All language subtitles for Beavis and Butt Head s01e15 Two Stupid Men.eng

* MTV ♪

[both snickering]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

you've heard all the evidence.

The man before you is accused
of serious crimes.

And now he will be judged
by you,

a jury of his peers.

[snickering]
Pee-ers.

[both chuckling]

You may begin
your deliberations.

I have faith in you.

[both chuckling]

Okay, the evidence
is pretty overwhelming.

It clearly shows the defendant
robbed a Maxi-Mart at gunpoint,

threw a keg of beer
through the front window,

and got away with $600
and five cartons of cigarettes.

Whoa, that guy sounds pretty cool.

I wanna meet him.

Yeah, really.

Yeah, they should've brought
him to this trial.

Wouldn't have been so boring.

He was at the trial.

He was sitting at that table
the whole time,

You mean that guy
in the black dress?

That old wuss robbed a store?

No, that's the judge.

The defendant robbed the store.

Oh.

Well, the defendant kicks ass.

Okay.

Well, we all heard
the eyewitness

and saw the surveillance video.

Unless anyone objects,

I think we should go ahead
and vote on all counts.

Guilty.

- Guilty.
- Guilty.

Guilty.

- Guilty.
- Guilty.

Guilty.

- Guilty.
- Guilty.

Uh, not guilty.

Yeah, yeah, not guilty.
Yeah, that's right.

What do you mean
he's not guilty?

Uh, I'm gonna, like,
vote for him

'cause he's, like, cool.
- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, 'cause he did
all those cool crimes.

You guys saw it.

So you believe
he did the crimes.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

They were cool.

So then
that means he's guilty.

That's your opinion, ma'am.

Wh--what are you saying?

Uh, what I'm saying is
this guy's cool.

He did kick-ass crimes.

Yeah, he was brave.

I'd like to see any of you
try those cool crimes.

But that's what the word
"guilty" means.

He did the crimes.

So both of you are voting
"guilty," right?

Boy, Butthead,
this lady just doesn't get it.

Wow.
- Yeah.

I guess we're gonna be here
a while.

So we get $14 a day for this?
That's not bad.

* Whores in this house ♪

♪ There's some whores
in this house ♪

♪ There's some whores
in this house ♪

♪ There's some whores in this
house ♪

♪ There's some whores
in this house ♪

This looks like
one of those videos

where they're trying
to sell a house.

Yeah, like that time
we went to that open house

to get free cookies

and they made us watch a video.

* Ah ♪

Yeah. She was like,

"Can I answer any questions
about the property?"

Yeah, yeah.
"Um, I was wondering,

are there any whores
in this house?"

"Yes, there are.

There are several whores
in this house."

"The house does include
a big ol' butt on the wall,

"and lots of boobs.

And a tiger."

"Oh, and the tigers
are also whores.

And they are included."

"The schools are fantastic,

"there's some whores
in this house,

and the roof is brand new."

* Ah ♪

"The house also has
an Olympic-sized pool

that's one foot deep."

"Yeah, it's great
for little kids

"or whores, you know.

Or both, you know."

"Uh, ma'am, I have a question
about the plumbing.

I've heard it can get
wet and gushy in here."

"Uh, yes, sir, it can,

"and that's just because of
the whores, you know.

There are some whores
in this house, you know."

* Macaroni in a pot,
that's some wet and gushy ♪

You know, that's really
disgusting, Butthead.

I mean, it's okay for grownups

but they should make
a clean version of this song.

You know, like, "damp vagina,"
or--I mean, not that,

but you know, like--
but maybe that.

I mean, you know,
"damp vagina,"

kinda has a ring to it,
you know.

Kinda romantic.

Well, I wish we had
some whores in this house.

I guess.

I don't even know where we'd
put 'em though, you know?

Does this couch fold out?

Uh... I don't know.

It doesn't matter anyway.

There's no whores
in this house.

All right, let's go through
the charges one at a time.

First, the charge of
attempted manslaughter.

"Manslaughter,"
that's pretty cool.

Manslaughter.
[both snickering]

- The eyewitness says he saw--
- Manslaughter!

- The eyewitness says--
- The slaughter of man!

[both snickering]

Sorry, sorry. Go--go ahead. Proceed.

The eyewitness says
he saw the defendant

point the gun directly--
- Manslaughter!

God dammit!
Will you shut the hell up?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry.

It's just, you know,
"manslaughter."

Maybe if we watch
the surveillance video again

it'll help these two
make up their minds.

Good idea.

Oh, hey, hey, check it out.

It's that cool guy again.
- Yeah.

Maybe he'll actually shoot
someone this time.

Yeah, and then he'll be
guilty of manslaughter.

This is the same video
you already watched.

Just shut up and pay attention.

Wait, I see something.

Stop the tape.

Don't you all see that?
[groans]

Look closer.

Wait a second. He's right.

Look at his neck tattoo.

It's different than
the defendant's.

It's the same.
It's a devil tattoo.

No, look,
those horns are curved.

The defendant's
has straight horns,

That tattoo kicks ass,

but what I saw was something
even more important.

Take a closer look.

This guy's butt crack
is showing.

[both snickering]

He's just walking around
with his butt hanging out.

It was in the courtroom.

Right, that's the eyewitness.

He said he could clearly
identify the defendant,

but look where he is.

There's no way
he could've gotten a good look.

Oh, my God,
he's blocked by the shelves.

He can't see a thing.

Well, I'll be.

Everyone saw his butt.

[both snickering]

His butt was on the news.

This changes everything.
It's an open and shut case.

Well, I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but I think we owe
these two jurors our thanks

for making us slow down and
consider all the evidence.

Without them, we would've sent
an innocent man to jail.

Let's vote again.

Not guilty.
- Not guilty.

Not guilty.

- Not guilty.
- Not guilty.

Not guilty.

- Not guilty.
- Not guilty.

Not guilty.

- Not guilty.
- Not guilty.

Guilty.

Yeah, guilty.

But you helped us prove
he's not the right guy.

Exactly.

He pretended to be cool,

and for that,
he must pay the price.

Yeah, put him in the slammer!

You can't just go around
and pretend to be cool

and have cops arrest you

just so that
the chicks will be impressed

and then come in here
in a black dress

and bang a hammer
all over the place.

No way!

I'm tired of coddling
these people.

And they're a burden
on the system!

God dammit.

That's what
I'm talking about.

Just makes me feel manslaughter.

How to escape if
you're zip tied to a tree.

Both your hands and your feet.

All right,
so what we're gonna do is,

like my other videos,

I'm gonna drive my elbows back

towards the side of my ribcage.

What's she talking about,
Butthead?

This is, like,
a helpful video

trying to teach people
how to, uh--

how to, uh,
tie their shoes or something.

Yeah, I should pay attention.

'Cause, like, I tied my shoes
like three years ago

and I just, like, put 'em on
and take 'em off,

you know, like, already tied.

Yeah, I don't have time for
that, you know.

Oh, really? So do I.

Oh, wow, really?

We should hang out
or something.

So we're gonna tie
both shoelaces,

okay, into a knot.
See how I've done that?

Uh, no, I don't see.

You know, whenever anyone
explains anything to me,

and they ask if I understand,

I always say yes,
but I never understand.

Uh, really?

You've never understood
anything?

Nope.

Never.

Never have, never will.

[both snickering]

You know, um, you know,
people think I do

because, like,
when they're talking,

you know, I just go,
"Uh-huh, yeah, mm-hmm.

Okay, seems reasonable."

But really I'm just trying
to make 'em stop talking,

you know, and eventually,
it always works.

And they have no idea

that everything just went in
one ear and out the other.

I couldn't drive my legs
obviously, because my--

You know, um, I think
understanding things is, like,

overrated, you know,
'cause, um--

'cause here I am.

I'm doing just fine, you know.

Out here killin' it.

[smacks lips, sighs]

Stay safe.

The suspect in the Highland
Maxi-Mart robbery,

Darryl Britney Williamson,
went free today

after his trial ended
in a hung jury.

The decision came as a shock--
- Whoa, "hung jury"?

She's talking about us, Beavis.

Whoa! How'd they know?

I didn't pull
my schlong out once.

I mean, I don't think I did.

Oh, wait, maybe--yeah.

Authorities now believe
he is responsible

for a string of manslaughters

committed immediately
upon his release.

He remains at large.

We ran out of our $14
of beer, Butthead.

How do we get on jury duty
again?

Uh...

I think we have to, like,
rob a store or something.

Eh, I'm kinda tired, Butthead.

Let's do it tomorrow.

[can crunches]
- First thing tomorrow.

Yep.

[both snoring]

[heavy thud]

[coughs]

[can crunches]

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