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1
00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:04,395
[up-tempo music plays]
2
00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:07,833
- [glass shatters]
- Another Oktoberfest in the books.
3
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:09,835
Now how're we
getting home?
4
00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:12,708
Steve doesn't have a license,
I'm hammered, Francine's wasted,
5
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,492
and Hayley's
way too drunk to drive.
6
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,668
How can you tell?
7
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:20,846
Because when you abuse alcohol,
I like you more as a person.
8
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:21,891
I can drive!
9
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,588
I stayed sober all night
10
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,416
just so I could be
the designated driver.
11
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,506
What--
What about Jeff?
12
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,943
He can't, remember?
13
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:33,381
He shattered his legs
in the beer stein race.
14
00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:36,079
Oh, God!
My legs!
15
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,689
Gross!
Get out of here!
16
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,169
Come on, Stan!
Throw me the keys!
17
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:41,171
Absolutely not.
18
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:44,044
- What's the problem?
- I already texted Klaus.
19
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,046
He'll get us
home safe.
20
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:48,787
You guys want Klaus to drive
instead of me?
21
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:51,181
Heck yeah we [burping] doooo.
22
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,096
[clanging]
23
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,403
Klaus in the house!
24
00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,927
More like Klaus in the truck!
[laughs]
25
00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,929
Hop in!
26
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,801
Will you please take me
to the ER?
27
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,977
No way.
I'm not wasting my buzz
28
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,763
sitting around
an emergmancy rohm.
29
00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:10,374
But the hospital's
on the way home!
30
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,594
I could've skipped the hospital
just as well as Klaus!
31
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,726
- [screams]
- Oh, please.
32
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,902
Legs heal, but there's
no greater pain
33
00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:19,253
than staying sober
all night for nothing.
34
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:24,562
[patriotic music plays]
35
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:27,435
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
36
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:31,221
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day♪
37
00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:34,485
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face♪
38
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:38,359
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race♪
39
00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:43,929
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪
40
00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:46,018
-♪ Good--♪
-♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
41
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,150
Aah!
42
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,807
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
43
00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:58,161
I can't believe none of you
would let me drive last night.
44
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,468
I was so upset
I had to journal about it,
45
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:02,252
and that's when I realized
none of you
46
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,124
have gotten in a car with me
for the past six months!
47
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,429
Why not?
48
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,996
Okay,
I'm just gonna say it.
49
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:08,432
You're the worst driver
in the world.
50
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,347
Hayley, please.
51
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,001
You know how much I love
pointing out Roger's flaws,
52
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,003
but it's best we leave
this to a professional.
53
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,483
That's why I scheduled
an appointment
54
00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,137
with our insurance adjustor.
55
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,617
You think I need
my insurance adjusted?
56
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:22,272
Well, I think you need
your attitude adjusted!
57
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,360
[sobbing]
58
00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:31,281
TOGETHER: Insurance adjustor
Heinrich Brown?!
59
00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,979
Please, come in.
I'll make some room for you.
60
00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:36,156
- [crash]
- JEFF: Oh, God! My arms!
61
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:38,158
Thank you, Stan.
62
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,985
I'm here to explain the reasons
Uncle Roger is a threat
63
00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:42,988
to everything I hold dear
as an insurance adjustor.
64
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:46,209
To do so, I'll be using a form
of street poetry
65
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,168
colloquially known
as "rap."
66
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,821
[rap music plays]
67
00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:51,910
[rapping]
♪ Get up, unh, unh♪
68
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,825
♪ My name is Heinrich Brown
and I'm here to say♪
69
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:56,306
♪ Uncle Roger drives
in a terrible way♪
70
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,701
♪ Behind the wheel,
he's negligent♪
71
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:02,225
I'm sorry, I just... can't.
72
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,139
[record scratches]
73
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:07,317
This hardened exterior
is a lie.
74
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,493
I only pretend to be tough
because working in insurance
75
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,234
requires a lot of machismo.
76
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:13,497
But I need to be honest
with myself.
77
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:14,759
I don't want to rap.
78
00:03:14,803 --> 00:03:16,370
I want to...
79
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:19,416
♪ Sing♪
80
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,504
[R&B music plays]
81
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,681
Uncle Roger, frankly,
82
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:27,903
there should be a hall of fame
for all your accidents.
83
00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:32,124
I heard they were building one
and you drove right through it.
84
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,910
I guess the only thing left
to say is...
85
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:37,608
All right, here we go!
Full singing!
86
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,263
♪ Roger, you know♪
87
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:44,920
♪ That you don't belong
on the road♪
88
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:49,707
♪ But you can't let go♪
89
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:52,362
♪ It's so apropos♪
90
00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,712
♪ That we're increasing♪
91
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,280
♪ Your deductible♪
92
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,456
I told you I saw a bunch
of people in the basement.
93
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,632
I still
don't believe you.
94
00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:06,724
♪ No, you don't belong
on the road♪
95
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:11,599
♪ But you can't let go♪
96
00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:13,992
♪ Every single day♪
97
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,386
♪ You cause Stan to crash♪
98
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:21,261
♪ Into a flagpoooooole♪
99
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,437
♪ Oh, he is crashing♪
100
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:28,398
♪ He's going down, down, down♪
101
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:31,923
♪ Roger, you know that you
don't belong on the road♪
102
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:35,623
♪ Somehow he walks away
every time♪
103
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:39,322
♪ But you can't let go♪
104
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:42,020
This song hurts my feelings,
which sucks,
105
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,109
because its already
stuck in my head.
106
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:47,591
What a fabulous concert.
Is this free?
107
00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:49,506
It feels free
because it's bundled
108
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,334
with your insurance plan.
109
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,162
Free! Free! Free!
110
00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:55,947
♪
111
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:58,298
ROGER: Dear Journal,
I hope I can trust you
112
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:01,605
in the way no one trusts me,
which is a lot!
113
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:04,608
I'm still upset no one in this
family will let me drive.
114
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,784
Roger, I know this is
a great chance for a joke,
115
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,830
but I want to get
straight to it--
116
00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:11,441
I'm willing to give you
driving lessons.
117
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:12,877
Hmm.
118
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,358
I guess I'd get to drive
your sick truck.
119
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:18,796
Yes. But you have to be
extremely careful.
120
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,146
My truck is a highly specific
shade of orange
121
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:23,975
that's been proven
to cause epileptic seizures,
122
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:26,369
so they don't make
parts for it anymore.
123
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,850
If you're going to earn
the family's trust back,
124
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,808
you're going to have to show
them you can focus
125
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,157
- while you're driving--
- Hey, look!
126
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,724
A sign!
127
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,335
He's still allowed
to adopt?!
128
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:36,988
[laughs]
129
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:38,033
Roger,
goddammit, watch the road!
130
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,817
I can laugh and watch the--
131
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:40,905
[gasps]
132
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,559
Whee!
133
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:47,521
You crashed my perfect truck
into that hideous Tesla!
134
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,392
Hmm... Tesla...
135
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,394
You better have good insurance, pal.
136
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,178
Oh, God,
the orange of your truck
137
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:55,006
is so highly spec--
138
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:59,097
[sputtering]
139
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:02,231
Tesla...
140
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,842
♪
141
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,367
Roger, why did you invite us
to SoSo's?
142
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,412
Yeah,
this place sucks.
143
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:12,850
It smells like cheap marinara
and unpaid child support.
144
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:14,374
And the food...
145
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:15,897
it tastes...
146
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,681
I wanna say...
147
00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:18,856
bad?
148
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,118
Okay, you guys need to stop
149
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,903
shitting on SoSo's.
150
00:06:21,946 --> 00:06:23,121
All right? This is
a perfectly fine restaurant
151
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,514
for families on a budget.
152
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:25,907
Then why don't you
eat some?
153
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:28,300
What?! No!
I don't wanna die!
154
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:31,216
Speaking of not dying,
I am finally willing to accept
155
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:33,088
that none of you
want me to drive.
156
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,698
Thank you, Roger.
157
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,439
We appreciate you respecting
our wishes.
158
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,049
Sorry,
you didn't let me finish.
159
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,703
I'm willing to accept
that none of you
160
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,489
want me to drive
on Earth!
161
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,667
[engine humming]
162
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,061
[screams]
163
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,323
[all gasp]
164
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,852
[screaming]
165
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,906
Wow! I've heard
about five-star dining,
166
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,560
but this is ridiculous!
167
00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:13,258
Looks like at SoSo's,
it's not just the savings
168
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,825
that are
out of this world!
169
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:16,784
No, no, I should take
this seriously.
170
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:20,440
After all, there's a certain
gravity to this situation!
171
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,311
We have fun.
172
00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:27,185
Roger, what the hell
is going on?!
173
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:28,752
That's a fair question.
174
00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:31,755
See, SoSo's Pizzas
are alien spaceships
175
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:32,930
placed throughout America
176
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,758
in preparation
for The Reckoning,
177
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:38,283
which is when an obscure
alien race will destroy humanity
178
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,155
if they ever stop
making Law & Order: SVU.
179
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,941
[dramatic sting]
180
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,683
Everyone and their grandma
knows about The Reckoning.
181
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:50,295
We wanna know what's going on
with us being in space!
182
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,820
Well, earlier, through
no fault of my own,
183
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,300
I crashed Klaus's truck
into a Tesla.
184
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:58,303
That's when I remembered
Tesla put a car in space.
185
00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,610
And now that's where we are.
Space!
186
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:02,307
But why?!
187
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,788
Because driving in space
is way harder
188
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,224
than driving on land.
189
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,531
Up here,
even the slightest mistake
190
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:09,619
will get us all killed.
191
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:11,316
So if I can do this,
192
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,014
you'll have no choice
but to trust me
193
00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:14,842
behind the wheel of a car.
194
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:17,714
That's your plan to get us
to trust you?!
195
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,324
Yup.
It was this
196
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,065
or completely
changing my personality
197
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:23,633
and earning it over
the next 5 to 10 years.
198
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:26,636
So you can see how space
makes a lot more sense for me.
199
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:31,815
♪
200
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,644
I've got news!
The local SoSo's Pizza
201
00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:36,385
was obliterated
in what people
202
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:37,821
who might not even
have been there
203
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,171
are calling
a freak gas explosion.
204
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,651
No!
205
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:45,046
My babe and babe-in-laws
were at that SoSo's!
206
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,048
[wailing]
207
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:50,007
You lost your wife,
I lost my truck.
208
00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,879
Could today
get any worse?
209
00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:54,577
Hey, fish!
I heard about your dead family
210
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,362
and totaled car.
I'm sorry you're feeling down,
211
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:58,886
but your premiums
are going up!
212
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:02,759
[both sobbing]
213
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,677
Okay,
gonna keep it real simple.
214
00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:10,550
Just a few quick maneuvers,
then it's right back to Earth.
215
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,770
[beeping]
216
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,561
Ta-dah!
217
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,345
Watch out! Tesla!
218
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,872
Did you just get
into a car accident...
219
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,570
in space?
220
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:32,876
And is it just me,
221
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,269
or are we drifting
further and further
222
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,010
from our sweet Mother Gaia?
223
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,275
Not to worry,
this is a perfect excuse
224
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,277
to show off
my most impressive
225
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,584
and unnecessary
space maneuver.
226
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:47,499
It's called
a Planetary Slingshot,
227
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:50,067
- and it's when--
- You use the gravitational pull
228
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,896
of a planet to accelerate,
or "slingshot",
229
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,333
your spacecraft
towards your destination.
230
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,118
The math checks out.
231
00:09:57,161 --> 00:10:00,425
FYI, you absolutely
cannot look at the sun.
232
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,427
Looking directly into the sun
at this proximity
233
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:04,168
causes Sun Madness.
234
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,735
- Francine?
- That's right.
235
00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:07,607
And once you go Sun Mad,
236
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:11,523
you'll become so infatuated
by that big ball of gas
237
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,526
that you'll do anything
to burn up inside her.
238
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,485
Including foreplay.
239
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,274
Take us home, Venus!
240
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:25,450
[all screaming]
241
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,627
Screwed the pooch
on that one.
242
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,629
But if at first
you don't succeed!
243
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,413
Come onnnnn, Mercury!
244
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,503
[all screaming]
245
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,506
Welp, third time's
the charm.
246
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:40,117
But there's only two planets
between Earth and the sun!
247
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,641
Nuh-uh!
What about that one?
248
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,643
STAN:
That's no planet.
249
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:46,384
It's a pepperoni!
250
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:49,692
Bad.
So bad.
251
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,782
No big deal. I can turn around
and fly home without a problem.
252
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,479
- [chiming]
- With one problem.
253
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,046
We're running low
on fuel.
254
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:57,961
But we can still get back, right?
255
00:10:58,005 --> 00:10:59,789
Oh, please let me
do the math.
256
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,183
It's like I'm living
in my own word problem.
257
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:05,012
Let's see...
ship of this size...
258
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,840
account for
the distance...
259
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,668
Good news, family!
260
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,365
If we continue
at this speed,
261
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:12,889
we should have enough fuel
to get home in...
262
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,848
seven years?!
263
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,327
What the hell, Roger?
264
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,981
Your driving
has ruined our lives!
265
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:19,591
All you've proven
is that we were right
266
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,158
not to trust you
behind the wheel.
267
00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:23,508
Maybe we shouldn't
trust you at all.
268
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:26,163
Fine! I'm gonna go journal,
and you better believe
269
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,513
this next entry
will be scathing!
270
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,907
[sobbing]
271
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:32,822
JEFF: Oh, God.
272
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:36,086
I would do anything
to not feel this sad.
273
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:40,395
Well, research shows,
and I don't want to do this,
274
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:42,353
but when two
grief-stricken adults
275
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:44,573
lose everything
but each other,
276
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:47,707
they heal their pain
through boinking.
277
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:52,189
That's just science, ergo
my scientific term "boinking"
278
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:56,716
instead of,
you know, sex.
279
00:11:56,759 --> 00:12:00,023
Uh... No offense,
Mr. Klaus,
280
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:03,070
but I really don't wanna
get on the train
281
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,593
to Boinksville
with you.
282
00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:06,203
Me neither.
283
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,423
Let's hold out
as long as we can.
284
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:15,604
I spy with my little eye
something that is--
285
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,475
I know!
Is it a star?!
286
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,434
This is gonna be
a long seven years.
287
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:23,394
It's like a star,
but it's more like a pizzeria
288
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,787
and it's headed
straight toward us.
289
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:33,491
♪
290
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,276
ROGER: It's docking.
291
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:39,149
Someone, or some thing,
is trying to come aboard.
292
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,805
[hissing]
293
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,938
[beeping, buzzer]
294
00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:50,682
Hey, gang!
It's me, Roger!
295
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,684
No, I'm Roger.
296
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,338
We're both Roger!
297
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:56,514
Only difference is...
I'm from the future.
298
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:58,168
[all gasp]
299
00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:00,910
And my space tan makes me
a teensy bit sexier.
300
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,172
[gasps]
301
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,787
So you're me,
but from the future?
302
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,267
Aww. Hard to believe
I was ever that naive.
303
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,617
But yes, you little cherub,
I am.
304
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:13,836
How far
into the future?
305
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,100
Three. Whole. Days.
306
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:20,277
That's not far,
but still unusual.
307
00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:21,844
How did you travel
back to us?
308
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,454
I popped through
a little wormhole.
309
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:24,673
That's impossible.
310
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:26,022
If you suck at driving it is.
311
00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:28,024
Ha!
He got you, Roger!
312
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,635
Hey, um...
Where's the future us?
313
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,290
They died
a couple days ago.
314
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:34,988
I'm still a little sad
about it.
315
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,859
Aw, that's terrible.
Please let us know--
316
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,730
Wait a minute!
Do you mean us?
317
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,820
That's what I came back
to warn you about.
318
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,473
If you stick
with your plan
319
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,824
to get back to Earth
the slow way, you die.
320
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,042
- [both gasp]
- BOTH: Eep!
321
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,305
Your only chance
of getting home
322
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:50,394
is to slingshot the sun.
323
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:52,832
Slingshotting?
Sounds promising.
324
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,703
You're just gonna
trust this guy?
325
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,314
Look, young blood, you're
the one who got us in this mess.
326
00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:58,576
I'm trying
to get us out of it.
327
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,404
That settles it.
328
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,711
Future Roger's gonna
slingshot us around the sun.
329
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:05,714
Great!
I like Future Roger.
330
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,324
He's got
a weathered look
331
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:10,675
that gives me
"wise cowboy" vibes.
332
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,721
Mighty kind of you,
little lady.
333
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:14,984
It feels great
to have everyone's trust.
334
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:16,725
You'll just have to
trust me on that.
335
00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:18,335
Want your diary, buddy?
336
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,424
It's not a diary,
it's a journal!
337
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:21,991
Like an explorer has!
338
00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,080
I'm exploring
my inner thoughts!
339
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,908
[sobbing] Ah!
340
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:34,351
Wait a second, this entry
is dated three days from now.
341
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:36,701
This is Future Me's journal!
342
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:39,617
FUTURE ROGER: Dear Journal,
some good news for a change.
343
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:42,620
I've fallen in love, and you'll
never guess who with!
344
00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:47,234
Her name is The Sun,
and I long to die inside her.
345
00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:50,890
Alas, my family
doesn't understand my love.
346
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,804
By the time we settled
our differences,
347
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,589
we'd been flying in circles
so long
348
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:57,940
that the ship was
almost completely out of fuel.
349
00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,029
But if my calculations
are correct,
350
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,902
I should have just enough fuel
to get to a nearby wormhole
351
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,904
and travel back in time.
352
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,297
Then, I'll be able to take
the Past Smiths' ship
353
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,864
and fly us all
right into the sun!
354
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,563
Holy crap!
355
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,305
Future Me's gone
totally Sun Mad!
356
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,917
And now the only one
who can stop me is Now Me!
357
00:15:20,615 --> 00:15:22,312
Soon, my sweet.
358
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,575
Soon.
359
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,838
Hey, there, whippersnapper.
Whatcha been up to?
360
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,405
Oh, nothing.
361
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:30,625
Just catching up
on some light reading.
362
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,670
My journal!
363
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:35,064
I suppose that means you know
the sun and I are lovers.
364
00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:36,674
That ol' flooze?
365
00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:38,676
Buddy of mine raw dogged her
in Cancún.
366
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,940
Said he caught a wicked
case of melanoma.
367
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:42,593
Oh, sure.
Slut shame the sun.
368
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,160
Real mature.
369
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:45,770
And so what?
We all have a past.
370
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,511
Oh, a past?
371
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,078
Is that why she still
wakes up every morning
372
00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:51,124
and gives it
to an entire hemisphere?
373
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,995
[gasps]
Take that back!
374
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,083
[both grunting]
375
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,171
Aah!
376
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,043
[beeping, buzzer]
377
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:03,005
Oh, shitballs.
378
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,269
Rogers!
What's going on here?
379
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,793
Oh, Stan,
it was awful!
380
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,491
I was preparing
for our slingshot
381
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:13,885
when he detached my ship
and threw my journal into space!
382
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:15,496
Roger, how could you?
383
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,846
You know how important
that journal is to yourself.
384
00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:20,022
It was him!
He's trying to kill us!
385
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:22,459
He has Sun Madness!
You gotta believe me!
386
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:23,634
No, I don't.
387
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,549
If I couldn't trust you before,
388
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,812
there's certainly no reason
for me to trust you now.
389
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:30,163
Come on, Future Roger.
Let's get you out of here.
390
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,642
It's all a ruse!
391
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,470
He's selfish
and manipulative
392
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,211
and he cares more
about getting what he wants
393
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:39,041
than he does about this family's
safety and-- ohhhhhh.
394
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,739
This is what it's like
for the family all the time.
395
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:43,306
I get it now.
396
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,353
Wow, when will I
stop growing?
397
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:56,406
Roger.
398
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,887
I took the liberty
of upgrading your seatbelts.
399
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:04,327
- Good looking out.
- We can always count on you.
400
00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,025
Now that you're restrained,
401
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,027
I should probably mention
that I have Sun Madness.
402
00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:11,160
Completely addicted
to the sun.
403
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,597
But don't worry, I'm working
through a twelve-step program,
404
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,860
and the first step is admitting
I have a problem.
405
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,079
The second step?
406
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,603
Flying directly into the sun!
407
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,996
[laughs evilly]
408
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,174
Why isn't it working?
409
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,394
I knew you'd try
something like this,
410
00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:30,223
which is why I sabotaged
your accelerator.
411
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:33,182
It's also why I rewired
the emergency eject button
412
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:35,054
to be over here.
413
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:36,925
Goodbye, Roger.
414
00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:40,059
I'm three days older
than you.
415
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,756
You think I didn't
see this coming?
416
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,714
I knew you'd try
to sabotage me,
417
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:46,674
which is why I put
the real eject button over here!
418
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,460
You must be getting slow
in your old age,
419
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:53,246
because I knew you'd know
that I'd deceive you,
420
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,683
which is why I put
the real eject button over here!
421
00:17:57,424 --> 00:18:00,296
You didn't think I'd know
you knew I knew you'd know?
422
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,298
The real eject button
is over here!
423
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,216
Would you kill
each other already?!
424
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,739
You're a worthy opponent,
425
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,741
but there's one thing
you didn't count on.
426
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,003
The truth!
427
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,744
That's right, this whole time
428
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,225
the real emergency
eject button has been...
429
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,097
the emergency
eject button!
430
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,666
Well played,
but it's not over yet.
431
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,713
Good luck trying to push
a button without any hands!
432
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,151
[gasps]
433
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:32,589
You jagoffs got confused
by the temporal paradox.
434
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:36,419
You're future him, so when
you cut off your hands--
435
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,769
I'm only cutting off
my own hands!
436
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:41,990
Which gives me
the upper hand.
437
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:46,821
Aaaaah!
438
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:50,520
Joke's on you.
439
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,958
I'm headed right into
the fiery arms of my beloved!
440
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:56,265
Aah!
441
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:57,440
Noooooo!
442
00:18:57,484 --> 00:19:00,008
I'm stuck in perfect orbit!
443
00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:02,141
But if I can't be inside you,
444
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:05,274
at least I can pleasure myself
to your presence.
445
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:08,016
Oh, God!
No hands!
446
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:12,063
Roger, you saved us
from yourself.
447
00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:14,805
Maybe, but if I want you
to trust me,
448
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:16,285
I have to be honest
with you.
449
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:19,332
And the big truth is,
I can't drive.
450
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,030
[creaking]
451
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:28,341
We've entered the sun's
gravitational field!
452
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,865
Our only way out is to
pull off a slingshot!
453
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,736
What do you say, Roger?
454
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,999
Can we trust you with our lives
twice in one hour?
455
00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,044
I don't know...
456
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,741
You can do this,
Roger!
457
00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:39,743
We believe
in you!
458
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,658
Personally I think this family's
a little too quick to forgive.
459
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,312
You're right.
460
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:45,923
With your trust behind me,
I can do anything.
461
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,926
♪
462
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:51,059
[engine whirring]
463
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:56,064
♪
464
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:59,067
It's so hot!
We're too close!
465
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,329
Wait for it...
466
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,331
She's falling apart!
467
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,941
Almost there...
468
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:09,208
[all screaming]
469
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,383
Now!
470
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:16,954
Whee!
471
00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:18,347
FRANCINE:
Great job, Roger!
472
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,566
HAYLEY: You did it!
473
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:21,524
STEVE: What a slingshot!
474
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:23,874
Does this mean I'm driving
to Oktoberfest next year?
475
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:25,224
STAN:
Only if you don't drink.
476
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,094
Ech.
Never mind.
477
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:31,926
I'm still sad
my whole family's dead.
478
00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:34,102
I'm still sad
about my truck.
479
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,277
I give in!
480
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,584
Me too!
481
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,281
- Let's heal!
- Let's heal!
482
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:42,458
♪ Oh, he's grieving♪
483
00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,721
♪ Grieving♪
484
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:47,115
♪ On that right now
train to Boinksville♪
485
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:50,553
♪ Grieving on that right now
train to Boinksville♪
486
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,294
♪ Splooge splooge!♪
487
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,122
Get back
in the basement!
488
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:57,647
Bye!
Have a beautiful time!
489
00:20:57,697 --> 00:21:02,247
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