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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,080
This programme contains
very strong language
2
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,800
Oh, God. I am trebly tired.
3
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,320
I think I'm actually dead.
4
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,000
Are you talking?
Cos I haven't realised.
5
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,600
You're beautiful, beautiful.
6
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,200
I keep meaning to meditate but...
7
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,800
Ow. Get your knee out me crypt.
Sorry.
8
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,400
Going to be one crazy-hot
corpse, girlfriend.
9
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,720
Yeah, well, you can cop
a feel when I'm dead.
10
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,520
Not now, obvs. Obvs.
11
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,400
I'll wait till after the funeral.
12
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:41,960
Take off.
13
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,560
Paris, Rome, New York.
14
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,840
Whatever vibe you stiffen into.
15
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:51,880
Paint the town bluish green.
16
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,160
Be great.
17
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,160
You're not actually asleep, are you?
18
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,720
Perfect time to tell you
I got fired.
19
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,440
I thought you were joking.
20
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,840
Yeah. No, I wasn't.
21
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,880
Dan, you don't have a job.
22
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,560
Don't worry.
23
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:55,760
You'll take care of us.
24
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,880
You're amazing.
25
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,200
Hey, can I ask you
a personal question?
26
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,400
What?
27
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,400
Do you have any money?
28
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,480
Why didn't you tell me
straight away?
29
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,600
Lying's more manly.
30
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,120
Plus the weekend.
You could be looking for ages.
31
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,320
I should go freelance again.
32
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,000
I'll get three jobs by teatime.
33
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,200
Yeah, but what if you don't?
34
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,800
What if I lose my job and
we both have to go on the game?
35
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,120
What about that?
36
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,320
You'll make a lot more money.
37
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,080
My Johns will be fairly niche.
38
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,240
Suppose I'd better take you out
for lunch, then, you loser.
39
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,400
Oh, my God. What?
40
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,880
I just realised. What? What?
41
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,240
I'm holding something
that was alive in the '70s.
42
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,520
Oh... Were there dragons everywhere?
43
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,040
Yeah. It was tricky
putting out the bins.
44
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,200
So old.
45
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,480
Bet you've got a blue plaque
over your wanger and everything.
46
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:02,880
Let me see. I don't have...
47
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,960
Get off! Get off! Get off.
48
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,120
No fun.
49
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,160
I've got to go.
It's a dogfight out there.
50
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,960
I shouted, he shouted.
51
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,280
Then he went to the hut.
52
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,840
I'm not going to see him
till Monday. Arsehole!
53
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,320
Anyway, I'm not talking about him.
Yeah?
54
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,440
And I'm supporting you by not
talking about Dan,
55
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,400
who's an arse for not asking
for his brother's help with...
56
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,400
Why don't you...?
No, don't give me advice!
57
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,000
Sorry! Sorry.
58
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,600
Kurt gives me advice.
59
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,600
I just want to be left alone!
60
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,680
To be disgusting and die in my...
my own ooze and...just...
61
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,400
You know, everyone goes
around feeling disgusting.
62
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,200
It's all part of being a
normal, healthy piece of shit.
63
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,680
No, I am disgusting.
64
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:57,320
I just want a van of Black Forest
gateau to rear-end my face.
65
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,440
Oh.
66
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,040
Can we do that, um...
67
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,200
..the breathing thing?
68
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,200
Because I haven't exhaled
in, like, six weeks.
69
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,760
In fact, I remember the date.
70
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,320
Tomorrow, maybe, but I've got to go.
71
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,960
I've got to go downtown,
but I can... Oh, my God...
72
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,800
SHE SOBS
73
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,920
All right, I can do it.
I can do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.
74
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,440
No... OK. Sorry.
75
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,080
Oh, come here.
76
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,800
SHE SOBS
77
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,560
It's all right. I...
78
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,560
OK.
79
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:30,560
My granny would say,
"Just take deep breaths.
80
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,520
"Just pretend you're swimming."
That's... Aww. Sorry.
81
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,920
If my granny were here,
she'd say, "Fuck him.
82
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,600
"I hope his hut explodes."
83
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,160
Yeah.
84
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,400
Aww.
85
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,560
Oh.
86
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,640
Thank you.
87
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,560
The power of man.
88
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:50,920
Power of nature.
89
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,960
Perhaps when you finish punching
yourself in the face,
90
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,040
you open the fist of your mind.
91
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,440
PHONE RINGS
92
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,520
Hey. Where are you?
I've been waiting for ages.
93
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,480
Hey. Oh, there you are.
94
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,760
So Joy was like, "You're doing it.
You'll finally teach me
95
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,080
"how to breathe properly."
96
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,520
And then she gave me all
this stuff she's throwing out
97
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,080
before the dinner party.
98
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,680
Gave me the rest of the day off!
99
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:25,960
Ha-ha! Look.
100
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,520
These are batshit.
I'm never taking them off.
101
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,960
Teaching, huh? You called me
a wanker about 50 times
102
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,320
showing me how the oven worked.
103
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,320
Breath work's easy
when you get the hang of it.
104
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,400
Anyone can do it.
Even you, you wanker.
105
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,680
Hey? Mm.
106
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,520
Do you love me?
107
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:42,680
Uncontrollably.
108
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,520
In great, rollicking spasms.
109
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,120
Like the sea.
110
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,360
Or pigs waking up.
111
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,760
Get chips then. No chips.
112
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,160
Spinach, fascism, triumph.
113
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,360
Just get me some chips,
you useless skank.
114
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,440
What about these? For curtains.
115
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,880
Oh, don't you just want
to live in them?
116
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,520
I think we'll have to try
them all, obviously.
117
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,200
Obviously.
118
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,480
Everything in here kills you.
119
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,720
They deep-fry the forks.
120
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:09,160
There's one type of salad.
121
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,360
Aren't these the most "ooh"
things you've ever seen?
122
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,600
The most what? Ooh!
123
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,440
How's that go again? Ooh!
124
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,600
Are they not a bit... over the top?
125
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:22,880
LAUGHTER
126
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:23,960
Hey-up, you've pulled.
127
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,440
That is the third time I've seen
the waiter check you out.
128
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,120
Listen, I'll get that for you
as soon as I can, OK?
129
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:35,760
Oh, yeah, Jamal. Yeah, total
party animal. Amazing dancer.
130
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,680
You mean you have danced with him
and his 40,000 teeth? Hell yeah.
131
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,840
Years ago. He's a terrible flirt.
132
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,360
Incredible dancer, though.
Incredible.
133
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,760
Mm. Shallow technique,
by the look of him.
134
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,440
Obviously can't get
you out of his head.
135
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,760
Maybe he just likes all my stuff.
136
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,840
I bet he loves your stuff.
137
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,600
Well, he's clearly
got very good taste.
138
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,160
And a spectacular wanger.
139
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,440
I bet he never orders the chips.
140
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:00,480
Neither do I.
141
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,280
Not threatened by him, are you?
142
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,080
I mean, he's very charismatic.
143
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,440
And, well, look at him.
144
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,000
Is this a test?
145
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,240
Maybe.
146
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,600
Isn't this just perfect?
147
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:19,800
For where?
148
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,680
Literally everywhere.
149
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:22,960
Can I be honest?
150
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,000
No.
151
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,800
They're better than perfect.
152
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,400
Hi there.
153
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,360
Hey, how are you doing?
154
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,600
So can we get the
dirtbag fries for him?
155
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:38,320
And I'll have a micro salad and
a sparkling water. Thank you.
156
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,000
Can I have also have
a salad, please?
157
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,520
That's the last one.
158
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,640
They're too small to share.
159
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,400
Do you want a burger?
160
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,200
What I'd like is a salad, please.
161
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,560
Oh, shh! Come on. Sorry.
162
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,360
Just have a salad on the weekend.
163
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,600
Chips.
164
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,160
Joy.
165
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,880
One of those guys
thinks he's a player
166
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,880
cos he sits there squinting
at the cards all night.
167
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,400
Clueless.
168
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,560
Guess how much I won.
169
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:19,800
I don't know. Tell me. How much?
170
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,640
Four-and-a-half grand.
Wow, that is brilliant.
171
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,360
Then I played a smaller game
and I won another two.
172
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,880
No way. Just straight on?
173
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,040
Yep.
174
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,920
I'm so in, all right?
I'm totally in. I'm... I'm...
175
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,360
Yes, you know, to all of that.
176
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:34,800
But, erm...
177
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,800
Er, listen, about the other
thing, you know, the tranqs.
178
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,040
Could you write me a script for,
like, a week? Is that possible?
179
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,280
Oh, can't you get Carla
to massage your aura?
180
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,080
No, Pete. I'm asking you,
you know? I'm...
181
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,480
I'm working very hard right now
to stay on top of my shit, OK?
182
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,600
I'm veggie. Veggie, yeah?
183
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,040
That shit'll kill you.
184
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,200
Have a bacon sandwich.
185
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,680
And we're meditating.
186
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,880
It's happening right now.
187
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,360
Come on, now. Five minutes.
188
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,520
Oh, come on.
189
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:11,680
Now.
190
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,920
Five fucking minutes.
191
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,200
Hurry up. Oh, why bother?
192
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,880
This is pathetic.
193
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,920
You're doing it all wrong. LAUGHTER
194
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,040
You're doing it all wrong.
195
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,240
Shut up!
196
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,880
No, the rates are whatever.
197
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,840
We can talk, OK? You know, I mean,
I'm just saying I'm around,
198
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,680
so bear me in mind.
199
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,280
Give us a shout.
200
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,280
All right, Trish. Thanks. Bye. Bye.
201
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,560
Hey. Hey, Theo.
202
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,920
What's up? Daniel. Yeah.
203
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,280
Daniel Sands. How are you?
204
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,520
HE CHUCKLES OK.
205
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,680
All righty. Maybe not.
206
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,320
Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would.
I absolutely would.
207
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,960
I... Half the rate, whatever,
you know, because what I'm saying
208
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,840
is I'm available, you know?
209
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,480
I'm around.
I am... I am just around.
210
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,320
OK.
211
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,040
The whole campaign, like,
from beginning to end,
212
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,840
the three stages of
you need these brushes,
213
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,760
why don't you have
these brushes yet?
214
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,000
Maybe you don't want to be alive.
215
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,640
I just thought that was so...
The way you bridged it.
216
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,080
Hurt me and pay me.
217
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,600
Just pay me, you motherfucker.
218
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,880
It could be High Wycombe
all over again, all right?
219
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,040
Fish permits.
220
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,600
Take it easy. Bye, bye.
221
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,240
You motherfucker.
222
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,800
Yeah? Listen, just give me a sec.
223
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,720
Back in a minute.
224
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,840
Hey.
225
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,600
Hey.
226
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,920
What would you like?
227
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,800
What did you choose? Yeah.
228
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,240
For lunch?
229
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,520
Lunch, yeah. Lunch.
230
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,520
What's the... What's the flapperola?
231
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,640
Oh, that's an omelette. Mm.
232
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,360
It's nice? It's very nice.
233
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,800
You do it with, like, herbs or...?
234
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,960
We've got basil and chive in there.
235
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,800
Would you like that?
236
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,960
Me? No, I don't... I don't eat eggs.
237
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,240
OK.
238
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,720
How come you asked about it?
239
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,920
Sorry. Give us the...
I'll have the... Give us the...
240
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,360
Give us the pasta.
241
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,600
There isn't one.
242
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,320
Is there a sandwich? If there's a
sandwich, I'll have a sandwich.
243
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,000
There's 14. Oh, sorry.
244
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,560
Give me that. I'll have that.
245
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,960
You want the dream cakes?
You know that's a dessert, right?
246
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,520
Yes. Give it to me, please.
247
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:25,920
OK.
248
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:26,960
Coming right up.
249
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,320
Yeah. OK.
250
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,960
With her ginger balls cake hidden
from sight in the oven,
251
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,120
Jodi makes a start on the icing...
252
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,040
Come on, then!
253
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,440
I'm ready.
254
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:40,840
Eyes closed. Promise.
255
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,760
OK. Oh, I knew this would
happen eventually.
256
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,920
Everyone's just giving me things
cos they realise how amazing I am.
257
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,040
What is it? Don't tell me.
What is it?
258
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,080
Night-vision goggles
and a claw hammer. Come on.
259
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,560
Seriously, what is it?
Crisps. Come on.
260
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,040
Oh...
261
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,480
Wow.
262
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,560
Jesus.
263
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,320
What? You're welcome.
264
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,680
I'm sorry I've been so stressed
about looking for work.
265
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,520
I take it you'll be
teasing me deliciously
266
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,840
in the usual swoony back-to-front
pants and dead bear T-shirt?
267
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,640
You don't even know me.
I've got loads of T-shirts,
268
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,120
I don't have a single one
with a bear.
269
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,240
Yeah, but they all make you
look like a dead bear,
270
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,840
lying there, full of chips.
271
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,120
Now I can crawl on top of you,
272
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,880
all snuggly in my bunting
as I asphyxiate.
273
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,360
Can we talk?
274
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,320
Anything for my pimp.
275
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:46,560
You don't have to turn off...
276
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,800
Spill.
277
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,680
I love you.
278
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,560
Oh, this is good.
279
00:12:58,560 --> 00:12:59,720
And?
280
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:03,920
What, Dan?
281
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,520
I hate the curtains.
18340
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