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1
00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:04,411
- How was yoga, Sheila?
- Oh, terrible.
2
00:00:04,563 --> 00:00:06,396
The guy in front of me
wasn't wearing underwear,
3
00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:09,174
and his downward dog wasn't neutered.
4
00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:12,368
Really? Maybe I should take up yoga.
5
00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:15,264
I'm feeling a little stiff.
6
00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,500
Happy Saturday!
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,852
What are you wearing?
8
00:00:20,003 --> 00:00:21,720
Oh, this?
9
00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:25,916
Just the coolest shirt of
the last 65 million years.
10
00:00:26,009 --> 00:00:29,844
And my chances of being a
grandmother have gone extinct.
11
00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:32,680
Max is taking me to the
natural history museum today.
12
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,016
And I'm her date.
13
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,443
How the hell are you in my life?
14
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,429
Even I would've picked on you in school.
15
00:00:39,523 --> 00:00:40,781
You're gonna stand there
16
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:43,500
and tell something
cold-blooded that it's not cool?
17
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:46,628
Boom! Joke and a science
fact. Take that, haters.
18
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:50,624
Hey, guys.
19
00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,943
Hey. Why do you have a baby?
20
00:00:52,961 --> 00:00:55,112
Yeah, I don't remember
getting an Amber Alert.
21
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:57,723
Oh, look at him.
22
00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:01,968
Oh, he's so much cuter than
you were as a baby, Katharine.
23
00:01:02,971 --> 00:01:06,047
No. This is my nephew, Thor.
I'm watching him for my sister.
24
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,307
Thor? His name is Thor?
25
00:01:07,459 --> 00:01:10,051
Damn. Now I got to rename my vibrator.
26
00:01:10,129 --> 00:01:11,812
Same.
27
00:01:11,964 --> 00:01:14,147
My sister married a comic book nerd.
28
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,966
Their vows were in Klingon.
29
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:19,745
Klingon? What a couple of dorks.
30
00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:22,397
He's so adorable.
31
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,641
Do you feel any maternal stirrings,
32
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:27,811
or have your ovaries turned to stone?
33
00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:29,479
I am fine with babies.
34
00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:31,315
I just prefer the kind
that are covered in fur
35
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,074
and fall on their
feet when you drop 'em.
36
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:34,676
Do not hand her that baby.
37
00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:37,096
I like this getup.
38
00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:38,305
You want to take him for a ride?
39
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,748
I want you to take me for a ride.
40
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,269
- When's your sister picking him up?
- Tomorrow morning.
41
00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:46,012
But we're going to the museum today.
42
00:01:46,165 --> 00:01:47,606
Dinosaurs, rocks, stuffed animals.
43
00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,015
There's nothing there for a kid.
44
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,017
Come on. We'll take him with us.
45
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:53,337
What if he embarrasses us?
46
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,930
He'll love it. Right, Thor?
47
00:01:56,008 --> 00:02:00,476
The God of Thunder says
that sounds bitchin'!
48
00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:02,846
All right, I'll give it a try.
49
00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,514
I've got my eye on you.
50
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:07,000
Don't you ruin this for me.
51
00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:15,491
I'm lovin' this kid.
52
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,715
Now, Thor, some of the exhibits
53
00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:25,202
on early humans will
feature some tasteful nudity.
54
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,053
So try not to stare.
55
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,039
And definitely no touching.
56
00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:30,482
Learned that the hard way.
57
00:02:30,592 --> 00:02:32,042
Grade school field trip?
58
00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,543
Last month.
59
00:02:33,562 --> 00:02:36,989
So that's why the security
guard keeps following us.
60
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:39,883
Oh.
61
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:42,569
Oh.
62
00:02:44,223 --> 00:02:45,647
Look at you. Good with babies.
63
00:02:45,741 --> 00:02:49,226
To be fair, I do the same thing
with Carter when he's cranky.
64
00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:50,669
You want to hold him?
65
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:54,514
Oh, no thanks. The only tiny,
whiny thing I like is Phil.
66
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,925
Come on. Don't you
just want to eat him up?
67
00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,278
Like a little baby kebab?
68
00:02:59,354 --> 00:03:01,596
Mmm.
69
00:03:01,690 --> 00:03:04,357
Yeah, that hand was down
his diaper five minutes ago.
70
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,268
I never realized you're not into babies.
71
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,362
Stop saying that. I
can be good with babies.
72
00:03:09,515 --> 00:03:11,456
Look, I'm here. I'm gone.
73
00:03:11,683 --> 00:03:14,034
I'm here, I'm gone.
74
00:03:14,186 --> 00:03:15,535
And it's fun
75
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,796
because you haven't learned
the permanence of objects yet.
76
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,189
See?
77
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,133
I'm sorry. I was wrong.
78
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,043
You totally get kids.
79
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:24,532
I'm gonna go to the restroom
80
00:03:24,551 --> 00:03:26,109
before we hit the gem
and mineral exhibit
81
00:03:26,128 --> 00:03:28,220
because we are going
to be there a long time.
82
00:03:28,447 --> 00:03:30,280
I get very fired up about igneous rocks.
83
00:03:30,298 --> 00:03:32,039
- Lava, fire.
- Mm. Yeah.
84
00:03:32,059 --> 00:03:33,299
But when you see the plaque,
85
00:03:33,394 --> 00:03:34,594
you're going to erupt with laughter.
86
00:03:34,711 --> 00:03:36,620
- Stop it. Oy.
- Okay, that was the last one.
87
00:03:36,713 --> 00:03:38,304
- I pumice.
- Oy.
88
00:03:38,457 --> 00:03:41,808
You three are such a cute family.
89
00:03:41,902 --> 00:03:44,385
- Oh, we're actually not...
- Thank you.
90
00:03:44,479 --> 00:03:46,129
He looks just like you.
91
00:03:46,131 --> 00:03:47,297
Oh, that's so sweet.
92
00:03:47,299 --> 00:03:48,648
He's bald and has three chins.
93
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,967
How does she think that's a compliment?
94
00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:54,471
You should see her do "Baby
Shark." It's a showstopper.
95
00:03:54,489 --> 00:03:55,730
You have a great day.
96
00:03:57,935 --> 00:03:59,659
Why did you let her
think we're a family?
97
00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:03,139
Because I get looks if I
say, "Oh, this isn't my baby."
98
00:04:03,158 --> 00:04:05,141
Oh, that never stopped
my mom from saying it.
99
00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:10,422
This is my manager.
100
00:04:10,649 --> 00:04:11,741
- Here? Please. Yeah?
- Yeah. No.
101
00:04:11,742 --> 00:04:12,818
- Yeah, yeah.
- No, I just told you,
102
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:13,908
- I have to... Oh.
- Hello?
103
00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:15,927
Yeah, now's a great time.
104
00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:19,322
What's with that face?
105
00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:20,824
Can you smell my fear?
106
00:04:20,842 --> 00:04:22,416
Oh.
107
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,752
Oh. Okay, uh, okay.
108
00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:27,513
We're gonna bounce? We're
bouncing. We're bouncing.
109
00:04:27,608 --> 00:04:29,590
Okay. Is this bouncing helping you?
110
00:04:29,610 --> 00:04:31,258
It's making my pee situation worse.
111
00:04:31,278 --> 00:04:36,339
Oh. Oh. Oh, okay.
112
00:04:36,432 --> 00:04:37,523
That is helping.
113
00:04:37,692 --> 00:04:39,266
Yeah, that's a good Thor.
114
00:04:39,286 --> 00:04:41,286
You know what, Thor? That's a dumb name.
115
00:04:41,437 --> 00:04:44,105
I'm gonna call you...
116
00:04:44,124 --> 00:04:45,940
Carl.
117
00:04:46,034 --> 00:04:47,684
That was my dad's middle name.
118
00:04:47,702 --> 00:04:49,944
He's a really great
guy. He's up there now.
119
00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:52,689
Yeah. Yeah, not up there with
that pterodactyl in the rafters,
120
00:04:52,707 --> 00:04:54,782
but, like, the big "up there."
121
00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:56,376
You know, I don't know if I'm the one
122
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,695
to be teaching you about death.
123
00:04:58,788 --> 00:05:00,472
However, do you
remember our conversation
124
00:05:00,548 --> 00:05:02,957
about object permanence?
125
00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:06,460
Ooh. Ooh, a little baby toot.
126
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,388
Oh, wow. That is pungent.
127
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:09,814
Yeah, that was not me.
128
00:05:09,966 --> 00:05:11,040
That was the baby.
129
00:05:11,134 --> 00:05:12,892
Whew. Carl.
130
00:05:13,044 --> 00:05:14,969
You know what? This
dam's about to break,
131
00:05:14,988 --> 00:05:17,864
and only one of us is
wearing a diaper. Let's go.
132
00:05:19,245 --> 00:05:21,320
- It's slow today.
- Yeah.
133
00:05:21,414 --> 00:05:23,431
Good day for Kat to take off.
134
00:05:23,582 --> 00:05:25,158
Uh-huh.
135
00:05:25,186 --> 00:05:26,919
But we're not gonna tell
her that, though, right?
136
00:05:27,013 --> 00:05:28,254
Hell no.
137
00:05:28,573 --> 00:05:30,682
I guess we could restock
the shelves in the storeroom.
138
00:05:30,833 --> 00:05:32,075
Yeah, we probably should.
139
00:05:32,093 --> 00:05:34,410
All right, well, give me
a hand with these boxes.
140
00:05:34,429 --> 00:05:36,145
I'm on my break.
141
00:05:37,582 --> 00:05:38,525
Hey, baby.
142
00:05:38,526 --> 00:05:39,840
- Hi.
- Hi.
143
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,918
I'm pretty sure he was talking to me.
144
00:05:42,011 --> 00:05:44,362
Well, bless your heart.
145
00:05:44,513 --> 00:05:45,846
You pick a movie for tonight?
146
00:05:45,940 --> 00:05:48,424
Ooh. So, I've narrowed it
down to Bride of Chucky,
147
00:05:48,517 --> 00:05:49,759
Seed of Chucky,
148
00:05:49,777 --> 00:05:51,928
- or Cult of Chucky.
- Mm.
149
00:05:51,946 --> 00:05:53,520
Ah, yes. Chucky.
150
00:05:53,615 --> 00:05:55,615
Like a Murder-Me Elmo.
151
00:05:55,767 --> 00:05:56,875
And, Phil, you are helping me
152
00:05:57,060 --> 00:05:58,434
when you're done with your break.
153
00:05:58,453 --> 00:06:02,622
Of course. I just hope you
don't finish before I'm back.
154
00:06:02,716 --> 00:06:05,884
I can't wait to watch the
movie with you tonight, baby.
155
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,611
Smart move watching a horror movie
156
00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:12,615
so your girl snuggles up all
close to you during the scary bits.
157
00:06:12,634 --> 00:06:17,954
Scary bits is also what I
call a woman's private parts.
158
00:06:17,972 --> 00:06:21,791
Phil, you ever told
a lie on a first date?
159
00:06:21,809 --> 00:06:25,403
I don't think I've ever told
the truth on a first date.
160
00:06:25,554 --> 00:06:27,554
Between you and me,
I hate horror movies.
161
00:06:27,574 --> 00:06:29,556
But Randi said she loved
them on our first date,
162
00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:32,635
and I wanted to see
her scary bits, so...
163
00:06:32,654 --> 00:06:34,153
Well, why not just tell her the truth?
164
00:06:34,305 --> 00:06:36,080
Because that woman
has crazy trust issues.
165
00:06:36,232 --> 00:06:37,898
I mean, if she knew I
lied about one thing,
166
00:06:37,992 --> 00:06:39,566
she'll think I lied
about a lot of things.
167
00:06:39,661 --> 00:06:41,160
Did you lie about a lot of things?
168
00:06:41,254 --> 00:06:42,403
Of course I did.
169
00:06:42,422 --> 00:06:43,996
I mean, "I like scary movies" led to
170
00:06:44,149 --> 00:06:46,332
"I like Milk Duds just like you" led to
171
00:06:46,484 --> 00:06:48,927
"Yeah, I like camping." Camping, Phil.
172
00:06:49,154 --> 00:06:50,987
Do you know what happens
to people who go camping?
173
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,264
I do, because I've seen
every damn horror movie.
174
00:06:53,416 --> 00:06:55,341
And you know who they kill first?
175
00:06:55,435 --> 00:06:57,936
The handsome, funny Black guy.
176
00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:00,921
You know what candy I like?
177
00:07:01,015 --> 00:07:02,607
Sour Patch Kids.
178
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:04,850
They're my body shape, and I feel seen.
179
00:07:04,945 --> 00:07:07,261
Maybe I should be dating you, Phil.
180
00:07:07,355 --> 00:07:09,906
I knew you'd come around, baby.
181
00:07:13,102 --> 00:07:16,437
Okay, Carl, welcome to the ladies' room,
182
00:07:16,514 --> 00:07:17,697
where the seats are always down,
183
00:07:17,849 --> 00:07:19,606
and toilet paper is the
currency of the realm.
184
00:07:19,701 --> 00:07:21,367
Uh, pardonne-moi.
185
00:07:21,519 --> 00:07:23,703
Would you mind holding
this tiny humanoid
186
00:07:23,855 --> 00:07:26,464
whilst I relieve myself?
187
00:07:26,615 --> 00:07:28,040
Actually, wait. Are you a weirdo?
188
00:07:28,193 --> 00:07:31,552
Yes, I'm the weirdo.
189
00:07:33,456 --> 00:07:34,864
When you're a little
older, I'll tell you
190
00:07:34,882 --> 00:07:36,474
what your middle finger's for.
191
00:07:36,625 --> 00:07:39,185
All right, Carl, let's do this.
192
00:07:44,709 --> 00:07:48,069
There's no shelf? Why
is there no baby shelf?
193
00:07:48,971 --> 00:07:51,322
Okay.
194
00:07:51,549 --> 00:07:52,865
Hmm.
195
00:07:54,477 --> 00:07:59,163
I don't think that's a very good
idea at all, but it's very cute!
196
00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:03,150
All right.
197
00:08:04,229 --> 00:08:07,171
I'm like a teenage boy
trying to get to third base.
198
00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:10,824
Oh, I have an idea.
199
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:13,402
I'll make you a little nest.
200
00:08:13,421 --> 00:08:17,998
Fun fact... my mother calls
these "cootie catchers."
201
00:08:18,018 --> 00:08:20,743
And she calls this sweater...
202
00:08:20,762 --> 00:08:23,913
a "loneliness catcher."
203
00:08:24,006 --> 00:08:28,267
Here we go. Here we go.
204
00:08:28,419 --> 00:08:29,919
Okay. All right.
205
00:08:30,088 --> 00:08:33,197
Now, Carl, here's the thing.
I'm a little pee shy, so...
206
00:08:33,349 --> 00:08:35,925
Carl? Carl?
207
00:08:35,943 --> 00:08:37,684
Oh, yeah. Hi.
208
00:08:37,853 --> 00:08:40,521
Um, can you roll that baby back to me?
209
00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:43,124
Also, I like your shoes.
210
00:08:48,439 --> 00:08:50,197
Okay, if Uncle Max asks if I put you
211
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:53,125
on the filthy, pee-pee
bathroom floor, what do you say?
212
00:08:53,219 --> 00:08:54,794
Exactly. Perfect.
213
00:08:54,888 --> 00:08:56,946
Okay. Sorry about that.
Everything go okay?
214
00:08:56,964 --> 00:08:59,891
Yeah. Easy-breezy, no
trouble, double-bubble.
215
00:09:00,042 --> 00:09:03,061
Well, I don't know if this
is your pee or floor pee,
216
00:09:03,212 --> 00:09:06,022
but it doesn't matter. It's still pee.
217
00:09:08,459 --> 00:09:10,234
Oh, damn it.
218
00:09:10,461 --> 00:09:12,487
Hmm.
219
00:09:15,316 --> 00:09:17,241
Ready?
220
00:09:27,069 --> 00:09:28,936
Yeah, so, Carl and I have
just been hanging out.
221
00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:32,072
Oh, by the way, Thor goes by "Carl" now.
222
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:35,760
And what if I told you, you
never had to buy a towel again?
223
00:09:35,837 --> 00:09:37,486
We got to get out of here.
224
00:09:37,580 --> 00:09:38,671
What do you mean?
225
00:09:38,823 --> 00:09:40,765
Did you steal a moon rock? I did, too!
226
00:09:40,992 --> 00:09:42,992
If we get caught, blame the baby.
227
00:09:43,085 --> 00:09:45,344
My manager's shopping a song around,
228
00:09:45,496 --> 00:09:47,346
and Miranda Lambert might be interested.
229
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:48,773
Oh, that's big.
230
00:09:48,924 --> 00:09:52,293
Not unlike the moon rock that
Carl hid in his diaper bag.
231
00:09:52,353 --> 00:09:53,853
I need to change the lyrics
by the end of the day.
232
00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:55,095
It was about a truck,
233
00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:57,097
and now, it needs to
be about infertility.
234
00:09:57,117 --> 00:09:58,932
But what are you gonna do with Carl?
235
00:09:58,952 --> 00:10:01,360
I was thinking maybe you could help?
236
00:10:01,512 --> 00:10:02,528
Oh, I don't know, Max.
237
00:10:02,697 --> 00:10:04,013
No. Like you just said...
238
00:10:04,106 --> 00:10:06,699
easy-breezy, no trouble, double-bubble.
239
00:10:06,851 --> 00:10:09,034
Don't use my love of
wordplay against me.
240
00:10:09,187 --> 00:10:11,796
Please. Really need you.
241
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:14,540
Oh, don't look at me like that.
242
00:10:14,692 --> 00:10:15,800
What do you mean?
243
00:10:15,951 --> 00:10:18,261
Carl, do you know what she means?
244
00:10:19,622 --> 00:10:21,530
Okay, fine. I'll do it.
245
00:10:21,549 --> 00:10:23,549
Great. You mean babysit, right?
246
00:10:23,701 --> 00:10:25,701
Not drop him off at the fire station?
247
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,662
Max, what kind of
person do you think I am?
248
00:10:27,664 --> 00:10:31,023
I'm gonna need a verbal "yes."
249
00:10:32,877 --> 00:10:36,320
- Ooh, popcorn.
- Not just popcorn.
250
00:10:36,472 --> 00:10:38,573
Great. The Duds.
251
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,400
All right.
252
00:10:41,552 --> 00:10:42,976
It is Chucky time.
253
00:10:43,070 --> 00:10:45,329
Are you ready to get your stabbing on?
254
00:10:45,481 --> 00:10:46,889
You know it.
255
00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:49,909
But if you want to get really freaky,
256
00:10:49,985 --> 00:10:52,837
there's a new movie
featuring Dame Judi Dench.
257
00:10:52,988 --> 00:10:55,731
- Wait. Who?
- You know, Dame Judi Dench.
258
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:59,251
Shakespeare in Love, Pride
and Prejudice, Chocolat.
259
00:10:59,495 --> 00:11:02,404
Anyway, it's a rom-com.
260
00:11:02,498 --> 00:11:03,722
Well, is it scary?
261
00:11:03,741 --> 00:11:06,225
Ah, there is a fear of commitment.
262
00:11:06,243 --> 00:11:07,484
That sounds boring.
263
00:11:07,578 --> 00:11:10,062
Might as well read a
book. Come on, let's watch.
264
00:11:10,081 --> 00:11:12,414
Okay. Yeah, let's do it.
265
00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:14,750
You know, I know I love horror movies
266
00:11:14,902 --> 00:11:16,402
because I said I love horror movies,
267
00:11:16,495 --> 00:11:20,072
and why would I lie about that,
but what do you love about them?
268
00:11:20,165 --> 00:11:21,665
Oh, everything.
269
00:11:21,759 --> 00:11:25,260
The jump scares, the blood, not
being able to sleep at night.
270
00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:27,262
- Ooh.
- Uh-huh.
271
00:11:27,339 --> 00:11:29,264
Uh-huh.
272
00:11:29,341 --> 00:11:31,007
Ditto.
273
00:11:31,027 --> 00:11:33,844
I guess I really got into
them when I was a teenager,
274
00:11:33,863 --> 00:11:35,178
which makes sense because that's when
275
00:11:35,198 --> 00:11:37,256
I started dealing with depression.
276
00:11:37,274 --> 00:11:39,015
I guess it kind of
helped me feel something
277
00:11:39,035 --> 00:11:41,577
instead of being numb all the time.
278
00:11:42,430 --> 00:11:44,872
Hmm. That does make sense.
279
00:11:45,099 --> 00:11:48,117
Plus, I cannot get enough
of screaming white people.
280
00:11:48,211 --> 00:11:51,128
Oh. Here comes your Dud.
281
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:54,173
Yay.
282
00:11:58,888 --> 00:12:00,629
I have a PhD in mathematics.
283
00:12:00,781 --> 00:12:02,372
How am I losing to a baby cage?
284
00:12:02,466 --> 00:12:06,560
You know, it would be nice if
I had another person to help.
285
00:12:06,787 --> 00:12:08,229
Hello?
286
00:12:08,305 --> 00:12:09,805
Noise-canceling.
287
00:12:09,899 --> 00:12:11,548
Oh, so you can hear me?
288
00:12:11,717 --> 00:12:13,401
Not a word.
289
00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:19,723
Stay 'n Play, my ass.
290
00:12:19,817 --> 00:12:22,968
Should be called the Sweat 'n Cry.
291
00:12:25,823 --> 00:12:26,972
If you can't keep him quiet,
292
00:12:26,991 --> 00:12:28,398
I'm gonna go work in the other room.
293
00:12:28,418 --> 00:12:30,325
Oh. Yeah, that's just
great. I mean, you can't even
294
00:12:30,478 --> 00:12:33,145
pitch in for, like, two
minutes? This baby was your idea.
295
00:12:33,164 --> 00:12:34,647
I'm sorry, Kat.
296
00:12:34,665 --> 00:12:36,257
You know I have a deadline.
297
00:12:36,408 --> 00:12:37,833
Oh, well, you know what?
298
00:12:38,002 --> 00:12:39,652
Why don't you at least
show your face to Carl
299
00:12:39,745 --> 00:12:42,263
before you leave so he doesn't
forget what you look like!
300
00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:44,339
Why are you always so dramatic?
301
00:12:44,492 --> 00:12:45,867
Oh, I'm the dramatic one?
302
00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:47,993
That is ridiculous. Just go!
303
00:12:48,012 --> 00:12:49,495
Don't have to tell me twice.
304
00:12:49,588 --> 00:12:51,013
I need a drink.
305
00:12:51,165 --> 00:12:54,090
You know what? We don't need him.
306
00:12:57,613 --> 00:13:01,699
Oh. Ah. Okay.
307
00:13:05,121 --> 00:13:07,955
Oh, yeah. Oh, oh!
308
00:13:11,519 --> 00:13:15,171
Remember earlier we talked
about the middle finger?
309
00:13:22,213 --> 00:13:25,214
Okay, Carl. You ate,
you burped, you farted.
310
00:13:25,366 --> 00:13:27,975
That's all I need to
do before I go to sleep.
311
00:13:28,644 --> 00:13:30,235
You leave me no choice.
312
00:13:30,295 --> 00:13:32,721
I'm really sorry for
what I'm about to do.
313
00:13:36,652 --> 00:13:37,893
Hello, Mother?
314
00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:39,820
Oh, Katharine, I'm so glad you called.
315
00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:41,972
You've never said that
before. What's going on?
316
00:13:41,991 --> 00:13:44,658
I'm organizing a clothing
drive for the needy.
317
00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:47,978
Where do you keep your mannish suits?
318
00:13:48,072 --> 00:13:49,722
Wait. Are you in my apartment?
319
00:13:49,815 --> 00:13:51,240
Why would you give me a key
320
00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:52,734
if you didn't want me to
go through your things?
321
00:13:52,818 --> 00:13:54,317
I didn't give you a key.
322
00:13:54,337 --> 00:13:56,278
Katharine, why are you calling?
323
00:13:56,430 --> 00:13:58,856
I need help. How do I
stop a baby from crying?
324
00:13:58,858 --> 00:14:00,508
I used to put you in the car.
325
00:14:00,659 --> 00:14:01,825
Oh. And drive around?
326
00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:04,345
No, and go back inside.
327
00:14:04,496 --> 00:14:05,996
Seriously?
328
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:08,574
I cracked a window, snowflake.
329
00:14:08,592 --> 00:14:09,683
This is my fault for calling.
330
00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:11,001
Yes, it is, dear.
331
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:13,078
All right. Goodbye, Mother.
332
00:14:13,097 --> 00:14:16,506
Oh. Oh, please stop crying.
333
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,527
I'll give you 20 bucks
if you stop crying.
334
00:14:20,421 --> 00:14:25,515
Oh. Oh. I've got a five
and a wrinkled cat toy.
335
00:14:25,535 --> 00:14:28,369
Oh. Do you like that?
336
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,778
Yeah, you do.
337
00:14:29,930 --> 00:14:31,705
I got a laser pointer, we got a Roomba.
338
00:14:31,857 --> 00:14:33,432
We could go all night.
339
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:36,285
Look at that. Yes!
340
00:14:37,121 --> 00:14:39,213
Why am I afraid of that movie?
341
00:14:39,364 --> 00:14:42,699
He's just a doll. A stupid pretend doll.
342
00:14:42,793 --> 00:14:46,262
With the knife skills of
a psychotic Benihana chef.
343
00:14:47,205 --> 00:14:48,872
Think happy thoughts.
344
00:14:48,966 --> 00:14:51,041
Benihana, shrimp tossed in my mouth,
345
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:53,209
making friends with my table mates.
346
00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:55,712
"Well, hi, Jeff and
Eileen from Maryland.
347
00:14:55,806 --> 00:14:57,639
And who is this cute little... ?"
348
00:14:57,792 --> 00:14:59,900
Ah! It's Chucky!
349
00:15:00,127 --> 00:15:02,403
I got to man up and tell
her I hate these movies.
350
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:09,368
Randi?
351
00:15:10,471 --> 00:15:11,970
What's going on?
352
00:15:13,307 --> 00:15:15,082
I hate horror movies.
353
00:15:15,309 --> 00:15:18,160
Wha... what? You-you
told me you loved them.
354
00:15:18,312 --> 00:15:19,494
You-you lied to me?
355
00:15:19,647 --> 00:15:21,255
I'm sorry.
356
00:15:21,482 --> 00:15:23,090
Well,
357
00:15:23,241 --> 00:15:25,500
I guess I'm just going
to have to cut you off.
358
00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:26,653
What?
359
00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,135
I'm never gonna sleep.
360
00:15:35,287 --> 00:15:37,846
I wonder what time Benihana opens.
361
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:46,525
Hmm.
362
00:15:50,047 --> 00:15:52,030
Oh, hey.
363
00:15:53,308 --> 00:15:54,992
You two look pretty adorable.
364
00:15:55,143 --> 00:15:56,994
Oh. Thanks.
365
00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:58,996
He's a sweet little guy.
366
00:15:59,147 --> 00:16:01,647
If you wake him, I'll kill you.
367
00:16:01,725 --> 00:16:04,726
Also, the entire left
side of my body's asleep.
368
00:16:04,745 --> 00:16:07,245
- Don't worry. I got him.
- Ooh.
369
00:16:07,339 --> 00:16:10,490
Drop a baby one time,
you never do it again.
370
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:13,493
Ah. Oh, man, he's really out.
371
00:16:13,592 --> 00:16:15,483
Yeah, I read to him.
372
00:16:15,485 --> 00:16:17,260
He liked Goodnight Moon,
373
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:18,929
but he really liked Murray Spiegel's
374
00:16:19,156 --> 00:16:21,515
Advanced Mathematics for
Engineers and Scientists.
375
00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:24,601
Oh.
376
00:16:26,997 --> 00:16:29,331
I never understood why parents
like to watch their baby sleep,
377
00:16:29,349 --> 00:16:32,442
but now I get it.
378
00:16:33,946 --> 00:16:35,186
It's like I won,
379
00:16:35,339 --> 00:16:37,672
and you lost, Carl. In your face.
380
00:16:37,691 --> 00:16:39,282
Thanks for your help.
381
00:16:39,434 --> 00:16:40,617
Did you finish your song?
382
00:16:40,844 --> 00:16:42,510
Yeah. And not to brag,
383
00:16:42,604 --> 00:16:44,362
but it might be the best
country song ever written
384
00:16:44,514 --> 00:16:47,040
about polycystic ovary syndrome.
385
00:16:47,868 --> 00:16:50,276
Sorry I was so stressed earlier.
386
00:16:50,295 --> 00:16:52,945
Oh, stop. We make a pretty good team.
387
00:16:52,965 --> 00:16:55,423
Yeah, we do.
388
00:16:57,544 --> 00:16:59,377
Yikes.
389
00:16:59,529 --> 00:17:01,029
That is not sweat.
390
00:17:01,047 --> 00:17:03,031
No, it's not.
391
00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:04,307
Is... is this a cat toy?
392
00:17:04,459 --> 00:17:06,143
- Don't criticize me.
- I'm not crit...
393
00:17:06,294 --> 00:17:07,811
It's your tone.
394
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,229
Carter?
395
00:17:18,398 --> 00:17:20,382
Yeah?
396
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,825
What are you doing?!
397
00:17:21,902 --> 00:17:24,828
Definitely not looking for
a tiny, redheaded maniac.
398
00:17:24,979 --> 00:17:28,239
Wait. Did that movie
give you bad dreams?
399
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:30,333
It did not because...
400
00:17:30,485 --> 00:17:32,836
I have not been asleep yet.
401
00:17:32,987 --> 00:17:34,987
Oh, I'm sorry.
402
00:17:35,156 --> 00:17:36,898
Sorry you're so soft.
403
00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:38,566
Soft? Please.
404
00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:41,903
I don't even wear a
glove when I play golf.
405
00:17:42,072 --> 00:17:43,738
We've watched so many horror movies.
406
00:17:43,831 --> 00:17:45,740
I'm surprised that's
the one that got you.
407
00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:47,684
What about Candyman? You
weren't afraid of Candyman.
408
00:17:47,911 --> 00:17:50,854
I will jump out that window
if you say "Candyman" again!
409
00:17:51,081 --> 00:17:52,247
Oh, God. I just said it!
410
00:17:52,265 --> 00:17:54,432
Okay, what the hell is going on?
411
00:17:56,253 --> 00:17:58,511
I don't like horror movies.
412
00:17:58,530 --> 00:17:59,530
What?
413
00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:01,423
If you're gonna get me with a chainsaw,
414
00:18:01,441 --> 00:18:04,016
please spare the hair.
415
00:18:04,110 --> 00:18:05,702
But you told me you liked them.
416
00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:08,038
We watched all nine
Saw movies in one day.
417
00:18:08,265 --> 00:18:10,874
It was the most romantic
Valentine's ever.
418
00:18:11,025 --> 00:18:12,434
And I was terrified.
419
00:18:12,452 --> 00:18:14,211
That's why we did it with the lights on.
420
00:18:14,362 --> 00:18:16,529
Plus, we had just started dating,
421
00:18:16,548 --> 00:18:20,425
and you told me you loved 'em,
and I wanted you to like me.
422
00:18:21,294 --> 00:18:23,202
What else have you lied about?
423
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:24,876
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
424
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,286
Milk Duds. I mean, I just
swallow 'em like pills.
425
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:29,531
But that's it. And camping.
426
00:18:29,549 --> 00:18:32,550
I mean, I know bears crap in
the woods, but why do I have to?
427
00:18:32,702 --> 00:18:35,370
Carter, we have been
dating for more than a year.
428
00:18:35,463 --> 00:18:36,888
I thought I knew you.
429
00:18:36,964 --> 00:18:40,483
Baby, I'm the same Carter
you said you loved yesterday.
430
00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:44,879
Except my real name isn't
Carter. It's Charles.
431
00:18:44,898 --> 00:18:47,215
- Charles?!
- My grandma was hard of hearing.
432
00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:51,235
Nobody wanted to correct
her, so here we are.
433
00:18:51,388 --> 00:18:53,738
You are not making this better, Charles.
434
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:57,058
Come on. I'm a guy who
would do something he hates
435
00:18:57,151 --> 00:18:58,501
just to make you happy.
436
00:18:58,653 --> 00:19:01,546
Well, I want a guy
who tells me the truth.
437
00:19:02,248 --> 00:19:03,840
This is the truth.
438
00:19:03,991 --> 00:19:06,734
It took a long time for
you to take down your walls,
439
00:19:06,828 --> 00:19:10,889
and I was afraid if I said
anything, you'd put 'em back up.
440
00:19:15,169 --> 00:19:17,020
I don't like Prince.
441
00:19:17,097 --> 00:19:19,764
Excuse me?!
442
00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:23,751
He's tiny, and he's weird,
and his music ain't all that.
443
00:19:26,898 --> 00:19:28,681
But I know that he's your
favorite, and that's why
444
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,851
I just smile and nod
whenever you put his songs on.
445
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:34,371
I don't know what to say except...
446
00:19:34,598 --> 00:19:38,449
this is what it sounds
like when Carter cries.
447
00:19:38,526 --> 00:19:41,786
- Baby, I did...
- Mm.
448
00:19:41,938 --> 00:19:43,254
But I'm sor...
449
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:51,370
One latte coming right up.
450
00:19:51,464 --> 00:19:53,798
Why are you so tired?
451
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:55,374
Baby. Why are you so tired?
452
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,209
Dame Judi Dench marathon.
453
00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:59,287
We found a movie where
she stabs someone.
454
00:19:59,305 --> 00:20:00,814
It was a win for everybody.
455
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:04,475
Oh, are you tired, too?
456
00:20:04,628 --> 00:20:06,552
No, y'all are just boring.
457
00:20:06,646 --> 00:20:08,571
I never have a bad night of sleep.
458
00:20:08,648 --> 00:20:11,816
The key is light stretching, a warm bath
459
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:14,318
and a handful of cheap
Canadian sedatives
460
00:20:14,471 --> 00:20:16,746
washed down with vodka.
461
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:19,252
Hey, guys. Can I get a coffee?
462
00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:20,479
Oh, sure. Phil?
463
00:20:20,571 --> 00:20:22,797
Sorry. I just started my break.
464
00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:26,334
How'd the drop-off go with Carl?
465
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:27,910
Did he say anything about me?
466
00:20:28,004 --> 00:20:29,837
Just a toot and a smile.
467
00:20:29,989 --> 00:20:31,264
Oh, that's so Carl.
468
00:20:31,415 --> 00:20:33,507
- Who's Carl?
- Oh, Carl's Thor.
469
00:20:33,602 --> 00:20:37,395
- Who's Thor?
- The tastiest Hemsworth.
470
00:20:38,331 --> 00:20:39,439
You really were great with him.
471
00:20:39,666 --> 00:20:41,924
Well, she learned from the best.
472
00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:44,927
That's right, Mother,
I did. My nanny Adela.
473
00:20:44,946 --> 00:20:47,614
It was kind of nice being
a little family yesterday.
474
00:20:47,765 --> 00:20:49,598
Yeah, I liked playing dad.
475
00:20:49,692 --> 00:20:50,842
I even went to the Home Depot
476
00:20:50,935 --> 00:20:52,434
and learned the name of the paint guy.
477
00:20:52,454 --> 00:20:54,178
It was Carl.
478
00:20:54,271 --> 00:20:55,913
Oh.
479
00:20:56,850 --> 00:20:59,183
I think I want to have a baby.
480
00:20:59,352 --> 00:21:01,702
It's gonna make my mother really happy,
481
00:21:01,855 --> 00:21:04,631
but I'm gonna do it anyway.
482
00:21:06,968 --> 00:21:09,469
? Oh, yeah, yeah, oh ?
483
00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:12,805
? Keep pushing to the top ?
484
00:21:12,957 --> 00:21:16,200
? Got to work on it, no time to stop ?
485
00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:18,645
? Let nobody tell me what to do ?
486
00:21:18,872 --> 00:21:22,565
? Do your best thing, best thing, ooh ?
487
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:41,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34821
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