if you're not working
for the Martians yourself!
1503
01:19:42,403 --> 01:19:43,603
Drop dead, Admiral.
1504
01:19:43,643 --> 01:19:44,683
You're done.
1505
01:19:44,723 --> 01:19:46,522
All right. Hey, guys!
That's enough. Listen.
1506
01:19:46,562 --> 01:19:48,526
- (DEEP RUMBLING)
- We tried something. It didn't work.
1507
01:19:48,802 --> 01:19:50,003
(WOMAN SHRIEKING)
1508
01:19:51,122 --> 01:19:52,562
What is that?
1509
01:19:52,722 --> 01:19:54,048
Matty!
1510
01:19:55,482 --> 01:19:57,252
(SCREAMING)
1511
01:20:04,962 --> 01:20:06,891
Matty!
1512
01:20:13,322 --> 01:20:16,682
I can't believe they took Matty
as a trophy. I am so sorry.
1513
01:20:16,722 --> 01:20:18,762
Well, there's gotta be
somethin' we can do.
1514
01:20:18,802 --> 01:20:19,802
Where's Eddie?
1515
01:20:19,842 --> 01:20:23,410
Eddie. Yeah. He crawled into a hole.
We'll never see him again.
1516
01:20:24,202 --> 01:20:26,082
Chewie won't take my calls.
1517
01:20:26,122 --> 01:20:28,522
Violet got the boot.
We're on our own, guys.
1518
01:20:28,562 --> 01:20:30,162
This feels like my planet.
1519
01:20:30,202 --> 01:20:34,088
No fun. No laughter. Only war.
1520
01:20:34,162 --> 01:20:35,363
Wait.
1521
01:20:35,442 --> 01:20:38,802
Wait a second. Q*bert is from there.
He knows all their secrets.
1522
01:20:38,842 --> 01:20:40,442
Q*BERT: We were once a happy planet.
1523
01:20:40,482 --> 01:20:42,282
Before you threatened us.
1524
01:20:42,322 --> 01:20:46,049
But we didn't threaten you!
You saw footage of old games.
1525
01:20:46,202 --> 01:20:47,962
They do not know they are games.
1526
01:20:48,002 --> 01:20:50,522
Well, why don't you tell them
that, Q*bert, and stop them?
1527
01:20:50,562 --> 01:20:51,642
Q*BERT: It's too late.
1528
01:20:51,682 --> 01:20:55,442
And now the mothership is creating
millions of video-game warriors
1529
01:20:55,482 --> 01:20:57,172
to destroy your planet.
1530
01:20:57,442 --> 01:21:01,162
Look, all we have to do is get inside
the mothership and try to stop them.
1531
01:21:01,202 --> 01:21:02,962
We can rescue Matty
while we're up there.
1532
01:21:03,002 --> 01:21:05,042
Up there. You wanna go up there?
1533
01:21:05,082 --> 01:21:08,442
I don't know about that.
You know, they took away our light cannons.
1534
01:21:08,482 --> 01:21:10,282
I don't think that's such a good idea.
1535
01:21:10,322 --> 01:21:12,842
We have something better
than light cannons.
1536
01:21:12,882 --> 01:21:15,210
We have a positive can-do attitude.
1537
01:21:15,362 --> 01:21:16,562
Q*BERT: Ah.
1538
01:21:16,602 --> 01:21:19,567
I'm kidding. We are all gonna die.
1539
01:21:20,242 --> 01:21:21,562
I'm just...
1540
01:21:21,602 --> 01:21:23,008
Sorry.
1541
01:21:29,202 --> 01:21:31,882
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
1542
01:22:02,361 --> 01:22:03,841
Are you sure we wanna do this?
1543
01:22:03,881 --> 01:22:06,521
I mean, maybe we could just find
another planet to live on.
1544
01:22:06,561 --> 01:22:09,041
BRENNER: Shut up, dude.
We're gettin' on that ship.
1545
01:22:09,081 --> 01:22:11,727
And the only way to do that is
to get directly under it.
1546
01:22:11,921 --> 01:22:13,646
Q*BERT: That's the only way in.
1547
01:22:14,961 --> 01:22:16,651
(ARCADE GAMES PINGING)
1548
01:22:18,561 --> 01:22:19,762
(BEEPS)
1549
01:22:25,201 --> 01:22:26,402
Q*BERT: Oh!
1550
01:22:28,281 --> 01:22:30,529
Arcaders are comin'! Don't worry!
1551
01:22:35,321 --> 01:22:36,921
Come on! Come on! Come on! Go!
1552
01:22:36,961 --> 01:22:38,162
Stay with me!
1553
01:22:39,801 --> 01:22:41,002
(BEEPS)
1554
01:22:41,641 --> 01:22:42,842
(BEEPS)
1555
01:22:44,121 --> 01:22:45,322
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1556
01:22:47,281 --> 01:22:48,482
(SCREAMING)
1557
01:22:54,641 --> 01:22:56,321
(GROWLING)
1558
01:22:56,361 --> 01:22:58,802
Nobody's better
at the crane game than me.
1559
01:22:58,921 --> 01:23:00,361
Chewie?
1560
01:23:00,401 --> 01:23:02,401
What's with the disguise, buddy?
1561
01:23:02,441 --> 01:23:04,561
They tried to take me
to some underground bunker,
1562
01:23:04,601 --> 01:23:06,485
so I went rogue.
1563
01:23:10,281 --> 01:23:12,210
Oh, yeah!
1564
01:23:13,081 --> 01:23:16,281
Wonder Kid, you gotta stay on the ground.
These people need protection.
1565
01:23:16,321 --> 01:23:17,441
Oh, thank God.
1566
01:23:17,481 --> 01:23:20,287
Hey, live long, laugh much, love often.
1567
01:23:20,401 --> 01:23:21,441
Yeah.
1568
01:23:21,481 --> 01:23:22,728
That's it.
1569
01:23:23,201 --> 01:23:24,441
No.
1570
01:23:24,481 --> 01:23:25,887
Back it up.
1571
01:23:27,041 --> 01:23:28,402
Thanks for bein' my friend.
1572
01:23:28,761 --> 01:23:30,281
'Course, buddy. I love ya.
1573
01:23:30,321 --> 01:23:32,363
Now go kick some ass.
1574
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:37,367
Mr. President,
may I have a light cannon?
1575
01:23:42,280 --> 01:23:46,400
(SINGING) La la la la la la
Sing a happy song
1576
01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:47,480
Ooh.
1577
01:23:47,520 --> 01:23:48,721
La la la la la la
1578
01:23:54,080 --> 01:23:56,248
Don't tell anyone I killed a Smurf.
1579
01:24:07,200 --> 01:24:09,164
(BIDDY BANDITS EXCLAIMING)
1580
01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:11,000
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
1581
01:24:13,040 --> 01:24:14,320
Hey!
1582
01:24:14,360 --> 01:24:16,608
Get away from those kids now!
1583
01:24:18,160 --> 01:24:19,360
Please?
1584
01:24:19,400 --> 01:24:21,967
(BIDDY BANDITS EXCLAIMING)
1585
01:24:28,880 --> 01:24:30,570
- LUDLOW: Hey!
- (EXCLAIMS)
1586
01:24:32,240 --> 01:24:33,930
(LAUGHS ECSTATICALLY)
1587
01:24:52,720 --> 01:24:56,200
I spent most of my formative years
1588
01:24:56,240 --> 01:24:58,442
trying to figure out a way
to bring you to life
1589
01:24:58,720 --> 01:25:00,888
all Weird Science-style.
1590
01:25:01,560 --> 01:25:03,640
I used every birthday wish,
1591
01:25:03,680 --> 01:25:06,200
every 11:11 on the clock,
1592
01:25:06,240 --> 01:25:09,808
every little chicken wishbone
I could find, and ladybug.
1593
01:25:10,120 --> 01:25:11,890
I prayed for this.
1594
01:25:14,440 --> 01:25:15,641
Oh.
1595
01:25:16,760 --> 01:25:19,281
But apparently, you don't feel the same.
1596
01:25:22,720 --> 01:25:24,250
(Q*BERT GRUNTING)
1597
01:25:27,439 --> 01:25:30,324
BRENNER: Okay.
We're under it, Q*bert. Now what?
1598
01:25:34,599 --> 01:25:36,559
Well, well, well.
1599
01:25:36,599 --> 01:25:38,199
Look who's here.
1600
01:25:38,239 --> 01:25:40,159
Q*bert the traitor
1601
01:25:40,199 --> 01:25:42,439
and his cheating friends.
1602
01:25:42,479 --> 01:25:44,919
Come to beg for a second chance?
1603
01:25:44,959 --> 01:25:48,606
You're in luck.
The boss wants to meet ya in person.
1604
01:25:48,959 --> 01:25:50,719
So come on up!
1605
01:25:50,759 --> 01:25:55,719
If you defeat him, you save your planet
and destroy our warriors.
1606
01:25:55,759 --> 01:25:57,279
But if you lose...
1607
01:25:57,319 --> 01:25:59,123
(LAUGHS MANICALLY)
1608
01:26:08,119 --> 01:26:09,889
See you on the other side.
1609
01:26:20,639 --> 01:26:21,840
(LUDLOW GRUNTS)
1610
01:26:23,959 --> 01:26:26,526
You are so powerful, just as I...
1611
01:26:27,319 --> 01:26:28,520
(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)
1612
01:26:31,959 --> 01:26:35,639
You win!
I'm not gonna fight you anymore, okay?
1613
01:26:35,679 --> 01:26:37,599
I know that you have love in your heart,
1614
01:26:37,639 --> 01:26:41,119
and I know that I could make you happy,
but if you need to kill me,
1615
01:26:41,159 --> 01:26:43,839
then you're just gonna have to go ahead
and kill me.
1616
01:26:46,119 --> 01:26:50,563
At least I can die a happy man
knowing that I found true love.
1617
01:27:20,158 --> 01:27:22,964
(CHILDREN CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
1618
01:27:24,838 --> 01:27:27,798
And I couldn't even get a handshake
from Serena Williams.
1619
01:27:27,838 --> 01:27:29,318
Well, well, well.
1620
01:27:29,358 --> 01:27:31,358
Didn't think I'd see you again.
1621
01:27:31,398 --> 01:27:35,638
I had to prove to myself and to the world
that I could do this without cheating.
1622
01:27:35,678 --> 01:27:36,958
Wait, you cheated?
1623
01:27:36,998 --> 01:27:38,158
Moving on.
1624
01:27:38,198 --> 01:27:39,399
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
1625
01:27:44,558 --> 01:27:46,965
You gonna introduce me
to your girlfriend?
1626
01:27:47,678 --> 01:27:49,209
Fiancée.
1627
01:28:03,278 --> 01:28:05,638
Where are we, Q*bert?
What is this place?
1628
01:28:05,678 --> 01:28:07,078
I don't know.
1629
01:28:07,118 --> 01:28:09,002
But I'm scared.
1630
01:28:09,918 --> 01:28:11,563
Great.
1631
01:28:14,238 --> 01:28:16,918
(DISTANT THUDDING)
1632
01:28:19,798 --> 01:28:21,124
What is that noise?
1633
01:28:29,718 --> 01:28:32,239
- (BRENNER GRUNTS)
- What the hell was that?
1634
01:28:34,118 --> 01:28:35,524
(GROWLS)
1635
01:28:37,638 --> 01:28:39,598
Donkey Kong.
1636
01:28:39,638 --> 01:28:41,758
The one game you suck at.
1637
01:28:41,798 --> 01:28:42,999
Yeah.
1638
01:28:43,198 --> 01:28:45,526
- (GROWLING)
- MATTY: Mom, up here!
1639
01:28:46,278 --> 01:28:47,758
Matty!
1640
01:28:47,798 --> 01:28:49,038
Mom!
1641
01:28:49,078 --> 01:28:50,878
Where the hell is my mama?
1642
01:28:50,918 --> 01:28:52,802
We're coming for you, honey!
1643
01:28:53,038 --> 01:28:54,364
(GROWLS)
1644
01:28:58,798 --> 01:29:00,284
Q*BERT: Oh, no.
1645
01:29:02,758 --> 01:29:04,847
(SHUDDERING)
1646
01:29:18,357 --> 01:29:19,797
LUDLOW: There's too many of them!
1647
01:29:19,837 --> 01:29:21,163
This way!
1648
01:29:23,837 --> 01:29:25,880
Only one way to beat this game. Jump!
1649
01:29:27,957 --> 01:29:29,238
Up the ladder! Fast!
1650
01:29:32,157 --> 01:29:33,563
Incoming!
1651
01:29:34,317 --> 01:29:35,518
VIOLET: Oh!
1652
01:29:41,277 --> 01:29:42,763
(Q*BERT GRUNTING)
1653
01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:50,407
(VIOLET GRUNTS)
1654
01:29:53,877 --> 01:29:55,277
Q*bert! Look out!
1655
01:29:55,317 --> 01:29:57,007
- (SCREAMING)
- Oh!
1656
01:29:57,317 --> 01:29:59,360
Q*bert!
1657
01:30:13,397 --> 01:30:15,997
BRENNER:
I can't do this. There's no pattern.
1658
01:30:16,037 --> 01:30:19,207
Pretend you're the guy
and you don't wanna die.
1659
01:30:19,557 --> 01:30:20,957
(GRUNTS)
1660
01:30:20,997 --> 01:30:22,278
I don't wanna die!
1661
01:30:22,917 --> 01:30:24,677
I couldn't even beat Eddie Plant!
1662
01:30:24,717 --> 01:30:28,677
Eddie Plant's a cheater!
That's why he was so good in New York.
1663
01:30:28,717 --> 01:30:30,965
He used cheat codes.
1664
01:30:31,317 --> 01:30:34,407
He did the same thing to you
when you were kids.
1665
01:30:34,997 --> 01:30:37,484
You know what that means, right?
1666
01:30:40,677 --> 01:30:43,677
I'm the Donkey Kong
champion of the world.
1667
01:30:43,717 --> 01:30:46,648
And the Donkey Kong champion
of the world doesn't need patterns.
1668
01:30:46,717 --> 01:30:47,918
Reset button.
1669
01:30:48,117 --> 01:30:50,479
(WE WILL ROCK YOU VONLICHTEN PLAYING)
1670
01:30:53,757 --> 01:30:56,077
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
1671
01:30:56,117 --> 01:30:59,317
Playing in the street
gonna be a big man some day
1672
01:30:59,357 --> 01:31:00,917
You got mud on your face
1673
01:31:00,957 --> 01:31:02,487
BRENNER: Freeze, Chewie!
1674
01:31:02,756 --> 01:31:05,156
Kickin' your can all over the place
1675
01:31:05,196 --> 01:31:09,196
- Singin'
- We will, we will rock you
1676
01:31:09,276 --> 01:31:10,477
Brenner!
1677
01:31:11,596 --> 01:31:15,243
We will, we will rock you
1678
01:31:15,636 --> 01:31:16,837
(CHEERS PLAYFULLY)
1679
01:31:16,956 --> 01:31:19,318
Mom, Mom! Q*bert's not dead!
1680
01:31:20,116 --> 01:31:22,236
Q*BERT: Help me! Help me!
1681
01:31:22,276 --> 01:31:24,556
Nah, I'm pretty sure he's dead, Matty.
1682
01:31:24,596 --> 01:31:25,797
Mom!
1683
01:31:26,276 --> 01:31:28,116
Q*BERT: Please.
1684
01:31:28,156 --> 01:31:29,556
(SIGHS) Okay, fine.
1685
01:31:29,596 --> 01:31:31,116
What? No!
1686
01:31:31,156 --> 01:31:32,357
No!
1687
01:31:32,436 --> 01:31:35,640
We will rock you
1688
01:31:38,756 --> 01:31:40,685
Violet, get outta there!
1689
01:31:44,156 --> 01:31:45,357
(GRUNTS)
1690
01:31:46,796 --> 01:31:47,997
Look out!
1691
01:31:54,876 --> 01:31:58,076
We will, we will rock you
1692
01:31:58,116 --> 01:31:59,317
LUDLOW: We're trapped!
1693
01:32:00,756 --> 01:32:04,316
We will, we will rock you
1694
01:32:04,356 --> 01:32:05,557
Brenner!
1695
01:32:06,716 --> 01:32:10,762
We will, we will rock you
1696
01:32:12,356 --> 01:32:16,836
We will, we will rock you
1697
01:32:16,876 --> 01:32:18,840
Here, grab onto my mighty hammer.
1698
01:32:19,036 --> 01:32:20,156
(GRUNTING)
1699
01:32:20,196 --> 01:32:21,397
(BRENNER GRUNTING)
1700
01:32:22,036 --> 01:32:23,236
You loved saying that.
1701
01:32:23,276 --> 01:32:24,682
Yes, I did.
1702
01:32:27,196 --> 01:32:31,003
Brenner!
Whatever you're doing, please hurry up!
1703
01:32:39,396 --> 01:32:42,566
I've been waitin' to do this since 1982.
1704
01:32:43,796 --> 01:32:45,043
(GROWLS)
1705
01:32:45,916 --> 01:32:47,117
(GRUNTS)
1706
01:32:51,236 --> 01:32:53,200
(GROANING)
1707
01:32:54,875 --> 01:32:56,275
Yeah!
1708
01:32:56,315 --> 01:32:57,995
Yeah! Yes!
1709
01:32:58,035 --> 01:33:01,125
Q*BERT: (SINGSONG) Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
1710
01:33:12,595 --> 01:33:14,797
Matty! Oh, God!
1711
01:33:15,915 --> 01:33:18,117
- You okay?
- Yeah.
1712
01:33:18,235 --> 01:33:20,278
You were so awesome down there!
1713
01:33:20,715 --> 01:33:23,275
You're my second favorite president.
You know Obama's still my man, right?
1714
01:33:23,315 --> 01:33:24,801
Oh, okay.
1715
01:33:33,275 --> 01:33:36,160
Hey! We won!
1716
01:33:36,755 --> 01:33:38,355
No more taxes!
1717
01:33:38,395 --> 01:33:39,475
(EDDIE CHUCKLES)
1718
01:33:39,515 --> 01:33:41,444
We did it, baby!
1719
01:33:41,595 --> 01:33:43,075
We did it.
1720
01:33:43,115 --> 01:33:44,441
No.
1721
01:33:44,795 --> 01:33:46,835
No. No!
1722
01:33:46,875 --> 01:33:49,755
Lady Lisa!
1723
01:33:49,795 --> 01:33:52,157
No!
1724
01:34:08,755 --> 01:34:10,995
Eddie, never thought I'd see you again.
1725
01:34:11,035 --> 01:34:14,715
Brenner, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for
cheatin' back in the day when we was kids,
1726
01:34:14,755 --> 01:34:17,195
and for cheatin' again
more recently. (CHUCKLES)
1727
01:34:17,235 --> 01:34:19,115
I'm not goin' back to prison
for that, am I?
1728
01:34:19,155 --> 01:34:22,475
No, but you need to admit to Brenner
that he's the best in the world.
1729
01:34:22,515 --> 01:34:24,355
(SCOFFS) Eh, no way.
1730
01:34:24,395 --> 01:34:25,676
Prison.
1731
01:34:26,275 --> 01:34:28,125
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
1732
01:34:29,115 --> 01:34:30,521
Brenner,
1733
01:34:33,155 --> 01:34:34,959
you are the best
1734
01:34:36,115 --> 01:34:37,680
in the world
1735
01:34:38,635 --> 01:34:41,202
at (CLEARS THROAT) the Donkey Kong.
1736
01:34:41,795 --> 01:34:43,115
That's right. I am.
1737
01:34:43,155 --> 01:34:45,119
Ludlow. What's the matter, buddy?
1738
01:34:45,515 --> 01:34:47,955
I finally had the one thing I wanted
1739
01:34:48,474 --> 01:34:50,676
and now I'm back to being all alone.
1740
01:34:50,754 --> 01:34:53,554
Lady Lisa, she made an appearance.
1741
01:34:53,594 --> 01:34:58,721
And while you guys were out, you know,
savin' the world, you kind of destroyed his.
1742
01:34:59,194 --> 01:35:00,884
Oh, that's horrible.
1743
01:35:00,994 --> 01:35:04,562
It's just, how come he gets to stay?
Why are you still here?
1744
01:35:04,634 --> 01:35:06,234
I'm sorry.
1745
01:35:06,274 --> 01:35:07,794
Q*bert's a trophy.
1746
01:35:07,834 --> 01:35:09,718
And I guess we get to keep the trophies.
1747
01:35:10,154 --> 01:35:11,355
Yeah.
1748
01:35:12,274 --> 01:35:13,475
(SNIFFLES)
1749
01:35:13,954 --> 01:35:15,280
Q*BERT: Aw.
1750
01:35:19,554 --> 01:35:21,802
(MUMBLING)
1751
01:35:22,674 --> 01:35:24,478
Q*bert, what is it?
1752
01:35:38,074 --> 01:35:39,275
Aw.
1753
01:35:40,074 --> 01:35:43,514
Wait, no one else is weirded out by this?
That was just Q*bert.
1754
01:35:43,554 --> 01:35:45,514
- REPORTER: Mr. President! Please!
- Yes, Renee.
1755
01:35:45,554 --> 01:35:47,794
RENEE:
Mr. President, are we out of danger?
1756
01:35:47,834 --> 01:35:50,354
Yes. In fact, I am pleased to announce
1757
01:35:50,394 --> 01:35:54,076
I have brokered a peace treaty
with the alien invaders.
1758
01:35:56,234 --> 01:35:59,354
This peace is due to, and only due to
1759
01:35:59,394 --> 01:36:01,801
the bravery of the Arcaders,
1760
01:36:01,994 --> 01:36:06,085
who, against all odds,
stepped up and saved us all.
1761
01:36:06,834 --> 01:36:08,194
Eddie Plant,
1762
01:36:08,234 --> 01:36:10,034
Ludlow Lamonsoff,
1763
01:36:10,074 --> 01:36:11,554
Sam Brenner,
1764
01:36:11,594 --> 01:36:14,240
and Lieutenant Colonel Violet Van Patten
1765
01:36:14,514 --> 01:36:16,239
are American heroes.
1766
01:36:16,714 --> 01:36:18,325
World heroes.
1767
01:36:18,554 --> 01:36:19,714
(CHEERING)
1768
01:36:19,754 --> 01:36:20,955
Yeah!
1769
01:36:21,274 --> 01:36:24,234
"World hero"?
I guess you're not a nerd anymore.
1770
01:36:24,274 --> 01:36:26,158
You don't want me
to stop being a nerd, ever.
1771
01:36:26,674 --> 01:36:27,994
(CHUCKLES) Why is that?
1772
01:36:28,034 --> 01:36:31,317
'Cause like I said,
nerds are the greatest kissers.
1773
01:36:32,034 --> 01:36:34,236
I'll be the judge of that.
1774
01:36:38,594 --> 01:36:40,033
(SURRENDER PLAYING)
1775
01:36:41,033 --> 01:36:43,361
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
1776
01:36:52,953 --> 01:36:55,753
♪ Mother told me Yes, she told me ♪
1777
01:36:55,793 --> 01:36:59,520
♪ That I'd meet girls like you ♪
1778
01:36:59,673 --> 01:37:01,833
♪ She also told me ♪
1779
01:37:01,873 --> 01:37:07,000
♪ Stay away
You'll never know what you'll catch ♪
1780
01:37:07,153 --> 01:37:13,673
♪ Just the other day I heard
of a soldier's falling off ♪
1781
01:37:13,713 --> 01:37:19,795
♪ Some Indonesian junk that's going round ♪
1782
01:37:21,193 --> 01:37:24,833
♪ Mommy's all right, daddy's all right ♪
1783
01:37:24,873 --> 01:37:28,393
♪ They just seem a little weird ♪
1784
01:37:28,433 --> 01:37:31,833
♪ Surrender, surrender ♪
1785
01:37:31,873 --> 01:37:37,079
♪ But don't give yourself away ♪
1786
01:37:37,633 --> 01:37:40,677
♪ Hey, hey ♪
1787
01:37:43,873 --> 01:37:46,155
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1788
01:37:48,793 --> 01:37:51,713
LUDLOW: Hey, kids. Daddy's home.
1789
01:37:51,753 --> 01:37:54,153
- Q*BERT BABY 1: Daddy!
- Q*BERT BABY 2: Daddy! Daddy!
1790
01:37:54,193 --> 01:37:56,273
- Dad! Dad!
- Daddy! Daddy!
1791
01:37:56,313 --> 01:37:58,515
Daddy! Daddy!
1792
01:37:59,913 --> 01:38:01,524
(GAME ON PLAYING)
1793
01:38:04,193 --> 01:38:06,953
♪ This is not a game now ♪
1794
01:38:06,993 --> 01:38:09,913
♪ Nobody can save you ♪
1795
01:38:09,953 --> 01:38:11,953
♪ Spent up all your change ♪
1796
01:38:11,993 --> 01:38:15,713
♪ And now your turn is done ♪
1797
01:38:15,753 --> 01:38:21,513
♪ We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you ♪
1798
01:38:21,553 --> 01:38:23,593
♪ Knock you out the frame ♪
1799
01:38:23,633 --> 01:38:26,433
♪ We won't stop until you're gone ♪
1800
01:38:26,473 --> 01:38:28,516
♪ Game on ♪
1801
01:38:38,232 --> 01:38:39,433
♪ Game on ♪
1802
01:38:45,232 --> 01:38:47,552
♪ Assassin, soldier and a captain ♪
1803
01:38:47,592 --> 01:38:50,432
♪ Feel the passion,
no compassion, but I'm askin' ♪
1804
01:38:50,472 --> 01:38:53,232
♪ You say you ready, well, I'm attackin' ♪
1805
01:38:53,272 --> 01:38:56,232
♪ A predatorin my competitors this second ♪
1806
01:38:56,272 --> 01:38:58,952
♪ I'm neverlackin'
Boy, I'm ready for that action ♪
1807
01:38:58,992 --> 01:39:02,472
♪ That was braggin'
Man, what happened to you has-beens? ♪
1808
01:39:02,512 --> 01:39:05,312
♪ It's amazin' all the places
and the people faces ♪
1809
01:39:05,352 --> 01:39:07,712
♪ Ah, bought the tourbus like a spaceship ♪
1810
01:39:07,752 --> 01:39:10,232
♪ I'm racin' against nothin' but time ♪
1811
01:39:10,272 --> 01:39:13,232
♪ Probably wouldn't be so lost
if you was watchin' the signs ♪
1812
01:39:13,272 --> 01:39:16,912
♪ They gon' play me like a PlayStation
from playin' on that station ♪
1813
01:39:16,952 --> 01:39:19,592
♪ But I'm a be the face of a generation ♪
1814
01:39:19,632 --> 01:39:22,632
♪ Kids wit' no patience or directions ♪
1815
01:39:22,672 --> 01:39:25,592
♪ Never doubt or question my effort ♪
1816
01:39:25,632 --> 01:39:28,272
♪ Game on, game on Hope you people ready ♪
1817
01:39:28,312 --> 01:39:30,912
♪ I'm reloaded, and I hope
my trigger finger steady ♪
1818
01:39:30,952 --> 01:39:33,752
♪ This is not a game now ♪
1819
01:39:33,792 --> 01:39:36,672
♪ Nobody can save you ♪
1820
01:39:36,712 --> 01:39:38,752
♪ Spent up all your change ♪
1821
01:39:38,792 --> 01:39:42,352
♪ And now your turn is done ♪
1822
01:39:42,392 --> 01:39:48,272
♪ We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you ♪
1823
01:39:48,312 --> 01:39:53,272
♪ Knock you out the frame
We won't stop until you're gone ♪
1824
01:39:53,312 --> 01:39:55,640
♪ Game on ♪
1825
01:40:04,832 --> 01:40:05,872
♪ Game on ♪
1826
01:40:05,912 --> 01:40:07,232
♪ Can't Xbox me in ♪
1827
01:40:07,272 --> 01:40:11,592
♪ 'Cause in my lane
no controller but me playin' my game ♪
1828
01:40:11,632 --> 01:40:13,392
- ♪ This a different league
- League ♪
1829
01:40:13,432 --> 01:40:14,672
♪ A different bracket ♪
1830
01:40:14,712 --> 01:40:16,072
- ♪ I'm a different gene
- Gene ♪
1831
01:40:16,112 --> 01:40:17,552
♪ A different faction ♪
1832
01:40:17,592 --> 01:40:20,032
♪ I will never fall off, I just fall back ♪
1833
01:40:20,072 --> 01:40:23,392
♪ Don't make me pull up,
pull up where you boys ball at ♪
1834
01:40:23,432 --> 01:40:25,911
♪ And show you little fake hustlers
what the trap is ♪
1835
01:40:25,951 --> 01:40:29,071
♪ I have you runnin' suicides all practice ♪
1836
01:40:29,111 --> 01:40:31,951
♪ I got warrior blood I fearno heir ♪
1837
01:40:31,991 --> 01:40:34,511
♪ No army, no weapon, no man ♪
1838
01:40:34,551 --> 01:40:40,351
♪ Killer instinct, I just go harder
than harder hard, but I pull larger ♪
1839
01:40:40,391 --> 01:40:43,671
♪ I can't let you Mini-Mes
steal my Austin Powers ♪
1840
01:40:43,711 --> 01:40:46,151
♪ I've traveled plenty seas,
spent many hours ♪
1841
01:40:46,191 --> 01:40:48,671
♪ To make Flocka be the best he can be ♪
1842
01:40:48,711 --> 01:40:51,351
♪ So you gon' show respect
when you talkin' to me ♪
1843
01:40:51,391 --> 01:40:54,591
♪ That number one spot legacy
I see is my hit ♪
1844
01:40:54,631 --> 01:40:57,671
♪ And what you take what you is,
what you leave behind ♪
1845
01:40:57,711 --> 01:41:00,431
♪ This is not a game now ♪
1846
01:41:00,471 --> 01:41:03,511
♪ Nobody can save you ♪
1847
01:41:03,551 --> 01:41:05,631
♪ Spent up all your change ♪
1848
01:41:05,671 --> 01:41:09,071
♪ And now your turn is done ♪
1849
01:41:09,111 --> 01:41:14,681
♪ We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you ♪
1850
01:41:14,991 --> 01:41:17,151
- ♪ Knock you out the frame
- Squat, squat ♪
1851
01:41:17,191 --> 01:41:20,191
- ♪ We won't stop until you're gone
- Squat, squat, squat, squat ♪
1852
01:41:20,231 --> 01:41:24,402
- ♪ Game on
- Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up ♪
1853
01:41:25,591 --> 01:41:30,240
- ♪ Game on
- Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up ♪
1854
01:41:31,791 --> 01:41:33,481
♪ Game on ♪
1855
01:41:34,305 --> 01:42:34,762
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