All language subtitles for Derry Girls S01E04 Episode 4

A reading from the Holy Gospel.

Which one's ours?

She didn't send a photo.

Her family probably
don't even own a camera.

She'll find Derry
a bit overwhelming at first,

just because of how advanced
everything is here.

All the cracker stuff we have.

They have some pretty cracker
stuff where she comes from, too, Erin.

Oh, really? Like what?

Disease? Poverty?

No.

You can get this wee woman
made of wood, right?

You pull her apart and inside her
there's an even weer wooden woman,

and you pull
the weer wooden woman apart...

Are you talking about Russian dolls?

What are you doing?

Taking my change.

Sarah, you don't get change.

I telt you, Gerry.
I'm gonna give them a whole fiver?

That's definitely happening.

Did you just wink?

No.

You did.

You just winked.

Sure, winking's not in my notion, Mary.
What would I have to be winking about?

I don't know. I'll find out.

This is
the word of the Lord.

And today we welcome
some very special guests:

the wains from Chernobyl,

who've come over to give
their wee lungs a bit of a clear out,

because, ah, sure, there's all sorts
wafting about in their neck of the woods.

Sister.

Lovely job so far, Seamus,
but, you know, keep it moving.

Rawhide's on in 15 minutes.

Now, one might well question the wisdom
of sending you here, of all places.

Out of the frying pan into the...

well, maybe not the fire, but certainly
a different type of frying pan.

Or some sort of wok at the very least.

But please, don't worry yourselves
too much about the whole civil war,

sectarian conflict carry on.

There's really only one thing
you need to know.

We're the goodies.

Welcome to Derry.

It's class, isn't it?

Hmm. It's much how I imagine.

Oh, because of my letters?

Well, descriptive narrative
has always been a strong point.

No, not your letters.
I see on news.

What do you mean,
you've seen on news?

You don't have news in the Ukraine.
You don't have televisions.

- Yes, we do. We do.
- No, you don't. Really?

Of course.

Erin, stop hogging the Russian.

Yeah, come on, Erin.
Give Orla a go.

She's Ukrainian, actually.

Yeah, go on, love.
Say something to Katya.

Your name sounds a bit like "cat".

God, aye, so it does.

You don't know a Jack McGinley, do you?

Moved to Moscow, '88, '89,
it would have been.

- Seriously?
- No.

- Stocky fella.
- No.

- Curly hair, bit of a lisp.
- I do not know this person.

Ah, maybe just as well, love.

He's an awful prick.

So, Katya, I've done
a bit of an itinerary for your stay.

You should have received a copy
in my last letter.

I don't read your letters, Erin.

I'm sorry?
I don't follow.

Your letters, they bore.

- They're "boring".
- Exactly.

- That's not what I...
- I can smoke here, yes?

No. No, you can't.

Mammy's like a bloodhound.

Your ma said we could come up
and have a look at the Russian.

- Ukrainian.
- Is this her?

Isn't she cracker?
She's half mine.

- No, she's not, Orla.
- Aye, she is. Mammy said so.

You're so lucky, Erin.

I begged my ma to let me have one,
but she said we've no room

now that my dickhead, ballbag,
English prick of a cousin's moved in.

Talking about you, James,
in case you're wondering.

Yeah, that much was clear,
thank you, Michelle.

Have you seen the one
Jenny Joyce got, the fella?

Massive, massive ride.

I've been thinking. Maybe time for me
to lose the rest of my virginity.

He's definitely a contender.

You help me.

You put in good word
with your Cossack friend.

So we can...

Would you stop that?

I'm very sorry
for all your trouble, you know,

the whole hoo-ha at the power plant.

Okay.

When you think about it,
we've actually got a lot in common,

'cause we understand what it's like to be
a young person from a troubled place,

It is not the same.

Chernobyl was terrible nuclear accident.

You people like to fight each other
and, to be honest,

no person really understands why.

Well, there's actually
a political element to it, Katya,

and there's a religious element.

Mmm, but you're not
two different religions here.

You're different flavors
of same religion, no?

Well, yes, but...

it's a little bit more complicated
than that, Katya.

To me, is stupid.

Oh, my God.

It is stupid.

It is so, so stupid.

Who is this?

Oh, that's just James.

You are handsome.

And also sexy.

Is her English not great?

What's happening?

Why would she do that?

- Why?
- Fuck knows. He's minging.

She seems to be really
enjoying it.

- Is he enjoying it?
- It's hard to tell.

Well, if he's not enjoying it,
isn't that sort of sexual harassment?

Yeah, we should put a stop to it.

- Aye.
- Does anyone want a Fruit Pastille?

And when Erin finished
reading me her poetry,

she showed me some old walls.

I showed you "the walls".

I showed you the city walls,
and they are nothing short of spectacular.

Ach, if she's not into walls,
she's not into walls, Erin, love.

Have you any news, Da?

Not really, no.

Right. Shay Harkin was telling me

you were in Duggan's bakery
yesterday lunchtime.

That's hardly news.

- Two buns he says you ordered.
- I often do.

An apple turnover and a cream horn.

A cream horn?

That's not like you, Granda.

Sure, you couldn't pay you
to eat a cream horn.

Cream finger, it was.
Apple turnover and a cream finger.

Cream horn, Shay said.

Horns, fingers. Who cares?

He swore on it.
Said he saw it being bagged up.

Big Shay has eyes like a hawk, so he does.

Shay said when you left Duggan's
you turned up Pump Street.

Pump Street?

Who do you know on Pump Street, Da?

What were you doing heading up
Pump Street with a cream horn, Da?

- I was visiting a friend of mine.
- What friend?

- A new friend.
- A male friend, was it?

Aye, I thought as much.

Buying cream horns for his fancy woman.

Sarah, what do you think of that?

We met at the Stations of the Cross.

- What station?
- Jesus falls for the second time.

I could do without the details, Da.

Maeve and me, we...

We just get on well, that's all.

- Maeve? That's her name, is it?
- Yes, that's right.

Maeve.
That's what she's called, is she?

- She is, aye.
- Maeve. Maeve. Really?

- Maeve?
- Why does your mother make that sound?

- I cannot believe this.
- I think it's a good thing, love.

Just keep out of it, you.

And that's who you
were winking at in mass?

- Winking? At your age?
- Mm-hmm.

Christ, I feel sick.

It was only a friendly wink.

There is no such thing as a
friendly wink.

- Is there not?
- Our poor mother is barely cold,

and you're straight back out there,
winking away.

Your mother's been dead ten years, Mary.

Look, I'll not tell you again.

I'm sorry.

I seem to have lost my appetite.

You happy now?

d Young at heart d

I don't know.
I just find her a bit,

"I have a fringe and cigarettes
and opinions",

and she's also a bit, you know,
"I hate walls", and she's just not...

Oh, the grateful, little,
peasant girl you ordered?

Yeah... No.

I just don't trust her, okay?

And that thing she said
about my letters being boring,

I really think she's playing some sort of
twisted psychological mind game here.

Or maybe your letters
are just fucking dull.

My letters are a gripping read.

I'm not comfortable with you talking
about my girlfriend like this.

Ah-ha! And she also fancies James.

You don't find that a bit weird?

Aye, that is a bit fucked up, in fairness.

I can't get my head around it.

I'm telling you, she's up to something.

Even so, I need her to put a word in
with that big Russian ride.

And I really like the fact
she glows in the dark.

- I'm sorry?
- Because of the radiation,

- they all glow in the dark.
- Right.

She's also opened my eyes about
how we need to break down barriers here,

to no longer define ourselves as Irish
or British, Catholic or Protestant,

but simply as human,
with human hearts and human heads

and human hands
and other human qualities,

because at the end of the day,
we're all... humans.

Hi.

Incoming ride.
I repeat, incoming ride.

Hi, everyone. This is Artem.

Well, hello, Artem.

Go on, then.

She wants to have sex with you.

He doesn't say much.

Is he... is he tied to you?

Yeah, he kept wandering off.

Listen, I've a feeling Artem and
a few of the others are a bit homesick.

It'd be nice for them
to spend some time together.

So I'm having a bit of a soiree at
my place tonight. It's going to be great.

I've got a chocolate
fountain and everything!

Well, chocolate fountain or not,

I'd actually prefer to keep
our Ukrainians separate, so...

Oh, Christ. David.

David Donnelly has just come in.
David's here.

Right. Okay. Don't look.
Nobody look.

Hi, do you have a playlist
for tonight, then?

I'll need the sound system set
up by 7:00.

Is your band playing
at this thing tonight?

Oh, no. Christ, no,
I just do a bit of DJing at the side.

Make a bit of extra cash.

Wacca-wacca, cha-ching!

Oh, my band, we don't really do covers.
Do you know what I mean?

In this game,
you need a wee bit of integrity.

Now, whatever you do,
don't forget the Grease mega mix.

Yep.

Actually, on second thoughts, I think this
party would be really great for Katya.

Might help bring her
out of her shell a bit.

d Spinderella cut it up one time d

d Ooh, ooh, ooh, hey d

Oh, you look very...

boob-y.

Yes, I like.

We go now?

Katya.

Well, well, well.

d She leads a lonely life d

Size of this motherfucking house!

Listen, I think James
might be in real trouble.

Right. Struggling to give a shit,
if I'm honest.

- Where is Katya?
- I don't know. Why?

I must... I must give.

Hi, girls.

Have you got a Union Jack
splashed across your tits, Clare?

I'm making a point.

Is the point, "I'd like to get beaten up"?

Me wearing this, it should be meaningless.

These are just colors and shapes.

This flag is not an identity.

We need to take the power
out of these symbols.

Genuine question.
Why can't you just be fucking normal?

- Enjoy the chocolate fountain, Orla?
- Very much so.

Focus, girls.

Has anyone seen Artem?

I untied him for his toilet privileges
half an hour ago

- and now I can't find him.
- What?

Listen, I know this might be
a bit shocking,

but I think Katya is planning
on taking James' virginity tonight.

I found condoms in her bag,
actual condoms.

Like, I don't even think
they're legal in Derry.

- Wise up, Erin.
- We have to stop her.

- Yes!
- Yes!

- Tune!
- It's our song, girls. It's our song!

- I've lost Katya.
- Good.

Let's hit the floor, girls!

She doesn't love him.
She's just using him.

She just wants something to do.

But she can't do James.
He's not a pastime or a plaything.

Ach, Erin, if she wants to ride James,
just let her ride James.

Nobody else is ever gonna wanna touch
the poor fucker.

I mean, maybe it's just his time.

I mean, we're all gonna
have sex at some point.

You probably won't, Clare.

Aye, I can't see that, either,
to be honest, Clare.

There you are.

Oh, playing hard to get, are we, Artem?

Or he could be, you know,
just not interested.

Fuck off, toots.

Shit. James.

How could he bring
another woman into this house?

How could he bring her here,

into our mother's home?

- Your mother never lived in this house.
- Shut up, Gerry.

Right. Come on in there, Maeve.

Now, these are my daughters.

That's Mary, and this is Sarah.

Hello, Maeve.

Maeve.

I'm Mary's husband, Gerry.

We're Mary and Gerry
and we're living in Derry.

I'll get the tea going.

Right, I'll just grab my beads.
Be back in a minute.

Just make yourself comfortable.

You'll not have to ask Maeve twice.

Sorry, love, did you say something?

Gerry's name is on the house, not my da's,

if that's what you were thinking.

If what's what I'm thinking?

Hobnob? Custard cream? Wagon Wheel?

What age are you, Maeve, like, 30?

- I'm 62.
- Sugar daddy you're after, is it?

I just wanna let you know, Maeve,

we'll never call you "mammy".

- Okay.
- And I just wanna say,

although I'm not happy
about this thing with me da,

I have to give it to you,
that is a cracker blow-dry.

Great volume. Lovely movement.

Come on, Artem.
You want me and I want you.

Let's stop playing these games.

Look, I don't want any trouble.

I'm begging you,
just leave me alone, please.

Why are you suddenly Irish?

Queue to the right-hand side, please.

One Chupa Chup per person.

James. Listen, I have something
to tell you, and...

Ooh, Dib-Dab. Okay.

I'm just gonna say it.

I think Katya is planning
on having sex with you, tonight.

- I know.
- You know?

I'm meeting her upstairs in a bit.

She told me to have some food first.

Apparently, sex uses up a lot of energy.

- You do not want to do this, James.
- Yes, I do.

- You're not ready for it.
- I am.

She doesn't love you, James.
She's just using you.

Yeah, but the thing is, I don't care.

I won't let you.
I won't let you do it.

You can't stop me.

Fine. In that case,
I'll just come and watch.

- What?
- You heard me, James.

If you insist on going through with this,

well, I'm... I'm gonna make sure
you don't enjoy it.

I'm skiving. Say nothing.

Oh, Jenny is a bit of
a head mother isn't she?

What?

Oh, yeah. Big time.

I've got some beers,
if you fancy a sneaky one.

Just give me one minute.

I just have to... I'll be right back.

Just stay here. One minute.

- Where's Katya?
- I don't know.

Up there somewhere,
trying to mount my friend.

I owe.

And the plot thickens.

Can you believe him?

Flaunting it in our faces like this.

I don't even know the man anymore.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us
sinners now and at the hour of our death.

- Amen.
- Unbelievable.

Jammy Dodger?

Blessed art thou and blessed
is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

James?

James?

Is there any need
for the size of this place?

- James?
- All right?

- What is going on?
- Trying to sort Clive out.

- Clive? Who's Clive?
- Christ.

You dirty, dirty Brit.

- I beg your pardon?
- I know what you're up to.

I'm not up to anything.
I should be up to something,

but I can't find the person
I'm supposed to be up to it with,

because this place
is like a fucking maze.

Shh!

- You'll scare Clive.
- Who's Clive?

Clive.

Clive is a wee Prod from east
Belfast.

Clive came back from Ibiza, got on
the wrong bus at Aldergrove Airport,

then fell asleep.

Clive woke up in Derry,
surrounded by Russians and Fenians.

Clive is absolutely shitting himself.

So where's the real Artem?

Giant's Causeway, probably.

Foreigners fucking love
the Giant's Causeway.

I just wanna go home,
but she won't let me leave.

She won't let me leave.

Um, I also think Clive may have had
too many disco biscuits on his holidays.

Here you are.

Thank God.

Whatever you do, don't slag off the Pope.

We're outnumbered.

For God's sake, Orla,
you're gonna make yourself boke.

I can handle it.

James, what is going on?
I wait long time.

You no longer want to do sex?

No, no, no, I do want to do sex.
I really, really want to do sex.

- Come.
- You disgust me.

- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- Piss off, Erin.

I mean, I know you're desperate, James,
but paying for it?

What?

You really thought I wouldn't work it out?

Work what out?

What the actual cock
are you talking about?

I'm talking about the fact
that she's a prostitute.

I am prostitute?

Oh, come off it, James.
She's charging you for it, isn't she?

- Just admit it.
- No. I mean, I don't think so.

- I mean, not that I wouldn't consider it.
- Ugh!

How dare you? I am poor Ukrainian,
so I must be prostitute.

Hear me out.

First, she comes on to James
here.

What would possess her?

Financial gain, that's what.

- He attractive boy, Erin.
- He's English, Katya.

- I have no problem with this.
- You should.

Secondly, she owns condoms.

They're in her bag. A whole packet.

And I've seen them, people.

- You are imbecile.
- "An" imbecile.

And thirdly, all night,
wee Ukrainian fellas

have been coming up
and giving her money they "owe" her.

How the hell do you explain that?

I organize, how you say it, whip round.

We like to buy Jenny present
to thank her for nice party.

Oh, you guys.

Right. Okay.

Yeah, that does sort of explain it.

- Dickhead.
- Really, Erin.

So not only you insult me,
but you've also spoiled Jenny's surprise.

I think you should leave.

Yeah.

But great evening all the same, Jenny.
You're a credit to yourself.

Come on, Katya, love.
Let's talk about this, please.

I am finished talking.

She is racist, patronizing bitch.

I am "a" racist, patronizing bitch.

Now, come on, girls. Language, please.

Well, you don't really wanna go
to Jenny Joyce's house, do you, love?

Yes, I do.

Apart from anything, it has eight bedrooms
and a chocolate fountain.

I hope you're happy, Erin.

- You've just done us out of your Russian.
- Ukrainian.

Good for you, Mr. Joe.

She is hot and you're not dead, yet.

Why not have some fun?

Tell me this. Does Jenny Joyce's house
really have eight bedrooms?

Aye. And some of the bedrooms,

they have these wee, tiny bathrooms
attached to them.

Imagine.

Your girls, they're just not ready, Joe.

Maybe see you in mass, then, eh?

Aye.

Here, give me your hand.

Tell Sarah this is the fella
that blow-dries my hair.

He's an artist.

Take care.

- That Maeve away?
- Aye.

- Nice woman.
- Aye.

Mary and Sarah will come round
eventually, Joe.

It's just hard for them
to see you with somebody else.

As far as they're concerned,
their mother was perfect.

Piss off, Gerry.

And they're right.

You were perfect.

d My heart is low d

d My heart is so low d

d As only a woman's heart can be d

d As only a woman d

d As only a woman d

d As only a woman's... d

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