Original subtitles

[male narrator] Previously on "The O.C.."

- Guess who's back. - Aunt Hailey.

- Did she say why she was here? - She's run out of money.

You have to stop living your life like this, Hailey.

So I can grow up to be just like you?

He's really not my type.

Oh, what's your type? Seth Cohen?

I didn't want you to be alone on New Year's.

- I'm having a party. - I'm not going to a party.

Just 'cause I'm not drinking doesn't mean you can't.

Clean and sober, 11 months.

Your girlfriend's at a New Year's Eve party alone?

She's not alone. She's with some guy named Oliver.

- You guys broke up? - We didn't break up.

We're just not spending New Year's Eve together.

I think it's just us tonight.

[Eels singing "Saturday Morning"]

[Hailey] 'Hm..'

♪ Saturday morning ♪

♪ Who's gonna play with me? ♪

♪ Six in the morning baby ♪

♪ I got a long long day ahead of me ♪

♪ The parents are sleeping soundly ♪

♪ The neighbors are dead as wood ♪

♪ I'm getting up and coming over ♪

♪ We've gotta rock the neighborhood ♪

♪ Nothing's ever gonna happen 'round here ♪

♪ If we don't make it happen ♪♪

She's eating us out of house and home.

- Sandy, it's just a bagel. - 'No.'

No, no, it's never just a bagel.

Mom, as someone who's basically been a shut-in

for the last 17 years of his life

I can pretty much say with great authority

that that woman never leaves the house.

She's got nowhere else to go.

And that's because all her friends wanna kick her ass.

- Sorry about the language. - Why? I'd like to kick her ass.

- 'Kirsten?' - Coming!

[Hailey] 'There's no more coffee! Will you make some?'

'The good French roast kind, not the harvest blend?'

No, no, no.

- No. - I'll talk to her.

Oh, uh, so I'll just survive on English muffins.

[instrumental music]

[whistles] Marissa? Marissa? Hello.

- She's gotta be here somewhere. - Hilarious.

Yeah. Okay, listen to me.

Hailey is always in the living room, alright?

Marissa's always in here. Look at me. I'm lost, okay?

What happened to Seth-Ryan time? That was quality time.

Okay, I know I've been a little bit..

- Uh, whipped? - I'm not whipped.

I'm free to talk now. What's up?

Hey, squeezing me in before school?

Nice, I like that, but actually, I'll take it.

Okay, here's the thing, um

Anna and I have decided to take it to the next level.

- And I need advice. - You're gonna have sex?

No. That's a good idea, though.

Um, we're gonna tell Summer

that we're dating.

And as much as I fear Summer hurting me

with the rage blackouts and all

I'm actually more scared about hurting her feelings.

We've become friends now, and I feel like

I don't wanna, I don't know if I wanna--

Hey, you guys ready to go?

Yeah. No, we were just talking.

- Oh, really? About what? - Uh, just guy stuff.

You know, hunting and shaving and shoes.

Actually, uh, the cleats for-for the-the sports.

Hm, okay. Well, come on.

Hey, later can we please finish this chat?

Put in a little Seth-Ryan time on the book?

Yes, yes, absolutely.

Just gotta check with foo.

Oh, you forgot your balls.

- You and me tonight. - Come on.

[whipping]

[theme song]

♪ California here we come ♪

♪ Right back where we started from ♪

♪ California ♪♪ California ♪

♪ Here we come ♪

♪ California ♪

♪ California ♪

♪ Here we come ♪♪

[indistinct chattering]

♪ I know he knocks you off your feet.. ♪

[Marissa] Have we become one of those couples?

Who lose all their friends?

And can't do anything without each other?

I don't think so. You think so?

That'd be good, a night apart.

Yeah, plus, I'm kind of sick of you.

I'm sick of me, too.

- I gotta go. - Yeah, and I got the..

- Walk me? - I'll walk you.

♪ Just me ♪

♪ Popular mechanics ♪♪

- Ow! - Don't make me.

- Don't make you what? - Hurt you.

- Watch this. - Stop it.

- What's up? - Hey. What is up?

- I was talking to her. - That's cool.

I wanted to know if you have plans this weekend.

Hm, nothing.

What Anna's trying to say is she's not gonna do anything.

We're both not doing anything, that's what we're both doing

but in fact, we're doing nothing

but doing that by ourselves.

Thank you, Cohen, you just reminded me

that I need my bio textbook

'cause we're studying monkeys.

Ouch.

I hate liars, and now I'm one of them.

I thought you said you were gonna talk to her.

I am gonna talk to her. I..

- I-I don't know how. - Fine, I'll tell her--

No, you can't, I have to do it, but tonight me and Ryan

are gonna have a little conference

good, little strategy meeting, we're gonna

figure out the whole thing.

Well, that makes me feel so much better.

Then we'll be free to do this.

- Seth, I have to study. - And this.

[giggles]

I started my own business right out of college

and now I'm a father of two

and I've got one line on my resume.

Did you ever mow your lawn as a kid?

- Yeah. - 'Great.'

'Jimmy Cooper Landscaping.'

'Your first job.'

'And now you're an entrepreneur.'

I don't even have any references.

Sure you do, your clients..

...whose money you stole, right?

[door opens]

- Is that Jimmy Cooper? - Hey, Hailey!

[chuckles] You look fantastic! How you doing?

She's got no jobs, no friends and no prospects.

And I say that with love.

Sounds like we got a lot in common.

Oh, well..

- So did you guys have the talk? - Yes.

- We almost did. - Right.

It's just we were having so much fun.

And all we've done is fight for so long.

It was nice to just hang out and be sisters.

I'll find out if she has a plan.

Oh, you know what her plan is.

She's gonna stay here and mooch off us

until she can go and make a withdrawal from the bank of dad

and then she'll take off again for a couple of years.

Sandy, she said she wasn't gonna do that this time.

But she says she's gonna stay here and mooch off us forever?

- She's not mooching. - Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

Then how'd she get all those new clothes she bought, huh?

From the salary she doesn't make?

From the trust fund she drained?

- I bought you bagels. - And that fixes everything?

'Yes, it does.'

"Sesame."

Oh, that's a start.

I'm gonna hide them.

So, yeah, now I'm broke

and sleeping at my sister's.

Hey, I'm broke and, uh

my wife is sleeping with your father.

Fantastic.

We've really done well for ourselves.

Who knew back in the day when Kirsten and I

were babysitting you and you were watching "Silver Spoons"

that we'd both turn out to be so, uh..

Complicated? And it was "Golden Girls."

Oh, that's right, that's right.

You, you loved "Golden Girls."

And it's pretty impressive that I was ten years old

and totally relating to the lives of 70-year-old women.

Blanche was 70? She aged really well.

I'd love to hang

hear how you made such a mess of your life.

Same, although I bet your story doesn't involve

a fistfight at cotillion.

No, but I bet yours doesn't contain half a pound of hash

and a border guard in Budapest.

[laughs] No.

It's nice that you and Jimmy are friends again.

Well, I guess I can't blame a guy

for wanting to kiss my wife.

[chuckles]

Oh, it feels like we never have any time alone anymore.

Only, that's not true. We have moments.

I want more moments.

- Ahem. - Oops.

God, they're so whipped.

I gotta go pick up Marissa.

- 'Sandy, thank you.' - Anytime.

I'll see you, uh, tomorrow.

- Yes. - Yes.

Jimmy and I, we're gonna hang out tomorrow night, catch up.

- Hang out, like, out? - Mm-hmm.

I bet you have a lot to catch up on.

Hm.

- Tomorrow night? - Tomorrow night.

[indistinct chattering]

Hey, man. How's it going?

I got a flat tire.

- You ran over a nail? - Hm, somebody slashed it.

Want some help?

Thanks. I got a spare in the back.

Hey, Luke, why doesn't your dad help you with that tire?

I'm sure he'd like to bend over.

[laughing]

New Year's resolution. Punch people less.

I had the same one.

[sighs] You think I'm getting what I deserve

after all these years of being a jackass?

Definitely.

But, hey, why don't we just get out of here?

The tire can wait.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Go, go, go, go! Break that tackle! Go! Yeah!

Who plays PlayStation for the sports games?

Listen to me.

You said Seth-Ryan time, okay? This isn't Seth-Ryan time.

This is Seth-Luke-Ryan time. And you know what? Guess what.

There's no such thing as Seth-Luke-Ryan time.

You know, maybe Luke will have some good advice.

What does that guy know about juggling women?

Come on.

Okay, quite a bit, yes, but he wasn't good at it.

He's having a bad day.

Yeah, I'm having a bad day, okay? I'm having a bad week.

[sighs] Some kids at school slashed his tires.

Damn it. What do you think he wants on his pizza?

Oh! Hey, Cohen. Check out the replay on this tackle.

- I broke this bitch in half. - Luke has a gay dad.

Luke has a gay dad. Can't wait to see it, buddy.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello? - 'Hey.'

- Hey. - 'I'm at Oliver's.'

[Marissa on phone] 'And he just ordered way too much food.'

Look, I know you said you wanted to spend tonight apart

but he asked me to call you, see if you wanna come by.

- You're at Oliver's? - Well, Summer had plans.

And then I saw Oliver at therapy and he said if I wanted..

Hey.

- 'Hm, that's so good.' - 'It's Moroccan.'

- What's Moroccan? - Hm, the food. Just come. Okay?

- 'See you soon.' - 'What, it's..'

[indistinct chattering]

How do you guys feel about Moroccan?

I think I really hurt that guy.

[instrumental music]

Hey, where's the silverware?

No, man. Moroccan you eat with your hands.

Hey, no wonder Luke seems to be enjoying it so much.

- How good is the couscous? - Mm, amazing.

- It's pretty good. - No, that's the kefta.

Couscous is the other thing.

Dude, I cannot believe you live in a penthouse, man.

- This place is ridonculous. - 'Yeah.'

It's always been my fantasy to live in a hotel.

- Like Eloise. - 'Yeah, well, I guess.'

But, uh, with my parents traveling so much

it can kinda get a little lonely.

Hey, man, if you ever need any company..

Thanks, 'cause you know, they might be gone a while

opening a new hotel in Paris.

I love Paris. I could spend all day walking the Champs-Elysees.

I like Paris. I love baguettes.

Dude, French chicks don't even shave their armpits.

Have you ever been to Paris, Ryan?

No, not yet.

- I hear the Louvre's cool. - No, do not go near that place.

'Totally overrated.'

'The Mona Lisa's like the size of a postage stamp.'

Now, the Rodin Museum and Musee Picasso..

'But you know where my family's been spending'

'most of their time?'

'Switzerland.'

Snowboarding the Alps is unreal.

You boarded the Alps?

Oh. Shit, the closest I've ever come is Whistler.

[Oliver] 'Oh, my family's got a place in Big Bear.'

'We should go one weekend.'

Hey, you think you could teach Ryan to board?

You have to get him on a chairlift.

First two days you'll be on your ass

but we'll get you there.

I really like this song.

You know, they're playing tomorrow.

- Yeah, but it's all sold out. - Do you wanna go?

Yeah, but it's all sold out.

I'll call their manager tomorrow.

'They're amazing live.'

- 'You know Rooney?' - That would be awesome.

I've never heard of them, but I-I got nothing. I'll go.

Ryan?

Come on, man, we'll all get to hang out.

It'll be fun.

Ah, cool.

Alright, then it's settled. We're going.

- 'Groovy.' - 'Hey, nice.'

[Marissa] 'This is gonna be great.'

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

So now you're eating with silverware?

Next thing, I'll see you at the Louvre.

Uh, no, you won't because, uh, like Oliver said, it's lame.

Now, listen, can we please focus

on the crisis at hand for one second, okay?

Summer, now, the way I figure it

I've got many, many options at my finger tips.

Yeah, like the truth. That's a good one.

Hey, no argument there, buddy

but what I'm talking about is my messenger of truth.

Okay? My delivery system of honesty.

The way I tell her. Now, listen.

- I could call her. That's one. - Okay.

Yeah, it is okay, but it's just okay.

I think it lacks any real, uh, spark or imagination.

But it's effective, your voice

on one end of the phone, hers on the other.

"I'm dating Anna." She'll hear you.

Yeah, but the phone is a rather blunt instrument, no?

Now, what about... text messaging?

Huh? I could BlackBerry her. Think about it.

That feels very hip, it feels edgy

it feels 21st century.

- Kind of cold. - Mittens required, yes.

Ah, ooh, a carrier pigeon. How cool would that be?

Think about it, a little message

all rolled up in his cute little talons.

Summer's a fan of the pigeon.

- You're a coward. - Am I?

Or am I just too sensitive

to the feelings of others?

Coward, definitely.

Fine, I'll tell her on Monday.

Actually, I think Tuesday. You know what, dude?

I might just give it till Friday

because that way she can have the weekend

to sort of let it marinate--

- You could do it today. - No.

Because today will soon be tonight

and tonight will be Rooney.

- And Rooney will be awesome. - Rooney.

I saw them open for The Vines in, uh, LA last year.

Yeah? Big whoop. We're seeing them tonight.

Really? I thought it was sold out.

Mm-hmm, it happens they are, but I also happen

to be dialed in, alright? I got the hookups.

Or at least Oliver does and I'm gonna ride his coattails.

Oliver?

As in Oliver

the guy who wanted to kiss your girlfriend on New Year's?

- Morning, Hailey. - It's not like that.

He's got a girlfriend.

Wait, wait, so if he has a girlfriend

why is he always hanging out with yours?

Couldn't tell you, but thanks.

Hey, the guy seems cool, right?

I don't know. We don't really seem to have a lot in common.

- Besides your girlfriend. - Keep twisting the knife.

- Feels good. - 'Whatever.'

He got us backstage passes.

- That's good enough for me. - Backstage?

So now you have to worry about

your girl with Oliver and rock stars?

[exhales sharply]

You mind if I finish the cornflakes?

Hey, at least she asked. It's a start.

Well, at least she's leaving the house. It's a start.

And we'll have the place to ourselves.

- Yes, we can eat bagels. - And I can wear my robe.

Or not. I can have the remote back.

She's crammed that poor TiVo

full of every "E! True Hollywood" special.

I think she's looking for tips.

Oh, that's nice, Sandy.

Well, I'm just saying

she's cluttering up the TiVo.

And a clear TiVo equals a clear mind.

Are we okay with the kids going to that concert?

Yeah.

Well, what if Rooney is like

death-metal, Satan-worshipping speed freaks?

Honey, honey, honey

that went out, like, in the late '90s.

I saw it on a special on "E!"

Listen, I'll run Rooney up my proverbial flagpole

but you have got to speak to Hailey.

[instrumental music]

- So? - Yeah.

It's, that's my first time hearing it, so..

Well, that's why we're doing a run-through now

so you'll have heard it all before tonight.

Right. So we're going tonight?

No. It's your first concert.

We have free tickets, backstage passes.

You're right, we should skip it.

[sighs] That's not what I'm saying.

What are you saying?

♪ Girl on a Saturday night.. ♪

- Have you met Natalie? - No, but I hear she's great.

And Oliver is. I mean..

Is someone jealous?

This song is good.

Turn it up really, really loud.

♪ No one to call no one to ring ♪

♪ 'Cause no one's home ♪

♪ The bartender knew her number.. ♪

Oliver will be with Natalie.

Rooney is a really good band.

And tonight we're gonna have fun.

I know.

- There won't be dancing, right? - Hm, I'll dance.

- You can watch. - Works for me.

♪ I'm sorry sorry for making your life a living hell ♪

♪ I'm sorry sorry for making your life a living hell ♪

♪ But that wasn't.. ♪♪

- Uh, I think that's enough. - What?

There was almost a knee bend, man.

You were about to find the beat.

And need I remind you of Cousin Jeffery's bar mitzvah?

You almost wiped out a half a dozen

13-year-olds on the dance floor.

That "Y.M.C.A." song requires a lot of movement.

Hey, man, I'm just trying to spare casualties.

[sighs] So this concert tonight

anyone there gonna be doing drugs?

Uh, I hope so, otherwise it's a lame-ass concert.

Anyone named Seth gonna be doing any drugs?

No. Nobody named Seth Cohen. I promise.

Gotta stay sharp and focused tonight

'cause it's my first date with Anna.

- It is? - Mm-hmm.

Ah, so you and Summer finally had the talk?

Oh, yes, almost several times.

- Seth. - Father.

The sooner you tell her

the better you're gonna feel about everything.

Yeah, see, I don't really believe that to be the case.

I'm sort of feeling, like, the longer I wait to tell her

the longer I'll feel great.

The best advice I can give you is this.

It's from Steven Seagal in his classic film "Hard To Kill."

"The anticipation of death is far worse than death itself."

Great, so then we both agree that Summer's gonna kill me.

Look, if you're old enough to go to a concert alone

if you're old enough to embark on a real relationship

you are old enough to be a man.

[sighs]

Well, she's not gonna be there tonight, so..

I'll tell her on Monday.

Good. Now, get going.

Your mother and I want some time alone.

Hey, there's a visual that I don't wanna

take with me tonight.

Well, son, your mom's a hottie, and I got her.

♪ You want in ♪

♪ You want in ♪♪

[indistinct chattering]

- I don't see him. - Maybe he's inside.

Excuse me, are you on the list?

Uh, yeah, we're with Oliver Trask.

- Who's Oliver Trask? - You don't have his name?

No, I don't have his name. I've never heard his name.

That's why I'm asking who's Oliver Trask.

Thanks, you've been very helpful.

I'm just gonna call him and see where he is.

It's a lot of freaks here, huh, Cohen?

Yeah. Good job, Luke.

This should help make us a lot of friends.

- Damn it. - What?

Well, dude, they're gonna go on soon.

If Oliver's not here in the next couple of minutes

we're gonna miss the first song.

They only have like one album, okay?

So you factor in your standard cover, it's like 12 songs.

Oh, no! But, hey, I mean, come on.

If we don't get in, we're still gonna have fun tonight.

- Right. What are we gonna do? - Right?

Hey, I hope you guys aren't waiting for me.

- Summer? - Cohen.

- Hey, Anna. - Summer.

Hi.

Who are you talking to?

It just goes straight to voice mail.

Dude, dude, look at that freak.

Hey, I drove alone. Anna, will you ride with me?

Wait. You guys wanna give up so early?

Maybe I can grease a few palms.

- 'Hey.' - 'Hey!'

- There you guys are. - What's up, man?

- Hi. - I thought you were a no-show.

What happened? I, I thought I said back door.

No, you didn't.

- 'Yeah, load in here, guys.' - 'The band's here.'

- It's all happening. - What up, guys?

Robert, how's it going? Good to see you.

- 'Yeah.' - Looking forward to the show.

- Thank you. See you. - I guess we're on time.

- Which one's Rooney? - They're all Rooney, Luke.

- Hey, man, this is my posse. - This is crazy.

[laughing]

Hey! So where's Natalie?

Yeah, we had another fight.

This whole long-distance thing is tough.

Looks like I'm dateless tonight.

Hey, no! No way.

We'll be your date, right?

Yeah, right.

So should we fire up the hot tub?

Oh, interesting. Open a bottle of wine.

Oh, I like it.

First up, TiVo. I'm gonna erase all of Hailey's programs--

- Hot pizza? - Hailey?

Hey, guys. You're just in time.

Doctor. Doctor.

- James. - What's up?

Oh, I-I, I just thought that you were going out tonight.

We were, but then I found out

there's a "Golden Girls" marathon on Lifetime

and I decided to dig up all my favorite board games.

We're having a throwback to the old babysitting days.

[Hailey] 'Why don't you guys join us?'

Great. That would be great.

- Uh-huh. - Oh, I love this episode.

Hey, this is, this is the one where Rose adopts the pig.

- 'She adopted the pig?' - 'Uh-huh.'

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chattering]

- Do you play? - A little.

- Here, man. - "All access?" Sweet.

- Hey, it's cool? - It's cool.

- Hey, check it out. - Seriously?

- Yeah. - It's awesome.

I, uh, I just got a few songs that I wrote. Um..

[guitar strums]

♪ The first time ♪

♪ I saw your eyes I knew.. ♪

Okay, I'm just gonna go this way.

♪ Yeah.. ♪

Seth, all I'm saying is

you have to tell her tonight.

- No, I don't. - Hey. Hey.

- Here you go. - Hey, thank you.

So Luke, he's..

Yeah, we don't let him out much.

♪ No he didn't yes he did ♪

♪ Du du du du.. ♪♪

Whoosh.

Yeah, but you guys are cool, having fun?

- Everything's awesome. - Glad to hear it.

[laughing] Yeah, everything is not awesome.

Listen to me, okay, if I don't tell Summer tonight

then later on when I do tell her

she can remember what a fun time she had at Rooney.

Okay? And that will cheer her up.

There's never gonna be a good time to tell her.

I mean, if you think about it, tonight's not a bad night.

There's a lot of guys here.

There's a lot of cute guys, older guys.

There's, there's a lot of musicians.

You know, girls like musicians.

Maybe you're right. Are we flattering ourselves?

Am I flattering myself to even think that Summer'll care?

I mean, me compared to, you know

that dude or, or, or that guy?

Are you checking out dudes again, Cohen?

Huh, huh, no.

But there are plenty of them out here tonight, aren't there

Summer, a lot of musicians?

In fact, you know what? I think I'm gonna go find some myself.

Why don't you and Seth talk

you know, about anything?

Um, Cohen, you and Anna--

Me and Anna what? What?

Um, will you guys stand with me at the concert?

Marissa's, like, on a date, and I'm all alone tonight, so..

Okay, that would be nice.

♪ You Rosa ♪♪

[cell phone dialing]

Yeah. Hey, man. Yeah.

I thought your boy was supposed to be here, like, an hour ago.

No, okay, no excuses.

Well, I don't, I don't care who you send.

Alright, just make sure it's good

and it gets here quick.

Alright.

♪ Who's that you're going around with? ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ You give him so much attention ♪

♪ But it's hard he just won't.. ♪

Hey, I can't see. I'm stuck behind a row of giants.

- Come with me. - Okay, lead the way.

♪ Who's that you're going around.. ♪♪

Um, sorry.

Hey. Did you tell her? What did she say? Did she leave?

No. Summer is bringing some refreshments for her friends.

- Seth said you were thirsty. - Yeah.

You are thirsty, aren't you?

[inaudible]

- I gotta pee. You gotta pee? - I'll come with you.

[inaudible]

[Hailey laughing]

You know the night that mom and dad

came home early from Palm Springs?

And we flushed all that beer down the toilet?

- Yeah, a lot of good that did. - I know.

Dad, dad caught you guys

throwing out the empty beer bottles.

- I thought you were sleeping. - 'Face it, sister.'

Everything I know, I learned from you.

You were a bad influence back in the day.

How do you think I learned how to piss off dad?

Well, the student becomes the master.

[laughing] Yeah, and the master becomes dad's slave

'helping to turn Paradise into a parking lot..'

[chuckles] ...or at least a three-car garage.

[Sandy clears throat]

Hey, ooh, "Connect Four."

Congratulations. Next Saturday, "Yahtzee."

No, wait, stay. "Battleship?" "Uno?"

You know, Sandy's right. It's late.

And besides, I have a show-home waiting for me in the morning.

Just what Orange County needs, another one of dad's show-homes

'airlifted from the McMansion factory'

and dropped from the sky--

[Jimmy] 'The one on the bluff that you mentioned'

that's, that's a great house.

Yeah, if by great you mean

overbuilt, overpriced

and exactly like this one.

Oh, nice. Hailey, nice.

- I was kidding. - I'm laughing on the inside.

I'm not. You're living in our home.

You're insulting my wife.

'You're driving my whole family crazy.'

- Is this true? - 'Yeah.'

And we all know what you're doing here.

She didn't mean anything. It's just sisters.

No, all this talk about plans, about growing up, it's shtick.

It's a routine. And it's tired.

You know who's tired? Me. So why don't we just stop?

No, honey, stop protecting her.

You're not even nice to Kirsten and she's the only reason

why we're putting up with you.

Well, you won't have to put up with me

for much longer, okay?

[coins clattering]

[sighs]

- Sorry? - Oh, it's not your fault.

- Jimmy. - No, I meant the board game.

♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪

♪ Travel down the road and back again ♪

♪ Your heart is true ♪♪ Your heart is true ♪

♪ You're a pal and a confidant ♪♪

- You like "The Golden Girls?" - Yes!

There's a marathon on this weekend on Lifetime.

I cannot get that song out of my head.

I love "The Golden Girls."

I mean, it's not Rose's fault. She just is that way.

- You're Rose? I'm Blanche. - Yeah. Oh!

You know, it's kind of weird that I relate

to a 70-year-old woman, but..

How good was the episode when there was a blackout?

Um, how about when Rose adopts the pig?

And then Sophia loses her glasses

and then she thinks that the pig is a baby?

- Yeah! - It's so funny.

[laughs]

[indistinct chattering]

[crickets creaking]

Jimmy. Wait.

Sorry about that in there

my little tantrum.

Oh, listen, it's, it's complicated

between you and your sister. It always has been.

You gotta go, like, right now?

Yeah, I don't know if I ever told you, Hailey

but I'm an extremely important person

and, um, so I have to..

Yeah, no. Marissa's at a concert.

[clears throat]

Yep, nothing but time.

For a few minutes, didn't tonight feel

like the good old days?

Yeah, no, actually, it was more like

two kind of pathetic people

grasping for the old days.

- Right. That, too. - Yeah.

Now, look, the good old days.

I mean, they-they're exactly that.

Would you really wanna be back in high school?

- Yeah. - Yeah. I would, too. Oh..

And you think I'm pathetic?

Yes, I do. And it's, uh, sad, really.

[instrumental music]

I always had a crush on you.

- You know that? - Uh, no. I, I..

You know, y-you were eight when I went away to college.

So I, I wasn't..

[sighs]

Uh, uh..

You're, uh...Kirsten's sister.

So I've heard all my life.

Uh, look, you know, we don't want to make

a complicated situation even more complicated, right?

I mean, the last thing we need

is having Sandy or Kirsten catching us..

...unless that's what you're hoping for.

[sighs] Look, your sister is amazing

'and Sandy is such a great guy.'

'I think you're lucky'

to have them looking out for you.

I know that I am.

I'm gonna go.

Okay.

[crickets creaking]

[car engine starts]

[crowd cheering]

[Rooney singing "I'm Shakin'"]

♪ I've forgotten what it feels like ♪

♪ To feel normal to be normal ♪

♪ And I've forgotten what food tastes like ♪

♪ The way it tastes right ♪

♪ The taste buds taste right ♪

♪ But I wake up in so much spit and sweat ♪

♪ It is not normal What is normal? ♪

♪ Well I go to bed When I wake up ♪

♪ After cleaning all All the spit and sweat ♪

♪ Now I'm now I'm ♪

♪ Sha shakin' sha shakin' ♪

♪ I'm sha sha shakin' ♪

♪ Shakin' I'm sha sha shakin' ♪

♪ Shakin' I'm sha sha shakin' ♪

♪ Shakin' now ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh ♪

♪ I tossed and turned all all night ♪

♪ 'Cause I 'cause I was looking for for an ending.. ♪

- Hi. I'm gonna, uh-- - Hey, this is great, right?

Perfect.

♪ The never-ending story.. ♪

- Come here a second. - Okay.

♪ The next day came but not a beam of light ♪

♪ Because the blinds were shut ♪

♪ Sha sha sha shut so tight ♪

♪ But I fell out of bed ♪

♪ Laced in spit and sweat ♪

♪ It made me very cold it made me very cold ♪

♪ Now I'm now I'm ♪

♪ Sha sha shakin' ♪

♪ Sha shakin' sha sha shakin'.. ♪

- What are we doing? - This is better.

Wait, but we're missing the concert.

- And we can't ditch Oliver. - Oliver's fine.

- He's friends with the band. - And with us.

Hey, I thought you said you wanted us

to hang out with friends.

You've known him two weeks. How good a friend can he be?

Look, he's in recovery, trying to stay clean.

I don't know, we can talk about stuff.

He tells me things, what he's going through.

- Unlike me, right? - I didn't say that.

Uh, look, I know you didn't want to come here tonight

so I mean, I guess if you wanna leave..

Right.

Later.

♪ Shakin' sha shakin' ♪

♪ I'm sha sha shakin' I'm shakin' now ♪

♪ Sha sha shakin' sha shakin' ♪

♪ I'm sha sha shakin'.. ♪

Hey, Luke. Hey, man, you know who sings this song?

Rooney! Whoo-hoo!

- Rooney! - We should keep it that way.

Yeah, Rooney!

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Shakin' ♪♪ Shakin' ♪

♪ Sha shakin' shakin' ♪♪

What the hell, man? Get off me!

[Oliver groaning]

Hey!

- Hey, get off him! - I'm a cop.

What? There's gotta be some kinda mistake.

Yeah, his. He just tried to buy three grams of coke from me.

Ryan, go back inside. Don't tell anybody.

[Rooney singing "Popstars"]

♪ Hey baby ♪

♪ You've hit me again one more time ♪

♪ You said bye bye ♪

♪ Bye bye bye goodbye ♪

♪ Well I don't want to be with you tonight ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ Do you understand my.. ♪

Excuse me, uh, barkeep, sir.

J-just..

- Hey. - Hey!

- What can I get you? - How did you do that?

The usual.

- Mountain Dew. - How many?

Unfortunately, three.

So Anna's telling Summer that we're a couple.

When they get back, I will officially be

in a relationship with Anna, unless Summer kills me

in which case, you've been like a brother to me.

Glad to hear it, 'cause I kinda need your keys and your phone.

- Yeah? You okay? - I'm fine. It's Oliver.

- What? What's going on? - Tell you later?

Yeah, alright. You're gonna miss a hell of a show, though, man.

Rooney's not bad, either.

♪ You're nothing but a.. ♪♪

- Is Jimmy gone? - Yeah.

- Is she alright? - I knocked. She didn't answer.

Well, maybe she's giving us the house back for the night.

Or maybe she's packing, and when we wake up in the morning

she'll be gone, and, frankly, I'd rather have her here

where I can keep an eye on her than anywhere else.

[telephone ringing]

Well, you can't keep her here forever.

I mean, it's no good for her and it's no good for us.

Hello.

Hey, what's wrong?

Where are you?

I'll be right there.

Ryan's at the police station.

[indistinct singing]

[crowd cheering]

Thank you, Newport Beach.

Goodnight, everybody. Thank you.

[crowd cheering]

- Seth! - Hey.

- Where have you been? - I've been at the bar.

- How did it go? - It was amazing!

- They played the whole album. - No, not with Rooney.

How did it go with Summer? Did you tell her?

Tell me what?

[instrumental music]

So you're a couple?

- No. - Yes.

That, that is, we wanted to tell you first before

we officially became a couple which now, I guess, we are.

- So you chose Anna? - No. Kind of, yeah.

Uh, she came over on New Year's Eve.

But you were with me on New Year's Eve.

Um, actually, technically, Summer

you were with that guy, Alan, remember?

'And you kept insisting that I go find someone to kiss'

so...I did.

[Seth] 'Yeah, I was taking out the garbage'

she was in the driveway.

You know how these things go.

Okay. Well, congrats.

- You're not mad? - Huh. Uh-uh.

Oh, good, because I really didn't want this

to affect our relationship in any way.

Well, Anna, I have to say

that Rose would've never pulled that New Year's stunt

on Blanche.

I know. I'm sorry.

Although Blanche would've done it to Rose, so..

Uh, so can we still all hang out? Will you be cool with that?

'Cause we'd both really like that if we could hang out.

Yeah.

Sure, you guys, we can totally hang out.

I mean, in fact, what are you guys doing right now?

[indistinct chattering]

[sighs] So they're gonna let him go.

- Really? How'd you do that? - Well, I'm just that good.

I used to play poker with these guys.

Thanks for doing this. You didn't have to, really.

Is this kid a friend of yours?

He's a friend of Marissa's. They met in therapy.

He said he's been clean for a while, but..

Well, they busted him trying to buy coke.

And then he told me that his parents were out of the country

for a month. Can you believe that?

A parent leave a kid like that on his own.

Yeah, imagine that.

[chuckles] I'll never understand it.

I hope not.

- I'm glad you called me. - Me, too.

[keys jingling]

[indistinct chattering]

I'm gonna finish up your paperwork.

You sit tight. I'll be right back.

So thanks.

Seth's dad seems cool.

He is.

So why'd you do this for me?

I mean, you don't even like me, man.

I don't really know you.

Well, if it's any consolation

I don't like myself very much right now, either.

- So what happened? - I, I don't know.

Natalie didn't show.

And then I saw you and Marissa..

'...your friends.'

Then it hit me.

I have no one.

'My parents are gone, my friends..'

[scoffs] '...if you can even call them that'

they all disappeared when I got clean.

Now I..

[scoffs]

There's Marissa.

Seth likes your taste in music..

...and Luke pretty much likes everybody at this point.

And what about you?

I mean, you must like me a little to get me out of jail.

No, that was Sandy.

Yeah.

[cell phone ringing]

[sighs]

[cell phone ringing]

- Marissa. - Ah.

You gonna tell her?

No.

You are.

[cell phone ringing]

Hey.

Yeah, it's Oliver.

[crickets creaking]

[humming]

Hey, whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- I can't have half? - There are other bagels.

- Not salt bagels. - You know why that is?

'Cause you ate them all, and several sesame.

I haven't been the best guest. I know.

And what you said tonight--

Oh, hey, hey, uh, uh, "Connect Four" was happening.

I-it, it gets my blood up.

Well, you were right.

So what's the plan?

To hit Caleb up for more cash, and then what?

What, Europe this time? Iceland?

- 'Boca?' - I don't know.

You know, I see how happy you guys are

and I think, "Why can't I have that?"

- Because you don't want it. - How do you know what I want?

I don't even know what I want.

You could stay here.

I mean, not here exactly

but you know, get a home..

...a job, settle down.

No.

See, that's the thing.

All I know is what I don't want.

Well, that's not entirely true.

And the rest..

...you'll figure out.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

[crickets creaking]

- Hey. - Hey.

No, wait, don't get up.

Thanks.

He's not a bad guy, Oliver. He's--

This may come as a shock to you

but right now I don't want to talk about Oliver.

Oh, hey, wow, uh, kissing. Sorry about that.

'Listen, we're all gonna hang out inside'

but you guys are obviously alone together, so, uh, do that.

Ryan, what happened to you, man?

[Seth] 'Luke, please, you're shouting.'

Someone stood a little too close to the speaker.

Dude, that concert did not suck at all.

We, uh, we Playstationing it or what?

- Yeah. - Right.

Okay. Any time you wanna join us.

Come on, let's go back to the house

before Luke wakes up your parents.

Think we can teach him to fetch?

Uh, I don't want to be the third wheel

or watch you guys make out, so enjoy.

[sighs] Well, we could stay here.

Yeah, but maybe we shouldn't. Race you?

♪ You want in ♪

[Luke] 'Cohen, you say you've played this game before?'

Oh, see the way I ripped that guy's spine out?

Sitting right here, buddy.

♪ I'm sick and tired of not being happenin' ♪♪

God, I am so glad that we all can hang out together like this.

Aren't you guys?

- 'Oh.' - 'Yeah.'

- 'Damn it.' - 'Ryan, you're up.'

- You're up, Ryan. - We'll make it best of five.

[indistinct chattering]

- Hey. - Hey, dude.

- Hey. - Whoa.

[indistinct chattering]

[instrumental music]