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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,160
FIRE ROARS
2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:04,960
CRASH
Ah!
3
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,280
Well, that's the end of that, then.
4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,240
Old place had a good innings,
I suppose. Hmm.
5
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,440
The question is, what now?
6
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,080
NOTIFICATION CHIME
7
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,520
Mike!
8
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,920
Mike, we did it.
We did it. We're five stars.
9
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,400
What? You're joking. Look!
10
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,200
Oh, you're joking. What?
11
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,600
Well, that's still four stars.
No, no, look, look.
12
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,920
There's one yellow pixel inside
the fifth star.
13
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,280
"Which means with an average review
score of 4.13,
14
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,480
"you have officially attained
mega-host status."
15
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:08,520
We're mega-hosts. We actually
did it! We're 5-star hoteliers.
16
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,480
Yeah. Well, we're actually 4.1 star
bed-and-breakfastiers.
17
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:13,880
Same thing. Yeah. Same thing.
18
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,680
I was thinking to celebrate,
we could go out and get...
19
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:17,960
Wasted!
20
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:22,880
OK. I was going to say new chairs
for in here.
21
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,320
OK, well, no offence to you,
my wife,
22
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:29,400
but my idea is brilliant
and your idea is terrible.
23
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,000
I know, I know.
I know, but look at these.
24
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,680
They don't exactly scream
country house.
25
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,160
There's more chairs in the shed.
Yes, OK.
26
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,520
And of course nothing says
five stars like shed chairs.
27
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:44,760
But I've been browsing and these
are at an auction in Halliton.
28
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,560
Oh, no, they are gorgeous.
29
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,520
I love all that delicate
scroll work on the...
30
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,000
You wanna go to the auction?
31
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,120
Yeah, so bad.
I'm going to give it all this.
32
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,320
All right. The estimate's 20 each,
33
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,080
so no more than 100
for all four, OK?
34
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,320
Is this our marriage now?
35
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,080
WIND SWIRLS
36
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,560
WEATHER VANE SQUEAKS
37
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,360
Ooh, new game.
38
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,040
Ooh.
39
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,080
FIRE CRACKLES
40
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,120
HE SNIFFS
41
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,400
Not again!
42
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,360
Ah! Were I alive... No.
43
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,520
I was going to say I'd help you
make the bed.
44
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,720
PHONE VIBRATES
Ooh.
45
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,960
More bookings.
46
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,160
That extra star makes all
the difference.
47
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,880
Yes!
48
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,160
I don't know what you mean.
49
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,920
Oh, come on. There's a woman here
who said, under requests,
50
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,400
"Looking forward to our stay.
51
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,160
"Please arrange kennels
for four Afghan hounds."
52
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,880
I am outraged on your behalf.
53
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,120
Crumbs, they're all at it.
"What speed is the Wi-Fi?"
54
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,360
"Hypoallergenic pillows, please."
55
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,320
"We would like vegan breakfast"?!
56
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,600
Oh, no actually,
OK, that is actually fair enough.
57
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,840
Where is "Vega"?
What do they eat?
58
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,800
No meat, no fish,
no dairy, no eggs.
59
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:16,760
Those poor souls.
60
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,440
You're back.
Did you get the chairs?
61
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,920
No, sorry. They went up to 130.
62
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,800
So I did one of those.
Which they also thought was a bid,
63
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,600
But then someone went to 140
and I stayed really still.
64
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,160
Oh, that's a shame. Well, I'll try
the ones in the shed.
65
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,520
Yeah, yeah. But, but...
66
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,360
I didn't come home empty handed. Oh.
67
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:37,920
Bear with me.
68
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,400
HE SNIFFS
69
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,560
AHHHH!
70
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,400
AHHH! AHHH! AHHHHHHH!
71
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,480
No, so, I was saying "bear with me"
72
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,040
because there's literally...
73
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,520
A bear with me.
74
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,080
I bought a bear.
75
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,960
You really did.
76
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,520
Fine, fine.
77
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:11,240
Well, let's just call Birthmark Club
a partial success.
78
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,440
Is bear in Breakfast Room!
79
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,160
And I shall follow up on that rumour
on Lady B later.
80
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,000
Left buttock.
81
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,120
There's a bear in
the Breakfast Room.
82
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,160
What?!
83
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,920
Oh, interesting. A bear?
Very exciting... A real life bear?
84
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:27,520
...for people with legs.
85
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,400
It was a bargain. Guess how much.
86
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,760
200 quid?
87
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,680
Oh, could you...
Could you guess a bit more?
88
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,800
Mike. It's terrifying.
It's a talking point.
89
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,880
Oh, yeah. "Have you seen the giant
bear, darling?"
90
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,320
"Yeah, it put me off my breakfast."
91
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,480
Rubbish. It just needs,
like, sprucing up, you know?
92
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,120
I'm telling you,
this thing is sick. What?
93
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,920
Sick? I think it might be dead.
Should someone tell him?
94
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,800
Er, no, he doesn't literally
mean sick, Kitty.
95
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,000
It's a sort of American
street slang.
96
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,840
You know, you say
something negative,
97
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,160
when you mean
something positive.
98
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:02,000
So one might say "Oh, man,
this modular hi-fi system is bad!"
99
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,520
When really you mean it's
terribly good.
100
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,080
So the opposite.
Er, sort of, yeah.
101
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,720
Like when the Captain say
that you're morally bankrupt?
102
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,640
Er... ye-eees.
103
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,360
Ha. Wow. Haa.
104
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:16,600
Do you like it?
105
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,400
Oh, I think it's... bad.
106
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,840
Yeah, OK. Good, me too.
Very, very bad.
107
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:26,240
Well, try telling Mike that.
Oh, I would if I could.
108
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,720
Morally bankrupt, eh?
I'm sorry?
109
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:35,200
A little dicky bird tells me
you think I'm morally bankrupt.
110
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,360
That's right.
111
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,520
What?
We all do. What's that?
112
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,680
Julian. Morally bankrupt.
Oh, Good Lord, yes.
113
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,720
You can be a little, uh...
114
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,240
Oh, right.
Thought you might try and deny it.
115
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,000
Oh, I assumed you knew. You know,
because of everything you do.
116
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,920
And say. Well, quite.
117
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,560
Well. I'm no bleeding heart liberal.
118
00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,080
But I do care about things.
119
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,560
People.
You know, I like to, erm...
120
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,880
...help.
121
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,000
LAUGHTER
122
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,920
He almost done me there.
123
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,840
Oh, very good. Carry On.
124
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:17,640
Oh, dear. So was it in a cage?
No, it was on the stage. What?
125
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,480
Hey. I'm calling him Bear Grills.
126
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,360
But Grills spelt like how you cook
a breakfast.
127
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,240
Mike, the bear has to go.
128
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,000
It's ugly and it's scary and it's
going to freak out the guests.
129
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,040
Well, I disagree, so...
130
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,040
We've just clawed our way
to five stars,
131
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,920
I'm not risking that
for some filthy animal.
132
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,360
Me or the bear? Mike!
133
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,840
Why is it that when it comes to
the running our business,
134
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,720
my opinion seems to mean nothing?
That's not true.
135
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,400
It's just you have a history of
buying mad stuff. Like what?
136
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,880
Like the "Butt Ho" hoodie,
like the inflatable suits,
137
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,440
like the giant bear.
138
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,280
Well, at least I do stuff. Yeah?
139
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,480
I don't just sit around all day
talking to my dead mates.
140
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,160
Oh, sit around? Mike,
I do the books,
141
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,600
I do the check-ins,
the adverts, the running repairs.
142
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,560
And now I have to sort out all of
the chairs,
143
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,880
and devise a five-star
vegan breakfast.
144
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,360
Fine. I'll do the breakfast.
But the bear stays.
145
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,920
Er, are you joking?
It stays.
146
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,520
Not in here it doesn't. Ugh!
147
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,080
Fine.
148
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:32,280
"Ooh, look at me, I'm Alison.
I do everything."
149
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,280
Well we'll see about that.
150
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,040
OK.
151
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,240
Ah. Veg-ann? Vegan.
What?
152
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,720
No meat, no fish, no dairy.
Oh, right.
153
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,200
Good luck to them, I say.
154
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:51,720
Can't be easy going cold turkey on
luncheon meat and Billy Bear ham.
155
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,360
And eggs. You what?
156
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,480
Alison said they don't eat eggs.
157
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,480
HE SNORTS
158
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,480
What's wrong with 'em?
159
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,080
I mean, what they having
with their chips?
160
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,080
What are they dipping their
soldiers in?
161
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,960
What they putting on top
of their gammon?
162
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,000
They wouldn't have gammon.
Don't change the subject!
163
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,840
What's wrong with eggs?
Nothing's wrong with eggs.
164
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,240
Then why won't you let me have 'em?
165
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,960
I am not saying that,
I'm just telling you.
166
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,840
A man needs eggs to sustain himself!
167
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,160
Well, fascinating.
168
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,560
Vegan. Vegans.
169
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,000
Veg-an? Veg, Ve-gans.
170
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,720
AHH!
171
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,240
Hey! Hey. Robin.
172
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,880
What on earth are you doing
in there?
173
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,280
Has it gone? Bear?
174
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:36,000
Well, of course it's not gone. Ohh.
It can't go anywhere.
175
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,720
It's just a big lump of sawdust
and fur.
176
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,680
Honestly, what's the matter
with you?
177
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,120
It just remind me of...
178
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,760
...very bad day.
179
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,120
THUNDER RUMBLES
180
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,400
HE SNIFFS
181
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,960
Oh. Uh.
182
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,000
Uhh?
183
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,720
Uh!
184
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,240
Uh-yuh?
185
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,400
Nuh-muh. Huh?
186
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,280
Lah, "Wahhh!"
187
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,640
Yuh!
188
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,040
DEEP GROWL
189
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,120
Wuh?
190
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,800
GROWLING
191
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,480
Um-deh...
192
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,480
Huh?
193
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,720
Yaaaa!
194
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,960
Oh! I know.
195
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:29,880
Oh, I have never seen such
a tasteless, mangy looking...
196
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,240
Oh, it's a Gerrard.
A what?
197
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:37,080
Gerrard & Sons. The undisputed
masters of taxidermy.
198
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,520
They're the chaps who did Dante
for me. Oh.
199
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:44,320
Oh, yes, yes. Now look at
the detail, Alison.
200
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,760
Do you see how they've gathered the
hide into the pinch of the anus?
201
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,400
Oh, OK. OK.
202
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,080
I'm going to just go and think about
that sentence, forever. Tremendous.
203
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,040
It just, uh, sawdust and fur.
204
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,440
That's the spirit.
That's the spirit.
205
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,000
OK... OK.
206
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,600
Nothing but sawdust and fu...
207
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,360
Huh?
208
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,720
♪ Pom-bom-bom, bom... ♪
209
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,480
Oh, dear. No, no, no,
that won't do.
210
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,000
That won't do at all.
211
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,880
Are you OK, Fanny?
212
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,480
Anything I can HELP you with?
213
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,720
Ah, well, it's the eye, you see.
214
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,240
The left one.
His gaze is all askew.
215
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:33,960
So it is. Well, let's see what we
can do with the old magic finger.
216
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,680
Very well.
217
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,920
Where bear?
218
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,520
Oh...
219
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:50,400
Oh, yes, pin's just
a little jammed in here.
220
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,960
HE STRAINS
221
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,640
HE ROARS WITH EFFORT
222
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,000
ROARING CONTINUES
223
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,040
AHHHHH!
224
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,160
Oh, yes, yes, that's much better.
225
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,480
Thank you, Julian.
226
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,760
Not at all, happy to HELLLP.
227
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,680
But what sort of craft?
Upcycling.
228
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:34,120
Sounds exhausting. Yeah, well,
Mike blew all of our chair money,
229
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:38,680
so we just have to make do
and mend. Ah, yes, there they are.
230
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,320
Ah, OK.
231
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:44,080
Well, not exactly five-star.
232
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:49,160
What do you think?
Hmmm. They do look pretty...
233
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,360
..."good"? Yeah?
234
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:55,200
Well, the condition's
just "wonderful".
235
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:59,280
And the legs are
all "sturdy".
236
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,920
Hmmm. Maybe they're not so bad.
237
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,600
Yes. Not BAD at all.
238
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,840
OK, well, let's give it a go.
239
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,400
You're shooting the messenger.
And I hate being shot.
240
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,360
Well, then answer the question -
why can't I have my egg?
241
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,280
I don't know.
242
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,880
I suppose it's more about
the chicken than the egg.
243
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,520
You what?
244
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,880
Well, if only lady chickens
lay eggs,
245
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:33,480
then what do you suppose happens
to all the boy chickens?
246
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,520
Well, I suppose they all just go off
247
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,240
into a field together.
248
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,480
Or a nice barn until they get old.
249
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,360
WHISPERS: Do you think that's
what happens?
250
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,160
No.
251
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,800
Hang on. What the heck is aquafaba?
252
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,520
Oh, I'm going to have to go to
the shops.
253
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,360
All those little chicks.
254
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:59,040
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Really does.
255
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:06,320
DRAMATIC MUSIC
256
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:11,400
Ehh. And crisis averted.
257
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,640
No, no, don't mention it.
I'm happy to help...
258
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,880
Well, what's the point in being virtuous
259
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,720
if there's no-one to witness it?
260
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,400
Well, you're no good.
261
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,840
HE SNUFFLES
262
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,480
DRAMATIC MUSIC
263
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,920
Oh, come on!
264
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:43,880
Erm... Fire? Someone? Anyone?
265
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,480
Well, you're no good.
Keys, keys, keys. Ah.
266
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,800
Who put...?
267
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,120
So, that's how we're playing,
is it? Fine.
268
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,320
Oh.
269
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,920
All right. Come on, mate.
270
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,160
Yeah. Rub it in.
271
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,520
Ooh. That would work. Yeah?
272
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,920
Honestly, Alison.
273
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,760
I thought these were GOOD
when we found them,
274
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,920
but that looks so, SO BAD.
275
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,640
Well, thank you for your honesty.
276
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,480
HE STRAINS
277
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,120
There. Pride of place.
278
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,320
Whoa.
279
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,600
There.
280
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,000
Come on. Pull self together.
281
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,720
You just tired.
282
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,360
And dead.
283
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,880
Dead tired.
284
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,680
There nothing to be scared of.
285
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,680
HE SCREAMS
286
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,680
Hey.
287
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:15,000
Hmm. Right, shop.
288
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,840
Like I'm not already doing
everything round here.
289
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,240
Oh.
290
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,960
No. No. No. No. No. Mike?
291
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,680
SHE SIGHS
292
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,720
Come on.
293
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,280
SHE STRAINS
294
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:36,800
LOUD BANGS AND YELPS
295
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:42,400
There's a bear.
There's a big bear. Huge bear.
296
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,600
What's he say?
Said he saw a bear... bear...
297
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,960
SOUND REVERBERATES
298
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,280
THUNDER ROARS
299
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,480
THEY PANT
300
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,880
EERIE ANIMAL NOISES
301
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,920
HE GRUNTS
302
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,760
HE GRUNTS
303
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,280
HEAVY BREATHING OFF-SCREEN
304
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,000
THEY CHUCKLE
305
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,760
HE YELPS
306
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,160
ANIMAL ROARS
307
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:36,320
ANIMAL GROWLS
308
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,200
ANIMAL ROARS
309
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,440
HE YELPS
310
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,840
What did it look like, then? Eh?
311
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,800
This bear you saw. Up there.
312
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,200
It look like bear.
313
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,000
Well, yeah, but what, brown bear,
grizzly bear, Kodiak bear?
314
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,120
I don't know. If you see bear in
house, probably right bear.
315
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:57,480
No offence, but what are you scared
of? You're already dead.
316
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,560
So is bear.
317
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,640
He's got a point. Oh, look, if I
could just be the voice of reason
318
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,440
for a moment. Here she goes.
319
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,920
As there hasn't been any dead bear
attacks in this house
320
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,920
in the last 600 years,
I'm going to go out on a limb
321
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,200
and say one is probably not about
to come crashing down the stairs.
322
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,400
LOUD BANG
323
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:18,000
THEY SCREAM
324
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,120
ELECTRICS HUM
325
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:22,080
THEY SCREAM
326
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,600
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. No.
It's Alison. It's Alison.
327
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,120
It's not even a bear. Not a bear.
It's not a bear.
328
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,720
It's not a bear - it's Alison.
329
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,480
What's she bringing
that down here for?
330
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,160
I know, I know, it's awful.
331
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,600
But can...
332
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,000
It's just until Mike
forgets about it.
333
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,920
Fine. Put it with the rest.
334
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,360
Thanks, guys.
335
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:45,800
SHE STRAINS
336
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,920
Thanks.
337
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,640
There you are.
Are we still doing our craft?
338
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,520
Yeah, yeah,
I just got a bit waylaid.
339
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,480
I'll tell you what, it's pretty big,
isn't it? It's massive.
340
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,760
I think it's SICK.
341
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,400
Let's hope it's not contagious.
342
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,800
Still too soon?
343
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,920
All right. Back to craft club.
344
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,720
Spending all this time together.
345
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,320
It's awful and I HATE it.
SHE CHUCKLES
346
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:29,040
What? Ah, now, I might be able to
explain what's going on there.
347
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,720
See, I may have mentioned,
in passing,
348
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,360
that American youths now use
the word "bad"
349
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,160
to describe something "good."
350
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,480
Don't know if you've seen the LP
by the popular recording artist
351
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,160
Michael Jackson?
352
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,440
Erm... Anyway, seems Kitty has
rather taken the idea
353
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:45,680
and run with it.
354
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,760
Oh, right. Yeah, OK.
355
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,960
Oh, that explains a lot.
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Julian.
356
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,800
Oh, no, no, HAPPY TO HELP.
357
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,640
SPREAD THE WORD! Mm?
358
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,400
Ha.
359
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,400
We're going to find her... Outside.
...and I tell you what...
360
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,560
Ah, Alison. Glad we caught you.
Do you have any eggs in the house?
361
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,960
I'm busy, Pat, and I don't like you
watching me eat.
362
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,720
No, no, we want you to get rid of them.
363
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,960
And any meat. Why?
364
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,600
Because it's murder, Alison.
365
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,120
Yeah. So we're giving it up,
aren't we? Mm-hm.
366
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,280
You already gave it up.
367
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,680
I mean, you've given up eating
everything. Oh!
368
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,720
What you really want is for me
to give it up.
369
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,160
No, this is not about you, Alison.
370
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,960
This is about all those little animals.
371
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,320
Innocent creatures.
372
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,760
Chickpea water. Vegan breakfast.
373
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,680
Right on, brother!
374
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,080
What the...?
375
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,800
Right, this isn't a game.
Where's my bear?
376
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,760
Firstly, "where's my bear?" sounds
like a game. KITTY: Alison, come on!
377
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,000
And secondly, I've put it somewhere
more appropriate.
378
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,480
And don't bother trying to find it,
379
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,280
cos you're never going to guess
where it is...
380
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,400
In the cellar with my other stuff. No.
381
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,960
No. Mike, wait. Just leave it.
Just leave it.
382
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,400
It's tacky and ugly and it'll upset
my guests. Our guests.
383
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,360
I bust a gut for this place just as
much as you do,
384
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,440
I ask for one little thing
and you're acting like...
385
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,760
It's a huge thing!
386
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,520
It's a huge, ugly, snarling thing
387
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,760
and I don't want it anywhere
in this house.
388
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,920
Fine. Fine? Fine.
389
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,080
Fine!
390
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,640
Where is it? Where's Gerrard?
391
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,280
Oh, he lives in the cellar now.
392
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,880
What?! No! No, no, no.
393
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,320
He should be out on display.
He's magnificent.
394
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,320
Yes, he's totally ghastly.
395
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,840
How dare you?! He's a masterpiece.
396
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:35,680
I agree. He makes me want to do
a sick in my mouth.
397
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,720
Kitty, you appear to be talking at
398
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,040
slightly cross purposes
with... yourself.
399
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,040
No, no. Julian explained that
young people today say
400
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,760
the opposite of what they mean.
401
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,680
Kitty, listening
to Julian is seldom a wise idea.
402
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,960
You have a wonderful grasp
of the King's English
403
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,840
and it would avoid a great deal
of confusion if you would revert
404
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,760
to using it in
the traditional manner.
405
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,040
Yes. Perhaps that's a... good idea.
406
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,920
Yes, much better.
407
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,520
Come on, then, Kitty.
408
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,640
Coming!
409
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,000
There we go.
410
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,800
What do you think?
411
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,520
I think it's garish and vulgar.
412
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,320
Thank you, Kitty.
413
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,120
MOCKINGLY: "I don't want it anywhere
in this house!"
414
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:30,760
I'll get it out of the house,
all right.
415
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,880
It's all in your head. It's all in
your head. It's in your head.
416
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:38,040
Argh! Argh!
417
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,400
Oh! Oh!
418
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,040
Why he get so close?
419
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,040
Hang on.
420
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:50,560
How dead bear attack live man?
421
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,960
Oh, that's right, buddy.
422
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,000
We're putting the B in B&B.
423
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,440
To the gatehouse.
424
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,320
You so silly sometimes.
425
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,240
HE SCREAMS
426
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,000
THUNDER CRASHES, RAIN PATTERS
427
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,120
Oh...
428
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,120
LOW RUMBLING
429
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,760
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
430
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:57,680
THUNDER CRASHES
431
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:58,880
HE BABBLES
432
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,480
THUNDER RUMBLES
Oh, no, no, no, don't get it wet.
433
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:20,680
Don't get it wet.
434
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,440
You have got to be kidding me.
435
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:39,520
What the hell is he...?
436
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,680
Mike!
437
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,240
Mike!
438
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,800
Get away from the tree!
439
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,280
HE ROARS
440
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:08,720
THUNDER CRASHES
441
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,240
Come on, then!
442
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:24,640
THEY GASP
443
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,520
Ah...
444
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,560
Whoa.
445
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,160
Mike!
446
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,280
Alison...
447
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,760
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry... I...
448
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,440
Let's get back to the house.
Wait, the bear.
449
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:04,360
Good.
450
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:06,000
I thought lightning never strikes...
451
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,240
Oh!
452
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,800
WINDOWS SHATTER
453
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:09,840
ALL: Oh...
454
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,880
That's the end of that, then.
455
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,480
Old place had a good innings,
I suppose.
456
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,960
The question is, what now?
457
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:36,000
Yeah. What now?
458
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,920
I guess we put in a claim,
get some quotes.
459
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:43,920
Rebuild, reopen.
Or we could, you know...
460
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,440
...not.
461
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:46,960
Not what?
462
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,720
We worked so hard
to make this five stars,
463
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,400
and for what? Even more work,
even more stress,
464
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,240
and us at each other's throats.
465
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:56,840
Yeah, that was about the bear.
466
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,520
The bear was about the gatehouse.
467
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,320
Yeah.
468
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,720
This was supposed to be
the easy bit.
469
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,520
Imagine the hotel. Yeah.
470
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:10,280
What will we do for money?
471
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,680
Honestly, I have no idea.
472
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,840
SIRENS WAIL
473
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,160
Hmm...
474
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,240
SHE EXHALES
475
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,360
Well, it's not exactly a bear, but...
476
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,360
No, no, it's wonderful.
477
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:32,760
Yeah, I prefer the duck.
478
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,200
Do you see how the down tucks into
the posterior crevice?
479
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:40,160
Now that is the hallmark of
a true Gerrard. Wonderful.
480
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,400
Yeah, can't believe you found
another Gerrard.
481
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,440
I didn't. It's just the duck from
the library,
482
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,920
I just took the name plate
from the bear and stuck it on.
483
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,200
Very resourceful. Yeah.
484
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,360
Fraudulent, but resourceful.
485
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:53,160
Well, it was Julian's idea.
486
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:58,160
Well, if it puts a smile on their
faces, I'm happy to help.
487
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,800
There's a heart in there somewhere.
488
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,480
Reminds me of the time I sent
an actual pig's heart,
489
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,400
in a box,
as a threat to a journalist.
490
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:06,560
And there he is.
491
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,440
Right. Boiled eggs for you. Yes!
492
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,960
The murderer.
Beautiful murderer.
493
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,240
And for me, Mike's vegan scramble.
494
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:18,720
For which no chickens died, and it's
absolutely delic...
495
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,720
Urgh.
496
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:25,600
Oh, I think my aquafaba was
a bit heavy on the aqua.
497
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,200
Well, five stars for effort.
498
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,720
Mike... Mike.
499
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,200
Yeah? Yeah.
500
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:33,360
Mm!
501
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,080
Ooh...
502
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,520
I suppose, when you think about it,
503
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,640
most people in this house haven't
eaten an egg in decades.
504
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,080
Centuries. Yeah.
505
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,920
And you could argue that, well,
we've done our bit
506
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:54,160
as a household, and that perhaps
507
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:58,160
the occasional egg could be
forgiven?
508
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,480
To whatever comes next.
509
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:01,800
To whatever's next.
510
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,760
Huh-huh-huh...
I'm not dipping it again. Ooh!
511
00:29:11,810 --> 00:29:16,360
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