All language subtitles for Secret.Escort.2019.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

(slow country music)

(wheels screeching)

(cars crashing)
(horns honking)

(sirens wailing)

(energetic music)

♪ Gettin' lit ♪

(door slams)
(quirky music)

- God, I had to weirdest driver.

He heard the bottles in my bag

and he was like, "You're not 21 yet!"

"You're not old enough
to be drunk in my car."

And so I got my passport
out, I'm like, "Look!

"1995, 23, eat it, weep."

- You just attract the
strangest people, don't you?

- [Escort] I do, and
it's always about my age,

I swear to you, anyways.

- That actually remind me,
are you, are you 23 or?

- [Escort] Yeah.

- You're not fuckin' with me?

You're disgusting.

- This is true, this is true.

- That's what I like about you, though.

(suspenseful music)

(sirens wailing)

I didn't used to feel bad about it.

I mean, hell, so many men do it.

I mean, married men, single men.

It just, I didn't think anything of it.

It was, it was people in
position, in my field,

guys that I worked with talking
about, you know escorts.

(couple panting)
And just, it just,

it wasn't a big deal.

It was like going to Vegas,

puttin', puttin' 10 grand
down on the craps table.

Wasn't a big deal, it was a commodity.

- Adorable?

Like your daughter?

(customer sighs)

- (sighs) God, it's funny sometimes.

- Then why'd you call me?

- Stressed. (groans)

(sighs) My work, my family,
surrounded by (scoffs)

mediocrity and oh, my god.

- Hmm, I think what's wrong

is staying somewhere where you're unhappy.

Are you happy when you come here?

When you see me?

(customer sighs)

(escort moans lightly)

What are you thinkin' about?

- Gah, just dealing with
a fucking idiot at work

and dealing with my kids, my (sighs)

my wife is up my ass and it's just...

How old are you?

I feel like after all this time,

I, I still don't even know your real name.

Wow, just shut the door on me like that.

(murmuring)

Does it matter?
- Mm-mm.

I'm sorry.

- Do you really care?

(tense music drowns out speech)

(seagulls squawking)
(water splashing)

- Um, then I decided to take it further

and meet with some of the people in person

and do, like sugar-babying,
the girlfriend experience,

so it didn't always start
off as, as putting on a wig

and going to meet some guy in hotel.

It was more having relationships
with these men and,

and seeing where it could go and,

and then a lot of weird
people, a lot of mean people,

I got into some hairy situations.

Erm, but I've met a lot of sad people too.

And a lot of lonely ones.

No, I don't think you're pathetic.

Maybe sad or bored.

(tense music)

- (sighs) It's gone into the
level of absurd at this point.

It's.

- It's okay.

That's why I'm here to help. (giggles)

It's your time.

Making me sad.

(customer snorts)

I'm really sorry.

- Yeah?
- Really, really sorry.

I'm really sorry.

- I feel like after all this time

I still don't even know your real name.

- Um, I don't think he's a bad person.

No, I don't, I don't
think it's inherently bad

to pay for sex or to be paid for it.

But it's not something I wanna
do for the rest of my life.

It's not something I'm passion about.

Um.

I can see parts of what I'm
passionate about in this,

that I like getting dressed up,

that I like playing another person,

but I don't like taking
from another person

or, or feeling like I'm manipulating them.

- I mean, yeah, it's, it's,
it's shitty to, you know,

treat my family that way,
treat my wife that way,

but if I'm honest with myself, I,

I should never have married her anyway.

I mean, I, I created this whole life,

I created this whole rat-race lifestyle,

what, what I thought I had to do.

Everyone was telling me
"Oh, this is the girl

"you should marry, this
is where you should live,

"you should have, have two and half kids

"and the nuclear family and all that."

I didn't want any of that.

I did want any of it.

- Yeah.

Just bullshit, nothin' to
look forward to or you know?

(light, playful music)

Can you back it up or are you just stuck?

(unsettling music)

Sorry.

If you want, erm, I can
give you something else

to think about or you know? (giggles)

I don't know, er, why'd you call me then?

That's okay too, we
don't have to get to it.

We'll just hang out.

Okay.

- And so I rationalized why it was okay

that I was doing what I was doing.

It wasn't my fault.

I, I victimized myself.

Who the fuck am I, all right?

I pull in 200K a year, who the fuck am I?

(grunts)

It's despicable.

I know it's despicable, it's disgusting,

it's vile, it's heinous.

But it's what I know that I deserve.

(sighs)

I just.

Fuck, I don't even know anymore,

I just don't know, I
just don't know, I just.

(tense music)

I know I'm goin' to hell.

I'm not a good person,
no matter what she says.

She doesn't know me.

But I know her.

Yeah, I know who she really is.

She's just scared girl,
runnin' from her past.

- (giggles) Are we, are we praying now?

You wanna? (chuckles)

(customer groans)

Now I lay me down to sleep,
if I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep. (giggles)

- Oh, my God.

(escort giggles)
(customer sighs)

This is so bad.
(escort moans lightly)

- Um.
- Oh, gosh, so bad.

- We can feel bad together, I like that.

Your watch is broken.

- (sighs) Like everything else in my life.

- You're not broken.

- You don't even know me.

- I know you're not broken.

Broken people aren't this nice.

- Says the little porcelain doll.

- (moans) Uh-huh.

(escort moans softly)
(both giggling)

- [Customer] (grunts) What are we doin'?

- I don't know.

I don't wanna stop though.

(both sighing)

(clicks tongue) I'm bored.

(customer chuckles)

- [Customer] God, you
have the attention span

of a squirrel, don't you?

- This is true, what I do, man?

- Can we just (sighs) just talk?

- (clicks tongue) Okay.

Do have anything good?

Any fun facts, any gossip, tea to spill?

- (sighs) Uh, erm.

Why do I feel that I can
tell you all this stuff?

I just.

- I don't know.

- Some stranger in life, you're
like this little red siren.

(escort giggles)

- I'm a good secret-keeper, honest.

(customer sighs)
Mm-hm.

Now I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored!

What are we doin'?

Let's so somethin'.

(customer sighs)
(tense music)

- [Customer] What do you care?

- I care that people
are havin' a good time

when I'm them or that I'm
having a good time, sometimes.

(dramatic music)

- What'd you want from your life?

- Hmm.

To be old and have a really
nice house and my cat.

- [Customer] What about all
the stuff in between, though?

- I don't know, if I get it, I get it.

Um, that's it.

Um, I dunno if I wanna
family, if I want all that.

Just know that I wanna
be comfortable and happy.

- Maybe be a better man.

Maybe.

I think I can do that.

- You seem like, like a really nice guy.

So why are you here?

Why are you doing this?

- I'm not a nice guy.
(tense music)

You just see me here, in this
room, for a couple of hours.

I've done some heinous things.

Unquestionable things and.

(groans) I think I call you

because I think that
maybe if I get involved

with someone else's life,
someone that needs help,

that I can make up for all
of the fucked-up things

that I've done.

That's just not true.

- You know, when you have
money, life's a little easier.

And, you know, I feel safe with you, I do.

(suspenseful music)

- You feel safe with me?

Why?

- I don't know, I just
like being with you,

I like it when you call me,
I like sleepin' next to you.

I usually don't do that.

Just feels, feels kinda good.

Some guys are really weird or really mean

and I like that you don't
have any of those things.

And you'd never hurt me.
- I find that really odd.

You're not making this easy.

I thought this would make my life easier

but you're just, you're making
this really difficult, um.

- And I feel badly.

A lot of these men, you know
they don't just call me for sex

or for the physical side of things

but they want someone to talk to,

someone to be there with them,

just someone to fall asleep next to,

um, so it's not, it's not
always a sexual thing.

Sometimes it's really
beautiful and sad, too.

(intense music)

- Maybe I just thought that I could find

who I really am with somebody else.

I still don't know.

It's not you.
- The hair's not me,

but it's me, you know?

It's fun.

- It may be fun but I
wanna see the real you.

- No, the wig, the wig's better, yeah.

- [Customer] What are you afraid of?

- (sighs) I don't know.

Why you gettin' on serious on me?

It doesn't have to be that way.

- 'Cause in some fucked-up way

I feel like have to help you

- No.
- Because there's nothing

in my life, there's
nothing, of all the shit,

there's nothing that I'm proud of.

- No, see you call it "shit"

but I don't, I don't think it's shit.

I think you have a family,
you have a good job,

it's somethin', you can make
something with that, you know?

- To you, you see all the
material things that I have

and you think oh, that's success

but it's all bullshit.

- Hm.

I think a family is success, you know?

You made something, someone.

And that means something,

even if the person
doesn't see you anymore.

- [Customer] I made something
with the wrong someone.

You have no idea what
that feels like, do you?

- (sighs) Not really.

- Why?

Why do you trust me?

- (moans softly) Just have a good feeling.

You're not mean or weird, really.

- Says you.
- (giggles) Yeah, says me.

- Yeah, you have no fucking idea who I am.

You know that, yeah?
- Yeah.

- And I'm not gonna just throttle you?

- I have a good feeling.

- Could break your neck if I wanted to.

Look, I could snap your arm.

(sighs) (tuts) You don't
know what I'm capable of.

- [Escort] Show me.

(moaning)

- Show you. (sighs)

Fuck.

Why don't you just show me
who you really are, huh?

Well, why don't you just?
- No, no, no, no, no.

- Why?
- No.

- Why, why, why the, why this?

Why, why, why the stockings,
why the wig, why everything?

Why can you just be you?
- I like it.

I'm not being me right
now, I'm being Clarissa.

- But I wanna see you.

- Sorry.

This is what you get.

I think it's pretty good.

- (sighs) I want what's real.

I know this started as,
as a fantasy and all the,

all the smoke and mirror and the bullshit

but if you trust me,
if I'm, I'm this person

that you can be yourself
with, you feel safe with,

why can't you be honest with me?

- It's just more fun to lie.

It's more fun to make up stories.

I like it, it feels like acting.

- Yet, you're not an actress.

You're you, right?

Look, I'm trying to help you here, okay?

You don't need this, you
don't need this fucking life.

- Then why do people
like you keep calling me?

Keep wanting to see me, hm?

- Because I'm fucked-up, okay?

- So you're the only one
that's allowed to be fucked-up?

Other people can't?

(customer groans)

- Look, I got a lot more
years than you, okay?

And I don't want you
to go down a bad path.

I see something in you, you're not,

(sighs) you're not common.

- Mm.

Um, and I like making
these different characters

and these different people to
go with these different men.

It feels like acting, it feels like lying.

Um, so I do wanna go to
school, maybe get a BFA

or do theater somehow, yeah.

Makes me happy.

(tense music)

- Sometimes, we do terrible
things in our lives

but they lead us to do
really great things.

You just, we didn't see it from the start.

(gentle, optimistic music)

This is nice.
- Mm.

Feel kinda sad in here, to be honest.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- What would make you less sad?

- Mm.

Going out in the sun.

Maybe with you.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

- That could be fun.
- Mm.

- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Let's do that.

- Is it a date?

- It's a date.
- It's a date, really?

- Let's do it.
- Okay. (giggles)

I do feel guilty sometimes

because I get a lot of
money from these men

and I feel like sometimes
I'm manipulating them

because I am lying, I am
putting on a character,

a wig, a different person.

And that's money that
could've gone to their kids,

to their kid's education, to their wife.

You know, who am I to come into their life

and take that from them?

So I, I do feel guilty sometimes.

- I mean, even before we were married

I knew it was destined to be hell.

Just, yeah, Stacy seemed great on paper

but she was who everyone
wanted me to be with and,

and as soon as we were married,
just (snaps fingers) phew!

Flipped the switch.

She just became this raving bitch.

Just, everything I did was
wrong, or it wasn't enough

or "Why can't me have more vacations?

"Why can't we go to the Hamptons?"

Just, all she wanted to do was
just take and take and take

and, and, and when we had
kids we thought that would,

that would help but that made it worse.

Just (sighs) to have so
many people on your back

that want something from you, your wife,

your kids, your boss, your, your job,

it's, I mean, are you
surprised that this happened?

Are you surprised that I
ended up in this situation?

Doesn't just happen. (scoffs)

I mean, yeah, I'm no saint but (sighs)

sometimes enough is enough.

I mean, every man has his breaking point.

And I just (sighs)

I felt lost for so long.

And I just didn't know what to do.

So I start seeing this, this girl

and I didn't think that I'd
have this connection to her.

I didn't think it would go this deep.

I didn't think that I
would get this involved.

Maybe I just thought that I could find

who I really am with somebody else.

But then, when I think
about all of the good,

all the peace that it's brought me,

I'm not just some dirty old fuck.

I think that, through this experience,

maybe I can have a better
relationship with my wife

and with my family, and, and I can,

I can put it in the past,
I can, I can stop, I can.

(sighs) It's just been a,
it's been a really hard test

for me because I do have
the physical attraction,

I have the lust but I
think what's more important

is helping another human
being find themselves.

And I think that I can bring
that back to my family.

Maybe be a better man.

Maybe.

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

(gentle music)