Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,778
You wished
to speak to me, doctor?
2
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,364
Have you seen Mrs. Veg/er yet,
sister Alma?
3
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:28,490
No, not yet.
4
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,701
Let me explain her situation
5
00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:34,455
and why you've been
hired to care for her.
6
00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:37,916
Il/lrs. Vog/er is an actress,
as you know.
7
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:41,420
In the middle of her last
performance of electra,
8
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:46,133
she fell silent and looked
around as if in surprise.
9
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,886
She was srient
for over a minute.
10
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:04,318
She apologized
to her colleagues afterward
11
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:07,154
saying she 'd felt
a sudden urge to laugh.
12
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,657
The next day the theater called
13
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,576
to ask if she 'd forgotten
about rehearsal.
14
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,330
The maid went in her room
and found her still in bed
15
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:19,750
she was awake but wouldn't
answer questions or move.
16
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,754
This condition's gone on
for three months now.
17
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,632
She's been given
every conceivable test.
18
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,842
The result is clear:
19
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:32,471
She's perfectly healthy,
both mentally and physically.
20
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:36,308
And it's not a question
of some hysterical reaction either.
21
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,894
Any questions, sister Alma?
22
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:43,107
If not, you can go
see Mrs. Vogler now.
23
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,200
Hello, Mrs. Vogler.
24
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,662
I'm sister Alma.
25
00:08:56,787 --> 00:09:00,290
I've been hired to take care
of you for a while.
26
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:05,462
Perhaps I should tell you
a bit about myself.
27
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,215
I'm 25 years old,
and I'm engaged.
28
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:11,677
I got my nursing certificate
two years ago.
29
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:15,055
My parents have
a farm in the country.
30
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,435
My mother was a nurse too,
before she got married.
31
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:24,898
I should go get your dinner tray —
Fried liver and fruit salad.
32
00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:27,151
It looked quite good.
33
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,822
Shall I raise this end up?
Are you all right like that?
34
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:42,040
Sister Alma,
what's your first impression?
35
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,669
I don't know
what to say, doctor.
36
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,506
At first her face looks soft,
almost childish,
37
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,967
but then you see her eyes...
38
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,928
Her expression's so hard.
39
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,806
Perhaps I shouldn't...
40
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,100
What were you going to say?
41
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,936
I was thinking I should
turn down the assignment.
42
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,606
Why? Did something frighten you?
43
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,858
No, not exactly,
44
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:11,695
but perhaps Mrs. Vogler
should have an older nurse,
45
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,864
one with more life experience.
46
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:17,284
- I might not be able to manage.
- Manage? In what way?
47
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,620
- Mentally.
- Mentally?
48
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:24,082
If she's made a conscious
decision not to speak or move,
49
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,627
which must be the case,
since she's healthy...
50
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,378
Then?
51
00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:31,715
Then that shows
great mental strength.
52
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,842
I may not be up to it.
53
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,514
I thought you might want
to see the twilight.
54
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,682
I can draw the curtains later.
55
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,687
Shall I turn on the radio?
56
00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:48,190
I think there's a play on.
57
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,653
Forgive me, darling.
58
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,948
You must forgive me.
59
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,868
Al/I want is your forgiveness.
60
00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:05,499
What are you laughing about?
Is the actress so funny?
61
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:10,254
What do you know of mercy? Well?
62
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,258
What do you know of mercy?
63
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:22,140
I don't understand
those sorts of things.
64
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,102
I enjoy films and the theater,
65
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,855
but I'm afraid
I don't go very often.
66
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:31,024
I have tremendous
admiration for artists.
67
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:35,779
I think art is enormously
important in life,
68
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:40,033
especially for those struggling
for one reason or another.
69
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:46,123
But I'm skating on thin ice,
telling you about such things.
70
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,792
Let's see
if I can find some music.
71
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:51,879
Is that all right?
72
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:56,967
Good night, then. Sleep well.
73
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,080
Damn it.
74
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,715
It's funny.
75
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,968
You can go about
as you please...
76
00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:06,054
Doing almost anything
you please.
77
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:12,644
I'll marry Karl-Henrik
and we'll have a couple kids,
78
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,813
whom I'll raise.
79
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,859
It's all decided.
It's inside me.
80
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,237
I don't even have
to think about it.
81
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,615
It's a great feeling
of security.
82
00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:29,911
I have a job I like and enjoy.
83
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,914
That's good too...
84
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,751
But in another way.
85
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,378
But it's good.
86
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,380
Yes...
87
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:43,884
It's good.
88
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,478
I wonder what's really
wrong with her.
89
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,399
Elisabet vogler.
90
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:43,503
Mrs. Vogler, would you like me
to open the letter?
91
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,429
Shall I read it?
92
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,437
Shall I read it to you?
93
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,739
“Dearest elisabet,
94
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:14,701
since I'm not allowed
to see you, I'm writing instead.
95
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:18,663
If you don't wish to read
my letter, you can ignore it.
96
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:25,212
But I can't help trying
to contact you this way,
97
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,715
as I'm tormented
by a persistent question:
98
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:31,551
Have I done you harm
in some way?
99
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:34,638
Have I unknowingly
hurt you somehow?
100
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:39,559
Was there some terrible
misunderstanding between us?”
101
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:48,151
Should I really go on?
102
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,746
“As far as I know,
we've been happy recently.
103
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,873
Surely we've never been...
104
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,417
So close.
105
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:08,588
Do you remember saying,
106
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,174
'I'm only just beginning
to understand
107
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,551
what it means to be married'?
108
00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,679
'You've taught me...”'
109
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,431
I can't make it out.
110
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:22,102
Myou've taught...”' now I see.
111
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:25,981
“'You've taught me
that we must see each other
112
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,025
as two anxious children
113
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:33,154
full of goodwill
and the best of intentions
114
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:37,575
but gov—”' now I see.
115
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:42,122
“'...governed by forces
we can only partially control.'
116
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,458
do you remember saying all that?
117
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:49,296
We were walking in the woods,
118
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:52,340
and you stopped and grabbed
the belt of my coat —”
119
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:03,476
There was a picture
with the letter.
120
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,981
A picture of your son.
I don't know if...
121
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,026
Do you want it, Mrs. Vogler?
122
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,196
He looks awfully cute.
123
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:50,398
Elisabet, I don't think
there's any point
124
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,942
in your staying here
in the hospital.
125
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:55,236
It's just hurting you
to be here.
126
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,530
Since you don't want to go home,
127
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:59,824
I suggest you
and sister Alma move out
128
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,035
to my summer place by the sea.
129
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,539
You think I don't understand?
130
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,834
The hopeless dream of being.
131
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,253
Not seeming to be, but being.
132
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:18,301
Conscious and awake
at every moment.
133
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,722
At the same time, the chasm
between what you are to others
134
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,933
and what you are to yourself.
135
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,311
The feeling of vertigo,
and the constant hunger
136
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:31,064
to be unmasked once and for all.
137
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:35,235
To be seen through, cut down...
138
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:38,238
Perhaps even annihilated.
139
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:43,201
Every tone of voice a lie,
every gesture a falsehood,
140
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,370
every smile a grimace.
141
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,665
Commit suicide?
142
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:51,918
No, too nasty.
143
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,088
One doesn't do things like that.
144
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:58,591
But you can refuse
to move or talk.
145
00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:00,969
Then at least you're not lying.
146
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:04,514
You can out yourself off,
close yourself in.
147
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,850
Then you needn't play any roles,
148
00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,894
wear any masks,
make any false gestures.
149
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:12,021
So you might think...
150
00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,941
But reality plays
nasty tricks on you.
151
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:18,278
Your hiding place
isn't watertight enough.
152
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:21,281
Life oozes in from all sides.
153
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,703
You're forced to react.
154
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:31,040
No one asks
whether it's genuine or not,
155
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:33,877
whether you're lying
or telling the truth.
156
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:37,088
Questions like that
only matter in the theater,
157
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,257
and hardly even there.
158
00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:42,635
I understand you, elisabet.
159
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,889
I understand that you're
not speaking or moving,
160
00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:50,477
that you've turned this apathy
into a fantastic setup.
161
00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:53,813
I understand and admire you.
162
00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:59,152
I think you should play this part
until it's played out,
163
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:02,238
until it's no longer
interesting.
164
00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:05,992
Then you can drop it,
just as you eventually drop
165
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,953
all your other roles.
166
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:16,294
Thus, at the end of the summer,
Mrs. Vogler and sister Alma
167
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:18,838
move out to the doctor's
summer house.
168
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:23,051
The stay by the sea agrees
very well with the actress.
169
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:26,054
Her crippling apathy
at the hospital
170
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:29,057
gives way to long walks,
fishing excursions,
171
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:32,268
cooking, letter writing,
and other diversions.
172
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:36,022
Sister Alma enjoys
the seclusion of the countryside
173
00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:39,192
and tends to her patient
with utmost care.
174
00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:24,571
Don't you know it's bad luck
to compare hands?
175
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:45,049
Elisabet...
176
00:23:45,174 --> 00:23:47,635
May / read you
something from my book?
177
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,721
Or am I disturbing you?
178
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,556
Here's what it says:
179
00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:54,392
'54// the anxiety
we carry within us,
180
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:58,771
all our thwarted dreams,
the inexplicable cruelty,
181
00:23:58,896 --> 00:24:01,107
our fear of extinction,
182
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:04,319
the pa/nfu/ rnsrght
into our earthly condition
183
00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:10,450
have slowly crystallized our hope
for an other-worldly salvation.
184
00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,786
The tremendous cry
of our faith and doubt
185
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:16,080
against the darkness and silence
186
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:20,043
is the most terrifying proof
of our abandonment
187
00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:23,296
and our unuttered knowledge.”
188
00:24:25,340 --> 00:24:27,634
Do you think that's true?
189
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:33,806
I don't believe that.
190
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:38,645
To change... but I'm so lazy.
191
00:24:39,062 --> 00:24:41,397
And then I feel guilty about it.
192
00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:43,900
Karl-Henrik scolds me
for not having any ambition,
193
00:24:44,025 --> 00:24:46,235
for going around
like I'm sleepwalking.
194
00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:48,196
I think that's unfair.
195
00:24:48,321 --> 00:24:50,865
I graduated highest in my class.
196
00:24:50,990 --> 00:24:53,242
But maybe he means
something else.
197
00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:58,456
You know — oh, sorry.
198
00:24:58,581 --> 00:25:01,334
You know what
I think about sometimes?
199
00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:04,379
At the hospital
where I took my exam,
200
00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:06,673
there's a home for old nurses
201
00:25:06,798 --> 00:25:10,301
who were nurses all their lives
and lived for their work
202
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:12,762
and were always in uniform.
203
00:25:12,887 --> 00:25:14,972
They live
in their little rooms there.
204
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:17,975
Imagine believing
so strongly in something
205
00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:20,019
that you devote
your entire life to it.
206
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:23,106
Having something to believe in,
working at something,
207
00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:26,025
believing your life has meaning.
208
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:27,902
I like that.
209
00:25:28,403 --> 00:25:31,531
Holding on tight to something,
no matter what...
210
00:25:31,656 --> 00:25:33,574
I think that's how it should be.
211
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,536
Meaning something
to other people.
212
00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:38,788
Don't you agree?
213
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:46,337
I know it sounds childish,
but I believe in that.
214
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,216
What a downpour!
215
00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:54,429
Oh, yes, he was married.
216
00:25:54,721 --> 00:25:57,098
We had an affair for five years.
217
00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:59,809
Then he got tired of it,
of course.
218
00:26:00,226 --> 00:26:03,855
I was terribly in love,
and he was the first.
219
00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:07,442
I remember it all
like one long torment.
220
00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:12,280
Long periods of agony,
and brief moments when...
221
00:26:13,781 --> 00:26:16,826
Your teaching me
how to smoke reminded me.
222
00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:18,953
He smoked constantly.
223
00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:22,039
In hindsight
it all seems so dreary.
224
00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:24,417
A real dime store novel.
225
00:26:26,461 --> 00:26:29,756
In some strange way
it was never quite real.
226
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,426
I don't know how to explain it.
227
00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:36,763
At least, I was never
quite real to him.
228
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,975
But my pain was real,
that's for sure.
229
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,605
But that was somehow
all a part of it
230
00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:47,815
in some nasty way,
231
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,693
as if that's how
it was supposed to be.
232
00:26:51,569 --> 00:26:54,238
Even the things
we said to each other.
233
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:04,499
Lots of people have told me
I'm a good listener.
234
00:27:04,624 --> 00:27:06,459
Isn't that funny?
235
00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:09,378
No one's ever bothered
to listen to me.
236
00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:12,465
Like you're doing now.
You're really listening.
237
00:27:12,632 --> 00:27:16,469
I think you're the first person
who's ever listened to me.
238
00:27:16,636 --> 00:27:18,805
It can't be at all interesting.
239
00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:21,265
You could be reading
a good book instead.
240
00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:23,976
How I'm going on!
I hope I'm not irritating you.
241
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:28,439
It feels so good to talk.
It feels nice and warm.
242
00:27:28,564 --> 00:27:31,901
I've never felt like this
in all my life.
243
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:36,155
I've always wanted a sister.
244
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,866
I have loads of brothers —
Seven.
245
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,077
Strange, eh? Then I came along.
246
00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:44,705
I remember being surrounded
by boys all my life.
247
00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:47,500
But I like boys.
248
00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:49,836
But I'm sure you know that,
249
00:27:49,961 --> 00:27:52,880
with all your experience
as an actress.
250
00:27:53,422 --> 00:27:56,092
I like Karl-Henrik so much,
251
00:27:56,717 --> 00:27:59,679
but you really only love once.
252
00:27:59,804 --> 00:28:01,848
I'm faithful to him.
253
00:28:01,973 --> 00:28:05,977
Opportunities come up
in this line of work, I can tell you.
254
00:28:09,021 --> 00:28:12,567
Karl-Henrik and I rented
a cottage by the sea once.
255
00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:16,070
It was June,
and we were all alone.
256
00:28:17,572 --> 00:28:19,991
One day, when Karl-Henrik
had gone into town,
257
00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:22,326
I went to the beach on my own.
258
00:28:22,702 --> 00:28:25,329
It was a warm and lovely day.
259
00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:29,667
There was another girl there.
260
00:28:29,792 --> 00:28:32,753
She'd paddled over
from another island
261
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:36,549
because our beach
was sunnier and more secluded.
262
00:28:37,925 --> 00:28:41,721
We lay there sunbathing beside
one another, completely naked,
263
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:45,933
dozing now and then,
putting suntan lotion on.
264
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,480
We had those cheap
straw hats on, you know?
265
00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,651
I had a blue ribbon around mine.
266
00:28:58,112 --> 00:29:01,282
I lay there peeping out
from under my hat
267
00:29:01,574 --> 00:29:05,578
at the landscape
and the sea and the sun.
268
00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:07,955
It was kind of funny.
269
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:17,882
Suddenly I saw two figures leaping
about on the rocks above us.
270
00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:22,678
They would hide
and then peek out.
271
00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:26,807
“There's a couple boys
looking at us,” I told the girl.
272
00:29:26,933 --> 00:29:28,935
Her name was Katarina.
273
00:29:29,936 --> 00:29:33,940
“Let them look,” she said,
and turned over on her back.
274
00:29:35,358 --> 00:29:37,944
It was a strange feeling.
275
00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:41,405
I wanted to jump up
and put on my robe,
276
00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:43,950
but I just lay there
on my stomach
277
00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:46,243
with my bottom in the air,
278
00:29:46,369 --> 00:29:49,789
not at all embarrassed,
completely calm.
279
00:29:52,458 --> 00:29:55,378
Katarina lay there
next to me the whole time,
280
00:29:55,503 --> 00:29:58,506
with her breasts
and thick thighs.
281
00:29:59,048 --> 00:30:02,468
She just lay there
sort of giggling to herself.
282
00:30:05,471 --> 00:30:07,682
I noticed that the boys
had come closer.
283
00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:10,893
They just stood there
looking at us.
284
00:30:11,894 --> 00:30:14,689
Inoficed
they were terribly young.
285
00:30:16,065 --> 00:30:19,986
Then one of them —
The more daring of the two...
286
00:30:20,778 --> 00:30:24,615
Came up and squatted down
next to Katarina.
287
00:30:25,324 --> 00:30:29,954
He pretended to be busy
picking at his toes.
288
00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:34,875
I felt so strange.
289
00:30:37,211 --> 00:30:39,839
Suddenly I heard Katarina say,
290
00:30:40,381 --> 00:30:43,759
“hey, why don't you
come over here?”
291
00:30:44,677 --> 00:30:46,679
She took him by the hand
292
00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:49,265
and helped him off
with his jeans and shirt.
293
00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:51,684
Then suddenly
he was on top of her.
294
00:30:52,476 --> 00:30:55,980
She guided him in
with her hands on his behind.
295
00:30:57,565 --> 00:31:00,693
The other boy just sat
on the slope and watched.
296
00:31:01,861 --> 00:31:05,698
I heard Katarina whisper
in the boy's ear and laugh.
297
00:31:06,866 --> 00:31:09,869
His face was right next to mine.
298
00:31:10,703 --> 00:31:13,456
It was red and swollen.
299
00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:18,502
Suddenly I turned over and said,
300
00:31:18,627 --> 00:31:21,255
“aren't you coming
over to me too?”
301
00:31:22,089 --> 00:31:24,967
And Katarina said,
“go to her now.”
302
00:31:25,134 --> 00:31:27,303
He pulled out of her
303
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,598
and fell on top of me,
completely hard.
304
00:31:30,723 --> 00:31:32,767
He grabbed my breast.
305
00:31:32,892 --> 00:31:34,894
It hurt so bad!
306
00:31:36,812 --> 00:31:39,565
I was ready somehow
and came almost at once.
307
00:31:39,690 --> 00:31:41,567
Can you believe it?
308
00:31:42,109 --> 00:31:46,864
I was about to say,
“careful you don't get me pregnant”
309
00:31:46,989 --> 00:31:49,200
when he suddenly came.
310
00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:52,870
I felt it like
never before in my life,
311
00:31:53,245 --> 00:31:56,248
the way he sprayed
his seed into me.
312
00:31:56,749 --> 00:31:59,794
He gripped my shoulders
and arched backward.
313
00:31:59,919 --> 00:32:02,254
I came over and over.
314
00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:08,052
Katarina lay on her side
and watched
315
00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:10,721
and held him from behind.
316
00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:16,310
After he came,
she took him in her arms
317
00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:19,063
and used his hand
to make herself come.
318
00:32:19,814 --> 00:32:21,440
When she came,
319
00:32:21,607 --> 00:32:23,818
she screamed like a banshee.
320
00:32:29,782 --> 00:32:32,868
Then all three of us
started laughing.
321
00:32:32,993 --> 00:32:36,664
We called to the other boy,
who was sitting on the slope.
322
00:32:36,789 --> 00:32:38,791
His name was Peter.
323
00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:45,131
He came down,
looking all confused
324
00:32:45,256 --> 00:32:47,550
and shivering
despite the sunshine.
325
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:54,014
Katarina unbuttoned his pants
and started to play with him.
326
00:32:55,224 --> 00:32:58,477
And when he came,
she took him in her mouth.
327
00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:02,481
He bent down
and kissed her back.
328
00:33:03,232 --> 00:33:06,068
She turned around,
took his head in both hands,
329
00:33:06,193 --> 00:33:07,903
and gave him her breast.
330
00:33:08,028 --> 00:33:12,032
The other boy got so excited
that he and I started all over again.
331
00:33:13,159 --> 00:33:15,327
It was just as good as before.
332
00:33:18,289 --> 00:33:20,958
Then we went for a swim
and parted ways.
333
00:33:21,083 --> 00:33:24,920
When I got home, Karl-Henrik
was already back from town.
334
00:33:27,590 --> 00:33:31,343
We ate dinner and drank
some red wine he'd brought.
335
00:33:33,721 --> 00:33:35,764
Then we had sex.
336
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:40,269
It's never been as good,
before or since.
337
00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:42,021
Can you understand that?
338
00:33:42,771 --> 00:33:45,608
I ended up pregnant, of course.
339
00:33:47,067 --> 00:33:49,195
Karl-Henrik,
who's studying medicine,
340
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:53,365
took me to a good friend of his,
who performed an abortion.
341
00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:57,536
We were both relieved.
We didn't want children.
342
00:33:57,912 --> 00:34:00,206
Not then, anyway.
343
00:34:06,629 --> 00:34:09,048
It doesn't make any sense.
344
00:34:09,798 --> 00:34:12,301
Nothing fits together.
345
00:34:13,260 --> 00:34:16,430
And the guilty conscience
you feel over little things.
346
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,557
You understand?
347
00:34:18,724 --> 00:34:21,977
And what about all the things
you'd decided to do?
348
00:34:22,102 --> 00:34:24,897
Don't you have
to do them anymore?
349
00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,525
Is it possible to be
350
00:34:28,651 --> 00:34:31,654
one and the same person
at the very same time...
351
00:34:31,779 --> 00:34:33,822
I mean, two people?
352
00:34:33,948 --> 00:34:36,116
God, I'm being silly!
353
00:34:36,450 --> 00:34:39,745
Anyway, there's no reason
to start blubbering.
354
00:34:40,663 --> 00:34:43,082
I'll get a handkerchief.
355
00:35:04,561 --> 00:35:06,522
It's almost morning...
356
00:35:07,523 --> 00:35:09,900
And it's still raining.
357
00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:19,243
I've been talking nonstop
358
00:35:19,368 --> 00:35:21,453
while you've just listened.
359
00:35:21,578 --> 00:35:23,372
How boring for you.
360
00:35:23,497 --> 00:35:26,500
What could possibly
interest you about my life?
361
00:35:27,167 --> 00:35:29,461
People should be like you.
362
00:35:30,921 --> 00:35:33,007
You know what I thought
363
00:35:33,132 --> 00:35:35,801
after I saw a film
of yours one night?
364
00:35:35,968 --> 00:35:38,804
When I got home and looked
in the mirror, I thought,
365
00:35:38,929 --> 00:35:40,931
“we look alike.”
366
00:35:41,932 --> 00:35:44,351
Don't get me wrong.
You're much more beautiful.
367
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:46,478
But we're alike somehow.
368
00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:50,899
I think I could turn into you
if I really tried.
369
00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:53,319
I mean inside.
370
00:35:55,154 --> 00:35:58,324
You could be me
just like that...
371
00:35:59,616 --> 00:36:02,077
Though your soul
would be far too big.
372
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:04,663
It would stick out everywhere!
373
00:36:08,125 --> 00:36:10,169
Go to bed..
374
00:36:10,294 --> 00:36:13,005
Or you'll fall asleep
here at the table.
375
00:36:26,518 --> 00:36:29,063
I must go to bed now
376
00:36:29,313 --> 00:36:31,523
or I'll fall asleep
at the table,
377
00:36:31,690 --> 00:36:34,068
and that would be
rather uncomfortable.
378
00:36:37,863 --> 00:36:39,365
Good night.
379
00:39:39,836 --> 00:39:41,547
Elisabet...
380
00:39:44,258 --> 00:39:46,718
Did you speak to me last night?
381
00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,752
Were you in my room last night?
382
00:41:03,337 --> 00:41:05,672
Shall I take your mail too?
383
00:41:07,007 --> 00:41:08,884
Let me have a taste.
384
00:41:10,802 --> 00:41:12,262
See ya.
385
00:42:19,121 --> 00:42:22,082
“Dear friend,
I could live like this forever.
386
00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:25,168
The silence, the seclusion,
reducing my needs,
387
00:42:25,293 --> 00:42:29,214
feeling my battered soul finally
start to straighten itself out.
388
00:42:34,553 --> 00:42:37,889
Alma pampers me
in the most touching way.
389
00:42:39,933 --> 00:42:43,895
I think she's actually enjoying it here
and that she's very fond of me,
390
00:42:44,020 --> 00:42:47,983
perhaps even a bit smitten
in a charming, subconscious way.
391
00:42:48,108 --> 00:42:51,737
In any case,
it's a lot of fun studying her.
392
00:43:00,996 --> 00:43:03,999
Sometimes she cries
over past sins...
393
00:43:04,124 --> 00:43:07,210
An orgy with a strange boy
and a subsequent abortion.
394
00:43:07,335 --> 00:43:10,130
She complains
that her notions about life
395
00:43:10,255 --> 00:43:13,008
fail to accord with her actions.”
396
00:48:57,435 --> 00:48:59,604
I see you're reading a play.
397
00:49:00,063 --> 00:49:03,399
That's a healthy sign.
I'll tell the doctor.
398
00:49:06,736 --> 00:49:08,822
You think we should
leave here soon?
399
00:49:08,947 --> 00:49:11,157
I'm starting to miss the city.
400
00:49:11,658 --> 00:49:13,368
Aren't you?
401
00:49:29,050 --> 00:49:32,095
Would you like
to make me really happy?
402
00:49:33,304 --> 00:49:36,975
I know it's asking a lot,
but I could use your help right now.
403
00:49:37,517 --> 00:49:39,102
Nothing dangerous.
404
00:49:39,227 --> 00:49:41,980
But I do wish you'd talk to me.
405
00:49:42,105 --> 00:49:44,315
Doesn't have to be
anything special.
406
00:49:44,482 --> 00:49:47,986
We could talk about anything —
What to have for dinner,
407
00:49:48,111 --> 00:49:50,738
whether the water's
cold now after the storm,
408
00:49:50,864 --> 00:49:53,324
whether it's too cold
to go swimming.
409
00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,578
Just talk for a few minutes.
One minute.
410
00:49:56,703 --> 00:49:58,997
You could read to me
from your book.
411
00:49:59,164 --> 00:50:00,582
Just say a few words.
412
00:50:03,543 --> 00:50:05,670
I have to try not to get angry.
413
00:50:05,837 --> 00:50:07,964
It's your business
if you want to keep quiet.
414
00:50:08,089 --> 00:50:11,092
But I need you
to talk to me now.
415
00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:15,555
Can't you just say
416
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:17,223
one word?
417
00:50:19,851 --> 00:50:21,936
I knew you'd refuse.
418
00:50:23,146 --> 00:50:25,356
You can't know how I feel.
419
00:50:26,983 --> 00:50:29,360
I always thought great artists
420
00:50:29,527 --> 00:50:32,447
felt this great compassion
for other people...
421
00:50:33,156 --> 00:50:35,909
That they created
out of great compassion
422
00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:38,036
and a need to help.
423
00:50:38,203 --> 00:50:40,205
That was silly of me.
424
00:50:43,875 --> 00:50:46,753
You've used me.
For what, I don't know.
425
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:50,381
Now that you don't need me
anymore, you toss me aside.
426
00:50:50,506 --> 00:50:54,219
Yes, I hear perfectly well
how phony that sounds!
427
00:50:54,344 --> 00:50:56,804
“You've used me, and now
you're tossing me aside.”
428
00:50:56,930 --> 00:51:00,058
But it's true — every word.
And these glasses!
429
00:51:09,067 --> 00:51:11,069
You've hurt me badly.
430
00:51:11,861 --> 00:51:14,530
You've been laughing at me
behind my back.
431
00:51:16,407 --> 00:51:18,868
I read the letter
you wrote to the doctor.
432
00:51:18,993 --> 00:51:23,081
It wasn't sealed,
and I read the whole thing.
433
00:51:25,041 --> 00:51:27,293
You got me to talk,
434
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,754
to tell you things
I've never told anyone.
435
00:51:29,879 --> 00:51:33,007
Then you go and pass it on.
Great study material, eh?
436
00:51:33,132 --> 00:51:34,717
You're not...
437
00:51:34,968 --> 00:51:36,970
You're going to talk now!
438
00:51:37,095 --> 00:51:40,348
If you have something
to say, by god...
439
00:51:53,611 --> 00:51:55,280
No, don't!
440
00:52:07,166 --> 00:52:09,627
Scared there for a minute,
weren't you?
441
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:15,341
For a second you were
genuinely scared, weren't you?
442
00:52:15,925 --> 00:52:18,469
A genuine fear of death, huh?
443
00:52:19,053 --> 00:52:21,639
“Alma's gone crazy,”
you thought.
444
00:52:21,806 --> 00:52:24,392
Just what kind of person
are you anyway?
445
00:52:25,268 --> 00:52:28,855
Or maybe you just thought,
“I'll remember that face,
446
00:52:28,980 --> 00:52:31,691
that tone of voice,
that expression.”
447
00:52:31,816 --> 00:52:34,319
I'll give you something
you won't forget!
448
00:52:56,174 --> 00:52:58,009
You're laughing, are you?
449
00:52:59,761 --> 00:53:02,180
Things aren't
that simple for me.
450
00:53:02,722 --> 00:53:04,682
Or so funny either.
451
00:53:05,767 --> 00:53:08,019
But you always have your laugh.
452
00:54:33,354 --> 00:54:35,606
Does it have to be like this?
453
00:54:38,359 --> 00:54:42,488
Is it really so important
not to lie, to tell the truth,
454
00:54:42,613 --> 00:54:44,949
to speak in a genuine
tone of voice?
455
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:49,287
Can a person really live
without babbling away,
456
00:54:49,454 --> 00:54:53,499
without lying and making up
excuses and evading things?
457
00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:57,378
Isn't it better
to just let yourself
458
00:54:57,503 --> 00:55:00,339
be silly and sloppy
and dishonest?
459
00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:06,304
Maybe a person gets better by just
letting herself be who she is.
460
00:55:10,141 --> 00:55:12,143
No, you don't understand.
461
00:55:13,227 --> 00:55:14,979
You don't understand
what I'm saying.
462
00:55:15,146 --> 00:55:17,190
There's no reaching
someone like you.
463
00:55:17,315 --> 00:55:19,275
The doctor said
you're mentally healthy,
464
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,486
but I wonder if your madness
isn't the worst kind.
465
00:55:21,652 --> 00:55:23,321
You act healthy,
466
00:55:23,488 --> 00:55:25,990
and the worst thing is,
everyone believes you.
467
00:55:26,115 --> 00:55:29,327
Except me, because
I know how rotten you are.
468
00:55:35,708 --> 00:55:37,502
God, what am I doing?
469
00:55:41,005 --> 00:55:43,132
Elisabet, forgive me.
470
00:55:43,257 --> 00:55:45,218
I'm behaving like an idiot.
471
00:55:45,343 --> 00:55:48,971
I don't know what got into me.
I'm here to help you.
472
00:55:49,096 --> 00:55:51,682
It was that awful letter.
473
00:55:51,891 --> 00:55:53,851
I was so disappointed.
474
00:55:54,018 --> 00:55:57,438
You asked me
to talk about myself.
475
00:55:58,022 --> 00:56:00,650
It felt so good. You seemed
so kind and understanding.
476
00:56:00,775 --> 00:56:02,860
I'd had a lot to drink,
477
00:56:03,027 --> 00:56:05,488
and it felt so good
to talk about it all.
478
00:56:05,613 --> 00:56:07,949
And I suppose I was flattered
479
00:56:08,074 --> 00:56:11,536
that a great actress like you
would bother to listen.
480
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:14,288
I even thought
it would be nice if what I said
481
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:16,707
were of some use to you.
482
00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:20,711
But that's awful, isn't it?
Sheer exhibitionism.
483
00:56:20,878 --> 00:56:23,881
Elisabet,
I want you to forgive me.
484
00:56:24,048 --> 00:56:27,260
I like you so much.
You mean so much to me.
485
00:56:27,385 --> 00:56:29,303
I've learned so much from you.
486
00:56:29,428 --> 00:56:31,305
Let's not part as enemies.
487
00:56:54,412 --> 00:56:58,249
You won't forgive me
because you're too proud!
488
00:56:58,374 --> 00:57:02,253
You won't stoop to my level
because you don't have to!
489
00:57:02,420 --> 00:57:05,423
I won't...
490
01:01:11,460 --> 01:01:13,504
We don't speak...
491
01:01:13,671 --> 01:01:14,880
Don't listen...
492
01:01:15,005 --> 01:01:16,715
Can't understand ..
493
01:01:21,470 --> 01:01:23,138
What means...
494
01:01:23,264 --> 01:01:25,641
To persuade... to listen...
495
01:02:09,143 --> 01:02:11,979
When you sleep,
your face goes slack...
496
01:02:14,857 --> 01:02:17,526
And your mouth
is swollen and ugly.
497
01:02:20,571 --> 01:02:23,240
There's a nasty wrinkle
on your forehead.
498
01:02:31,498 --> 01:02:34,251
You smell of sleep and tears...
499
01:02:38,255 --> 01:02:41,008
And I can see
the pulse in your neck.
500
01:02:42,259 --> 01:02:45,304
There's a scar there
that you cover with makeup.
501
01:02:51,435 --> 01:02:53,479
He's calling again.
502
01:02:55,022 --> 01:02:57,524
I'll find out
what he wants from us...
503
01:02:58,525 --> 01:03:01,528
Far away out here
in our solitude.
504
01:03:28,681 --> 01:03:30,808
Sorry if I frightened you.
505
01:03:32,059 --> 01:03:33,894
I'm not elisabet.
506
01:03:34,269 --> 01:03:36,689
I'm not here to make demands.
507
01:03:37,147 --> 01:03:39,274
I didn't mean to disturb you.
508
01:03:39,483 --> 01:03:41,568
You think I don't understand?
509
01:03:41,694 --> 01:03:44,488
The doctor explained everything.
510
01:03:45,823 --> 01:03:49,618
But the hardest part
is explaining to your little boy.
511
01:03:49,743 --> 01:03:51,787
I do the best I can.
512
01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:57,209
There's something deeper down,
hard to get a grip on.
513
01:03:58,669 --> 01:04:02,297
You love someone —
Or rather, you say you do.
514
01:04:03,215 --> 01:04:07,094
It's something tangible —
At least, as far as words can be.
515
01:04:08,512 --> 01:04:12,016
Mr. Vogler, I'm not your wife.
516
01:04:12,182 --> 01:04:14,393
And you're loved as well.
517
01:04:14,518 --> 01:04:16,520
You build a community.
518
01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:19,148
It gives you security.
519
01:04:19,523 --> 01:04:22,151
You see a possible way
of enduring, don't you?
520
01:04:25,237 --> 01:04:29,366
How can I say everything
I've thought without getting lost...
521
01:04:29,700 --> 01:04:31,869
Without boring you?
522
01:04:39,710 --> 01:04:43,380
I love you as much as ever.
523
01:04:50,429 --> 01:04:53,265
No, don't worry, my love.
524
01:04:53,766 --> 01:04:57,061
We have each other.
We have faith in each other.
525
01:04:57,186 --> 01:05:00,272
We know each other's thoughts.
We love each other.
526
01:05:00,397 --> 01:05:02,483
- That's true, isn't it?
- Yes.
527
01:05:02,858 --> 01:05:06,862
And it's the effort that counts,
not what we achieve, right?
528
01:05:09,490 --> 01:05:11,325
To see each other as children,
529
01:05:11,450 --> 01:05:14,161
tormented, helpless,
lonely children.
530
01:05:16,705 --> 01:05:20,334
Tell our little boy
mommy will be back soon,
531
01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:24,546
that mommy's been ill,
but she longs for her little boy.
532
01:05:24,797 --> 01:05:27,758
Remember to buy a toy for him.
533
01:05:27,925 --> 01:05:30,344
A present from mommy.
Don't forget.
534
01:05:30,469 --> 01:05:32,846
I feel such great
tenderness for you.
535
01:05:36,767 --> 01:05:38,936
It's almost unbearable.
536
01:05:40,354 --> 01:05:43,190
I don't know what to do
with my tenderness.
537
01:05:45,067 --> 01:05:47,653
I thrive on your tenderness.
538
01:05:49,279 --> 01:05:52,491
Elisabet, is it good
for you with me?
539
01:05:53,075 --> 01:05:55,077
Is it good for you?
540
01:05:57,287 --> 01:06:00,582
You're a wonderful lover.
You know that.
541
01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:02,292
Darling!
542
01:06:04,128 --> 01:06:06,213
Give me a sedative.
543
01:06:06,338 --> 01:06:09,633
Toss me aside. I can't go on!
544
01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:11,051
My darling...
545
01:06:11,176 --> 01:06:12,594
Leave me alone!
546
01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,888
This is shameful, all of it!
547
01:06:15,472 --> 01:06:17,141
Leave me alone!
548
01:06:17,307 --> 01:06:19,935
I'm cold and rotten
and indifferent.
549
01:06:20,853 --> 01:06:23,647
It's all just a sham and lies!
550
01:06:33,198 --> 01:06:34,867
What have you got there?
551
01:06:35,659 --> 01:06:38,162
What are you hiding
underyourhand?
552
01:06:38,328 --> 01:06:39,913
Let me see.
553
01:06:43,167 --> 01:06:47,504
It's the picture of your little boy,
the one you tore up.
554
01:06:47,629 --> 01:06:49,715
We have to talk about this.
555
01:06:57,681 --> 01:06:59,850
Tell me now, elisabet.
556
01:07:01,101 --> 01:07:02,978
Then I will.
557
01:07:04,271 --> 01:07:07,316
It happened at a party one night,
didn't it?
558
01:07:07,858 --> 01:07:10,444
It was late, and the party
was quite rowdy.
559
01:07:11,612 --> 01:07:14,781
Toward morning someone
in the group said to you...
560
01:07:15,449 --> 01:07:17,910
“Elisabet, you have
practically everything
561
01:07:18,035 --> 01:07:20,037
as a woman and as an artist,
562
01:07:20,204 --> 01:07:22,497
but you lack motherliness.”
563
01:07:24,374 --> 01:07:27,377
You laughed,
thinking it was ridiculous,
564
01:07:28,086 --> 01:07:32,090
but later you found yourself
thinking about what he'd said.
565
01:07:33,884 --> 01:07:36,178
You grew
more and more worried...
566
01:07:37,012 --> 01:07:39,765
So you let your husband
get you pregnant.
567
01:07:39,890 --> 01:07:42,059
You wanted to be a mother.
568
01:07:43,393 --> 01:07:46,897
When you knew it was definite,
you became afraid...
569
01:07:47,022 --> 01:07:50,025
Afraid of responsibility,
of being tied down,
570
01:07:50,150 --> 01:07:52,527
of leaving the theater behind,
571
01:07:53,153 --> 01:07:55,781
afraid of pain, afraid of dying,
572
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:58,659
afraid of your body
that was swelling up.
573
01:07:59,868 --> 01:08:02,371
But you played
the part the whole time,
574
01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:06,041
the part of the young,
happy, expectant mother.
575
01:08:07,125 --> 01:08:09,461
Everyone said,
“isn't she beautiful now?
576
01:08:09,586 --> 01:08:11,922
She's never been so beautiful.”
577
01:08:14,758 --> 01:08:18,178
Meanwhile you tried
several times to abort.
578
01:08:19,721 --> 01:08:21,598
But you failed.
579
01:08:22,391 --> 01:08:24,601
When you realized
it was inevitable,
580
01:08:24,726 --> 01:08:27,020
you began to hate the baby
581
01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:29,856
and hoped it would be stillborn.
582
01:08:33,235 --> 01:08:36,196
You hoped
the baby would be dead.
583
01:08:38,407 --> 01:08:41,118
You wanted a dead baby.
584
01:08:45,956 --> 01:08:48,834
It was a long
and difficult delivery.
585
01:08:48,959 --> 01:08:51,128
You were in agony for days.
586
01:08:52,504 --> 01:08:55,048
The baby was finally
delivered with forceps.
587
01:08:55,173 --> 01:08:59,469
You locked with disgust at your
squealing child and whispered,
588
01:08:59,594 --> 01:09:02,347
“can't you just die?
Can't you die?”
589
01:09:04,808 --> 01:09:06,727
But he survived.
590
01:09:08,312 --> 01:09:10,981
The boy cried day and night...
591
01:09:14,026 --> 01:09:16,069
And you hated him.
592
01:09:16,903 --> 01:09:20,407
You were afraid.
You had a guilty conscience.
593
01:09:22,659 --> 01:09:24,995
In the end,
some relatives and a nanny
594
01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:27,164
took care of the boy,
595
01:09:27,289 --> 01:09:31,293
and you could leave your sickbed
and return to the theater.
596
01:09:34,129 --> 01:09:36,506
But the suffering wasn't over.
597
01:09:37,632 --> 01:09:39,676
The boy was seized
598
01:09:39,843 --> 01:09:42,596
by a vast, unfathomable love
for his mother.
599
01:09:42,971 --> 01:09:44,931
You resist.
600
01:09:45,057 --> 01:09:47,392
You resist desperately,
601
01:09:47,768 --> 01:09:50,645
because you feel
you can't return that love.
602
01:09:50,771 --> 01:09:53,148
You try and try...
603
01:09:54,358 --> 01:09:58,153
But your encounters with him
are cruel and awkward.
604
01:09:58,278 --> 01:10:00,030
You can't do it.
605
01:10:00,155 --> 01:10:02,199
You're cold and indifferent.
606
01:10:03,241 --> 01:10:05,369
And he looks at you.
607
01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:08,455
He loves you, and he's so soft,
608
01:10:08,580 --> 01:10:12,042
and you want to hit him
for not leaving you alone.
609
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:17,130
You find him repulsive,
with his thick lips and ugly body
610
01:10:17,255 --> 01:10:19,883
and his moist, pleading eyes.
611
01:10:20,008 --> 01:10:22,552
You find him repulsive,
and you're afraid.
612
01:10:23,762 --> 01:10:25,806
What have you got there?
613
01:10:26,181 --> 01:10:28,725
What are you hiding
underyourhand?
614
01:10:29,059 --> 01:10:30,602
Let me see.
615
01:10:34,981 --> 01:10:38,735
It's the picture of your little boy,
the one you tore up.
616
01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:41,196
We have to talk about this.
617
01:10:49,871 --> 01:10:52,165
Tell me now, elisabet.
618
01:10:55,085 --> 01:10:57,003
Then I will.
619
01:10:59,756 --> 01:11:02,509
It happened at a party one night,
didn't it?
620
01:11:03,343 --> 01:11:05,679
It was late, and the party
was quite rowdy.
621
01:11:07,514 --> 01:11:10,851
Toward morning someone
in the group said to you...
622
01:11:11,393 --> 01:11:14,062
“Elisabet, you have
practically everything
623
01:11:14,187 --> 01:11:16,314
as a woman and as an artist,
624
01:11:16,523 --> 01:11:18,942
but you lack motherliness.”
625
01:11:20,735 --> 01:11:24,030
You laughed,
thinking it was ridiculous,
626
01:11:25,115 --> 01:11:29,119
but later you found yourself
thinking about what he'd said.
627
01:11:29,453 --> 01:11:31,788
You grew
more and more worried...
628
01:11:32,581 --> 01:11:35,333
So you let your husband
get you pregnant.
629
01:11:37,085 --> 01:11:39,254
You wanted to be a mother.
630
01:11:41,715 --> 01:11:45,218
When you knew it was definite,
you became afraid...
631
01:11:46,136 --> 01:11:49,890
Afraid of responsibility,
of being tied down,
632
01:11:50,015 --> 01:11:52,309
of leaving the theater behind,
633
01:11:53,018 --> 01:11:55,562
afraid of pain, afraid of dying,
634
01:11:55,979 --> 01:11:58,690
afraid of your body
that was swelling up.
635
01:12:01,026 --> 01:12:03,487
But you played
the part the whole time,
636
01:12:03,612 --> 01:12:06,990
the part of the young,
happy, expectant mother.
637
01:12:08,325 --> 01:12:10,535
Everyone said,
“isn't she beautiful now?
638
01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:12,662
She's never been so beautiful.”
639
01:12:14,247 --> 01:12:17,751
Meanwhile you tried
several times to abort.
640
01:12:18,627 --> 01:12:20,587
But you failed.
641
01:12:22,214 --> 01:12:24,674
When you realized
it was inevitable...
642
01:12:26,301 --> 01:12:28,720
You began to hate the baby...
643
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:33,433
And hoped it would be stillborn.
644
01:12:36,811 --> 01:12:39,814
You hoped
the baby would be dead.
645
01:12:44,027 --> 01:12:46,655
You wanted a dead baby.
646
01:12:50,951 --> 01:12:53,828
It was a long
and difficult delivery.
647
01:12:54,496 --> 01:12:56,748
You were in agony for days.
648
01:12:58,041 --> 01:13:00,710
The baby was finally
delivered with forceps.
649
01:13:01,378 --> 01:13:05,674
You locked with disgust at your
squealing child and whispered,
650
01:13:05,799 --> 01:13:07,926
“can't you just die?
651
01:13:08,051 --> 01:13:09,886
Can't you die?”
652
01:13:10,554 --> 01:13:13,181
The boy cried day and night,
653
01:13:13,306 --> 01:13:15,392
and you hated him.
654
01:13:16,101 --> 01:13:19,563
You were afraid.
You had a guilty conscience.
655
01:13:21,731 --> 01:13:24,067
In the end,
some relatives and a nanny
656
01:13:24,192 --> 01:13:26,194
took care of the boy,
657
01:13:26,319 --> 01:13:30,240
and you could leave your sickbed
and return to the theater.
658
01:13:32,284 --> 01:13:34,160
But the suffering wasn't over.
659
01:13:36,621 --> 01:13:38,665
The boy was seized
660
01:13:38,790 --> 01:13:41,710
by a vast, unfathomable love
for his mother.
661
01:13:42,210 --> 01:13:45,005
You resist desperately,
662
01:13:45,130 --> 01:13:48,341
because you feel
you can't return that love.
663
01:13:48,466 --> 01:13:50,760
You try and try...
664
01:13:51,803 --> 01:13:55,473
But your encounters with him
are cruel and awkward.
665
01:13:55,599 --> 01:13:57,434
You can't do it.
666
01:13:58,101 --> 01:14:00,562
You're cold and indifferent.
667
01:14:01,438 --> 01:14:03,523
And he looks at you.
668
01:14:03,773 --> 01:14:06,610
He loves you, and he's so soft,
669
01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:10,447
and you want to hit him
for not leaving you alone.
670
01:14:11,323 --> 01:14:15,285
You find him repulsive,
with his thick lips and ugly body
671
01:14:15,452 --> 01:14:18,038
and his moist, pleading eyes.
672
01:14:18,163 --> 01:14:20,749
You find him repulsive,
and you're afraid.
673
01:14:31,801 --> 01:14:33,803
I'm not like you.
674
01:14:34,137 --> 01:14:36,473
I don't feel
the same way you do.
675
01:14:37,098 --> 01:14:40,602
I'm sister Alma.
I'm only here to help you.
676
01:14:40,894 --> 01:14:42,937
I'm not elisabet vogler.
677
01:14:43,063 --> 01:14:45,231
You're elisabet vogler.
678
01:14:45,649 --> 01:14:47,776
I'd really like to have...
679
01:14:49,069 --> 01:14:50,987
I love...
680
01:14:53,323 --> 01:14:54,824
I haven't...
681
01:15:29,025 --> 01:15:31,111
I've learned quite a lot.
682
01:15:45,834 --> 01:15:48,211
Let's see how long
I can hold out.
683
01:15:54,342 --> 01:15:58,221
I'll never be like you.
I change all the time.
684
01:15:58,346 --> 01:16:01,224
You can do what you want.
You won't get to me.
685
01:16:35,467 --> 01:16:37,260
Say nothing.
686
01:16:38,386 --> 01:16:40,263
Cut a candle.
687
01:16:40,388 --> 01:16:42,348
A kind of otherness.
688
01:16:42,557 --> 01:16:45,101
Not now. No, no.
689
01:16:46,478 --> 01:16:49,147
Warning and outside time.
690
01:16:49,272 --> 01:16:50,815
Unforeseen.
691
01:16:50,940 --> 01:16:54,778
When it was supposed to happen,
it didn't, so... failure.
692
01:16:54,944 --> 01:16:56,863
You stand there,
693
01:16:56,988 --> 01:16:58,948
but I should do it.
694
01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:00,992
Not inward, no.
695
01:17:01,117 --> 01:17:03,369
Say collect and advise others.
696
01:17:03,495 --> 01:17:05,830
A desperate maybe.
697
01:17:11,044 --> 01:17:14,798
I take, yes...
But what is closest?
698
01:17:15,507 --> 01:17:17,550
What's it called?
699
01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:19,302
No, no, no.
700
01:17:19,761 --> 01:17:22,680
Us, we, me, I.
701
01:17:22,806 --> 01:17:25,266
Many words and then disgust,
702
01:17:25,391 --> 01:17:28,853
unbearable pain, the nausea.
703
01:19:00,904 --> 01:19:03,239
Try and listen to me now.
704
01:19:03,948 --> 01:19:06,242
Repeat after me.
705
01:19:10,622 --> 01:19:12,206
Nothing.
706
01:19:15,752 --> 01:19:17,253
Nothing.
707
01:19:18,630 --> 01:19:20,465
No, nothing.
708
01:19:27,430 --> 01:19:28,932
Nothing.
709
01:19:30,433 --> 01:19:32,018
That's it.
710
01:19:32,393 --> 01:19:34,103
That's good.
711
01:19:34,228 --> 01:19:36,272
That's how it should be.
712
01:23:51,319 --> 01:23:56,532
Digitally restored in 2011
by svensk filmindustri
50328
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.